From the Kitchen Table: The Duffys - Classic Q&A With the Duffys: What Do Women Really Want?

Episode Date: September 28, 2024

It seems like young people are casually dating more and marrying less, which many statistics show is leading to a jaded generation that's sick of dating. However, it's never too late to find your person. Sean and Rachel are revisiting one of their favorite Q&A's that explores the timeless question: What do women really want? Follow Sean & Rachel on X: @SeanDuffyWI & @RCamposDuffy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hey everyone, welcome to From the Kitchen Table. I'm Sean Duffy, along with my co-host for the podcast, my partner in life, and my wife, Rachel Campos Duffy. So good to be back, Sean, and talking about, I think, some of the most important things in life. Yes, like the most important thing in life, like for men and women, this is the number one issue that we all have to be concerned about, which is what do women want? So a couple of weeks ago we did what do men really want? And our listeners really, really love that episode. It was our number one episode for several months. And so people really wanted to hear what do men really want?

So we thought we'd follow up with what do women really want and the list is a little bit different it's like women very tricky it's a tricky list like the ladies in our lives but listen it's it but it's i think this is really important again because men and women oftentimes want different but also then similar things and so i think to break them down and especially for men to know what is you know what does someone who i'm dating or my future wife what are they going to want from me um but also this helps women kind of think through actually what do i want in a man yeah it's a really important question by the way it's right it reminds me of like when when sean and i will get in a fight sometimes and I'll say, why didn't you do blah,

blah, blah. And he'll say, do you want to marry yourself? That's right, Rachel. I am not you. I am not you.

Do you want to marry yourself? And this list is proof that we, we should not want to marry ourselves. The sexes are complimentary. And this is the age old male, but complimentary, the age old male, female fight of when there's a problem and that Rachel has a problem. I try to solve the problem and she doesn't want the problem solved.

She just wants someone to. I want both. I want you to listen to me bitch about the problem. And then I want you to help me fix the problem. Hold me in my problem. Let me wallow in my. And then. Okay, later.

Now you can fix it. Now you can fix it. Now you can fix it. We just go right into fixing, fixing problems. So this is a, this is a great list of actually what do women want? And I want you to explain. I really thought through this a lot about, it's not just based on what I, what I think it's sort of an amalgamation of what I, cause you know, I've talked to a lot of young women about love and marriage and finding, you know i've talked to a lot of young women about love and

marriage and finding you know prioritizing their love life and so i get a lot of feedback from other women and so this is sort of like distilling all relation of compilation and i've distilled it down to eight things and this is in the order of what rachel views yeah i did prioritize that yes you took this in the right prioritization of the way rachel campus stuffy sees the importance of things in relationships of what women want and we're going to start it off with issue number one you can explain this to us okay the first issue or the first thing that women want the first thing that women want right i'm i'm thinking of you as issues that women want the first thing that women want right i'm i'm thinking of you as issues

women want to be physically attracted to the uh to the man in their life and and by the way this goes both ways right women want to be attracted to the man that they're going to be with and they also want the man that they're with to be attracted to them. So I think chemistry matters. And I say this is a little tricky, Sean, because chemistry doesn't always happen right away. And that's one of the things we talked about in our in our episode about dating and and and finding love. And how do you, by the way, probably our most popular episode that we've ever done is is the whole dating date like the 80s. you know physical attraction chemistry is super important in a relationship but it doesn't always hit you like in the face like the minute you see that person it can and that's great but it might not it might be a chemistry that sort of is a slow

simmer and and it happens but it is important And it's not just important in the dating process. You know, my mom never gave me a lot of love advice. I give my daughters a lot of love advice. My mother never did. But she only said one thing to me. She said, make sure that whoever you marry is very good looking to you, because that will make it easier to forgive them, which has turned out to be very good advice. Probably the best advice my mother ever gave me. So I do think it's important to have that to have that chemistry, not expected to happen right away, but you know, and then what does that chemistry look like? Strong. You know,

you want someone who's strong for me. I like someone who's strong. I was very attracted to the fact that you were very athletic for me. That. Masculine. Those are traits that I liked. And so I'm going to ask you a question about this because I think what's important is the example of that couple that were just friends. Right. And they didn't have this physical attraction. They weren't attracted to each other. You know, obviously, they didn't think the person was ugly, but they're just friends. They don't have some like bowled over like, oh, oh my god this person is so beautiful and i want to be with

them but as their friendship grows as the relationship grows all of a sudden they start to see them in a more attractive attracted light so it's the attraction cannot just be physical right there's more there's that but but let's but we're gonna we're gonna talk about sean and number two we'll talk about some of these emotionally these things that are emotionally attractive but first and foremost there has to be a physical attraction and that that has to exist and i and it needs to go both ways and i think women also like women like to feel attractive and so they want to make sure that they're with a guy that also finds them attractive. Now, I think one of the things that, you know, I think is probably not great for a marriage is if you just if you're not attracted, you just feel like then you can just be best friends.

But that's not what a relationship of marriage is. I mean, let's be quite honest. There's a physical component. You need to be attracted to your, to your spouse. You need to have a spouse who cares that they are attractive to you. So they take care of themselves. They work out or they, they, they make sure that they, you know, so in our relationship, when you were not so interested in me in that time of our early dating dating but you were probably i was more attractive to you because you knew that i thought i was to you initially is that what you're saying right i

was and then that made you more attracted to me because like oh he likes me he thinks i'm good looking maybe he's okay that there's a you know yeah it has to be mutual i think that that's that's that's important i think that that's really important. So that's the physical part. But then, of course, there's... Number two, let's go to the emotional attraction. What does that mean? So I think that there's an emotional attractiveness in a relationship, of course.

And so what are those things? I wrote a few of them down because I tried to combine them of what I thought are attractive to women, what women want out of men. They want men that have integrity. I think that's important. Somebody with integrity, with a strong moral code, somebody who's honest and trustworthy, super important in a relationship. I think shared values matter. And we talk a lot about this.

We brought this up in our dating podcast. Should Democrats and Republicans date generally? No, they shouldn't. Because politics is a reflection of values. Or atheists and Christians, should they date? No, if you're virulently atheistic, it's probably not going to work for you to marry somebody who cares. So again,

and faith and family matters. So for, for you and I, we had it, we shared, we had different levels of when I met you, you were a, I would say a marginal Catholic.

Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't quite a CNE, which is a Christmas and Easter Catholic. You went more than that.

I did. But you weren't a, I have to go every weekend. Right. But one of the things, you were Catholic and you had- You could work with that. I could work with that. And you had strong family values. Family was a really connecting point for us, don't you think?

Yeah. No, I think we both, you saw that I valued my family and I saw that you valued yours, which means, listen, when we're together, we're going to value family. Now, that doesn't mean that someone can't, I mean, I think there's some people who don't come from the best families and they're really attracted to, you know, to. that they want right but i'm saying not necessarily you have to have a great family that you value family you think that's important and you and at least for us that was important that's just an example of a shared value for us faith and family were shared values that we had that were important to us but other people might have other values they may value working out or they may value you know i don't know i know several couples who are like, you know what? We share a love of dogs. Yes.

We have a shared value. I think we loved it. We're going to have, we're going to have several of them. Absolutely. We love them. And that is the, that the shared value of like, we are going to love and take care of these, these animals and pets throughout our lives. And it's a really bonding thing.

Yeah. I mean, love of animals, love of nature. I mean, there are lots of values, but you should share values. If you don't have shared values, it's going to be hard to keep that emotional attractiveness going in a relationship. Talking about honesty, you mentioned honesty. So number three, I think is that you need to be with some, I think women want someone who's capable of open, honest communication. Cause as you know, communication is key to any relationship. So you need somebody who's emotionally available, somebody who's willing to sit down and thinks

it's valuable to sit down and talk about problems. You and I'd have what we call beat, beat the dead horse. Yes. We kick the dead horse until it's dead and we kick it again. When we have an issue in our marriage, in our family, in our lives, we talk about it incessantly. Over and over. By the way, we laugh at ourselves for doing it. But when you think through things, again, whether it's your marriage or your job or your kids, we go over it again and again and again. And oftentimes we come up with different answers at the end of kicking the dead horse than we had at the start of kicking the dead horse.

And I think it's really important to think through those important issues. And you want to spend the time to think through and go over time and time again this issue because you value making the right decision, again on the marriage or on the career on the kids and spending time on those issues means that this is it's important to get this decision right so what we found is that and and it didn't just happen overnight it's sort of like something that developed and we realized oh my god this is how we communicate and it actually works for us when we make these decisions we discuss issues and problems in our marriage or family or kids or whatever and that is we talk about it so much that eventually the right answer keeps coming up it sort of like floats the surface

and we always we and we go okay i see this is what is the problem or this is how we should solve this issue so we call it kicking the dead horse, beating the dead horse. We talk about it over and over until the right answer comes up. And I think, but I think what the point is, everybody's have their own strategy. The point is that for women are very verbal, as you can tell from this podcast, and we talk a lot. And so it's, we want somebody who's willing to engage in that. Right. Yes. And I think to have a,, we want somebody who's willing to engage in that. Yes. And I think to have a, to have a man who's willing to talk through and to listen is important.

And yeah, I mean, I think for our relationship, we, we do do that. We have good conversations. Sometimes it can be. We carve time out to converse. We do that. We'll usually do that. Again, we have very busy lives, but we'll usually do that over coffee in the morning. Or we actually sometimes do it over a podcast. Yeah, sometimes. It's happened.

It's definitely happened. But I think that's important. I think women, when they're looking for a man, you might not think of it because you might be overtaken by how handsome the guy is. But make sure he can communicate. Make sure he's interested in talking because ultimately when you're in a relationship, you've got to talk through your problems. And if you have somebody who's just not communicative, it could be a problem. Well, it goes to the example of the couple that's getting a divorce and they're kind of shocked or surprised by it. And they're like, we never fought. and they're kind of shocked or surprised by it and like when we never fought it's like if you're not fighting in your when you're dating or when you know you're um you're married you are

going to not survive because everyone is going to fight everyone's going to have it means that you're not taught it means you're not communicating that's right and i we both of us have met multiple people who are divorced and have said that when they went to counseling, one of the things they discovered was that the counselor was like, you don't fight. What? They don't fight. No wonder they're in divorce. I'm going to talk about honesty for a second,

because so often we've had this conversation recently because we're up in Wisconsin, we're out on the boat and playing games during the dating phase of a relationship and like, don't play games, never play games, but also sometimes in, in dating when someone's like, you know what? I'm just going to give this person a little less attention. I'm not going to respond to their texts as quickly or their calls.

In the courtship phase. In the courtship phase. And all of a sudden there's a new interest. There's a renewed interest when someone is not responding right away to you in that courtship phase. Do you know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying. How does the gameplay come into a relationship?

I think that there are patterns and there's a way that courtship works. I think sometimes women who are too available to somebody there's a little bit a way that courtship works and i think sometimes women who are too available um to their somebody that i mean there's a little bit of a chase that goes on and that's okay in the dating phase

um a little bit but i think in marriage that stuff's gotta stop like you gotta have a uh open honest no no more games like when we we were dating, I think a courtship conversation is a different conversation. Because I was chasing you, chasing, chasing, and you were running and running. And finally, I threw my hands up and went back to Minnesota,

back to law school. I'm like, whatever, I'm done with this. And all of a sudden, you came around. I'm like, oh. That can happen too. That can happen. That can happen too. That's a fair point.

Okay, number four. Sense of humor and fun listen it's funny when i talk to women about like because a lot of people come to me they want me to match make them and i try as much as i can i'm like what do you like in a guy and i think men would be surprised at how often almost every woman says a sense of humor and fun. I think it's really important. I think somebody who takes themselves too seriously is just ultimately boring and unattractive.

Well, the guy that can make girls laugh does usually very well with women. Because, again, laughing is attractive. Or laugh at themselves. Right. If you can laugh and have fun. It's having fun with someone is a very attractive trait. Now, you don't have to be a comedian.

But I think you have to have... Bad idea. But don't you want to have a fun-loving spirit where you're willing to laugh at yourself? You're willing to laugh at different situations that come up in your life. You're just, you're not serious all the time. And serious can be a drag. Yeah.

If that's all you are. Hopefully you have a long marriage. If you're in a very serious marriage for 20 years, you're right. It could be a drag. So, yeah, you need someone with a sense of humor, with a sense of fun and adventure, who's willing to try new things. And, you know, it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be like crazy. But I mean, I just just in general disposition, that's I I'm always I think I'm I think men would be really surprised at how important that is to women. That is I'm concerned because

i don't find myself very funny you are you are funny and you have a and you have a good you have a very light disposition you don't take things too seriously it's it's um you're always making jokes with the kids my you know when my my mom is with us she can get a little serious and you're always the person that lightens the load and makes things kind with us she can get a little serious and you're always the person that lightens the load and makes things kind of fun shake her up a little bit yeah um so again sense of humor that's number four um number five is again this is something that feminists would uh bulk at they don't they want to believe that women have been able to sort of evolve out of the need for this,

but it is not true. Women want to feel protected and safe. What does that mean? Well, I think it, well, that's a really good question, Sean. I think protected and safe in two ways. Physically, if there is something outside, I want a guy who's going to grab a gun or just himself and go down and protect my our home, our family. So I think there's a physical component to that.

I also think there's a an emotional somebody who's going to just protect me from other people who want to harm me or other, you know, there are things that happen in life that are not pleasant things that go on somebody who's going to protect me emotionally, physically. And I think Sean, that this also combines another thing that I think women want out of men. And that is,

they don't have to be rich, they don't have to be, you know, super successful, but they have to have some ambition and a good work ethic. And that's part of the protection, I'm going to take care of you. So if you're married to somebody who has a good work ethic and has a little bit of ambition, that they'll take care of you economically as well. And I think that doesn't mean that you can't, as a woman, have a job and make money. But I don't want me, and I know this sounds very sexist, but I don't want to be the breadwinner. I want a husband who wants to be the breadwinner. Now, that doesn't mean I can't make money and supplement the income

if I want to do that and da-da-da-da-da, but I want somebody to take care of me. And I know that would get me kicked out of every women's studies department in America. That's okay. I'm just going to be honest. I think most women want that. You don't want to be a sugar mama? No.

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please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. In the dating phase, in the courtship phase, how do you know if the man you're dating is going to take care of you defend you do the things that you just mentioned how do you how do you suss that out i think on a very basic level when you're dating when you're in the initial phases you can tell if the guy is a hard worker you can tell doesn't have to be like super successful initially but you can tell if he has dreams when you talk, does he have dreams? Does he have ambitions? Does he want to make something of his life? Does he want to grow, you know, professionally in his business or in his field? Does he have, you know,

does he want to do well in school? I mean, these are all things that you should be looking at. Not because you, you know, want his money you want him but because these are all positive character traits in a man a man who feels a sense of responsibility over a woman and ultimately his family is is is a great thing because i think what happens is as you then have kids with this man, if that's what you're going to do, the kind of man you marry is the kind of example that man is going to give for not just your boys, but also your girls.

And if he doesn't work hard, you might find that your kids don't work hard. If he's not willing to defend you, he might be teaching that your children are not worthy of being defended. If they're a girl or if they're a boy, women are not worthy of being defended if they're a girl or if they're a boy, women are not worthy of defense. And if you value that, which you say all women do, that's not what you want. That's not what you want your kids to see. So I think it not just comes in for you, the woman,

but also as you look at your little chickens that you're going to have later. I think that if you look at society, we actually have a crisis in this department i mean we have a lot of single women who are doing it on their own a lot of men who don't feel a need to protect the woman or even take care of the kids in their life and so a lot of women enter into relationships with men who if they paid a little more attention to the signs signs were probably there that that man was not going to protect them. But listen, the society sends a message to women that they shouldn't care about that, that you're, you know, you're a girl boss, you go, you know, you can do it on your own. The truth is, yes, women are now making more money than men in many cases, and women can make it on their own.

But the question is, do women want to just make it on their own? And if you talk to women who are raising kids by themselves, providing for their kids by themselves, it's not a happy scenario. They really do wish someone was there to protect them, provide for them, provide for their children. So it's not a really sexy thing to think about in the dating phase as you're choosing a man. Um, but it's something you ought to be thinking about. And I, and I think most women on some level do, I mean, they're looking to see

if they, they want somebody who is a hard worker, who's ambitious, who has dreams and aspirations. So maybe if there's the guy who's had a child or two with one or two different women and left them, and now you're going to date them. If you end up getting pregnant, they're probably going to leave you as well. Yes. So that's something. And listen, this goes down to communication too. I mean, one of the ways you can find out if is, you know, hopefully you're having these conversations about, when this relates to number eight our final one so i'm going to get to that but there is there there are

conversations that you should be having that will also be good clues about whether the person whether that guy is someone who can protect you but but the point of this point of this number five protection feeling safe is women want to feel safe and so that isn't just for women looking for men men if you want a woman know that that is a trait that you should be developing that you should be putting forward as something i'm somebody who will protect and keep you safe and just as a side note i'm like no bleep of course i mean most good men they want to provide for you know the person that they marry and the kids are going to have and they're like that and they want to and they want to not all men are like that protect them i

i think well that's a that's a problem in society in and of itself but i think a lot of i think there's there's there's a genetic map that drives a lot of men to want to do that. Now, not everybody, but I think a lot of men. That is where they're at. And I think the bottom line with so many of these, Sean, is that there is. Maybe I'm still living in the 80s, though. That could just be a sign of my age. Yeah, no, I think there are a lot of cultural mixed messages.

And I think that a lot of these these wires have been crossed, frankly, because feminism has sent messages to women and to men that are very confusing. So, for example, men, I know a lot of men who go, I don't know whether I'm supposed to open the door or not. I'm afraid I might offend her if she she might think I'm a I'm a sexist if I open the door or she might think I'm a jerk if I donist if I open the door or she might think I'm a jerk if I don't open the door there's so many wires being crossed and I think feminism has done a lot of damage by trying to say that gender is a social construct which it is not and many of the things that I'm putting I'm putting out here are things that women are wired for why

are we fighting against human nature? I would say that that is one of the most bizarre things for me. Listen, I'll always open a door for you and for any woman that I'm walking through a door with. I'll open the door and hold it. And I actually think about it now because there's been so much backlash about, you know, the patriarchy and having to care for me and opening a door for me as a woman, it makes me think about it before I do it. And sometimes, if I don't know the person I'm, you know, I'm randomly walking through a door with a woman by me, I have to look at them and go, are they a woke liberal? Are they over 40?

And I'll sometimes I'll, I won't hold it for them that's happened to me i don't think i have to do that i think that's a big mistake i know here's the deal i think i'm gonna get reported to you know human resources if i yeah here's the deal i i honestly i judge men who don't do that i judge them and i say i judge women when i'm making the decision because some of them get really angry i honestly i think it i I judge men who don't open the door, who don't have chivalry. I judge them not just as men. I think about what kind of parents they had. No, I don't think men.

You were raised to open the door for women. I know that for a fact. And I don't think you should change because some, know joyless miserable women's studies department professor in you know at i don't know so just some some fancy university says that you shouldn't i think we need to bring we got to bring these things back we got to train our boys to do that and we got to train our girls um to expect that because ultimately you and i talk about this all the time every problem that we face here in our country the biggest social ills the biggest social problems our country faces stem from women

stem from the breakdown of the family and men not take the fatherlessness and and that kind of chivalry and that kind of sense of protection of women, whether it's opening the door or providing for them, taking care of the children that they help create. All of that is important. The breakdown of the family has allowed a gaping pathway for all of this crazy ideology to come into our culture where if there were stronger families this stuff would have been pushed out long ago but because there's not that that foundational um base for which people are going out into the world which is their families um there's a lot of confusion and through that confusion you're able to talk about there's not there's not two genders there's like 50 genders um and men can be boys and

boys can be girls and we should not based on not not hire based on you know on the qualities that someone has an employee we should hire based on their race or their sex or their sexual preference i mean bizarre stuff so again you're right it all comes back to the family that's a lot of stuff to come don't let the feminists change your behavior Sean don't don't let HR department I actually I hope you get reported for opening a door at Fox

I would love to see that happen all right so let's come let's come to the next one is compassion and appreciation what does that mean so I want a man who can I Let's come to the next one. Next one is compassion and appreciation. What does that mean? So I want a man who can, I don't want a girly man,

but I still want a man who can, who has a sense of compassion, whether it's for children or animals or me when I'm going through a tough time. I think one of the things that I didn't initially know about you, but I learned early on was that you had a sense of appreciation. So when we first got married, I was an at-home mom for 14 years before I started going back to work. And when I was an at-home mom, sometimes it's really hard. It's the hardest job because you don't get a lot of affirmation. You don't get, you know, I do Fox news and I host Fox and friends and you know, I go to the grocery store and people

go, Oh, I love what you do. And I'm so appreciate you speaking for us. And you know, you get, you get a pat on the back, right? People are really, when I was an at-home mom, the only person who on a regular daily basis said, thank you for staying home and taking care of our kids was you. And it really meant a lot to me that you did that because I was getting no at-a-girls at all as an at-home mom. It's actually the hardest part about working in the home is that you don't get that affirmation. And the affirmation I wanted the most was from you. And you gave that to me.

And so that compassion, appreciation for what you do as a woman, maybe it's, you know, that in my case, it was like when I, you know, take care of the kids and take care of the home and all that kind of stuff.

But, you know, there's lots of stuff that we would do better as a couple. Couples would do better if they just appreciated each other. And I think saying it verbally is important. I think it is too. That's, that's, that's a really good point. And, um, again, appreciation is also recognition, right? I'm recognizing what you're doing and it can be when you're a stay at home mom,

it could be with an article that you've written. It could be that the show that you've written it could be that the show that you did you did on fox um and that doesn't mean you we can't be honest with each other we can go like because we're getting we're very honest you'd be like when i do something like that was not good do you think or i'll say the same thing to you but also when you're doing well and things are going well it's like listen acknowledge someone recognize yeah your spirit so when things aren't going well that you have somebody don't be a jerk yeah somebody who can who can who can be compassionate and um feel your feel your pain like that like bill clinton would say

um so i think that's important yes um number Number seven. Confidence. Yeah. Talk to me about confidence. Again, I think this is a tricky one. It's like attractiveness. When you first, when you're young and you meet a young man, they might not be the most confident initially, right? I mean, they're still young and they're still learning who they are and they're still trying to, they might not even have done much in order to build confidence. I mean, there's nothing worse than a guy who's overconfident with not much to show for it,

right? Not much reason for it. So confidence is important. Confidence in knowing who they are. So you don't have to be the president of your company in that sense, that kind of confidence that comes from that. But you could just be confident in who you are and what you stand for and what you believe. So I just think a sense of confidence, again, these are masculine traits, a man who kind of just knows who he is and is confident

in his own masculinity. This again, is something that I think our culture is eroding in men. There used to be a time when men understood what it meant to be a man and, and, and feminism. And so many of these mixed messages are confusing young men. And I think that's why we just did an episode, not, you know, this week on, um, the manosphere, all the, the male social influencers out, out there and, and why young men are attracted to them because they're not getting clear messages from other places in the culture. I can see an interesting time in my life,

which I really haven't talked about a lot, but when Rachel and I, we both did The Real World, which is, if you don't know this, it was a show in the 90s where they pick seven strangers to live in a house together and they film their lives on MTV and then put that into 24 or 26 episodes that were very popular back in the nineties and to nineties music.

It was, there was a track going on in the, in the episodes and in our minds. Um, but yeah, so, um, but they pick seven people that are from incredibly different walks of life, different worldview points, um, which oftentimes can create conflict. Can purposely cast it that way. Right. Right.

And I remember going and like I had, I realized that we associate with or drawn to people who are like us. Right. We don't go find people who are the exact opposite of us and say, hey, let's room together. Right. You don't do that. That's why in our in our dating episode, we say opposites do not attract for, for a long-term relationship.

Find people who have similar views and values to you. And I found that I like everything that I thought and believed. And I came from a small town, Wisconsin. I hadn't done a whole lot, a lot of traveling. And I haven't had my views questioned a lot from a lot of people because a lot of people shared my views from the place in which I came and everything was challenged there. And it was really weird for me to know, no, actually this is who I am. And this is what I believe. And I'm willing to defend what I believe. And I, you can open my

eyes to some other stuff that I haven't experienced and I can go on a, uh, on a, on a journey, seeing other people's, you know, viewpoints and perspectives, but it really made me know who I was because I was really challenged with who I was. And again, I think I was in that respect. I was, I was confident in who I was, what I believed and where I came from. But initially when you got there, did you feel shaken a little bit? Lack of confidence? Cause they were, were they more sure of who they were initially? Maybe in shaken in the sense that when I was,

when, when you're not challenged, when people, when you don't, you know, have your viewpoint challenged very often, you kind of think the whole world shares the same viewpoint you do. And I realized actually that's not true. People come from different walks of life, different perspectives. But I will say just on a side note, the lesson that I learned from that show was that though I won't associate with people that were not like me, which is again what everyone does,

that's human nature. I found that some of my best friends from the show who I had a lot in common with were people who I never would have thought you had. Yeah, I think that's true. And I think that's a I think we're an example of that. I mean, we met through that show. And, you know, you're like this lumberjack athlete from northern Wisconsin, from a white Irish Catholic family.

And I'm Hispanic from the southwest. And, you know, it doesn't seem like we have a lot in common but in the end when you took the surface stuff away the values part and that's why we talk so much about you know the values and and and so when we say opposites don't track doesn't mean like you you can't have a quiet guy and a talkative girl. It's not, it's not that kind of stuff. We're talking about values and really deep. At first blush, no one would have put the two of us together because we were very different.

And, but for the fact that we did a three week adventure show together and got to know each other, we're talking a lot together and talked to know each other. Talked a lot. We were together and talked a lot and rode on airplanes together. We flew to New Zealand together. But for that experience, did we get to know each other and go, oh, actually, we have a lot in common. We have a lot in common.

Let's get married. Let's have nine kids. Yeah, I sure wasn't thinking about that. Do you want to hang out with me? That's right. So confidence. I was stuck on number one, physical attraction at that point. But that's a hard one. Confidence is a hard one to navigate in trying to suss up. Does the man you're dating, do they have confidence?

So I think confidence in who they are, confidence in their masculinity. Do they have the potential for that? Are they somebody who, you know if they have say what we talked about a number five somebody who you know has a good work ethic and ambition that confidence will grow as they grow and so you're one of the biggest mistakes women make sean and i've had to have this discussion all the time with a lot of you know late, late 20 year olds, especially, it's like they want a guy who's already, you know, they're, they're disappointed in the, in the, in their dating pool because they want a guy who's already successful,

already has everything going on. And it's like, well, if you're dating guys who are in their twenties, they're not going to be, they're not done. They're, they're still growing. They're still, they're starting, they're starting. And so you, you, you have to look at potential. and so in all of these things um you need to be look if you're if you're young and you're dating in your 20s and 30s make sure that you're looking at potential in some of these characteristics not that they're 100 form not where they're at men are a work in progress at that age i think i do had the view of al I'm going to see potential in not where you are right now,

or we would have never been together. That's right. I saw a lot of potential. We'll be back with much more after this. Okay. So the last thing, number eight, and this relates to some of the others, but I thought it deserved its own category. And that is a shared future vision.

So pretty fairly, you know, not initially in the beginning of a relationship, but as you move along in a relationship, you should start to see whether you have a shared future vision. This is where all these other things that you have in common will, you know, if this is somebody who cares about their faith and God and family, whatever it is, you know, I'm somebody who loves to travel and I really want to see the world. I really want to have a family. I really want to have, you know, a big family or a small family. I want to have, you know, I want to live in the country eventually. I want to, you want to make sure you have a shared future vision and that the person that you're with actually can see you in their future.

It's not a concrete thing, but it's so important. Shared future vision. So it comes down to a lot of things. And that's as you're with someone, making sure that you see an endpoint that you both want to get to if someone wants to live in new york city but the other one wants to live in you know rural north dakota you know and there you really your hearts are set on that that's going to be a problem because you can't live in both places or one wants to have you know a number of kids and the other one doesn't want to have any kids.

That's a huge problem. It's a big problem. That's a huge problem. In fact, by the way, in the Catholic Church, that's a cause for annulment. Annulment, right. Yeah, you can get an annulment. You can actually annul the marriage as if it never happened. If one person didn't divulge prior to the marriage that they didn't want to have kids

and then you find out that you want to have kids that's grounds for annulment so that's a serious thing that can really tear up that can really tear a relationship apart so there's lots of points like that like your your vision was not to go oh my gosh i want to live in a small town in northern wisconsin this is where i want to that's what i always dreamed of but i actually grew to go you know what i can't but i had i did it for a while and i'm like i like it out here but it was not it was that was not a a non-starter for you you're like actually i'll go do that that's right like i'm not wasn't hard set on being in l.a let's try this for a while yeah you want to try it i think for me i just wanted to be with you. A while was like 20 years. Thank you. If you're from Arizona and you're willing to live in northern Wisconsin, that means you really love the person.

That's true. And you did love me. I did. So I think that that's important. I think you should talk about that vision, right? Right. And again, then it goes back to when we talked about open and honest communication in that dating phase. You need somebody who can communicate because that's how this kind of

information will, will come out. So can I give you, I'm just, I didn't write these things. These are the things that women really quick. These are things that men should think about that women want. So I would think that women want you to be nice to them. Yeah. You should, again, try to be somewhat successful in whatever realm you're in. So you can go, I can provide for her even when we're dating. I just try to groom myself well enough so she thinks I'm attractive. Um, and I should compliment her when I think she looks beautiful or she's doing something,

you know, really well giving, being generous with compliments, I think is important. Showing her that you think you're attracted to her. Um, so she knows that is important because women are not mind readers. They can't read your mind of what, you know, you're thinking about them. So tell them. mind of what, you know, you're thinking about them. So tell them. Um, and I do think that the part of have, again, being strong is important. Defending is important, but also having a sensitive side to in those moments to be able to listen and, you know, be, um, a little softer isn't as important for men. And again, I think that in today's culture, I don't think that the

soft side is a problem. I think it's the manly side, the stronger side, which is a problem today. Yeah, I definitely think that's more the issue. That's my simplistic view of... Can I ask you another question? Sure. How important is... Because I'm not a romantic at all. And that's something that in my age, romantic at all. And I, that's something that I, in my, in my age, I have to always work on and you'll give soft hints of, of help. Um, or the, the me that you have started in the traditional sense of romance candles and dinners and like, Oh, like I want to take you places and I want to go places with you. But how important is the romantic side of a relationship? Is that

just, is that TV? Is is that movies or is there something important about you know a candlelit dinner that's really important in relationships so i think it when i think it really depends on the woman there's some women have a really high standards for that kind of stuff and other women have less that's, as I've gotten older, less important. I love that you want us to go out to dinner and you want us to go out, you know, have nice trips together. I love that part. I am, as you know, a homebody, very much so. So, like, it's become less important to me. I think initially it was more important because it was a signal of your interest in me.

And now that I don't want it to die, like we always talk about, you got to date your wife, right? You still got to take her out to dinner and do all these things. But I'm not a jewelry person. In fact, Sean has bought me jewelry that i've said that's too expensive go return it and i'll take a rug for half the price i'm like so i've returned the jewelry and bought myself something i you know a rug that's happened in our relationship um the first ring you got me broke in half because it was so cheap and i don't care it's like that's not now i know some women where the ring is super important and means a lot i couldn't i couldn't afford more than i know but for some for some women that might have been a deal breaker he can't afford a ring but let me

but let me tell you something that was a signal to me in the relationship early on there were a couple things when we were dating um i had done some traveling overseas and i came back and i was broke and you knew and i was telling you that i was broke and and i was a rich lumberjack sports athlete you were a poor law student doing lumberjack shows for for for extra money but you paid my rent i don't know if you remember that you paid my rent one month. You did. And, uh, what were you thinking you did? And I thought to myself, I was like, of course I'm going to pay you back. I don't know if I actually did,

but to me that was a symbol that you wanted to take care of me. The next thing that you did was we were married early on. Uh, we were probably only married you know a year or so i would i was pregnant and um it was our first year marriage i was pregnant and you were doing lumber jack shows and sean would do these lumberjack shows to make extra money but then in between the shows so i was a lawyer in wisconsin during the during the during the weekday, and I'd take some the show and then they would make extra ones. And cause people thought they were so cute. These little like little chairs made out of timber that they would sell them

for like, you know, 10, 15 bucks a chair. And they could, they, they got a salary from their, from their boss from the lumberjack show. But if they sold the chairs, that was cash. Those are money. Now that now we have armed IRS agents. so i'm a little afraid to say this but you would take cash for the chairs listen just like hunter i'm beyond the statue of limitations like okay i love that um and so you know you would make a few chairs and and for extra

money well but when i got when i was pregnant and you realize you're gonna have a baby you would make so many chairs my back hurt back or you would make so many chairs to sell so we could have extra money for the baby doing the show to making chairs all the whole time between and then doing the show again it was like non-stop but these are like 20 35 minute shows and it is it's grueling physical i mean you were in great shape by the way at that at that time but i would say that to me seeing that you saw okay i'm gonna have a baby i gotta make money and i gotta provide to me that was it it was um it's signal but it was also very sexy. Yeah. But we hadn't, we didn't have a lot of money at all. Um, and you got to do whatever you can to make and to make, yeah.

And, and, and we did that. And, but I also think that work ethic that we both had to make this little family work, um, paid dividends cause we, we took risks and we, um, we made a way. So let me sum this up for all the men out there looking to see what women want they want to be physically attracted to you and they want you to be physically attracted then there needs to be chemistry in that relationship doesn't have to happen right away but it can happen uh it needs to happen they want someone who is emotionally available. That's important.

And somebody who has integrity, strong moral code, is honest and shares their values. Number three, capable of open and honest communication. Communication is the key. And it's also where you start to learn about the other person. If they can't share that with you and you don't really know where they come from, that's going to be a problem. By the way, if you can't be honest with one another, it's a small thing. What is the point? It's not going to work. Number four, a sense of humor. I think men underestimate how important just being light and fun and introducing fun into the relationship is important.

Number five, protection. Women want to feel safe. They want to know that you have ambition and a work ethic and you're willing to protect them and take care of them. Sorry, Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan, but that is true. I don't care what the feminists say. Seven, they want a man who has confidence or at least the potential to grow in confidence and sort of be manly in that way. And finally, they want a man who has a shared future vision with them that they that they see that I want to be with a man who sees me in their future. Yeah. And just on that last point, sometimes you don't you have the building blocks that you share, you know, the viewpoint of the world and it's a wild ride. It was a wild adventure and you can't, you can't always plan your life out. You never know where you're going to end up, but yeah, you're open to it,

but you have these, these go on a journey. Are you willing to go on this journey with me? Do we have enough? Do you see me in your future? Do you want, do you want to be on this journey together? Do you want to go on this road trip together? This road trip of life. This road trip of life. That's right.

It has lots of twists and lots of turns. Or at some point, do you feel like you want to stop at the wayside or gas station halfway to your destination and say, go in and get us some chips. And then you race away in your car and you leave them in you don't want that in the road very strange analogy but i know but listen you want to go you want to get to the destination together stay in the car don't don't get kicked out of the together don't make the don't kick my i don't want someone i want to kick out of the car halfway through the trip make them walk i want to i want to do the whole trip with you rachel thank you all right i think this is useful useful. Those are good things.

And... Especially in a time when there's a lot of mixed signals sent to young people about what matters in life. It's so true. So I appreciate you giving me a chance

taking a risk on some of those eight which were not fully developed. Grateful for that. And again, now we get to sit and have a shared value over our Northern Wisconsin lake that we get to hang out on. So with that, and, uh, again, now we get to sit and have a shared value over our, uh, Northern

Wisconsin, like we get to hang out on it. So, uh, with that, listen, thanks for joining us on this edition of what women want from the kitchen table. We appreciate you joining us. Uh, if you like our podcast, you can rate review, subscribe, wherever you get your podcast. You can get us at Foxnewspodcast.com. We love when you subscribe. You always get a notice of when each podcast drops,

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday evening. And again, Rachel, good stuff. Thanks for sharing. All right. Bye-bye. Bye, everybody. Listen ad-free with a Fox News Podcast Plus subscription, an Apple Podcast, and Amazon Prime. Members can listen to the show ad-free on the Amazon Music app.

From the Fox News Podcast Network. I'm Ben Domenech, Fox News contributor and editor of the Transom.com daily newsletter. And I'm inviting you to join a conversation every week. It's the Ben Domenech podcast. Subscribe and listen now by going to Fox News Podcasts dot com.