From the Kitchen Table: The Duffys - How The PenaVegas Balance Love, Marriage & Jesus In Hollywood

Episode Date: July 7, 2022

On this episode, Sean and Rachel sit down for a conversation with Actors Alexa and Carlos PenaVega. They share details from their new book, What If Love Is The Point? and how their careers in the television and film industry led to their current life as a faith-driven family. Alexa and Carlos explain the struggles of being Christians inside Hollywood, how their faith has helped them grow together as a couple, and how they manage to raise a family while working on movies and touring.  Follow Sean and Rachel on Twitter: @SeanDuffyWI & @RCamposDuffy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hey everyone, welcome to From the Kitchen Table. I'm your host, Sean Duffy, along with my co-host for the podcast, but also my partner in life,

Rachel Campos Duffy. Oh, thank you, Sean. It's so great to be back at the kitchen table. And today we have two very special guests joining us. Alexa Pennevega, who starred as Carmen Cortez. And, you know, you guys all love the movie Spy Kids and her husband, Carlos Pennevega, member of the band Big Time Rush. And they have a new book out called What If Love Is The Point? Living for Jesus in a Self-Consumed World. Sean, how much do you love that title? Listen, I got to tell you, I love the title and I love their story because there are a couple that says, listen, we believe in family, we believe in faith,

and they're not ashamed to put it in marriage. They're not afraid to put it out there, which I think is so important in today's culture. So I'm grateful that they're willing to join us. Alexa and Carlos, welcome to From the Kitchen Table. We appreciate you guys joining us. Thank you guys for having us. I think the best part of this interview is that you're coming to us from your RV because Carlos is on tour and he basically told his bandmates, I love you guys. I want to go on tour, but not without my family, which again is so much about the message of this book. So tell me about the tour. And then I want to talk about your whole life. I'm fascinated. Well, so we are on a we are we've played nine shows out of 44.

So we are just getting started. We're going across the U.S. and in Mexico. And it is it's been so much fun. But, yeah, I could not do three months without my family. So the conversation came up and my bandmates were like, well, that's on you. And Lex and I had a conversation. We said, look, financially, it's going to cost us money to have our own bus for those three months. But is it worth it?

And we looked at each other. We were like, 100%. So we paid for our own bus. We have our whole family. We have a nanny helping because it does get a little crazy. Yeah. But we're literally touring the entire summer and the kids wake up in a different state. And it's so funny. Every time we leave the bus, they go,

are we going on tour? And I'm like, well, we are on tour. I go to a show. They're like, daddy, have a good tour. I'm like, well, we are on tour. But every time I go to a show, they're like, daddy, have a good tour. I'm like, well, I'm going to go play a show, but they don't really understand the whole idea. They're processing it. But no, no, it's been great. So we got to tell you guys,

when I met Rachel, we actually were on an RV. So this was way before your time. You guys were little spring chickens, but we did reality TV on MTV. We started off on the real world. They weren't even born, Sean. Were they born? Barely.

They were like, they were in like fourth grade or third grade. We did real, the real world on MTV. It's a reality TV show. And then they had a kiss off. Oh, guys,

you don't understand. We were sent all the way. On an RV. So I traveled with Rachel in an RV. I didn't travel with three kids in an RV and kudos to you guys for making a life choice. It says we're going to have our family together, kids on the RV and traveling the country. That is fantastic. And are the kids enjoying themselves? Yeah. Oh, they're loving it. They're thriving. We have rules though. We have rules. Like, so I'm currently on my band's bus

because I'm going somewhere with them. But that room in the back that is behind Alexa, she like, that's our room. And I'm like, listen, no kids in here. Like, we have to have our own little, you know. Tiny space. Our 50 square feet of space. That's for us and only us. But everything else they can destroy.

So Alexa, what I find, you know, interesting about how you guys are making it work and really people do feel it when you were on dancing with the stars. I think people really, I know it wasn't your intention. You're just doing your job and you're married and you're dancing and you're on the show, but people could feel it, right. People could feel the authenticity of it. And one of the things that I've had this theory about Hollywood couples is that part of the reason that we see these like hot and heavy couples. And then the next minute, you know, you want, you read the tabloids and they're,

they're not together anymore is the separation that, you know, when you go to shoot a film, when you go on tour, people get separated. And so is that, is that why you, I mean, talk to me about it in that context. Well, there are a couple of things that we learned early on in our relationship when figuring out boundaries, like what was super healthy for our marriage, what was unhealthy for our marriage. And, you know, as young Christians, because in the beginning of our marriage, we were first, you know, we were first discovering like what faith meant in our life. So we were diving in together, but we were baby Christians and we were both massive flirts and really didn't think it was an issue in the beginning. And then we realized like,

oh my gosh, this flirting thing is opening the door to so many things. Like even though we might not mean for it to be something more than it is, flirting is not harmless. Flirting with each other is one thing, but flirting with other people is not a harmless thing. And I know a lot of people in today's culture think like, oh, flirting isn't cheating. Flirting is harmless. It's just whatever. It's not. You're opening the door. You're disrespecting your spouse. It's just pushing the boundaries. So for us, we were like, man, we live in an industry where everybody flirts with everybody, especially during Dancing with the Stars. It's a very flirty thing. So we learned early on, like that's not healthy for a marriage. And where did you get that wisdom though? Because you guys are very young. And as

you said, you came into your face kind of simultaneously on the seriousness of your face was you were, you know, a little older as you were kind of getting into it. How did you, as such a young married couple, which by the way, you're very counter-cultural in that regard as well, um, by how young you are married and so committed, um, where did that wisdom come from to go? You know what? Flirting is not a good idea. I see that too, by the way, Alexa with people, Facebooking old boyfriends and stuff like opening the door, like you said, well, I want to let you speak, babe, but it was actually because I was very humbled. Um, in a scenario, I was actually at lunch with a producer one time, and this is after like,

it was a couple of years after I shot a film and he was asking me about an old co-star. I was like, oh, I haven't seen him in forever. And he was like, well, you guys were hooking up. Right. about an old co-star. And I was like, Oh, I haven't seen him in forever. And he was like, well, you guys were hooking up. Right. I'm like, wait, what? And I'm like, no, not at all. And he goes, you guys were flirting nonstop. I was for sure. You guys were hooking up. And it was the weirdest thing. Like this whole thing took over my body. Like, Oh my gosh. And by that point, I'd already, we had already set the boundary of like no flirting and anything like that. point, I'd already, we had already set the boundary of like no flirting and anything like that. But it was a very humbling moment for me to just be like, wow, that is exactly why I don't flirt,

why we don't do these things because you are represent like who we represent or like how we, how we act is a representation of like what our Christianity looks like. And I was not representing the kingdom whatsoever. I was not representing our marriage well. And on top of that, and at the time we were not married yet, but still it was, it was not okay. And it was just, it was a very humbling moment for me to go, okay, this is, this is why you don't flirt because it's confusing for other people because they're going to assume something else. And I guess as Rachel and I have talked about that same thing is like, how are you making another person feel in the marriage if you're someone else that your spouse might not be there? I don't know that it's cheating, but to your point, it's disrespectful. I 100% agree with that. We've been blessed. I was in Congress for nine years, and I was able to be a Catholic and a Christian, and I wore that on my sleeve.

And both of us work for a network that allows us to share our faith. We're not punished for it. But you guys are in a space in Hollywood where there's almost a scarlet letter for Christians in a way. But you guys have been unafraid and saying, you know what? We're married. We have kids. We put our marriage first, our faith first, and you live out that life. Has there been any repercussions in your careers as you have been very vocal about marriage

and faith? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's not easy. Like, honestly, everyone thinks, oh, I'm a Christian. Life's, life's. Dude, the day that I, oh, I'm a Christian. Life's life's dude. The day that I gave my life to God, things became harder.

Like, I mean, you know, give me an example. Give us an example. Well, for one, like, like I said, our industry is not built for marriages. So we kind of became like, oh, you know, the, the, the young married couple who loved Jesus, like how annoying, like, okay. Like, like we weren't the cool kids anymore you know and and we kind of had to find our own cool crowd and also i mean sorry go ahead explaining that to our teams babe like i remember reps and they didn't understand

it at all they were like you guys are not lex and los you guys are your own individuals you have your own careers we need to keep you guys as separate as possible. And for us, we're like, you're, you're missing it. Like we want to do as much as we can together. I mean, until we can't anymore, we want to do every project that we can or find a way to work together some way or another. And, and our teams for a long time, we're not understanding this at all. Well, and, and when we did dancing with the stars, understanding this at all well and and when we did dancing with the stars we um we basically you know we told our testimony on national television in front of millions of people and it was really funny because when you know like each week we got to decide what we wanted to talk about and I think it was like week four for me they were like okay so this week's gonna be like an emotional

backstory and I was like well I would love to tell my story about how I found Jesus and they were like are you sure about that I'm like yeah yeah I think right and then I did a Viennese waltz to an acapella version of Amazing Grace and I just kind of let it all out to the world and it was just so funny because that was such a powerful moment for me and then the next week was producer's choice week and what do you think they had me do I literally did a striptease to magic mike the next week and i was like okay all right i feel you guys i feel it's like okay man you want to talk about jesus but here's producer's choice week and i was like ah okay so i mean look no one that was intentional that's so interesting do you feel like that was intentional of course oh yeah i mean i went i did a bb vaults to amazing grace and then and then it was like

pony done done taking my shirt off grinding on chairs and i was like but at the same time it was like we wanted to you know like do do well in the competition so we battled it well babe you found that balance really well, which is really difficult because they do give you look at the end of the day. You don't like you have a choice, but you don't like they pick it and you have to, you have to go with it. Um, so you try to find a balance to make it work. And I really felt like you found a good balance of not being like the raunchy that they were trying to put on you. Yeah.

That's fascinating. That is so, so fascinating. And so tell me what was the reaction? So what was the industry reaction to you giving that testimony? And then what was the public reaction? I think the industry was kind of standoffish. They were like, okay, I mean, you know, like, cool, cool for you. But the public industry was kind of standoffish they were like all right okay i mean you know like cool cool for you but the public reaction was unreal like so many people writing us in being like i love that that you know like like you were open and honest and that you stand for marriage and

i think that was the clicking point for me where i went man i really want to be a light for marriage in this world because marriage has kind of become this thing where it's like, oh, get married. No way. I mean, in Hollywood, it's like not getting married, maybe a kid at 40 and I probably won't have it myself. You know, like that's kind of the mentality for us. We're married at 23, 23, had kids by what, 26, 27, babe. And, you know, we have three and she wants another one.

And it's like, it's like we're so not the mold um but we had to go hey you know what our industry they don't matter what matters is what what what god is seeing and the impact that we're making on the world and the reaction from the world has been has i mean obviously there are people who are a little crazy but nothing but mostly hey you know what you've reignited my love for for Jesus or you've made me and my wife want to flirt more and do this. And to me, I'm like, yes, that's what we need. We need to keep putting that into the world. I love that.

No, go ahead. Yeah. And I think as you look at to the point what is put out there, I don't think one Hollywood realizes how America is still a faithful nation. They may not be, but when you talk about it, you resonate with so many Americans and they find it shocking, Americans do, because Hollywood doesn't usually let you penetrate those conversations through their firewalls. But on The Answer with the Stars, you actually can do that, which I think is fantastic. I also think about this too. It's like, when you talk about what if love is the point, which is the title of your book, I think so often people look for happiness in multiple relationships or in career success.

And we want to, we want to have a good relationship. We want to have career success, but like for Rachel and myself, we, our marriage is the priority. Our faith is the priority in our lives. And do I think people are happier when they are faithful, when they look to God and to Jesus and when they have a great relationship, which by the way, I have to imagine for you to, you'd admit marriage isn't easy. Marriage is actually kind of hard. And anything that's beautiful and great is really hard, right? And I think sometimes marriage is put up on this pedestal, like it's really easy. But if you recognize it's actually a hard endeavor and you kind of fight through it and fight for it, in the end, something really

beautiful happens. And I think to be honest about what it is and what you get from it is really important so people don't have a misconception that the first fight they have or the first argument or disagreement that they're having, that this means we have to get a divorce. It's like, no, actually that's, that is what marriage is about. It's a sacrifice. It's compromise. And it's, it's forgiveness. And it's those things that I think make marriage great and long lasting relationships really great.

But people give up. Well said, my friend. Well said. I love it. Thank you. Hey, listen, I hate to do this, but I was wrong. And we're not taking the bus to the children's hospital. We're going in a different car. So I actually have to sign off. But I just want to say that you guys are so amazing. And I'm going to leave Alexa chatting with you guys. But i seriously like we are such big fans of y'all and we're so like we we we watch y'all and like just love what you guys are doing with your family and everything so thank you guys for just being such a light carlos before before you go and we're gonna go to alexa on this just give us your pitch for the book why why do we want to buy your book why should why should all our listeners go hey you know what this is a book for us give me one last pitch, then you can leave.

Well, okay. So this book has been an eight-year process for us. And it all started after we got married and did Dance with the Stars. We started asking these questions to ourselves, like, what's the point of marriage? What's the point of not having sex before marriage? What's the point of this? What's the point of that? And we really took the time to pray and ask God about these questions.

So this book to us, yes, it's a memoir about our life and the journey that God has put us through so far. But we're really proud because it's not just a story. I really feel like we have some really great moments in there where we can teach people and show people God's love through what he's done in our lives. You know, cause I've, I've, I've, I've read memoirs and I'm like, okay, that was great. Now I know about them. This book I think is so special because everybody who's read it leaves and goes, wow, I got something really great. I'm going to, I'm going to take that and put it into my life now. Um, and I'm, I'm, I'm super excited for the world to see that. I, I think that you're putting you both are putting amazing stuff out there

into the culture good luck with everything Carlos you guys are the best seriously thank you for having us you got it Alexa go make money Carlos get out there

go make some cash you got a bus to pay for you got to pay for it you got to pay for that RV with all the kids we'll have more of this conversation after this We got a bus to pay for it. We got to pay for it. You got to pay for that RV with all the kids. We'll have more of this conversation after this. This NFL season, get in on all the hard-hitting action with FanDuel, North America's number one sportsbook.

You can bet on anything from money lines to spreads and player props or combine your bets in a same-game parlay for a shot at an even bigger payout. Plus, with super-simple live betting, lightning-fast bet settlement settlement and instant withdrawals, FanDuel makes betting on the NFL easier than ever before. So make the most of this football season and download FanDuel today. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling Palm, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Alexa, I'm just so fascinated by this decision. Have you seen other Hollywood actors, people in the music world, reach out to you and say, hey, this is giving me the courage to not be a closeted Christian? out to me a little bit about faith, but actually more so about, um, I'm, I am like, so pro-life it's not even, not even a little bit, but I'm like, so pro-life, um, which is rare to hear people talk about, especially in our industry. Um, and at least in the pro-life that's they're all on the other side of that issue. Right. Right. So I think, especially in this industry, I think there are a lot of people who had a

misunderstanding of it or just have not taken the time to really learn about it. They just kind of take these soundbites of like, oh, it's hurtful for women to not have this option or whatever soundbite the media will put out there. But I've just taken my time to kind of explain why I'm pro-life. Um, and I've just put it out there on social media and I've had so many people reach out to saying like, thank you for saying this. Like I couldn't, cause I'm going to lose my job if I say something like this, but, but thank you for doing it. And just know, like you have people supporting you for saying this. So it like, it hurts my heart to know that that's where we live in. I mean, I can't tell you how many like branding opportunities

I've lost because I've announced that I'm pro-life. It's hilarious to me, but that's where we are. Like, this is the world we live in. If you don't go exactly with what the media is saying, not necessarily that you're canceled, but you're punished. Right. Well, it's interesting because Busy Phillips, I think, has had a very, I mean, it's one thing to say you're pro-choice. It's even one thing to say, shout your abortion. But really aggressive and I think. Or killing babies.

Yeah, I mean, exactly. And yet she has a cover girl. So the hypocrisy of it is so it's hard for me to wrap my head around that. Here you are this gorgeous, loving role model for, for what it means to be a woman in a really complete sense. You have this amazing career. You have this amazing husband who you support in this very difficult industry. You have these children. You're balancing it all.

To me, you are everything that I know. And I know a lot of young women want and aspire to be. And yet that position is being used against you in a way that you're being punished for it. I get that you're positive and you're working around it, you're being punished for it. I get that you're positive and you're working around it, but does, does the hypocrisy of, of the industry get you down? And how do you and Carlos stay so positive? Cause that's what I find so intoxicating about being with you, to be honest. Okay. Well, first off, thank you. You're awesome. I think for us, we have grown up in this industry. It's always had its things, but it was never this outwardly wicked. I feel like that's the best way I could explain it.

people all, they always had their hidden agendas, but it wasn't this blatant, um, which in a weird way, I kind of appreciate because you're no longer guessing, like at least it's out there in the open. You know what you're getting, you know, what networks represent what you know, like it's just, it's more revealing. And it's so funny because I always ask like the big prayer I always have is like, God, please reveal, please reveal, please reveal. And he's revealing. It's so funny because I always ask like the big prayer I always have is like, God, please reveal, please reveal, please reveal. And he's revealing. It's a great prayer, by the way. What a great, simple prayer. Wow.

It is. However, God has been revealing. But the problem is people don't have eyes to see or ears to hear. So now my prayer is, God, please give people eyes to see, ears to hear, eyes to see, ears to hear, because he can reveal over and over and over again, but people are just blind. They see what they want to see. And it really goes back to that whole ignorance is bliss. If they look into it, if they start educating themselves and learning about these certain topics, it's going to cause them to have to do something or change their outlook on things. And people are happy with where they are. And, and I even go back

to like how we got in this place of marriage. And it was like, you look at TV shows and movies and how often are you actually seeing things where marriage is lifted up as this great thing? Never. Everything is like marriage is a ball and chain. Kids are a pain in the butt. Like they ruined your life. Like everything is just weighty when it comes to family. Very rarely are you seeing this like holy marriage on like a pedestal in the media. But it's funny because if you look at our social media, um, we made it a point, like we don't, we are not fans of social media. However, I really feel like God was like, you need to show what it looks like to actually live out Christianity here on earth. Like you need to show what that family looks like. You need to show what it looks like to actually live out Christianity here on earth. Like you need to show what that family looks like. You need to show what it looks like in your marriage,

what it looks like for you guys individually in your careers. So for us, we've just said, okay, we are going to focus and do our best to be consistent in our walk with God, because I think that's something that we're missing in Christianity nowadays. Um, you have like one Christian that's like, I'm Christian, but I'm also taking a bunch of shots and cursing up a storm and partying. And that's really confusing for people because they're like, oh, is that like, that's fine. OK, cool. So I can still live this worldly life. I can still do that, like do all this stuff that I want to do, like do drugs, whatever. But I love Jesus. So none of that matters. It's like, no, no, no, no.

Like you have to walk away from that stuff and be transformed. And I promise you're going to feel so much more peace after you do it. But for us, we like, we try to just share that on social media. And we have so many people who are not Christian, right? Us. And they're like, you know, it's weird because I'm not Christian. I'm like, I'm thinking about God now though, because of some of the stuff you've said, but I'm still like on the fence. So if you could just talk about it a little bit more so I can understand it. I'm like, yes, that's the point. Like, that's exactly why we talk about our faith online is because we want to open those conversations and we want to do it in a way that's like not preaching. We just try to keep it as real and like, I don't know, just honest and honest as possible.

Yeah. You know, St. Francis, you know, we're Catholics. It's my favorite quote. Yes. Say it. Right. Preach the gospel at all times when necessary. Use words.

And I do feel like you guys are living that and doing that. And it's just, it's just so inspirational. I'm going to let Sean get in because I know I could talk to you all day. I'm going to try to get an because I know I could talk to you all day. I'm going to try to get edgewise here between this love fest. Between this girl fest, we turn this podcast. So Alexa, Rachel and I have dealt with this ourselves. And I want to ask you how you guys have dealt with it. You have both really great careers. And I think a lot of people would generically look at your relationship and say, well, if one career

flourishes, the other one will suffer. And for the two of us, Rachel and I, we both made sacrifices for our careers. Rachel supported me for my congressional run. I wouldn't have won. It was actually just the two of us really at the start running for Congress when everyone said I couldn't win. And it was just, we did it together. I left Congress when we had our ninth baby. She had a heart condition and Down syndrome. I made the decision that that was the right call for our family. It was a really hard decision because I loved being in Congress. I loved to serve. I couldn't speak publicly without crying. It was actually kind of embarrassing, but it was the right decision. And then we lived in Wisconsin. Our kids have been raised in Wisconsin. We moved out to New Jersey because Rachel got the weekend show on Fox and Friends.

And we sacrificed for each other. Talk about how you guys have managed your careers and the sacrifice, which actually I think is not actually a sacrifice. I think both careers flourish more when you kind of work together as a team. but talk to me about that and the careers and how you guys have managed what you're doing when with who has what opportunity. So for us, we learned early on that we couldn't do projects at the same time we tried and it was so hard. And in a weird way, and I think this is the biggest takeaway for anybody who is trying to figure out like whether or not they're going to work apart from their spouse for like long periods of time, like having to be separated. The worst part of it is that you get used to it.

You get used to being apart. You get used to being very independent and on your own and without your spouse or your family. So when you come back, it's actually really hard to come back and relearn how to like you haven't you haven't had to compromise. You haven't had to sacrifice the like, you, you haven't, you haven't had to compromise. You haven't had to sacrifice the things that you wanted to do for, you know, the two months that you were away filming your movie or whatever it may be. So, so for me, we have all, like we said early on, we're like, we don't want this. I mean, I don't want to get

used to this life. I don't like it. Like I would much rather be with you. I don't, I don't want to start creating my own routines and my own habits. Like I would much rather be with you. I don't, I don't want to start creating my own routines and my own habits. Like I want to create my habits and routines with you because you're my partner. So, um, so for us early on, we were like, which project is more important, which project makes the most sense for our family. And there were times where it was really, really hard projects that we both really liked that we had to give up on. I talk about this a little bit in the book, but really it kind of, it hit me after the book came out when we were doing press, we moved to Hawaii out of Los Angeles. We just figured we don't want to raise kids here, especially in the days of like social media. We want our kids to be outside surfing and just,

you know, running around our yard, make it like that's ideal. So we, uh, we bought a ranch in on Maui and we're just there. It's like almost six acres. It's super great. But when we first moved, I knew God was calling us to move, but I moved begrudgingly. Like I was just like, God, I don't want to do this. My career is taking off. So many things are happening, but I knew that we had to move because Carlos was actually not hitting a wall in his career, but he was getting really hurt by the rejection of the career. He would get right up until the last minute. Um, like, like between him and one other guy and the other guy would get the project. And this would, this happened like five or six times.

I mean, over and over and over again, if filing was so much for him, he's like, I can't do this anymore. Like, I really want to stop. I want to quit this industry. I have no friends out here. It's like, I'm done. I'm just done with it. So we picked up and we moved. And for the longest time I thought like, wow, I'm such a good wife. I like moved for my husband. I got out of LA and I was having this prayer while on my way to do press with a book, like, God, like, thank you. Cause you know, that move was the best thing ever. And, you know, thank you for working on my heart during all of that. And, you know, I know we moved for Carlos and I just had this big halt, like, Oh, we didn't move for

Carlos's heart. We moved for your heart. And I just like, it just hit me so hard. I started bawling. I'm like, wait, I'm trying to understand this God. We moved for my heart. And basically what I got was that I was so consumed by the industry and my growing career and not focused enough on my marriage and family that the move was actually for us to gain our roots as a family and for my heart to readjust to this life because I started acting when I was four. It's all I know.

Set life feels like home to me. So it almost became who I was. Like work and Alexa was not separated at all. Like I didn't have a passion outside of acting. So us moving to Hawaii really gave us that five years of foundation year, like the foundation building years for our marriage, for our family, for us to really set roots in a place and build a community. And now when we leave, we just feel rooted. We feel strong. We feel, and now when we leave, we just feel rooted. We feel strong. We feel, I don't know, just like unshakable. I feel kind of like we have a superpower now that's hard to explain, but that'll happen because of that move. And it's funny how God will humble you and be like,

actually, you thought you moved for one reason, but we moved for a completely other reason. There's just so many things that I find fascinating about what you just said. So first, let me start with how young you are. By the way, we have a daughter who was just married two weeks ago at 22. Also very counter-cultural, a perfect pair, just like, just like you and Carlos, they are just, they, they, they just met you meet them together and they make sense. And what I like about, and, and Mary Young is not for everybody, but it's important to talk about its advantages. And I think that you really exude that. And that is that you guys are when you talked about these habits that you were you're like, I don't want to learn to live without you.

Right. live without you, right? You guys are like sort of growing up together in a way that you don't have to undo like bad habits from like being single till you're like 38 or something. You know, you guys are growing together and melding into one, which is what God wants for a couple to be. He says the two shall become one. I'm curious about in Hawaii. And I think it totally makes sense why you're so happy and feel rooted that you're there and you're away from Hollywood and you have that perspective. I think it will probably make you a better actress being out of that bubble. I'm sure there's all these advantages, but I'm having a hard time figuring out just logistically

how you guys are doing it. Like, how does that work with projects and, and feeling like you're away from the industry? Cause so much of your industry is networking. Right. I mean, okay. So, so here's why it's worked for us. So for the last five years, I don't want to say we left the industry. We just really took a big step back and focused on family. And we were very picky about projects that we took. And we really, um, mainly we're doing Hallmark projects.

Um, and they make it very easy to bring your family anywhere and everywhere. And these movies, you can shoot one of their movies in less than four weeks. So you leave for four weeks, you can bring your whole family with you. They accommodate all of them and like, just make everybody feel great and happy. Then they send you right back. Um, so, so that is by the way, I'm obsessed.

And they've even, um, they've really stepped their game up. Like we just did one that we're so proud of. Carlos wrote six original songs for it. Um, it feels very fresh, but still has, um, like good morals, good, healthy. I don't know, just like the reasons why we love like Hallmark movies in general. So I just feel like it is it's just a clean movie. It kind of goes back to like the classic 90 movies. Remember, you'd watch like those awesome rom-coms and they weren't just filthy like they are now. just filthy like they are now. I still enjoy the rom-coms today, but there was something so special about how like clean and not pushing boundaries for the sake of pushing boundaries. The movies

back then were just so simple. And I really, I really think that this new project that we did hits that mark and also kind of elevates Hallmark in a way. So I'm really proud. I'm really excited for the theme of it. So our listeners can, can try and find it. It's currently called love in the limelight. I hope it sticks. Um, sometimes they change it last minute, but currently it's called love in the limelight. Um, and it's, uh, it's a great story. I mean, I'm really, really happy with it. And it's very similar to Carlos is kind of story. Cause he plays a pop star, a little boy. So it's kind of story because he plays a pop star, a little boy band. So it's kind of fun. But yeah, so I would say like we took a mini hiatus in the sense that we were really only

working with Hallmark, which thank God we took a step back because I feel like everything that was happening in the industry had we continued full force. So we would have been thrown into like the fire. I feel like between like the me too movement that was happening um there were a couple other movements that were just like going on that i just feel like would be unavoidable and and we would be kind of thrushed in like or like thrusted into the the center of and it just would have been i don't i don't know like not that the me too movement is like terrible um but i just felt like the way some of the stuff was handled like just believe every woman kind of thing it would have been hard for me to keep my mouth shut during all of it it

would have been hard for me to i'm very honest i'm an honest person i don't know no refreshing but but there comes with its fair share of backlash. So, I don't know the answer to this. And you guys are both in the Hollywood space. And so I think maybe for others who are not, it might be kind of more shocking. But if Carlos has like a script where he has a makeout scene or you have a makeout scene,

I don't know if you guys have those scripts. Is that challenging? Cause I, if Rachel had a scene in some movie where she's making it with some guy, I think I'd have, I'd have a problem with that. Maybe that's an inappropriate question. Listen, it's a very valid question. And like, no, you never want your spouse having to kiss anyone, like not even a makeout scene let's just say it's like a like a kiss like a like a little peck or whatever no you don't want

that at all especially when like these other girls are hot or right you know like there was one project carlos was working on and this girl um who happened to be a friend of mine um they they had to kiss and it wasn't just like a kiss kiss. Like they had to like kiss. And, and she was also very forward. She had a boyfriend, but like, you know, she was a girl that wanted to be liked by everybody. So she was so flirty, so forward. And he would call me like, babe, I don't know what to do. I literally just locked myself in the bathroom.

I was sitting on the couch and she literally like came and jumped on my lap. Like I had to put her onto the couch and leave. Like I literally am in her onto the couch and leave. Like I literally am in the bathroom right now. And I'm just, I'm laughing because I'm like, oh, sweet Carlos, like trying to make the most of this situation. But these are the kinds of things that you deal with on set. Like there are no boundaries and, and, you know, oftentimes like it's the guy that kind of gets blamed, but really it's like, there are very forward women on set and they don't care if you're

married they don't care if you have a spouse in any way like whether it's just a boyfriend or whatever um so like for carlos he has to be like very like you know poor guy he's locking himself in bathrooms um but for both of us you like no less i'm on a flight right now i'm coming out i'll be there with the kids i'll make sure we're on set for the next scene here here's the thing and this is ultimately what it comes down to and this is what i told told carlos because i knew this girl and like i said she was actually a friend of mine i know that a lot of times when people are like that it's because they are hurting and it's because they need validation to feel better about themselves and because they need um they need people to like

them in order for them to like themselves. And it's, it actually broke my heart. So I'm like, man, she's going to keep doing this, this pattern. Um, and it's never going to fulfill her and it's going to hurt other people. It's going to hurt her. Um, and it just, it honestly, it made me sad. And luckily I have an incredible husband that I don't worry about like whatsoever at all. I mean, we are so honest. We're so open all the time with one another. You know, I always tell people communication is the greatest thing you could have in your marriage. And it sounds so cliche because it's like, okay, communication, but it is like, especially for moments like that, you know, he could have said nothing and I would have never had known about those moments, but because he said something and literally called me in the moment from a bathroom,

we were able to talk through it together. And I was actually able to help him on how to handle things in that situation. And like, okay, well maybe you can say this and it can be a polite way. That way you don't embarrass her because at the same time, I know that she's a hurt person. So I don't want her to be embarrassed or her to have any sort of backlash from it. So you do have to walk through these things cautiously and with a gracious heart. Um, so it comes back to kiss. So the kiss, so, so you still have to kiss. So for him, for both of us, we, we grew up in this industry and you really, you really can block it out in this weird way like it really doesn't mean

anything half the time we're we're kissing people who don't even like boys or girls like they they're often like gay so they don't even care um so so for us it really this is not always the case on sets a lot of times like i know people use this as an excuse to like, oh, we can flirt. This is like my moment where it's not cheating, but cheating. And we've really grappled with this a lot. Just finding the balance of what makes sense.

So for us, it comes down to if this makes sense for the character and the telling of the story, and like, maybe there's like a redemption in it or whatever, then this is fine. But like, we're not going to do some like crazy makey outy scene.

Like that's just not, that's not really who we are anymore. Like you might've seen us do that kind of stuff in the past, but again, like unless it's like a husband and wife or something that makes sense for the story, for the most part, you'll just see us like doing like little kisses on, on screen. It doesn't, it's nothing. Wait right there. We'll have more of this conversation next. Shop Cyber Monday deals now on Amazon with up to 35% off home goods to deck their halls,

toys to stuff their stocking, and electronics like noise-canceling headphones to silent their night. Shop Amazon Cyber Monday deals now. So I'm really fascinated by the response that you got from Dancing with the Stars, from this book, from the more that you put out there of who you are, knowing that, you know, the industry is not down with it. You're still getting this massive, more than you expected response right back. So there's clearly a hunger in the country for, you know, these kinds of values to be on display, these kinds of values to be in movies and in, and in entertainment. Do you see, and not just, you know, Hallmark, where it's, you know, not just Hallmark itself, but do you see this all? Because Sean, I talk about this a lot, like conservatives need to create their own ecosystem. Are you counting on the fact that that demand exists and that conservatives will be able to step up and, you know, there could be great actors, but if there's not great movies or

production companies that embrace and actually create quality, high production value, you know, movies and, and, and, and TV shows, do you have a hope that, I mean, do you have a real genuine hope that that eco universe is getting built? I'm mixed on this because what I don't want to do, I want to unify as much as possible. I don't want to separate everything out. Like, like sure. In an ideal world, like, great. You know, we, we can be in harmony. We all live together, but like, I know that that's, that's just not where we are right now. But I look back at movies in the eighties and nineties and you had great, great movies that for great things. And you,

and, and, and these, by the way, weren't like clean cut, perfect movies like I don't want, you know, just only Christian films. I don't want only conservative films like I want to be able to show what real life looks like. The problem is we don't do that anymore. We only push agenda in movies. That's kind of what's been happening as of recently. But I also think there has been I think they're losing a lot of money doing that. You can only lose what you have. So, um, so I think they're going to keep doing this until they realize like, Oh crap, we're not, we're not going to be able to continue making

films or continue to do all the things that we're doing because it is getting to a point where we don't have, we're not making money and investors are going to get ticked off. The people who are running it are going to get mad because they're not going to be able to buy the homes that they buy or take the vacations that they take. So I do think that we are going to see a switch, whether it's going to happen now in a year or two years, you know,

it will happen. It will happen because I know what America looks like. I get to talk to them on social media. I get to travel the world literally on a tour bus and meet people across the country. Yeah. And I think for me, and the reason why I think we have been able to continue to work and stay busy, even we have close friends and our teams that, that represent us who have total opposite views and values than we do. I'm talking like, like I'm very pro-life, they're very pro-choice, but yet we have found this like amazing common ground because we still love and respect one another as individuals. And I think that's what we've lost. Like it's okay

to be completely different. And even though like they may completely not understand why I believe what I believe in, I may not understand why they believe what they believe. We've still been able to work in harmony and respectfully. And I think that is the biggest thing. Like no one, not no one, but like this generation coming up doesn't know what respect means. Like they don't understand that word respect because they don't really respect anything. And the saddest part is they don't respect themselves, which is why we're in this chaos that we're in right now. Um, but I think, and I think like, even with everything that's going on with the world, um, I look back at, at like, man, God doesn't make mistakes. Like he makes you perfect just as you are. Even though we are completely imperfect,

he knitted you together perfectly just how he intended you to be. And I think once we start accepting that, going like not, oh, I think I should be this or that, or I was like born wrong or different, or I don't have like a hand or whatever. Like, no, God made you perfect for a reason. Like you have a purpose and that is why God made you.

And it just, it makes me sad when people don't believe that like God made them in this like perfect image in this perfect way. Like, yes, we're, we're imperfect, but I don't know if this is making sense, but I couldn't agree with that more because I, God gave man a lot of choices. We can make good choices, bad choices. There's a lot of freedom that God has given us. But the one choice he didn't give us is to your point, or this is where I'm taking it is you can't pick your gender. He did not give you that choice. He actually made you a certain way and he intended it. I like the way you say he knitted you together in perfection and he made that choice. He didn't give that choice to you. You get a lot of choices, but not that one. Yeah. And listen, I have some, again, I'm in this industry where I have friends who live very

different lifestyles and I love them dearly and I care about them dearly, but I just don't, I think like when I see these kids coming up nowadays and I just don dearly and I care about them dearly but I just don't I think like when I see these kids coming up nowadays and I just don't want anybody telling them like yeah you were made wrong like I would never I don't I don't know how I just don't want to validate that because like in my head I'm like you weren't made wrong you were made perfect like you really were and I don't care how much you may disagree with like my beliefs or whatever like if you're listening right now like you were made perfect and and i think people just forget to remind people of that like like at the end of the day we all are free to make our choices

and that's what's beautiful god's given us free will we live in in america where we have the ultimate amount of freedom to literally do whatever we want. In other countries, you wouldn't even have that option. But we live here. And at the end of the day, yes, do what you wish. But just remember that you were made perfect. I love it. Alexa, and again, I look at the book cover and I don't know how many photos you had to take. You guys are very photogenic. So maybe you just took one. I love the picture of Carlos on your back, you know, in the water. It is a great, great picture. And, you know, what if love is the point? And I think that's it's such a great title, too. And then the subtitle of, you know, living for Jesus in a self-consumed world. And then the subtitle of, you know, living for Jesus in a self-consumed world. I just, I don't think there's enough people like you and Carlos that come out and talk so freely about their marriage and their love and God and faith and Jesus. And I love it.

And just so my question, and I know we both, we all have to go here in a second. But I think success of marriage is also sharing best tips where we all can learn from marriages from each other about what do you do? What do you do? How do you navigate this situation? And Rachel and I, um, you know, we always talk about, we have, we have to fight about things. You can't just stuff it down because if you don't fight, fight about it right now, it is going to come back later. It's going to resurrect at some later point. And you're going to be more angry about it. Yeah, you have to fight through issues. And that's not all bad.

You got to fight fairly. You got to be respectful. But you got to navigate those things or I should say maybe argue, not fight. And we also talk about we have a lot of kids. You have a lot of kids and a lot of little kids taking time together to just have the two of you to rekindle and have a glass of wine or go have dinner or whatever it is. Rachel and I sometimes in Wisconsin, we just like to go on the boat for a boat ride together. What do you guys do? What's your best tips for what you and Carlos have found for a successful marriage that our listeners can go, oh, yeah, that's awesome?

There are a couple of things. First and foremost is prayer. There was a season where we were having, honestly, such a difficult time in our marriage. It was earlier on, but had we not been married, we would have broken up. And I think that is why marriage is so powerful is because you, you make this about, and, um, you know, I don't know if you guys know this, but I was actually married before Carlos, but it was not in a marriage. So I actually, I learned a lot in that first marriage and then walking into this marriage, which was very unexpected for me. I did not expect to find somebody that I would want to be married to this quickly. Um, but it was just God centered. Everything was just so like the foundation was on our faith. Um, so first and foremost, I would say prayer because during that really, really hard year that we had, um, I was praying nonstop and my prayers weren't answered immediately. But when God did unfold that

season, I was like, oh, I see why we had to go through that stretch, why we were being molded during that time. And it was very, very hard, but the fruit on the other side of that season was unlike anything else. And so I would say prayer. And then the next thing was something that our friends taught us called new me. So I think it's really easy when you get in fights or you get frustrated with any, with one another, or you allow things to get to the point where I'm, I'm very internal. So I will take things in and not speak my mind. Whereas Carlos is very external. Like if something bothers him, he tells you right away. So it's really, it's difficult because I'm the person that will finally boil over and

then have the resentment there as well. But I've learned a lot in this marriage. But I would say new me was super life-changing. So basically, once you guys have had the conversation of like, all right, we cannot hold each other to our past any longer. Like I am no longer that person. I don't want to respond to you in that way anymore. I don't want to be ugly. Like I don't, you know, maybe things that like, let's just say Carlos was like annoyed with how I was responding or speaking to him or whatever. I'm going to say like, all right,

I want to reset. I'm going to start over, but you can't hold me to my old junk. Like we're, I want to reset. I'm going to start over, but you can't hold me to my old junk. Like we're, this is a reset. So whatever I do from here on out, don't expect that I'm going to respond this way. Like expect the best because I'm going to give you my best. So having that reset has been so helpful for us in times where like, like sometimes the enemy just gets like right in the middle of your marriage and you just buddy heads. And you're like, this doesn't even make sense. Like we're buddy heads for no reason whatsoever. And obviously there's usually external issues or spiritual issues. So for us, we just go back to like, we need a reset.

First, we're going to pray. We call it do over Alexa in our marriage. I love it. And I'm more like Carlos. I put things out there. Sean is a little bit more of like passive aggressive. I do that too. We all have our junk, okay?

Yeah. I become far more Latin in my relationship. I'm a wannabe Puerto Rican. I'm an honorary member of the island. Are you Puerto Rican? I channel that sometimes to fight back. No, he's not. He's not.

Don't search this, Alexa. Don't search this. I's not. He's not. Don't search this, Alexa. Don't search this. I'm Irish. He's Irish. You are? I'm Colombian. My husband's Dominican and Spanish. So listen, it does get fiery at times in the sense of like, when I have finally lost it,

I'm like, let me tell you something. And he's like, who are you? Whoa. So I'm Mexican. I'm Mexican and Spanish. My mom's from Spain. My father you? Whoa. So I'm Mexican. I'm Mexican and Spanish. My mom's from Spain. My father's Mexican American. Sean is Irish.

He is Sean Patrick Duffy. And when I first met him, when I first met him, he didn't know how to fight and he, he lost all the fights because I knew how to fight and he did not. And then he was in Congress. And when he was in Congress, Alexa,

he did a lot of good work for Puerto Rico. And they made him an honorary citizen of Puerto Rico. And so he actually thinks he's Puerto Rican. And now over, you know, we've been married 23 years. And so he now has taken on a lot of my habits. And so sometimes, Alexa, I have to remind him when he tries, now he fights like I do like a Latin. And I have to say, there's only room for one Latina in this marriage. And I tell him back off. Okay. I literally, I talked about this in my book a little bit because I come from a crazy Colombian family. I was like, I cannot marry a Hispanic.

So like Carlos was literally everything on my no list. I was like, I cannot marry a Hispanic. So like Carlos was literally everything on my no list. I was like, no one in the industry, no singer, no actor, no one Hispanic for sure. No one who's short, literally Carlos is all of these things. And it's just so funny how God's like, yeah, these are the things that you need, Alexa. Like exactly what you needed. What a great lesson. such a great lesson, Alexa. And, you know, I meet so many young people that have a list of like criteria that men have to hit. And that's such a great, interesting thing. Well, I think, okay, for, for listeners, if you put your hands together and you line up your middle fingers, you, you get stuck. Your hands

don't, your hands don't like actually go in and fit, you, you get stuck. Your hands don't, your hands don't like actually go in and fit in between, in between one another. If you line up your middle fingers. But I think God was like, everybody tries to find somebody who's exactly like them, but that doesn't do anything for them. So I needed to find somebody who would fill in all of those gaps for me. And that's what Carlos, and that's what I was for him. Because when somebody fills in those gaps for you, they elevate you to Carlos, and that's what I was for him. Because when somebody fills in those gaps for you, they elevate you to the next level. Like I literally have a husband who lifts me up in everything I do and who I lift up and everything he does. And we fill in the gaps

when we fall short. And I think when you find somebody who is who you think it's exactly is exactly what you're looking for, and they line up perfectly with what you want. They're not filling any gaps in for you. They're just a person validating the feelings that you already have, as opposed to somebody who might, you know, elevate you a little bit question, you make you level up. And that's hard when somebody makes you level up, you don't always want that because you're just like, no, I like the way I do things. Yeah. That's the beauty of God, right? I mean, like God's design, it's the complementarity of the sexes. And actually, I listened to it because I'm grateful

because Rachel did not have a checklist to go off when she married me because I didn't make any of the check marks. I was in law school, pours all get out. And, you know, we got married and it turned out okay. But again, I think,

and Rachel has mentioned this, marry for love. I mean, find someone that compliments you, but marry for love. Don't, don't marry for, you know, some perceived perfection. And if you marry for love, which goes to your point, I mean, isn't that the point? Isn't that what we're here to do? That is the point. To love and find someone that wants to love you back and be in these great relationships and have a great family and raise great, faithful, good kids. That's the point of life, which is, again, why I love what you've done in this book. The book is called What If Love Is The Point? Living for Jesus in a Self-consumed world. I've never met two young people who, truthfully, Alexa and Carla,

so much wisdom for such a young age. I feel like I'm twice your age, and I think I'm almost twice your age. I'm not quite. But still, I'm older than you,, I feel very connected to you, but I think these are lessons that took me, you know, decades more to learn. And you are really blessed, both of you, with good hearts and wisdom beyond your years, and that you are willing to share that with a country that needs it now more than ever, a nation and families that need that more than ever, that you're focusing on the foundation, on the root, which is family. If people got their marriages right, then they would get their families right and we can get this country right. And that's where you're right over the target, Alexa and Carlos, you guys are right over the

target. And you are an amazing example to young people. Why, why people should consider getting married young, despite what the culture says, why people should marry for love and Christ and to build themselves up. What if love is the point living for Jesus in a self consumed world? You two are amazing. I can't thank you enough for joining us at our kitchen table. Know that our kitchen table is open to you and Carlos anytime you want to come back for a virtual or real cup of coffee and a real conversation because I feel real connection to you both. And I love what you're putting out in the world. You are a ray of light. And just thank you so

much. Thank you. No, you guys, thank you. This is a love fest. We've taken you too, probably too long, Alexa. And we are so grateful for, for again, as Rachel said, the light you put out and the message you're putting out into the world. It has been awesome to have you on our podcast and from the kitchen table. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you guys for having us. We'll talk soon. You got it. Take care. Bye. Well, that was so great to have them at our kitchen table, Sean. I think the conversation stands for itself. It is what it is. I know that our listeners are going to love getting this book and I certainly enjoyed getting to know them. So if you've enjoyed

the conversation, we did too. Let us know, subscribe, rate, review this podcast at foxnewspodcast.com or wherever you download podcasts. And we hope to see you around the kitchen table next week. Bye-bye. Listen to the all-new Brett Baer podcast featuring Common Ground. In-depth talks with lawmakers from opposite sides of the aisle, along with all your Brett Baer favorites like his all-star panel and much more. Available now at foxnewspodcasts.com or wherever you get your podcasts.