From the Kitchen Table: The Duffys - Midwestern Men: The Most Underappreciated Species In America

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

Rachel shares her theory with Sean about why men from the American Midwest are the ideal people to date, laying out the characteristics that make Midwesterners special and detailing the traits that every woman should look for in a man.  Later, they discuss why men and women should avoid superficial standards when choosing a spouse, and weigh in on the significance of gift-giving in a relationship. Follow Sean & Rachel on Twitter: @SeanDuffyWI & @RCamposDuffy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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slash rightsizesavings for full details. Hey, everyone. Welcome to From the Kitchen Table. I'm Sean Duffy, along with my co-host of the podcast, my partner in life, and my wife, Rachel Campos Duffy. It is great to be here today, Sean. I have to tell you, we have the best topic ever today. We do a lot of stuff on dating and finding your, you know, love and marriage. you know, love and marriage. But, you know, sometimes we need to get really specific because people want very specific advice so they can have success in love, because we've always said that is the most important thing to have. Well, you have given advice in prior podcasts. You've said, listen, don't look for love on dating apps. Look for love like you looked in the 80s, which is, you know, meeting people, going to a bar, having a cup of coffee, meeting friends of your friends.

80s, which is, you know, meeting people, going to a bar, having a cup of coffee, meeting friends of your friends. You can't avoid apps, but we're saying expand beyond the apps. Make sure that you're not just having this virtual relationship that you're having. You're attempting to meet people outside of apps and that you're also making sure that when you do meet people, whether it's on an app or off an app, that you keep that relationship going with real encounters, genuine, authentic encounters that aren't online. But let's get much more specific than that.

What kind of man are you looking for, right? How do you do it? Now, we've talked about how we believe you want to have the most in common with someone. This is not a space. I have not looked for a man. So I'm a little bit. But you're perfect because I'm actually you're actually my prototype here. And he feels really uncomfortable because the topic we're talking about is why what is the perfect man? And you look at America. America is a very

regional place. You know, there are very specific characteristics for people who are from the south or the northeast, people who are from the Southwest, people who are from, you know, the West Coast versus the Midwest. Now I chose a Midwest man and I give lots of dating advice and I've started to look at the different cultural values and characteristics of people. And I have decided, if you've ever heard of the term, you're sleeping on this or you're sleeping on that. It means you're not really like paying attention to what's what's really in front of you. And I believe that America's single women. And by the way, this applies to women who are trying to meet American men who maybe are from foreign countries, which, by the way, we're big in Ireland. We have a following in Ireland. There's a few other countries, but Ireland's one of them.

I think anything that says Duffy is big in Ireland. So we have listeners in Ireland. So if you're looking to meet American men, you have to get more specific. And I have done all kinds of looking at this and all kinds of studies, and we're going to get deep into this, but I believe that the most underappreciated species, if you will, of American men are Midwestern men. And part of the reason why Sean is super uncomfortable at this moment, because what Midwestern men are very unassuming. And so when I said we need to do a podcast on why Midwestern men are the kind of men that American single women need or foreign single women need to be looking for, Sean got really uncomfortable.

And that is a great sign because that's the kind of humility that you get out of Midwestern men. So if you had said, let's do a whole podcast on why Latino women are the best, I'd be like, oh yeah, let's do it. But you're not. You feel really uncomfortable right now.

Well, we're in a problem because the perfect man is a southerner or as an East Coaster. Yeah, we can kind of. Right. So I'm happy that you picked Midwestern. I did pick Midwestern. It's not just because I'm married to you, Sean. No, it is not just because I'm married to you.

There is something very specific. So first of all, let's just get the physical out of the way. OK, because the Midwestern man is sort of what you imagine as the all-American, they have the all-American good looks. I'm going to give you a list of some famous Midwestern men. You can kind of get the idea. Brad Pitt, Missouri. Missouri, that's part of the Midwest. So what is the Midwest? Okay, that's a great question. What states include the Midwest?

So I've looked at the map, and so I'm going to tell you what Wikipedia says is the Midwest. I've expanded that definition just a little because there's some adjacent states that still have some of those same qualities. And I want to include them because I want to maximize people's ability to look at, you know, the full pool of good all-American men. So Indiana, Ohio, Michigan. I wrote them all down. Hold on. Hold on. South Dakota, Illinois, Nebraska, Kansas. Let me go. Let me go through it really slowly so people can really hear. I think this is really important. Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin. Now, Sean, this is the map here. I have a picture here of the map. Where did I put it? Hold on. Where did my map go, Sean? Yeah, I actually...

Oh, here it is. It's right there. Oh, it's right here. Okay. So here's my map. So I've actually highlighted. It's high tech. It's high tech. I've highlighted. So here's what, that's the official list that you would get from Wikipedia. But I'm going to expand that map just a little because I've noticed men that have many of these same awesome, reliable qualities and good, all-American good looks. That would be Montana. I'm going to include Montana, Wyoming, parts of Idaho, and I'm going to include Western Pennsylvania. By that little bit of upstate New York, not a lot of that, but a little bit, but definitely, you know, those on right on Lake Erie, that kind of area that would work. And so those are the

characters. So can I go through my list of good looking men? Okay so I started with Brad Pitt Ashton Kutcher also attractive that sort of all American you know the quarterback football player kind of look that's you know he's from Iowa

Chris Pratt again his persona on movies he's from Minnesota now let's go to old Hollywood because you know I love old Hollywood. Clark Gable, Ohio. My favorite. And I think, you know, I think there's a little bit of him in you. And I think there's a reason why I'm attracted to you.

I grew up just in love with Paul Newman. And I think Sean has a little bit of Paul Newman in him. I'm actually going to pull up a picture of them side by side that I think they actually look similar in some ways. Maybe I'm imagining it, but I'm going to say you have a little Paul Newman in you. And I'm obsessed with Paul Newman. I think he's the most handsome, attractive, old Hollywood figure. And no surprise, he's from Ohio. Marlon Brando, Nebraska. James Dean. James Dean. Indiana. Indiana. So when you especially for those who are listening to us from from abroad, from foreign countries, when you think of that all American, you know, good looks that you see in movies, it's generally that Midwestern look.

Right. It's it's sort of, you know, part farmer, part cowboy. But what is it with the Midwesterner that you think is attractive? Okay. So first of all, let's look at, and it can be deceptive. Okay. So you have to be very careful because if you are a woman who's been on the dating scene, okay, and you have normalized dysfunction, dysfunctional relationships, chaos, being mistreated, all of those things, you might meet a Midwestern and actually believe that those traits seem boring. But actually, those traits are exactly the kind of traits you want for a reliable, great relationship and husband. And so let's, I'm not saying you're boring, Sean.

I am not saying you're boring. You have said I'm a little boring on occasion. It's a good boring. It's a good boring. It's a good boring. Here's what it is. First of all, Midwesterners, should we talk about some, so first of all, they're manly. Midwestern men are manly.

They generally, you know, in their garage, they have tools. They probably have a gun closet in there. They probably have their guns as well. They probably have a fishing license. They can fix things. So these are men that you can constantly- They may actually have a deer on their wall. There might be a deer on their wall, although I've banned that in my house.

I do have a cow horn thing in the cabin. I've allowed that, but that's a Southwestern Rachel thing. But yes, so there's like a competence, an ability to do manly things that I think we're losing touch with in this country. And so I think it's really, really attractive. They can change a tire, is that? They can change it. There is nothing better for a woman than a man who can change a tire. But do you remember when you were in Congress and you were driving through, I don't know where you were driving through, and you guys had a flat tire. And you had all these staffers with you from D.C. And they didn't know what to do.

We were on Highway 53 going to Superior, Wisconsin, get a flat tire. And I was like, and I think we had our suits on. It was, and we rushed in. No, no, no, not we. Sean crushed it. They stood around and filmed it. They couldn't believe that Sean could, in the middle of winter, change a tire. Can I tell you the biggest problem with changing a tire now?

And you posted it and it went viral. So the biggest problem now is not changing the tire. I can't get the tire off the car. Like these new systems with a, let's get a Suburban. The tire's up underneath. And I'm like, how do I get this damn tire out from under? Anyway. Do you remember when I was saying about boring?

That's what I'm talking about. Exactly. You got to put up with a little bit of that. But in exchange for that, you get... In exchange for that, we get reliable, steady, polite, unassuming. I think that was one of the things that when I first met you, I thought you were so so good looking but what i liked most about it was that you didn't know you were good looking so i thought that's a really good combination a really good looking strong fit manly guy who doesn't know that he's strong fit manly and good looking that's perfect um family oriented again

great work ethic god fearing i have analyzed this over 20 25 years almost 25 years married to a midwesterner um 20 some of those years living in the midwest so out you know sometimes you have a a better view of things when you're the from the outside in right so i can observe all these things and where i think these values come from so you you you're not a farmer. Your dad's not a farmer, but your grandfather was a farmer. And I think that so many Midwesterners have this sort of lumberjack farmer, these sort of people with common sense in if they aren't a dairy farmer or or whatever farmer. It's in their past. And those cultural values get passed on. Again, that's part of the family values part. And community.

You see Midwesterners are very community oriented. One of the most beautiful things that I experienced when I moved to the Midwest was, you know, when people still go, oh, you're new to the neighborhood. They've come over with cookies and pies or you're sick and they come over with soup and bread. Here's a hot dish. Here's a hot dish. Exactly. I learned what a hot dish was when I got to the Midwest. That's, that's a casserole. So people still have that sense of community because if you were in a farm, if you grew up on a farm and things went wrong, you depended not on the government,

you depended on your neighbors to help you out. You depended on your family members to help you out. There's still a lot of small towns, as we look at your definition of the Midwest. It started with a lot of small towns and small town values still matter. And people, not that they cling on to it. That's who they are. That's who they are. And I thought it was interesting a lot of a lot of the people you might meet these these unicorns that we're talking

about yes they they go to fairs um they might be out to breakfast with their parents or their they might be at church might be at church might be getting an ice cream car. And for the most part, they're... But I want to be clear. This is a very broad brush we're stroking. Yes. Obviously, there's probably some jerks in the Midwest. And there might be some really great guys in Texas. I think, you know, Wilkane might take issue with you saying that Texas is not the Midwest.

But it is. Wilkane, first of all, is a great guy. But there is something about Midwestern guys that is just different. And I think is for if you're looking for husband material, that's the way to go. We'll have more of this conversation after this. The housing crisis in the GTA has reached a critical point with more than two and three residents being affected. Reporting that almost nine million Canadians are living in food insecure households.

Over one million people in the GTA now live below the poverty line. We're just out today. Mental health support is the number one reason people are calling 211 for a... At United Way, we wake up to a different alarm every day. Help us end poverty and build a better GTA any way we can. Donate today at unitedwaygt.org. So I did Lumberjack shows, as many of you know, when I was growing up, and there's just a lot of young men who participate in these shows, and they're strong, and because, listen, the workout that you do to do the shows, it's like, it's a pretty grueling workout, and I know that, I didn't know that then, but now I've gone back and done it. I'm like, oh my God,

it's freaking exhausting. But when you came to meet me for the first time and you were like, do you work in the circus? What do you do? Well, so here's what happened. I knew that there was a lumberjack

that was on a season before me or a season after me. It was like two seasons after me. Three seasons after you. Two or three seasons. But I had never seen it. I hadn't seen your show. And I was talking to a producer friend of mine who lived in LA. And I said, I'm, I'm, I'm going to meet this. I I'm dating this. I'm, I'm, I'm dating Sean. I've been hanging out with him, but I've never actually seen

the lumberjack part of it. And this producer had actually seen it. And he said, and I thought, and he was trying to describe it. I couldn't really picture it, but I thought to myself, this is either going to make it make or break the relationship, right? Like I'm either going to think this is really awesome or it's going to be a huge turnoff, whatever this was. So I was at the Calgary Stampede, the greatest outdoor show on earth, doing this show. And I had just flown in from India because I had spent the summer in India. So I flew Rachel up to see me in Calgary after she got home from India and she'd never seen the Lumberjack show before. So I came off the plane and at the Calgary Stampede, as I came off, somebody lassoed me. Do you remember that?

and at the Calgary Stampede as I came off, somebody lassoed me. Do you remember that? That's how they greet you when you come in for the stampede. Yeah, you get lassoed. And somebody lassoed me as I came off the plane. Obviously, this was pre-9-11. So you could lasso people. You could lasso people without a TSA.

There was no TSA back then. That's how old we are. And so there was no TSA. I got off the plane. Somebody lassoed me. I see Sean. And then we immediately go to the fair because you have to do a show. Right. And oh, my God, this was like the sexiest thing ever. Like there's this, you know, I think at the fair, they're 60 foot, but you normally climb 90 foot. They climb up and down this thing with a rope around the tree and they fall down. I mean, it was just,

it was so incredibly masculine. I mean, it's, when you would imagine, it's lumberjack sports. It's masculine, but I hadn't seen it before. And thank God I liked it. Thank God you liked it.

But I thought what was interesting is then you went back to Hayward and you met a lot of my lumberjack friends and you were like, women are missing out across America because there are all these this is 25 years ago yeah handsome guys that are just like doing these shows and they've got their flannel shirts on and they're so i'm living in la work they do every day doing shows exactly i'm living in la where all these women are striking out with men meeting awful narcissistic men

who are trying to be on TV or just losers or whatever. A lot of them are, what do you call those guys that they live on the beach and they're not- Surf bums. Thank you. See how long ago it's been since I dated a surf bum. Dating surf bums and just like striking out. And I go up to Hayward, Wisconsin, and I meet all these gorgeous, trapping, strong, nice, unassuming, polite, awesome guys.

And I'm like, I go back to L.A., I'm like, I found out where they're at. They're all in Wisconsin. There's a honeypot there. There's a honeypot there. There's a honeypot there. And over the years, that has been my, it's a piece of advice that I've given to people. But I've really thought that this is worth talking about on the podcast because I think so many women are trying to meet the right guy.

And so let's talk a little bit about maybe you're originally, you're a woman and you're originally from the Midwest. So my recommendation to you in that case would be go back home and visit your, your family. If you're, you know, let's say, cause I meet a lot of women who are living in New York cause they have jobs in New York or Chicago or LA. Maybe you're originally from one of these parts. Then go back home and, and meet, Maybe you're originally from one of these parks. Then go back home and meet people in your hometown. Don't think you have to only meet people in New York City where you live or whatever big blue city you live in.

That's probably not going to be the best place to meet them. Or if you're on apps, I've talked to people, you can expand your sort of geographic area so that it's not just in the town you're living or the city you're living in. Expand it out. And don't be afraid to meet people who live in a different state who share the same values. Our relationship was long distance for a year and a half. A year and a half. And we didn't have cell phone.

We didn't have money. Money. It was such an effort to go see each other uh once a month we would do it but it was really it was really hard really hard but we talked all the time and we much harder on sean because he put in most of those bills still had no money um which is why i bought like a 1200 ring that broke when we got married spent it all on airfare before but but the point is that, you know, you can expand your operations. I mean, people are afraid to go long distance.

They go, I can't date someone long distance. Why not? So let's talk a little bit. And we can go back to the Midwest and kind of what people should look for. What are some of the nicer qualities that you're painting a broad brush over the Midwest? We'll talk about that. But let's go into the apps right now because a lot of people do it. And some people, because conservatism is a trigger word, right?

If you say I'm a conservative, well, you're MAGA, you're January 6th. You're a sectionist. So you can't actually put that out there into the- Into your profile. Right. And you and I were talking about this as we've learned more about the people who are dating online and we've gotten feedback. It's like, you have to be honest with who you are. You're burning, you're burning time. So if you're a Catholic, if you're a Christian, if you're a conservative, if you're from a small town, don't lie about who you are. I think that's the best way to find someone that's going to be the

right match for you. And there's so many people out there you can swipe through. Don't mess with people who are liberal. You're not going to get along. Or people who are atheists. You're not going to get along with them. So why waste your time? Why waste your swipes? Really focus yourself on who you are.

So my sister has a rule. I have a sister who's single and dating. So my sister has like a rule. I have a sister who's single and dating. And for the longest time, she's had a rule in the dating world, which I think, you know, if I was in the dating world, this would definitely be my rule. So no atheists, no vegans, no cyclists. I love the cyclist, Watson.

You do weed out a lot of people. But I do think you're hitting on something. They don't like men in lycra. So I'm sorry if you're on lycra. Rachel and her sister hate men in lycra. And by the way, I do not wear lycra. No, that's not very Midwestern. Midwesterners don't wear lycra. So you're already in good hands there.

They wear jeans and flannels and denim shirts. So I think we've talked about how important it is to have as much in common as possible. And when we talk about common and possible, we don't necessarily mean geographically in common, because you and I were geographically very different. I was from the Southwest and you were from the Midwest. But it turns out that some of those values really overlapped. And the values that I wanted in a husband were definitely part of that Midwestern values. And and so if you're Catholic and you know you want to marry a Catholic, then put that on your profile.

You're a Baptist. And you want to marry a Baptist. If you're if you're non-denominational and you don't care, then put Christian, you know. But you should be as specific as as you can. And you can get down to the nitty gritty. On the other hand, then people, for important stuff like values like the religion and politics, I do think you should have politics in common. Sean and I both agree that Democrats and Republicans should not get married, especially. We don't marry Matlin and James Carville. That may be an exception.

We don't understand how that works, but obviously it does. But I think that- Maybe there was an era where that could work, and they're old enough where maybe back in that era that could happen. But it's definitely not happening today. And that's why you shouldn't be afraid to put conservative. If somebody thinks by putting conservative or Republican down, worries you might be an insurrectionist or you might be a, you know. Supporter. Well, what's wrong with that? I'm the Santa supporter. Oh, good gravy. If you're not comfortable with that,

then you don't want to date them anyway. So that so that's it. But then they'll put no one under six feet like women will do that. They'll say they'll put their like they're in their profile of who they're looking for. They'll say they'll basically eliminate anyone who's who's not six feet or taller. Well, only 14 percent of the population of men in America are over six feet. So you've eliminated 85 percent of men in America. Someone who might be 5'10", 5'11", 5'11 and a half. You lose them. So don't do that. Don't don't don't put those things in there. So so definitely don't. And also by narrowing down, there's this thing called the paradox of choice, right? You ever gone to the grocery store, Sean, and you don't know what you want and you're

not there with a specific thing in mind, right? You just know you got to go grocery shopping, but you haven't made a list. It's happened to me where I just get overwhelmed. There's too many choices in cereal and I end up not buying any cereal or whatever. You know, it's too overwhelming. Too many choices can be paralyzing. And sometimes on dating apps, that's exactly what happens. There's so many choices and the next swipe might be better.

Here, you're going to limit who you're going to get access to because you're being very specific about who you are and what you want. who you're going to get access to because you're being very specific about who you are and what you want. Also, again, as you mentioned, don't be limited to your city. Don't be afraid to expand out and find out who might be a couple of states over and you might find love and long distance dating and find a way to make it work. But your geography shouldn't limit you as well. Yeah, definitely not. And again, my recommendation of this podcast, the whole purpose of this podcast is I believe that if you're looking for marriage material, you need to expand your geographic area to include parts of the Midwest. You definitely should be including that. And don't be afraid of long distance relationships. If people like Sean,

I could do it with no, we had no cell phone. No cell phone. We, there was email, but it was like dial up. Nobody really actually communicated. There was no FaceTime. There was no FaceTime. I mean, you used email to write a letter to like, you know, somebody like for business purposes. It was like, we didn't actually write. No, we didn't email each other.

We didn't text. We called each other long distance, which was really expensive. And we saved money to go see each other. So I don't think that... So let's talk about what people should look for. Because I think there's some telltale

signs of what's a good... And we're talking about men right now. And I look at my friends who I think are good. I've got some bad friends as well. But I do think good Midwestern men, just good men in general, they treat their mom and their sisters well. I agree. They treat them with respect. That's such a telltale sign.

They call their mom. They love their mom. They hug their mom. They might get her a present on Mother's Day. They might get her flowers. They treat their mom really well. She is the most important woman in their life, and they show that. A son with a bad relationship with their mom may be a sign of a husband that might not treat the wife as well.

I think that's a really fair. They treat their mom and their sister as well. So then if this is a long-distance relationship, how do you get to meet that person in their setting? I think that would be a really important thing to do to not just date individually, like find time to go out to dinner together. Find a way to actually meet that other person in their family environment so So you can actually see and observe how their family interacts. Because remember, you're marrying into eventually, which we hope all this dating leads to, you shouldn't just pray for a good man. Pray for a good man with a great family because that is going to make it so much easier to have a great relationship. So you want

to find that out pretty, I would say as early as you can. You want to see where someone comes from. And you can't really see where someone comes from unless you actually go there and you meet their family. You might go out to the high school football game. You might go to their local bar that all their friends are at. I like that.

I like that. You see the people in which they interact. And by the way, then you get to see how they interact with all of these people. And by the way, then you get to see how they interact with all of these people. And by the way. Or how other people interact with them. As a man, taking you to my hometown is stressful, right?

Yeah. I remember the first time. And being boring, as I guess I am. No, you know what he was? He was deceptive. And I'm going to tell you how he was deceptive. That's true. Because Sean took me to Wisconsin in August.

That was my first experience with, with Wisconsin was in August. I never experienced a Wisconsin winter until after I was married. So that was kind of tricky. Can I tell you about that? Yeah. But your trip in August, my trip in August. So I think you're, was your sister getting married? Your sister, Shannon? Is that why I came out? Maybe Shannon was getting married. Maybe. No, I think it was Shannon. I think Shannon was getting married. And then everyone, so everyone was in town. So Sean has, you know, 10 brothers and sisters. He's the 10th of 11. I got to meet everybody.

There is no more beautiful place in America than August. And Sean loves July the best in Wisconsin. I love August the best in Wisconsin. The water and the lakes are warm by then. You know, I don't like anything cold. So the water and the lakes are warm. We went after all the wedding stuff. It was a really simple, you know, nice wedding.

And then we went over to your parents' cabin where the whole family gathered and there was boating. And I'd never been, I'd never had lake life. Like now lake life is like part of my life, but I never had lake life until I became part of the Duffy family. And so to me, my only experience with lake life was in the movies on Golden Pond. You know, I was like, this is amazing, this beautiful lake and this old, you know, it was a wood cabin, old. Rustic log cabin. A rustic log cabin. I mean, my parents still have it.

It's beautiful. Yeah, built in 1910. There's million dollar places going up on the lake. They still have this old little log cabin. Beautiful. And it's beautiful. And so I got to experience that. And of course, I fell in love with this cute, quaint hometown of his.

Hayward, Wisconsin. Looks like it's right out of a 1950s movie with this, you know, old, you know, with the Main Street. Main Street. At that time, though, I think there were, there's maybe one stoplight at that. Now it's grown a bit. Yeah. Maybe one, maybe two a bit. Maybe one or two. Anyway,

it was an amazing... Four stoplights in town. Scrolling. It's getting so big. Bait shops and taxidermy, which I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what taxidermy was until I had Sean explain that to me. know what taxidermy was until I had Sean explain that to me. But there's taxidermy shops. And it's just the point is-

As you came to my house, you were able to go, okay, how does he interact with his parents? That's a lot of siblings to have to interact with. And it's craziness just in and of itself, but then to bring Rachel in, but you're able to see how the whole operation works. A little bit. What were you worried about? Well, obviously we're different than you in the way you were raised. And you might go, this family is bizarre. That's crazy.

There's all kinds of people and brothers and sisters. And a lot of people think that is way too much. No, I loved it. I thought it was amazing. In our house, what's interesting is, and I remember this even as a little kid, there's not one speaker at a time. Like everybody speaks all the time. And so there becomes this roar of noise.

And if you ever stop your conversation and just listen, when my family gets together, it's just all these conversations and it's chaotic. And some people might be like, this is. Except I was Hispanic. So we talk loud and we're talking in a friendly way. But to other people, it sounds like we're yelling and we're mad at each other, but we're not. It's like that, you know? So it didn't affect me at all. I thought it was amazing.

I thought it was... It did affect me. It affected me in a really positive way. I saw what family was. I realized that that was something that you had very deep in your blood and in who you were. And I do think it has a lot to do with where you're from. You know, especially in Wisconsin, you have so many people who came. First of all, the Irish came to Wisconsin. And so you're Irish Catholic, which we had obviously had that in common, which was, you know, the most important thing we had in common, truly, Catholic families. And, but there is something about coming from a culture that was originally, you know, that is

still based in farm. So what I've noticed, it is farm culture. So when, as I've come to the East Coast, and we had to come up from Fox at one point. I'll get back to Wisconsin, the place I love. But there's a lot more money here. There's a lot more stuff going on. There's a lot more travel that happens in a place like this. There's a lot more middle class, middle income. You know, people aren't flying off to Europe in the summer.

Yeah, regular people. I think there's a lot more regular people. There's a lot more wealthy the further out here you get. Yeah. Or the wealth is more exaggerated, right? And I just think there's a lot more- Some people travel as much. There's a lot more classism as well, both in the South and in the Northeast, for example. So I think it's a good point. Get to know the person's family, get to know their parents, get to know their friends and their siblings

and see how they all interact together. And you can then pick up a lot from this person, really good things. You're like, this is interesting. I like the way they behave in this environment. Or you could be like, whoa. This is not for me. And then when their friends tell you the stories

about them from high school, again, some will be good. Some will be bad. Some will be embarrassing. Right. But how bad were they? How how embarrassing were they? Also can be a good indicator as well. So what else?

What else should I like this that, you know, that you should try? So we're talking about expanding to include Midwestern states. You know, that you should try and so we're talking about expanding to include Midwestern states. If you're online and dating, if you're from the Midwest or have friends from the Midwest, definitely make sure that those people know that you're around, that you want to meet people. Because we always say that the best way is people who know the two people, bringing them together. It's always better than a machine or an algorithm, right? Because they know those two people intimately. I mean, if you're from the Midwest, go back home, visit your parents, go out to dinner, go to the bar, you know, the local bar, the local watering hole and get to know people

again. You might find that, you know, go back to the high school meeting. You might find that the guy that you weren't looking at back when you were senior is suddenly, you know, single and looking fine. Well, our daughter married the guy that she went to the sophomore homecoming with, and they didn't date after they went to the dance, but we have old, like, sophomore pictures

of the two of them together, and later on... They ended up getting married. After they graduated, they started dating and ended up getting married. I think what's also interesting here, too, Rachel, is you're not from the Midwest. You're from Arizona. Grew up in the military, traveled all over. And what I think is not just, this is not regional, this is personality and value-based, but you brought some spice and

liveliness to my boringness, which was a great offset. And so I think there was a match there, but at the heart of it, it didn't matter where we came from. We share these common values, these core principles. We had the same set of ideas of where we wanted our lives to go. We didn't know we wanted nine kids. We never said, hey, I want nine kids too. We just, we were Catholic and we're open to life. And that's taken. You weren't afraid of a big family. Obviously you came from 11. We're growing up. I had some sisters who had four kids and I was like, oh my God, I can't believe they have four kids. This is nutty. And here I've doubled plus all of them. And you came from double plus anyway. And again, now we have, when we have four kids

at home, like what this is, where is everybody? It's so lonely. It's so true. You know, the other thing, and I've talked to a lot of, a lot of women, young women and middle-aged women who are using the apps. And I think another thing, cause we talked about the choices, like when there's too many choices in your algorithm or whatever they do on those apps. The other thing is, I think a big mistake is to date too many people at the same time. So you have to, I think you should narrow down, you know, find that person that meets your, you know, value system and focus on that and do as much of it in person or by phone as you can, not texting. I think texting can lead to a lot of sort of false intimacy that's not really there.

And I think a lot of things happen via text that either get misinterpreted or, again, get too serious too fast. Things that you wouldn't say face-to-face with somebody you don't know that well, you might be more willing to do on text and it's just not natural. So I think focus on, you know, if you're, if it's easy to, when you're in this dating environment, the way it's set up right now with all the swiping and how easy it is to meet people, I think it's, I think find that person and start to focus on that one person. And then if that's not a good match, move on. So here's something else with Midwestern men. And I just, I've, as before we got married, before we met, I think people from different places, other men from different places

were very, they're much better, I would say, than at least my experience with Midwestern men. they're much better, I would say, than at least my experience with Midwestern men. If they're at a coffee shop and they see a woman they're attracted to, they would go up and strike up a conversation. They would see someone at the bar and they would go up and- Like a lot of confidence. Come up and have this great conversation and they're hitting on girls in a bar. I think Midwestern men aren't as good at that. They don't do it. They're a little more reserved. And so if you're in one of these places, in a coffee shop or in a bar, and you're like, that's an attractive person, but you might think that, why would they come and talk to me? Well, maybe they're just Midwestern. Maybe they're not wired that way. And maybe you can

actually find some way to strike up a conversation with them. Make it easy. I think that's, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you have that, you know, in you as a woman and you're interested in them, don't assume. You go talk to her. No, I can't know who you go talk to her. Right. You don't assume that because they're not coming to you, that doesn't mean that they're not interested in you.

They could just be, or aren't attracted right yeah i have they're a little too reserved to be like yeah i'm not gonna i'm not special i'm not gonna go make this right overture and i think also there are men from other regions um i think particularly in the northwest i'm in sorry the northeast and the south might be more inclined to grander gestures. Right. And so some women might, might go, well, that's how I know he really likes me. If you are dating a Midwestern, expect no grand gestures. Like it does. But that doesn't mean they don't like you or they're not into you.

It's just, they're not wired like that. And what you will get conversations about a marriage a little bit. Yeah. And I think I had that expectation. You know what? I don't. I don't. First of all, I'm not a jewelry person. I have. Like, let me tell you what I have on my.

I have. I have a diamond on a ring that was. This is the original diamond Sean gave me. But it's on a new ring because the original ring broke in half because we were so poor and we got married. I've heard that every podcast. Okay. I know. No, I'm not upset about it.

And then he bought me this ring from Tiffany's about five years ago. Four years ago. Four years ago. He finally had a little bit more money, and he said, I'm going to buy Rachel a ring. And he got me and it has seven little diamonds in it. I'm a couple short. And I tried to exchange it because I was like, I don't need it. I don't need this ring.

I don't want it. That one I said, hell. No, no. Well, can we backtrack? You got me diamond earrings once and i exchanged them for a rug for i said i'll take it back and for half this money i'll buy a new rug that i really am i'm eyeing and he said okay deal but then he got this ring and i felt like it was too much it was too expensive i was like i just i feel like it's just a waste. I'm going to return it. I happened to be out to dinner with your sister that night. We had a double date with her, your sister Peggy. And she said, Rachel, do not exchange that ring. You keep that ring. So I have that ring. And then

underneath this is a ring that my daughter gave me from Claire's that costs about $2. So that tells you how much I I'm into jewelry. I'm not into jewelry. I appreciate the ring you got me, Sean, only because it's from you. So I did. But I do think a lot of women sometimes put too much emphasis on grand gestures. I see so many women, even when they're engaged, caring so much about like, this is the ring I want. Or they have like Pinterest pages full of rings they like. And it's like, it's a flipping ring. Who cares? The marriage isn't based on a ring. I mean, I just, I don't, I don't, it doesn't make sense to me, but, but, but don't expect these grand

gestures. It doesn't mean that that Midwestern guy doesn't like you or isn't into you or doesn't love you. So the gesture might, might not be grand, but they do make gestures. And I think it's important to show someone that you love them and make gestures. Do we talk about what a Midwestern gesture looks like? I don't know. I don't know how that's going to go. What is a Midwestern gesture? Well, you think it.

I'll tell you. Well, you know what? Somebody who will drive out when I'm, you know, let's say my car breaks down in the middle of the road, on the side of the road, and it's snowing, and they get out, and not all men even know how to do it, by the way. Another gesture, you make me coffee every now and then. I would say pretty often, you make me coffee almost every morning. Every morning? Yeah. No, man, every morning. Well, today I made, well, no, you made this cup, but I made my first cup.

But you do, you make me feel, there are small gestures that show that someone really cares about you and you have to find what those are. So our lives are busy, just with kids. With no jobs, life is busy with kids, but then you put jobs on top of it. And I do a very good job of making gestures to find time for us to spend together. That's true. And whether it's time. If it was up to me, we'd have no time because I'm always trying to do stuff. Right. So whether it's, we're going to get away together. Yeah. Or we're going to get away together in a staycation home for like an hour and a half.

That's like, we break an hour and a half away. I think about those things because I want you to know that, and it's important for me, and I think it's important for you that we actually spend time together without the kids and the craziness. And that's important for a marriage. So small, that's not grand at all. But it's so important. But it's an gesture that goes, I love you. It's more important to me than, I'd rather you go, I'm going to carve out time in my day every day to have coffee with my wife, you know, in the library, in your office room where we sometimes have coffee or on the porch or whatever, than get a, you know, a ring.

You can get, anybody can buy your ring. And it doesn't mean that they're making time for you. We'll have more of this conversation after this. So I think that's that that's a really what are the what are some other midwestern gestures um listen i again these are not grand i think they're they're very simple maybe boring they'll go out for ice cream maybe they're gonna go to the coffee shop for a cup of coffee or they're gonna go to dinner or they're going to go to dinner, or they're going to go for a fish fry. They will go outside and wipe all the snow and ice off your car and start it for you before you leave. You bought me a car warmer, too, a way to start the car.

We'll start when they – that was not every car. They're on every car now. But back in the day, when you got it for me, that was not common. It was not common. And he knew I hated being cold, and I lived in the day, when you got it for me, that was not common. It was not common. And he knew I hated being cold and I lived in the Midwest. I think there are just gestures of love that, again, if you're always looking for the grand gesture, if you're always looking for the over-the-top gesture that shows love, I think you're missing the point. Does someone make gestures to me to show me that they love me or care about me and want

to spend time with me and maybe even understand some things that I like. Maybe not that grand, but things that you might like that I recognize that I do for you that are small. And I think you make a really good point. It's like, I want the big ring and I need the big wedding. I need all the, so a surprise vacation to wherever. I think that's not realistic in life. And I think that undermines all the small things that someone can

do for you. So watch out for the small things. But it's regional. Maybe if you're married to a Northeastern guy and showy is a way that they show love, then great. But my point is, if you're looking for a Midwestern guy who has all these other qualities that I think personally are the qualities that you would want in a husband. I really think they are just wildly underestimated. I think Midwestern men and their values and their manliness and their sort of, you know, willingness to, I mean, there's a defined role, male role that they take on that I personally really appreciate. Do you consider yourself like, so we've mentioned lumberjack sports, which I travel around the country doing. There's a number of competitions every year, but I also then would do exhibitions.

And so you see a lot of places, and especially on a Saturday and a Sunday when I'd be gone doing these shows. And again, this probably happens in the Bible Belt, but I would notice that in the Midwest, on Sunday, if you drive by churches, the church parking lot is full. People go to church. There are still faith-based communities. That's still a big part of who they are and who their community is. And again, that doesn't mean you practice what you hear on Sunday in your life, but oftentimes it does. It's a really good sign.

And do they go to church? By the way, if you're in Wisconsin and you go to church and it happens to be on a Sunday that there's a Packer game, everyone's wearing a Packer jersey in church. That was for me a little bit of a cultural awakening for me. What you'll find is four o'clock mass on Saturday is way busier than Sunday mass because they all went on they all went on saturday because they want to be home for the game on sunday um yeah that's that's definitely one thing i'm gonna tell you the sexiest thing sean ever did for me that was when

we we were traveling we were robbed somebody stole um somebody we were traveling. We were traveling with Congressman Sensenbrenner. Somebody stole his briefcase and ran out. And I screamed. And Sean was somewhere. He was just it was not there when it happened, but saw it. And he bolted after the guy, chased him down the street. And then he pulled his jacket off off i was able to grab his jacket but he slipped out of his jacket so i was stuck with a jacket and he got away but his wallet was in the jacket so we kind of scored and we turned it over to the to the front desk where we were at and they're like yeah this guy is please don't go do anything he's just uh we were really surprised this was i don't know how many years ago this was but but we were really surprised that nothing was going to happen. And now we live in a country where nothing, things that we don't recognize, you know, the way our country was 15 years ago, 10 years ago, eight years ago. We don't even recognize so many things that are happening in our country.

And it feels like we're in a really critical juncture in the history of America that we don't really know what the future will hold because it has never been more divisive. It is the economy, the sort of the tearing apart of the fabric of society. And in the midst of all that, I can't think of a more important thing than to find your person, to find, you know, if you're going to go through this crazy crap that's going on in our country right now, you might as well do it. You ought to do it with someone that you love. It's going to make whatever these turbulent times that we're going through.

But I know I feel safer going through whatever is in front of us. And I don't know what that is. I feel like we're on the verge of something. I don't know what it is. But I feel like we're in the midst of something crazy. We're on the verge of something. I don't know what it is. But I feel like we're in the midst of something crazy.

And knowing that I have someone steady, reliable, somebody with common sense. Thinking about what's around the corner. Somebody who's always thinking about the zombie apocalypse that's about to happen. Somebody. No, I'm sorry. He does. He buys things. Every day I see a few other things coming from Amazon that Sean preparing.

We're going to do what we've done a few shows on this. We're going to do more on that, on preparing for the craziness. But you know what? I'm glad. I think some of your steel. I know. You know, women, Amazon comes to the door and you think something cool is coming. And it's like flint and steel. That's what it's like to be married to a Midwesterner. There's bullets in my house, a lot of bullets in my house. All over. But that's a man who's preparing for his family, to protect his family. And I think that alone should give all of you ladies who are out there looking for loves

and for someone to care and protect you no matter what happens in the world, that should give you incentive to go out and prioritize your love life. Not just prioritize your love life, but be strategic about it. Really think hard about what you want in a husband and understand that this country is very regional and there are very distinct qualities that men from each of these different regions have. I personally think the best, most hardy, wholesome, manly, best looking with all the right values come from the Midwest. You may have a different opinion.

I've laid out my case for Midwestern men, why I think they're the most underappreciated species in America, why every woman who's, you know, lonely and looking for love in New York to LA should be including the Midwest in their profile or making sure they meet, somehow meet men from the Midwest. I've laid out my case, but whatever it is, find your person, prioritize your love life, because this unknown future that we're looking into is going to be better with a partner. To that point, don't, try not to date a beta male. You want someone who actually, when times get tough, that actually- That's why we said no vegans, no atheists. Again, you hear a noise downstairs, your husband's going to get out of bed and go down and figure out what's going on. Hopefully they're going to

grab their gun and go downstairs and figure out what's going on. Hopefully, they're going to grab their gun and go downstairs and figure out what's going on. They may not have all the skills to take care of everything, but they want to have the skills. They want to take care. That's right. If you're a male, then you see no gender role in, right? He's not a man's man. I don't think the long run is going to make you happy. So get a man.

Get a real man. You mentioned something really important. So you look out to the world right now and it seems chaotic. Yeah. There's no stability. Things are changing very quickly. And to process it and understand it is almost impossible. They're moving it so fast.

You mean the news cycle, everything happening, the changes of we're going to transition kids and we're going to not put bad people in jail and we're going to let them out and we're going to open the border, conservatives and not liberals and open the border. This all this is happening. And so you need stability in your life. And if you can't, you can't change the world, you can't change your country, but you can change your personal life by finding a good partner to live it with. And so you have to look in, you have to circle those wagons and get the things that are most important to you right, which is who you're going to date, who you're going to marry, and who you're going to build a family with. So that's key. And can I just make one

other point on, I'm going to make one other point on- By the way, that's super Midwestern. Can I make that point? It is. I was like, can I make this point? She's like, stop asking. Keep on, TV. Because my sister will call me and go, why does Sean always ask if he can make a point? I'm like, he's from Wisconsin. They do that.

They ask before they can add something. So 9-11 just happened. And I dropped the kids off at school. And I was driving home and I was listening to the Fox and Friends coverage. And every year, they replay one of the clips of that day as they took it live. And I had this slow-burning anger as I was listening to the coverage and what happened that day. And it used to be exclusively for what the terrorists did to this country and to those families. On the bottom line, we had a woman who lost her husband, Tom, on the towers, worked for Cantor Fitzgerald.

The whole office got wiped out. And how they're fighting for justice to—they were actually going after Saudi Arabia, who they would argue and evidence would point to help plan and facilitate the attack. That hasn't been borne out, but that's the allegation that's been made. Seems credible to me. But I was more angry. If you remember back in 9-11, there were some crazy, not liberals, leftists that were blaming America first. It was America's fault that you're attacked. It's America's foreign policy why you're attacked. So they found every reason why we should

blame America for what, 19 hijackers flying three planes into American buildings and one luckily crashing before it went into the Capitol or the White House. That was an anomaly back in 2001. You look around today and the hate America, blame America first cancer that was so small back in 2001 has expanded into every aspect of our lives, whether it's the corporate boardrooms and C-suites of businesses, academia, media, government, military. They all hate America. How far we've come, it makes me so mad that people don't love us anymore. As I went through one of the small towns on the way to our house, they had the fire department out with a big American flag

and lining the streets. They still had, this is by the way, New Jersey, so a little more Republican area, but flags lining the whole streetway made me feel a little better. But we have to get this love of country back. Respect for what our forefathers did. And Joey Jones oftentimes will talk about the men and women who've sacrificed. And he said, be an American. Be an American who was worth sacrificing for. Be an American who it was worth someone giving their life for.

Yeah, I love when he makes that point. I think it's such a great point. I can't quote Joey Jones on anything, but I can quote him on that. And he's always right. It's like, be a good American. People sacrifice their lives or lost their legs for your freedom, for the things that you enjoy. Yeah. This area, by the way, where we live in New Jersey right now, it's hard to find somebody who wasn't affected directly by someone they knew or someone they knew knew somebody who died that day or was there in New York City

when it happened and just how traumatic it was. And you and I have so many colleagues at Fox that were working that day. And boy, I mean, it is traumatizing when they talk about it. It's just like it just happened. I think that, obviously, the terrorists are responsible for what happened. But my whole idea of who we are as a country is evolving a lot over the last few years. I do think we need less entanglements abroad. I do think we ought to,

my love for country is such that I want our country to be better. I want our government to be more honest. I want our intelligence agencies to tell us the truth about everything. We got off on all this stuff. Outward, but look inward in your life and think about what you value and what you're going to value in your mate. And then don't be afraid to put that out there. You'll never get it if you're not willing to say, this is what I want. And then if you're doing social media apps, put that out there because you'll find the right person for you. Be specific. So you're saying be specific. If you're a woman, you're going to find a lot of conservative guys. The problem is guys,

if they put their conservative bona fides out there, there's a lot less women who are conservative, potentially. That could be a problem for them. But again, I think it's important still to be honest about who you are. And by the way, don't be afraid to go approach one of those Midwestern men. Just say hi. You don't have to go on a date. You don't have to have a relationship. You don't have to get married.

You know what I would like to see? You don't have to go on a date. You don't have to have a relationship. You don't have to get married. You know what I would like to see? I hope that this podcast spawns a lot of single girl trips to the Midwest. Yes. Maybe we'll go to Lumberjack Show.

The Lumberjack. Okay, so let's talk about really quick before we go. Where would be some good events to go to? So the Lumberjack World Championships, which is the last weekend in July, normally is a great event to go to to meet men. The Great Alaska Lumberjack Show and Catch a Can of Alaska, a lot of good guys up there. Hayward, Wisconsin, you'll find them. They travel out all over. So you're saying Lumberjack, find those Lumberjack shows. That might be, you know, Lumberjack athletes would be a good one. There's still a few that will not fit this criteria that we've laid out. There's still some burly old ones that are a little gray. Hopefully, if you go to one of those. But maybe go hunt. A lot of women are getting guns. A lot of women who never had guns

five years ago have now taken hunting class or taken gun safety classes. So why don't you, instead of going to the spa, which I highly recommend, by the way, with your friends, I don't think that's a bad idea, or going to the beach in Miami, another great idea. with your friends. I don't think that's a bad idea. Or going to the beach in Miami, another great idea. But maybe this year, you guys do a hunting trip in a town somewhere, and then at night, y'all go to bars and meet Midwestern guys.

I mean, I think that would be really a great girls trip. Swiping through the apps to find a guy. Maybe swipe through websites for guide services and find some young, good-looking guy that's going to take you and your girlfriends out hunting and then at night take you out to meet all of his friends. I don't know. Maybe. Listen, I'm feeling it. I'm full of ideas. We're full of ideas. Find a way to find a Midwestern man. Give it a try. I think you're going to have success. She liked it so far.

I did. Well, we're going on 29 kids, 25 years. Pretty, pretty good. I told, and by the way, a lot of those women in LA that were single that I said, hey, I found the honeypot. It's in Wisconsin. A lot of them didn't take my advice and they're still single. So there you go.

Listen, thanks for joining us on this really fun podcast that's called Land 11 Dating and Midwestern Men. Find your, wait a minute, find your Brad Pitt, your Chris Pratt, your Paul Newman. Your James Dean. Your James Dean, all from the Midwest. I just, when I found that list, Sean, I just was like, this is what I'm talking about. Love it. But thanks for joining us.

If you like our podcast, you can rate, review, subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. We'd ask you, please, to subscribe. You get a notice every time our podcast drops, which is Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Always foxnewspodcast.com is where you can always find us as well. Until tomorrow, right? Yeah. Until tomorrow. We'll see you later.

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