From the Kitchen Table: The Duffys - Q & A With The Duffys: The Greatest Thing To Happen To Our Family

Episode Date: August 26, 2023

Sean and Rachel sit down to share their reaction to the much talked about mugshot of former President Donald Trump, and their thoughts on how the prosecution of the former President in Georgia will impact the 2024 race.   Later, they answer listener questions, explain how the birth of their daughter Valentina changed their family for the better, and talk about the proper way to approach disagreements in a relationship.   Follow Sean and Rachel on Twitter: @SeanDuffyWI & @RCamposDuffy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hey everyone, welcome to From the Kitchen Table. I'm Sean Duffy, along with my co-host of the podcast, my partner in life, and my wife, Rachel Campos Duffy.

Sean, it's that time of the week. It's Q&A and we have some great questions. Of course, we're going to start off with the biggest news of the week, which was not just a debate, but Donald Trump getting a mugshot yesterday in Fulton County, Georgia. No, he did. And I gotta tell you what, I wasn't sure what he would do. Is he going to, is he going to have a smile, a smirk? I see his picture. And so he's, he has a, he has a has a he's he's scowling his his uh his eyebrows are coming closer together he's leaning the front of his head down putting his chin down to the picture i think it was a brilliant photo that was taken it shows the disgust and anger that he has he just um he hasn't been on twitter for he Can I just say, you should think about that he thought about it.

You know, some people get their mug shot and they smile or they look sad or you look at that photo and he looks angry. The picture says everything. And it's interesting because he has light on the left side of his face and the right side of his face is shaded. That gives it just a little more depth and and adds to the anger of the moment. His hair is shiny, by the way, in the shot. And it's real. It's real and it's shiny. Listen, this is this is terrible. A former president being booked for the fourth time.

And he he actually went on Twitter. He on Twitter. So he was suspended from Twitter. Elon Musk bought it, brought him back last October. And he has his own platform, Truth Social. And so he doesn't post on Twitter, now known as X. But he did today. And he said, it's the mugshot and says, election interference never surrender. DonaldJTrump.com. And I think it's smart because he has millions of followers on Twitter. That's where the conversation is at more than true social. And he is reaching the people to go, listen, let's call this for what it is. Joe Biden is trying to jail me, his lead opponent.

That's what's happening here. Well, and the democrats are trying to pick the republican nominee for president listen i you know there's a lot of discussion i have i have a group i have a great group chat with some republican women that um you know we send each other articles and all kinds of interesting information and we have debates and conversations via text on this chain and i would say everybody is this is this is made with the exception of one one of the ladies. All of the ladies are now 100 percent behind Donald Trump. And they come from a diverse background. They're not all just, you know, born and raised in Wisconsin. I have some that are, you know, from Latin America, but are part of this group. Some that are, you know, from Latin America, but are part of this group. These are people, especially I would say those of us who understand Latin America.

We've seen this before. You know, Chavez, Hugo Chavez, put his opponent in jail. Nicolas Maduro, who followed Chavez in Venezuela, put his in jail, by the way, for inciting a violent protest, which should sound familiar to Americans now, which would sound like a ridiculous charge to Americans. But now it's just, you know, another another week in American politics. So this is serious stuff. I guess they're going to challenge us to vote for Donald Trump from from jail Sean? So first off, the world understands what's happening, right? You can try to package this into, yes, we don't like Donald Trump as Democrats. And I know the world loves us Democrats because we're globalists and we want to give you all money that America can't afford. And so we too hate Donald Trump. We didn't like the America

first strategy because they're not Americans, though most Americans did like the strategy. America first strategy because they're not Americans. Those most Americans did like the strategy. Even though the leaders around the world may not like Donald Trump, they recognize this for what it is. It's a third world authoritarian move to jail your opponent. That's what it is. Can I say that one of the things that Sean has been,

and I want you to lay this out because I don't think anyone's talking about this, Sean, other than you. And it makes complete sense to me. And that is what are so everyone's looking at the politics of this situation. But what are the financial globe, the global financial implications of our system looking like this? So just real quick, $32 trillion in debt. No one has had that much debt in the world ever, but the United States. You can sell that much debt into the world when people trust you, when they believe in your rule of law, they'll buy your debt.

But this prosecution, we're talking about it in the sense of politics, but if you look at it financially, I think this causes a lot of countries and businesses and rich individuals around the world who buy our debt to question the trustworthiness and the rule of law in America. And if they choose to sell their debt and look for a different secure asset, they sell U.S. debt. All of a sudden, you have skyrocketing interest rates because you've got to pay more to get people to buy your bonds. And one of two things happens. Yes, rates go up or the Fed prints more money and buys our own debt, which gives you more inflation. Either way, this is a disaster for the American economy. It could, I mean, you- You think over the next six months, we'll start to see some movement. We could kick into a Great Depression. We could kick in,

and it's not just the US. This could be, this has global economic consequences. So, and again, I think all of these liberals out there, they're not fundamentally understanding what's happening and the consequences of what they're doing. They've been taught by CNN and MSNBC to hate Donald Trump, but they're not thinking about how it's going to impact their lives, their ability to buy food and have a job and fend for and feed their families. As the United States is going, I think they're having some big G20 summit coming up. The BRICS, China, Brazil, India, Russia on the global financial market has never been in more jeopardy. And this indictment, this mugshot, this just mockery of our system, it just is fueling this. So China, they steal our technology, right? So they manufacture technology more in China than the US. They manufacture ships and planes and cars. They're a manufacturing base.

The politics involving the military as well is real in China. The last straw they have to break is the global reliance on the US currency. And that's why they're trying to partner with others. You mentioned the BRICS, including India and Brazil. They want to dethrone the dollar. And that's their mission. And Joe Biden's helping them do it. Exactly. We're helping them do it by having the world lose trust, as you said, in the American system, the American rule of law. OK, so before I move on to have some really great questions here, some of them relationship questions. But before we move on to that, any last thoughts on the debate? Not the debate. I'm going to one last thing about Donald Trump.

And it is amazing what his family is going through right now. His children, his wife, even his team. I mean, you're looking at Rudy Giuliani, Mark Meadows and others. They've all been prosecuted. So the Donald Trump team understands it's not just Donald Trump that the Democrats will go after them as well. And criminalizing legal advice. I mean, now you're interfering.

What lawyer in America wants to represent Donald Trump? I mean, that's one of the things that was great about you talk about our system is everyone gets to get representation. But if you think that representing Donald Trump means you're going to go to jail, you're not going to be able to get the best advice if you're Donald Trump. world. We give ax murderers, child molesters. I was a prosecutor. We do believe that everyone's entitled to great representation. And we want to find someone guilty, not based on the fact that they didn't have a lawyer, but because they had a good lawyer and they're actually guilty. This is a new step to go, you know what? Donald Trump is not entitled to legal representation because anyone who chooses to represent him, we're going to blackball their firm. We're going to shun their firm. We're going to put pressure on their firm. We might disbar people in their firm for representing Donald Trump. So many lawyers don't want to step in

and be part of his defense team for that alone. And so, yeah, this is all a new frontier. But again, Donald Trump is making sure everyone understands why it's happening. Yeah, he's doing a good job with this communication. It's for all of you. You're right. It's a it's a very good job. This is election interference. And by the way, expressing skepticism about election results, if you are a Trump supporter, is now illegal in the United States. What I meant to say is how I'm amazed at the man. I really am. He is so chipper.

He's in such a good mood. He doesn't look like a good mood in that mugshot. He doesn't. But if you if you see him around, he is and he is in high spirits. He's thriving on this fight for America. And I think, again, a lot of people wouldn't do it that way. But he is a remarkable man, missiondriven to save this country that he loves. I love the pictures of him hugging the American flag. I was in Milwaukee with him right after he was elected. I was a U.S. congressman.

He came out, and he was talking about the Christmas trees that were there because he was elected, but Christmas, he hadn't been sworn in yet. Christmas trees and the American flag and how much he loves both Christmas and America. And I'm like, isn't it great to have a guy in the White House who actually says Christmas and loves Christmas and respects our flag? And that's part of the offense. Well, now he's now he just got a bug shot. That's what you get for that.

Yeah, it's a really weird week. It's a really sad week. But I think the communication out of that team is very good. It's simple. It's to the point. And I think in the in the wake of this debate, I think it's been a good week for Donald Trump. Well, listen, it's a horrible week. It's a horrible week for him. But in terms of what the stakes are, it's a good week for Donald Trump in that it's very clear with what's happened to him, what happened at the debate, he's the

only guy standing. You mentioned his comms team, and he does have a good comms team, but most of the great comms, he is the comms team, which is why it's so authentic. No one else is writing the stuff. We'll have more of this conversation after this. I'm Ben Domenech, Fox News contributor, editor-at-large of The Spectator,

and editor of the Transom.com daily newsletter. I'm inviting you to join in-depth conversations every week on the Ben Domenech podcast. Listen and follow now at foxnewspodcast.com. All right. Let's go topic two. What do we got in there? This one's really sweet. It said, what's it like to have a child with Down syndrome?

Which is a great question. It's a very good question. So let me first explain. What is Down syndrome? So Down syndrome is a genetic variation in the cell division that produces an extra full or partial chromosomes of chromosome 21. So that's sort of like the technical of what it is. of 20, uh, chromosome 21. So that's sort of like the technical of what it is. When I was around, I think I was around five or six weeks, six months pregnant. Um, I had got a call so they can now figure out through a blood test or every pregnant woman gets a blood test and they look at that

blood test and then they kind of look at your age and they have this probability. Um, and it came out like 99% probability that our, you know, last child or ninth child was going to have down syndrome. Other people have what's called amniocentesis. I'm not a big fan of amniocentesis because it has some potential danger to the fetus. It's a more accurate way of getting a reading of what's going on with the

fetus, but it's, it's, it's also more dangerous to the fetus. And it wouldn't be dispositive. It doesn't matter. We're going to have the baby. Yeah, for us, it didn't matter. Like, why do I need to know 100%? Because no matter what, I'm going to keep my baby, of course.

So we knew she was going to have that. We also knew in utero that she was going to have a heart defect. She had two holes in her heart and some of the chambers were malformed. So we knew that within the first six months of her life, she was going to have to have a surgery on her heart, open heart surgery on her heart. So that's sort of like was probably the toughest part. Anticipating that, the stress around the surgery, and frankly, caring for her for the first few weeks after the surgery when she came home and she was so fragile was a little bit scary. There was a lot involved. Yeah. So she had a surgery on a Monday morning. We actually didn't

want to stay over anywhere because we wanted to be clean in our house. So we had to drive from Wausau. It was at the start of the pandemic. Yeah. we had to drive down to Chicago. And we left early in the morning to drive to the hospital to bring her in. And I remember they had her on a little bed, a big bed, like for adults in the hospital. They'd roll around. She's tiny. Yeah, she's tiny. She was small already, but she was six months old. Yeah.

And when they came in and got her, they didn't roll on the bed. We were hugging her. And they grabbed her out of our arms and they carried her into surgery, which I thought, you know, it's the human touch of those moments. And for me, that was one of the hardest things to give your child over to go into surgery. Hand your baby over to a man in scrubs who's going to open her chest up and do surgery on her tiny heart, which by the way, your heart, they said, was smaller than the size of an earbud case. You know, it's tiny. How they fix them. But the problem is, so here's the deal with Down syndrome. It was scary.

I'm open to it because I was like, listen, people who have Down syndrome children, they love them. They say they're great. Can I tell the moment when I told you that? syndrome children they love them they say they're can i tell the moment when i told you that that the connected so the doctor called me gave me the news said it's 99 sure i was pretty you know stressed out about that i was dealing with some other family issues at that time so then i got this news they were like make sure you're sitting down when they gave me the news they kind of it was a little bit dramatic so like i kind of was a little bit you know i'm pregnant and i'm worried emotional emotional i call up sean i go sean are you sitting down yes i got some news to tell you all right shoot and i tell him that our baby's going to have down syndrome. And he's like, is that it?

Is that it? I'm like, yeah. He's like, honey, this is great. Everybody we know that has kids with down syndrome says it's the best thing that ever happened to their family. And boy, like your attitude in that moment, like every bit of fear. That's one of the reasons I really love you, Sean. I appreciate that.

Every bit of fear just dropped out of my body. And what you said turned out to be true. It was the best thing that ever happened in this family. But make no mistake, it is scary because we've never had a child with Down syndrome. No, we hadn't. But you know what? We actually started talking to people with kids again. We'd heard stories.

We started talking. We knew people. Your colleague. Kathy McMorris-Rogers. Kathy McMorris-Rogers. I know her reallygers know really well now the chairman of the energy committee yep she was uh uh from oregon right or washington oregon washington state and her son cool we had gotten to know over the years and our kids loved him they we did events together with them anyway um we were in the end we're excited and we And we had this beautiful baby. And now she's

almost four years old. She's going to be four at the end of September. And she is happy, a little sassy. The most lovable when I come home, Skippy loves me. That's our dog. Skippy like comes and greets me all the time at the door. And so does Valentina. They both. Yeah, those are guaranteed greets at the door. Everyone else. Not so sure. both, yeah, those are guaranteed greets at the door. Everyone else. Not so sure. They're like, yeah,

yeah. Dad's home. They come, I get a hug, skipping jumps on me. Valentina gives me a hug, but a happy little girl. She goes to,

she goes to, a number of kids went to preschool. She goes to preschool for services and there is a great preschool program. And she, she's the joy, loves it. Yeah. The school bus. She loves it. the school bus she loves so the bus

comes to our house so i've say there's a lot of things i don't like about new jersey the services they have for special needs we've been really super impressed with so there is a bus that comes to our house boy do i pay in taxes for that yeah we definitely got our money's worth with our taxes on that so that so a bus comes when school's in session a bus comes picks her up from the door um not the door but just down the street um picks her up she gets on the bus the first day is the only day she cried um and by the way i think i cried more than she did when i put her on the bus and she didn't want to go but sure enough that was the last time um that she ever cried.

She loves going to school. She gets on the bus. She goes to school. While she's at school, she's in a classroom with other children who have, you know, typical children. So she's integrated. She is, by the way, I will note the only child they've had with Down syndrome in the school district in 10 years. they've had with Down syndrome in this school district in 10 years. Now, that is a sign of what that's a sign of. They're exterminating this class of people, that is because so many people

we now know that around over 90 percent of diagnoses with Down syndrome and in abortion. And so there aren't very many of them. And the this area, for whatever reason, has a lot of abortion because it doesn't statistically make sense that they wouldn't have one in 10 years. So but anyway, she's there. She's super loved. They call her at school, the mayor, because she is so friendly and she is talks to everybody. One of the things that you'll notice, you know, the question, like, what is it like to have a child with Down syndrome? A child with Down syndrome has no prejudice. They see everybody the same. And even as I've gotten to know many people with Downs as adults, they maintain that non-prejudice about people. They see everybody the same. They love everybody. They're super affectionate. That is one of the things that's so lovely about children with Down's.

They're very affectionate. And she loves music. So we had a movie on last night with my parents. We were sitting watching a movie with my parents and the other kids. And for some reason, this movie had a lot of soundtrack, like music in the background. And so basically we had two movies we were watching because she was in front of, you know, in front of the coffee table looking at the, but dancing the whole time as we watched

the movie because she loves music and she loves to dance and she has great rhythm. Just real quick. So we go to church. She'll want to walk up and down the aisles and say hi to everyone in different pews. Or if we go to the restaurants. Restaurants. She'll go to other tables.

She walks up, says hi. I brought the kids to open skating and I had them all. You weren't there. And so I had, you know, the little kids. Go ice skating. Ice skating, right. And she was with me. I had to go tighten the skates.

We go in. I'm tightening skates. I don't have 10 hands. I only have two of them. They want to get out on the rink. And so I've got to tighten skates and i have to set her down and she starts walking up and down the rink people are in like a circle talking adult she walks in the middle hi and then she'll hug them like who is this so great there was like a 15 year old

she's not even four little boy is walking with a 15 year old so he's kind of in that awkward 15 but he's got his hockey bag and he's walking out of the rink and she's walking towards him he's walking towards her and she stops and looks up and is like hi and he just walks right by her but like she will stop and greet and love everybody and that's the to your point they make life better um and they make the world better and you start to see you you start to see the world through their eyes. And I wonder all the time if that's what their purpose. It's like this is the way we should be seeing the world. And, you know, we always talk about the value of walking in other people's shoes. Right. The fact that we are exterminating 90, but we're exerting an entire class of people through genetic testing and

abortion and really depriving the world of the opportunity to see the world, perhaps in the way we are meant to see the world through the eyes of Valentina. When you're around someone with down syndrome and I, and again, we could say this firsthand through our experience with Valentina, blood pressure goes down. syndrome. And again, we could say this firsthand through our experience with Valentina. Blood pressure goes down. The world just makes a lot more sense. The worries of the world go away. She has this ability to just make you be in that moment with her in a way that I would say typical children can sometimes do, but don't do as consistently as a child with Down. It is something very different that they bring.

And boy, is it sad that we're eliminating them. So related, we did a story last night on the bottom line. In the UK, the birth rate has fallen. And in the US, the birth rate is falling. People are not having kids or they're having fewer kids over the course of their lifetime. falling. People are not having kids or they're having fewer kids over the course of their lifetime. And there was an Oxford professor who was talking about what a great thing it was that in the industrialized world, we're having more babies. And we had this conversation with Douglas Murray, who was great. But joy in life is having kids, whether it's a down syndrome child,

whether it's other children. It's a great life joy. And the fact that we have a culture that's selling people on the fact that they shouldn't have kids or if you have a Downs child, you should abort them is outrageous. And the point that this professor at Oxford was making is basically the human race and the white human race, the industrialized white human race is the problem. And is that what this this british professor was saying oxford was saying yes and oh he was basically saying it's we're having a lower birth rate in the industrialized world in the western world and that's a good thing that's a good thing yeah um because we're the problem for global warming like we're everyone's a racist i guess and we're we're polluters. And Douglas Murray was like, the human race is not the problem. The human race is the point. It's the point.

I'm like, yes, Douglas, that is right. It is the point. So your mom is here right now. Your mom is from Spain. My mom and dad live, I live with them this summer. And they speak Spanish. So now when she says yes, she'll say C. Yeah. It's way easier to say yeah steven yes c do you want this c c um but i will say that the the the achievements come slower but they're also sweeter and there's a lot more celebration around each little milestone

and and by the way can i say the impact on our kids our kids first of all valentina is the family favorite like she's the one thing everyone's crazy family agrees on everyone loves her the most she's the first one everything i was just out in la with our son who by the way just got engaged and we're super excited about it and you know i go and see him and his his uh fiance and the first thing they say is how's Valentina. Um, but everybody I ran into, if I ran into Dana Perino, how's Valentina, uh, everybody wants to know how Valentina is doing. Everyone loves her. Our children are much more patient. Uh, they are, um, I, I just think, and they also are more aware of other people. I noticed that when we are in other, you know, public settings, they notice other people with special needs or disabilities. They sort of notice them.

And I just think that's a wonderful thing that you as a child scan the room and you notice who those people are. They deserve to be seen as much as anyone else. And they see them. They're not afraid of them. They will often go up and talk to them and engage with them. They have Valentina has made the world a better place. Her purpose. I have no question about what her purpose in life is. And again, that's why I'm passionate about talking about downs. I use my platform on Fox and Friends to talk about as much as I can, because I do know there's a use my platform on Fox and Friends to talk about it as much as I can, because I do know there's a lot of moms out there and I get it. There's a lot of fear around it. There's a lot of really awful doctors and genetic testing stuff that happens that puts

fear in women. So if you are a mom out there, if your daughter is pregnant and has this diagnosis, if somebody in your family, your friendship, your friend group has this diagnosis, I really hope you will have them listen to this podcast. I am telling you, it will be, it will be the best thing that ever happened to your family. No doubt. A hundred percent. Okay. So here's a really interesting question. What is the right way? Well, you know what? Actually, I'm going to ask this other question first, because this one's interesting, but this one's kind of related. This first question is related to what we just talked about, which is what is it like? You talk about intergenerational living. Why do you like

intergenerational living? So throughout the year, we have, you know, different periods of time, a couple months here, a few months there throughout the year where my parents live with us. I know lots of people in my life whose parents live with them or near them. Sean, your family, I love they don't live. Your parents don't live with your but they live down the street from your brothers and sisters in your little hometown up in Northern Wisconsin. And they meet almost every day for coffee. They go to mass together. They meet after mass. So let's talk a little bit about what are the joys and some of the challenges of intergenerational living. So first off, I just think with my own

family back in Wisconsin, yeah, they don't all live together, but they're all by each other. And again, they have coffee together. They have dinner together. They're in communication. They'll see each other at the grocery store. What's the upside of that? Well, listen, I think to stay connected to your family, to stay connected to the place from which you come. And you can do that by real property, homes, or you do it by the relationships that you have. They're meaningful. And they bring better joy to our life. I think it's important for kids to know their grandparents. And so often, you know, just a couple day, you know, stop in at the grandparents' house. Well, Thanksgiving once a year.

When you live a thousand miles apart is different than actually having a relationship and building a relationship with um with grandparents and there's this tie into history um in the family story that's shared and passed on that you don't get just if you're there for a few days it takes time it takes time like any relationship for those stories to come out, for those bonds to be built. I think having my parents here, for example, I mean, there's some adjustments. And I think it's really good for kids to learn to adjust to different, you know, personalities and and generations in a house. And we learned so much from them and they learned from us. I think they're better off.

I mean, our family's pretty chaotic, but I think it keeps them younger. I noticed that. I feel like they're a little younger, a little peppier when they're with us than when they go back to their condo in Arizona where they're probably surrounded by a lot of other people who are similar in age to them. When it gets a sub 100 degrees, they go back,

right? And it's actually hot out there, but you know what? They give us good ideas as well. Yeah. We learn from them. Yeah. They, they, they see what we do and they offer advice and change things up. And oftentimes that's for the better. Sometimes we're like, no, no, no, we're going to go back to the old way. But oftentimes it's really good advice and we're open to it. And again, obviously we're older, older parents and we're on number nine, but they still have good advice. So if you have an outside observer that you love and trust to watch what you're doing

and try to change it up a little bit can be a really good positive thing. I think the best part are the dinners. Preparing dinners together, sitting around having dinner together as a family. I think there's nothing more beautiful. There's nothing more meaningful. And I think there's nothing our kids will take away more from these periods of time. And I think they're really blessed. They have other cousins who do spend

quite a bit of time with my parents, but not the kind of extended time. And I think my kids are blessed for that. Just one quick thing. Your mom, Pili, you said she was a great cook when she, when you were younger and I haven't seen like, she's an amazing cook, but she makes simple things that are delicious. I'm like, I'm not going to let her leave. I'm going to keep her because she's such a great cook. You tell her that all the time. She just loves when you say that. And your dad, your dad is my dad. My mom makes great rice. Their Spanish rice is just, there's nothing like it. The tortilla de patata or the- She makes tortilla de patata and she makes Sean's favorite, which are croquetas de jamon. Oh, the croquetas are so good. Yeah.

I never had those until my wedding. My father's a good cook. He's also a good little baker. He makes chocolate cake whenever anybody has a birthday around here. So that opportunity, if you have the opportunity to have parents come and stay with you for a while, or if you get just a little lengthier period of time to be together, I think that's really healthy and helpful. And one thing also, and this has been, I think part of our plan at one point, my parents are probably going to, at some point have to live with us. I do not want to put them in a home.

And so the more time that they, the more extended periods of time that they spend with us, I think the less shocking and the less sort of difficult that transition will be. I think a lot for a lot of people who live in their home by themselves, that that next step can be very difficult. No doubt about that. Yes. So I think the more time they spend, the more natural that next phase of life will be. And I'm looking forward to it. We'll have more of this conversation after this. Last question. What is the right way to fight in a relationship?

So I'm going to start with the wrong way. And the number one, if you talk to counselors, therapists, the biggest ding ding that they have when people come in to see them because they're about to get divorced or they're having a lot of marital problems is that there are people that come in who don't fight. That is a bad sign. That is a bad sign. If you are not fighting at all, if you never fight with your spouse or your boyfriend or your girlfriend, that is not a good sign. Yeah. You're not winning the gold medal on that one because everyone has disagreements. Of course. That means you're stuffing them down. You date someone or you live with someone, you're going to have disagreements with that person. Any healthy relationship has disagreements.

And so you're right. You have to, and we'll put it in quotes, fight or disagree or argue about the things that happen in your life together. So what's the right way to do it, Sean? We've learned over the ages. We have. I say ages, years. It's a moving target. What's the right way to do it? We've learned over the ages. We have. Listen. I say ages, years. It's a moving target.

Sometimes we're better in some fights and worse in others. But I think. We have figured out a little bit of a system to it. Yeah. And so there are certain things that we know about each other that we share. Obviously, we're married that are off limits in fights. Right. There's something that you'll tell me that I'm like,

that's not to be used in a, in a, in a fight that you can't bring the fight about the fight, right? Don't bring up other stuff. Don't pile on. Don't try to, because what will happen is if I do that to you or you do it to me, then the other one gets really mad because it's not about the fight. And then now you're digging at them and like, don't, don't dig at them. Yeah. Fight about what the fight is about. I think it's important to listen. Right. And, and so if that's hard for me, it is hard for harder for you. So if, if you want to come at me just because I'm listening to you, doesn't mean I'm agreeing with you, but I have enough respect for you that I'm going to listen to what you want to tell me. And I'll try to understand where you're coming from, though I might disagree with it. I'll try to go, is she crazy? But by listening,

then I want to respond and go, this is my perspective, my point of view. But when you listen and then communicate and communicate and listen, you can get to a resolution. But if you say one thing that I disagree with and I'm like, no, that's not right. And I'm going to, well, you can't, you can't get out of them. You can't get out of the mud, um, out of the moment. Um, and it's respect, right? It's respect for the other person to go. You're, you're ticked off. You, I have enough. I love you enough. I respect you enough. I'm going to listen to you. And again, don't take this the wrong way. I'm not agreeing, but I'm going to listen. And then I want you to listen to me as well. And that's the

fastest way to get yourself into a place of resolution. So I also think that when you're fighting, it's really important. And this has taken time for me to understand. We all bring in, by the way, the way our parents fight the way things are done in each other's family into um the relationship and so each each partner or each couple i should say has to figure out what they're what they're bringing into the fights from their own patterning in the past that's not healthy and what they're bringing in that is healthy so that's something that that takes time to figure out because a lot of times you do things in a fight. Just that you saw.

I'm sorry? You just, you do things that you saw in your own home. Yeah, you do things you saw or heard and you don't even realize that you're doing it. And so it does take a lot of introspection. And by the way, that is the whole point of marriage. It's called, in Catholic terms, we call it sanctification. It means you're doing a lot of introspection so you can become a better person. And a lot of that comes out in a fight. So a lot of times we are fighting based on patterning and we have to work out what are we doing that we don't even know we're doing that's hurting the purpose of this fight, which is resolution. And that's the point I was going to get to understanding when you're in the fight,

And that's the point I was going to get to understanding when you're in the fight, that the fight is not about who's right. The fight is about finding a resolution to this situation you're in. And it's really hard to do that because all of us like to be right or all of us think that we're in the right situation. But every fight requires a hero, because in order to find that resolution, I may have to put my sword. I may think I'm right about something, a certain aspect of the fight, and I may have to put my sword down on that one in order to get to the higher goal, which is maybe something else. And so it requires a lot of self-discipline. It requires a lot of introspection. It requires a lot of introspection. It requires a lot of humility, humility. You know, in Catholic theology, they say the core sin, the number one sort of the center of all sin is pride. And so it is really hard to be humble in a fight. I'll tell you, for Sean and I specifically,

I'll tell you, for Sean and I specifically, what has been hard is I have a Latin temper. And he generally has a much more sort of even keeled Midwestern, although he is an Irish grudge holder. Let's put that out there. Let's put that out there. I didn't need your thanks. Definitely put that out there. That's been a problem. I do not hold grudges. I yell yell i get it out and i get over it um sean is a little more um i'm puerto rican and and well now here's the problem so sean has sean in congress worked a lot with the puerto ricans and they

loved him so much because he loves that island so much. And he has done so much good for that island that they made him an honorary citizen of Puerto Rico. And so sometimes in our fights, Sean thinks he's Puerto Rican. And I have told him many times, there's only room for one Latina in this marriage and in this fight, not two. And so he's taken on. That's another interesting point. You have taken on some of my bad, some of my bad stuff. And I he's taken on, that's another interesting point. You have taken on some of my bad, some of my bad stuff and I have to take on more of your good stuff. So, but I also think it's important. It's a very good point. Um, but I think you also have to, at some point you can get in the heat of it. Try not to say things that are beyond the fight that are really hurtful

because the jugular, that's not good. Yeah. Doing that stuff will, will never bring you to resolution no matter how bad you are. And you made a good point. It's being disciplined in your fight. And frankly, talking about some of the rules on how you fight when you're having a good time, when you're actually maybe sitting having a cup of coffee together, when you talk about, yeah, and you're getting along, have some rules and talk about how you should engage in the future. And if someone, if someone violated a rule to go, listen, I mean, you're sitting, you should engage in the future. And if someone violated a rule, they go, listen, you had me on the ground and you're punching, I'm saying metaphorically, punching me in this argument.

You grabbed my jugular. Come on, dude, don't do that. We have to stick on the fight. You can go back and have a good conversation. Go back and when you're in a good space, go back and talk about what happened during that fight. What didn't go well. Because again, the understanding of how you do it is really important. and you're in a good space, go back and talk about what happened during that five-minute while it didn't.

Because again, the understanding of how you do it is really important. But I also think you might not come to a resolution on who is wrong. And you're right. Sometimes you have to put your sword down. But there are times when someone is making their... If you're making the point to me and I'm listening, I can go, yeah, listen, I, I, I see what she's saying. I don't, she doesn't see it the same way I see it, but I get it. And maybe I was wrong. Maybe I, maybe I wasn't doing the right thing, or maybe I was offended by something that

I shouldn't have been offended by because something else was happening and it's okay to go, okay, listen, all right, I'm sorry. Right. And you do a really good job of then letting it go. Like, don't hold onto the fight. If I'm giving you an apology and I recognize, Hey, I was not, um, I wasn't cool. Right. Then you're like, all right. And you let it go. You don't hold onto it in the middle of the fight. If I, if I see, say something, if I did something and I'm like, all right, we may be arguing. I think I'm, I shouldn't be sorry for something. And I hear your point of view and we might be arguing about it. And then I'm like, all right, okay, I get that. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, I didn't say it like that. I'm sorry that I did that. You will go. All right. I appreciate that. And it kind of brings the temperature down, but it took years for us to get there.

And so I guess that's the advice that i would give people is to understand one you want to set rules for how you argue later on when you're not heated you want to go back over what happened in the argument to go this went well this didn't go well but what you will see is if if you're doing this right over time you get better you get better at at sort of noticing these knowing where the triggers are avoiding these minds not avoiding the fight because it's important to talk about what's bothering you i we talk all the time and we argue a lot about things and but i would say early in our marriage and i've said this to young couples all the time, our first year of marriage was horrible. It was the worst.

It was the worst. Everything went up from there. But part of it was we didn't know how to fight. And the fights became, from little things, they became massive fights. And now I think we're able to know where, you know, the fights just don't get as big as they used to get. Right. You're right. Cause we've got, we've gotten better at it, but, but also, um, if we're fighting or arguing about something and all of a sudden, again, if, if, if I'm, if I'm wrong and you're right, and then I'm like, I'm wrong and I'm right. And now you said something or did

something. Now I'm going to make the fight about what you just did, not the original point of the fight, what you did in the fight, in the fight that, and we're in a fight about what you did in the fight. All of a sudden, no, you hate that. Stop that. We're not going to, we're not going to do that. Don't try to jujitsu me. Jujitsu me. Let's keep this on what the fight is about and what you did wrong. Right. It's true. I have turned fights into, into fighting about the fight is about and what you did wrong. Right. It's true. I have turned fights into fighting about the fight instead of the original person. Which goes back to the original thing I said, which is the fighting

is a good sign that you're getting things out, that you're working through problems, but it has to be with resolution in mind. Like that you have a problem and you're trying to get to the resolution. Because if not, what will end up happening is you will keep fighting the same fight over and over and over again. So there has to be a resolution about how we're going to resolve this so we don't keep having the same fight.

But what will happen to people who don't fight also is that they never resolve it. It builds up. And then they get. It's explosive. Right. It is. So I guess as I think about this, the two takeaways that I would have is you have to listen.

So shut up and listen to what the person is. And by the way, you also want to have some equal time. One person should not dominate the conversation. They should go back and forth. You listen and then you respond. And then you have the respect of the other person listening to you. That's the best way. Cause then you're communicating and actually hearing you do this to me all the time. You're like, listen to me, stop trying to think

about how you're going to respond. Cause I can see I'm talking, here's what happens. I'm talking, I'm he's, I'm telling him my point of view and I can see on his face that he's formulating his answer. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Don't think about your answer. Just like, don't control me. Yeah. Don't control me. But don't formulate your answer. Really listen to what I'm saying. And then think about it. Take a, take a beat there and think about it and then respond. So that's, that's key. And the other key advice is when it's over and you're back in good spaces, sit and talk about what went well and what went poorly. And that in your own relationship, you can then divvy up kind of rules,

create rules around how you're going to do it and do it better in the future. And you can't do that in the fight. You have to do it in a time of peace and love. But it'll make you better in those bad times. And those bad times will not be as bad because there's guardrails. There are definitely has to be some guardrails.

There that's absolutely, there has to be some guardrails and just really trust that the longer you're in this relationship, the longer you're married, hopefully the better you're, I think our, I think our fighting has become more productive, right?

Like there are conclusions. There are our goals that are met at the end of it. That doesn't mean they don't get, sometimes they can get vicious because I can be, I'm a Latina and I can be mean. And there's no question about that. But, but, and by the way, I do think the yin and yang of this has been good. I think if you were truly Puerto Rican, I'm not sure this would work with us. You're just Puerto Rican sometimes. Just sometimes. Puerto Rican, I'm not sure this would work with us. You're just Puerto Rican sometimes. Just sometimes.

Usually I'm pretty amicable. I think I'm right. And then I'm like, all right, whatever. I'm like five. And I'll let stuff go. And once in a while, I have to. If something is. If I have been seeding, seeding. Once in a while I'll be like, bull.

I'm going to, I'll stand up and I'll like, I will not put my sword down. I'm like, I'm not going down on the. No, no the no no i know when there are very he doesn't he there's not a lot of things that really he puts a stake in but when he puts i'm not letting it when he puts the stake down i know like it doesn't no amount of latina arguing is going to change this so but but i like that there's just a few things it's not a lot he generally lets me do my thing doesn't micromanage me not too much not too no he doesn't micromanage me at all but there's certain things and it's good it's good you know it's it it creates respect there are some boundaries

that i know i can't cross with sean and i think that's a good thing and by the way if you're dating these are good skill sets as you date to learn yourself on what the best ways are to do it. Because the bad habits you get in your dating life will carry over into bad habits for your marriage. And so get in the habit of doing things the right way, right away, and you'll be better off in your marriage. And by the way, you might marry someone who is really bad at it. And you're going to have to be the instructor. You're going to have to be the leader of the marriage. You're going to have to be the salvation of the marriage and how you do it because you're developing the skills through dating to get you to marriage to make sure you can do this effectively.

But my feeling, Sean, is that, and this is, of course, just based on our own experience, that marriage, the fighting in marriage is just not the same as dating yeah it's true it's just different there's a whole other set of of things that go on and i think the the but also there's a beauty about it too the permanency of marriage if you're really thinking of marriage and and sean and i really and this is a really important point this is actually the most important point and this is why marriage is so beautiful if if you've entered marriage as like just like a ceremony that you did and if it doesn't work out i'll get i'll get divorced and whatever i mean sean and i entered marriage it's a sacrament and it was a commitment and a promise that we didn't just make to each other. We did it with a third person there.

And that was God. And so for us, there's no way out like the movie. Right. No way out. And so it changes the nature. Because if if I know I'm going to be with Sean forever, then the way I fight through this is got to be it changes the nature of the fight because you can't get away i can't i i better resolve this because we're going to be together forever this isn't like a i got to win this fight or else i'm out of here you know what i mean there

are there this isn't like a deal breaker fight this is like we got to work this out because we got 50 more years honey right you know um so. So that is why I think marriage fights, especially if you enter marriage in the right and proper and spiritual way, sacramental way, as we say it in Catholicism, it changes the nature of the fight. And it's just not the same as when you're dating. So the end consequences, you will probably fight less and you'll fight better. And the fights will be shorter if you implement some of these plans. So good, good advice, really good advice and really important for marriage. Successful marriages need to do this well and they have to do it and they have to do it right. So we have to go in just a moment because I'm going to tell you a little embarrassing story. So you know I speed climb, right? And at Fox and Friends last summer,

Rick Reichmuth came to Lumberjack Hall. He's our weatherman at Fox and Friends. And we had a couple of young bucks climbing. So what they did is, let me explain. Fox and Friends came to the Lumberjack World Championships and Sean was basically our correspondent on the ground showing everybody at Fox and Friends back in New York and across with all of our viewers. Log rolling, chopping, sawing.

One of them is speed climbers. We had some young speed climbers. Sean is a three-time world champion speed climber. That's what he was doing when I met him. I was young and in shape. And I've done it a million times. So anyway, these two young guys are there climbing. I'm going to join them in this.

It was a tease for the next segment where we're going to come back to lumberjack bowl. These guys are going up the tree. I'm a little older, slower than I used to be. They're beating me, but I'm like, you know what? Gravity works because so it's a race up and down the pole.

So you got to race up and then it's like free fall back down. So they beat me up and I'm like, I'm going to come down really fast. And I did like I've normally done. Like what you've always done. That's how you do it. When you hit the pad, my right arm went up in the air like it's done a million times.

And I got, once it came back down, I'm like, oh my, I was in so much pain, I must wipe it out. And you thankfully went to break. I couldn't, like after this, we were done. We went to have dinner, a lunch. I could barely eat. Couldn't get my hand up to my mouth. Couldn't brush my teeth. Anyway, shoulders was just better, but not great. So I went and got

an x-ray about two, three months ago and I broke my shoulder. Well, what happened is no, no, no. He had an appointment a few days later to go see a doctor. His brother got him in, in the town where he's at in Hayward got an appointment but his his shoulder was starting to feel a little bit better and it was a beautiful day and he wanted to go um on the lake because it was a gorgeous day and so he didn't go to the doctor he canceled the appointment and didn't go and what a mistake that was because they could have fixed it without they could have fixed it like introscopically or whatever they call that um but he didn't do that and so basically for the last year he's been running around with a broken

shoulder he didn't know it he's been working out he's been doing all kinds of stuff water skiing doing all kinds of things better and so i got went in like so finally it didn't get better and we talked to who do we talk to of course nicole Sapphire. Right. And she said, Sean, Dr. Nicole Sapphire said, you need to go see the doctor, Sean. And so she recommended a doctor for him to go in. They looked at him. They did an x-ray. And turns out that for the last year, he's been walking around with a broken shoulder. So today, we're actually late right now.

This is the way we roll. I'm going to do shoulder surgery. I've never been cut. Never, never been. Never had a surgery way we roll i'm going i'm going to do shoulder surgery um i've never been cut never never never had a surgery like that i'm going in there let's take a four-hour surgery to they gotta like grab something back on their bone so sean's been a little bit nervous about this and he told his producers that you know i i you know this is friday i'm having the surgery i i think i should be okay on Monday, but I don't know like if I can go into work or not just trying to, I'm going to try, but, and I started laughing like I had, I've given birth. And by the way, the last one was the only one that I had a C-section

and I did Fox and friends like four days later after having a C-section and a baby and nursing, you're going to work on Monday. I'm good. i plan on going to work on monday but i'm not gonna be in a sling i know but it just kind of cracked me up how like precious you think you are i'm gonna go in on monday to work and people like what you're gonna go to work on monday take a day or two i'm like listen i don't want to take a day off for a broken shoulder i would like for you to stay home and hang out and i'll nurse you but i just want you to know what you're going through with your shoulder is nothing compared to childbirth and a C-section. I just want to make that very clear.

See, this is the sympathy I'm going to get today as I go to the surgery. I'll be a nice nurse, but my sympathy is going to be a little tempered by the fact that, you know, I had a baby. You had a baby. I had nine. You had nine babies. All right. So we're going to go do surgery right now. Be limp and gimp. But listen, great podcast. I enjoyed it from Down syndrome to how to fight on how to fight Donald Trump. Great picture. The best the best you could make it and a little bit of surgery. So listen, everyone, thank you for joining us on our podcast. If you like this podcast, you can rate, review, subscribe wherever you get your podcast. You can get us at foxnewspodcast.com always.

Please subscribe. You get a notice every time our podcast drops Wednesday, Thursday and Q&A on Friday, which is today. And until next time, when I have a little B-R, I'm going to sling. I tell the kids a lot, like, do you know I have surgery today? And they're like, shut up, Dad. We know you have surgery.

Keep talking about it. They can't get away from it. It's a family joke. They're like, do you know I have surgery today? And they're like, shut up, Dad. We know you have surgery. Keep talking about it. They can't get away from it. So now it's a family joke. They're like, yes, Dad, your shoulder hurt. Yes, Dad. Yes, Dad, you broke your surgery. Yeah, whatever. Wah, wah, wah.

All right, everybody. Listen, thanks for joining us. Have a great weekend, and we'll see you next week. Bye, everybody. Bye. Listen ad-free with a Fox News Podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts. And Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the biggest newsmakers. And of course, what you think.