From the Kitchen Table: The Duffys - Q & A With The Duffys: What Do Women Really Want?

Episode Date: July 15, 2023

What do women really want in a significant other? Rachel answers this age-old question as she lists the top qualities women want in a man. She emphasizes how society has mistakenly programmed women to not want to depend on men, but in truth, men and women are complimentary to others' livelihoods. Plus, Sean provides insight into how men can best showcase and improve these qualities in themselves to be a man that women search for. Follow Sean and Rachel on Twitter: @SeanDuffyWI & @RCamposDuffy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating kitchen table i'm sean duffy along with my calls for the podcast my partner in life and my wife rachel campos duffy so good to be back, Sean, and talking about, I think, some of the most important

things in life. Yes. Like the most important thing in life. Like for men and women, this is the number one issue that we all have to be concerned about, which is what do women want? So a couple weeks ago, we did what do men really want? And our listeners really, really loved that episode. It was our number one episode for several months. And so people really wanted to hear what do men really want? So we thought we'd follow up with what do women really want? And the list is a little bit different. It's like women, very tricky.

It's a tricky list, like the ladies in our lives. But listen, I think this It's a tricky list, like the ladies in our lives. But listen, it's it. But I think this is really important, again, because men and women oftentimes want different but also then similar things. And so I think to break them down and especially for men to know what is you know, what does someone who I'm dating or my future wife, what are they going to want from me? But also this helps women kind of think through, actually, what do I want in a man? Yeah.

It's a really important question. By the way, it reminds me of when Sean and I will get in a fight sometimes and I'll say, why didn't you do blah, blah, blah? And he'll say, do you want to marry yourself? That's right, Rachel. I am not you. I am not you. Do you want to marry yourself? And this list, Rachel. I am not you. I am not you. Do you want to marry yourself?

And this list is proof that we should not want to marry ourselves. The sexes are complimentary. We are. And this is the age old male. Different but complimentary. The age old male female fight of when there's a problem and that Rachel has a problem. I try to solve the problem and she doesn't want the problem solved. She just wants someone to.

I want both. I want you to listen to me about the problem and she doesn't want the problem solved. She just wants someone to, I want both. I want you to listen to me about the problem. And then I want you to help me fix the problem. Hold me in my problem. Let me wallow in my, and then, okay, later.

Now you can fix it. We just go right into fixing, fixing problems. So this is a, this is a great list of actually what do women want? And I want you to explain. I really thought through this a lot about it's not just based on what i what i think it's sort of an amalgamation of what i because

you know i've talked to a lot of young women about love and marriage and finding you know prioritizing their love life and so i get a lot of feedback from other women and so this is sort of like distilling a compilation of compilation and we've read so i've distilled it down to eight things and this is in the order of what rachel views yeah i did prioritize that yes you took this in the right prioritization of the way rachel campbell stuffy sees the importance of things in relationships of what women want and we're going to start it off with issue number one you You can explain this to us. Okay. The first issue or the first thing that women want, the first thing that women want, right. I'm, I'm thinking of you as issues. Women want to be physically attracted to the, uh, to the man in their life.

And by the way, this goes both ways, right? Women want to be attracted to the man in their life. And by the way, this goes both ways, right? Women want to be attracted to the man that they're going to be with. And they also want the man that they're with to be attracted to them. So I think chemistry matters. And this is a little tricky, Sean, because chemistry doesn't always happen right away. And that's one of the things we talked about

in our episode about dating and finding love. And how do you, by the way, probably our most popular episode that we've ever done is the whole dating date, like the 80s. But physical attraction, chemistry is super important in a relationship, but it doesn't always hit you like in the face, the minute you see that person. It can, and that's great, but it might not, it might be a chemistry that sort of is a slow simmer and, and it happens, but it is important. And it's not just important in the dating process. You know, my mom never gave me a lot of love advice. I give my daughters a lot of love advice. My mother never did, but she only said one thing to me. She said, make sure that whoever you marry is very good looking to you, because that will make it easier to forgive them, which has turned out to be very good advice. Probably the best advice my mother ever gave me. away. But, you know, and then what does that chemistry look like? Strong. You know, you want

someone who's strong for me. I like someone who's strong. I was very attracted to the fact that you were very athletic for me. That's attractive. Masculine. Those are traits that I liked. And so I'm going to ask you a question about this, because I think what's important is the example of that couple that were just friends, right? And they didn't have this physical attraction. They weren't attracted to each other. Obviously, they didn't think the person was ugly, but they're just friends. They don't have some like bowled over like, oh my God, this person is so beautiful and

I want to be with them. But as their friendship grows, as the relationship grows, all of a sudden they start to see them in a more attractive, attractive light. So it's the attraction cannot just be physical, right? Right. There's more, there's, but, but let's, but we're going to, we're going to talk about Sean and number two, we'll talk about some of these emotionally, these things that are emotionally attractive, but first and foremost, there has to be a physical attraction and that that has to exist and i and it needs to go both ways and i think women also like women like to feel attractive and so they want to make sure that they're with a guy that also finds them

attractive now i think one of the things that you know i think is probably not great for a marriage is if you're not attracted, you just feel like, then you can just be best friends. But that's not what a relationship of marriage is. I mean, let's be quite honest. There's a physical component. You need to be attracted to your spouse. You need to have a spouse who cares that they are attractive to you. So they take care of themselves. They work out or they make sure that they, attractive to you. So they take care of themselves. They work out or they, they, they make sure that they, you know,

so in our relationship, when you were not so interested in me in that time of our early dating, but you were probably, I was more attractive to you because you knew that I thought I was to you initially. Is that what you're saying? Right. I was. And then that made you more attracted to me. Cause you're like, Oh, he likes me. He thinks I'm good looking maybe he's okay that there's that you know it has to be mutual i think that that's that's that's important i think that that's really important um so that's

the physical part but then of course third number two let's go to the emotional attraction what does that mean so i think that there's an emotional attractiveness in in in a relationship of course and so what are those things i i wrote a few of them down because i tried to combine them of what i thought you know are attractive to women what women want out of men they want men that have integrity i think that's's important. Somebody with integrity, with a strong moral code, somebody who's honest and trustworthy, super important in a relationship. I think shared values matter. And we talk a lot about this. We brought this up in our dating podcast. Should Democrats and Republicans date generally? No, they shouldn shouldn't because politics is a reflection of values and or atheists and a christian should they no if you're virulently atheistic um it's probably not going to work for you to marry somebody who cares so again and faith and family matter so for for you and i we had it we shared we had different levels of um when I met you you were a I would say a

marginal Catholic yeah that's fair that's fair he wasn't he was he wasn't quite a CNE which is a Christmas and Easter Catholic you went more than that I did but you weren't a I have to go every weekend right but one of the things you were Catholic and you had you could work with that I could work with that and you had strong You could work with that. I could work with that. And you had strong family values. Family really was a really connecting point for us, don't you think? Yeah, no, I think we both, you saw that I valued my family and I saw that you valued yours, which means, listen, when we're together, we're going to value family.

Now, that doesn't mean that someone can't, I mean, I think there's some people who don't come from the best families and they're really attracted to somebody who does come from a great family. And they want that. Right. But I'm saying not necessarily you have to have a great family that you value family. You think that's important. And at least for us, that was important. That's just an example of a shared value for us faith and family were shared values that we had that were important to us but other people might have other values they may value working out or they may value you know i don't know i know several couples who are like you know what we share a love of dogs yes like that we have a shared value like we loved we're gonna have

we're gonna have several of them and we love them and that is the that a shared value. I think we loved it. We're going to have we're have several of them. Absolutely. We love them. And that is the that the shared value of like we are going to love and take care of these these animals and pets throughout our lives. And it's a really bonding thing. Yeah. I mean, love of animals, love of nature. I mean, there are lots of values, but you should share values. If you don't have shared values, it's going to be hard to keep that emotional attractiveness going in a relationship. Talking about honesty, you mentioned honesty. So number three, I think is that you need to be with someone. I think women want someone who's capable of open, honest communication. Because as you know, communication is key to any relationship.

So you need somebody who's emotionally available, somebody who's willing to sit down and thinks it's valuable to sit down and talk about problems. You and I have what we call beat the dead horse. Yes, we kick the dead horse until it's dead and we kick it again. When we have an issue in our marriage, in our family, in our lives, we

talk about it incessantly. Over and over. By the way, we laugh at ourselves for doing it. But when you think through things, again, whether it's your marriage or your job or your kids, we go over it again and again and again. And oftentimes we come up with different answers at the end of kicking the dead horse than we had at the start of kicking the dead horse. And I think it's really important to think through those important issues. And you want to spend the time to think through and go over time and time again this issue because you value making the right decision, again, on the marriage or on the career or on the kids. And spending time on those issues means that it's important to get this decision right.

So what we found is that and and it didn't just happen overnight it's sort of like something that developed and we realized oh my god this is how we communicate and it actually works for us when we make these decisions we discuss issues and problems in our marriage or family or kids or whatever and that is we talk about it so much that eventually the right answer keeps coming up it sort of like floats the surface and we always, and we go, okay, I see this is what is the problem where this is how we should solve this issue. So we call it kicking the dead horse, beating the dead horse. We talk about it over and over until the right answer comes up.

And I think, but I think what the point is, everybody's have their own strategy. The point is that for women are very verbal, as you can tell from this podcast. Right. And we talk a lot. And so it's we want somebody who's willing to engage in that. Right. Yes.

And I think to have a to have a man who's willing to talk through and to listen is important. And yeah, I mean, I think for our relationship, we do do that. We have good conversations. Sometimes it can be- We carve time out to converse. We will usually do that. Again, we have very busy lives, but we'll usually do that over coffee in the morning or we actually sometimes do it over a podcast.

Yeah, sometimes. It's happened. It's definitely happened. But I think that's important. I think to women, when they're looking for a man, you might not think of it because you might be overtaken by how handsome the guy is, but make sure he can communicate. Make sure he's interested in talking because ultimately, when you're in a relationship, you got to talk to your problems. And if you have somebody who's just not communicative, it could be a problem. Well, it goes to the example of the couple that's getting a divorce and they're kind

of shocked or surprised by it. And like, and we never fought. It's like, if you're not fighting in your, when you're dating or when, you know, you're, you're married, you are going to not survive because everyone is going to fight. Everyone's going to have. It means that you're not taught. It means you're not communicating. That's right. And both of us have met multiple people who are divorced and have said that when they went to counseling, one of the things they discovered was that the counselor was like, you don't fight? What? They don't fight. No wonder they're in divorce.

I'm going to talk about honesty for a second because so often, and we've had this conversation recently because we're up in Wisconsin, we're out on the boat and playing games during the dating phase of a relationship. And like, don't play games, never play games. But also sometimes in dating, when someone's like, you know what, I'm just going to give this person a little less attention. I'm not going to respond to their texts as quickly or their calls. You're talking in the courtship phase. In the courtship phase. All of a sudden, there's a new interest. There's a renewed interest when someone is not responding right away to you in that courtship phase.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I know. I know what you're saying. How does a game play come into a relationship? I mean, look, I think that there are patterns and there's a way that courtship works. And I think sometimes women who are too available to somebody, I mean, there's a little bit of a chase that goes on and that's okay in the dating phase a little bit.

But I think in marriage, that stuff's got to stop. bit of a chase that goes on and that's okay in the dating phase um a little bit but i think in marriage that stuff's gotta stop like you gotta have a uh open honest no no more games like when we were dating i was i think a courtship conversation is a different conversation because i was chasing you chasing chasing and you're running and running and finally i threw my hands up and went back to minnesota back to law school. I'm like, whatever, I'm done with this. And all of a sudden you came around. I'm like, oh, that can happen too. That can happen too. That's a fair point. Okay. Number four, sense of humor and fun. Listen, it's funny when I talk to women about because a lot of people come to me, they want me to match make them.

And I, I try as much as I can. I'm like, what do you like in a guy? And I think men would be surprised at how often almost every woman says sense of humor and fun. I think it's really important. I think somebody who takes themselves too seriously,

it's just ultimately boring and unattractive well the the the guy that can make girls laugh does usually very well with women um because again laughing is attractive or laugh at themselves or left it right but if you can laugh and have fun it's having fun with someone is, is a very attractive trait. Now you don't have to be a comedian, but I think you have to have, but don't, don't you want to have like a,

a fun loving spirit where you're willing to laugh at yourself. You live willing to laugh at different situations that come up in your life. You just, you're not serious all the time. And serious can be a drag. Yeah. If that's all you are. Hopefully you have a long marriage. If you're in a very serious marriage for 20 years, you're right.

It could be a drag. So yeah, you need someone with a sense of humor, with a sense of fun and adventure, who's willing to try new things. And it doesn't have to be crazy. But I mean, just in general, disposition. I think men would be really surprised at how important that is to women. That is. I'm concerned because I don't find myself very funny.

You are funny. You are funny. I'll take it. And you have a very light disposition. You don't take things too seriously. You're always making jokes with the kids. When my mom is with us, she can get a little serious, and you're always the person that lightens the load and makes things kind of fun.

Shake her up a little bit. Yeah. So, again, sense of humor, that's number four. Number five is, again, this is something that feminists would bulk at. They don't they want to believe that women have been able to sort of evolve out of the need for this. But it is not true. Women want to feel protected and safe. feel protected and safe what does that mean well i think i know what it means but tell me i think it well that's a really good question sean i think protected and safe in two ways physically if there is something outside i want a guy who's going to grab a gun or just himself and go down and protect my our home our family so i think there's a physical component to that um i also think there's a uh an emotional somebody who's going to just protect me from other people who want to

harm me or other you know um there are things that happen in life that are not pleasant things that go on somebody who's going to protect me emotionally, physically. And I think, Sean, that this also combines another thing that I think women want out of men. And that is, they don't have to be rich. They don't have to be super successful, but they have to have some ambition and a good work ethic. And that's part of the protection. I'm going to take care of you. So if you're married to somebody who has a good work ethic. And that's part of the protection. I'm going to take care of you. So if you're married to somebody who has a good work ethic and has a little bit of ambition, they'll take care of you economically as well.

And I think that doesn't mean that you can't as a woman have a job and make money. But I don't want me, and I know this sounds very sexist, but I don't want to be the breadwinner. I want a husband who wants to be the breadwinner. Now, that doesn't mean I can't make money and supplement the income if I want to do that and da-da-da-da-da, but I want somebody to take care of me. And I know that would get me kicked out of every women's studies department in America. That's okay. I'm just going to be honest.

I think most women want that. You don't want to be a sugar mama? No. We'll be back with much more after this. From the Fox News Podcasts Network. Stay on top of the latest news and information from Fox News. Listen and download the Fox News hourly update on your time. The trending stories you need anytime you want it.

Listen and download now by going to foxnewspodcasts.com. In the dating phase, in the courtship phase, how do you know if the man you're dating is going to take care of you, defend you, do the things that you just mentioned? How do you suss that out? I think on a very basic level, when you're dating, when you're in the initial phases, you can tell if the guy is a hard worker. You can tell, he doesn't have to be like super successful initially, but you can tell if he has dreams.

When you talk, does he have dreams? Does he have ambitions? Does he want to make something of his life? Does he want to grow professionally in his business or in his field? Does he want to do well in school? I mean, these are all things that you should be looking at. Not because you, you know, want his money and want him, but because these are all positive character traits in a man, a man who feels a sense of responsibility over a woman and ultimately his family is a great thing. Because I think what happens is as you then have kids with this man, if that's what you're going to do,

the kind of man you marry is the kind of example that man is going to give for not just your boys, but also your girls. And if he doesn't work hard, you might find that your kids don't work hard. also your girls. And if he doesn't work hard, you might find that your kids don't work hard. If he's not willing to defend you, you might be teaching that your children are not worthy of being defended if they're a girl or if they're a boy, women are not worthy of defense. And if you value that, which you say all women do, that's not what you want. That's not what you want your kids to see. So i think it not just comes in for you the woman but also as you look at your little chickens that you're going to have later i think that if you look at society we actually have a crisis in this department i mean

we have a lot of single women who are doing it on their own a lot of men who don't feel a need to protect the woman or even take care of the kids in their life. And so a lot of women enter into relationships with men who, if they'd paid a little more attention to the signs, signs were probably there that that man was not going to protect them. But listen, the society sends a message to women that they shouldn't care about that, that you're, you know, you're a girl boss, you go, you know, you can do it on your own. The truth is, yes, women are now making more money than men in many cases, and women can make it on their own. But the question is, do women want to just make it on their own? And if you talk to women who are raising kids by themselves, providing for their

kids by themselves, it's not a happy scenario. They really do wish someone was there to protect them, provide for them, provide for their children. So it's not a really sexy thing to think about in the dating phase as you're choosing a man, but it's something you ought to be thinking about. And I think most women on some level do. I mean, they're looking to see if they want somebody who is a hard worker, who's ambitious, who has dreams and aspirations. So maybe if there's the guy who's had a child or two with one or two different women and left them, and now you're going to date them, if you end up getting pregnant, they're probably going to leave you as well. Yes. So that's that's something and listen this goes down to communication too i mean one of the ways you can find out if is you know hopefully you're having these conversations

about and when this relates to number eight our final one so i'm going to get to that but there is there there are conversations that you should be having that will also be good clues about whether the person um whether that guy is someone who can protect you but but the point of this the point of of this number five protection feeling safe is women want to feel safe and so that isn't just for women looking for men men if you want a woman know that that is a trait that you should be developing that you should be putting forward as something. I am somebody who will protect and keep you safe.

And just as a side note, I'm like, no bleep. Of course. I mean, most good men, they want to provide for, you know, the person that they marry and the kids are going to have. Not all men are like that, Sean. And they want to protect them. I think well that's a that's a problem in society in and of itself but I think a lot of I think there's there's there's a genetic map that drives a lot of men to want to do that no not everybody but I think a lot of men

and I think the bottom line with so many of these Sean is that there is maybe I'm still living in the 80s, though. That could just be a sign of my age. There are a lot of cultural mixed messages. And I think that a lot of these these wires have been crossed, frankly, because feminism has sent messages to women and to men that are very confusing. So, for example, men, I know a lot of men who go, I don't know whether I'm supposed to open the door or not. I'm afraid I might offend her if she might think I'm a sexist if I open the door, or she might think I'm a jerk if I don't open the door. There's so many wires being crossed. And I think feminism has done a lot of damage by trying to say that gender is a social construct,

lot of damage by trying to say that gender is a social construct, which it is not. And many of the things that I'm putting out here are things that women are wired for. Why are we fighting against human nature? I would say that that is one of the most bizarre things for me. Listen, I'll always open a door for you and for any woman that I'm walking through a door with. I'll open the door and hold it. And I actually think about it now because there's been so much backlash about, you know, the patriarchy and having to care for me and opening a door for me as a woman. It makes me think about it before I do it. And sometimes if I don't know the person, you know, I'm randomly walking through a door

with a woman by me, I have to look at them and go, are they a woke liberal? Are they over 40? Sometimes I won't hold it for them. That's happened to me. I don't think you have to do that. I think that's a big mistake. I know. Here's the deal. I think I'm going to get reported to, you know,

human resources if I Here's the deal. I honestly, I judge men who don't do that i judge them and i say i judge women when i'm making the decision because some of them get really angry i honestly i think it i i judge men who don't open the door who don't have chivalry i judge them not just as men i think about what kind of parents they had no i don't think men i don't You were raised to open the door for women I know that for a fact

And I don't think you should change because some You know joyless Miserable women's studies department Professor You know I don't know Some fancy university says that you shouldn't I think we need to bring

We got to bring these things back We got to train our boys to do that and we got to train our girls um to expect that because ultimately you and i talk about this all the time every problem that we face here in our country the biggest social ills the biggest social problems our country faces stem from women stem from the breakdown of the family and men fatherlessness and and that kind of chivalry and that kind of sense of protection of women whether it's opening the door or providing for them taking care of the children that they helped create all of that is important just the breakdown of the family has allowed a apian pathway for all of this crazy ideology to come into our culture where if there were stronger families this stuff would have been pushed out long ago but because there's not that that

foundational um base for which people are going out into the world which is their families um there's a lot of confusion and through that confusion you're able to talk about there's not base for which people are going out into the world, which is their families, there's a lot of confusion. And through that confusion, you're able to talk about, there's not two genders. There's like 50 genders. And men can be boys and boys can be girls. And we should not hire based on the qualities that someone has an employee. We should hire based on their race or

their sex or their sexual preference i mean bizarre stuff so again you're right it all comes back to the family that's a lot of stuff to come don't let the feminists change your behavior sean don't don't let hr department i actually i hope you get reported for opening a door at Fox. I would love to see that happen. All right. Let's come to the next one. Next one is compassion and appreciation. What does that mean? So I want a man who can, I don't want a girly man,

but I still want a man who has a sense of compassion, whether it's for children or animals or me when I'm going through a tough time. I think one of the things that I didn't initially know about you, but I learned early on was that you had a sense of appreciation. So when we first got married, I was an at-home mom for 14 years before I started going back to work. And when I was an at-home mom, sometimes it's really hard.

It's the hardest job because you don't get a lot of affirmation. You don't get, you know, I do Fox News and I host Fox and Friends. And, you know, I go to the grocery store and people go, oh, I love what you do. And I'm so appreciate you speaking for us. And, you know, you get a pat on the back,

right? People are really, when I was an at-home mom, the only person who on a regular daily basis said, thank you for staying home and taking care of our kids was you. And it really meant a lot to me that you did that because I was getting no at-a-girls at all as an at-home mom. And it's one of, it's actually the hardest part about working in the home is that you don't get that affirmation. And it was really the affirmation I wanted the most was from you and you gave that to me. And so that compassion appreciation for what you do as a woman, maybe it's, you know, that in my case, it was like when I, you know, take care of the kids and take care of the home

and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, there's lots of stuff that we would do better as a couple. Couples would do better if they just appreciated each other. And I think saying it verbally is important. I think it is too. That's a really good point.

And again, appreciation is also recognition right i'm recognizing what you're doing and it can be when you're a stay-at-home mom it could be with an article that you've written it could be that the show that you did you did on fox um and that doesn't mean you we can't be honest with each other we can go like because again we're very honest you'd be like when i do something like that was not was not good. Or I'll say the same thing to you. But also, when you're doing well and things are going well,

it's like, listen, acknowledge someone, recognize your situation. So when things aren't going well, that you have somebody. Don't be a jerk. Yeah,

somebody who can be compassionate and feel your, feel your pain like Bill Clinton would say. So I think that's important. Yes. Number seven. Confidence. Yeah.

Talk to me about confidence. Again, I think this is a tricky one. It's like attractiveness. When you first, when you're young and you meet a young man, they might not be the most confident initially. Right.

I mean, they're still young and they're still learning who they are and they're still trying to, they might not even have done much in order to build confidence. I mean, there's nothing worse than a guy who's over confident with not much to show for it, right? Not much reason for it. So confidence is important. Confidence in knowing who they are. So you don't have to be the president of your company in that sense, that kind of confidence that comes from that. But you could just be confident in who you are and what you stand for and what you believe. So I just think a sense of confidence. Again, these are masculine traits. A man who kind of just knows who he is

and is confident in his own masculinity. This, again, is something that I think our culture is eroding in men. There used to be a time when men understood what it meant to be a man. And feminism and so many of these mixed messages are confusing young men. And I think that's why we just did an episode this week know this week on um the manosphere all the the male social influencers out out there and and why young men are attracted to them because they're not getting clear messages and from other places in the culture it's an interesting time in my life which i really haven't talked about a lot but when rachel and i we both did the real world which is if you don't know this it was a it was a was a show in the, in the nineties where they pick

seven strangers to live in a house together and they film their lives on MTV and then put that into 24 or 26 episodes that were very popular back in the nineties and to nineties music. It was, there was a track going on in the, in the episodes and in our minds. Um, but yeah, so, so um but they pick seven people that are from incredibly different walks of life different world viewpoints um which oftentimes can create conflict can purposely cast it that way right right and i i remember going and like i had i realized that we associate with or drawn to people who are like us right we don't

go find people who are the exact opposite of us and say hey let's room together right you don't do that by the way that's why in our in our dating episode we say opposites do not attract for for a long-term relationship find people who have similar views and values to you and i found that i like everything that i thought and believed. And I came from small town, Wisconsin. I hadn't done a whole lot, a lot of traveling.

And I haven't had my views questioned a lot from a lot of people. Cause a lot of people shared my views from the place in which I came and everything was challenged there. And it was really weird for me to know, no, actually this is who I am and this is what I am. And this is what I believe. And I'm willing to defend what I believe. And you can open my eyes to some other stuff that I haven't experienced.

And I can go on a journey seeing other people's viewpoints and perspectives. But it really made me know who I was because I was really challenged with who I was. And again, I think in that respect, I was confident in who I was, what I believed and where I came from. But initially when you got there, did you feel shaken a little bit? Lack of confidence? Because they were,

were they more sure of who they were initially? Maybe and shaken in the sense that when I was, when you're not challenged, when people, when you don't, you know, have your viewpoint challenged very often, you kind of think the whole world shares the same viewpoint you do. And I realized, actually, that's not true. People come from different walks of life, different perspectives.

But I will say, just on a side note, the lesson I learned from that show was that, though I won't associate with people that were not like me, which is, again, what everyone does, that's human nature, I found that some of my best friends from the show who I had a lot in common with were people who I never would have... Thought you had a lot in common. Yes, and they became good friends, and I think that's a... Well, I think we're an example of that. I mean, we met through that show and you know you're like this

lumberjack athlete from northern wisconsin from a white irish catholic family yeah and i'm hispanic from the southwest and you know it doesn't seem like we have a lot in common but in the end when you took the surface stuff away the values part and that's why we talk so much about, you know, the values. And, and, and so when we say opposites don't track doesn't mean like you, you can't have a quiet guy and a talkative girl. It's not,

it's not that kind of stuff. We're talking about values and really deep. At first blush, no one would have put the two of us together because we were very different. But for the fact that we did a three-week adventure show together and got to know each other. Talked a lot. We were together and talked a lot and rode on airplanes together. We flew to New Zealand together.

But for that experience, did we get to know each other and go, oh, actually, we have a lot in common. We have a lot in common. Let's get married. Let's have nine kids oh, actually, we have a lot in common. We have a lot in common. So I think that's. Let's get married. Let's have nine kids. Yeah, I sure wasn't thinking about that. Do you want to hang out with me? That's right.

So confidence. I was stuck on number one, physical attraction at that point. But that's a hard one. Confidence is a hard one to navigate in trying to suss up. Does the man you're dating, do they have confidence? So I think confidence in who they are, confidence in their masculinity, do they have the potential for that? Are they somebody who, you know, if they have, say, what we talked about,

a number five, somebody who has a good work ethic and ambition, that confidence will grow as they grow. And so you're one of the biggest mistakes women make, Sean. And I've had to have this discussion all the time with a lot of, you know, late 20 year olds, especially. It's like they want a guy who's already, you know, they're disappointed in their dating pool because they want a guy who's already successful, already has everything going on. And it's like, well, if you're dating guys who are in their 20s, they're not going to be, they're not done. They're still growing.

They're still- They're starting. They're starting. And so you have to look at potential. And so in all of these things, you need to be, if you're young and you're dating in your 20s and 30s, make sure that you're looking at potential in some of these characteristics, not that they're 100% form.

Not where they're at today. Men are a work in progress at that age. Thank God you had the view of, I'm going to see potential in not where you are right now, or we would have never been together. That's right. I saw a lot of potential. We'll be back with much more after this. We'll be back with much more after this. initially in the beginning of a relationship, but as you move along in a relationship, you should start to see whether you have a shared future vision. This is where all these other things that you have in common will, you know, if this is somebody who cares about their faith and God and family, whatever it is, you know, I'm somebody who loves to travel and I really want to see the world. I really want to have a family. I really want to have a big family or a small family.

I want to live in the country eventually. Make sure you have a shared future vision and that the person that you're with actually can see you in their future. It's not a concrete thing, but it's so important. Shared future vision. So it comes down to a lot of things. And as you're with someone, making sure that you see an endpoint that you both want to get to. If someone wants to live in New York City, but the other one wants to live in rural North Dakota, and your hearts are set on that, that's going to be a problem because you can't live in both places.

Or one wants to have a number of kids and the other one doesn't want to have any kids. That's a huge problem. It's a big problem. That's a huge problem. In fact, by the way, in the Catholic Church, that's a cause for annulment. Annulment, right.

Yeah, you can get an annulment. You can actually annul the marriage as if it never happened. If one person didn't divulge prior to the marriage that they didn't want to have kids, and then you find out that you don't want to have kids, that's grounds for annulment. So that's a serious thing. That can really tear a relationship apart. So there's lots of points like that like your your vision was not to go oh my gosh i want to live in a small town in northern wisconsin this is where i want to that's what i always dreamed of but i actually grew to go you

know what i can but i had i did it for a while and i'm like i like it out here but it was not it was that was not a a non-starter for you you're like like, actually, I'll go do that. That's all right. I wasn't hard set on being an L.A. I was like, let's try this for a while. Yeah, you want to try it. I think for me, I just wanted to be with you. A while was like 20 years. Thank you.

If you're from Arizona and you're willing to live in northern Wisconsin, that means you really love the person. That's true. And you did love me. I did. So I think that that's important. You should talk about that vision,

right? Right. And again, that then it goes back to when we talked about open and honest communication in that dating phase, you need somebody who can communicate because that's how this kind of information will, will come out.

So can I give you, I'm going to say, I didn't write these things. These are the things that women really quick. These are things that men should think about that women want. So I would think that women want you to be nice to them. Yeah. You should, again, try to be somewhat successful in whatever realm you're in.

So you can go, I can provide for her even when we're dating. I just try to groom myself well enough so she thinks I'm attractive. And I should compliment her when I think she looks beautiful or she's doing something really well. Being generous with compliments, I think, is important. Showing her that you think you're attracted to her so So she knows that is important because women are not mind readers. They can't read your mind of what, you know, you're thinking about them. So tell them. And I do think that the part of have, again, being strong is important. Defending is important, but also having a sensitive side to, in those moments to be able to listen and, you know, be, um, a little softer isn't as important for men. And again, I think that in today's culture,

I don't think that the soft side is a problem. I think it's the manly side, the stronger side, which is a problem today. Um, yeah, I definitely think that's, that's more of the issue. That's my simplistic view of, of, Can I ask you another question? Sure. How important is, because I'm not a romantic at all. And that's something that in my age I have to always work on. And you'll give soft hints of help. In the traditional sense of romance, candles and dinners.

I want to take you places and I want to go places with you. Yeah, you do. You have started in the traditional sense of romance, candles and dinners and like, I want to take you places and I want to go places with you. Yeah, you do. But how important is the romantic side of a relationship? Is that just, is that TV? Is that movies? Or is there something important about, you know, a candlelit dinner that's really important in relationships?

So I think it, well, I think it really depends on the woman. There's some women have a really high standards for that kind of stuff and other women have less. That's become, as I've gotten older, less important. I love that you want us to go out to dinner and you want us to go out, you know, have, have nice trips together. I love that part. Um, I am, as you know, a home body of very much so. So like it's become less important to me. I think initially it's a, it's more, it was more important because it was a signal of, of, you know, your interest in me. And, and now that I don't want it to die. Like we always talk about, you know, you got to date your wife, right? You still got to take her out to dinner and do all these things.

But I'm not a jewelry person. In fact, Sean has bought me jewelry that I've said, that's too expensive. Go return it. I'll take a rug for half the price. I'm like, sold. I've returned the jewelry and bought myself something, you you know, a rug that's happened in our relationship. The first ring you got me broke in half because it was so cheap. And I don't care.

It's like, that's not. Now, I know some women where the ring is super important and means a lot. I couldn't afford more than what I know. But for some for some women, that might have been a deal breaker. He can't afford a ring. But let me tell you something that was a signal to me in the relationship early on. There were a couple of things. When we were dating, I had done some traveling overseas, and I came back and I was broke.

And I was telling you that I was broke. And I was a rich lumberjack sports athlete. You were a poor law student doing lumberjack shows for extra money. But you paid my rent. I don't know if you remember that. You paid my rent one month. I did? You did.

What the hell was wrong with me? What were you thinking? You did. And I thought to myself, I was like, of course, I'm going to pay you back. I don't know if I actually did. But to me, that was a symbol that you wanted to take care of me. The next thing that you did was we were married early on. We were probably only married a year or so.

I was pregnant. And it was our first year of marriage. I was pregnant. And you were doing lumberjack shows. And Sean would do these lumberjack shows to make extra money. But then in between the shows... So I was a lawyer in Wisconsin during the weekday

and I'd take some weekend show gigs to go make more money for our family. And sometimes you would go alone and sometimes, because I didn't have anything to do, I'd come along with you. And between shows, with their chainsaws they would make these little these little chairs for kids and they could it was a feature of the show and then they would make extra ones and because people thought they were so cute these little like little chairs made out of timber um that

they would sell them for like you know know, 10, 15 bucks a chair. And they got a salary from their boss from the Lumberjack Show. But if they sold the chairs, that was cash. Those are money. Now we have armed IRS agents. So I'm a little afraid to say this. But you would take cash for the chairs. Listen, just like Hunter, I'm beyond the statute of limitations.

You're beyond the statute of limitations like Hunter. Okay, I love that. And so, you know, you would make a few chairs and for extra money. Well, but when I got, when I was pregnant and you realized you were going to have a baby, you would make so many chairs. My back hurt. My back hurt. You would make so many chairs to sell so we could have extra money for the baby. Doing the show to making chairs all the whole time between and then doing the show again. It was like nonstop.

But these are like 35 minute shows and it is. It's grueling, physical. I mean, you were in great shape, by the way, at that time. But I would say that to me, seeing that you saw, okay, I'm going to have a baby. I got gotta make money and i gotta provide to me that was it it was um it's signal but it was also very sexy yeah just but we we hadn't we didn't have a lot of money at all um and you got to do whatever you can to make for your little family and to make yeah and and that. And, but I also think that work ethic that we

both had to make this little family work, um, paid dividends because we, we took risks and we, yeah. Um, so let me sum this up for all the men out there looking to see what women want. They want to be physically attracted to you and they want you to be physically attracted. Then there needs to be chemistry in that relationship and they want you to be physically attracted, then there needs to be chemistry in that relationship. It doesn't have to happen right away, but it can happen. It needs to happen. They want someone who is emotionally available. That's important. And somebody who has integrity, strong moral code, is honest and shares their values. Number three, capable of open and honest communication.

Communication is the key. And it's also where you start to learn about the other person. If they can't share that with you and you don't really know where they come from, that's going to be a problem. By the way, if you can't be honest with one another, it's a small thing. What is the point? It's not going to work.

Number four, a sense of humor. I think men underestimate how important just being light and fun and introducing fun into the relationship is important. Number five, protection. Women want to feel safe. They want to know that you have ambition and a work ethic and you're willing to protect them and take care of them. Sorry, Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan, but that is true. I don't care what the feminists say. Number six, they want a man who is

compassionate and shows appreciation for what they do. Number seven, they want a man who has confidence or at least the potential to grow in confidence and be manly in that way. Finally, they want a man who has a shared future

vision with them. I want to be with a man who sees me in their future. Yeah. And just on that last point, sometimes you don't, you have the building blocks that you share, you know, the viewpoint of the world and it's a wild ride.

It was a wild adventure and you can't, you can't always plan your life out. You never know where you're going to end up, but you're, yeah, you're open to it, but you have these have these these go on a journey are you willing to go on this journey with me do we have enough do you see me in in your future do you want do you want to be on this journey together do you want to go on this road trip together

this road trip of life this road trip of life that's right and it has lots of twists and lots of turns or at some point do you feel like you want to stop at, you know, the wayside or gas station halfway to your destination and say, go in and get us, you know, some chips and then you race away in your car

and you leave them in there. You don't want that in the road trip. Very strange analogy. I know, but listen, you want to go, you want to get to the destination together. You want someone who wants to stay in the car.

Don't get kicked out of the, don't make the, don't kick my, I don't want someone I want to kick out of the car halfway through the trip, make them walk. I want to, I want to do the whole trip with you, Rachel. All right. I think those are, those are good things. Um, and, uh, especially in a time when there's a lot of mixed signals sent to young people about what, what matters in life.

It didn't. So, so true. So I appreciate you giving me a chance, taking a risk on some of those eight, which were not fully developed. Grateful for that. And again, now we get to sit and have a shared value over our Northern Wisconsin. Beautiful lake. We get to hang out on it.

So with that, listen, thanks for joining us on this edition of what women want from the kitchen table. We appreciate you joining us. If you like our podcast, you can rate, review, subscribe, wherever you get your podcasts. You can get us at foxnewspodcast.com.

We love when you subscribe. You always get a notice of when each podcast drops, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday evening. And again, Rachel, good stuff. Thanks for sharing. All right. Bye-bye. Bye, everybody.

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