From the Kitchen Table: The Duffys - Q&A With the Duffys: Love Is In the Air!

Episode Date: February 10, 2024

Love is in the air on today's Q&A, as Sean and Rachel tackle all of your Valentine's Day questions! They share their favorite date stories, why it's important to know your partner's love language, and how they're able to make time for their relationship - even with nine kids. They also give advice to members of the FOX family, answering relationship questions from Outnumbered's Kayleigh McEnany, FOX & Friend's Ainsley Earhardt, and more! Follow Sean & Rachel on Twitter: @SeanDuffyWI & @RCamposDuffy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everyone, welcome to From the Kitchen Table. I'm Sean Duffy along with my co-host for the podcast, my partner in life and my wife, Rachel Campos Duffy. It's great to be here, Sean, and it's almost Valentine's Day. So we decided to do a Valentine's Day edition of Q&A. Yes. And there's a twist to it. The twist is I texted a bunch of our friends at Fox, people that our listeners know and love, and asked them to submit their questions for us to answer about love, relationships, Valentine's Day, whatever. And they did. So we're going to answer those questions. I love that. Do you like Valentine's

Day? Just be honest. If you give me Valentine's Day compared to all the days, Valentine's Day is a great day. Love it. But is it something that I'm like, I look forward to? I'm like, oh my goodness, I can't wait for Valentine's day. This is going to be so amazing. Hearts and roses. And you know, did you used to, when you were in school? No. Didn't you love like all like the Valentine's day cards and the little candies and stuff that you'd get in a little, they'd make you make a little mailbox to put all your little.

Yeah. You didn't love that? Not really. I thought that was so fun. Made school fun. I had a, I had a girlfriend in high, and she gave me flowers to embarrass me on Valentine's Day. And I brought them home, and my mom thought I got the flowers for her. And I felt horrible.

Did you pretend? Did you just go along with it? I can't remember. I think I tried to slink away, which then says... Were you embarrassed? A little bit. Get your mom flowers on Valentine's Day is... No, no.

I mean, were you embarrassed that you got flowers in school from a girl? Oh, totally. She would have dropped off in my class. In your class? In class, yeah. It was a lot of fun. Yeah, we used to do a thing

where you could purchase, like, a carnation, you know, for a buck or two. Like, there was some organization on campus that had this Valentine's Day thing. Of course, you know, it wasn't just like there was some organization on campus that had this valentine's day thing of course you know it wasn't just that you were getting them from guys you would get them from your friends it was very competitive like who got more carnations um popularity contest everything is isn't it in high school so anyway well well here we go. So let's go with our first question. Okay. From Ainsley Earhart.

From Ainsley. Oh, she's so great. She actually has a two part. So I'm going to ask you the first part. First, she wants to know what's your favorite Valentine's Day movie. So Valentine's Day, I'm going to go with Leap Year. Oh, that's a good one. A lot of people haven't seen that.

If you haven't seen Leap Year, it's a good one. So Leap Year is a girl living in New York. She wants to get married to her boyfriend. He doesn't ask her to marry her. And there's this old family Irish tradition, I guess, that says on Leap Year, the girl could ask the guy to marry them. So the boyfriend had flown off to England, I think to London. And she tried to go over on Leap Year, and she was going to ask him to marry her. Well, she gets diverted. She goes to a little pub in Ireland and the story progresses from there.

She meets a good Irish boy. You like this story because the Irish boy wins. Wins the day. That's right. And also, listen, I'm sorry. I love Chick Flex. He does. This is the dirty little secret about Sean.

When people say, what do you know? What is it about Sean that nobody knows? He loves chick flicks more than me. The kids sometimes will come home and I'm by myself watching a chick flick and they'll mock me. Oh, they are ruthless. No, I wasn't watching. I was not watching Julia Roberts in Notting Hill. I haven't seen Notting Hill.

Yes, you have, Sean. We've watched it together. Have we? Yes, of course we've watched Notting Hill. But here's the deal. You're right. By the way, that movie, beautiful scenery, gorgeous. I don't remember.

Leap Year. Oh, Leap Year is amazing. Leap Year. Beautiful. If you haven't seen it, watch it. It's wonderful how about you mine is and it always makes me mad that you don't love this movie as much as me but i love moonstruck it won an oscar it was with sharon and nicholas cage and it was this you know

italian family and it just if you've never seen moonstruck because a lot of our younger listeners probably haven't it's a great movie. And there's a reason it won an Oscar. And Cher was amazing. If I could dive into Ainsley's question, I'm not really sure what she's asking. Like, what's a great movie for the two of you to watch on Valentine's Day? Or what do you think is just a great romantic Valentine's Day? Because I picked one that you kind of like, but you picked one that I don't really like. So I don't know what the rule was on Ainsley's question okay i think that that moonstruck and leap year are both great selections okay so her second part is what's your favorite date story like a story about our love story that involves us a date you go first so when you have the same

one maybe we do have the same one but rachel tried to have us talk about this one beforehand i'm like no i want to hear i wanted to see what he was going to say and he said no we have to wait until the podcast so when Sean and I were dating I lived in LA he lived in Minneapolis he was going to law school it wasn't as bad as it is now by the way yeah Minneapolis was kind of a nice place he lived in St. Paul actually uh so anyway, he would, he came to visit me and the, I had heard, so I love pupusas. Pupusas are a sort of Central American delicacy. It's delicious. So anyway, I said, when you come, we have to go try this out.

And so I got information of where the best ones were. And it was actually in like a not so great part of LA, but I was with Sean. We drove down there. And so I'm thinking I'm going to take Sean to a place I've never been before, but a restaurant where pupusas are, because I was told by an El Salvadoran woman that these were the best pupusas in all of LA. So I get to the place and I'm like, there's no restaurant. I don't see a restaurant here.

I get out of the car. I'm like, you stay here. Wait, close by, right in front of the place. Because it looks like a bodega. It looks like a little store. It doesn't look like a restaurant. I go inside. I talk to the lady and she's like,

I'm sorry, honey, in Spanish. She says, I make them, but I sell them here. But we're not a restaurant. So I'm sorry. Do you want to buy some? And I'm like, well, no, not really, because it's kind of messy. It wasn't what I was thinking. It was supposed to be a romantic date.

So I'm like, no, but thank you so much. And so I go out to the car to get back in the car. So we do plan B. And the woman runs off after me and she stops me. And she says, before I get in the car, she says, Hey, I have an idea. In about five minutes, get your, your, your boyfriend and come back into the store. And I'm like, okay. So I tell Sean, just hang on five minutes.

Let's go back in. I don't know what the deal is, but she's got, she's going to figure this out. I had no idea. We go back into the little bodega. It's tiny. It's a tiny little store, shoe box. And there's like a little curtain that leads to the back. And if you pull the curtain open, which the lady does, there's a tiny little stove and a tiny little table with like an oil cloth

over it and she had put two chairs there she had found some flour she put a vase there and she had a radio and she put it to k love in spanish so it was like spanish love songs because she knew i was on a date i had explained to her i'm here with my boyfriend, and I was trying to do something romantic. So right in front of us is the stove, and she cooked the pupusas for us, and we sat in the back of this little bodega, and you loved it. When you started, I'm like, do I remember this story, this great date we were on? And yes, I do. It actually was a wonderful date.

And when you listen to Rachel tell that story, one of the things I loved about her was I had all these experiences with her that I would never have myself. I would have never gone to the bodega in the first place. I never would have pushed it and got myself behind the curtain at the table with oilcloth and the K-love in Spanish. K-love in Espanol. Great experiences. Rachel likes to have fun. Yeah, that was fun. It was an adventure. She was so sweet. I still remember that.

Okay, I have two. It was probably over 25 years ago. Well, it was 25 years ago. More than 25, yeah. Okay, so I have two. One is specific. One is general. So Rachel and I went on a congressional delegation trip. And I've only been on two.

One was to Afghanistan, but this one was on financial services. We went to Europe. And we worked our butts off. Like we were gone at 7 in the morning. It seems like we went to bed at 9 o'clock. And we had really full days. You did. The spouses had a little bit more time.

That's true. And so one night, though, we were able to break away from the group. Just one. Just one. And I don't know where we were in Europe, but we went walking down. We were in London. Were we? Are you talking about the Lebanese restaurant?

Yes. So we went walking down corners and streets, and all of a sudden we found this Lebanese restaurant and went in and had the most delicious amazing we love you didn't know you loved Lebanese food no and it was so that so I had great company I had great food a break from the trip um and all the work so yeah that was that was one of my favorite date nights because it just it wasn't planned at all just like yours it just kind of happened to us unfolded yeah and it must have been a year and a half, two years after we were married, we scraped money together. I think we flew. I think we had two kids at the time. And we flew both kids to your mom's house.

And we went to Turkey. And I just remember having great, but not the gulet. But when we were in Istanbul, I felt like we had a whole bunch of great little meals and late nights and uh yeah i just thought that was a really wonderful time where we had a whole trip of wonderful date nights and i think that when i look at a date night it's um when it's great food a great atmosphere but also just a really bonding time that we shared together and um really enjoyed other's company, which was pretty awesome. Yeah. I've always liked that. So I love Middle Eastern food because I grew up for like

three years. I lived in Turkey as a kid because my dad was in the military. That's when I got really introduced to Middle Eastern food, but I love it. And I love that you're always up for the adventure too. And, and, and yeah, we do love, love it. I agree. There is something, um, about the company and good food and, and being together, which leads me actually to a great question. Okay. This one comes from, from Will and you know how he's always on my, you know, what, um, yes, he's always got me. So here we go. Okay. This came from Will Kane, my co-host, and this is related to the whole date night thing. Will Kane says, is it okay to celebrate Valentine's with another couple or two, say a dinner reservation for four or six?

And I know your answer. So why not? So obviously Will is going to be home for Valentine's Day and he has a multi-couple date night planned on Valentine's Day. He does. Obviously from this question. Okay. So what's your answer? Why not? Well, Will thinks he knows me so well. I'm not necessarily so opposed to this idea. It depends. So if you're doing a multi-couple thing with your wife and you don't all as couples love each other and like totally bond together and have great time together, if you're doing this, like I got to get these social engagements off my plate. So I'm let's just combine this or it's like a business thing. That's not cool. But it's like good friends

and couples that like each other. I think I'm okay with that. But I do think that if you're going to do that, Will Kane, you better have a little something extra. Like maybe after dinner, you have an unexpected little gift for your wife or you maybe go, you know

what, let's, let's just do dinner with them. And then I have this other place we're going to go to, we're going to have drinks and dessert. So you're, so I'm not opposed to this, Will Kane. I'm just opposed to this, if this starts to feel like a business dinner. So you'd want Will to judge it up a little bit. Yeah. Judge it up and make Kathleen feel special. You know why, Sean? Because Kathleen is special. Is special. She's an amazing wife, an amazing person, truly an amazing person.

And I feel an affinity for Kathleen. Maybe Kathleen doesn't feel the same way about me, but I do. Because he has that traveling back and forth all the time. He's going from Dallas to work two days a week on the weekends. And I lived for 10 years with you traveling back and forth to DC. And it is really tough on the spouse who's home. And so I want to make sure that if Will is doing this, he's going to do it in a way that still honors and really makes Kathleen feel special because that's a special burden she does. So he can do what he loves. I'm a little bit confused on how I answer this because honors and really makes Kathleen feel special because that's a special burden she does so he

can do what he loves I'm confused I'm a little bit confused on how I answer this because um I don't think we hold Valentine's Day out it's like this is this magical night that we have to plan this big thing together we don't we don't want to be together um and so just as we look to Valentine's Day we had talked about um because I do the bottom line on Fox Business I'm like well do you want to come in and go to dinner after? Then we realized it's Ash Wednesday, so we can't go get steak. We're supposed to fast. We're like, well, maybe we'll do it on Tuesday.

And I'm like, do you want to come to the city on Tuesday and we'll go to dinner? And then you're like, no, why don't you pick up sushi in the city and come home and we'll watch a movie and hang out together. So it's really kind of simple, but we'll have some food together. And, you know. Yeah, I've gotten to the point, Sean, where I just don't want to leave my house anymore. Simplicity. I love being home. And so the idea of being home, putting the kids to bed early,

Sean bringing me something delicious from the city that I love to eat and just hanging out watching a movie. And like, that is amazing. Do you remember, Sean, the other day? The kids then heard us having this conversation. Like, are we getting sushi too? And I'm like, no. I said, no, you're going to bed.

They heard us discussing the plans. You're right. Do you remember the other day we went out of town and we came back in from out of town. We were so tired. And we sent the kids off to school. And we never do this because Sean and I are taskmasters. We always have stuff we've got to do during the day.

And I said, Sean, can I make a suggestion? I'm so tired. Can we just do something really naughty, not what you guys are thinking, and just not do anything but just sit on the couch, have our coffee, and watch The Hangover? And you're like, yes. And we did that while the kids went to school. At the start of this conversation, I was like, this is going to be really good.

Of course we can. And then we're like The Hangover. And so we did watch it. And I'm always up for that. But I can't believe that Rachel was because she drives. I'm a hard driver. Can I ask you another question? Wait, can I ask you one thing?

You had an experience once of somebody inviting you to their Valentine's dinner. Do you remember? I remember a specific Valentine's Day dinner that I was going to just mention right now in Congress. Is that the one you're talking about? Yes! And it was so crazy and you felt so uncomfortable.

No, no. Jim Sensenbrenner. I know. I was going to tell you about Jim Sensenbrenner. So, okay, Jim Sensenbrenner is a congressman from Wisconsin. We love him. He is a dear family friend of ours. He's the godfather for our daughter, Margarita. And he's the dean of the delegation, the Wisconsin delegation. He had been in Congress for four years.

Became a very good friend of ours. And I was stuck in Congress, you know, many Valentine's Days. many Valentine's Days. And on this particular Valentine's Day, Jim asked me to go to dinner with him after votes. And Rachel and I were like, but you have your wife at home. And Jim and I went to dinner on Valentine's Day.

Oh, I thought she was there. No, Cheryl was not there. She did not come to dinner. Oh, I thought she was there. Jim and I went to dinner together. That's even worse. It was a glorious dinner. We had a wonderful time together. Super romantic.

It's not the way I want to spend my Valentine's Day dinners, but I guarantee you, members of Congress, they're not in session this time. His wife lives in D.C. and he wanted to go to dinner with you instead of his wife. Not great. I have that kind of impact on people, though. Men or women. We'll have more of this conversation after this. This is Jimmy Fallon inviting you to join me for Fox Across America, where we'll discuss

every single one of the Democrats' dumb ideas. Just kidding. It's only a three hour show. Listen live at noon Eastern or get the podcast at Fox Across America dot com. Here is Jimmy Fallon, another good friend of ours who wants to know what role music plays in a relationship. What do you say, Sean? It's a great question. I think the way music impacts life. We were just talking about Toby Keith who passed away earlier this week. We love Toby Keith, love his music, love that he stayed in Oklahoma and he's a patriot and love the troops.

We love Toby Keith, love his music, love that he stayed in Oklahoma and he's a patriot and love the troops. Music, I think, whether it's in relationship or just in life, it can really lift us up. It really makes us feel emotions that we may not hear, but for the lyrics, you know, and and the music behind it. And I don't know, I think when I when I listen to music or even if it's not some romantic one, When I listen to music, even if it's not some romantic one, we share music from the 80s. And we reminisce about what you were doing in high school when Aerosmith was playing, you know, Ganey Got a Gun or whatever. But so I don't know. I think it bonds. When you share a musical interest in songs, I think it brings people closer together. And then we have a, we have a,

we have a get in the mood playlist. Let's not lie about that. We call it our love playlist. So, you know, there's a little Sade on there. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna hold back on that. I love Sade. I love Sade. So yeah, don't let the old In, that song. I mean, so, again, like that. Toby Keith. Toby Keith. I mean, that song, so powerful. I was thinking a lot about him this week. What a great musician, but also a great love story he has with his wife,

who took so much good care of him while he was sick and was with him through the thick and the thin, you know, even when they were making, you know, 30 bucks a week. When he was, you know, playing the thick and the thin, even when they were making $30 a week when he was playing at bars around the country and not really making it. And this good woman who stuck by his side through it all and then all the way to the very end, and he passed away. Don't let the old man in.

I think it's interesting. He's done some interviews where he talked about he did it for like six years, eight years traveling around the country, playing bars with his band, old trailer, old truck and not making any money. And,

you know, hoping one day he would make it. And it begs the question, how long do you pursue a passion that doesn't really feed the family until you decide that, no, I actually have to change course. And had Toby Keith left a year earlier, we would not know who Toby Keith is.

We would have never had his music. I'm sure there's some people out there that are in their 50s that have been trying to make it for a really long time and never hit it, and maybe they should have given it up. But you never know, right? And that's what he said. I prayed to God to know what I was supposed to do. Is I still supposed to do music or am I supposed to give this up and go somewhere else? Uh, which is true. You should always ask for guidance. What is,

you know, what's my mission? What's what, what am I supposed to do with my life? You know, he did. And, but what was beautiful about the story too, is that he was always trying to think about what was not just right for him, but what was right for his family. I think a lot of times, you know, women, society in general, don't appreciate just how much the weight and the responsibility weighs on men. You know what I'm saying? And I think marriages, relationships would be stronger if there was a better appreciation between the sexes, between the couple of what each person, but in particular, I'm going to say men. This is a huge response. I sometimes think I'm guilty of that. I'm guilty of sometimes not appreciating just how much I know the finances and supporting this family and making sure that we're taking care of ways on you. really strongly in those early years where I think you were really stressed out.

You were like, oh, my gosh, having another kid, and we're barely making it, and how are we going to do this? And I always had faith in you, but I don't think I – Did you really have faith in you? I did. I always had faith in you. But I never – I don't think I always appreciated what it takes to be a man who's doing the right thing and taking on that very profound responsibility of taking care of a family. I think that's a big thing. You know, I think that it comes from masculinity and demonization of masculinity.

It comes from masculinity and demonization of masculinity. Masculinity is toxic, is that the root of kind of a lot of the problems that we face in this country. But you want men to be masculine who, when they have responsibility, they meet the challenge of that responsibility. And there's nothing that will make a young man grow up faster than getting married and having a baby. Sure. And there's a lot of time for fun and probably going to war. That'll make you grow up real fast too. And I didn't go to war, so I can't speak to that, but I'll tell you, it's being married to me, like going to war. There's, there is, there is like a lot of fun time, a lot of downtime, a lot of, you know,

buddy time, you all of a sudden get married and have a kid. And now you have the responsibility of providing for a child and a spouse. And some men don't meet that challenge, but a lot of them do. And I think we should applaud that. We should celebrate it. The men who go, you know what, I'm going to take care of this family. And you know what, we're partners. We both have to contribute and figure out how we're going to make it work.

But I'm not going to be in the basement playing video games and have you work and take care of the baby and clean the house. And I'm like, men have to stand up and be real men. And I think leaders with their wives. And I think women need to applaud men and celebrate men who do step up to that challenge of being protectors and providers and sort of, you know, look, I make money too. Um, I didn't always in our, in our marriage for 14 years, I wasn't at home mom. And, you know, I, I try and do little projects here and there to bring in a little extra cash. But for the most part, you, you had had the brunt of that. But even when I make, made, make money, I still, I depend on you and, and you've allowed me to do that. And that's a bit of blessing for me.

Rachel says, I got married, so I don't have to pay the bills. So I don't have to worry about this stuff. You pay the bills. Um, but one of the, it was, this, this is not the case now, but when we were married early in our lives and Rachel would go off and do some projects here or there and make some money, it was always that the money that I made was our money. And the money that she made was a little more of her money. It was a little extra money. Right, for her to do what she wanted.

I'm like, no, this goes to the family pot. It's to relieve the pressure and stress. It's not your money. It's, so. Yeah, your money's our money. My money's my money. That's not true. That is not true.

It all goes into the same pot. Not anymore. All right, so Kaylee actually has an interesting question. It's a sincere question. Kayleigh McEnany. Kayleigh McEnany. Host of Outnumbered. Host of Outnumbered. Many of the things.

The most amazing press secretary when she was, you know, had such a tough job when Trump was in office. It was so vicious to her. She was so prepared. She was so good. It's easier when you're smarter and more prepared than the media asking you questions. And KJP makes like, she makes Kaylee look better every single day. Not that, you know, not that Kaylee wasn't great in her own right. But, you know, I met Kaylee back when she had no kids and now she has two kids. And it's just so fun to see her family and her relationship grow.

She has a good question that a lot of young moms have, and that is how often should you have date night? And we've, we've talked about this. We've been guilty of not, you know, prioritizing that. And Dan Bongino sort of was like, no, no, no, no, no. You guys got to prioritize that. We had a great conversation with him and his wife, a love conversation. We did a story on their love story for Fox and Friends. And, yeah, I just think that's an important part. Was Dan every two weeks or every week? No, now I don't know if in their early years they were every week, but now they are religious about every week. We are not that religious.

But they also have two kids, and one's in college. So, listen, I think whether it's a date night or if it's like we're taking time away and doing something together, even at our own house, sometimes we go for a walk together. even at our own house, sometimes we go for a walk together. Again, the date night's better, but there's a lot of things that can supplant that if you can't get away. We thought about going, hey, every two weeks, we should figure out how we can go out to dinner and get away together.

And that doesn't seem to happen every two weeks. So I'm like, maybe every three weeks, you know, we got to go, you know, get together and try to go, well, why don't you come into the city um with me because sean's show tapes from six to seven six to seven so if i come in with him i could just hang out at my office um and then when he's done at seven you know i'm already at the restaurant ordering appetizers and and then he meets me there and and it's a you know it's a it's a great way for us to to do something fun i mean he's already in the city so let's go go to new york city and have dinner um but it's it's very rare but also we do it here at our home and there's not like a house she's like i'd like to come in i'd love to have dinner with you

there is something that i have to go in That means I actually have to get ready. Let me tell you, the older I get, the more I never have. You know, you hear FOMO, like people get FOMO about like fear of missing out. I never do. I have no fear of what other people are doing. In fact, I tell my closest friends that when we have, and I do have a group of girlfriends that we try to go out like once a month. We usually are at least once a month, once every two months we go out.

But my closest friends know that if they have to cancel on me, I'm not mad at all. It's totally fine to cancel on me. I will be just fine in my cozy slippers and my robe in my house. I'm happy. I'm kind of a homebody. But I love being a homebody with Sean. And so that's why this Valentine's Day, I said, let's put the kids to bed early. You order some fabulous food, bring it home. I'll pick a movie and we'll lock our door and just have fun. No doubt. So, but also I will note that there's been a few times where we've been a little ornery with each other. And then the conclusion is we need to get away together. That is absolutely true. We need to go out to dinner together. We

need to plan a trip together. That that's very true. And so, you know, relationships, they ebb and flow and it is true. If you do not make time for the relationship to just be away from the kids, remind yourselves of why you are together, why you love each other, why you love hanging out with each other, because you can forget that in all the busyness of life. be like, okay, this means we need to get, we need to actually spend some time together. And, and we, and we know after 25 years, we know that before in the early years, we were just like, what's going on with our relationship now? It's like, okay, we need to get together. Right. We need to get away. We need to get away, whether for dinner or a trip.

Okay. So Pete, Pete sent a question. Let's see. Let me see. Fine. Let me pull up Pete a question. Let's see. Let me see. Let me pull up Pete's question. He said, what body language, maybe something the other Duffy doesn't even know about or know that they are doing, signals that love is in the air? Okay.

Okay. You can answer this one first. No, no, no. You first you first well when i start let me just put this way sean's always has love is always in the air for sean well sometimes if i'm walking around the house like i'm a tiger stalking a zebra i don't know i i don't know i mean I was, I was joking about that. Um, I do think there's, uh, I think if I'm doing things around the house, what do I do? It's like,

I'm like, let's make sure I'm going to, I'm home. We're going to wash the dishes. We're going to clean up the kid. I'm like very making, you're being very nice and making space and time available. And I'm speeding up, you know, the, the, the process of the cleanup and a, and a fix up and wiping out counters and sweeping the floor. Like I'll, I'll be really, really helpful. Sometimes very helpful. Sometimes being helpful at the end of the day. So I can get done earlier is just about the sexiest thing you could ever do. Thank you. Just make more time in life.

But yeah, I think that's a good one. I do that, but again, sometimes... Sean's a very affectionate person, which I think has been... I really am. Yeah. So if I go to dinner with Rachel or if I'm at an event, I'm always, I'll rub her back, I'll grab her leg and squeeze her knee, I'll hold her hand. i'm an affectionate person yeah

it's been good for our marriage when i was growing up i would have never like i was not that affectionate like i didn't that was not my jam at all um i brought it out on you you do maybe maybe yeah that's it's a little secret mexican syrup that you have that brings out wow um affection but i do i do i am very affectionate and I'm not afraid to public. I'm like, I don't, we're not the cane. That's the gross hanging out each other, but I'm affectionate with you in public and at home.

I love that about you. And I think our kids, you know what? I think it's good for kids to see a dad that's affectionate with his, appropriately affectionate with his, his wife. That's true. That's true. And so I do. I appreciate that about you. And so I do... I appreciate that

about you. Yeah, I do do that. Sometimes they say, gross, stop. But that's a peck on the lips. It's like, gross, stop. I'm like, really? Enough, kids. But yes, we get the gross. As all kids do, I can look back to my own parents and I'm like, gross, stop it.

It's true. These have been good questions. How about you get to answer the question? Oh, how do I know love is in the air? Well, I did. You asked the question at me. I did answer the question. What was it?

I would say it feels like love is always in the air for Sean. But don't talk about me. Talk about you. What's your... What does Pete make on... Well, he did say at the end, he said... We weren't sure we were going to answer this question. He said, keep it PG, so I'm going to leave it at that.

We're going to keep it PG. Keep it with my answer. You know, one thing that has been nice is that for 25 years, we have had a baby in the house at all times. a baby in the house at all times. And last year when Valentina started going to school was the first time in 24 years. And now we're going on 25 years. This is the last two years have been the first years that we've actually been able to have the house to ourselves during the day. And a lot of other people at much younger ages than us have had that. The kids out of the house, right? Right. But it's been kind of fun. I mean, like we work out today.

We worked out together. Sometimes, you know, we go for a walk together. I mean, we try and we actually have some time alone that we've never had before in our relationship. And it makes me think about, you know, as we keep growing older together and more kids end up leaving. We have three out of the house now. It's going to, you know, in a year from now, it'll be another one. Every two years, another one leaves. I think that that time together becomes, you know, we're going to have more and more time together.

And what I realize is it's more important than ever for us to keep our friendship alive, our relationship alive. Because they're all going to leave and live their lives. And we're only going to have each other. And we want to get along and love each other and have this great friendship and relationship that we can have into our old age. I think part of that is we do share our lives with each other, even when the other one isn't there. You know, I, you know, it happens on the bottom line or, you know, on the weekend show, I know what's going on with your life. We share our lives. Oh, when you were in Congress, I mean, Sean was so, and listen, it's really hard. Your husband's gone for so many days out of the week. And Sean really took it upon himself to go I'm gonna make sure Rachel feels like she's not alone and like literally on the way to votes every

single day he's on the phone with me until he literally gets into the house chamber to vote he's talking he's filling me and he's telling what's going on so nobody's doing that day I'm telling him what's going on in my day and we always felt really I always felt really connected and I really appreciated that because sometimes I get so busy that I wasn't even calling because I was dealing with kids. But I love that, that you would. And I also love that earbuds became invented. Right.

And I could walk around the house and take care of all my chores, tasks and laundry and have you in my earbuds and talking to me. And also, sometimes I have to quickly jump off the phone, and you never got it because sometimes it's like we're calling in between meetings. Or you had earbuds in, too, so people would just start talking to you, and I could hear them, and I'd be like, all right, just go, bye-bye. Bye. I got to go. I never got to go.

I understood that. That was an important part of it. But it goes back to your point of friendship. At one point, our kids are going to be gone. We've shared our lives together. And we like to be around each other. We're friends. Whether it's podcasts or articles, news stories, the kids.

New restaurants, new adventures, a trip we're planning. We talk about all of that stuff together, which again, at some point, I think if couples don't continue to build their friendship and relationship, when their kids go, all of a sudden they realize we don't really like each other very much. We don't want to

spend as much time together. Well, you can remedy that earlier in the relationship to go, no, we're going to continue to build it and grow closer together and know each other that much more, become that much more intimate. Wait right there. We'll have more of this conversation next. Can I bring up one other point? Sure.

Which is the language of love. I don't know if we've talked about this in the podcast before. And I don't know that I believe this. Oh, no, this thing is so true. This thing is so true. This thing is so true. Because I think there's one language. So, like, I'm really, like, I'll grab Rachel's hand and I'll rub her back. And I'm like, how you doing?

Like, even public, I'll grab, like, all appropriate, but I'll grab her leg. I'll give her a hug. I'll give her a kiss. Like, I'm affectionate. Well, Rachel's not as affectionate with me as I am with her. She's very affectionate. And I'll complain about this. Well, you'll complain because I'm very affectionate with me as I am with her. She's very affectionate. And I'll complain about this. Well, you'll complain because I'm very affectionate with the kids.

Right. You're like, why don't you pass some of that over to me? She can be affectionate, but just not with me, with the kids. And so I'll actually complain about this. We've gotten fights and arguments over this very topic. And I have to remind myself to love on you a little more. She's like, I show my affection because I cook food for you.

I clean our house. I'm doing all these things. My language of love is service. That's true. Except for the kids. So here's my problem. I do a lot for them too. I don't believe that. I do believe that.

So I've complained about it it we've actually had this back and forth we should have a therapist talk to us about languages of love oh i love that but we've taken the test and it's come out exactly the same but i i would suspect that most men their language of love is physical right yeah maybe that's true um but that doesn't mean that like as a spouse you have to knowing your spouse's language of love isn't just like so this way i am this way you are it's also about accommodating accommodating and going no that is your language of love and i need to meet you where that language is more than i am and that that's an important conversation to answer my own question that That's why when,

if I'm really helpful and I'm doing dishes or you have a list of things that you want me to do of chores, you're like, and I'll start taking them off and getting them done. You obviously like me more, right? You're like, I do. Maybe that's, maybe this is not helpful to me. I think I might actually start to hate you. We help each other. We're both good. We're a very good partnership.

Those are all our questions? Those were them. I thought they were really good questions. Great questions from Jimmy, Pete, Ainsley, Will, Kaylee. It's good stuff. Well, listen, we're going to... Oh, wait, there was one more. There was one more

from Raymond arroyo oh let's what it was okay i'm gonna i forgot about that one he he came in a little late on that one so let me let me pull up raymond's raymond's is when you have big disagreements big fights how do you settle them aside from independently calling me to gripe about the other spouse i do not call raymond to gripe about you just fyi he's being funny i don't call me either thank you um so how do we well we we do a lot of talking you and i talk a lot through our fights now you can sometimes be a silent treatment person which drives me nuts i hate the silent treatment so but not that often talking arguing you know battling on you know there's a sign of a healthy relationship

and and kind of fighting through the fight um and sometimes i'm rachel's a talker i'm a sometimes i can you know be like i'm going to ignore you right now. Cause this, and that's not healthy either. I don't think that's a positive trait of mine, but I can be very infuriating. I totally agree. I can,

I can, if I'm honest, I lose most of our fights. I, and I can be really, I can be really mad about something and justifiably angry. And in the end, um,

I may let it go for the sake of peace. But there are a few times where I'm like, damn it. I'm not going to let it go. And when he, when I know he is, he is stuck on this. I'm like,

I give up. I'm like, all right, you, you'll win that one. I have, I've given up too much. I'm,

I'm fighting this one to the death. You know, every, but you know what though, in the, in the end we do, the end, we do still talk about our fights and kind of what went well, what didn't go well. Yeah, no, we analyze the fight after the fight. What one of us would have said that was out of bounds,

what both of us said that was out of bounds, and we can do that in the future. We'll talk about my silent treatment if that was part of it, and I haven't remedied that yet. But it's good to talk about the fight and the argument, the disagreement. To deconstruct it. And then try to figure out how when you're in that space again the next time, how do we do it better? How do we make this a better fight?

And so not talking about things, if you're angry and not talking about it, that's a problem. Yes. Or if you're not willing to have the conversation after, especially when it was a big fight to not go the next time we can do this better. We can be, we can, cause we love each other. We can be, you know, uh, better opposition partners. So I think I've, I've three points on that one. If you talk to therapists, they will say that. I don't talk to therapists, though. I know.

But you see their comments. But you know what I'm talking about. If you talk to therapists, marital therapists, they will say that if you're not fighting, if you hear those couples say, we never fight, those are the unhealthiest relationships. And that the healthiest are where, you know, I'm not talking about fighting violently, but fighting and arguing and getting the other person to understand your point of view. And even if it gets heated sometimes, it's good. It's better that you're conversing, that you're getting it out, that you're communicating, however that is, than stuffing it down and building up resentments because people do that. And so on the one hand, sometimes I get really mad at myself because I can't let something go.

I want, if something's bothering me, I got to say it. And sometimes I've beaten myself up over that and going, why can't you just let that go? But in the end, I think as I look over the course of our almost 25 years together, I think that's actually been a really, really a positive thing in our relationship, even though there have been some drawbacks to it, because I can be annoying. But I think it's been an overall positive thing in the relationship. And, you know, I think about like, how much people spend talking about their business, their,

their jobs, their whatever. Um, even the kids, even their kids, kids sports. Yeah. Like you,

you can, you have to spend this kind of time in the relationship. The other point I would, um, I would say is that what I've learned over 25 years with you is the importance of timing. So like that deconstructing the fight argument, you know, give some space to that fight before you go back and revisit it. Because the fight will start all over again. Right.

You got to wait until it's nice and settled and go, hey, listen, let's talk about what happened last week. Because I don't want to have this kind of fight next time. And so one of the beautiful things about being married a long time is that you get to know somebody and you get to understand the patterns of your relationship, the negative things, the positive things. And you just learn to fight better. You learn to fight in a way that is productive, that actually moves the relationship forward, moves your understanding of the other person forward. And I think, I think that's the beauty of being married a long time. I think it's the best part is like, you get to know your partner in that way so that the fights aren't for just fighting sake. There's a purpose and a new plateau

that you get to because of it. So I think in some relationships, there's a fight and one or both of them just want to fight to win. I want to be the winner of the fight, even though they may be wrong. them just want to fight to win. I want to be the winner of the fight. I know that may be wrong. And I think that when you try to fight to understand, I'm going to tell you why I'm angry or why I'm frustrated. And you may not agree with it. You may think I'm cuckoo. But when I tell it to you, I want you to at least understand what I'm saying, understand why I'm frustrated, understand why I'm angry. And then if you understand that, then you come back and go, and I think this emotion, you shouldn't be angry about it. I get what you're telling me, but I think you're wrong.

Right. I can handle that. Versus, and I think I do the same for you. Like, I want to understand why you're angry at me. And then we'll kind of go from there. But when you, that comes from a place of love, wanting to know why you're angry, why you're upset. And then getting to the heart of, you know, who's right, who's wrong,

is, I think, a way healthier place. But understanding timing, understanding each other's personality makes that much easier. You're not, this is not unfamiliar ground. If you're married to a Latina, you're going to have fights. But how do you do it in a way that actually moves the relationship forward? So good question, Raymond Arroyo. Raymond Arroyo.

We almost missed that. Yeah, I almost missed that one. So that was a good one. All right. Well, that's it. We hope you all have a happy Valentine's Day, doing something special. And by the way, if you have no one to celebrate Valentine's Day with, maybe reevaluate your life. Go back and listen to our 19, Daily Gets 1980s or 1990s.

Get out. Meet people. Get off Netflix. Get off social media. Start living your life and meet someone so maybe next year you'll have someone to celebrate with right so maybe it's like this is your chance to recommit to prioritizing your love life and there are tons of people out there and the question is how do you meet them and i'm and apps are fine but they're

not the only way and sometimes they're not the best way make sure that you're networking that you're letting everyone in your life that you love that knows loves and trusts you know that you're in you know you're interested in meeting someone and they will introduce you to other people that's how it's always been um for a long time The people who know you best introducing you to their network of other single people. And we wish you all the best as you're looking for love. Looking for love. And those of you who are celebrating with someone special, have a great Valentine's Day. We appreciate our friends at Fox for sending us their questions, which is pretty awesome.

By the way, that came in a late notice last night before we went to bed. Rachel started texting people. Oh, and I got all the questions. I mean, everyone answered me last night. Ainsley must have gone to work this morning and sent her a question, and it was so sweet of her. So, yeah, I want to thank all of them, Jimmy, Ainsley, Will, Pete, Kaylee, and Raymond Arroyo for sending in their questions. So, thank you for tuningo for sending in their questions. So thank you for tuning in for this Q&A Valentine's Day special.

We appreciate it. If you like our podcast, you can rate, review, subscribe, wherever you get your podcasts. If you want to subscribe, that's great because we drop every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You subscribe, you get a notice every time we drop, which should be great. We'd appreciate that. And until next time, we, again, hope you have a great day, great weekend, great Super Bowl and a wonderful Valentine's Day. Bye, everybody. Listen ad free with a Fox News podcast plus subscription on Apple podcast and Amazon Prime members can listen to the show ad free on the Amazon Music app. Jason in the house, jason chaffetz podcast dive deeper than the headlines and the party lines as i take on american life politics and entertainment

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