Full Body Chills - CIRCUS: Missing Sophie

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

A story of a cousin that left to join the circus.Written by Megan Fridenmaker.  Full Body Chills is brought to you by Max. This Halloween, the movies that haunt you are available on Max. Stream all month long. Subscription required. Visit max.com. Looking for more chills? Follow Full Body Chills on Instagram @fullbodychillspod. Full Body Chills is an audiochuck production.Instagram: @audiochuckTwitter: @audiochuckFacebook: /audiochuckllcTikTok: @audiochuck

This episode was produced with immersive audio. For the best experience, we kindly recommend you listen with headphones. Apologies for the slight deceleration, but I must express some consternation. Before we move on, you should show restraint, for our next stop may make you faint. A tunnel spinning, swirling with light, spiraling down with no end in sight. Through this corridor, dizzy and long, left is right and right is wrong. Enter and see your world undone. The moon in daylight, the night by sun. Everything you thought, and all that you knew turns on a dot nothing is true just like this tunnel our story will twist around a young woman whose questions persist but But what will the answers prove to uncover?

Like innocence, ignorance cannot recover. Conspiracy undoubtedly will engross. So gather round and listen close. Big Joe's Big Top Circus Below the name was a scratchy drawing. A showman, toothy grin pulled wide, stretched his hand to the reader, as though he was inviting them in, luring them with the promise of candied nuts, exotic animals, and of a place free from the world and all its boring rules. I wondered, is that what Sophie saw? In 20 years, the newspaper

ad was the first clue to finding my cousin. I still remember when my parents told me, the day Sophie ran away to join the circus. I didn't know how to feel at the time. I was sad, the way a five-year-old's sad when they learn their best friend is moving away. And I was happy for her. Sophie, with her pink hair and bright clothes and always teaching me how to juggle, while I never learned, there was something in her character,

in her being that stood out. She wasn't like the rest of us. She was more. Over the years, I dreamed up this whole life for her in my head, one where she flew high on a trapeze above a mesmerized crowd, or made the stands erupt with laughter as she pantomimed to her fellow clowns. It was a life free from our family's overbearing rigidity and the suffocating boundaries of our small town. My attempts to find her weren't anything new. I'd searched sporadically over

the years, searched for her name, hoping for some sign of life. I'd even gone through arrest records once. But every time, I walked away with nothing. Deep down, I knew that if she wanted to come back, or at least reach out, she would. I'd resolve to let her be. This time, though, it was different. If anything would have brought her back,

after all these years, I assumed it would have been the funeral. The car accident left her brother to sort through their parents' death, the mess that was their home and their finances. And even though she was conspicuously left out of the will, I thought surely, surely Sophie would make an appearance. At least to say goodbye. But as they lowered both caskets, side by side,

only a few close family members stood to see them off. And Sophie wasn't there. It made me wonder. Did she know? Had anyone bothered to tell her? I knew her relationship with her family had been contentious at best, but was it really this cold? As I stood in the pouring rain, tossing a handful of dirt onto the caskets, there were questions I couldn't bury. So, Big Joe's Big Top Circus. The ad was printed around the time Sophie left,

boasting a two-week stay in an abandoned field just outside of town. It teased an unforgettable show, packed with dancing animals, world-class performers, and mind-bending illusions, an escape from the mundane. Throwing the name into Google, I fully expected to hit a dead end.

That singular ad had taken hours to find. Squinting and scanning through several newspaper archives left my mind exhausted and eyes strained. But this was just the start. Article after article popped up. Reviews from across the country, across the years, that painted a less than savory image of Big Joe's troop.

The circus was criticized as a sleazy, small-time operation that charged too much for too little. One article even went so far as to accuse the group of being a money laundering front for some sort of drug operation. Because, quote, The performers were so bad and the audience was so minimal, there was no way they stayed afloat through honest means alone. As far as I could tell, the accusation never went anywhere. And despite lackluster reviews, the circus stayed afloat. I traced them from California to New York, from Texas to Minnesota. Somehow, after all this time, they were still operational. Some more digging led me to their shoddy website. On the front page, welcoming you

in, was Big Joe himself. A list of show dates stung near the top in bright neon colors, and scanning through them, my heart skipped a beat. They were in a city just a few hours away. Quickly, I found the button I was looking for and clicked. Purchase ticket. Two days later, I pulled into a dirt parking lot peppered with derelict tents and rusty trailers. The largest tent stood in the middle, complete with red and white stripes. And as I stepped inside, I felt conflicted. I knew the reviews were bad, but this? This was borderline homicidal.

The tent swayed in the wind, propped only by rusting poles and sheer will. The wooden bleachers were all peeling paint and splinters just waiting to happen. And the pre-show entertainment, in quotes, was nothing short of nightmare fuel. The troop of clowns, what with their garish makeup and dirty costumes, tried to stir the crowd. One of them dug into their trousers, reeling a long rope of rainbow cloth. Or maybe intestines. Sickened but curious, I stared at their pink hair. I studied their expressions, looking beneath the faint and patchy paint for a face I hoped to find.

But Sophie wasn't there. The show was... exactly as the reviews had said. Not worth the $40 I'd spent on a ticket. The aging ringleader, the infamous Big Joe, could barely be heard over blaring music. The tightrope walker was suspended a mere three feet off the ground.

And the trapeze artist, singular, did no more tricks than a child on a swing. By the time the lights came up, an hour and a half later, I was more than ready to leave. Sophie wasn't there, at least not anymore. Hopefully, she'd moved on to bigger and better things, leaving this muddy roadshow behind.

But it meant my search for her hit a dead end. Or maybe not. Assuming she really had been with this group, surely one of them would remember her. When I spotted the ringleader, leading outside of a nearby trailer, a cigarette drooping from his lips, I knew I had to ask. When he saw me coming, he gave a long, suffering sigh and held up his lips. I knew I had to ask. When he saw me coming, he gave a long, suffering sigh and held up his hand. Sorry, doll.

We don't do refunds. Read the fine printout on your ticket. What? Oh, no, sorry, that's not what... I, um... I'm actually looking for someone. Her name is Sophie. She's my cousin, and I think she joined your troop a while ago.

It would have been around 2004. I was just wondering if you remembered her or knew where she went after she left. Big Joe gave me a withering look and took a long drag of his cigarette. Who? Uh, her name's Sophie. I know it was a while ago, but she was 18. Probably about my height. She dyed her hair.

It was pink the last time I saw her. She could juggle. You're describing just about everyone here. You know that, right? I did know that. But I didn't have a photo of her, and any memory of her exact facial features had faded in the past two decades. I know. It's just, she's my cousin, and I'm trying to track her down.

My aunt and uncle said she left home to join the circus, and this was the only one in town back then. Well, if she did, she didn't come to us. Are you sure? I know it's been a long time, but... Sweetie, I've been running the circus for 35 years. I've known every person who's performed under my tent, and I'm telling you, we've never had no one named Sophie. He flicked his cigarette, and I ignored the ash that fell on my shoe. Do you know anyone who might remember her? You telling me I don't remember who I've employed at my business?

No, but... Well, if I'm telling you she wasn't here, then she wasn't here. He huffed and turned away, stomping into his trailer and slamming the door behind him. I suppressed a string of words almost as colorful as the costumes in his show and stalked away myself. If the jerk wouldn't help, I'd try asking others. Unfortunately, the others knew even less. By the time I pulled out of the parking lot, I'd spoken to nearly all of the performers. And not one of them remembered

Sophie. Frustrated wasn't a strong enough word for how I felt. Big Joe's was the only circus in town, and even if there had been another circus in a neighboring town, Sophie couldn't have gotten there, at least not easily. She didn't have her own car, and public transportation wouldn't come around for another few years. Hitchhiking crossed my mind, and with it the idea that something terrible could have happened. She was only 18. The roads were bare. If someone wanted to kidnap a kid, then this was the town to do it.

But even then, where would she have been going? If she'd really left to join the circus, then it would have been Big Joe's. But if no one there remembered her... Suddenly, several thoughts shot out at once so hard and fast that I had to pull over. If she didn't join Big Joe's, then she didn't join the circus. And if she didn't join the circus, then my aunt and uncle lied. And why? Why would they have to lie? It didn't take long to fall completely down the rabbit hole of conspiracy.

I could barely remember Sophie's family as I was only a kid when she left but the memories I kept painted a less than placid life. I remember Sophie and her mom would argue even on that day, the last day I ever saw her. They had another fight. I couldn't remember the specifics, but it was something to do with her younger brother. He upset her, but according to her mom,

she'd overreacted. She told her to apologize, but Sophie refused. Even into my adulthood, I could still hear the crack of her mother's hand. Just as loud was the silence that came after. Her mom stormed out, leaving me to wonder what Sophie did wrong. And leaving my cousin holding back tears. I knew her home life was far from a Hallmark card. But was it really so bad that they would... No. No.

They wouldn't. But what if something happened? Something they're afraid to share? With their parents gone, it felt like those answers might have been lost. But maybe, just maybe, Sophie's brother Joey could tell me the truth. I was hesitant to reach out. As a kid, Joey had all the social skills of a polar bear and the personality to match. He'd grown out of the bulk of his anger issues as an adult, but still radiated with a sullenness that left me on edge.

Still, if there was one person who could give me a clue, it would be him. Two days later, I found myself pulling down their long driveway, a pit of nerves eating at my stomach. After texting him that I wanted to chat, he told me I could come over to his parents' house if I helped him unpack. He was getting ready to move back in, having been left the house in the will, and needed some help getting rid of the decades of memories his parents had stored.

Piles and piles of dust-caked boxes were pulled from the attic, ready to sort. I didn't quite know how to bring up his sister's disappearance or departure. Part of me hoped that going through his parents' things might bring it up naturally, but none of their belongings gave me the right in. Joey himself wasn't much of a conversation.

Aside from the gruff hello when I walked in the door, he stayed to himself. A few hours passed in uncomfortable silence as we separated keep from clutter. Finally, as the sun began to crest the surrounding trees, I spoke up. I noticed your parents didn't keep any of Sophie's things. Joy froze, cardboard box in his arms. Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess not. That's a little weird, don't you think?

I tried to keep my voice even, tone casual, hands busy repacking forgotten memories. Silence stretched between us, and Joey turned around. Why are we talking about Sophie? I've just been thinking about her, is all. You know, since she didn't show up to the funeral. She wasn't exactly close to our parents. I know. It's just, I assume she'd want to be there. For you. Joey nodded then.

Yeah. I guess she's just busy. He fastened his hold on the cardboard box and began to turn away. I was desperate. I couldn't let this moment pass. Do you know where she is? What? Why?

Because... Because I don't think she ran away to join the circus. I think something might have happened to her. I recounted my search. The ad in the newspaper. My conversation with the ringleader. The realization that there had been no other circus in town. Joey's face remained stoic. Unreadable.

And the pit in my stomach grew. And, look, I know this might be a stretch, but I know Sophie didn't have the easiest home life. I know she probably wanted to leave, but did she? I mean, did you ever hear from her after she disappeared? Did your parents? What are you saying? That was the thing, really. I didn't know how to say it.

I barely even knew what it was. Any confidence I'd had in this theory faded as I tried to form some response. I didn't have any evidence, really. A few vague memories and a paper-thin connection made me look mad. I just... I floundered, trying to find another approach. It just doesn't make any sense,

the story I was told. I really just want to find her. Joey continued to pin me with his stare. We stayed like that for a minute, sizing each other up, waiting for someone to shatter the silence. Finally, he sighed. A long, tired thing that let tension I didn't even realize had built drain from his shoulders. Ma told me it was an accident. Time seemed to freeze in that moment.

He sat down the box he was holding and ran a hand over his face. What happened? Joey shook his head almost like he couldn't say like it was too painful a memory something he'd wanted to stay buried with his parents in their grave I waited heart caught in my throat. I'd been right. At least partially right. Though there was no satisfaction in that. Seconds stretched like minutes and stayed that way. I thought Joey might keep silent, like he was ready to close the door. But just as I was trying to come up with something else to say... I was upstairs.

And I heard Sophie and Ma arguing. Happened a lot back then. I don't even know what it was about, but Ma had a bad habit of letting her anger get the better of her, and I guess she pushed her. It's still a little unclear, I didn't want to know, but her head cracked against the side of the coffee table in the den, and there was nothing anyone could do.

He blinked back tears, eyes distant as he recalled what happened next. I know Ma didn't mean to hurt her. At least, not like that. But after Sophie died, she said we couldn't tell anyone what happened. So, she and Pa made up the lie about her leaving. She'd always wanted to get out of town and see the world. They wanted people to think she'd finally made good on that promise. The gravity of his confession hung heavy as I processed what was said. There was a strange relief in knowing the truth, twisted as it may be.

And despite feeling some frustration at the man who'd kept that secret all these years, I felt pity for the boy who'd lost his sister, who was made to keep the truth tucked away for twenty years. You want to go see her? The question caught me off guard. Um, what? Joey shifted uncomfortably, not meeting my gaze. Do you want to see where she's buried. I mean... Oh. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Is she, uh, far? Joey shook his head.

The sun hadn't set yet, and the promise of something like closure was enough for me to follow him into the trees. Joey kept talking as we walked, about how life after Sophie wasn't easy. His parents had always been overbearing, but the secret of her death caused them to tighten their grip. I think they were afraid I would tell someone.

I was 16. Old enough to make my own decisions, you know. Old enough to keep a lie. But I don't think they thought me smart enough to keep it. I guess they were right. They'd been in the ground for, what, a week? And here I am, spilling my guts. Spill his guts he did.

The floodgates were open, and years of silence gave way to the crushing wave of secrets he'd kept bricked up. Ma said the lie was for us, you know. She didn't want no cops or news crew hounding her family. She was protective like that. Loved us too much. I nodded, content to let him speak as we picked our way through the underbrush I wondered what I would have done in that situation

would I turn myself in why not to protect family was it really safer making them complicit in a crime the wheels were still turning in my head

as Joey stopped in front of an unassuming oak tree an unmarked stone sat at the base, the only indication of what lay beneath. We stood in silence for a few moments as a breeze danced its way

through the branches above. It was peaceful as far as final resting places went. It must have been tough staying silent all these years, I said. Joey nodded. I still think about her

every day, you know? How smart she was? How full of life? Sure, we argued, but I loved her. He sighed bitterly. I loved everything loved her. He sighed bitterly. I loved everything about her. She was so beautiful, too.

Do you remember her eyes? They were this bright blue-green color. No one else in our family had them. I have no idea where she got them, but they were my favorite part about her. You know, I just... I

hate that my last memory of her was my dad carrying her down the stairs. Her eyes were still open, unseen. He trailed off, staring down at her grave,

tone laced with regret. Down the stairs? Only Joey and Sophie's bedrooms were upstairs, but their living room was on the main floor. The coffee table was in the living room. Why were they carrying the body downstairs? Maybe she fell in her room and Joey was mistaken? It had been 20 years,

and human memory wasn't known to be the most reliable thing. Still, it bothered me. The whole story bothered me. If my aunt really wanted to protect her family, why wouldn't she turn herself in? The lie only made sense if she was protecting someone else. My breath caught in my throat, and I turned to face him,

holding a gun. Joey, what are you doing? He shook his head. You know, you should have left it alone. Left what alone? But Joey wouldn't answer. He was done answering. Because the truth was right in front of me.

That fight Sophie had with her mom, it was something her brother said. Their mom made up the lie to protect their family. They carried Sophie downstairs. Only Joey and Sophie's bedrooms were upstairs. I loved her, Joey said. I loved everything about her. Joey, you don't have to do this. But I knew the truth, and Joey knew it too. If he led me out here, if Joey brought a gun, then I'd join the circus too. The truth will set you free. But what is freedom's price? To die alone or leave unknown unknown if you roll the dice. You've made it through. We're at the end.

Only one more nightmare to descend. I've promised you answers and that you'll find. But does this tale not change your mind? Or are my words simply scorned? No matter, you have been warned. Full Body Chills is an AudioChuck production. This episode was written by Megan Frydenmaker and read by Kim McClay. Intro and outro written and read by David Flowers. So, what do you think, Chuck? Do you approve?