Garza Podcast - 126 - The Boys Go to Therapy

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Garza & Ernie talk going to therapy, Sick New World & much more! SPONSORS: distrokid.com/vip/garza 30% OFF! emgpickups.com Promo Code: Heavy 15% OFF! CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Ernie & Eddie Daydrinking 08:20 - Slipknot at Pioneertown w/ Eloy? 12:56 - Sick New World 13:44 - Who Is Slipknot’s New Drummer? 15:33 - Ernie Going to Therapy 21:16 - Ernie’s Therapy Breakthroughs 29:23 - Playing Drums as Therapy, Dealing w/ Trauma 34:25 - Being Vulnerable in a Relationship 38:51 - Having a New Perspective 44:29 - Looking Forward to Genuine Connections 45:51 - Demons & Karma 53:39 - The Last Time Ernie Prayed 57:38 - Religion 1:02:13 - Ernie’s Self-Improvement 1:05:50 - Garza’s Upcoming 7-String 1:13:18 - Sick New World 1:17:49 - PowerSlap

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with Shopify. Empecia to start your period of month in Shopify. coms. Bar Records. I'm going to go to the VIP area and slap you in fucking public.

You can't because you won't have that VIP fucking wristband, bro. I will. I will. I'll steal it, dude. I'll steal it, dude. Yo, come over and start a commotion. Me and you will actually have our fight right there at Sick New World. You didn't just blow the fucking internet up.

I don't remember the last time I was comfortable starting the podcast. This whole thing has been a mini heart attack. Are we good? Sick. All right. We're cruising? We're cruising? We're going on cameras.

I'm going to have a hard time before this thing's over, for sure. You'll be fine. Look, as long as... And it's with you, so this is... No, it gives you even more calm, dude, because I'm here, dude. Cool, calm, and collected, dude, on a Wednesday. Speaking of a hard to type before a podcast, literally, the fuck. So you got one job.

You're supposed to pick up Eddie and bring him to my house. To do the suey one, right? Right, right. And you guys walk in day drinking. My dude, we have, this shit's important, man. Do you remember? Do you remember the look I gave you? It was like a very...

Yes and no, because... It was a very upset dad. I could feel your fucking eyes burning a fucking hole in my fucking face. I was like, I'm going to look down for a quick second and just laugh about it. It wasn't my fault. We... I fucking... I picked him up from fucking John Wayne.

We had... I mean, we had three, three and a half hours to kill or whatever. He was like, hey, I could eat. And I was like, you know what? I'm fasting, but my, like, my fastness up in like an... Who kids a fuck? Well I think he had to He had to meet my demands

I'm like hey we can't go right now But we can go in like an hour So we kind of drove around Kill some time And then I was like all right Well fucking let's go to the circle and fucking grow Because I don't want to like go get Fucking fast food or like hit a drive-thum

Let's go fucking sit down and have a fucking nice meal So we went and sat down and had a nice meal Yes we each had a beverage Okay with our lunch as you do Sure And then a good friend of mine was like, hey man, I'm at Paul's across the street. Don't be a pussy.

Come over and say what's up. So I was like, all right, I'll go say what's up when we're done eating. Terrible idea. Terrible idea. Okay, go on. So we did. I went over there and saw the homie Gonzo and he was just like, you know, he doesn't live here anymore. He lives in Vegas.

He travels back and forth from Vegas to here. He had some very unfortunate stuff go down, which is why he was here at home. But he was just like, hey, you know, how was tour, how was Europe, the whole fucking thing. You know, I filled him in on all my life. in the last fucking two months. And he's definitely a dude that likes to, you know, he's a have a good time kind of guy. What a surprise?

Wow. I could have never guess that. Exactly. Well, Eddie was involved in that. Have a good time for about a fucking hour. Oh, wow. So weird. You know, I will say, as the responsible party in that whole little thing.

Oh, you're responsible. Okay. I shut it down after the second round. I was like, hey, you know what? Let's get the fuck out of here. Let's start driving a cron now so we don't waste any more time here drinking. You know what I mean? So three drinks in, okay?

Yeah. Yeah, one of the restaurant and two at the fucking bar. Yeah, so, yeah, three rounds. I could count. Three rounds total. Yeah. Good. Three rounds total, and we fucking left and, you know, drove to the house and, you know,

and, you know, and listen, they both went off without a fucking hitch. They were great, dude. I think they came out spectacular. It was good. It was good. I felt like a dad. Oh, dude. I walked through the door and I,

As soon as you heard, like, me and Ed giggling, I already knew that you already knew. Oh, yeah. Literally, that's what you did. You did the, wow, you had one fucking job. And you looked at me and I was, dude, Garza looked at me, like, dead in the eyes. And I had to do, like, to look away and look back.

Like, he was so fucking bummed out of me. And I was like, oh my gosh. If people only fucking, if they even had a glimpse of the behind-scenes stuff of trying to be, trying to co-revellinger. exist with band members to this whole fucking pot they only knew the behind the steam stuff okay i'm fucking busy i'm really really busy i'm gonna trust and also your job i'm not gonna come myself a band leader but your job is kind of you you do need to give other people kind of trust okay give them give them this some kind of like responsibility and then when you just right when you

let your guard down okay everything's handled we're cool i have two buzzed idiots walking in and we're supposed to do something very important that the whole world's going to see and when the whole world goes to see it this week or next week whenever it fucking comes out

they're going to be better for it dude because we were way more entertaining you know what I mean I'm going to teap my own horn for a second I feel like I'm pretty fucking entertaining with or without the alcohol but you know the back and forth was just way more funny I think because we were just a little bit buzzed

People only fucking had a glimpse, dude. My goodness. Coming from Mr. fucking triple IPA himself over here, dude, fucking. Yeah, well, I wait until after all the... That's not true. That's not always true. After the responsibility is done, after I feel...

Okay, we're done. Okay, you know what? For the most part, I'm going to say that's pretty accurate. Garza's definitely hit the sauce before we've gone on a podcast before, though. Which one? Oh, you know what? No, no, no. You're right.

I'm wrong. We've hit it during the podcast. Yes, during. You're right. My apologies. I'm not going to get, okay. Yes, I do drink with guests, but I'm not going to get day. No, no, no, beforehand.

No, no, no. Like I said, it was unplanned. It wasn't planned. I had a mini heart attack. I'm like, how am I going to navigate these four dudes? And then he realized it was fine. And he was like, okay. For over two hours.

And it was, dude, two hours blew by. flew by. I was like, oh, we're done? Oh, fuck, all right. Like, it didn't even feel like it. Yeah. That's when the, uh, that's when the very deep chemistry comes out. Oh, for sure. And, uh, I don't kind of really, it's not like a, it's like, okay, I know, I know once you sit down, start talking, it's, it's fine. Yeah. And the conversation flows. And, you know, it's, it really is like, it's cool, because it is just us hanging out kind of, you know, I don't even want to say plain catch up, but like, we're, we're just hanging as friends, as bandmates, as dudes, is having a fucking conversation.

And I like, I kind of like that platform and style of doing it, because there's no, there's no forced, there's no forced, like, excuse me, I don't know what the, like, the correct term is, it's like, we're not coming in with a certain thing in mind and sitting down and be like, oh, hey, guys, we're going to sit down and talk about this for an hour. You know what I mean?

We just fucking sit down and just rock. And it, and the people seem to like that. I think it's fucking hilarious. We're all pretty a well-rounded funny guys. I force myself to be nice to you. There is that. He's full of shit, dude. I'm his favorite fucking person in the world, dude. Besides Cece. Besides Cece. I'm probably his favorite person in the world. You're like, dude, you're like top 34 for sure, dude. That's less than top 50. Dude, I'll fucking take it, dude. I'll take it. Well, Ernie, I mean, I do appreciate you being here because came in clutch. You know. I'm just a stunt. Jones throw away, dude. Thank you. This guy texted me yesterday. It was like, hey, you want to do a pod? Tomorrow morning?

I'm like, absolutely. Let's fucking. Let's get it done, dude. People cancel, I mean, all the time. Sometimes I have a feeling, too. You kind of know beforehand. I kind of know, okay, you know what? Okay, let me just, let me have the plan B going.

Oh, for sure, for sure. Yeah, I'm his plan B, guys. Thank you. Thank you. But listen, all jokes aside, though, I'm always stuck to be able to just come on here and do this and just, you know. Appreciate it. that he's already fucking sick of me he may as well get on camera and just get more sick of me

and let the people laugh about it you know true do it what man isn't I think it might be tomorrow I've heard something else playing a fucking 350 cap room pioneer town which I just drove past this past weekend at Coachella when yeah what we were talking about off the air I got off work early at Coachella and you know yeah eight drove to go see some fucking friends you know what I mean it is literally like a 300 cap

fucking room it's a barbecue joint and they are and they are playing there one night only I think it's like tomorrow or something

or the 25th yeah tomorrow or some shit like that tomorrow yeah tomorrow yeah in your town dude it is literally

it's literally in the middle of fucking nowhere and so and funny enough um a kid at Coachella recognize me

at the booth on Saturday during the day Oh, you're that shitty drummer And that shitty band? 100%. He was like, dude, aren't you that shot

dude from suicide silence? I was like, yeah, that's me. He's like, fuck, what are you doing here selling pizza? I'm like, dude, being in a band is so sick. No, but he goes, Hey.

Someone stole our fucking money and that's what happened. Yeah, that's actually what happened. Yeah. He goes, did you hear that tomorrow night Slipknot is supposed to be the special guest at Coachella?

I looked at him like he was smoking fucking dope. I'm like, where did you even get that piece in? information from. Like, you're the first person that's spoken of this. And then shortly after that, a mutual friend of mine with a couple of homies that we have, DM me and he was like, yo, do you hear Slipknotts playing tomorrow night? I was like, there's no way they kept this that far under wraps that even I wouldn't have found out about it. You know what I mean? But so what ended up

happenings on the way to Coachella on the fucking 10 freeway where they have all the billboards along the way, like by the windmills and all that shit. Slipknot bought a piece of ad space, admittedly pretty close to the Indio Polo fields. And it says one night only and it just has the OG logo in black. There's a picture of it somewhere. Yeah, we've all saw it.

Yeah, and so people were like, oh, slip not's going to be the special surprise guesses. I'm like, dude, slip not at Coachella, like with the lineup like this, I'd fucking doubt it. But yeah, right here? Yeah, it says like long may you die or whatever. Yeah, I passed it. Honestly, I didn't even see it.

Because both times that we drove up to get there for work, It was in the evening. So you don't see it at night. It's fucking dark out there. That's it. Yeah. And so when they announced it yesterday, like, oh, they're playing fucking Pioneer Town.

I was like, dude, I drove right past the fucking joy. It's tiny, dude. It's tiny. I was like, that's going to be fucking crazy. They're going to burn that place to the ground, dude. But also, that's kind of tight. Like, that's like super, like, look at that shit, dude. Like, OG, like, DIY.

Dude, it is literally like a fucking old school town in the middle of, like, yuccaval between 29 palms and like Joshua Tree. It's in the middle of fucking nowhere, dude. But I think that's really fucking cool. What the fuck is this? It's like a little like town. Yeah. That's pretty fucking cool.

And then I don't know if you read any of like the, you know, the fucking tabloids today or yesterday or whatever too. Apparently within like if you go to the Slipknot website and you're like a fucking nerd and you know how to like it's happened to the coding where you can look at like the background stuff on the website apparently in the coding it gives a full

list of the current lineup and Eloy and a dude named Jeff are in the current lineup. That's so fucking Yeah Best Best Wars kept secret effort It's like come on bro Everybody know

Everyone fucking know Instantly instantly Instantly Bro the day it happened When we were in Canada when I fucked my backup The day they let go of Jay By the evening, people were like, oh, yeah, it can only be two people. And it's probably going to be E-Loyer, this other fucking dude.

It's like everyone knew. And then he fucking left Semple-Turro, and people were like, oh, it's definitely fucking hip. You know what I mean? Oh, my goodness. You know. So good, dude. You know, I'm a little bummed. They didn't give me a fucking call, but, you know.

No, they wanted a good drummer. Sorry, man. That was like, that was just a fucking T-ball set up right there. Oh, I gave it to you. That's what I'm saying. That was a home run. I let you have that one. dude. No, it's cool. They're probably playing

kind of like a warm-up rig. For, um, because Oh, well, yeah, because like New World. Yeah. Yes, sir. You're fucking ready? I'm ready, dude. Too much. Too much new metal for a fucking one day. Or not, or not enough.

Listen, yeah. I talk to my boy Austin Archie yesterday. He's flying he's flying tomorrow morning, so he'll be there. I fly Friday night with the company that I'm working for for the event. And then I'll just be hanging all day Saturday. I don't, all these fucking idiots flying.

I'm driving in the morning, dude. Fuck that, dude. They're paying for my fucking flight. Your boy ain't pain for shit, dude. I'm flying in, getting the VIP fucking treatment, getting paid, and then turning around and flying back Sunday morning so we can go see that art. Sick. All right, well, I'm going to go to the VIP area and slap you in fucking public.

You can't because you won't have that VIP fucking wristband. I will. I will. I'll steal it, dude. I'll steal it. Dude, yo, come over and start a commotion. And me and you will actually have our fight right there at sick New World. You didn't just blow the fucking internet up.

During slipnot? During fucking Slipknot, dude. That'd be sad. Let's go. Honestly, I mean, I really don't know who's playing drums from. I don't want to be that guy, but it's... I don't know. Okay, Slipknot has had a history of really throwing some fucking crazy, like, curveballs and loopholes for sure.

So I... It's hard for me to fucking say that it's not Eloy, because all the signs kind of fucking point to it. Of course. especially as a drummer that's you know we all have fucking close mutual friends and all that shit they also just announced the cancellation of eloy casagrante playing at thama drumday in germany last minute cancellation they replaced him with someone else i think the guy from uh malevolence or something like that is taking his spot and i looked at the fucking you know like a nerd i looked at the fucking dates and like where they lined up i was like okay you know what i mean

it's it makes way too much fucking sense i'm like all right And as soon as they posted... Can't wait. They posted that picture of, like, his fucking broken drumstick or whatever. They were, like, rehearsals or whatever. I was like, oh, okay, yeah, the exact same stick he fucking uses broken in the same place he breaks sticks because he's a fucking legend. I'm like, all right. Literally, you know what I mean?

Literally a legend, dude. Insane. Insane. Over the years, he's fucking... Eloy's built his name up to, like, be one of the best drummers on the planet. Yeah, absolutely. And well, deserved. He's a young, he's a young, goat status fucking drummer, dude.

He's incredible. Like, God, as someone who's probably older than him, because I'm pretty sure I'm older than him, like, it's inspirational to watch. I mean, there's so many cats that are younger than me that I watch. I'm like, Jesus, these dudes are fucking sick. That, like, actually, like, I know I make the joke and I'm like, I'm going to fucking quit playing drums. But those dudes, like, keep me fucking hungry. I'm like, damn, I need to fucking get on the level. These dudes are monsters.

You know what I mean? Got to stay hungry, dude. All day long. All day long, dude. Here I am, man. We're more hungry than ever in years, dude. Years. It's all thanks to your boy right here, dude.

Fuck, yeah. You had a piece in it. It's cool, man. I appreciate it. You brought a new life, you know. Because shit, I mean, dude, I brought a new level of spas, bro. That's what it is. Oh, dude.

I mean, you're still spazzy, but I mean, you, Ernie, you are improving a lot, a lot. Since when you first joined, I know people say you might be over a bearing, but I've seen you progress. It's cool. I appreciate that And yeah I don't With the whole like overbearing thing I do see it a lot too

And I think at At times it used to bum me out When I'd read that Because it's not anything That I'm doing on purpose Or was doing on purpose And like I said Especially with you know

Oh yeah by the yeah I celebrated a month of fucking therapy Last week Nice man Full month under the fucking Under the wing Still going Still fucking doing the damn thing

It's it's wild And even even that shit Has really helped me to like Like I said not, yeah, not like not come off or not even come off, not be so overbearing and like, and let things fucking be, let things run their course, let, you know what I mean? Because the dude, you know what? It is fucking, it probably used, I mean, yeah, now that I'm in a different headspace,

it used to be hard for me to admit that I probably, that I was that way and that I couldn't just like let things fucking be and let them take their fucking course. And now it's just like, cool. You know what I mean? Like, whether it's negative or positive, sometimes you just have to let shit fucking be. Let it work itself out, dude. Because truly at the end of the fucking day, if it's out of your control and there's nothing you can do, just let it fucking be. Control the things you can and prove on those shits.

And, you know, and just keep pushing forward. And let, yeah, you know, just like not be so fucking, you know, about everything all the time. You know what I mean? Because I know. I know that I have a tendency to fucking be that way, especially because I am something that, God, I hate referring to the therapist thing, but like something that they, you know, that mine pointed out to me also, um, while there's, while there's nothing wrong technically with trying to like be on top of things all the time, which is a good quality to have, it can, too much of anything can be a fucking bad thing in that. And we know that. That's true for a million things. And one of those things is like, like, you know, being overbearing or being so, like, so on top of, like, things that maybe don't need to, like, be, you know, I don't know what you want to call, like, micromanaged and shit like that.

It just, it ends up kind of like almost like, you almost like end up shooting yourself in the fucking foot because you're doing too much. If, I guess if that makes fucking sense, I'm trying to think of, like, a better term to word it. But, you know what I mean? Like just being overbearing in terms of things that are out of your control. You know what I mean? Like if if something's going to happen, it's going to fucking happen.

And sometimes you can control that shit. Sometimes you can't. If it's something that you have a grip on and you know you can fucking control. Cool. If not, don't let it fucking sideline you, man. Like just, you know, focus on you and the present and the shit that you can improve on and fix. And, you know, and move forward and shit like that. And one of those things was for me to just fucking stop, like, you know, obsessing over shit and fucking, and always trying to fucking, you know, just do them.

And dude, I've always been a fix it kind of guy. Like, hey, if something's wrong, let's fix it. Not that there's anything wrong with that either. That can be a very good quality. But sometimes shit just doesn't require fixing. And you just have to let it fucking be and be like, all right. I'm going to move forward from this and do something different. and so it's it's slowly also being instilled in me too so like and it does it makes for like uh

makes for like a a less stressful fucking day dude because i'm i'm not fucking going about my day stressing and pulling my fucking hair about about why i can't fix a certain something you know what i mean like it's just like sometimes you just have to let it be yeah you know some things yeah you have to let things be and there's a lot of things that you can't fix yeah there's seems you can control it seems that you can't control yeah like you said last episode you it's it's kind of fucking crazy uh i had another friend the other night tell me the same thing you did they're like wow that's kind of crazy like i've never heard you actually like gather your thoughts and like get once like dude honestly yeah when you live your whole life that way you

don't realize that that's a thing and the people around you who see you that way that are like oh wow like he's just kind of scattered all about and like you know you know doing all this stuff, you know. For that, for someone, especially for the person that it was to be like, oh, like, that's really cool to be able to, like, gather your thought. And, like, again, I was kind of like, holy shit. Damn, it's cool. That's fucking crazy.

You got a pause for a second. I was like, oh, thanks. You got a little glimpse, dude. Use EMG pickups because they help you get the heaviest tone possible. Head over to EMG pickups.com and use my promo code heavy at checkout and get 15% off. And then once you write the heavy, the heaviest song of all time, head over to distroKid.com slash VIP slash Garza and save 30% off your membership to get all your songs on all streaming platforms. And now to the heaviest podcast of all time.

It's wild. It's wild. But you know, yeah. What's been the worst day so far in therapy? Um, what did you talk about? It, it was probably like the, believe it or not it was probably like this second or third session the first one was fucking brutal the second one was like you kind of got to like get a little uncomfortable to get comfortable with the person even though that you like you know you're sure

because they're completely unbiased they're a fucking stranger essentially you know what I mean crazy um especially from someone like myself that's you know I like any buddy dude, I'm sure people have trust issues with certain shit, whether they stem from childhood.

Totally. You know what I mean? All that stuff. So even though you're talking to someone that doesn't know you or your background or anything of the sort like that, at least for me, I know everyone's different, trying to like open up and like trust this person, even though you know like it's like you're bound by a fucking confidentiality contract and all that shit, they're not going to fucking discuss anything about what you're telling them or anything like that, whether it's fucking serious or not.

There's just a certain, like, a brain block that's like, do I really want to tell this person about my whole fucking life and the things that have happened to me? You know what I mean? It's weird to open up somebody that you don't know. Yeah. But, yeah, so, like, it was weird. Like, my first session was, like, really, like, emotional and, like, shitty. And I thought, I'm like, okay, cool. That's probably the worst of it. You know what I mean? Like, just, you know, I think. No, no, no. Fuck, no, dude. The second and third one, I was just like, oh, fuck.

And, like, I don't know if I told you, like, my therapist is walking distance from my house. You guys hang out? No, what the fuck? No. I just, no, I just walk there. And, like I said, I leave my phone at home. I don't take it with me. You know, I write shit down on a notepad and stuff like that versus it being on my fucking phone.

Because that vice has always been there. like just attached to my fucking phone. You're bad with your phone. And one of the first things that she pointed out was like, you're on your phone a lot, aren't you? And I'm just kind of like, yeah. She was just like maybe learn to put that down a little bit and focus on the reality here. Like don't, you know what I mean?

I was like, oh, shit, all right. You know what I mean? So like by the second and third session, I just started leaving it at home because I can just literally, I'll plug it into the charger at home and then just walk to the office, which is really sick. The walk, even for you to walk itself alone. The walk back from that second session. And it's like a fucking six minute walk, dude. It felt like forever.

I was just like, what were you thinking about on the walk back? Everything. Dude, like past friendships, past relationships, just past wrongdoings. And it's not that it's like meant to make you fucking think about that shit. But when you open that line of conversation with somebody that has an unbiased. perspective and they tell you or give you their opinion and advice about how to proceed you know with with the information given and shit like that it's kind of like there's this there's this like overwhelming sense of like it's it's hard to put into words i guess like uh

you get like this overwhelming sense of like weight that you can either choose to fucking carry it with you or fucking or let it down dude and like let it come off your shoulders and understand that it's in the past now and and and while those things did fucking happen and you have to fucking you know own your responsibility knowledge or accountability and responsibility for it and all that stuff it's like carrying it with you doesn't do anyone any fucking good it doesn't do you any good it doesn't do the people around you any good because you it's you're never going to let it fucking rest you're gonna you're gonna carry it with you and no matter how much you say that you've healed

or you know or corrected the issues and all that shit even if you corrected them if you're carrying it with you you're going to inflect it on other fucking people after the fact because it will it will rear its fucking head and you will inflect it upon someone else that doesn't deserve that

you know what I mean so well a lot of past traumas you will manifest and you'll take it out on other people which is exactly what I did and that's fucking terrible dude that's that's a horrible fucking thing to have done you know and the thing is a lot of people a lot of people will fucking like go through life not really not really realizing that what they're fucking doing is harmful you know if they're

or or they're being willfully fucking ignorant you know what I mean and ignorance is a big one a fuck yeah absolutely and yeah the uh the real not the realization of someone else pointing it out to you that you don't know let alone our paying for for them to tell you like oh hey you know what i mean and i don't mean it like that like oh you know fucking i got to pay it's nothing like that but it is it is fucking crazy to have someone you don't know stare at you from across a fucking room and talk to you about this kind of thing and really like have the information and wealth of knowledge that they do to be like well these are things that you've done that that you can't change in the past you can only improve on

them in the fucking feature and make sure that these kinds of things don't happen again make sure that you do the work sorry that's fucking coffee's making my throat all gummy um the fuck you doing i don't know it's it's really strong though like look where i'm i've only had that much and i can already feel myself like getting fucking like geeked up it is really dark too if you can fucking see it it looks like someone put black paint i dude honestly i'm a little scared i should have just got the fucking gronde i'm also on an empty stomach i haven't eaten so you're fucking firing away yeah i'm firing away So yeah, like with all those things like, you know, setting in and I was telling, I was telling my friend the other, like the day after that session, like I said, it's a six minute walk home. And I was just like, fuck, dude. Like I felt like I was walking so slow, dude, like back to the house. And, you know, I got home, took one of those fucking long showers. let the fucking water just fucking run on you for 30, 40 minutes and shit like that.

But yeah, I would definitely say that the second and third sessions were definitely like the most emotionally charged labor intensive. And I mean labor intensive like just like taking on the weight of all that and like sitting with it, working through it. And then going home and pulling out the notepad and like writing about it and stuff like that. Oh, wow. Dude. Damn, Roney. It's cool. I never thought that I would find myself being one of those.

Don't be wrong. I do like to write. I love to write. I've written letters to people and stuff like that, you know, shit like that. Because I'm fucking, I'm corny or whatever you want to call it. But I guess I've never done that for myself. Which was really, like, kind of crazy to like. When was last time?

you wrote down your thoughts and your feelings on onto paper it's been fucking ages dude i i had to be a kid still a kid oh yeah wow yeah yeah yeah you're talking over 20 years easily so you never really processed your thoughts or feelings no i did uh now now now now now the people know why you play drums i'm you know here's the thing yeah i did start at a really young early age and i was like fucking four or five when I was, you know, hitting shit and driving my fucking parents nuts. But, you know, hey, they were like, okay, he obviously is inclined.

He knows what's going on, hitting fucking buckets and pockets and pots and pans and shit. And obviously that evolved from there into me wanting to, you know, do it, you know, like, pursue it seriously and all that shit. But yeah, I will say that definitely during the time period where my parents'

fucking split up and all that shit. Playing drums definitely took on a much different fucking meaning in terms of like, you know, trying to, I guess trying to figure out where to place all that like frustration and, yeah, like the frustration, the aggression and all that stuff. Because, you know, the way things went down with my fucking parents, it was not a, it was not a fucking, it was not a clean break. It was very messy. How old are you when they officially

split up? 12 going on 13? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And how old are you when you started playing drums? I mean, I started playing at four years old, like, you know. Yeah, yeah. But I got my first drum kit, like actual drum kit when I was, like, eight.

And my first kid at eight, you know what I mean? I fell in love. Immediately. I was like, yeah, this is what I want to do. It's fucking incredible. it's the best feeling in the fucking world um but we're you know when that stuff started you know also I was definitely I was definitely one of those kids that I think I never envisioned my family you know having that happen or you know

uh going through that kind of thing going through a divorce going you know what I mean like it was such a foreign concept to me at that point because well I I don't know I think maybe I was just young and didn't know that sometimes he's things happen. And so after the fact, I was like, oh, fuck, that's crazy. Because to me, it was like, these are two people that I thought loved each other. You know, they had a family.

They have kids and all that stuff. You know, even at, even at fucking 12, 13 years old, your brain's not fully developed to understand everything that's going on. You know, you get the basics of it, I think. But then it's not even 30s. Yeah, a 12, a 13-year-old brain trying to try to try to process. process their parents splitting up. It's fucking wild.

Yeah. And it throws the craziest wrench in your spokes. And that's actually the only other time that I've ever been to therapy. And it wasn't just me. We were going to like family therapy type of thing. You know what I mean? It was like me and my brothers and my mom, you know, trying to work through that type of thing. And it's like, again, that's such a fucking night and day dynamic from being a child to being a fucking, you know, a fucking man and being an adult.

and you know I think there's a I mean I know that there's a lot of a lot of shit that went on growing up with me where it was like we I mean I've never talked about it publicly

but like my my dad's was very much about like like tough love you know what I mean like it was very much like if we showed emotion or cried

or anything like that it was like you're considered weak. Which, I guess, is not a very uncommon thing. There's a lot of fucking dudes that are raised that fucking way. And those are, unfortunately, a lot of dudes who are in the same boat as me when they have issues with relationships and friendships and all that shit because they repress everything. You're not allowed to fucking...

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And you don't realize the kind of issues and problems it causes for you until later in life when it's like you're on your own and trying to process those feelings and experiences. and all of a sudden you're like, cool, I don't know how to do any of that because I was always taught to do this shit and no one's ever really

shown me otherwise. You know? So it's like, I mean, right out the gate, it was one of the first things that was pointed out to me in therapy. I was just like, well, yeah, obviously, I mean, this lady's probably seen this kind of problem a million fucking times, you know what I mean?

And you just kind of like, you don't really, as a human being, you don't really think that kind of thing could ever happen to you until it does. And then you're just like, oh, fuck. You know what I mean?

Until it slaps you in the fucking face. And, you know, respectfully, not like in a bad way or anything like that. But yeah, and then it gets pointed out to you and you're like, no, no way. Like, that could never be me. And then all of a sudden, you know, they start picking you apart and you're like, holy shit. Yeah. Yeah, that is exactly what is happening here and why this has brought me to this point that I'm at now. You know what I mean?

So, yeah, that's, that was, you know, unfortunately, because of the way that I was brought up, That was a really, really big fucking factor in some of the issues I've had along the way. You know, and now that I'm getting, you know, now that I've gotten help with it and I'm continuing to get help with it and shit, it's so much more like, not as awkward to like let your feelings come out and be like, yeah, you know what? Hey, I'm being fucking open. I'm not trying to repress these fucking feelings or be like, you know, but a same thing. For me, the very X factor about that whole thing was also trusting somebody enough to be open with them. Because that's a big one for me, too. I've been fucking burned before, dude.

I've been burned multiple times to the point where I'm like, I don't really know that I want to share all of myself with someone like this yet. Because I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if they're going to take advantage of the fact that I'm being vulnerable and open. You know what I mean? And so that was another reason why I didn't do it sooner on my own too. Because I was like very self-aware that I was like afraid to be like, all right, let me be 100% open and hope that this person doesn't take advantage of me. You know what I mean? And so like I said, it was kind of like I had like the doubles like stacked against me, dude, where it's like, you know, society is a certain fucking way and life continues to fucking press on.

And sometimes you just have to fucking put your fucking cards down on table and be like, fuck it. Here it is. please don't take advantage of this. You know what I mean? And it's up to the other person if they're going to or not. You know what I mean? And that's a fucking scary thing. But that's part of fucking life, dude.

They either are or they're not, you know. Yeah. Unfortunately, the other part, a major factor in a relationship is you got to be vulnerable. In order to love or for the other person like to really love you, you got to be vulnerable. But the thing about love is it doesn't it doesn't stop at love. But once you open up that, once you up up that door of emotion, more other stuff comes out. It's not just love. And so you're afraid of love because it was going to come out because for yourself's going to come out.

It's fucking terrifying, dude. It is terrifying. And it's, you know, then you have to deal with the other emotions that come up when you allow yourself to love. I like to love. You know, I, yeah, all like this, when I fell in love again with my recent, uh, girlfriend, like, yeah, a lot of, like, okay, I have a very callous heart. I learned, I learned, okay, it takes a lot to like, so once she started to chip away

at it and like, I allow, okay, now there's some feelings coming out. Yeah. The shit that came out was fucking ugly, dude. It's fucking brutal, dude. It's ugly. Yeah. Yeah. Any hate you have when you're, you know, a child or it's just, it comes out, man.

Yes, it does, dude. Yes, it does. And if, and if, and that's why you're saying. Like, it's, it's ugly. It's brutal. It's fucking scary. Because I think in a weird way, yes, you're holding on to that stuff. You never forget that it's there, but you fucking shove it so far down that you're just like, ah, it'll never rear its fucking.

fucking head again. Oh, it will. And then all of a sudden, dude, you find the one, you find the right one that'll fucking start peeling that shit back. Mm-hmm. And yeah, it is a very fucking, it's a very fragile, scary feeling. But you have to let it happen. You really do.

In order to fucking fully be able to, like, get to the core and, like, you know, really have that level of fucking understanding with a partner or with someone, dude, it's like, yeah, it is a necessity. You know what I mean? And, you know, unfortunately for me, I've always been the kind of guy that's like, it does take me a long time to put my walls down. And when I do, I think that I've fully put them down. No, no, there's levels, dude.

Yeah, yeah, well, I know. And multiple walls. I'm finding out swiftly, dude, you know what I'm saying? But here's the thing. Like I said, it's a all in all, man, it really has been of just a fucking crazy eye-opening experience, you know? And it really has, like,

I know it's only been two months, dude, but holy shit, dude, what a fucking, what a while two months it's been to, like, really, like, put things in a fucking perspective, do, I've already got a completely different fucking outlook on things, dude, like... Good.

You know, I know, and I know we've already talked about it, but it's just like, yeah, dude, like, I, uh, I, just being able to get up and fucking look at myself in the fucking mirror, dude, and not be fucking bummed about the person I see. It's fucking huge, dude, because it is fucking hard to do that, especially when you're, like, you're down in the fucking dumps, you're struggling, you're trying to fucking, you know,

keep it together for everyone's fucking sake. And when, and I know there's other people like this, too, I've always been the fucking person that was like, oh, I'm quick to help everyone else around me, solve their issues. Like, that's just the kind of person I've always fucking been. Like, oh, hey, you know, this person needs help with this.

Like, can you fucking help? Dude, yeah, of course. I'll help anyone that fucking needs it. I've just always been that kind of fucking person. I'll give the fucking clothes off my fucking back if somebody was fucking freezing cold. You know what I mean? And I know this is common for a lot of people that come from a background of childhood

fucking trauma, whether it's, you know, verbal, mental, physical, abuse, whatever. you don't want to see other people in pain or struggle or hurt. So you like, I guess kind of like put yourself in their fucking shoes for a second and you're like, damn, that sucks. Let me do what I can to help them. Not realizing that you've been neglecting your own fucking issues the entirety of the time. Because the kind of like serotonin and feeling you get from helping other fucking people out. kind of like

I guess kind of helps like fill I don't even know if I'd say a void but like it gives you satisfaction it makes your fucking brain be like ah hell yeah dude I did something sick

I helped somebody out you know what I mean and there's nothing wrong with that dude helping people out is fucking phenomenal dude and I will do it as long as I'm alive and above ground but

I've also fucking learned that neglecting myself in terms of the shit that I need to do and the help that I need to fucking get is so detrimental, dude. And like I said, it came to a head in the last two fucking months. And now here I am finally getting the fucking help that I need and making the improvements that I need in order to be the best version of myself. And it's been fucking crazy, but great. You know what I mean? It's like I feel better in the morning.

Dude, I get up even fucking earlier. I look forward to fucking getting up and doing things and fucking going to work and fucking, you know, like just you know what I'm saying like I said I always feel like I've been a pretty fucking positive guy on the surface getting to like the fucking bottom of all this dude like with therapy too it's like you know they really do they really dig deep and they're like hey listen it's nothing it's nothing to be fucking embarrassed or ashamed of dude most people want to be fucking happy you know I think all people want to be happy maybe there are some people that just want to be fucking

miserable. Those are not people I want to be around. But like, you know, even the happiest fucking people, dude, have demons, dude, have repressed fucking problems, have issues that need fucking sorting out. But a lot of the times they just kind of stick to a path of shoving it deep down, dude, and in hopes that it just will never fucking rear its head. But unfortunately, that's not how it works, dude. Your body and brain can only handle so much of shoving that shit down, dude, before it makes a fucking appearance and it can manifest itself in so many negative ways. you know, whether it's fucking, you know, blowing up at somebody fucking hurting someone, fucking closing yourself off from someone that just wants to fucking see you be your best and shit like that.

It manifests itself in crazy fucking ways, dude. And so being able to like get that off your fucking shoulders and understand that it's okay to be fucking vulnerable and let people in and let people understand where you're coming from and where you might be having trouble and struggling. so that there's the potential of actually fully healing and like doing the work and all that shit. It's a fucking wild thing, dude. I can't even believe that I'm like saying these things, dude. It's so crazy because, you know.

I would have, I don't think had I ever gotten fucking helped you. I would have never even been able to process that kind of thing. It's cool. You know what I'm saying? That's fucking crazy. I think in a year from now, you're going to look back at an episode like this and I even recognize. No. And that's something that I'm looking forward to singing.

That's also a potential that I see unless I wouldn't have let you be in the band in the first place. I know. There's a potential there. Definitely. You know, so it's cool. You know, where's there going to be out in like a year from now? You know? With a new car and a fucking house, dude.

And just, you know, as far as material things goes, you know, I'd like to find out. Oh, sure, yeah. I'm going to buy a house next year, for sure. But, you know, outside of shit. With that blast beat money, come on. That's right, dude. Fucking blast beats paid for this fucking house, dude. Mm-hmm.

You know, but what I look forward to most, like, out of all of this fucking, like, growing and learning is really, like, having a way more solid sense of self, you know, and identity and, you know, better, stronger, fucking healthy relationships and friendships with people around me and stuff like that. and recognizing the, I mean, I've already recognized that there are, that there are people all around myself, not just myself, but us, that are not in your best interest. They're just there for the ride. They want to hang on because it's fucking cool what you do, or they, you know what mean? Or they see some way they could fucking take advantage of you because of your niceness, which is one of those things that, yeah, I've also had to learn the hard way multiple fucking times, because I am a very nice fucking person, dude, and I am a giving fucking person, and I will, you know, admittedly yeah I definitely have been sucked into the guys of

helping out undeserving people and the wrong people and they pulled one over on me and I got taken advantage of and you know lesson learned man yeah less than fucking learn dude but you know I'll never I'll never look at anyone with like a fucking with a with a bad heart with a sour heart it's just like hey you know what you got one

over on me I wish you the fucking best in life dude just stay away from me you know what I mean Everyone's just gone through the wrong shit. 100%. 100% dude. Do you believe in hell? Absolutely. Do you believe in the devil?

Okay. I think that, I think, well, I personally believe in the devil and demons. And there's this, it's funny when, like, things manifest. People, like, people just expect, like, these big things to happen. But, but they don't even realize. Like it could be whatever happened when they were a child or a teen or their parents split up or they're like repressing feelings or like, dude, it's small shit. Okay, like I shouldn't order a pizza right now, but I'm going to order it. So it'll stop me from doings.

Right, right. It could be something that small as that. But then it, but you know you're fucked up and that will manifest into bigger and bigger things. Like in the next thing you know, you're cutting off someone on the fucking freeway. The next thing you know, you're fucking yelling at your spouse and it's like these little thing. I love the shout out to Danzo Washington

Denzel He has a He has one of my favorite quotes On the planet It's a Look up Danzo Demon quote

Or what movie is it from Or no Interview It's a It's an I know what you're talking about I think It's

It's Oh shit No Uh How about devil Like you I know it's from an interview I just don't remember what the actual code

Okay yo Now try to find that video of this Maybe go on videos So yeah It's that quote but I want to find it Yeah Like in the actual video Yeah

I would go to video All right that's fine Who's that guy dude That guy is fucking Oh dude you got you Okay Hmm Okay wait

Stop it stop it Stop it Okay crank that shit Oh shit Oh yeah, we don't have the speaker going. All right, play it again. Split, it's fine. Like, do you like for, for real deaths, I believe wholeheartedly that.

And I think when you have, when you're uncomfortable every day, like, you're just trying to do like, when you try to be yourself or you're trying to do the right thing, like, you feel like a bad person because I literally believe like the devil is, I feel like I hang out with my personal demons every day. And then, and then when you're doing something wrong, you feel good. is like this weird fucking backwards thing dude well yeah and I and again like and I've I've never I mean never dude been the most like religious person depth like far more fucking like spiritual like in terms of like looking at fucking like signs and things around me and shit like that I uh religion and spirituality of very different things they are they are and I know that they can obviously they exist simultaneously but they connect but they but they are far they are very different in a lot of aspects but

I've always felt like when people talk about you know evil or the devil or Satan or whatever or anything like that you know however they choose to address it or whatever I feel I've always felt like like no matter what it is that you believe in

whether it's you know religion, spirituality you know any of that stuff I think on earth here like in existence I believe that they're like, I feel like evil needs to exist and I wonder for there to be good also.

Like, you know what I mean? It's like anything else, dude, it's a fucking balance. And, you know, I don't ever talk about this kind of stuff ever just because I, you know, I've always been afraid of people looking at me like a fucking weirdo, but I don't care, dude. You're already a weirdo, so.

Exactly. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like, but no, really. And I feel, I feel like, I truly feel like, I truly feel. like everybody everyone possesses the ability

to do bad or or can be evil whether it's in an act of you know cowardice whatever the fuck you know what I mean I feel like it it exists within everyone

and like we talked about it before like I also I also feel like as a fucking warm-blooded human being one of your jobs every day is to fucking get up and choose to do good and not let you know not evil let it fucking overtake you and and you know at least in certain instances and shit like that like

like I feel like everybody possesses the ability to do bad or or be evil or you know you know be negative for the sake of it or whatever have you like and I feel that it can manifest itself in lots of different fucking forms, dude. Like, I don't, like, I don't think that the devil or evil is, like, one specific entity. Like, I believe it can fucking manifest itself in anything. Oh, totally. You can fucking meet someone who's just the fucking worst person on the planet that, you know, they say, oh, they're pure evil.

And it's like, you've been around those people where you're like, this is not a good fucking person, dude. And, like, you know, they drain you of your fucking energy. They just fucking suck the life from you, dude. like people like that like that's kind of like that's kind of how i feel you know and we've all encountered people like that too and it's your job as a as a fucking person fighting demons every fucking day whatever they may be to keep those people at bay keep them away from you make sure that it's like hey no i'm not i'm not gonna fucking let you in into my fucking you know into my

fucking space and allow you to fucking drain me or or take advantage of me or any of of those things, you know what I mean? So that's, I don't know. I don't know if that's making sense. I'm trying to form that thought, like, so that it doesn't. I'm proud of you, man. You know? This isn't the old journey. No, no, it's not, dude. And, uh, yeah, dude, I, I don't know. It's crazy. But like, like, like I said, I really, like firmly fucking believe that if you, as a, as a person, make it your duty to fucking, to wake up and fucking be the best version of yourself and do good and put good out, you'll get good back. You know, I mean. It's like, it's like the whole karma thing, dude. It is. I believe a wholeheartedly

karma. Karma points are fucking huge, dude. And if you're out there being a fucking piece of shit in a knob, dude, it's going to come back to you, dude. It's going to come back to you, and it's gonna fucking, and I feel like karma hits you in the most unconventional kind of fucking ways, too. Karma knows how to get you where it fucking hurts when you think you're invincible, dude, and that it can't fucking get you. Oh, it will. It will. It will. Carma's like the fucking cartel, dude. You do something fucking bad. It doesn't come for you first, dude. It'll take your fucking family out and then save you for the, for last 100% dude

well that's what that's what they say about karma like it actually uh it doesn't just affect you it affects ever other people yeah it's very fucking true it's very true and that's a that's a whole other level of selfishness yeah yes it doesn't affect just you it's like like your family which is yeah your family your loved ones the people around you that fucking care it's like dude karma doesn't give a fuck about any of that and it's gonna come for fucking all of it dude when was the last time you prayed and then and then we'll close off this like we've been going

I'm gonna add it for it. That's cool. I'm chilling, man. When's last time I prayed? Yeah. Damn, dude. Honestly. Like, oh shit, maybe like two weeks ago. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, dude. Like, I, uh, I, uh, I, I, I, I went to sleep kind of early. It was after one of my fucking, like, super fucking long days of work where, like, I did both fucking jobs. I, like, I, uh,

I went to work at fucking, you know, 5 a.m. Went home at fucking 233 o'clock and then did online fucking work until like fucking seven or eight. Pooped as fuck. I was like, all right, I'm going to fucking go to sleep. And I don't remember falling asleep. I know it was like I fell asleep way earlier than I normally would. Like I probably knocked out of like fucking like nine or something like that.

Like I fell asleep in my fucking clothes. Like room lights still on, TV still on, unfolded fucking laundry on the bill. Like just fucking knock the fuck out. And I had the fucking craziest fucking night tear, dude. I won't even, I won't get into details about it, but it was like, I woke up in a fucking panic and it was like, holy shit, dude. Like, I woke up and I was just like, I kind of like, you know, I did a look around the room, kind of patted myself for a second, looked over.

I was like, okay. All right. And it was, it scared me enough that I didn't want to go back to sleep. And I kind of did the stare at the ceiling thing for a while put something on fucking Netflix just to have some fucking background noise because I'm alone.

I'm at the house by myself, you know? And, you know, and believe it or not, I thought about the whole praying thing because of what you told me a couple weeks ago. Oh, cool. And I was just like, fuck it, whatever. Let's give it a fucking stab.

You know what I mean? What's the word? that could happen. Ain't nobody judging me for fucking doing it and I don't care if they do.

It's not their problem. It's not their fucking business what I'm doing. You know what I mean? And I did. I just kind of,

you know, I just kind of sat there and talked. And by the end of it, I think I felt a little more at ease about it. And then,

you know, it took me a while to fall back to sleep, but eventually I did. And when I woke up, I even kind of was like, oh, that's crazy. I haven't done that

in so long and initially like starting to you know i kind of was like this is weird why am i doing this you know what i mean like who sure like who the fuck's gonna listen you know what i mean and it wasn't like it wasn't said with hastiness or like with negativity i just was like you know again uh i guess skeptical for the sake of being skeptical but then i quickly just dispelled it i was like hey you know what it doesn't fucking matter in the moment it helped me and I fell back asleep and it was fine and I

and I let it go I realize that what happened in said night terror isn't real you know but it made it made me it was very emotional it made me feel a certain type of way so I was just like holy shit like what do you know what I mean and honestly

I just thought about you saying that and so I did and like I thought about you and I was like huh yeah like Garza said just fucking try that you know what I mean and honestly yeah so you know I did that shit but yeah admittedly that's the first time I've done that yeah I couldn't tell you the last time that I like like sat and like legitimately prayed for whatever reason you know what I mean um yeah I also have like a very like I used to have a very uh skewed look on um on organized religion and to a degree I still do. And I don't like, my thing is I know a lot of people get into fucking, I've gotten into fucking

heated arguments and debates with other people about this shit. Oh. No, no, no. It's totally cool. And I don't care. Yeah, I'm not the biggest believer in organized fucking religion. And you don't have to be. I don't think, I don't think you have to be religious to pray or talk to someone or have a fucking conversation. That dude, to me, that shit can be all spiritual, man. You're looking within your fucking self, dude, and you're talking to get it out, you know. And, but yeah, I have had people that are like, you know, oh, you know, were you raised Catholic Christians?

Like, yeah, dude, I was raised Catholic. And, you know, in my younger teens and even early fucking 20s, you know, when I had friends start fucking dropping like flies from fucking car accidents, motorcycle accidents, people dying from fucking just the craziest freak fucking occurrences, you kind of like, you kind of stop and you're like, well, fucking amen, like, you know, if, if Jesus or God is supposed to be this fucking great, almighty fucking person, why is he just fucking cleaning house and taking all my fucking friends out of the fucking game? I thought he was supposed to be like this powerful entity that only does good and shit and whatnot. You know what I mean? Like one of those

kind of like outlooks on it. And that very much, not only just me, but my brothers as well, because, you know, we all had a lot of the same friends that passed away. It just, it kind of like fucking soured our look on on on you know on Catholicism because that's how we were raised or whatever um but as an adult I I have understood that it doesn't matter what you believe in people are going to fucking pass away and they're going to continue doing so that's just a hard fact of life it is um and so now you know I'm definitely at a fucking point now we're like I can have a debate or an adult talk with someone that's like, oh, you know, I'm a, you know, a Christian scientist or I'm a fucking

devout cat. And it's like, cool, man. I know there's a lot of people that are extremists that are like, oh, well, I can't be friends with you because I'm a fucking Christian and you're Catholic. And it's like, dude, that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard in my fucking life. Who cares what imaginary guy in the sky you pray to or what fucking God you believe in? I don't care about all that, dude. Be a fucking good human being first. The religion shit doesn't matter to me. I don't care if you're a Christian and Catholic. Catholic, Buddhist, whatever. I can meet you as a human being and have a fucking conversation.

If I think you're a fucking good human being, cool. That's all I ever require out of anybody. If you're going to talk religion with me and that kind of thing, dude, it's all good. And I won't bash you. I don't do that. You know, I don't claim to be a fucking atheist or anything. I just just like, eh, I'm just me. I think I'm a fucking decently fucking good human being, dude.

Who cares about what religious denomination you choose to? Follow. So, you know what I mean? But that's where I'm at now in my life. It's like, you know, I'm far more fucking spiritual and just believe in the power of self and doing fucking good and being a good person and being the best version of your fucking self. However you get there. Yeah. So I'll close with that.

That's where I'm at. Cool. You know. Yeah, even like a extreme example, you don't like, it's not, I mean, obviously it's not for everybody, but, you know, you don't got to be religious. to pray or even like I think it goes crazier like you don't even got to be spiritual you don't you don't even have to believe in God

no I just like the physical act of putting of like just I'm gonna fucking put the walls down for a second and get on your fucking knees I start talking to yourself just just the physical act alone yeah will

will we'll change something at least just a physical act you know okay I'm gonna just just fucking start praying and start talking. Yeah. To what? Like to who, you know.

And that's what I'm saying. Dude, you could be fucking... You could be on your hands and he's praying to what ends up being your subconscious, your own fucking inner self. Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I do believe that. You don't have to be religious or any of that shit to just, you know what I mean?

You're doing something... Zach and Chris over there just point up these fucking pictures. Tyrannosaurus Christ, dude. Look at them. there is. Wait, is he on a cell phone? Is he on the next hell? That's, that's... Damn, he's on the trap phone, dude.

Trap Jesus, dude. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's not getting up his fucking phone. Look at me, dude. It's good. No fucking phone. I haven't touched out once since we've fucking been here, dude. Wow.

That's great, man. I'm fucking telling you, dude. Dude. It's cool. Yeah, the last few months have been fucking crazy. Uh, dare I say, even fucking liberating, you know, to a degree. Oh, you haven't even been starting yet. Man, dude.

No, no, no. Yeah, like, yeah. It's, it's been fucking wild, man. Like, through everything that's happening and gone on, dude, like, you know, obviously, there's still those days where you're just like, you're going to get a little deflated. But there's, there, I mean, there's so much more less now. You know? And it's because I want it.

I want it bad enough, you know what I mean? Like, this whole thing, like, you know, like with, you know, same thing with like getting physically in fucking better shape, dude. Like, dude, I, uh, I, uh, I've, I've been terrified as a fucking person. My whole life of being, you know, a bigger dude. He's terrified of the scale. I hate getting on the fucking scale. Because getting on the scale always bums me out. I'm just like, fuck, man.

You know what I mean? Like, it's such a fucking, like, difficult. defeating fucking feeling when you're like you're almost like not to say like setting yourself up for failure if you don't like what the fucking like the number on the scale fucking says dude your boy's fucking weighing in every three fucking days dude like and and and watching the number go down every three days is fucking crazy like and normally I would be really scared to do that because I'm like oh man I had a bad night out or I fucking ate a little too late and I'm gonna fucking get up and the number's going to be up and it's going to bum me fucking out and

drive me nuts dude. I'm just instilled the fucking habits of doing everything that I'm fucking doing dude and like the progress is speaking for its fucking self. I had another friend fucking tell me last night. She was like, your skin is really fucking clearing up. Like I was like, what? Like that's funny. You're also the second or third person that's fucking said that to me too. And like I don't know how. I don't really feel like I'm doing anything that different, but I guess I am. You know what I'm? saying? Like she was like your skin was never bad but like it's bad

it's better now and I was like all right thanks I you know what I mean it's just fucking weird for people to point shit like that out that I'm not even fucking paying attention to right now because you know what I mean like I don't know I don't know but it's it's cool to see other people take notice of the things that are going on to and it's like not that I need that validation because I could

fucking care less I'm doing it because I want to fucking do it and I'm doing it for myself but it is cool it's it's fucking dope that other people are like oh wow hey like you're fucking killing it. I'm like, thanks. And I mean, it's cool. It's cool, man. It just, I'm reassuring myself that I'm on the fucking correct fucking path and then just, you know.

It's going to be a long one. I'm here for it, dude, and I'm here for the entirety of it. Better late than never, dude. It's a fucking, it's a journey, it's a journey, man. Life is a fucking journey, dude. It is. Every day. You have any questions for me? You fucking

selfish prick? Yeah. I'm kidding Oh man I'm kidding All right So Maybe not like deep questions

I just want to know What's up with the With version two You know what I'm talking about Yeah Seven's being work done I got to update text Yesterday

It's uh They said it's moving I think Then they already got the body Done and Cut up And so And so when you get that one

You're gonna let me have that one No No I'm gonna plug it. Dude, this is going in my casket for sure. I'll do. Last time I was out of Fender,

we came up with this, it was kind of like, you know what? Sometimes you have like collective ideas. No one ever like said it, but it was like kind of, um, I think I figure out what I want when I die.

I think I know. Creamy. I was like, okay. I know, I know for sure, don't shoot me up with the bunch of shit. That makes me look like I'm not dead.

Yeah, yeah. For, oh, a casket. Do not do. that. So you, so you point to this fucking podcast. I don't want to any chemicals in my in my body. I think I'm in the same boat as you to be honest. They never look good. So I was like, okay,

I'll get buried, but then I was like, you know what would be hard? You probably already know where... I know fucking exactly. I want a, I want a guitar to be made. I fucking knew it, dude. With either my ashes or my bones. And like a seven string fender made out of my

fucking, because, well, The conversation started because we were talking about the bone nut. I was just going to tell you, dude, make it out of your fucking wrist bone, dude. Yeah. Oh, dude, we could sell like a tar for like $1,000. That's it? Just a G. No, dude.

Imagine how much we could sell the guitar for. Well, okay, but then you got to think about how many- Garza bone? How many bone nuts could they make out of your wrist bone, dude? I mean, that thing is pretty fucking strong, right? Dude, get that fucking downpick ju-joo on there? Dude, that's, okay, oh, God, and I get, at the risk of, like, sounding fucking morbid or whatever. I mean, like, remember how they put, like, uh, Joey's blood in the red pro mark drumsticks, like in the fucking signature and logo?

Like, dude, putting your remains, like, putting your ashes and bone into a fucking guitar. Yeah, dude. It's fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, so, yeah, you... I'm down. Yeah, either want my ashes on in the paints or maybe both, or I want, definitely want my bone on, like, on, like, the nut for sure. Because it's, like, it's literally a bone. You see it.

White bone. That's what I'm saying. Like, I want people to actually see it. If you were, if you were to put your ashes in the fucking paint, what color would the paint be? It's still going to be purple? Yeah. Okay. It's just in there.

Unless you'll be like a shit brown. Actually, Chris, type in what, what color are ashes? I mean, they definitely got to be like a whitish gray. Isn't it like dark brown? Okay. Yeah. A gray, a gray body? Maybe.

You know what? It kind of looks like graphite. Kind of like a gray graphite thing. I mean... Mm. Oh, actually, I got it. You know what they could do.

Yeah, look at that. They could take your fucking ashes and, like, add sparkles to them, and have, like, the fucking iridescent finish on your fucking shit. Dude, would it be tight, dude. You know, like... Cosmic ash finish, dude.

What's up, dude? I don't want to look... I'm dead. I want like some fucking hard shit. Do you make me look cool? Relax, dude. Make me look fucking cool. I'm dead.

Okay. All right. Sparkle could be hard. Remember when we first started talking about your fucking custom? Because there is that one that exists. The purple one, the sparkle purple one, that thing's fucking hard, dude. It's sick. Listen, I don't give a shit when anybody says, I've always liked the sparkle purple.

color. In fact, I was going to get that fucking finish on the Star Classic kit when they put it out. It's called deeper purple, but it's like sparkle purple. It's a hard fucking finish. That was also before I joined the fucking band and realized that purple was your color. I was like, okay, well, I can't do that now because I don't want to look like I'm fucking biting on Garza's fucking

Sigi, you know what I mean? He tries so hard to, my dude. You'll never be as cool as me, dude. Never. I mean, dude, like, loki at one point, and this might, This might have been also before Before she knew that you're

That like the purple hair was your thing But Ali was like well you want to dye your hair like a crazy color And why don't you go purple? And I was like No Garza has purple hair like you do that I'm gonna look like a fucking idiot like I'm jogging on his side I'm like again I put I put holes in my jeans The guy that walks in the fucking bandpack's a holes in his fucking jeans I've been wearing those for fucking years dude

Don't get me started don't get me fucking started What do you The fuck you doing man I'm over here just fucking your shit up, dude. Oh, my goodness. I disrespected the head guitar pick. Hold on. Yeah, Chris, can you type in bright, metallic purple?

I can't subscribe the color that we went to. I think when people see it, they're going to be like, oh, wow. Is it like this? It's like, I can't even like bright metallic purple. No. Purple is such a hard color to hit. Oh, for sure. And they had the, you know, shout out to all my homies.

They brought out multiple bodies that were already painted and we and we tested every kind of Actually go might be that middle picture that yeah It's kind of like that okay so we went so we tested it so we turn we turn the lights off and we grab up each other sticks and then we turn lights on Okay, and then we put a light on it. We went outside to see it and the sun is crazy that purple will change so quickly with each setting. Yeah. Purple's kind of one of the only colors that that can do that. So we fucking picked the one even looking at these. It's so hard. I don't even see one that that looks like yours I mean that's sick. That's sick dude. You're you're you're gonna have a fucking no, there's no way it even looks like that. I know it doesn't look like that one.

So it went like a really deep deep purple but the problem is when you turn lights off you put light on it it doesn't have that fucking Pop. Yeah, for sure. That's so tough. That's a nuts guitar, actually. Honestly, dude, Fender's gonna knock it out of the fucking park,

and I know it's gonna look insane. Doesn't look fucking ridiculous for sure. Oh, dude. The world's gonna get horned up, dude. That's it. And you went black pickard. Yeah, black pickard.

One, one ply. And we picked the, we even went like the thickness of the pickard. You can get different thickness This pick cards? Oh yeah. Oh,

I went fat as fuck just like my fucking wrist. Wait, so like what's this one right here? What's the one on on this one?

This is thin. So we went fucking thicker than that. They have fucking... What the fuck? They have really like big pick cards. It's crazy.

I was just assumed pig guards were like just all one like thickness. That's fucking crazy. Yeah? I didn't know that. It's probably why I don't play guitar.

You barely play drums. This is true Well shit We have a crazy weekend Coming up We do We have a crazy two weekends coming up Dude

Me and this handsome man across to me We're gonna go hang out in fucking Vegas And see all See all of our fucking boys Tear up sick new world Every slaughter's playing it Lorna Taproot

Knocked loose Bad old man Sleep tokens We're gonna see all the boys dude Yeah kitty's playing Yeah kitty's playing There's, Kubla Khan's playing, fucking, I think, I think Vane's playing. Yeah, look at that fucking lineup, dude.

Let's get the rundown here, dude. Oh, Lemongot's playing? I keep regating. I keep regating when I see the lineup. I'm like, oh, yeah. Jesus, dude, yeah. Fucking literally everyone is playing. Oh, Drain is playing.

Drain's playing, wage war, Primus, Spirit Box. Oh, dope's playing. Tatic X. Oh, dude. I was talking to Austin Archie yesterday. He is so pumped to see you. He's like, bro, I haven't seen Garza since like chaos and carnage, man. He's like, you know, there's a whole fucking stage of all his new metal bands are all.

And he goes, can the three of us please all watch seven dust together? He's like, I've never seen him. I was like, oh, he's going to fucking love it. He's going to cry, dude. We're all watching seven dust together. When you see Morgan Rose on the drums, dude, it's just goaded. It's like, oh, that's why you're Morgan Rose. Goated.

It's going to be ridiculous, dude. He's still to go. I'm gonna wake up so early dude and drive there Wait what the fuck perfect circle is playing two Yeah God damn it dude Allison chains

Motionless and white Love Ginger Ginger Ginger Get to see our boring miles Fucking ice nine Actually yeah he's flying out today

I think Um Why I think they're doing They're doing one of the Pre shows Oh yeah yeah yeah With um

I forgot who But yeah I think they're doing a pre show And then they're playing Damn that's a fucking crazy lineup dude god damn yeah there's some six shows Friday too that seven us playing like yeah yeah yeah yeah i can go but slaughter's playing here on Friday yeah i want to go to that i think that's also why we're flying out uh early on Friday I'm myself uh Sid and I think another one of the managers all the three of us dudes are all fucking flying over there a because we have like

to set stuff up for the booth and all that shit um and I think he wants to go to one of like the one of the pre shows I think he wanted to go to go to the one of the pre shows I think he wanted to go the um I might be like the spirit box bring me the Horizon one or something like that that shit's gonna suck no one wants to see that garbage okay

it's gonna be sick it's gonna be ridiculous dude fucking badass dreading this drive and then drive back it's gonna be fucking fine dude I did it last year too it's not bad I mean from your house to Vegas it's gotta be what like fucking two and a half hours ain't even that far dude no it's gonna be like three and a half

probably four no if I do it from my crib I've done it in my car and I live farther from Vegas than you do by like 30 40 minutes and I do it in fucking three and a half

there's no way it's taking you four together I also drive like an assload or it would be drive like shit though well I'm flying so it doesn't matter I'm gonna be in the air for 30 minutes do you know how sick that is no one gives it fuck dude

I do I'm saving gas money well Ernie one Once again, thank you for coming in clutch. Of course. Just so everyone knows we're going to do, I'm going to ask you in person. So we're going to probably do one more podcast next week with me and you because we're going to be out in Asia. Yes.

So we can't exactly do another one in May. So next one we'll have next week. We'll do a really well thought out live. I'll make the fucking flyer. We'll make a thumbnail. And we're going to post a link and we'll do a full on big live. Next week What else?

Suipod We'll already be out Once this drops So we're probably There's probably a flyer being made Right now when we have a power slap match That's right You get to see your boys be physical

We'll see It's gonna be a battle for the ages We'll fucking see Ernie any closing thoughts I'm fucking hungry Yeah I'm a little hungry Haven't eaten since fucking yesterday Let's get some fucking food

And Are you Are you still Is your winning? window open now? Yeah, it just started an hour ago, so I'm chilling. I got about another four or five hours. Oh my, on my keto window. Hey, let's see. See, that's, that's me, that's me walking up. And that's you getting a slap, dude. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, see, yeah, that's me about to just fucking ruin your whole day.

No, that's me about this. Dude, Wayans, is there Wayans? No, it's not Wayans. No. Then what? No. Oh, what the fuck? What the fuck? Wait, well, Wait, that just got sad. Dude, you're just going to hear, you're just going to hear a fucking... Oh my God, look, there you go, that's you right there.

That's you right there. Fucking... Oh, my goodness. The powder's fucking... Are we going to have powder, too? We had that powder, dude? We have to. We're going to chalk up these fucking hands real sick, dude.

Purple powder. Holy shit. Purple powder, man. All right, Ernie, love you, man. Love you, God, you. All right. Everyone, that's it. Later.