Garza Podcast - 131 - Stanley Sievers

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

Garza sits down in-person with writer, actor, director Stanley Sievers. The Moshumentary is out now! https://youtube.com/@stanley_ws CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE FROM SWEETWATER & SUPPORT THE PODCAST: https://imp.i114863.net/rnrmVB CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Dabs Are Too Strong 03:03 - Lucid Dreaming, Dreaming Up Ideas 07:21 - Why Is There No Technology in Dreams? 10:48 - The Dead Internet Theory 11:51 - Papa John’s vs Domino’s Pizza, Working at Jimmy John’s 14:20 - Discovering Hardcore Music, Going to Shows in Kentucky 17:03 - Being Straightedge as a Teenager, Drinking Through the Pandemic 22:40 - Moving to Chicago, Getting Into Improv Comedy 26:49 - Creating & Performing Characters, SNL Audition 29:31 - Stage Fright, Learning to Have Fun 32:54 - Pursuing SNL Audition 34:48 - Moving to New York, First Real Relationships 38:13 - Staying Committed, Persevering & Faith 40:44 - Moving to California, Finding Success on Social Media 43:19 - Graham Nash Heals the Soul 46:54 - Going Viral with Clips, Getting Burnt Out 52:03 - Steven’s Top Characters 53:53 - Burnout, Depression, Panic Attacks, Medication & Therapy 1:04:01 - What a Panic Attack Feels Like, Anxiety Disorder 1:12:11 - California is the Best 1:15:21 - Skit Production Process, Coming Up With Premises 1:21:28 - The Moshumentary 1:27:09 - How Old is Too Old To Mosh? 1:31:51 - Deathcore Has Guaranteed Breakdowns 1:33:04 - The Moshumentary is Out Now! Merch Available

Being it from Kentucky, I remember like touring, coming to California was like a big deal, you know, because I had visited a couple times when I was a little like doing stuff, but, you know, driving into it for the first time, I remember that, being like, whoa, dude, we're across the country. This is crazy. Yeah. And we're like, we can go to the beach. Like, we're going to get in and out. Like, this is great.

Big moment. It was a big moment, huge moment. Ever smoked? I have, I did a dab one time. And it was like the worst experience of my life. But I did do. I smoked a little bit here and there and I've taken like edibles before

but I just don't really smoke I mean it makes my anxiety worse so I don't do it well if you're dabbing that's gonna make everything worse yeah I did it I did it one time I was working for a band on Warp Tour and I did it with

their name the band called Emerosa yes I grew up with them and I did a dab with them some of them and immediately I was like this is this is the worst feeling I would do anything to no longer be high. I would pay any amount of money to no longer be high.

And yeah, that's my extent. And I smoked it a little bit here and there, but it's just never been my thing. It's either love it or you hate it, man. Yeah. After too much. Yeah. So what that was?

I'm what, that was over 10 years ago. Yeah. So yeah, you were still in Kentucky. It would have been like 24. I think, because I did work for Amarosa and Warped Tour a year after I had moved to Chicago, which was in 20. No, yeah, I did it when I moved to Chicago in 2014, and then I worked for a band on Warped Tour later that year. So, yeah. And no more dabs.

No more dabs, too. Yeah. Well, especially if you're out on that kind of tour, you're like, I'll do, okay, I'll do, I'll do a dab. Yeah, I was always a dumb idea. Yeah, I was like in my area where I was like, yeah, I'll try different stuff. stuff or whatever and like and then I did it and I was like no I'm good like I don't need to try anything like I don't care don't care to try any other drugs uh harder than this uh and yeah I never I smoked like a cigarette one time like my nanny when I was little with like I wanted I'm from Kentucky and she like I was like I want to smoke you cigarette oh no and she was like yeah whatever like I wouldn't stop nagging her about it and she like gave it to me and I took a dragon I was like oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh and I never did after that. So, no, I've never,

don't really smoke anything at all. Hmm, that's, that's good. Let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, yeah, I'm gonna try, yeah. Yeah, and now, and now, and you have, you, you, you, you don't want to be dabbing around and truly not, no, no, I, I don't have enough time to be high for that long. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. There's no way. Stanley receivers, thank you for being here, man. Appreciate it. So we were going back and forth. So I I gotta tell you

So I don't remember the extent of it But I had a dream about you Really? Yes So you were in my dream And I woke up and I'm like I'm gonna contact him No way

Yeah Damn dude I wish I knew what I was happening In your dream I know it wasn't anything weird or bad It was just like Oh there's there's Stanley Okay

I never met him in my life But he's in my dream right now Yeah dude It's a sign It is a sign I woke up And I took that as like a literal sign because we were talking

for a bit but I was slam doing something and then yeah I just had that dream I'm like this is like gotta do it have to do you believe in that stuff like stuff stuff that you dream about like oh this is this

does this have any kind of meaning to it yeah I do when I have dreams I don't really have dreams very often and sometimes I wake up and be like I know that I had a dream yes but I don't remember it. So it's like I would believe in the meaning if I could remember it, but I never, almost never do.

I did have like a really, I did have nightmares recently. The first time that I slept, my wife was away from me with our kid and she was visiting family. And I had nightmares like every night, like terrible things happening. It was the first time I'd been away from her for that long. And yeah, that was the first. I mean, I haven't had like dreams since.

then and not really before that. Mostly nightmares. But I do believe in dreams and like their significance. Okay, so, but I hear that we, I hear that we dream every day, but we just don't remember them. Yeah. And there's people that have habits. I should probably start, start this habit is some people actually wake up, and as soon

they wake up, they start writing out their dream. Oh, really? just so you could like like like remember because because you're you're always going to forget you know some like obviously you have like the nightmares that kind of stay stay with you and have a few dreams that that will stay with you but supposedly you dream every day even even if you wake up you don't think that you dream I mean wow crazy yeah I would do that I guess I remember sometimes like waking up the middle of night and I had like an idea for like a a sketch or like a movie or something and I would write it down but it's been a long time since

I've done that. I think probably because I'm not really sleeping through the night very often anymore because I have like a kid that wakes up at all times. But like, yeah, now that you're saying that, I do remember doing that sometimes, but it's been a long time. Wow, I wish I did that more often. I know. Probably a lot of stuff I'm missing happening at night.

Totally. We have other lives. When we sleep, we have a whole other life. Yeah, I wish I knew it was going on. What a trip, huh? I know. That's crazy. I agree with you.

You ever mess with lucid dreaming? No, my wife has, though. Really? So I've never been able to do it. But she has before. She used to do it when she was a kid, and she talks to me about it. It's a trip. I've done it successfully a few times.

Really? You know you're dreaming. Oh, that's when you know that you're in the dream and you know it's a dream and you can do whatever you want. Yes. Okay, then maybe I have done that. I thought lucid dreaming is like when you can go to a place. you know or whatever but maybe that's like some other type of like TikTok dream thing that people are like finding out about now but okay I think maybe I think maybe I've known that I was

in a dream like one time and I don't remember what happened only once really yeah but I feel like one time I realized that I was in a dream and I was like oh my god I'm in a dream I can control the shit yeah you go like it was over it was like I woke up yeah missed opportunity yeah that's like that that's the key I'll be successful at it everyone every once in a while So I guess that the key is to stay calm. Once you find out your inner dream, because you want to freak out. And also the other thing is check your, because there's signs that will tell you like you're dreaming.

Like for me that worked was check your watch or check your phone. Because it won't save the time. Really? So if you're dreaming, you're not going to see any clock until the right time. Oh, yeah, because also in your dreams, you never like really have a phone in your dreams, right? I wonder why that is. Because you never, like most of the time, anytime I've ever had a dream,

I've never been on my phone. Isn't that weird? Yeah. Wonder why that is. I don't know. Why is that? Also, you're, like, yeah, you check your watch. I feel like you would have a watch in a dream,

but not a phone. I don't know why. Interesting. It's true. But I wonder if people that grew up with phones, like smartphones and stuff, do have them in their dreams. because I didn't.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, we were like old enough to where, I feel like when we first started dreaming, no phones. But now it's like, okay, maybe we got locked in to there not being phones in our dreams early on.

I don't know. I wonder what it's like to be, like, a younger person and to growing up with, like, with the phone. I can't,

I can't imagine. No, dude. I truly think that it's, I think it's a disadvantage. Maybe it's because, maybe it's because I'm inclined to, like, believe that I'm at an advantage to growing up pre-internet and internet.

But I do think that, like, I don't know how old you are, but I'm 33. And, like, there's never going to be another generation that knows what it's like. There's not, there's only a few that know what it's like to have no internet and then to have internet and then be young enough to like still understand things. Like, I feel like, yeah, I know that people younger than me can probably use apps and stuff, slightly better than me, but... Yes. Not, like, not crazy, not a crazy amount.

Like, I still understand how to use technology and everything. Whereas, like, my parents are like, you know, they don't... They're not as plugged in to, like, technology. Like, boomers and stuff, or sometimes it's like... They don't really understand it, because they really didn't grow up with technology. Yeah, they're talking... You're talking like 40 to 50, like no phones. Yeah.

When they got the TV, that was like a fucking mind-blowing thing. Yeah. I remember my dad telling me a story. about when he he walked into his office and he was like at work one time and he was like you guys heard about this internet thing and his boss was like his boss is like it's not going to last oh wow and he was like yeah we'll see and then it's like you know and then obviously the internet it did last it's it lasted a lot of people wanted it to fail they did yeah i kind of honestly some days i'm like maybe it should have i don't know i feel like life could potentially have been

better some ways, but I don't know. I feel like now we're in the second wave of the internet where it's like it was really good for a long time. And now it's like we're seeing what it can be like when it starts to become really like crappy. You know, like, all the social media apps kind of are starting to get worse. And then it's like slowly.

Slowly. And then you have like bots everywhere and like, because isn't there something I read a, I heard like a figure about like some insane percentage of web traffic was all just like bots or like AI web crawlers. it's like you're just, I guess what I'm describing is the dead internet theory. Have you ever heard about this? Dead internet, no, I haven't.

So it's like, I guess the theories that eventually there will be so many bots and so much AI like crawling every website and watching every video that it's mostly just like bots, creating things for bots and bots interacting with bots and responding to bots and like comments and like whatever, all this stuff. And the amount of people that you're actually interacting with is like so minuscule that Eventually there will have to be, like, a second Internet or something just for, like, regular people. Yeah, because eventually it'll just be, like, all bots. And I don't know, this could be something, this could be stupid, but it makes sense to me.

I'm like, you never know now. You're reading things. These could all be bots. All these people could be bots. I don't know, you know. It's true. It could be. It could be.

We got live pizza. Live pizza. Can you, yeah, just put it on the. Jake, can you actually grab it, please? Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't force him on a camera. My goodness. That is, that is for you. Oh, perfect, dude.

Yeah, I've always wondered about, about the, uh, bots, my dude. Is this, am I talking to, like, a real person? Yeah. Thank you, Jay. There you go, boom. Dominoes. We were talking about how I'm like, I'm, I'm technically getting a Papa John's loyalist, which is, like, a lot of people hate on Papa John's.

Yeah. I used to, I worked there for, like, I worked there during the time I was touring, and I worked at Jimmy Johns when I was touring. Yes. So I'm, like, pretty loyal to Papa John's. But, yeah, I'm going to have some Domino's because I do know that Domino's has the fire crust. It does. It does.

So, yeah, your whole band work at Jimmy Johns, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, everybody did. And Emerosa, too. So we were pretty much the two bands that were touring from Lexington at the same time. and so we would kind of cover each other's shifts when the other band was on tour. And so we would get back from tour

and typically they'd be leaving or whatever and we would just like take their shifts or they would take ours and we're gone. And our manager at the time is cool. He just is like whenever we were off tour, we would just pick up shifts wherever. And most of the people that worked at Jimmy Johns were kind of like degenerate.

So they were like, I don't care about working. You can have my shift. You can have all my shifts this week. You know, it's like they don't care that they're not making money. So we would, yeah, we'd be like home for like two weeks and just work like 40 hours like shifts and like delivering Jimmy Johns and then leave again. It was great. Really good job for touring.

I don't know if it still works that way because Jimmy Jones is more corporate now, but because they used to have more like locally owned stores. I think most of them are all corporate now because we were like locally there. And I remember at the time I was making like when minimum wage was like five something an hour, I was making like $7.50 an hour plus tips. Because usually delivery drivers would make like $3.50 an hour back then plus tips. But my manager was like, you guys are making $750 an hour, whatever. It's probably why corporate eventually came in and like took them over. But it was a good job for a while. I mean, I was making pretty good money delivering sandwiches.

Sick. When was the last time you ate there? Jimmy Jones? Yeah. When my wife was pregnant, like last year, we ate it all the time because she like craved it constantly. I like Jimmy Johns Anything with a Johns at the end I'm typically eating

I feel like I'm a fan of Jimmy Pip Papa the Jimmy You know Any fast food with the Johns at the end I'm I'm partaking in I would say You're in? Yeah I'm in you know

Yeah so I mean So was this with the Dead icons Yeah Yeah and you have a long It's kind of crazy where Where your life has Has gone because

I mean, you started listening to hardcore bands when you're going to shows when you're 12, 13, correct? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. You got, did your research. I love that.

That's cool. Yeah, cool, man. I was wondering because Lexington, like that, I don't remember. I remember Manchester. Music Hall? You probably played Louisville. Because Manchester, I think. Oh, no.

Manchester was Lexington, I think. Yes, it was. Yeah. So you played there? Mm-hmm. Whenever I need music gear, I always go. to sweetwater.com. If it's mics, headphones, or studio, and recording gear,

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Empeza your period of a month on Shopify. comer. I was wondering like, what was like the

what was the venue there? There was like Manchester Music Hall, there was um, oh man,

there was another one that I saw, one of my first like big shows was, I saw, unearth and Nora and some other bands

I forget the name of the venue but we had a big venue that was like that would that would would have done the tours like unearth and stuff like then like back in the day yeah I don't remember the name of it they don't they have them yeah I guess Manchester Music Hall

is there now it wasn't around then it's a pretty it's relatively well I guess new in the last like 10 years but new for me have been from there for a long time. Okay. And you had a and you would go to Cincinnati,

you had a close friend that would just drive you to far, far away to shows. Yes. That's a good friend. Yeah. If you have someone that's going to drive way to shows, dude, you're in.

Dude, I know. You're in, dude. I realize now, like, how lucky that was. Like, I just had a, like, multiple friends that were like in that were a little bit older than me that would just pick me up and take me to shows and my parents were like really cool about it they were like he's not doing drugs he's fine yeah literally as long as he's not doing drugs he's fine uh so you know just like go go nuts i don't care when you come back just as long as you're not doing drugs or whatever and yeah they didn't care yeah so mom and dad i'll do them in ten years from now but right now i'll be safe and ten years from now i'll do a dab on warp tour and And regret it immensely. But until then, I'm not going to do any drugs. Did you take on, so you're straight to age as a kid, right?

Yeah, from, I was straightage from 14 to 18. I'm proud of you, man. Four years. Yeah. I did a pretty good four-year stretch. And then I drank a PBR at my friend's house at 18, and I was like, nice. I was like, I don't really like the way of beer tastes, but, you know, this is, this is,

this is like it's good you know it's tasted it was like it went down cold you know but i just sort of realized like i i don't really like the way most alcohol i'll have one you know but i don't i don't know i just didn't really like the i don't really like the way most alcohol tastes i just found that i don't prefer it like i like i like whiskey or bourbon but i really only drink it like on special occasions like my mom really likes it a lot and so i'll drink it with her when i visit but yeah I just I don't know I think also during COVID I just completely lost my taste for alcohol almost completely and then what a great habit wow a lot of people went the opposite way dude I did yeah you did you went straight in the wine dude it was oh so many wine bottles

you got the California wine out here though that did they have the natural wines then like the orange wine the stuff or is that newer I don't even know what we were drinking dude I mean we are surrounded by like you know beniors and shit like uh like in Temequila in that area, but just, we'll have like the four bottles, the $4 bottles, we'll have like,

oh, let's get like a nice one, get like a $45 bottle. Yeah. But, man, it was like, shit. It creep back in there, man. The, uh, the, the alcoholic in me came back.

Yeah. Crazy. I just came back for so, but, but for you. Are you in recovery or are you? No, no. I, I,

I stopped getting a black dog drunk every day when I was 26. Good for you, man. Thank you. I'm 38 now, so Pandy was three years ago. So, yeah, mid-30s, it came back. So weird. Yeah. I thought, dude, I haven't even had years, years.

Not even a thought or a urge to drink during a day or during a week. Wow. But when COVID hit, it was, I don't know what happened. It was like a mental switch. All you want, oh, it's Monday. Go out and get wine. Dude, the rules were out. The rules were out during COVID.

I mean, I was living in New York when it happened. Oh, that sounds terrible. It was terrifying. It was crazy. But it was like, yeah, I mean, I truly, every day with my wife and I were just like, terrified, you know, like, but it's like the rules were out, dude. Like, people just, you just had to get through, like, you never experienced anything like that. You have to get through it like however you can, you know?

Like, I don't blame. I mean, yeah, I don't. No one knows what to do. Like, what's like the right thing you do? Yeah, dude. And a lot of times, like, some days I was like, the world's ending, brother. I don't know what happens next. The power goes out.

And we have like 14 cans of beans. Like what I don't know what we're doing. Like I might as well order another, you know, order takeout again from this restaurant. So it doesn't close. Like it's my favorite restaurant. Like, please, you know. Just didn't know what was going on. Fuck.

Now it's funny how it's like a, now it's like a distant past now. It's weird. Yeah. It's like it's weird. It's like it does feel like a distant past. I think that there's like another, I'm into big into theories. There's a theory that it's like a traumatic event that, that we never really like processed and got through.

So it's kind of like everyone just like wanted to forget about it, but so people don't haven't really forgotten about it or haven't really actually processed the trauma of it because like how could you? But yeah, and it sucks because there's still like, it's still around and there's still people that are like immunocompromise that are like at risk. but it does feel like it's just kind of like, oh, now it's over, right? So weird.

It is really weird. Yeah, if you think that you were in New York, then you went to Richmond, then California, you're correct? And now we're in a room together in person. It's funny. It's funny. It's just, yeah, it seems like a, like that. That this was impossible at some point.

Dude, I know. So weird. Moving from New York to Richmond, because in New York it was like completely locked down, never be inside with other people. And then we were driving to Richmond and we get into Richmond and people are like in restaurants because this is like Virginia.

And we were like, dude, we were like, get the fuck out of there. We're like, you know, my wife and I were like, we're someone's going to tell them about, oh, we got to get that fuck out of it. Get out of there. You're going to die. You know, like it's a different place.

Because we had come from like a DMZ I felt like in New York or people are like dying all the time and we're going to Richmond and people are like eating at Applebee's. I'm like, yo, what is happening, dude? We're like, we got to save these people's lives. And, yeah, it was crazy to go from New York to Richmond, but I'm like, I'm very glad to be in person with people again. It's really weird to think that that was not that long ago.

It really wasn't. It's only like a couple years ago. No, it was like, yeah, it was like one president ago, which is crazy to think. It feels like 10 years ago. It was one president ago. That's a good way to gain. gauge time.

Yeah. And one, that was like one or two presidents go. Yeah. Especially like if you're, if you're counting relationships, how many presidents, how many presidents did the relationship last,

you know? Yeah, that was like two ex-girls ago. Yeah. Yeah. It's like 10 years of hell. Yeah. Well, first, though, so,

so you're in Kentucky. You have your, your band. Some of the band members are starting to transition probably into like real, real life. Yeah, real life.

So, um, so then where, where did that leave you? You, you were, uh, like, like you say you were bummed out. Like, so, so what really prompted Chicago? I'm moving to Chicago. Um, I had been there. I'd visited there and I watched, uh, I watched an improv show at, at Second City. It was like a, couldn't get into the main, because I don't know if you know much about, like, comedy or improv there.

It's in like Chicago. There's like, Second City, which is like where a lot of people. like Steve Carell and a lot of these people had like studied at and then so I was visiting and I ended up watching like a kind of a small show and I'd never seen improv before and I was like whoa this is like crazy it's really funny it's like in the moment and it felt like the way music playing music felt to me like very like in the moment like with the audience like performing like getting that immediate reaction and that I couldn't since I had stopped touring I couldn't replicate that feeling like playing shows and getting the immediate reaction and that I couldn't I couldn't replicate that feeling like playing shows and getting the immediate reaction. and feedback from the crowd. And that was the closest thing I could find. I had found in like several years, you know. And plus I was wanting to do more film stuff. And I'd used like every actor that had that was in Lexington where I was from.

There's like three actors, you know. I used them all and two projects. I was like, I think I'm done here, you know. And I was like, I got to go somewhere where there's more actors. And I want to learn. I want to get better. You know, I want to get better at everything. I'm not going to get better being around people that.

you know, haven't done the stuff I want to do. I want to be around people that I can learn from and will push me to be better. And that's why I ended up choosing Chicago because it felt like it was an easy move six hours from where I was from. I liked improv.

And I, yeah, it just, I wanted to get better. That's basically it. Like I wanted to get better at filmmaking and comedy and all that stuff. That's kind of like what I wanted to do next. Okay, so I,

did you go to Chicago? go from touring? So after touring, I had probably about, I had a year where I worked at Jimmy Johns only. I lived at my mom in his house and I played Call of Duty Black Ops till 4 a.m. every night. I think that I needed that year. Amen. Yeah. I had about one year where I did that. And I eventually, I was like, I got to do something. I cannot keep doing this. It was like, I'd work at Jimmy Jones from five till three.

a.m. I get home. Actually, I'd start playing Call of Duty at 4 a.m. I'd play for like three hours until the sun came up with the people that I worked with at Jimmy Johns. And then we would all go to sleep and we wake up at 4 p.m. to get to our shift at 5. Oh, that sounds fucking terrible. At the time, it was great. But I did it for a year and I had a good time. And then I was like, I'm good. And then I started kind of like sort of interning. There was like an ad agency in Lexington that did like little shoots or like photo shoots or video shoots and stuff.

So I kind of sort of interned there and helped them on stuff. So I kind of got the bug from film stuff from that. And I was kind of like, oh, I don't want to go to college. These people are just working and they're not, they didn't go to college. Like, I'm going to do that. I'm not going to go to college. never wanted to do that. Yeah.

And so, yeah, that's what I started doing. So when I moved to Chicago, I kind of started crewing a lot. Like I did, like, art department, grip, you know, P-8 on a lot of stuff, commercials and whatnot. But, yeah, I totally forgot what your question was. I just started going. Yeah, we're just going, dude. All right, cool. Yeah, so it's cool.

Yeah, you were taking improv classes. It's such a random, like, it's also, Jay, can you go to? to go back. Whoa, he got me right here. Yeah, this is at a solo show that I did. Okay, so okay, so these are one of your earlier videos.

So, so this is Chicago, right? Yeah, this is at I.O. Theater. This is crazy that I'm like right here. Whoa, videos of me. That's okay. So what exactly, so it says solo sketch comedy. So what exactly is happening here? So this is like, I did a solo show with my friend where I did like 25 minutes of like characters.

Basically like characters that I wrote and would perform in front of an audience. It's kind of like it's like what people do. Like if you ever see like an S&L audition, people are doing characters to like audition for S&L. That's what I was like doing this stuff for at the time. And the show I named the name of the show is called People I Hope Aren't Real. And yeah, so I just wrote a bunch of things. characters than I did like a show because I was performing these a lot um I was performing these a lot like little shows like just kind of tweaking them and like improvising them and you know

figuring out the beats and what worked and what didn't work because eventually I wanted to audition for S&L um or turn it into something that I could film or whatever um but yeah this is crazy I haven't even thought about this in a long time this is awesome wait so this was 25 minutes or you have Yeah, I have a full 25-minute show. So this is improv. So do you have ideas in your head? Okay, this is what I'm going to talk about, or you allowing space or whatever's going to come out, come out?

So it started off. So this character would start off as like improv, and I would do it a few times, and I'd start figuring out beats that ended up being written. So then eventually I would write it through improv. So I would like do it a bunch of times, keep things that I liked, like beats that I liked, and then eventually I have a fully written.

thing. That's kind of the way that people that you learn to like write comedy in Chicago is like you start by improvising it and then you keep the parts that are funnier that you like and get rid of the parts and you just keep doing it over and over again. So I would do this character, do these characters

two or three times a week at different shows like, um, there's like a bunch of shows there that you would people all can come up and you get like five minutes or whatever and you can perform stuff, whatever you want. So I would do stuff like that and gauge the audience reaction and yeah so I had performed stuff like this a lot working on it eventually trying to audition for S&L

that was like my goal at the time but yeah it's a lot of fun I mean it really like helped me and now we got the Jimmy Johns up hell yeah dude what's what's crazy about that is so you didn't have any stage fright you didn't have any struggle with that too I mean that is like terrifying really

that is like terrifying you've played festivals presumably to like a billion people. You're scared of doing that. When it's just you and you're talking, that's weird. Yeah. That's terrifying.

I didn't have any stage fright from playing in a band. I think that the biggest hurdle that people have is like, is with doing comedy is like the stage fright, I think sometimes. Like just being like perceived and like what if people don't think I'm funny or whatever. And don't get me wrong. Like I did, I've done a lot of unfunny stuff. Like the stuff doesn't hit sometimes or whatever.

And like, it happens. It happens. It is what it is. Like, you kind of have to like, you know, it's the same thing with music. Like, sometimes you have to like write a song that sucks. You know, fuck, I can't like figure this song out. And then eventually you figure it out. That song leads to a better thing or whatever. Yeah. So I've done a lot of bad improv, a lot of like bad improv, a lot of like bad improv. To get to the point where I was like good enough to perform at theaters there, like, bad character. Not bad, I guess I just, I just didn't, hadn't figured it out yet. Um, but you have to do, I did, I had to do a lot of bad improv to get to the point where I was like good enough to perform at theaters there, like, on like, house teams there. It's like a, it's like, it's like, I'm. It's like, I. a team at, I was on a house team at I-O theater, which is like a team that would regularly perform, like every week for audiences, like that, like, paid to be there, you know? So you had to be, like, pretty good. And so I would, uh, this is crazy.

Yeah, so I'm doing this in front of an audience of, like, maybe like, I don't know, 40 people. I don't know. Oh, I can't know. No, no, no, no. But the thing, the thing about it is, like, the, one of the biggest, I think with anything, even with music and stuff too,

it's like once you get good enough to learn how to have fun, it becomes a lot easier. So like, in my opinion, at least. So once I, it took me several years to get good enough at it where I'm having fun, then once I'm having fun, once you're having fun, people see you having fun, then they have fun. Because they're watched, they want to be entertained, you know, like you, like people want to laugh.

They want to have fun. They're out at, like, especially, see somebody like this, they're out for a night, you know, they want to have fun. But if you're not having fun and you're like, oh, fuck, this, oh, it's not going good. Oh, like, oh, no, you know, oh, no, this didn't hit. It's like, no, like, just stay in it, like, stay committed to it. If something doesn't hit, just keep going. Like, don't blame the audience or don't, like, show that you're not having fun anymore. Like, these people are here watching you. You might as well have fun, you know? so that's kind of like what I have that's kind of my philosophy in general is like I

try and do what is fun for me and like this like I'm having a great time doing this right now so is this process like you're kind of getting like getting your feet wet like three years you said yeah it took me so I moved there in 2014 I was like really just kind of grinding it out for like two two years like I was doing improv like four or five nights a week probably like shows like random like shows or or classes or whatever um so i did it a lot of it you're really trying man yeah really i was really going for it um and uh um yeah so this is kind of like exactly like characters like this like i wanted to i wanted to be i loved s and l i liked like jim carrie i loved him like i loved all this stuff like i i wanted to do that

kind of thing and um sorry i keep almost burping and i don't want to do it on in the mic i'll make it i'll make it louder it's fun okay great uh so i i i was going for it i really wanted to do that um and i thought that the time that i was like i don't know this is like this seems like a good goal to have i wanted to i wanted my goal was like just to do a real audition in front of like s and l producers and that that's like i knew that that's about as far as much as i could control like you know, there's not, I can't control if I get on the show or not, but I can control having the best written material and perform material that I can. So I was like, I'm just going to grind it out.

And I knew from being in a band that you have to grind it out for a long time to get to like, to get to where you want to go. Because I was like, okay, well, I was in a band for four years. And right before we broke up, we just started to do the things that I wanted to do. Oh, fuck. So it's like we started to do it the year before we broke up. And so I knew it was like, okay, I can. give this at least four years of grinding with no, with almost no, you know, like,

like getting anything back from it. Like I could just completely be figuring this out for four years and suck at it or whatever before things start happening. It's like, all right, well, I'll just give it four years. And then to be safe, I'll give it like 10. You know, if I really like, you know, if I really like it after four, I'll give it 10. And then, yeah, I think around like two or three years is when I really started like figuring it out having a lot of fun.

And then the fourth year I was in Chicago was when I was like performing a lot at the theaters and, you know, I was shooting a lot of my own stuff and writing stuff and directing things. But that year, I kind of figured out that there wasn't really nothing left in Chicago that I wanted to do that I couldn't do in New York or L.A. And my wife and I, we had just met basically

and we were like, well, we moved to New York. So, yeah. We moved to New York after knowing each other for a year. So, yeah. That's who made that decision? We both did. Really? On our first date, we were like, she was like, oh, I want to live in New York

and someday. And I was like, oh, me too. And then we kind of just, like, kept it going, like, through our relationship. The first date? You both said that? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

And then, like, and then, you know, like, down the line, we were like, okay, like, we, her lease was up and my lease was up and we're like, let's just move to New York. Like, why not? You know what I mean? We got to figure it out if it's going to work somehow, whatever. If it doesn't work, at least we're both in a city that we wanted to be in. Um, so whatever. We,

we did it. And, uh, I would say that you probably shouldn't do that because, you know, there's a lot of growing pains. Yeah. During that. Um,

but we're still together and we have a kid and we love each other. And, um, she's like my best friend. So congrats, man. It's great. Thanks. Uh,

yeah. So I think it worked out for me. Would say it's probably not the best way to go about things or the, you know, but whatever. During, during, during that first day did you like, did,

because sometimes, they say like, oh, like, I knew. Like, did you? Okay, I really, really like this girl. Yeah, well, I knew immediately. Yeah, immediately. It's funny when you're a man, like, like, you know. Yeah, no, I was like, I know immediately, like, for sure.

And, and I, I, uh, I think she did too. It just, like, kind of, because of her past, she was kind of scared about, like, knowing that feeling. But I was, like, very much a good golden retriever. Like, yeah, I know. Like, nothing bad can never happen. Like, let's go. You know what I mean?

Like, what bad? What bad things could ever happen? Like, this is great. Fucking heartbreak and loss of everything. Yeah, yeah. I was like, whatever. Like, you know, I'd been in, like, one relationship prior. And, like, I, you know, it was, like, not, by all intents and purposes, like, not, like, a relationship where you're, like, really, like, talked about things and, like, worked through things, you know, that as you have to do in a relationship that you've.

How long was that one? Like, under a year. So it's not. It doesn't even count. It doesn't even count, really. Like. So, basically, this is, like, your. first real relationship.

Yeah. And you knew and we're going to New York. Yeah. Yeah. And we moved in with her sister at the same time. Wow. And sometimes, man, when you really like someone or you know that you love them,

yeah, you'll just do things. Dude. You'll do. And sometimes it works. Yeah. I mean, you have to just do things. You have to try it. That's, I mean, I'm a big believer.

You got to just like, You got to do things. You got to try things because you never know, like, what that thing is going to lead to or whatever. And it's like, just trust your gut. Like, my mom has always instilled, like, big in me to trust your gut. And, like, my gut was telling me it was the right thing to do. And so I followed it. And I follow my gut on pretty much everything, like intuition or whatever you want to call it.

But, yeah, I believe that you just have to try things, you know, because, I don't know, you're only here for a certain amount of time. and like there's no point in you never know what it's going to lead to, you know? You don't lose anything by trying stuff, you know? True. Like you didn't have to like start a band. You know, it's like, well, I don't want to, like, I can,

ah, I don't know, maybe the band. No one's going to care about my band. I'll just like play guitar at my house or whatever. It is this weird thing. There's no, like, there's, there's big decisions you make in your life that just requires you to not have a rational mind. Totally.

It's so weird, like the big decisions in your life that really changed. Like they just don't like you got to turn the brain off It's it's I know it may it makes no sense but but there's like but the rational mind will stop you Yes from making the leap that you want to make yeah well you have to be like slightly delusional to try and do things like yeah I want to like be in a band that tours all the time and like I want to be like at the time like my goal for like dead icons is like oh I want to be like a household name like hardcore band or whatever like we stopped before we got to do the things I wanted to do but who knows if that would have happened. But in my mind, like, that's what I wanted to do.

And then I was like, okay, that mindset got me so far. And like, so now when I'm doing like comedy and film stuff, like I, like, my goal is this or my goal is that. And like, I'm just going to trust in myself and keep betting on myself. And, yeah, I think that's all you can do, really. I mean, that's, yeah, you have a choice to do it or you have a choice not to do it. And to me, not doing it sounded worse, you know. And yeah, you definitely have to be a little bit delusional to bet on yourself over and over again for stuff, you know, especially when you can, it can take years of not really getting any return on anything, you know? Like, I'm, I'm sure you've played, like, shows that there's no one there.

It's like, you know, early days, you're playing shows and no one gives a shit or whatever. And it's like, God, like, I should just, like, drive my van off the cliff, you know? This is not going to work. Like, you know, whatever. But you're just like, no, I know something is here. I'm going to keep going. Keep like pushing and keep betting on myself. And yeah, like you, that's really the only way you can get places, you know, I think.

Be a little bit delusional. It sounds like you've always, you've always followed what you wanted to do. Like crazy moves at different states of relationships. And now, I mean, that, and obviously work because, I mean, that led you to here. Yeah. California, you know, what, what actually really prompted that, that move? So we, so we had moved from New York to Richmond, uh, during COVID because, um, expenses, Jesus. Yeah, well, my wife had lost her job during COVID.

And I was the only one that's, yeah, so I was the only one that still had a job. I was working for a tech company at the time doing like, uh, technical support, like helping, I was like working at this lock company that was not even around. anymore. It's called latch. But I was like helping people fix these like smart locks or whatever like on the phone like technicians. Anyways. So I still have my job.

So my wife lost her job and we're like well shit like our release is coming up to renew. We don't have time like to hope that the economy comes back or whatever. Like we have to move somewhere where we can live off of what I make alone. And my company was like fully remote at that point. So like, all right, well, whatever. We'll move to Richmond at six hours away. we can't do anything anyways. Like we can't take,

there's no point living in a city when you can't do anything anyways. So we're just going to move to Richmond. And like, so we, we were there for two years. And then once COVID was over, we're like, okay, well, what are we going to do? We're going to move back to New York.

Like, we already lived there for two years. Like, we don't, like, it's, you know, I don't know. Let's move somewhere we haven't been before. You know, my wife knew that I, like, wanted to be in either New York or L.A. And we were like, okay, we planned on being in New York

for the rest of our lives and then this happened so maybe it's assigned for us to try somewhere else for a while and if we don't like it we can always move back to New York or whatever so it was kind of her idea to move to LA and yeah so we moved out here

and during COVID I had been doing like social I had been like on TikTok and doing stuff like that and then kind of started to figure stuff out and then I got out here and kind of like coincidentally that's when a lot of things started working which is cool timing wise but whoa

yeah so she was kind of the one that like initiate the move here but yeah we were both like well we don't go back to New York we were already there and it's like we already did it for a couple years we know it's like we don't know what LA is like let's see what's up with it yeah and it's

started listening to Graham Nash and you just went to California I love Graham Nash yeah yeah he's the man that was it's that song a simple man yeah yeah yeah great song Yeah, you would talk like when you were going through a major transition in your life, like you always put that. Yeah, songs for beginners by Graham Nash.

So if you're out there and I'm going to look into a camera, which one, this one is probably, that's you right there. If you're going through a breakup or a transition or whatever, you got to put on songs for beginners from Graham Nash, play it on vinyl if you can. Oh, wow. From beginning to end and just lay on the floor, stare at it. at the ceiling and I promise you

it will make you feel better or it might make you cry. It might make you cry but maybe you need to cry. You know what I mean? It's true. So that's the best. And then I'm going to credit my friend Eli Mandel who he yeah, that's a beautiful album. Amazing. My friend Eli told me about it. He was going through a breakup and then he was like

I listened to my, his mom told me about the album and then he told me about it because we were moving and so yeah it's a perfect transition life transition record it's interesting it's great and i love i mean first of all i love crosbie stills nash um but that's my favorite non crosbie stills nash record it's so good did i say did i say that right graham nash yeah okay yeah yeah yeah we all need like that that record that that song or record you put on just for like i don't know if you're sad or you're kind of going through like you kind of need like a yeah you're going to like a new era in your life yeah it's yeah it's weird it's it's it's nice to do a do have that you know life gets heavy man

it does you know it does get heavy i mean yeah i mean you know you're i'm 33 i feel like you're 38 like when i was on my 20s like now looking back it's like i really not experienced like shit you know like and now that i'm 33 it's like i feel like some of the hard realities of life and like it's hard to explain. It doesn't creep up. Yeah, you can only explain it, but it creeps up. Yeah, over time and you're like, God damn, dude, I just been like getting beat up, you know, for like, then you're like, all right, am I going to keep going or like, what am I going to do, you know? But yeah, it's, there are sometimes that some, some, some, some music, I think, I really didn't understand until I was like past 30, I think, like, I didn't really get typo negative until I was past 30.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't really get Life of Agony until I was past 30, and I really didn't, and I listened to Crowbar a lot in my 20s, but after 30, I was like, whoa, like Crowbar hits hard now. Like, yeah. I don't know, some bands like that, I really didn't, like, in different phases of your life, like, this music, like, meets you in a different place, you know?

Do you have bands like that? Like, that you didn't get until, like, after 30 or until a certain point? Yeah, I tend us to fall more, in love with the with with with with the OGs that kind of where it's where I go yeah like I just I just fall more in love with like seven dust I don't know what that that one bound and what it is I just keep my man love this band that's right he was keep going I keep going that's the record I say yeah we're talking about transitional records uh mine is animosity sad happy lost seven dust record animosity yeah okay I've never I've never listened to

seven dust oh you you literally never listen to it yeah dude you gotta fucking get in i know i should now you're like you're recommending it to me so hard i feel like i got i'm gonna listen to it on the way home yeah dude that's a fucking sick record dude you you could probably a mosh to this record really yeah is it uh is it pretty hard yes it's heavy i would yeah i would fucking crowd cook for that for sure it's fucking sick dude so so you were already you were already dabbing into like social media stuff when you're going to move to California, right? Yeah, I had been like, I'd already gone viral a bunch of times for like a, oh, sorry.

I haven't even eaten pizza yet and I'm like burping like crazy. It's cool. I'd already gone viral a bunch of times for another series that I did, like a, which was like just, basically I was just talking about like ways I try and support my like witchy wife because my wife's into like, stuff like that metaphysical stuff or whatever. Yeah. And like people really like that and connected with it. But I did it so much that I burnt myself out on it.

And I just like, I just stopped doing it. And I don't know. I just kind of got, I got burnt out on it. So I already gained a bunch of followers from that. And I had made, I was finishing up a short film called Samurai Sword. I see his playing. So I had finishing up that. That was like, I was like, okay, I want to like write something, direct something.

And like star in it. I wanted something that's like my voice completely. Yeah. I want to make like a project, like a proper short film, like 20 minutes or whatever. And so I was doing the social media stuff. And then once I got here, I was like back around the people that I would collab with a lot in Chicago, like some of my best friends that I would like perform with a lot or like write with or whatever. So I kind of started, I was like, I got to do something different.

And I was like just started writing characters that I wanted to do. Because I was like for a long time I was doing stuff on TikTok or whatever that like I think the reason I burnt myself out on the first series is because after a while it was like not I didn't want to do it I was just doing it because like people liked it and I was like okay like I learned my lesson there like I didn't want to do that anymore yeah I should have stopped and then or at least took a break until like I liked it again or whatever yeah so I learned my lesson there so then when I got out here I was like okay I want to do stuff that I like I want to like write or perform create characters and edit videos in the way that I want to do that I think is

funny. So that's what I started doing. And the, though, well, obviously the, the, the Mosh guy popped off. And I'd literally just made it for like to make like 200 people laugh that I knew from touring, you know, like on like Instagram. I was like, no one's going to care about this. And then it was like crazy. And people loved it. And I was like, oh, that's, that is, uh, I did not expect that. But, but, but that's kind of the way things happen. You just start trying stuff and doing stuff. And I had learned what I like to do and what I didn't like to do. after doing years and years and year, after doing like two years of social media, like TikTok, like all the time. Like, I was just determined to make social media work because I couldn't,

I could, I've never, I'd never had an agent or like a manager or anything like that. I was never able to get like a rep or like for anything, any of the things I want to do, like writing or acting or whatever. I was never able to get anything like that. Just from submitting or things like that. So eventually I was like,

I'm just, my best chance is social media because it seems like this is like, the way that a lot of, of people are doing things so my best chance is this i'm going to make it work on this because i knew if i just kept doing it i would figure it out and so that's i was i had been doing it for a while when i moved out of here okay so you do you so you come up with the mosh retirement character and with the it seems like it was pure like you had no just like i'm not going to do this it's going to go viral so this is this is this is funny you do you finish it you look at it you're

posting like, oh, you have no thought or feeling that this is, oh, this might connect. No, I have no idea. I just am like, oh, I think this is funny. Like, you know, whatever. It's like a very niche thing that my friends and I would joke about or whatever. I had no idea. I was not planning for it all. In fact, I had other characters that I had written that I was like, oh, these are going

to do better. It'd get like 3,000 views. I'm like, hey, that's doing pretty good, you know? Like, that one's crushing it, you know? And that one was like, ah, this is more for me, you know? This is just something that I think is funny. And then it was like, whoa what the hell's going on like all these people are like you know sharing it all this doesn't

following me it's crazy there he is dude yeah so um yeah so that's kind of like where that where that started it's funny because we've all we we we've all you you did it because you wanted to do it which makes sense because so many people talk about that oh dude this band might get me yeah i might come out of mosh retirement yeah i know we've all like said it and like our small circles. Yeah. But it's funny, though. Yeah.

We're all like 30. It's like, yeah, we might, you know, Berdown's back. I mean, I might mash, dude. Yeah, dude, straight up. Yeah. I know. It's perfect. Yeah, it was, I didn't realize that like, I don't know.

I didn't realize, I didn't know, realize it. But when it, when people liked it, I was like, oh, that's cool. Like, I can make more stuff like this. I got plenty of, I was touring for a long time. I'm, like, going to show. I got plenty of material. to make stuff that I like. Like this is not a, it's not about stuff that I don't know about.

It's not about stuff that I don't connect with, like the previous series that I did, this stuff I can do. Like, and I, so I do characters about music. I do like, there's like this emo guy character who's like, his girlfriend's cheating on him all the time. Yeah. This is like one of my, this one doesn't do as well as my other ones, but I love this guy because he, his girlfriend's always cheating on him. And he's like, he's just like, uh, he's just like, so sad. add. But yeah, so I do like that.

But then I also do, I'll do write characters for myself again. Like, I'm like, okay, I don't want to get caught in the thing where I'm only doing this thing because people like it. And so I'm like, okay, I got to keep up doing things that I like and putting it out, even if it doesn't do as good as the other stuff. You know, I can't get like attached to something doing really good. You know, it's like, all right, well, I still got to do what I think is funny and what I like. And then even if that means, like, sometimes people are like, do more Mosh guy stuff or whatever.

Oh, yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's like, all right, well, you know, like, I will. I'm making a whole, I made a whole damn short film, you know, about it. But it's like, I'm not going to, I get tired of it. So it's like maybe I'll, you know, maybe I'd stop for like six months and then do a fucking other mosh guy video. But I'm going to do it whenever it feels fun and natural to me because then I don't want to do it and it feels forced. And then people are like, ah, that sucks, you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah, people will know.

Totally, totally. They read it. And, like, I mean, I don't know exactly, but they're, you know. there's a couple videos where I feel like maybe I wasn't in I was like maybe too like burnt out and I didn't quite like quite feel it as much as I did and maybe people and you know maybe people felt there didn't like I I wasn't quite there but I learned I was like okay I'm getting to the point where I'm like tired of this so I need to take a break you know so yeah I learned my lesson the first time and now I'm not going to make that mistake again yeah yeah it's it's so hard it's it's really tough It takes a lot of self-awareness to know when you're burnt out. Because sometimes I'm like, am I burnt out or am I lazy? Am I procrastinating? Am I depressed?

Yeah. And do I need to stop being a bitch? Sometimes it's like it's, I still struggle to find that balance. You know, what is this? Am I burnt out right now? Am I not? I don't know. Yeah.

It's tough knowing when you're actually burnt out. We're like he's got to get past that plateau. Yeah, because sometimes you're right. Sometimes it's like, okay, well, like, I'm in a platform. I know that I just need to keep going until I figure out the next thing. But sometimes you're like, I'm so burnt out that nothing sounds good or whatever. It's like, but is that like a trick? And it's like, yeah, yeah, dude.

I think that's just part of like being creative is like doing music or whatever. It's like you, it's just hard, you know, you just the only, and I don't have it figured out. Like, I don't always know. And there's definitely times when I've been burnt out, like doing stuff. And like I'll look at the video and I'll, are all like, there's a video that I didn't even put out. that I made like a long time ago that I was it was at that time when I was so burnt out and I made it and looking back it's like I'm just like dead behind the eyes and I'm like I'm not gonna put this out even though I wrote it and I shoot it shot it like I just don't I don't feel like I'm gonna can I don't I'm just not gonna and I've never really done that I always just put stuff out but I was just like I look I looked at myself and I was like I look dead behind the eyes like I'm not really I can't do it I just got to stop and take a break for a little bit bit or whatever. Oh.

Yeah. I just looked at my eyes and I was like, does that look like a guy who's having fun? I don't think so. Wow. It's crazy how you can see that. Yeah. I mean, I... Man sucks.

Yeah. Do you ever feel that? Like, can you look at yourself? You like... Oh, yeah. You're right and you look at yourself and you're like, that guy looks like he's just, there's nothing going on back there. Like, he just doesn't have nothing right now.

Yeah, it shows up on the face. Yeah. So you just look more stress. Yeah I was uh I won't get too part into it Because I want to tell you your Your story but yeah

So I'm 38 I'm 38 This past week Today is fine I was actually worried about today a little bit I never been depressed in my fucking life Oh really Last week something weird hit me

Because it sparked the thought Because we're talking about burnout I'm burnt out And like Went Like go to gym something Like something was different

I was like something You don't want to do that Okay you just couldn't go Not not be lazy But it was different Like just being like a zombie Just a zombie They're going back home and taking these long ass naps

Yeah Couldn't get out of bed I was like what Sounds like depression Like what What time out what the fuck is this I didn't know I'm so kind of

I'm so kind of used to Not being lazy Or just getting All right I'm being lazy Get out my fucking Lazy ass Start working on something

But this was different Yeah This was something like knock me out. So I have a newfound awareness and respect for people that go through that. Because I'm always like, I was like, if you're depressed, just get up and go to the fucking gym. Yeah.

Now I experienced. That's what I did. And it actually didn't work. Totally. Like, wow. And I have a whole other like perspective. I need to kind of need to process that still. Yeah.

Like, wow. Scary. Dude. Yeah. I don't deal with depression at all. I have anxiety. problems, like, my mental problems are anxiety, but my wife deals with depression. So I've learned a lot from her. And in watching her, the way that she and I both deal with our issues, it's like,

okay, like, I see that we are very different. Like, what depression is to you is like, anxiety is completely different to me. So it's like, it's helped me understand more like what people are going through depression are. Because I was the same way. It's like, just get up and go to the gym or whatever. Meanwhile, like, I'm at the gym, like, with like a seven out of ten anxiety that just, like going to war in my brain like yeah yeah just like you know what I mean like this is not healthy either you know like yeah yeah yeah the first time I got on like indidepressants the doctor was like what do you like from a zero to 10 like what do you think you're on I was like oh like a seven most days and she was like a seven like out of 10 I was like yeah and I was like people aren't like that like that's

not normal she's like no it's not normal to be the seven like all the time I was like oh all right so that's when I went I had like lost one of my best friends at the time and like I realized I had had anxiety my whole life but I never like talked to anyone about it so that's when I started going to therapy anyways all that to say yeah and now I I respect what people with depression go through because I've seen you know how my wife and other friends of mine deal with it how do you work on your anxiety uh pills pill take an antidepressants not all the time not all the time um I did I'm on them now because of like all the stress. Does it Jim help? Jim helps. Yeah, totally.

Jim, everything helps. Jim, I go on, we take lots of walks. I walk like miles and miles per day. Jim, a lot. But just all the stress of being a parent and all that stuff, like new parent, like, I got back on them because I didn't really like, you know, I was seeing in my wife and I was a relationship that like,

like both of our mental issues were like affecting each other because we were like not sleeping and not really able to go to the gym that much because like you have a kid and it's different when they're a baby and like we used to be able to go to gym like every day and now it's like shit like okay you can go now but then like I'll go after you but damn there's no time or like well why don't you just go and then it's like I'll try and go tomorrow and like so it's it's harder to get that in consistently so I was like I got back on an antidepressants for the first time and like since 2017 I was on him for like a year in 2017-2018 when I moved from Chicago to New York.

But I'm back on them now. I'm not going to be on them forever, but it's basically it's just like, I look at it as a tool. The gym is a tool. Walking as a tool, eating healthy. I'm like, I eat pretty healthy most of the time, but, you know, sometimes I eat like, I don't know. I like to eat nasty shit sometimes. Of course. Like to eat wings and pizza and like whatever.

I like to eat terrorist. Yeah, exactly. it's kind of like what's the point of life if I can't eat like some dirty ass wings you know like I don't know but Jim helps I don't know as far as anxiety goes I my wife actually said something to me one time that was like really helpful which is like at the end of the day it's just feelings like it can't hurt you right like yeah so I was like all right these are just things I'm feeling or thoughts or whatever I don't have to act on these thoughts I don't have to do anything with them I just have to do anything with them I just have to to wait about. And like at the end of the day, like, they're just thoughts and feelings, you know, like it's, and I know that that's all they are. Like, I know that I'm in control of my actions and whatever. So I can, I don't have to do anything about it. I just have to acknowledge that they're there. And that's, and that's it. And I did, I've done talk therapy for years on and off. And so I have a lot of tools as far as like cognitive behavioral, cognitive behavioral

cognitive behavioral therapy that I use. That's a tongue-clister. Yeah. Which is like a way to, it's like a way to reframe negative thoughts or like negative thinking patterns or whatever. CBT? CBT, yeah. It helps you identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts and to learn practical self-help strategy. Yeah.

Okay. So the first time I got on. indepressants. I was having panic attacks like every other day basically. Oh, fuck. Yeah. So, and I, I was not in a mental place to be able to use any tools that I was learning in therapy. So my therapist is like, you should maybe think about getting on meds because, uh, it will take you down a notch to the point where you can start using some of these tools. And so I, I, I, I was on meds for a while. I took, I, I don't know, I don't remember what I took, but I was on it for a while. And then it just took everything down a notch and it took everything down a notch and it allowed me to implement the tools

I was learning in therapy. So then once I got off them, I was like, okay, I have the tools now. So now I know what to do. I didn't know what to do before. I was like just in survival mode, having panic attacks all the time. So now I'm good, you know, or whatever. So now I'm on it again for a different reason just because I can't control, I can't do all the things that I would normally do to make myself feel better, like going to the gym and all this stuff. Like I do. I do go to the gym, but not as often as I would have before I had a kid. Or I'm still figuring out when, you know, like,

how, like, do I just always go at bedtime or whatever? I don't know. But yeah, so I'm not against people, like, taking meds or whatever. Like, I think it's if it helps you, you know, whatever, it's a tool. Yeah. Yeah, you're going through real life shit.

It's like what, everything kind of goes out the window right when you have, like, now you're bringing in a wife. Now there's a child involved. Yeah. Well, it's like, balance that. Yeah, well, it's like your partner becomes the mirror of you, right? So, like, you, you are constantly, your partner is kind of like a mirror that is held up and you see all the parts about yourself that, like, only someone that is around you 24 hours a day would see. You know, like, did you know that you do this?

Like, all the terrible things? Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You're like, no, I don't. No, I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. That's exactly what I'm talking about. And you're like, no, that's not. not it. This is for a different reason, you know? Yeah, and then we realize. Yeah, and so

it's like, okay, you're like, all right, I got to do something so I don't, like, drive my partner crazy. Yeah. But, yeah. Yeah, I never, I never, I guess my next question is, what exactly is, I never had a pang attack either.

Like, what is that? Like, what are you thinking? What are you feeling? Because one of my band members has, has an issue. really I was like you're right man yeah and it's like so it feel to me it felt like I'm um it's not it doesn't necessarily start because something happened it's like when Ida therapist describe it as like when everything in your life is too much and you're not able to deal with it um these emotions are going to come out somehow so they're either going to come out like if they can't all come

out in a healthy way they're going to start coming out like the side or basically you know it's like They're going to, it's like steam coming out of like a, whatever, there's cracks in something. So it's like a panic attack is like, at least to when the manifestation of like all these emotions and things that you can't deal with that are out of your control, whatever, the things that are going on in your life just sort of coming up, like coming out and physically. So it's like my chest gets tight. My heart starts beating like a lot. And then it's like I feel like I can't breathe. Like I feel like I'm going to die, you know, whatever. And then all those feelings of like anxiety and like, oh my God, like I can't breathe.

like make it worse. Yeah. But in reality, when I learned it's like, okay, I just need to wait 20 minutes. Like the panic attack is usually over by 20 minutes. So if you can wait 20 minutes, it should pretty much be subsiding, you know. So that's what it feels like. I remember I would get it like on the train to be going to work in Chicago and it'd be like the train to be stopped. And it's like I would just get a panic attack.

And I was like, I got to get out and get fresh air. And I couldn't. I just like sit there and have to breathe. You know, I've got it. Like I was just like, when I was talking to my wife on the phone one time, like in Chicago and like just walking down the street and I started getting one and I was like oh my God but yeah so I that's what prompted me to get to seek like antidepressants because I was like I can't live like this you know for and I can't have any kind of life if I'm doing this all the time I need

to like just get through until all the things that are stressful like are have I become more used to them or like they changed or whatever um my therapist now is like describes it until I have more information. Like to get me to the point where I have more information about what's happening, like I might not know everything about what's going on in my life right now, but I just, that doesn't mean that it's not going to get better or whatever. I just have to wait until I have more information. You know, like I don't have all the information right now. I don't know what it's going to be like six months from now, a year from now, but I have faith that things will get better and things will work out. And I just got to, you know, keep going until I have more

information about what's happening in my life what like is it like a past childhood trauma like what um i don't know i think that i nothing like real like i think that it's i think that it's just like a chemical imbalance really like i don't have like a like i have family problems like everyone else but nothing that's like like easy to point to you know it's just kind of like a combination and i honestly i think it's just a chemical imbalance you know like it's I've just always dealt with it. I think I, you know, undiagnosed for a long time. And then once a therapist kind of like told me about what it's,

technically it's called like generalized anxiety disorder, which like everyone has, but like, not everyone, but like if you have anxiety, you probably have like GAD. But I just think it's a chemical imbalance really. It doesn't like, if I'm not on meds, like I know, like I feel it all the time. But if I'm not on meds, I'd probably sit at like a six, five or six. five or six six most days you know even if I'm not showing it outwardly um so you just have to learn

to like deal with it you know it's not like um something that I can just like point to in therapy and talk about then it's like I figured it out I'm good so yeah when you make these big life decisions like let's say you know go to Chicago New York or going to California too because you always, you're basically like pursuing like your dream. Yeah. Do you think I always, I just wondered like, do you think that makes your personal shit like that worse? Or do you think it doesn't affect it?

Yes. It does. I think everything you do that's not in the norm just exaggerates. Totally. It's 100% makes it worse all the time. But what am I doing? I'm fucking up. Oh, shit.

Totally. Yeah. It's like, or like, you know, it's like, oh, I'm. you know, moving or like moving is like one of the most stressful moving is like one of the most stressful things that anybody can do. Like it's like on like scientifically like

one of the most stressful things. And I've done it like, we've done it like every two years for like the past. I can't do that. Yeah. So it definitely makes it worse. Like but I, the way I guess I just, in my mind,

I feel like I haven't really had an option not to because it's like there's things I want to do more than like, not feel like anxiety all the time. You know what I mean? Like so I want, there's things I want to do more than that. Then like I,

so I just do the thing I want to do. Because I want to do that more. And it definitely makes it worse, but I don't know. I've done it a lot. So now I know what it feels like. It's like, oh,

it's going to be really stressful for like a year. And then, um, you know, figure it out. Crazy. Yeah. You're, I'm sick in the head, dude.

I'm sick. Well, You kind of have to be to... Yeah. You know, just kind of just... Just go with your gut. You kind of have to be... You have to be a little bit of a sick...

Sick fuck. Sick. Nutty. Every word. Well, you have to be... I mean, even like touring in bands, dude, like, you have to be a little bit sick to, like, do that.

It's like, who in their right... People will be like, oh, I want a tour. It's like, do you... Like, have you been on a tour? Have you spent, like, 30 days in a van? Like, a shitty van with, like... guys that smell bad and you're eating terribly and all this stuff. It's like, a lot of people think,

and then it's like you get in them doing it and you're like, okay, like, do I, I must really love this to push through like all the parts that suck. Yeah, there's a lot of parts that suck. Yeah. It's, yeah, I mean, everything in life has a price, you know? I mean, you pursuing what you want to pursue, I mean, that's probably adding some more stress in your life.

But that's, you have, that's the thing, but that's what's fucked up about humans. We want these highs, these high moments, but we don't want, but we're not going to accept the equal or lower lows that will probably come with that high. No, yeah. It's crazy. It's true. There is a price for everything for sure. I mean, and I, you know, and you also like, if you want to get something that is hard, that is hard to do, you're going to have to pay the price of like to get there.

You know what I mean? Like you're going to have to sacrifice and you're going to have to like in some way. You know what I mean? Like you're going to have to pay some kind of price to get there. It's like you don't get to like be in a successful band by, you don't just start a band. Then all of a sudden you're like successful. You know what I mean?

Like, and even if you are like you're really not. Like you're even if you like jump and then immediately you're not going to skip shit because shit is going to catch up with you. Like true. I know people that like have gotten like bands or people I know from like comedy or whatever that get like a huge opportunity or whatever and they're not ready for it. And they like, and it's like, yeah, fuck it up or whatever or like, you know, a band, like it's a huge tour because they pop or whatever. Then it's like, but they've never been on tour before.

And they just like, they fuck it. You know, they mess it up. They don't know how to live in a band together, you know, and like not kill each other. They don't know how to like manage things. Like you have to take the pain of like all the dumb shit to get to the point of like the stuff that you want to do. You know, there is, everything does have a cost. You're right. Yeah.

But it's worth it. It is worth it, totally. You're in California. Dude, it's worth it just to be here. I love California. It's my favorite place I've ever lived by far. By far. Yeah.

By far. Well, that's, that's good to hear. People, I don't know, they're just shitting all over California. I'm like, do you think get the fuck out. Get out of here, dude. California is the best. It's like, yeah, it's a more expensive year. It's because everyone wants to live here.

That's because all the stuff is here. We have all the different kinds of nature you could possibly want. It's like you have the beach. Like, dude, I feel like I was born to live here. Like my, all my skin problems cleared up when I moved here. My allergies? Yeah, all my allergies gone. I haven't had an allergy.

I never heard that. Holy shit. Dude, I had, I had terrible allergies my whole life growing up from Kentucky, Chicago, New York, Virginia. I moved here. I haven't had to take a single allergy pill in two years. My skin cleared up completely. I always had like super dry skin or whatever. I moved out here.

I just put in coconut oil. on it. And it's like, I'm good. Like, I don't have to do anything. It's like coconut oil and sunscreen. Like, everything cleared, all my, like, health stuff cleared up. I moved out here. It's great. I love the beach. I love hiking. I love being at parks.

There's all kinds of parks. Wow. I never heard in my life, man. Really? Yeah. Dude, California, to me, like, as being it from Kentucky, I remember, like, touring, coming to California was, like, a big deal, you know? Because I had visited a couple times when I was little, like, doing stuff, but like, being in California, like,

like on tour because, you know, driving into it for the first time, I remember that, being like, whoa, dude, we are across the country. This is crazy. Yeah. And we're like, we can go to the beach. Like, we're going to get in and out. Like, this is great. Big moment.

It was a big moment, huge moment. So to me, California still feels like so cool, you know, like, man, I live here. I live in L.A. like, I wanted to live here for forever. Like, I wanted to drive everywhere, you know, and like, whatever. Like, I hate driving, you know, but like, you know, I'll take the, I'll take the, I'll take the nature and everything, you know what I mean? It's so cool, man. It's the best.

I'll drive up here in a freeway and just look at the hills and you trip out. I'm like, wow. Dude, it's rocks. Wow, this is sick. I know. I love. I love, like, driving from like, because we go to Griffith Park a lot and we'll drive like through Burbank and it's like I love looking at the mountains.

The best. I'm like, this is the best, man. Like, this is so great. And I'm walking through Griffith Park. Like, it feels like I'm in another world. I'm like, this is one of my favorite places on Earth. Like, I love, that's why I film like all our videos. there first of all because no one's i don't bother anyone you know i don't really like to do stuff

that much in public because i don't like to like bother people but um yeah everything is at griffith park really yeah pretty much different parking lots or whatever because i'll film i'll film like a bunch of stuff on one day yeah i'll film like four or five characters on one day and then just like edit them over the next couple months how do you how do you prep for that uh i write them i write them all out basically because I'll improvise some stuff as I'm doing it but I'll write it all out um on like a like I'll just write them all out like and a Google doc or whatever I'll print it out and then I'll like prep I'm like all right well I got to wear something different in each video because otherwise it'll look like I filmed it on the same day yeah so like I'll just be like all right I'll pack my backpack

or my bag and I'll pack whatever I'm going to wear and then I'll go and meet up with a friend and like I'll film some videos for him because he does comedy stuff too he'll film some stuff for me and then we'll just like we'll just trade or whatever and uh yeah i'll just do it all because i hate like i hate like doing stuff like every time i need to do it so i'm like all right i just gonna go and bank a bunch of stuff like write a bunch of shit and just do it's best that's what you're done well how long how long is the uh how long's the how long's the what's the same word the pre-process so what is it you doing it like like a full day doing it like a week before you go to like,

uh, yeah, park. So I start with like, I have a Google doc where I write down just the premise for like, if I haven't have an idea for a premise, I just write it in a Google doc or I email it to myself and then I'll later put it in a Google doc.

So I'll just write like, uh, like one that I'm probably going to film soon as like, this is like super niche, but guy walking towards you who's like I don't, it's going to be a better like, like headline than this, but it's like a guy walking towards you who's walking pattern you can't predict you know and it's always like and you're trying to get out of their way oh yeah have you ever has that ever happened to you it's like people on the phone and they're like

walking and you're like too i'm trying to get around you and they're just like somehow always like getting but they're not like they're like running fast or they like slow down right when you need to like get past them and i don't know if anyone else i think it's funny but i think it's funny so i'll like write that premise even if it's like long or whatever it's like all right and then once i know that i'm i'm like i'll plan the day to shoot stuff without knowing what i'm going to shoot. It's like, all right, then three weeks or two weeks I'm going to shoot on this day for like however long. So then I'm like, when it gets closer, maybe like the week before, sometimes even like the couple days before, I'm like, all right, what am I going to shoot?

I'll go through my dock and like pick stuff, pick like two or three, four, whatever. If they're quick, like four. And I'll just write them out. Like I'll just sit or I'll go on the, if I go to the gym, I'll go on the treadmill and like I'll just do like the incline. I'll just write on my phone. Oh, sick. Yeah. I'll just write on the treadmill like on the incline. Like on the incline. Like, walking, um, you know, whatever on my phone, like writing them out, like characters, like lines or whatever and then like, like, actions, you know, because I'm like a lot of stuff, I really like being physical on stuff. So I'll write out like just some like ideas for like how I physically think this would go. Um, but yeah, so I'll just write it all out basically. And then I, and I'll improvise

stuff along the way. Like, or I might have like a general, if I really have a good idea of the premise and I know it's not going to be a super long thing, I'll just like, one of the videos I did recently was like a guy, like a, a mechanic that you go to and like, you just can't understand anything saying. Yeah. Yeah.

So that, that I just had like the premise for it. It was like, I don't need to write anything because there's no words. Like, so I just have my friend film me and I'm just going to like do this. And we'll film for like five minutes and I'll edit it down to like 45 seconds, you know?

Or maybe not even five minutes. Maybe like three minutes sometimes. This makes sense, though, man, because you have so much experience of just going off the cuff. Yeah. Like you, You literally went, went to a different state to, like, really hone in on this style.

Wow, dude. Yeah, I mean, like, once I start going, then it's like stuff starts coming to me and I'll just, like, do that. Or, like, add stuff in. And I'll write some stuff just to, like, keep me on track, you know? But, yeah, like, I'll just, like, I'll get the premise and I'll go. And then sometimes I'll write a lot if I want it to be a specific way or sometimes I'll just kind of do a pretty basic thing. like that. I didn't write any of that.

I just was like, all right, just film me in your car, like pull up here and then just keep filming me and I'll do stuff and then I'll just, eventually I'll just be like,

all right, I'm done. Like, I'm just stop. So let's say for a example, you're like, okay, I always see this shit. Oh, I may, uh,

tour past local band. Oh, yeah, totally. So what is this like, like this is where it came to you and you put it down as like a premise or what? Yeah,

so I always, I always thought it was funny that like local bands or like a band would be like yeah dude we're going on tour you know and they like get tour passes made at FedEx and it would be like they pay like you know and they would just

like I was like okay I got to do this character so I'd write some stuff down that I think is funny like I don't know four or five lines or whatever and then I'll just improvise stuff and it's like sometimes I'll just as I'm going I'll think of things and whatever that's like where a lot of that for me is where a lot of like the magic

or the fun comes is when I'm just like going and then like stuff starts happening and it's as I'm talking because I don't really necessarily know what I'm going to say next because that's like a lot of improv is that like I don't always know

you start talking you know like that's like a big thing that I learned about how because I would I didn't learn how to have fun doing improv until I learned that like I just have to start talking like I just have to walk on stage like they would teach you at annoyance theater

it's like kind of more like the punk rock like an improv theater so they teach you to like okay like Like, if I'm not in the scene, all I have to do, I don't know, do not plan anything or whatever, I can give myself like something like, it's called a gift. You can give yourself a gift. Like, maybe you, one thing you know about yourself, like, I just know I'm pissed off.

And I don't know what it about yet. But I'll just like, I just take a step out and I just start talking. So it's like, oh, man, I just can't wait to go back to the baseball game. I'm, they, it was so sucked. It sucked. And you just, like, it's like, okay, wait, I'm pissed now. Like, I'm talking about the baseball game, and it's like, I just like talking and seeing, just starting and seeing where it goes, you know? Because sometimes you'll just like, you'll find stuff.

Like, at the longer it goes on, you'll find stuff inevitably, you know. But I just had to get comfortable, like, comfortable just trusting myself and trusting that. And it's like a skill that, like a muscle you had to like, I had to learn. But, yeah, it, it's fun. I like to do it. That's sick. Well, obviously it's sick, man. Yeah, it's fun.

All right, so there is a reason why you're here. Yeah. Let's talk about it, man. Yeah. Yeah, go, okay, go ahead. Okay, so it comes out, wait, no, so this comes out Friday. Yeah. I mean, the podcast comes out Monday.

So you're listening and watching it. It's already out, and you're going to release it the mushroomery on your own personal YouTube channel. Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, so it's coming out, it's coming out, Friday at noon. Sick. PST, noon PST, Pacific Standard Time.

So you don't know what that is. So for free, it was crowdfunded. And then I had sponsors. So like Paps Blue Ribbon, Gorillas Pickles, overcast merch and Lamb Goat, they like sponsored in different ways to help me get it made. Because once again, if we're talking about like doing things without knowing,

just kind of going off my gut, like I did crowdfunding for it, but I didn't get enough to fully finish it. I got enough to shoot it. I didn't have enough to do all the post stuff, like color, you know, like sound mix, like all that stuff. I was like, you know what? I'll figure that out later. I'm just going to shoot it.

And then I trust that I'll figure out how to finish it later. And then I was like, all right, well, you know, I've worked with some different brands and met different people through doing, like, social media work or like paid promo stuff. So I was like, you know what, like, this, I'm going to ask if people want to sponsor it for a certain amount because I know that I'll be, that I'll put it in the trailer or whatever and people watch it. and like, so it's good exposure. So that's how I ended up funding the, that's how I ended up funding the post-production was like through sponsorships. But I was, I shot it knowing that I didn't have enough to finish it.

And I was like, oh, I'll just figure that out later. I'll figure out how to finish it later. Man, you, you just go, man. I don't know how I'm going to finish it, but I'm going to to shoot it. You know what, that's a great quality to have because that will, that will, that will start. most people.

Yeah. Dude, I could have stopped it at that point. I thought about it. I was like, oh, I didn't raise the amount that I would run to raise. Man,

I'll just cancel it. But I'm like, no, man, like people crowdfunding like $10,000 bucks to like help get this thing made. Like, yeah, they're invested in it and it would be like disappointing

to like get it back. I'm like, oh, I'm just not going to make it. I was like, no, like screw that. I'm just going to like,

like, no, fuck that. I'm going to like, I'm going to shoot it. And then I'll figure out how to finish it later. like, whatever.

And then I just like, I trust that like as I'm doing it, like the answer will come to me, you know? Wow. That's the way to do it, man. And then I was like, and I was like,

okay, I think that like, I think that, you know, for sponsors it's pretty cool, you know, it's like, pretty dope.

Yeah, like, whatever, because I would do a press release for it and they would be in it. And, and I'm very grateful that people came in that wanted to sponsor it and help me finish it out. Like,

so yeah, I was like, I'll figure it out later. And, uh, Yeah, and I also didn't know, like, I have a bunch of, like, I have cameos from different people from bands in it and stuff. I didn't know who I was going to get, like, to do it. Like, I knew some people maybe, but it's like some people dropped out or whatever, or didn't have time.

So I was like, all, all, I'll figure it out later. And then I shot it all. And then I knew I had to fit in testimonials, like cameos from people in different bands. And I was like, all right, I'll figure out what I want them to say later. Like, I'll watch it, and then I'll just tell them what to say to fit in these different parts. because I just have them send me videos and I would put it in so I didn't even know

I was like had to watch it all and then I'd be like all right I'm gonna need this person from this band to say this, this person this band to say that and that'll help tie everything together or whatever so I just had to figure it out like I know I'll figure it out

once I get in the edit Wow man you're just going yeah shout out to 1720 it was cool oh dude yeah that's another thing I was like my, a friend of mine, Brandon Dermer, he's a director and he's directed a lot of music videos and stuff.

He was like, I was like, dude, we got to film. I got to film it at a venue. I don't have any connects at venues. And he was like, he was like, let me contact the people at 1720. And it's like, you know, whatever. I just paid them to rent the space for until a certain time when bands started loading in. And we shot there two days. And it was great.

Like, they were awesome, you know. But it's like, I didn't have a location in mine when we started doing. I was like, I'll figure it out. You know, you just figured out. I think it does stop a lot of people. So, like, I think it stops a lot of people if they don't know how it's going to end to start it. You know, they're like, oh, I don't know how this is going to completely get done at the end. It's like, all right, you'll figure it out.

You can figure it out. If you really want to do it, you'll figure it out. It's true. People, like, people want to see the whole staircase, but all you need is, like, a glimpse of the first step, dude. Really? Yeah. If I see a glimpse of the first step, I'm taking it. Yeah.

Like, you just get a feeling. about it. You're like, all right, I think this is like, this is working. I trust that this is the way to go. Everything else, I'll figure out. And I'll wait until I have more information, basically. That's what my therapist says. That was a good way to circle back, man. Yeah. Impressive. Well, yeah, so I'm going to put the link in the description, or if you choose, you could stop watching the podcast right now, because it's out right now on your personal YouTube. What's name of the YouTube channel? Stanley W.S. 91, I think, my it's yeah Stanley WS 91 because I'm born in 1991 and that was my YouTube thing okay yeah that means sense it's sick I have I do have one one question for you

yeah how so we're talking about much coming out of much retirement how old is too old I think that like I think that if you if you were to get hurt and it would like make it so your wife and kids could not like, you would like provide food, like put food on the table. Like perhaps you should like like think again, you know? But at the same time

like I did I like went it to like when I saw Beyond Repair recently, like just like old members of throw down like playing like Same yeah. That was actually I was like that was a balance like am I going to come out? Dude straight up. That's what I was like I was like I got I was like up like singing along and stuff. I was like I love

these songs like old throwdown and stuff so yeah i think that like you know i don't know i can't tell you i can't tell you how old's too old but you i think you'll know when if you're like man if i get hurt right now i uh people are not gonna be eating who is who's someone i was going hard uh Aaron heard from a jeez piece he still goes hard i'm like dude what are you doing man some people are just built different dude some people are like I know I know myself and I know that I would get hurt like immediately. Yeah. So I just like it just is what it is.

Like I just think that I would get hurt. I'll sing along and stuff. You know, I'll be in the front. But yeah, I just, mid-20s maybe. Yeah, mid-20s. Oh, I used to mosh all the time. I used to mosh,

you couldn't stop me for moshing in my 20s. But now it's like I like, I like it, but I don't know. I just, I'm like, I really don't want to get hurt. And not be able to. but to like work or do other stuff, you know. And it's like if I get hurt, I'm going to have to go home and be like, sorry you're going to have to do everything with the kids.

Like, blah, I hurt myself from moshing to whatever, you know. But. Donnie broke because it came back because I got a. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I guess maybe late 20s. Yeah. It's a young man's game for sure.

It is. I mean, if you want to. if you want to get like the juice from it which I've done the last time I pitted was a year and a half ago, two years ago but just like just go into a DISA pit pushed a little bit for like 10 seconds okay I got my fix I'm out

yeah yeah I got in there I got yeah I got the juice from it yeah good I'm a hardcore dancing dude I'm doing some like you know some drunk push moshing yeah yeah that's the fun part yeah nothing that's gonna yeah the slam dancing dude this is so much room

for error and for injury. I can't do it. Yeah. It's like an injury now would like be very different for me in an injury when I was like 20s. You know, I was like, ah, whatever. I'll just like, I'll get better. It's fun.

Yeah. And now it's like I recover from it, but I'm like, I don't really want to do that. It's like, I want to be able to take walks. You know what I mean? I don't want to like. It's cool. Yeah, walking is rad. Hiking is cool, you know, like all that stuff.

I want to be able to do that. What showed you to go to you? I went to the one at the Cardin app when they went and thrown out and played for the first time. I went to the Knocked Loose show at midnight hour. I went to Knock Loose. Sick.

Mongrel. Cosmic Joke. There was another band that played to. I forget like a... Yeah, I don't remember. But I went to that show. Nice. Yeah, I was like kind of moshing to be on repair.

But yeah, there's photos out there somewhere. Like, I don't remember. Someone took photos of it. I'm sure. you're just asking for it. That's a great lineup, man. Yeah, there it is. Oh, twitching tongues.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I knew that I was, like, missing, like, one of the main bands. I'm so glad they were back playing those songs, man. That, that, uh, that EP Drum Me Dead is, like, a big one for my childhood. So good. It's... I really like, uh... I just like the vocals, like, on, like, the first, like, throw-down records.

Like, I really, the vocals are like... Special. Yeah, like, his vocals are really good. Like, that song Slip is, like, one of my first. favorite hardcore songs of all time. Like it's so good. That's fucking badass. Yeah.

Well, Stanley, we're hitting an hour and a half. Is there anything on your mind that you want to get out there? I think that, you know, when you're talking about this before the show, somebody's got to find the original destruction of a statue YouTube clip that I watched. Okay. I learned about suicide silence from because I'm a, I was like, I'm a big, I'm a, I'm a, I like some death core. I like some metal core.

Would you consider suicide silence a death core band or a death metal band? It's death core, yeah. Yeah, okay, cool. So, yeah, I would-death core is, it's, what's you call? It's like a death metal happy meal. Yeah, dude, I love it. Exactly. Got it from me all that's a good way to put it, man.

Yeah, it's just like, you know what I mean? Sometimes what's missing from death metal is just a real breakdown. You know what I mean? You're waiting through all these blast beats and shit, and you're like, give me something, give me something. You know, that's why, like, suffocation is so good. because they give you like the breakdown you know yeah but yeah so i someone please i got to find this original destruction of a statue clip that introduced me to suicide silence and and death core in general

i was like whoa this somebody because you basically kind of pioneered it right i guess it depends who you ask but yeah i i guess we're we're pillars because i would i would i guess it attribute it like I remember like job for a cowboy like EP yeah yeah yeah I guess you say we both put it I guess we made it like mainstream I guess yeah yeah yeah but yeah I got to find that clip because it's incredible and I still can't I can't find it it's on there somewhere you YouTube is a fucking sea of yeah this fucking internet someone will find it maybe maybe I will who knows so the talk uh the documentary is out now yeah out now so out now so it co because if you're listening right now,

it's Monday, you listen to the first day, so it's out right now on Stanley's personal YouTube channel for free. Yep. And, you know, if you don't, it's free, so if you like it,

you know, hit me with a like, hit me with a share, you know, if that's your thing. Or don't hit me with anything. You know, just watch it, or don't do anything at all. It's up to you. Or,

or pick up some merch at least. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm going to do. do like a limited print of like the of the poster like a screen print of it oh great yeah um because i wanted to do something for it and i'm a fucking sticker too i'm working on i'm working on vhs tapes of it oh my course you are yeah it's gonna be like now in moshovision so i don't know if anyone will we'll buy it but i'm gonna get maybe make like 50 and then like see you know who knows yeah you don't know man people collect weird shit these days

I know. I really want one, and it's like whatever the minimum is, like, I'm just going to do that. So, yeah. Hell yeah. Well, Stanley, thank you for your time and sharing your story. Yeah. Thank you, man for having me on. Appreciate it.

Anytime. All right, everyone, that's it. Later.