Garza Podcast - 28: Morgan Rose | SEVENDUST

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Morgan Rose is the drummer for the band Sevendust. One of the most influential heavy bands on the planet. We talk the songwriting process for HOME, Playing Woodstock 1999 and much more. SPONSORS: distrokid.com/vip/garza 30% OFF! emgpickups.com Promo Code: Heavy 15% OFF!

Our guest today is Morgan Rose. He's a drummer for the band Seven Dust, one of the most influential heavy bands on the planet today. He's also my big bro, and I love it. If you want to support the podcast, please check out our sponsors in the description below. Thanks. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Distro Kid.

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Check it out. We are also brought to you by EMG Pickups. I personally use the 81-7 here in the bridge and the 67 in the neck. It gives me that over-the-top heavy exaggerated sound that I love and need in my life. Head on over to emgpickups.com and check out their wide variety of sick gear. I hope you enjoy this chat. Please welcome Morgan Rose. Holy shit.

I cannot believe my big brother Morgan is here. Absolutely. I can't believe it either. So you came here from Atlanta, Georgia, straight here, right? Flu in this morning. Dude, how's California for you? It's good, surprisingly good, because, I mean, you know, California shows for us are like, you know, we're just, is it going to be cool or is it going to be this or is it going to be anybody going to come, you know? Really?

Yeah, it's always been like that. I mean, interesting. There were, early in our career, it was like, let's avoid California, you know. It crushes your morale, you know. And then it was weird. Like one night we played L.A. and headlining in L.A. And it was packed and they were going crazy. And I'm like, what the hell went on here?

And then like another few years later we came and it was back to this. I'm like, what's going on? I wonder what that is. I don't know, man. I mean, it's been good this run, you know. Yeah. I think everybody's kind of the people that do come out because the COVID thing is still weird. You know, it's still, it's still out there.

You got people that don't want to be in the crowds, and then you got people that don't want to get a jab, you know. And then there's different rules everywhere you go, where it's either you have to have a negative test or you have to be vaccinated, and then they're like not doing it, you know. And so we played right before we got into Cali, we played like Dallas, and they were saying that it was like they were having 30 and 40%

of the people that wouldn't show. So they'd buy the tickets in hopes that by the, the time the show got there, it'd be cool to just go. And then the rules wouldn't change. And then they wouldn't go and they wouldn't sell the tickets. So you've got a sold-out show and you've got 60% of the venue filled, you know. Interesting. Super weird.

Even when I saw you, you know, it was like negative test stuff in Atlanta and they were like licking door knobs during that whole thing. You know, I mean, like they didn't care at all. They didn't. They didn't care. Man. But they cared at the venue, you know. It's strange, huh? It's real strange.

I heard also some venues and promoters are actually overselling the venues on purpose because they're expecting the drop off. That's what I would expect. Yeah. Yeah. So people bought tickets literally two years ago. So that tour, that you saw us, that's been a year and a half, it's waiting. So people bought tickets and kind of forgot. Yeah.

Strange. That was a killer show, though. Dude. And it was packed. And they were nuts. And you guys were stupid. You're stupid. It was a best shit.

It was the best show. I've seen in so long, I was just like, God, I'm mighty, man. Talk about the best birthday day, birthday present for me. I turned 36 that day. In Atlanta, Georgia, I got to meet one of my favorite drummers, Morgan. I got to meet my long-lost brother. It was super cool. I mean, it was like, I walked back, and I'm like, Garza.

It was like, it was cool. And then that was before the show, you know? Then you guys go up there, and it's like, oh, my. my God, dude, it was ferocious. And then you jump off a stack and... I almost died, it was fine. It was like, what a weird birthday. It was like, dude, chink's wide open.

I'm like, oh, my God, I just met him and he's dead. It's like, unbelievable. Definitely one of the best birthdays in my life. We were all talking about it like the whole day, Morgan's going to come out. Oh my God, dude, okay, I got to, I want to... My thing is saying things publicly. Yeah, me too.

And we've been that way a whole career. Like we were talking about seven dusts, corn, slip knot. Like those, that era of bands before it was cool. Sure. There was a time where like you couldn't wear the shirts. Sure. Because we came up in like the I.E. like hardware scene. Yeah.

So like wearing those shirts talking about it. No. We all knew they were listening to bands, but nobody was talking about it. Yeah. It was so strange. And like, but I don't know what it was, but just right right out of the gates. been very public and so I mean Morgan you've been a huge we've we've admired you and loved your band and you're such a big influence on on us and it's it's an honor for you to be here

and it's honor for actually to call you a friend dude I love you man it's cool man yeah I love you man it's crazy it's it's it's a trip man it is it is it makes it makes this whole podcast thing like really oh this is why I do it because it's I get to really meet and hang out with my favorite people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, I love that you're doing it. You're great at it too. Thanks, man. There's not, not everybody is, but you are. Well, I've been a very quiet person my whole life, so I kind of developed just a listening skill. I like, I like to listen to people. I like to ask questions and sit back and listen. Yeah. Because it's how, it's how you learn. That's great. And especially when you have so many failures throughout your whole career. Sure. I just, I have to

ask questions now because all right why i i fucked this up you know how you know and i know you know we probably have a lot of similarities with with that like you know we have a lot of maybe bad business choices and like how do you recover from that dude so insane dude so many and the most impressive thing about you morgan and your band is the fact that after 25 years or more you still have the original lineup intact yeah it's still you is still John, Clint, Benny, and Lejean. Yeah. That is the most impressive thing about your band.

And I have to ask you, how did you do that? I mean, the weirdest thing about it, because we talk about it a lot. You know, we do actually discuss that. And, you know, we love each other. That's no question. I mean, we want to beat each other up all the time, you know. And when we were, you know, when we were, you know,

when we were drinking a lot and doing drugs and living that lifestyle it obviously made it more volatile but the thing that we learned pretty quick was we've got a bandful of passive aggressive dudes that really it's almost like we don't discuss things sometimes it's not I don't advise it but it is something that we do where it's like nothing's really that important. Nothing's really that pressing and that big of a deal. You know, if somebody leaves their shit in the front lounge, it's like, are we going to break the band up over it? Because that's the kind of stuff that would start a brawl.

You know, but you slowly, you know, you grow up, you stop doing some of those little things because, you know, living in a tube going down the road, you know, any little thing can make you like, dude, I want to strangle that guy. Absolutely. So, you know, I mean, it's like, you know, a hallway in your bedroom, you know, the lock on the door is a snap on a curtain, you know, so it's like not a lot of privacy. And but we just got to the point where we were like, you know what, let's just, you know, we're only going to discuss the big stuff. That's how we handled most of it.

And unfortunately, a lot of other people in our lives had to pay the price for it, you know, whether it be for me, you know, a lot of times it was, you know, anybody else. You know, if I was pissed off at somebody in the band, I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at to somebody else? Because I'm like, I can't do it inside the five of us because we have to, we're going to stay together. So that was how I handled it a lot of times, not, again, not advised. But yeah, we basically just, we don't communicate.

And that's, we communicate. We get along great. We talk about all kinds of stuff. But when it comes to stuff that's like nitpicky, we just really don't communicate about it that much. We just kind of will hint and kind of wait for, is that going to start something? And then if it doesn't, you know, we're like, cool, he got the point, you know, and that's the end of it. Yeah. So you guys don't focus on like the small stupid stuff.

Yeah. And it's gradually gotten even better. But, I mean, again, it's not advised. Communication is a great thing, you know, if you can get through, you know, because hard talks are not easy. I mean, it's affected me in my life. You know, it's affected me in my relationships in my current one. You know, she's got it all together and she's all about let's get to it. You know, let's fix the problem.

And I'm like, I don't want to talk about that shit. You know, I don't want to talk about why I didn't ask you what you wanted to eat tonight. And I just said where we were going to eat. That's not that big of a deal, is it? You know, and she's like, well, I mean, it's kind of fucking rude, dude. You know, and I'm like, well, yeah, I guess it is. You know, so she's actually. kind of helping me grow up a little bit, you know, be a little bit more of a decent human

being. But yeah, you know how it is. I mean, you're married to the band. So it's like, that relationship definitely affects everything else that you do and everything else that you deal with. I mean, I consider myself a pretty good person, you know, that's just a little bit flighty and doesn't, you know, can be inconsiderate not by, you know, not consciously, but just, overlook something really easily and can hurt somebody's feelings and be like, dude, I did, you know, and my immediate thing is defense, you know, no, no, no, dude, it wasn't that. I didn't mean to do that, you know, when it's like, but you did, you know, so just be like, yeah, fuck dude, I'm sorry, man, you know, I won't do that again, you know, damn. I just, I don't like guilt. I don't like

feeling it. So I got to fix it. Yeah. And then you bring that in your relationship and it's the same deal you know the girl's like a sorry is good you know yeah i'm like but i think i'd rather defend it yeah yeah yeah that's that's that's that's our go to you because we're so used to being married to to four guys and it being the opposite of that absolutely and then when you're in a relationship uh you got to talk talk it out yeah you know and that's what it's funny of my my girls actually doing the same thing with me helping me grow up yeah you got to talk things out yeah and and it's it's so hard with a conversation because when we're having a hard conversation, it feels wrong for a period

of time. Could be five minutes, could be ten minutes, could be an hour. But once you hash it out, then that's when that feeling, oh, we, we resolve the issue. Yeah. But that first, whatever, it sucks. And it feels like you're going to break up or it feels like you're doing something wrong. But once you get past that point, oh, this is why we, this is where we had the hard conversations. I have abandonment issues. That's it. Yeah. You know, I think a lot of musicians do. you know but i mean i definitely have them and it's like yeah so what you said is exactly it man there could be a fight and be like this is it's over yeah over something that's really not a big deal you know not in a big relatively speaking it's not the end of the world but yeah i'm so used to you know

i'd been in in you know some relationships in my life that were tough and i'm sure that i was to blame for a lot of it you know because i didn't communicate but uh you know there were breaking breakups and there were bad things that happened and it's like so you just kind of like oh very you know like tense going into those conversations yeah for me anyway yeah you ever look back at the past relationship so much as it sucks and be like wait that was actually my fault this is my fault that was i should have did this and it sucks but that but that's what makes your current relationship better you look at a situation where it's like you know you get a uh you know you get a the monster that ends it where it's like, okay, you know, she cheated on me or something like that.

And you're like, that's your card. You know, you just hold that one up. You know, go see, she cheated on me. That's the end of it. You know, it's her fault. She did this. That's it. Yeah.

It's no good. I mean, obviously, but it's like, and yes, you could sit there and say, you know, people shouldn't do that and, you know, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, you look at it and you're like, but was I great going into that? You know, was she happy? obviously not yeah you know and so I mean yeah there's there's through a lot of therapy and a lot of you know what is me moments you know I came out realizing that I'm fucked up sorry that's not funny man I'm sorry we all do our best man we do we do our best we try to do our best dude and it's fucking tough it's crazy how your abandonment issues just will manifest and

in your band and your relationships. And it's just weird ways. Could be small, could be small, could be big. Yeah. But then you go, oh, wait, it could be, even when you were born or it happened to me or four, but like whatever happened, it just will just manifest in your 20s, your 30s, your 4, it's fucking nuts, man.

Dude, I talk about it all the time. Like, I had this super strange upbringing, you know, everybody's got a story, you know, like, you were all over the place. Dude, it was like, I mean, I had a father who, you know, was a womanizer and you know he met my mom they were fucking kids man they're like 18 19 years old yeah I'm thinking about what I was doing at 18 19 I was like I had I still don't have anything figured out I sure for sure didn't have anything figured out then yeah and uh you know

so he meets her they probably were only dating a few months you know and all of a sudden she's pregnant and you know they end up getting married and my dad's like I'm fucking everybody you know, like, I'm not changing that. That's what I do. And he had a really strange circumstance. Like, this is, you know, I'm old as fuck. So this is like the 60s, like late 60s. And he was busted in a car where he had a joint in New Jersey.

And, you know, they arrested him. And, I mean, it was a thing. So it goes on his record. So, you know, he goes to get a job. And they're like, you ever been arrested? He's like, no. you know, so he gets the job. He's the best worker in the shop.

Guy comes up to him. He goes, hey man, got to let you go. He's like, for what? He goes, you lied on your application. And he's like, but what if I would have put yes? And he goes, I wouldn't have hired you. And it's like, okay. So my dad ends up getting into the world of dealing drugs and big.

And it was marijuana, truckloads of it. And, you know, I'm like three years old, you know, sleeping in the bed with my parents. And here comes the SWAT team in there, you know, the guns and ready to go. And they're arrested my dad. And, you know, I'm going to see my dad on the fucking chain gang when I'm four years old. And he gets out and he realizes I got to get out of New Jersey because I can't work here. I can't deal drugs here. I can't do anything.

So he's like, I'm going to Florida. I got a hook up where I can deal some drugs. That's why he went to Florida. He goes to Florida. and leaves me and my mom in New Jersey. Oh, you stayed there. Yeah. So, you know, my mom ends up with, you know, her boss.

I'm like five years old, six years old, and she's dating her boss. And, you know, she's a single mom. My dad is in Florida doing his thing. His mule is his girlfriend, who's a fucking complete maniac. And, you know, I would go and visit him, and it was a completely different world. My dad has a bunch of money, and he's a drug dealer with this fucking troll for a wife at the time that's mulling for him and uh you know my mom is dating her boss who has two kids and i'm like shuffled off to the side terrified they had me sleeping in bed

with them from birth up until you know i don't know i probably didn't sleep alone until she was with him and i'm terrified i had dude i had the weirdest shit in the world i would not sleep by myself i I was panicked out, freaked out to be alone. They would be sleeping in a bedroom. My mom and her boyfriend, who she ended up marrying and is still married to, but I would, like, wait for them to fall asleep. I'd be shaking in this bed, you know, at like seven years old, eight years old. And I'd wait for them to go to bed and I would, like, quietly open up the door and, like,

sleep at the bottom of the bed. You know, here's this guy trying to court this girl, you know, and this seven-year-old, you know, is, like, at the bottom of the bed. bed he's trying to fucking hit it i'm sure and i'm on the bottom of the bed you know morgan you know i'm like you know leave the room and then i'd wait for them to sleep dude i'd be sleeping at the at the door like looking in the crack like to try to be close to them i mean i was traumatized so same drill with my dad i'd go down there they'd shut the door go fucking deal with it so it was a weird thing man i had two step parents that at the time were really brutal like neither one of them wanted me

around. They ended up shipping me to my grandparents. So there's where the abandonment started. My parents were like trying to survive. My mom is alone. She's trying to make it work with this guy. He's not that he doesn't want me around, but he wants me to be, you know, not sleeping at the fucking foot of the bed every night. And my dad's wife definitely didn't want me around. She was fucking crazy. So that was where it started. That was the abandonment thing And, you know, I carried that Into my 40s I mean, I carried that card into my 40s

Fuck you guys You guys left me out and fucking handed me over to a bunch of other people Who by the way were fucking great to me Yeah But my parents, you know, fucking ditched me So my dad Ironically enough My dad was the one that came up me

He goes, God, I fucked up so bad man You know, like I I blew it with you. Sorry isn't enough. I can't do anything about it. But I love you and I always have. And, you know, that fucking woman, man, she, it was my fault. You know, I blew it.

And it ended it. Like, for me, I had no more resentment at all. My mom took a few more years. My mom's more like me. Doesn't want the guilt. So my mom was like, I know, I'm the worst mother in the world. You know? And I'm like, yeah.

You fucking were, dude. You know, and it was vicious, you know. I mean, my mother is the queen. She's the, she's the greatest woman in the world. But I realized through therapy and stuff, I'm like, man, she's a fucking kid. And she was scared, too, you know, and didn't know what to do and thought, you know, this guy's not, he's not easing up. And I'm scared in a kid and I'm alone. I don't know what to do.

And she had another kid. I mean, she started fucking just shooting kids out. You know, she had three more. Whoa. You know, so it's like, but she finally went. day was just like you know I'm so sorry that I did that and I was like it wasn't even a conversation it was just like we're driving in the car and she goes you know god I wish that I could have I shouldn't have I wished I could have done that different I just blew that so bad and I'm like you know where'd that

come from and it just killed it I mean this is probably one of the only times since then that I've even brought it up because it's just like gone you know accountability is a big deal you know if somebody says I'm sorry and it's sincere it's like the game's over you know you know you know What can I do with that? You know, I mean, you've said it. I either say, cool, or I say, fuck you. And then it's on me, you know. So that was a cool moment.

I wished it would have come a little earlier. Yeah, how old were you? Shit. My mom said that it wasn't that long ago. I mean, within the last 10 years. Oh, wow. Yeah. And my dad wasn't within the last like 20.

So I was in my 30s. And 40s. Yeah. That is bizarre. Yeah. So you carried that with you. Yeah, man. Long time.

Throughout childhood to teens to 20s. Yeah, man. And 30s. And even though there's accountability and sorry, which is, I mean, obviously, as you just said, it's great. You still have that. We still had to deal with the wiring issues. Holy shit, dude. You're fucking genius.

That's the truth, man. The worst part is that all of a sudden it was like, okay, I'm good. I'm cured, you know, because they said they were sorry. and that's really all this child inside me wanted, you know. And then my therapist, I'm like, I don't know what the deal is, man, but I got these fucking abandonment issues, and they're really heavy. Yeah. And it's fucking shit up, you know.

So. And he goes, well, it's real simple. You know, you've forgiven them, but you haven't healed. You know, it's like somebody breaks your fucking arm, you know, and they say, I'm sorry. And it's like, well, I'm not mad at you anymore. You know, you finally said you're sorry for wrecking my arm, but my arm's still fucking broken, you know? Yeah. So that's like, that's when I said, oh, shit, I guess I got to go to this guy a little more.

You know, I guess I got to get dig in on what's going on in here because it's chaotic. Wow. Has a therapist helped you? Yeah. I mean, again, you've got to be willing to be called out. I've got a really good one that is like, you're a fucking idiot. You know, like, it's not. one of these, you know, legs crossed, you know, so, you know, laying down on the tape on the bed.

He's not that guy. He's like, so, so what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. You know, like, you think that that's, you can find a place that that decision sounds in any way, like, the right one, you know, like, I mean, there's things that I've done and things that I've said and arguments and, I mean, I'll walk in there and be like, I got, his ass today. I'm going to say what I did and he's going to go, that's, that's exactly how you should have handled that, you know, and I come in and I'm like, this is what I did. And he goes,

yeah, I was fucking terrible. I'm like, what? You know, yeah, I mean, so he's, my girlfriend fucking loves him because he's, he's constantly calling me out, but he's, but he's intelligent, you know, he's, uh, definitely the best one I ever went to. Shit crazy expensive. You know, I'm like, I got to pay this guy to abuse me, you know, but he's, he's, he's, he's, he's helped me a lot. Do you guys great to hear? So you went to multiple people, correct? Oh yeah, I went through a lot of therapists. How many you think? Over the years, 15, 20. 15, 20. Yeah. I mean, I'd go in there and talk and then it'd be over and they go, okay, I'll see you next week. And I'm like, late a minute. You know, like, I can find plenty of people I can get on the phone

to listen to me, you know, talk shit for an hour. Yeah. You know, I don't need, I want to be called out. I want to be told something that's going to help me, you know. Totally. So, wow. A lot of them were like that. A lot of them were. Yeah. And a lot of them I would cut off. You know, they'd start talking. I wouldn't like what they were saying. So I'd cut them off and they'd stop. He doesn't do that. He's like, hey, hey, hey, you know, stop talking. You know, I'm like, all right. You found a solid one. Yeah, man. He's the guy. Wow. Well, dude, Morgan, I think that's great for people to hear that.

because usually it takes a lot for someone to go through one to drop the eagle. I got, I'm going to go to a therapist. And then to keep going through that process. I've had two in my life that were maybe three that were legit for me, that worked for me. Yeah. You know, the first one was when I was 17 years old and I was laying down at a buddy of mine's house listening to Scorpions Love Drive. and I'm laying, I mean, I know it like it was, where were you when Kennedy was shot? You know, I know that first day of anxiety, panic attack.

I know the first one. Damn. I'll never forget it. It was the worst fucking experience ever. Really? I mean, I'm laying there like nothing. Nothing's really bothering me. I'm 17 years old, whatever, listening to Iron Maiden and Scorpions and priest and laying on a fucking blanket on the floor at his house.

And all of a sudden it goes. and I'm like what the fuck is this you know out of nowhere dude like I'm going to sleep and adrenaline and I'm like what the fuck I'm like holy shit

and then I'm like holy shit you know that felt like I was going to have a heart attack or something and it goes away like holy shit that was weird man I'd go lay back down within a minute again I'm like holy shit dude I'm going to throw up you know like freaked out go to the bathroom i'm like at the toilet you know like i must be getting

ready to throw up nothing happens i'm like legs are wobbly you know i'm all fucked up go back lay down laying there i'm like now i'm wide awake you know what the fuck just happened twice in three minutes goes away five minutes later again i'm like i go back i'm finger on my third throat trying to throw up, nothing's coming up. I'm like, panicked. This started happening that night and lasted for about maybe eight or nine months. And it would happen so often that it would be like 30, 40 of them a day, like completely debilitating.

Completely, you have no life. And so I'm like, I'm not in a real band yet. I'm like jamming, you know, cover songs with my friend and, you know, drums and guitar, no singing, no bass player. But I'm like, in my brain, I'm like, I think I want to play music for a living, you know, I want to be a musician. And I'm thinking, I can't even get through a song without this happening. And, dude, if I have to say it, I mean, it's the most craziest shit in the world. Dude, I thought I thought the devil was in me. I mean, I thought I was possessed.

I didn't know what it was. And back then, you know, again, I'm old as fuck. So it's like 17, you know, that's a long time ago. And I'm like trying to tell anybody, you know, this is what's going on. The only way I could explain it was that it felt like I had smoked weed a few times. I was terrified of everything, you know, insane that I had done so many drugs after that because I was like terrified of weed or anything. So 17, I'd smoke some weed.

and all of a sudden I got the paranoia, you know, where I was like, I'm talking, but I don't know how it's coming out because I'm fucking high. Yeah. And that was how it felt. It felt like I'd lost my ability to, like, speak. So I would talk when it was happening, and I'm like, I don't know how these words are even coming out because I'm not thinking of them. You know, I'm not consciously thinking about what I'm saying.

That was the only way I could describe it. Nobody got it. They were like, you're fucking crazy. dude I'm like I am crazy as fuck like I'm freaking out so that was the first time I started thinking about suicide was that I thought you know months and months of that happening every day you don't ever think it's going to stop and uh my mom had me go to this shrink and I walked in there and she said a few things to me that were real simple she said what are you afraid of and I'm like I'm afraid of dying it feels like I'm going to die you know it feels like I'm going to die you know it

like I'm going to pass out and I'm going to have a heart attack. And she goes, okay, well, you're never going to die from a panic attack, ever. No one's ever died from one. And I'm like, never. She goes, never. And whether it was true or not, which I think it is true, at 17, I was like, I can't die from it. She goes, can't die from it. I'm like 100%.

She goes, not a chance. She goes, you know, you have to fight it. You have to be angry with it, you know, almost roll your eyes when it comes like, oh, fuck, here it is. You know, and that's how I treated it. And from that day, from that one meeting with that therapist, just saying something real simple, I just started fighting it off. So the panic part of it, it took about two or three months and it was gone. Then I realized I had anxiety and anxiety where, you know, I mean, I have it all the time. I have it all the time

where it's like I can't get a deep breath or I'm yawning and I can't get it to go you know like I feel like I have to yawn and right when it gets halfway there it stops I'm like fuck you know and that kind of stuff you know I get that a lot

but the panic part of it is gone that's been gone for a long time but she was the first decent therapist that I had very decent She probably saved my life. So that therapist helps you with your anxiety and not be crippling anymore? If I wasn't too afraid to do it, I definitely would have killed myself.

Wow. I mean, I thought about it all the time. I was like, how can I do it? You know, how can I do it? Did not have one thought of hurting anyone else. Like, that was not even conscious. I wasn't thinking about that. I was only thinking about how do I stop this.

you know it was that intense oh it's the worst geez unbelievable when I hear people that have it I'm like oh man oh fuck this is not good yeah yeah what do you you have in that experience what do you say to people to even help them I mean I say you can't die from it you know I say and then and then I'm thinking you know was she even telling the truth you know I mean maybe you can you know but yeah that's what I I just tell them you know dude it's it's it's a It's a wiring issue up there that, you know, nothing really needs to trigger it. Everyone usually blames it on stress and stuff. I'm like, I'm telling you right now, I had zero to do with that.

Yeah. I'm 17, man. I had no stress. Wow. Yeah. So, yeah, it's a bummer. And when that stuff starts creeping in on people, it's, uh, I know somebody in a band that had it real bad. And, uh, and I won't say who it was, but they were having a really, really hard time with it.

and canceling shows and, you know, unable to perform, you know, and terrified. And going to doctors every day, you know, because, like, you know, they'd say nothing's wrong with you. Like, you're fired. Fuck you. Next, you know, next doctor, you know. And then you go to, like, 10 or 11 of those guys are like, dude, we run it all. You know, it's all good.

Give me a neurologist. Something's not right up here, you know. Everything's good. you know, you think it's got to be something, you know, but it's not there. Wow. Yeah. Do you think maybe for some people it could perhaps be in their head or maybe the way the way to process it or think about it?

Yeah, I mean, well, I mean, I'm definitely no expert on it, but I just know what I went through. You know, I know that it's the same as most anything else, I think, where it's like once it starts, the snowball starts going. Yeah. You know, it's like, uh-oh, something feels weird. Oh, what is that? Oh, shit.

You know, before you know it, you're in the fucking corner of the room just like, fuck. You know, when really it could be like I would do it, which would be like, fuck me. All right. Well, be done in a minute. And it's done. Oh, as simple as that sounds, I mean, it seems for you it worked. Yeah, I mean, again, it's like the main question is, what are you afraid of?

I mean, that's ultimately, you know, obviously there's something that's bothering you that you're afraid of because you're panicking out. So what is it? And it's like, for me it was I'm afraid of passing out. I think I'm going to pass out and die. Ain't going to happen. Wow. So. Well, now your drumming makes a lot of sense.

A lot of anger in there. I know. And fear and all that stuff, you know. You, I mean, well, your drumming style is so. The sound and the visuals, it's so distinct. I don't know. I don't know. It makes a lot of sense now.

It's cool. It's like you find a way to channel it. It's like you channel it something. Yeah. I mean, again, it's changed over the years. I mean, it used to be, because I was always afraid to go on stage, not because of anxiety or anything. It was always, you know, butterflies.

Yeah. Same, you know, we all got them. Sure. And I remember early being like, I don't even want to do this. I'm so fucking freaked out. Really? Like, this is not fun. And then you get up there and after a song, you're like, this is the greatest thing in the world.

And then you'd be over and you'd be on cloud nine and then it'd come to another show. This is back before Seven Dust, you know. But, you know, go to another show. And for two weeks, it's like, oh, God, man, I've got to go through that shit again. I mean, it was wild. Yeah. And then, you know, then you get signed. And back then in 96, you know, it was like record deals were tough.

And you get it and you're like, I don't want to fuck anything up, you know. And then you're afraid. You know, we did Woodstock in 99 and I remember my manager saying this could either make your career or break it. And I'm like, what? You know, we're getting ready to go on stage. There's like 100,000 people out there. Right before we went on. Dude, what the thing?

You don't say that right before you go on stage? It was not the right thing to say. Well, to your benefit, which actually, that was a month before home dropped. And, man, that was an insane show. That was a fun show. When was the last time you saw that show? I haven't seen the show, like, in its entirety in years. But I saw, like, a little piece of it, you know, within the last year or so.

Somebody was playing and go, look how young we were, dude. I'm like, turn that shit off, dude. It's fucking sad. You know? It was so fucking intense, man. It was intense, man. MTV had a camera that was like backstage, you know, and that was back when the intensity for me going on stage was very high level.

Like, I mean, it wasn't safe to be around me. Really? Because I was just, I was so jacked up that I was like, I'd be exhausted after a song because I was so wound up. I'd burn everything before I went on stage. It took me years to be like, you got to fucking calm down, dude. You know, because I was like intense. Wow.

And the camera was following us around. And I'm like, get the fucking camera out of my face, dude. And I could see the guy going. He's like, like, he liked it. And I'm like, this is no fucking game, bro. Like, I'm going to knock that fucking camera to the ground. Like, get it out of my face. Because we were just walking around.

Yeah. You know, and I was like, I spit in the camera. I was like, get the fuck out of my face. I mean, I was not. Dang. Right. You know? I mean, getting ready to go on stage and, like, hitting my head against this concrete wall, you know,

and all of a sudden you know it's like getting ready to go on you know and I'm like almost knock myself out getting ready to go on you know just like

very intense you know and then that I miss it because it isn't like that anymore now I'm like what's after show food you know intro is going

I'm like oh yeah yeah I'll take the Mugugai pan that sounds good oh shit we gotta go you know like damn totally different yeah

yeah I can't imagine I mean Woodstock I mean that is like the biggest of the biggest it's like it's the most like legendary massive show of all time yeah that was that was we were last added to that thing like somebody dropped off and we ended up being put in a good slot you know like a 6 p.m or something like that jule was playing against us on the other side of the hill you know so it's like no competition on that one and uh they had already you know gotten pissed off about the 12 dollar waters and the no oh yeah toilets so they were ready to

They had already started breaking shit. So we played that Sunday. So they burned a fucking place down like that day while we were there. Oh, SWAT team getting us out of there and everything. Really? Yeah, it was crazy.

Do you remember like playing those songs? Like looking out and like, there's a lot of fucking people out there. There was a lot of people out there, man. I mean, it was like, and it started to get more and more because like I said, Jewel was playing and no offense to Jewel, but it's just a different demo. And most of those kids were ready to break shit.

So it's like, you know, she's over there, you know, yodeling. And shit's getting heavy on the other side of the hill. And I could see him, man. I could see him running, dude, like thousands of them coming over the hill. I was like, oh, we're about to fuck this place up. Good. You know, and they were throwing bottles everywhere, man. And some of them had piss in them.

And it was European style. Oh, shit. They figured that one out, you know. They need to get that thing to the stage. So, you know, it was wild. Yeah. I mean, I know that I was so freaked out. And then when it was over, I was so relieved.

And it was, it went so well that there was this thing that happened where Howard Stern, like, talked about us. Really? He said that, I think that the, what he had said was something like the breakthrough artist of this year's Woodstock was Seven Dust. Wow. too bad that they're not going to be talked about as much because everybody wanted to burn a fucking place to the ground. So it was kind of that weird thing where it was like, man, Howard Stern talked really highly of us, but really everybody's talking about how, you know, they broke the place

into pieces, you know, so. Damn. Yeah. Well, it wasn't all lost because even as masses as that show was, you guys are already, the ball was already turning and the buzz was already. getting out of control because you guys already recorded home. Yeah.

Because you guys played Woodstock. It was July. They came on in August. Yeah. You know more than me for sure. What was the writing process like for home? Because the because, oh, you're a laughing. I cannot wait. I cannot wait.

Because a jump, because you guys created something special. The music chemistry between all you guys, you guys captured it, which only a few bands ever do on the first record then the jump from that to home is a pretty big jump well we toured for 21 months on the first record and it was like almost straight you know so we did 4662 shows on the first record I mean just never went home and then they're like you know this band is is hot right now like yeah the label's like how long you're gonna need you know and we're like

two weeks. I mean, literally, we were like, and we're like, is that going to be too much? You know, they're like, oh, okay. You know, two weeks and then you'll start writing. And we're like, yeah, they're like, okay, great. So we started writing, you know, like I said, we were all pretty much, none of us were into drugs or alcohol. Like it wasn't, that wasn't yet what we were.

Yeah, at the time, like, we were just not into it, you know. And, uh, wow. Then you go on the road for 21 months and, you know, shit starts to happen. Yeah. And I remember, I remember rules that we had. Anybody does coke in this band, they're fucking fired. That was a rule. Yeah, early on.

And that changed, you know. And so then it turns to, you know, two weeks off and we're like chomping to get in there and start writing again. Wow. And we wrote like a handful of songs and they were all terrible. Really? Yeah, they were just like, we were recording in Atlanta. Yeah. And the whole idea was, you know, we want to be home.

You know, we've been gone so long. We do want to be home, you know, and do that. And the label got the first demos and they're like, we got to get them the fuck out of Atlanta. Really? Yeah. So they moved us up to Brookfield, Mass, where we did, uh, I mean, there was some killer record. I think I against the eye was recorded there.

And Snott's first record, or Snott's record, was recorded there. So we knew that Snott had been there, and we were very close with them, so we're like, we'll go there. And it's the middle of nowhere, farm. You know, like, there's nothing there but horses. And we're like, this is fucking terrible. We got to work, because there's nothing else to do, you know. So we start writing songs there. I think, I mean, I don't have the best memory.

John and Clint remember this stuff more, but I do think Home was the first song we wrote there. Wow. So then it started. So hard. Yeah, then it started moving. They started coming out then. But it was super weird.

You know, we were like locked away so we could get some drinks and stuff there. And then, you know, we thought we're in the middle of nowhere. And somebody goes, you know, Boston's only like an hour or so away from here. We're like, we know a bunch of people in Boston. Yeah. So all of a sudden, you know, then all the craziness came to the country. You know, we brought Boston in there. So, yeah, I mean, there was plenty of stories in that recording session.

So you brought the party from Boston to the small town studio. Did you guys write first and then party after or was there like a mix going on? It was a mix. I mean, you know, Chino came in. We got blasted with him. He was only supposed to be there for a day, and I kept his ass there for like five or six days. He was in no shape to be going anywhere.

Wow. Yeah, it was, it changed. I mean, writing got to be, like, after we got into, you know, animosity and stuff, I mean, some of us were not able to really sometimes even play at practice. You know, it was like... So bizarre. Yeah. I mean, that record took about a year to write and record because, you know, some of us, me included,

you know, would just be like, what are we doing? You know, trying to play, you know, trying to write a song and you're just completely shot. That's so bizarre because it doesn't sound that way or, or more importantly, it doesn't feel that way. Yeah, it wasn't consistent. It wasn't like, you know, we were a mess or anything like that. And it wasn't five guys that were off the rails by any means, you know. I mean, I don't... You're just you.

Yeah. I mean, I definitely had a part, you know. And I didn't, I don't, I definitely don't want to make it sound like you had five complete messes, you know, in this band. I mean, that's, it's never been like that. But, so I can really only speak for myself. But it got it, it got together, you know. I mean, there were, I mean, again, you know, we did 21 months on the first one. We did 18 on the second one.

So it was like 38 out of 42 months we were on the road. Insane, dude. Yeah, I mean, it was, I remember 30 seconds to Mars, like, breaking the record for most shows on an album cycle at, like, 380 or something. I'm like, that's fucking bullshit. Yeah. Like, we smoked that shit. Yeah. Nobody ever argued it.

I'm like, dude, they got a Guinness Book of World Record, and, you know, we killed it by, like, 60 or 80 shows, you know. Oh, my gosh. But, um. So, so you guys would, like, you guys are in a band, you guys are in the room. And we just freestyle jamming or does someone bring in a riff or you start playing a beat? Like, let's say for example, like how does a song like denial come up? So I've still to this day, I don't remember who wrote the riff. I think that it started.

I always thought it was John. But it doesn't really sound like a John riff. I don't know. I've never, I don't even know if I've ever asked them. But somebody came in with the riff. Oh, okay. And then I think I wrote the vocals for the chorus. And then it's all a blur.

Then I don't know. I mean, the vocals, the cadence of that vocal, they sound like either Clint or Lejean. So I don't know which one wrote it. But that's like, I don't ever remember anything. I mean, there's songs where I'll be like, you know, dude, that's such a killer verse on that song, you know. And John will be like, you know, you wrote it, dude. and I'm like, no, I didn't. You know, I definitely did not write that.

He goes, oh, yeah, yeah, you did. Like, John has, like, elephant memory. Yeah, he remembers everything. So it sounds like it starts with, like, a riff, and then that's, like, the meat of the song, and he kind of made me just pre-saw riffs after that. Yeah, I mean, that would be, like, a perfect example would be, like, waffle. Like, Waffle, you know, Clint had written all this music.

Yeah. And then all of a sudden, you know, The, that thing was John. He's just freestyling, you know, while Clint is playing the riff, you know. Praise was us sitting in a room in Orlando, and we had nothing. And I think Clint said something like, you know, just play a beat, man. We'll see if any shit comes out. And I just start playing this.

obviously it's a very primitive nothing to it beat I don't even think it was actual beat I think it was just the beginning yeah I think it was just that and he's like I don't know another very simple the horse right type you know and he writes that and then you know I just played kicked into it and forever while we were going through that writing process the name of the song was shit comes out you know and uh we wanted to to call it that. On the record, they're like, you're not calling it that. You know, we're like, all right.

Yeah. But, yeah, there's all different. Back then it was all kinds of different ways. Now it's way more like John writes a pile of riffs. Clint writes a pile of riffs. They send them around. Yeah. We get in a room.

The hardest thing for the last decade has probably been vocals because, you know, it's not easy. I mean, I'm singing in another band, and I know exactly. exactly what it's like now and it sucks it's like yeah you get a pile of riffs and it's like okay dude you know write a bunch of melodies and bunch of words yeah and it's like okay you write the first one it's like man that's pretty cool second one comes and it's like man that's pretty cool too and then by the time you get to the third one you're like that kind of sounds like the first one and then you get to the fourth one it's like those are the same words it's the second one you know and it's like so then became the lejean we're just going to wall street this thing everybody's

taking a song and going into a room and everybody's going to come up with vocal ideas and yeah melodies and different cadences and yeah lyrics and you know and he's all in that as well you know so everybody's just kind of scrambling and we're like fuck that we're not doing that anymore like this record i mean we would be recording records the last few of them where all the music is recorded and we have no vocals for it it's like you just committed to putting a song on a record that has no fucking vocals on it yeah not even written, you know, so finally we're like, that's done. We're not doing that anymore. Yeah, it's crazy how the songwriting process is still evolving. Yeah. You know? Or maybe it's something that might work for the last figure. It won't work for the one that you're doing now. It's crazy,

huh? Yeah, absolutely. It's so nuts. Clint's like nuts, man. He plays like 12 different styles of music, you know, so he can incorporate different things that he works with other people on. He comes in. He does something like, whoa, dude. Clint is a riff monster, dude. He's a monster, dude. He is Favorite guitar player of all time Still, my favorite Of all of them And he's in your band

He's in my band My best buddy I've always I love that about my favorite bands We're like, man You guys get to get in the room All you get to get in the room And Clint

Just get in room with you And you guys present something To Lejean And then you know Johnson Come in and like play a rip And like that's just like so cool to me Yeah man It's I mean it's

It's a blessing and a curse, you know, because you go and you do other stuff, and it's like, yeah, fuck. Like, I did that solo record and I'm like, how was that? It was cool. It definitely, you know, Clint was the one that told me to do it. Oh, that's awesome. And then. That five songs, right?

Yeah. And then he was the one that I said, well, okay, cool. We'll send some riffs. I was like, I'll play drums on it and sing on it, but I ain't fucking writing this. I don't, I can noodle around, but I'm not going to put that out there. And then I had three or four guys that I was thinking. about using and then I'm like I got the guy though in my band you know like yeah I mean me and him are just it's too much you know like I mean basically I told him I'm the

drummer in your solo band now like you you you had your fun I wanted you to do it alone you did now I'm in and he's like okay you know and then I'm like I'm gonna do this solo thing you're the guitar player in it all right you know so I mean, we can't really... It's hard, you know, because, I mean, like, Wolfie played drums on Clint's record, and he slays. Yeah. And Ryan went out and did a tour with him,

and Ryan's a good drummer, so that was all good. I was like, that's all really good, man. But Wolfie's got Mammoth now, so he's gone, and Ryan's doing Tramani, and that's cool. I'm the drummer now. Yeah. You know? So dope.

It's Debo's bike. Yeah. It's Debo's bike now. Yeah, it's hard for you guys, it's like to separate, and I definitely, can relate to that because they're like they're a part of your soul it's like it's like a part of your sound so we we lack like a big part of that you're like your own thing you notice oh shit like i don't sound the same i don't like feel like that yeah that thing that you're trying to do for like

for like your solo stuff i'd tell you a perfect scenario would be if everybody just could do something different like if everybody played a different instrument in the band we'd probably just keep putting records out with somebody else singing them and somebody else playing a different instrument you know I mean because they're the guys I want to play with I mean I'm doing another thing now where I'm singing in it with Barry from Three Days Grace is playing guitar and Sean from breaking Ben's playing drums and Jason Christopher came in and he's playing bass and it's like all these guys and Jose from three years hollow and Justin from Allborn so all these guys got together the whole

thing was really just more of a songwriting unit. We were like, we'll write songs and we'll sell them. You know, I'm not going to be front and no band. You know, I play the drums. So that was the idea. And then we wrote a few songs and Barry's like, we ain't given these songs away. I'm like, yeah, he goes, we're going to keep this. This is a band now. I'm like, really? You want me to be the singer of this? And he goes, yeah. I'm like, I'm the front man. He goes, yeah, because you're fucking crazy. So you need to be up front with that. And I'm like, really. it. So that's things happening now.

I'll let you hear some of it. It's super weird. It's weird that I'm singing, you know, so. Well, but you can sing for 25 years, man. Yeah. I mean, it's weird for me that I'm doing it. But now it's more like more in the front. Yeah.

Right? Okay. Yeah. The whole, whole different thing. Yeah, I'm terrified of it. It's good. More anxiety. It's good.

It never ends. It never ends. Dude, when did the head? set coming to play. Genius. It's the worst. I hate it. It was only there because I used to have a boom, you know, and I'd be barking out, you know.

Yeah. Parts. And like, you know, why don't you do this year? And I'm like, that's a pain in the ass. I'm like, you know, this is a pain in the ass. I'm just going to get that thing and I can mow the parts. I can sing those parts, you know. Yeah.

And then God would be like, yeah, man, that's cool. And they go, why don't you just sing it? And I'm like, I don't know a singer, man. I'm just like singing ideas. Yeah. He's like, no, man, I don't want to sing that. You sing it. And it started like that.

And then it turned into a voice, you know, like part of it. A distinctive voice, a part of the sound, a massive part of the sound. God, I wish it wouldn't have happened, man. I wish it wouldn't happen. I mean, there's way too many people about the, you know, you want fries with that, you know. And I'm like, God damn, Britney Spears. I'm like, oh, fuck. No, man, it has to be a, dude, you are a freak.

Like, I mean, because you're doing. five separate things. You're singing, I can't play drums. I can't play that fucking one, two beat. I can't do that stuff you're doing. Oh my God. That's some freak shit, dude.

It only gets weird when we track those vocals late. That's the only time it can ever get weird is that, you know, we'll do the music and then we'll do the vocals, and I wouldn't have written them together. And then it's time to do it. I'm like, yeah, man, let's do that one. And I'm playing.

I'm like, oh, shit that polyrhythm's fucking me up yeah you know like how do I do that like hold on a minute you know and then I have to like get it together so it takes you a bit to like practice and get like the rhythm down yeah some of those so even like even if you struggle with the uh complicated rhythm you can still kind of oh I mean play a little bit more than kind of gets yeah yeah dude that's freaky man you're freak I fucking love you man I love you I love you do I mean for I want to get back to your longevity

like so so you talk about you're not you know you guys don't get caught up in like the small stuff maybe not even like the big stuff you kind of you just found your own

dynamic within each each member yeah like what were like obviously Clint left for a little bit yeah and what what were some really hard times and lows for

for the band well that was definitely like that was super tough and I could smell it it's just like a marriage you know it's the same deal where you can smell man

I think my wife's fucking me over like I can feel it she's not looking at me the same you know and it was like Clint was doing dark new day and

it was the whole thing it was a cheating feeling where it was like I'm not in the band I'm just writing with them you know and I could smell it.

And I heard it. And I was like, that shit sounds pretty good. And I'm like, oh boy. And we were in a strange place. You know, we'd put out seasons that did well, but the label was starting to lose, like, I don't know if we would call it interest, but they definitely weren't believing in us as much.

Really? And we didn't want to be there anyway. We wanted to get the fuck away from there as fast as possible. And that's business stuff. You know, like they, they worked us real nice. Wow. But I think that he was in that position too. I think he was sitting there going, this is a fucking bad spot, man.

Like these people have us hooked for a long time. We're never going to get out. We don't want to be here. I've got this other thing over here with my brother. And I've got a manager there that's managing disturbed. and because that's who was managing Dark New Day. And, you know, they've got big labels coming at them. So the grass was green as fuck over there.

Yeah. And it was, you know, we're not looking good on our end. So it was really weird. We hired a lawyer to get us out of the deal. And he was the biggest lawyer in the business. It cost us anything that we had. And we fired our management. We fired everybody.

We got, you know, some fucking clown to manage us because we never thought we were going to get out of the deal. So we really looked at it like we were only going to make our money on the road. And we need to find a way to maximize that place. So we hired a manager that was basically a promoter at the time. And we had done shows for them. It seemed like a nice enough guy. Fucking crook. Worst of all of them, actually.

but and through the Jesus line out there more than an evangelist you know so it was always like you know this guy's down with the Jesus man like he's not gonna fuck us yeah he was fucking horrible so anyway we get out of the deal over a complete technicality like the stupidest thing in the world somebody didn't send us a written option like the dumbest thing in the world all they needed to do was something

a piece of paper and we'd have been locked again. They didn't sign it. Then we found out they actually hadn't signed one since the first record. So we really could have been free after the first record, which we all would have been millionaires. Wow. Immediately. But yeah, we did get out.

So we get out and I'm like, Clint, we got out of the deal. And he's like, I'm out of your fucking band. You know, like he left on my birthday. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, man. We were on the road when he left. And I had the flu. So I remember like it was not good.

You know, that was definitely really bad. That six to eight month period was probably the most fucked up period in the band's career because he left. I was going through a divorce. There was serious shit going on with my ex-wife and my child. And I took full custody of my kid. So now I've got no record deal. My guitar player is gone.

My divorce is happening. My daughter is completely fucking. traumatized. She's six years old. I don't know what to do. I've got no money. And I finished up the next record. We had Sunny come in. We did that record. And we lived in this house, man, that was infested with fleas. So, like, my whole body was just covered in, like, you know, looked like a fucking strawberry. And I was like, this is what has happened to the fucking seven dust, man. Like, this is the end. You know, this is terrible. and I'm like, I'm just, I was in Orlando, we get done with the record. I'm like, this is so fucked up. I'm going to go to my dad's and just hang out for a few days. He lived in Tampa. I go to my dad's.

I'm there for like two days. I should be at home. I got a six-year-old at the home that's gone through a fucking horrible situation. You know, I need to be home, but I'm like, I'm not good. I need to go and decompress for a minute and go home after. I go to my dad's March Madness. basketball's going on. Georgia Tech's in the fucking Final Four.

I'm watching it. I hadn't done drugs in a long time. And I go up to my brother and I'm like, you know where to get some shit? And he goes, man, you're crazy. You want to do that shit? And I'm like, I don't think I do, man. But I'm a little drunk. And I think maybe that, I think I want, maybe I do want a little bit of that cocaine.

You know, Dewey Coxing it. You know, you don't want none of this shit, do we? And I'm like, maybe I do want some of that cocaine. And he's like, then he walks away. And I'm not even thinking about it. And I'm drinking some beers. And he comes back a few minutes later. And he's like, go in my room, look at the on the speaker.

And I go in there and there's a few little rocks. And I'm like, it hits me right away. I'm like, man, what is wrong with you, dude? Like, you got a daughter at the house. She's not in a good place. You're fucking looking at cocaine. like you're going to do this shit right now and I'm like I put it in a dollar bill I fold it up and I'm like you better think about this because this is like it's not that I was a coke addict or anything

but it just seems super fucking insensitive to my children or my child you know like what a fucking loser you know why would you do you shouldn't even be here dude you should be in Atlanta you know and I'm like this isn't decompressing so I take it and I throw it in this suitcase and I don't even fuck with it. And I'm like, we need some more beer. My brother's like, let's go to the store. I go to the store and I get the beer. I come back, we shut the garage. My dad's loaded. We go into my dad's house. I'm sitting in there five minutes later. Fucking air grenade goes off at the front door, blows the fucking door in. And all of a sudden I hear pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, on the door leading to the kitchen. And I'm thinking, we just came in and shut the garage. Who the fuck is in the garage? And

and my dad goes running, my brother goes running, and I'm standing there, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on in this house right now? And 45 SWAT dudes come in. Machine guns, all I see is fucking eyes. And I'm like, holy shit, get out of the fucking ground. Get out of the fucking ground. I'm like, no problem.

You know, he's got a pit bull there. The fucking pit bull is going all over the room, two machine guns to my head. And I'm on my face going, I think it's home. invasion at first and I'm like there's way too many of them because my dad had a home invasion a few months before that I'm like dude what the fuck is going on in here right now and it's so fast dude I mean all I'm thinking is there's a pit bull that's a big motherfucker and he's not

happy and there's machine guns everywhere and there's two of them that are just I mean they're not soft bang to my head you know and I'm like all it takes is just a trigger and that's it I'm gone and I'm like it's all going fast you know like I don't know what's happening I had no idea what was going on and uh they get me up and they put me in a chair and zip time me to a fucking chair Polaroid and I'm like this is definitely SWAT you know I know some of these guys I know this whole routine and they're calling out you know rooms and code and and all this shit. My brother comes in, zip tie him.

My brother's yelling shit. My younger brother, I'm like, what the fuck? And he's like, motherfucker. And I'm like, what is fucking going on here, dude? Like, I'm freaking to fuck out. My dad comes in there last. They zip tie his ass. So it's me.

Viggy, my drum tech was there. Him, me, my brother, my dad in this house. You know, machine guns, fucking everybody's like this. You know, I'm like, fuck. and these three plain-closed people walk in. One really big dude, one really scrawny dude, and this woman, older woman. And she walks in and she goes,

oh, we got a party going on here. We got rock stars. And I'm like, she don't know my fucking band. There's no way. So it hits me right away. I'm like, somebody told them I was here. You know, and first when she said rock stars, I'm like, is it me?

You know, like, what did I do? You know? And I look over at my dad, and I'm like, dad, what the fuck is going on? And he just goes, it's real bad. And I'm like, this is drugs. No question, it's drugs again. I was fucking four, three or four years old when it happened, and now I'm fucking 34, and it's happening again.

and I'm like, I can't fucking believe this shit. I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is bad. And this fucking scrawny dude walks up and he goes to my dad. I won't say his name, but he goes, dad goes, yep. And he goes, today is your day of reckoning. And I was like, that's deep. I'm like, that's fucking dark, dude. Like you've been waiting to say that shit all day.

And it was what I expected. They had an informant that came over. Talk to my dad, found out there was drugs in the house, went back, they had fucking place on surveillance. I just happened to be there. They come out and they got fucking, they look like baseball bases on a baseball field, just dumping these blue things on top of each other. And I'm like, I still don't know what it is.

You know, I'm like, what is that? And they cut it open, put it in a little thing, shake it, thumb up. I'm like, I saw that shit on CSI, man, that's a lot of cocaine. And I'm like, And then I see him looking around the house. And then I see him come out of that fucking room that I'm in. And they come out and they got that fucking dollar bill. And they go, who's in that room?

And I said, me. And they go, he's going. And I'm like, what? And I'm like, I didn't even do the shit. They're like, oh, fuck, yeah, you did. I'm like, no, I didn't. You can test me. They're like, it doesn't matter.

It's in your bag. It's in that room. You're going to fucking jail with your dad. So now I'm going to jail with my dad. jail with my dad and I'm like this is the worst day of my fucking life you know wow yeah went in there locked my ass up came out they wanted to give me like all kinds of like hardcore probation you know where I'd never been arrested for anything you know so it's like come on the guy's not a kid and he's never done anything wrong he's a musician blah blah blah

and you know DA was this woman that was a fucking diesel man she wanted to make a point Yeah. She's like, we'll give them a year of hard shit. I'm like, hard, what is hard? They're like, blood test this and, you know, random urine this, and you got to show up within 12 or 24 hours and all this impossible shit to do if you're a touring musician. Yeah. You know, I'm like, I don't fucking live here.

They're like, well, you know, tough shit. And I'm like, so I'm like talking to my lawyer. I'm like, I'll do some time, you know, let me just. go to jail, do some time, and avoid all this. You know, as long as, I'll do the time to avoid any probation. I don't want any probation. And so we thought I was going to go to jail for like, you know, four months or something like that.

And I'm like, this is so dumb, man. I can't fucking believe this is happening, you know. Meanwhile, I'm going through a fucking divorce. That works real good, right? You know, let's go up and talk to the judge. I think I'd be a good parent. He's going to jail for fucking drugs. You know, so I'm like, I got to get this shit out of here, you know.

And I'll land the plane here, but I go to court thinking I'm going to go to jail, cut a deal and go to jail for a few months. And my dad's lawyer walks in and he's like, what are you doing here? I'm like, I think I'm going to jail today. And he's like, for what? For some fucking little shake? I mean, my dad was a fucking gangster, you know. So this guy was like Capone's lawyer. He's like, you ain't going to jail for shit.

And I'd known this guy since I was a kid. You know, we've been my dad's lawyer forever. So he's like, who's the fucking lawyer? And he's sitting right next to me. He goes, come here for a minute. So he fucking breaks that dude down. They go over and talk to the DA, and I'm sitting there looking at him. They're in the courtroom.

She's, you know, holding court, you know. And he goes over, and I see her demeanor change quick when she saw him. She's like, quick. And I couldn't see what he was saying. He was looking that way. She was looking towards me. And I'm looking. And then he kind of jockeys around.

And he said something. And she's like, fuck you. And I said, she just said, fuck you to my dad's lawyer. And then she shakes her head, looks at the other lawyers that she's talking to. And she goes, court costs. And I went, I don't know what that meant, but I think that's good. I think that's good. I'm like, I think that's good.

Unbelievable. And he says, Morgan, come here. walks me out in the lobby and he goes you got like 160 bucks and I'm like fuck yeah I got 160 dollars and go downstairs you're going to pay the court cost and I'm like what's a deal he goes we'll go up talk to the judge you know you're going to one-on-one with him you just say I understand stay out of trouble I'm like what am I doing what the fuck just happened and basically what it was was my my thing was a state case and my dad shit was federal and they had an informant and they don't have to give up the informant in state but they

do or they don't have to give the up the informant in federal but they do in state and my dad's lawyer said you take that fucking kid who's busted his ass his whole life to do something with his life and try to lock him up for some shit when you're dealing with this over here you're trying to make a point out of a kid that's never done anything wrong you know that you know this is fucking crazy and she's like fuck you and he said we're going to go to court with the kid and we're going to find out who you're informing is and we're going to bury his ass and then the big boy's going to walk so basically she said fuck that so then they locked my dad up unbelievable for five wow so that was you want to talk about a downtime in the band that is a that's a low yeah

wow how do you get out of something like that I was a mess man I was a complete mess at that point. I mean, I basically gave all of my money that I had in the house and everything I had to the X to get the kid. Because now I had a drug charge. If I hadn't had that, I could have said, your ass is done. Fuck you. And I'm taking the kid and the fucking house.

But instead, it was like, we're going to fight you now. and I'm like god damn man another great decision you know leads to this shit so yeah I was like okay I guess that I'll give you everything and then there was like a chunk of credit card debt so I like walked out of there like 20 something 30 thousand dollars in debt with no money no tour no guitar player no record you know out and moved into my mom's house into this little spare room and had a little twin bed and I laid with my six-year-old and was totally cool with that at age 30 something 34 yeah at least mid-30s yeah and to to the outsider that people don't know you only know you for being a drummer of seven dust to us it's like oh he he made it he's he's doing great and we have

no idea what's going on in your personal life yeah with you going through all that how do you how do you refocus and then come back from that with with with with your band i mean they were i don't even fucking remember to be honest with you how they felt i think they were relieved that i you know was it wasn't going to be a big you know thing but i think a little disappointed probably yeah it was like we got to fucking figure it out you know we got to figure it out you know we got to figure out without Clint on top of it. And dude, I'll say it wasn't the best business move

that we did, but I will say that somehow or another very quickly, people started to show up again. Like, it was real weird. It was alpha that they really started to show up. Really? Yeah, like, next was kind of like I think people going, they're done. You know, like

Clint's gone. They're done. Yeah. And we had a pretty decent showing on that record and then Alpha came and when Alpha came it was like I mean dude it was some weird moments in that like again

there were people that were running the show that weren't morally doing the right thing but they had plans and they were able to make a lot of money and the perception was very big I mean we had a fucking truck and two buses and carrying our own stage and playing hockey arenas and selling fucking grip of tickets and remember them dumping hefty bags of money

out in dressing rooms and me going motherfucker I'm rich and then realizing that none of that money was coming to me I was like what a sick joke oh dude it was brutal that's sick nothing to see here I'm like nothing to see it's my fucking money isn't it you know yeah yeah yeah we'll tally it all up later lock the door wow so you guys experienced obviously with the with the height of of your first few records

you're going up and then you so you experience a low low with the band base and then you notice it come back yeah I mean it was like there was loyalty there it didn't go like it wasn't like a crash you know it I think the band

kind of always like went up from zero yeah and then we got to a certain place corn and disturbed and GOSMAC being here, I always look at us like we're here somewhere, you know, but it's like, whatever it was, it just always kind of did that. And, you know, when you're in a plane and you go, who, and you go, oh, shit. I hate that feeling. You know, that's like, that's our career in a nutshell. It's just kind of like cruise. And then occasionally, you know, fasten up, you know, we're going to

hit some rough air and then you get a little drop and, you know, and then occasionally, you know, it goes up and we're going to avoid that, that turbulence and we're going to go up a little. So, I mean, We've always stayed in that lane, you know. The loyalty is fucking insane. Yeah. The loyalty for this band is, it started from early because our whole thing was they're the boss. Yeah.

Period. You know, without the people, we ain't shit. So once they realized we were serious about that, they were like, that's our band. Wow. So that small but mighty group of seven dust people you know I can't call them fans it makes me feel weird

you know same I'm like I this gotta be like a different word yeah I mean we you know family is an easy one but it's you know sometimes it gets it's like you know we are family you know we are doing this together I talked about it we will stop you know this will not go on forever

I mean we will decide and it will be sooner probably than people think but when it does it'll be real sad you know I don't talk about it a lot because it fucks me up but it'll be like you know you see people on the road and you might not go to dinner with them every week you might not call them every month but I've known them for 20 plus years

you know and then it's like that's going to be over other than the occasional social media post you know that you can answer back and forth to because there's so many of them you know there's a handful a big handful that we've become very close with like on a personal level yeah that uh you know we'll be with them for the duration of you know time on this planet but there's a large number man that will be like i won't see you ever again thousands thousands

that i know names and faces you know i'm like man yeah fuck it's gonna be weird it'll be sad well morgan i think i think you're going to go on longer than you think it's the body and it's the kids you know how how are you feeling i mean i don't feel the worst i don't feel awesome i mean it's definitely me and my girlfriend were watching something on tv and you know some football player was getting out of bed in his 40s and he's oh god yeah you know and you know and i'm like that's me every day right every day every day every day i get up and it's that noise every day when I go to try to put I mean I wear these slip-ons because I can't get down to tie my shoes anymore you know it's like I got three bone spurs in my neck I got two of them down

low I got a broken fucking finger now I got uh separated AC joint partially torn laborum and rotator cuff that you can't fix because you're always going on to yeah yeah yeah so it's like you know and it just gets more and more you know as you get older it's like just like collecting damage collecting damage geez yeah that's so true man yeah you're just no time to rehabilitate there's there's not your ass is in for it you're still a young sprout i know the way you treat that body god damn i love you so much man i'm like it's like my mother when she sees me she goes you know now i'm looking at you and i'm like somebody goes dude you see garza it's on like you know youtube or something the other now i'm like i don't want to fuck

can see it dude like i don't want to see my baby boy getting fucked up you know i can't watch anymore you know it's fucking because it's like i know i know what's happening it's it's like accumulated damage you know that's just it's rough i mean even the guys that are like i mean clint is a fucking beast you know he's in the gym every day he's running 500 miles john's running 5 million miles you know i mean these guys are in shape man big time and injuries, man. They're all over them. Dude.

Clint especially. I mean, Clint's like, he's constantly, he's got a fucked up shoulder. He's like, nothing that can do about it. Nothing. You know, until it's done. I mean, and it's just going to get worse. So the thing that we don't want to do is we don't want to go out there and have the people go, damn, man, that sucks.

You don't want to cross that line, right? And you know, like, the pain level that you can play through is cool. right up until it's not, you know? And that's one side of it, you know, and then the other side is like, you know, the kids, you know, we've missed so much of everything. And, you know, the guilt that comes with that is just outrageous. I mean, you literally have to, like, compartmentalize it

or else it'll fucking kill you. You know, so you basically are like, this is what I do to make a living. I'm justifying the fact that everything that you need is taken care of because I do this for a living. I do this for a living. I do this for a living. You just constantly this mantra of like this is justified,

you know. And then we've made adjustments where it's like we won't do more than three weeks anymore at a time. Yeah. It just won't do it. Very important. Because we would do million months, you know, and do, I mean, I remember us doing like 15 weeks

straight, you know, it's like, come on. No way, dude. Kids like this fucking old, you get back, he's fucking smoking. Jeez. You know, so those things changed. They helped. And then you realize, you know, you're missing the games. You're missing school.

You know, you're missing these kids growing up. And it's like, man, I don't feel that this is going to work out. I feel like this is going to be a cat's-in-the-cradle situation. And that's going to fuck me up, you know. I need my kids to be, I'm lucky that, you know, my kids are, you know, they love me. They're great, you know, and I don't deserve it. You know, I've put them through a lot. That's fucking heavy shit, dude.

That's heavy, dude. Yeah, it gets me. Well, Morgan, I'm sure that they love you very much, man. Yeah, they're great. I'm sure, I'm sure they... Fuck, let's get away from the kids, man. Fuck me up. I'm sure, I'm sure they see you collecting damage.

Yeah, they do. They do, definitely. On a high note, I was trying to it earlier, I just, quite a few, I mean, today's gonna be one of them. I saw a few of my favorite bands this past month. I saw Corn last month play here in LA. They're obviously in their 50s slamming. Three days ago, I saw Cannibal Corpse.

George is the most legendary, best definite singer of all the time. He's 52. We were talking about the whole week. Like, he looked better than ever. Yeah. And it's like, it's possible. It's possible, man. I mean, I'm not counting anything out.

I need to get the fucking. fucking kids out on the road with me. Everybody does. We need like fucking six buses because it's like craziness. Isn't that the dream, man? It is the dream, yeah. I mean, I think we'll probably end up doing a lot of that whenever we decide. Because one thing we wanted to make really clear to each other was it was like,

let's make a decision to do something before the decisions made for us, you know? Yeah. So it's like, again, the farewell thing, whenever that does happen, will be that. It will be a goodbye. You know, we will say it. And it will be because, you know, the people have been so perfect to us, you know, that it's like, that'd be fucked up, man, to be like, oh, by the way, we ain't doing it anymore. You know, it's like we want to be able to say a proper goodbye.

So whenever that happens, you know, we'll probably load up and do it heavy. One last rip. One last rip. Yeah. Sim and dust is so heavy, dude. You guys are a heavy band I love what guys like you say that I'm like you guys are like

You guys are like body dysmorphia Music dysmorphia No man You're the heaviest man I've ever heard of my life You know and you're like Seven Us is so heavy I'm like Jesus Christ man You're like the guy in the mirror

That's got muscles out to hear You're like I'm skinny as fuck You know No man No you guys You guys are fucking heavy dude And we look at bands Like you guys

It's like inspiration and keep going and inspiration keep writing the best music that you can throughout your entire career you know I think the next one would be really good I do believe it

I don't think you'll get any of us saying this is the heaviest record we ever did or the best record we ever did I think we've used those yeah you know you always it's your baby you know so it's like this is my this is the best looking baby you know you want to believe it

and it's like and I am proud of all those records for one reason or another, you know, even ones that I'm not really that big of a fan of anymore I'm looking out, I'm like, but that's cool that we were able to do that. Because, I mean, there were times where it's like, dude, that shouldn't even be there. You know, that record shouldn't even be what it is. But I do believe that this one will be strong. It's good word.

Yeah. Yeah. I believe it will be. There's some shit already being written that's wild sounding. Really? Yeah. Damn, that's sick. I can't want you hear it.

I'm going to let you hear some when we shut the... Oh my gosh. Do you remember when you, I got to tell you again, I was listening to your first record and I go in a car and I look at my phone and I see your name pop up. I'm like, this is real life. It was one of those moments in your car. I'm like, this is my life.

I'm so fucking thankful to be in my body and experience this, dude. This is so fucking cool. Man, I'll be honest with you. I don't love. doing this this shit but I've definitely was wanting to do this really yeah oh it's crazy man wow because I don't fucking stop talking man so there's gonna be shit I'm gonna get all kinds of flack for yeah I just told everybody in the world about my dad and my mom and fucking me and my drug problem it's all kinds of shit we are we are in it together man yeah you'll you'll

you'll get flag for then I'll get flack for and and absolutely but but the point of thing is having a great conversation that people here hear it and learn. All it means that we're just talking, like how people listen to podcast. It could be either in the car, they're walking, they're in a gym,

or they're at a party. It's on a TV and shit. Like it's very similar to music. Yeah. People just like it. Yeah. That's what's all about. It's about, again, I don't,

the word fans, it's got to be in the word, but it's so cool that people listen to it and watch it. And that's, it's about their thing with what they're listening to and watching. Yeah, I mean, my thing about it is, that guy is that guy

you know the dude that jumps off the fucking stacks and smashes himself up that's that guy and then this is this guy you know and they're the same you know I mean there's really more of a I mean me and you have a lot more

in common than probably you or anybody else thinks I mean I am an introvert really and I talk a lot because I'm nervous yeah you know so alcohol fiction that that made it a lot easier yeah then all of a sudden like yeah dude you know and then I'm

a fucking you know no problem yeah but that whole thing you know of that person that's up there that's doing that kind of stuff and and behaving that way yeah is really who I am it's more that's you know more real than anything yeah and so yeah getting the personal side kind of the The backstory of why that person does that is really why this is cool. It's so cool, man. Yeah. And it's so mind-blown that I'm the one asking the questions. It doesn't seem real.

I love you so fucking much, dude. I love you. You have no idea how much I listen to your fucking band, dude. I was listening to, again, one of your records in a gym. And you know when you listen to, okay, it's all this is cool now, but when you listen to your record, an album front to back from track one, and you let it go. When it's a great record that you love,

around like track six, track seven, you almost want to start crying. Yeah. I was jamming animosity and like track six comes on. I'm just like in the gym like, oh, dude, I got to hold back some tears right now, man. Yeah. It just awakens something in you.

I don't know what it is. Yeah. But the bands that do that to you, it just lasts forever. Yeah. And it's weird that the older you get, the more you connect to the bands that, that you love and that's been so like shocking to me like I love I remember being so young

in our teens like I love these bands I get older I'm 36 loving seven dust more than I did when I was you know night 19 I'm buying and buying the fucking record yeah it's so it's so bizarre it is wild man there's an appreciation that comes with longevity I think and yeah perseverance you guys yeah you know I mean that's a lot that's as much as you can take yeah yeah You know, that to me is there's there's something about that when I look at something like that. And I'm like, these dudes are, they've been through it. They've been through the worst. Yeah.

The worst. You know, so there's something, you know, there's, for me, you know, somebody that wants to, like, hold somebody. I'm like, I'm proud of you, dude. Thanks, Morgan. Yeah, big time. I want to say one more thing. And then we'll. Wrap it up, this 130, we're actually on time early,

because I want to get you back with sound checks. I want to, suffocally, I want the best show possible. So I know you need to get the fucking wedding's going. So, okay, so I'll make sure you get there on time. The opportunity is not missed, but home needs to be on vinyl. It's coming. Is it? Yeah, yeah.

All those are coming. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. They're coming. Dang. They can't find the fucking artwork.

What? The label that put those records out went bankrupt. Oh my gosh. I love it. And they can't find the fucking artwork. What the fuck? Yeah, man. That's insane.

It's a trip. I'm like. How do you lose the artwork? I don't know, man. I mean. What the? Yeah. Wow.

So yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. So they're working on it. Do you have so sick. It'll happen. Yeah. And one last thing connected to that,

merch yeah put the fucking album cover on a black shirt so I could buy it the home record this put the apps seen this put the cover on a black shirt that's all I want dude I think it's got to happen yeah it's got to happen yeah they're vintage now maybe we're old as fuck it's like can I dude I'm I was going to sign to my eBay but I've been eyeing this a bootleg for about two years it's been like 130 bucks what is it it's the home is that it's a cover of home or it's like a hundred and like 30 bucks and i'm just waiting for you guys to drop like for you to be like oh here's new merch line on on your on your ig page i'm waiting for i'll deal with it so i don't want to pay 130 bucks for a fucking sure you're not gonna

you're not gonna pay anything i'll work on it please please awesome i will well morgan uh it was honor for you to be here i i love you i love i love your band is a big inspiration for us and Suza Sons and our whole heavy genre. I don't, you don't really, maybe not know a lot of bands that we tour with, but a lot of bands talk about you guys in my genre. And you're very aware of my genre how over-the-top heavy and crazy this. We, a lot of the bands love you guys, dude.

That's too cool, man. It's fucking cool. That's really cool. Because you guys got the torch in your hand already, you know? Oh, man. I mean, it's vicious. I look at it and I'm like, we fucking stole it from you, dude.

Well, shit. I wish I could steal it back. I got the stamina to do it. Well, you, I will be, my life goal is for a band to steal it from me. I mean, isn't that what we're doing? They will attempt to. Well, you're also my first guest to be on a tour and take the time out of your day and come out, dude. I really, I am definitely in debt to you, man.

So cool, man. So fucking cool, man. I'll do it again next time we're through. Woo! Part two. That's right. All right, everyone, until next time. Where can people upon you?

The Morgan 7D is on most of it, Twitter. And I don't look at the Twitter very much. Instagram. Alien Freakware is the merch company, you know, with all the guy. Adda boy. You know, a weird dude. And, yeah, that's it.

That's it. Also, Seven Duds on Instagram. Also, this will come out, Right when the second leg of the Anamosi tour starts. Yeah, that was a fun leg. Yeah, it's so cool. Might have to fly you out there to hang out with me for a few days. I honestly thought about that.

So crazy. We'll work it out. So check out the tour happening right now. And so everyone, thank you for watching, listening. Until next time. Later.