Geoff Schwartz Is Smarter Than You - Stafford and Rams’ Big MNF Win, the Most Dangerous Chiefs Ever, and Micah Parsons Overreactions

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

Geoff and Gabe come to you fresh off the Rams big win over the Cardinals on Monday Night Football that was sorely lacking Mannings but had way too much Brian Griese. This was a huge win for McVay after Jalen Ramsey went on the COVID list hours before kickoff, but Geoff can’t put his faith in Stafford to deliver in the playoffs quite yet. Also, the Chiefs defense has been winning them games, but they won’t play the Raiders every week, and has the excitement over Cowboys wonderboy Micah Parsons gotten off the rails? Takemaker Gabe tells you why everyone needs to relax.On Moving the Line, all the old quarterbacks are getting Geoff’s MVP vote, Andrew Whitworth is awesome, and Geoff thinks heated benches are too hot. Plus, Geoff and Gabe predict how many Nattys the Ewers/Sark combo will bring to Austin (spoiler: they aren’t that optimistic).Remember to rate the episode if you’ve enjoyed listening or leave a question below to be featured in a mailbag segment at the end of the season. Is Gabe the Urban Meyer of this podcast? One producer here thinks so, leave a comment if you agree.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

it's tuesday december 14th i'm jeff schwartz alongside gabe goodwin this is jeff schwartz this morning you're powered by the varsity podcast network we are done with week 14 of the nfl slate we're recording after maya night football and through the entire season game through ups and downs the nfl season the two favorites to back in the Super Bowl, the Kansas City Chiefs and the Buccaneers. And we'll get into all of that. But first, how are you? I know we were a little rambunctious on the college episode.

And this is like your worst nightmare, buddy. Patriots, Tom Brady, Chiefs, all looking good as we enter the back stretch of the season. Yeah, for the record, I have no issue with the Chiefs, no ill will towards them. I don't need all your fans in my mentions claiming I got a problem with them. I do have a problem with the Patriots, and I don't know why you just walked the Chiefs into the Super Bowl when the whole damn world thinks the Pats are the ones heading there, but we'll get to that. We were treated to a pretty nice game on Monday night.

You know, I don't know what the hell to make of the Cardinals, but not a bad game. I don't know what to make of the Cardinals. I don't know what to make of them. This is the exact reason why a bunch of us are like, yeah, they're good. But like, are they good? You know, this is like what we talked about right because cliff kingsbury in his career has played has had teams that have played well at various parts of the season but as soon as the back half or even the last month comes they take right they take and tonight's game was not a

crisp game it's against a division opponent who you're trying to to basically say like hey this is our division to win and one team looked like it had been there before in the rams and one looked like the cardinals fourth and one down 10 four minutes left you run inside zone some mistakes made tonight kyler looked up and down um this is why a lot of us are like yeah i don't know gabe i don't know if i buy what the cardinals are putting down and And however, look, the Rams, I'm not sold on, you know, Stafford, this is the best game probably played all season. But I don't know. Just something about them. I don't, I don't, I don't.

The thing about the NFL, we talk about this often, and maybe I lean on this too much. I don't know. But I'm kind of one of those guys who likes to kind of see it before i buy it i'm that way i'm life too like i remember before we made furniture that didn't break from my fat ass we would go like to ashley home furniture rent whatever the rental room whatever it is it's been like two months deciding what to buy right and i feel like in the nfl as i mentioned, everyone's tries to buy these other teams and it's not going to happen.

It's the bucks, the Packers, the chiefs, the Patriots, like what, like it's, those are the teams we're buying. And I just can't buy the Rams until I see Matt Stafford in those moments in the playoffs that he has wanted to have. He'll get them this year. Maybe not to win the division, but he has wanted to have. He'll get them this year, maybe not to win the division, but he'll get a while. He might get the Cowboys in the first game. Like, go to Dallas in the playoffs and go win a playoff game, buddy. Like, I just, I got to see it, Gabe.

I hear you, Jeff. I'm the guy whose wife picks all the stuff, never gets to even sample it at all. First time I sit on the couch is when it's in my house. And so I am buying those Rams. It probably helps that I'm in L.A. and want to see the Rams succeed. But, dude, I think you're discounting what they did on Monday night. You know, remember, Jalen Ramsey, arguably their best player on defense. I know it's arguable, but I'm putting it out there.

And Tyler Higbee, good weapon on offense. Both go down in COVID protocols hours before the game. They already had a bunch of guys inactive with COVID. Bit of a problem there and around the league. So, hell of a coaching job. You know, changing up your game plan. The thing that the Cardinals have is a wild passing attack with a big number one wide receiver so you lose Jalen Ramsey hours before the game that tells me something if you can still win that game you

know this is a bit of a revenge game for a loss they had a few you know a few weeks back I'm more impressed by the Rams I feel like the Rams are more real than you're giving them credit for well they're real in a couple ways. At least tonight, right? Aaron Donald was out of his mind tonight. I mean, first play of the game, he walked that right guard right back into Kyler Murray. Von Miller looked good tonight. Defensively, this might be one of the better games

they've played against a really quality opponent. And offensively, look, if Stafford plays like this, then yeah, yeah, Gabe, yeah, sure. But we haven't seen that all season, right? We haven't seen it all season. You're exactly right. With kind of the COVID guys on the COVID list tonight, it's Yeah, sure. But we haven't seen that all season, right? We haven't seen it all season. You're exactly right. With kind of the COVID guys on the COVID list tonight, it's an impressive win.

Don't get me wrong. But where are we putting their stock? Because they're still a game out of first place. So they're going to have, as of right now, they have the five seed. Can they catch up? They have Seattle, Minnesota,timore and the 49ers it's not it should be favored in all those games most likely home seattle home niners at minnesota maybe they're not at baltimore

i think they will be baltimore's kind of falling apart so definitely have an opportunity especially the cardinals again kind of have this late season where they don't play as well. The Cardinals' loss tonight is bad because it puts them in a tie with the Packers. And they don't want to go into Lambeau. They don't want any part of that in January. I would agree with you by all football conventional wisdom. But here is a very weird stat for you, Jeff. Thank you, ESPN, for putting this on the screen late in the game. The Cardinals are 7-0 on the road. They're now going to be 3-3 at home. I don't think that

playing in Arizona means a whole heck of a lot to them, probably because most of the fans in Arizona came from somewhere else. And they won two of those games, division road games, with Colt McCoy quarterback. Yeah, right. Right. So these are, these are all confusing things. I mean, it's also, by the way, confusing for Kyler Murray's now dead MVP chances was, well, is he an MVP if they go two and one with a 40 year old backup? Like I don't, I really don't know what to make of them at all. They do get a bounce back against the lions and they end with the Seahawks. So there's probably a 12 win team in in front of us. But yeah, man, what do they do on the road or home in the playoffs? I don't think much.

The Cardinals did nothing. Guys, again, I'm okay with being late to the party if I just don't buy a lot of things before I see them happen. And like tonight, I mean, the Cardinals offensive line tonight was bad. And the Rams pass was obviously very good. But Greg Gaines just got a sack. Like, come on, Cardinals offensive line. And so they just, and Murray's limping the sideline now.

I just don't see it. Because you have to look at the rest of the NFC, right? So right now we have Tampa Bay surging. Tampa Bay looks like, I know the second half wasn't excellent against Buffalo, but they look like they're surging right now, right? They're playing really well. The Packers are playing good.

That's going to probably meet in the existential game again. You compare the Cardinals to those teams in the playoffs, even Dallas. I mean, look, if Dak Prescott's not right i think that

calf injury is is kind of just lingered all season now they'll have tackles out but if their pass rush is healthy man you got micah parsons and you got lawrence and gregory legit defense it's like the cardinals just don't stack up, in my opinion, to those teams. No, and I'm not going to try to talk you into them stacking up against any of them except maybe Dallas, who seems very overrated. We'll have a chance to talk about them in a minute. On a sort of serious but evolving storyline point, I mean, who knows? By the time people listen to this midweek, who else will end up on this list?

Pretty scary COVID surge around the league. You know, the biggest numbers we've seen to date. Obviously, this game was impacted by it or could have been impacted by it. You know, that's been the wild card of the last two seasons in the NFL. Is there anything other than just random chaos that this could cause? Are there some teams more equipped to handle last minute inactives than others? Well, I mean, obviously teams that have to have more depth, right? I mean, that, that, that's a, that's a pretty obvious, a pretty obvious conclusion, but we talked about this to start the season, right? Is that the, the more vaccinated teams would have a better opportunity to win this

season. And this is very important because the protocols for VACs and un-VACs are much different if you test positive or if you're a close contact. But look at this game Thursday night. This is a big game. Chiefs and Chargers Thursday night. It's not Rashawn Slater's fault. The Chargers left tackle.

He got COVID positive. That can make the difference. And who wins that division? That's a big loss for the Chargers division that's a big loss for the chargers that's a huge loss for the chargers um you know there's contact tracing issues as well on certain teams you're having position groups be out and whatnot so yeah that that's a one that can be very impactful for the chart there's no backup of tackles especially in in los angeles so if he's out for this game and i don't i don't get if he's vaccinated or not, but if you test positive, you're probably not applying four days later,

unless it's a false positive. We talked about this, right? The most vaccinated teams. Again, you can get COVID if you're vaccinated. No one said otherwise. But the protocols are so much different. And as we're talking, the Cardinals just got an on-site kick recovery with 24 seconds left. Jeff, I was going to go along pretending that we had started recording

when the game was over. Now why? It's no longer possible to pretend as Kyler Murray dances his way across the 50, and we're now looking at a one-score game with 26 seconds left, and Kyler Murray might get a chance. Yeah, but there's a holding call here. They're calling us back. So that helps the Rams here, obviously.

You've got to tackle someone. you can see it very clearly um i like i like that we let people know what time we're recording i don't care they're like oh these guys didn't actually record on tuesday how dare them well it is tuesday where you are my friend just about close it's we're close we're very close yeah i'm i'm literally in a robe recording this tonight guys that's how that's how my my night's been going. So, yeah, I mean, yeah, I think someone tackled Aaron Donald is what I'm assuming. Oh, actually, the left guard here. So this is a good – it's actually an interesting point right here.

So I know it's an audio podcast, not a visual, but when you're blocking someone as an offensive lineman and the quarterback leaves the pocket, you don't know that he has left the pocket. And a lot of holdings are not really holding. Like, we don't, we're just blocking. We think the quarterback's behind us. And when he moves out of the pocket,

that should be on the quarterback. I know like pro football focus when they grade, they put them on the quarterback, but like, it's tough. It's like a shitty situation for the offensive line to be in. Yeah, well, I'm going to bring up an offensive lineman you love talking about. I watched a video very similar to what you just described, except Trey Smith absolutely leveled a dude in one of those situations.

He and the whole rest of the Chiefs lineup is playing their ass off right now. They absolutely dominated the Raiders, 48-9. Defense got the headlines. They're on a roll. They don't give up any points anymore. I don't know what the hell happened there. Your boy Nick Wright, my boy too, has basically gone nuts in love here. This is the most dangerous Chiefs team ever, he said. This is within the last 24 hours. I don't know about that. He said this within the last 24 hours. I don't know about that. Jeff, their offense has scored 82 points in two games against the Raiders and 71 points against everyone else.

I'm not sold, pal. I'm not anti, but I am not sold. Well, the selling point is their defense, which has been fabulous. You know, they entered the week in the last five games, their five-game win streak, third in EPA. Expect the points added. And I imagine it's going to be even more as we get the numbers from this past week. I mean, their defense, this game, Chris Jones had 10 pressures. Frank Clark had eight pressures.

Since Chris Jones has moved inside in week eight, he leads the NFL in most pressures. Like, they have made a wholesale change on defense that has paid off. They got Ingram from the Steelers

for like nothing. I can't believe they gave away a pass rusher like that. And their defense is the reason why. I mean, this is the best defense at least right now in this stretch

they've had since 2019. It might even be better than what they had in 2019. Offensively, you have to hope that when they play teams that run more cover too, which I'm sure they're going to see against the Chargers this weekend

on Thursday night, that they are able to score. The Raiders, again, skew that because of the coverage issue. They run a lot of single high coverage. But the defense is what makes them, Gabe. That's what makes them scary is because offensively,

I think that we all hope they'll figure it out enough against like two high looks. But defensively, no one's scoring on them anymore. And again, Thursday night will be a good tell because they play the Chargers. That'll be a good and Herbert, Herbert threw that

ball on Sunday. You know they tweet out the next- gen scatter plots it was so far it wasn't even on the next gen scatter plot it just was a line and the cameraman like when he watched that ball he like went to a spot where the ball normally lands and then had to keep going like further down the field and that ball if the if the writer didn't catch it where he did it probably goes it was 60, three yards in the air? 67 yards?

Like, it was a ridiculous throw. It was incredible. Well, so he gives them a chance. They're, I would not say a balanced team. The Chargers are top whatever in points scored per game and bottom whatever in points allowed per game. Every game seems like, you know, a point fest and a shootout. Obviously, they beat the crap out of the Giants, but they

still give up too many. So that'll be an interesting test. Losing Rashawn Slater is massive and maybe doesn't tell us everything we should know about a matchup on Thursday night. But I think it would be silly of the Chiefs to just score themselves a win this week like our buddy Nick Wright is already doing. I hear you on maybe the best defense in this current era, but much worse offense than in recent years. At least I thought. You could tell me otherwise. Maybe there's something about that line that excites you. I see a team that now is pretty good on both sides of the ball, but not good enough to win a Super Bowl.

Unless, I'm sorry, do they get to play the Super Bowl against the Raiders? Because if that's the case, then I think I'm going to give it to them. I mean, look, I think it's fair to say that offensively, they need to show more against a cover two look and feel more comfortable and sort of playing an entire game sort of in rhythm. But in the AFC right now, are you taking Buffalo? Indianapolis? No, no.

That's both no's. I don't want to say New England. I didn't say that they weren't going to win the AFC. Yeah, but they wouldn't beat the Bucs right now. No, I don't think. And I don't think that they beat the Packers. And the Rams have won this game

and I don't think it's an automatic that they beat the Rams you like the Cowboys we're about to get to them I think they could beat the Cowboys

but I don't know I think the AFC is significantly weaker this year and they're turning out to be the best of a weaker conference

they already beat the Cowboys too yeah that was about two wide receivers yeah that was a weird a weird stretch um you know the chiefs also didn't they play the packers with jordan love like they've had some for as hard as their schedule has been they've had some weird ones they're going to get the chargers on a thursday night but without the left tackle so you know we forget about that stuff when we go over all these things and you know at the end of the year so you're confident is what you're telling me you think this is look i i think there's still a concern about being in a rhythm against the cover two defense which i haven't shown

in a while but the difference between them and other teams that might struggle is the Chiefs, in theory, can turn it on. Like, they can just be like, oh, we'll figure it out. Like, we have kind of a good half, and we're ready to go. But if they beat the Chargers on Thursday, they win the AFC, well, the AFC West, right? They win the AFC West. They're in line for one seeding.

If you're going through Arrowhead, I don't care how good you are. That's going to be tough to do. So I still feel very confident they're the proper favorite of the AFC because the Buffalo right now offensively is a wreck. I know the second half was better against Tampa, but otherwise. Indianapolis, the team we don't talk about, no. Browns, Ravens, Titans. Tarek Henry's coming back, I guess.

That doesn't excite me. The Titans don't excite me. No, I'm out on them. Let me ask you about something that Hank found that I think is kind of interesting and I didn't know was a thing, but I sort of sensed it deep down in my gut. The Reedian run, you probably know about this.

Every year for the last eight or nine he's his teams have gone on these you know great runs where they are undefeated for a stretch of five or more maybe they only lose one but they're winning you know going eight nine ten and one this is every year for the last bunch in kansas city only one of those results in a super bowl ring though this is just kind of what they do. They get hot. And are you sure this time is the real time? So they've had, I believe, it's nine straight years of at least five wins during the season.

Nine straight years of at least a five-win streak. Yeah. Every year he's been there, they've won at least five games. Yeah, that's the Reedy and Run I think we're describing here. Yeah. Pretty incredible, right? Yeah, but only one Super Bowl ring to show for all that. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, correct. And the difference, obviously, is you had Pat Mahomes versus Alex Smith. That's the difference, right? Well, presumably better with Pat, except good on Alex. He got a lot of hot streaks going. Yeah, Alex Smith's going to go down as one of the most underrated players. He'll be remembered as the guy who had that unbelievable comeback in the last year, and that's great for him.

But he was also one of the most underrated quarterbacks of our lifetime. Like, that dude won a lot of games. He won a lot of football games, and he got replaced twice by injury. Like, the guy's been injured injured then he went to Washington it was he was playing well till he broke his leg they were at six and three yeah he also ended up on rosters with guys who were all-time freaks of nature who you just had to play instead of him which is just unfortunate that doesn't happen to too many guys well the difference too is that they didn't draft Colin Kaepernick to replace think, to replace him as they did Pat Mahomes.

Right, right. They just couldn't help it with Colin. All right. Speaking of guys they drafted because they were freaks of nature and it's paying off immediately. So, you know, all the take makers in just unanimous, like I haven't seen a single word of negativity about the guy I'm about to bring up. It's just everyone, which makes me very skeptical. Micah Parsons started out being talked about, you know, rookie of the year. And it was defensive player of the year.

Now I'm hearing, like, MVP, greatest of all time. I mean, it's unbelievable the hyperbole around Micah Parsons. I get it. He's having a nice year. He's got 12 sacks as a linebacker. Hard to do. But, dude, like, are we really buying all the stock in the Cowboys defense because they got a couple guys who pile up stats?

I mean, seriously? We believe in this? Well, Micah Parsons is really good. Is he the best rookie linebacker? Is he better than, like, LT? I don't't know but the versatility makes him unique right he's able to go off the ball on the ball rush you know rush and he's getting a high amount of pressures and he doesn't get to rush very much but you know it's also important in some context so that sack fumble he had against uh heineke um Heineke dropped to like 13 yards.

He didn't beat the guard. Like, the guard was fine. Heineke just ran into the sack. Shouldn't have done it. So, like, there's some, you know, a little bit of that happening at times. But, man, he is twitchy, dude. Like, if you put him at full-time pass rusher,

he's just so compact and quick. I don't, if you put him at full-time pass rusher, he's just so compact and quick. I don't know if he can be a full-time guy. He's obviously going to have to work on it a little bit. But when you don't, as a lineman, see a guy like that very often, like if you're a guard, in all game you're blocking big old three techniques, and here comes a little quick Michael Parsons, who knows how to rush the passer. It's a really hard assignment.

So, best rookie of all time. Like, dude, come on, I have no idea. quick Michael Parsons who knows how to rest the passer it's a really hard assignment so um his best rookie of all time like I do I come on I have no idea but he definitely deserves defensive rookie of the year but you don't look dude it it it frustrates me and and I think this sets me apart and how reactionary we are right like, I mean, the tweets about Matt Stafford, you would think that he was the best quarterback who's ever played football. It's like, what are we doing, guys? Every game, right, it's either the best or the worst. No in-between. No in-between.

It's so frustrating because I think Michael Parsons is really, really good. But when you say, like, best defensive player, best defensive rookie of all time, it's like, okay, like, I guess. Why can't we just say he's really good and not have to put in all that extra stuff? That's all I'm asking for, Jeff. He is really good. He was a first round pick.

He's put up some great numbers. But you were the producer on these shows that does this stuff. Well, okay. And that's why I've now come to does this stuff. Well, okay. And that's why I've now come to the other side of things, Jeff. And now I'm here with you trying to undermine all the silly takes from all those old shows. I'm a force for good, Jeff. You have become a force for good.

Hank is screaming in a hard chat, hold him accountable. Okay. Hank. Hank, who as our producer now, thinks that, you know, he's some assistant coach working, you know, watching film all day long. The stuff this guy writes,

picture Hank. He didn't play in the NFL. He wants me to tee you up. Let me read it word for word here. Dan Quinn started using Micah Parsons off the edge more when Demarcus Lawrence went on IR earlier this season. Now that Lawrence is back, they may move Parsons back to the off-ball role

he was drafted to play. That would be a huge mistake. Can you imagine me ever saying that to you, Jeff? Does that sound like anything I know? No. We got Mel Kuyper. good old mel kuiper yeah hank kuiper here listen the point of this show is because i think most people who watch football do not talk like that do not talk like that and think kind of like me and they they do enjoy the

shows we're talking about because you know of course on balance the most famous people who go on espn and fox talking about football kind of they do know what they're talking about they just amp it up a little bit at times i think the important part about this show though is for you to tell me if it's bs or not and you're what you're telling me about micah parsons is he's a damn good player but let's stop it with best ever conversations yes i'm i'm fair with that he's he's obviously a very good football player. All right. And is he or Trevon Diggs or any of the other guys we just named,

are any of them good enough to make up for the fact that, as you pointed out earlier, Dak ain't himself. The offense has been without guys all year long. And, you know. Dak, it worries me about Dak. Like, he just hasn't looked the same since his calf injury. Those types of things linger, right? There's these weird body parts that sound like they don't matter, but they matter a lot.

Yeah. When I dislocated my toe, I realized how important a big toe was. Yeah. Well, Aaron Rodgers knows how important a big toe is. I thought it was his little toe. Or his big toe. You know what? I don't even know. And I think it's his little toe or his big toe you know what I don't even know and I think it's all BS

anyway I think Aaron Rodgers brings up his toe just to mess with guys like us but I'm going to bring up Aaron Rodgers when we move the line that's our over under game that's next you ready for that let's do it alright let's get to Rodgers Brady the whole rest of the league right after this alright we're back it's time to move the line a little over under game uh here's a fun one

to think about i'm giving hank a lot of crap this one was a nice question if aaron rogers was on tom brady's bucks with those weapons i want to know over under 57 and a half passing touchdowns for aaron rogers because we know that's what tom Tom Brady's trying to come up with this year I would yeah I mean I think you'd have a good chance at it sure that we always talk about Aaron doesn't have enough weapons it's Devante and a bunch of nobodies yeah I'm fair I'm fair with that assertion but he he has 27 this year what does Tom have so far a thousand already oh my, 7, something like that? That's wild. Yeah.

I mean, I guess if you're taking this offense or this weapon or this – he has to be in Tampa's offense with Bruce Aaron's offense with these weapons. Sure, he could do it. Yeah, there's nothing I think that's stopping him from doing that. Yeah, Tom Brady has 36. Yeah, he's the one with at 44 years old as well. Well, that was really my next question is, it's Brady's MVP to lose at this point,

and is Rodgers sort of tailing him? I mean, that's who it's going to come down to. I guess, yeah. Rodgers or Brady. It's not Murray, obviously, anymore now. It's not Mahomes, T now it's not mahomes tannahill not lamar um yeah it's rogers or brady yeah yeah and maybe if stafford went on a heater and then it'd be three of the oldest quarterbacks in the league yeah yeah matt ryan's playing well maybe you

should get an mvp the falcons are six and seven the way, with like a negative 100-point differential. And the Bills, I believe, are 7-6 with like a plus 100-point differential. It makes no sense. Yeah, Buffalo is a plus 134-point differential. They're 7-6. Atlanta is minus 108, and they're 6-7. It makes no sense. The NFL is weird this year.

Very weird. By the way, of the top four teams in the NFC, the ones we've been talking about, the one with the toughest remaining schedule is Dallas. So I don't think it's going to be them. I think they're going to be too beat up by the time they even get to an NFC championship game if they're lucky enough to be there.

It's possible. So then let me ask you this. Is that Brady, this thousand year old MVP, he looks like he's got the NFC side taken care of. I haven't said his name yet. I don't think in this show, but Bill Belichick sitting there with a winning ball club on a heater himself. Now, odds are that's the most likely matchup. Now, it's hard to say it's going to happen. But of all the possibilities, that seems like one of the likeliest matchups in the Super Bowl. Over under 10% chance that hellscape actually exists. I'm going to ask you about this every week.

I go under this. I just don't see as a rookie Mac Jones getting the Super Bowl. I don't see that happening. You still see that as a long shot just because of the Pat side. Yeah, yeah. I really do. Okay, thank God. Thank God. I have to ask it every week or two,

but I want you to say what you just said. If you start to feel like you're going to go the other way on this, tell me before the show so I don't have this in the rundown. I don't want to hear that. I don't. I just will continue again to, like the rookie quarterback in the playoff game. What if you actually have to throw the ball a little bit? There's a lot of pressure, obviously, in those moments.

I would say not. Over under four pass attempts this week for Mac Jones. We play the Colts, so we're definitely rooting for the Patriots. I would say barely over. I think they'll go six or seven. Okay, great. That game is going to be unwatchable by my standards. Just the boringest team in the world

against a team trying to be the boringest team in the world. Speaking of not boring, I don't know if he's good, but he sure ain't boring. Over under three and a half other teams, Taysom Hill could start for in the NFL because apparently he's the starter of the Saints. Would the team you've disowned start Taysom Hill or Zach Wilson? Taysom Hill without question. One.

Okay. Okay. Would the Panthers start Taysom Hill? Yeah. They don't know what the hell they're doing, so sure. Would the Panthers start Taysom Hill? Yeah. They don't know what the hell they're doing, so sure. Would the Giants? Yes. Lions?

I would think so. Jacksonville? Well, I don't know. Is Taysom Hill a winner? I guess it depends what Urban Meyer thinks. Are we going to get like a trophy for being correct on that hire or not? Do we get like a, here trophy for for being correct on that hire or not like do we get like a here's your correctness yeah you were correct Jeff Schwartz and so was everyone

else no no everyone else you were sooner too most people were still scared to say it you you came out and said it pretty early on yeah that's a complete another failure and then to call your coaches losers you hired them so that would be like you Gabe calling us that you work with or work or we work for you whatever you do it that we're losers and you hired us that I mean like we call Hank a loser all the time but like we just understand that like that situation is a little different but that means that reflects poorly on you as the boss yeah if you call your employees losers. Yeah, I mean, I do spend a lot of time crapping on Hank.

It does really reflect back on me then. When you think about it. Does that make me the Urban Meyer of this situation? He's Vrabel? Is he going to come at me with a handshake that I won't give him now? Yes. This was supposed to be a Taysom Hill topic to piss you off, and now you flipped it on me and Hank.

You really put a wedge between the team. Yeah. I might. I am gifted at flipping the switch with my voice. Yeah, that was a real judo move. So is Taysom Hill? They're alive. The Saints are technically alive.

I mean, if you play fantasy, you think he's good. I'm technically alive, too. Yeah, he's like the most rushing yards or most points. The fantasy thing, I am – I finished second in my league with whatever. It doesn't matter. But, like, I am so confused sometimes on fantasy because, like, there are games when – like, Taysom Hill, it's like 100 yards rushing, 100 yards passing, one touchdown, like 27 points.

You're like, what is going on? How does this happen? Well, because he basically combines the game of a quarterback with the game of a running back. So you're kind of just like getting two guys points out of one guy. That's where that comes from. I guess so. I'm not as much in fantasy as you are.

That makes sense. I mean, that's just math, Jeff. That isn't like fantasy. We need Matthew Berry to break down numbers for you. We need Brian Greasy to talk about field goals, though, because Brian Greasy tonight in the Monday football game would not shut up about the Cardinals taking a field goal. Was Brian Greasy on the broadcast?

Because all I could hear was one random yelling guy the whole time. What in the hell was that? There was no Manning cast tonight. It was the regular crew. The regular crew plus some fourth guy who was just yelling the whole night. It was wild. I don't know if anyone else noticed that on Monday Night Football, but boy. The crowd mics.

Yeah, oh, and it was like the crowd mic was like in his drink. It was just him yelling random crap the whole night. Okay, over under, this is tied to tonight's game, over under 5% chance Jeff could start in an NFL game at 40 if that's all he focused on from now until that day. I'm 35. I'm the same age as the head coach of the Oregon Ducks. I would say there's zero chance because my ankle just couldn't do it.

Okay. Then how the hell is Andrew Whitworth doing what what he's doing it's incredible um first uh first left tackle ever to start a game at 40 there there were i believe two right tackles ray brown and jackie slater that played a game at 41 um ray brown's career is fascinating by the way because this nigga he was like he played like seven years not playing in a game and then played like 17 years straight afterwards. It's a fascinating career. Ray was my assistant offensive line coach with the Panthers.

That's a career you can't have now where they just keep you around for a long time and then you eventually bloom into being a good football player. Yeah, dude. He started four games as a rookie, three the next year, one the year after that. Then he didn't start a game for the next two seasons. Then he went in IR. So through six seasons, he has started eight games.

In 92, his seventh season, he started eight games. And then he was a starter for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, six seven eight nine ten eleven eleven seasons in a row where he missed almost no games you can't have that career anymore it's incredible good for ray i just had the randoms i like ray so it was good to bring through in here well i'm glad he got the love but that means your your chances aren't over jeff come out of retirement how about this this, though? This is incredible. He started playing in the NFL in 1986 and retired in 2005. Yeah, that's... That's an incredible, like, three decades.

Yeah. That's wild. That's wild. And Whitworth doing something similar. And he's playing at a high level. The reason why is obviously taking care of your body. But there is some injury luck and some genetics involved, obviously. But nonetheless, he's...

But he came back from an injury. I mean, didn't he? And he's still playing well, too. He's not just out there like he's contributing. He's playing really good football. He's playing an important position on a competitive team. He played well tonight against Chandler Jones. Yeah. Yeah. Well tonight against Chandler Jones. Yeah, yeah.

Well, kudos to him, and he'll be in the media with you one day. He's good at talking about football. He's a good dude. It's cool to see that stat this week. All right, the Cowboys, they brought their own heated bench to FedEx Field. All right? There's a back story there, but they bothered to ship in benches with heaters in them uh over under 75 chance there was nothing wrong with the washington football team's

bench and jerry just got a kick out of seeing his logo on somebody else's sideline oh 100 he just wanted his own logo okay that's the over and i imagine he's gonna do it again this weekend in new york i'm gonna play the giants can i pose some alternative theories he probably just brought he He just wanted his own logo on the sideline. Okay, that's the over. And I imagine he's going to do it again this weekend in New York. I'm going to put the Giants. Can I pose some alternative theories? He probably just had them shipped from Washington to New York. I mean, makes sense. At this point, if you're shipping... Well, they were from Cleveland.

The place that makes them is in Cleveland. So you might as well, I guess, just keep them on the road. Here's a question, though. Is it possible those are just warmer or better at keeping your tushy warm than whatever the hell they've got in D.C.? I mean, could it really be comfort? So I have said this before, and I feel vindicated. My brother also shared the sentiment with me on Twitter.

Heated benches kind of suck. They're kind of too hot. Like they can burn you. Yeah. They get really freaking, there's one setting. It's not like there's like, hey, can you make this less hot? It's like blazing hot or no heat. Those are the two options.

And it can, if you don't have it And if you don't sit on a towel, there are times when I just wouldn't sit on the couch. I just wouldn't sit on the bench. It was too hot for me. Okay, wait a second. Too hot. Too hot. Is this a lineman-specific issue?

Like the big guys who are hot? Maybe it is. But it is so bloody hot, it burns you man it's so hot okay uh then i i only have a couple frames of reference here having never been an nfl player sitting on a heated bench that my owner shipped in from ohio um when i sit in my car i have the heated seats and you can turn them all the way up to five. I never go past two, even on the coldest day. Is it like sitting on a five? Yes. Yes. Yes. That would be very uncomfortable. Yes. The only other thing I can relate to it. And I hope our listeners know where, uh, where I'm going with

this, uh, a bidet. If you don't have a bidet or have never sat on a bidet, you are missing out guys. Uh, Jeff, I think you like a bidet. Yeah are missing out guys. Uh, Jeff, I, I think you like a bidet. Yeah. I, I don't, I, yeah, I don't have to use one often except when I was in, in Europe. Um, this past weekend, my wife and daughter were in New York city and, uh, there was a bidet. It wasn't even a bidet. It was like almost like a, like a, a water fountain that had like the spout, like shortened and water was just kind of like coming out of it. Like a bidet kind of shoots up from like, this was just like a water fountain type of

thing. Okay. It's kind of odd. And my wife texted me and said, your daughter is saying, is singing a song like I'm washing my bum, I'm washing my butt. And she thought my daughter was in the shower washing her but no she was just she figured out how to use the bidet okay it was just like singing a song using a bidet but it was not like a regular bidet it wasn't like it was just like it was just weird like

it didn't look right uh that is very strange and i don't know how to comment on any of it so i'm gonna go back to the heated seat part well the part about is the bidet is a great thing. And my little daughter figured out how to use it. She was obviously pumped about it. Well, I'm very happy for her. I just, it feels like a danger zone for me to make any comments about that. I just want to talk about the hot seat element of a bidet, which is what the one my family has. We got it at Costco. I would say rather inexpensive, a nice holiday gift. I got it for Christmas last year. So is your bidet like a bidet toilet or is it separate?

Yeah, it's a heated seat with the squirty part. Doesn't sound like the one that your daughter found at the hotel had. So I bought a bidet attachment to attach to my toilet. Yeah, same here. And I set it up and I never actually set it up correctly and we never used it. But then like a year ago, my toilet stopped flushing and nothing worked. Like the snake didn't work or nothing. So we call it plumber. And he went underneath the house and found the

obstruction what it was was a plastic piece of the bidet fell off clogged the toilet with all like the backup and whatnot um also shout out to my plumber who, if you can envision a Southern plumber. Uh-huh. Yeah. He was missing half a digit of a finger. He said it got septic from cleaning a toilet. I mean, it makes sense. Maybe it was a septic tank.

Makes sense, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, so a bidet has cost me money. Oh, that's a bummer. It has not cost me a dime. It's made every morning at my house that much happier. Interesting fact, thanks to Hank Kuyper,

there's a company called Tushy that sells bidets that tried to get the naming rights to the Bills Stadium. It didn't work out, but that would have been great to go to the Toilet Bowl Stadium or the Tushy Stadium. I'm playing Bill. You're looking live at Tushy Stadium. Buffalo Bills hosting the England Patriots on this Monday night football clash.

That would have been a great one. Welcome. Welcome to Tushy Field. Well, you know, last one here, since Hank Kuyper has been filling in the rundown as we go, now it's time to crap on him again, like I'm Urban Meyer. The toilet bowl of college football lately has been the old stadium there in Austin, Texas, where the Longhorns play.

But a little bit of good news this week. Big transfer portal news. Quinn Ewers is heading to Austin. He's going to play for Sark. Over under two and a half natties for Quinn with Sark at Texas. Oh, zero. It's interesting because Quinn Ure's got like a million dollars to play two snaps at Ohio State or whatever he got.

Sark owes Oregon's former coach, Mario Cristobal, a gift basket because he just had two offensive linemen commit. Another one player, an offensive tackle in the country, and then another four-star from Texas, both of whom were committed to Oregon, decommitted, and now committed to Texas. So Sark, you owe us a gift basket, buddy. You owe Oregon a gift basket for this.

I mean, Quinn Ewers was originally committed to Texas, went to Ohio State, back in Texas. I don't know. Can you play football? I have no idea, dude. Like, the transfer portal is out of control. I mean, it was not intended for, like, starting players to leave school. Like, Bo Nix from Auburn's leaving to go somewhere else

never intended for that it's wild it's just it's um it's NFL for agency it's wide open uh wide open right now it's very weird um I personally think uh Quinn Ewers missed an opportunity if he'd stayed at Ohio State he could have been Quin utah uh an homage to the greatest ohio state quarterback of all time johnny utah look it up if you don't know what i'm talking about but instead he's going to go play in texas and you know go six and five against the sec in his final years there so has there been a worse is it sequel is that the name of the second movie i'd prefer to not acknowledge its existence like it doesn't even make sense. No, it does not make sense.

It was a failed mission. Like the Seven Wonders of the Adrenaline World? No one should talk about it. What are we doing? If you have the urge to watch the movie loosely based on the original Point Break. Don't. Just re-watch Point Break. Are you happy I got the reference, though? I'm very impressed, actually.

Yeah. I think you only did because Johnny Utah played football at Ohio State and that stuck out to you. No, it's a good movie. I understood it. All right. What do you rank in your bank heist movies? Is it up there with, like like Heat, Den of Thieves? Point Break is arguably my number one movies, period.

So it's definitely my best bank heist movie. Oh. Yeah. Who's coming up with any other argument for a bank heist movie? I guess The Town is pretty cool. Heat is not better? Which one? Heat. is pretty cool. Uh, it is not better. Which one? Heat.

Oh, he, yeah. He's very good. Too long, but he's very good. Yeah. Den of thieves is fantastic.

Den of thieves. I'm not a hundred percent sure I've seen Den of thieves. With Gerard Butler. No, that's not ringing any bells. Oh buddy. Inside man. Wasn't that Gerard Butler?

Den of thieves is like the modern Heat, but shorter. Well, that sounds like something I could go for. You've never seen Den of Thieves? Seriously? I guess not. Boy, this is the second time you've judo moved me tonight. I thought I was on top. You've got me pinned.

I'm shocked you haven't seen this movie. I'm going to have to look it up. Maybe I've seen it late at night on Netflix and forgot I was watching it. I don't think I've seen Den of Thieves. It's fantastic. I've got a homework assignment. It's not yet 9 o'clock on the West Coast. I know it's almost midnight

for you, so it's probably time to end this show. I'll go watch Den of Thieves. We've got a big Thursday night. My Chargers versus your Chiefs so I look forward to talking trash with you that night and then you've got your gambling show so it's a big week ahead

yes it's a stuff that Hank puts in the chat sometimes is bank heist movies Ocean's Eleven should not be in the same category it wasn't a bank you dumbass go earn a degree okay enough in the same category. It wasn't a bank, you dumbass. Go earn a degree, okay?

They're enough. Show me your resume. Congrats, Varsity Podcast Network on this show today. All right, guys. We'll be back Thursday. We'll try to win you some money. Oh, God.

What a terrible NFL season to gamble on. All right. Have a great one. Talk to you guys Thursday. We'll try to win you some money. Oh, God. What a terrible NFL season to gamble on. Alright, have a great one. Talk to you guys Thursday.