George Kamel - Most Divorces Start With This Money Problem

Starting point is 00:00:05 Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, which means it's too late to book that reservation at Red Lobster if you forgot. They get booked up quick. How do you know that? But go ahead and get some flowers and maybe some Russell Stovers to let them know you still care. Barely. It's important to keep the love alive. Here's why. If you don't, it can wreck your relationship and your finances.

Starting point is 00:00:23 And we know that money fights and money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce. So today I'm going to give you my five-step guide on how to get on the same page with your spouse about money so you can not only avoid divorce, but also build unity and wealth. That's more fun. But before we get to that, shout out to our new channel sponsor, delete me. That's right, we've taken our relationship to the next level with a mug. I guess you can say things are getting pretty serious. And you can take our relationship to the next level too by subscribing to this channel,

Starting point is 00:00:53 because I recently found out that 72% of you watching are not a subscribe. Fix it. Click the button or else. Or what? All right, here's a thing. Most couples who fight about finances think they have a money problem. But what they really have is a communication problem. And listen, I've lived this. Most fights early in my marriage came down to unspoken expectations. Like, well, I thought we were doing this. I figured you knew. I assumed you read my mind.

Starting point is 00:01:22 When couples aren't on the same page, especially about money, money becomes a scoreboard of who's right and who's wrong. And when that happens, things get super emotional. Because money is never just about money. about security, freedom, control, fear, shame, and hope. So when you're fighting about spending $200 at Target, you're probably not really fighting about overpriced throw pillows. You're fighting about feeling seen and valued and wondering if you and your spouse are even

Starting point is 00:01:46 building the same life or just sharing a mailing address. And these money fights can slowly destroy connection causing you and your spouse to start living like strangers on a spirit flight, testy, uncomfortable, and shocked at the lack of snacks. Which is why if you want to stop money fights, you need to get on the same page. And doing that takes five steps, the first of which is the self-assessment.

Starting point is 00:02:07 Before you talk as a couple, you need to get clear about what you want as an individual. Find some time to get alone. No distractions, no emails, no kids climbing on your face. Just you, a pen, and your thoughts. Or maybe a smartphone, if you're like me. Write down what you really want your life to look like. And ask yourself these questions. What would I love to accomplish this year?

Starting point is 00:02:27 What are my five-year goals? What are my big bucketless dreams? Is there a country you want to visit? Do you want to finally launch your Dolly Parton-themed pickle truck, Girkin 9 to 5? Please don't see my idea, but also, you can license it for a fee. And don't stop there, ask yourself, when do I want to retire? When would I like to have our house paid off? What do I want to do for our kids financially?

Starting point is 00:02:47 Maybe it's paying for college or paying for their therapy from the trauma you'll inevitably cause them. Hello, darkness, my old. Ouch. Write down your answers and make sure you get it all out, because it's hard to ignore your dreams when they're staring back at you on paper. or screen. All right, up next we got step two, the shared goals talk. This is when you'll share your notes from step one with your spouse and figure out what you want as a couple. Preferably, this needs to happen over food like civilized people. Chicken poppers? And I'm going to lay out some ground rules for you here. There's no judgment, no eye rolls, no seriously, a yacht, Brian.

Starting point is 00:03:21 But it might be worth asking. Is this a real goal or have you just been watching too much below deck? Maybe both. Now your job in this step is to be curious. So ask you, other questions like, why does that matter to you? What would that change for you? What does that represent to you? We listen and we don't judge. Because when you see where they're coming from, you won't be so quick to push back on how they say it, even if this is your first time hearing that they want to open an alpaca farm. This step is more about alignment than practicality. We'll get to that in the next step, which is the reality check. Now it's time to see if your dreams actually make sense for where you are right now. How close are you to actually hitting your goal?

Starting point is 00:04:01 Start by getting clear on the numbers. So pull up all of your accounts and look at things like your income, your debts, your savings, your retirement, and your mortgage balance. And that will help you get answers to questions like, what is our net worth? What is our plan to get out of debt? How fast could we pay off our house? And based on our current investing, how soon could we actually retire? Can we cash flow all of our short-term goals?

Starting point is 00:04:27 What needs to change? Do you need to maybe up your income, cut back? spending, invest more. And based on the answers to these questions, the dreams you listed in step two will fall into one of three buckets. There's the definitely bucket, which means we are on track to hit these goals. There's the maybe bucket, which means we might be able to do this if we make some changes, and then you've got the Hail Mary bucket. We may need to rethink this one or let it go. This is about who you're becoming together. So you've got to make these decisions together. Just because one of you makes more doesn't mean you get more votes. That's a fast way to build resentment

Starting point is 00:05:00 and not unity. And of course, there's going to be some compromise here. You might not be aligned on every single thing, but you've got to find some middle ground. Okay, we can't spend our money on a 3D TV. And before you move on from the reality check, make a to-do list for next steps and clearly specify who is owning each responsibility. All right, you're going to set up the 529 plan for the kids' college fund. I'll adjust the 401k contributions. The point is, you want to divvy it up fairly and make it practical. Up next, step four, the check-in. a 30-day follow-up to see if you did what you said you were going to do. Save the date and send a calendar invite to your spouse. Make it official. Send the ICAL. Hey, if you're married to a type A,

Starting point is 00:05:40 send the outlook invite and mark it as private. Wink, wink, wink. You can even just tack it on to your monthly budget meeting, which I hope the two of you are already doing. And maybe things didn't pan out exactly as you hoped for. Maybe one of you dropped the ball and missed a tasker seven. So ask each other questions like, hey, what got in the way? How can I help this week? What do we need to knock out? Remember, the check-in is not a shame session. It's about staying connected, course-correcting, and moving forward as a team.

Starting point is 00:06:09 And listen, I believe the key to a good marriage is communication and comfort, in that order. So may I recommend slipping into a pair of pants from Cozy Earth, a sponsor of this episode? Their brush-bamboo joggers are hands-down the softest clothing I have ever owned. We're talking luxury-level comfort that somehow manages to feel light and breathable. the material is temperature regulating, which can help if the budget talks with your spouse get a little heated. So if you're ready to turn your marriage check-in into a mini cozy summit, head to cozyearth.com slash George and use promo code George to get 20% off. Or you can

Starting point is 00:06:41 always click the link in the description. And before I go over the last step to better money communication, we need to talk about another way to stay in touch with your spouse, your cell phone. And if you're still overpaying for your phone plan, that's not a communication issue, that's a financial one. And that's why I recommend switching to boost mobile and other sponsor of today's video. They offer unlimited data, talk, and text for just $25 a month as long as you both shall live. And that means you can talk to your boo, send them memes, and stick to your budget. No price increases, no hidden fees, no contracts. So if you're ready to make your phone bill one less thing to argue about, head to boostmobile.com slash Ramsey or click the link in the description.

Starting point is 00:07:18 Okay, time for the fifth and final step, the annual review. Once a year, set aside some time to zoom out and look at the big picture together as a couple to see if you're still on track and on the same page. This is a chance to not only go over the numbers, but also the direction that you're headed in. It's a time to ask questions like, what were our biggest money wins this year? What changed in our life? Are our goals still the same? What tweaks do we need to make if we're off track? Are there any short-term goals that we're ready to start saving for this year? Because here's the thing. It only takes getting a little off track every month, and then you wake up 10, 20 years later wondering, wait, how did we get here? Life changes and so do dreams. But the key is to make sure

Starting point is 00:07:59 that you're changing on purpose, not by accident, and that you're staying connected as a couple through it all. All right, those are the five steps to help you and your spouse get on and stay on the same page financially. And here's the big takeaway. You don't need a certain income to have a great marriage. You need a shared plan. When you're aligned, you can do things you never thought possible, pay off debt, build wealth, and be outrageously generous. And doing these steps is one of the big why my wife and I have been able to build wealth so quickly. You can move faster when you're on the same page. But this doesn't happen by accident. And if you're thinking, gosh, George, this sounds like a lot of work. Yeah, a good marriage takes work. And here's the other side of this.

Starting point is 00:08:38 If you don't do any of this stuff, here's what's going to happen. You're going to stay disconnected with no unity and end up living as roommates. And worst case, it could lead to divorce, which is the worst financial decision you could make. So let's flip it to the other side and stay connected and hit our money goals. The good news is staying connected with your spouse, especially when it comes to your money goals, doesn't have to be complicated. One of the simplest ways to do this is with every dollar. It's the app that my wife and I use to make a plan for our money every single month and stay on the same page. And the spousal accounts feature makes it super easy to share one budget with two accounts to track everything and stop arguing over who spent what, because

Starting point is 00:09:15 couples who budget together stay together. So I encourage you to check it out. Go download every for free in the app store or Google Play or click the link in the description. And if this episode was helpful, check out my conversation with Dr. John Deloney, where we get into the truth about relationships that fail. Click here to watch it next or use the link in the description. Don't forget to hit like on this episode, subscribe to the channel, and share this video with that couple who loves to brag about how they never fight. Just so you know, we hate you and you're a liar.

Starting point is 00:09:43 Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time.

George Kamel - Most Divorces Start With This Money Problem

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