Get Played - Save the Switch 2

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Heather, Nick and Matt take a long hard look at the Nintendo Switch 2 and discuss what needs to be done in order to save it. They also talk about Death Howl, Hades 2, Dragon Quest VII Reimagined and more. Check out our brand new merch at kinshipgoods.com/getplayed Follow us on social media @getplayedpod Music by Ben Prunty benpruntymusic.com Art by Duck Brigade duckbrigade.com For our exclusive show Get Played DLC, ad-free main feed episodes, our complete back catalogue including How Did This Get Played? episodes go to patreon.com/getplayed Join us on our Discord server here: https://discord.gg/getplayed Wanna leave us a voicemail? Call 616-2-PLAYED (616-275-2933) or write us an email at [e-mail] Advertise on Get Played via Gumball.fm All of our links can be found at linktree.com/getplayedpodSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. Now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg plus hash browns and a small coffee for just $5. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. All right, Nintendo of America. Look, it goes without saying that the Switch 2 has been a bit of a disappointment after the raucous success of the Switch 1, its predecessor.

processor. We just need some ideas for how to write the ship. How do we fix this thing? How do we get people excited about the switch two? Look, I know I was the one that talked us out of naming it, the Super Nintendo Switch, and in favor of the Switch 2, but I feel like this not completely my fault. I have some other ideas, though, that I think could be really... I don't think the name is the only problem. No. I think the branding is okay. Thank you for saying that. And you did a good job. Hey, thank you. And you look great. Hey, thanks. All right.

Sorry, go, continue. I've been thinking about a couple things, and, you know, obviously, like, it has the library,

the Nintendo Switch. Have you been working out? I have, actually. Oh, okay. You can tell. Thanks. I also...

Doesn't Matt look great? Yeah, I'm actually here from HR, and I've been, I've been, I've been hearing that there's been some, some, like, I know that our sales are lagging.

Yeah. And I heard that maybe there was a distraction issue happening here at Nintendo America headquarters. But from what I've seen, there's definitely a problem. Matt. And you're here for no reason. I didn't say you should be here. Yeah, no, no, no.

I think the problem is, Matt, you've got to calm down with that bod, buddy. You can't go around shaking that thing in front of the Nintendo employees. You know what? Yeah, I also, I did get a BBL over the break. What's that? Did I or did I not hear that you did 50 straight pushups in the hallway before you headed into this conference room? Oh, he did. I counted him out.

You were standing on my back. Yeah. It was like a strong man. Yeah. I think we need to focus up. And the only way that's going to happen is if you start wearing some baggyer pants. I'll try it. I'll give it a go.

But look, I have some ideas. Yeah, sure. I'll switch to. We should talk through these over dinner. I just think it would probably be a better, like, you know, creative collaborative environment. I don't know what the premise was on this. I don't know what I walked into. But as the HR representative, I want to know how you keep that shine, that glistening shine.

The premise is we're trying to save the Nintendo Switch 2. Well, I can't fucking focus on that. I'm from HR. It's okay. It's fine. And you look, I think while, of course, we could probably get this. I think we could get this done today while we're at work. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Of course. then drinks after yeah celebratory drinks once we solve it sure my name is Sharon and I'm gonna leave my husband I just want to make that clear okay you don't have to do that I'm just like look I have a couple ideas I feel like I messed up so I have the biggest

the biggest uh like reason to try to save the company for us right now because I feel like I really messed up so obviously we have the library of Nintendo Switch 1 titles that's all great sure but the Nintendo Switch 2 library obviously it's a new library, but with the addition of the previous library, completely backwards compatible. What I'm proposing is that we make it so... Is that you and I get married?

I have no idea what it was that you were proposing, but if you're going to marry him, then I want to be at that wedding so I can stand up and object. Here's my idea. Okay, here's how I suave the switch. We take a plastic mold of your chest. We reshape the system to look like. it and then I lay on top of it in the parking lot. Yeah, okay,

okay, look, I, look. I deal what the premise was. Premise? We're just trying to save the Swiss. That's the premise. That's what... We are living our lives here. We're having a meeting. And look, I haven't really got the idea out yet. Yeah, I'm sorry. I keep taking it something.

I can't even focus. My bra just burst. I got triple Ds and they're hanging loose in my shirt. I shit my pants. All right, so one of those is not working for me. We got to save the Switch.

We're going to save the Switch, too. What is your idea? What was your idea? Start a rumor that it could suck you off. We detach our joy cons and don't have any exclusives as we try to save the Switch 2 this week on Get Played. Welcome to Get Played, your one-stop show for good games, games and every game in between. It's time to get played. I'm your host Heather Ann Campbell along with my fellow host, Tiger Weiger. That's me, Tiger Weiger, and I am here with our third host,

Mr. Games, Matt Upadaka. Hello, everyone. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the premier video game podcast where this week we are responding to an SOS. That's right, save our switch. Didi-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-de-dee. Hey, it's a me, Wario. Fucking shit. Not who I thought was going to show up for some reason. It was alarmed by Wario. I was alarmed.

Hey, every night and every morning. I'm back. You're marooned and Wario shows up. Last person you want saving you, Wario. Got any garlic? Dude, shut the fuck up and save me. What's the matter with you, dude? Got some coins?

I could have, dude, calm down. Suck my dick. All right, fine, but are you going to save me or what, dude? He farts while you're sucking his dick. Oh, fuck. Sick, bastard. We are the all ages friendly podcast, get played. Guys, I have gifts for you.

What the hell? I have gifts for you. I have gifts for you. Not just any gifts, but gifts. Gifts. Gifts. Gifts. Well, one gift each for you and you and ranch.

also have... I thought you're saying GIF. No, not GIF. Man, I got some gifts for you. You gotta see what I'm rocking with. I got some crazy gifts. Kermit losing his shit. Okay, Kermit losing his shit.

Bart hitting Homer in the tub with a chair. That guy eating a gun in the 70s on the news? My go-to gift. I got a... What's that guy's name? Rest in power.

Yeah, that's a guy. I got gifts for you here in this bag because I guess it ties in a little bit to what I'm playing but I'll talk about that later because I just came back from Chicago Wow! But when I'm back in Chicago I feel it

Start spreading the news It's windy today I think I'm just going to burn this I'm just going to burn these gifts I was just trying to appeal to Gen Z, J.J. He likes that song, the song that I did. From the Stranger Things, the Stranger Things Boy. Oh, okay.

Joe Kiri has got a little, that's cool. He's got a little band. Hey, how about that? Why did I? That was thought I would be nice to you guys. All right, so anyway, I got, I got gifts. Once you said you have a gift, kind of can't take it back. You kind of have to give it to it.

On this show, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Doesn't matter how we behave. We get the gift. There are three gifts in this bag. We do have a head gum intern here today, and I feel a little bit. bad, Ryan, thank you so much for joining us. Are we a shout out that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's the thing, Ryan, the gift is just being here. So far, you're welcome. This is huge for you. Congratulations. All right, right. There are the... No way. Come on.

Come on. Oh, my God. Yeah, maybe don't throw it toward all the equipment. And there you go. Thank you so much. Wow, I caught it. Oh, my goodness. This is so sick.

You have to say, okay. I mean, do we show what it is? Yeah, I should. We should. These are sweatshirts with Sonic the Hedgehog from the Sonic Speed Cafe in Chicago. Oh, my God. And on the back, it has Sonic with the word Chicago over it. And he's in his little ring and he's standing over a chili dog.

This is by far the hardest sweatshirt. That's awesome. I'm putting this on immediately. Yeah, me too. Even though it's hot in here. It's hard as hell. Yeah. We're putting this on.

We're doing it. We've got to do it. Thank you, Heather. Thank you, Heather. You're welcome, you're welcome. Did you get one for yourself? No, I did not. What the hell?

It's a crew neck. I love it. It works out. It works out. Oh, my God. Yeah, this is great. I thought it was a hoodie. Great.

Look at that. You guys are going to burn alive on the show. Oh, this is good stuff, folks. This is really good. Man, how good with a chili dog meat right now? I know. Be good as hell. Yeah, so, I mean, I'll talk about it.

I'll talk about once we prompt me. to talk about what I've done because that's part of the show. That's for our new segment, Heather, what have you done? Heather, what have you done? Covered in blood. It's interesting that they would put a chili dog on the back because obviously there's the Sonic Association.

We know Sonic loves chili dogs. Right. Only thing hotter than tails. But this is me myself once. It's good. Sonic looking into sexy tails. him saying, Sonic learned there are some things hotter than chili dogs. And that's his prime association with chili dogs is that they're hot.

But you think of chili dogs so associated with Sonic, but you don't think of chili dogs as the Chicago style dog, which is its own thing. No, you don't. But the restaurant. They got the freak hot dogs with pickles on it and shit. Yeah, neon relish sport. In Chicago, it's in the Wicker Park neighborhood, completely gentrified since the last time I was there 20 years ago. It is a full, it's not like a pop-up, as far as I can tell.

It's a fully themed restaurant. There are, there's like rings that are mechanical, that are rotating up on shelves. They got onion rings. They do have onion rings. That's what I'm talking about. They got chili dogs, Chicago dogs, French fries, et cetera. but also They got ketchup in there?

They do have ketchup. The music playing the entire time in the restaurant is from Sonic Games. Wow. So it's like Sonic Adventure songs, Sonic Team Racing songs. It's a little overbearing.

And then they also have a console set up playing the latest Sonic game which I think is Sonic Team Racing. I'm not sure. It was packed. I don't know. It was a real lively scene. And I thought the

merch was fantastic. Really, really good. Really high quality. It's also a nice sweatshirt. Yeah. It's great. No, this is now just in the rotation. This is good stuff.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Everyone's going to be jealous. Right before they kick our asses, they're going to be so jealous of our sweatshirts. Who is? Just people. Oh, okay.

We're wearing this sweatshirt in my casket. Burying me face down. I'm going to renew my vows wearing this. But yeah, it was fun to be back in Chicago. I met a listener. Wow. Shared his Fortnite name with me so we can party up. And I don't know.

It was a good time. For some reason. Come Goblin 420. Yeah, no, CG420 always really cool, cool guy, cool listener. For some reason, I associate Chicago so much with you. because of how much you've spoken about your time in Chicago and stuff. But for some reason, when you had said that it was their first time back in 20 years, I was like, oh, I guess I hadn't realized you hadn't been back in so long.

Well, there's two answers to that. One is that I was scared. I know a lot of people who moved to L.A., right? And then they get offered gigs like on a boat, like a comedy boat or back in Amsterdam, for example, or in a theater in Chicago. and it's like a patch over gig. It's like, hey, I know you're having trouble making ends meet. Why don't you do a summer on the Second City boat or whatever?

Yeah. And they'll get like sucked into that world. And then they have a lot of trouble leaving that stability to enter into Los Angeles again. And I was always terrified of that happening. Oh, sure. So I didn't go back to visit. I didn't go back to like do shows in Chicago. I did go back for a single weekend in the mid-2010s because I wrote for an episode of, wait, wait, wait, don't tell me.

But that was just at NPR and then at the hotel and then at NPR. Like I didn't get to go anywhere in the city. But yeah, my wife had never gone with me, so it was time to go. And it was, it was, I love that city so fucking much. Yeah, you had a Lou Malnadi's pizza. I had Lou Melnotties, Portillo's. I know there's a bit of a thing between the Wiener Circle and Portillo's, and it's really hard to fall on one side or the other, but I like it.

I think of Portillo's, though, the one time that I've been there, it's like a one-stop shop, though, because, like, you got the place for the beef or you got the place for a hot dog. You can get both there, and they're both good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that was what Mary had never had either a Chicago dog or an Italian beef, so I wanted her to be able to get both of them at the same time, and I took the best photo of my wife ever of her. eating an Italian beef.

Hell yeah. So great. But yeah. famously took down both by myself right before getting on an airplane. Biggest mistake in my fucking life. Sweating like I had a bomb on the airplane. The way you did. I kind of did.

I almost got the cake shake too. I for sure would have passed away. Oh yeah. I made her get a cake shake. Yeah. And she took like three cents. A cake shake for those of you don't know. Chicago food is a Portillo's favorite where they take an entire slice of chocolate cake and they put it in a blender with ice cream.

They make a chocolate cake shake with it. So she, I've been hyping this shake up to her forever. And my wife likes sweet things. So she takes one sip. She's married to you. And aw. Matt. That was cute.

You earned the sweatshirt. Nick still waiting. How would do it, Ryan, over here. She takes like four six. of it and then she puts it down she's like I'm only getting cake. They don't blend it into that milkshake. They just put it in. There's something very Chicago about that.

I'm like keep going, keep going. You'll get to the it. It's really good. She does it like more. She's like, I guess I don't like chocolate cake that much. Not enough to drink it. Yeah. And I've been, you know, on a sugar diet for years now.

but I allowed myself a few tips of that chocolate cake shake. That shit hits so well. It is so good. I'm glad you got to have, you allowed yourself to have a little bit of a tree. I couldn't. Yeah, she's, she's not going to drink it. She's upset by it. Yeah.

You just throw away a full chocolate cake shake. I'm sweating. Having had sugar. It's so good. You're running around like Sonic. I'm going to Chicago next week. That's right. that.

Oh, shit, dude. For real, for real? How long are we going to be there? Four nights, five nights? Four nights? If you want to list a Rex. Yeah, get me with them.

All right, great. Chocolate cake. Chocolate cake, chocolate cake. You should go check out the bear. Yeah, I've heard a lot about the bear. Yeah, probably. Maybe don't go if you want to, if you're trying not to laugh your ass off. Funniest restaurant in town.

Slipping on banana peels back there and shit. Our producer, Michelle Chen, Ranch. Have you been to Chicago? I've never been to Chicago. Wow. Ryan, have you been to Chicago? No. Wow, okay, Shytown.

They've got a bean, right? They've got a bean, they got a big ass bean. They got a bean, a big old bean there. I had never seen the bean. Yeah. And I drove by and I was like, huh, and that was it. I think the bean, no, just, every, I'm going to get in trouble. Every major city sort of has like a sort of monument, like this thing that comes

see. Yep. Here it's, what, the Hollywood sign? Yep. I guess so. Maybe the Hollywood Bowl. Like, it's like, you know, it's a good venue. Like, it's something like that or like the Walk of Fame. There's other buildings.

Like in New York, they have like the Empire State Building or like the Statue of Liberty. I think the bean extremely low effort. Oh, yeah. But top tier. Like, they didn't have to do that much for it to be kind of good. The bean is, the bean is at the very least is funny. Yeah, it's a shiny bean. It is funny.

And it's big. It's big as hell. also funny because just a few blocks from the bean was a sculpture done by Picasso, which was like the calling card of Chicago in the 80s. It's like this beautiful, very strange, off-putting thing that looks like an antelope skeleton, but also a woman. And so like you drive past that and you're like, I know this. And then you drive past the bean and you're like, oh, Chicago. Yeah. Yeah. The bean. Nothing says Chicago quite like the bean. The arch in St. Louis. Deep dish bean We also have the minion The big minion It's a huge landmark What's better minion or bean?

Oh well it's for sure it's mean I say minion But the bean is not tied to IP Which is nice If bean knows what it's doing Real easy conversion to a minion They just have to paint it yellow You should re-skin it seasonally

For Halloween Why not? Why not? Bino Bino banana. All right, I'm aboard. It's good. Took me a second. Yeah, you weren't on board before.

Fucking licking your lips over there. You're like, oh, a big old minion. What? Why, you're getting off that thing. Hugging it from above? Humping it from above. Shee! Jumped out of a plane to land on it.

Dr. Strange Love Yaha We should talk about some video games In this video game podcast I probably should I will say I did have some tenders You said we were going to talk about it We don't have to spend too much time on it

I didn't want to talk about it before But since now we're in this zone Got the tenders from Wendy's The Wendy's Tendys The Wendy's Tendys God damn That's why he does it Look I didn't

They have a commercial where they put Tendies On the signs On the signs at the store, they didn't have that. Wow. And I think... Missed opportunity. Missed opportunity, I would have for sure, at least liked them a little bit more. Yeah.

Oh. I thought Wendy's was this fresh, never frozen type thing. It kind of seems like they're abandoning that. These seemed pre-frozen. They didn't see... They didn't batter these in store. Yeah. They didn't, you know what I mean?

They kind of seemed like they were... That said, the sauces. The sauces was pretty good. I got a honey mustard and then I got their signature sauce. which is like their cane sauce. Good stuff. Everyone's doing like a cane sauce now. There was a time when everyone was cloning the Chick-fil-A sauce,

which I think is what the KFC comeback sauce is. But now the peppery, um, uh, Raising Cains ones on. Raising Cains, chicken tendies. Chicken fingers, they call on it. You don't know. I mean, I know raising Cains is, but I didn't know they had a sauce and I didn't know it was pepperbole.

They got a sauce that if you don't, that if you don't dip the tender in it, the tender is plain. It tastes like nothing. But with the sauce. That was my experience when we had McDonald's tenders that one time. I was like, what the fuck is this? How dare you?

No. Just with all due respect? No. Having not had them in forever, when I tasted a chicken nugget from McDonald's, I was shocked. I was shocked at the plane. Not to blow up the spot. I think you said this on the show. I think when you had those, you had just gotten over.

COVID. That's true. That's true. You might not have had all your faculty. That's true. Look, my experience eating a lot of shitty food, fast food, shitty I say with affection, is that it tends to either be way too salty or completely unseasoned. And I feel like

Raising Cains, they definitely their approaches, we're not seasoning the tendies. They're just, you're getting them plain. It's towards a child's palette and if you want any flavor, not just texture, you got to rely on the cane sauce, which is quite delectable. And the stuff It's well-fried.

Yes. That's the, well, yeah, the tenders at Raising Cains, in comparison to the ones from Wendy's, seem Michelin Star. Yeah. Like, they're really good. These were just kind of like, I had to eat something, and I talked to myself out of getting the spicy chicken, which never again. I always have to get. That's the thing to get. But the sauce was good.

And honey mustard, always fun to have. And not very many occasions to get it. I had some excellent chicken tenders just this week from Los Angeles. Angeles restaurant, Piccunico. Oh, okay. Piccunico. It's, I think, a Japanese fusion fast food restaurant. And they're famous for their fried chicken sandwich, but they also have chicken tendies.

And the chicken tendies were so real that they were all in different shapes and, like, look like they'd been torn off of a chicken instead of, like, pre-quot. The nuggets are also different shapes. Yeah. The McNuggets are all different shapes. Yeah, I understand. There's the orb in the boot. I understand. Yeah, it's not that many.

different ones, but they are different. He said two, and you said that there's not that many? That implies one. I made it seem like there was like a billion shapes. Would you describe it's not quite an orb? The boot, I think, is more distinct. What is the other one? The circle? It is ovular.

Ovaler. The ovular one. Yeah, because it's not orb. Orb is now a tender orb. That would be interesting. Yeah, I wonder how the bite would be into that tender orb. Like biting into an apple? Probably too much meat.

You want a good surface... Yeah. Surface ratio. Yeah. But anyway, that's enough of my tenters. I had to bring it up. I didn't want to, but we said we would and that. I'm glad we talked about it.

I'm glad we touched on it. Yeah. Whoa, God, I am so tired. Oh, my God, I am so tired. Ah! That's how I used to sound. Before I got myself, Alisa. mattress. I had no idea how important sleep was. I thought I could be like Robocop and exist without

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All right. Let's talk about some video games. The question for the room is about video games you're playing right now. What are you playing? What are you playing? Highest me the resident

emergency merchant. I'm over here to make a new friend. Oh, no. Stay away. Stay away from Ryan. I don't know. Hey, Ryan. No, no.

You don't have to speak to him. It's okay. I'm a fourth host of the show. Not true. I'm from Resident Evil 4, and I sell goods, and I do a segment on a podcast. I mean, this is all true. I have some trouble breathing. You all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got macaroni and cheese for breakfast, and I've had a clot all day. That's a heavy breakfast. Eat something a little more nutrition and a little start your day, I think. I've done it. Yeah, no, I've done it. This year, yeah. They have leftover KFC mac and cheese or breakfast this year and then go to work. Yeah.

But I don't think it's a good idea. Are you firing at all cylinders at all times? Absolutely. I feel like the cast of my stone in a glass house, whatever. Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing what you're doing. I'm just saying that that could explain. We can't dip back into this.

The KFC Mac and Cheese is really good It's pretty good, yeah The kind of is mostly just cheese Elbow noodles and KFC Yeah, it's like an elbow macaroni Yeah Is it like a perfect half circle Um

I don't know if I describe it like that I think if you put two together You're not gonna find that they line up exactly Yeah I'm sorry Yeah I don't like that I like my food to align You seem disgusted by that

It's disgusting to me I don't want that Okay, sorry. Disgusting. I like that. One of my favorite past times when I'm relaxing is to reassemble the potato when I get a french fries. Yeah, you like to get food that is typically served in pieces and put it back together. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, so when you eat steak, it's very alarming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They get upset at the restaurant. Yeah, like a bunch of people cook. To be fair, to be fair, they get upset the moment I walk in. Well, and that's not fair. Yeah. It's not very judgmental.

Yeah, yeah. It's sort of like from Pretty Woman. Big mistake, huge. Very much like Pretty Woman. Matt, that's what I was thinking of. Are you? Which one am I in that scenario? You're not Richard Gear.

I'll tell you that. I'm the pretty woman. You're a pretty woman. Oh, I love it. I love it. I'll fuck you for cash. Boy, don't say that to the intern. That could be an issue.

You know, that's work. That is your job. That is your right. Yeah. Sex work is work. I'm good. $3.50. What currency?

What quantity? The one in Resident Evil. What is it? Is that the peso? In four? In four? It's not the American dollar. Yeah, I don't know.

Aren't you trading like rubies and shit? So I was like thinking. I was like, what is the money in Resident Evil for a game I've played through multiple times? Yeah. It's not. Jules. You're not picking up like $5 bill. No, no, no, no.

Pesadas. Pesados. It's a Spanish currency. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. $350. All right. We'll talk later. Do you have a question you want to ask us?

Yeah. How are you? Oh, God. I don't know why I thought this was an interesting thing to look up. I was like, for some reason I thought that Julia Roberts's character in Pretty Woman had an interesting last name. and I was wrong. It's just Vivian Ward. Why did I have that in my head and why did I look it up?

Did you think it was Brockovich? Yeah, no, I thought it was something like distinct. Yeah. I think it's because monomically you're supposed to think hoard. Oh, you think so. Like, oh, she was a whore. No, she's not anymore. Ward.

Wrored. Lose the age, it's cleaner. I think it's a monomic device. And this is fine. We're fine with this. Yeah. Everybody's fine. Nick Weiger, what are you playing?

Reson Evil Merchant, thank you so much for asking. You're welcome. I have been messing around with a Game Pass game. Well, it's not a Game Pass game, but it's on Game Pass called Death Howl. This is a Soulslike deck builder that came out in December of last year. As opposed to a rogue-like, it has Dark Souls-esque like, you know, checkpoints, like the campfires. Like, it's just like you reach certain, like, like, uh, pull. places where you die and if you respawn, you'll go back there, absence and some resources

that you have to retrieve. We all know the Dark Souls game play loop. But it's really interesting to see that for a deck builder, which are almost always like rogue likes. That's just like the traditional approach for these. And honestly, it's what I thought it was getting into when I, when I downloaded the some bitch. But it's, it's, it's very different mechanically and structurally.

I saw this described as a mashup of Into the Breach, a game I love, my favorite game of 2018. Play the Spire, a game I also loved and had to delete for my phone. And it kind of is that. It's very because it has this tactical grid-based combat where, you know, you'll see like an enemy on the map that you're navigating around on the, you know, the world map, the gameplay space, the environment. What am I looking for here? You know when you walk around in a video game? What's that call?

What is that? Environment. The environment. What are you looking for? The place you're in in a video game? Play space. Yeah. The play space.

What? You know how like in you're in a video game? Like I just mentioned terrain? Terrain. Terrain, sure. Yeah, the terrain. What are you looking for? I think environment is closest.

The world map? No, but not the world map. I'm thinking of like a U.X element. It's not that. It's like where you're actually walking around in. You don't know what that's called? Yeah, what do you call it? The world?

The world. The game. The game. That doesn't think of the game. You're walking around the game. What do you call it when you walk around? outside. That's outside. That I can wrap my head around. When you asked though, for a second I didn't know.

I knew what the answer is, but when you asked it, it escaped me. What, outside? Yeah. I don't know what's going on out there. When I'm in here, I don't know what's going on out there. Do you, if you call, if somebody calls you and you're outside and they ask you where you are, do you say I'm outside? No, you usually say I'm where I am. Where I am. I have said I'm outside. Well, because when you're talking to somebody on the phone, they want to know where you are, they're alarmed. Where are you?

I'm outside. This game is very fun, and it is a little bit, I mean, I think just it's just maybe it's the, maybe it's just the dark souls eskness of it that is making me think that it's that it's, that it's, that it's, that it's, that it's, that it's, that it. It's kind of a little bit of a higher difficulty curve than some of these games. Maybe that's not actually the case. I'm just projecting that onto it because it's evoking souls like so strongly. But I do like it. And it also has this sort of grim, dark pixel art aesthetic that I think is gorgeous with like this Nordic influence. It's really cool looking.

And you're just a, you're a grieving mother searching for a way to like bring. back your dead sun. It's just like, it's like this totally sort of bleak thing that would be in a soul's game. And one thing I do, one element I like of this, beyond it being, beyond its structure is the, you collect resources to craft cards as opposed to just like, you know, to slay the spire, for instance, you get a few different options like Hades and you do pick which of these three are you going to go with.

Here you're like, like, actually like, oh, I'm working towards getting this specific card that it can put in my deck. And then also just the idea of like progressing through an actual campaign, a single player mode as opposed to just like doing a bunch of runs is an interesting approach. So I've been enjoying death how continually also on the gold stakes grind on Bellatro for some reason I'm toggling between two different card games. I was thinking about Bellotro as I've now reached the threshold where my gameplay time is measured in days. that's always a little bit of a warning sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess, yeah, you have that, you have that.

You haven't had that yet? I got to get to your guys level. I guess I'm not a real game. Wait, you've played games for more than 24 hours. You had like 100. You had 100 hours save on Final Fantasy rebirth. That's right. Yeah.

And I think also in 16. So there you go. Is Bellatro? Uh-oh. The game of the 2020s. that I mean, whoa. Not just because I,

for me, I think to hit that threshold, you need not just awareness and fandom within gamer culture, but the mainstream. And Bellatra was a game that non-gamerers play.

And I was thinking, is it that? I mean, you could say Eldon Ring. Eldon Ring is my favorite game of the decade, but I like, I feel like that one.

Not more than Baldr's Game 3. Baldur's Game 3 is my favorite game in the decade. Yeah. And Elder Ring is my number two. Yeah. Thank you for reminding me. You're,

you're, You're so welcome. Why did I say that? I don't know. I don't know why you say half the stuff you say. Yeah. I'm just sitting here. I'm experiencing it the same way everyone else is.

It's not Eldon Ring. It's not Baldur's Gate 3 as much as I love those games. Yeah. You guys, I have to do it. I'm so sorry. It's going to make it feel like shit in here for just 30 seconds. Yeah, go for it. You saw the Elon Musk thing?

No. Oh, Matt. Oh, you be able to how he named his kids. Oh, wait. No, I do remember that. Yeah, no, you, yeah. He named one of the, of his kids,

Cometazor. Very try hard. It's all, it's just so fucking. It sucks so much. It sucks so much. It's just so fucking embarrassing loser. Like it's also like there.

I hate video games and I hate gamers. I'll kick all your asses. I'm a jock now. I've been radicalized in this moment. It's also because like when, when Robin Williams names his daughter Zelda. Cool. It's cool because there's,

There's like an honesty to it in some strange way. Yeah, it doesn't feel like a pander. Right. Not doing it so that you can post about it on some social media platform. And it's also like, and whatever, anything can be a name, but Zelda, an existing name. So it feels a little bit less sweaty. And it was also, I feel like that was at a time where, like, video games were popular, but they weren't like. Yeah.

You know, so ubiquitous. Right. That was sort of like a unique, it was just unique and cool. And he had a genuine affection for that franchise. It was like a fun fact about Robin Williams. He actually plays video games. How about that? Celebrities just like us.

Yeah. RIP. Just a king. Absolutely king. Absolutely. Anyway. You were saying that you're like Elon Musk because you love that game the best? Yes, yeah.

His wario is so funny. I loved when he was wario. It was hilarious. Good shit. Yeah, definitely the best comedy warrior. So far? the only one to date that's why they haven't put them in the movies yet

because they can't they don't they haven't quite cracked how they're gonna top it you know what I mean it has to be a sort of definitive wario and it's already sort of happened they need a credits to use

even though you're joking is making me angrier and angrier it's not Eldon Ring it's not Baldurge Gate 3 it could ultimately be Grand Theft Auto 6 it could be you know but I think it's maybe

it's either Balatro or Wirtle Now that's interesting For like kind of the defining game Like and I don't mean Again I'm talking about like in terms of mainstream awareness I'm talking in terms of like ubiquity I think wordal is at the very least The Tetris of the 2020

Yeah that's what I'm like it's kind of like like oh yeah But again people who don't play games play world Yes They would never identify as gamers My wife in the year of our Lord 26 has gotten into Wardle Is the funniest thing she could have done I really love it.

She calls it our morning games. But Wordle isn't, hold on, Wordle isn't. I love that. You can't, okay, guys, wait up though. I know, because I was going to say, you can't say that crosswords are a video game, even though you can play them digitally.

Yes. And Wordle technically needs the video game element in order to function. So I already corrected myself. It could be, it's probably Belatra. I mean, the easiest answer

is Fortnite. It's like for a lot of these things it's like, there are little kids on the playground who are like, I can't wait to be a little older so I could play Fortnite.

Yeah, Fortnite or Roblox and Lee. Although, did Fortnite come out in the 2020s? Oh, no. It came out in like 2015 or something. Yeah, so that's because

I was thinking like Minecraft, too people, still playing a ton of Minecraft, but like it's not like a game of this decade. I have, I feel like I've seen people on like the red carpet

on TikTok for like video game adjacent things who aren't necessarily gamers but they're like actors and they'll tell IGN or some shit that they're like I play Balatra like I weirdly got into this game called Balotra so I think there's something to it

I do like I do think it I think it's possible it could require more investigation it's an interesting idea it's true I don't know why I fired off this take I was about to say I just wanted to say I just wanted to say I feel like I was about to say I feel like we should wait until like more of the 2020s had passed.

And then I looked into my own mental space at the fact that it was 2026 and more than half the decade has already happened. And I felt like I was going to kill myself immediately. What does a gun taste like? Arguably. Taste like relief. I heard it tastes bad. I heard that they actually, they taste yucky. Don't taste it.

Animal. Is that Nintendo Switch cartridge stuff on it? It's like shit. Animal Crossing is the game of the pandemic. Yes. Balatro is the game of the 2020s. That's your argument? It's not even necessarily a...

It's a different episode. I feel like this is a whole episode. What are we doing? We're burning. It's not a conclusion. I'm just more like a hypothesis. It's more like an offering. It's more like worth investigating.

Okay, okay. Okay. Episode idea. Let's do it next week of the week after, whatever. Games of the decade. Pretty good. So we do the games, the game of the 2010s, the game of the 2000s. Like, what is?

the ballatro of the 2010s? What is the game of the 1970s? It's got to just be pong, right? It's got to be pong. It's like that or like dice or something. Cup and ball. Hoop. Yeah.

Hoop. Do it with it what you want. Figure it. You figure it out. I talk too much. Someone else go. You did great. I'll tell you what I've been playing.

Matt, what are you playing? As I mentioned last week, I kind of got into Hades, too, on the airplane. Yep. and on the way back, I played Hades 2 the entire flight home. Oh, I love it. Oh, I love it. And then when I got home, I've basically gone from having two hours or so logged on my Switch to having about like 15 or 17 hours logged now

on Hades 2 on my Switch. And it's just fucking, it's amazing. Because it's a bigger game than Hades 1. Yeah. I had not beaten Kronos yet. I have not defeated him. I haven't gone past the second, like, biome? Mini boss? Yeah, second biome, the second mini boss.

I haven't done that yet. But I'm having so much fun unlocking. There's, like, so many different things to unlock so many different systems. You can, like, there's the tarot cards that you can unlock that sort of give you different abilities or different stats going in. There's the different weapons. You can sort of upgrade those weapons at a certain point, too. There's, I'm just having fun with, like, learning the different boons and stuff. So that's been really satisfying.

There's a little hot bath you could take. Love that. You give a gift to a character. And then you invite them to go to the hot spring with you. And you have a little conversation with that one in the hot spring. That's nice. It's pretty good. Really good.

Very death stranding. Yes. And there's something that I've discovered in the game that is not really, really a discovery, but it's also like feel like something I don't want to spoil. But when this happened to me, I was shocked. Wow. And it sort of like opened up the game in a completely different way to me, which is then how I ended up sinking an additional like 10 more hours into it.

Are you willing to have this spoiled? It's more like about our listeners. Well, yeah, but I mean like you, if you agree and I agree, then we could just say for the next 30 seconds, Matt's going to spoil this element. Someone crashes their car. Yeah. I can't turn off. Straight into the other side of the freeway.

Never mind. I don't want to ruin anybody's enjoyment. I will defer to Matt's judgment. I think my feeling is because Matt chose to preserve it. It's because it's a surprise worth discovering. How about this? I'll say it. And then in real time, you guys determined if we should have it bleeped or not.

Okay. and then Ranch will bleep it. Okay, great. So in Hades, you can go down, right? And you're going down and you're exploring the other worlds. That's like, because you're on your way down. So you're doing that in Hades, too, also. I've gotten to an hour place.

I knew this already. And we should bleep it. It shocked me. Yeah. It was very exciting to me. and it's now there's just a different flow because you're used to doing sort of one thing before

now I'm sort of like after I run I'm like you know what maybe I'll just do this other thing for a little bit too so it's sort of like the the game really becomes it's just quite different than the first one and not that to say that it's I think it's better yet and that's time will tell if I think it's a better game than Hades 1 because I think Hades 1 is about

as close to a perfect game as you can get sure but this one They just really cooked with this. It's really, really good. Do you have a god, goddess, deity you are crushing on? These are very horny games. They're very horny. I mean, it's hard not to say Aphrodite because she's wearing basically nothing.

Yes, yeah. Which was very delicate on the, playing that on an airplane on a big old screen, like a switch two screen. Yeah. Freaking nosy neighbor. People love looking over your shoulder. Yeah, yeah. God, there's these people behind me on the flight. They were having a very intense political conversation that I wanted to jump.

out of the plane because they were talking the whole flight. It was nuts. But it's Aphrodite's great. I like the lightning power

so like Zeus kind of feels trite because he's like the number one guy. Yeah sure. But like I like the area of effect of like you know lightning bolt

striking and then having blitz as a as a power too. But that's not the only thing I've been playing. Yeah. I also burned through the Dragon Quest 7 reimagined demo on Switch 2.

And we talked about this in the games of this year episode as a game that we were sort of maybe not hotly anticipating but interested in. Excited to have a cozy game. This game has jumped up to the top of my list of games I'm excited for this year. It was exactly that. It is cozy. It is all vibes. it is like the first part of it like they mean the demo you're going through it you're not doing that much right like you're kind of going around you do this like introductory chapter where you're doing a

couple little puzzles the puzzles are really fun actually i think i had like six battles or something like there wasn't that much combat in the demo so if that's something that people were like oh there's not that much combat in this game there's going to be more but like it was just a very short part of it. There was a lot of, I felt like the demo is probably like doing this part of it so you don't have to do it when you're playing. I feel like there was a sort of bit of a fetch quest element in the beginning of the game. So I'm hoping there's either less of that in the main game or that like that sort of satisfied the thing that we needed to do to get to the next part. But I thought it looked gorgeous. I loved the characters. The music obviously is always so great in those games.

And I just, you know, turn-based combat. We talked about this a little bit last week, too, or I'm sort of like, I think, in an RPG kind of mood recently. So that game, I cannot, cannot wait to play. I will be getting it day one. What's the release date on that? Do we know? I think it's either end of this month or beginning of February.

Great, great. Yeah, so there's a little bit of time. An excellent opportunity to fall in love with a game. You know, right around Valentine's Day. Oh, there you go. Hey, that's nice. Oh, that's an episode. Games we love.

Hey, we can't just say everything's an episode. Yeah, yeah, we can't. I think it comes out. February 5th is the official release date in, I guess, worldwide. Yeah, worldwide. Love it. It looks great. And the guy that looks like a Team America character is very funny to me.

Oh, okay. I know that people have probably made a lot of this already. because it's the second time this game's been remade. But the king's name, Donald, kind of tough. Oh, boy. But his son's name, who's in your party, the Team America looking guy, his name's Kiefer. They're named after the freaking Sutherland family. Isn't that fun?

That is a lot of fun. Who did that? What a hoot. Why did they do that? Why not? It's the 80s. I guess so. I guess the funny thing to me is to think that at one point,

these were the two most famous father and son. I was trying to look up the name of the directors of the reimagined version, which we talked about when we were doing our preview for 2026. And unfortunately, I can't find it at the ready. But they were someone who played Dragon Quest 7 as a kid and are now of the age where they're like, I love this game, but I can fix this game, which is just an interesting perspective. Yes. It's like, you know, it's, it's like the, who's the Star Wars guy I'm trying to think of?

JJ? It's like JJ. How dare you. Save it for the D.L.C. No, what am I thinking of? It would just be so funny for some reason you couldn't remember J.J. Abrams. That's right. What guy? What are you talking about?

Dave Filoni. Oh, Dave Filoni. Dave Loney is like an enthusiast who a fandom has a fan's knowledge, understands what's in the contents of Wikipedia, but also has their own perspective to break with it. And it has become the person I trust most with Star Wars. Like it's very, very interesting. I want Gilroy. If I could give the whole thing to anybody, I just give it to Gilroy. Well, here's the thing.

It can't be that good. It'd be too good. Part of the charm of it is that some of it's bad. Andor stops feeling like, and I love Star Wars. But Andor does stop feeling like Star Wars, partly because it's too good. No, no. No. Andor is what happens if they manage to steer the ship away from the iceberg. Like it is a world that could have been like, oh my God, look at, they're going to pull away.

They're going to pull away. They did it. They didn't get hit by the iceberg. They didn't have to, I'm about to quote something I liked. I was about to say they didn't have to do the holdover mover. And I do like maneuver and I do like that. The whole of maneuver is good. It is good.

Yeah. Oh, well. Star Wars is all kinds of stuff, and we'll talk about it on our Patreon exclusive show. Get play DLC. DLC. The paywall, the Patreon can be anything. And this is what we've been saying. Yeah. Patreon could be anything. Heather, what are you playing? Well, I started playing a game specifically for this episode of the show.

So I kind of want to weave it into our larger conversation. We're talking today about how to save the switch too. And by that I'm shutting this thing down No fucking way I don't have any idea what that was Unbelievable He's being John Taffer from Bar Rescue Kind of his thing

He goes in there, he tells Call someone a failure It does a worse job than they were doing Ruins their bar It sells in six months It is the best show on television Nothing like a confident idiot doing a bad job Sounds like this show

Now what are you guys like it He just goes in and he's like this place fucking sucks I have a good idea And it's the biggest dog shit makeover You've ever seen in your life Once's the last time you cling these beer taps That's why your wife left you And it's like he's like

He sort of answers the question What if there was a worse guy than Mr. Wonderful It was a guy that sucked more Who was less fun to watch It is kind of like a you know A microcosm of our world where it's just like The biggest loudest idiot Let's give them absolute power

And they'll fuck everything up It's unbelievable And be proud of it But so Nick just did What I can only describe as A spot on impressive That's why I was very excited We're shutting this thing

And that's the thing he says We're going to shut it down. We're going to shut it down. Hey, buddy, now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover. The drinks, the holiday food, the gifts, it all adds up. Luckily, Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless.

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Maybe Nintendo nails it and then slips, nails it and then slips, right? Their stock prices down. People are frustrated. There aren't enough games for the Switch 2. And today we're talking about how to save the Switch 2, especially if we've already purchased it. What are you supposed to be playing on that piece of shit? Like, what are you doing with it?

Is it just collecting dust? And so with that in mind, I purchased and downloaded the 25th highest- rated video game of all time. This is a list that includes Ocarina of Time. Yes. You know, it's the big boys list. Yeah.

25th of all time, but I think top four Switch, right? Like, is it like number one? Isn't it like the number one Switch game? No, because it's a... Breath of Wild. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is a game that I've seen on these lists

for years, and I was like, okay, what the fuck is this game? If I'm going to be selling Switch 2 to somebody, am I going to play the House in Latham, Organa. Wow. Wow. Let me tell you guys.

I have had so little time to game in the last week that I only have played a single round of Fortnite. Knife in my heart. That's alarming. That's rough stuff. Awful experience for me. Like my brain is boiling. That's like you telling me that you had one glass of water all week.

It is. It is. It is like that for my body. I have an aura ring and the thing is started saying minor size. signs of injury. Oh, my God. I think it's because my stress levels are so high. Wow.

I have an order ring now, too. I like it. I thought about getting that silver. The silver's pretty good. It's pretty good. I like when it tells me that I'm stressed out. And I was like, guess what? Bitch, I already know.

What are you telling me before? I'm always stressed. But now I've been listening to it. I've been going to sleep. I haven't been doing any activities before I go to sleep. I get in bed and I shut my eyes because I'm trying to get a good score. That's amazing. That's nice.

It's really good. It is. It's really happy with me in my sleep. I'm in zero sleep debt currently. Me too. Come on. Give me that. Boom.

Previously three hours. Man. So, slept horribly last night. Oh, man. I... You got to get one of these. I do. Yeah, you should.

I have one, too. Hey. Wow. If you need something extra to yell at you, you got to get one of these. Yeah, I'm getting one. It's a really good... I think it... They're going to make them hog size, though, so don't try it.

Okay. I wish that it had never been in my head. I don't want that in my head at all. I walk in, hands look the same. Got my aura ring, guys. But you're like, heads beat red. I've been sleeping great.

Blood pouring out of your ears. So this game is extremely highly rated. Yeah. The Hacepenamagana. And let me tell you this tragedy that occurred to me last night as I'm playing this game. I am two hours into the game, right? Yeah. Which is all of my time this week to game.

Yeah. Two hours into this game I've made a single choice. And it was whether or not to say hello to somebody. My option was like, hi or ellipses. So I guess before you continue. Yes. What type of game is this? Well, I thought it was going to be like a dating sim.

Okay. Turns out it is a straight, hardcore, 40-hour visual novel. Oh my God. Yum, yum, give me some. Yeah, your absolute nightmare. Yeah, my nightmare. I am a fast reader. I'm blazing through these text things, trying to get to the next choice, taking in the scenery.

Of note. the game features instead of like drawn backgrounds it's photographs so like when people are talking to rose garden it's two anime characters speaking in front of a photograph of a rose garden when they're talking in a room near a fireplace it is a photograph of a room near a fireplace it is about a house that has been around for hundreds of years um i don't know who the protagonist is but the protagonist is being spoken to by a maid who is like a man who is like a woman who is like a man who is like like let's talk about the memories and the history of this house. And to start, we're going to go all the way back to the year 1600. And so you start with this relationship between a brother and a sister in the 1600s. And the fucking game is chugging and chugging and chugging along. Now, up at the top of the screen, when you touch the D-pad or whatever, the analog stick on your left hand, you'll pull down a little drop-down menu that'll have like play, fast forward, skip to the next chapter,

quick save and quick load. I assume this is the only, because there's no, you just dropped into the game. There's no like tutorial. Yeah. So I quick save the game and then I'm like fucking around

with the buttons or whatever and I also find out that the plus sign on the right hand is also quick save. Okay? After I've played two hours of this game and I haven't made a single choice, I decided to go to the option screen

to see what my options are. Can I make this text go faster? And there's a grade out portion that says voice, which is really interesting to me because it means that either later you get voices and can toggle that switch, which is I'm like, how can this game be so highly rated

if it is literally just a straight visual novel? There must either be like a dokey-dokey literature club, a meta-element. There's got to be something that makes this game, compelling enough to be a 40-hour straight read. And the voice toggle is, like, hints at that to me. Because I'm like, oh, there's something else that's going to happen here. Because otherwise it would have to be the strength of the writing alone, basically,

carrying it. Right, right. There's got to be some element. And I haven't read anything about the game other than the extremely high metacritic score. Today, when I prepped for this part of the show, I did discover it was straight visual novel. I thought it was going to have choices. There are no fucking choices.

Nothing. There's nothing. There's no branching story pads. It is a straight fucking book. Yeah. But let me also tell you that after I go back to the main screen and I'm looking through the option, seeing if there's like a making of, something else I can talk about. I'm like, okay, no.

So I load up the game to start from where I had saved. And in the loading process, accidentally touch the quick save button with my right Oh, no. And I lost all two hours of my fucking reading. I don't know that I'll ever, as a result, find out what is exciting about Fatta Morgana, because the idea of going back through all of that text makes me feel insane. Yeah. Only after that, that I discovered that there is a full menu that you can open.

I don't remember with what button that gives you a proper save. Hmm. I don't know why quick saving. I don't know why there wouldn't be multiple files. Right. It broke my heart. But so you... Fucking broke my heart.

It broke my mind. So you thought that playing this game and maybe liking it was going to be what saved the Switch too? Well, no. I'm... So the reason I'm talking about it is I know it's a great game. Yeah. I unfortunately don't have...

Like, I'm an empty Amazon truck. I went to the warehouse to pick up something to bring it to the show to say, here's a way to save the switch but instead I didn't pick up the package in fact I ran over the package and I don't know that I'll ever have an opportunity to speak to the game because the idea of going through two hours of text with a single choice

is pretty off-putting. Have you seen that before like a package that was like obviously meant to be delivered but run over? Yeah, I've seen it. Horific. It's great. March 14th, 2025, it was announced that a live action adaptation

from a North American director is in development. The House of Fed of Magrach, Moriana? Yeah. Wow. This game, so this, this has always been kind of on my radar just because of it's extremely high medic critic like you were saying. But yeah, I was just looking up when it officially released.

It came out on Windows in 2012. And then in Japan, Japan only. And then it was localized worldwide in 2016, which is when it started to get a more mainstream attention, or more widespread attention, global attention. But I think it was sort of a. of a slow burn in terms of sales. And I think that the switch release, which comes out in 2021,

is part of why it got a, you know, a little bit more run in the collective consciousness. But, you know, my understanding, I mean, this game would probably very much be for me. I do like visual novels. I, I will say that by the time I'd gotten two hours in, I was interested in what happened next. Yeah.

And I think that's all the game needs to do, is give me enough that I can, care about what happens next. And also the fact that the game is rated M for Mature and all of the reviews are like, there is some pretty intense stuff in this, very violent, some torture, some other triggering words I don't even want to say on the show. So it does have like, I don't know, it's gothic. It's got something.

Maybe, maybe I'll find out. Maybe I won't. Yeah. I don't think you're ever going to touch this game again. Nick, I'll bet I never touch this game again. So you're both on the same side of it. I guess I'll take the opposite action to be interesting. Yeah, sure.

A losing side. But that wasn't the only game that I played this week to try and save the switch. So this week, I also played a Super NES game that was previously only available in Japan, which has now come to Nintendo Switch online because of the switch to mouse controls. And that game is Mario and Wario. It is a first party Mario game in which you control like a little fairy and Mario as a, Wario flies by and puts a bucket on Mario's head. Hey, fuck you.

We watched, like we took some of this footage. I'm trying to remember what context. I think maybe it was when we were playing the Mario Paint. Oh, that's right. Right, yeah. So in the game, Mario's a bucket on his head, eventually it's an egg. He gets all sorts of shit on his head

and he just wanders around and you are a fairy and you are using the mouse controls to alter the landscape so that Mario doesn't die. Let me tell you how fucking snappy this game felt and how good it felt. Wow. I was shocked. Not my kind of game. It is puzzle adjacent.

But the music and the animation, the sprite work all said high era 90s Nintendo. And it was clicky. It was fun. And as a use case for the Nintendo Switch to mouse controls, I was able to just use that mouse on the couch beside me. And it controlled perfectly. And I got to play the fucking game. And it was good game. Kind of sounds like a lemmings mechanically.

Probably. Like something's moving forward and, you know, you got to alter the environment to. Because you're not controlling Mario's movement. No. No. Yeah, okay. He's like a maniac who got a bucket put on his head. Doesn't know that he can take the bucket off and he just starts walking.

I'm telling you, he's not bright. He's a, he's a dumb motherfucker. I can't see anything. Who turned out the light? It should have been Luigi. That's more of a Luigi thing. Yeah, Luigi's at the end of the level and he's like, hey, when you get Mario all the way there. I do like that.

Yeah. I like that for this exercise. You did two things that you wouldn't necessarily like because you thought maybe something's here that I'm not aware of. Well, I'm also trying to save the system for other people. Yes. Like if I'm trying to save the system just for me, I'm going to be like, Fortnite. Download Fortnite. You're done.

Yes, of course. You can play it on the Switch 2. It runs great. It runs great on Switch 2. But I'm not here to just pacify my own needs. I'm here to try and save the Switch for other people. Let me play devil's advocate here. Why does the Switch 2 need saving?

What are you talking about? There's nothing fucking to play on the fucking deck. But I'm like from sales wise. It's crashing. It's crashing. Yeah. I think there was like some stat that like around this time, you know, around this This time in the Switch 1's launch, it had hit a certain benchmark.

Yeah. And it's not quite there yet. Got it. It's underperforming relative to the previous generation. Yes. Nintendo Switch 2 sales slowed significantly over the 2025 holiday season compared with the original with declines in the U.S. around 35% by comparison. And 16% in the UK. That was six days ago that new story came out on GameSpot.

I think a big issue for this console and for all current consoles unfortunately is they're sort of mid-generation right because and I guess by that I mean a new game comes out and you're like oh great this is going to be for my PlayStation 5 great this is going to be for my switch 2 actually it's on both you could play it on your regular switch you can play it on your PlayStation 4 There's less of a need. It's going to run worse, but it'll run.

It'll play. So you could still play Godavore Ragnarok on a PlayStation 4. You could still play Metroid Prime beyond on a regular switch. So there's less of a reason to buy one because if you already have the thing, you can still get the game. And from a consumer standpoint, that's good, right? Because you're like, oh, I actually don't have to buy the new thing. I can just get the new game. I can't afford to get the new thing.

I already have the old thing, but the new game comes out, I can get the new game. That's good. But it holds back, it holds back, I think, the games. Like, it holds, it holds back the potential of the current system. Sure. That was the early,

early PS5, lifespan issue of all these games, were also on PS4. That's the yet, it seems to have been resolved now, but certainly the brand split for the Xbox Series S and Series X completely hamstrung in that regard. Yes. Yeah, I, the Switch,

Because the switch is so dusty. It is so old. It's from almost 10 years ago at this point. Yes. But also put all that in the same parcel as the idea that November 2025 was the worst month for hardware sales in the United States since 1995. Oof. You have to go back 30 fucking years to find a November this dismal. And the switch two is the anchor sinking that ship.

Yeah. Because that was the big console for this Christmas. And parents weren't being pushed by their kids to go out and get one because, unless you're playing Bonanza, what are you playing on the Switch too? I feel like also kids today are not really like, I don't look, we like Nintendo. The Nintendo brand is strong with Nintendo fans. Yeah. Right? But kids who are new to games aren't, I don't think aren't necessarily being catered to.

There are no baby games for babies on Nintendo anymore. I fundamentally disagree, especially because of the recently announced Nintendo for Babies initiative, My Mario. Yes, I do, but I do think that's, I think sort of the thing I'm getting around to, though, is that kids are more interested now in your Roblox or your, you know, the brain rock games that are being made on, in Roblox or in Minecraft or whatever. Or in Fortnite.

Yeah, over Fortnite. And it's just like that's, because that's what the kids are talking about. Kids aren't probably maybe aren't talking about Bonanza on the, cool kids are talking about Bonanza on the school yard. But I don't know if they're into it. But so with that, if the Switch 2 is supposed to appeal to us. If it's finding a hard time appealing to kids,

then how can people like us save the Switch 2 for, other people like us. This is why I played Fadamorgana because I was like who are people like us? People like us want a huge legacy library. They want highlight games that perhaps slipped through the zeitgeist that weren't targeted specifically

to them that maybe they are hearing about today on the show. And they're like oh, I'll give that a shot. And hey, if you like visual novels that are extremely highly ranked and apparently very violent, then Fathamorgana may be for you. It's, but

To talk about projected onto people like us, people like us are probably not just going to have a switch to. They're probably not going to be a one console household. Well, I think if you have one console, it's going to be PS5. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, and because, to Matt's point, because so many things are multi-platform now, I mean, me, I'm just like, I was going to play Fatimorgan. I just played on PC, you know, because, and I'm a switch two owner who I'm not doing shit with that fucking thing. You really haven't gotten much use out of it. since Bonanza.

So you do, you're proving the hypothesis, which is you aren't doing shit with that console. Yeah, I agree. So how do we fix that for people? I think I, well, there's a couple of things that, I mean, look, I think we have to stop this wishy-washy sort of, it's coming out on both. And I'm sorry about it. But something's got to give. The new games have to only be on Switch 2.

That's just how it's going to have to be. I think. And they got to be good. They have to be better than Bonanza. Bonanza was good and fun, but was it the best, is it the reason to buy a Switch 2? I'm going to say no. No, I would say like if you were already going to get a Switch 2, then Bonaug Manza, they maybe said this on our episode, but I push you over the edge.

But like, it's not a reason to, like, it's not a system seller in and of itself. It's crazy to me that Breath of the Wild is the Switch 1 launch game, which also comes out on the Wii U. So it's not like, that's also a split generation title. Yes. But the way that it became instantly a part of the zeitgeist where everybody was talking about Breath of the Wild everywhere online and in person. Like I was playing Switch 1 at a bar and people would be like, oh, is that that Zelda game? Like that's like an entirely different thing.

And it feels to me like history is repeating itself with the Wii U and Switch 2 in that like people are not speaking about the system because there isn't any killer software for it. Yeah. Yeah, no, and I was, I was thinking through this because I think there was a lot of weight put on or and maybe from Nintendo's perspective. But I also think like the gaming audience in general had higher expectations for Mario Kart World. And I think Mario Kart World kind of landed with the shrug. I mean, if people like it, maybe, hey, maybe it has a huge online player base now. I don't know. I mean, I know they've done some things to update it.

But I feel like it just, it hasn't even made the impression of. that Mario Kart 8 did. You know what I mean? It's like that one had a lot more stickiness and was quite a bit more zeitgeisty. But in terms of Switch 2 games, I think there is Kirby Air Riders as something worth highlighting.

Now look, I remember Kirby Air Ride from the GameCube. This is the remastered, expanded version as a bunch of new content. And as a racing experience, someone who's not been hands on with this game, but from what I've read about it, It is delivering a sense of speed. It is delivering like the sort of like joyous chaotic sort of like manic feel to it that people were expecting with Mario Kart World.

So I mean, that could be one thing to point people towards a Switch 2 is like, and I would say larger than that. We already talked about Breath of the Wild, but I've heard secondhand from some friends that Tears of the Kingdom on Switch 2 is a much better experience. It really is just like a, oh, wow, okay. I can kind of appreciate this game. It doesn't feel like it's fighting this old hardware. It's pushing it to its absolute limits. And instead feels like, oh, there's a machine capable of, you know, of rendering this game in all its glory of giving us the, you know, appropriate view distance and what have you. So I was like, oh, that's an interesting one as well.

Because that's a game I bounced off of, even though I enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a big chunky one. I don't like that would. And there's the switch to. upgrade for it currently too. So that could be a reason to get in there.

I heard this too. I think the Switch 2 is the first Nintendo console with boobs. Am I wrong about that? What do you mean? I think there's games with boobs in them that are on Switch 2 and I don't think that's happened on Nintendo before. Maybe it happened on Switch 1. Oh, because that's the reason.

So, Superpunk? Yeah, because it's like if you want to see some titties or a hog in that case in Cyberpunk, If you want to see nudity on Nintendo console, then Switch 2 is maybe that's the upgrade path that that's a reason for you. If that's like what you want, you could do it.

You could do it. According to Nintendofandom.com, the top selling Nintendo Switch 2 games are Mario Kart World with $9.5 million. And that's just the attached rate of the console because it was bundled. And then Bonanzas is way below it at $3.4 million. And those are one and two.

That's crazy. That's nuts. Yeah, that's not good. No. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, do think they could do a couple things. I mean, this is just a no-brainer, of course, this will happen. We need a new 3D Mario yesterday.

Yes. We need it's, we just need this. Yeah. And it's great that we had Bonanza. Odyssey, sure, like, was enough to tie us over for a little bit, but I think we got to just, we just need a new one post haste. Jesus. Listen to those numbers compared to these numbers for the switch one Mario card eight

69 million Yeah well I mean animal crossing new horizons 48 million yeah that's like almost nine years of data though right like sure yeah sure But it's also I mean animal crossing new horizons didn't come out no nine years ago no like it like it like breath of the wild only sells 30 million with it with a 10 year cycle yeah But like these are these those are not Those are rookie numbers. Yes. Okay, I was wrong.

I found a Reddit thread from two years ago. A list of games that feature nudity at some point on the switch. And you post your original poster? 20 ladies. A lot of these are like indie H games that I've never heard of. 20 ladies, this game is a platform that displays 2D Topless Girls on Completion of levels. Okay. I do.

I see. I see. I see. Broccoli block knockers. It's a puzzle game that unlocks images of girls with less closing items. Okay. This is a fun one on here. Mario Odyssey.

A swimsuit can be purchased and this leaves Mario Topless. Stretching the definition a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Which or Three was a mainstream game that had nudity that was on the Switch. Of course, CD Project Red also. They're fucking, these guys are horny three. They're horny as fuck. I have seen in the e-shop a lot recently.

A lot of, like, hentai games, a lot of sort of AI generated, like, slop, like brain rot, sort of like games in the e-shop. And I think, I think that stuff's got to fucking go. Well, that, this is a big, this is a big issue with, with the Steam store that is like, the Steam store that was well curated. Yeah. And so, like, even though there's so much fucking garbage on there, you kind of have to be digging for it. And I feel like the e-shop, it's just like a little bit more front and center. Yes. It's like in the recommended.

Right, right. Yeah. So I mean like, yeah, I mean, this is, the whole thing is like so much of like what's what fixing the switch to is would be is addressing core issues with Nintendo itself. Like their approach to online is so frustrating. They're weird sort of bespoke, you know, gum together architecture. Like the friend codes are so cum. Umbersome.

Yes. Uh, the, uh, the lack of achievements is like a bit, like there's a lot of gamers who just are expecting achievements. You get, you get fucking achievements on, on your iOS now.

I mean, it's just like, it's like all, it's everywhere except for Nintendo. And their determination to be the exception, um, is part of why I think people get frustrated with them. I think the lack of a Zelda,

the lack of a Mario. I mean, the, the, the full, the full, opacity, like, the fact that Nintendo has been so opaque about when those games may come out even to the system without any like hint of, you know, Wahoo coming in 2027, like anything is, is killing the Switch 2.

It feels GameCube adjacent to me. When the GameCube, when N64 comes out, you've got Mario 64 on day one. and people are like that sells the system. And then a couple of years after that, or maybe a year and a half after that, you've got Zelda, right? Like, the fact that there's no Mario that drops with the GameCube is what sinks the initial sales of the GameCube. And even though you get Smash Bros on the GameCube, and it does have like a true Resident Evil 4,

also GameCube originally an exclusive. Yeah. Like, you do have like a momentum that builds over time, but the GameCube feels more like a Sega console than a Nintendo console and I think Switch 2 is having the same fucking problem Yeah they tried to launch the GameCube

with Luigi's cuck ass Luigi's mansion thinking he was gonna carry the weight You can't do it You can't do it There's no Mario game There's no Mario game Like Mario World Mario Kart World is not Mario

It's a cart game Right That is no that is true It's catastrophic Yeah it's really It is such a bummer I do think I have a couple radical pitches

Let's go And like there may be look Some of them might be Craven I don't know. Some of them might be dark-sided, but maybe necessary. Okay. And, you know,

I don't know if I have the strength to do what I have to do here, okay, but I'm going to do it. Okay. Xbox has GamePass. Yeah. Right.

PlayStation has PlayStation Plus. Yeah. Nintendo has Nintendo Switch Online, which basically it doesn't have, if you don't have it. Right. And that's just like the library of, you know,

retro console. Right. Right. From the Nintendo Entertainment System all the way to the GameCube. currently. Yeah. And that stuff's cool.

And it's at, I feel like, a decent price for what you're getting. But I want more. Okay. I want more. I want a library of Switch games that you could play to have, you know, with the subscription. Yes. They just need to do this.

And it could be first party games. It doesn't even have to be, it could be a rotating library. It just has to be something. Yep. This is, again, something that is so contrast. to Nintendo's like, you know, core ethos. They just don't approach things this way. They want to sell you the same thing over and over and over again.

But you are right. There is now an expectation that you could have some sort of subscription service that will guarantee you some new or at least semi-current releases that you can play free of charge even for a limited time. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, and just, again, there's stubbornness to do that because they would never do it. No. Their games don't go on sale.

No. But like if you if you could just get like a like oh there's a switch fire emblem on here on Nintendo Switch online sure I'll give this a go. Why the fuck not? I'll try this right and then you know oh you have like in next month it's going to be a whole roster of games. So you have to sort of like be judicious with the games that you're picking from this library or whatever like it could be it could be a shitty Nintendo version of something that's already good. Yeah. Like they could find some way to fuck it up but give it give me the option. You know what I'm saying? I want that and look I know that they've already they've gone into the weird. peripheral area. We're already getting the virtual boy. Why are we getting... Look, I am the happiest person in North America about the release of the virtual boy for the Switch 2. Yeah, I'm the second happiest.

Why the fuck are we... Why are they doing that? End of list. That is an insane priority to have over all hands on deck. We've got to get a fucking Mario on in this console. Yes. Well, so they're not afraid to do something weird. Yep. Right? Yep. I think you're going to say the thing that I was going to say.

Because now people have adopted. Yeah. People have adopted the shape of the Nintendo switch. Yep. The steam deck, the Rog Allies, these other PC handheld. Oh, I think we're going to say the same thing. But there's a bit of nostalgia happening for an earlier time, not too not too far back in the distant path. I know where you're going on this and I'm on the same page. People like to shut devices They do They like devices with hinges

That's clamshell I want a second screen attachment for the Nintendo Switch 2 If you Flip the console over That USBC That's down at the bottom Yeah

Is now at the top of the switch That's right Not blocking the button You could snap a hinged Like if it has like a grip A hinged second screen on there That could then fold into the system

and you can play DS or 3DS games on the Nintendo Switch 2. I'm all in for some stupid bullshit like that. That's the kind of thing. John Tafer's going to be giving that a thumbs up. He'd be like, shut that on. But that's not going to save the system.

No, but that's what I was going to say. That's a sort of thing, though, that's a niche. That would be a niche product. And it would also like, fracture the market. But going back to what you were just saying, Heather, and also returning to the GameCube, I totally get the urgency of like, yeah, we should have one of our flagship games. We should have a Mario or Zelda on Switch to. Like, obviously, that should have already happened or should have already, at minimum, been announced. We had Switch year one. We had

Breath of the Wild and Mario Odyssey. It's like kind of crazy what an abundance of riches it was in the early release window there. It was like Jim Carrey's 1994. Oh, my God. Just the greatest blessing we've ever received. It felt like Ace Ventura and the mask came out in different years. But no, it's the same year. Ace Ventura, the mask, dumb and dumber all in the same year. Incredible. How does he do it?

I don't know, but I wish he would bless us with a little bit more every son-off. But you know what? He's giving us enough. Yeah, he's doing Sonic movies. Three incredible performances in the Sonic movies. Anyway, but going back to the GameCube, the one time Nintendo really dropped the ball on a mainline Mario was Super Mario Sunshine. A game I have some affection for a game I finally finished when we returned to it to do it on the podcast.

But a game that is flawed and certainly has a very messy end game as a result of just being kind of like rushed out the door. And so I feel like Nintendo has learned a hard lesson from that and is very, very protective of Mario. And it's just going to take their sweet-ass time until they feel like that Mario. is as AAA as it needs to be. But I think like if they panicked and we're like, well, shit, we got to get this Mario out a year earlier, six months earlier than we planned. We got to hit this in a holiday 2026 because we're freaking out. Just feels like that would backfire. But how, okay, how could it be that the last 3D Mario game was almost a decade ago?

They've had 10 years to develop this fucking 3D Mario game. the only other Mario game proper that releases on the switch is Mario Wonder I think part of the issue is availability Mario has been shooting movies He's been busy and you know Once he becomes hard to book him He's got he has to decide

You know which one he's gonna be Is he gonna be in video games Or it can be an actor? Because he has his foot It's sort of in both worlds right now I swear to God They're gonna they're gonna They're gonna fucking give a trailer

For the next Mario 3D game And it's gonna be voiced by Chris Pratt And we are all gonna be so full fucking angry. I love God. You're like, whoa, what the hell? No accent. I love God.

And white, Jesus Christ. We can't sit here and think. Press pause and you just kind of put down the controller and you're just like, oh, man. Pause, credits roll. all the game's over. We can't sit here though and act like they're probably almost done making

whatever the next Mario game is. We just don't know about it. I would have to assume that they're working on it. Well, yeah, you'd assume that, but you would also assume then that we would have a trailer or some hint. There's not, as far as I can tell in like gaming press, Reddit, et cetera,

there's no like, oh, the next Mario game is going to be a four-player simultaneous. Some leak somewhere. Yeah, and the Bonanza team was the Odyssey team. Yeah. So it's like, then who's doing it if they're not doing it? Bonanza was a semi-stealth release. I mean, they did just sort of like announce that very close to when it came out.

And it was like, oh, shit. So they might be like, hey, that paid off. Why don't we take that Replicated Pro Chia? Three million copies is not paid off. I don't know. I mean, I also could just say that... There will be a long tail to Bonanza, I think. I think there'll be more DLC at some point, too.

I don't have to imagine. I think If games doesn't have enough stuff in it I think I think Mario will might get some sort of announcement and some sort of tease because we get the upcoming movie

I mean it was like a natural time to do it right? Super Mario Galaxy 3 would it be that it wouldn't be that it would have to be something completely new that would be I'd be totally fine with it being Galaxy 3rd a new galaxy would be kind of rad

yeah because they've put galaxy galaxy one and two on the switch and it fucking rules yeah are those Switch too exclusives? Those are, no, they, it's just for both. You can do it for both. God, those games fucking, they're so good.

We gotta stop this both stuff. I'm sick of this both. Yeah, we don't need the both. Yeah. I don't need both. But also, if you're gonna re-release a game, why not both? I'm like, because that's not a, that's not a system seller. You're not, nobody's buying the Switch too to play Mario Galaxy from 15, fucking 20 years ago.

No, no, it's true. And this is not, I don't know if this is gonna, this wouldn't save the switch, but it's kind of more something I want. I think it could help. There's got to be a ball. Just get three port for the switch to. And I know that I saw this last week, Larian was like, Wizard of the Coast not have. We have a bad relationship.

It's never happening. Yeah. And I'm just sort of like, just do it. Just do somebody do something. What are we doing? Fix it. Fix your beef. They are getting,

we are getting a from Soft exclusive to the Dusk Bloods. Yeah. Now, I wonder how that's going to be. It's a multiplayer game, which is I'm kind of like, it's not really what I'm looking for. But, you know, maybe. All their games are that right now?

I know. Like, what are they doing? Maybe, maybe that, maybe that'll be awesome, though. Maybe that'll be a reason to play it, to have a switch to. I also feel like it's not going to be switched to exclusive for long.

No. If it's very, you know, successful. And there just needs to be like, because I feel like, even though Hades is multi-platform and, you know, but I feel like that game was sort of,

defined as a Switch game. I associate it very strong with a Switch. Right. I certainly played it on Switch. Hollow Knight, I feel like similarly occupies that, like Celeste, too, in some way. Well, okay, so what you were speaking to is that part of,

a big part of the Switch's appeal is that it was kind of like Xbox Live Arcade. I mean, it's just like, it was bringing indie games to a much larger audience than, you know, previously been exposed to them. So games like Hollow Night and Stardue Valley and, you know, um, uh,

the aforementioned Hades, like all these console-only players, all these Switch exclusive gamers were all of a sudden like, oh, I'll mess around with this game. Oh, this game is good. You know, it was finding its way to a casual audience that would, you know,

normally those games were, are things that would, you know, like primarily be on Steam. Yeah. Which has its own different player base. So yeah, that's part of what was, what was interesting about the Switch. The Switch dude just hasn't had the same effect

because you can just play them on Switch. I have a thumbnail for the episode that if we were on YouTube would be the take, which is that I think Nintendo has three months to save the system. And if they... Matt made a face.

Matt made a YouTube face. And if they can't, if they cannot do it in three months, I think the Switch 2 will be a flop. I think that we'll forever be on the defensive, trying to catch up. I think that that, that if it

if in three months they haven't changed people's mind about the system and in six months Sony announces whatever their portable is then they're fucked because like I mean Nintendo's locked You got three months

so I'm burning this place now Nintendo is locked into this design right? They can't go back to a home like just a box they can't go back to it. They can't. It has to be portable

and it has to be the home console also. So it needs to be a thing you can look at Yes It can't just be a box You have to be able to look at it You can't be sitting from far away And looking at it

You have to hold it and look at it You have to hold it and look at it You're making fun of me a piece of shit No I'm just saying like if I I agree with you I'm just saying But you got to look at it I play switch so infrequently In like docked mode

That when I do it I'm shocked at how good it looks on the television It looks great at the TV Because I'm like oh right Switch it's not a Switch one The graphics is pretty good It's pretty good fancy screen. It's nice.

They got to fix it in three months. They got to fix it in three months or they're shutting it down. I do think they fucked up in a couple aesthetic ways also, right? Like, I do think it's a sleek-looking piece of hardware. Yeah. It's nice. It's looking good. Man, this thing's looking fucking good.

Man, Switch 2? It's looking fucking good. Oh, good. Oh, isn't that Switch 2? Fuck your game. I don't know what's happening. It's looking good as hell. They just announced some new colorways for joycons.

And when I hear this before seeing it, I'm thinking bright colors are back. We're going to see some, you know, red and blue, like solid colored joycons. Right. When I click on this goddamn link and not link from Zelda. You got Ryan with that one. Finally. only took an hour and 30 minutes. I've been laughing. I've been laughing behind the camera.

God. I love God. It was really funny. The new Mario's really good, but I can't believe they replaced Mama Mia with I love God. I love God. Look, there's still the regular joycons, but the accents around the joysticks. Yeah. Are just different colors. And I just think that's completely wrong.

They lost the plot. Yeah. I mean, the Switch Lodg. with the, you know, we had the red and blue one. It was as an option, the two joycons. That was part of the fun. And then though, if you were, you know, you didn't want that, you got the gray ones. And the gray ones are nothing.

Those are nice. But, I mean, this one's available. It's just one color way at launch. And also, yeah, there may be something that it's like, it just looks too much like a switch one. Yeah. It doesn't really distinguish itself. Guys, I'm looking at the release date, the release calendar for the upcoming games for 2026.

And I think the Switch 2 is a flop. Well, we don't know. No, I think it is. I think it is. I think it is. I have three months. Yeah. No, looking at these games, you've got, you've got no, no outstanding original titles in January 2026.

In February, you have Dragon Quest reimagined, which is a remake of an existing game. But still, maybe enough of a shiny, of a shiny toy to keep people invested in February. That'll also be on everything. Right. In March 2026, you get Pokemon Pocopia. Yeah, no, that's going to, here's a thing. I have a good feeling about this one. Yeah.

This one's going to be big. But that's March 2026 and you've got one game. That sounds like it's a three-month window. Okay. No, it's not going to save the system on a dome. Folks, we're back. The Nintendo Switch is so bad. In April, you have no original first-party titles.

In May, you have no original first-party titles. Like, in quarter two, 2020, you get Super Mario Brothers Wonder Nintendo Switch 2 edition. It's a fucking, there's nothing happening on this, on this system for half, like you're going to have it for a year

and you're going to compare that year to the Breath of the Wild Odyssey year. It's a flop. Well, here's the thing. They did it again. They fucking hit the high and then they flop their second console. There is, I think,

in Nintendo Switch Direct in February. This is going to be they have to show up for this. That's within the three-month window. They have to then be like, hey, here's the stuff that you know is coming and also some new surprises. That is their shot.

They have to call their shot in February or they're cooked. Yeah. And it's scary to think about. Because there's nothing. I will say. Are you looking at the release list too? I'm looking at Bar Rescue updates.

God damn it. The the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, The Crossroads Grill. Oh, he is. The Crossroads Grill in Antioch, Tennessee was renamed Gattie Shack by Taffer. The bar was closed before their Bar Rescue episode even aired. And it's not funny because a small business failed.

It's funny because this guy fucking. sucks. His whole thing is that he's supposed to be good at this. You know who could fix these places, unfortunately? Guy Fieri could turn these places around no problem. Yeah, for sure. They'd be bad, but they would be in business.

Nick taught me today about the Bobby Flee coming in and like doing somebody else's job. Oh, beat Bobby Flee. Me a show on television. And being better than other people. Sounds like he could fix it too. He can kind of do anything. Beyond the producer,

Desk, do we know, have we heard of Beat Bobby Flay? Do we know who Bobby Flay is? I know who Bobby Flay is. He had a show called Beat Bobby Flay and it would basically be like, like, what it would be is they'd act like they were doing a fake special on a chef and like a, you know, like just a regular person and non-celebrity chef. So it'd be like, this guy makes the best cheesecake in New Jersey. And so he thinks he's getting a food network special about him.

And so he's going there, he's showing off his cheesecake. He's trying to make his cheese, like, you know, his recipe. Then Bobby Flay barges in, and he's like, I'm challenging you. I'm going to make a better cheesecake than you. And then he fucking, and then the person's always upset. And then a lot of times Bobby Flay wins, and it's just like, this sucks. I keep the shit out of this guy who's not rich like me. Fuck.

I challenge Bobby Flay to a fight. This fight. He beats this year out you. Yeah, I do. I do, yeah, it's, it's looking dire. I do think, I think, I think, what? Nick, what? This is from, sorry, this is the bar rescue subreddit three years ago.

Right now, 47% of all the bars are still open. So low. Once than half. It's like 20 seasons. Yeah. A lower approval rating than the president. God damn. Fuck.

Look, I want nothing more than the Switch 2 to be a success. Me too. Because I need the next thing to also be good, right? But maybe if this one's not as good, they'll lock in and whatever Switch 3 Switch Pro is would be... But that wouldn't even be... Like, what they do over and over again...

I hope they're listening to it by them. Is they make a thing and then they try and do it again and they fuck it up? Like, Wii to Wii is, hey, wow, we really, this is incredible. When they hit on something, yes. And the Wii is an enormous, enormous correction from the mistakes of the GameCube, which was, in a lot of ways, the same as an N64. But also the GameCube was meant as a something of a reaction to the N64's absence of a cartridge, or like insistence on a cartridge format,

which was more Nintendo suburbiness. I think that, you know, 3DS was not as popular as the Nintendo DS. Like they do this over and over again where they do the same thing twice and they fuck it up on the second round. So maybe the next console is going to be like fucking VR glasses or it's like, have you played the Nintendo gloves?

Like it'll be something that we've never, we can't even imagine. Well, they've done the glove before. is that a first party? It was a Mattel Power Glover. So they haven't done it. I'm surprised Ryan knows the Power Glove. It's so bad.

Anyway. I love the Power Glove. They've got to do. I think the system is going to crash out this year. And I think that we might end up seeing a rushed release of the next Nintendo console as a result, too. Because when they fuck up, they abandon. Yeah. Like virtual boy abandoned.

Wii U abandoned. I just think that like they have such a dense, I mean, not currently. They have a, you know, a dense library of IP that they could dig into that they're not really digging into. No. This Metroid game, not very good people are saying, you know, people want Star Fox and they haven't really cracked what to do with Star Fox in a long time, right? Like there's things that they're just like leaving behind. But playing the Dragon Quest 7 reimagined demo, even just in that brief, you know, little section,

sort of had me thinking about what Pokemon could be. And I've been saying this for a long time in regards to Dragon Quest specifically. Yeah. Because Dragon Quest 11, I think really works well within the limitations of, oh, just what they're given. Like, you know, it was multi-platform, but it was everything.

but it looked pretty good and run pretty well on Switch. And I'm just thinking that if they just really locked in, I think Pokemon is the thing that could save the system if Pokemon decided to become good again. Sure. Or if, because that's the other thing that's happening this year. It's Pokemon's 30th anniversary this year. Nothing has been announced other than Pocopia.

Pocopia, but Pokemon has their own separate directs. And they're going to have one on Pokemon Day this year. year, I think also in February, where there are going to be announcements for the coming year and the celebration of Pokemon 30. If they announce that all the original Pokemon games are coming to Switch in some way, either via Nintendo Switch online or individual purchasable ports, that could be pretty big. That could be good. That could be, I don't know if it's going to save it, but it could be something. Pokemon Company is making infinite money from the card game pocket. Yes.

Which I'm still playing every fucking day. Yes. And it made more money in the same window of time than Pokemon Go did, which was an enormous release for the Pokemon company. So they know how to make money. Not a Pokemon pocket card game to the pole. Hillary just lost again. That she's going to prison for life. The locker up, I say.

If you don't know how to use a phone. Don't use a phone. What? Wasn't that the excuse? She was like, I don't know. Everyone's like, oh, her emails, what her emails? And she was like, I just don't know how my phone works. That was like part of it.

I'm old. I don't know how my phone fucking works. Here's like what you were just saying about, they're making so much money off a Pokemon Pocket. As like, is this sort of a thing where Nintendo is like just switch to is just maybe not as big of a priority for them? As what? I don't know.

Because it's just like they, I'm just like, I'm just, trying to think where else they could be they could be pulling in revenue i mean certainly they've got the is pomec company nintendo yes it's like fully nintendo yeah game freak is elsewhere but pomem company is just nintendo but but it's like the thing of like how e a if you look at their revenue like they're making almost all of it from um you know whatever fifa global team or whatever it's called like it's just like like like this this pay-to-win uh sports game that has a global appeal is such a huge part of their business that they really just, the rest doesn't even fucking matter to them, you know?

So I wonder if it's a thing like that. But there's still such a hardware-driven company that's hard for me to wrap my head around that. But I do think that maybe there is a way where Nintendo could start to view it. And this is because these things keep coming out on both platforms as the Switch 2 is like the PlayStation 5 Pro. You know what I mean? Like the games come to the Switch.

That's the platform. And then if you want to upgraded version, a souped up versions, going to be on the Switch too, but we're still maybe selling Switch hardware. I was looking for sales numbers for 2025 for Nintendo Switch and failed to do so. But I'm curious how much... Yeah, you're looking at they didn't have that on the Bar Rescue website. I wonder how many... I wonder how many units of Switch is still being sold.

Yeah, it's probably quite a few because I mean, I feel like I see on the shelves switch lights even, and people are buying those. Right. You know, still. Pokemon is still the highest, the highest grossing media franchise of all time on planet Earth with, with $115 billion compared to, say, Star Wars, which only has $46 billion. Underneath, Pokemon is Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh. It's $61 billion and $50 billion. All of this being pulled from Wikipedia.

So who knows when it was most recently updated. but you can't have the Pokemon IP continue to make money if you don't have the games. They got to have the games. I don't know what keeps fuel. If you can't keep putting Tinder into that fire, it eventually burns itself out. Yeah.

Right? We're going to start swiping left. Let's do a segment. Wow. I do have a segment. I swear to God, if it's just going to be bar rescue jokes. I wish. I wish I had that much foresight.

It's time for game over time. I'm going to ask Nick and Heather how long it takes to beat a game without going over. This is, of course, main story only. All of these are sourced from How Longto Beat.com. Nick, just read it. Just read the fucking... He's not even doing this show. He's just basically on his phone over there, like fucking reading about some other thing.

He might as well be on Vine watching Vines. So this bar is still open, but this bar is still open. but just the details are funny. Park 77 was renamed the Lister in San Francisco. Still open with mostly negative reviews about bad service. Links to the porno shot in the bar in the detail of it. Was that pre or post-taffered? I don't know.

I guess I'll click the link. God damn it. You know the one about that's the one where they changed the pirate bar into corporate, right? Yes, yeah. I know that. It's just an all-time fuck up. Which might I interject since I did talk about Chicago earlier? Yeah.

Hadn't been to Chicago in 20 years. Come to discover that rock and roll McDonald's, which is downtown tourist spot. Yeah. Known for being like a body sort of like, you know, abrasively colorful McDonald's has been replaced by a gray cube. I sent you guys pictures. a gray fucking cube that from the outside looks indistinguishable from a bank

like literally a bank and maybe I know this is old news for people in Chicago but to go there and get sledgehammered in my emotional kneecaps by watching by coming around a corner and seeing

and being like first I said to Mary literally oh man there used to be like a really fun McDonald's there it was like a I think it was called rock and roll McDonald's And as we continue to approach the building, noticing dwarfed by the solid gray windowless facade was the McDonald's drive-thru. And I was like, oh my God, that's still McDonald's. Fucking place sucks. Yeah, what a bummer.

Rock and roll McDonald's, RAP Wesley Willis. Zero forks. Zero forks. All right. Angelo, who's a manager at the Lister and one of the owner's sons can be seen in the porno. What on earth? He can be seen like he's in the background?

Here's another four-minute video, an SFW of the porno. In this one, you can see Angela behind the bar in a black and white checkers shirt. That's insane. Here's another one, another two-minute video with Angelo reaching out to touch the porn star in about the one-minute mark. I don't know about that. Yeah. Uh, touch.

Yeah, the word touch is really unsettling there for some reason. Yeah, yeah, something about it, not right. Yikes. I'm closing this tab. I'm sorry. He's closing like a hundred tabs. So yeah, this is game overtime. We all are familiar with how this works.

I'm going to stay a game. And all the games that I have in front of me right here are nominees of last year's game of the year. Oh, okay. So how long does it take to beat the main story only? This is the shortest of the three thresholds that are available on how long to beat.com. That's right. Death stranding two. How long does it take to beat?

Death stranding two. Main story only. Main story only. And I have not finished this game. You have. We finished it. But the playtimes are skewed because I'm sure we didn't blast straight through it. No, you weren't just mainlining it.

And what we know from how long to beat is that these usually tend to be fast. than the people who self-select to report their finishing times tend to be a little bit faster 18 hours Heather says 18 hours I was gonna go a little higher and say 25 hours Nick's gonna take this one 35 hours for the minister not nothing that's not nothing that's pretty meaty campaign that's pretty big I think I finished somewhere around like 80 or 90 hours something fucking forever to finish that game quite a lot okay so Nick's on the board with one point next game Donkey Kong Bonanza

How long does it take to beat Donkey Kong Bonanza Also a chunky game There's a chunky game Although chunky Kong is not present Not present in it I will say 11 hours

Nick says 11 hours 31 hours That's just 301 hours I'm gonna have to give this one again to Nick 18 and a half hours God damn it I think for me it was something like 30 It was a long game

Yeah it's pretty substantial Too big Yeah For Donkey Kong that's too much. Overseas it's welcome, perhaps. The food area? What the fuck?

I should love that. You want that to be a home run. I should love the food area. Sucks. I get lost there. It's a scary area, actually. Next one. Claire of Skiar Expedition 33.

A game we all finished and loved on this show. We talked about it nonstop on the show. Couldn't stop talking about it. How long does it take to beat Claire Obscure Expedition 33? Again, we're talking main story only. Main story only. I'll say 28 hours.

I think it's just 28 hours. 33 hours. Wow. That's a fun answer, Heather. Unfortunately, Nick is correct. God damn it. Except it's 29 hours. You were within one hour.

All right. Glad I didn't overshoot it. Didn't overshoot it. Do we get a bonus point if you get the exact number of hours. Sure. That should be a rule. That's fun.

Yeah, why not? I didn't fart. That was me. Me. I don't know if I picked up the microphone. I just like, that was me. Continues to fart while looking us dead in his face. He's holding his legs straight up in the air, just fucking blast him.

No, I rub my hand against the armrest, and no, I can't do it again. The only way I could describe it is he's gone full warrior. I'm a wide girl. I'm a gonna win. It's funny that his thing is farting But if that was a guy we all knew We'd be like we fucking hate this guy He eats garlic, he farts

You'd vote for Vote him in a president This guy's awesome He shits his pants Hades 2 How long does it take to beat Hades 2 And that's interesting because

What does beat mean for this game Right? You could I think probably roll credits In the same way First one That's what I assume It's saying

not finishing one run, but how long to roll credits on it. It is a little bit more substantial than Hades 1. Especially because of that thing we bleeped. Especially the thing we bleeped. I'm going to say 19 hours. Nick says 19 hours. What do you say?

15. I feel bad. Because Nick has to get this one too. It is 30 hours. Jesus Christ. Yeah, almost. one in the 20s on this one. For some reason, I was just like,

I bet it's low 20s, but 30. You don't have to feel bad because Nick knows the times to take to beat video games. It's okay. I mean... The times it takes. Sometimes we do a segment and you run away with it. Yeah, I'm shut out on this one. I don't know shit. I'm stupid bitch.

Well, I wasn't going to say. There's still, I feel, like, a chance to get on the board, right? There's no chance to get on the board. Simply no way you could win, but you could get on the board. All right. Next one. Hollow Night Silk Song.

Hollow Night Silk Song. I always think the beat, Hollow Night Silk Song. 18 hours. I was going to give you... I don't care. I don't want to hear it. Let me just say what I'm about to say. Yeah, go for it.

If you keep talking, I'm going to make it worse. I've not finished the game. One hour. I've not finished the game. 30 minutes. I have 54 hours in the clip. I'm going to still say 18 hours because that was my original.

educated guess. Yes, 18 hours. 31 hours. Nick takes it again. Well, here's the thing. Are we doing prices right? I think we have to. That's what we've generally done, right? Yeah. Which is, for those of you that don't know, closest without going. Without going over, yeah. I think it's fun. Heather gets a point. I got a point. 28 hours? Wow. Yeah. But I shot it. I don't see how. I don't see. I think I was like in area a one 28 hours in still. Again, I think a lot of these self-reporters are almost like amateur speed renders.

And they're like really chug through a game. It's like really good at games. Yeah. And finally, Kingdom Come Deliverance 2. How long does it take to be? Kingdom Come Deliverance 2. I feel like this is going to be the longest of these. But it still might be shorter than we expect.

I will say 38 hours. 35. Well, Nick is our winner. Wow. The answer. 54 and a half hours. That thing's huge. It's a big boy.

And boy, over the holiday break, when it was on sale for like half off, I was really tempted, but I was like, I just can't do it. I had the same, I was like, this fucking thing is on sale. It's just going to ruin my life. I know. I was like, $2,99. I'm sure I would love it. Nick, you would love it.

I know I would love it. That's why I can't touch it. Yeah, can't do it. Why? Why would you deny yourself that? Is that like a belt around the neck kind of thing? That's the same principle. No, I feel like I'm just going to get too addicted to it.

Maybe I wouldn't have a little bit more time. There you go. Yeah, I'll settle into it. Hey, that's this week's played. Our producer, Michelle Chen, Ranch Yard underscore, underscore Sard. Ranch is you streaming anything? Guess what I'm streaming. Oh.

Is it Silk Song? No. It's silent and left. It's still silent and left. I love it. I like being given the opportunity. to guess. That's really fun. That was one. It's pretty nice.

And thanks to Ryan for stopping by, our headgum intern. That's right. Our music is of Ben Prunty, Ben Prunty, music.com. Our artist by Duck Brigade, design, duck brigade.com. Get played merchant, kinshipgoods.com. And over on our Patreon, we have Get Played DLC, a bonus episode every Wednesday. Matt, what's up this week?

This week, I think last week I said we were doing a super question block turbo deluxe edition, but we ended up putting out Avatar Fire and Ash. This week, I can promise you. What if I was just like kept pushing it? Yeah.

It just like never actually released it in time. This week for sure will be super question block Turbo Deluxe edition. And we answer all your questions about RPGs. And it's a great time. We had a blast answering these questions. But we simply had to create room in the calendar for Varong. I mean, look, when Varan comes a knock in, we got to do some talking. We have wrong waits for no man.

No. Your question block has no dominion here. Patreon.com. slash get played. And switch two, you got played. You're welcome. Yeah. Probably missed the touch of a fucking hand, you fucking creep.

What? Nobody's touched you in a long time, huh? What are you talking about? You lonely bitch, you switch as, you switch to. What? I love you, I'm sorry. That was a headgum podcast. Hi, I'm Drew Offiallo.

And I'm Dason Offiwalo. And we host the HeadGum podcast. podcast, Two Idiot Girls. Each episode, we're discussing plenty of topics that you would be giggling at at a sleepover with your weird cousins. We talk about all kinds of things like weird dating horror stories, maybe a really bad wedgy you had once, or even a show you're loving and anything in between. So you can listen to Two Idiot Girls on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes will be posted every Tuesday.