Get Played - Tiers of the Kingdom: Video Game Film Adaptations

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

Heather, Nick & Matt discuss and rank their video game movie adaptations! Check out our brand new merch at kinshipgoods.com/getplayed. Follow us on social media @getplayedpod. Music by Ben Prunty benpruntymusic.com. Art by Duck Brigade duckbrigade.com. For ad-free main feed episodes, our complete back catalogue including How Did This Get Played? and our Premium DLC episodes and our exclusive show Get Anime'd where we're currently watching Dandadan go to patreon.com/getplayed. Join us on our Discord server here: https://discord.gg/getplayed Wanna leave us a voicemail? Call 616-2-PLAYED (616-275-2933) or write us an email at [e-mail] Advertise on Get Played via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Guys! Awesome! Bodacious! Don't have a cow! I'm here in early 1991 and I am so excited. I don't know why I just said the year. We all know the year.

It's because we're all excited about this decade of economic prosperity that will last forever. It's going to be an incredible decade for the world, a decade for America, definitely a good decade for Japan. And I just want you to know, we have gotten the rights here in Los Angeles, here in Hollywood, California. Hollywood, where dreams are made, baby. We've gotten the rights to Donkey Kong,

the iconic Nintendo property. We're gonna make a two hour feature film here at Universal. I have a pitch. I have a pitch for casting. Let's go. I don't want you guys to think I'm joking. I think I got a banger for us. All right, let's hear it.

John Goodman. John Goodman in The Year of Our Lord, 1991. OK. OK. Or Donkey Kong. He's going to be Donkey Kong. No, he's just going to be like a man, like a man named Donkey Kong.

Right, yeah. We take the ape completely out of it, because that will confuse audiences. We make it into a man. People won't really believe an ape could lead a movie. And I know what you're thinking. I know what you think. Don't even say it. The Planet't really believe an ape could lead a movie. And I know what you're thinking. I know what you think.

Don't even say it. The Planet of the Apes movies, that's different. Well, let alone King Kong, which is the spiritual inspiration. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, King Kong also, it's just different. Forget about it. It's its own thing. Yeah, that was the past.

Okay, okay. The 90s, baby. Maybe my enthusiasm was a little bit too hype. Maybe I infected the room with my energy. It feels like we've taken a big leap here and we didn't necessarily have to. I'll put it on the board. I'll put John Goodman is a man named Donkey Kong.

Say his name probably shouldn't be Donkey Kong. It should probably be something like Don, like. Don Kingsley. Don Kingsley. John Goodman is Don Kingsley. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Because now we're not even acknowledging what the original is, so we won't confuse audiences.

Okay, okay. Again, I wanna, maybe we should just take a refresher on the things we do know from Donkey Kong before we break it into a film. Are you guys familiar? I got one, actually, son Ronnie and named him after Reagan Was a is it was really addicted to that cabinet? Oh, he was pumping quarters into that thing and so I watched him play it a whole bunch

Oh, so you're super familiar. Yeah, here we go. Here we go. Donkey Kong John Goodman as Don Kingsley likes to throw barrels Yes, that's not gonna look like anything I mean up on camera. Well, we're A man? I mean, up on camera. Well, we're gonna film it on a stage. We're gonna film it on a soundstage. That's what I was thinking of. Of course. I think instead of that,

he should be throwing baseballs. Maybe the movie is that he, Don Kingsley is a pitcher in the major leagues. Yeah, that's really, really good. I do have something, because my son also a big fan of the games, my son, OJ fan of the games my son, OJ Loves the games

1991 it is 1991 he loves the Donkey Kong games He's always talking about the other guy in the games the other guy jump man aka Mario. Yes, right Mario instead of being an adversary for Don Kingsley is His like best friend his like beer buddy. Yeah, he should be his best friend Yeah, and he should just his name. I mean his name could still be Mario. I think his name is Mars short for Mario Mars like he's like a nickname his name is Mars and he's played by Ted Danson of Cheers honestly for 1991 we got John Goodman in the cast and Ted Danson as the co-lead we're about to make a million dollars

this is gonna be crazy for us let me suggest someone else Steve Gutenberg's got to get in there oh, we're getting in there for sure. You know what I gotta be honest as much as I love John Goodman. I Think he's really good, but I think he's kind of getting over saturated. I think instead of Goodman. We could get someone else in there We could get Tom Selleck. Oh Wait, that's yes. Absolutely Tom Selleck as Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, that's, yes, absolutely. Tom Selleck as Don Kingsley. Yeah.

Throwing baseballs. Throwing baseballs into Major League. No, the concept's completely different. Get rid of the baseballs. Okay, yeah, you're right. These are three bachelors who live together and a baby gets dropped off at their doorstep and they gotta raise it.

So let me get this straight. You want the Donkey Kong movie to be about a baby that is dropped off at the house of three men? Uh-huh. Who live together? Yeah. And they have to raise the child? Yeah.

Alright, let's make it. We probe our in-fan service and frustrate die-hard fans as we make our video game movie adaptation tier list this week on Get Played, your one-stop show for good games, bad games, and every game in between. It's time to get played. I'm your host, Heather Ann Campbell, along with my fellow host, Nick Weiger. That's me, Nick Tiger Weiger, along with our third host, Matt Apodaca. Hello, host, Nick Weiger. That's me, Nick Tiger Weiger, along with our third host, Matt Apodaca. Hello, everyone.

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the premiere video game podcast, where this week, it's time to get crying, because we are talking tears. It's time to get crying, because we are talking tears. Get your hankies out. Have a box of tissues ready. Not for that, you sick fuck.

Yeah. That's against the law now, I think. You're at work. You're in your car. You're at the gym. Stop crying and start jerking off. We're going to be talking about video game movies this week. An interesting sort of subgenre We're gonna be talking about video game movies this week, an interesting sort of subgenre that was much blind,

that was completely like, everyone pretty much got it wrong for years, for decades. And then there was a point when they figured it out and they started to, in some cases, get pretty good. So we're gonna talk about all those. But before we do that, before we get into the meat of this week's episode, let's do a little update on what video games everyone is

currently spending time with. It's time for What Are You Playing? What are you playing? Hi, it's me, the Resident Evil Merchant. And I'm here to ask you guys what you playing, because that's my job. So, Mad Abadaka, what are you playing? Look, I'll tell you right now what I'm gonna play.

I just want to point out, I'm not trying to derail us. This is the fastest we've ever gone to this. We're really on it today. Yeah, we're really just kind of- Oh, I'm sorry, I'll slow it down. We're doing a speed run today. You don't gotta slow it down. Right, right, right, right.

It kind of feels good. It kind of feels like we're really good at it. We're just getting right to business. You guys ever been to a water park a water What a water water bird I used to go all the time as a kid I can't imagine going as an adult God with I was a doll water park is weird They should have like an adult only water park, but then it's like kind of horny They kind of do have that like a Vegas Day Club. I think it's functionally that I don't like it

I don't like it either lime in the pool. Yeah, well this is Yeah, well this is the thing. People are just pissing in there. I know they're doing that at actual water parks, but like there's something extra depraved about standing in waist-high water in a Vegas pool, drinking a pina colada, and knowing that the person you're conversing with is just urinating. I mean, they're probably pissing in there, but you know, also the old adage, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? They probably come in the water, too. I would not be shocked if that was happening.

Vegas is still there. Yeah, it's still there as an evil merchant. I agree with you. I don't know. You're coming at it from a... I thought it was closed. No, it's still there. It's still there.

But why, you asked that. Have you ever been to a water park? Did you have some agenda? I just learned about him this week. Oh So this is a new thing for you. I did you decide to go yourself. No, no, no I found out there's like Slides for adults and children. Yeah, they're a lot of fun But that's the thing about slides that slides are fun. Slides are fun. I

Look, I know it sounds like I'm joking. I legitimately love a fun slide. That's great, that's good, clean fun. I don't think you are joking, and I agree with you. It made me think, slides are already fun and you add water and they get crazy. So what else can you add water to? I think they should add water to the Indy 500.

That'd be interesting. Yeah, that'd be cool. I mean, it would certainly be a hazard. Make the track faster. Yeah, I mean, I would worry about some sort of auto wreck happening. It's very pretty dangerous. If so much water is being thrown in there

and you've effectively flooded the track, now you just got a boat race and that's a different thing. Yeah, no, no, no. It's like the same amount of water that you have in a waterpark on The track for a race track for driving. We're not really doing boat races though like in general I feel like that's not really like a you see it in like a Like an arcade cabinet sort of like video game, but I'm not aware of like a popular boat race

I think we should be doing it the speedboat race. I feel like it's kind of declined of like a popular boat race. I think we should be doing it. The speed boat race, I feel like, has kind of declined. We should bring it back. There's like the Tory, you know, the blue blood, you know, regattas, the rowing races, or the yacht races around the world. But yeah, the founder of Benihana, Rocky Aoki,

his second act was he got really into boat racing, like speed boat racing. A fascinating family. Yeah, really, very much so. An unbelievable family. His second act was he got really into boat racing like speedboat racing a Fascinating family Anyway, you asked me what I was playing. Yeah Rochelle you like a water park Have you guys ever been to Mar-a-Lago casino resort? Mar-a-Lago! I know ranch is a Mar-a-Lago freak, tell us about it.

Wait Mar-a-Lago, what? Not Mar-a-Lago. What if ranch is like, yeah I go to the Mar-a-Lago and I love it there, what else happens there? My boyfriend Mark and my roommate Nate have a joint birthday party there every year. Wow. And there's the Ligia River and a small slide. Oh nice.

It's amazing. Wow. Sounds like a good time. Matt, where are you playing? Okay, so I mentioned previously that, well first of all, I got Puzzle Quest running on my 2d sxl Wow you're on a you're in a match three kick after our discussion on our candy crush up Yeah, it was it was interesting to re-experience it because Having some distance from it from like like what gosh at this point almost 20 years distance from the

That I was crying that's upsetting. I don't know why I liked it. Because I was talking about the puzzle. I can't remember what the subtitle is, unfortunately. But it's a puzzle quest for the DS that was originally for PSP, and it's been ported a bunch. You can get it on Switch. I didn't know that.

I thought it was like some buried treasure, some diamond in the rough, and it's available on truly everything. That's like my experience of Luminies, where I was like, well, I guess I'll never play that again, and truth is, you can play it again. You can just play it on anything, but I think that is it, Nick. Puzzle Quest Challenge of the Warlords.

Yeah, Challenge of the Warlords, and it's an RPG match three game. So you can pick a clock like a starting class and In certain classes have advantages and disadvantages. It's crazy. Can I see a picture of this? Yeah, it's Pretty awesome. This is the PC version. I'm not sure you can see anything. I don't know why I liked it because it is so complicated And I would spend hours and hours just playing because I guess once you get into the match 3 stuff That's like all you need to know really but it is It's very complicated. There's a bunch of storytelling going on. There's like

Anime looking like fantasy characters. There's boss fight. Yeah, and it's Crazy, but that's not I've been sort of dipping my toe back into that my main thing that I'm playing is on my 2d SXL my new 2d SXL. I feel like you just specify Because it has the little nub. Yeah built onto it I've been playing Kingdom Hearts dream drop distance And I'm now further in it than I've ever been and I started it a couple of times on different pieces of hardware and I'm loving it. It is Inscrutable it is it is it is insane. There's like a Pokemon element to it as well, okay

And it's just it's just really fun. I'm really enjoying it the the little nub Have we talked about this little nub on the new 2DS and new 3DS Excel very much? You know, you talk about the nub and you have a ThinkPad, like an IBM ThinkPad on your lap here, and it's basically got the nub. It's got this, but the thing about this, this thing, I guess this is kind of nub, this is nub. Yeah, because I thought it moved a little bit

and it actually does not. So the little nub on is nub yeah, cuz I thought it moved a little bit and actually does not so the little nub on The and there's a name for it, and it's escaped. It's left my brain the nintendo It's like it's not a cease nub tendo. It's not a stick. It's the nub tendo. I think is what it is and that I thought when I because I had not experienced this before I And I thought when I, because I had not experienced this before, I thought when I touched the nub for the first time that mine was broken. Oh. Because it didn't move anything at all.

But it's just like a static rubber nub that doesn't move but it responds to touch. Yeah, it's pressure. It's pressure. And I was like, I'm going to hate this. Yep. But I'm here to tell you something, how I feel about the Nub actually. And it's that, I think I'm a Nub defender.

Wow. I think I like the Nub. The Nub is good. You're pro-Nub. I'm pro-Nub. Wouldn't you be furious though, if the Switch 2, they replaced the Joy-Cons with Nubs? Yeah, that'd be bad.

But for what this is, I mean, could they have just put another analog stick? Yeah, that'd be bad But for what this is like I I Mean could they have just put another analog stick because it does already have one that fits within the clamshell form factor Absolutely, they could have they could have done that easily handily. They could have done that. Yep Do I still like the nub? I yeah, I think the nub is funny. The nub is good I want to play Metal gear solid three snake eater 3d on with the nub. Let's see what the see what that nub is good. I want to play Metal Gear Solid 3 Snake Eater 3D with the nub. Let's see what that nub can do. Matt, have you ever played the PSP Kingdom Hearts game?

Birth by Sleep. I don't know what it's called. I played it, but I didn't play it on PSP, unfortunately. But you played it somewhere else? It was re-released? Yeah, in one of the HD packages. Gotcha. Gotcha. I played it on else it was re-released. Yeah in one of the HD I played it on PlayStation 4. I think HD Megamix 2.0 reloaded Nick you're making fun The names aren't that stupid

No, but we did um I did send a Screenshot to our group chat where we were talking where somebody on the Kingdom Hearts subreddit Which I am Subscribed to but I did I'd never comment and I never post and I never will I just like to see what people are saying I get it somebody's pointing out somebody pointed out that they use Roman numerals and regular numbers in their titles, and they were like wait. Why did they? Like Roman numeral one and then dot five Arabic number. I hadn't ever, it really occurred to me before.

It looks, now that I see it, it looks bad and dumb, but I think it's good, actually. I think it's good. They're so crazy with it over there. Yeah, I love it. I'm so excited about the next Kingdom Hearts game because I have this headcanon that Tetsu Nomura is constantly trying to make his version

of Final Fantasy 13 Verses, which became Final Fantasy 15 when he was taking off the project. And now that Sora is in the real world, I'm like, oh, he's doing it. He's gonna try again to just make a game that's like an anime role playing protagonist in regular Tokyo.

Yeah. I think I'm, look, I can't wait for it. I'm doing this one so then I can finally start, I started it before, but I wanna restart Kingdom Hearts III and see it all the way through. So this is my last piece of the Kingdom Hearts puzzle before I get going. So that's me.

That's what I've been playing. Wow. I love to hear it. I love to hear it. Score! Game-changing innovations with limited time DEALS on select next-gen Alienware gaming tech. New dimensions await with advanced gaming systems like the Alienware M18R2 laptop

powered by an Intel Core i9 processor featuring awe-inspiring visuals, liquid cooling, three-dimensional audio with Dolby Atmos, and impressive overclocking potential. Plus, build your dream setup with great DEALS on select gaming monitors, mice, and more must-have electronics and accessories. When you shop online at Alienware.com slash DEALS, you'll have access to leading edge gaming technology to conquer the competition and

free shipping on everything! Amazing prices await you for a limited time only at Alienware.com slash DEALS! That's Alienware.com slash DEALS! This Valentine's Day, whether you're married, single, focusing on friendships, or stuck in a never-ending spiral of situationships, everyone deserves to celebrate love. While me undies can't totally help your love life, they can offer you insanely comfy undies and loungewear to buy or gift this holiday. They've got so many awesome Valentine's Day prints and styles, plus you can match with

your partner, friends, or even your pets in Me Undies iconic matching styles. You and them matching Me Undies? Uh, name a better Valentine's Day. Okay, look, I'm rocking the Me Undies right now. You understand? Let me just tell you something. It feels good. It feels good. They're comfy and I feel fantastic. They got styles for everyone, from all black classics to fun expressive prints.

Me Undies has a look for everyone. Try our sexy new V-Date prints, like electric hearts or lovebirds. Plus, they come in sizes XS to 4XL, guaranteeing a flattering cut for everybody. Me Undies isn't just about underwear. Explore the lounge collection featuring joggers, hoodies, onesies, and more.

Unmatched comfort. Me Undies signature fabric is as soft as a warm hug from your favorite sweater. It's breathable, stretchy, and oh so comfy, making it ideal for all day wear. They use sustainably sourced materials and work with partners that care for their workers. Not happy with your first pair of undies?

It's on me undies. This Valentine's Day, give the gift that'll always have them thinking of you and get 20% off your first order. Plus, free shipping at meundies.com slash get played. That's meundies.com slash get played for 20% off plus free shipping. Me undies. Comfort from the outside in. What about you Heather, what are you playing? Well guys, here's the thing.

When we were talking about the games we were looking forward to last year, like the games of this year, I said a title and I was like, I'm looking forward to this game. And I think one of you said, that game has a problematic director. And I was like, oh, fuck. But I forgot what game that was.

So last week, I went ahead and purchased the $90 version of Kingdom Come 2 Deliverance, or Kingdom Come Deliverance 2. I think that's the title, I think the two comes last. And I was enjoying the fuck out of it before Nick was like, yeah, too bad about that director, and I was like, fuck!

I thought it was a different game. So here's the way I'm gonna manage this sort of psychologically, which is there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people who are involved in the making of a video game. And there's only one person who is the problematic figurehead lightning rod of that game. The original game was like Kingdom Come to Deliverance

was, or Kingdom Come, I don't know. Kingdom Come Deliverance is the original, Kingdom Come Deliverance 2. Whatever the fuck the original was. Game titles got too many words in them, stop. Stop it. Kingdom Come 2, dash hearts. And too many numbers, stop!

So, the first one was notable because, like, Dash hearts. Yeah. In too many numbers, stop! So the first one was notable because, like on the, I'll say the more conservative branch of video game fans for only featuring white people in an historically accurate white region. And people were championing that as sort of like, oh, we're getting back to the good old days of video gaming, whatever the fuck that means.

This new one is significantly more diverse and takes place in an area where the diaspora of the medieval period was such that there were other peoples and cosmopolitan trade routes that allowed for integration of cultures. I wouldn't go so far as to call it woke, but it's definitely so far not the problematic game

that I expected it to be once Nick was like, uh-oh. So I do want to talk about it a little bit because I do think I'm gonna keep playing it because I've already purchased it and the damage is done. This is a game that's like, what if Skyrim was extremely accurate? You have that same first person perspective and you have your weapon drawn

and you're charging at villagers who are saying they're, I mean, that's how I'm playing it, but however it is that you might play it. And the difference is that like, your combat isn't just swing a sword. It is swing a sword to the left, swing a sword to the right, swing a sword to the head,

poke the sword, do a combo, repost. Like there's so much involved in just the combat. And that sort of, I wanna call it density, applies to everything in the design. So you can't just equip armor. You have to equip armor in the correct lineage of items, or else your armor will be less effective.

So one of the steps to equipping your armor is learning how the armor works from like a book that is in your sub menus. And the book is like, oh, you gotta do this and you have to put on that and you make sure you put on this before you put on that or you won't be able to absorb as much damage. And also your reputation will suffer because you'll go into a town

and they'll be like, you look stupid. There's like a spider web that extends out from your player character to all of these if then statements of like how you function in your village, how you adorn your items, how your reputation is affected by the way you talk to one guy over here in such a way that is far more Complicated it feels like to me than Skyrim or fallout

I'm I'm really enjoying it I do wish that there was a Viking version of this game since I'm so much more interested in Viking history than I am the sort of I don't know the past pastiche of regular medieval history. Sure. And I will say that, again, Assassin's Creed did a fantastic job with Viking history. I just wish there were more games about it,

especially historically accurate ones. But it's a good game. I'm enjoying the fuck out of it. I know there's going to come a point where I've ruined my reputation so much that I'm not gonna enjoy the game anymore because every village is gonna be like, get the fuck out of here.

But I'm trying to play it nobly with a good core. Like I'm like, I'm not gonna go in and play a thief or an asshole. I'm gonna try, like in my first set of choices, I had choices to be like a jerk or to defend honor or whatever. And I was like, I'm gonna choose to defend some honor. So until the world itself pushes me to align,

I'm gonna play a good person and I'm gonna try and keep going in Kingdom Come. Nick, what are you playing? Let me just real quick add a little bit of additional context because we mentioned the studio Warhorse and its director and co-founder Daniel Vavra. And my understanding is I'm not sure how much of a GamerGate sympathizer he actually is and how much of it is that GamerGate supporters became fans of his and the game because of its content and because of his social media presence.

So I don't know, I don't want to necessarily impugn, like you were saying, I don't necessarily impugn the entire studio or the game itself. Because also I'm kind of neutral on that shit. I did this, the, you know, the the Ori games, which I really loved both those games, you know, Ori, the Will of the Wisps and Ori and the what the hell is the first one called? Blind Forest? Yes. Yeah. Those that it came out of that developer Moon Studios had like a horrific like internal culture and was like people were really like, you know,

especially the higher upsups were extremely abusive I still don't feel any like sort of negative way about those games or about having enjoyed those games because again they're a collaborative practice or whatever, but I do kind of feel like a bit of the reaction to the first Kingdom come was maybe perhaps a little bit overblown, maybe perhaps it became a little bit of a flash point because of timing. Interestingly, and this is a BBC article I pulled up that I'm going to read a little

bit of here, Vavra defended the first KCD, which was Kingdom Come Deliverance, which was criticized for its lack of diversity as being historically accurate to the time and location of its setting, although there is not universal agreement about this. At the time, he also made public statements against perceived attempts to force diversity into games, saying his upbringing in communist Czechoslovakia had made him an opponent of quote censorship in the name of good intentions. This won him supporters among the so-called Gamergate movement, which emerged online in 2014 and is widely seen as a backlash against attempts to make gaming more inclusive.

Members celebrated Vavra for his outspoken, uncompromising approach. But as the release of KCD2 approached, some of those voices turned against him as it emerged that the sequel features a black character and a gay love scene that can play out if players make certain decisions. One of the voice actors has a quote here. I think it's quite an interesting thing that's happened. With the first game, there was a backlash from more left-wing mentality and then there's been something of backlash this time around

from the right-wing mentality and I don't know I think it's maybe a thing of like the studio may have actually been responsive to some of the criticism with the sequel and now they've alienated the people who liked it because it maybe had some issues yeah it's just it's kind of interesting to see that cycle play out that's um saying yeah but yeah I'm glad you're enjoying it, Heather. I'm really intrigued by the game. I was thinking of getting into it, but I'm also like, man, can I manage another 90-hour RPG?

I mean, again, I'm not sure that I'm gonna play it all the way through the finish line, but as a sandbox to run around in and explore a world, the closer we get to a holodeck with these things, the more excited I am by them. And this is very holodeck adjacent. It's like, okay, I gotta, this guy's coming at me, oh fuck, he just switched to his left hand,

so I've gotta switch to my left hand. Fuck, do I have my helmet on? I can't go to the menu. Also, it is extremely judicious with its saves. And that means, did I use that word right? I think so. Like you can't save very often. Oh, I don't know what that means.

The opposite? Trying to think, what would the uses of judicious be there? Cause you're attributing it to the game. Yeah, it's extremely conservative with its save points. Yeah, that's good, there you go. You can't save very often at all So there is also a tension and an anxiety when you are trying to do stuff in the game That might get you killed right of which I've only done several things. So I'm having a good time

Hey speaking of sequels that Expand upon the original and are much more ambitious and more critically and commercially successful. Answer your question, what are you playing, Heather? I didn't ask you. You did ask me. No, the merchant. You said, Nick, what are you playing to tee it up to me? You did say that.

Yeah, I said it. Now, the merchant also said it earlier, but the merchant said it, I think, in general. Yeah, I think so. Well, he said it to Matt. He said it to Matt. I do wanna just sort of address that for a second. Yeah Heather and the merchant can say the same things and that's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Sometimes they both say the same thing. I

Don't know what everybody's so fucking mad about I'm like drumming up like a fake controversy So then people can like go back and listen. I can't believe how often people complain about Heather and the merchants saying the same thing it's so crazy, too there's just so many like it's as if there's so many instances of it that people could just like kind of go back into the Briefly with ads and just replay the episodes over and over again to hear to hear that Maybe compile some sort of super cut of Heather and the Resident Evil Merchant I don't think the same thing what I don't When have I said the same thing as the merchant? There it goes again.

That guy like fucking talks about like his electronics being wet. I don't talk about that shit. You actually in stark contrast to the merchant, you talk about how well kept your electronics are. Yeah, I take care of it. That's a great point. Yeah. It's a clear delineation.

The game I am talking about, the sequel that I am going to discuss, Alan Wake 2. Rachelle, are you still playing? I'm still playing. What do you think? Where are you at with it? Cause my, I will say I am fully wake-pilled. I've gotten like super into this game.

I just finished at Coffee World. Wow, okay. Where are you at? I'll talk about it. I'm in a similar sort of space, but I also wanna be a little bit like spoiler light, because I think like it's like, even though it's a couple of year old game,

because it goes in such, it takes such huge swerves, it's kind of like a very easy game to spoil just by pointing out something that happens because it so comes out of nowhere. You know? But I'm glad you're enjoying it. And I just want to say generally, and I'm not sure how the two of you feel,

but like one of my favorite things about doing this podcast from a listener interaction perspective is when I talk about a game I really like, that I've really enjoyed, that I put some time into, and recommend people play it, and then I hear from people who are like, hey, I played it and I liked it, or hey, I'm really into this game now.

Matt, you have done this for me, and I believe ranch now, which is that your advocacy of Alan Wake 2 got me into this game and got me fully into this game. My life is better for it. Wow, thank you. That makes me feel really good. I finally done something good. There was one chapter I finished,

there's one chapter I finished where it was so satisfying, like dramatically and from a gameplay standpoint that I said it aloud to myself afterwards, once in my PC, I just said, fucking awesome. Just wait. There's like moments in this game that like I can't I mean I won't spoil they're everywhere online if you've like followed anything about out wait to you've probably seen some of the stuff that's like crazier later on that I can't wait to discuss when you guys get to there yeah this is honestly

probably what Heather would feel like if we played Mother 3. Like... Hey buddy, it's Wyger. New year, new you. Ready to optimize your nutrition this year? Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietitian approved and ready to heat and eat Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy.

They're dietitian approved and ready to heat and eat in two minutes so you can fuel right and feel great no matter what life throws at you. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared, perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. Lose up to 8 pounds in 8 weeks with Factor Keto meals. Based on a randomized controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto, results will vary depending on diet and exercise. With 40 options across 8 dietary preferences on the menu each week, it's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals.

Choose from preferences like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, or Keto. Factor can help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfasts, grab-and-go snacks, and more add-ons. Reach your goals this year with ingredients you can trust and convenience that can't be beat. Hey, you know what? I like Factor. I like it quite a bit, in fact. And I've had some recent meals that I really enjoyed, like the truffle butter chicken. Ooh, that was succulent. And of course, the blackened salmon. Madone. Like

the propeller on your beanie spin. Factor makes it easy to stick to your goals as well. Eat smart with factor. Get started at factor meals.com slash get played 50 off and use code get played 50 off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code get played 50 off at factor meals.com slash get played 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping. That's code getplayed50off at factor meals dot com slash getplayed50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Wow. Hey buddy, you know what I hate? Pants. Why do I gotta put these things on my legs? They're so uncomfortable, so limiting. That was my thought

process until I discovered Daymaker! That's right, the public rec daymaker pants. Wow, these bad boys are so comfy, feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. Alright guys, let's be real for a minute. Nobody's got time for stiff, uncomfortable clothes anymore. You know what I mean. It's February, baby it's cold outside and you deserve to be comfortable in whatever you're wearing no matter what you're doing. That's where Public Rec comes in. These pants are a game-changer. Their pants are designed to be as comfy as your favorite sweats but

way more stylish. We're talking super soft fabric, no stiff seams and enough stretch to keep up with whatever your day throws at you. Public Rec isn't just about pants either. They have so many great style options whether you're working all day in the office running errands or just grabbing a drink with the guys. Who doesn't want to look sharp without sacrificing comfort? And I'll tell you, once you put them on you're gonna wonder why you ever wore anything else. I know I do. So this February treat yourself right because comfort is always in season. For a limited time you can get 20% off at

Public Rec by using code GETPLAYED at checkout. Just head to publicrec.com, use code GETPLAYED and you're all set. Oh, and when they ask you how you found them, be sure to mention our show. It really helps us out. Find your perfect fit and never compromise on comfort again. Public Rec, where comfort rules. Daymaker! ["Sylent Hill 2 Theme Song"] Okay, on that note, and to talk about a game that we have all played, I kind of feel like it does Silent Hill 2 better than Silent Hill 2.

Wow! In case of that sort of, like, the psychological prison of being trapped in, like, not understanding what is real and isn't real. It's like treading the same ground, I'm sure, heavily inspired by it, although other inspirations like David Lynch obviously it may wear more on its sleeve, but it like it's so effective at that.

It's just making you feel unmoored from reality. If I was like a smarter person and a better podcast interviewer, I I would want to talk to Sam Lake so bad. He's so fascinating to me. If I was just like better in every single way, I don't want to bother him with who I am now. But if I was like a better version,

I would love to talk to him. You'd want to sit there like Mr. Door and have him on your talk show. God, it's so fucking... So let me just take a walk through a few things. And one thing I think I can, being super spoiler light, LITE, one thing I think that people know is that there are multiple protagonists you do play as the titular Alan Wake at a certain point.

There is a mechanic, the Angel Lamp, a ranch you've already gotten through this part for sure, which is like a – for people who play the game, you know what this is. But it's like a Mario kind of astrobot level would be built around this mechanic. It's basically like you've got a light that when you flick it, it changes your reality. And there's certain context-sensitive places where you can use it, but it will be a thing like, you know, change a blocked off barricaded area into a stairway you can ascend.

Now you have a totally new different area of the place that basically you can explore. As a gameplay mechanic, the thing that it does kind of miss a little bit versus like a mascot platform is you don't have like that crystal clarity of like when you wear it when and where you can use it and how exactly it will Work, but it's okay. So there are some parts that feel a bit a little bit opaque and inscrutable But it does give you like this dreamlike feeling very well And it's also just really really cool just to see like oh wow this environment has completely changed

There's a different place I can I can reach And and in some cases the other way that this the other way that it happens is that Alan Wake can kind of rewrite sections of reality. And that intersects with another thing that the game does really well, really effectively. Also a thing that's an element in metaphor refontasio is just the idea of like the line between fiction and nonfiction being a little bit blurry, that fiction informs nonfiction, that fiction can be as important as nonfiction, that something not being real does not mean it's unimportant.

And it's just, I don't know, I just, I love exploring these kind of heady things that I like that it's presented in a way that's interactive. They've managed to make a game like about storytelling. Yes, yeah. It's fascinating. It's really cool. It's so deeply about writing, but you're a man with a lamp.

And the idea that your subjective reality just is reality. Whatever is personal to you, it's like, I don't know, I love that. It feels like looking those times in life when you feel like you're kind of looking through a pane of frosted glass and you can't really tell like he's like what what the fuck's going on right now It just it gives you that feeling You know what that as interactive entertainment the part that the mr. Door talk show I did have like a big shit eating grin there because first off I love the choice of It's a survival horror thing goes back to the the the opening of the original PlayStation Resident Evil, like having live

action footage that coexists with 3D models of these characters. It makes sense production-wise because you don't have to spend all these animator hours in this extended cut scene. But also it's just like to see actual actors. There's an actor playing Alan Wake. There is Sam Lake himself being interviewed. Sam Lake playing Sam Lake who is a character in a thing. He's appearing because he's a character in an adaptation of a book that Alan Wake wrote. It's

like it's so complicated but also by just being so weird it's first off like very funny but also just again just this has this this video of surreality Yeah to it that just I don't know it. It's unsettling. It's it's the grotesque It's both like like terrifying and and funny It's as funny as if like if I would hope that Kojima would do this But he probably wouldn't do it because my version of it is a bad idea if in Death Stranding 2 Kojima is in the game and his character is called the Game Master. Yeah, right Which he almost he almost does

Yeah, like it's like, you know, you've got when you've got you know Like Guillermo del Toro like a like a character that's modeled after Guillermo the likeness of Guillermo del Toro or Conan O'Brien In the game. I mean it kind of is achieving that combat wise. I mean Rochelle did How do you feel about like the the actual fighting in the game? I was on normal, but I changed it to story mode. It was just too complicated for me to do the light and then shoot. There was just too much going on for me. I think that's fine, because I also find the...

I'm still playing on default difficulty, but like I do kind of feel like the combat I Kind of just wish there were fewer enemies just because and they had the smaller health pools They weren't as much of bullet sponges just because I'm more interested in the exploration and like the tone of it I think it's pretty good survival horror combat Matt I'm not sure how you you felt as someone who's played through the entire game But it's like I do like using the flashlight and the light as a way to ward off you know these Kind of undead haunted sort of creatures But the actual gunplay is just kind of like that's kind of basic whatever yeah

It's not like it's not the point of the game exactly. It's not the point It's like the other stuff is the point there there needs to be gunplay in the game So that it doesn't feel like it doesn't feel boring kind of But I kind of like that with the parts where it's just a walking simulator Like when you're just walking around like say the police station and just sort of like talking to people and exploring things like I don't Know I kind of like that. Well, that shit. It's cuz the environments are so fully realized. There's no detail Yeah, they just feel like real places. Yeah, and it looks I mean I know that You had said this and maybe you're gonna get to this that like you're like It's like one of the most like one of the best looking games. You've probably ever played

the they did not slouch on Anything in this game visually it's insane. How good it looks. Yeah, so the other reason I picked this game Beyond Matt's advocacy which was the the principal reason but the other reason I picked this game beyond Matt's advocacy, which was the principal reason, but the other reason was that I saw it appear at the top of lists of most technically demanding PC games, and I just had built a new PC. And last week I mentioned that I was getting an audio glitch, which was, you know, by VO getting out of sync and cut scenes that some people were saying was related to the game

running on a standard hard drive instead of an SSD. I did remember that when I did my PC build, I just kind of wasn't paying attention. My M.2 SSD I installed in the second slot instead of the first slot when I was like assembling things. And then I was able to install Windows and everything seemed hunky-dory so I was like, oh well, that's probably fine. But I did when I was trying to debug this thing and I was like assembling things and then it was able install windows and everything seemed hunky-dory So I was like, oh, well, that's probably fine But I did was trying to bug this thing and I was like, you know what? Why don't I just try putting that into the first slot and seeing if that fixed it? and you know, they've a thing like this is this is for instance like I

Had a fucking hole in my wall for way too long from when I hit where I hit my head on a towel rack and knocked It out of the bathroom wall. What? Oh yeah, I lost consciousness in 2023 and then I hit my head on a towel rack with such force that it knocked it out of the wall and then there was just like a hole in my wall because I never repatched it. And I was like, this is gonna take no time at all to fix.

Can I ask you a scary question? Do you think you're ever gonna wake up? Wake. Wake. Fuck. I So it's but like you know I just had a hold my wall for my bathroom And I'm renting so it's like I have fucking whatever, but it's like things like this This is the easiest home repair. This is like 10 minutes of work It was the same thing with the computer as like I waited like a week to fix it because I was like I

Don't want to do it, but then when I actually did it was less than 15 minutes I didn't even have to reinstall the OS. It just worked plug and play when I put in the first slot and fixed it 100%. No issues at all. In fact, the game was performing better. I guess it just streams a lot of data and it just kind of has to be in that first slot that's

managed by the CPU. That I was able to crank the settings up to ultra and turn on ray tracing and still get a great frame rate. And yes, Matt, from the standpoint of a obviously art direction is a factor, aesthetics is a factor, taste is subjective, you know, a game like Super Mario World 2, Yoshi's Island is a tremendous looking game on 16-bit hardware. But from the standpoint of like a contemporary AAA game in a 3d engine

You know without like a bunch of mods It might be the best looking game. I've ever played. It's fucking gorgeous and like then but also some of the stuff you see you're like Oh, yeah It's so great and like I don't know like there's so many different things like gosh When I was playing the game it got me like very interested in Like Finnish folklore cuz I was like I don't like that sure that stuff I don't really know and obviously there's a lot of like crossover with just like the Norse mythology and stuff and that some of that Is like is part of it. I know that why your whole thing. Why didn't you sell me on the game this way?

Oh yeah, you should get into this, Heather. You gotta play it. What? You'd love it. It's also all about writing too, which is like, so it's very much your world. It's a Norse mythology game about writing? It's not really a Norse mythology. What the fuck?

It's not fully about Norse mythology, but there are things that play into it at certain sections of the game. It is, gosh, you you know we talked about doing this Yeah, if we were to do an update of our like our top tens like it probably is in there Wow, it's like it's cuz it's so great. The the DLC is so great. The DLC is all about how important art is Yeah, it's like this is a fucking video game. This is so crazy. It's like it's it rules. It's so good, but there's like nasty little Bits of like Finnish like folklore and just like things of Finnish culture

Alan Wake to add it to your library. I love it. Let's fucking go I mean look is it now almost two years old at this point probably Could it still be a we play you play contender? I think why not kind of why not I think what games make it make unreasonable demands on your time It's sometimes there's a game that even if you ostensibly play video games for income There's it's still tough to get to everything so sometimes it takes some time. I'm glad That a year and a half later, I'm not just like, well, I gotta play something new.

I'm like, you know what? I should go back and play this game I missed because I really do love it. I'm so happy. One more thing I wanna talk about since we're talking about nubs. The deluxe edition is only $39. The regular edition is $59.

Yeah, I think it's discounted on the Epic Games Store right now for some reason. Cool. One more thing, since we're talking nubs and we're trying to figure out a designation for that. The thing this game has, which is a survival horror trope, is it has like things that are puzzles

but aren't really puzzles. It's just like, what's the login for this computer? And then elsewhere on the desk, there'll be a post-it with like a four digit code You know it's like it's like a non puzzle and like like anytime I encounter that anytime. It's like okay Well, I just got to put the red gem in the slot for the red gem like this is just a task for me Like what do you call that? Exhausting

As soon as I looked up you were describing my nightmare It's not that there's just enough of this to just kind of like have to break it up a little bit It's it's not a dominant element Nuzzles maybe like a non puzzle. Maybe we could call it a nub. Maybe maybe it's called a nub I'm trying to see how much how much we can say nub I'm trying to see how much we can say nub. Let's get nub in the lexicon. I think they're dopamine hits is what I think they are. I think they're programmed in so that you get to be like,

fuck, what is this code? And then you look up and the code's on the desk and your brain goes, bing, and that's enough. Cause some of them- I can add seven and two, I'm smart. Yeah, cause some of them are like, it'll just be like whatever the code is. Oh, we changed the code.

Remember, we're doing it by this like date structure or whatever, but we had to flip it. So like horrible opsec. Like, so but when you like the memo sent to the company saying like, Hey, just remember, this is the past. But like, there's something about those puzzles. I think double mean it is right, because they're not that challenging. No.

But you do sort of feel really smart when you figure it out. You're sort of like, oh good, I did it. It's like there needs to be an obstacle here, so I'm not just, you know, I like reading things, which also I'd be fine if I was just reading things. But like there needs to be some sort of obstacle here, and yeah, it's I guess mildly satisfying. Sometimes the notes are kind of funny. you find you'll find a funny note Yeah, that's pretty fun. Okay. The game is funnier than you think it's a very funny game. I cooled so fast That I was immediately like I downloaded it, but you know who's gonna love the game what Mary Mary's gonna love it Okay, I showed to Mary I I We already made a plan to play because she hasn't played Silent Hill 2

So she's like, let's play a video game I want to play Silent Hill 2 and I was like, let's go and I downloaded it and bought it and then our dog got Injured and that whole weekend got blown and then we never went back to it. I Mean she still could she still could do it. Yeah, I know I know but now she's super busy Here's the thing tell Mary to play Alan Wake one, too I'll probably go back and do the Alan Wake remaster after I finish this the thing about Alan Wake one Is that it is funny and good, but it's like just not as good as Alan Wake sure But you're I think there's stuff in there to enjoy about it because it is also like very creative and very interesting

I think I like about video games is like you can only could play them out of order You don't play the the new the don't need to play the previous ones to play the new one. How many people played the first, I mean I did, but how many people played the first two Grand Theft Autos? Sometimes you just start at the second or third entry in a series. I don't think it was born when those came out.

Okay, all right. I like that the three of us have- I'm getting to an age where I'm trying to actually be like, I actually am younger. I'm actually not what age I have- I'm getting to an age where I'm trying to actually be like, I actually am younger. All right. I'm actually not what age I am. I'm actually younger. I like that the three of us have sort of self-filtered

into these categories as of this record, which is that you're playing a Kingdom Hearts game, I'm playing a medieval simulator, and Nick is playing a high intensity PC, Alan Wake too. I think that's really nice. We're starting the year off pretty good for us. Let me, we gotta get to the main body of the episode, but I wanna touch on one other game that just came out

this past week as of this episode's release, Civilization 7. I'm a big Civ head. I love the 4X games. I played every single Civilization. I have opted not to buy Civilization 7 yet because of all the fan blowback. Basically, it seems like I saw a similar sort of reaction to Cities Skylines 2, which is just,

this game just isn't finished. The general reaction seems to be it's more of an early access game that's kind of being marketed as a final build. Also, that's totally fine. These games are like extraordinarily complicated to make. there's so many systems working together There's so many things that you can't really like, you know It's they're all kind of publicly beta tested to some degree They always require updates and DLC to get up to speed But it feels like Civ 7 is maybe in a state where I can just wait for the player base to weigh in wait for The developers to update it and then I'll maybe get into

It in a few months or so. So that's where I am with that Wow Alright, let's get into it tears of the kingdom video game movie adaptations I have a question for the room before we start ranking these. Alright, what is the first video game movie adaptation? You remember liking super Mario Brothers You mean the the not the new one. The original. The original one. The first one to ever come out. The John Leguizamo Bob Hoskins live action movie. I loved it. I was a child.

And I also loved Blade Runner. So when I saw, when I went to see Super Mario Brothers the movie, I was like, first off, because it's the first one, nobody had said how they could be done. And it didn't occur to me that it would be an accurate Super Mario Brothers movie.

I was like, what is this going to be? So when it looked like Blade Runner, I was like, wow! And then they would reference stuff. It would be like, you know, Dennis Hopper is King Koopa, but he's not really King Koopa. It felt like a fever dream. It was so cool to me.

And I think I remain kind of an apologist to the film. Like I still have the novelization that I bought, because I went to the store and bought the novels. And I've watched the director's cut now, which is a slightly expanded work print that you can find online in like secret corners of, it's a bit torn thing. But I really enjoyed it.

And then I felt like the first time I was let down by a movie was Street Fighter, because then I was like, oh, they tried to make it like Street Fighter and it's bad. A lot of people view those two movies on the same level. So it's interesting that you have like such a split reaction. I think Super Mario Brothers, the movie is a huge, like it is a swing for a home run that is so hard

that even though they miss the ball entirely The stands still get hit with enough wind That they're like whoa something happened It's a cloud atlas factor. Yeah, they fucking tried something here. I fucking liked cloud atlas, too. I was like Let's go. Yeah, not a perfect movie, but a movie's going for it. Yeah, it really tried. The more modern version of this might be Megalopolis. Oh man, Megalopolis, what a fucking swing. I still gotta see it, but I gotta see it.

Super Mario Brothers the movie is the Megalopolis of video game adaptations 100%. I kinda wanna lend Ranch my DVD of the Super Mario Brothers movie so she could watch it. I think we should just subject it to her today. Cancel what we're doing and just watch it with Ranch. I think my answer, and Matt, I wanna get yours, but I think my answer is probably

the first Mortal Kombat movie. I think that's the first one, it's like, wait, this is like a movie and this think that's the first one, it's like, wait, this is like, okay, this is like a movie and this like gets what's good about it. Have I told you guys my September 11th Super Mario Brothers? I think so. Story.

But repeat it, because I think it was on the DLC episode. Which is that, like, after 9-11 happens, my friend and I are super blue or whatever, and we're like, let's just like clear up. Yeah, I guess we were sad about it. Let's clear our palate, let's just watch something stupid. And he had never seen Super Mario Brothers the movie, and it had been a while since I'd seen it.

So I was like, let's just watch this, it's a real curiosity. Super Mario Brothers the movie ends with the World Trade Center's being destroyed in almost this same visual iconography. And we were like, oh my God! the World Trade Center's being destroyed in almost the same visual iconography. And we were like, oh my God! It was like a ghost had come into our television to show us the same picture again.

My 9-11 video game story. So during that summer of 2001, Masahiro Sakurai, the director of Smash Brothers, had a blog where he was just slow revealing details about the game. And so it would just be like an update of just like, hey, there's going to be this new item will be in it. But he would sometimes, you know, reveal major things just in a blog post that would be like the first time this news would be made.

So I'm old as dirt. So when 9-11 happens, I was already in college. And my roommate happened to be a home at the time. And I did not have a cell phone. So 9-11 happens, September 12th, I get a call on the home phone in the apartment. I pick it up. It's my roommate. And he goes, Nick, did you see the news? I was like, yeah, man, it's my roommate. And he goes, Nick, did you see the news? I was like, yeah, man, it's crazy.

He goes, I know, Marth is in Smash Brothers. Sakurai had added a blog entry on September 12th that Marth from Fire Emblem was gonna be in Smash Brothers. And of course, my 9-11 video game story is that I was mad that the TV was being hogged because I wanted to play crash team racing Honestly more productive than watching CNN yeah, yeah absolutely I think the first video game movie that I enjoyed yeah was for a video game that I didn't play and it was detective Pikachu

Which is a more recent very contemporary well look Well, look, I love that movie. I think Detective Pikachu is awesome. I love it. I didn't even rule. I think it's a great movie. Like a genuinely really, really good detective movie that also really honors the Pokemon world. I think that movie is legit awesome. We'll see how it ranks, but we should just get into this.

Yeah, let's go. Okay, so we have this tier list here. Matt, are's go. Okay, so so what we have this tier list here Matt are we going in chronological orders or any order to this? I let's say this is I mean I'll have to bounce back just kind of scattered all over the place. We'll just kind of go Okay, well, let's just do it and we can just do it in order We also get a sense of like when things really turn the corner Yeah, even though I'm going to defend Super Mario Bros. the original movie as at least a C-tier film. It's kind of crazy that, I mean,

because video games had been around for a long time at this point, but I guess none of them had, I mean, they probably had some rudimentary story elements, but none of them were story-driven narrative games. So the fact that Mario is the first movie adaptation of a video game is kind of interesting Yes, I guess like, you know, like there was the wizard but that was where video games were an element and then you got other Things like the last starfighter, but it's not an actual adaptation of video game Tron

Yeah, just Tron actually because the game I think comes out after the movie. Yeah. Well, I guess we'll start with Super Mario Brothers I mean the most iconic video game franchise a movie that doesn't fully work because the game I think comes out after the movie. Well, I guess we'll start with Super Mario Brothers. I mean, the most iconic video game franchise, a movie that doesn't fully work, but a movie that's at least interesting. It is so fucking crazy. Like there is no way to watch it, especially in the year 2025,

with a group of people who've never seen the Super Mario Brothers movie and not have everybody every 10 minutes say, what the fuck? Like it is, and as, as it is totally engaging, like you're not bored during it for even a moment because you literally don't know what's going to happen next.

And it's made at a time, cause this is what 1993, right? This movie comes out. So the peak, I mean, Mario is out in 1985. So like, this is like, there's not that much time. There's not, you don't know that much about Mario. Well, yeah, he doesn't really have a lot of established lore. We haven't had things like, you know,

Super Mario RPG, Paper Mario, that maybe kind of informed the canon of the Mario world. It's just Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Brothers 2, Super Mario Brothers 3, and Super Mario World, right? Those are all the games that are out at this point. It has the best Mario joke ever written, which I'm going to spoil here on the show.

You already said that it ends with 9-11. It does end with 9-11, which is that Mario and Luigi are being booked in a prison and they ask their names, and it's like, what's your name? And Hoskins goes, Mario. And then they go, all right, what's your last name? And he goes, Mario. And then he's like, all right, what's your name? And And he goes, Mario. And then he's like, all right, what's your name?

And he's like, Luigi. And he's like, what's your last name? Mario. And he's like, your last names are Mario and Mario and your first name is Mario? And Hoskins, I think goes, yeah, we're the Mario brothers. And as a child, I was like Part of why it's such an interesting movie is that it was a time when Hollywood had no idea what video games were like It's like they were just like this is a toy for children. I don't understand the appeal of this

There was no executive who played video games There was certainly no one as there are now. These companies are populated with people who grew up with video games, who have an understanding of gaming culture. There was none of that. And it's also an untested director team. Right. This is like their first and only movie, I think.

These are not people who had been like already directing. We ain't doing this again. Yeah. Already directing stuff. So the idea that they were handed the Super Mario Brothers movie is nuts. Yeah. I think from a historical standpoint,

and based on what is to come, I think we can safely put it in the C tier. I think it's a C level movie. Yeah, put it in the C tier, why not? It isn't good, but it is not insanely bad. There are many lows coming, are way worse than this. I've seen it five times,

and I think at least five times, and I like it more each time, even though it just has no connection to Mario Brothers at all. Well, Koopa's in it, Yoshi's in it, Toad is in it, Luigi's in it, Peach is in it. Yeah, I mean, their characters have the same names, is basically what they're sharing.

All right, let's move on should we address the this tier Well, we'll get to it. We go to the chronologically. Okay. We do have a special tier that I think makes sense Okay, double dragon. I haven't seen this movie's really bad. Oh really it's fucking bad. Okay, I Fuck do we do we need to do it? Can we just please put an F tier? I don't like I think it sucks I think we can put it in here. Yeah, like it's our it's our show We can do whatever we want we don't have there are any double dragon the movie apologists, but I don't know I played that game. I played the a couple of double dragon games. I don't happen to that franchise The franchise franchise who knows?

But yeah, it's it's pretty fucking rough. Yeah, it's sitting with a 12 on Rotten Tomatoes, not that that's like a way to judge a movie necessarily, but it tells you a little bit of something. It's also weird because like Double Dragon. Mark Dacascos and Scott Wolf. Sorry, I just turned him into a character. To follow Super Mario Brothers,

Double Dragon wasn't a huge franchise. No, it's like. It wasn't like, oh, you know what we need to make is a Double Dragon movie. Like, it's a strange second film in the adaptation canon. I think this is a thing we may run into a few times where it's kind of surprising which rights are acquired and which especially, it's not always like, nowadays it's like, oh, they're making The Last of Us

They're making fallout. These are these huge totemic IP. Yes, this makes a lot of sense back then It was just kind of like I don't know. What can we get the rights to? I don't know this this one's got swords in it. Let's get that one. Yeah double dragon I think it slides into F tier. All right, what's next Street Fighter? 1994 fucking bad fucking F movie. God damn it It's a maybe a little bit better than Double Dragon, but that's maybe also, I'm feeling that way because I've seen it more times.

Fucking terrible. It's really fucking bad. Terrible. The next one then is Mortal Kombat. What? I like how little discussion that one was. That sucks. It's fucking awful.

It's Raul Julia's last film. It is. You know what? Very unfortunate. The only case for a D tier over after year I'm not making this argument is it does have the line like for you the day you destroyed I destroyed your village was the most important day of your life for me. It was Tuesday Pretty good. I'll bump it up to D

Mortal Kombat is next I think Mortal Kombat is pretty good I think it's I think that's like again. It you know, it's the first of these games these ones. I feel like oh this gets the this gets the Appeal of the game somewhat right and we're sure that's the right Mortal Kombat cuz it gives a few of them Yeah, there's a second Mortal Kombat. Okay, great Yes, but there's Mortal Kombat. There's Mortal Kombat annihilation and then there's the Mortal Kombat that came out recently Yes, and there's a new Mortal Kombat coming out pretty soon. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I think I'd... Ah! It's relative to other video game movies.

So I'm just like, is it an A tier by the scale? I think it's a C or a B. Let's put it in a B, because I think it's a better, more functional movie than the Mario Brothers movie. Okay, and then after that, there's, yeah, Mortal Kombat Annihilation in 1997. Have you guys seen that one? Yeah, I mean, I don't think that one's as good After that, there's Mortal Kombat Annihilation in 1997. Have you guys seen that one?

Yeah, I mean, I don't think that one's as good in my memory, but it's been many, many years. Yeah, agreed. I think that's a D tier. Let's let it just be well. It's not a complete failure like Street Fighter or Double Dragon, but it isn't interesting like Super Mario Brothers or decent like Mortal Kombat.

Okay, and here's what I'll also say, because I'm I'd be curious in people's feedback on some of these, because with a lot of these, like we didn't rewatch whatever the fuck, you know, 40 movies. So we're going off of memory. And some of these like this is a movie I've not seen in at least 20 years. I remember it not being very good and being pretty disappointing from the original. If there's any Mortal Kombat Annihilation defenders, I'd be curious. I don't think there are. I've never heard of such a person.

Then the next one which is a movie that I know that you guys have discussed At least Nick has discussed as being really bad Wing Commander. Aff. This is a solid aff that movie's fucking unwatchable Insane so I saw that movie in the theater partly because they were showing the Star Wars Phantom Menace trailer before it So it was my whole agenda was going to that and then I was like, oh well I we're to paid for the ticket who might as well stick around for Wing Commander I'd actually had played the Wing Commander games. I played Wing Commander 2 and 3 which were PC shooters and this is another thing where it's like This is not a top tier franchise.

Like these games were well regarded. They were good, but this is like, even among PC franchises, this is like maybe the backend of the top 20, and this is what they choose to make is like a big movie with Freddie Prinze Jr. It's a, who was a big star at the time. And I think I've heard him say that this movie fucking sucks.

It's so fucking bad. The other weird thing about this is that the director of this movie, Chris Roberts, is the game designer behind the Wing Commander games. Oh, interesting. So it's like a kind of thing where it's like, I think it was, I think it was the studio taking the wrong lesson from like Super Mario Brothers.

This is just my suspicion. And them being like, well, we got people who didn't know anything about the video game and they completely lost what was special about it. Let's get someone with no film directing experience but who made the video game and maybe he'll figure out how to make a movie, but it's a completely non-functional movie.

The suits they have for the enemies, the Kil rathi is there's some of the worst-looking Prosthetic like fursuits you'll ever see in like an actual like like a like a Hollywood movie. It's fucking dogshit This is a true f. Okay. This is where I start to tap in yeah, I'm starting to see I'm starting to see more movies at this point. I'm a little older I'm starting to see more movies at this point. I'm a little older. Lara Croft Tomb Raider, 2001. I think the Angelina Jolie first Tomb Raider is decent. Yeah, it's fine.

It's like a, I mean, just like it's sort of action adventure, Indiana Jones-like, you know, it's like, it's not too crazy. Like where is a three star movie in this, you know, in this hierarchy? Is that a B? Is that a C? I think it's a B. I think a three star movie on this, you know, in this hierarchy? Is that a B? Is that a C? I think it's a B.

I think a three star movie on this list might be an A. But, these movies so far are terrible. Wrench, have you seen anything so far? I've seen Tomb Raider. Where would you put Tomb Raider? S tier. S? Where would you put S tier?

Wait, the original Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider? I love that movie. Holy shit! I would watch that all the time. Wow. Wow. All right, I'd say let's kick it up to A. A?

Because I was thinking B, but then Ranch saying S tier makes me think like, maybe this is better than remember. Oh my God! We have to consider the curve. Like, because if Mario is C and Mortal Kombat is B, this tier list is, dare I say, cursed. Okay, great.

And then next is, so the next one is Resident Evil, the Milla Jovovich Resident Evil movies, and we've sort of made an executive decision here on Get Played. We're ranking all of these movies as one because there are too many. We're just gonna do the franchise. There's a lot of them. I have personally haven't seen all of them, and I think like it's probably its own episode to rank all of the Resident Evil movies.

So we're just gonna do the the the Paul W.S. Anderson, Resident Evils as one category. And then obviously there's Resident Evil Welcome to Raccoon City, which is its own thing. Yeah, which we'll get to later. I think that this is this is there's also a case for a tier here. I don't think they really like like represent the Resident Evil franchise super accurately but I think they're a good cinematic translation of the appeal of them of the franchise. Yeah, I I think if Tomb Raider is an A then Resident Evil is an A. And there's something to say about it being a franchise. That's true.

There are like seven of these movies, and I don't think any of them are technically good, but they make lots of money, and I think it's funny they exist. I had a, did we just do the first one on our, on their main feed? Yes, gosh, do we even do it? I think we did.

I think we rewatched the first one for the main feed. I think we did, that's right. And I actually enjoyed it more than I remembered when we put it on. I think it's a pretty functional action movie. It's completely out of my brain. I couldn't tell you a single thing that happens in it.

But we can put it up in A for sure. I love it. I wanna say that those two movies, Two Meter and Earth and Evil are very formative for me Wow I'm stunned by this things. I'm not things you learn about a person The thing about it is it's new information to me, and I'm shocked by it. I'm also not surprised Right right this is like a TNT Like they would probably just be running these on like on TV constantly. This is like a TNT, like they would probably just be running these

on like, on TV constantly. It's like something to watch. So if you were like captivated by it at all, you'd be like, oh, it's on again. I got to see it again, absolutely. The second Tomb Raider, which is- Cradle of Life.

The Cradle of Life. I remember this being a drop off. I don't think it's as bad as Annihilation, but it's like a sequel that I, but you know, Ranch, maybe you have a particular fandom for it. I would maybe put this one into C tier. I don't remember this one. Yeah.

We can put it in C if it's a drop-off. But is it as, I kind of feel like it should be down with Mortal Kombat Annihilation. We can put it in D, it's okay. They didn't make any more of these after that. That, you know, that's, there's something to they didn't make any more of these after that. There's something to that. Again if there's a Mortal Kombat, or I'm sorry, Tomb Raider Cradle of Life Defender, I'd like

to hear from you. It's kind of shocking that they didn't make 11 of those, like they should have made so many. I think this is one where the first one performed well and the second one there was a steep drop off in the box office, I think that's what it is Yeah, and I guess it around this time to what is this 2003? Angelina Jolie is like a big celebrity for like the wrong reasons to like she's like maybe just like a little overexposed Maybe she like was like I want to do something else. I'm maybe I'm not trying to do franchise stuff right now The next one brings us to you. I think our special tier Nick House of the Dead. So here's how we're tackling this.

There's the director, Yuve Bull, or Uwe Bull. I'm not quite clear on the proper pronunciation for this director's name. We have made a U tier for all of Bull's work, because they're so, I've seen of his movies, I've seen House of the Dead and one more, which we'll get to. And the reputation of all of these is so bad.

And the ones that I've seen are like barely even movies. Yes. Like he just is such a merchant of absolute garbage that it's just kind of in its own category. Like it's like sub F tier. So that's why we've got these ones in the U tier. House of the Dead is going to live there. If this was like a movie podcast and it's not,

even though we're talking about movies today, it would be fascinating to dig in on like what his whole thing is because he, to me, is obviously a maniac of some kind, but he's always making movies. He's making like three movies like this year. He's churned out so many sequels to these movies that I've never even heard of. No.

And we just discovered that just from looking at his IMDB. Do you remember when he had a boxing match with his critics? I think that does ring a bell, because for some reason I was very plugged into knowing who this guy was, because he was a somewhat controversial figure. He's also a guy who's good at being famous. He's good at putting himself in the news,

but yeah, there was a thing where he ended up beating the shit out of Low Tax, the creator of something awful, there was a thing where he just like, he ended up like, beating the shit out of like, Low Tax, the creator of something awful. Like, in a boxing ring. I think that bumps up at least one of these movies to F. Because then the next one is Alone in the Dark, which is another one of his, so that's in the U tier. Doom, we've watched Doom as a premium DLC.

It's so fucking bad. I think Doom is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my whole life. This is an F. There's no way that's not enough It's an F. It's awful. I wish I could put it in the view tier even in direct it Even the first person part where it's like, oh, here's some fanservice Hey, they're the first person cameras like they didn't even get this right. No, fuck this up This looks like shit really bad is a bad guy is fucking horrible I had really terrible movie really really bad Final Fantasy 7 or wait. Oh, we skipped one actually I skipped one way back here Final Fantasy spirits within we didn't even get that one on here what to do with spirits within that's an easy F if I've ever seen it Fucking dog shit, what are we talking about?

The ones enough D it is. D, it is a D. It is D. It is a D. Cause yeah, the F tier. Is it C? Nick. Cause here's the thing. At least like the Mario Brothers movie,

it gives you something to look at. You know what else gives me something to look at? The footage of 9-11. I don't need to see it again. All right, we'll leave it in D. It sucks. I'm just like it's not as bad as the F-tier movie. No. That's the point I wanted. Yeah, we can put it in D. It's fine in D. Back to the current timeline after Doom 2005. You know, did I say this when we watched it is that I have a bus stop poster for Final Fantasy The movie yes, I believe it was

And then and then from the bus and it has no Financial value like you can't even sell it on eBay and have people be like wow I would imagine that the aftermarket Retail value for things that are at the bus, probably not a booming market, probably. That said, I still wish I had the watch. It's a good watch. The watch is good. The watch is really cool. The watch maybe bumps it up to...

Back to 2005, Final Fantasy VII Advent Children. Now I do think maybe I also hate Advent Children. No man. But I think it's better than Spirits Within. Advent Children is a B for the Sephiroth fight alone. I like that Vincent has a cell phone. I'll bring it, it's got a couple of laughs in it. I'd put it in C tier.

Again, it gives you something to look at. I would maybe put it in C tier, but I'm okay with it being in B tier. I'd put it in C. I'd put it in C tier, but I'm okay with it being in B tier. I'd put it in C. Let's put it in C. C is good. Dilly dally, shilly shally, all the way to the C tier. Wait, if this is on here, is Kingsglaive on here? Kingsglaive is not on here because these are all theatrically released movies. Got it. Wait, was Advent all theatrically released movies. Got it.

Wait, was Advent Children theatrically released? Um, yeah. Holy shit! It was on the list. And Kingsglaive wasn't. Kingsglaive was not. And Kingsglaive, I think, goes in the U tier. Kingsglaive fucking sucks.

No, no, no. Let's keep going. Blood Rain is in the-tier. That's another one of his films. God this list is bad This is why I have to address the curve right because the curve is really really something because in the next film If you're looking for all of movies It doesn't make sense to put the Resident Evil franchise in the ATR. No. Like it's not like that's up there with like, you know, lesser cone brothers works. It's not in the same, this is relative to video games.

Yeah. To video game adaptations. Kingsclave had a limited theatrical run. Look it wasn't on the list. I'm not rebuilding the damn thing. Well, we'll get to it when we get to 2016. Let's keep going. Silent Hill Hill from 2006 fuck this fucking F. I think I think H Nick liking the Silent Hill movie is my Silent Hill. I

Cannot understand why he liked it. It is such dog shit. It is also extremely boring. I do think it's better than Doom. I think it's better than the stuff in the F tier probably. I think it's better than what's in the D tier and I gotta be honest, better than what's in the C and the B tier. Oh my god, no Nick it is not. It's not going up there. I like it as much as the Resident Evil. Fuck no, absolutely not. I think it's pretty good. There's no character motivation for the protagonist! I think I'm happy putting it in B tier, but I'm also not happy about it.

Don't put it in B! No, D tier. I think D is too low. No, D is plenty high. Put it up to C. Oh my god, no! It's just a straightforward demand, not even a request. I'm asking for A. I'm willing to settle to C. Oh my God, no! Just a straightforward demand, not even a request. I'm asking for A, I'm willing to settle for C.

No, no way, dude. It's a D. Wait, are you voting for D, or are you saying F and you're compromising with D? I'm saying F and I'm compromising with D. I'm saying F and I'm compromising with D. All right, I guess we're averaging it out. Ranch, have you seen the Silent Hill movie?

No. I guess we're averaging out. Ranch, are you scared because we're yelling? I like it. I like it. Okay. Dead or alive. DOA, Dead or Alive.

I have not seen this. I have not seen this. Anybody who has not seen this movie does not have a good reputation. Wow, our first and then haven't seen tier, we're doing pretty good. Postal in the U tier, which I've seen some of. Yeah. They made the nut guy.

Postal is truly extra-gripple. Postal might be the single worst movie on this. I think Postal has a property pretty bad actually. Postal is fucking awful. A net bad IP. The games are bad. The movies are repulsive. Then the next one is Hitman from 2007. I have not seen this. I have not seen this. Also haven't seen it. I don't understand it to be a good movie, which is unfortunate because I mean, God, the thing about these Hitman movies is that they're kind of, once you take the stealth

gameplay out of it, it's just like a generic like action, like action like you know assassin movie. It's not that interesting probably In the name of the king a dungeon siege tale that's in the u-tier far cry in the u-tier which brings us to 2008 Max Payne Not see the Max Payne movie. I'm afraid that I might have to see it as a remedy gosh Yeah, I have not seen Max Payne. I don't remember being water. I'm afraid that I might have to see it as a remedy verse. In the remedy verse, yeah. I have not seen Max Payne. I don't remember it being Walter Reed. I'm actually curious. I want to look it up on IMDB what the score is.

I think there are two Max Payne movies. I think one of them went to, straight to video, I think. I'm surprised that this is where we break off of, this is where we finally got so burnt that none of us are going to see DOA or Hitman or Max Payne. Well, so Dinner Alive was like, that one was really poorly regarded and I don't even know if it may have gotten a very limited theatrical release. Hitman and Max Payne were bigger swings, but I think like they were, I think they were, that was a time when people were like,

oh, we know these aren't gonna be good, you know? Yeah. I wish, I mean, I would love to see a good Max Payne movie. Honestly, let Sam Lake make a movie. He'd do a good job. That'd be interesting. He'd do a great job. Then the next one on the list,

we're out of the U-tier for good. And now we're talking Street the U tier for good. And now we're talking Street Fighter, The Legend of Chun-Li. Has anyone seen this? Oh, this was the live action one. Yes. This is pretty bad. Oh wow, you've seen it?

I mean like years ago. Wait, let me make sure I know the right one. I'm looking up on, cause there's the... I'm looking up on... Because there's the... Fighting games are interesting as adaptations, because you kind of just want to see the fighting. Yes, it's Kristen Kriok, or Kristen Kruk,

from who was on Smallville, I believe, and plays Chun-Li. It's not good. I mean, this is like an F tier. Let's put this in the F tier. What do we think of Tekken then from 2010? Again, was this a live action Tekken movie? A live action Tekken. What?

Yes. Again, I'm right now. How have I never heard of this? I'm so burnt out by these things. Like I went into Silent Hill with big, like, excited expectations when the film came out. And when that film burnt me, I was like, I'm fucking done.

I'm not doing this again. And so I take a break from seeing video game films. Tekken, directed by Dwight H. Little, directed a lot of films, big TV director, directed Prison Break, has directed the show 9-1-1. I used to love Prison Break. People really into Prison Break. Looks like mostly a TV director,

but also directed Murder at 1600, Free Willy 2, A Phantom of the Opera, Halloween 4, okay, so some actual movies here. Yeah, Tekken, what the f- I have never even heard of this. We'll put that in the hasn't seen- But how did I completely miss a Tekken live action movie that came out in 2010? Starring John Fu and Kelly Overton. There's a lot going on. There's just like, you know, there are other good movies, because good movies came out that year that you just couldn't concern yourself with it.

From the producer of Ghost Rider. Yeah, not leading with their strongest foot there. Look at this poster. This is the most direct to red box poster that we've seen. Love stuff. Oh my God. It looks AI generated before AI is. It really does, yeah.

The next one on the list is a movie I did see in theaters. Prince of Persia, The Sands of Time. This movie sucks. This movie is really, really bad. It is, I think, unfortunately in the C tier. It is- Here's my case for D tier. The Jake Chilhaal casting is outrageous

Easily the worst part about it and the movies pretty bad. It shouldn't look good a white Gyllenhaal be playing the titular Prince of Persia. I'm gonna go ahead and say probably not He's also really bad in the movie. Yeah, and is the movie, who I think is normally a good actor, I like watching movies he's in. He's been in a lot of good movies, I think the world of Prince of Persia,

just as it deserves some more you know, some more games. Yes. Although I'm part of the problem because they didn't play that much, Troy Vanier that everyone loved and then they shut down the studio. You played it, right? I did play it, I didn't finish it,

but I did read the article when they shut down the studio that they said it was your fault because you didn't play it. I feel awful. My case for D-tier is I just I don't think it's as interesting as the movies we have. Well I guess I could live with it. Yeah my case in D-tier I think is about as good as the other movies in D-tier. It's not as interesting as what we have in C-tier. I think that's fair. C-tier we have Super Mario Brothers movie. What's the other one up there? Adventure. Advent Children. Advent Children. I mean, come on. Those are better than Prince of Persia.

They are better. I was in this was like, you know, I'm in college when this movie comes out. And I'm like, they made a movie about one of my favorite video games. This was an attack. Yeah. This was.

They did this to hurt me. That's how I felt at the premiere of Final Fantasy Spirits with them. I was like, how could you do this to me? I would have done anything you asked. I would have seen any film. The next on the list is Silent Hill Revelation 3D, which I had never heard of.

Put it in the F tier for existing, even though I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. Pyramid Head, it appears to be on the poster. Get rid of it. Put it in the F tier for existing, even though I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. Pyramid Head, it appears to be on the poster. Get rid of it. Put it in haven't seen. We haven't seen it. None of us have.

Yeah, we haven't seen it. It's only fair to be in the hasn't seen tier. After that then- This was a 2012 film? 2012. Yeah, I didn't see this. You have only seen the good one, the 2006 one. Kit Harington, Sean Bean, Carrie Anne Moss, it was pretty good.

Sean Bean returning from the first film. Yeah, Malcolm McDowell, maybe he'll watch this movie. The director of the first Silent Hill movie is making a Silent Hill 2 movie. Yes. Return to Silent Hill, it's called. Yeah, and I actually, like some people were like, there was a lot of negative reaction to that. I actually like the choice. Here's the thing.

Let him cook. I'll watch it. Yeah. I'm not gonna do not see it. I am not going to see it. We're gonna talk about it. We're gonna do an episode on it. No!

100% do an episode on it. All right, what's next? Next on the list is Need for Speed, starring Aaron Paul. Pretty bad movie. Aaron Paul had a lot of juice at the time. They're definitely trying to go for a Fast and Furious thing. Need for Speed is actually like a franchise that feels like it should have been able to translate

into a good movie. I think you could do a pretty decent TV series with Need for Speed, I think. That could be pretty fun. I don't think it's as bad as, I mean, again, we're just kind of grading on a curve here. Like, it's like, it's a more functional movie in my memory than a lot of the rest of these.

Is it maybe Ds and maybe C? It might be C. Mm. I feel weird putting it in C, but it might be C. It might be C. Well, I mean, technically, Final Fantasy is a functional film. It has a beginning, middle, and end. It has be C. It might be C, I mean. Well, I mean, technically Final Fantasy is a functional film. It has a beginning, middle, and end.

It has a goal. It has setbacks. It has an act structure. Like, it doesn't make it a good movie, and I don't think it elevates it above D tier. Like, Need for Speed has a great poster. The poster's pretty good. I think the poster might put it in C tier.

I kinda think so. That poster looks good in C tier. Because like CT because here's the thing yeah, Aaron Paul had the juice at the time You're like let's get this guy in the poster. Yes good on the poster. He doesn't give the poster I should have been a movie star. You guys are making me angry as a listener. I'm putting him in C He's handsome enough that you get him you get him up there We go look You get him up there. Jesus Christ. Look, this is not our problem to solve. Hollywood has not done Aaron Paul any favors. We've got to figure out what we're doing with Aaron Paul. I was optimistic when he started showing up in Westworld,

and I was like, I don't think they did this. We've got to figure it out, because I think he's good. I'm a big Aaron Paul fan. He's funny? Yeah. He could do comedy, probably. They also haven't figured out what to do with Walter White after Breaking Bad. They put him in the single greatest Godzilla trailer

of all time, and then they kill him five minutes into the film. And let's not forget, he's Zordon in the live action Power Rangers movie for some reason. The, you know what? You have no idea what you're dealing with. So good. You know what they have figured out?

Dean Norris, who decided to open up a barbecue restaurant in Temecula, California. Don't even fucking get me started. It's incredible. It is so good. Have you been? I have not been, but I am transfixed by his Instagram. I mean, Mark Carlson, a broadcaster,

has always given me updates. I'm just like, he's always giving me updates I'm just like he's so into having this barbecue restaurant. There's live music there. He's always like come on out Let me make a promise to you right now. I Will go with you anytime I'll take a day trip to Temecula to get his pit master barbecue 100% down Let's get a crew together. Wait a minute. Yeah, you want to come I like barbecue There's barbecue and he also got big cinnamon roll there. I can't eat that eat that you can watch us eat it and get really sick Probably yeah

Because here's things cinnamon roll way too big. Oh, yeah, really really big and he's there a lot For somebody who I think works as much as he does. Yeah, he's at his restaurant a lot. He's just there He believes in the brand I think works as much as he does. He's at his restaurant a lot. He's just there. He believes in the brand. The next one, after Need for Speed, Hitman Agent 47 had not seen this, but I like that they went back to the Hitman well. I think that's-

That's right, they made another Hitman movie. With a different guy. Yeah. And here's what they need to do. They just have to make it with Statham. They keep dancing around it. They gotta just get Statham in there and do it. Boy, that's really perfect casting, isn't it? Why haven't they done it with him? He's like the guy you want to see in the movie. I don't know, man. They just can't, they can't make a decision like that.

It's too good? It would crack, it would crack it wide open. He does every other movie that comes out. Why haven't they? There's a new one He's got coming out that I cannot wait to see where he just plays like a construction worker who kicks people's ass Yeah, it looks great. It looks fucking awesome like working man or whatever and his name is Levin Cade It's gonna be it's gonna be so right wing. It's gonna be such a conservative movie. I can't wait to see it

I It's gonna be such a conservative movie. I can't wait to see it. This fucking Charles Bronson movie from the 80s. I gotta protect my Mexicans, bruv. I can say it, it's okay. Don't get scared. The next one. This is one of those things you see this as like, how did this happen? Alexander Bach, who is the director of Hitman Agent 47, his only IMDB credit.

Just like there was like, oh, let's just let this guy direct it. You know what? Let me do one. Like if everyone can just do, I feel like more than other jobs, people get to just like make one movie. Let me just do one.

Yeah, me too. I could do one. I could definitely direct one movie. I think I got it. I'd fucking knock it out of the park. I'd ask for a lot of help. You'd both be, you'd both direct one movie. I think I got it. I'd fucking knock it out of the park. I'd ask for a lot of hell. You'd both be, you'd both direct awesome movies. Oh, thank you so much.

I hope Hollywood gives you a chance. Hollywood, if you're listening, bang my line. I've made peace with the fact that I'll never get to direct a feature, but I mean like. You make a great movie. I mean, I think we have good taste. You have a great movie, yeah. You could certainly do better. Nick makes a shot for shot remake for the Silent Hill 2006 movie.

It's perfect the way it is. Need for Speed 2 pulls back. He's back. And he's got a mentor. And he's more on the poster. You're in the movie for some reason. Hey buddy. You gotta push on the gas. I know how to drive dude. You gotta push on the gas. I know how to drive, dude. You gotta push on the gas. The next movie is Warcraft, which I think is an interesting movie as an idea

because Duncan Jones, David Bowie's son, directs this movie after his incredible movie Moon. Have we all seen Moon? I love Moon. Moon is awesome. This is a, it's a good director The thing I like about the Warcraft movie is it does have and legitimately awesome score And I'm gonna look up the composer because I forgot their name, but it is one of those things where it's like if

we you know if if awards were not just like a You know, if awards were not just like – if we're not – awards were not so much based off of the quality of the overall thing. You know what I mean? It's like something we'll get a bunch of different nominations, a bunch of different categories. But if it was like – actually we are going to pay attention to the individual craft. Raman Jwandi, Jwati rather, who is the composer of Fallout and Westworld and Game of Thrones, I believe.

So you know, it's a really, really impressive pedigree. And the thing about it, I do think that the CG looks pretty good. And it looks, the movie looks like how you would want a Warcraft movie to look like it looked it has the characters from the game in the movie. I'm still not going into the theaters in this time. I haven't seen it. I saw it in the theater by myself. It is a it is not a good movie. Huge hit in China. Because of the Warcraft IP. I think this is maybe a C tier. Wow, let's get it up there. I believe you. Again, just relative to other video game movies, but I'm like, if I'm looking at that, sitting right there with above Prince of Persia

and below Mortal Kombat, that feels about right. Yeah, that's pretty good. Wow. How about Assassin's Creed starring Michael Fassbender? I didn't see the Fassbender or Assassin's Creed. I did not see it either. I kind of, one of us needs to watch that. Which one?

We could watch it for this show. We probably should just do it. You know what? Maybe we should. Maybe we should watch Assassin's... Because there's Assassin's Creed... Is it Shadows? What's the subtitle? Yeah, uh, Shadows. Shadows is like, is just out,

so maybe we could talk about it. From what I remember of the trailers, it kind of, I think, focuses on the wrong stuff about Assassin's Creed. It's also one of those things, like, that is wild casting. Yes. You're making Fassbender. You're putting him in that role.

I know, he doesn't even get to show his hogs. He's wearing a fucking cloak the whole damn time. What the hell? Feeling shame about that thing? Come on. Oh, God, it's just too big. I'm embarrassed. That's what that movie is all about. I'm so ashamed. So that was Assassin's Creed.

Next on the list, Ratchet and Clank 2016, a Canadian production, Nick. Okay, so I have not seen the Ratchet and Clank. This is one of those ones that was in It's gonna in limbo forever, right? And then it finally comes out an animated feature. Of course, it should be said. Yes And is responsible for the ps4 Like soft reboot of the franchise. They sort of they released like Ratchet and Clank and it's like technically Ratchet and Clank one Yeah, not a well regarded film but in a film that I have not seen, but the games are some of the best fucking looking games.

They're really, really good. The games are so gorgeous that you would think that the movie should look good. We gotta put it in the not seen tier, but I do have this bit of context. Kevin Michael Richardson, the voice of Chairman Jack in the first game, was originally bought in to reprise the role in the movie. However, during production he was quietly replaced by Paul Giamatti but the movie company accidentally mailed Paul's paycheck to

Kevin's address. Jesus! God damn. That's how y'all do it up there in Canada? What the hell? That's crazy. Gross stuff. Sorry there buddy. The next one then is the Angry Birds movie, which I would argue does not need to exist. I have not seen this and I think let's put in the F tier. Yeah, I think that's like that's I think it's craven.

Yeah, we just put that in the F tier. You know what I'll put in the second one there too actually. Okay great. All the Angry Birds movies are going the f-tier sight unseen because the there's nothing there Yeah, there's just nothing there, but they did this and this is like the start of a trend the emoji movie comes in around here as well People like their cell phones. Yeah, you got maybe we should just make a movie with a cell phone. It sucks. It sucks so bad And I know that there's a third Angry Birds movie on the way. Wow. All right.

We're actually starting to get into something pretty good here. Detective Pikachu. S tier. S tier. This is an easy S. This is an S tier film. Perfect movie.

Ryan Reynolds' best performance. Really, I mean, yeah. It kind of makes you kind of forget that it's him because it's, I mean, yeah. It kind of makes you- I forgot it was Reynolds. Yeah, you kind of forget that it's him because it's pretty good. I mean, it has, when Ditto is on screen. Unnerving. It is perfect. It's so good.

It is, like, it is one of the best moments in cinema history is when the guy takes off his glasses and it's ditto and you're like, oh my god. And you get to see, I mean, the fact that the Pokemon, it's a live action movie and the Pokemon sit in pretty good. They sit in really well. It gives you hope that they could be real someday. It really does.

They will be real. They will be real someday. They, it really does. They will be real. They will be real. Justice Smith's first big performance, it did fantastic in I Saw the TV Glow from last year. Patrick Newton, always fun. Ken Watanabe, just so locked in that movie. He's just like playing it like the most like, like serious like crime drama.

And then Bill Nighy too. Yeah, giving it so much more gravitas than it needs but that's part of why it's elevated I think it's a great movie a bummer that there isn't another one because I think they could have easily turned it under performed yeah Pokemon movie under performed I think this is the single best video game movie ever made no way I think there's one on the list that it gives it maybe a run for its money I will get to it yeah I think there's a better a better video game it maybe a run for its money. I will get to it Yeah, I think there's a better a better video game

Shout out Dan Hernandez and Benji Samet who wrote the script and I think did an awesome job really really great work by Robin Sonic the Hedgehog 1 S tier S tier really really good as look as tier might as well be sonic tier because all those movies know Where they're going I think here's what I think the start of the Smash Brothers cinematic universe to Hard I have a hard a hard angle here on the Sonic films Uh-huh Sonic 1 s here Sonic 2 a tear Sonic 3 s tear I'm legal. Here's I mean fine with that but also They could all be an ester. I'll be an ester and actually I

Think I might need to make an additional tier for one of the movies Let's get we'll get we'll get to it. We're almost done here. Oh gosh. I forgot one while we were deriding the Angry Birds movies I have to go back to 2018. Rampage, F tier, dog shit, horrible. Wow. Is it that bad? It's pretty bad, dude. They don't even get naked when they,

they don't even turn into guys. That's a great point. They don't, the one joke. They don't even turn into guys. The one thing. The one joke that's like the best joke in the thing. But I do think it's better than those than... It's better than Wing Commander.

I'd put it in D tier. Ugh. Did you see this, Heather? I did see it, and I was so ang... I love a Kaiju movie. Yes. It's not even fun. It's unenjoyable. You're not leaving an F tier. It's fine.

How can you make an unenjoyable, large creature film? And then I'm also realizing we, I skipped the 2018 Tomb Raider film, which I have not seen. I think this is a pretty functional action movie to not perform well at the box office. I think that this is probably a, I'd maybe put this in B, honestly.

I saw it and I don't remember it at all. This is probably a... I'd maybe put this in B, honestly. I saw it and I don't remember it at all. Like I couldn't tell you what like the main thing she was hunting for. I know at the end of it, she's finally become Lara Croft, the Tomb Raider. I think the thing that it has going for, having not seen it, is it seems to be more of a take

of the more recent Tomb Raider games, which are very good. Yeah. I don't remember it at all. To go back to then, we did Sonic the Hedgehog. Anyone see the Monster Hunter movie? I did not see the Monster Hunter movie. Is this also a Paul W. Sanderson? I believe it is. I didn't see it, but it does have a phenomenal poster.

The poster is really good It's a great poster. You know what I'll say Let me let me bring this up here Tony Ja I like Paul W Sanderson is the director Ron Perlman's in it. I like great poster and The other thing I will say it will make it makes me think of one of my favorite movies tar so yeah I think I think we put this one up in see you want to put it in see having not seen it that's insane that's an insane choice fine put in the sea okay I'll put it up there watch it now that we put it

in the CT-team. I forgot about Tar. I didn't really consider Tar when I was in the movie. You're gonna have to... We do Tar in the show? I would love to do a Tar episode. Got a video game tie in. Oh my god.

Also, I gotta say... We should do all like a bunch of like serious dramas that have a video game scene. Like Rain Over Me. Rain Over Me. Yeah. Yeah. As far, you know, is it Paul W.S. Anderson?

Yeah. I think you can make a case, number one wife guy. Loves to direct his wife in things. He loves putting his wife in movies, and I love it. I think that's great. I think it's wonderful. I think it's special. Good for him.

I think the W in Paul W.S. Anderson stands for wife guy. Okay, so we did Monster Hunter. Mortal Kombat 2021. Now, I don't think this movie is good. I don't think it's good either, but it's definitely better than I think here I think it's going see no, I Think it's better than everything in the light didn't enough to put it in seat. It's a D tier film I think it's maybe a D ranch. Do you see the new Mortal Kombat?

We talked about the podcast, right? Yeah, I think we I think we did an episode about it or we Watched it. Yeah, it's a D tier film. We can put it in D. Yeah, let's leave it in I'm excited about the new one Johnny Cage is in the new one look. I mean look at them I'll always rooting for these movies. Carl Urban is Johnny Cage. Yeah, that's that's good Well, the moral combat should should be pure fun. All right, what's next? Resident Evil welcome to Raccoon City now that's that's an F. That's an F tier, F tier. That's an easy F. That's really disappointing.

And it also, like that's part of why I think the Paul W.S. Anderson movies are elevated. Because in comparison, like what someone else does with IP. I'm looking forward to the future S tier Resident Evil film directed by Zack Craigert. Yeah, that's rad. That's gonna be so good. That's rad.

Uncharted. Pretty bad. Got some good action sequences. When they're fighting in the... in the Sabaro, that's in a church or whatever. The Papa Johns, yeah. Yeah. It's a C. I think it is a C on this scale.

I think that's a C-tier video game movie. It's a C-tier game movie. It's a C tier game movie. Tom Holland stretching his wings after Spider-Man and then before he realizes, I gotta get back to Spider-Man maybe. The strangest casting choice of all time. Cause there are so many dudes that look like Nathan Drake. And also just to cast it so young.

Do you know that they were trying to, who's the guy that did the fighter and the other Mark Wahlberg movie? So just to cast it so young. Do you know that they were trying to, who's the guy that did the fighter and the other Mark Wahlberg movie with George Clooney in Ice Cube and- David O. Russell? David O. Russell had the rights to Uncharted and he was gonna do Uncharted with Mark Wahlberg

as Nathan Drake. And then it took too long and he got too old so then they were like we're having you come in you're gonna be sully in the movie and Then it went to Tom Holland That probably would have been his if he directed Uncharted It probably would have been his best movie since the fighter because you have been on a pretty dry spell the fighter I mean people like silver Linings Playbook, I don't really love that movie. No, it gets worse.

Joy is fucking terrible. American Hustle? Not good. Bad. Haven't seen anything I think since that. The Super Mario Brothers movie, 2023. Okay, so I'm a defender of this movie. I do think Illumination can animate the shit out of a film.

I don't think all the casting is great. I think there are some very, very on the nose music stings that does not need like the pop soundtrack that it has, playing ACDC's Thunderstruck. I don't think that's additive when the Super Mario Brothers actual score is so, like, there's such an amazing library of tracks to work with. And also the scoring that's in the movie

is pretty damn good. That said, it is a dazzling visual display that I think renders the Mushroom Kingdom very effectively. And I feel for that reason, it is up in B tier. I think it's B tier. I enjoyed my time in B tier. I think it's B tier. I enjoyed my time at the movies. I think it's a fun watch. Like, look at what else.

It's with the new Tomb Raider remake with Mortal Kombat. It's like, yeah, OK. Maybe it's B tier. It might even be A tier. But I'm fine within B tier. It's hard to say that this film that made more money than all three Sonic films combined isn't at least an A. I didn't enjoy it, but if you're a kid,

this is probably a core memory for you. The Jack Black Bowser alone probably elevates it to A from B. I mean, Peaches? The Peaches song? Yeah, Peaches song is great. It's good. The Peaches song is great. Jack Black having the time of his fucking life

in the booth just going off. We love it. I realized we skipped Sonic the Hedgehog 2. S tier, S tier. You think that's an S? S tier. I think that's an A. I think it might be an A as well.

But we know it, no, I think it's S. Yeah as well But I know it no I think it's s Forgot there, but the very funny Wedding subplot that is for nobody And then like the other thing that's going on against that is like Sonic running around like in temples And there's this other thing going on and it's a wedding. Very, very funny. I really, I really, so I talked up Sonic 1 so much that I got a group of friends to go see it, female friends to go see Sonic 2

because I was like, honestly, Sonic is so good. I couldn't believe it. It's lonely and sad and fun and interesting. And midway through Sonic 2, a friend looked at me and was like, this is terrible. And I was like, I agree. Let me just tell you something. I'm sitting in a theater for Sonic 2.

I didn't see the first one in theaters. Saw it at home as a COVID release. Yeah, that was like, it was really like the last big theatrical movie before the COVID pandemic. It's the last film I saw at the Arclight. That's so wild. It's the final film I saw at Arclight was Sonic 1. So Sonic 2 comes out, I'm like, I loved Sonic 1,

I gotta get out there, see Sonic 2. I go, opening day, first showing, it's me and a bunch of dads and kids. I'm there, a childless adult, all of us in the theater, in the post-credit scene, seeing gasp when we see shadow in the fucking tube. And I'm just like, this is what movies are all about. This is going to the movies. They absolutely, let me just say, casting Colleen O'Shaughnessy as Tails for your back and then Idris Elba as Knuckles

are both just such fucking home run. Just really inspired. You have to. Because there's only one Tails and it's Colleen O'Shaughnessy. Yeah, there's only one Tails. You have to have her. It's important. And Eader's elbow also Acting his fucking ass off as knuckles. If you both feel strongly about being an A-tier, I'm not gonna override you

I just kind of feel like these movies are on another level from everything else. Nick I'm with you. It's an S-tier Okay, great. Let's keep going. Five Nights at Freddy's bad. Oh, really fucking bad movie. I think that's an f-tier movie I think it's just not even a movie. God damn it. I think it's f-tier Um I will watch every single one that comes out for some reason what I think that you know I actually kind of can I make a case for D? Go for it. I think the animatronics look really good And I went to Universal Studios Halloween Horror nights

And they had them on display and I got to see them And I was kind of like I kind of like seeing them in that they're real no fucking way Here I think I think it stays in the after Look, I had to make the case. I didn't think I was gonna get overruled But I just had to get my feelings out there and say it I hope Freddy Fazbear doesn't come to your house in the night eat you I hope Freddy Fazbear doesn't come to your house in the night and eat you. Oh man, I just seen the Five Nights at Freddy's movie. I'm putting him out of my misery.

It's really really bad. We did an episode about it and it sucks. It's rough. Borderlands? Oh, F. Oh, it's fucking bad. I saw that in the theater by myself and it's so fucking bad. But now, think about this. Is Five five nights at Freddy's as bad as Borderlands No, but also Borderlands is not as bad as Wing Commander So it's like yeah like how granular you want to get all these movies are just fucking failures

And that's where it belongs okay that movie's fucking horrible. We're at and you know what's even worse, huh, Amelia Perez Horrible we're at and you know what's even worse? Amelia Perez No, I was I watched that movie with my mouth hung open and not for any Bad reasons Like this movie is insane and bad Fuck we're at the final movie on the list I don't want to say what it is yet, so we all know what it is yes I have a proposition for all of us.

I'd like to add an additional tier above S tier. S plus. Maybe S3? S with three pluses? Nick? That's really good. Oh, I messed it up. Yeah, cosigned.

I think it's a triumph. Let's add a row above, and we can call it S+++. Wow, it's happening. And the movie that's going in it, a movie that people laugh when I say, made into my top 10 films of 2024. I love that. Sonic the Hedgehog 3. Yeah, it's awesome. It's the one, it's now the gold standard,

I think, of video game movie adaptations. Well, look, I like Detective Pikachu better. I will go with the consensus you know, the consensus here and put this one up and I think it deserves special elevation, I think it deserves highlighting because I think it just absolutely works so effectively. But I also just wanna say, I think Detective Pikachu is similarly a triumph.

I saw both Sonic 3 and Detective Pikachu with Mary. Mary did not like Detective Pikachu at all. Wow. Sonic 3, she was like, this is great. I... The way I came home and spoke to my wife after Sonic 3, my wife was like, what happened to you at the movie theater? I was like, it has everything.

It's so good. And I'm not even a Sonic, I'm not a Sonic guy? I was like it has it has everything it's it's so good I'm not even a sonic. I'm not a sonic guy. I almost like no sonic games I like Sonic 2 the one we played and I was enjoying Sonic cross shadow and and a little bit of sonic mania counter-reeves in this movie It's like it's it's one of his great performances. It's really good. It's really good He fucking does the Akira slide up a fucking skyscraper Found a way to include the gun which I was like there's no way they're gonna have he has a fucking gun Yeah, it's good. Jim Carrey is in the movie two times. Yeah, it's all I've ever wanted It's really really great

What a what a tier list we did. We did it. We did it, team. We did it. Also, like we're almost at the two hour mark and the original plan, Matt, you had was to do all video game adaptations, including TV. So I'm glad we streamlined it. Yeah. Well, and you made an excellent point. That's two episodes. That's its own thing.

Not next week, but later down the line at some point. Yeah. Like, never. Yeah. We gotta do a segment, but I wanna check in with Ranch real quick. Ranch, first off, did you see the new Tomb Raider? No, I did not.

And where are you on Detective Pikachu and the Sonic the Hedgehog movies? I have not seen the Sonic movies. I did watch Detective Pikachu, and I just remember being very scared of Mr. Mime. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's fair. I think that's fair.

Wait, so there's the Mr. Mime who does the whole, he does the act out, right, during the interrogation. Yeah, he mimes being self-immolated. Being burned alive, it's great. It's crazy. But is that, or the ditto that you were thinking of? I'm pretty sure it was Mr. Mime. It was Mr. Mime, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the dittos are also horrifying. There's a-immolated. It's crazy. But is that, or the ditto that you were thinking of? I'm pretty sure it was Mr. Mime.

It was Mr. Mime, yeah, yeah. Because the dittos are also horrifying. There's a lot of, look, Mewtwo is pretty scary too. Let's not just count Mewtwo. Well, the world of Pokemon is a horror. Yes. Like the cards describe things that are nightmarish all the time.

Yeah, Cubone wears his mother's skull on his head. Like, if you look at this Pokemon for too long, you'll go insane. Like, shit, you're just like, what? They're like, yokai adjacent. Yes, absolutely. This was great. I think this is definitive and nobody will be mad.

I think this is good. No notes. I think this is good. No notes. All right, that was Tears of the Kingdom, video game movie adaptations. Tears of course spelled T-I-E-R-S. It's time for a segment. It's our video game version of Would You Rather.

It's another edition of Would You Blathers. I'll read a video game related scenario, and you tell me which option you'd prefer. Hell yeah. This is Wood U Blathers Final Fantasy Edition. Let's go! Wow! Wood U Blathers wield Cloudstripes Buster or Wield Squall Leonhart's Gunblade. This is tough.

Because we've sort of, I feel like I haven't really thought that much about the Gunblade because I've not played that game, but I feel like when we watched Advent Children and when we've talked about Cloud as a character, we learned that the sword is magnetic and his back is magnetic. So it seems like it's maybe easier to carry. I don't know if the same thing applies to the gun blade. It is heavy as shit though. It is heavy.

Like the, you know, I'm trying to remember the line from Berserk is that inspires that sword. It's like more like a- This thing's fucking heavy. I think this thing's fucking heavy. There's a guy on TikTok who made the Berserk is that inspires that sword. It's like more like a- This thing's fucking heavy. I think this thing's fucking heavy. There's a guy on TikTok who made the Berserk sword and has been training for years.

For what? To be able to wield it. I think for 2025. So like he started with like just like weight training. And then he slowly has been adding weight and adding weight and adding weight, and then he added length, and now he's got the actual sword,

and he can swing it around. Wow. And like, he'll swing it around on the beach, and he's also gone from being like, not a ripped dude to a fucking jacked dude. Yeah, well that's the thing. Cloud's ripped. He's fucking shredded. He is.

I'm gonna answer this first, I think. And here's what I'm gonna say. Gunblade was absolutely my first choice. My concern with the Gunblade has always been, wouldn't using it break your wrist? Right. Because you're using on an angle an item that you should be clutching straight.

So like when you hold the buster sword, your wrists are secured and straight. The gun blade, you can't, your hand is at an angle. So I'm choosing Gunblade knowing that maybe the first time I swing it, I break my own wrist. I'm gonna go with the Buster Sword because that sort of then leaves me open to the possibility of acquiring materia

and putting materia within the little holes of the sword. You can, a game mechanic in Final Fantasy VIII is that when you strike with the sword, you can click the trigger and add damage. No, that is really cool. Which means to me that the gun is loaded and somehow sends like charge or something through the blade, which is such a cool idea for a fucking blade.

I'm a gun blade. Gun blade is also a cool word to hear and say. Gun blade. This is my case for a gun blade, and obviously the Buster Sword is iconic, and obviously Final Fantasy VII has a much longer tale of influence and cultural cache than Final Fantasy VIII,

although I do love Final Fantasy VIII. The gun blade is both the coolest and the stupidest video game weapon ever made. It's so fucking dumb, but that's part of its charm. And I feel like I'd just rather have that. And also I feel like part of learning to wield the gun blade is someone will explain to me how it works. So we'll get a sense of like, okay, I get exactly

like what Heather was just saying. What does firing the trigger on the gun blade do exactly if I time it in precision with striking something? I think you're wrong about it being stupid. I think there's a lot of stupid video game weapons. For example, doesn't Tidus wield a sword made out of water? Like- Sure, I mean- But that's but that's more conceptual and abstract.

That's not stupid at all. That's cool. Sora's sword is a blunt object. Let's like, you know what? I'm not gonna say anything about the gunblade. You stop talking about the keyblade right now. I'm saying, here's what I'm saying. I'm saying that there are iconic video game weapons.

The Keyblade is one of them. Like you see a Keyblade and you're like, bam, I know exactly what I'm looking at. Like the silhouette of a Keyblade, I know what it is. You see the Gunblade, you're like, holy shit, it's the Gunblade. If you see a Buster Sword, you might be like, oh, is that Cloud Sword or is that Guts's Sword

or is that one of's sword or is that, you know, is that one of the, what is it, Svi-handers from Demon's Souls? Like a big blade is not necessarily iconic. I love the gun blade and I don't think it's stupid. I do think it's stupid and I also love the gun blade. Ranshree, are you, I imagine you can picture the Buster sword, are you familiar with the gun blade? Not familiar with the here's a shot. There's just the gun blade and I oh

That's cute So is that your vote Yeah Next up would you blathers? Is that, so is that your vote? Yeah. Okay, great. Next up, would you blathers ride on the deck of an airship or ride on the back of a chocobo? Fuck. That's tough, cause airships are really cool, but it would be a dream to ride a chocobo,

but I would imagine it might be a little bit uncomfortable. I'd be so fucking scared on an airship that I think that I would have to go chocobo. And I've also leaned towards it because of how often in Final Fantasy games they talk about how chocobos smell really good. Oh, yeah. And I love the idea of getting on a mount

that also smells nice I like that that's in there as if somebody was like Playing it or something to be like god. I bet those things fucking stink So I'm going chocobo Matt what's your verdict? I well, I'm a pet guy. Yeah, I have two cats of my own Well, I'm a pet guy. Yeah, I have two cats of my own I Like the idea of having a chocobo as like a pet and companion and you know and mount having a mount is a home run That's great. Yeah, I love that

In rebirth you can put on different armor on them and make them look different ways in some of the ways are like cowboy or like Tropical or stuff and that's really really fun So and some of them are different colors. Yeah, they're blue or brown. Yeah, or yellow Airship I've been on an airplane before I'm good. I don't need to be up there. I'm down here I don't even like standing on the top of a skyscraper like what what what are you doing up there? I gotta look at the city in the night You're up there in case anybody is looking up and shouting save us. Yeah, and I'll whisper no But

That one of the unfortunate Losses of the Final Fantasy Battle Royale that I used to play Was that you had to breed Chocobos and the chocobos that you brought into a match had stats based on how good you were at breeding them in like a side mini game. So you would have chocobos that would have like longer stamina, longer duration of flight. They'd be like extremely fast

for a short amount of time, whatever. And having that kind of an element, like in say Fortnite, you can't bring anything to the island, but with the Final Fantasy game, you could bring your Chocobo, which was such a cool addition to the idea of a battle royale. Final Fantasy VII also has Chocobo breeding.

I remember back in the day, I spent at least 10 hours of game time because I remember what my save time creeping up when I just was, you know, like getting into Chocobo racing, getting into Chocobo breeding. And the end point of that is you get some really high-end materia, but it was like so much.

I got really deep into Chocobo breeding. I think Chocobo are fascinating. I am into the idea of riding on the back of one and familiarizing myself with their distinctive scent that is quite pleasing apparently. The thing is, it is such a moment of triumph in any Final Fantasy when you get the airship for the first time and the whole world opens up.

Yeah, that is pretty good. And I do like the kind of steampunky sort of like a moment of triumph in any Final Fantasy when you get the airship for the first time and the whole world opens. Yeah That is pretty good. And I do like the kind of steampunky sort of like look of an airship I do think it's really cool, but Ultimately, I don't love to fly I Definitely, you know, I don't even like being on airplanes I will never get in a helicopter and the idea of going on an airship that is like you know a fucking boat like a you know like a like an old tribe trireme like a trimaster sailing ship that's also got propellers on top

of it I've done no no no thank you I'm not doing with that so I'm going with chocobo yeah absolutely and what about the fat one that chocobo is fun we store your items that's fun. Because they're not everywhere. They kind of are, but you gotta look for them. Ranch, you got a preference here, deck of an airship, back of a Chocobo. Chocobo's cute. Yeah, Chocobo's really cute. Let's go.

All right, next up, would you blathers? Nick? Ranch will fix it. Watch it. Would you blathers? I'm keeping it in. Would you blathers have Clive's face tattoo from Final Fantasy 16 or have Zedane's prehensile tail from Final Fantasy 9?

Tail in a heartbeat. I hate the tattoo in on a good-looking man I hate the tattoo. Yeah. I never want that tattoo on my face. I'd have a monkey tail all day. I don't want that tattoo on my face. I'd have a monkey tail all day. Matt's looking up the tattoo. For a game that I love so much, I like, I forgot what like those people are called. You know how they're like-

The ones who get tattoos, they show their allegiance. What is that called? Yeah, I don't know. No, they're like, they're the magic users. So they're like the cursed or something. It's it's like the phages. It's like oh They're called bearers Oh bearers. Yeah, and You know what I?

Haven't played The other that other Final Fantasy game 9. Yep But I have played 16. A lot. I've played all the DLC. I've put a significant chunk of time in it. I really, really love Final Fantasy 16. And I already have tattoos.

And if I could align with the bearers and take on their plight and help them in taking on the great battles. I'd do it in a heartbeat. Team up with the likes of Clive and his brother Joshua. Wow. You talk about Final Fantasy 16 the way that I talked about Avatar 2 after I saw it,

where I knew all of the Navi names and all the like the whale's name like Tilcombe or whatever it was. It's a Paiakon, the mighty Tolkien. Never mind. I started a new game plus on Final Fantasy 16 at one point. I love it. That makes me both happy and weird. I feel like happy because I love Final Fantasy as a series so much and I'm happy that you

found your Final Fantasy because I think that's such a nice like threshold to cross is like which one is my Final Fantasy. Yeah. It's just weird to me that it's that one for you. I was looking at the spine of the box recently because the final fan is like the mainline Final Fantasy games the spines of those Games are to me are very iconic. Yeah, because it's just oh, it's oh, it's white Yeah, and it just says in the Final Fantasy text Final Fantasy, whatever the number it is Yeah, and I really really love that

I I got the special edition for Rebirth, and it came in a steel book, and it doesn't have that, and I do sort of wish I had the other one instead. Yeah, yeah. I was listening to the soundtrack to 12 the other day, and I was like, should I replay 12? It's so good. Great game.

I own 12 on Switch. I've been thinking, I would like to play all of them. It's still a big project of mine that I'd like to complete at some point I I have finished nine I bounced off of 16 16 was just you know what you know what the Matt's fandom of it makes me feel is like old Because I'm just kind of like this is like for me I'm just like this is maybe not what I'm looking for from a Final Fantasy Although I do think Final Fantasy 7 remake does a great job of modernizing it and I'm a big fan of that even though I haven't played Rebirth.

Ranch I got some images for you. First up, this is a cosplayer with Clive's face tattoo. So you can get a sense of this. Aaron Ross Powell Interesting that you couldn't just get a picture of Clive with it on. I feel like that's going to be a little more representative. Ranch, like- Aaron Ross Powell Yeah, but it's hard to get a close up of the tattoo

from in-game. And then the second is, this is Zidane. This is some fan art of Zidane from Final Fantasy IX. Kind of not fair, because one of them is obviously cuter than the other one. In another life, I had a face tattoo. Wow. Wow.

Wow, let's go. Nick, what's your answer? Here's the thing. Oh my God. Even though I like Final Fantasy IX more than 16, if I have a tail, I'm a freak. Whereas I will say- Really, the thing that's stopping you is a tail?

Okay. No, but I mean, that's just like a freak. That's like a freak show thing. Yeah, that's my defining attribute You're the guy with the tail. You are using that word like a slur And it is not good dude I gotta go face tattoo. Holy shit. I'm the only tail in the room. Yeah, I gotta go face tattoo Holy shit, I'm the only tail in the room? Yeah, I gotta go face tattoo. I will say with my size, ethnicity, and body type,

and my buzz cut, people have become scared of me, and if I add a face tattoo, I feel like they're crossing the street when I approach. Yeah, it's pretty tough. Freehand style tail, I'm in a fucking carnival, and I just, I don't want that to be my life. You're not in a carnival. They don't see fear when they see you with a tail. They see dollar signs.

I'm a man! Just think about the balance that we don't know that we're missing because we don't have a tail. That's true. If you have a tail, suddenly you're like, oh, I was always off balance previously. Yeah, I also think about like, imagine all the itches you can scratch

on your back with your tail. Yuck. That's great. I don't want the tails. That's actually a good point. I've just learned something about my tail, I don't want it to touch me. Okay, next up. Would you blathers have your arch rival stab your your crush to death like in Final Fantasy 7 or

Have to fight your own dad to the death like in Final Fantasy 10. Hmm All that's right now I'm fighting my dad and you know what dad's going down. Here's the thing. I don't want it. Look My dad's already dead. I like my odds, dude. I'll fucking kick his ass again. Yeah, I don't want Mary to die. I would never let that happen. So I've got to have a crush on your wife. I've got to fight, I've got to fight my dad. And it's your enemy.

It's like the person like you're already is like, I can't believe they have that up on me. Even if I ultimately get revenge, they fucking took that from me. Yeah, yeah. I'll give you despair, he says. Yeah. Not that fighting your own dad is a picnic,

but I'm just saying, like, you know. Dads are really strong. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, you pick that fight at the wrong age, you're gonna world hurt. You're fucked. Yeah, you have to wait till a balance is either equal or in your favor.

A little eight year old, come here dad, kick your ass. Ranch, are you fighting your dad or letting your crush get stabbed by your enemy? Let's all kill our dads. Dads took an L this week on Get Played. Sorry dads. So did Tails, crazy. We still love mommies. Next up. We still love mommy's next up we love mommy's

would you blathers witness the destruction of your reality by apocalyptic energy flare like the end of Final Fantasy 14 1.0 or Accidentally share Tifa hentai during a work zoom like happened in Italian Parliament this is tough. Yeah, because One of these things could happen to any of us You sort of have to empathize with somebody it's so human on the other hand the other option could also happen to us That asteroid keeps going up and chance Now it's as of record. I think it's one in 42 that it's gonna hit us in 2032.

I think that the asteroids are starting to be like, you know what, I think I'm just gonna do it. It's not like they're in a path, they're like, I'm actually gonna go that way instead, fuck this. I would rather share Tiva Hentai in part because I'd I'd do it and then I would turn around to camera and give the thumbs up Yeah, and then it becomes a totally different move and then so what I would do in that moment is

Because I would pick the same one But my move would be How do you how'd you even know what it was you've seen it too too then. Yeah. If you know what it was enough to identify it, you saw it, you've seen it too. So I actually, I'm normal actually. The first congressperson who calls you out and is like, was that Tifa Hentai? Yeah, Ted Cruz.

Wow. Ranch embarrassing porno on Zoom or a world destruction. Tifa's cute. Yeah, that's right. Nick, what about- She's kind of like the gun blade. She says Q is the gun blade. What about you, Nick?

Here's the thing. No one's being surprised if I'm sharing Tifa Hentai. And there is something fascinating about witnessing the end of the world. Like a thing that's been prophesied. And I will say this. When I watched, when I've watched video, I have not played Final Fantasy 14.

I certainly do not play it in its pre realm reborn era. But when I've watched video of that moment, there's like a serenity amongst all the player base. Like just everyone in the chat is just kind of like observing the world ending and just sort of standing together. It's like a moment of human bonding. Right, because it's a video game.

It's a fucking video game. It might be cool to see in real life. No, it would not. I don't want this shit at all. You know it's happening. You're watching the stars fall. You know, you're watching everything crumble. The speed with which people would start

stabbing each other for no fucking, like the moment that shit is announced, people will just, at a restaurant, if you find out at a restaurant, somebody in that restaurant's gonna stand up, go to another table and stab a man to death. You know why we can't fully relate to this? People are afraid of Nick because of how he looks.

Nobody's bothering him in a situation like that. If anything, he's doing it first. All right, I'm on an island here. Finally, in honor of our tier list today, would you blathers be forced to rewatch Final Fantasy The Spirits Within or be forced to rewatch Kingsglaive Final Fantasy XV? Kingsglaive, Kingsglaive, let's fucking go.

You don't have to force me to watch it, I own it on Blu-ray. Let's fucking go! That's really, really hard because I really dislike both of those movies quite a bit. Kingsglaive is fine. You guys are crazy. I don't think it's fine.

No, Kingsglaive makes Final Fantasy Spirits Within Look like Avatar the way of water. You guys are nuts It's gorgeous to look at. Kingsglaive? It's breathtaking. Makes Final Fantasy Spirits Within Look like Sonic 3. Wow. I think we should watch it again because I think you're starting to color it in your memory There's no way we're watching this again. No the podcast never never again unless I play you know I have to play if How about this when I roll credits on Final Fantasy 15? I'll give Kingsglaive another go because maybe I'll appreciate it more as somebody who played the game absolutely not don't do that When you finish Final Fantasy 15

You're done. It's over and and I and you're gonna over, and you'll sit with it, and you'll be like, wow, this was good. And then you never have to touch King's Glaive again. But every day that goes by that you haven't started Final Fantasy XV, you must watch it. I like that other option. That sounds pretty good to me. Yeah, no, I have to pick Spirits Within. 15 is the only Final Fantasy game that's made me cry.

Wow. Like, actually cry, like, as if I'm watching a TV drama or some shit. Like, a real one. You haven't seen me in my tenth round of a boss fight. Wah, wah, I can't win. Video games never made me cry. That's interesting. Uh Gosh he sounded like have you seen the tick-tock guy in China called you llama I have seen that guy Give me cry. I'm sure one has I feel like the what's your remains of Edith Finch probably got close

very emotional game Yeah, you know what probably shed a tear when I beat the Elden Lord certainly Yeah, it's a good time, but not like a sad tear of course be at Kingsglaive Did you cry when you accidentally killed me in the hallway? Honestly, maybe because I was scared that you were going to come kill me for real. Rachele, remind me, I can't remember if you watched Kingsglaive with us. I think I did. I think you did, yeah, I think you did too.

Have you seen Spirits Within? No. I watched that one. Do you pick that one so you can see it? It's an interesting tactic. It's an interesting move, honestly. Unprecedented, actually. Hey, that's this week's Get Played. Our producer is Rochelle Chen.

Ranch, yard underscore underscore sard. Are you doing any streaming of Alan Wake 2? Yes, I'm still streaming Alan Wake 2. That's over at twitch.tv Your username yard underscore underscore sword right our music goes by Ben Prunty Ben Prunty music comm our artists by duck brigade design duck Brigade comm and hey check out our patreon patreon comm slash get played where you can find our entire pre head gum back catalog plus ad Free main feed episodes and also our patreon exclusive show get animate Matt We're watching this week. You know we're watching baby. Den didn'tendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendendend Even if you've not ever watched anime you might love it. Yeah, and I would say like everyone's got Netflix

It's it's the hegemony so it among streaming services, so you got Netflix Check it out. Maybe you'll want to join us over on the patreon if you enjoy the show Yeah, you are real by the way patreon.com slash get played Thanks, Matt. You're welcome You know what I was gonna say you got played but I think we should talk about our Merch. You were gonna say I was going to? Weren't we ever going to talk about our merch? Oh I meant to add that to my notes. We do have merch. We have sweatshirts and shit. kinshipgoods.com get played for all your get played merch needs there's some

really incredible stuff kinship has done some really great work for a bunch of great shows now they're supporting us so So go over there, buy some merch, and rep your favorite video game podcast. How about that? Yeah, we got a zip-up hoodie there that is so comfortable. The merchant long sleeve tee, I don't know if the merchant knows this, is sold out. That was in such high demand that you can't even get that anymore, but that's a really high quality t-shirt. I would never tell that man.

Oh no, yeah, he's going to want to cut. There's a logo shirt, there's a logo dad hat, there's a logo that anymore, but that's a really high quality t-shirt. I would never tell that man. Oh no, yeah, he's gonna wanna cut. There's a logo shirt, there's a logo dad hat, there's a logo sticker, and then there's a button set that includes a Get Played logo, a Hello Everyone, a Get Played Red Ring of Death, which is a design can ship game up with, which I really like, and a ranch button, so that's a lot of fun.

So check that out. We love it. And hey, there you go. But you were gonna, back to this real quick. Yeah. You were gonna say I got played. I was gonna retract it, cause I was like, I don't know. I thought you did a good job shouting out the URL.

Hey, thanks man. Yeah, I think I did do a good job with that. Yeah, you sure did. Did I watch Kingsglaive in Applevision Pro? Was that how I watched it most recently? Dear God. I think so. I'm gonna watch it again Dear God. I think so.

I'm gonna watch it again with a gun in my mouth. I know. I know. That was a Head Gum podcast. Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the So True podcast now on HeadGum. Every week me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge.

Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew Fualow or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth. And if we find it great, and if not, no worries. So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the So True with Caleb Herron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday.

Love ya. Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girl, same. Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me?

The podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less at dating. Each week, I get real with comedians, friends, and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships. I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman, Trixie Mattel, Tiffany Haddish, and so many more. So whether you're single, mingling, or boot up, there's something in it for everyone. Tune into Why Won't You Date Me With Me, Nicole Byer, and discover insights that might

just save you from your next dating disaster. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, and catch full video episodes on YouTube! New episodes drop every Friday!