Get Played - UNLOCKED: Duke Nukem Forever with Colton Dunn

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

(Originally released on 9/16/19) Colton Dunn (Voyage to the Stars, Superstore) joins Nick and Heather to discuss the repeatedly delayed first person shooter game Duke Nukem Forever. They talk about Duke’s dated sense of humor, gaming with children, and more! Follow us on Twitter and Instagram @getplayedpod.Check out our Anime watchalong podcast Get Anime'd only on patreon.com/getplayed. Join us on our Discord server here: https://discord.gg/getplayed Wanna leave us a voicemail? Call 616-2-PLAYED (616-275-2933) or write us an email at [e-mail] on Get Played via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Duke, great to have you. Give me back my son. Is that from the Mel Gibson movie, Ransom? All righty then. Okay, doesn't really answer my question. Mr. Nukem, how did you approach returning to video games after such a long hiatus? Look out, it's time to suck my own dick! Mr. Newcomb, you just took your pants off.

I don't... I touched my cock to my eyeball! to my eyeball. We play repeatedly delayed first-person shooter Duke Nukem Forever this week on How Did This Get Played. Oh, yeah!

Tonight, you'll die in hell Fatality Time to blow your goggles Time to bring the pain Rest in pieces I'm gonna rip your eye out and piss on your brain, you alien dirtbag. Welcome to Out of the Skip Play, the show where we discuss the worst and weirdest video games of all time. I'm Nick Weiger alongside Heather Ann Campbell.

I'm Heather Ann Campbell. And our producer, Matt Apodaca. I'm Matt Apodaca. I'm Matt Apodaca. Wow. And they're talking like that because this week's game is Duke Nukem Forever, an FPS released in 2011 for PC, PS3, and Xbox 360. Violent, vulgar shooter, lots of crude comedy. You play as Duke Nukem himself in an attempt to rescue Earth's babes from an alien invasion.

Wait, that was the goal? Yeah. Earth's babes get kidnapped by the aliens. I thought you were getting revenge. Well, you're getting revenge for the theft of the babes from an alien invasion. Wait, that was the goal? Yeah. Earth's babes get kidnapped by the aliens. I thought you were getting revenge. Well, you're getting revenge for the theft of the babes. Oh. The aliens are actually trying to get revenge. The aliens are getting revenge on you because you kicked their asses

back in the original game. Wow. I misinterpreted a core event of the opening sequence. Oh boy, so you were probably lost. The main thing that people a core event of the opening sequence. Oh, boy. So you were probably lost. I was. So the main thing that people know Duke Nukem Forever for is having, for its development cycle taking forever,

as became a cliché joke. It was the longest development cycle in video game history, announced in 1997, originally meant to be released in 1999, and then Switched Engines Platforms finally was released almost 15 years later. And to break down this piece of shit, from NBC's Superstore and the podcast

Voyage to the Stars and Jam Space, Colton Dunn is here. Hi, Colton. What's up? Let's get up. Your guys' Duke Nukem voices are all very good. The problem is you're having original thoughts instead of just reciting lines from other movies. I'm going to take a piss.

Colton, we know you're an FPS. Heather and I know you're an FPS fan. Oh, yeah. What are like your favorites of the genre? I mean, well, you know, obviously Halo is, you know, my game. It's always where I go back to. It's where all my buddies are, so Halo is, you know, my game. It's always where I go back to. It's where all my buddies are, so I can always hop on and do that.

Big Destiny player for a long time, but then I had a kid and had to work, so Destiny became a little harder to keep up with. Right. You know, all the kind of work you had to put into it. You know, Call of Duties, you know, anytime there's a gun and you're shooting somebody, I like it. Fortnite, Apex Legends, you know, all that stuff.

Are you, it sounds like you're more of a multiplayer guy than single player. I love multiplayer. You know, I'll do single players, but, you know, what ends up happening while I'm, you know,

if I log on and start playing a single player game is I start getting messages from my friends to go play the other game. Right. And then I'm like, I start getting messages from my friends to go play the other game. Right. And then I'm like, oh, well, I'm going to go play. Right.

Friends? What is a friend? They're just kind of people who hang out with you, talk to you, tell you you're cool, and you tell them they're cool. Wow. It's cool. You know, like how Matt and me are wow don't speak to me

so one thing that because I always get intimidated because I'm not good at FPS's like my aim is terrible and I get like kind of motion sick playing them and so like I'm very like I used to play some like seriously like Half-Life 1 online back in the day I played some like and I just was always, I'm very, like, I used to play some, like, seriously, like, Half-Life 1 online back in the day.

I played some, like, and I just was always, like, I'm shitty, and then people, like, talk shit to me, and I always find that intimidating. Wait, Nick, your problem with first-person shooters is that you're bad at video games? I'm bad at this genre. Uh-huh. I don't think I, yeah, I don't think I'm bad. Like, you know, I can handle certain genres well, even some twitchy genres I can be okay at. But first-person, like, when I have to get precise with mouse aim or the analog stick aim,

it just doesn't work, it doesn't click for me. Yeah, that can be tough. I'm fairly good, especially for my age, I think I'm pretty good. But obviously the reflexes of kids in those games makes it really tough. What I actually do, whether or not it works

or not, what I always do is I speed up my, my turn, my turn speed. Okay. So that's one way that I try to compensate for being an old man. But yeah, I've always, you know,

I've always been fairly proficient with. I used to play Halo with Colton. Yeah. Years, like three, in the 360 days. Oh, yeah. It was great.

It was great fun. It was great times. Right. But I was nowhere near as good as he was. Right. But you're both... Heather, you've played a lot of

online games of different sorts. How do you both deal with trash-talking and trolling, or do you revel in that? I mean, they kind of it doesn't really happen at least for me it doesn't really happen that much anymore because they don't have the sort of open mic so you're not really talking to the other people maybe somebody will send you a message but you know i and and just just fyi if anybody plays against

captain dope in a game i never open up a message So you could send me a message all you want. I'm not leaving the game to go read whatever message that you're sending. But yeah, I mean, trash talk was my, actually, I wish there would be more, you know? Right. I wish that they would let it open up. Well, I mean, for me, because I'm an adult, like I'm not going to be like,

oh no, why'd they say that about me? I understand for like kids who are getting bullied, it's not cool. But I wish maybe there was a, you could like, have an adult check on it or something and turn it back on

so that, because I love, I love swearing. I love swearing at people. Yeah, Nikki Wuss. Yeah. You want like,

you want like, settings for like, like, it's like, easy, easy breezy conversations and then it's like, a little trash talk

and then it's like, open trash talk and then it's like open season. And then it's like your game. Oh, okay, cool. What's this one? Yeah, I just like because I don't love

even when I was playing Hearthstone and Hearthstone doesn't even have it's a card game and it doesn't even have like actual like you can send someone a, but there's no chat in game. There's just emotes. But people control you with the emotes.

They can be beating you and just be like, sorry. And someone does that to me enough, and I'm mad all week. I used to do that in a Sellers of Catan Xbox game that had little emotes that you could do to people. Right. You know they just put Catan on Switch. I know. You told me about it, and it makes me want to go get a Switch. It's fucking great.

Wait, so are you guys board gamers at all? Yes. Oh, yeah. I've never gotten into board games. What do you play? Do you play Catan primarily? You know what? I would love to play Catan, but nobody wants to play with me.

Oh, wow. Including most of my friends and my family. I would play. Oh, yeah. Well, okay. We could play again for most of my friends and my family. I would play. Oh, yeah. Well, okay. We could play again for sure. But yeah, my wife definitely won't play.

We played one time and we got towards the end of the game and she wouldn't trade me something. So I traded all of my resources to another person so that they could win instead of her.

Oh, my God. So we won't be playing that game anymore. But I love the pandemic legacy games. Those are really fun board games. All the legacy games are great. What goes on in like a pandemic legacy? Well, they're sort of games that kind of continue on.

So like, think about if you played like a game of Monopoly, right? And at the end you had all these hotels and all this stuff and you guys finished the game and it's like, all right, game's done. When you came back to play the next game, the board would still be the same. And the story kind of would continue somehow. That's really cool.

It just becomes a hotel management sim. Yes, exactly. It's like Dungeons & Dragons, sort of, where the campaign continues. It's very much like a DMZ campaign. Oh, fuck, that sounds great. That does sound fun. That does sound up my alley. And you just need friends.

You just need four friends that you can play with, you know. Got it. Okay. Well, I'm doing the math in here. And I think we all have a thing at the same time that you want to do that. You mentioned being you mentioned having a kid. Has being a dad changed your perspective on games at all besides just you having less time for it? I mean, not really.

Because I'm also somebody, I grew up definitely part of this TV generation. And the whole time, everybody was saying, you can't just let kids sit and watch TV. You can't let them do that. And that's all that I did. And I think I turned out just fine. Oh, yeah. TV. You can't let them do that. And that's all that I did. And I think I turned out just fine. My eating habits could probably be better.

So I think that at some point, if my daughter wants to pick up a controller and start playing, I think finding age-appropriate games for her, I have no issue with that. Does she watch you? She has come in and actually just seen the controllers and like wanted to do stuff.

So I'll like put up, you know, I have like, you know, just a couple like silly games that are, you know, kind of on my Xbox. So I'll like put those on and like play it and then give her a controller that's not even on. And she's like, I'm doing it, you know? So she's dumb.

She's a moron. You know, so she's dumb. She's a moron. So did you guys play the, I mean, because Duke Nukem began in the 90s. There were a couple of platformers, which I think, you know, some people who are really into PC games played, but they were a little bit more obscure. Duke Nukem 3D was the breakout hit. Did anyone in here play Duke Nukem 3D at the time of release back in 1996? I mean, I saw it at somebody's house. Okay.

I never had it at my place. Right. But I do remember watching somebody play and being like, oh, wow, crazy. I played it. I played it a lot. Yeah. Yeah, I played it. I played, you know, Wolfenstein, Duke Nukem, Quake, Quake 2, Riven.

Right. Rise of the Triadad I'm trying to remember all of them and then there were like all the mods for all that shit They made another one which they referenced

in this game it was a oh god what was it called the main Shadow Warrior was that what it was called? I didn't play that one

and then yeah Hexen Oh Hexen! Riven I think was the missed sequel Hexen I think was the That's what I'm thinking Yeah, heretic sequel Wasn't there a game called Doom? Yeah, there was Doom That Oh, Hexen! Yeah, Riven, I think, was the missed sequel. Hexen, I think, was the... That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, heretic sequel.

Wasn't there a game called Doom? Yeah, there was Doom. That's the game that I played. Yeah, Doom, Doom 2. Yeah, Doom was huge. So Duke Nukem Forever was kind of like, or Duke Nukem, rather, 3D, or the original was kind of a response to Doom

in terms of just having more of a sense of fun where these games were kind of a little bit more grim, and this was the one where the main character wasn't faceless. He had a personality. And this was the one where the, the, the character, the main character wasn't faceless. He had a personality. I love Duke Nukem 3d, the original, like it's like,

I don't know if it's tonally it's aged well, but like it was very fun at the time. There are things you could, you could, there are all the environment deformation. You could blow up a building. You could like interact with the environment you couldn't do at the time. There was like a part where you could like press space bar to throw money at a

girl, right? Yeah. Yeah. Shake it, baby. Oh, Hey, there it is. There was like a part where you could like press space bar to throw money at a girl, right? Yeah. Yeah. Shake it baby. Oh, Hey, there it is.

He was quoting Duke though. So it wasn't as good as our like original tape. That's true. Yeah. I didn't have an original doubt there. Um, but yeah, so,

so that was the, that was the original and that was a huge, huge hit in 1996. Uh, and so in 1997, they announced Duke Nukem Forever. So for context, in this year, the biggest games were like GoldenEye, Final Fantasy VII, Fallout 1. And then it was in development hell for over a decade with 3D Realms, eventually was finished and released

by Gearbox in 2011. And when it was released that year, the biggest games, Skyrim, Batman Arkham City, Gears of War 3. So like two to three generations of gaming happened during this game's like torture development cycle. Was Skyrim really that big a game? Yeah, Skyrim was huge. Skyrim was huge. Oh, Skyrim was one of the games I played that wasn't a multiplayer game.

Wow. A ton of it. Yeah, gigantic game. I had no idea. Skyrim was the game that, for some reason, I forget who, I talked to somebody, and they were like, oh, yeah, you know, the way Skyrim works is the more you do stuff, the better you get at it.

And I was like, oh, so if you like jumping a lot, you'll be able to jump higher and get more agility? And they're like, yeah, it'll increase. Well, I didn't realize that. For some reason, I internalized that to mean if i just kept jumping that eventually my guy could fly so i just be like playing the game and just constantly jumping and being like all right so at some point this is gonna really take off and my guy's just gonna fucking go that's not how that's not how it works that's like uh in this game in duke nukem forever i got

one upgrade bonus yes i'm playing a slot machine and i was like oh well if i get the maximum jackpot i must get a maximum upgrade and i played the fucking slot machine for 30 minutes oh my god just like absent-mindedly pressing a like being, and then finally got another jackpot, and it just gave me nothing. Oh. Yeah, I mean, I think that's like kind of a thing. That sucks. Yeah, I think that's just kind of the system they have for the game. And, you know, Colton, you mentioned Halo and being a fan of it.

They certainly lifted some things from Halo, which was, you know, a revolutionary game franchise that launched and had a couple of sequels in the time this game was being developed. But the ego bar is pretty akin to the Halo shield. That's the thing you can increase the max at by doing things like lifting weights or signing autographs or playing slots or making basketball shots or pissing. Yeah. If you take a piss in the toilet. Oh, buddy, I pissed for so long. And I was like, no way. Is this really something I can just sit and do? Yeah. And it's just like cool.

And everywhere I'd go, I was like, oh, go to his house. There's a bathroom. Can I piss here too? Wow. I pissed in every urinal. I turn on every shower every time I saw a shower. It seems like Duke never hydrates, but he can constantly piss. I guess that's his superpower. Well, he does drink beer.

Yeah, he drinks beer constantly. He does drink beer, yeah. But he would just be getting dehydrated. His urine would gradually get thicker and thicker. Thicker? Oh, there's a lot of water in here. What the fuck are you talking about? There's a lot of water in here.

Yeah, I guess there's a good amount of water. Does that get thick? Big drinker, this guy. You know, when you go out drinking in here, piss gets all thick. Oh, I got that thick piss from drinking. Ouch. It's coming out like syrup today. Hey, everyone. You know, you want to eat healthy, you want to eat well, but you don't want it to be a pain to prepare. Well, let me tell you, eating better is easy with Factor's delicious ready-to-eat meals.

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So normally you have like a health bar and you run out of health and you die. In Duke Nukem, he never takes damage. His ego takes a bruising. Yeah. And so the ego meter would just be like, if you get shot a whole bunch, it's like his ego takes a hit. And only if it goes all the way to zero does he give up on the game. He falls down and his glasses break. Yeah, but in theory, he's not dead.

He's just his ego. And then if you duck behind cover, then your ego replenishes because you feel awesome when you're hiding. Right, right. And you can do certain things that'll give an instant, I believe, whatever fatalities that they have in there. If you do that, it'll instantly... Is that true?

Yeah. Charge your ego meter. I fucking barely pay attention to that shit. Yeah, some of the melee attacks if you run up to a guy who's about to die. Yeah, and so the other thing they lifted from Halo, which was not a thing in the original Duke Nukem 3D, is you've got a two-weapon limit,

which was expanded to four in a patch on the PC version. But it is like, for a game where you get like lots of cool weapons, it's kind of a bummer because you just want to play around with like the freeze ray and shit, but then you just don't have the inventory room for them because you've got to make sure you've got something that's a little bit more practical. It's kind of a bummer just from a fun standpoint. They lifted a third thing from Halo, which is that you see the power armor

midway through the game, and they're like, hey, do you want to put on this armor? And it's clearly the Halo armor. And Duke Nukem goes, no, power armor's for pussies. Yeah. There are some not-so-veiled slams at other games. I thought it was the power armor Considering this game sucks

They're just throwing haymakers At other games Later on there's a puzzle involving a valve You're turning in some pipes And Duke goes I hate valve puzzles Reference to valve software And then there's one Later on he says

Duke won gears nothing Really buddy reference to Valve Software. And then there's one, there's later on, he says, Duke One gears nothing. Really, buddy? Yeah, it's pretty bad. I liked it when he said, what kind of sick motherfucker picks up wet feces? Referring to himself. Because Duke can grab shit out of

a toilet and then use it to like draw and throw. It's fucking disgusting. Why wouldn't he say shit in that sentence i don't know he says sick motherfucker but he says wet feces i feel like it's like weirdly dorky it's like online humor like it's funny to say like feces like if you like people think it's funny to say yeah also hilarious speaking of online humor there's a lot of just like memes they just do or just like jokes from other things they like a joke they have very early on is they just do that joke from south park about

like step one step two step three uh profit they just like redo that exact same joke that's from south park yeah it's a south park thing that later became a meme uh underwear gnomes i think was the origin of that they do a leroy jenkins thing yeah um yeah so i guess let's just kind of like talk through how how the game progresses because we mentioned piss and that is how the game opens oh yeah it starts and we're from duke's perspective we're watching him piss into a urinal and say this is taking forever yeah but also by the way he says that immediately upon pissing he's got like three drops of piss out and he says, this is taking forever. I don't know what his expectations are. I think it's a reference to how long for the game to come.

Yeah, it's definitely a meta reference to the game's development cycle. But I feel like his own piss should go on for a little longer before he drops that line. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense in context. Yeah, I feel like the game wasn't nearly violent or funny enough to justify his constant attitude like yeah right if literally everything was killable and everything exploded right then he'd be like i'd be like like this guy can fucking say whatever he wants right but it was kind of surprisingly tame yeah yeah right you know like you mean just in terms of well i don't know because like there are some parts of it that are pretty grim and gruesome, like some H.R.

Giger shit like that, like the later level where there's all the women trapped in the fucking like a crazy bio shit. It's like in the Duke Dome. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's just like a nightmare. But they but they they're trapped, but they don't explode. They like not. I feel like they kind of explode. I feel like Technocop was grosser

was more like grody sure these were like just big like triangle shaped chunks that exploded and yeah they're shot there isn't a death animation in this that is as gruesome as and gnarly as exists in technocop the genesis game that we played a few weeks back. But, I mean, few things in games are that gruesome. That's a really gristly animation. Just to give a sense of how long this game was in development, Duke Nukem Forever, the title, I found it, is a reference to the 1995 movie Batman Forever. Oh, my God.

So the entire Christopher Nolan trilogy came out and then this came out afterward. Or I guess this was just before Rise of the Dark Knight, or The Dark Knight Rises rather. So the game starts, Duke is taking a piss, saying this is taking forever. You pick up a shit we mentioned. So you replay the end of Duke Nukem 3D basically

with upgrade graphics. This is honestly probably one of the best parts of the game. Just this little boss fight you have in the opening, and then you kick his eyeball through a field goalpost. And then we find that Duke is getting top while playing his own game. You know, I want to say that in the opening, it's demonstrative of how little creativity went into the current Duke Nukem game. Right.

Because, like, killing an alien on a football field. Yes. Is like cool and representational and interesting and creative. Like you hadn't seen that shit in a video game. And I'm not really very often since. No. But you go from that sequence to like locked in hallways and casino floors. There's nothing like fucking bathit from that point forward.

Yeah. Right. Because basically Duke owns his own casino. He lives in a penthouse suite of this casino that he owns. But, like, it's like a pretty drab casino. He's Donald Trump. And it has a television studio in it. He has a television studio.

On the ground floor, I guess. I've got to go downstairs to record a late show which is then fucking canceled yeah then as soon as you get there they're like we're not doing the show these aliens right the hell i gotta figure out what's going on so in this world that he's like the events of toot toot gum 3d took place 12 years ago he's gotten rich and famous off of it he's gonna appear on this talk show the talk show gets canceled because of an alien attack um oh this is like about the point where there's this, Matt, we were talking about this before we recorded.

There's the Christian Bale reference you stumble upon. I have that right here. Let's see. So when he comes from backstage, when he's going to investigate the aliens, he comes across two people doing this. Oh, is this the guys arguing? Yeah. Fucking amateur.

Are you kidding me? I'm trying to do a scene with Johnny on the show, and there you are wandering through the set. Oh, is this the guys arguing? Yeah. Fucking amateur. Are you kidding me? I'm trying to do a scene with Johnny on the show, and there you are wandering through the set. You never stop to wonder if it might be distracting with you walking through. Do you want me to trash your mics? Would you like me to trash your mics? You don't fucking get it. The scene's done.

Now the rest of the crew left for Duke Burger, and my moment with Johnny is over. Thanks to the aliens, I'll never get that moment back. You fucking amateur. We're done. We're done professionally, man. You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy. But you don't get it.

Fuck. This is really funny, because I didn't get a chance to realize that, because I walked into the room and immediately beat this guy up. It's just so crazy, because I can't remember what year that rant took place. When did that movie come out? Probably just a couple years before. Terminator Salvation, I think it was the one. At the point that this game came out, that was a dated reference. It was already a dated reference, but I think it's the newest reference in this game.

It's the most current one. My God. Yeah, and it is like newest reference in this game. It probably is the most current one. It's like the most current one. My God. Yeah, and it is like, I don't know. That's like the level of kind of comedy that you get throughout this game. It's just like references to other things. I just don't want to be clear, though. We need to kind of skip past it a little bit. But he's getting his dick sucked by two women.

He's getting domed by sisters. By his twin girlfriends that are sisters that like it starts and it starts out and it's very like you hear like

slurp slurp slurp slurp and then they like pop up and they're like hey that was fun you know

time's up Duke Duke's cancelled and it's the the wholesome twins the wholesome twins which is supposed to be analogous to the Olsen twins but Nick pointed out

that they're dressed like Britney Spears in her first video yeah it's very weird yeah their wardrobe is from the hit me baby one more time video

I thought the weirdest thing was that their heads and necks moved like some kind of joint yeah like instead of like instead of like

turning their head it was like like the hooked the hooked turn of a snake's face. Right. Like, it was fucked. Or, like, a loose head on a mannequin, and you just kind of shake it. They put all their animation engine into, like, boob jiggle, and then everything else, like, seems super duper unnatural. Yeah. It's, yeah, the way all the characters move is very odd duke nukem was the first time you walk up to a mirror in the first game uh duke nukem 3d was the first time i remember that you

could go up to a mirror and see yourself i think yeah first person shooter yeah it's pretty fucking crazy i like that so much of this game is mirrors. Right. As if that's still impressive. Yeah. He's also significantly shorter than most other NPCs. Like, if you can get into a mirror

next to a woman or, like, a dude, he's shorter than that. Damn, I should get some lifts for my shoes. One of the NPCs even says, I thought he'd be taller.

Really? Yeah, he does, yeah. My dick's too heavy. It's dragging me towards the earth. It's hurting my spine. So, yeah, and then we kind of get into the story for whatever it is. You go to this talk show. Duke gets a call from the president and the general.

It's just a generic president guy. general, it's just a generic president guy. But right before that, too, in order to get to his observatory area, which is very weird, he leaves the studio, which is on the basement floor of this place. He gets in an elevator, goes all the way up to the top, and then he has to take a picture of a fan sitting on a throne so that then he can sit on the throne and then go has to take a picture of a fan sitting on a throne so that then he can sit on the throne and then go back down to the bottom of the building.

It's an impractical layout. Yeah, like the throne is like the secret entrance into his little bat cave or whatever, like Duke cave, I guess you'd call it. Duke also has a big, it's not, what is it? It's not big enough to be a pool, but it's too large to be a bathtub

in his living room. He just has some standing water in his living room. Just like some standing mosquito farm. It's strange. Yeah,

and so like, yeah, that's all, and it's things like, I don't know if that's boost your ego either, taking the picture of the fan. I don't think it does.

It doesn't boost your, it teaches you no mechanic in the game that you need I don't think it does. It doesn't boost your ego. It teaches you no mechanic in the game that you need to know. It's ridiculous. It's a delay. It's just a delay. It's like they went through it. They're like, fuck, we got to add stuff to make this longer.

Because the game itself is only four or five hours long. It's a short game considering that it took 12 fucking years. And I spent 10 minutes trying to fight that guy in the throne. Clearly I had to beat this guy up because I just beat that other dude up for no reason. It is the kind of thing

because, you know, like, I feel like what's established in Duke Nukem 3D is you could do that kind of shit where it's like you could kind of

break puzzles by like, just like, I'll fucking just kill this guy instead of figuring out what he wants. And like, this doesn't really have that same sense of fun. Oh fuck,

I forgot. My favorite part in this opening sequence is when you go down to do the talk show and there's like a mom with a little son and they're like,

can you sign our book? And then they give you control over Duke's hand but it's poor control. It's horrible control. The swastika that I drew looked ridiculous. I love the idea, though,

that in-game they're like, oh my god, it's Duke Nukem! And then they stare at him for 45 seconds while he's ranting. That was there when they were developing it. They were like, this is our mirrors, guys. This is it this is it this is gonna be it

yeah cause you can actually do that earlier in the game right on the whiteboard on the whiteboard right and while you're also doing that horribly

there's like background vocals of a guy going wow cool that looks good good plan Duke like comedy and on that time that time I drew a penis

so then Duke starts fighting the alien hordes and here's what I would say And on that time, that time I drew a penis. So then Duke starts fighting the alien hordes. And here's what I would say is that like the combat is mostly okay, but there's so many sections of like platforming and just like, and when turrets, you know, we mentioned before we started recording, there's just so many sections that just like really bogged down this kind of throwback shooter gameplay that could just be a lot of fun if it was just that. Yeah, you don't. For a game that used to be called Duke Nukem 3D and you could go anywhere and move around, so much of this fucking game is locking you into a single position where you can't strafe, you can't move. You're just like fucking target practice right it

sucks um so you so uh duke was so duke is fighting through everyone oh he gets shrunk at one point in here yeah this part is fucking here's the thing the this platforming sucks when you're shrunk like it's really super duper unfun but then it's also fucking disgusting because the women are horny for little duke like tiny action figure size duke gets these women all horned up here we go i got a clip right here these are your two girlfriends you're so tiny and cute i could carry you around in my pocket like a little pet your hot pocket I mean, the point of being this small is just to look up her skirt. I guess so. That's what this person in the playthrough is doing. And I did, and there's nothing.

Like, if you're going to set that up in a game where there are, like, full-titted aliens and tits on a wall that you can slap. Yes. Why wouldn't you render a bush? Or a shaven bush. Or a thong. Sure. Like any fucking thing. Cameltoe.

It's just two legs that jam up into a pelvis with nothing. Just got a high five. Why? Why did I do that? Yeah, just an endless abyss underneath a mini skirt. And it is like, but it's,

I don't know. I was extra unsettled by, like the boob wall is obviously upsetting, but I was extra unsettled by the idea of these women. And there's another woman earlier. There's a mom

who wants to put Duke in her vagina. And it's like, what? Oh, I know exactly where I'd put you, Duke. I'd put your whole body in my vagina. I don't think I could breathe. I'm worried I'd asphyxiate.

Sounds great. Well, I'll give it a shot. Is this fun? I don't think this is fun for me. I feel like once he gets, because he gets shrunk for no reason, right? He just suddenly is shrunk. I wish that the entire,

like he had looked down, seen the tiny, tiny penis that he now had, and the ego meter had just started draining. And so you had to like run. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. And to get big. Right.

Like otherwise, why fucking make him small? What was the fucking... Also, you have to drive a remote control car? Yes. Oh, that part sucks so bad. The vehicles actually are maybe my least favorite thing in this game. That fucking... Like, it feels like a bunch of people had a spreadsheet and they were just like, I don't

know, like, what if he was small for part of it? Yeah, yeah. And what if he drove a car for part of it? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if he could only carry part of it? Yeah, yeah. And what if he drove a car for part of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if he could only carry two guns? Okay. Yeah, the shrink ray was in Duke Nukem 3D,

and it was kind of like, it was like a fun, cool, like new novelty gimmick weapon, but it was like fun to shriek enemies, and then you could step on them. Here it's like you shrink yourself, and then it's just like, well, what am I,

this isn't, what's the power fantasy here? You know what I mean? You can look up their skirts. I guess so, yeah. But you can't even do that. I got glitched into death several times during the driving sequence. What version were you playing?

PS3. Colton, were you playing the Xbox? Xbox, yeah, the Xbox backwards compatibility. I was on PC. So, yeah, and I think the PC version is the best version. It's been patched, so it's a little less glitchy than the console version. I was driving the car

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remember, start the new year off right with a delicious bowl of high protein cereal at magicspoon.com slash getplayed and use code getplayed to save $5 off thank you Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode so then after the he's fighting through the casino he's uh alien directing women his pop star girlfriends get abducted uh so he has to make his way to the duke dome uh which is where the the section this is the he has a oh there's this this this interaction you have with these guys

on top of a shipping container. Yeah. Right. Okay. So, so much of the game, I don't even. It's just waiting. It's just watching dialogue. Yeah. So when you have a dialogue sequence, it's not like run and gun. It's not like a dude's talking to you like gear style while you're fucking making your way through a horde of enemies. You're literally like standing.

Like there's a part where you're like meet the general in front of an elevator and he fucking talks for like 20 minutes so much exposition just talks yeah nothing he's like wow duke i'm really sorry about this this was a big misunderstand and like you're just like you are a human man with a gun extended and you're just like walking down the hallway like you can't kill anything no yeah you can't kill those it would be nice if there was like even just like a duke quip button that you could just hit to just have him say like shut up yeah milk was a bad choice you know just whatever he wanted to rattle off just to kill the kill time in those sections actually we shouldn't i don't know if we've played any of Duke's actual voice acting by John St. John. Yes, we have. Do we have a Duke soundboard or anything?

Yeah, I have this right here. Okay, here we go. So I'm just going to pick some classics here. Not my babes. Not in my town. Who's your daddy now? Oh, boy. Suck it down.

So some of these are from the original game and some of them are from the new game. That's one dead space marine. Hey. Come get some. All right. That's not cool. What's that? If it bleeds, I can kill it.

Oh, that one's in this one. Yes, it is. Yeah. Yeah. Hail to the king, baby. Just a line from Army of Darkness. Balls of steel. Yeah.

I mean, so. Have a taste of my ball click on the one next to it my balls your face that's like i think they have a taste of my ball is when he jams a wrecking ball he slams a wrecking ball into the duke dome i think that's when that's that that quip is uh it's uttered it's not so it's not satire no the thing the thing is these kinds of lines would be in a grand theft auto game but it would be like and now let's interview the dumbest fucker on earth and then you like fucking talk to the guy this is like serious i, it's satirically serious, but it's serious.

It's like a power fantasy that it doesn't have any awareness. It is. It is very much like for it's like an 11 year old boy's dream game. Like you get to play as this badass guy with muscles who every woman wants to have sex with. And you get to piss constantly and get, you know, get drunk. Also, you get to have sex with the women and also kill them. And also kill them, yeah, later kill them. Yeah, by the way, so you can drink beer in this game

and get beer goggles, which makes you, it makes you less vulnerable, right? Or harder to hit? I forget exactly what it is. To resist damage. Resist damage. So you take less damage with beer goggles, but you just drink one beer and then he's just like drunk.

And he's faded. He's fucked up. So Duke Nukem 3D, this ultimate badass, who's the most famous man in the world, gets drunk off of one beer and comes in like 20 seconds. He also has a fancy bar with only three different kinds of alcohol. Right. But like hundreds of bottles. Right. Oh, by the way, speaking of illicit substances, there was a there's a cigarette machine that I you pointed out, Heather, this detail to me that I didn't pick up.

This is fucked. So you go up to a cigarette machine and I'm like, oh, cool. You can put it. You can pull the thing and get cigarettes out. And one of the cigarettes is just called fags. And it's got a picture of a, like. Of a leather daddy. A leather daddy.

No way. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. This came out in 2011. And we were only in Obama's first term. We're still figuring stuff out. You can also take.

It's a different time. You can take steroids. Yes. Yes. In the game. Right. And, but they aren't, it's not cool. Like, if I'm gonna

take steroids in a game and then punch something, that thing should explode in a new way. Right. You'd want that to be, that should be an awesome sort of thing that's happening, if you're gonna glorify that. But it's not really. It's not really any fun. And then, so, yeah. The Duke Dome is where you have

the infamous boob wall, where it is, like, just, like, tits in a wall, like, covered with, like, weird, yeah, so the Duke Dome is where you have the infamous boob wall where it is like just like tits in a wall like covered with like weird, what the fuck do you call that? The weird organic material. It's like an alien. Yeah, there's weird like sort of slime and tendrils connecting it. Ectoplasm? Ectoplasm, yeah. And you can bat around the titties. Ectoplasm is from ghosts.

Okay, it's not ectoplasm. They bounce. I couldn't figure, they don't do anything, right? No, it just gives you an ego boost. And then they, but they also make a sound.

Yes. The ship itself is like, oh my God, like that. Oh, Jesus. Right? Yeah, it's fucking horrifying. Man, I will say that

if it was well rendered, the idea of like coming across one of those impregnated egg filled alien women. Yes. Who are like built into a wall and like the first. There's so much to say. One of the women that you find who's an eight like full of alien eggs is like, Duke, just give me a week. I'll lose the weight and then we can fuck.

Yeah, it's it's it's horrifying. I'll lose the weight and then we can fuck. Yeah. Yeah, it's horrifying. So, and then there's this alien queen boss you fight in this level who's just like a, she's a giant like alien woman, but she's got, she's topless and she has three breasts and they're like exposed and jiggling

and you shoot her a bunch of dimes. Oh, Duke says, damn, she makes me wish I had three guns. I guess so he can use a different one to shoot each chamber. Imagine having a writer's room for 12 years. And you're just trying to beat that

joke and you're like, there's no way to beat it, Amanda. You can't beat it, man. No, that's locked in. And then the fucking, it just keeps going. You go to the Hoover Dam. You've got this monster truck driving sequence that sucks. And then you have to blow up the dam. There's this underwater level, which is one of the more annoying sequences in the game. Yeah.

And then, so the president, you find out, I mean, this is super duper telegraphed. The president's been working with the cycloid emperor the whole time. He's working with the aliens. Because he told Duke to step down. He told Duke to step down. Also, by the way, I don't know if we touched on this, but when the president is telling Duke to step down, he's saying, we can't go in there guns blazing just assuming they have WMDs. Yeah. So this is analogous to the Iraq war.

Duke is the good guy just Just wanting to go in. We got to go in and kill everyone. And then the president is like urging caution. Like we should make sure this thing is for real first. We're supposed to side with him. So in the Duke Nukem universe, the Iraq war happened the way it happened. Yeah,

right. And then, so the, so then they then they blow up the dam Oh and then the end of this game is And Heather fill in if there's any There's any details I missed in here As I kind of sped through this Yes please

I want to point out that you This game has all the environments Available to your imagination Right And you spend most of the fucking game In construction sites In like empty parking lots, in featureless fucking hallways,

and in ducts. There's the dream sequence where you're just in a strip club. It's a fucking dream sequence, though. Why not put it canonically in the game? Yeah, exactly. Why isn't there just a little oasis he can go to and see some real boobs?

Not these dream boobs. Why wouldn't you? you're fucking shooting everywhere. I know. And then he's like, oh, yeah, it's a strip joint. And then you just, like, go in. I'd be fine with that. In his dream, Duke gets sucked off in a glory hole, and it, like, raises his ego.

Yeah. I was just like, this is fucking disgusting. I'm supposed to empathize with this guy? Like, using a fucking glory hole in a strip club bathroom? This is fucking disgusting. I'm supposed to empathize with this guy? Like, using a fucking glory hole in a strip club bathroom? This is foul. Also, you have to do like a fetch quest to get a lap dance. Yeah, right. You have to get like popcorn and a vibrator and stuff.

And it cuts away before the lap dance. Oh. And then so you get to the end of the game. The president gets killed. You have to kill the cycloid emperor. They nuke the Hoover Dam. Everyone thinks Duke is dead. And then Duke says, what kind of shit ending is that?

I ain't dead. I'm coming back for more. And then they roll the credits. So it's like – and then you get this – oh, the post-credits sequence. By the way, this game loves the number 420 and the number 69 used all the time. Of course it does. Used liberally. The two funny numbers are used a lot.

And so there's this post-credits scene after the credits roll, and Duke says he's running for president. And if you see the order of succession, the previous president was the 68th, so he'd be the 69th president. 68th, so he'd be the 69th president. Yeah. Also, considering this is from 2011, and it's a blonde-haired dude who loves hot chicks, and he's got a casino, and there's photos of him with a worldwide wrestling belt on his wall.

It's clearly Trumpian, and the fact that Duke Nukem forever predicted Trump being president is fucking crazy. It's the craziest part of the game is that he at the end is like, I'm going to run for president. Yeah, I mean, he is what Donald Trump thinks he looks like. He definitely is.

Donald Trump looks in a mirror and sees Duke Nukem and says, damn, I'm looking good. Taste my ball. I'm going to piss for a long time. Trump probably does piss for a long time, but it's a prostate issue. It's probably very thick. Let's talk about the multiplayer mode real quick I didn't mess around

with this I watched a little bit of footage of it there's not a lot of people still playing surprisingly not much of a player base for Duke Nukem Forever

in 2018 one of the modes is capture the babe which is capture the flag but you grab a woman put her over your shoulder oh this is great okay

so far so good. And then slap her ass a bunch. Oh, God. So that's how that works. Jesus. Dudes cancel. Do you guys think that it's better? So I don't know.

Is it better or worse when it's that overt? Because I feel like it's almost better than if it's like, thank you so much. I'm in your debt forever. And it's like a sweetheart. And you're like, oh, you're a trophy woman. Whereas if it's literally like, get on my shoulder. I'm going to slap your ass while I run. Like that feels like less problematic

because it feels genre specific. Right. I get what you're saying. Yeah, but what's the genre? Horny. Bad game. And then, wait, this was another thing you pointed out, Heather. There's a, so in the multiplayer mode, you can upgrade your apartment.

Oh, this is fucked. Duke's Digs. And this apartment, basically as far as you can upgrade the apartments goes, you just get more, you get different women of different ethnicities. And furniture. And furniture, yeah. Yeah. So, oh boy.

So this is. We'll play a little bit of this. This is the sound of one of the women that you can collect and put in your house. Into your house. Okay. This is like R. Kelly mode. Got some pork for my little sweet and sour. Oh, no.

You have big lump in back pocket. I give you big lump in front pocket. Oh, God. She's got cat ears. Anybody mind if I take off my pants? Yeah. Duke, you want akuda puncher? First I stick at you.

Then maybe you stick me. This is... Wait, it's worse. It's worse. Oh, no. It gets worse. Okay. I promise I'm not too buku for you, baby.

Mr. Duke-san, I give you shiatsu massage now. All right. Worse. If you supply the dancing, I'll supply the pole. I have a Hungary. You have a big egg roll for me, Duke? Duke? Time to up the ante and feed the kitty.

Who wants some wang? Not me. I want some Duke. Here's the thing. She's wearing cat ears. They didn't have to make her this heavily accented Asian stereotype, pan-Asian stereotype, no specific Asian ethnicity given there. She says son, though, so it's got to be a Japanese girl.

But she's also referencing egg rolls, which is a Chinese dish. Yeah, but they have egg rolls. I mean, you can get them there. Yeah. To me, it's just like, it's sort of, I don't think it's as dialed in as being a Japanese.

It's not as accurate as it, it should have been more accurate. No, but what I'm saying, my issue is like, they could have just done a bunch of cat puns. It could have just been a bunch of,

there's so many sexual things. That's for fucking you, dude. Yeah, man. What are you talking, you'd be fired from the writer's room immediately. Yeah, man. What are you talking? You'd be fired from the writer's room immediately. Oh, man. I wish they'd had, like, animal puns while I was trying to jerk off.

None of the girls were minions. I would have made it more fun. Yeah, and that's basically all it is. You upgrade this apartment, and you have women in there who you can talk to, and they deliver like three one-liners apiece. And the thing, because when I first looked at the game, I got a little confused because I didn't know if it had a connection to G.I. Joe. Yeah.

Because Duke Nukem looks like Duke from G.I. Joe. Right, he really does. It's not. No, I think it's just like he's Duke from G.I. Joe. He's Kurt Russell from Big Trouble in Little China. He's Ash from Army of Darkness. He's just like

he's Arnold like from all the like every Schwarzenegger movie just kind of crammed together. Holy shit. We just pulled up photos of Duke from G.I. Joe and he looks exactly

like Duke from G.I. Joe. He looks a lot like him. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. There's not a lot of him. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. There's not a lot of... I mean, he's not wearing a tank top, but he basically looks like...

But Duke's a nice guy. Duke would never do these things. No, he's not. He's not lewd and lascivious. Yeah, and the game just is a bunch of IP theft. And that's pretty much all there is to it. I mean, a game that took 15 years to develop, it's something that you get tired of in about 15 minutes.

But it's time for our thoughts. It's time for the review crew. So we're each going to go around, say something positive, and give this game a numerical decimal rating. One positive thing that we can think of, as difficult as it may be, and I'll say this. The load times in this game are very, very, very long, and you spend a lot of time looking at the loading screens.

That's not a positive. However, there are little jokes at the bottom of the loading screen that you can look at and study and memorize. And most of them are bad, but one I liked, which was, hint, if you get stuck, you can cheat by finding a guide on the internet. I was like, oh, that's kind of fun. You thought that was a good joke? I thought it was the best joke I saw in the game. I like that it just said you could cheat by looking at a guy i like i like the one that was like if you fall from a ledge and die

it was probably your fault yes yeah that's fun too uh so i'm going to give this uh let's see i'll give this a 1.0 uh divided by uh let me bust out my calculator app. I should be able to do this fraction, but I'm not trusting my brain right now. 1.0 divided by 15 years of development. That's a 0.06 repeating. That's my score. Heather, go ahead. Let's see.

I, you know, oh, God. The odd, I, boy. There's not, there's nothing. Like, you can pick up a poop and throw it, and it doesn't do anything. And I appreciate that somebody somewhere was like, oh, you should be able to pick up that poop. And then somebody else was like, okay. And it's like, what should you do with it? Should it damage the alien?

No. Just you should be able to throw it. And they went, yes. And then they programmed a poop that you can pick up. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes it's good to look at a jiggling titty. That's nice, too. Sure. If there's three of them, pick up. Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes it's good to look at a jiggling titty. That's nice too.

Sure. If there's three of them, even better. Yeah. Fucking, I... All right, I'm going to give it a 1.0 divided by... Divided by three. Okay. What is that?

That's just a.33. Yeah,.3 repeating. .3. Okay. Matt Apodaga. So, yeah, the game is bad. I had a bad time playing it. It made me nauseous to play because I don't do well with first-person shooters either.

Yes. But this is the funniest thing that I've ever heard. Have a taste of my ball. ever heard. Have a taste of my ball. So, on that, I'll give it a solid one. No division.

Wow. 1.0 even. Colton Dunn, something positive. Your score. Yeah, you know what? Something positive about this game. I think it is good that as a culture, we have examples of what not to do and where we don't want to go back to. I think there's nothing sexist game that is not good and makes it hard for people who want to be in video game culture to spread it to other people. So it's a bad, bad game.

Shitty character. I did have fun peeing in the toilet. And as we talked about earlier, like introducing someday my daughter to video games. I hope she never sees this game unless it's part of a lesson of what not to do. I give this a 1.0 divided by 69, which is 0.01449275. Wow. Okay. This game was very, very poorly received by us, but not by everybody, because Heather,

maybe we're wrong. Yeah, maybe we're wrong, Nick. Maybe we were wrong. There are some positive reviews of Duke Nukem, even though it's rotten on Rotten Tomatoes and less than 50% on Metacritic. It's like 40-something, yeah. It fucking sucks. But what does it say on Reddit?

I have a quote here from Holy Wraith from seven years ago on a forum. I'm a little late, but I saw Duke Nukem Forever Balls of Steel for sale at the game store and I gave in and bought it. I started playing so far. I really like this game. The only bad thing I see is the long loading times.

The humor goes really well with the action. I can't wait to try it online. So from now on, I will never trust another game review or read hate threads again. Wow. Wow. I would love to check in with that guy. See if he held to that old hate thread.

Underneath one of the replies is, I agree it's a good game. People that rate it horrible are jaded, spoiled little bitches. Oh my God. Yeah. This guy learned the lesson of the game. This is a user review on Metacritic from JD Nader. I really enjoyed it.

Isn't that what it's all about? Probably not these days. There's plenty to enjoy, like the small and simple distractions that break up the game nicely and prevent it from being just another mindless shooter. Yeah, okay, the graphics suck big time. Big time, all caps. Hence the nine. But just as I enjoyed things like Portal Crisis and COD, I enjoyed this too. I look forward to the sequel

to all the haters not the ones who gave it a fair shot and honestly don't like it if I wanted to listen to an asshole I would have farted Duke quote, haha, 9 out of 10 Can I just point out that it lost one point for shitty graphics in a video game

That's the only strike against it as far as J.D. Nader is concerned. It's 50% of what it's called. It's a video game. The video is shitty. And this game, it really looks bad. I don't think we quite dwelled on that enough. I mean, it looked dated for its time, which was one thing, but it's just ugly.

Duke Nukem 3D was colorful. Even the platform was colorful and fun and the world felt alive. This is just so drab and bland and gray and brown. One of the games you said that came out when Duke Nukem Forever

came out was Batman Arkham City. Those Arkham games look incredible. Yeah. They're so well built and they're obviously a darker palette as well,

but compared to Duke Nukem, that thing looks like the freaking Mona Lisa. Skyrim. Oh, yeah, Skyrim. Come on. These are games with great aesthetic, great art direction. This one, unfortunately, yeah, Skyrim, yeah. Come on. This game's got great aesthetic,

great art direction. This one, unfortunately, doesn't have it. Heather? All right. This is from a forum. This is a real post. Oh, boy.

So allow me to weigh in as someone who's beaten the game. First off, it's funny. I say this without self-consciousness since what's essential to understanding the humor here is being clued into the fact that Duke, far from being the irreverent philanderer whose cult of personality has entranced even his own designers prescribed by Jim Sterling, is actually more of a post-modernist, this-is-spinal-tap style joke, something most critics hilariously, not to mention characteristically, ignored in their heady game of one-upsmanship to determine who could most

obnoxiously trumpet the fact that they were above such bawdy humor. That's a post that is many pages long. Oh my God. This is filling up your phone screen. Many pages long. Jesus Christ. Very long. Four point text. By the

poster Ezra Pound, which is a reference to the 1920s poet from Paris? Who I believe was a fascist as well. Yeah, probably. This guy seems cool. This guy is now in the cabinet of the

United States. I like this one from, this is an Amazon review from Art Ferguson the title is love this game and here's the full review I like five stars I should note like has three E's likey

hey it's time for the question block. Ding! Okay, so this question is from Instagram. It's from Cascander. If you had to eat at a Duke Nukem Forever themed restaurant bar, what dishes, drinks would you likely see there? I mean, you got to have some sort of pulled pork sandwich

that's called like the pig cop special or something like that, right? Beer. Beer, yeah, to have some sort of pulled pork sandwich that's called like the pig cop, like special or something like that, right? Beer. Beer. Yeah, definitely have some beer. A very tall glass of yellow liquid. Hot lemonade. Just trough urinals in the men's room. See everyone piss.

Yeah, I think there's like, there's a lot of i mean the freeze gun is a big thing some sort of uh like fun frozen uh drink or something i'm sure it could be an element um oh you know what really tiny i bet you get like tiny sliders like shrunken sliders he also eats like bags of chips or popcorn doesn't he yeah he does yeah it's like some of that shit yeah you can you can boost your this is the thing like you can boost your ego by like playing an entire game of pool, which is really a pain in the ass because the physics are really annoying. Or you can just make a bag of microwave popcorn, and that has the same effect.

There's no why is one thing, just in your ego. I want to say, as somebody who went to the Dragon Quest themed bar in Tokyo and had to wait in line multiple nights in order to get in. Yeah. And it was packed that the Duke Nukem Forever themed restaurant bar would be completely empty.

Also, the Dragon Quest bar sucks. Oh, no. This next question is from Beardy McWhisker. Which is worse, bad gameplay or unwatchable story? This game had both. This had both. Yeah. I mean, to me, bad gameplay is the worst because, you know, unwatchable story, okay, I could check out, I could do something else.

If the gameplay is cool, then I don't really care about the, you know, unwatchable story. Final Fantasy games have great gameplay and terrible stories take that back take that back you just skip the I mean I don't no

but like none of that shit makes sense I think of and this might actually Devil May Cry fan and some may be mad at me but like

Devil May Cry 1 just has like really bad like the cut scenes are just they're super overwrought I don't think the voice acting is very good but the gameplay is like pretty tight and fun and certainly in the sequels it's

even better so yeah oh you know what Castlevania Symphony of the Night is a good example the voice acting at the start of in the cutscenes of Castlevania Symphony of the Night is so bad but that game is so fucking good but yeah for sure you want great gameplay triumphs over all else. Nice! We have a consensus.

Oh, I want to answer the next one. Okay, so this is from at Papa Fink. What was or is your personal longest-awaited game sequel? Last of Us 2, which is now, I think, seven years, six years? Yeah, that's been since the first one. It's five years since the launch of Remastered. So it has to be at least six years since the game came out. Wow.

Yeah. I've heard it's really good, guys. Oh, wow. I fucking heard that. Yeah, I'm trying to think. I mean, honestly, I'm thinking of it in little kid terms. Because for me, I think it was Super Mario Bros. 2. Because learning that they were making Super Mario Bros brothers 2 and just the anticipation for it didn't take that long for them to you know

reskin doki doki panic and release it in the states but i was like i was so excited about that game and i could not believe how long it was taking for it to to eventually come out and then when i eventually got it it was just like so like exciting for me um so yeah i think it was just like the passage of time for for an eight an eight year old was what that was. Colton, do you have an answer? Any long awaited sequels for Destiny 2? Oh yeah.

Okay. Did that deliver on your expectations? It did. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was great. You know, and it showed up right on time,

right when I was really done with Destiny 1 and, and it continues to, continues to expand and do well. Right. Oh, I've got one more. Yeah. Final Fantasy Versus, which became Final Fantasy XV, was announced in 2007 and came out in 2017.

Right. Wow. I cut my hair like Noctis in 2007 and had forgotten that I did it. Mine was Kingdom Hearts 3. Oh, right. That took a long time. That took your entire life. Yeah. mine was Kingdom Hearts 3 oh right that took a long time that took your entire life yeah

yeah cause I was I was I am I'm like twice as old as I was when Kingdom Hearts 2

came out that's insane yeah yeah and boy Kingdom Hearts 2 is so good

it's great it's a near perfect video game and then Kingdom hearts three certainly is out i'm gonna tackle that at some point yeah uh what else you got man uh let's see uh who would you cast as duke in a duke movie that's from shampooedler oh yeah from shampooedler you can't shampoo shampooedler i mean it just i think it just i think it just is uh it so clearly is like kurt russell like that's like a younger kurt russell nowadays i'm not sure what you'd do with

it you'd cut you know what you'd have to do i think you'd have to cast like a some you'd have to make it self-aware in order for this movie to work now it would have to be kind of an austin powers fish out of water sort of take where people were like oh like duke had someone pointing out they're like hey man that's not cool anymore, you know? I would cast, I would make his hair blonde and I'd cast De Niro and have it set during the twilight of Duke's life. And have it be like,

super serious, unnecessarily serious. Yes. Where a guy like, considers that he had everything and nothing ever gave him joy. Yeah. Because Duke never says the word love in this game. Wow.

I would cast Alan Richson. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, that's him. That's a jacked guy. Wow. Yeah, he looks great. Alan Richson from Blue Mountain State. Oh, there you go.

And Laser Team. Oh, there you go. Which also has a big fight scene in a stadium. Oh, how about that? And hey, I guess we might as well get into your plugs at this point, Colton, laser team. Thank you for joining us. What else would you like to promote at this time? Oh, you know what?

I just think everybody, if you check out Jam Space, check out Voyage to the Stars. And if you like watching television, you can check out Superstore coming out this fall, Thursdays at 8 p.m. on NBC. Nice. Very, very cool. Heather, I guess we're, I guess. Damn, that was a pretty good episode. Only thing for me to do now is go take a big piss. Then pull some shit out of that toilet.

I'm going to cut off my dick and look at it. Matt, what's next week's game? Next week's game is the fourth entry in the Mass Effect series, Mass Effect Andromeda. Suck my butt. Mass Effect Andromeda