Ghostrunners - 22 - Improv Slam Poetry

Episode Date: October 7, 2019

This is our longest episode yet but probably the most fun we've had and the most we've ever laughed making one. We answer questions from Instagram, sing more than usual, and get an in depth look and how women have been treating Jake lately. Follow us on Instagram: http://bit.ly/33WAq4P Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brad, something happened to me yesterday. I think it's rock bottom. I don't know. I went to Chick-fil-A and I walked up and the woman going to take my order said, you work here, don't you? And I said, no, I just come here a lot. She said, oh yeah, I just see your face all the time. I thought you worked here. I was like, you would think that I'm getting a 40% discount as much as I'm coming here. But nope, don't work here. And she felt really bad. I think that that needs to be an angle that you take.

Like maybe I should work here like one day a week. Or just try to convince them that I do work here. Yeah, I do. But I forgot my card today. Yeah. I forgot my employee card. Can I just get that? Just kind of mention people's names.

Right. Is Andrew in the back? He'll know. Yeah. Hey, Terrence is on today, isn't he? Yeah. And they're like, ah, don't worry. I don't want to bother.

I'll just enter in my code. Anyway, roll the intro music. Dang it. We still don't have intro music. We got it. If anyone's out there, if you know a musician, maybe a guy who leads worship at his church. Or Lil Uzi Vert. Either one. One of those two. I'm not willing to budge. It at his church. Or Lil Uzi Vert, either one.

One of those two. I'm not willing to budge. It has to be. Well, and maybe they're the same. I don't know what Lil, does Lil Uzi Vert do? I don't know what he does on the Sabbath. Kanye's going to be a gospel singer. Did you hear that?

He's changing from secular gospel. I did see some headline. What did he say? Like he's not going to put out any more secular music? Only gospel, baby. Oh, wow. Which get Kanye on board with the kingdom. Things are going to change. That'd be awesome. kanye's making music for jesus let's go uh elvis did that and things worked

well for him he kind of went reverse he started with gospel right and then uh johnny cash i think it was a yeah really wait how come they haven't made a movie about elvis i mean obviously he was in like 15 movies but you know like they made a great movie about ray charles great movie about Elvis. I mean, obviously he was in like 15 movies, but you know, like they made a great movie about Ray Charles, great movie about Johnny Depp or Johnny Cash and Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah. The great movie. Uh, why, why no Elvis? I don't know, man. Maybe because he's still alive and he doesn't want to replenish relinquish rights. Oh, right. That's why they haven't made a two part movie. You've heard about me. Exactly. Well, you've heard about, you know, the cameo in home alone with Elvis. So he's still still he's still out there somewhere ready to make another cameo in his own movie huh what if what if they did a elvis movie it's a and then at the very end

elvis comes out of like the smoky ashes and he's like hey baby like 85 year old like crinkly wrinkly Elvis. Hey mama. I'm here. Mama. Thank you for watching my movie. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you for coming. Thank you very much. Thank you a lot. That's what he says at the office. Like, thank you. Thank you a lot. He like barely screws up.

I think your baby voice stops. Oh, that'd be awesome. That would be. And then right after Elvis comes out, Tupac comes out again and then makes like an original song for the movie. And says like my movie's coming out next spring. Wow.

My mom actually texted me yesterday and my parents are on a cruise right now. This is the first I've heard from them on the cruise. No other text. But just your dad and I won an Elvis trivia competition yesterday. Well, dad won. I just wrote down what he said i said way to go that's awesome i don't know much about your dad but i can absolutely visualize him in an elvis costume yeah funny you said yeah there's footage yeah he's he's been in an elvis like i could see him growing out the sideburns maybe doing some artificial ones and doing his hair great and just absolutely rocking that costume i've met him once in my life

i think he's only the only time really yeah i can just absolutely see it that's funny you say that yeah uh where i'm from strafford they started this little tradition of it's like a dancing with the stars type fundraiser an event and they asked my dad who's you know a decently active member of the community to be one of the judges it was like you know the ky3 news anchor the you know a decently active member of the community to be one of the judges it was like you know the ky3 news anchor the you know radio guy everyone knows and then just like my dad yeah local personality just local strafford indian to be the host and i guess you know he was funny for a couple years and so then eventually they had him be had him compete and so he went all out and bought like an elvis costume off Amazon and bought the sideburns and

the wig and the glasses and then like danced to an Elvis song. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome that he went from, I mean, what a, what a great, you know, from the ashes to glory story of, you know, I started out as a judge. The ashes are to the judge here in this story. Yeah. I think so. Like, you know, just a lowly judge, somebody that, you know, looks down on other people, but really doesn't think they have it. And then they realize like, no, I do have what it takes still comes back. Kind of like, you know, a sportscaster who retires and then comes back to the NFL. Name one for the Cowboys.

Maybe Tony Romo. Close. Jason Witten. Nice. It'd be cool if Romo came back too. Yeah. What if, what if he's like, just like a linebacker, but doesn't ever do anything on defense, just says, hey, this guy's got single coverage,

you gotta throw over there. Because he's like always so accurate whenever he, like he could, like, what if they just like revolutionized the game to the point where- You have like a signal caller on defense. He didn't even- Yeah, you don't even, like,

he is so good at predicting the play that even though he doesn't like physically do anything, he being on the field and just saying what everything's going to be like revolutionizes the game so much that they win with 10 guys on defense. I, that would be awesome. I'm not saying I've done this and that I revolutionize this. I'm not saying that I revolutionize it,

but I still have a trouble speaking. No, but a high school football, granted I'm playing a little like 2A football, so not exactly state-of-the-art communications or state-of-the-art teams we're playing. Yeah. But played left corner. City of the art, maybe. City of the art, not state. Yeah.

County of the art, maybe. But district of the art, by no means. Absolutely not. Played left corner, and two quarters of the game, I would be close to their sideline. I think there was one game we were playing Stockton,

I want to say. And they would just yell their plays, which is not that I know their plays necessarily, but you can count on like 28 sweep or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what's happening. You don't even have to say sweep and I would know that is a sweep to the right side of the field. So then I would just relay it into my team. Hey, they're going to run right. I'm pretty sure it's a run to the right. And yeah, the run defense was strong that game for half of it. What are they thinking? That's the thing. I'm like, am I the first defender to think of this?

There's no way. That is the most, that's like neighborhood of the art. That's terrible. That's like, that's like barely room of the art, actually. Like, let's condense it down as far as you can. Yeah, it was. In high school, you only have like 15, 20 plays that you usually run at most. You don't have a huge, expansive playbook. You didn't see the Stratford offense, baby. Firing on all cylinders.

There's no way you had that many plays, though. I will say, and we can stop talking about my high school uh sports experience after this but um our offensive coordinator um holds many many records both in arena league football and college football like he was so so overqualified to be coaching two-way football did he like do something very inappropriate with a student or something no like how did he how did he go i mean that like the opposite way. Glory to ashes is what it feels like he did. He was very much an intellectual, like taught English. So not your typical football coach. Like turned me on to like Walt Whitman and like C.S. Lewis.

Like very, very smart. Like he had a passion. Yeah, he had a passion for the classics and also wanted to coach up. Yeah, he was just like not your typical football guy. Anyway. He gets frustrated at the end of practice, just goes and reads a little Jane Eyre. Like, okay, I'm done with this.

Give me... What's like a character in Jane Eyre? Do you remember? No idea. Mr. Herbisham or something. I don't know. Maybe that's Pride and Prejudice. I can't remember which one's which.

That's a good guess either way. Leave a five-star review and let us know. Podcast reviews, please. But yeah, so he was... I mean, we felt very state-of-the-art from an offensive standpoint. We weren't necessarily the most talented team in our class or state, but our offense was awesome. I mean, just the hand signals alone, calling the plays. I felt like I was in the CIA or something.

And yeah, it was really cool. He still holds a lot of records. He threw for over 500 yards and a half one time, which I think is still the record. I think most touchdowns in a career he holds as a quarterback. Well, most coaches don't even get a play. He threw for 500 yards and a half and then broke the record for most touchdowns as a coach. As a 35-year-old playing high school football, it's crazy. Get out of here, Terrence!

That threw me off for like a full second. I was like, what? Are you an idiot? Coaches are on the sidelines. I got injured for like half my senior season. But I knew the plays really well. So then Coach Perry got to be up in the booth. And then I got to wear the headset.

And then I learned to call in the plays. Did you dress out still? Did you still have the pads on? I think those guys that have the pads on but the headsets look so BA. They look so cool. I don't remember. I know I didn't go full coach. I wasn't wearing a visor and khakis, clipboard.

I think I was probably in uniform. I think I was no pads but still uniform. Oh, no. That's the worst look. Sorry, dude. That's the worst. Then they see how not strong and how lanky you are. But they see how big my brain is.

How awkward your shoulders are. That guy does not have very broad shoulders at all. Then they don't even assume I'm injured. They just assume I'm like the make-a-wish kid. We'll just get my headset. It's not plugged into anything. We'll just get my headset and make him feel good. Yeah, he's the older brother of another kid.

He graduated a few years back. He doesn't know that. He still comes to class. But yeah, we let him dress up and sit on the sidelines and eat some ice cream with the games you made like the sports center top 10 like last game of the year like we hand it off to you and everyone gets out of the way actually yes yeah i ran for 95 yards my senior year last yeah it was the longest it was a record for my coach my coach ran for 95 yard touchdown with me maybe this is kind of a dark thought but yeah that'd be so funny just like this conversation of a guy thinking he had a great last game of a senior year and all of his friends trying to

convince him like dude that was do you not know you were that was a make-a-wish foundation yeah like people weren't just diving at your feet because you were you ran straight dude no one was like getting juked out by you no they weren't yep i was injured all nine games leading up to the final one. Coach finally realized I was healthy, put me in and I was a star. If I were to play all season, I would have more highlights. They didn't even give you a helmet, dude. Yeah. A ball cap is kind of like a helmet. He said just a guy refusing to believe that he was. Yeah. Huh? Yes. Huh? Yes. Huh? That's funny. Yes. Huh? Yeah. No, duh. No dip, dude no dip dude i know anyway we're uh 10 minutes in

um welcome to episode 22 of the ghost runners podcast uh if you're new here my name is jake and my name is brad and we are friends best friends and that is it that's all you need to know okay uh this might be a two hour long episode. It's crazy to me that it's only been a week since we last potted. And since we last took a, go ahead and say it. A potty break. Thank you. Yeah. Since we last took a potty break, because I feel like so much has happened to me. It's been a busy seven days. It's been a great seven days, it sounds like. I think we're just going to, Brad and I also had a two and a half hour lunch at Chick-fil-A before this. So if you're paying attention, yes, that is two days before I've been to Chick-fil-A, but also we've already done our own two and a half hour lunch at chick-fil-a before this so if you're paying attention yes that is two days in a row i've been to chick-fil-a but also we've already done our own two and a

half hour podcast and this might be another one we're just gonna go until we can't no more yeah we're we're gonna um we're gonna ring it out till it's dry sponge style baby yeah i was thinking yeah i was thinking because next week we'll get filled right back up yes with new liquid give yeah replenish uh okay we're i don't even know where to start should we just go back and Next week, we'll get filled right back up. Yes. With new liquid. Yeah. Replenish. Okay. I don't even know where to start. Should we just go back and forth on just things that happened to us? What do you think?

Yes. That's great. You're going to. Yeah. Great. Let's do it. You start. Set the tone.

Okay. I'll set the tone. Me, me, me, me. C sharp. Got it. Okay. My tone to start is going to be freaking scary. And then we'll go back to lighthearted after that. Last night, you and I shared a nice Andy's frozen custard.

Two cups, but yes, we did. Oh, sorry. We weren't eating out of the same cup. Same spoon, two cups though. Same spoon. All right. Now your turn for a bite. Boop, daddy.

And now my turn. That was funny. The second Brad ordered, they were already screaming it to the back. And so Brad got down on the action and also screamed it back. Yeah, I was like, yeah, can I just get a small boot daddy? Boot daddy! Boot daddy! And I was like, okay.

I like stuck my head in the window and everything. Boot daddy! I was feeling froggy. It was like 1030 on Thursday. Yeah. She didn't really crack a smile, but I thought it was funny. She didn't crack a smile. I didn't look at her reaction. That me you did it for you you didn't do

it for her oh absolutely so i leave andy's i go back to where i live and in between there it's kind of a rough part of town a little bit um as far as just yeah it's just kind of rough part of town yeah you wouldn't you wouldn't sleep on that if that part of town was a bed you wouldn't sleep on it that's the best way to put it yeah I can't make it much clearer that little rough so I am approaching a stoplight so I'm already starting to slow down imagine with me here on the left side I see a guy kind of by himself and in a white t-shirt so kind of stands out okay and I see he's on his phone looks like he's recording something like the way he's standing and holding his phone like he's recording

something he's looking at it intensely almost in a way like if you're zooming in on something i don't know i'm making all these assumptions without even looking to the right so then i'm like what's he looking at and there's a couple of guys at a bus stop and then i'm like okay then i turn around and i'm not kidding my like heart is beating fast just thinking about this again there is a guy behind them coming from the Walgreens parking lot, wearing a mask and holding what looks like a gun. I'm not kidding. It was so terrifying. What kind of mask are we talking?

Like a hockey mask? Yes, like a Freddy Krueger, like 1980s hockey mask. Okay. And so, I mean, my heart is just like racing. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Light turns green. So I'm like, I guess I my heart is just like racing. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Light turns green. So I'm like, I guess I'll just go.

Yeah. Do I help or do I flee the scene? Cause I'm going to get killed. Yeah. They say like fight or flight, but I felt like in the middle of both. It's like, if someone's going to go down, I feel like I should like immediately call 911. Cause that's going to be the most helpful thing I can do here.

But also like, I really, if there's about to be a shootout, I don't want to be near here at all. Yeah. So what'd you do? I was just very scared. Heart was pounding. Like it is now still. And I just like, I don't know, turn the radio down and just like drove home trying to think about what to do. I was like, do I go back? And then I was like, it is October. Like, yeah. Could it have been a prank thing? And that's why his friend was recording it. Cause he's about to prank him him so was the guy recording in the direction of the guy running away with the mat or running towards him he was just walking slowly towards these other guys and yeah he was just like recording in that direction it was just weird i've just never seen anything like that and i so badly wish someone else would have been in the car with me because like you know maybe i did see things

slightly wrong or maybe you know because it happened so fast but i don't know i've just never seen anything like that it happened last night there's no conclusion to this though like you know maybe i did see things slightly wrong or maybe you know because it happened so fast but i don't know i've just never seen anything like that it happened last night there's no conclusion to this though like you don't know what happened yeah i'm sorry i don't i looked at on like the new like kctv5 and tried to look um unfortunately not that we need to get super political but a lot of black on black crime doesn't get reported and stuff like that like a lot of that doesn't even go yeah reported at all so who knows if they would even do a story on it but it was terrifying okay didn't like it at all no have you ever been in any kind of situation like that um where you shot someone have you ever there are some funny stories that i don't have to parallel with this yes but i i've jokingly shot some people before at camp and i used a cap gun

or it was like a cap and it was like a like not gunpowder but like some kind of like really loud explosive powder like the like the real guns like a starter pistol western simulation kind of place oh yeah i think we had one of those it's pretty loud yes we borrowed we borrowed uh them from k west you're welcome very loud yeah and i was like the hero of this party one time so i threw this guy in the saloon and literally got like with like six inches away from him and shot him like which was like very graphic for a seven-year-old to see anyway um but it also like my friend was like yeah my friend mickey he's like i think you you killed my hearing i felt like i was deaf oh i

didn't think about that for a good you know a couple minutes i felt so bad did you ever like feel a moment of terror like what if it's real did that ever cross your mind what if somehow no i think about that in movies somehow like there's so much like you know fake props and everything what if it got mixed up what if i kill someone gosh that'd be awful um let's get back to jokes what's new with you bread uh like what's what's been going on this week um so this week i've been a bachelor since last friday oh yeah we're gonna get into that katherine and hattie have been gone uh and so they've been down in texas to come back in a few days so i'm i'm having like a little hiatus from them which i enjoy to an

extent hattie-atus. Yeah. A hattie-atus. Yeah. I enjoy for like the first three or four days. Like, like I'm very content being by myself for a while. And so productive. Yes. Right. You, you can make, set your own schedule.

You don't even think twice about like, oh yeah, I'm going to, you know, stay up late to do this. Cause I can sleep in the next day. Like no big deal or whatever. But after a few days, it's like, okay, I miss them a lot. I'll FaceTime them and stuff, obviously. That's good. It's just not the same, man.

Anyway, but I guess we'll just go back and forth. So first thing I did, Friday night I went to Red Robin. Actually, I went to a homecoming football game first because some of the boys I lead Bible studies for were nominated for homecoming king nice and after that we went to Red Robin I remember Red Robin being a lot better than it was really yeah it was fine they have unlimited steak fries which you like that like just unlimited fries but beyond that it was just very mediocre experience for $15. So that's my first thing I did. So your update is you went to Red Robin? Listen, I have other ones.

I didn't know how many you had. Well, don't start with the weak one. Well, I didn't know if you're going chronologically. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Hold on. Let me redeem myself. I can add on to Red Robin real quick. I went to Red Robin once ever in my life.

I show up late to meet my friends and should have add on to red robin real quick i went to red robin once ever in my life i show up late to meet my friends and i should have caught on to this and they're like jake have you dipped your fries in the sauce i was like oh no i haven't yet like you should try it dip it dip it it was such a like thing from dumb and dumber of like why don't you eat up and we'll tell you good how's your burger and i was just not catching on at all so then i eat a couple and then literally like that it's pretty good isn't it you like that sauce i'm like they're being weird but yeah it's not bad and then i find out later they like mix like eight sauces i'm like oh you got me but it's like it's not classic humor like high school humor yeah i'm like it's not that bad and then they all tried it like oh it's not that bad and then i was like good prank guys nailed it dudes you guys were so smooth about it and it was so funny yeah so that's my one time

at red robin okay well let me let me try to redeem it with something else this is not even that extreme either but on sunday i watched the chiefs game with my sorry yeah watch it sorry i sometimes i bang my sunday um sunday i watched the chiefs game with my friends and my dad came over okay watch it with us as well because he is also a bachelor my my mom was uh you know on a trip somewhere with their sisters this weekend so he comes over and we ordered chipotle on the uber eats you know chipotle app my dad thought it was the craziest thing. He's like, so you just put it on your phone and you just say what you want. And they'll pick it up for you and deliver it to you? I mean, that's not that different than ordering a pizza.

I know. But for some reason, it's a little bit more mind-blowing for him. He's just like, it's like, because it was a special, so it was free. So I was like, he's free? like because it was a special so it was free so i was like he's free you can just yeah we we add a tip on there you know so they don't spit in our burrito but um yeah it's free and then like you know the door dash guy texted me like i'm like i'm in route and i was like oh yeah so he'll be here in probably like five minutes he said he just left no way he's he's got a cell phone too. He texted you that? Yeah.

Well, how did he know to text you? You know, it was just, it was just one, you know, when did you guys exchange numbers? Has he been over here before? How's he know your address? Yeah. Well, yeah. You have him over often. Did you give him directions? That's my favorite thing that old people do is like, well, how will they know where to get there? They'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, uh, the, the venue is just down the street. So you're going to take a right, go down for about three months. And I'm like the whole time, like I'm going to enter this in my phone, right? Then I'll say, okay, sounds good. And then enter it in my Google maps. Oh yeah. And they're like, you know where that cafe is, right? Yeah. Yeah. Just like, just whatever will get you to shut up faster so I

can look it up on my phone. Don't you love it when they say, you know what I'm talking about? And you'll say yes. And then they'll explain it. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? That cafe? Yeah. Oh yeah. The one on Westport road. And you know that it'm talking about? And you'll say yes. And then they'll explain it. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? That cafe. Yeah. Oh yeah. The one on Westport road. And you know that it's like green. They repainted it though. Now it's right next to,

right next to yeah. Shake shack over there. Yeah. Yeah. I know it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We used to go there all the time. Yeah. It's a good place. That's cool. You've been there too. And it's like, all right. Anyway,

I love dad. Boomers. He just, he was funny with the full day ordering. So, um, that happened. I imagine your dad, another dumb and was funny with the polo ordering. So that happened. I imagine your dad, another Dumb and Dumber reference to just like him.

He's responding the same way as Lloyd finding out the headline in the hotel bar. He's like, no way. We landed on the moon. That's your dad. No way. They got apps for food. We got to tell somebody. Brad, this is crazy.

He loved it. Loved it. I watched the Chiefs game in Oklahoma, this is crazy. He loved it. Loved it. I watched the Chiefs game in Oklahoma, which is where I spent last weekend, and it was awesome. Well, the Chiefs game, yes, but Oklahoma. I think it was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Really? Probably since we went down to Texas, since that weekend. It was like one of those.

Yeah. With people, nonstop, having so much fun. It's quality community. Good food, quality commune. I said that weird. Do it again, though food quality commune said that weird do it again though quality commune yeah got it and uh it was just a good time a couple things that happened one you'll love this because you are such a sucker we're not even a sucker you just love a good deal love you love saving money love a good deal so the first morning we're there they were like hey can you stick around like not the house. And they're at our friend's house.

We're saying that. Can you not leave the house until after 11? Because chances mattress is getting picked up by the salvation army. Can you let them in? And we're like, hold up. What's up? He found this thing. I think it's through nectar.

I want to say, is that a mattress company where you get a mattress free for 365 days? And if you don't like it, then, will donate it to the Salvation Army for you. So he's done this like three years in a row. Who has? My friend Chance. What? Yeah. Oh, I don't know how I feel about this.

You don't like it? I thought you would love this. A free mattress. Yeah. It's their deal. He's not finding a loophole. They straight up say, if you don't like it right right we'll give it to the salvation army win win win but he does like it i don't know i didn't ask him

if he's getting it three times in a row it's at least acceptable maybe he's trying different things out he went medium the first year and then he went soft the second year now he went firm no i looked into all those different mattresses and they do help like a lot of them have those i i don't know if all of them have 365 days, but they have those deals and everything. And it is a smart idea. See, I'd never heard of that. I thought that was crazy. Well, no, that's how they give you like the peace of mind of ordering something like that online.

And what happens is they order it to you and it comes in like a cardboard box. And then you unwrap the wrapping on it, plastic wrap, and it just expands into this huge mattress. Oh, that sounds fun. So there's no way that you can repackage it and send it back. And so I think that they have large enough margins on them

that they can afford to do those things because they just assume enough people are going to keep this. Yeah. Your friend found a loophole in the system i i don't know it depends on my life stage of where i am because i think right now it's like okay as a respectable adult i'm a little bit past you know just completely this is where you draw the line i think so you didn't pay for parking that cost ten dollars last night because you said that was

too much and you called the company and said I didn't want to pay. Let's talk about it. I cannot believe this. Because the reason I was parking there is because I was going to one of the businesses that was being sponsored by us parking. So if I were to know that I was supposed to get validated to that business, I would not have had to pay for parking. I didn't get validated.

I get up to the thing, not seeing any sign that said I needed to get validated, put my ticket in and it says $10, $10 for parking in Kansas city is absurd. Maybe in like a, you know, a larger city, $10 is okay. But I was like, I was like, no way. No way. My point is that you're willing to go through the effort to call a number because that's how it's designed to be used. The mattresses are not designed to be taken advantage of to the point of, you know, you get, cause they're, they're like a thousand dollar mattresses. So let's say you get $3,000 worth of mattresses for free for three years. I don't know. I just, and I see what you're saying, but it's still, it's crazy to me that you're willing to do that for $10, but not willing to just like let someone deliver something to your door and then let someone else take it from your

door. That's worth a thousand dollars. If they they if the thousand dollar company said we will do this and we will happily let you i i don't think that it's designed to be able to be done rinse and repeat why do you hate my friend is that what it is you don't like chance you don't like me hanging out with other people i mean his name's chance you hate my friends i mean what what's your other friend's name probability like i don't know i don't you were going to go Shadow, like Homework Bound. Oh, yeah. But is he friends with Sassy and Shadow? Exactly. His other friend's name is Probability.

Who we got? Guess and Check over there in the corner, or what? That's Trial. That's Air. That's Treasure Chest, or what's it? Mystery Chest? You're talking Monopoly, right? What is that called? There's a chance card. Community Chest. Community Chest. Is that what it's called colony commune we got free parking over there uh you know doing some push-ups uh and landed on go i don't know man i really i really don't care

that you don't want to take advantage of it i'm just surprised that you're not like super on board with it like what you used to fill out surveys to get, what, like $4 at Starbucks? It was $5, okay? First of all. Sometimes $10. I love loopholes whenever they are not. I don't know. I think a lot of those companies are also pre-revenue. I don't know. There's just little things.

I don't mind taking advantage of a Southwest hack or a Walmart deal. You have a soft spot, maybe literally for mattress companies. Well, just because they're way bigger than Ellis custom creations furniture, but shameless plug. But however, they are still a small quote unquote business. I feel like compared to mattress firm, like if mattress firm were doing it, I would, I would be more like yeah yeah let's go but i think that a lot of those companies because i actually reached out to some of them to

ask if they'd be willing for me to build a bed with ellis custom creations and then you know put their mattress on it and review the mattress and all this stuff and a lot of them said we can't afford to do that right now we you know we we're still pre-revenue kind of stuff so yeah a lot of them are very much in their startup phase is pre-revenue the right state right term i don't know they haven't made a profit yet you're still in the in the red revenue is not the right word pre-revenue is like before they start selling i think but yeah they're still in the red so i respect a chance i just just check your heart heart. You know what? Just leave us a five-star review and let us know if you would...

Just where are you side on this? If you would take advantage of the mattress and parking and Starbucks surveys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which one... Because I don't do the little stuff. I would only do the big stuff like that. Like, I get excited about that.

I would do the mattress thing. I don't do little things. I don't do that. But the parking thing the parking thing was so like literally it was validation like it's like how it was set up like there were signs that said lulu's parking remember that like you saw that sign that and we went to lulu's yeah paid money to yeah lit to not live to eat eaten their establishment and then came back out to a very surprising ten dollar extra charge no no it's just funny how different we are like i didn't even think twice about it and not because i'm just strapped with cash you're just like that's what it costs i'll pay it man if i yeah if i would have known i was paying ten dollars for that i would have gotten valet parking

that was right next to the restaurant for $10. Heck no. Well, next time. Get out of here. It's not your ticket. Well, that little segment took a little longer than I thought. Sorry we argued there. Sorry to see us like that. Yeah, hate to show the kids how we fight sometimes. I got two other things from Oklahoma, but I'm going to let you go next.

We can, you know, back and forth. Tick tock, tick tock. I got a haircut with Bill. Yeah. Hey, Brad, how are you, buddy? How are and forth. Tick tock, tick tock. I got a haircut. Um, with Bill. Yeah. Hey Brad, how are you? How are you buddy? How are you buddy? Um, haircut with Bill.

Um, the main thing that happened, well, two things that were kind of interesting. Uh, as I was getting my haircut, a guy called Bill. Hey Mike, how are you buddy? Um, Mike is the name of this lawyer who kind of reminds me of a Better Call Saul kind of lawyer. Ooh, a little slimy. A little. He's an injury lawyer. I don't know.

Yeah, he seemed a little. In person, he was really, really nice. I'm getting ahead of myself. Why don't you just tell me what happened? So Bill said, yeah, this guy's coming in to get a haircut after you. You may have seen him on commercials and stuff. And I was like, I don't know if I have seen him on commercials. Literally two minutes later on Fox 4, there's Mike on the commercial.

Dirty Mike and the boys. Mike's got this, he says. Yeah, dirty Mike and the boys. His catchphrase is Mike's got this? Yeah. You've been injured. Mike's got this. And he points while he says it, kind of like an Uncle Sam. Mike's got this. Yeah. You've been injured. Mike's got this. And he like points while he says it.

Kind of like an Uncle Sam. Mike's got this. I want you to be injured so I can represent you. Anyway, so if you ever see those commercials, very locally made Kansas City commercials, and you see his hair, just think Brad gets his hair cut by the same guy as Mike. So that's the first thing. Second thing is while Bill was cutting my hair, for the first time ever, he asked me if I wanted him to shave my eyebrows a little bit. Oh. Which hurt my feelings,

to be honest. He's like, yeah, do you want to go ahead and trim up those eyebrows or are you good with those? And you're like, oh. I was like, what's happened to my eyebrows, Bill? I've been coming here for three, four years. You've never never asked me that maybe bill's just starting to lose a little bit or maybe i'm starting to gain it a little bit maybe i don't know i was just like good look in the mirror that night i haven't yet to be honest you haven't looked at your brows since then no i don't want to i don't confident man i don't i don't want to notice anybody's brows i want to be so ignorant to those kind of things this is how it was was when our friend Esther was in the habit. She would like, hey, I'll clean in your ears if you want.

And I was like, do not clean my ears. Ignorance is bliss. I don't want to see how dirty my ears are. Great call because she cleaned mine and she berated me for it. It looked like Shrek. Yes. She's like, my gosh. Making a candle out of it.

Brad, oh. Oh, gosh. This is gross. Yeah, anyway. So yeah, Catherine still This is gross. Yeah, anyway. So, yeah, Catherine still talks about that. Like, yeah, one time, Brad got his ears cleaned by Esther. Like, yeah, okay. Yeah.

Yeah, I manned up. I did. But ever since then, hot tip, you should just put, don't use Q-tips, just put water in your ears while you are taking a shower. And that's the best way to clean them. Put water in your ears? Put water in your ears and kind of like go tilt it to one side. Slosh it around a bit. Yep.

She says that Q-tips are bad, but that's good. And she came back later and looked at my ears and said, no, they're good now. That's kind of how she talks. Not really, Esther. We love you. But that is kind of how she talks in a joking way. That's a good little life tip. Slosh water around in your ears.

Yeah. It's called water sloshing, I believe. Water sloshing. Shower sloshing. Yeah, yeah. That's right. Shower sloshing. Shower sloshing.

Don't do it in the bath. It doesn't work. And a lot messier. Trust me. It would look very funny. Trust me. Anyway. Yeah.

Esther's a certified audiologist. She knows about the ears. She's a car salesman for luxury imports. Audiologist. Audi. What do you think of that? That was so solid. Audi.

Audi. So that's, I got a haircut and my eyebrows might be bushy. Yikes. Can you look at them right now and tell me genuinely? I don't know what they used to look like. No, they look fine. No, they haven't been trimmed. I assume it's what mine look like.

I don't know. I think we're fine. We're fine. We have light enough hair where we're good. Yeah. They're not know. I think we're fine. We're fine. We have light enough hair. We're good. Yeah. They're not like very striking features. Thank you.

You're welcome. Okay. Thanks. I've always wanted to be told I didn't have striking features. Yeah. You're pretty blah. Oh, okay. Baseball is finally back. Get in on major league action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks.

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Visit rbc.com slash Avion. Um, okay. So something that happened to me, uh, which is kind of embarrassing, or maybe just, let me just get into it. Why do we do this? Okay. I'm just going to tell the story. Gosh, we're both so guilty i'm like so stupid i hate who i am um it is uh friday afternoon me and my friend grant hudiburg are uh hanging out and we've made plans with our other

friends we're gonna meet up with them later and play pickleball oh my favorite news for it i can't stop i'm a pickle fiend right now karaoke fiend big pickle fiend uh pickle boy and so we're like we had a little time on our hands and we're like why don't we show up to pickleball in like matching uniforms like let's go to a thrift store and like surprise them like head to toe matching stuff it'd be so funny that's great um so tulsa didn't exactly have the cream of the crop thrift store wise we had to go to a thrift store and like surprise them like head to toe matching stuff it'd be so funny that's great um so tulsa didn't exactly have the cream of the crop thrift store wise so we had to go to a few so we find matching hats at one like great one piece of the puzzle uh go to the next one grant finds a tank top there like great that'll work and then i find a tank top in the next store that's gonna work and my tank top said pleasure beach on it oh this is perfect

this will be our team name we're gonna be the pleasure beach team and we're actually planning on being there earlier like let's just play whoever's at the court first and then our friends will come later intimidate those boys um get to the court we're so excited to roll up on our friends we didn't actually end up being there early so we throw the hat on grant throws his tank on and i'm looking in the car and like, I can't find the tank anywhere. Like what in the world? I'm like, where did I put it? Whatever. I have no idea. Like, where's Pleasure Beach? I'm almost positive what happened. I paid for it, put the money back in my wallet and just left it on the counter. What? And just walked out. Jake, that's too bad. I was so mad at myself. Have you ever heard of anyone being that stupid?

I've never done anything like that. Like maybe if you're getting like five bags of groceries, you forget one of them. But the one thing you paid for and then you just walk out empty handed. I was like thrown off. You must have been very distracted by Grant's, you know, humor or something at the time. What it was is I paid in cash. I think it's what distracted me. And then I got change back.

And it's like, oh, okay. What do I do with this? I put the quarters in my pocket and then I'll put the um money in my wallet and then i just walked out i just couldn't believe it just threw me off so much when you like do something that dumb it just i don't know it just like didn't sit well with me like this is not good what have i done i can't be pleasure beach i can't be responsible to take care of myself in public uh but yeah i just i don't know just left it on the counter and walked out which we were also talking like that woman had to be so confused like she's

going back i had a how was your day at work it's pretty good there's one weird thing that happened oh what happened this guy you know younger guy he he yeah super good looking guy he paid for by far the best looking out of the two of them he paid for this t-shirt and then just left it on the counter oh that's weird do you think he did it on purpose i don't know i don't know well what did it say on it well it said pleasure beach oh oh he definitely did that on purpose the best part is if you would have uh paid in credit card rather than cash so that she could have my name and she would have your name. But in the signature, like, didn't you used to do like funny things instead of your name?

Oh, I did used to. Like in the signature, you should have put a wink face. And then left Pleasure Beach there. Pleasure Beach. And be like, hey, I came back for my tank top. If you know what I mean. Yeah. But yeah, once we started to think about her perspective, then it got really funny.

Like I just left a tank on the counter that said Pleasure Beach. I do wonder if like those thrift store workers were just seeing it all you know what i mean and that was nothing compared to the day people come and buy the weirdest things that's where you go to thrift stores mostly some people go there to try to find legit clothes but for the most part it's like let's go find some goofy stuff and so i'm sure they've seen all sorts of stuff but still yeah it's like that was pretty weird but right after him a guy came and bought uh elderly man bought rollerblades uh adult diapers and some duct tape so i don't even i don't know what kind of used adult diaper yeah the thrift store adult diapers just don't they don't uh it's quite like the same um like he had a crazy weekend plan probably man good so yeah I guess, I don't know what that means about me.

Just absent minded. You could say when paying in cash. Yeah. Maybe you need to do some mind exercises to help you remember brain games. Yes. So yeah, I had to play pickleball in just a normal t-shirt that didn't match my teams. Like not even like a uniform at all.

No, he was wearing a tie dye tank top and I just had like a green shirt. It sucked. Was it lime green or like forest green at all no he was wearing a tie-dye tank top and i just had like a green shirt it sucked was it lime green or like forest green no it was deciduous green oh my gosh oh gosh not even one of the better biomes yeah the forest golly at least get carnivorous i don't know if that's a thing. Just trying to show off our vocab now. Right. What do you know? What do you know? Okay, back to me.

Swampy. Dang it. Swampy trees. Yeah, it's the old swamp tree. The old swamp tree. Yeah, don't go up there after dark. I went to the dentist on Monday morning for the first time in two and a half years. I need to get a dentist because it's been a while. I've been going to the same dentist for a long time.

Your dentist's name is Quintest? Maybe that's why they became a dentist. Who knows? Was it scary? Yes. Because you were like, I've got some calves. It was scary for two reasons. Yes.

One, well, really three. I hadn't been in two and a half years. After that two and a half year checkup, they said, you have two cavities you need to fill. I did not fill those cavities. Two and a half years ago yes and then I quit getting health care through my church because I was no longer full-time didn't get it and so didn't have dental anymore so that's why I didn't go back but I knew for two and a half years that I had had plenty of Cav sure drink a lot of pop I was a hand exactly taking it easy on the sweet drink yeah chew a lot of pop i was gonna say i hadn't exactly taken it easy on the sweet

drink yeah chew a lot of ice those are my two favorite pastimes is pop and ice yeah pop ice and um not to be confused with popeyes and or popeyes i was gonna say yeah the the new chicken sandwich from popeyes popeyes hey welcome to popeyes uh anyway so can i get you something at popeyes, ese? Hey, welcome. Hey, ese, we gonna be here for a long time, man. Let's get some Popeyes. I tell you, man, it's worth it. Anyway, so those two things plus...

What was the third thing? Oh, and then I just don't have... Yeah, I don't have insurance, like I said. So I was just worried about how much it's gonna cost. Out of park? Oh, OOP. Oop oop oop there it is so I was getting ooped as well so so I went in for the checkup and yeah they they oop me good but but what happened was like they yeah they did like the normal

cleaning and everything and then they flop i don't know why that's so funny to me out of pocket getting ooped i got ooped it's so oops okay sorry yeah that's what they call like uh people that come in that don't have insurance yeah oh we got two oops and uh mom in the corner over there um it's like they dealt the dental and two oops they try not to make you feel if they have to yell it across the room. So like, all right, if you have HMO, I need you to sign this. And if you have oop, you don't need to sign anything right now. You don't have to sign anything because there's nothing to sign because you are too poor to have a real job.

What's poor spelled backwards without an R? Oop. Got them. Nice. What's poo spelled backwards? I don't know why that. But you said poor. Got him. Nice. What's poo? Poo spelled backwards? I don't know why that, but you said poor.

I know, I got it. Okay. I was trying to build on your joke. It's okay. We're firing today, baby. Gosh, oop. I was literally in tears. Wow.

I don't know why that's so funny to me. I like it. I got ooped. So anyway, cleaning my teeth, cleaning was fine. They do that like thing with the really hard pick that just is a little scary to me. Like, is that gonna, it i got ooped so anyway cleaning my teeth cleaning was fine they do that like thing with

the really hard pick that just is a little scary to me like is that gonna break something off i don't like how loud it is even if i'm numbed i can't feel a thing but it's so loud and there's like little not smoke but like there's something coming oh you're talking about the mechanical thing i'm talking about like the oh the scraper yeah the scraper the hook hand my gosh i just was struggling through that thing i was like okay it doesn't make a great noise but then they're like okay we're done with that we're gonna floss you now i think that flossing is worse than hell i think honestly like it's just it was like there were multiple times where i flinched out of my chair she's like i'm sorry

i just have to do my job am i going to the chiropractor right now? Why does my neck hurt from getting flossed? I had multiple pops in the neck. But it has motivated me. I have flossed, I think, probably four or five times. No way. Because she's like, yeah, you should floss. And they always tell you that. And you're like, yeah, yeah, you're right.

For sure. But I am going to be trying to commit myself to flossing because that was not a fun experience. All I have to say miracles i like your your motivation of floss it's not like to have healthier gums or cleaner teeth it's just like so next time it won't hurt as bad it's both i also want to have cleaner teeth i i but they miracles do happen because guess what uh you walked on water afterwards correct that's crazy with the rest of the oopers um that we call ourselves the Holy Hoops. Nice. Hula Hoops. Hula Hoopers. It's close. So Hula Hoopers. No, they said those two cavities that you have somehow did not get any bigger.

You still have those two cavities. Like they don't, miracles don't happen that much. Like they don't just go away. But the fact that I don't have any more cavities in the last two and a half years and they haven't gotten any bigger, like I was worried they were going to say like, yeah, this cavity is bad. You're gonna have to get like a root canal. You don't have a tooth anymore. But anyway, long story short, I still had to pay quite a hefty sum for the checkup because they did x-rays and everything. Have to get those cavities. Haven't, haven't scheduled out those fillings yet. You got flossing to do first.

I got some flossing to do. I got some FTD. But yeah, overall, a genuinely pretty successful experience for going once in two and a half years. That actually is pretty good. It's also like a walk of shame a little bit. They are pretty diplomatic about how they say it, but they kind of shame you a're, they're, they kind of shame you a little bit.

Like, yeah, we haven't seen you in a while. Or like one of the hygienists is like, how are you? How's everything going? Oh, I haven't. I don't even know what questions to ask because I know nothing new about your life. It's been so long. Are you still doing this? It's like, no, I haven't done that in two and a half years.

Are you still trying to, you know, get on that weight loss plan? You talked about your podcast. Yes, I am. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Yes. Fine. Still working for Slim for Life? No, they fired me. And by the way, can we stop asking with the weight questions? Yeah. Moratorium on the weight loss. So anyway.

Let me over under cost here. 20 Chipotle burritos. 20 times 765. I'm just kidding. I don't know the exact over. It was like $240. And then the cavities are going to be another like $450. Oh, big oop.

Yeah. Big old oop. Goop. Goop. Diddy oop. The oop de lupus. Scoop diddy oop. That's what that Kanye song is talking about.

But not having insurance. He's, you know, he's taking a stance for the poor. Oh, yeah. You know what song I'm talking about? I don't. Dang it. Sorry. It made news because it was like, what is this song?

It was kind of catchy, the melody of it, or like the background music was, but he's like, it's a song about like, poop, poop, scoop-dee-dee-poop-poop. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. This never came acrossop-poop. Ba-ba-ba-ba-boop, boop, boop. This never came across your radar? No, I don't think so. Well, this will be at the end of the podcast. It'll play. So you guys can hear it in like an hour.

We're not even close to being done. And you can hear it later, Brad. We're just warming up. I can't even hear it. Scoop-diddy-woop-boop. Maybe I have. I'm not going to act like you are a replica of Kanye. Yeah, basically, I sing into Shazam when I want to know a song I don't know.

It's like I'm so spot on. Sorry, Jake. I didn't recognize that. I didn't catch that. Why don't we go Blanks of the Week right now and then come back to Life Updates just to mix it up? I don't know if I have many more. Okay. Might go fast, too.

Okay. So it's time for that segment brad hit us blanks of the week blanks out the way i like that there's a little creed in there with arms wide open the blanks of the weekend. I'm thinking maybe this week won't be so blank. I don't even know why I try to sing because then it sounds so much better when you do it. No, but you push me in the right direction. Do I?

I would not have sung Creed right there if you didn't set it up. I'm just, you know. I ooped it. You ooped it to me, man. Big episode for the oof. What am I going to call it? So many options. ooped it you ooped it to me man big episode for the oof what am i gonna call it so many options okay so hula hoop hula hoopers geez um oh shoot we kind of didn't really talk about what we were gonna do that's fine we'll figure no editing no we're just gonna push through um i have a life hack life hack of the week okay i'll just keep it short and sweet just this is

gonna be helpful. Typically, what happens, Brad? You say, ah, where did my phone go? It's somewhere in the living room. Then what happens? You call it. Correct. Good.

You say, somebody call it. And you say, oh, it's on silent. Crap. I guess I'll just look for it. Or do you find my iPhone? Sorry. No, but you know it's in the living room. So it doesn't really help you.

Like I was sitting down. It's either on the couch or the recliner. I'm not going to poop on your poop. Please don't poop on my iPhone. Sorry. No, but you know it's in the living room, so it doesn't really help you. Like, I was sitting down. It's either on the couch or the recliner. I'm not going to poop on your poop. Please don't poop on my iPhone. But you can also do play something. Oh, and it'll make that noise? Yeah. Okay, double life hack. You can have it make a noise. Or... This is quicker. This is quicker. Okay. I saw Thomas Kennedy III

do this. Trey Kennedy. And I was like, that is so smart. He just said, hey Siri. Boom. Smart. And then you know hey sorry jake i didn't catch that uh and i'd never seen anyone do that before i was like why don't i do that every time that's so smart i'm not really the one losing my phone but i did that a few weeks ago really yeah i thought i was smart when i did it too so we were smart guys yeah and thomas thomas is also smart uh so that's just my life hack if you lose your phone in the living room say hey siri great that's yeah you're waiting for it i was like don't don't make the noise again so that's my short and sweet i have no comedic relief just

i just try to add value i think i have two life hacks but i don't have much else so that's okay let me give you two my two life hacks real quick um like i mentioned earlier i've been a bachelor this week oh yeah baby so not only are these life hacks but they are specifically bachelor life hacks okay um meant for people not necessarily men but just people who live by themselves um which i do which you have which yes um first number one first of all in japan in j Japan. Number one. Number one. Steady hand. Number one would be, I like a clean bed. I like a maid bed every day.

I'm assuming that not all bachelors do. No. I know, but that's okay. Even if you're not a bachelor, if you are the second person out of bed in the morning and you are not utilizing the make your bed before you get out of it technique, you are a fool. Before you get out of it. Yes. It is so much easier. Imagine you are in bed. Okay.

And your covers are somewhat straight. All you got to do is do a quick kick to the corners and then spread out. Basically, you're doing a snow angel in bed. Quick kick to the corners and go out in the corners with your arms and your bed is 85% acceptably made right there. Wow. You scoot on out. Just do a quick fold of the sheets up, fold back. Blank it up. Comfort her up.

And I'm not saying it's going to look at whatever. It's not comfort in quality. I was going to say Marriott ready. Yeah, right. Yeah, it might be comfort in quality, was gonna say marriott well yeah right yeah it might be comfort in quality not marriott suites you know whatever but um overall it's a pretty good pretty good option so that's that's number one you have anything to say about it uh not really i was when you said bachelor life hacks not what i was expecting how to make your bed this one's a little more bachelor i haven't not made my bed since I was 14. Okay. Really?

Maybe. No, when I've like stayed at people's houses and they don't want me to de... What's it called? De... De-sheet. They want me to clean up to sheet. Did you de-sheet the bed? Did you sheet the bed?

Hey, don't sheet the bed. Do me a favor. Just don't sheet the bed, okay? I don't care what you do. Just pre-make it before you get out. All right. Don't sheet it though. Do me a favor. Just don't sheet the bed, okay? I don't care what you do. Just pre-make it before you get out. All right? Don't sheet it, though. Ah, sheet.

Anyway, so that's my first one. Okay. My second one, I'm going to just do both mine, okay? It is a little more Bachelor-esque. So right when Catherine and Hattie left, our house was in shambles pretty much. It was pretty messy. Okay. Like just like not tidy.

No one organized. We just did a big house renovation, room renovation thing in our house. No doors in the bathrooms if you go in the bathroom. Correct. Exactly. Yes. That was. Be a little nervous.

So put all the doors back. Put everything back. Like clean it up really well. I don't know why I'm telling you that. I guess just to humble brag a little bit. But. I mean, it looked nice. Put all the dishes, you know, make sure all the dishes are dishwasher, start the dishwasher. And then from there, bachelor life hack is just use all the dishes and utensils from the dishwasher. When you're done, put them in the sink. And when you

run out of stuff in the dishwasher, just refill it back up. Oh yeah, baby. I hate emptying the dishwasher yeah if i just take one thing at a time it's great i wonder if you could do the same thing no well we have a deep sink so it's it's okay i'm not trying to i'm not trying to call it a nintendo ds yeah for the deep sink i i think i've probably done that before when i lived at the k-life house in the crenshaw years when he wasn't you know there super often right because he's working i probably did that you could maybe do the same thing with laundry like leave certain clothes in there basketball shorts like old t-shirts that you don't need to like be folded or hung up yeah if your laundry room is in a convenient location right right right anyway i've never 27 no how old am i 28 years old i've never lived on the same floor as my laundry uh machines I want

that it's awesome I deserve that that's one of the things that's the first thing actually we did when we renovated our house and moved in did laundry it was set up yeah it was set up in the garage in our attached garage and we were like no let's put it in this no thank you and it was a great call I think it'd be so fun. It's very nice. Yeah. You don't realize how inconvenient it is until you don't have it or vice versa. So these are these, uh,

yeah. These are these two, two weeks in a row. We've said vis-a-vis. Thank goodness. Yeah. Uh, okay. I have a big old poultry of the week.

Um, if you're, if you're new around here, um, it's, it's something we have beef with. But I'm allergic, so it's Poultry of the Week. Poultry of the Week goes out to the fast food locations within two miles of my house.

Brad, they are the worst. Go ahead and tell us where you live and where those fast food locations are located. I live in Kansas City, Missouri. Okay. Kansas City what? I'm going to run through this real fast because I don't want to dwell on it and be super complaining, but this deserves it a little bit. This is Monday night. I had a great time celebrating a birthday with some friends, had some great pizza, and

I was like, I'm feeling dessert, baby. But it's after 10 p.m. And I know McDonald's ice cream machine is not going to be on, so I'm not going to start there. Like, oh, Wendy's Frosty. Oh, let's go. Go to Wendy's. It takes a while whatever that's fine though get up to the counter or to the window shoot no the speaker yeah the drive-thru and uh order a chocolate frosty you're welcome because yeah good job known vanilla she

says our chocolate frosty machine is down which i thought was interesting you got two different machines i doubt it but maybe she misspoke so i was like okay i'll take vanilla then great i was like oh cool you get to the window hey the vanilla is super runny you probably don't want it and i was like i waited near like 10 minutes i was like i'll just take it it's fine and i'll pay for it she's like no you really don't want it i said no i really don't mind if it's still like edible no i we we just can't serve it to you i was like all right so i left so i go from wendy's to burger king also very close by my house i love that no thought just occurred to be like ah maybe not tonight yeah no no i'm getting this okay then i go to burger king and i order a milkshake they say we don't have any ice cream right now. We just don't have any ice

cream. I'm like, oh, but Birkin has some cool desserts. They have this Hershey's chocolate pie. You're the only person I know that's ever gotten that. It's so good though. So I'm like, you know what? That's fine. I'll get the Hershey's chocolate pie. Oh, we're out of that too. I was like, okay, what about the Twix pie? We don't have that either. Okay. Do you have any pies? We have no pies. Do you have any of this? We don't have that. I'm like, all right, forget this. I'm going to go to McDonald's because usually McDonald's frappe machine is still working. I'm like, I can get coffee. It's like 1030. And how much coffee is really in those things anyway? Like nothing. Yeah. So then I go to McDonald's, super long wait, get to the speaker. They say, why don't

you just pull ahead to the second window? It's like, all right. Without ordering. Yeah. Yeah. And the speaker is working fine. They just said, pull ahead. It's like, all right. Without ordering. Yeah, yeah. And the speaker is working fine. They just said, pull ahead. It's like, all right. So I gotta wait longer. That's an odd thing right there. Yellow flag, I would dare to say. Right.

Not a red flag, but keeping within McDonald's colors. Then I get into the second window and I say, I assume the ice cream machine is down. He's like, yeah. I was like, okay, no worries. I'm gonna do a large caramel frappe.

He said, frappe machine is down too. And I was like, oh man. I was like, what about, I'm just trying to think now. Okay, what about, oh, smoothies. You guys have any smoothies? Smoothie machine is down too. You like their pies? Yep.

Okay, sorry. I'm interrupting. You're right. Go ahead. No pies. Yeah. He said, then he just, he's like, all right. I think he was just tired of answering questions.

He says, right now we're out of beef products. We're out of pies. We're out of anything buttermilk chicken. We don't have pies. We don't have cookies right now. We're out of anything with caffeine. What? He said, we don't have anything with caffeine.

And I said, so I can't order a Coke or a sweet tea? He said, no. I said, so what are the people getting? And he's like, they got a fish filet. I was like, what? That warrants a complaint email. I kind of felt that way too. I was like, this is crazy. I'm not trying to be an entitled millennial, but that's one of those things. You have to expect to be able to have at least 90% of the menu available. You are one of the biggest corporations in the world.

Unbelievable. And you don't carry 95% of your menu. There's a reason why Chick-fil-A has better sales, even though they're open one less day and have way less locations. And way less hours. Like there's several McDonald's over 24 seven. True. I just couldn't believe it. Especially those compounded on each other.

I was like, this is crazy. I should have been recording this whole thing. This is madness. So did you go to, did you go to Fish Filet? No way you got to Fish Filet. No, no, no. Luckily, so I left parlor at like 10. Yeah. And now it is like

10.55. Can I guess where you're going? Yeah. Andes? Oh yeah, maybe. So I am rushing there. I peel out of McDonald's parking lot. I'm like, I got four minutes to get to Andes. I've never seen you peel out of Andes parking lot. I didn't peel. I didn't peel at all. I responsibly turned the corner, put my blinker on, and got out of there.

And drove like three miles over the speed limit the whole way. And got to Andy's by 10.59. And I did get my ice cream. But it was just like, another one of those times, it was like, this wouldn't be that bad if someone else was just with me. Right, right. It would be an adventure. It would be funny. Yeah, then it would be fun.

Where can we find dessert around here? God forsaken town. The caffeine product kills kills me i've never heard of that right i'm eating caffeine there's no way because it's he makes it sound like oh my my caffeine machine is broken what uh yeah that that would that would irk me so it's like i'm sorry for cussing but that would just that would get. What, root beer and water? Really? And Sprite? Yeah. I mean, that's what I would assume they would offer. There's no way they had Sprite though.

There's no way they had any... I don't believe you. That's what I said to you. I don't believe you. It's so unbelievable. There's no way. There's no way all those things are either getting cleaned or have shut down and malfunctioned simultaneously.

Those are all the thoughts coming to mind while I'm having the conversation of like, yeah, just, I think you don't want to sell me these things. I think you don't want to work. Right. But I didn't want to say that.

And at this point I'm looking at the clock. I'm like, if I start a conversation, I'm not going to make the Andes. So I say, dude, that's crazy. Thanks.

All right. Thank you. See you later. Andes, man. Yeah. Looked me right in the eyes. But also I wanted, here's what I actually wanted to say.

It was like maybe tell people at the speaker that you're out of everything because I wasted another like five to ten minutes waiting to get up here. Right. Because that was something they could have avoided. Could you have left the drive-thru line at that point if they would have said that? Wide girth. A lot of room. Yeah, I could have left. Because sometimes it's like a lane, you know?

Like a go-kart lane a little bit. With curbs and stuff on both sides. Anyway, I'm sorry that was so long, but you can tell I needed to get that off my chest. Brewing for five days. No, I appreciate it. That's great. I knew you'd be upset too. Of course.

Fast food injustice is one of those things that I wake up just caring about every single day. I'm hoping Kanye's gospel songs kind of bring that up a little bit. I think so. What's your poultry of the week? I don't know if I have one. It's a good week then. I guess poultry. I mean, you could bring it back to the bushy eyebrows comment.

You know, slapping the face there. Just the flossing, you know, bleeding, bleeding while flossing. It was like a Tarantino movie in my mouth, man. It was crazy. I don't know. I didn't prepare any of these. I'm sorry. And hey, hats off to you for active listening to me and not just sitting there trying to think of your poultry the whole time. Thank you. Can we talk about that real fast, about listening and talking last night? That was kind of fun. It was kind of fun. It's a fun experiment to do i'll just i'll just keep it at that um it wouldn't be great for the podcast but something you could do with your friends yeah do it as a game or you

know experiment with your friends so i uh back in the day when i was working a corporate job they did this exercise where they would read a story out loud to you while you also read we read a slide like but you're reading words as well, two different stories. And then the point of it is that you cannot comprehend two things at once. And you really can't comprehend even one of those two things. And Jake, I said that last night, Jake's like, yeah, I've heard that. I don't, I don't know. I want to try that. Well, also Jake, Jake just really thinks highly of himself apparently. Well, yeah. Here's what I'll say. One, right before that you would kind of been buttering my biscuit.

Because we were talking about some people can't listen to people while they're texting. Oh, that's right. And I was like, oh, I've never had trouble with that. I did. I said you were probably the best person I know at responding and having a conversation while being on their phone. I feel like I can text and hear people and respond to them. Right. And so I was like, maybe I'm a savant.

Maybe I can do this. And I will say, yeah. If you had to describe my personality in a sentence, it would be, I think I can do that. Right, right. I want to at least try it. Worth a try. That should be, yeah. On your tombstone.

Worth a try. Worth a shot. He died doing what he loved. Trying. Trying to squirrel scoot. There's a callback. Hey. So anyway.

So I was like, let's do this, baby. Right. So we tried it. let's do this, baby. Right. So we tried it. I just Googled like random stories and did not work out. Tell them the quick little mishap when you texted Catherine. That's pretty funny. Oh, I also, yeah. Brad's like, all right.

I'll text you the story so you can read it on your phone. Yeah, because you were going to read like a Wikipedia page about mallards or something like that. I thought it seemed fun. It was a random thing to do, but I think it would have been, yeah. Whenever I did it, I did it with two different stories because that way you don't know any details about what you're about to read or anything and so i sent him this link or so i thought and jake's like where's the link i still haven't got it i looked at it i was like oh my gosh i just intuitively sent it to katherine who's you know i haven't really talked to in the last five hours with no context to this thing. So whatever, we forget about it.

We go into the game. I do pretty bad at the game. It's kind of tough. Also, our other friends there were having a conversation while I'm trying to do this. That was a little sensory overload. And there was another sensory. There was also another sense about the, that was where the conversation came about from because one of the friends may have flatulated.

It came out of his butt i'll just say that his or her let's let's not let's not get too extreme so there's a lot of things going on but yes it is very hard and i don't claim to be able to do that uh but yeah katherine then but then we get done brad's like oh gosh katherine texted me and then she just said i've heard some of those before laughing emoji like laughing crying emoji i'm like you were so sweet to not be like, why'd you send me these random, like question, mediocrely funny stories. I talked to her about this morning and told her like the story behind it and everything. And she's like,

yeah, I was kind of curious, but I was just trying to be nice to you. And I was like, thank you. I think it's a great quality. Cause I wouldn't have done that. I'm like, what is this? I'll be honest. That was kind of a rarity for her. I think she would have usually questioned it. Not in her character. But maybe she's just, you know, getting more sweet. You know, she's down in the South right now. You know. Well.

Well. Hattie. I miss Hattie. And Catherine, I guess. So that's all. Yeah. Let's do one more man pan blank of the week. I think I do have food tips always, but I have no, can I give a food tip? Sure. Okay. Um, let's go back to the McDonald's idea real quick. This is a food tip that I've been doing

since my sister, Dana taught it to me probably when I was like fourth grade. Okay. Sister Dana's 10 years older than me. So she was like a sister, obviously, but also a mom. You know, she watched me, took care of me, you know, when my parents had stuff going on. Spanked you. Right. All those things. Reprimanded me.

Potty trained me. Taught me how to wipe. All that stuff. Normal, like teenage girl things. Normal things to do. Yeah. Anyway. But I remember we went to McDonald's one time.

And I don't know if she originated this or if she saw one of her friends do it. But she goes, yeah, can we just get two ice cream cones? And then she put her hands pretty far apart. And she goes, but can we just get them really big? And I think it's one of those things where people don't ask things like that very often. And so they don't get them. If you're a McDonald's worker, you're like, yeah. There's not like a, I don't like, yeah, have an inches, you know, meter that I look at the cone afterwards to make sure it's the right size.

It's like we've kind of just always done it the same way. And so they brought out these cones that I bet there was, you know, if you were doing like a ratio, it was, it was one part cone to three parts ice cream. It was just a huge cone. I mean, yeah, it was like a lean tower of pizza, you know, ice cream cone kind of thing. So it was a little scary to eat, especially in the summertime. Um, yes. Right. Um, but overall just a great, great food tip to just go in and maybe that's more of a even deeper not deeper but bigger picture thing of like not necessarily just at mcdonald's but just ask for you know stuff like that what do you want ask for it yeah can i get um yeah i don't know at chipotle i guess yeah can

i get a lot of meat like a lot of chicken no i don't want double i just want a lot of chicken. No, I don't want double. I just want a lot. Oh, okay. Like give me 1.9 and don't round up. You know, something like that. Or just go to McDonald's and just get an ice cream cone or anywhere and just say, yeah, but can I get that ice cream cone

really big? Because didn't you say that, I think I told some youth group kids this one time, didn't you go to McDonald's with one of them? Yeah, we did. Yeah.

You did? Yeah. You told me a couple years ago and I tried it. I didn't know you said really big. I think when I said it, I said really tall, but it still worked. As long as you, the hand motion is the main thing. Like show it, show it, show what you want.

Show them what you're wanting. Give a good 12 inches in between the hands, you know, so they can. Can I get you a really tall ice cream cone? Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Or just like have a signature name name for that you act like they should know and then they're like i don't know what that is oh like yeah can i get the empire state ice

cream cone what uh yeah just like the really really tall like the big one that you guys do yeah you have a monkey coming on top of it anyway so that's my food tip of the week for you. That's a great food tip. Yeah. Our last Blank of the Week is going to be a combo. It's Review of the Week, also with Fan of the Week. Yeah, go Jake and Brad. Fan of the Week goes to our girl, Kirstie. I say our girl. We don't know her at all.

Oh my gosh, I want to know her at all oh my gosh i want to know her easy no hey whoa i said that katherine i said that it sounded like brad that was me um so it started with uh really got our attention she left a comment on instagram.com that was word for word like an entire monologue basically basically that Brad had said in a previous podcast episode. Yes. It was crazy. It's, you know,

obviously you can't copy and paste something that's been said. So she went back and listed this and then typed it up word for word on my Instagram. And it was so funny. Remind the monologue part, like what, what the context. Oh,

this came from a, there was a period of time where Facebook would, things in their news feed whenever you got new friends. So it's like, Jake recently became friends with Daniel Cox. And then Brad would just comment on it. Yeah. And like comment very stupid. Very strange. Very ridiculous things about friendship.

That wouldn't really make any sense. Like nonsensical, just like jargon that's kind of like yeah stereotypical like something you'd see on pinterest you know combined with a bible verse combined with you know a random song lyric or something like that and anyway she went back and that was many many episodes ago right and then put that on instagram which is so funny and then she left us a review too well i wasn't listening super well to the explanation of the comment originally, but you, she commented on a video that you did puns on, right? Yeah.

And she changed, did you notice that she changed the quote to have animal puns like you did in your video? Did you not realize that? How did I not catch that? Oh, let's pull it up, baby. I'm so stupid. My Instagram is way less cluttered than yours because I only get like two tags a week that's okay that's not where your worth comes from brad i'm always telling you that and yes you just you know you you get down on yourself i know i just i just get on social

blade too much and i just get you know self-conscious about it it's funny you know that um good for you round two of puns in the drive-thru is what your name of your uh and you commented which what was your comment this time naming animals as many as I can. I couldn't tell if your comment was, like, sarcastic. Like, was it supposed to be, like, endearing, or were you trying to, like, throw some shade? A little bit of both. I just commented, I'm so glad you moved back to Kansas City, because I just thought, what you're doing now is so much better than that. That's pretty good still.

No, it was impressive. It just was like, come on, Jake. It's kind of, like, hokey. Yeah. Like, now you're,'re like doing pretty cool stuff yeah yeah like that like like yeah that stuff's just like okay you don't have anything better to do let's go make a video about puns now you're making the ghost runners podcast oh yeah yeah no that's the top of my mountain peak right now so then kirstie is it kirstie or kirstie kirstie will

you please uh do this five-star review again and let us know? But she said, unto us a child is gibbon. I don't really know what that's a country. Oh, maybe she did. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, is what she said. As I read these verses this morning, I couldn't help but think about the two of you and the bond that you EWE share through both Christ and my, how did I not catch all this in the midst of the, this busy season?

I pray that you see through the frog of materialism amazing to the beautiful sunny skies of friendship. And let's be, be honest, maybe even a few good shoulder grubs. This is crazy. So she, I can't believe you didn't notice this the first time.

Cause you said you texted me like, Oh wow. Can you believe this comment Cause you texted me like, oh wow. Can you believe this comment? And I was like, that's incredible. Like not only did she find the quote, but then she like went one step further and like just made it this hilarious thing. And you just thought it was impressive on one level. Didn't even know there were puns.

You didn't even know there was an escalator up. Gosh, I'm stuck on Pleasure Beach. I can't, she's not smart anymore um anyways that was great and then she left us a review that was also riddled with just like inside jokes of the podcast and everything and uh yeah it's just great so i also don't know after reading that review if she's caught up uh with us because a lot of those uh inside jokes are from the first couple episodes she She also mentioned John Chris, though. That wasn't that long ago.

That was like the drive-thru episode. I know that's when you first roasted John Chris. Yeah. Shout out. This is kind of funny. So this weekend, Trey is in Texas making kind of a special appearance on like three or four of John's tour stops. My sister went down to Waco this weekend and randomly ended up with not just John Crist tour tickets, but John Crist meet and greet tickets.

So she's like now going to meet Trey and John for the first time, but in Texas. Perfect. Which is so weird and so funny. So she's like, is there anything I should say or should it say or whatever? But I make an appearance on the big screen. One of the videos they're going to show I'm in. So I was like, look for me. Yeah.

The one where he's making fun of John Chris? Yeah. That's kind of fun. But anyway, back to Curse. Just real quick. You're awesome. Thanks for the great review. We also got a review from, the username is babeoftheweek.

Love that. Also Tiffany Pope. And did I say Crafty Violinistist last time i don't think i did crafty violinist thank you for your review as well maybe you did doesn't matter we can do it twice because we i don't know can we what's that i don't want to like emphasize kirsty too much and make her like you know the star of the show but can we read her review it was i think it deserves a read like it is it long, but it is so thoughtful. It's so well done.

And it's funnier than anything we've done. So, oh, it's definitely funnier than us. Yeah. And if you've listened to all of our episodes, it'll really make sense. If you're new, you'll still enjoy it. Ghostrunner on second? Question mark. Well, this podcast is second to none.

Parentheses, John Chris delivery. Already good. That's already like two or three inside jokes right there. Right there. You could have said that. Great review. I've binge listened. That's tough for me to say.

It sounded like you said I've been listening, but in a really like struggling country accent. I binge listening. Look, we've been talking to each other for like four hours straight now. I've binge listened these on maternity leave and do have some thoughts get on your feet boom another one get on your feet kirsty my sister got pregnant out of wedlock quite the announcement in i loved that part that was my favorite part in a podcast review okay my sister got pregnant out of wedlock much like jim and pam then married and became mrs butts they did later separate also a funny confession confession maybe that's a is that a pun they later separated

like like like oh but like oh nice you think that was you think that was intentional probably she's she's there's no way it's on accident yeah with kirsten honestly kirsten might be going by a fake name which this might be like Tina Fey or something. This is someone, you know, at the top of comedy. Okay. My, uh, they did later separate. My biracial 11 year old nephew now holds the name Mr. Butts.

Oh buddy. At least he's not racist though. Um, which is a double. R-A-Y-C-E-S-T. And I think in his play on words, but like being racist and he's biracial. He's biracial. Yeah. There's no way he's racist.

It's crazy. He's a butt. How much time is she putting in this? Hey, butt. Instead of bud. Praying a girl loves him very much one day. Some poultry. You guys haven't covered ice.

Chick-fil-A's ice makes the Dr. Pepper better. No? Uh. Yeah. Yeah. But not like not as in not not so much it's fine i would agree but not so much like it's not like oh i gotta go for the ice i don't i don't like the little pebbles as much as oh really i mean they're fine they're fine fruity pebbles cocoa pebbles chick-fil-a ice pebbles just pebbles in a in a query just a big landscaping guy. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Then in parentheses, you have holds tape recorder up, which I like to think is a reference to Michael Scott writing his book. T-shirt idea.

Goodbye, stink. Idea for a bracket, comedy movie quotes, which that makes me get on my feet. That's a great idea. We will do that. As God is my witness idea we will do that i i as god is my witness we will do that if you like the office and all the references we've been doing probably 15 episodes ago 10 50 episodes ago we did a we made our own bracket of most iconic moments in the office history so take a look at that if you want um two more paragraphs up thoroughly enjoying every episode and much like

the office sometimes the cold open is the best part. Which maybe we got to get back to. We literally got no, which I'm not asking for feedback. You don't have to say anything. Oh, I am asking for feedback. Brad would like some feedback. Five-star review feedback, please. Like three episodes in a row, we went word for word, like reciting a movie scene.

Yeah, we did. Remember Titans? Sandlot. Sandlot and the Matt Foley SNL thing. And like, I thought they were fun. i had some friends say they were good but and i get a lot of for the most part podcast feedback i got nothing and i was like i guess we'll stop no one likes this right i thought it was so funny i guess it's a tired tradition after three weeks uh but she said listening from cincinnati ohio if you ever come through i want your thoughts on skyline chili i've heard so many mixed reviews on skyline

have you heard about it yeah when we went i think they have noodles did you have some no they have noodles in the chili i don't want to i don't want to judge too much quick too quick chili nudes we didn't have it when people were like oh you're going up to ohio you know in the limo you gotta have skyline chili and then we stayed in cincinnati for like an hour and then had to get on the road again but when we were randomly in Yellowstone Park and ran into this couple who were from Ohio and they were like, if you guys are hungry,

we got Skyline Chili in the trunk. I'm good. And we got chili back in the back. Yeah. So that's my just stereotype now of every person from Ohio carries Skyline Chili in their trunk, even if they're on vacation in a national park.

Oh man. Or maybe more so. Shout out Kings Island, Cincinnati. Great amusement park. Kings of Leon? What'd you say? Kings Island. Kings of Leon are Nashvillevillians, I believe.

Oh, good for them. Oh, anyway. So that's some reviews, and that's our Blanks of the Week. Blanks of the Week. I have to pee so bad. I don't know what's going on in my bladder today. That's okay. I got to go.

Go ahead. Should I go in the yard? No, we got new neighbors. I don't know. And you have doors. I'll come in with you. Okay. Brad, how do you feel about doing a little currently trending?

Love it, man. Yeah? Let's do it. Would you like to go first or second? I'm going to go first. Cool. So the currently trending, I think I kind of mentioned it last week, but it's a little bit more, um, Ellis custom creations.com been working hard on it.

Um, and have just really, really enjoyed learning how to create a website and like edit a website. Um, I had a friend of mine, Daniel Sagalo of Sagalo Media. Quick shout out. He was the one that kind of has done a lion's share of the work on this, creating it. How much? A lion's share. Cool. Have you heard that? Yeah. Okay.

Like he was the. What animal? He was the Mufasa to my Simba. Oh my gosh. That's beautiful. Right. And I've just, I've grown. And now he's dead.

Into the king of the jungle. Yeah. He died last week. R.I.P. Daniel. Oop. right um and i've just i've grown and now he's dead into the king of the jungle yeah he died last week r.i.p daniel oop um so anyway but i i made a list of all these things that i wanted him to help me edit and do and in the process of waiting for him because he's a very busy man to get to my stuff i just learned how to do a good amount of it myself which was really fun let's go zuckerberg right yeah i uh i took the the wink of losses and just made my own zucker pooped um so anyway just i don't know

i think there's a lot of parallels from website design to woodworking you know just really i think you you go to see you get to see what you made. You can do very basic things, and then you can eventually transform them into much more advanced things. And I think you need – things are a lot easier when you have the right tools. Wow. There's things out there that you literally Google, and then you copy and paste this thing in there, and it makes this amazing-looking thing for you.

You can try to do that on your own, or you can just use this nice tool that people made for you. So anyway, I think that's why I've really enjoyed it is just learning how to use different resources and tools in order to get creative and stuff. So I think it's fully functional now. If you want to go check out custom creations.com, buy yourself a table, ladies and gents, if you're in the Kansas city area, or if you're not, uh, contact us and we us and we'll make you something. So thank you in advance. If you would like to give me money, you can do that just on Venmo. I won't give you anything in return, but just know that it's also an option.

Yeah. If you do that rather than ordering from me, I will be very salty. But also it would be kind of funny. But know that they're both options. No, that's cool. It's a great week for you too to get all this website stuff done when you are kind of, yeah. You know, batching it just by yourself. Yeah, absolutely. It, yeah. So I've, I've stayed up. That's another currently training staying up. Like I've had Jake hours basically. You texted me

a couple nights ago at like 1am and you're like, this lifestyle is awesome, dude. I don't know if I said awesome. I think I said, or what did you say? What did I say? I texted. I said, I think I've decided that if I didn't have a wife and child, I would live a much more similar lifestyle to you. You said, this is at 11, or no, this is at 1257. So one o'clock in the morning.

You said, isn't it awesome? I had dinner an hour ago. I loved that. I laughed out loud in my chair when I read that. I don't know if I would consider it awesome, but I'm having fun. I'm also working on so much on this website and it's so addicting. Whoa. Now here we are talking about it again. Wow. Ghost runners. Your teen requested a ride, but this time not from you. It's through their Uber teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your

supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today. Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th with exclusive savings just for Prime members. Involuntary deal squeals can happen, like the deal on new running shoes squeal.

The deal on a new blender squeal. Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. Something currently trending for me is, it's going to sound a little weird, but it's been happening all week, is girls being mean to me. Mainly on the internet. Just a couple.

They have a screen to hide behind on the internet, those girls. Yeah, digital makeup. That's what we know. For the most part, a lot of people have been really nice to me, but it was just a high frequency of weird, rude, mean conversations. Three of them really this week. One of them, I'm not going to go into each one like super intensely, but just, just at least tell us their names. I'm just, I'm just gonna say their full names and then we'll just move on. Uh, one was like a friend of mine, pretty good friend of mine who,

uh, we worked on like a video project together. was going to shoot it she was going to edit it the contract was kind of bearing down us like hey we got to get this done here you almost done editing it this is me like reminding her but uh you know two weeks from now great i'll have it done time's coming hey how are we looking still not done or she like didn't respond i'm like oh it's probably not done then and then text again hey is it done oh shoot uh yeah i had it done you should have texted me earlier because i don't know why well one of those things was like i texted her at like 3 a.m so she's like oh when you text me friday i probably just read it in my sleep and didn't see it and then yeah then like put all this on me. Like, oh, you should have texted me earlier.

I would have done it. And I was like, should have texted you earlier. And yeah, I guess I don't have to get into it. But it was like my fault for texting you weeks and weeks to remind you of this. So that happened. Then another thing with the video, a girl was, I posted on my story about, so I feel like that wasn't that mean. I didn't just, I didn't read that story at all, but it was like a really good friend being like sassy to me. Like, I know you

mean, like I have beef with people who no matter what, try to make it your fault. Like, well, if you would have texted me more and reminded me, or if you would have done this for me, then I would have gotten it to you on the right time. Yeah. I was Oh my gosh. Yeah. I thought we were good friends. I'm just trying to help us both. This looks bad on both of us now. Yeah. Yeah. I just, that frustrates me when it's never their fault. Yeah. There was nothing I could have said. Clearly I was late, but if you would have done something different than I wouldn't have been late. So really it's your fault for not doing that one thing. Yeah. And like being a, someone I thought we were friends, I was like, Oh yeah, I would never treat a friend like this this is weird so stuff like that it's just

easy for me to it's very hard for a stranger to hurt my feelings but it's like a friend it's like dang so then the second thing another friend i put something on my story when i was back with ty and kyle about you know should we do a season two whatever you know my story and she was like can i come and uh obviously she's kind of joking so i was like yeah you want to be our videographer because that's what she does and uh she's like nah i don't think i really would and i was like oh okay i was like oh why not i still don't know if we're joking or not now anymore she's like oh i just don't think it'd be that fun and i was like oh well so then i'm like trying to convince her that it would be fun in

this make-believe scenario i'm like oh well you know i know you don't know the guys but i think we had a lot of fun together and it'd be super super good experience for you because she's like still in college as a videographer and she's like no i think i'd just rather do my own thing than like making videos for other people i was like what is it where's this coming from we are like that's fine to have those thoughts, but don't, don't reach out to you jokingly ask you to come and then backtrack by saying all these pretty negative things. It was so weird. And I was like, why are you saying this? I didn't ask you to do this.

This wasn't even a serious thing. Like, where's this coming from? Why are you like, like the worst version of flirting of all time. Like what you guys are doing right now. Like this isn't fun. Like let's flirt for two seconds and then be really honest and brutal to each other it was so weird so that happened on back-to-back days of like nothing obviously that big of a deal water down and then third day in a row uh this is on hinge a girl matches with me and says immediately beware i've seen your instagram therefore i don't think you take anything seriously. And I take everything seriously. I was like, what?

Maybe it's supposed to be funny. You know, either way, I'm like, take it off guard. Like this is. Did you test the waters of if she was trying to be funny or not? So I tried to, yeah, play middle ground with the response. Because I didn't want to be too mean, Allegates, if she was joking. Well, can you tell me how Hinge works? Like, do you both have

to mutually agree we've mutually agreed at this point but and then but it was like i agree to to message him but then i'm going to give him a piece of my mind that's the only reason i'm agreeing right off the bat yeah at least that's what i think that's what it feels like yes so i'm like whoa this is wild actually he sent it to a couple friends of me it was like look at this yeah uh so i just said wow what an intro i feel like that was still on the fence a little bit. Like she could be like, LOL, I thought you'd think that was funny. Yeah, yeah. She did not say that.

She said, just being honest with like the girl shrugging emoji. It sounds like, whoa, what? Who does this? Maybe she's trying to flirt with the girl shrugging emoji, but that's a terrible flirt. Like people need to learn how to flirt if they're flirting. And just who does this? Why would you ever treat someone like this? I know it's not even that bad, but still. Okay. So I say, so because I make a living being funny on the internet, you, you think I can't be serious at all? She says exactly. Okay. Now this girl just

actually stripped does not like me. Wow. Match with me just so she could tell me how she's they tell You off like yeah, you're there's so many other avenues you could do that on but hinge is the one that she chose I just I'm easily DMU. She could easily comment on your face. She's seen me before On the internet. Yeah, just so weird like hey, I'm putting you in a box I want to let you know you're being put on a box and I hate the box you're in you suck and you're incapable of being Serious Wow, and so I just said, well, this has been fun. And thinking that was going to be the end of it.

And then she messaged me a couple other like pretty rude things too of just like, I don't have that screenshot. And then she unmatched me as soon as she said it. So I can't really go back and see, but it was just like other,

she continued to be like, yeah, I don't think very highly of you kind of responses. So three days in a row this week, I was just like, geez. Oh man. Stri man striking out with the ladies except i'm not even i didn't even know i was up to bat and i'm striking out it's like i've got thrown out of the game like i'm like the designated catcher but yet somehow i got a bat in my hand it's like when tim duncan have you seen that clip he got thrown out of the game for laughing for laughing while he's on the bench that's what i

am i'm just laughing on the bench every time the ref made a bad call he would just laugh about it and then he got kicked out out of the game which maybe he wasn't maybe the ref was like hey i'm very serious and tim duncan's like i'm sorry i'm not just because i'm having fun on the bench means that you you don't like like me and he goes exactly and he kicked him out it was just so weird wow and it was such a people pleaser that like people cannot like me if they know me well. It's like, I know who you are as a person and it's just not for me. I can easily accept that. But it's like, you've only seen my Instagram.

I feel like you don't know me. You don't like me. Like, I'm like, I will win you over. Does that make you a little self-conscious when you post stuff of like, people are going to gain this kind of impression of me when that's really not always the case? You know what I mean? I guess so. I guess maybe I try not to think about it too much.

Probably a good thing. I think you could easily get your head with that stuff. I always think that at least. But yeah, there is definitely like a – it's not extreme extreme, but I think there's a difference between social media Jake and normal Jake. I mean, for the most part, everyone's social media is just the highlights. Right. That's what mine are too. Yeah. And so you're like, I'm not just going to have a serious post on here about, you know, Hey, uh, just something on my mind. Life's really good. And I just really like you guys. Like if you're, you know, talented and skilled and feel blessed

in an area of life, is it your, are you, you know, called to that? Is that your, um, you know, burden to is that your um you know burden to bear that you need to pursue this just some thoughts guys what do we think about this i want to open this channel discussion i just want to motivate you guys through some thoughts i've had this morning mclyde time and so um peace one love yeah like i'm not gonna see something say something i'm a 28 year old man i would hope i'd be capable of being serious in this girl's mind i am not at all and that's why it irks me. Uh-oh. Hey, let's bleep it out.

I can't believe I said that. Also, what a weird inside joke. Just like irk is a bad word. Let's not keep it going, please. There are kids that listen to this podcast probably. So those are currently trendings. Just girls being mean to me on the internet. I'm so sorry.

Oh, I'm fine. If you're a girl out there, go ahead and be nice to Jake on the internet. No, there's been a lot of girls being really nice to me on the internet. Just three of them. Okay. Let's be specific. If you're a girl out there and you want, just kidding. I'm trying to think of like a, I want like a specific compliment. Like tell you, tell me what your favorite video Jake's ever made. Tell message him that this week. I don't need, he wants it. He's, he's putting his hand up, but also like, please give it to me, please. I'm holding up a sign to Brad right now that says, please get them to encourage me. I need this. Keep going. Keep going. It says, I need this.

I need this. No, it's, uh, it's fine. The internet has been great to me, especially recently. Uh, the internet's just been life-changing. Like I, it was, I can message people whenever I want very instantly. It's crazy. They just bring Chip bills to my door whatever i say i want to my burrito they put it on there they have to listen to me you can even add custom notes on there oh that's funny oh um a couple other quick things that happen to me we can talk about and then we can then we'll get to our instagram questions from last week because we did make that promise sorry for the filibuster episode um i'll just say it a couple days ago and that's what i'm saying so many things happen to me just this week uh i'm walking out of a gas station in missouri i'll just go ahead and go ahead

and the second i walk out that door, a van, like, side door opens. Like the, uh, skvm. Yeah, right. That noise. Nailed that. Side door opens. And it's three African-American women just proceed to catcall me. I have never been catcalled in my life, much less in this scenario.

Okay, okay. And it was, what was it? it oh that was a gopher oh sorry for the noise okay he died oh man great they were they're gonna miss me cat calling jake right now dang it uh so yeah the second i open that door door opens hey boy hey i'm like oh gosh i'm scared oh white chocolate okay that was the thing yeah you want some cookies with your cream they say something like that dang it why did they get around to stop right now um they they did not say do i want some cookies with my cream they called me snowflake a lot though where you going snowflake where you going snowflake and i would just head was down it

was like i was walking through the underwear section of Walmart on accident You know, I just like get me out of here the gauntlet. I didn't mean this. I didn't want this. What am I done? Yeah, I just felt so like I don't know embarrassed for some reason I guess it should be flattered because that's never happened to me before can I ask it was so immediate, right? Can I ask a few logistical questions one? They open up the sliding door on the side of the van cookies with your cream you like that that's a good one yeah yeah i'm just thinking of white chocolate you want some cocoa puffs with that milk what are you two percent a hole two percent a hole tell me now

boy um what you said that they had a sliding barn barn door i'm sorry i'm thinking about ellis custom classic woodworker. Yeah, sorry. EllisCustomCreations.com. Check it out. You said they slid open their van door. I'm trying to visualize it. Were they sitting in the van still when they yelled it, or did they get out? They were all sitting.

So no one is in the driver's seat or the shotgun seat. All three of them. It's like two in the captain's seat and then one in the backpack. I love that. That makes it way better to me. It's like, do you sit here all day if seatbelts on i love the idea of this like it's kind of like halfway back in it another white chocolate that was the thing like yeah are you did you just get here like are you just waiting for people to leave this store or like this gas

station and i didn't look at them long i don't know if they're wearing seatbelts or not but that's too good it was a weird scenario and once again i'm by myself could have been so funny but it was more just scary because i'm by myself right like you you're not going to respond back in a joking way because what if they're serious no i just kind of like they were very persistent so i got almost to my car and just waved i had a snickers bar in my left hand i just waved at him i was like too scared to speak oh man just waved once i was a safe distance away and almost in my car and they got my car and it's like oh that was i think cool but i don't know my heart rate is high i'm gonna put on some uh

i don't know not m&m i'm gonna put on you know uh something you know more soulful so you gotta hear that song dude it's uh it's average i don't know oh man that's too good dude i love it so i would i would have loved it if you kind of played into it just a little bit like just kind of just kind of stuck your stuck your booty out as you're like unlocking your door oh they would love that like with a quick like you know three-quarter glance back like hey you see me like just a little tease like not like a, three quarter glance back, like, Hey, you see me? Like, it's a little tease. Like, not like a, not like a full on, like I'm giving in, but I'll give you a little something.

Looking's free, but touching's going to cost you. Exactly. One other, this will be the last story I tell because I feel like it's been a very story heavy episode, but. No, it's great. This happened in Kansas. So take that Brad. I can't, I can't wait This happened in Kansas, so take that, Brad. Wichita area, Kansas.

I'm at a gas station late at night. Oh, no, I lied. I was in Oklahoma. Dang it. Dang it. Okay. They say Oklahoma's just okay. I'm in Oklahoma, stopped at a gas station late at night, and I come out.

Quick sidebar. Something about my face, I think, just must be the perfect anglo innocent just stupid looking face yeah because i feel like very very often i will get hit up for money from people but they're not asking anyone else around me it's just like oh that's that's the look we're looking for i'm waiting that's the guy he looks just innocent and just stupid enough to give me a ton of money i guess i'm always getting asked for money like that and so i see this guy from like several stall pumps not stalls we weren't in the bathroom several pumps over start walking towards me so like here he comes it's happening again i'm gonna get hit up for something um but i'm always willing to hear people out anyway uh but this is what i'll call

my first or just obviously scripted bum i've never seen anything like it so it comes over hey man and like i said i saw him coming i'm like pretty much just sitting on him waiting for him to get to me hey how's it going hey sorry if i startled you please don't shoot me don't rape me or don't stab me I was like what yeah he said that a few times he says that every time he was because he did the furthest thing from startle me I I'm like have eye contact with him before he starts speaking I waved to him yeah yeah he's just trying to break the ice sorry sorry for startling you yeah please don't shoot me rape me or stab me and I was like in

that order please for the love god not another um so i'm like it's all good man and then he's just like can you help me out man times have been tough that's my wife over there see her she used to be all smiling now she's not so much i lost my job a while back and we don't got no money it was it was just like that cadence the whole time this whole spiel i'm like this is crazy he like he like looks at his hand like something he's like last week i was diagnosed with thyroid cancer diabetes what's diabetes yeah i got type 2 diabetes and just one other scenario was like can't someone be with me this would have been awesome like if were there, we would have talked to him for a while. Oh, man. You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of like questioning his story. Yeah. And trying to startle him back maybe. But it was just like, yeah. You know, I always still feel bad even when I'm like, this dude probably doesn't need money as bad as he says he does. Right.

And he's not asking anyone else at this gas station. You need something though, whether it's money or something else well i gave him a big kiss so i said see ya and then i said sorry if i startled you please don't kiss me back chase me down or tell my mom i don't know but uh yeah it was just that was pretty funny i'd never seen because sometimes you're like uh maybe when someone's approaching you for money, like, do they say this? Do they need this? And this is like within four seconds.

Oh, without a shadow of a doubt, this is scripted. It's so, so funny. Oh man. Are we answering some questions or? I think it's time to answer some questions. Let me go back. A lot of questions. Thank you guys for sending them in.

This was like over two weeks ago. This is a fun one. I think we'll each have an opinion on it it even though i've never thought about this in my life what is the best and most impressive conjunction in the english language best conjunction conjunctions are like can't conjunction junction what's your function is that how it goes so that didn't answer my question. It didn't? Yeah, you're right.

So I'll go ahead and say mine because something just came to mind. I think shant is fun because it's shall not. But you say shant. Do you put a apostrophe in there for shant? You have to. It's contraction. Or, oh, wait. Shoot.

I'm using the wrong word. What's conjunction? Oh, boy. Oh, no. I'll look it up. I was thinking contraction the whole time. I was like, I don't know's conjunction? Oh, boy. Oh, no. I'll look it up. I was thinking contraction the whole time. I was like, I don't know if that's right. Conjunction, junction.

Okay, that's still not helping. What is a conjunction? Okay, well, that's my favorite, contraction. You know what? Speaking of contractions. Your wife's labor. Sure. Okay. She did have some of those during labor. No, you are the only person that I think I know that uses the contraction what are.

You say what are. Oh, no one else uses that? I don't know if it's even like a real one. Oh, really? No one's doing that? What are you up to? What are you up to? What are you doing today?

Like you say what are. Oh, of course. It's so fast. Why would it not be a contraction i don't know i just i don't see it in books i don't see it maybe i did make it up what are you up to that's so great maybe conjunction a word used to connect clauses or sentences or coordinate words in the same clause that did not help me for example and but if oh um to separate into or to separate yeah independent clauses i really like saying therefore because like i like arguing with people

about things that don't need to be argued about like i can tell connor lamb uh with the chipotle qdoba um of course instances and when you say, you are getting ready to just pummel them into the ground. Like you have, you have major points and then you are concluding it by saying, I'm coming back for more. Yeah. There is, therefore there is no like doubt that I am correct and you are wrong is what is what I usually use. Therefore that's there's like a, what would it be like a strategy and like script writing that like from scene to scene it should go from therefore but therefore but so it'd be like he finds the treasure map therefore he must follow the path but uh there's something in his way right therefore to overcome it and so therefore therefore, but, therefore, but. Interesting.

So like any good screenplay, our podcast should be good. Yes. My words, but. Okay. Okay. So we can be therefore, buts. Okay. Seymour, buts.

Biracial, buts. Yeah, we're the biracial, buts. Okay. Well, that was not a very good answer to that question, but I think it led to some fun things. So I'll try to do better. Choosing other ones that I actually know the words to. I will do better. I will do better.

Another one I found from Grant says, do you make money from the podcast? No. We do not. We don't. We do this purely for the love of the game. Love of the game. 22 episodes in.

Revenue is zero. But I don't think we're far away from monetizing it um i was probably going to talk to trey about maybe getting some sponsors also if you're out there and would like to sponsor the podcast um let's talk yeah leave us a five-star review dms on instagram ls custom creations and or triplet jake and we'll yeah i'm i'm not you got the money we got the time we'll just say that who said that uh winston church jerry mcguire i don't know janitor said that yeah lister base isn't super big but i think it's pretty tight knit so you know we would get through absolutely uh next

question uh oh it says not a question but do slam poetry from Olivia. Just do slam poetry. Just do it. Just do it. Okay. Give me a category. Okay. Brad, I want your slam poem to be about soda. I feel like you're pretty-

Dark. Okay. Fizzy. Fill up your cup. Fill up my heart. Dr. Pepper, why is he even a doctor? He's making soda, soda for your life, man. Diet Coke, root beer, Sprite Mountain Dew,

it's all the same when it goes out of you. Don't live life today like you're fizzing out. Put the cap on. Shake it up. Give yourself a Mentos and get out there. Because life, like soda, is fizzing away bring your best how much is the follow that

that was awesome you compared it to life oh that was good holy crap soda is life man so this life it's fizzing away write it down i got i got a back tat that says that thank you olivia for that okay i guess i gotta try you can or we could just well if it's not funny don't worry about it oh yeah you gotta give me a topic sorry uh playgrounds playgrounds Playgrounds. Swoosh! Ba-ding! Ouch! We're on the playground now. Ten years from now, with your wife and kids, where's my playground now? New friends. Go to the zoo. Oh, snap. Monkey bars.

Used to play on the monkey bars. Now monkeys are behind bars. Is life a playground? Is playground life? We eat live cereal and play the board game live. But I've never eaten a monkey. Swoosh. Pating. Ouch. Thank you for coming. Oh, yeah!

I didn't want to get excited. Monkey bars, now monkeys are behind bars at the zoo, was amazingly original and fresh for how quickly you did that. Thank you. Yeah, that was weird. That was perfect. Thank you. I think if I had- We just played the monkey bars, now the monkeys are behind bars. I was like, oh, shoot. Screenplay that beat. I think if I had even 10 seconds to think of something, I could have thought of something

better. But yeah, that was- That's the point is it's completely improv, baby. We might have to do more impromptu slam poetry. I think as long as the audience knows that we don't come into it with a plan and it's all right they're it's pretty funny yeah yeah yeah oh that is good yeah we should do more of that because slam poetry is kind of like like if the if the goal is to be funny yeah you just say anything it's nonsensical garbage anyway usually and so it's like just have it in a good cadence and you're good you've seen a 22 jump street right uh yeah where he does that uh cynthia you are dead you are dead i vaguely remember that jesus died for your cynthia's so good the jonah hill is doing it yeah julia rob hurts rob hurts ah random tangent um here we go if you haven't seen

the movie war dogs with jonah hill highly recommend brad and i really bought it over that movie it's really good and it it's it's radar it's got some language look out based off a true story though and it's a fun watch they i don't know do they say the i word in there i don't remember i don't think it's it's not in c17 yeah it's just r so yeah you can take your take your college kids to go see it right but yeah pretty good movie didn't know what it was't think it's, it's not in C-17. Yeah, it's just R. So you can take your, take your college kids to go see it. Right. But yeah, pretty good movie. Didn't know what it was about.

I just took Brad's recommendation. He was like, you got to go see this. And he's like, you know what? I'll go see it right now again with you. And then we just went. Yeah.

It was fun. Whoa, dogs. And my wife liked it too, Catherine. So it's not just a, not a man's movie like we are. Yeah.

Chest hair, power tools. Yeah, we have one of those two things. Stacy says, which foot is your favorite? If I had to pick, I'd say right, because that was the one that I dominated kickball back in the day with. Yeah. Mrs. Coulter's recess.

But fun fact about my feet two things one my big toe is the biggest big toe you'll ever see i think i've seen your right toe oh yeah that thing is huge that is wide and my pinky toes are like pyramids they have like three sides to them are you seeing this? Like the one side is like going up against my ring toe. It doesn't seem great. It's a condition, I think, called. Like your pinky toe doesn't really touch the ground. Called the sphinx.

Yeah. I got the westernized sphinx. There's a shot for it, but it doesn't really help. Favorite foot. Yeah, either. Yeah. Right foot or left foot probably are my two favorite. I don't if i had to choose though i'd say right foot that's okay um what's your best bad first date experience you answered the foot one i'll answer the back

great this one that one um i can summarize it real quickly she brought her brother no have i not told you the story no i. I honestly thought maybe I had told on the podcast. Yeah, she brought her brother. So literally they'd say beautiful Brad and his brother. Which is 21 Jump Street. She might listen to the podcast. So she's probably laughing because we are still friends. And she knows she messed up. We've talked about it.

Did she not realize it was a date? That's the thing. She knew and she's just like, I don't know why I did that. I don't know. But she's cool. It's all good. That's awesome. why I did that. I don't know. But she's cool. It's all good. That's awesome. So, yeah, that was my worst first day.

Not that it truly, I guess it didn't go great. It was like, this is not how I thought it was going to go. Because your brother is here. What's a rather useless skill you are weirdly good at, but it almost never comes in handy? Oh, that's a good question. I'm sure there's a lot of things out there i'm sure everyone has those things almost yeah or rather use the skill that you are weirdly good at but almost never comes in handy memorizing numbers i would say uh-huh yeah you don't really need to memorize numbers

often yeah but yeah i can do that pretty easily. What about you? I don't know. We've had a similar question one time and I said impersonations. Yeah. Which doesn't really... And specifically, I'm not that great at like doing celebrity impersonations. I'm good at like doing impersonations of our friends.

Like Esther Kim, the audiologist. Right. Huh? What, bro? But you can do a quick, give me Donald Trump getting his oil changed. So you're saying I have a big dipstick? I don't know about that. Oh, shoot.

That was good. Wow. Okay. I think that's the answer to the question right there sure oh wow okay this isn't a question but ash jordan just said i don't think that many people hate the word moist i think people think it's funny to hate it which is kind of similar to what i was saying about shark week of like it's just like this cultural thing to be a part of like oh are we on this together guys we all agree we don't like moist all right yeah that's our thing

hating a word in general is stupid it's you hate the way it's silly sorry people you hate the way people's tongue moves i just don't like when that comes out of your mouth moist oh it's such a gross word oh like i'm glad we're on the same page about this. Words are fine. Nazi. Oh, sure. Hey, I hate that word. Maybe that one. Moist. Maybe you get a pass on Nazi. Toilet. You're fine. You're fine. Golly. Get over it.

There's so many more things. When you hate words, that's when you know you need to push yourself a little bit harder in life. Because if you're looking for words to hate, give me a break. Here's a take. I think if you have at least two words you hate, you think you have a food sensitivity too. I'll say that. Yeah, I'm gluten free and I hate the word moist. Everyone's like, yeah, that makes sense.

Can I get some soy milk, please? Exactly. Good. That's a good connection. Oh, here's a fun one. Josiah. I love this dude. We've never met, but he sent me a couple.

What? Is that Peter's friend, Josiah? Different Josiah. This is just a guy from the internet. I don't know when he started following me, but we chatted over down there and one time he sent me t-shirts. Whoa, Josiah, double XL. He probably will.

He'll DM you and ask for your address. Now he has to. Josiah said, if you had one year to you and ask for your address now he has to Josiah said if you had one year to eat an entire couch from for a million dollars how would you do it cow sorry couch couch couch um a million dollars I guess it could be a cow if it's leather um a million dollars how how would you do it I think assuming that there's outside tools involved. Yeah, this is your normal life. I would do a lot of melting of things.

Melting? Like I would melt down the leather. It's going to be hard to chew that leather up and eat it. Throw it in a smoothie? You think? No, no, no, not yet. Okay, sorry. Melting is just to make it go down your gullet a little bit easier and then you take the wood that's inside, and that's when you blend up into a smoothie. And you say it's a fibrous smoothie.

And then from there, I don't know. I don't know. I might, you know, have my family help me out with the rest. Like, hey, do you mind? You can't. Oh. You can't. It can't it's your million dollars what about it's got wooden legs what are you gonna do about those i would hire a

fire um breather teach me how to you know inject large wooden legs into my mouth and then just learn how to swallow a hole get a medium well here's thing. You can do anything to your body to an extent while you're in this process because most likely the medical bills on the repercussions are going to be less than a million dollars. But you'd hate to come out of it

and be like, man, I have $250,000. Worked really hard on this for $45,000. Yeah. You're right. But I, yeah, I might just say,

hey doc, if I, this is so stupid. Hey doc, if I swallow this wooden leg How much is gonna cost me to get that bad boy out when you when you typically handle these situations? How much do they come out? No, no, I'm not talking to OOP and not talking to OOP. Okay, I've got insurance, right? now can I get it cheaper if I go for at the same time or Do you bundle wooden leg operations? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would either just make it real thin.

Like, yeah. Very, very thin. Okay, good to know. I think that's smart. This one, I don't know if this is an inside joke. It probably is. I don't know. I think it's with you and her.

Aaron Powell, Bolin, said, good idea, bad idea. Let Brad watch your chickens for a weekend while you're on vacation. You don't know this story? I don't think so. Oh, my gosh. It's a long, it's like a 10 minute long story. Oh wow. Is there a two minute version? The long story? Sure. I'll try to make it two minutes long. I watched some chickens for the Knutson family. Oh, you know the story. I kind of do. Cause yeah, you weren't watching Aaron's chickens. That's why I was like, when did Aaron ever own chickens? But Aaron was part of it.

And in a small way, watched them along with their dog and like a gecko or something whoa like a gecko it was either a gecko or you know so it's like a lizard you also had to watch right yeah are lizards easy to watch ocelotl yeah I don't I don't I think we fed it once in the ten days we were there it's dead now but make sure I fed it once in the 10 days we were there. It's dead now, but maybe we should have fed it more. So watching these chickens, they had 20 chickens in this little coop in the backyard of this very nice, very high-end prairie village. Suburban home. 20 chicks.

In Kansas. And high property value in Kansas. It's coming. The Missouri versus Kansas episode is coming. Just know. The storm is brewing. First it's coming. The Missouri versus Kansas episode is coming. Just know the storm is brewing. Uh, first day, Sunday, took a nap after church, woke up Catherine, who's the country girl of the two of us. I'm not a country girl. Um, said, Hey, will you go, uh, feed the chickens?

I'm a little bit nervous about them. Of course I'm nervous too. I'm scared of all animals to an extent. You are even deer um uh but she came she actually she came in and woke me up from my nap and said um the chickens the one of the chickens is like like all the chickens are kind of freaking out around one chicken i was like okay so i went in there and it looked like one of the chickens had had a little bit of an injury to himself i was like oh this doesn't look too good the other chickens are trying to help them i don't think they were trying to help them if they're making fun of them in in hindsight i think they were trying to eat them potentially protect themselves okay i'm just gonna let you

tell the story now so there's like a shed and then there's like this like caged in coop outside the shed but it's all kind of in enclosed um so then i look a little bit closer yeah that chicken was hurt but then there were three chickens in the corner. Like, you could just see, like, their feet, and, like, they were visibly dead. Like, they were shoved into a corner like something had tried to, like, eat them and take them through the corner. Like Wicked Witch of the West type dead feet? Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Thank you. It was the Wicked Chicks of the West. Wicked Chicks of the West. And I went to get these chickens out, and all three of these little chickens were decapitated. Oh, their kappa was detated from their head. Yeah. So the blood would have probably gone all the way to reception from here. This is hard to tell in a quick story. But basically, I had my friend Chad come over, Juice Man Chad, because he had owned chickens in the past. And he's like, yeah, I think somebody got these chickens. It's good to have a chicken guy.

Yeah, he's my chicken guy. He's my poultry provider. Poultry of the life. Yeah. And so he's like, I think you should just close them in. Quarantine the chicks. Yeah, put them in the shed. And then the next day, come out. This one that's kind of struggling right now that has the gash is probably going to be dead by the chicks. Yeah, put them in the shed and then the next day come out. This one that's kind of struggling right now

that has the gash is probably going to be dead by the morning. I'm like, okay, great. So I close them all in the shed, lock the doors of the shed. Next morning, I go out there with a garbage bag to go retrieve the dead chicken. Yikes.

Open up the shed doors. And I'm not joking. It was like a scene from Narcos in there. Every single chicken like plopped down dead like it was like a scene from Narcos in there. Every single chicken like plop down dead. Like it was like a murder scene. Like it was to this day, still traumatizing, like watching those people fight in the middle of Kansas city and these chickens, like my two most traumatizing moments. And I just remember going back like in awe, like I didn't pick up any of the chickens. I went back inside andatherine saw my empty bag and she was so sweet and so happy she was ready to make like you know omelets with

all these chicken eggs that they were gonna hatch oh no did it not die are they all still alive and i go i was like it was like telling her like a loved one had died like katherine i'm so sorry watch they're all dead and she and she was like no they're not like she was like joking about and then she like started like crying like she's like no they're not and then she goes what no they're not and i'm like yeah tell me they're all dead i don't know what happened um so then called chad again like chad you gotta come back over here man what's going on this this is crazy and he's like dude i don't know but i'll be over there in a little bit came over helped me like gather like four trash bags full of chickens what he's like he's like i got i got a garbage disposal at my work i'll just throw him in there like mvp chad

just throw these chickens in there what a bonding experience for you and chad a hundred percent up dead chickens and while we were cleaning him up he noticed there was one chicken in the roost completely unfazed. And we're like, Oh my gosh, miracle chicken. Like this chicken, we got to interview him so he could tell a story. Oh my God. Yeah. Before, right. I'm going to guard this guy with my life. So we had friends come over Aaron and her now husband, Taylor came over for lunch. We told them this whole story and we're like let's go see the miracle chicken let's go see it's awesome no walk out miracle chicken dead done on the ground like what is happening like like it was like something in the air just like poison them all and as we uh as we went to go get this miracle chicken you know that is no longer a miracle and maybe just a miracle in heaven um uh we see this ferret this weasel scurry on out do some research apparently weasels hunt ferrets for sport don't even don't even eat them don't weasels hunt the ferrets

i'm sorry weasels hunt the chickens for sport no way don't even don't even like want to eat them or monsters yeah and so not and i forgot to mention, the whole time I was experiencing all this, I was texting the owner of the chickens. Hey, FYI, three of your chickens were dead, man. I'm so sorry they were decapitated. I took care of it. But I'll make sure to shut this down next morning. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

17 more chickens died. But? And then I texted them later. I was like. Like, yeah. 17 more chickens died. And then I texted them like later, I was like, actually one of them still alive, you know? And then like an hour later, Hey man, I'm kidding.

I'm sorry. That one's dead too. And apparently like it was their little girls chickens that like, she like raised and like sold their eggs for like, you know, extra profit for the family and stuff. She was like crying while they were in Indiay on vacation it was just a huge mess so please don't let me watch your chickens i don't want to i still get a little bit ptsd seeing any of them um in live form so you kind

of have bad luck one time you watched some dogs golly that was like within like multiple months of each other too that was the worst worst. Nah, the chickens were worse. Nah, I don't know. Cleanup was probably worse with the dogs, right? The dogs just, they, they, they shant all over the place. They went poop in the liquid form all over this area and all over themselves like rolled in it. They both got diarrhea the week you were watching. We could not believe it. Maybe even just one of them, but they both were very affected by it i walked into the house you know because we weren't staying there and it just smelled so bad that i had poor catherine i didn't

just like man up and go clean it up myself i brought catherine with me we brought these like woodworking masks with uh laundry like dryer sheets in them to like be able to smell and like 15 seconds at a time seconds at a time we would clean up stuff and then walk outside and like try hard not to throw up like yeah like be gagging it was it was the worst so don't watch don't let brad watch your anything oh what were their names their names are doesn't matter squirty and brown bear you're pepto and bismal i'll tell you that right now squirty and brown bear oh yeah anyway yogi and poo oh yeah nice yeah uh here's a fun question so uh if you're a somewhat new listener back in the day i remember like when we first started the

podcast i would read a couple i would tell brad hey i got a couple responses to my instagram and brad's like when am i ever gonna get a I would read a couple. I would tell Brad, hey, I got a couple of responses to my Instagram. And Brad's like, when am I ever going to get a response? No response to me about the Instagram. And our buddy, or I guess my friend, Brad doesn't know this guy. His name is Graham Dodd. He responded to Brad. Then a couple of episodes later, I'm like, hey, what'd you end up saying to Graham? He's like, oh, I never replied.

That's like the one response you got. Didn't reply. And then Graham has continued to message Brad. Brad has continued to not respond. Correct correct is that where you're at correct 100 uh we have a question from graham will brad ever respond to me next question we have from garrett uh he says if you and brad were co-stars in a movie uh what would be the plot line which is a fun question to think about. Oh, wow. What if we just go back and forth saying little bits of it?

Like just a little nugget at a time. Sure. Okay. So it obviously takes place in suburban Kansas City. I'm just kidding. Okay. No, that's not as fun. Okay. It takes place in the 1920s New York City.

Oh, wow. Now your turn. Okay. 1920s New York City. Oh wow. Now your turn. Okay I'm a a tailor for high-profile mobsters in the yeah in the community. Okay what am I? No that's your turn. Okay I am I'm introduced to the movie as some sort of high-profile figure mm-hmm but you don't know if I'm a mobster or if I'm a good guy. Jake comes in and asks for a fitting. I look him up and down and say,

I don't know about you, but I'll give you a chance, kid. Now we're just doing dialogue. Then I say, I said I want a fitting, see? It's a baby, see? I said I want to come in here for a fitting. You want to give me a fitting, see? It's a baby, see? I said I want to come in here for a fitting.

You want to give me a fitting, see? We got a fitting right here. Fitting for 20. Fitting for 20. Okay, okay. No more dialogue. Okay. I'm not good at this stuff, okay?

No, and we've never done it. Okay, let's go. Rising action. I think the movie starts to get good where, Brad, you are proposed the deal of a lifetime. If you accept this deal, you might never have to work again to fit like an entire mob squat, mob squat fitting. It's like all these people are coming into town. We want to take them out to dinner and we want to get them suits. However, to get this done right and for the money uh and the material they want you're gonna

have to kind of go um underneath your boss's nose a little bit you're gonna have to do your own little dirty work to get this job done yes i have to meet them at a restaurant before um before before i officially get the deal okay hold on your cowboy you don't get it just yeah sorry i'm giving them a dialogue again. So I go to the restaurant. Okay. And it is not the scene that they expected it to be. Luckily, they had a gun

stored behind one of the toilets because things get ugly. You're there. It's all for a refraction. And you're just there. there all right take it from there all right i'm there at the restaurant i we're sitting across the table we're negotiating i say are you going to do this you're having an internal struggle you want to provide for your wife and kids but you're a good guy you don't you don't bend the rules but then

i pull something out of an envelope I slowly push it across the table and show it to you it's a it's pictures really like blackmail type pictures that make it look like you've been cheating on your wife the audience doesn't know if you've been cheating on your wife all this easy these pictures that make it look not good for you they would think this guy would never do that look at him probably not you can't do any better than that girl so then you go into the bathroom you say i need time to think about this then that's where you already knew there was a gun in there yeah and you think oh what's your

name in the movie by the way um sylvester peabody you think it's sylvester they call him sly though they call him sly in the mob you think that s that Sly, oh, man, he might break bad right here. He's going to go into that bathroom and get the gun and go out and shoot these guys. That might be what Sly does. But no, he grabs the gun. He sees it. He's looking at it, and he thinks, no, I shouldn't do that. He puts it back behind the toilet.

He goes out, and he accepts the deal. Then, I'm just going to keep going. Later in the movie, we find out. Yeah. It was all part of what's my character's name? Oh, Caleb Tidewater.

Okay. My character's name is Caleb Tidewater. It's a great name. It is. And I said, I didn't think twice before I said that then i realized oh we know kid named kid i set up all along i used that to frame you the pictures were not blackmail you didn't do anything with your wife but i did frame you by putting your fingerprints on the gun

so now i've really got you in 1920 yeah yeahrap, I forgot about that. Okay, crap. And then I say, then you confront me with it, and I say, maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe you. But my tummy gun don't. And I just blow the whole place down. It's with saying, Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. And the name of the movie is Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal. You're like waiting for it the whole movie. Yes.

And that's the last line. They're like, I don't get why it's called this. It takes place in, you know, scorching July. Anyway, that's that. Let my Tommy gun don't. What an improv game. It started strong. And then.

It started strong. Yeah, go ahead and say it. You started strong and I. No, no, no. I broke its kneecaps. it's just really hard to do that it really is especially when you're not formally trained in the therefore but therefore but when you've never done anything like that before in your life um let's do one more question although that one was fun i like it keep them flowing has either of the ghost runners ever been in a physical altercation and why i don't think i have so take it away do you consider punching a girl uh physical altercation let me google that real quick google says yeah yes okay

um in high school one time i punched a girl and gave her a black eye. Did she deserve it? I'll let you be the judge after I tell the story. Was she catcalling you out of a gas station? Out of a van? Hey, coconut! Hey, coconut. Let's say we get together and make a little almond joy. Come shake them branches, coconut!

Let me come shake them branches. Oh, I'm enjoying it. That was good, too. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. We can both be funny. Just acknowledge me, please.

I know. Yeah. Hey, good one. There's so many. I mean, truly, the limit does not exist of what an African-American woman could call a man, a white man. There's so many things coming to mind, but like maybe just settle down on the colors. Okay.

Did she deserve it? Let's find out. So the setting is high school, junior, sophomore year. Olathe, Kansas. Olathe, Kansas. Olathe, South Falcons. And we are in this reward, like we got rewarded for being the best class at doing something. I don't remember what it was. And so we were in this like fun party kind of thing during school and at the party everyone

got these raffle tickets in order to potentially win whatever they were giving away and i was sitting down rachel was standing up in front of me rachel and i were both joking jokesters flirtatious people i I guess, whatever. We were like best friends. But I was like, Hey Rachel, you want to, you want to just give me that ticket? Like, can I just have your ticket? And you know, she like is very quick witted. And so she was like, Oh yeah, actually I think you're supposed to give me your ticket. Right. And I was like, no, well, you know, and then basically what happened was after we were bantering back and forth for just a hot second, both of us have the same idea to just forcefully, very quickly try to snatch the other person's ticket. Okay.

So I'm seated. Rachel's of five, three, probably five, four. Yeah. Pretty short. So I'm seated. She leans down to grab my ticket while I reach for her waist-high ticket in her body. But now it's not at her waist. And imagine trying to do it very quickly in order to then snatch it away without her seeing it coming.

I socked her right in the face. Like, just boom. Closed fist? No, I think it was open to grab tick. Got it. Doorknob type grab i hit her and she just turned i of course like immediately i was like oh my gosh i'm so sorry oh my gosh and she's just holding her face she just goes brad i hate you i hate you so much brad i hate you i hate you and like she was definitely more popular than i was at that point and probably forever since then.

But I remember her like having a black eye multiple days after. And I remember one time specifically, it was so mortifying to me as a sophomore in high school. These like seniors in high school football players like were like, what? What happened? And she was like looking across the cafeteria at me and literally pointed and I could hear her voice from like across the cafeteria he did it and i remember being like oh my god here it comes yep here it comes so it was it was it was probably more embarrassing for her honestly to have a black eye but it was also very embarrassing for me to have that physical altercation so um that is the story of me punching a girl and i will never do it again i swore i'll say hey i promise of me punching a girl. And I will never do it again. I swore.

I'll say, hey, I promise to never hit a girl again. It wasn't for me. And Roger Goodell was like, that's fine. You can play for the Cleveland Browns. You'll be fine. Yeah. Take half the season off to get right. Don't go to any bars with your friends.

But you'll be fine. And keep both those feet on the ground. And you'll be fine. Anyway. That's great. Yeah, I don't think I have any physical altercations really. So I think we're going to move on to our last segment. It's not over yet.

Brad had an idea to try something. Text me a couple of days about it, a couple of days ago about it. And I think it sounds fun. Thanks. It was funny the way Brad said it. He was like, I have an idea for the podcast.

I was sanding the other night and my headphones died, so I had to just think. He made it sound like it was the worst thing. I just had not, all I could do was just freaking think. It sucked. No, honestly, it kind of is the worst thing ever. Because you sand, like you sand these tables for two, three hours. It's a long time to vibrate. And you're not doing much like you you want the

sander to do most of the work so you're just standing there basically making sure like it's not like it's moving very slowly and so you're just standing there doing nothing basically but you have to do it it's like very important process and so i'm just like yeah usually i have these headphones but they they last for like three weeks at a time before you have to charge them. And so they don't die very often. And of course they died when I needed to get Sandy. So anyway, so you had this idea.

Had this idea. I guess go ahead and tell them the idea and then we'll just get right into it. The idea was, the idea spurred from, oh, I do this. I do. Just say it. Just say it. The idea is playing awesome classic sports theme songs while reading mundane things in order to make them sound more legendary.

My name is Brad Ellis, and I will be reviewing the Banana Slicer on Amazon to the tune of Fox Football, NFL on Fox. All right, we have here the LibLoop One Piece Creative Stainless Steel Banana Chopper Fruit Cutter Cucumber Vegetable Peeler Slicers Kitchen Tools in Yellow. It's perfect design, 100% brand new and high quality. Made of blunt stainless steel blades to keep your hands safe. A few of the great reviews.

Scott gave it one star and said, was great once. I dehydrate a lot of bananas. I purchased this on a hope to reduce some of the time it takes to dehydrate three to four bundles of bananas a month. Unfortunately, this product absolutely sucked.

First, if you have its blade side up so you can actually see the banana as it cuts, you will inadvertently remove at least one finger. It's sharp enough to cut your hands. Second, it broke on the second run of bananas. I got it out of the drawer, prepped all those fancy bananas, went to chop my first banana into slices, and the product broke.

The spring method used is much stronger than the actual plastic pieces that hold the spring in place. It just was too much stress on the plastic. I do not recommend this product to anyone with the same mind. Nice, dude. All right, well, that was something. We don't really know how it sounds yet because we just did it. But, yeah, maybe that was fun. I don't know uh i think that's probably about it this has been by far our longest episode yet but so much fun it started out light outside and it

is now very dark it's super dark we've seen it go from like dusky to yeah sand dusky which is very dark hello well there's a there's a joke never heard that before um i was gonna say oh if you're listening to this on actually it doesn't matter which day of the week really uh but this wednesday that this comes out i uh was fortunate enough to be featured on trey kennedy's podcast which is really exciting so go check me out there if you want to i was busy that day trey lost brad's number or something i I don't know. It was weird. Yeah. But yeah, it was really exciting. Obviously, podcasting is fun because you're just kind of talking.

But I was honored that he asked me. And it's kind of fun to do the same thing Brad and I do, but with probably 100 times more people listening. I thought you were going to say like probably 100 times cooler guy. No, just, you know, this. All right, whatever. Just go check it out. Check it out. What's it called? Critical Opinions. No, no, just, you know, this, uh, all right, whatever. Just go check it out. What's it called? Uh, critical opinions. No, close. Correct. Opinion. Correct. Opinions is the name of his podcast. And I'm on it this Wednesday. Um, but yeah, we should probably end here cause we might go see a movie. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still

down to do that. I got to figure out what's going on with my bladder. Cause I kind of have to pee again. This is crazy. I've never peed like this in my life. Don't tell my dad. Please don't tell my dad. Please don't tell my dad. Please don't tell my dad. Whatever you do. I grew up and all the road trips, it was like we were shamed into having a baby bladder. You did not want to have a baby bladder.

Oh, man. If he finds out, oh, I'm glad they're on a cruise this week. Hot dog. Oh, the things he would do. So I'll figure out the bladder stuff. I'm not going to drink anything. We'll go see a movie. Anyway, Brad, hit us with a jingle to end episode 22.

People are going to think you're going to go Taylor Swift, but jingle to end episode 22 people are gonna think you're gonna go Taylor Swift but you're not you dog you're not gonna go Taylor Swift I don't know about you ghost run yeah no

I said give me two boys we need two boys so we so we can ghost run our podcast time

big boys ghost run our podcast time ghost run Podcast time Big boys Ghost runner Podcast time Ghost runners Ghost runners That's it Nice dude Shout out Nelly baby

Shout out Nelly Band-aid on his face Made a part of his brand Who would have thought Thank you guys We'll see you next Monday Let's just do a quick Who's who Greatest hits

Can't no way They can stop me now Nelly Cause I'm on my way I feel my bag I'm at So hot in So hot in

Hair I was like Good gracious Booty bodacious Nice We going down down baby Long street in the rain Dropping boom boom baby

Cock ready to let it go Shimmy shimmy Cocoa Pass it through me now Light it up and take a bow Pass it up And you can find me In case you're running under

Sipping on mud What else you got? Oh You can find me in case you're running under. Sipping on mud. What else you got? Oh, uh. Is he in Shaky Tail Feather? Yeah. Okay, I can remember. Oh!

Oh! Woo woo! To the flow. Woo woo! Pew pew pew pew. You gotta make the siren sounds. Woo woo! Psh! Bum bum.

Do it for fun. Bum bum. Do it for fun. Bum bum. Do it for fun. Murphy Lee. Bad Boy. E.R. The man that found a man. Who you name is.

Where you from. Turn around. Who you came in. Oh, those are the hits, baby. No matter what I do. All I think about is you. Oh, that's where you end it right there. I know more Nelly than I thought.

Go make your beds while you're still laying in them. Hey, no sheet, all right? None. Love you, Catherine. Watch this. Whoop-de-dee-scoop-poop!