Ghostrunners - 41 - Getting Milk Shamed

Episode Date: February 17, 2020

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Test mic. Hello, Michael. How are you, Michael? Yeah, okay. We'll figure it out. I'm not thinking about it too much. Let's do it! This is the Ghost Runners Podcast. Every Monday morning we're taking back Ghost Runners Podcast. Ghost Runners Podcast. Welcome back, everyone. I don't know why I started it like that. Welcome back. Like a really terrible YouTuber intro. What's up, you guys? Yeah.

We're the Ghostrunners, episode 41. 41! We hope you're having a good Monday, good week, whatever day of the week you're listening. We're happy to be here. This is, it's going to be a little bit of a colder episode. We record in the basement and a little bit of a cold front has swept through Kansas City. Yes, and it has swept immediately, immensely down here. Yes.

Our digits are freezing. Yes, it's in our bones. Yes. In our phones, phones and phones feeling good. Uh, I got some Taco Bell right here. Sure. Hear that everyone. That's a, that's a large Mountain Dew. I went to the, uh, this is kind of funny. I didn't even really totally realize it until afterwards. I go to the speaker where the Taco Bell experience starts. And it's like a really pleasant person. Sorry, the Taco Bell experience just sounds like something like a museum.

Like, hey, have you checked out the Taco Bell experience yet? Oh, yeah, it's on Groupon. Yeah, I was thinking about getting the Taco Bell experience tickets. Okay, yeah. Like, okay, we should go in together because they have group packages. The Taco Bell experience. The Taco Bell experience. It's where you pay not very much money and it gives you indigestion and acid reflux. It's awesome.

You have to do it. I love it, dude. Okay. Can I talk about Taco Bell experience? Yeah, yeah. Taco Bell experience. Just real quick. It was like a very pleasant start because normally I feel like Taco Bell has the reputation,

at least in my eyes, of maybe being the least friendly fast food place. It's always just like, what can I get for you? What do you want? And you're just like, Hey, how's your day going? And I was like, Oh, it's going great. How's yours? And he's like, it's awesome, man. I was like, that's great. So it was nice. Whatever. I get to the window and it sounds like the same guy. And he asked me again, which I thought was kind of funny. He's like, Hey, how's it going, man? Like we just had this conversation, but whatever. I'm like going good, man. How about you? And he said, it's Oh, I'm thinking what changed? Yeah. Are you not? What happened? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what happened to, I wanted to ask, but I didn't fully process. But you think it was the same guy

for sure? I think so. There wasn't a lot going on in there. Yeah. I mean, like after you ordered that, you know, my boss came up to me. Yeah. That, that, that whatever cheesy gordy to crunch, like those are hard for us to make, man. I'll be honest. I don't know about this. I was like driving away like, oh, I should have asked him what happened. That was so weird that he so quickly changed his mood. It's okay. I just got, I got bad news. I mean, it's Valentine's day today. So maybe you got texts. Maybe texts go fast, but yeah, that was the Taco Bell experience. And so I'm now I'm going through the final stage of it, which is kind of the acid reflux, uh, gaseous part of it. Did you see the, uh, the article or whatever online?

Somebody sent us a message about it actually about the first grader who was, uh, he was deaf and he didn't realize that people could hear his farts. Oh no. Is that something every deaf person goes through at some point? Like how else would you know? In general, I think I would assume like they don't, they don't know that's things. I think you just have to teach them. Like, hey. But, like, apparently he was, like, he farted. And all the other kids in class were laughing. And he, like, asked, like, why are they laughing?

And the teacher had to explain, like, well, because we heard you fart. And he's, like, you can hear me when I fart? He's, like, yeah, we can hear you. Every time? And she's, like, well, not every time. Not every time. That is weird to think through Yeah, like because most of our bodily functions don't make noise like this one does

Can you guys hear my heart beating? You hear me breathing some not not usually unless you just came from PE. Yeah, like wait. Yeah, where does it stop? You can hear me sleeping. Well, and when you're overweight and you have less hair on the top of your head you can but You know not always huh? Nobody. Yes. like, tell him to stop listening to my farts. I don't want you to listen to him anymore. Please stop listening, you guys. Yeah. I don't like it. And then the teacher's like, everyone, hey, it's okay. Everyone farts. And he's like, wait, my everyone, like my mom? And he's like, yeah. My dad? Yeah. And then he goes, you? He's like, as a teacher. Teacher's like, yeah. And so. He's like, prove it. Show me. Do it right now.

Anyway, but that was funny that we had that conversation because I also had a conversation with some of my friends this week. I can tell you how it started, but basically the question is, when did farting become like socially unacceptable? Do you think in history? Like you think like Julius Caesar was like, oh, excuse me. He's like letting him rip. Yeah. Or you think he was just like, hey, that's our bodies. Hmm. You know, give me a cornucopia. That's, that's what happens. Uh, so I actually don't know the answer to this question, but I can take a stab at it. Yeah. I think Egyptian times is when culture kind of started to shift on flatulence. I don't know the answer to this question, but I can take a stab at it. Yeah.

I think Egyptian times is when culture kind of started to shift on flatulence. Yeah. They were like, that's the period. The Mesozoic era, I think, is when that was. Yeah. When Ramesses II kind of had his reign. I think he did a lot of things for the Egyptians. And I think that's when he turned things around. Cleopatra, she's a classy lady.

She wasn't going to stand for that. No. Cleo was like, hey, keep it under the blanket at night. Like, don't bring it up. Yeah. Yeah. Before it was Dutch oven, it was pyramid. Dang it. Screw up the joke. Egyptian oven. Yeah. No, one of our friends was like, well, you know, do you think Adam and Eve farted? And somebody else was like, well, I don't think so because that's a sin. And I don't think, I mean, they didn't sin at first. Who said that? And I was like, why is farting a sin?

That's not a sin. And they're like, well, it is. And I was like, how? How do you justify that? Is it an adult who said this? Yeah, it was. I'm not going to call him out. I'm not going to put him on blast. But it was people at our church.

I'll just say that. Our friends at church. So farting is a sin. I don't know exactly what it boiled down to. But yeah, it started out because our friend Sophie was like, hey, Catherine, what's it feel like when your baby is like kicking inside of you? She's like, you know, at first it kind of just feels like you have a little gas.

And she kind of like put her hand up like this. Like a little toot. Yeah. Like you have a little gas. And I was like, Catherine, why are you being so quiet about the word gas? Like, yeah. She's like, well, it's embarrassing. It's not right to say that.

And I'm like, it's not wrong. Like when in society, it's stage five of the Taco Bell experience. We've been talking about this for years. It's grief, depression, a little gas. Yeah. If I could have them depressed by the end of the day, I'll have done my job. Anyway. So I don't know. I don't know when it happened. If anybody is a historian out there, leave us a five-star review. Let us know when farting became unacceptable. And how long you've been historian-ing. Yes. So we know that you're valid.

Yeah. Because I mean, if you're a historian just studying history just for the sake of it, like that you haven't been around since Cleopatra, we don't really want it. Not good enough. No. So. That's a good question though. I mean, for most things that are like become societal norms or societal abnorms.

Right. When did they become that way? Right. Like, yeah. I don't know. Like socks. things that are like become societal norms or societal abnorms right when did they become that way right like yeah like socks yeah did we wear so it started with sandals right I think that's from I know from my historian eating that I've done start with sandals at a certain point we went closed toed yeah move on waiters maybe waiters are kind of the end the bridge the gap they waited they waited the gap some swim socks from walmart and then they went yeah they had the toe shoes that was like uh like 200 to 300 ad i think is when toe shoes came around and then they went closed toed so that they could you know they could go rock climbing and canoeing all in one trip right but when did

they realize wait socks make this better oh yeah uh That's a great question. I think Michael Jordan really perfected Hanes. And that's when it really, really took off. So I think, you know, pre, you know, 1980s probably is when socks were formed. I would think so. Because you hear about trench foot. They probably weren't in World War I. Trench foot? I don't know what that is.

Is that John Foreman's band before switch foot? Yeah, it was kind of a lower point in his life. So he called it trench foot. We weren't meant to live for so much more. Yeah. John Foreman's band before Switchfoot? Yeah, it was kind of a lower point in his life. So we called it Trenchfoot. We weren't meant to live for so much more. Yeah. Trenchfoot is like a thing that soldiers would get in World War I for being in the trenches when it would rain. They would be in standing water for like days and days on end.

So they get like nasty stuff in their feet. And I'm pretty sure, I don't think this sounds extreme, but I think what Trenchfoot was is it got so bad that they would, and it was so cold as well. They would lift, try to take their shoe off and their foot would be in their shoe. They would rip their own foot off. What? I think that is what trench foot is.

What? That's way worse than a bad punk rock band. Like stage five's trench foot is that, I think. Oh my gosh. So be careful. War is bad. I don't care. I don't care what you guys say.

War is not good. I'm just not realizing, guys, war is not that great. You lose feet sometimes. You can. Among other things. Trench feet. Gosh. So.

Okay. Shout out socks. Shout out socks. Yeah, maybe war was when you realized there was a necessity for socks. Probably. Get that text out of here. Also, which do you think came first the size that car doors uh are off the ground or the size of curbs because they're so perfect right now but one had to come before the other do you think you know henry ford was

model 10 and was like this is how high car doors are. And then the roads makers were like, okay, we'll make curbs two inches shorter. No, I think curbs came first. No, curbs came first. Okay. Because I think the old Model Ts, they were pretty high up. Those doors were. Maybe you're thinking of those two big, the two different wheeled bicycles. Cause those were super high up. Is that what you're thinking of? No, I feel like the door was definitely like way higher than the curb. Nowadays, like they get them as low as they can sometimes, but still make sure they can. The Model T, you did kind of have to like hike into it a little bit. Like a saddle and a thoroughbred.

Well, yeah. My grandpa had a Model T and he actually had a mini trampoline where he would bounce a few times and then jump into the Model T. I've seen that. They have them like as backpacks. It looks like a spike ball kit, but you just like set it down and boing, and then you're in your Model T. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's a trampoline was called a model J for jumping.

Yep. Model J. Model JT. That's me. That's you. There you are. My jawline gets better. I'll be a model JT. Model JT. Hey, someday. Someday. You never know. Old Spice. What? Old Spice hair model. Oh yeah. They've been super slow. Like I emailed them probably the day after we talked of the idea we talked about on the podcast of like red hair, hair brown hair yeah and they said great we'll send over the contract next week and we're also waiting to hear back because they're just like the middle man okay they're a marketing agency okay we've been waiting to hear back from old spice for like 10 days okay and then yesterday they said we'll hear back today from the client we have not had back well i mean they're old spice they're not new spice so they're probably sending the over

like through snail mail facts maybe yeah maybe a fax if they're if they're a little i mean they're old spice they're not new spice so they're probably sending them over like through snail mail facts maybe yeah maybe a fax if they're if they're a little i mean they probably don't have socks yet and think about the way spices were originally traded via boat yes that takes a long time carrier pigeon i think had the if the spice was small if the spice was a fairly small spice yeah so still waiting to hear back but i think like i signed the contract so i assume now they have to pay me something. Yeah. I think so. That's good. I'm excited for hashtag model JT to come out. Yeah. Let me hear you guys in the comments.

Sound off down there. Hashtag model JT. I love it. I love when people will like post their story and like show, show the post some love. You guys show it some love. I just imagine just like me just making out with my phone. I'll show it some love. Oh yeah.

I want to see some love. Show my post some love. It is Valentine's speaking of love. Today is Valentine's day. Yeah. Have you done anything special? We, we did a little something special. We actually went and did a little date last night. Catherine and I did the melting pot, uh, which is just so good. Just go there sometime to fondue. Yeah. We went for a happy hour. So we're like such old people because we went on like a date for Valentine's Day, not on Valentine's Day. At like 345. No, genuinely, it was 430 because happy hour is four to six. So $6 cheese fondue, $6 per person though.

That's a good deal. Fondue it, baby. Oh, we did it for sure with our food. Good. Oh, gosh. That's fine. I wasn't even thinking that. And so anyway, we did that.

And then this morning we just had a nice little cinnamon rolls for breakfast with Hattie, which was fun. We are each going to write her a note every year we've decided. Like we're going to write her a Valentine's note. Yeah. Like, Hey, we love you so much. So if we have lots of kids, it's going to keep getting harder and harder to write all those notes.

Cause it took me a while to write about my hand was cramping up, but. That is going to be tough to have to write two notes per year well and then and then maybe three four yeah five let me finish six hey i can see that happening yeah hear me out that's possible seven yes it's a real possibility um anyway that was pretty much what we did and then tonight we're getting a heart-shaped pizza from papa murphy's baby watching friday movie night so what are you watching uh good question i think who's got who's in that uh good question it was um oh what's his name the guy in multiplicity uh john keaton michael keaton oh okay batman yes exactly okay um so yeah good question with michael keaton

and i think morgan freeman's and i'm, he's in almost everything. Yeah. Yeah. He plays some narrator role, I think. Yeah. He asked the questions. Yeah. We watched Peter Pan a couple of weeks ago and Catherine really did not want to watch it. She definitely wanted to watch 101 Dalmatians. Okay. And so I think that's probably what she's going to convince Hattie to watch tonight. 101 Dalmatians? Yeah. Okay. But I don't know. We'll see. Please keep me posted. I will. But yeah, Valentine's day last night I went and got the Valentine's. I got flowers for Catherine and Hattie. Uh, I've just had one flower out of Catherine's 12th and I was at Hy-Vee walk into the checkout line. And it's like, when you, when you have flowers in your hand, it's like a walk of fame, like walk into the checkout line. Like you just feel like the coolest guy. Like everyone's like smiling at you. Cause they know what they're, those are for. Right. They're like,

Oh, you're so nice. You're such a good, good guy. It's just, it's just a great feeling. I bet this guy, Fon does it. Exactly. For sure. No, no, no dues doubt. What let's talk about flowers. Why? Honest question. Like psychologically, what is it that girls like about flowers so much? They die so fast. They're pretty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's about it. I think they're pretty and sometimes they smell kind of good. They're fresh. They're fresh. They like bring a fresh ambience. I heard Valentine's day this year, $1.9 billion were spent on flowers. We should make up a holiday that gets flowers involved.

Yes. And start a flower company. Okay. Yeah. It's surely, it's not that expensive to grow some flowers, just some water and some seeds. Yeah. My ancestors did it. No problem. Some sun. Yeah. Yeah. I had a, uh, a potential bride or she was a bride, a potential client, I guess, reach out about doing wedding videography. And I don't remember who it was. So I hope it's not like someone who was a friend of mine who might be listening to the podcast, whatever. The principal is mainly what I'm concerned about, not the person. She reached out and was like, Hey, I want to book you. What's your price? She's like, okay, that looks great. I don't think we signed the contract or anything, but she came back to me,

you know, a couple of weeks later, I was like, Hey, I've actually decided I was kind of on the fence. I think I'm going to go with the higher flower package with my florist and we're going to, something has to get cut. So we're going to cut videography. It's a real thing for sure. And so it wasn't that I was like offended necessarily. Cause you know, it's like, whatever, I got plenty of work. I don't need wedding videos to sustain my, you know, financial things. But it was like, whoa, that's just crazy to me to think that like you traded something that you can have for the rest of your life. This is digital time capsule of the greatest day of your life. And you traded that for something that will last 48 hours. Right. Right. That was what was so crazy. I was like, whoa, what an interesting

decision to make. Yeah. To decide to go with something that's going to last two days. Yeah. Like what are you even like you're going on your honeymoon. You're not even going to see those flowers the next day. No. Maybe if you have like a nest or a ring set up in your home, you could like check in on them. Maybe. How are you guys doing? Yeah.

You could talk to them. A little droopy. Yeah. It's, it's pretty wild how much people spend on flowers. I don't know. I, I, I stayed out of the finances of my wedding because yeah, eventually it kind of frustrated me because I'm like, this stuff is too expensive for, yeah, the short term. I don't want to know how much napkins cost. I would rather just not know. Yeah. But then again, like all those things go into the

overall ambiance. So I guess I kind of get it, but yeah, I'm totally with you. Like get the thing that is going to like be able to be documented for the rest of your life over flowers. And I think they still had a photographer. So they had right, but it's just like, you know So I go that's interesting. I probably wouldn't done that I know we that's one of my biggest regrets is not doing a video for our wedding We didn't do a VR for either. Oh, man Well, we hop in a DeLorean and go 88 miles an hour. I would love to go back and shoot that for you Okay, let's do it

Once upon a time in college which just kind of reminds me maybe we've talked about this in a really old podcast episode really old man you know we're talking like maybe eight months ago but i randomly have a history of accidentally like playing a song with a girl have i talked about this before yeah but it's great. I mean, yeah. I don't know what word I, what did I just say right there? Well, well, well. I have a history of actually playing songs

in a one-on-one setting with a girl where it could easily be taken as I'm trying to send a message when I'm not. And this specific story, I don't think I've said this one exactly on the podcast, was with an ex-girlfriend in college. We had broke up broke up but we were like somehow ended up back in a car together and bruno mars song i should have bought you yeah i came on and it was a new song at the time and i was just like oh i love this song and i like turned it up and i just it was a good song yeah

and then she texted me about it the next day and i was like oh oh i could see how oh yeah that makes sense why it seems like i meant did she text you specifically like hey i know you like this song like she was like thinking that you did it on purpose i don't remember exactly what the text was about whether it was like hey thanks for playing that or like yeah you should have got me flowers um then i played tootsie roll next and she's like fine i'll get you some candy whatever dude yeah We talking about open mic night? Oh, yeah. I got some stories. I want to hear about it.

Okay. So if everyone out there, I'm sure you probably know, I'm going on tour with Trey. I'm going to be opening for him, doing like 15-minute sets and all 25 shows that we're doing. So I'm trying to test out some material. So I'm checking out the local Kansas City comedy scene. I've never performed like this. I've really never performed comedy that much in general, much less just walking into an empty room and performing for strangers.

So I go to this place at Kansas City, sign up, and I knew it wasn't going to be like what they call like a warm crowd. Like there's no one in the audience. There's 20 of us in the room, and all 20 of us are the people performing. So no actual audience members, you know, just comedians waiting for their turn to go. Uh, I went second, which was fine, you know, get it out of the way. And, uh, for the most part, it went great. I feel like I took away like three good things, one bad thing, which is great. Okay. And however, it was just, I don't even totally know where to start. I was the only person who didn't say the F word, like screaming it into the microphone. Only person who didn't like talk about sex in some capacity. It's just like, it's very like, uh, rated R type comedy. So it's like, even if these people aren't laughing at my jokes,

is this really a good Testament or like a good sample size of who's going to be at trade? If these people do laugh, it's like, uh, maybe I shouldn't say that. Yeah. So it was just a weird environment from the get-go. Totally. Cause those people are way different than the clientele that are going to be at, well, probably at least that are going to be at your shows. Yeah. Like one of my, probably 60 seconds of my, you know, you only have three minutes too. So it's hard to kind of get in a rhythm. Probably 60 seconds of mine was about my Christian upbringing. So I'm sure that really hit home with them. F yeah, bro. F yeah, Jesus lives, man.

They actually laughed at that. So I was like, okay, if these people are laughing at this, then like this is going to crush with Trey's people. Anyway, the stories come from just these people are nuts. One guy, so the host of the night is an African-American fellow. Nice guy, is decently funny every now and then in between comics. And a white guy comes on to perform and some of his jokes are about like, I probably shouldn't say the N word. And I'm thinking, yeah, yeah, probably shouldn't.

Right. Okay, why are you even saying this? Why are you even dancing around this? This is weird. His set is over. Next guy comes up who's definitely not black. He said he was Puerto Rican. Didn't even really look that dark, which is most of what you need to be able to pull this off. I think he kind of looked the part more than even like, you know.

He's like Derek Jeter. Biologically, yeah, yeah. He's a Jeter type guy. Okay. And he comes up there and says, I'm Puerto Rican. So I could say the N word and just drops it several times. And it is like, I thought it was silent when the other comedians jokes weren't landing. And it is even more silent than that.

Everyone is just like, please. It's like negative silence. Not just zero. It's like negative five. Please stop talking. And I'm just so uncomfortable. I'm like, what is going to happen? And it was was very weird i guess the black guy was cool with it i don't know or maybe he just didn't want to start anything it was wildly uncomfortable i'm like why even do that

why even toe this line so that happens and then the very next comedian goes up there and he decides he's going to take it maybe not a step further but just double down on this non--PC verbiage. Well, yeah, those guys, they were laughing at him. So let's do it again. Yeah. Oh, you guys like inappropriate stuff? Okay. So he makes most of his set is about the R word. And it's like saying it as like the punchline to jokes.

And I don't even like feel comfortable saying it now, even though I've addressed it, you know. Racist. No. Oh, okay. Like mentally handicapped. Oh, oh. Like using that as like punchlines and stuff. And like no one's laughing at that.

And then to the point where people are like, dude, stop. So he's starting to get heckled a little bit. He's like, no, no, no. Guys, come on. He says, chant it with me, which is, have you ever heard a comedian say chant with me? He says, chant with me. The R word is our word. One, two, three. The R word is R word. One, two, three.

The R word is R word. No one's chanting. What? He goes for one more time. One more, guys. The R. And it's like, oh, get me out of here. How am I here?

I'm with crazy people. Yeah. I'm with insane people right now. And so eventually this girl is just like, just dropping bombs at him. Shut up, dude. Get off the stage.'m like oh oh here we go and he uh doesn't back down from that it starts calling her names whose reason i'm on this stage and your floor you know whatever i'm like oh my gosh oh my gosh mom come pick me up yeah i don't

want to be here and so they're just yelling at each other for a while like this girl stands up i'm like is he's about to fight this woman? I don't know. And like, then he just like goes back to his thing. And it's like, anyway, you know. Cats are crazy. Yeah. He like says some quick joke.

And he's like, no laughs, guys. This stuff is funny. I'm telling you. This stuff, like I did the same stuff last week. It was hitting. Ah, what's with you guys it's like dude i'll tell you what's with us get a grip have some self-awareness and oh boy it was kind of sad too yeah you know just like it was sad yeah like this guy yeah is so far insensitive that stuff

yeah it was it was weird um but yeah you should come next time. I would love to. It'll give you some stories. Yeah, we talked about how I would like to go up there with no plan and just purposely bomb and see how funny that could be. Oh, that would be so funny. To get that recorded so people who are in on the joke could at least enjoy it. How we doing? How we doing? Hey, so picture frames, huh? They're framing it up for you.

Why do they say you're framed for murder? Is it because they have a picture of you? Or do they just wait? This is funny stuff, guys. Guys, think about it. Think about it a little bit. So basketball. There's no...

There's no... Thanks, guys. I don't know. You get it. You get it. You get it. The video that I showed you, the guy, his punchline didn't hit. And he just says, everybody clap your hands.

One of my friends texted me. He was just like, that's got to be the low point in a comedian's career. Where he's just like, everyone, just please clap. Just make some noise. Please just say something. That was so quiet. Do you remember there was a famous video of Jeb Bush, George Bush's brother, like a really small rally, but he was like talking to people and he was like trying to give this kind of motivational speech. And he says something that was like, he thinks is kind of like kind of aroused the crowd. No one says anything. And he's just like very dejectedly was just like,

please clap. It's really funny. Please clap you guys. Like, he's just like, so like you would tell, he's like, I'm not going to win this election. Just please clap. That's funny. The, there was one comedian I'm just remembering who, you know, you get three minutes and he probably spent 90 seconds. So half of it just getting everyone really fired up about the Chiefs, which I guess his strategy was like, at least if I can get them on my side. Yeah. But yeah, he says, did we win the Super Bowl or what, guys? Everyone just like starts cheering.

He's like, that's what I'm talking about. Who likes Travis Kelsey out there? And so we cheer. Patrick Mahomes. Yeah. We cheer. Sure. He's like, that last game was nuts.

It's like, he's just breaking down the game. And he's like, anyways, guys, went to the doctor the other day. Like, he gets done with one joke. I was like, all right, thanks, guys. No segue whatsoever into the doctor joke. It basically did one joke. Like, wow, you sat here for two hours and tested out one joke, dude. Do you think it's just like a hobby to some people where they're just like, yeah, every just go to this open mic night i'm hoping so it makes it less sad yeah that way right not

that no maybe not sad but just like i don't know it's yeah you just look around this room and it's like yeah what are all these people like hoping happens to them i hope like not too much of who they are who they think they are becoming is tied up in comedy right like maybe it's just like oh this is what i do every mond night. Just something at a house. Yeah. If that's what it is, then that's awesome. Good for them because it's a hard thing to do

to get up there. And it was funny. You called me. So Brad calls me, you guys, that night. And he's like, what are you doing?

And it was like 9.15. I was like, this is kind of weird for Brad to be calling. And I was like, I'm in the McDonald's drive-thru. And he's like,

yeah, you are. I'm looking at you right now. I'm like, what? And he's like, yeah, I know what you were doing. And so I didn't, I wanted to not tell anyone that I was doing open mic night. I wanted to keep it a secret. It just, I don't even necessarily know why. Just like, this is for me. This is not necessarily for entertainment. This is almost just like, I'm doing my homework right now. No one wants to see me studying, you know, just come see the final product. But I did, Isaac was like where are you leaving when i left the house i was like oh i'm gonna go perform he's like oh like comedy i was like yeah i you're the only one who knows

and then anyway brad tried to track me down with find my iphone and you did i did yeah i was i was on my way it was much too But yeah, it was too late. Yeah. But. Yeah. Isaac called me and he's like, Hey, what are you doing right now? And I was at, we were at like a dinner for small group and I'm like, oh man, I would love to go.

Maybe once I get done with this. So I literally drove Catherine and Hattie home, like dropped them off. Didn't even go inside. Like got back in the truck and like hustled there. And I kept finding, like looking to find my iPhone. Like literally right when I got off the exit is when you, your little location moved. No, I was like, maybe I just missed him. But apparently I missed you by a couple hours. Yeah. So that makes me feel better about it. At least you tried. You came. I don't know how I would have acted if I went,

like, I don't know if I would have like laughed a little harder than I really thought it was, you know, just like hype up the crowd or if I would have like laughed a little harder than I really thought it was, you know, just like hype up the crowd. Or if I would have like been quiet and just like, you know, like maybe Jake doesn't want me here. So I'm just going to be quiet. You probably would have laughed pretty hard at my first joke that bombed. You would have laughed pretty hard at that part. I would have appreciated that more.

Oh man, that one. That was your joke? Oh, wow. This guy. Wow. You really think that was good? Yeah. Speaking of me leaving the house though, we should tell people about your latest trend

that came from my other roommate and what he did to us and what you do now. When you leave the house, I think it's so funny. Oh gosh. Yes. Okay. I was like, what are you talking about? Library? You know, like whatever. Yes. So do you want to open it up? Nah, go for it. Okay. So Greg is the third roommate. There's Isaac, Jake, like whatever. Yes. So do you want to open it up? Nah, go for it. Okay. So Greg is the third roommate. There's Isaac, Jake, and Greg. Greg, the other night, we were all hanging out. Isaac, Jake, Brad, Greg.

And all of a sudden- We're in the kitchen. We're in the kitchen just like having a conversation. You and Greg specifically having a conversation about what you were doing potentially together later that night. That night. I was like, oh, I might go to dinner with these people. Do you want to hang out afterwards? Yeah, yeah.

They invited me too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. I might see you there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, it was like, oh, I might go to dinner with these people. Do you want to hang out? Yeah. They invited me too. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. I might see you there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like, it was like mid conversation. And then all of a sudden, like Greg just leaves the kitchen and we kind of hear the front door close. Like, is that the front door? Yeah. Isaac's like,

did Greg just leave? And I know Greg, I've known Greg longer than the rest of you. And so I was like, no, like that's a, that's really weird. Like there's no way he would just leave without saying anything. He left without saying anything. Well, then we're like, maybe he just like got like a delivery, like, you know, postmates. But then like we see headlights and then we see his car

up on the driveway. Where's his car? He just left. No, not even like a, hey guys, I'll be right back. Or hey, I'm leaving. And the conversation was what we were going to do that night.

So I was like, is he going now? Did I miss something? Is he maybe he just was like blowing smoke about this? Like, yeah, going dancing with this thing. What's going on? Why is he sneaking out of the house? Right. That was so weird. So like 15 minutes later, he's back and we're like, Greg, what the heck, dude? What are you doing? You can't do that to people. You got us worried sick. Yeah. We're like, what, what was that? Like, do you realize what you did?

He's like, yeah, I guess I kind of snuck out of here. Uh, cause he'd ordered food to go from a restaurant. I guess he got the notification, like it's ready. And he was like, I want to get it. I'm going net right now, which I can appreciate, you know, how much I love warm food. So I was like, okay. But anyway, that was, it's, it's really uncomfortable and very hard to do. But every once in a while, when I'm hanging out with you guys, I'll just leave without saying anything. Brad has started doing it. And it's hilarious. Cause you don't notice Brad has done it until it's already done. Like, oh, dang it. Brad left without saying anything again. But there's been one time at least where I was leaving and I think Isaac was like,

bye, Brad. Bye. And I just ignored him. And it was so uncomfortable to like, not say anything back to them. Oh, it's so funny. I had a job in college. I think I said this to you that like we had to narrate every time we were going to do anything outside of this office. Cause there needed to be two people in the office at all times. Uh, it was like for this new student services thing at K state. And, and so you literally had to be like, Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick. And so now I have like this habit, like, Oh yeah. Like we'll be sitting around in the living room and I'll be like, all right, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick. Like, all right. Okay, great.

Good luck. Text me when you get there. Yeah. Let me know if you need a directions back. Yeah. I'll be, I'll be right here. So anyway, it's a really, that is a funny trend. Try it out. That challenge of the week for you guys. Uh, one point this week, just don't, don't say anything and just leave and see what happens. Leave and not just leave a room, like leave a home. Honestly, it's kind of, I think it's kind of like a,

a comfort or not a comforting. It's like, it's an empowering. Yeah. It's a, yeah, it's an alpha male thing. Like,

Oh man, I just left. And it's also very efficient. So if you're ever like, Oh, I gotta go, just go, just go,

just get out of there. Get out of there. So yeah. Alpha move. Baseball is finally back. Get in on major league action and swing for the fences with Ben MGM, Yeah, alpha move. for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.

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At some point. Life goal. I want to throw out money to people. Oh, like Pablo Escobar. Have you seen Narcos? Nope. Not that episode. I don't know if he throws it, but he just like walks the streets, just gives people money. Okay. I could do that. I really want to throw it though. Okay. Like I want to have. Like you want a money ball, like Brad Pitt? No, really want to throw it though. Okay. Like I want to have. Like you want a money ball like Brad Pitt? No. I want to have like a money handful.

Money handful like Jonah Hill. Yes. And just throw it and just see where it goes. And like, there's all these people trying to catch the money I'm throwing. That'd be so fun. Really? Yeah. Like I'm on like an elevated surface above them. I'm just gonna sound like I'm stripping or something. I really mean this though. That sounds like. So fun. Just. I'm just gonna sound like I'm stripping or something. I really mean this though. That sounds like- So fun. Just throwing money, just throwing it out.

But you're just like, you're like crawl for it. Like, that's what I feel like you're like, you just think you're like better than them. Like throwing them money. Like, I know you need this more than I do. No, it's so fun. It's just like, what a surprise for those people. They just came to see me do whatever I'm doing

at this point in my life. Okay. And I've like making them so happy by throwing money at them. I think the only way you can do this do whatever I'm doing at this point in my life. Okay. And I've like making them so happy by throwing money at them. I think the only way you can do this without being like a total word that you would say at open mic night is like, do it when you're not rich. Like, do it right now. Like, go out there and just have like a bunch of $5 bills. Like, don't do $1 bills because no one's going to get excited about that, but don't do twenties. Cause you can't afford that. And just, just let it, let it go.

Like nine, $5 bills, just one throw 45, baby. Don't fight over too much. You guys. All right. Thanks. This was awesome. It would be fun. It would be fun to make people's day. Yeah. You know, just, they're all just so excited because they're getting free money and I'm just throwing it. That's a power mood to be like, I want to be over them. I want to be looking down on them, literally. Yeah. And watching them just freak out about this stuff that I'm giving them. Yeah. Yeah. That's what Santa Claus is like, basically. Yes. He looks down as he's coming down the chimney on us. Exactly. Like you need this.

Exactly. Yes. And Santa Claus is real, folks. Yes. For all the kids listening. Yep. That's how he does it. That's how he does it um that's a funny random thought that you just that just happened you're just like hey i have no idea how i thought of that but it sounds fun i love it dude speaking of random thoughts i did something on our instagram this week and i said everything you comment below we will work into next week's episode yep did not go that great. Two thirds of the comments

are just quotes from like The Office or Anchorman. Yeah, who wants to listen to a podcast where we just quote The Office the whole time? Can you imagine?

No, The Office quotes were good, but we already quote The Office so much it wouldn't even feel like anything that different to quote The Office. And there's like Arrested Development

and other shows and just... But there were about 12 of you who got the idea, at least the idea I was imagining and that Brad and I thought was going to happen. So we are going to work those 12 or so phrases into this week's episode. And if you want to go, you know, right now on our Instagram, pause this and look back at the, uh, what post was it? Oh, something about compartments for my pepperoni. It's that post. Go, go see the comments and I guess give yourself a little, uh, prologue for this. But, uh, Brad and I as well, both have this hilarious story that works perfectly with like every one of these

sentences. So, uh, we're just going to tell you guys a story and Brad's going to start off because it starts so crazy. Yeah. Tell them like the very beginning. Start it off, Brad. Tell them how it starts. Brad, you're so embarrassed. I know. Brad gets really embarrassed to tell the story.

Okay. Okay. Spoiler alert. It ends with, that was the biggest rat I have ever seen. Okay. Okay. So we're out on safari in, was it New Zealand? It was Auckland.

Auckland, New Zealand. Auckland, New Zealand. North Island. Um, yeah. And, uh, we, we, you know, we had been on the beach for a while before that. And so we're like, you know, we were checking out the honeys. This was, this was pre Catherine. So yeah. Uh, checking out the honeys. There was a new baby of the week every week back then. Yes. And we see this one one girl she's definitely a chased girl

yes I was like oh wow hashtag for a chase girl that's pretty sexy swimsuit um and uh and Jake said oh wow there's no way I love white-cheeked Gibbons I was like hey let's not let's not let's not refer to girls as white-cheeked Gibbons but, that's, that's how it started. So we were in Auckland. Um, and gosh, we were on this safari and Jake, you had packed up, you had packed up and you were ready to go and keep going. Yes. And this is where it gets hilarious. So I am there. I go up and Brad dares me to talk to this girl. And so I'm like, white sheet Gibbons, here we come. I am in flight. I go up and I say, Hey girl, you ever heard the phrase, uh, keep your standards and your thread count high. She doesn't speak English. So it didn't go great. Um, but I was like, we'll edit that out. It was much before I had a podcast, but I still said that I was like, someday I'll say it.

And, uh, she didn't speak English at all. So I started doing like some sign language, some like, you know, how are you shrugging my shoulders at her? And she looks at me and she says, Oh, so you understood, like you could repeat back what she said, even though.

I looked up later what she said. Google translated. And she said, which came first, the Subaru Outback or the 13.1 bumper sticker. And you were like, I don't know. I'm not a car guy, not a car guy, not a car guy at all. Um, but, but they're like, wow, those Subarus do have really nice seats in them. They have nice, like the leather and the mesh. And you're like, I like mesh. I like the look of mesh. So maybe 2020 is the year that I add a little mesh to my wardrobe. Those mesh seats are going to go well with your white cheeks. Yes, exactly. So things are starting to flow. I'm using the Google Translate app. I take her back to Brad. I'm like, Brad, this is, I don't know her name. You don't remember her name. Well, I didn't know

her name. She hadn't really spoken that to me yet. So Brad starts talking to her. And I say, hi, what's your name? And she said in her own language, I think she said Annie. And I was like, oh gosh. I got a little, I got a little moody at that point. I got a little upset and I was like, ah, she's like, and she said something and Jake translated it real quick. And, uh, she said, she said, what's wrong?

Why are you, why are you so moody? And I said, well, Annie just brings up bad memories. One time I was at the movie theater with my mother at the time and she got excommunicated. My mom got excommunicated for nine months one time for taking me to see Annie. And so I was like, I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm just moody. He gets like this sometimes he gets so moody, but Brad, Hey, Brad, come on. Why be moody when you could shake that booty? Yeah, you're right. And that's when I was like, okay, you're right. I just keep thinking of something highly inappropriate every time because it was so inappropriate that those cops would excommunicate my mom for Annie. It was a hard knock life for us. And we resonated with that

movie. We loved it. It reminded me of my, Jake, another very famous redhead. And just, I couldn't, I couldn't get over it. Um, but anyway, we were, we were just talking to Annie. We were going on the safari. Um, and then there was this guy that was like, he was, he was a dog. He was bartering dogs on the trail that we were on. And I was like, you know, Hey, how much, how much you selling that dog for? And he's like, dogs are priceless. We won't sell this dog. And I was like, you know, Hey, how much, how much are you selling that dog for? And he's like, dogs are priceless. We won't sell this dog. And I was like, well, then why are you bartering for him? And he said, tell everyone what he said, Brad. Well, I asked the person selling the dog if he was going to grow up to be aggressive. And he looked at me and said, no, I consider myself a pretty level-headed person. We were like, oh, he's a jokester. He's a jokey dog barterer is what he is. So I was like, so how

do you do this? You have like websites. He's like, yeah, I've got this whole website set up. It's got this like algorithm. And I was like, so what'd you say? He said algorithm. I said, oh, I thought you said Al Gore. So I was just wondering like how, I wonder how Al Gore and his wife are doing right now. That did not resonate with him. He was, he was a native to New Zealand. So he did not know who Al Gore was. Right. He was a zealer. Yes.

He had a New Zealand purpose for his life once he moved there and started going on safari tours. Right. He didn't invent the zeal, but. He invented the zeal sandwich. Yes. What were you going to say? I don't know.

Like invent the wheel. Oh. Anyway. And, you know, he's like, hey, do you want to eat this dog? And I was like hey uh do you want to eat this dog and i was like oh don't want to eat a dog and he might have but we didn't want to uh because we're american we don't do that we're we're big and i'm like you know what uh i don't eat dogs but this guy's kind of a jokester he's a jokester he's like he's like listen like you americans you got you got uh you got the watch but you don't have the time and i was like what what does that mean why you got

the watch but not that he's like eating clocks it's very time consuming i was like we don't eat dogs we don't eat clocks what do you and then i nudge brian and say he's a jokey jokester it's funny eating clocks consumes your time i get it and I wrote it down and got $5 for the joke. Yes. Yeah, later on. Sent it off to the company in Omaha. And ultimately, we got back home and we're just trying to like, what? That story was so crazy.

Gosh, what happened there? Yeah. It was just like, I think when it all boils down, life is like a pillow. It looks soft and it is soft. Yeah. And then as we were laying on our pillow, I looked down at the pillow and noticed that there was some kind of grime and some stuff on it and it was lint. And I loved, I love the feel of that lint. And I felt in my pocket and I looked around and I was

like, we need to get more of this. And so I said, you know, I'm going to go ahead and get up, give up liking the chiefs for a while. And I'm going to start liking lint. So I'm going to go ahead and give up the chiefs for lint. Awesome. Yeah. So, and then as we were right about to fall asleep, we saw a rat and it was the biggest rat we've ever seen. The end. What a story. What a, I don't even know what that was. I don't think that was that good. I don't think so either. I think we tried our best, but I hope that was that good i don't think so either i think we tried our best but uh i hope that was moderately entertaining for people hey we're learning you can figure out which like what the phrases that we had to incorporate were it's like an improv game that's not that fun that we're

not that good at but hey we got better okay i want to talk we'll get back on track. I think like my new thing for this podcast is that I just want to start societal trends. And the new one that I want to start is going to the library. Okay. Libraries are amazing. I went last weekend with Hattie to our, like this main library that we have in Kansas city. And it's something I don't think we think about anymore. It's like not a normal thing. Like as a kid, you went to, did you go to the library as a kid? Yeah, I would rent magic treehouse books. Okay. Like, and I think it's like really normal for young families to go to the library, not normal for adults, but I'm there and I'm like, this is so nice. There's so much space. There's all these tables, there's all these computers, there's all these resources for us.

It's so such a productive space, but yet we're always going to coffee shops where we're two feet away from people, you know, talking on the phone or something. That's where we're going to get all our work done. Not me, Jake. The new, the new norm is to go to the library to get work done. It does sound like it has a lot of positives. I need to try it out. It's just like you go and you just feel like everything's right in the world. Like it's just like, it's just a simpler time. Like it reminds you of your childhood, I think a little bit. And so I think that's, there's some, there's some nostalgia there. I just really loved it. And so the Dewey decimal system has always kind of got me going a little bit. So like any opportunity, I have no idea how that works. Really? No. Huh? Like, is it

alphabetical? No. Okay. It's with numbers, decimals actually. Oh yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. It's like categorized by like topic. Okay. Um, it trench foot is like five 45 in the five 45. So look it up. Okay. Yeah. You'll learn two things at once. Okay. I want to try that though. I, uh, yeah. Cause I go to coffee shops to do smell. I don't know why. Cause I don't even really like coffee. So I don't even know why I'm going. It's just like a cultural thing. Yeah, exactly. New societal thing, libraries. And you're paying for them because you're paying taxes. Your taxes go towards libraries. And so you might as well use what you pay for. I use the roads good. Yeah, you do. So use them to get there. And the one that we had, like the one that we have that I, the one that I went to recently

is like, it has like this maker space. It has a sound booth. Like we'd go in there and record our podcast if we want to. Really? It has like a maker space that's like sponsored by Black & Veatch, the big engineering corporation in Kansas City. But they have a, they have like a CNC router machine. So Hattie and I went there and like designed like a little like engraving thing. And we like engraved something there.

It was like a fun little daddy daughter thing. Then they have like a laser cutter. They have all these different like cool, you know, computers and all this stuff you can make and it's all free. It's a lot of resources for one building. Exactly. It's awesome. And when Hattie and I were there, they had this thing called, um, read to a dog. It was literally like, like a support dog that you could sign up like times to go read to it. And so all these kids were like loving, like there was like this poodle. Oh, it's like four kids to do.

Yeah. Yeah. That makes more sense. Okay. I mean, I don't know if it, you know, restricted only to kids,

but the kids were the ones in there and Hattie was loving it. She was looking at it, like wanting to read to it, but that's pretty cute. Right. It's libraries. You just don't know about it. I didn't know that my money was funding kids reading to dogs.

Now you do. Wow. So yeah, anyway. What else do we pay for with tax money? Schools, roads. Schools, roads. Government workers. Dogs.

Dogs. Concrete. I want to say streetlights. That sounds like something that we pay for old people i think we pay for them veterans i don't know milk i think i think milk is involved yeah okay um yeah that's about as much politics as i know milk people are like giving me such a hard time for milk lately. Milk is so polarizing for some reason.

What is this all about? Like when did this libraries and milk growing up were the best things you could do for your life? We have lost our, our luster for milk and libraries. Yes. They're not lustrous anymore. Yes. Yeah.

I've been, you've been milk shamed recently. Multiple times. That's when I know it's like, okay, this is something I need to talk about on the podcast because, uh, there, there was one time where I had my lunch and I had a deli, like a sandwich, you know, just like a ham sandwich. And then I had a glass of milk and I went down to sit, we were watching chief's game and our friend Allison was like, she was like amazed. She's like, are you, you just going to drink milk for lunch? Yes. I was like, she was like amazed. She's like, are you, you just going to drink milk for lunch? Yes. I was like, yeah, that's, that's a normal thing to do. I like milk. Yeah. She's like, you're going to, that's a huge glass of milk. And I was like, I like milk. Yeah.

Healthy bones. Give me some cows. And, and she just, she thought it was crazy. And then the other night I was with some high school girls at this youth group thing that were also just like, what? Milk is disgusting. I can't believe you would ever drink that. Like, what is our world coming to that we're not even okay drinking milk? Milk tastes so good. It's so, oh, here I go. I'm going to yell.

It's so good. Milk is so good. Milk is so good. It tastes very good on with anything I'll say, especially things with red sauce. Sure. Sounds crazy. Lasagna, spaghetti. Yeah. Uh, pizza. Yes. Milk tastes very good with those things. Yes. Oreos, hot fudge sundae, pop tarts. The crazy thing is that I guarantee you half the people listening to this right now are like, milk with spaghetti? And those people can stop listening, all right? I don't want you.

We don't need you. This is a pro milk podcast. Yes. The PMP. We are very pro milk. Yeah, it's crazy how fast society has moved on milk. I get turned on milk. America has turned on milk.

In the last just like several years. You think almond milk is better than regular milk? There's no teats on almonds. No. Trust me. I have looked. They are not there. They're not.

I've squeezed. I've titillated. And there's no harvest there. I just don't understand it. Like what? Milk is so good. And there's people out there who genuinely with a straight face say that they like skim milk. They are liars. I do. You are a liar. I'm okay with, no, you're right. Actually. It's the LaCroix

of milk. Yes. It's just water. So I think, have we talked about this? I don't know what we've talked about, but if we have, sorry, but I think that LaCroix, no one really likes LaCroix, but they'll drink it because it's like a decent alternative and they, that's something besides water. I, that's how I probably feel about, feel about skim. Like, of course I don't love it, but I'll drink it and be fine with it. Like, but I grew up drinking skim and then I had 2% and I was like, Oh my gosh, what? Yeah. I need to drink this now. Yeah. Yeah. So it's true. I don't know if people really like it, but I'll drink it. Yeah. It's so funny. We talked about this in a very, very early episode, but just milk just gets people riled up. And so a girl said to me one time, like,

I don't know how you can drink milk. Don't you think it's weird that, uh, we're the only mammal that drinks another mammals milk. And just, I'll say the same thing I said before, like we're the only mammal that drinks another mammal's milk. And just, I'll say the same thing I said before. Like, we're the only mammal that does a lot of things. Yeah. I'm not drawing the line at the dairy aisle. Like, why are you driving that car? Like, kangaroos don't drive cars. Oh my gosh.

You kiss them on the lips. Do you realize we're basically the only mammal that does that to show affection? Right. Oh my gosh. What are you doing? You're running for sport? Cheetahs never just run for fun. It's only to chase down their prey.

Yeah. You psycho. Golly. Why are you talking on a phone? Monkeys have never talked on phones and they're still alive. Look at them. They can use tools, but you don't see them making tools for iPhones. Why are you making custom tables?

You don't need those. Dolphins don't use custom tables. No. Ellis Custom Creations does not exist in the ocean. No. That's all I got. Those are all the mammals. Those are all of them. We hit them all. Yeah, it is funny though. Anyway, milk. Milk's got people fired up. What else can people get fired up for these days? Anything. I love my wife. I love her so much, but here we go through marriage i've learned that there are people that oppose everything like name any product and people are saying there's something

wrong with it okay tap water oh tap water is not good enough anymore you have to have a pure a purifier or you have to have you know purified purified water, you know, like so many people are like, oh, I don't drink water from the tap anymore. Like what? Come on. No, have to, have to be in Brita, Brita or nothing. Jeez. That's such a like privilege thing to say. Right. That's crazy. Let's think about tap water, milk, uh, bread. People are like, like white bread's out. I got, I got bread shamed last week. Really? Yeah. People were over at the house picking up t-shirts from Isaac and they were like, Oh, you eat that sugar bread. And I was like, it's white bread. This is what I've always eaten. Right. My metabolism is great. And they're like, Oh wow. I haven't eaten that since like middle

school. Right. Getting bread shamed. I'm serious. Name a food. A food. Pizza. Pizza. Cauliflower crust. Yes. There's cauliflower crust. Yeah. Hamburgers.

You know, it's got to be like grass fed or whatever. Yeah. Impossible Whopper. Yes. Which is probably worse for you. Oh, you made beef in a lab? Oh, good. Yeah.

Give me some of that. Like what are other like famous... Toothpaste. Now it's like charcoal toothpaste. Bro, we have fluoride free toothpaste in the Ellis house. Yes. It's wild. Yeah. Crazy. There's, there's sunscreen. Oh yeah. There's, there's certain kinds of sunscreens you need now. Deodorant. Yes. People start starting to wear it now. That's crazy. Anything in life, people are like, they're, they're making a fuss about. And honestly, as a marketing person, I am so impressed.

And like, you got to give kudos to all these companies that are like convincing you. I'm not saying that they're all completely wrong, but I'm saying people are convinced about things that I don't know if they're true or not. Yes. The straw thing is pretty big. Yes. You never really want to take a pro straw stance nowadays. But like, I've seen like multiple reports from like you know articles that seem legit obviously you don't

really know if anything's that true but like first of all america contributes to like this like plastic pollution source or whatever like yeah 14 china's at like 65 and japan you know it's like we are barely even contributing to the worldwide like you know whatever you want to call it and then straws compared to that i talked about the guy who found the garbage pile in the ocean right right episode two yeah it's garbage island yeah straws have been shamed like no other product and they don't deserve it straws are good and you ask any dentist i bet they're pro straw because oh yeah uh like coffee soda stains your teeth if you drink it no straw sure sure but with straw goes straight to the throat with straw straight to the throat yep that's what they say oh man yeah so many

things yeah america america kind of sucks i challenge somebody leave a five-star review leave a five-star review regardless but leave a five-star review if you can think of something that everyone in america says is healthy and okay and like has not been challenged yes i i don't think there's something out there even like with the organic phase, which I don't know if it's a phase or a fad or whatever, but like fruit, you can't, you can't just have somebody like agree that like this apple is healthy. You're like, well, is it organic? Then I'm not, I'm not eating it. It's not organic. And it's just like, whatever apples or, or it's just like, Hey, did it grow from a tree? That's organic enough for me.

How did, yeah. How'd it get here? If you like cloned it like a, like a lamb, like, hey, did it grow from a tree? That's organic enough for me. How did, yeah. How'd it get here? If you like cloned it like a, like a lamb, like no, like Dolly. Did you use like some sort of ray gun on it? Right. Then, okay. Maybe I'll have the original. Yeah.

But, but otherwise we're good. Did someone pick this? Yeah. Great. That's organic in my eyes. Oh man. Wait, before I start this, are they going to say, hey, Jake and Brad at the beginning? Uh, I'm going to guess they say, what's up jake and brad okay i don't know what are you gonna say

no the tone is hey jake and brad okay hey brad and jake my name is becca city native and i've been listening to you guys for a long long time hey brad and jake uh my name is Becca. I'm a Kansas City native, and I've been listening to you guys for a long, long time and probably following Jake even longer. I was actually flying home from San Diego today, listening to episode 40, and just dying laughing when you guys called me out by name to make a voice memo. It's not typically my thing, but, you know, here I am. So, Brad, I love you too. Thank you for lumping me in with Catherine and Hattie at the end there. Super funny, super sweet. Um,

anyways, guys, I'm sorry. I love the podcast. Um, you guys start my week right and crack me up just like week after week and hoping maybe one day I can bump into you guys around Kansas City. I saw you met my friend Daniel, the Titans fan, but we don't have to talk about that. I had a poultry of the week, but I'm really running out of time. So anyways, love you guys. Southside Pride and go Chiefs. Becca, thank you for the question.

I would say hot air balloons would probably be the coolest. Yeah, hot air balloons or just skydiving in general. Yeah. Either way, you're going to feel a lot of wind. And so I think that's what makes it like fun for your grandpa. Yeah. The more wind, the better for the geriatrics is what we've always said. Yeah. So anyway, that's a fun question, but so random that she knows, she knows that Titans guy from the video. What in the world? That's so funny. And then like, didn't really give me, give us much like more than that. That was a really cool part of the story.

She also said that she's from Kansas City and she's been following you for longer. How'd she get my address? Yeah. Like, do you ever like feel like somebody's tailing you, you know, at a stoplight or something like that? It always feels like somebody's watching me. Also, I was confused. She said Kansas City native.

She said I was flying home from San Diego. Oh. Oh. Stupid. Also. Yeah. Oh, back up. She said she lives in. She said I was flying home from San Diego. Oh. Oh. Stupid. Also, yeah. Oh, Becca, I'm sorry. She said she lives in Kansas City, but she lives in San Diego. How's that work?

How can you do that? Like, I've never been anywhere else but Kansas City this year. I haven't been to Hawaii twice. Dang it. Crack the code. Becca's a liar. She also said Southside Pride, which I went to school at Olathe South. So maybe she's Olathe Souther.

My little mix up there just reminded me. I don't know if I've ever told you this story. I'll say just a real quick version of it. The limo trip last summer. We were in Seattle. We go up to Vancouver for a little bit to see the city. The Cove. The Cove.

Yeah. We come back down and it's like midnight, 1 a.m. And we get stopped at border patrol and they're pretty suspicious which is kind of fair it's a limo yeah and they are not really understanding the ellen stickers or what's going on so like we need you to pull over we're going to fully inspect the vehicle it's like oh great like yeah we don't have anything in there but it's just like this we have so much crap in there it's going to take forever for you to actually search it and our stuff's not going to be where I put it. Right. But whatever. Ty had diarrhea. So he was

like, it's fine. I'll get to stop and go to the bathroom. So Kyle and I are left talking to the Canadian border patrol agent who like from the get-go is just very like stern in her body language. And like, you know, for 65 days straight at that point, everyone who comes in contact with us is like, wow, this is so cool that you guys are doing this. I wish I would have done this when I was younger. Well, you know, just only positive things. And so it was like our first woman would be like, now what? I see through.

I see straight through this. So it was already a little weird. So she's like, can I see your guys' IDs? And so give it to her. And she's looking at him. And like, no joke, she takes off her glasses to look kind of closer. She's like, so you're telling me a guy from oklahoma and a guy from missouri are just friends just driving around together two different states and we were like silent for a little like uh yeah no one's ever asked us this

good question i guess uh it's like don't they literally border each other they are border estates. Is that that crazy? Now I'm second guessing. I'm like, maybe this is wild. I'm like, no. What? No.

Why are you asking this? So you're telling me you're from Texas, but you married somebody from New Mexico. So how did a blonde and a brunette end up in the same car together? So you're from Kansas City, but you flew to San Diego? Okay. She's real suspicious, Becca. We see through your Becca phase. I'll call you Becca for now until I find out what your real name is.

It's probably Rebecca. Let's be honest. That was one of the weirdest things. And then she's asking us more questions. We're like, well, our third guy's from Oklahoma too. She's like, you have a third guy? She's like, I can't even be, I started your paperwork. I thought this was all of you.

And so we're like, oh, he's in the bathroom. He'll be out in a bit. And so he was not out in a bit. So they were just standing there at the counter with her, like not just waiting

for Tidy to get out of the bathroom, like texting him like, dude, it's kind of awkward out here. Like you're almost done. This girl's like sketched out. It probably thinks you're like flushing things down the toilet.

And just, it was all around like a weird night and none of it got filmed because we were not expecting yeah this much to happen but kind of a funny story that's so funny that like and maybe it's more common than we think but like you don't think about the canadian to american border being tightly no you know like you think about Mexico. Getting back into America from Mexico. Right, right. That should be tight. Sure. But no one's coming. They're all nice up there. Come on in.

They're not doing anything bad up there. Bring me some coffee. Yeah. Yeah, but they were so strict and yeah, we're not on board. Oklahoma and Missouri just driving around together. I'm afraid so, ma'am. That is the case. Yes.

Anyway, Becca, thanks again for the question. Yes. Hi, Jake and Brad. This is Hannah. i'm from morgantown west virginia i would first like to say that my name is not becca and i do apologize i mean they're pretty similar you know like phonetically hannah becca but anyway i've got a question for each of you first one is for brad i just want to know what the latest cute cute thing that hadattie did was. And then for Jake, my question was, what's a deal breaker for you? If you went to Chipotle and saw a really cute girl, but then she did this one thing,

what would be the one thing that you'd be like, ooh, not future wife material? Anyway, I love you guys, and I love the podcast. Thanks. All right. I'll the podcast. Thanks. All right. I'll go first. Okay. It's so subtle that maybe it won't even resonate with people and they won't think it's that cute. But to me, it's so adorable because it's my daughter.

For the longest time, Hattie has said, yeah. Like anytime you ask her yes or no question, she says, yeah. She's recently, for whatever reason, changed it to start saying yes. And for some reason, that is so cute to me. You big fanny, yes. Like, did you have fun with grandma and grandpa yes like just the way she says it it's just like nice i like adorable it's so pure and normal and like subtle but it's like when you're used to her saying yeah forever and now she says yes it's just like i don't know so proper and cute it is yeah oddly proper because we don't even say you don't really say yes as

adults really you say yeah right yeah for sure And that's definitely why she says yes, because we say, yeah, we don't, we don't ever say yes. And now she's starting to say it and it's just like adorable. I don't know what it is. That's a good thing to try and like incorporate my own life. Yes. And would you like a soy sauce with that? Yes. Yes, I would. Yes. That feels nice. I wonder if it would like freak people out a little bit. Yes. It's like the yes man things. Say it with me. Say it a thousand more times. Yes. Yes. That's, that's the cute thing though. There's so, I mean, she also said literally the other day. I'm like, where'd that come from? She's just amazing in so many ways, but. Literally dad. Yes. I want to go down the slide. I literally, yes, would like that.

Okay. My, what was it? Non-negotiables? Or how'd she word it? Deal breaker. Oh, deal breaker in Chipotle. If she didn't have hair, we've been over that before. I'm a shallow boy and I want a girl with hair.

I think I could probably have better answers if I thought about this more. I think if I saw her being not even rude, but even just like not overly nice or just not pleasant. Okay. If she even had like a neutral demeanor, that would already, it may even be a bit of a yellow flag, not quite a red flag, but a yellow flag. So you're saying you like, you like kind of bubbly girls? At least just like uh positive and happy and like yeah you want to be around them because of the way they carry

themselves and the smile on their face yeah no smile yes no jake okay probably that makes sense and then if i saw her like like if she was eating a bur, if you want to imagine how you normally eat a burrito and then turn it 90 degrees in your hands and eat it like it's a hamburger. Yeah. If she ate it like that, like from the side, that'd be a big one. That's a psychopath move right there. Yeah. Because you eat one bite and there's like the Hoover Dam just like, yeah, collapses in on itself.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes, it does. Good. So those are some things that come to mind. Also shout out to a girl that eats a burrito these days. I don't know. I feel like almost

everybody these days is bull. Dude. Yes. I got a burrito shamed this week. I've had so much shame. Gluten. It's gluten. You have, you have tortillas? Yeah. Yeah. Someone was like, I didn't know people were even still eating burritos. Let me eat my tortilla. They are eating burritos and they are enjoying them. Let me tell you, they're enjoying them a lot. Yeah, that was crazy. I was like, I didn't know this was a thing either. Yeah, it's been a big week for our shame.

Is that just like an adult thing? Is like the older you get, like the more insecure you are. And so you shame other people for things that aren't that big of a deal. Like if I'm being honest with myself, I don't think I'm probably quite as confident in myself as I was in high school or college. And so I think I look for other things to like ridicule and other people sometimes like, Oh, a burrito. Whereas I wouldn't care about what you were eating before.

I think you're right. You know, I think you're like uncovering something in my own life too. Yeah. Like I'm going to, I'm going to give you a little bit of Harvard time of Harvard time. You can give me a hard time and I'm going to Yale at you a little bit because you're getting more Brown rice. Uh, golly. I mean, that's just like the, the, the queen's not coming here. Princeton. Dang it. Every one I thought of you beat me to it by like a full second. Oh man. It's all right. Uh, you can be, I don't know. Anyway, yeah, random thought. But yeah, burritos are great. Eat them, Jake.

Yeah, I probably will keep doing that. Good for you. Thanks. Thanks, dog. Stay confident. Last voice memo. Oh, thank you. Hello, Jake and Brad. I have a multi-level question for you. The first part is my very own

good idea, bad idea. What would you think about going on a first date and just kind of laying out there all the things that you think might scare someone away? Not like heavy baggage, but just kind of more the silly things like, I'm 25 years old. I listen to One Direction for fun. I am a slow eater. I don't deal with conflict very well. Sometimes I do a fake British accent just for fun. I kind of just feel like if you were to lay those things out there and the person's willing to deal with them, you're set, you're golden. So the second part then is if you were to employ that method for yourselves, what would you say? So Brad, think back to your first dates with Catherine and Jake, just think of now just even, um, so yeah, despite my really convincing accent,

this is Leah from Southern Illinois. I love your podcast. Um, keep it up. I love it. Jake, just, just think of, uh, when you woke up this morning, that was a great voice. you know what like as she first started talking i was like should we uh also talk in accents for our answers and i was like i don't want to offend you know her or whatever and then she she was fake she okie doke yeah that's a good one that was great shout out leah so first i don't even know if there's a question but yes definitely okay to get out some stuff. I think it shows confidence.

Yeah. You know? And just like efficiency. Like, the clock's running. Like, if you're not looking for this, this is what I'm looking for. So, you know, in 8 Mile, the final rap battle when, no? I know Lose Yourself. Okay.

That's one of the songs by 8 Mile featuring Eminem. Okay. No, but I'll just explain it. The final rap battle, you know, oh who's gonna win Eminem versus other guy. Mekhi Pfeiffer? Is that him? Black guy? Sorry. I don't know. I don't know what you said. Mekhi Pfeiffer. That's the actor's name. Oh, okay. Gotcha.

I think. Never seen it. Sorry. Okay. Gosh. The final rap battle, Eminem gets to go first, which is normally not the place you want to be rap battling. I don't know. I would never have known by experience. But what Eminem's approach is, is he goes in and makes fun of himself, like does like almost self-deprecating rap.

Like, I know everything you're going to say about me. I'm white trash. I live in a trailer. My mom's a druggie, everything. And then he kind of turns it on the other guy too and says some mean stuff about him. But basically this guy has nothing to say. So in that sense, you don't want to give the other person nothing to say, but have that Eminem mentality where you're so confident in who you are. You're not afraid to tell them the good things about who you are and also the bad things about who you are sure it's a confident move i like it yeah leave the baggage for like the sixth date but you could definitely start with i'm a slow eater and i don't deal with

confrontation well honestly like yeah all the things she said at the beginning i was like i think those are all me one direction no sorry that was you british accent yeah sometimes uh sometimes brev i'm taking out my ice so i don't get in trouble for chewing it good good good um that was you. British accent. Yeah. Sometimes. Uh, sometimes prep. I'm taking out my ice so I don't get in trouble for chewing it. Good, good, good. Um,

no, I'm a slower than normal eater. I think, uh, I'm really into smells. Like I'm, I'm, I'm kind of like,

I've learned that like, that's kind of a point of tension in our marriage sometimes is that I'm kind of particular about smells. So I'd probably, I'd probably tell the girl that more. I don't, that's the thing about marriage though, is you get exposed to so many things you didn't even know about yourself beforehand.

Like things that you're like, I didn't think I cared about that. Oh, I do. I care about how my clothes smell. And sometimes I'm like, Catherine, I don't like that smell. See, I don't have any of those weird things because maybe I'm pre-marriage.

I don't know the weird things. You absolutely do, I think. I don't know the weird things yet. If you're listening to this and you've learned through marriage some of your weird things, write us a five-star review and tell us because I'm telling you they're out there and you don't realize them until, like we had this huge fight about which light switch we should use because I think it's like so silly. Like, hey, this is more efficient to go over here and use this light switch.

Anyway, that was first marriage. First year of marriage. Sorry. First, hey, that was with marriage. First year of marriage. First, hey, that was with Ashley. No. Oh gosh, that was actually my ex-girlfriend's name. Oh, I didn't mean that. Just said a random name, Catherine, okay? It just started at the alphabet. Oh boy.

Common mistake. Phonetically, they're the same. Isn't that what that other girl said? Hannah and Becca. Yes. Ashley, Catherine. Morgan. Anyway, I don't know what mine would necessarily be. Let's do it for each other. Okay. Let's see.

Jake drives like a grandma. I'll start with that. Jake is a very cautious driver. Yeah. Yeah. He's not late very often. Not very early though. Yeah.

He's pretty punctual. No, I would say that's why. Yeah, maybe you're a little late actually. Yeah, that's more of one of my biggest flaws is lack of like time management. Okay. I'm super late to everything. Okay. I don't really love it about myself. I would mention that.

I think you're maybe a little too hard on yourself. I don't know if I, in my experience, I don't think you're super late. Oh, great. But I could be wrong. I don't know the skill. This is the only body or life that I've had. Sure, sure. So I don't know what other people are going through.

Yeah, true. I would be upfront and tell people that my diet is garbage. Yes. Because I think for some people, that's a deal breaker. Like they need to be with someone who's like very health conscious.

And so, yeah, if that's who you want, then I don't, then we probably aren't right for each other. Right. Because I don't know how many grams of sodium there are in anything. I don't know to guess if it's two or 500. Yeah.

You don't know what's like ridiculous. Yeah. How much does a candy bar cost? I don't know. So those are some flaws. I don't know. I don't really make a habit of like saying flaws early on in a relationship. I think I'm more just like myself to a fault sometimes.

Like I will share my exact sense of humor. I don't like ease people into it. you're you're you're a pretty messy guy i would say yeah not like dirty but definitely not organized correct like your trunk of your car has things in there that you like i bet i could do like multiple choice like this this or this what's in the back of your car and you might lose that game. Like you might be like, if I give you A, B, C, if I said there's an umbrella, there's a gorilla mask, and there's one of two sneakers, you would not know which one is not in your car. I'm not confident about the gorilla mask, but the other two are in there for sure. Yeah, that's true. You nailed it. I would say that uh brad you are not great with your first marriage

and you know you dealt with some things there yeah yeah yeah that's something you would need to get out of the way yeah so just up front i yeah i've been married and it didn't go well that's why i'm here no just kidding he's on his first it's it's well. That's why I'm here. No, just kidding. He's on his first. It's doing great. That's right. I don't know. I'm having so much trouble thinking of flaws for you, Brad. I'm so sorry. That's all right.

I don't have. Yeah. I think we said them all. I bet Catherine could list them off. Well, she's not on the podcast. So too bad. Okay. I have a question.

Let's call it a people's court. Okay. With Jake. It's a marriage court. Catherine and I have a question or let's call it a people's court. Okay. With Jake, it's a marriage court. Catherine and I have a little issue that I want you to solve. Oh boy. And just up front, I think you're going to take Catherine's side. Okay. Because I feel like you always do.

Okay. But just hear me out. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So Catherine is amazing wife, first and foremost, does our laundry for us. She's the laundry girl um and she's recently

implemented a rule with the laundry i mean she's always implemented the rule of like hey please empty out your pockets new rule is that she does not like it when my socks are inside out oh okay and whatever that's fine socks are inside Cause she, she doesn't like putting them back the right way before she washes them. And so I say, just wash them inside out. No big deal. And recently she's implemented the rule. If they are not, if they are inside out, I will not wash them. And so right now, and we're kind of at a standstill right now. So there's like 20 socks at the bottom of our clothes, hamper that are inside out because I'm not going to, to me, I think that they're my socks. And if they get washed inside out and they're a little bit crusty, that's, that's my problem. And she's like, she, she thinks that's a, I don't think that's really

a thing. Like, I think they get washed just fine. If a shirt's inside out, it gets washed fine. Why would a sock not, uh, be, be yeah they're my socks so why does she care but she is the one that is laundering my clothes so maybe i should respect her jake judge jake the jury is deliberate deliberating the jury has deliberated verdict is brad you're absolutely in the right here who cares about socks. Right? They're socks. You put them on your feet. That's like the most disgusting part of your body. Okay, if it's 95% clean compared to how it would be if it was right side out.

I'm so happy right now. Thank you. No, seriously. Yeah. Like, yeah, wash them inside out. And then I will be the one, you know, and you can even like fold them together inside out. Yeah, I don't mind that. And then I will be the one who undoes it when it's time to put them on my feet. Right. Yeah. I don't think that matters at all.

Because what happens is almost every single night she's already in bed when I'm getting into like the room, taking off my socks. I just like take them off. Like it's hard to- You go from heel to toe, like staying in the same spot of your sock. Yes. I just, it's hard to take them off without putting them inside out for me. I'm a big boy. My, my, uh, center of gravity, my, my equilibrium is a little off. So it's hard for me to just lift one leg up. So I, yeah, I just think it's, I'm like, they're my socks. I can do what I want with them. They're your oats. Yeah. I don't, I just don't see, I mean, she's not here to defend herself, but I don't, I don't see why it matters. Okay. That's her main thing is that they get crusty,

but they're not getting crusty for her. They're my socks. Your socks, your feet. Yeah. Your choice. Okay. Thanks, Jake. Yeah.

That was a no brainer. This has been marriage court with Jake, Judge Jake. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for joining. Yeah. Okay. I have something for you.

Okay. Well, really the people in general, because I've already talked to you a little bit about this and you were on my page. We knew this is I just recently bought a unlimited year long carwash membership for myself. I park outside every day. It's the winter months, your car gets dirty from salt and whatever on the roads. And so I just can go to the carwash whenever I want. It is one of the, it's a luxury of course, but it is one of the best ideas I think I've had in recent history for myself. And I think if you're ever struggling for a gift idea, unlimited carwash year long membership is the answer because it is so, it's a small luxury,

but it's really nice to drive around in a really clean car all the time. So, and I just like, personally, I like being in a car wash they're fun yeah yeah and you like there's one time where i literally went in and i got out and i looked like i was like vacuuming my car and i saw some like spots they missed so i just went through again it was great that's kind of weird behavior no but it was like hey i gotta they're free i mean at this point not free but you know i'm saying it's not gonna cost you anything extra. Yeah. Yeah. Weird, but cool. I guess. Yeah, it was great. I took Hattie through it one time. I think she was excited to go, but when we were in there, I think she was a little nervous, which is fair. It's kind of

scary, but anyway, if it's an expensive gift, so maybe go in on it with your brothers and sisters for your parents or whatever. I don't know, but it was, it's awesome. It's, it's one of my favorite things to do now. It's like, Hey, I'll probably go on the way home. Just dude. Nice. Yeah. Why not? Valentine's day. Yeah. Happy Valentine's day to you. That's right. If you're with worth $14 million, like I am, you don't need to go in on it with your brother or sister. Yeah. Caitlin figure out your own gift. Yeah. I got my dad. It's so funny bringing this up. I got him a unlimited car washes for Christmas. Does he love it? He loves it.

Like I've never heard about that gift before, but I think it's a really great idea. Yeah. So good job. It's yeah. I think he's enjoying it. It's just, yeah. One of those, I think what a good gift is, is something that like pleasantly surprises someone in a way that they wouldn't have thought of or gotten themselves. Yes. It's a normal thing that becomes a luxury. Yeah.

You know? Like a head scratcher. Yes. Like you can use your fingers. But when a carbon fiber, that's a luxury for my dome. That is nice. That is nice. It's been two weeks now since we've done review of the week.

Oh, we better then. So we should get caught up and we've got some stuff to talk about to keep it uh engaging and fun for even that person out there whose review it wasn't should we start with a serious one yeah because we got to talk about that at some point that's uh it's kind of crazy so to summarize um we got a review earlier this week uh from a girl who essentially said, you know, I realize that you guys typically get like lighthearted, funny reviews, but I'm gonna be straying away from that a little bit. And she essentially thanked us for the example that we are setting for young men and women.

Just and she talked about like what typical guys are like in her, you know, experience. And she also mentioned that she recently ended a five-year relationship and i guess a part of the reason was the way that brad and i talk to each other and how we talk about women um and so it was like a really crazy thing to read obviously uh because this is like posted publicly sure uh But also like really vulnerable and really cool. And also felt really sad too. Like, I don't know, for some reason, I felt some sort of like guilt

or like I felt responsible. But at the same time, I'm like, it's cool that we've, I guess, you know, we've never had a conversation like, hey, when we're on the podcast, let's talk about women in a certain way. Yeah. And I don't even remember, like,

I don't even know what she's referring to, quite honestly. Catherine, I'll be real. Catherine does threaten me a decent amount. Like hey if you don't you don't you do not talk about it and that's what a healthy relationship is right threatening and then delivering uh on those threats but she's great so yeah so i don't even know really what we've said or done to make people feel that we're setting example for how men should treat women but that's really cool that that yeah those like little those little nuances are being implemented in the way we talk on this silly podcast. So thank you for the review.

And I'm sorry that your relationship ended. No, but maybe it seems like it's for the best. Yeah, absolutely. That was definitely like working at camp, like it was Christian sports camp. And that was one of our big things, or at least in my head is like, show kids that was one of our big things, or at least my, like in my head is like show kids that you can have fun without X,

Y, and Z, like to make you have fun. You know what I'm saying? Like. Without being vulgar or inappropriate or degrading to people. Yeah. Show people you can be funny in a podcast without being too ridiculously,

you know, crude or whatever. Like that's, we definitely don't have like goals in our mind of like a podcast. This is where we're going to start the ghost run. Yeah. By episode 20, we'll be here. And by episode 40, we'll be kind of move this way. Yeah. We'll be memorizing scripture with them. No, but like, it's just cool. Like, I think that's just both of our lives in 17, 18 nutshells. Good quote. Yeah. Yeah. So it's fun. Thank you for that review.

One girl who said she wishes her name was Becca. She thinks she might've set the new record because she has listened to each episode four times. Oh baby. That is a lot. I'm going to call out our girl, Chris Kirstie and see how many times she's listened. I think she's listening a lot. She might've put some down.

Yeah. But either way, four times each. Maybe we should have like Ghostbusters trivia sometime. And the people who've listened to it four times are the ones asking the questions. Yes. And we try to answer. They're the quiz master. Yeah.

I don't know what I said there. This, do we answer this already? If you guys could meet one celebrity or well-known person, who would it be and why? I don't know if we answered that. I don't think we did. I feel like we've had certain conversations kind of like that. I think Michael Jordan would be really sweet to meet and talk to. Yeah. What would you ask him? I would just ask him all about his career and like his rise to fame and hear about his life. I don't know. What was it like being on the forefront of the Sox movement? Right. When you were kind of like coming up as well as Sox.

Was that tough? Do you really use Hanes or are you a Fruit of the Loom guy? Yeah. Yeah. I'm a Fruit of the Loom guy. Are you? FTL? Yeah.

Fruit of the Loom. Fruit of the Loom. Yes. Gosh, there were a lot. And there was that one that did a poem all about PEMDAS, the Please Excuse My Dirt Sally one. Yes. That's a good one. That was crazy. and there was that one that did a poem all about PEMDAS, the Please Excuse My Dare, Sally one. Yes, that's a good one.

That was crazy. From Rachel Dangerfield. Cool name. Yeah, great name. You want me to read it? I'll just read it. P, please hear me out. This review will be one of a kind.

Elated is my heart when you two come to mind. My commute was blasé before Jake and Brad came through. Dying of laughter, life was rhyme there at the end. But that's my review of the week. I'm taking it. Rachel Dangerfield. She, yeah, she put a lot of thought into that. She's seen you in Birmingham. Sorry.'s my review of the week. I'm taking it. Rachel Dangerfield. She, yeah, she put a lot of thought into that. She's seen you in Birmingham. Sorry. She's seen you in Birmingham. So. Oh, sweet.

What up? What up, Birmingham? Specifically, Rachel Dangerfield. Rachel. So you guys like math here? Who likes PEMDAS, huh? All right. Who knows how to FOIL? Remember FOIL? Kind of. Yeah, that was definitely an acronym for something like. it was like the all i don't remember very well it was algebra algebra two maybe and it was like yeah exponent exponents anyway huh that was good those are good reviews yeah sorry i needed a drink of my mountain dew yeah thank you for the reviews we've been getting so many lately and they're so awesome like we we always say, we read every one. Yes. I think we got 15 last week. We're at like 12 this week already.

So thank you guys. Yeah. Really fun. Real good times. You know, there's more. There's like a crazy amount of cows in Kansas. Like 6 million or something. There's like three times more cows than there are people.

Isn't that crazy? Huh. There's so many cows. That does seem like a lot of cows yeah that's impressive i i don't really know what else to say but that's that's a lot of cows it just surprises me how many there are like yeah well we eat a lot of meat and we drink a lot of milk in this country so they got to come from somewhere that's right you ever uh my grandpa let me bale some hay when I was little.

It was really fun. I was probably like 11 years old, like driving this huge tractor and like feeling like in charge of this like industrial like thing. I kind of miss it. Baling it? Yeah. Baling hay. It was awesome. You know, and I'm like, I'm forming these like, yeah, hay bales.

According to this, 5.8 million cows, 2.8 million people. So not three times, but twice as many, It looks like wow. Crazy. Anyway, you ever tried to ride a cow? No, I I'm a city boy through and through. Unfortunately, I wish I was more of a country boy. What would you rather like have to try and do for 10 seconds? Ride a bull, like a legitimate bull. I'm probably going to choose whatever the next thing is. Or make it hard. Be in a pit with a crocodile for 10 seconds. Oh my gosh. And then after those 10 seconds are over, I can vanish. Yes. Yeah. Like if he has hold of me, I can get out immediately. Yeah. He's got 10 seconds to kill you. Okay. Then the bull, I think, got to be the bull. The size of the alligator pit is 20 by 20, but he's hungry. 10 seconds is a long time, dude.

I don't know. The strategy, okay, corner to corner, like polar opposites of the room, 20 to 20? Alligator starts in the middle of the room. You start in a corner of your choice. Oh, I think I would just take the strategy of just going after that alligator and just freaking him out. And then even if he only gets freaked out for like five seconds, I bop him once he gets, he gets like shook over and he's like,

Whoa, who is this guy? And then I run to the corner and I say, one, one does do with them. It's creating an entire dialogue. Then he says, well,

who's this guy? And I say, I'm your worst nightmare. Who is this guy claiming through Eisenhower's from Kansas? Or yeah, that too. Yeah. What would you do? and I say, I'm your worst nightmare. Who is this guy claiming Eisenhower's from Kansas? Yeah, that too. What would you do? Oh, I'd ride the bull.

I'm pretty good on a mechanical bull. I just hurt my regions just thinking about the bull. Oh, I don't think actually riding is what you need to be worried about. You need to be worried about when you get bucked off after a second and he tramples you. I'm also very slow at getting up. I fall, I'm down. And you say, hey. Yeah. I have to make at least two noises before I get, oh gosh. And then he's back again. I'm up. Yeah, man. Bulls, bulls are the real deal. Yeah. They're angry. They don't like people riding. Also, how fast are alligators? Are they that fast on land? I think they have like charging speed or like a jumping speed.

Because they have the little feet. They do have the little feet and little strides. Yeah. So like, I mean, you could definitely beat one in a race. Thank you. You kick one in the mouth right away. I don't think you... Show him who's... Don't go for his mouth at all.

Because that's really where you want to avoid. I mean, I guess try kick it. I don't know. Okay. Kick him in the belly. Kick him in the give him a give him a quick groin kick and yeah he'll hate that he'll he will not like it why i gotta okay a wise guy huh with your left hand you kind of go up like this so you say watch the hand watch hand and then you kick him down low or then i'll be like wait wait one and i wait. One. And I'll just start counting. Two. He's like, three. And he's like, he's like waiting for it to like build up. And then seven, eight, nine. And then I'm gone. Then you vanish.

Yeah. He's just like, it's building up. So I don't know. There's, there's things like we could do everything. I think, yeah, you're much more likely to die from the crocodile, but like you're definitely going to get injured no matter what with the bull. Yeah. Yeah. So what would you rather have? You want to roll the dice? Yeah. For 10 seconds? I do. I don't want to bruise. I don't want to either live or die. I got a wife, a kid, another one on the way. Let's chance it.

Yeah. It'll be fine. I got life insurance. In the crock pit. Okay. Have you seen the Delta Airlines controversy thing with this woman that's reclining and the other guy? The puncher. Yes. I was just on Delta's website today, actually. It's unrelated to the puncher, but I was looking at my SkyMiles number. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I found it. Yeah. So, like, this woman reclined back in her seat, and this guy in the very back row of the plane does not like it. He's doing jab, jab, jab, jab the plane does not like it he's just he's just yeah he's acting like it's a punching bag like like i got my apollo creed back there or something yeah uh what are your thoughts who people are like like apparently it's like very dividing i can't believe it's polarizing yeah he should not be punching a woman's seat absolutely not yeah why is this a thing we're debating i don't know the backstory behind it but honestly i think both

people are just very in the wrong like the the reclining person's definitely less in the wrong, but it's such a 2020 thing to record someone instead of confronting them. I could say something to you, but I'd rather just show off your poor behavior, which is such an annoying thing. Yeah. I mean, the seats recline. So it's not like it's wrong for her to recline back on the seat. Yeah. Cause I never heard of that. A lot of people coming to his defense are like, well, she shouldn't recline because his seat can't recline. Okay. With that logic, then the person in front of her shouldn't be able to recline.

And then you go off the way, then no one can recline. Right. So why that doesn't make any sense. Are you a recliner? Uh, yeah. Well, I sleep on planes and in the first, you know, you can't recline your seat until you get up above 10,000 feet. So I'm typically already asleep before that.

So I would love to recline. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the flight and I think, Ooh, maybe I could recline now. But then I'm like, well, they're going to interrupt me from my nap. You have to get woken up. They're like, Hey, sir. My thoughts. Exactly. Yeah.

So I usually just go upright. A hundred percent. I was like, it's still sleeping agreement. Yeah. Cause I, I'm fine. You were climbing back like three inches. Like, it's not like you're like going. Oh, this isn't It's not like a car where like, you know, you see some guy like

Let me get some sleep. Oh Now I'm good. That is not I forgot the neck pillow, but I got that three Inch look glide. Hey, sorry if I'm too if I'm too close back there. It's okay. You're all right Punching the bag Okay, you're okay oh i'm sorry there you go now you can now you can sit normally yeah yeah yeah i just think both both people are just like come on be adults about this like yeah if this guy's punching your like be like hey are you messed up like what's going on jack wagon stop jab crossing the back of my seat i'm sure it's like the big thing in title boxing now like okay now now delta punch delta punch

anyway i just i just thought it was it was very interesting that you made your way to the cockpit now go crazy you're in the cockpit now 9--11. 9-11. Okay. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. All right. Let's all settle down. Got a little out of control. All right. I love to see that Al-Qaeda fight in you though, Jeremy.

Good work. We call you the Al-Qaeda fighter. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Took a turn. Anyway, not to be insensitive to 9-11. Okay. What time we got?

I got one more thing I can talk about, but it's very mediocre. Okay, let's end it with this and then hit a jingle and we'll end it. Okay, another thing that I've been doing lately, Jake, currently trending in my life is being productive while brushing my teeth. It's a two-minute activity I do of brushing my teeth. But I think there's so many things in my life, in my house, that I just kind of put off like, oh, I'll just wait and do that later or whatever. Brush your teeth, walk around your house house and just look for things to do.

I try to do stuff, but I brush my teeth with my dominant hand and there's not that many things I can do with my offhand. Oh really? Yeah. I'm talking like easy things like, like picking up a blanket and putting, you know, or I was trying to solve a Rubik's cube and I was like, maybe this is not the best time to do this. No, you don't want to do that. You don't want to write an essay or anything like that. I was like, this has got to be a better way to do this. Yeah. Like I tried to write a Valentine's note to my daughter, but it just wasn't really legible. Yes.

She was writing it to me. I guess she doesn't get a card this year. Yeah. So what are the things you're able to do? Like things like I'm trying to think, uh, like putting away my clothes, like I have like clothes on the ground or something,

put them in the hamper. Uh, yeah. Putting away laundry that my wife does for me inside out. Uh, or try and think of other things, just like little things like that. Like, Oh, this is, this needs to go out to the shop. Oh, it's custom creation shop. You know, why is it right here on the bar? Let's put it,

let's put it, you know, by the door so I can take it out. My left hand could carry that. Sure. Yeah. It's basically just picking things up, looking around the house, tidying it up. Um, but it's, it's wonderful because you have a time limit. Like you don't want to be brushing your teeth forever or else you get foam. I make so much saliva. Yeah. It's crazy. Like you, like eventually it looks like you have shaving cream on your face. So it's like, okay, got to get out of there. It looks like you were bit by something close to Chernobyl. Right. You went 2020 with Chernobyl. You would start foaming at the mouth. Yeah. Right. So anyway, it's a great little thing. Try it out this week if you want to. Um,

one thing I'll suggest not doing while you're brushing your teeth is urinating while standing up. I've tried it before because it seems like it's something you should be able to do. So imagine with me. I can specify standing up. So just sit down. I do it all the time. It's great. I guess I haven't tried sitting down while brushing my teeth and peeing, but that is the alternative. That's what you should do because let's say you're brushing your teeth with your right hand. As long as you stay on the right side of your mouth and you're just going up and down, you can pee. But when you go cross mouth, you would be surprised. Do you know what I'm talking? Do you know this from experience? Not really, but it's like a very minimal movement, but going cross mouth to the left side of my teeth, I'm like missing the toilet. I'm like, this is crazy.

All of a sudden FDNY is going all like, Like, is this like, I'm not brushing that hard. Why is this movement to the left side of my mouth? Like, yeah, I'm like, I was on some like workout machine swiveling my hips and I can't like. Yeah, like the shark tank thing. It's like one of those sprinklers in the front lawn. It's like the dog's tail going everywhere.

It looks like that. Like, oh my gosh. Oh my God, I dropped my toothbrush. Freaked out. Oh, that's great. Okay, good to know. One more thing about peeing. Did you ever hear the phrase when you were growing up or like maybe in the middle school

locker room, like if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it. Yeah. So I heard that. And I was like, Oh, okay. I'm in the locker room. You know, like that's, that's the rule. Everyone, you know, I'm sure everyone is looking at me every time i'm peeing i can't shake it more than twice or else they're gonna make fun of me but there's no locker room when you're an adult to tell you hey jake stop peeing on your knee it's okay to just shake it more this is not a really conversation i've had with other guys just shake it just shake it till it's done yeah because i for most so much of my life, I've been like, I have to be done now. And I'm like, Oh, it's all over my leg. Why did why am I back in my pants now? I'm still peeing. And like recently I've been like, Jake, you can,

you could be in charge of this. You're okay. No one's watching you. Just shake it four or five, six, go crazy. Sure. Yeah. Stop peeing on your knee. That's funny. I don't have much to say without getting too inappropriate with it, but I want to say things, but that's, yes, that's it. Yeah. There's some funny things I was thinking about saying too. Some euphemisms of like with the sprinkler and I'm not going to say them. But yeah, I think I totally understand what you're saying.

Yeah. Like I've really had that ingrained in my mind. Like I can't do this. That's so funny. I also get made fun of in the locker room did you ever like get nervous and like you couldn't go that happened to me i remember like my football coach would come up to me like right like i i step up i step up to the plate the metaphorical plate and i get ready to go and then the football coach comes up hey all this

and i'm like oh okay okay i'm, okay. Just think about it. Just think about it. Waterfall, waterfall, waterfall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Niagara, you know, could not do it. I actually thought about Viagra. That didn't help. Oh, boy. That's now we're going nowhere. Nowhere but up. Yeah, exactly.

Thanks. Yeah. And then he would leave and I'd be fine. It would just come out. It was crazy. Oh, there we go. As soon as he leaves. And I shook it three times and people were like, whoa, we got a ball game over here.

Look at him at that plate right now. What's the football coach doing at home plate with Brad? Goodness. You ever have the guys in like the public stall who like will go like double hands on the wall? Like, dude, how bad do you have to pee? Why are both hands just like you're praising the Lord? You got an air pod in your other ear that i can't see what's going on shine light and let the whole world see oh they're

gonna say pee oh yeah let the whole world pee yeah anyway i uh are the urinal noisemakers yeah it's like dude i we all have to pee that's why we're here are you trying to show me you have to pee more than me that That's just their release. It's like, man, I've had a rough day, you know, selling commercial real estate. And here I am, man. Finally get away from the old ball and chain. Yep. Grunt.

Yep. While I pee. How did we get there? From brushing your teeth. Productivity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Makes sense. Cool. Well, episode 41 has been a wild one. I feel like it got better and better. So sorry for the first 45 minutes. It was kind of slow. I'm not apologizing for that improvised story at all. That was amazing.

That was the best stuff we've ever put out. Brad, you want to hit him with a jingle to end this soad? Sure. The Ghost Runners pod, we have Jake and Brad, and we're here to say that every monday you can listen listen to us on the podcast and rate us five stars five stars yeah dude one d one d oh oh one d one d oh man well thank you for listening. The podcast has been growing a lot the last month. Once again, no clue why. We never really know. But thanks for listening. Thanks for following

us on Instagram, all the comments, all the reviews. We really appreciate it. And we think it's really cool that so many people want to listen to us talk and be dumb. Oh, we should. Okay. So Becca's left us voicemails last week. Sure. Who do we want this week? Who do we want to hear from? Maybe not names, but if, if you love to eat pizza, I'm just kidding. Uh, if you drive a car that is any shade of green, we want to hear from you. Green car, people, green car, people out there. And it has to have four wheels, four wheel car. That's green. And that's it. Yeah. Four wheeled green car people

send us a voicemail this week let's go link is in our description yeah awesome see you guys love you green green wheels too young too dumb to realize that i should have bought you flowers and held your hand. Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance. Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance. Now my baby's dancing, but she's dancing with another man.