Giggly Squad - Giggling about chaos goblins, jelly sandals, and double dates

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

Hannah made a bold decision and Paige is feeling existential. watch our youtube seriesorder merchsign up for our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Audible invites you to listen for the thrill. Escape the everyday with stories that leave you breathless. Whether it's heart-pounding suspense like the Audible original's 10 Rules for the Perfect Murder by James Patterson, or the downloaded with Brendan Fraser, or how about a fantasy adventure like Onyx Storm, or Amelia Hart's The Sirens, Audible has an incredible selection of audiobooks, podcasts, and originals all in one app.

Start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. If you're anything like us, you love attention. And my favorite way to get all eyes on me is with next level shiny, glossy hair. I'm talking hair so shiny, it's stopping people in the streets. No, seriously, it's giving double take, which is why we're so excited to tell y'all about the new LaMelaure gloss collection from the girlies at Tresemme. Gigglers, this is the shine we've been searching for.

I don't know how this LaMelaure technology works, but it's insane. And Gigglers, we've got you too because Tresmay partnered with us to bring you 1-800-GLOSS, a special bonus episode of Giggily Squad where Hannah and I give advice on all things hair and giving gloss. Check out the episode and grab the lamellar gloss collection today because I'm officially declaring this spring gloss season. What's up, gigglers? Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my Gretchen Wiener gigglers? That's a really good one. I just looked down. What the fuck is going on with your nails. I used subconsciously hid them You know, I'm going through a rough time You know when you're up late and it's like 1 a.m.

And yeah, I'm say this is pic I'm gonna stay up to like 1 30. Yeah, and then you're like, what's until 2? I'm gonna next you know, it's five AM. And you're like, why didn't I just get an early start on the morning? Yeah. You're like, Shannon, to some emails. No, I do that all the time. And then I fall asleep at like 6 AM till 10 AM.

Late is late, okay? That's what happened with my nails. They started to grow out and then I was like, well, they're grown out. And then I was like, okay, they're still grown. Look, my nails, can we get a close up if you guys are watching on YouTube? Yeah, cause it's just, I was like,

at first I go, she got tips, and then I was like, oh, she made her own. She's a homemaker. Now I'm embarrassed for my nail girl to see it. Jacqueline's gonna be like. Jacqueline, no, but you know what? Jacqueline doesn't judge me. No, she doesn't.

Jacqueline loves me for me, and that's why I love Jacqueline, and Jacqueline doesn't like talking to me, which is why I love Jacqueline. No, me and't. Jacqueline loves me for me, and that's why I love Jacqueline, and Jacqueline doesn't like talking to me, which is why I love Jacqueline. No, me and Jacqueline watch shows. Yeah, Jacqueline's like, you watch a show without me? She's like, we're on episode four, babe. Jacqueline will giggle while the show is on.

Wait, that's so true. What? Wait, we haven't seen each other in person for like two weeks, so we're like wild energy. Speaking of shows, let me just get into it right now. Yes, get into the shows. I always want to say real housewives, but no. What is it?

Secret lives of Mormon wives. Not so secret, by the way. It is, first of all, Hulu is just fucking crushing it. Shout out Hulu. No, truly shout out Hulu, because I feel like any time I'm like, I just need like a good TV show, and I'm like a sitcom-y girl. Hulu is really giving me what I need.

You want episodic. I want episodes. Layers and layers and seasons and series. You want to know what? I am going to compliment Hulu on that. I'm watching like a random detective show. Episodes, episodes, episodes for one season. Sorry Netflix, I don't want only-

Jump the shark, get me back. I don't want four episodes Netflix, that's actually not a season. Wait, period, it is so emotionally volatile to give me a four episode series and then never hear from that character again. Where are they, are they okay, has anyone checked on them?

Sorry, I'm waiting on a show from Apple since 2021. And when you have to wait for a show from Apple since 2021. And when you have to wait for a show for so long that you have to rewatch the season to know what characters' names are. I actually don't get that mad at that because I'm like, oh. Silly me. Yeah, like a new eight episode, like, nighter.

Do you know why my husband is a man? He listens to podcasts of his favorite shows. And I think that's like another level of nerd. Oh, like the after. If you want more. He's that person. Wow. You know, you're like, who the fuck is doing that?

I've always wondered that. And you know what, I feel like maybe me and you would, if we had jobs that we had to like go somewhere to, you know, like if we had to walk to work. If we had to go somewhere. I just lost all my senses. What? You said job and I was like, not even an ad. When I had a walk to work, if we had to go somewhere. I just lost all my senses. What? You said job and I was like,

not even that now. When I had a nine to five, and I would walk to work, I was on my podcast game. You were on your podcast game. Yeah, yeah. Not to speak about my husband, which on my last YouTube episode, you- Our last YouTube episode. On my part of the YouTube episode, my scene.

On my part of the YouTube channel. My scene. No, you literally. We need to start doing more confessionals next year. Yeah, we had to do professionals, but you started saying that I love my husband, which was fucked up and I wouldn't do that to you. I would never do that to you.

Even if you fucking told me you loved your husband, I wouldn't say that. You wanna know what? I got so many text messages being like, wait, it's so sweet how much Hannah loves Des. I have a Des story and I never tell Des stories. And I text it back and I go, ew gross. You know who's Des?

I was like, who's Des? So Des, I keep him protected, I keep him sidelined. Before you start this, cause this is actually about Des. Before you start a 40 minute story. I had to write a list of invitees for something. And someone said, what about Hannah's husband? Wait, do you know my bio?

At the end it says Hannah Berner lives in New York with her cat, Butter. And my mom was like, you have a husband? And I go, oh yeah, he probably won't come, but I guess we could throw him an invite. Wait, now I'm nervous that I'm invited to something. Now I'm scared. It's like nothing.

So Des shot another special at the Comedy Cellar. Now Des and I have a rule. I'm not allowed to come to special tapings because I bring, I'm a chaos goblin. I'm just kidding. Chaos goblin is my new word. I don't love it, but it might grow on me. You know some people are chaos goblin.

The word goblin, I just, it's so frumpy for me. You only want pretty words around. You got that word. It's not pretty, not cute. Is there a chaos angel? Yeah. An angelic chaos person. Gorgeous.

No, it just, he's basically like, I need to focus on the show and me coming just, he doesn't want, also he has a lot of jokes about me. And I said, you know what, I love that and I respect you and that's why I'm, I don't care that your friends are going, whatever, I will not go. I love you so much, you're not gonna see my face. So much.

We're divorcing. So I laid back and my man, he got dressed up. I said, it was like he was going after war. I said, good luck, babe. There's nothing like laying in bed and your man having to go anywhere. Oh my God, and he was like, oh, go. I even like, I put some powder on him

because he was gonna be on camera. I was his makeup artist and I said, you look great, get out of here. So he calls me after the first show and you know when you know someone well, that like their tone, you immediately know if something went well or not. And by his tone of voice, I was like, oh, he crushed it.

So when you shoot special, you shoot two shows typically, and they get edited together. But if the first show doesn't go well, that's a lot of pressure, because then the second show, you need to fucking nail. Does Dez ever take beta blockers? No, but I feel like I should start putting it in his drink just to calm the vibes.

Like if I know something stressful is coming up for him and like, yeah, drug your husband. I'm not a, I was just gonna say. It's not addictive, you can drug them. It's not weird. I'll just put it with his Advil. Yeah, it's fine. Which he's overdosed on. Someone should check that.

Ty and all. So he calls me and then he has the phone and like, we're not fun. Like we're not a fun couple. We're not like doing crazy things. Right, you're not like showing up in a bob, blonde bob named Angelica. Oh, we were bored so we took a trip.

Like we're not in a couple. Or like we didn't know what to do so we. Thank God, like we're not in a gumball. Or like we didn't know what to do, so we- Wait, thank God, cause I'm not that either. Oh, we're bored, so we went here for the weekend? Shut the fuck up. Do we plan full trips of what we would do if we wanted to go to Tokyo? Would we ever make it to Tokyo? Have we canceled flights to Tokyo?

Yes. We do that a lot. We want to- We're career women. Yes. We want the fun of planning a trip. Yes. But we're never gonna be able to go. Yes, I do that a lot. We want to. We're career women. Yes. We want the fun of planning a trip. Yes. But we're not, we're never gonna be able to go.

Yes, I love that. I took this month off. I've never worked more in my life. I know. I was like, guys, don't contact me for May. I'm freezing my eggs. They were like, cool, you have to be on a plane, you have to train.

I'm like, okay. You're like, I'm giving a speech tomorrow. I have a baby. You're like, I'm on the presidential ballot and I didn't know how this happened. So, I get off the phone and I think, would it be fucking crazy if I put on clothes, Dyson air wrapped, like a quick Dyson,

not like in depth. Yeah, not full-fledged. Full-fledged. Put a little lip liner and got in a cav and like watched his show and then when he got off, I'm there to be like, literally to be like Kylie Jenner with Timothée Chalamet at the Knicks game. You're just supporting.

I wanna, sorry, I wanna support my man. Like I can't always. You're literally giving Kylie right now, your tits are out. Wait, I was gonna say, are they distracting you? A little bit. Cause I'm wearing my lulam on top and it's giving. Yeah, like people forget that you have really good boobs. Cause it's the least interesting thing about me

and I want people to see my bad personality. You never show them off. I want them to focus on my multiple personalities instead. Like I don't think I've ever seen you in a top where I'm like, oh my God, Hannah's giving like tits tonight. I think it's cause I talk so much and I'm saying so many things that, Hannah's giving me tits tonight. I think it's because I talk so much and I'm saying so many things

that you can't get distracted by anything else. You also love your ass more. How did we get here? You know me. Why are you talking to me like a literal truck driver? Yeah, you love your ass. I'm more of a tits guy, but you love shaking ass. Sorry, I don't know why.

I've been feral today. I think it's because I'm losing all my estrogen. I'm back. You are relapsing. No, I'm fully relapsing. I need to say. My one week in my femininity, gone. Can I just say that you were the happiest

I've ever seen you be in the last two weeks to the point that I was like, are we even compatible as friends right now? Cause she's not criticizing anything. She's not grumpy. I was so happy. You're not complaining at all. And like, this is boring as fuck.

Anything bad that happened. I was like, and so is life. No, you stopped and you were like, wait, New York is so beautiful in the spring. She stopped, I complained about something and she goes, to be negative, what is that like? And then today on a call, I was like, how about this? How about everyone's fired

and you can lose my fucking number? See, I love you like this. I love when you're a little bit mad. I have more grapes, so let's keep going. Good. So I call my mom as you do. I'm just gonna do something without calling my mom on my own free will.

No. I literally am like, I have to run this by Lenore Burner. Wait, it's like a weeknight at like 10 PM. It was a school night. I said, Lenore Burner, I called her by her government name. I said, do I surprise Des? And her first response was, didn't he tell you verbatim he does not want you to be there tonight?

And I said, but does that mean he kind of does want me to be, you know when you don't know if your partner's trying to be like, yeah don't give me flowers, like is it like that? And she's like, you know what, I support this. And I'm like, okay if it goes bad, it's on you, Leonardo Bernard. So I get in the car and his show starts at 10,

the second show, and it's like 10.30. And also getting into the Comedy Cellar is hard. And obviously I'm a comic, but like there's so many security guards. And I got lucky. I just was like, I'm Des Bishops wife, which I've never said before. I was just going to say, have you ever said that before? But he was like, it's his night. So I was like, I don't have a name.

I just have these beautiful boobs and Des Bishops wife. You were a missus that night. It was like for a second, it was fun just being helpless. Yeah, like you were like, sorry, I have a sourdough at home. Yeah, I was like, I just need to find my man, I'm scared. That was my vibe and they said, go downstairs. I said, thank you. So I walked down the stairs and I'm standing there

and he's not on stage yet, which like, I'm like, oh shit, did I time it wrong? Cause the opener was still on stage, didn't know where he was. and a manager comes up to me and they're like, you can't stand her, ma'am. And I was like, that's Bishop's wife. Hey. I'm Des Bishop's wife.

Have you seen that video where it's like, I'm. It's like. It's like. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a.

It's like a. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a. It's like this TikTok video and it's this guy sitting in his car and this woman comes over and is like, you can't park there. I'm going to go get Ted Anders. He's like, okay. I don't know.

That was literally. You're like, I'm Desmond's wife. Everyone's like, we don't care. This is the line for the bathroom. Fucking move. Literally. So I'm standing there, and the guy's like, literally was like, I don't care,

and he like guides me in, basically, you can't stand here, ma'am, and I was like, don't call me ma'am. And then, Mrs. So he kind of shows me in, and I go, I'm Des Bishop's wife, and he goes, okay, well, Des is right here. She's so Des-ish.

You're like, that's weird, because this is Des Bishop's wife. Wait, did we just make this into a full second family exposing? Wait, I just pictured some redheaded woman that looks exactly like you, but she has an Irish accent. Oh my god, okay. This story isn't even that funny and I'm actually like, would you use an Irish accent? Oh my God, okay. The story isn't even that funny and I'm literally dead. I'd be so mad if his secret family got to see a special

and I didn't. Anyway, so Dez is sitting there and the one thing I was trying not to do is for him to see me, because I wanted him to see me at the end. So immediately he looks at me and he's like. Immediately he spots me. The first person I see is Desbishop.

And he goes, what are you doing here? Like when I came in, I was like, Desbishop's way. And he looks at me so disappointed. And he literally was like, you had one job, which was not to come to the day thing. And the manager's looking at me. Your dad's in your mom, you're like, abort. Abort.

It was like the one time I tried to be romantic and cute. Cute. Like it backfired so bad cuz he was like now I'm worried if you're having no I'll wait and then I was like I could leave like this was stupid And he's like I have to walk on stage right now, and I'm like let me make this about me really Moment of his life 10 times more nerve wracking. I am a chaos goblin. And when I tell you guys though,

my heart is in the right place. Like my heart is so fucking pure. All he wants to make that man happy. Have they ever made a man happy? No. Actually, do I ever want to make a man happy? No. And you know what?

At the end of the day, I'm does his lesson. And that's what I am. So. You're the north to his Kim. You know, what can we say? What can we say? What can we say? What can we say?

So he gets on stage and I'm sitting there and I realize like, if he does bad, It's on you. It's, I'm fully, it's fully on me. So I'm sitting there trying to enjoy it, but every second I'm like. You're like laughing really loud. I was laughing so.

I was. Now everybody. I'm like. You're like laughing really loud. I was laughing so, I was. Now everybody. I was like, da da da, shh, let's go. He does, I start crying laughing, like that's not even the funny part. You're doing like the opposite of heckling, you're like yelling. I started the wave and the crowd.

You're like, we love you, dads. No, I was doing the, woo. I was throwing him, and it went amazing. And then we got off the stage, and he's like, why'd you do that? And I was just like, I'm sorry, I hope you did amazing. So thank God he did amazing, and that's why you should stay home.

That's the moral of the story. And that's another lesson on staying home. Everything that's ever happened to me in my life that is bad has happened to me when I've left the house. And then anything that's happened to me that's bad in the house is me remembering things that happened outside the house. Or on my phone. And so I should start placing my phone

outside my front door. Wait, I don't know why, but the algorithm, it is like, remember Facebook, how they just recommend all your exes or people you don't like, and you're like, yeah, I don't follow them for a reason? That's how your algorithm is. Like I will mute so many things that I don't wanna see.

It finds me every time. It's like a fungus. That's how I feel about online shopping. Oh, like they keep recommending things you're like not sure about? Yeah, and like I said, I didn't want it anymore. Do you think you have a problem? Or do you think you're an entrepreneur?

I'm an entrepreneur, I'm doing market research. Do you feel a high when you do it? When I shop online? Yeah. Does it fill a void that you never thought you could fill? Yeah. Does it make you feel like? Better? Yeah. Yeah. So bring it to your local therapist because they're wrong.

It actually does make you happier. I find the buying is way more fun than actually having to put it away in your closet. You're distressed right now. Yeah. You're overwhelmed. You're inundated with things. I'm overstimulated, underprepared for life.

Yeah. Wow. What? And that's your autobiography that's spot on. How are you? I was just gonna say, let's start the pod. Now that we get the preamble over. We love a preamble. A preamble story.

We're preamble friends. Like when we first see each other. We need a warm up. Well we're like cats. We're preamble friends. When we first see each other. We need a warm up. Well, we're like cats. We sniff each other a little. We roll around. I have to think of the tea that I have. Oh my god.

You're bad at having tea ready for me. It needs to boil. I need to think. Yeah. Okay, new criteria for me, which I didn't know I needed. I need a cat dad. If a man doesn't like your cat. We don't like that man.

He can't take care of a cat, he just likes dogs. Like, I don't like that energy at all. We want a sensitive, beautiful soul because cats are about, you have to be aware of them. You have to be able to listen. And we love men who listen. And that's why Temptations, America's number one cat treat, is on a mission to show how resistible cat dads truly are.

This segment is brought to you by Temptations and Acast Creative. I love a cat dad. Actually, Butter did not like Des at first, and he fed her for seven months before she let him touch her. And that's called boundaries. I need to have those. Des actually connected with Butter with Temptations treats.

I feel like the day- That's how he connected with me too, by the way. Well, obviously. I feel like the day someone meets Daphne and she goes up to him willingly, that's my husband. Well, if he puts a T temptation to treat in his hand and they eat it off, it's like a sign of trust and it's beautiful. He kind of hands the ungrittled butter into his arms. A cat zaddy, if you will. A cat zaddy. Okay, I think it's a test for a guy. If

he gives your cat a temptation and the cat doesn't eat it, run. Run. Yeah. Your cat can sense an energy that you can't sense yet. Yep. And these are the things that matters in a man. Really? I'm just looking for a cat dad to like pick up Daphne's like litter. And I want him to like just pick up a cat toy for butter. Just like, not because it's her birthday, just cause.

Just because he saw it and thought Daphne would like that. Yeah. Yeah. If you guys have, have your very own cat daddy or cat zaddy, we want to see them. So DM us and show us a picture. Hashtag cat zaddy sighting. And let's be real.

There's nothing more tempting than a man. Who tries to earn the affection of your cat. I love it. Temptations is on a mission to make 2025 the year of the cat dad. And I'm so for it. I think it's going to make, it's going to give guys more green flags.

So celebrate the irresistible power of cat dads with T temptations. And if you have your own cat zaddy at home, make sure you hashtag cat zaddy siting on social so everyone can see them. Hey gigglers, it's that time of year again. The Sunrise Challenge is back and it's a fun, impactful way for you to do something to make mental health care in Canada better and to show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. CAMH is Canada's

largest mental health research center and hospital. The work being done at CAMH is helping transform the lives of people affected by mental illness and addiction and is building a future where no one is left behind no matter their postal code. By participating and raising funds you're doing your part to support a leading organization that is building better mental health care for everyone. Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca slash Giggly Squad to rise as one for mental health care. That's SunriseChallenge.ca slash Giggly Squad. Audible invites you to listen for the thrill. Escape the everyday with stories that leave you breathless.

Whether it's heart-pounding suspense like the Audible Originals 10 Rules for the Perfect Murder by James Patterson, or the downloaded with Brendan Fraser, or how about a fantasy adventure like Onyx Storm, or Amelia Hart's The Sirens. Audible has an incredible selection of audiobooks, podcasts, and originals all in one app.

Start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Okay, this is what I wanted to say about Mormon Housewives because we never never talked about it. We like praised Hulu, we had fucked Netflix. And then we talked about my husband. Yeah, and then we pivoted. It's so good. It's such a good show because I feel like because they're so new to reality TV, so they literally just say every single thought they've ever had. But you know, new to reality TV can go two ways, it depends on the group.

Well the whole group hates each other now. They've already, it's already ruined everything. Money has already gotten involved. Egos. Egos, who's bigger than who started it. But sometimes new reality TV people, because of the vibes, no one discloses everything because they're all protecting themselves.

But this one was kind of like, let's outdo each other is what you feel. By the way, I've never watched a second of this. Well, I think a lot of it has to do with being Mormon and being so, like they're so, they're so, yeah, suppressed, but also like, what is the word? Innocent? Yeah, like innocent where they're not like, I don't know,

Utah as a state is just so. Do they have air conditioning? I mean, they definitely have air conditioning. But I'm so fascinated by it. Truly not like hating or anything. I'm really so fascinated on how they have their culture. They don't get influenced by anything else in America. And it's like, but how do you not see it every day?

Because it's a cult. No, it's a full on cult. So I think part of like them getting attention is on like even a different scale because it's like. I also, I haven't watched it, but I love the idea that these women in their society are considered less than. Are now like independently becoming wealthy.

Well, they're, yes, they are. They're definitely, they out earn all of their husbands for a hundred percent. Some of their husbands stopped working, which I'm like, uh, put them back to work. Like, I don't know if they're all dating each other, but someone needs to look into that. But that's besides the point, because they truly do love every single girl on the show.

And I'm like genuinely rooting for all of them because they have certain scenes, like the one main girl, Taylor, I've never wavered on liking her or not, I've always loved her because her family sucks. Her parents are some of the worst people I've ever listened to on reality TV. No, I'm not gonna-

Because I love the girls, the older people. The way they spoke to this girl, that her boyfriend who she just had a baby with cheated on her and lied pretty much the whole beginning of their relationship, they literally told her that she deserved it because she had sex with him after like three times of hanging out.

And I'm like, literally go to anywhere in this, literally in the country. Like, what are you talking, I just felt so bad for her in that moment. And that's really honestly, oh my gripes. Taylor Paul Frankie, Taylor Frankie Paul. It doesn't, yeah. Three first names.

She's just like an innocent, she doesn't know. She's perfect, yeah, she's perfect. She literally doesn't know, sorry, she's like living her life and she's cute and she wanted to like dance around and have sex with her boyfriend. Also, he probably, he wanted it too. She forced it on him.

No, right, it's like he, that's the whole thing. Their whole mindset on what women are for and then the other one, there's another girl, her name is Jen. Her husband's got her in a whole fucking psychosis. I mean, she literally left the show because she couldn't, he's just the absolute worst. Well, what's interesting about what Hulu's able to do

is actually show the psychology of these relationships. I hate when reality TV, there's real shit going on, but they try to oversimplify it with a really basic storyline. But it sounds like they're really delving into these people's lives. Diving into their lives. Do you think this season's better than last season?

Because that was word on the street. No, I think, no I don't. I think they're both like pretty equal. There's just a lot of drama. How's Whitney doing? She's a little bit out of the drama because she had like just had a baby. And she needed to get on the bench.

She's kind of chill. They have like a new villain. Yeah. And she's kind of like chilling. But like no wonder they all become swingers. Like, and here's the other thing they say though. They say that like they hooked up with someone but they mean they like kissed. And here's the other thing, they say though, they say that they hooked up with someone, but they mean they kissed.

And so I'm like, oh, come on, guys. Right? I'm like, literally? You go, was it butt? Was it finger? Was it armpit? You gotta give me more details. Give me something.

Why'd I look at the camera? And so the fact that even them being swingers was the death to their families, they never even fucked each other's husbands. They made out with them and had sex with their own respective husband in the same bed. I'm like, big wall. That's called high school.

No, wait, that's called losing your virginity. Who cares? That's called a Tuesday. Unless you had sex with that woman's husband, I don't care. You did not even have sexual relations with that woman. Yeah, so it's just like, I feel bad for the women in general. I wonder if them seeing the feedback of the public now

is making them question their entire perspective on life. Yeah, because what's the moment, this is like a macro thought, what's the moment that you go from like, oh, my mom is teaching me this and I'm trying to rebel to then I'm gonna teach my daughter the same thing? You know, like what's that? I mean, I guess that's breaking generational trauma.

Yeah, I also think though they've been since the day they were born fed, like literally fed scripture, whatever they call it, the story. So like, you're brainwashed. They're also some of the most judgmental women I've literally ever watched. They're made for reality TV. It's all about religion, it's just, yeah,

they're made for reality TV. Yes, but it is funny, there's a lot of cults where there's a reason why you're not allowed to use your phone, you're not allowed to talk to your parents, because those are all, as someone who's obsessed with cults, those are all outer world things that can change your mind about what you're being brainwashed, washed.

Yeah. Sorry, I just got brainwashed. So you need to get those distractions out of the way so you don't question anything, and then you just become Mormon. I mean, if there's, I'm never joining a religion that limits my drinks, and not even alcohol, like I'm sorry. I can't have a diet coke, fuck off.

But they can do Adderall. I mean. Can they do betas? Yeah, no, they can do beta blockers. So they can do like. I'm sure they're doing drugs too. There's definitely some Mormons doing drugs. My thing is they just like get around

whatever the old school rules are, you know? Right. Can they do Ozempic? I'm sure. I'm not like drug tested at church every Sunday. You can't do a morning coffee, but you can do a Xanax? They were also talking about this whole thing where like, if you die and you were divorced,

like you're still bound to your ex-husband for the rest of your life. I'm like, guys, come on. We got real world problems happening. Let's talk about the here and now. When he dies, who was he? That's not my business. When it crosses my desk, we'll figure it out.

But like right now? How did the men who are dead have more power than women who are alive? Period. Oh my God. Period. That is so, where'd you hear that? You just made that up?

Marilyn Monroe. Oh. I'm just kidding. My new thing is quoting everything and up? Marilyn Monroe. Oh. I'm just kidding. My new thing is quoting everything and then saying Marilyn Monroe. I was doing it on the burner phone podcast. I said some quote and this was like, where is it from? And I go, Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe,

one of the two, I don't know. Oh God. Oh, can I have a mental health moment? Sure, cause then I have another thing I'm pissed off about. I know, this really didn't. I had a really good day the other week, I don't wanna brag, but you know when you wake up and like,

you've no one's shoes of thoughts, the world feels a little lighter. It's a slow morning. It's a slow morning. You know what happiness is? It's not when something good happens to you. Honestly, that is normally followed by a lot of stress. It's more when things are quiet.

No one's looking for you. No one's bothering you. No one's looking for you. You're more in the moment. You're like, oh, should we have a bagel? Yeah, I love that. That is what happiness is, and you don't realize it until too late.

That's how I feel when I light candles. And this moment is just even better. I feel like our whole life, we're trying to be successful and then you become successful and then you're like, how are you supposed to enjoy the little things? No, sometimes I'm like, will I ever feel happiness? I love you so much, it's so relatable.

Will I? Literally today I was like. Also, don't you sometimes get nervous that we've done so much stuff so quickly that it's like, will we ever have this, will I ever have the same dopamine hit while playing charades with Patrick Schwarzenegger, John Hamm, Jimmy Fallon, and my best friend?

I don't think so. You've never moved on from the one time I told you about Justin Bieber and how he burnt all his dopamine because he had too many big shows, you've never forgotten it. And look at him now. Okay?

And for good reason I never forgot it because look at him now. If you're going through a hard time, just know that at least you're not burning out all your dopamine and there's good things to come. But the truth is, yeah, happiness is you being able to exist. People have kids. Why?

Well, as someone who gave birth last week. I get that you get a fulfillment that's different than any like. I get where you get to a point where you're like, my life is fun, but I need something else. Like I need another, I've done what I wanted to do almost kind of thing where it's not at the forefront. It's also, because your brain is so used to chasing,

or you want to be proud of yourself when I actually do something that I'm proud of, your brain still doesn't know that you should chill out. So then it's like, okay, what else are we doing? Like, we're bad for each other because we're both so like, okay, but we did that, well, what's the next thing?

What's the next thing? But we both are very supportive. And I say, I'm proud of you, even though I know you worked way too hard on it and you didn't have to do that kind of thing, you know what I mean? What was your mental health? Oh, my mental health, I had a really good day.

And I don't know why. And it was just being, you were present. I was present, that was it, I was present, I was talking to my husband. Yeah. I literally, I asked my husband a question. Who knew? I asked him a question, I listened to his response,

I said something back, I was just in the moment, I wasn't lost in my thoughts, and I said, what a beautiful day. And like, what'd you do that day? I think I like, I played some tennis and then I just like, relaxed. I like wanted to socialize a little bit. Like I think like someone came over.

Oh, you were really having a good day. Yeah, we watched the Knicks game and I wasn't like on edge. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm healed from whatever illness I have. Go to bed that night. Get assaulted by my dreams. See, can't we just have a day? I said, the first assaulted by my dreams. See, can't we just have a day? I said, the first, my subconscious was like,

oh you shut me up all day? Bitch I'm coming for you. I literally had to write, I woke up and I was like, okay, I had a dream that my, I was shooting my next comedy special and I changed my outfit after the first show and they were like, you can't change your outfit, it has to be the same outfit for the two shows,

and I was like, well I don't have my other outfit, and everything was ruined. Hold on, you had a fashion group? No, it was actually more of a, cause I think I went to do the special taping, it was more of a special taping. This special taping really ruined your whole week. It shook me.

Oh yeah, and then they changed my makeup and they're like, you can't change the makeup. And I was like, we're fucking up this whole day. And then I had to go to a tennis tournament. We're triggered. This is the dark shit. Oh my God. And I was supposed to play and they were like,

you were supposed to check in on your phone. And I was like, I didn't know where the check-in was. Like how I forgot to click on. I'm surprised you didn't have sleep paralysis. I think I did, they were like, you got an email, and I was like, I never saw the email. I wake up and I was like, this is what I get? Yeah.

For shutting my mind off for one day? So like, what am I supposed to do? You know, that's interesting because I fell asleep the other day for like 15 minutes nap, like in the middle of the day, it was like 4 p.m. I had like a five o'clock call, I was like, I'm literally shutting my eyes. I woke up in a tizzy, as if it was that previous morning,

and I never got up and did the whole day. But I was like, oh my God. Have you ever lived? I literally texted my mom, I was like, I work so much and I woke up in the morning, and I was like, I thought that I missed the whole day. She was like, okay. Have you ever had a dream of everything

you have to do the next day and you do it and then you wake up and realize you haven't done any of it yet? Yeah, I used to have those in high school all the time. I used to have that with tennis where I'd play, I'd know I have to play a girl and I was really nervous about that specific girl, play the entire match against her in my sleep,

wake up and go, Jesus fucking Christ. Anyway, so any sleep, um. Wait, I would say that if I was on a team and like during practice. What would you say? I actually had a dream about this last night and I did it in the dreams, I don't have to do it today. Wait, so what are the rules about dream winning?

So when we were working on mental health. Okay, my gripe. Yeah, grate me, bitch. The amount of horror movies available to watch on streaming, it's enough. Who's watching them back to back? It's too much. For every drama, I don't need seven horror movies

being made. I feel like horror movies are like really easy to make. Well, they say that they're really cheap and that they don't get like accolades. Yeah, because they just find a haunted house that no one wants to film in. Yeah, during like award season, like horror films are like never, whatever.

Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, because they suck. Yeah. I hate horror movies. I don't, I just don't like- Because we already have adrenaline. That's what it is. I also, the beginning of a horror movie is the nicest, sweetest shit you'll ever see.

Like the first, you know the first conversation is always like the best day ever. And they're like, I love you mom. I hope nothing bad ever happens to us. And you're like, oh my God, just get to it. Get to the like, murder. Truly the last horror movie I saw was like Saw, and it was like in high school.

I saw Final Destination 3 and that was my final destination. How come in high school, like every time you would hang out with a guy, it would be a horror movie that you would like put on? No, why does that make guys horny? I don't know. We should look into that because that's not safe. Is it because they wanna be tough?

They're like, yeah, I'll protect you if you get nervous and they try to kiss you. Does violence turn them on? And should that person- And kidnapping? Yeah. Murder? Women yelling out of fear. I think we should look into that. Chris, did you ever take a girl on a date

to a horror movie? Why? Who told you that? Joe Rogan? Somewhere in between those two. Yeah, I think it's like, oh, she's gonna get scared. You're gonna like grab her hand. A guy took me on a date to see the movie The Happening, and it was supposed to be a scary movie,

or everyone dies. Amy Poehler and Paul Redd just talked about this when Paul was on Amy's podcast about movie theaters. When's the last time you went to the movie theater? So I wanna see Sinners at the movie theater, but again, we're not a couple that does stuff. It's not a horror movie. I know, it's not a horror movie.

Oh! What a movie to bring up at a time like movie. I know, it's not a horror movie. Oh! What a movie to bring up at a time like this. You're saying people who go see horror movies? Any type of horror movie, if you're leaving the home to see it, diabolical. Diabolical. If you're watching it in the home, like, cause that's your genre.

I'm also traumatized when I was at a tennis academy when I was 14, I was like, it was me and this one other girl and all these boys. And our night out was going to the mall in Florida because that's all they have to do in Florida. And they'd make us see a horror movie. And the guys would yell at the wrong times to scare me. And that's why I have high functioning anxiety.

I don't like being scared. Yeah. Like I like a prank. I love a prank. I think that's fun. I like a silly prank. But like if you're hiding and then you're gonna scare me, you're stupid.

No, it's low brow. It's so low brow. I close my eyes. I don't care. I close my eyes. I close my ears. I don't care that I'm 33. I'm doing that.

I'm closing my eyes and closing my ears. And I'm going la la la la la la la. I'm like, I'm hitting, I'm throwing bows. You're hitting people in the movie theater. If it comes down to it. If I have to. If I have to. If something scary happens you go, ah.

Yeah, a hundred percent. No, I'm close, also if there's any violence I close my eyes. Why would I succumb? Yeah, me too, that's how I feel. Like I can't watch some like mafia movies, like when they get beat up I'm just like, oh That's how I feel like I can't watch some like mafia movies like when they get beat up I'm just like No, I know. I'm like you already hit him three times. Why do you have to hit him again?

Why wife? No, yeah, like I had to close my eyes. I feel like through a lot of the Sopranos. Yeah, I was just like I can't Wait, let's talk about my egg freezing for a quick second because I feel like people don't talk about this part of it. You gain weight when you're doing it, obviously, because your ovaries literally get bigger. So I gained seven pounds of bloat and water weight. Of ovary.

Of ovary. Those ovaries are fat. I mean, I may have been snacking a lot. For the baby. While it was happening. You go, I'm eating for two. I'm pumping up my ovaries, you wouldn't get it. I love saying I'm eating for two.

But like I knew, like that weight is like going to go away. Like in then like certain like two weeks, like my body literally like the hormones have to like dissipate and all that stuff. So like I wasn't like that stressed about it that I had like gained seven pounds, but I definitely was like, oh shit, like I gained seven pounds. Did he tell you, did the doctor tell you to weigh yourself?

Yeah, they tell you, no, no, no, but they tell you. Cause you don't have to weigh yourself. I don't think anyone advises that. I would have been. But I wanted to know like how much. You're fluctuating. Yeah, it was gonna make me gain. So I, after, I just have this thought where I was like,

okay, I know it's the weights going away and I know I don't really have to do that much because it's just water weight. After you have a baby. As someone speaking with experience. No, here's the thing. In that moment that I was like, but I felt gross. I was like, okay, I can't like put makeup on.

Like I just feel disgusting. This is not my body. Like I just, you do feel like a little odd because like then your hormones are going crazy. Once you give birth and you are in the state that you are in, like this baby's just come out of you. Your stomach's still huge because it doesn't go away overnight.

You're a vehicle for a living thing. Your vagina's destroyed, like you're six weeks till anything even can see down there. But it sucks back in, it sucks. Totally. It goes, shh. Right. That's what the sound it makes.

I can imagine that in that moment, you know if you married the right person or not. Oh, mic drop. Because I had a moment where I was like coming off of it. My hormones were crazy. I didn't, I felt disgusting. I just like, everything was annoying me. So I'm so interested.

Like after you have a baby, how many women, no, obviously it's not like overnight, like, oh, I married this person, I love him, and then when I had a baby, I hated him. But I wonder how many people had the thought before they got married of like, I don't know if this is the right guy. And then right when they had a baby, it was like, this is definitely not the right guy.

It's literally post-baby clarity. Yeah, like you were at post-baby clarity. You're at like your most vulnerable form of of, my body just went through trauma. Yep, I need someone to love me for me because I don't look the way I know myself to look. And take care of me. No, well that's why I think when people say, oh, we were struggling so we want to have a baby

to bond us closer, it apparently makes it worse. But if your relationship's strong, it makes it stronger. But babies will expose the fuck out of it. I want my husband to know exactly what one got me pregnant. You know what I mean? I want it to be loving. I want it to be like. Not to bring up my husband again.

But I got fired this weekend. From your marriage? Yeah, he fired me because he has this thing where like, you ever like Well, wait, yes. Yes. Yes. You are both type B. You very type B. Thank you for setting that up Yeah, let me set the stage. I was watching TV in my zone in my nook You know when you have a part of the couch, you know, yeah, don't bother me. Yeah, he you lay on a weird axis Yes. Yeah, I'm but I'm like a laid-out like it's a bed

Yeah, it's a long part of the couch Well, if you get a couch and you're not treating it like a second bed like people that just sit on their no People who sit up people who watch TV leaning forward know like sometimes I'll see Instagram stories and I'm like How are you working with that couch? Sunday with that the fancy as couches and you know, yeah. You're not like, you're not napping accidentally. I wanna fall asleep the second I hit that couch. So, I sense movement from him, which is irritating. Never good.

I said something. He's had a thought. Something's happening. So he, we've been trying to add this like, end of this couch for a while, fix the end of the couch. We've had weeks to do this. Suddenly he's excited and feels energy to do it. And that's great for him.

I didn't consent to it. I wasn't mentally prepared. But he's trying to be like strong and do it on his own, but like he's grunting and he's like figuring it out. So then I'm like, okay, well, he's very mad at me about the specials. Maybe I should. Should I lend a hand?

So then I do the nice, do you need help? And he goes, actually, and I was like, oh no. Oh no. Walked right into that one. And he's already like nosing and out of it, and I dive in and like, I'm not doing that great of a job. And honestly, I had a little attitude. Yeah.

I was like. And also, you didn't care. Also, I didn't want to be there. Also, I never got hired officially. You're like, also I want to go home, and this is our home, it's just not. So he was like, no, you gotta change how you do it. And I go, I don't, be there. Also, I never got hired officially. You're like, also I wanna go home. And this is our home, it's just not. So he was like, no, you gotta change how you do it. And I go, I don't, and I was being mature and I walked off.

Wow. I had to walk off. But. So chic. And then I come back and I go, cause we do this weird thing in our relationship, which I say sorry sometimes, which I don't recommend. Oh my God. But so I said, babe, I'm sorry. I don't know who that just was.

I'm back with you. Let's do this couch. It's us versus the couch. It's us versus the couch. This couch doesn't know what's gonna hit it. Babe, it's me and you versus the world. This couch has never met the bishops. The bishop burners.

So I, two minutes in, I'm mad again. I'm mad again. You're like, I retract that statement. This couch is fucked. I had that moment where, you know it's bad when you have to check your Flow app. And I go, when am I getting my period? Because I'm starting to feel a little.

And when are you gonna be? It was four days away. And I go, actually I take back my, I take back my scholarship, I come back in the room and I say, actually I take back my, I take back my dollar sheet, I come back in the room and I say, actually I am PMSing, it wasn't me either. Actually one more thing about the couch, so here's what's happening. And that's why I'm-

What's wrong with the couch? How does a couch break? It didn't break but it was one of those couches that you could like connect and expand it and we had like kind of put, it was all- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to like click the thing. I know what you're talking about. And like honestly, not my thing.

Yeah. Not where I thrive. You're also like, oh, I must have forgot when I went to engineering school. I am a creative, I didn't play with Legos, I was drawing, I was doing murals, I was sculpting. Yeah. So anyway, I survived to tell the tale, but it was funny.

Okay, question, because it's interesting that you both are type B, but you don't get like annoyed with each other because it's like... I think that's the key if one of us was type A. Yeah, it'd be too much. But we'd also, I think it would work if I was with a type A guy, as long as he didn't get annoyed.

Like he liked cleaning. No. Which our moms do. Yeah, but for us. For us, but like I've had guys where like, they're like, oh, this is just how I, I'm my busy time and I like to clean. And like you're a yapper like in general, but then you have quiet time. Yeah. Is Dez a yapper?

No. No. So we'll be quiet together. It's you yapping and him being, no, I'm quiet. He's quiet. She goes, you don't speak. No, we, we're very, we've been trying this new thing where we're living apart and we're not talking. And it's working great. No, our thing is we're so- I'm like, don't have a baby, you will have yours. No, but we're very like, some days are less talkative.

I think that's marriage. And I'm thankful for that. Like today, I used to early on, I'd be like, are we? Can I tell you something you told me about marriage? Me over here, not married. You told me something about marriage and I think about it all the time. And every time I meet someone

or I'm hanging out with someone, I think about like, it's not the fun stuff. It's not the cool stuff. It's not the vacations, it's not the like, what are we doing this weekend, where are we going to dinner? It's literally waking up in the morning, both being home that day and how does it, are you-

How do you navigate the day to day boring shit? Are you cohesive together, do you think the same things are funny, are you gonna take a break and like make out and like be cute or like? And so I think about it all the time. Well, especially when all you see is social media being like that couple's fun.

When it's like, yeah, but day to day, the reason people break up is not cause like of normally a big thing. It's normally just like the day to day isn't working. It's the idea of when you leave that person, do you feel energized or do you feel like your life is sucked away? And Des and I, all we do is laugh,

but like we have to be on so much. So it's a lot of like, we get back. It's literally like me and you. He like, he's gonna come home from a podcast too. He's gonna see me, he's gonna be like, what are we ordering? What are we watching? What more do we need to talk about?

No, a dream. But then, when the gossip comes, the hard part about marriage is, look, I ran out of material. I ran out of stories, and he will call me out. He'll be like, you told me this three times, and I said, let me have a moment. Let me live in this performance. I've added some new adjectives and I've spiced it up.

I'm nervous that I'm gonna get married and we're gonna run out of gossip, because we're gonna, you don gossip. Cause we're gonna- You don't. Okay, good. Because you have friends doing stupid shit around you. Okay, thank God. Yes.

But we were talking to us about how we don't have like married friends. We've allowed to like, I've lost single friends. He has a lot of friends with like full families. So it's kind of like us on our own. You don't have like a couple that you're like, let's call the Smiths. We should, we should.

And we talk about it a lot. Like we're like, let's double date, let's double date. This is fascinating because it's a very particular couple that is going to dinner with you guys. We talked about it on burner phone. Don't you feel like if you're, the girls have to decide, like two men can't be like, let's bring our girlfriends.

Like I don't trust that. No, that's like sex trafficking. I'm actually terrified of that. Men will be friends with anything. No, if a man texted me and said, we're going to dinner, like me and Jim fucking set it up, I'd be like, is there a gun in the bathroom? Because it's not sounding safe. It's not sounding safe.

Men will also bond over anything. They'll throw something in the garbage and then he'll throw something in the garbage. You like throwing stuff in the garbage and be like, do you wanna be my best friend for eight years? Where girls, it's not like that. So the girls have to connect. Sometimes though, girls can meet

their long lost best friend through being someone's girlfriend. And look, if you're a blind squirrel, find a nut. Right. And I'm happy for, they're the exception, not the rule. Yes. Like usually it's like, okay. Yes, yes.

But the double date, the fun part, is the gossip after you leave. And then you judge and you go. They hate each other. Or they love each other. I actually see your core couple that you guys go to dinner with is a lesbian couple. That's so funny you said that because that's absolutely what we do.

Lesbians love Des. Lesbians are weirdly attracted to Des because he has blue eyes. You know blue eyed guys are kind of pretty. And he's pretty. Yeah, they love Des. And then, because he's giving, he's giving straight Anderson Cooper.

Yes. And then they love me and I love them. We love it, we love the tailors. We love lesbians. We love lesbians. I don't know enough, honestly. I don't actually have enough lesbians in my life. Well look, you have all the gay men and I have the lesbian women.

And you know what? Together, they hate each other. I do love that rivalry. Like, what is it that the gays and lesbians are like? I think because lesbians want nothing to do with men. We love speaking in huge, generic stereotypes. love talking about things I've never experienced, like marriage, babies, giving birth, having a husband, being gay. I love it.

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You put down jelly flats. What of it? Is that for reals? Yeah, for reals. Like for realsies? Listen, Miss Croc. I really. No, no.

I'm allowed to do Crocs. That's on brand, that's my thing. Okay. Jelly sandals? Here's the thing, Hannah. I love a trend. Like I'm gonna try it. And if a major designer makes a jelly sandal,

I'm finding the fricking dupe and I'm buying it. Who did it? I forgot. Say it with your chest next time. I literally, I forgot. I believed you though. Someone did. Wait, so it's a trend.

Chloe maybe? Okay, it's a trend. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's giving ballet flat and it's giving. It's giving ballet flat. It's also like, it's a trend. Chloe maybe? Okay, it's a trend. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's giving ballet flat and it's giving- It's giving ballet flat. It's also like- It's giving you step in one puddle? You're fucked.

It's not a trend that's staying. It's not a timeless classic trend. What color are you doing? That's why I like, I don't think that those are designer brand purchases. Those are Amazon purchases. Like a ballet flat is also a trend, but that's actually a timeless shoe.

So like if you're spending on a ballet flat, I would say that more than the jelly flat. Jelly flat is fun to say. 100%. And it also is a good conversation starter. Also it is giving limited to and nostalgia. Yeah. Do you remember those sandals that were like marshmallow?

Do you remember the ones that were like literally a cloud? Sandals that were marshmallow. They were like this thick. And like candies made them? Yes, and then they would rip and then you'd have to put a bandaid over it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, that's so funny.

Now you've lost me. Was it a flip flop? Yes. But around your toe, like the thong where your toe went, it was like terry cloth. Maybe. They were like massive platforms. Yes, but like fluffy, like a, I don't know.

I need to Google a picture now. I think I know what you mean, but also I don't know if I know what you mean. I didn't find it, but like it looked like this. Do you remember those? Okay, yeah, but like from like not that long ago? Like from when I was in like seventh grade. Oh, no, I don't remember them then then.

I also think that like Gen Z's, I have to commend them, but I'm also kind of angry at them that like they've made pimples cool. Like they put this, it's almost like if you don't have a star on your face, you're like a loser. Well, there's so much more like skin focus. Like we didn't have, we weren't like doing things that were good for us.

Do you know what we were doing? Like I just started using an eye cream, like what? We did Proactiv. Yeah, I actually did. I did Proactiv. And then you'd put like, you'd cover your pimples up with like the, I had the seven step routine or whatever. And their commercials were so long.

Yeah. And it was like the first time it was like, you saw a dermatologist. What is a dermatologist? No, I had, and it was. And it was two women. It was fucking two dermatologists. So yeah, we had to use Proactiv back in the day.

And there was definitely one that I was like, that's ciphering off my skin. It was also like, if you had acne back then, it was like, go home. Right? We're like going. You're a teenager, you're supposed to. Out of the house.

The reason why I'm not good with skincare right now is because I don't care how good something is. If it smells funny, I don't want to wear it. You also have like a sensory thing. Are you saying I have problems? No, I'm saying that like, you don't like, like you're not putting, you don't like a lot of makeup on. So like I get, so like skincare is sticky and it's oily

and it's greasy and your hair sticks to it. Yes. And that is like. And you love that. That's my dream. I'm like, I want to go to bed looking wet. I'm getting claustrophobic. No. You know? Yeah. Listen to me, if it my dream. I'm like, I wanna go to bed looking whacked. I'm getting claustrophobic. No, yeah. This thing, if it smells nice, I like it, but this one dermatologist was like,

this, it's gonna change his name. And I bought it, too expensive, I got upset. Be a la chic? Bless you. I go, did you just say a slur at me? You can't call French people that. You can't call French people that. It was this, I forget what it was,

but she was like, this is what you need. It'll solve literally all your problems A to Z. And I said, great, I'm committed. And she's like, promise that you're committed. First time I put it on, I said, I don't like the smell. See, can't put it on. I love that, cause I'm like, it's working. There's something.

If it's burning, I'm like, it's just working really good. No. You're like, oh, it's over performing. You're like, actually, if it burns, it's not good. I don't like those lip things that tingle. I can't focus on conversation when my lips are tingling. Yeah, see, I love that. And then I think everyone's looking at my lips tingle.

Yeah. And it's distracting everything. How do you function when your lips are tingling? I just love it. You love it? I love anything beauty related. I'm very vain. Yeah.

Anything that I feel like is gonna make me look better, I'm like, I don't care if it hurts, smells, or kills me, I'm trying it. You know, I don't talk if it hurts, smells, or kills me. I'm trying it. You know, I don't talk to the internet, and I don't get involved in gossip. However, there was a post. We're only talking, we're only speaking on our podcast that we've had for the last five years.

There was a post that came up on my feed because I know I care about you, but it was like saying what work you might have had done. No! I know, Paige. No. I was this close to commenting. They didn't like confirm anything, but they were like.

Well obviously not. They were trying to match right for you. No, wait, what did they say I had done? It was a photo of you from like a while ago. Okay. And a photo of you now, and like your eyebrows are like slightly different and you're like, we're in a little, but it's funny,

two photos of me next to each other, I feel like. I did see this and I know that photo haunts me literally, it was like I went to Sirius XM like one day, my first summer of summer house. By the way, sometimes you do press, you don't know there's a Getty photographer there. I was also like, where did you find this picture on the internet?

That's a crazy picture, I was also 25 and I did you find this picture on the internet? That's a crazy picture. I was also 25 and I was smiling. My lips, it didn't look like my lips were thinner. And in the picture next to it, I was like, that's a Photoshopped like picture from somewhere. Also you had like full glam, but it is fun. There was a moment I almost, I almost got in the comments. I never do that.

Well, cause someone was like, you know, get this, why they stopped talking about getting work done. They probably started to get work done. You guys know this. That bitch, who was that? I don't know, I don't know. But I do have to say, for however vain you are, you haven't gotten a facelift yet.

And you know Kris Jenner's been looking good. No, that, what is that facelift? I'm getting that. Tell that lady in the comments to wait 10 years. No, that what is that facelift? I'm getting that Totally in the comments no wait 10 years I did say adding that put to put my face in a photo of me from the morning and the night It looks like I got plastic surgery The only I'm not not getting plastic surgery. Yes, I'm like I want to be better than people and like I'm this is like the stance I'm taking yeah, not at all. I. And like, this is like the stance I'm taking. Not at all.

I would love to inject myself with some shit. My thing is I'm too scared about doing the research of who I should go to because I genuinely don't trust anyone. I've gone to some of the best dermatologists ever. I've gone to some of the best doctors. And guess what? They've all like fucked up certain things

because they're all humans. And it's just one thing I'm not ready to gamble on yet. Do you know who you can trust? God. Yep. And God made you perfectly. Imagine if Giggity Squad turned into like a religious podcast. A faith based podcast. And that is why.

Like one day we were just like actually. And that is how. The cookie crumbles. In 1113. Meso diet said go across the water and get the fish. And when you question, how do I get that fish, you get that fish, because that's what I said. I know we could have been religious without being southern.

I don't think it goes that way. I don't think I think you go full Joel Osteen. We. If you're quoting scripture, you better have a twang. Can I say something controversial? You know I never want to out a man. Joel Osteen's gay. Well, I don't think we need to out him.

I think anyone with general common sense and two eyeballs. Unless you're doing standup, which still could be gay. If you're a man that wants to get on stage and perform to that extent, Joel Olsteen. No. Joel Olsteen. Comedy is the only time it's excluded. The only time.

Because I'm also laughing. Yes. If you're a man getting up anywhere on a platform You may not even have a microphone in your hand and you're speaking to the people about anything Shut the fuck up and you like I understand presidents are men which you know That's an issue. But a lot of time a woman wrote the speech, you know, they're just reading a speech with the speech, you know? They're just reading a speech a woman wrote. I was like, what are people here for?

What are you guys all here for? That's why we love Chris. Chris is sitting, listening to us. His only job is to sit there and listen to us. And he laughs. And he laughs, and he learns, and he grows. And he learns, and most importantly, and he learns. And as Marilyn Monroe would say,

live, learn, grow. One final thing, by the way, I did a photo shoot with Glamour, a la Paige Sorbo. You looked gorge. Thank you. Where was that? It was like in a hotel. And I ended up in the bathroom as I do.

We were like trying, I was like, guys, we're going to the bathroom. That's your brand. But they're funny, they're like, let's not do the toilet stuff. And I was like, okay, I respect that. I respect your brand. But they're funny, they're like, let's not do the toilet stuff. And I was like, okay, I respect that, I respect this. I respect your brand.

The quote. I mean, there's nothing more humbling than a brand telling you that your brand is too crass. They're like, maybe if you could not. I'm like, oh! So you don't like the way my mother raised me. I was wearing Chloe and Tabitha, my size, was looking at me and I was looking at the toilet

and she's like, don't do this. Don't do this to us. She goes, we've been doing so well. We've been doing so well and the fashion community is starting to take notice. And you're like, what if I just? Well, I was actually, oh, I wore Michael Kors too. Yeah.

Haven't heard from him yet. Yeah. But like, it was such a great article written by Stephanie McNeil, shout out. One of the quotes that was pulled, I was reading it and I was like, Hannah, you made zero sense in that quote. It basically was like, just make sure that you're being you

and you will always know that you can be you if your question who you is, then you is you. Put it on a shirt. Marilyn Monroe. You know, every time you read yourself in an article, you're like, no, that doesn't make sense. Yeah, I can't. Well, you can't read anymore.

Yeah. Any updates? We had special merch that we were selling on tour that was only on the road. You could only get it when you went to a club gigly show. We've now realized we wanna make it available for the public because the tour's over and we loved it. So we're adding some inventory

and it's now available at gagliesquad.com. Also not to add to the chaos. I don't know why I was gonna say, or wherever you get your Gagliesquad merchants, like literally one place. People sell a lot of it. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Also I'm announcing my tour is going on sale.

Wait. I'm going on tour. Can we talk about your fucking tour poster? I haven't even officially dropped it yet. Well, I accidentally DM'd someone else because I thought I was DMing you. Someone posted your tour. Oh yeah, some of the venues are promoting it.

Yeah, and I go, oh my god, stunning. And then I realized that it was just like, I was like, sorry. So like, wow, she's really hyping your friend up for like other people. She goes, wait, how good looking does my friend look in this photo? They literally thought I was DMing you.

That was the first, well, like, yeah, the first time I did, I've done like a full promo for a tour. No, I loved it. I did the extensions, did the suit. The extensions are your different. It's called the None of My Business Tour. I love it. It's definitely more personal.

I talk about how it came to be. And yeah, it's every city pretty much. Ever. Are you laughing? I didn't know what the pitch was. How I, this is. It's every city that exists. Every city ever that ever was made.

That anyone's ever been to. Yeah, including, I'm going to Nebraska for the first time. I thought you were gonna say Alaska. And I was like, I actually think that's one you can sit out. Like, are you kidding? They don't even have, with New York in the state that it's in, we can't. We love you guys.

Oh, lastly, our YouTube episode just dropped. When we went, it was one of my favorite episodes. Yeah, me too. We learned how to play baseball. I was very into you as a player making it big. You weren't into it, but you love your outfit. I love my outfit so I had a great time. And you could do Hick Kitten Hills or anything

if you believe in it, Marilyn Monroe. Last thing. We should start off the by going last thing. Last thing. This is actually the last thing. You know how I went and spoke at my college and then it closed? Yes.

I'm going to speak at my high school tomorrow, so let's just say a prayer that doesn't close after. St. Anthony, St. Anthony. Wait, I'm so excited for you. I'm so excited. They're doing, they're like seniors seniors get inducted into the alumni. And so this one senior reached out and asked me if I would be your sponsor.

And so I made these little PR gifting boxes to give four of the girls that I meet. It's so cute. Wait, you're so cute. Also, tell the Gen Z's to say hi. Yeah, I also haven't been back to my high school since the day I graduated. Wait, you're gonna get a weird feeling.

What I remember is it's so much smaller than you remember it. Not that they were that much taller than we were, but the school felt huge. It's like when you walk into a kindergarten class, you're like, this is my cubby. I'm like, why is this door so low? The toilets are tight.

That's the principal, I'm like, you're so short. No, it's gonna be so much fun. I hope that the school doesn't get canceled. Thanks for getting with us. We love you so much. Bye. ["The Thrill"] Audible invites you to listen for The Thrill.

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