Giggly Squad - Giggling about cortisol, choking, and bidets

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Paige made a life changing discovery and Hannah is a sex therapist. subscribe to our newslettershop merch Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. What's up, my grisly gigglers? We're back. Two episodes a week is like, I'm in a K-hole. I'm in a giggly k-hole.

I'm going to be honest. At first, I was like, are we going to be able to do it? We have crazy schedules. We're tired. We have so many excuses for anything. And it's, I don't know how we weren't doing. I have so much to say. We would forget things.

So by the time it would. was a week i'd be like starting from zero let me start oh you begin you haven't said anything about my god-awful hair color because it's made up in your head hannah this top layer is black you're no better than a man i know you really aren't this top layer is black she goes i'm a dark dark dark brown and this is light black i'm a chestnut you're a chestnut i'm chestnut under here yeah and here is black why don't you just embrace your megan fox moment You look like a Kardashian. Okay, fine.

I have some hot takes. Okay. I'm so sick. And tired. And tired of motherfuckers when I'm in a public restroom. Oh my God. We're changing the name of this podcast to just Hannah shits. My life is in the bathroom.

Hannah talks about and also her shitting. My life is just one trip to the bathroom with breaks in between. Now, this is just a gripe I have that I need the public to know about. What is with people trying to break the fucking door down when it's clearly locked? Like, you know, there's two types of people when you don't know if it's open or not. Is this multiple stalls? Multiple stalls. This is also when it's just like you're in a coffee shop and there's one bathroom.

When you go to check if it's locked or not, you don't need to fucking, like, have a full-time, like, kidnapping situation. Just lightly press it up and down. So you're saying the initial door they're banging on, not your store. stall door. But even the stall door, when they try to open it, it's like they like aggressively, like if I push it hard enough, they'll pop open. Like, just lightly push and you'll know if it's locked or not. I'm sitting there in a hostage situation.

Someone banging the door down and it's like clearly it's locked. You like put your leg up to like keep the door. Yeah, that never happens to you where you're just having a peaceful poop and out of nowhere you're getting assaulted by someone trying to open the door. What happened to a light tap? That's never happened to me. Well, you don't go to public restrooms. No, I have, but I'm not in there long enough.

I feel like for people to be like, what's going on in there? So you're saying that I'm actually thinking. No, but I feel like I'll get in. They're called the manager at this way. They're like, something's going on in there. Someone's trapped. But I feel like I have bad luck where I'll be like, okay, this is my one time of solace during the day going in this restroom, locking the door at peace, and immediately someone's knocking.

And I'm like, I just got here. Okay, actually. And now I'm on the countdown. I have a quick bathroom thing that might change your whole life. I got a new toilet. This toilet has a bidet. It has a dryer. The seat is heated.

It washes for, it essentially does. I don't think I can go back. I can only go to the bathroom in this one specific toilet. And that's it. Well, they do say not using a bidet or not using like a wipe is like flossing without brushing your teeth. Well, now I'm like, why aren't these in everyone's home? This is disgusting.

Because we're not Japan. Because America's behind. I started on my squatty potty. That's like my favorite. You still have the squatty potty. Of course. I've had it for like six years. We go to the bathroom differently. I mean just tell you that. I've lit a candle. Yes. Yes. I've had, I have classical music put your phone on. Do Not Disturb.

Like going like God. What a great way to start Friday. episode. You were talking about something earlier and I want to bring it back up because I had something to say about it. Yes. And it was Harry Styles. Yeah. What was your question? Well, I said, what do we think about Harry Styles? Because I have some Genzi correspondence that tell me what's going on. He's coming back to MSG. Tickets are like $1,000 each. I did an Amazon Live yesterday and I had a girl right in like, oh my God, are you going to get tickets to Harry Styles? And I was like, no. I didn't even know Harry Style tickets. gets fun on sale. I didn't know. Does he have new music? I have no idea. Oh, he has a new album. This is the thing. We weren't One Direction Girls. I'm not a fan. He's there Justin Timberlake

before. Justin Timberlake is what he is now. There's no one in the world I'm a fan enough of to stand in a queue. Okay, are you British now? No, because like when you go, like if you go on and you buy a Gigley Squad ticket, you're getting a Gigley Squad ticket. You're not fighting the other people. Like I've never gone on. I've never set a timer like Ticketmaster is putting these on now. Let me go stand in the queue like virtually and wait. What do I look like? You know what I do respect though?

And he's like, yeah, I'll go on tour but I'm only doing it in one place. You come to me. I actually, I think that's so efficient. It's so fuck boy of him though. Be like come to my house or don't. Send me an Uber at least. My thing though is like with him dating Zoe Kravitz. I wouldn't have seen.

the jump from Channing Tatum to Harry Styles, but also none of my boyfriends have ever looked similar. See, all of mine look exactly the same. Oh my, oh my gosh. Wait, I've actually never... I want over 6'2 with blue eyes and I'm done. We're good.

I've never mentally looked at them all in a lineup, but yeah, mine is like... All over the place. And, I mean, the range you have, babe, it's incredible. If you put mine all in a line, you'd be like, what weird circus is there anything similar? definitely not sense of humor, definitely not intelligence, definitely not height, definitely not.

You know what I've reverted back to, the type of guys I dated in high school, which were my favorite kind. Which were your favorites. You bring it up every day. You go, good morning to you and to my favorite boyfriend that I dated in high school. Well, honest, that's like in TikTok where they're like, who was your crush when you were little? I got, that's like kind of what I've gone back to. My crush when I was little, like the first time I had like an experience. experience where I was like, I think I want to have sex with this guy, was in the movie,

um, 10 Things I Hate About You. And it's not Heath Ledger. It's the other guy who's like the asshole, but he has like dark hair. Yeah. What is his name? See, I'm Heath Ledger. That's why we're best friends. And that's that I would say, was like my first sexual awakening.

Did you like the guy and bring it on who was the brother? First of all. No, I thought he was gay. Yeah. young age I go, you're a guy. And you know why you're not obsessed with Harry Styles? Because he wears a scarf. Do you want to know why I didn't like that guy?

He wrote her a song. You hate that? Oh yeah, he had a guitar. And then she played it in her room. I was like, okay, unrealistic. This is disgusting. All my boyfriend's exactly the same, except some are more narcissistic than others.

And I just had to find, like, a guy who had enough ego deaths. Very different personality. None of your boyfriends have had the same personality. Well, one thing I'm proud of women for is when they, like, have a gorgeous man and they're like, yeah, but he's boring. See, I could stay with a gorgeous man for years because I entertain myself. I just kind of need him to physically be there. I'm no better than a man. I'm just like, you are an accessory to me because I'm overwhelmed with what's going on with me.

I don't need your own life coming into mine. My thing was, you would have thought I was trying to go into therapy for college with the type of men I've dated. And I feel like now I'm like, what's best for my cortisol? And that's how I'm picking. I feel like there needs to be a cortisol check when you're dating a guy. And if it goes over it, it's just women in stem. It's just science.

You can't date him because your unregulated nervous system. Your 20s, you're like always unregulated. But by your 30s, you're like, we need to regulate something. If I'm waking up in the middle of the night thinking about something in my 30s, I got to get out of it. I hate to say this, but like if I'm not eating, at first it's fun. At first you're like, we're detoxing. Yeah. But if I can't eat, that's a serious problem.

That's when my mom pulls me aside. And she's like, you didn't eat your bolognaes? The henna, I know. Would have had seconds, thirds, and fourths. The second I can't eat a pasta because there's a man in my life that's making me nauseous. Yeah. I need to get rid of him. See, when that hits, I'm like, let me stay one more year.

Really get this body right. He's just got to not respond two more times and I'm at my goalie. Can I say one? more thing about men. I had this epiphany with actually Ali on the road. No men are assistants. No straight men. If you wanted an assistant and a straight man walked in the room, you'd be like, oh, I'm looking for someone to help me. Men don't help you. One time when I was like looking for assistance, I like gave a criteria and they were like, okay, Paige, that's illegal. We can't. They can't be an age range. You can't say one gender. I'm like, she's like, I'm just looking for a

Gemini. I'm like, no one over 30 gross. I want them young and scared. But the truth is, like, if you think about it, like, there's no male assistants. I guess, like, I'm thinking about like WME, the agency there are and you're always like, okay, well, we're missing a lot of details in that email. I don't know if I ever get emails from a guy assistant. I'd love the stats of how many male assistants they are and also how quick they get promoted. I was just going to say how quick they rise to like being an agent compared to the girls. I mean, a gay man assistant is great, except I feel like he was judging me all the time.

Yeah, I could see that. I almost hired a gay... Which I could use. Guy assistant, yeah. Wait, I saw something on page six, which, like, I rarely go on page six, but sometimes I like to have a little goss, but, like, I don't believe truly anything I read on there.

It's more like, what are people's PR pushing? Yeah, it's more like fan fiction. It's more like, oh, that was a fun story to come up with or, like, something. Sometimes I've read, like, full stories about myself, and I've been like, when did that happen? But anyway, so I go on page six, because I was really looking for more of Victoria Beckham stuff because I can't get enough.

This is definitely not true, but there's an article that says Nicola's dad, who is a billionaire, gives her $1 million a month as her allowance. I have so much respect. I just don't think it would be true. And then like the rest of the articles, like the Beckham's did not foresee, like,

their son signing a pre-up. they thought like it would obviously be the other way around. But I'm just thinking like, what would you do? What could one do with a million dollars a month? I'm going to say it, not to be like too optimistic about life, but more money, more problems. Yeah, totally. Like I had a friend who was really rich and her family was always fighting because like so-and-so got gifted Alexis and she got gifted an Audi.

And like this is what they're fighting about. Yeah. And to do a metaphor, I don't know why I was thinking about this before I went to sleep, but how. Wow, I can't wait to you. I was thinking. Last night? Yeah. When I was in a K-Hole, I was thinking about perspective of life.

Marilyn Monroe. Just a light, just a light evening. If you think of light cute things as you go to sleep, you're fucking adorable. I've been reading my book. Well, yeah, because you're like trying to run away from something. There's something I've been figured out what it is. yet. You're pretending.

I'm avoiding something. You're like, if I just try to learn how to read in this moment, I won't remember everything I regret in my entire life. So I was thinking about two types of people. Yeah. Some person might get a diamond ring and another person as a gift. Another person fully thought out of this might get gifted a rock. And how the person who got the ring might have.

There's no way you sat up in bed. I swear to God, that's what I was thinking about. Set the scene, though. Was the TV on and this was your? just like an inside thought? Or were you like trying to fall asleep and you're like this like did something spark this idea? I feel like sometimes when I go to sleep, I envision like I'm talking to you on Giggly Squad.

Do you ever like work out bits? And I was like thinking about like what inspirational thing I'd want to say on Giggly's I've never had an original experience ever. Well, because when I say something funny, I immediately put it in the perspective of me telling you on Giggly Squad. Do you know that I bought a shower notepad because there's so much. Any times in the shower, I'm like, I've got to tell Hannah this, but immediately you step out, you forget. And then you like have self-hatred and then you go on a spiral.

So I was thinking about when someone gets a ring, first of all, they might not like who gave them the ring. They might have wanted a different shape ring. They might not like the kind of ring. They wanted a lab and they got not, whatever. But how sometimes people will get a rock and they love the person and gave it to them. And the rock is actually meaningful for some reason. And there's like an inside joke or a meaningful thing in how some people are happy. with a rock than a ring.

Not me. And that was Mel Robbins. My mom always said, actually, I don't know if my mom said this. Anyway, I heard a quote, like years ago that I always remembered. I think I like heard it in college. That was I rather love on a bike than cry in a limo. And I always thought, not me. Your mom also said don't marry for money or you're going to work for it every day.

Work for it every day. Which is true. I've also never been in the situation. Because I also think I would do that as well. I'm exhausted. I did not foresee this for myself. I'm actually pissed at my own confidence, okay? I really got myself in a pickle a lot of times.

I could be in a house right now in my... I don't even want to talk about it. There's a lot different houses that could be in right now. And you want to know where I am? Here. Here. with you. But you want to know what I'm peaceful. I'm your

rock. I'm your ugly little rock. You're like, I wanted a diamond. Do you know how many comments I've seen like on the internet of like Paige and Hannah like aren't really friends? Like you want to know what people don't realize about us in our friendship

and our personalities in general? Yeah, maybe we have different interests. Maybe Hannah comes looking like a sex therapist sometimes. Where are your glasses? Pay your glasses. He can't see what about his classes. I'm obsessed. No, Hannah, when she sat down, literally leaned over to me,

and it felt like she was going to be like, so you're not orgasming? That's a problem. So what are you thinking about when he's on top? That's actually a phenomenal question, and sometimes a lot of stuff. Also, there's normalize more men going on top. Why are women going on top?

Like, we already income tax anyway. Continue. Yeah. I honestly think we've done such a good job, because one thing the internet loves is pitting women against each other. Oh, I remember. I was going to say, sorry. If I just say pitting women against each other, you're like, yeah, I'm clocked in.

People don't realize that we have such similar personalities in terms of like our core values. And at our core stance, I would say our mantra for living is, I don't care. Oh. Like we don't care. Are the depth of our friendship, we are literally the same. Yeah. So like if we were to even get in a fight about something, it'd have to try really hard to care. Because I get really nice messages about us sometimes.

And they're like, oh, that's called like unconditional love where like even if you're upset at each other, you know it's coming from a, it's not coming from a bad place. Right. Also, this is a little controversial, but people know us from our friendship from a reality TV show. and I'm just going to tell a story and I might get in trouble but I just want to tell a story there's a situation where

like you have to realize that I know all your stories but I get ready like I know you can tell the story you're kidding that did not happen I'm like you were there on reality TV like friendships are part of the storyline friendship breaksups are part of the storyline they want to see who's closer to who whatever

let me just give you a day in the life of shooting a reality TV show There was an episode where one of the girls, who I loved, was sobbing about something. Yeah. And me and you were distraught and we were like, we have to comfort her. Yeah. We both go run to comfort her. A producer literally puts his arm in front of me, like tackles me.

And he said, no, let Paige handle this. And I'm like, but that's my good friend. And I want to be there. And I realize now, like, oh, they want to show like two people being closer than someone else. and in the moment you feel like helpless or you feel like okay this might look people might now be mad at me that I'm not like comforting someone

but what you see on those shows is what they want you to see and the friendships on those shows also I keep forgetting that that's our origin story our origin story yeah you have to understand like the root of it where things come from

when people see us know us just from Giggly Squad they're best friends also I think there's a lot of politics that I wasn't always good at with reality TV of like keeping people sweet where like you just like get along with them for the sake of it. Yeah. So that's my like two cents on friendships. Okay.

Um, and us. This is what is like living with a man. He was drinking water and it went down the wrong pipe. Yeah. Went on for two hours. Like to the point that I started laughing because like he was choking to death. And I was like, can you order Uber Eats like right before you choke to death? I just have like one more thing I want to add to it.

Yeah. But that might start feeling bad for him because people don't talk about how traumatizing something going down the wrong pipe is because you're choking to death. Right. But everyone knows you're not going to die. Right. So no one helps you. But you're still fully choking to death. What was the two hours of?

Like when you say it lasted for two hours, like he was clearing his throat for two hours or he was just talking about how he almost died. It was clearing his throat. Like it was like, oh. Like you know when you just can't get it out? Like he's somewhere right now not fully recovered. Yeah. I'm like, I can't help. And also, like, he's fine, but he's not.

You know what's crazy, too, is that, like, women, women just, obviously, we have a higher pain tolerance. That's why we bear children, you know, like, that. I don't know how anyone can even, like, argue that. It's like, okay, but we push a watermelon out of something that's the size of a peanut. Mine is smaller, but yeah. And then the peanut grow, to get, like, that alone is scientific. I do have to say, though, stubbing your toe, I've been shot. You know what I was going to?

That's funny that you say that because I was going to say, and I'm obviously getting a C-section. In what fucking world? Like, what? Are you allowed to be like, give me a C-section? I mean, actually, I don't know. I don't know. Check the amendments. I actually have no fucking idea. I have heard like a lot of women say that they've asked for C-sections and their doctors have been like, no.

Because it is like you're cutting your abs in half. Yes. But then I did have a girlfriend say my gynecologist had a C-section. All the gynecologist in that group had a C-section. I'm getting a C-section. Now, I think it's just like a longer obvious recovery. And like you do have a scar. I just don't.

I know in myself, I'm not built. I don't have the hips for it. Did I tell you on stage I've been talking about like, should I have a baby? And I talk about like how you're like freeze your eggs, whatever. Like a little. And someone raises their hand. I'm like, who thinks I should have kids?

And normally they're like, you'd be a great mom. I think it's good material. This girl said the most genius thing. She goes, your long torso can handle it. Oh. Well, you also have good hips. I have good hips. I have a lot of space.

Like I think I might be one of those girls who like, have two abs on top. I think I have to get abs first, but like... Wait, that actually just made me scared. I started to get worried about you. Because I have the shortest torso in America. You have the shortest torso, long gorgeous legs. Where's the baby going to go?

Imagine I had twins. Do you want me to surrogate for you? Because I'll have room. I'll have your baby and my baby. Could you make... Could that happen? That would be so fucking cute. I feel like that could happen.

Anyway, we're not going to get into it. We're not going to get into the science of it all. I didn't think about that. that like yeah you probably will carry you'll be more comfortable than i will be i mean we'll see you never know but i do know like i have i just know i'm gonna fucking punt it out of me like i'm like it's like an athlete like i'm ready to just i love how we're nowhere near pregnant by the way like i'm gonna cry the whole time i'm like i actually decided i can't do it i don't want to do it and people get scared about like having the baby but then i also feel like it'll feel like puking like you know

and you're like, it's going to suck, but it's going to feel so fucking good after. Like, that's how I see it. You're just like, pull the trigger. You can rally. Yeah, just get it out of you. Pop it out and rally. Wait, I do feel like, last thing about babies

because it's just like a hypothetical. I do feel like you will be in the room when I give birth and you'll be like, okay, we don't even know this girl yet, though. Like, we have to be careful. Like, we don't really even know that. Immediately I'm going to be like, do you think she likes me? Do you think he likes me?

You're going to be like, so are you guys closer than we are? Yeah. I'm like, I don't, she gave you word. Look, she's kind of making it all about her right now, and, like, you just had a really traumatizing time, and she's trying to, like, cry. I put a bow on her and you're like, so you're already gifting her. Got it. Wait, why did I just envision you putting a bow on, like, one hair at the top of your baby's head and being like, perfect? Yeah, I will. I've already thought about, like, the mini little butterfly clips that I could do, like, a little ponytail whip. He goes, I'm going to bedazzle it. I can't believe you couldn't notice my hair. I can't even look at myself in the tent. There is, like, lighting happening in the room. No, this, no, it's my hair. That's what it looks crazy. Well, whatever you look doesn't look worse.

What? Like, it doesn't look bad. Oh, okay. I'm not like, whoa, that's bad. Oh, okay. I am. Whatever. Okay, what were you going to say?

I cut you off. Okay, so I don't want to compare our cats because they're both perfect. Yeah. But butter is a little more slender. Yes. Like, butter is tiny. She's the run to the litter. And butter is a model.

Daphne's an actress. Yes. But Daphne also, I would love to see her shaven because she's probably like actually, actually, I mean, she just has, So you want her mom to get a pixie cut? You want to shave my daughter. It feels, it's, it's, I get what she's on the internet are saying. You hate me.

She has so much fluff. Yeah. She's a little fluff or nutter. Yeah, like you'd like to see what her real body. Yeah, like when I pet her, I don't feel her body. It's crazy. We're butter like, you're immediately like, and that's your rib. Yeah.

Um, so butterball, one of her favorite things to do, which Daphne would love to do if she could. She hides in little places. Remember Daphne was hiding and you see her entire bottom half of her body from under the table. It's so cute. She thinks she's slick. So today we got a new like cabinet for the bathroom and I was looking for my toothbrush. I opened one of the drawers. Butter comes flying out.

I don't know how she got, how the hell did she get in the drawer? She can open cabinet. Like she can open things? You ever have one of those bathroom cabinets where when you open it, there's like a hole underneath. There's like a hole somewhere. Okay. She slithered away in.

She scared the shit of me. I scared the shit over her. We both went, ah! We both yelled. Des is like, what's going on? I'm busy choking to death. We had a crazy morning. But like at any time your cat could be like in the fridge.

Like people don't talk about that enough with having cats. Like they literally see a room and they're like, I will find the one hiding. People always think they lose their cat. Honestly, not Daphne. No, well, poor girl can't. One, she can't fit in that crevice. Maybe she'd like to, but she's like, I can't. Cats can contort their bodies.

She's designer, so, like, you don't contort it. Yeah, she's... It's trying to put a burke in, like, in a suitcase and crumbling it up. Yeah, you're not going to smush it. You can't smush it. You'll hurt the leather. Yes. That's what Daphne is.

I was just going to say, I don't know why I'm asking you this, which is such a mean way to start this sentence. Give it to me. But I feel like I'm always like looking for new jeans. You go, this is more just towards the ether. This isn't towards you. Actually, don't answer this. Like, no matter what day of the week it is, no matter what season it is, I'm always like I have no pants.

Yes. And like, I hate my, I always hate my jeans. Even if I see a girl wearing a pair of jeans and I'm like, yes, that's exactly what I'm looking for. And it looks good with the outfit. And you order those jeans. Then I get them. I'm like, I fucking hate these jeans. Well, depending on your body type, it's a whole thing.

Also, I don't know about you, but when I shop, I shop for tops. Shopping for pants is like a, like, that's like getting new shoes. Not new shoe. That's like getting a new house. Yeah, no, it's a big commitment. Yeah, like trying on pants. Also, I feel like I don't want as many pants as I have tops. Here's what I also do.

I feel like I'm always ordering pants. I'm trying them on and I'm returning them. Yeah, because I feel like you can deal with kind of an uncomfy top. But if your pants are uncomfortable, like, You can't run. I'm just having, I'm just having, I'm just having a pant problem. Well, my brand jeans are your go to. So I love Abercrombie and Fitch.

I love Made Well for just like good jeans. They're not too stiff. Like I can't always fit into like vintage stiff jeans. I'm obsessed. That's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for like a stiff coffee jeans. It's not going past my thighs. I love a gold.

A goldie. Yeah. I love. their barrel gene. I'm obsessed with their barrel gene. Everyone compliments me on it. I don't know if it's just like... Do you want to know the jeans I've been wearing the most?

What? I have these like black jeans from Mango. Great. It actually pisses me off because I'm like, these were the least expensive of all the jeans that I'm looking at. I have a pair, I don't know why I did this. I literally got bullied into buying a pair of Kate jeans. I hate them.

First of all, I don't have... have a torso. So anything that goes like above my belly button, I'm like, it's on your nipple. Yeah. I'm like, okay, so jeans are the whole outfit. Like, I guess I'll put a bandeau on. Like, I look ridiculous. I cannot with expensive things that are worse than cheap things. Like, it makes me, that's my biggest pep-y. Well, the thing that annoys me the most is I bought them. I put them on and I was like, yeah, no. And then I had people being like, no, you're going to wear them so, no, they're like the perfect gene. You have to keep them. And then I kept these jeans and I'm like, this was the biggest waste of money.

And this was two years ago. And I still look at these jeans and I'm like, fuck you. That's like when someone pressures you to order something like expensive on the menu and they're like, it's so worth it. It's what they're known for. And then you get it and it tastes like shit. And you're like, I just wanted the cheeseburger. Yeah.

I just want the cheeseburger. Why did I get this pasta that has all this weird shit in it? When in doubt, I'm ordering a grilled cheese sandwich. You'd never go wrong. If you're ever, one of my biggest feelings that I hate is when you're hungry, but you don't know what to eat. It never happens to me. But yeah.

Wait, really? I'm like a pregnant woman. I know every time what I want. I'm very into. Stop, you're never, like, walking around the kitchen at, like, 7 p.m. And you're like, what do I even feel like? Well, I've never been in a kitchen, first of all. No, I always know.

It's like my calling. That's your superpower. That's my superpower. That's my superpower. Like, I also wanted to make an app that's like, you know, you go into Uber eats and either you want, like, one specific dish. Like, you're like, I need egg plant parmesan. Yeah.

But I want, like, I want, like. like to see all the eggplant parmesan's not just like the random restaurants but also put in like do you want sweet do you want savory do you want vegetable like put more general things and then it like gives you like more specific recommendations because like deciding what you're going to eat every day gives people a lot of anxiety okay i loki wish that like when you went on uber eats you could have friends and then you could see what they were eating oh my god like i want to be an uber eats influencer I would heal it I'd be like guys

No I think they should do And you would you take photos with it Be like this one's a sushi Because how many times are you like Okay same thing with like Netflix I wish I could go onto my Netflix And I could have friends And I could just see what they were watching

So I could be like oh my god I didn't I forgot about that show Maybe it's like an app See we like to come up with business ideas on this Maybe it's like an app like called Taste Where it's everyone's taste Oh you already named I have the logo. It's in the works right now.

It's just definitely space. And it's your taste for all genres. Everything. So it's all in one place. So then you see like what people are eating. And everything can like what you're listening to, what you're eating. What yeah, what you're watching. Wait, we might have to cut this out because we need to trademark that. We need to do this.

Wait, that's a brilliant idea. Because also let's be honest, word of mouth is what works. Not people like not a television. commercial you're not suddenly going to be like oh i need to eat that tonight unless it's kinder chocolate then absolutely get that which by the way still waiting for my shipment haven't found it yet i'm like i better have a fucking a year supply of kinder because i love that shit you remember how i was talking about with your closet how there's all these clothes that you like but you never wear and i don't know what to do with them because they're starting to build up someone had genius advice she was like

if you're on the fence, force yourself to try it on and you'll know. Because you know that stuff that you're just like, it's always there. It looks cute. I'm going to feel about all my pants. Like getting dressed in the morning, I'm like, okay, I have great jackets. I have really cool tops. I can accessorize this with cool belts. And then I get to the bottom half and I'm like, what are we doing here?

See, my toxic trait is I'll wear a gene for weeks, the same gene. Yeah, yeah. I can. And you just rotate the top. I can picture your favorite pair of jeans in my head. Yeah, but also, this is why I love a set. You love a set. It helps you come up with the whole outfit,

and I love monochromatic stuff. Yeah. Which leads me to another thought. Okay. I was thinking about Kim Kardashian skims. I'm always thinking about her. And, like, honestly, she's beyond crushing it. Like, if she was a man...

Wait, do you know that I downloaded and bought the subscription to Masterclass? Just because I wanted to listen to hers. But they have so many... Amy Polar has one. They have so many really good ones. I actually think it's worth the subscription if you're like want to better your, or you want to like learn about a specific thing.

If you want to better yourself. Yeah. Not really. No, but what does she talk about on it? Because she could talk about so many things. Watch it. Yeah. But I mean,

I just have this. Do you know what people don't call out, which is iconic and you and me, we would love this? Yeah. Kanye had Yeezy, right? Yeah. And if you remember, like, the. fashion shows. It was very like monochromatic and like he had like crazy shoes. She definitely like learned from being with him like about. Oh that's like a whole lore thing. Well because skims is literally like

if Yeezy was mainstream successful and for women. Well she talks she's talked about that before. How inspired her that like when they started dating he 100% in a whole overhaul of her style. Yeah. And that like she wasn't taken seriously by any like major. fashion, like publications, like Vogue. Like, Vogue would never put her on the cover. Like, the first time she was on the cover was with him. Yeah. So I think, and she had a video the other day or something, I don't know where she was,

and she was wearing an outfit and she was like wearing easy heels from years ago. And she was like, they truly are the best shoes. Yeah. So he definitely, I definitely think, like, influenced her. If your man isn't good for you, at least look through. what he's done in his life and pull anything you can learn from it and then use it against him later. I'm trying to think if I've dated anyone that they've influenced any part of like my style. Oh.

Oh, what a good thing. Wait, so have you ever changed your style though based on the vibe? Because a lot of celebrities will, you know, like Bella Hadid is when, is with like the alligator hunter. No, that's Londo, right? Belhadie was with the cowboy. It was with the cowboy. They just broke up. definite oh did they oh my god okay because i was gonna say the last like three paparazzi pictures i was

like these are great outfits where the fuck have you been also she's working she's back working i don't want to blame the man i don't know blame the man maybe she was just having stuck in a rodeo somewhere i was like what are we doing the only time of man's ever like kind of tried to inspire my style is when they'll see like a sexy dress or a sexy top and they're like won't you wear that And I'm like, because I don't want to and it's not comfortable. The only time a man has inspired my style is I was in my early 20s and I had a guy being like, don't wear that, wear this, like you should wear. And then I realized I was in fact in an abusive relationship.

You're like, okay, this is a paper bag over my head. What do you mean wear this? The first couple months I was like, okay, yeah, I like this maxi dress. I can wear this. I love turtleneck sweaters. Four months in my mom goes, you look. ridiculous. You look like a clown.

What are you wearing? Did you see the tweet that made me think of you when people go, who is this clown is the best thing to say? Because first of all, you're calling someone a clown, but then you're also saying they're not even famous enough to be a well-known clown. You say, who is this clown? Just like as an insult, that anyone? I think you've said that before.

I've definitely said that to a guy before. I do know that I've, I have influenced every single guy I've dated. style in like a nice way that's like I like doing that stuff and so and I have ideas and I really never got that much pushback I mean a couple times where they were like that's my favorite sandal yeah like I hate you and I'm like if you look better like hate me all the way to a photo shoot yeah hate me all the way the photo shoot hate me after the reviews come in okay no truly hate me after the reviews I think I have to be a little more subtle because I'm not like Mrs. Fashion. Also, I'm not like passionate about men's fashion.

Okay, but if I dated you and I said, hey, do you think this joke is funny and you gave me your literal opinion and you were like, no, I would take that as, okay, well, she knows. Also, speaking of dating me, there's also a lore of the internet that is convinced that, like, we are lesbian lovers, but like in a non-sexual marriage. And like a lot of lesbians just listen to our pod as a lesbian podcast. They're like, it's our favorite lesbian podcast. Thank God. And I said that is actually what we've been trying to put out there. And that's actually what we've set out to do. Yes.

So in terms of fashion, Des, as you guys know, he's lived a long life before me. Yeah. He's had a lot of influences and he has a way about him. And it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Yeah. Also, you have to do it subtly. Mm-hmm. Now, Des famously loves wearing suits when he performs.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he looked so handsome in them. But this is, like, what he's been doing for a long time. That's his thing. I did get rid of some of his, he had like a floral shirt that was annoying me that somehow got out of the rotation. I don't know how. Maybe my mom got rid of it.

I don't know. I actually feel like I know what floral. It's out of what you're talking about. Was it navy blue? Yeah, there's also a purple one. He loved it. Because that was him having fun, you know. But recently, as you guys know, I love.

Lululemon and I just was like let's go to Lulmin and do their men's stuff is amazing so he grabbed some stuff I love a man and a jogger oh yes and then there was like this this adorable gagler helping him shop and I was like Des do you want me to help you pick things he's like I got this I'm like okay so I looked at the gagler and I was like you got this for me and he was like don't worry babe so he like held his hand through the whole thing and does has naturally like a good sense of style he just got stuck in this like I wear tuxedos on stage so if you look at his most recent video he's wearing the best Lulamin Bummer jacket

People have been commenting like Desi look so good, da da da da and I he's gonna, if he hears this he's gonna be like you know this was all me I was working hard in the background Yeah you were putting the puppeteer I'm gardening, I'm gardening

finally it's become a flower so I think I'm similar to you just less like to his face but and also he does ask my opinion about stuff and he can tell when I don't like love something and he'll take it into consideration. The only thing that stops me from doing that sometimes with boyfriends is because I'm like, this is like a little sinister.

In my head, I'm like, I'm obviously getting out of here at some point. And the fact that you're going to take this on with you when I gave you this like confidence annoys me. Yep. You know? Yeah. Where I'm like, I almost don't want to teach you all my tricks because you're going to act like. they are yours, which I've seen happen so many times.

But you also don't want him to use it against other women in the future to trick them that he's a kind of guy that he isn't just because he's wearing that kind of shirt that you put him in. I don't know what you just said, but I freaking concur. I had an embarrassing plane moment. What happened? Oh my God. I was flying Alaska.

Flying Alaska. Out of Seattle, Alaska is like very popular. No way. And it was when all the flights were going to. canceled so I booked an Alaska flight and I felt like so good I'm gonna get no it's so you to be like flying in the eye of the storm yeah and I'm like give me it a fucking I find an ILC and I'm in so I go to the lady at the desk security and she's like we don't have you down for this flight did it get canceled and I'm like I don't know I didn't get notified and I'm like here's my ticket I have

a ticket and she's like it's not coming up in my system what 30 minutes until boarding right so I have to walk all the way to the Alaska desk it's chaos and I'm waiting in a line and you know when like you're like I'm going to miss this flight find another lady who's just walking around and I'm like I have a I have a ticket I don't know why I can't get on I've cried at Newark before the two times I cry are sports documentaries an airplane at airport because in that moment you feel like people are sabotaging you you're like I have a ticket she didn't let me in I almost missed my flight to Fiji and I was there like three hours prior just because I couldn't find the gate Why I'm, do I feel like I'm so strong dealing with adversity?

Like anything can happen to me and I'm like, I'll overcome this. But like one thing goes wrong at the airport and I'm like, I'm never going to see my mom again. No one's around. No one's around. No one works at the airport. They have this thing where at some point they're just like, yeah, you can't get on. Like there's bigger rules there. There are times where they're like, this is actually above my pay grade so I have no idea.

They're always like, yeah. They're like, I want to help you but I can't. The computer says no. Like that's what they, oh, they're always like, you know, you're on. That's like the time my Teresa said the website block. me from ever ordering from there. And they said, sorry, you're in the system that you can't order from here. And so I got on the internet immediately. You go, I have amazing taste. In their DMs and I'm like, why can't I order from there? Like, I've never even returned something to you guys. They're like,

sorry, sometimes it just randomly goes and our name will go in the system and it gets blocked. And I'm like, okay, can you go in the system and unblock it? And they're like, no. And I'm like, but you're the system. You're the system. Anyway, I can order from there now. It lasted like six months. Um, so I, this lady walks me back to the same security. Okay. And she's like, let's try it again. And I'm like, this is not going to work. It's like 10 minutes till boarding.

And suddenly it works. And I'm like, so was I going to miss the flight because of someone's system? Anyway, I digress. I get on and I have like 30 minutes and I'm like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm trying to cancel a health insurance to go to a new health insurance because as you guys know where when you have your own business. In the burner. Bishop home. Also, we like, yeah, we have to pay for.

we have to find our own insurance. I don't know, actually. I don't know. We have to get it. We have to have it. We have to pay for it. So I call and I'm like, I have to cancel. And they were like, oh, you can't cancel through us.

You have to cancel through New York State of Health. And I was like, okay, call New York State of Health. Oh, you're doing this on the phone. On the plane? Because you know when like you're like, if I do it on the plane, it's like productive. We're like, if I do it during my free time, I'm like, this is ruining my life. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm already crying at the airport.

I might as well just double down. Wait, I think the same way. Like when I'm going to be doing something miserable, why not add it? Pile it on, pile it on, babe. Like, anytime someone's like, do you want to do that meeting too, I'm like, you know what, add it to that day because I'm going to want to kill myself all day. No, it's like staying up late where it's like it's already 2 a.m. What's 3 a.m?

Wait, people don't talk about that. And they're like, oh, you have to go to the small business person. I say, great. They send me to her. She goes, we don't have you in our system. have to go to our individual people. I'm like, you know when you finally speak up and you're like, by the way, like, I haven't put to like four different people.

Are you sure? They're like, I'm sure. You're back to the original person. I'm losing my mind. And finally, they're like, we can't find you in our system. So like, it's like when you put in your password and it doesn't work and then you try to do a new password and they're like, that password is the old password. That's literally, I'm like, guys, clearly I have it because I'm getting charged every month.

I want to get out of it. So I finally just hang up because we're about to take off. And the guy next to me is like, sorry about that. No way. And I was like, I am so sorry. Because I was trying to speak low, but he's like, health insurance is a motherfucker, right? And I'm like, I'm so sorry. You just heard me in my darkest hour.

Like, I never want anyone to hear me on a customer service call with health insurance. Like, I am depleted. I am beaten down. I have no belief in myself or the world. And then we ended up kind of bonding. And what I love about when men talk to me at the airport, they don't ask you questions about themselves. What do you mean?

Like you know sometimes you get stuck in like a conversation with like a random mom. Yeah. And she's, you know, where are you from? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's nice, but you're tired. Yeah. This man starts talking to me and I'm like, oh no, I'm going to have to get into a conversation. Yeah.

Talked about himself for 10 minutes and then left me alone. I said, men are amazing. And that's some of my best dates. I take back everything I said about men. You start talking about his job. Never asked me who I did once. Never asked me what I did once. And for the first time I was like, thank God it's a man.

because I was not in the mood to get into it. Because a woman would have been like, what are you dealing with? Because they're like, maybe I could help. 100%. This man talked at me for 10 minutes and I said I'd rather be on the phone with customer service, but this is fine. And you were thankful. Grateful with their lack of interest. He probably was like, there's no way this girl has a job.

I just heard her trying to cancel health insurance. There's no way she's capable of anything. He was like bragging to me about his job too. I was like, okay. He also asked me what to do in New York City. I blanked. What do you tell people? Hannah?

I literally, but people will DM me. Also, the snowstorm. I was like stay inside. Girls will always DM me like, what's a fun place for me to go to my, for my birthday? I'm like, I don't know. I haven't known a fun place in five years. I'm a girl. Normally I'd be like, okay, like go thrifting in the Lower East Side, walk around Tribeca,

Soho, West Village. I said that to him and he was like, okay. He's like a 40-year-old like engineer. No, I'm so bad. And if anyone ever asks me that, like in my real life, I'm like, why don't you text my friend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, she always knows. Do you have a restaurant that you recommend?

No, there's too many. There's so many. I mean, yes, my favorite restaurant of all time in New York City is bar pity. Yeah. But that's not a restaurant you're like getting dressed up and like going. That's just, I don't know. Like you can go and sit, you can wear sweats. Also, what's fun about New York is when you're like walking around, you get starving and you pop into a place.

That you've literally never seen of or heard of. opened up yesterday. But what I say, what I like to say about New York is that because there's so many places, it's so competitive that if it lasts more than a year, like, it's good. Well, I've been to a lot of really horrible places that are just like nightlife places. Oh, yeah. That I've gone back to in my 30s and I've been like, how did you guys stay open? Like, this is disgusting.

Because it's all vibes and aura. Also, everything now, I feel like every new restaurant is like, we do bar food, but in a cool way. And I'm like, just shut up. Just give me a regular burger, you freak. Hot take, because in my older years, I've had more of these like dinner meeting things, you know? Events. Well, but it's like you go, there's a table and it's like, these aren't your best friends. These are like co-workers.

You do way more of those than I do. I shouldn't because I go to dinner. I'm hungry. Yeah. It's a dinner. I don't care if there's people that it's work related. It's a fucking dinner. And they love to play dumb.

they've never eaten dinner before and been like, should we just share some things? You know, like my anxiety works in such mysterious ways. Yeah, you're never hungry during these things. I could be hungry all day and know I'm going to dinner at 7 p.m. Right when I sit down at that table, I'm magically on Ozumpik. I'm like, I actually haven't thought about a carb in two weeks. Like, there's something in me that I physically cannot eat.

And there are so many times where I've gone out to dinner, like, and been like I'm just going to wrap it up and eat it at home. Well, that's why like when I did reality TV if you were wine to the dinner portion, I'm stressed eating. I'm shoving my face. And I'm also like if I'm chewing, I don't have to come with a fast comeback. You know what I mean? You haven't touched your yoke.

No, I like can't. Haven't touched it. I don't know why. But you let me eat it, which is why. And once I have an alcoholic beverage, that's it. Then I'm like, no, I can't eat. Just get me another drink. I'll be fine.

little nauseous. Well, my baseline is always a little nauseous. You are just a little nauseous. So yeah, people will do this. Let's share. And I'm like, first of all, sharing is intimate. Like, I barely share with my husband. And now I have to, like, find the social norms of sharing food with strangers.

So, and I'm very aware of, like, not being rude. But I'm also aware that I'm fucking starving. And we're all just talking. So I'm the person that's like, are you guys eating that art choke in front of? No, there are times where I'm like, yeah, we'll do it for the table, but get two orders because this one's mine. Like, I'm eating all of what's on this one plate. And I love going off with apps.

Yeah. Order a ton of apps. But in terms of my dinner, and I know if people are like, I don't know what I want, that's a you problem. No, we're very compatible to go out to dinner because I don't eat. You've eaten yours and then some of mine. And we're great. I hate when someone is not free.

with offering their food. That's the thing. We'll share. But once I know I have. Have you shared with me? Well, because you can't keep up. I'll look over to have a bite and it's all gone. I'm like, how did you even do that?

So on the road with Ali, she likes to like ask what I'm ordering from room service. You're so jealous right now. Look at your face. Yeah, I am. You wouldn't have been jealous this last week. No, because you want to know, you guys like get ready and you go out to dinner. Never once. Is she proposing that?

That was one off. off day. No, I feel like you were dressed twice. I saw you. Paige was mad that I wore makeup going out to eat with Allie ones. Because I'm just like, when have we ever? It was Aspen. Like that would have been disrespectful if I show up to dinner the way normally loved.

Oh, and you were saying at that hotel. Yes, there was like nuances too. I would never just put makeup on for dinner. That's fucking insane. There were nuances. There were nuances. But you were mad. What did you dress up for?

Normalized people not knowing the whole story and you not explaining it to them to them just being like there are nuances. Context is important. You wouldn't get the nuances. Context is important. And I'm not explaining it to you. Final thing. I want to discuss traitors.

Okay. Can you not go off about Colton this time? I don't know. Even though all your points are 100% valid. I was just thinking about me and you on traitors. And how I don't understand the strategy. There is none. Because this is the thing.

If you really wanted me to fucking find a traitor, which, by the way, I would be a faithful and I'd be a traitor killer. And I would sit there. And instead of just like everyone just looking at each other, being like, where are you from, looking at each other? I go, no, we're all going around. Tell me your name, your sign, and why you're not a traitor. Like put people under the fucking light, you know?

Like, everyone's too polite about it. I want to be like, explain yourself. And don't blink when you do it. Look at me in the eye. Like, I want people being challenged. My thing is because we're from reality TV, it's hard for me, even with like dancing with the stars, it's hard for me to be like, oh yeah, that's 100% what happened and all those people are safe. Like in my head, you think it's rigged.

Yes. Yeah. In my head, there's a producer that went up and said, you're picking so-and-so. Everyone will follow you. We've also told this person to pick them. Well, also, when you see in traders where it starts with, like, one person being like, is it Porsche? And then the next second, everyone's like, it's fucking Porsche. Okay, but then on the other side of the coin, in my head, I'm a producer.

I don't want Porsche leaving that early because she's such good TV. So then, but they did have Lisa Renna. So it's like they had explosive good TV. But I just can't, like, same thing with last season. Donna Kelsey, apparently, because I was posting like that I was sobbing, like, Donna Kelsey made me emotional, just her being like, I wanted to be here longer, but whatever. And then people were like, you dumbass.

Like, clearly she agreed to do one episode. Yes. I was done. I was like, why would you vote the nice old lady off? And then they played it that everyone was just like, Donna, you're a traitor. They made her a traitor. Like everyone knew.

It was so fake. That was like, she loved the show. She wanted to be on it. But they were like, hey, you can't actually do this show. Taylor Swift was also probably like, let's not like. No, she probably. In the van immediately, they were like, So what's Taylor like?

Yeah, that's also like so crazy. But yeah, it was definitely like she had a one episode contract. I would never let my mom go on a reality TV show even though I did before. Like it would... That's a different type though. If they made one fucking thing look bad, I would lose it. I would lose... Imagine your mom.

I mean, horrible. I mean, we could imagine. But the whole time I was like... There was so many times where like Summerhouse wanted to film certain things with my family. And like, my mom was like, no. The biggest regret I have is first season putting my family on because I didn't know. Final thought about my dad. I'm, you know, doing stand-up comedy, having fun.

And there's always occasional man that'll be like, does your dad know you see that stuff on stage? Like, how do your parents feel? Yeah. And I'm always like, I am my dad. Yeah. I'm my dad. Like, I'm just being my dad. I'm 50% is my dad.

And what you're seeing on stage is my dad. I've said actual jokes that he said on stage. And now I come from like a little bit more of like a conservative. That you're going to say cooth. A little more conservative parents in terms of like, you don't talk about that, you don't say that, blah, blah, blah. And even people will say to my dad like, wow, she really. And my dad will go right. Like, oh, really?

Because they don't say that to the male comics. No. Yeah. And it's even like reality TV. It's like there was like a time where people were like, so page does only fans. And my dad was like, no. But anyhow. We love you guys.

Thank you so much for giggling with us. And I think our Netflix thing with Mindy Kaling and Kate Hudson. Tickets. And Brenda's on. You can buy tickets. It might be sold out. But double track, okay? Netflix is a joke festival.

We love you guys. Bye.