Giggly Squad - Giggling about gauchos, grudges, and getting jumped

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

Paige wants to weaponize her incompetence and Hannah has been cooking. SHOP NEW MERCH! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. Got away from me. Okay, I've been getting messages saying Hannah, how could you not say ganglian gigglers? I did two episodes ago. And it's gone.

I'm off that. That was so last week. We did a memoriam. Mercury and retrograde. I have other things happening. We did a memoriam called, In the arms of the angels. I was singing that all over the house and Des was like, I'm going to divorce you.

Yeah, it's depressing because you can't help but think of the dog commercial and it's just like... No, how do they make the dogs cry in the commercial? I was like, did you put eye drops in that dog? I don't think dogs actually cry. I feel like they do. I can't think about it. Oh, I cannot. Okay, then let's start the week off with something that pissed me off. Yes. Because that always makes you happy. Yeah.

That brings me joy. It's simple. It's small. It's nothing to lose your head about. Well, those are the best ones. It's just something that I'm like, this is stupid and I hate it and it's a pissing me off. What is the new thing with influencers on Instagram posting an outfit and then saying comment, post and I'll DM you the link. Who the fuck put you in charge?

It makes me feel like we're in class. I'm like, first of all, I'm not even following you, so don't yell at me on my feed and tell me to do something. Second of all, you've now made an enemy of me, which means I will screenshot this, put it into Google search images, find it, and buy it, sans your link just to show the brand that they're getting more traffic, not on your pit. You're pissing me off. Well, nowadays I don't trust anything.

I'm like, are you going to get my social security number if I, if I comment? Also, like, I'm not subscribing to your substack to get, subscribe to our substack. If you're not already subscribed. Which, by the way, is free. We don't charge on our substack. It's for the girls. We don't charge. The internet is free.

How dare you come in and try and monetize or like whatever you're doing with your engagement and this tomfoolery, this trickery. this trickery. To publicly comment. That's a humiliation ritual. I rather go into chat GPT and suck up all the water just to spite you. That's how angry you've made me. But then you look, there's like 400 comments and I'm like.

I see people I know. I go guys. Guys have some coup. I'm like, don't do that. But it is kind of gatekeeping too. It's gatekeeping to be like you have to jump over. this wire and trip over this banana peel in order to get. In the same vein, if I see one more goddamn video of someone catching their boyfriend cheating

to find out it's an ad, all I've got invested. I'm obsessed with your algorithm. I haven't seen one of those videos. I'm like, wait a second, I thought we were pulling up to this side bitch's house. and then you're going to throw a hashtag ad at the bottom of the... Cheating 20 if you want this new tooth face. No, I'm livid. I'm livid about it.

I've gone into part twos. Well, also now there's these AI ads of like making up dramas and I keep being like not interested, not interested. Oh, I'm very interested in those. Tell me why I find myself watching like an AI... No. like full story that you can't fast forward. I know,

I know. But they're so compelling. I was love too. I was born in the wrong time because like I'm sorry. I know that I fight against the patriarchy twice a week. But if you had put me in a house with four kids, a cigarette and some quailudes and a telenovela, no, I would have thrived.

I would have. I would have thrived. Okay, I would have been Martha Stewart before Martha Stewart. I would have been creating marijuana brownies for the other housewives midday. How do I watch this? Like, this is desperate housewives, actually. Yeah, but like it's the time period. Yeah, it's the time period.

I also, I would have just burned the house down and then have been like called the crazy, the crazy wife. Yeah, what would your character have been? Ooh, I love this game. I would have been like, well, also your husband would have been secretly gay. For sure. For sure. We would have been like the best looking couple on the block. Yes, but like you never touched each other.

He goes on a fishing trip every weekend. Every weekend. With the same one guy. I'm like, okay. Okay, you and Don again? How many fishing trips do you need? You've brought home zero fish. You brought literally the cooler is empty every Sunday.

But I would have like, I would have gone with it. You want to know why I would have gone with it because it wouldn't have been accepted. So I would have covered for him. Yes. And then you would have been like, it's us against the world. Yeah. Although other women are jealous of me because of my amazing recipe of ravioli. People would have talk about my lemonade.

That's how like in this bitch. See, I would have been trying to do town hall meetings, trying to start a women's suffrage movement. Yeah, you'd start like a neighborhood watch. And finally, some of the girls would be like, you know what? We actually don't want this. And we need to get Hannah out. And then I would be like, okay, well, I've nowhere to go. I feel like you'd like come over to my house and be like, are you high?

And I'd be like, are you not? How are you dealing with four kids? No, I would come over to your house, make a plan for us to overtake the suburban patriarchy. And you would agree because you're high. And then in the morning, you'd be like, lose my number. Okay. Another thing that pissed me off. You said there was one.

I like when you under promise over-deliver. Because when you say you have five, you can never live up to it. Well, again, I've been up for hours. I'm two coffees deep. I worked out. I'm like, I'm getting going on my Monday because I had a reset weekend all weekend. Yeah. Wait, what pissed you off?

I don't want you to forget. somebody DM'd me and was like if you thought Love Island this season was like a hint of red pill you have to watch the newest season of Meredith's sight this is one you could get into this is one you could get into because it's it's so outlandish that you're like oh casting was given a very specific type of character that they want this show to like. Is it religious? It's not so much religious that it is controlling 101. Like it is like there was a friend. It was so crazy that it was funny. Like I found myself laughing at so many different parts because I was like, surely this guy is like playing a character and seeing if he can like get away with it on TV.

Very innocently, one of the guy that is supposed to be. to get married. One of his friends just casually says, oh my God, like what if she's not into sports, which is a concern of mine. So I found it relatable. My ears perk up. I look up from my phone. It's a great phone show. And he goes, the guy goes, not a problem. I've trained some of the world's best athletes. He's not a train. There's, wait, is he talking about what if she's like not good at playing sports herself? No, like his friend was like, what if she's not interested in like doing all the insane sports you just listed?

And he was like, well, if she's not, I'll train her. Okay. Like, I'll just, he was like, I've trained so many great athletes. He's so scary and triggering that like it's not even red pill. It's like this is almost like an exception to the rule. Like this is not the norm. Well, it's also kind of giving gay. Like if you want her to be so good at sports,

date a football player. Right. Right. Where can people watch Married at First sight? It's on Peacock, which is, Peacock has actually been keeping me very fed. I just watched this other show. You would hate it.

It's a period piece. It's called like seeking Persephone. Yeah, you would hate it. You would literally hate it. It was just like a little four part, four part little ditty. Nothing. Nothing really...

Did you just say, diddy? Yeah, nothing really that groundbreaking. But I love a period piece. Wait, speaking of... I love a summer. I love a horse. I love a period piece. Speaking of groundbreaking.

Mm-hmm. It's been years. Yeah. It's been decades. We finally... Oh. We finally put out... Merch.

Merch. What has been keeping us? Okay, we've gone through a lot throughout the years with merch. We've had many different... We've had a lot of... We've had a lot of change. Changes and stages and vibes. And we're also very picky when it comes to merch.

We both love everything. We brought back some. We listen to the comments a lot. So when you guys are like, we need to bring this back. I loved everything so much. I brought it to Italy. Lost it in Italy. Oh, my God.

Found it when I unpacked. Because I put it in a secret compartment to not forget it and I forgot it. I hate when you're too smart for your own good. I know. I know. You became a CIA agent in that moment when you were packing. And then you were, well, you also were dehydrated and fighting for your life at the time. You couldn't find a small compartment.

But also, maybe we don't need so many compartments when we're packing page. Well, I love a, I love a... I love a compartment. I love a pouch. I love a horse. I love a pouch. I love a packing cube. No, I love a thing inside of a thing.

Speaking of Housewives, I cannot stop listening to. gorgeous baby gorgeous your energy is magic magic and then people are making fun of her because she was like if you listen to the lyrics it's really helping people and people are like writing the lyrics they're like that's helping people I'm like don't judge what helps people don't judge it being a pop star of any any magnitude I envy so much it's something that like I personally know that it's not like I could never do I'm not getting up and singing anywhere but like in my head like every girl have I dreamt of like commanding a stage and being a pop star I think there's a lot of professions that bravo people have like crossed over into and like excelled like comedy writing

acting you know all the things we haven't gotten like a legit pop star yet but look we've had Erica Jane yes but I'm talking Sabrina Carpenter level Like something where people are like She was on Bravo Bite your fucking tongue Luanda Sebs Oh I thought you were gonna say my lord and savior

Sheena Shea. Oh my love Shea Shee I'm saying Sheena Shee is the closest thing We've had so far I'm talking pop star who goes on tour Yeah yeah Melissa Gorga A banger of a song

But then she never did any more Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm waiting. It has, it has to be someone from like, it has to be a young. It might be next gen. Maybe it's Brooks. And I'd love to see it. No, I feel like he's too, he's too quiet, laid back. Chill. He doesn't want to be dancing on stage. Well, Meredith is like DJing, right? I feel like she's doing a really good job. This is going to sound like narcissistic and like I need like real moms to weigh in. Do you ever like sit and think like what's your child's going? to accomplish? Yeah, I just fear that she's going to be haunted like me by never-ending expectations and pressure. And do you want to know what my mom says to that? She says, if you have no expectations,

that's exactly what you get. If you have high expectations, that's what your child will give you. My lord and savior came to Sorbo. And so I like, the closer and closer I get to like being someone's mother and like not someone's child, I fear that I'm going to be psychotic. Well, my one piece of advice as someone who had parents like your parents, who I think we have been able to chase a lot of dreams because our parents at no point gawked at any idea we threw at them. Great use of gawk? Gawk.

They, like, I was like, mom, I want to be a comedian. She was like, oh, she was never like, oh, even when I was like, oh, I got, I asked, I got asked to do a show. She was like, maybe you shouldn't, but like, I support you. Like, at no point where our parents like, maybe don't have it in you. Never came out of Kim de Torbo's mouth. Never came out of Gary's mouth, that's for sure. If anything, she was like, and be the Prince of England.

Like, I don't. Yeah. But I would say if you push your kid too hard into something that they don't actually enjoy, as someone who's seen the salon in the tennis world, like you get a kid who's talented, if they fall out of love with it, they're not going to reach their potential. so you have to make sure that like they like it so whatever you're pushing them in make sure they like it or like give them some options and see what they naturally gravitate towards and then be psychotic with it

be like you fucking chose it and then like but i'm crazy like Taylor strucker had a kid who i don't know she looks kind of athletic to me she's like she's like six months old but the way she was navigating her i don't know and i was i looked at her i said you're like her hand-eye coordination at this age and i said and i said can I talk to you for a second? And I pulled Taylor Donahue to the side. I said, you got to take tennis balls. You got to just roll it towards her. You know, that's so funny because, like, you think that you can spot athletes.

And I genuinely think that I can spot, like, a certain type of talent. Are we baby agents? There are certain people I've seen over the years on the internet met in real life where I've, in my head been, like, you're going to be huge. Like, you have sauce. I feel like we both have that. Yeah. We both have this, like, yeah, that person's got it.

it. That's very interesting. But we would be such bad agents. Wait, speaking of the tennis world, I must bring up Paige Lorenz and Tommy Paul's wedding. Yes. I thought one of the most gorgeous weddings I've seen on the internet in years. Wow. And explain. I thought everything was so perfectly, like, not overdone, it all floated. It gave a very, like, preppy old money vibe it gave very um someone said it was at nate archibald's house in gossip girl like

his country home i just thought it was beautiful i thought her dress was gorgeous and then do you know she's sullivan on ticot she's blonde maybe i don't know what i don't know if she was like on a season of love island or if she's just like a famous ticot or whatever but she got married too and oh yeah i think i saw that i mean she looked like a literal princess out of a story book. Okay, so you're loving what the girls are putting out right now. I'm loving it. You know, here's the thing, the thing, I don't ever get involved in wedding

TikTok drama because I'm like not planning a wedding. I've never been a maid of honor. Like I'm not, I feel a little bit removed from it. So I never get like deep in the drama of it. You were my maid of honor. You didn't have bridesmaids. You caught my bouquet. And we cheated.

It was a pre-planned bouquet toss. I did steal the photographer at one point. My whole album is you. But the girls get torn apart. Torn apart. And I'm not talking like third party anonymous forums. I'm talking right in their comments. Why would you do your hair like that?

Like it's such an interesting like realm to watch because it's truly such a good example of like women just hating on women. That's girl on girl crime. You can't describe your wedding as timeless because then you're stupid. You can't say that you're different from other weddings because who are you to think that you're unique? It's very accusatory. It's scary. I'm so annoyed that you're telling me this because I was about to say on my feed, one thing I liked about Paige's wedding is that I feel like a lot of the say what you want about New York City influencers, they have each other's back. like they were posting, grid posting,

how fucking beautiful is my friend's wedding. And in that moment, I felt a real sense of love and community. And I'm like, girls need to uplift other girls because it just makes us all stronger and powerful. Like when men get successful, they all just form like these like crews and then just like continue to grow where I feel like women, someone gets successful and they're like, try to like batter down. I agree. I feel like I see them on Instagram and I'm like, yeah, like they're being nice to each other because you guys are so mean to that.

But that is like the patriarchy is we talk about all the time and we say we're angry at the men. But at some point, we have to learn from the men and how they support each other. And I mean, Giggly Squad is two girls supporting each other. We wouldn't be here without each other. Yeah. Why did my head just go two girls one cup? Why we haven't overcome the patriarchy? Wait, two girls and cups.

That literally ruined my childhood. No, truly that was a millennial. Like, why did we do that? Wait, I have to add that to my bit about why millennials have TMJ. MySpace Top 8, two girls won't cup. Why was that put into the mainstream? No, because why was everyone passing it around and why was there no disqual? It's sixth grade.

You know, I never watched it because I'm a pussy. Oh, you're such a little baby. I'm a prude baby. I said I refuse to watch that. No, that's so you. Because actually at the end of the day, I'm saintly. Like, that's why Kim likes me. Because I'm prude and safe.

I remember watching it being like, this is bad. I shouldn't be watching it. But I was like, obviously, I need to see what everyone's talking about for, my own opinion. I had so much fun last night. Oh, sorry. It seems like a weird segue. because well okay so I went to this sushi place and there was a giggler who worked there but actually there is kind of a segue and I was like how like what's your favorite sushi and she was like oh I don't

eat sushi but she works at the place I was like that's iconic but like at least if I worked out of sushi place I would have mercury poisoning she's like eat this food gross um no but I was like okay and she goes no I just have a really big fear of throwing up me and I was like okay but I guess she's heard like if you get sushi poisoning you throw up so she's like I'm not risking that oh like there's more scenarios in which you could get food poisoning from raw fish than other I mean I think she's at the point where she has like a phobia where she's not like critically figuring out she's just like I don't fuck with that you know yeah she's keeping her walls up she's protecting herself that's why I felt about two girls one cup I was like

I'm not trying to throw up today Also, it was fake, right? I don't think so. If you don't know what Two Girls One Cup is, we're certainly not going to explain it on this pod because it was a, it's a personal situation. It must exist on the Internet somewhere. Definitely exists somewhere. It was a video that went rampant in the year what?

What year was that? 2006, everyone was talking about it. Could have even been younger. It shaped us our psyches. Now that the internet is so vast and there's so many videos and so many trends, I feel like generations, like there were certain things as a whole, as a generation you heard and you knew. Are there things like that? Well, this is what's crazy. And I could list them.

Sierra is a man. Two girls one cup. The guy who sucks his own dick. The guy that took his ribs out, sucked his own dick. Yep. This is, this was our pirate story. story our lore I think there's another one there's definitely another one they have it now but two girls one cup for example that would have been viral for four days yeah and everyone would have

moved on it's like movies do you remember when like a movie would come out like like inception when inception came out everyone was like talking about it for like four months like the devil where's proud of two done done I felt like that was so quick it was like it's the premiere and now it's like we don't care. Like when a movie would come out, like when Pokemon the movie came out, that was a, I was celebrating for a year. Rugrats on an orange VHS, you got me fucked up. Why wasn't everyone doing colored VHS? I remember getting that VHS and being like, so the branding everywhere else just doesn't give a fuck. No, the high you would get. Like, we had, we loved watching Power Rangers. I didn't, like, I would watch it, but I didn't get like high off of Power Rangers. But like,

Like, some of the Power Rangers were hot. Yeah, but it was a lot of action for me. Like, I was like, okay, take a seat. True. It wasn't my vibe. I watched a documentary that basically said, like, a ton of the Power Rangers are arrested or dead now. Well, childhood stars.

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That is like you actually went through the perfect span of time with dating. Like it started what four months ago? Yep. That you first saw him. You didn't really get to know him until the last like two months. And then like when you're in it, you're like, And everyone loves you. I've introduced you to all my friends.

Like it's amazing. We're definitely going to start like fully dating. He choked someone. I like open my phone and I was like, oh, my man's a little emotional right now. And then I'm like, oh, he's choking a man to death. So I'm not proud of his actions. And like, we have to have a talk. Yeah.

Because he can't continue like this. I saw a headline. It was like man chokes someone. I'm like, not my crush. Not my crush. On the field? Yeah. Or like in the wild in life.

No, fully, like the game's over, took his hand to the guy's neck and, like, shook him. No, the bar is so low. Could you imagine? Oh, also, you know I love Justin Bieber. Yeah. It's just with great power comes great responsibility. Justin Bieber, for the halftime show of the World Cup, decided to just show up with a guitar. We cannot enable men to just take.

a guitar. Show up places. Show up outside of their own home in which they pay taxes. I don't want you showing up in your own home with a guitar. Yeah, no, I know. And I know these men saw that and we're like, I could do that. And you have to stay alert because in the summer there's a lot of random bonfires that happen in people's backyards.

And that's almost like a silent call to them. They think there's something about the fire. It's because it's the devil. And so the devil comes out in them. And now with chat GBT, you know they're putting together trying to impress you with some song made by robots. And we're not haters of music, but like take out a JBL portable speaker. They sell them everywhere, all shapes and sizes. Put on we write at John Spotify playlist, Angry Woman playlist on Spotify and let it read.

I don't need a live performance while I'm trying to just enjoy a hot dog. Also, I don't know where to look when they're singing. I'm like, do you want me to make eye contact with you? Do you want to look away? Am I supposed to be smiling? I don't know what to do with my hands. It's really worse than people singing happy birthday to me. This is so off track, but I just thought of it.

And it's so hana-coded. I've been like, I think it's because in Italy they don't really, like, believe in breakfast. Like, they have, like, a sweet breakfast. And I love a sweet, but, like, you truly can't do it every single day. And they're not big on eggs. which I just find surprising, but whatever. I'm not going to debate the whole country on their breakfast practices. Who am I?

Wait, they love a frittata. They don't really, though. Like, from going to Italy for five years now, like, I will say they don't want to, they don't want to do things. They don't want to wake up early. They definitely don't want to wake up early. Yeah. And they don't want to change.

And who am I to make them change? That's why they like making breads because you can make that like anytime. They're all about like simple. Dishes are simple and it's a couple ingredients. But anyway, they could be doing scrambled eggs like so well I feel like and they're just like not. But recently I have been putting cottage cheese in my scrambled eggs like whisking it together. And then Hannah, I'll never go back to like cream or milk or anything. Wait, someone messaged me that and I was like, how the fuck did I not think of that?

Women in the end of the week. Yeah. Putting cottage cheese in your eggs because it's protein cheese. Yep. And you could get, you could use lactate dairy-free cottage cheese if you want to get real careful. Do you want to know what else I've been fucking with heavy? Mm-hmm. Making my own overnight oats solely because I like the little containers that you do it in.

Okay, now it's giving Tradwife. No, I know. Do you put a little like, like what are those? Napskins over it. No, yes, I've been making them cute as fuck. You know, you could charge them $20 at a farmer's market. I've been unscrewing them, grabbing a spoon. That's mini as well because it matches the cup and giving it to a man.

And I want to kill myself. There is something, like, fun about it. You feel like you're conning him when you do it because you're like, I put a fucking napkin and I tied it around a jar and you're like getting off to this. Sometimes I'll do a trad wifey thing and I'll get mad at myself. because I'm like, why can I weaponize my own incompetence? Well, you have to talk to me. I tried to make coffee in the morning and he's like,

you're not, this is not the right ratio. I'm like, oh no. I'm like, the taco seasoning doesn't go in yet. You have to give it a minute. Oh, my God. Wait, so Des, okay, one thing about our marriage. Yeah. He thinks it's like scientific.

Like he has like a disease. I think he just needs to grow up. Okay. He hates garlic. grow up grow up i come from an italian family he goes oh yeah i don't like garlic i was like oh that's literally birthed me i was birthed from a garlic clothes sorry my perfume is garlic i brush my teeth with it like what no so he was like no it's just like a family thing like my brothers don't like it my mom doesn't like it and i was like no i would you fucking marry an

italian because this is like in my veins a family of freaks so my mom gave us cucumbers from her garden because she's perfect. Of course. And we made these like, okay, this is turning into Bobby Flee, we got like pre-marinated skirt steaks. Hot take, skirt steak is the most underrated best steak out there. I digress. And it's affordable. I love thinking about it wearing a skirt. Like I'm like, that's why you love a skirt steak. I'm like, too top, center cut? Like doesn't flow as well. Skirt sticks? Skirt stakes are the drag. of steaks the drag queens of steaks do you think of like some burly man who just like killed a cow and he was like called this piece a skirt like okay yeah I love it with a ruffle sure pencil so it's like a

cumin skirt steak and I was like oh my god what if we cut up some cucumbers put in some Greek yogurt and made like a little no I know made a little to zes Ziki. No, literally. So I was feeling myself and then you have to season it. And I... Of course. So I see that we have like salt, pepper, garlic powder. I'm like, I know he hates garlic, but I'm like, I'm not throwing some fucking garlic, right? Nobody can tell a garlic powder. By the way, this is me and does having a wild night. And my only job was to make this salad. So of course I like try to poison my husband. Yeah. Like he's doing everything else. He's like, just make this salad. I'm like, okay.

he takes one bite he goes he can taste it that much he was like how much garlic did you put in that I was like I didn't put first I tried to lie I was like I didn't put I didn't put garlic here like none and I'm like oh maybe there was like a little bit and he's like this is all garlic I didn't make a separate one for him without the garlic powder oh I wish I could have tasted it

it was so good it wasn't a lot of garlic it was enough to just give it some jeniseiqua you don't have to tell me girl by the way this is also marriage I'm looking looking at the last text I sent Des yesterday. This is so marriage. It must have been at like 10.30. I just texted him, why is the door keep opening and closing? Comes and he goes, why do you keep breathing in and out?

He's like, sorry I was going outside and I came back in. I go, well, it's a lot of doors moving. I'm just trying to watch TV. Why are people moving? When I was little, when I was younger, I only like, I only paid attention when it with things that like perked my interest like so they i would have specific words like skirt steak is a great example like that would have piqued my interest and when someone would come in and out of the house repeatedly my grandma would always say it's cross gates mall in here which is like our

which is like our local that's literally what was happening i mean it was like maybe five door slams that i was like okay i say it to this day i'm like what is it cross gates mall also it's me and him in the house I'm like how many people are frolicing around. Yeah. That's like whenever we couldn't like open a door or something my dad's always like, it's like getting into Fort Knox. Well, that's like a common one. Oh.

That's like, okay. I fear that is like. But like what is Fort Knox? Fort Knox is like a military base that's like like a lot of security. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they said it actually on Rhode Island. So it was like, it's like getting into Fort Knox.

and I was like, oh my god, my grandpa says that. Speaking of old people. I love learning things from reality TV. That's the only way I learned. So at the sushi restaurant. Oh, yeah, we forgot about this girl. I sat next to the most iconic older lady to the point that I was like, I need to be her.

Like, I need to be in her body and be her. I find out she's so glamorous. She's sitting there. She tells the sushi guy like all the things she doesn't eat, which was like kind of like every fish. And he was like, gotcha. And he like was making her shit and she's just sitting there. And she was telling me places to travel.

And then I was like, where are you from? Like how old? Like 80s? Mm-hmm. Okay. I said, where are you from? She was like Brooklyn. Maybe you met yourself in the future.

No. I was like, wait, I'm from Brooklyn. And she's like, where you're from? Like park slope. And she's like, I'm from Flatbush. And she's like, all these people want to move to Brooklyn. I want to get the fuck out of Brooklyn. She's talking about it.

And then. She goes, you know who I went to high school with? Judge Judy. So then I'm locked in. Then I'm not even eating my sushi at this point. I said, You're going to have to tell me everything because... Everything.

I'm obsessed with Judge Judy. And she was like, you know, one night she got too drunk. So we jumped her. It's always some bitch from high school. Like, you're 80. Get over. It's always... Because, you know, a hater who's... ever been stunning has their bag has never hated on me but like some old bitch is still gonna hate

on judy no so then i took does this is like what are you're talking about i'm like you are gonna you can never guess this bitch jumped judge judy in high school imagine that's judge judy's origin story she's like and i'll stand for justice for the rest of my life that's where i put down the mallet also why did she say Why they just her. Well, she said, if you get too drunk and you're embarrassing yourself, you're going to get jumped. And I said, that's why people back then had character. Because nowadays, people just go behind usernames and talk shit.

Jump someone's ass and let them know where you stand and fight it out. Also, I was like, Judge Judy. And then we didn't, there was no follow up. I was like, okay. And then we just enjoyed the mail. Oh, my God. But like, this is why I fuck with old people. Yeah.

You're not going to be sitting next to like a 24-year-old and they're going to have that kind of lure. Jumping Judge Judy is a crazy. It's also a crazy thing to like in the first meet, the first four minutes of meeting someone like saying that. Also. Also jump saying jumping someone. That's a, people don't do that anymore. Especially at 80 years old. Also going to school with someone who becomes, I'm talking like a list.

Like would you say judge Judy's a list. I was. Yes. She's anyone in the world knows who Judge Judy is. I feel like everyone knows who Judge Judy is. Does anyone know her last name? No. But neither no one knows shares.

Oh yeah, I was just going to say Madonna. It's been done before. Thinking about like, but I'm sure there's people that hated Judge Judy like growing up. She's a human. Like she obviously had people she didn't get along with. But I always wonder what it's like going to school and like disliking someone. and then seeing them become like, like I'm sure there were people in high school with Kim Kardashian

that was like, I hate you. Like, Kim, you're never going to be famous. Like things like that. I just always love that lore. There always is because like you don't try to be that famous unless someone's pissed you off. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's too much work.

Remember when Lady Gaga said that someone made like a Facebook group that was like Stephanie, you will never be famous. But that's because they saw something in her. Girls are so diabolical when they're mad. Can we declare no more girl-on-girl crime, please? Next time you want to say something bad about another girl, say something bad about a man. Let's just, let's start with that.

Well, I got on, of course, this algorithm where this girl was like, imagine if we said we want to start taking away men's rights because they're the most 98% of violence is coming from them. and we just don't think they should have rights and they shouldn't vote. I saw a TikTok and it was a girl posting and it was like her face and it was like her looking beautiful

and the caption was just like this and like hitting him in the face and like and the comments were all girls being like ha ha ha ha ha and some guy commented and was like okay but like wouldn't be cool if we posted that and it and everyone like replying to him was like you murder us

like it's only funny to girls because they don't do it. And it was just an interesting. Someone was saying like girls don't, like statistically, girls don't murder. Like that's not our thing. Well, because we can control our emotions. But we also can like, will like emotionally like terrorize you. We put it into needlepoint.

Yes, but we will not murder. But they said the only time it's murder, like pretty much 100% of the time murder, I love putting out stats, is based on like we've been a bit of, abuse for years and it's reactive abuse. There's not a lot of crime of passion with women. It's more, the crimes of passion are more with men. But there's obviously definitely crimes of passion.

But then what's weird about men is like, my man like strangled some guy yesterday. And I swear they're probably getting beers today. Which like, that has to be studied. They have a low IQ. Well, the headers that they do in soccer,

that's a, no one's talking about CTE with that. And you want to know something else. I don't respect men for. I think that they have a hard time holding a grudge. And I actually think seeing, I see holding a grudge as something really, um, you got to have gumption. You know, you got to have ambition to hold a grudge.

You have to believe in something. It takes daily work to hold a grudge. You have to make a decision every day that you're going to hold that grudge and stick to it. And that's discipline. If you can't hold a grudge, how can't you hold a relationship? How can I trust you? there's not a person that you've hated for years i can't trust you every one then you do forget something though but it's because you have so you have so many grudges you actually have like

two many things going on and then you but then you jump right back on yeah once you remember once someone reminds me of what that pitch did i'm right back in the moment low key i am so proud of myself though like because it's starting to happen with me where you're like do you remember when this person did this to you and you forgetting that someone did something like horrible to try to ruin your life is such a win. Like that person is so like small in your life that you forgot when you were the center of their existence to try to take you down and you literally forgot that they did that. Sometimes I have to limit my phone calls with Stephanie because she'll tell me things from

high school and like I'll bring someone up and she'll be like, page of that person hates you. And I'm like, I don't recall. And she'll walk me through a whole story. I'm like, well, I got to go. I'm like, that's traumatizing. I went through that. She's like, yeah. You were right there.

Like, no. Oh, my God. Anyway. Also, I had a really cute date with my mom, but I just, we got pedicures. She said she was priming your feet for the next time you see each other. But I have to say my mom is so old school when it comes to pedicure. She comes in, and the lady's like, do you want regular or gel? Did she bring her own color?

No, that's Kimmed to Sorbonne. Oh, I was going to say, I could feel Lenore. being like that's what nana would do yeah nan was like i got the perfect one you used that's what nana would do yeah but um my mom goes nana's is like discontinued but she ordered like a hundred bottles that's how she is with her lip stain that she reapplies after every time she choose she's got like a gvon she from 19 like 87 it's a shade that i've never seen before and it only works on her face it has like poisonous berries that they don't make it it's like not fda approved No.

1999, they ruled it illegal. It's been banned in Canada for sure. For sure. There's red dye 40. There's red dye 40. You can guarantee that. So my mom was like, I'll like, we'll take gel. And she goes, whoa, whoa, I don't do gel.

And I'm like, mom, gel will last like a year on you. And she's like, but it causes cancer. And I was like, mom, let's be fucking crazy today and just get gel. Okay. And she's like, okay, cool. So we get there and immediately I'm pressing the buttons. Like I'm fucking getting my. Look over.

I'm like, mom, press the massage thing. Get the massage going. I don't. She was like, okay. I mean, okay. I'm like, that's the whole point of it. Yeah. It's getting the back massage.

I have to focus. I'm on my phone though. I'm fucking, I'm sending emails. I'm texting. I'm like doing whatever the fuck I am my phone. I'm listening to music, whatever. which is raw dogging or pedicure. Just staring straightforward.

And that complete peace, like not weird. She's just enjoying the moment. And then I realized I'm being weird. I thought she was on her phone. I realized I'm on my phone. Then I put it down and I'm like, okay, I guess we can talk. But I'm like, she didn't even consider taking out her phone. Didn't even think of it.

The good old days. You used to just get pedicures. Now I have like a to-do list when I'm getting a pedicure. I'm like, great. I'll knock this out while I'm getting a pedicure. You can listen to seven audio books. Back then, what did women do when they were getting their nails done? They talked.

They gossiped. They gossiped. They talked to their, like, technician. They went at the same time as their friends. They sat. They had a key. They had community. When I'm getting my nails done, I can't be on my phone.

Because you're getting your nails done. How are you? I try to watch the tennis channel from my phone. I watch TV. But also I try to avoid getting my nails done at all costs. I know. And these guys are not good. But no one ever calls you out.

Like I literally had to come home, get my nails done immediately. Wait, you're so jealous of me right now. Well, because your nails like last so long. No, it's because people have low expectations for me, Paige. Except, can we just say a lot of comments think, Henne, can you clean your screen? Henley, can you clean your screen? I think it's more the glare from the sun.

No, I cleaned it for this. Okay. Okay. But guys, can someone not have an aesthetic? Can it not be? Sorry that that's your vibe. That's like my vibe. Also,

Vibe is might have just had a grilled cheese sandwich. You don't know. You don't know my life. Why are you dressing like me right now? Yeah, I know. I just put my hair up and I was like, it's giving soccer team. No, but you know I love a polo, like a grandpa polo. I've been loving them this summer because they're just like easy with like sweat shorts.

Yes. Like for lounging, but like what if she goes on a walk? You know? I'm obsessed with a culot for summer because I don't want to wear tight capries and I don't want to wear long and I don't want to wear too short. There's something about a wide long capri that I'm like digging with a little kitten heel. In the year 2005, I first saw a pair of goucho pants. And let me tell you, my life had been changed ever since I think about goucho pants. once a year.

In a good or bad way. You, did you wear gaucho plants? Because they would have been so you, they were like stretchy yoga material capris that were like, yeah. They were at limited too. I wore them. They had a foldover. They were everything to me. And I feel because capries have come back so strongly in the past like two years,

goutreau pants are on the horizon and I'm hoping, I'm hoping. I'm hoping. I'm hoping that it's like two years down the line, three years down the line, and we're pregnant for it. Oh. Because, honey, we'd be living if goucho pants were in style when we were popping out kids. Oh, my God. Yeah. Also, women of stem of the week.

This girl invented a jacket back. Wait. Did you see this? No, but congratulations for her. Wait, I ordered a romper and a pair of leggings that are supposed to, like, help your digestive system. Well, I also ordered a vibration plate yesterday. So, you're a little bit late on the mark, but. Des was like, what the hell is this?

The brand is called C-E-A-N, lymphatic compression leggings. Are you going to wear it on, I'm going to see, are you going to wear it on planes? Or, like, on your daily? I was going to wear it on a walk and just like see. Okay. And then figure it out. Okay. At some point we can, we can't squeeze out every drainage of.

At some point, talk therapy is necessary. At some point, community. At some point, put your phone down. The cons to need to improve is exhaustive. It's overwhelming. But this girl, basically, one of my, it really brought me back. Do you remember when you'd go to a bar and it was really cold out and you were like, I have to wear a jacket. Yeah.

And then you get to the bar and you put your jacket down and you go, there's a 50, 50 chance that I'm ever going to see this jacket again. And then you live your life. No. Oh. No, because that jacket is my world. That's my life. You would wear the jacket at the bar. No, I would carry it around with me because I'd rather die at the thought of this jacket going home to someone.

someone else's apartment not being cared for, not being loved. Oh yeah. I forgot. Essentially being kidnapped. I forgot how you feel so connected to inanimate object. See, I had the same winter jacket for like 10 years. I was like, someone please take my jacket. And like if I forgot it or someone took mine instead of theirs, I would be like.

Yeah, you'd call 911. Yeah, I'd be really upset. I'd have to go replace a jacket immediately. No, I'd see a pile of jackets. I'd put mine like under the pile. and then you pray and then you just go off on your night and then at the end of the night it's chaos I do a secret hiding spot if I was like somewhere that like I had to put it down put it in the kitchen or something or like my friends with the bartender and be like I'm not putting it in the pile of other

jackets but my jacket was gross or we would do no jackets and I would just dress with like a belt as a skirt and a top full of hope and then just like get pneumonia and And go. We were tougher. We had our immune systems were stronger. We hadn't lived through COVID-19. A hundred percent. We had dreams.

We had. A hundred percent. We were full of life. The page is good. She. I got half my eggs gone. Like I can't keep internal heat anymore. How would I do that?

You could just poop on demand back. Yeah. Are you kidding? So this girl. girl invented this jacket that you go to the bar in your jacket and then the jacket folds into i swear a really cute bag and then you just like put your stuff in it where's your stuff while you're wearing the jacket you can have it in a purse and the purse goes in that because it's like not like it doesn't turn to tiny purse it's more like i'm intrigued a bigger purse it's it's it's really it's cute

to the point that it's like i'd rather hold that than my jacket all night. Like, I really would have thought that, like, ballet flats that, not ballet flats, but, like, sandals that turn into heels would have been, like, more of a thing. I thought there would be more, like, innovation and technology in certain, like, for sure. Well, all of us were, like, wouldn't it be crazy if, like, your heel could turn into, like, I want, like, robotic, like, and it, like, goes up. But, um, the Spanx lady, who's iconic created the sneaker heel. Yeah, let's be serious, though. But, but, but the Spanx lady, who's iconic, who's iconic, but, but the spanks lady, who's, that's not your brand um maybe one day and maybe one day we won't will invent a tampon that isn't

just a cotton ball shoved up your pussy but sorry for saying pussy i know you hate that sometimes it's just inappropriate sometimes it's just harsh on my ears you know but that's my internalized misogyny like i can't hear the word pussy i actually said pussy multiple times this episode yeah somebody deemned me and they said i that over the weekend they said to a man can you take the dick out of your out. She was like, and I'm not going to lie. It hits so hard. People were like, well.

I was talking to two people yesterday trying to explain how I couldn't speak in the beginning of the massacre. Yeah. And it took all of me to not say I sounded like I had a dick in my mouth because it's really the most accurate depiction of it. Yeah, we couldn't get closer. But it wasn't, I didn't know these people well enough to say that. So I said marbles, but in my head I'm like, marbles doesn't do justice.

It's a dick. It's fully. like I sound like this. I think that's... I think that's... I think we've done our job. I think we're done here. I think we need to go home.

Get in the car. When I said talk therapy is inevitable at this point. Last summer I was doing EDMR therapy every single day. And people are begging for it back. People have written in. Wait, my old makeup... Not my old make... My L.A. makeup artist?

I'm obsessed with Crystal just tagged me in a full, like, in the arms of the angels of my smile and all these photos of me like really happy smiling. And that's what I woke up to today. Hannah, do you see that people are commenting on things that are happening in the bravo sphere with your face? It's just like, one thing about me. You've replaced the little girl in the back seat going like that. You've replaced her.

I do have to say maybe my favorite accomplishment of my career, because I love. being a meme if I can bring joy to anyone and make make a comment that much funnier that's what my purpose is you're this gen z's two girls one cup that's the callback and that's a callback okay we have to get off stop talking I love you I love you goodbye goodbye get our merch