Giggly Squad - Giggling about getting high, getting blocked, and blue check marks

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

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What is up my greasy gigglers? Even if you're not a talent, you've been listening to this pod long enough that olive oil is coming out of your skin at this point. You're adding it into your skin routine. Wait, I have to umbut my jeans. Oh, man. You made fun of me yesterday for umbut. I actually didn't. I was the only one that didn't. Actually, you're so right.

Yeah. But you didn't stand out for me. That's right. You're not allowed in a complex. You're right. I didn't even leave you. See, I was like, are you seriously opening your jeans right now? And I hadn't even eaten anything.

You're also the comfort of Sierra's home. Like, if there's any place are you seriously opening your jeans right now? And I hadn't even eaten anything. You're also the comfort of Sierra's home. Like if there's any place to unbutton your jeans, it's in someone's home. First of all, so awkward, so weird. Me and An Sierra hung out all day yesterday, never in the history of our friendship. There was even a reason.

There wasn't even a meeting. No, I went over to Sierra's house at 12, and then you tech, actually, let's talk about this. You texted Sierra and said, hey, I'm with my cousin, Kara. Do you wanna go to brunch? And I looked at my phone. I said, boom, boom, dry, boom, dry.

I don't like brunch. I don't enjoy a pancake. What universe are you gonna hang out with me all week? I know you're sick of me. Would you have gone to work? No, I would. But you wanted to be invited. Yeah, but I wanted to be invited.

I was like, that's so weird. Tell that little bitch to just come over here. And then I was like, absolutely. We did not move from the couch for six hours. Maybe eight hours? We drank alcohol and pizza, as if we were hungover. I tried to take a hit of weed. No.

And I had an ass page how to do it. Like I was in fourth grade. First of all, it was an alternate universe. Hannah walks in to Sierra's house and she's like, I have gifts and I'm like, I don't want your shitty PR that you don't want. She thought I was gonna give her like a moisturizer that I got from Dwayne Reed.

And she pulled out these like little pre-world joints. So I was like, oh, we should smoke them. So we lit one up. Me and Sierra smoked it. Hannah was like so against it, she couldn't do it. And I was like, take literally one inhale. I just got there. If I had gotten a weird high,

then I would have ruined the day, the entire Saturday. I look at the box, it's not even weed. What's a CBG? He said CBG, which who knows what that even is. Yeah, we smoked gigglers. And so. He spoke to you, go, I'm just relaxed right now. Yeah, I didn't feel, it actually felt great. My body was so relaxed, but my head was still like,

living in the moment, like I could understand what people are saying But most of the time when I do smoke weed I like to get dumb. That's why I smoke weed See I don't like to get dumb because I'm like if something happens like an apocalypse I need to figure out how to get out of the situation I'm a me really take me out I'm like wait one second. Yep. I'm ready Why do I really feel like I'm gonna have to solve a math problem the second I get high? I'm like, oh no, if a math problem comes up right now, I'm not going to be able to carry the one.

What's like, I don't think at all, I mean, all day I'm just making up scenarios in my head. What you smoke weed to escape those problems. But like, what if those problems don't escape and you're not capable of solving them, because you're high as a dumb dumb? No, there have been times, I can't think of one right now, but there have been times where I've gotten high and something's happened and I've been like, fuck, I'm too high for this. To deal with this right now? And you can't get unhigh.

You can't get unhigh. You can't get unhigh. You could sober up when something bad happens. You're like, okay, we need a focus. But anything that has a risen like that that just know I have laughed through the whole whole thing Jesus has risen Squad we trust everyone wants us to make a T-shirt of a really squad we trust We should but we okay, so also with us hanging out we were with

Hannah's cousin Kara and she said a line that became Hannah's cousin Kara and she said a line that became the antithesis of our being and she was complaining about someone and she ended the conversation with and she didn't even leave a lasagna on my stoop and me and Hannah just stopped dead in our tracks and we were like how dare she? She disrespects you and then she doesn't bring a lasagna to your door to apologize. And from now on, I'm just going to send you lasagna at random time. And Sierra's from Atlanta.

Like, we're like three New York Italian. Yeah, we were like, I'm like, no, lasagna. She had Sunday dinner. She made a lasagna, but didn't leave one for you. No trade. No, not even with utensils on the side. Just put it on the stoop. Don't even say hi to me. Just leave a lasagna, but didn't leave one for you. No tray. No, not even with utensils on the side. Just put it on the stoop. Don't even say hi to me. Just leave a lasagna. Do you want to know something? A mutual friend of mine and Craig's had a tragedy in her life. I didn't even say anything to

Craig. He made a lasagna, brought it to their house. I was like, in what world? Kim is shaking right now. Okay, he's so proud. He was like, oh, I should probably make them a lasagna. And I was like, yeah, that. But Sierra, literally from the south, was like, yeah. Y'all are fucking crazy. And we were like, you've never, no one ever gave you a lasagna during a hard time. It's an Italian's casserole.

It's like a cake. Yeah. It's like, I'm sorry, cake. For Italians. A layered... We don't send, we don't send get well soon cards, we don't send sympathy. I'm not gonna say that you're bad.

No, I'm not coming over because you don't want people all around. That is the difference between like waspy people and Italians. Like if a tragedy happens, wasps, I feel like gather, and they like go over to that person's house or whatever. And they say like fake stuff, like, one's your two time tomorrow. Yeah, like, oh my gosh, such a tragedy. John was a great man.

And no one can cry. You know, Italian, they all drive in the driveway. Someone's in the car driving, the mom jumps out. I don't wanna bother you. Here's the lasagna, call me if you need me, and then they leave. Like, we hear for you, her her status. I'm here for you But in the meantime take a don't time is got soccer and then you know the all the stuff

But I'll be here like oh, you don't need to leave yes I'm leaving to look you have to act like you don't want those on and I do Oh, that's oh you can't take it if you take it on the first that is also such an Italian thing if you're out to dinner with Italians and someone offers to pay the bill and you say yes, just know that car ride home Is it and did you hear him say oh yeah, okay like we owe you dinner Like we the amount of times I've like I've been in the car with my family is like a child And I've heard them say and did you see how quick he took that check? Did you see did you see how quick he was?

Well, letting us pay you supposed to go into a physical altercation to pay for the bill. And also, if you stop when you're hungry, that's an assault on Italian culture. Yeah. If my Nana gives you food and you say, no, I'm good, you don't like the boss. Yeah. And you're like, no, I had to to serve it. Then you've put her in an awkward position because she now has to think of other things she could make you.

So you've ruined her day. You've given her extra work to do. So just eat what she gives you. And if you even like, let's say you have a pasta with like some broccoli, you know, you know, the broccoli was the broccoli not good. You don't like broccoli. You don't like the broccoli.

You should eat it. It's good for you. It is good for you, but also I would imagine my phone rolling. Well, your mom's there. But no, did you know Hannah doesn't eat imagine my for you. Your mom's there. Look what did you know Hannah doesn't eat broccoli? No, I'm not.

You just need the broccoli. Are you sure you don't want? Is it too much olive oil? There is a Sebastian Manes galgot like part in one of his stand-ups that is so pure and true. If you walk into someone else's house like, like I would classify Craig's family as like a very normal American American family homegrown homegrown just sweet as pie if you walk into an

Italian household and like you haven't seen your parents they could say anything at any moment in front of people so Sebastian has this thing where like if you walk into your household and you smell a little Everyone in the house knows like you dad will be like Kim. I think I think she stinks. Does she like smell her Does she smell but like in an American family like they don't know what's going on in anyone's life Where Italians know They have boundaries Yeah, they find a good time to pull you aside.

For times like, Uncle Joe could smell you from a costume room. Uncle Joe's about to have a fucking heart attack because he can't breathe in through his nose. Why are you a natural deodorant? That's bullshit. Obviously, you can't handle it. No, we're about aluminum. What is that? Yeah. My one girlfriend went home one year for Christmas and said to her mom, like like I'm no longer eating dairy

And the mom was like well, you no longer eat here then And I just felt like my family had one of one of my friends came for Thanksgiving And he's like vegan non-dairy non like gluten all this shit my mom goes I literally have nothing for you. I'm gonna give you you. No, I dated a guy who was kosher. Yeah. And that means he can't have cheese and meat together. Which is, what's the point of living? So I was like, well, you could do the eggplant Parmesan, but if she always makes it with the chicken Parmesan, and you can't just have the eggplant Parmesan, because that's disrespectful to chicken too. The first time I ever found out what kosher was. I was on a date.

I was like 23, 24, and I was with this Jewish guy. He took me to an Italian restaurant. It was our first date. They brought over a Sharkootary board. I hassled this man. For 30 minutes, I was like, you gotta eat the prosciutto in the same bite as a provolone. Like, what are you doing? If he was like, no, I don't reallyutto in the same bite as a provolone, like what are you doing?

And he was like, no, I don't really. But then he said, I'm kosher. And I was like, what does that mean? You know, and then he explained it to me. And I said, I just don't see this going. I don't see why you're gone. Would not want you to enjoy a bacon-y, but you sandwiched in the morning after a hangover.

Like this is amazing. They can't eat, they don't eat lobster. They don't eat bottom feeder fish. enjoy a bacon-y-gachy sandwich in the morning after a hangover. This is amazing. They don't eat lobster. They don't eat bottom feeder fish. Which honestly is classiest, F.A.B. They're like, if you eat from the floor. But also, isn't trim cocktail classy? It's like, where do we draw the line?

Very true. Isn't my pussy classy? Like, eat the bottom feeder. I actually feel like most of the Jewish guys that I have slept with do not go down on girls But I don't want to put that as a stigma across all of my ties Cuz Jewish men are ultimately the goal ultimately the make the best husbands. That's what they say Yeah, but who's to say? Wow, I feel like we are

The sopranos no, we just got in millennial girls bodies. So intense. That was really intense. So intense Okay, I have a few a few things. Let's go. I feel like we should have a sound that we like correlate when we have like New Iq unlocked Yeah, like where you're just like oh, I didn't know that was a thing And a new Iq that I have that has recently been unlocked for me. And it's not so much for the girls. It's really, although I don't love it when the girls do it too, but when guys are buying blue check marks. Eww!

We have not discussed this at all. First of all, Jeremy, with your 200 followers, we don't need to know that that's the real you. You know, we don't care. It's giving I'm a founder on a dating app and I'm like, what did you find your mom's apartment? Yeah, like it's just of your mom's house? No, I can't, I look physically, can't do it. Also, I want to know the strategy of it

because this happened my friend, her ex-boyfriend. She woke up with him. Next day, he has a blue check mark. a blue check mark like right along the time that everyone was getting blue check marks also Twitter I don't know if you check because you don't really go on Twitter no I don't either but I got no I kept getting a notification like you're gonna lose your blue check mark and I'm like who did I piss off like yeah what did I say who's banning me yeah whatever but I kind of didn't care but then I realized they took everyone's blue check mark away okay Okay. And you have to like, Beyonce lost their checkmark. So then I was feeling like, well,

me and Beyonce have to do a lot of common now. Sympatico. Sympatico. But I'm like, I'm not like I'm born blue checkmark. But the whole point of blue checkmark is so like when people, if people try to impersonate you. Yeah. And like someone DMs you like, hey, I'm had a burner. I'm having trouble. Can you leave $400 on my stoop? Right. It's like a protective thing. But you said you've been now seeing Blue Checkmugs everywhere? Everywhere.

And I'm just so confused by it. And I just think like the men, I dated a guy one time who was very obsessed with getting a Blue Checkmark. And it gave me the IK then, and I had just received mine, and he ended up getting a blue checkmark like after we broke up, because he met someone at Facebook,

and I, to this day, thought I would never get back together with him, because he got that blue checkmark after, and I was like, I just think it's weird that you want it so bad. I want a man that doesn't even know what a blue check mark after it. I was like, I just think it's weird that you want it so bad. I want a man that doesn't even know what a blue check mark is. Yeah. Like, that's ideal.

Seriously. But then part of me is like, go off, sis. I saw a few girls who have like small businesses who got blue checks. I'm here for you. Well, that's legitimate. You have a business. Yeah, I'm here for you having a blue check.

I'm here for you buying it. But like, Dylan, who like just graduated college, I don't need you, I don't need to know you Dylan. Also like if you're a mom that's just leaving hate comments on my page, because I say pussy too much and you said that I need to lose weight and then I click on your page and your first line is be nice to other people.

It's like a song. 14, 17. And yeah, but infant who looks pretty fucking true, but no one's saying anything. Wait, Hannah, you and I have been talking about ugly babies a lot recently. I've become so okay, I have a beautiful niece. Yes.

So I have like this, I've never been, I was ugly when I was a baby. How do you know that? You saw pictures of yourself or someone told you that my brother was like Blue I like big earlobes big lips little tiny nose the cutest Well, basically I know the reaction I got when I was born. Yep, and when he was born It was different. Yeah, you don't know what this feels like no. I didn't have hair until I was two So like something was happening with me as a baby. I was like one of my hair cycling. You know. But when babies have too much hair, I'm kind of like, okay, Johnny Bravo. Yeah, it's a lot.

And my mom used to put these like headbands on me so that people knew I was a girl because I just like couldn't grow hair. But your mom would probably be so mad if someone misgendered you. No. Literally. She's a princess. There is a moment. You've never watched Marvelous Missile Misses Miesel. Watch the first two seasons. OK, in the early season, she used to measure her daughter's calves and ankles.

And to see how she was progressing. And I was like, oh my god, that's so crazy. And my mom started laughing. And I was like, something you'd like to share with the class. And she goes, I was so nervous when you were a baby that you were going to have like the ugliest legs and like cancels. And it would literally, I would cry to my mom

that you were going to have like, oh, she was like, because I have stunning legs. And so we couldn't understand where you were getting it from. But when babies have like rolls she was like because I have stunning legs and so we couldn't understand where you were getting it from. But when babies have like rolls on their thighs it's the cutest thing ever. But then society turns on you and goes if you have a roll on your thigh. Yeah. Well it was cute when I was two. Yeah. So anyway. But yeah, Lois is really pretty. Like a woman message me, she was like, hey, I'm a pediatrician. Yeah.

And I see babies every day. I'll glee babies every day. This baby is stunning. And I'm taking full credit like she's my baby. Like I'm like, I know, my jeans, I know. I can't wait for the moment that we actually do of babies and like, no, if they're good looking or not. Like, are we gonna tell each other like,

you're very, very strong. Oh, cute. Like, are we gonna tell each other like your parents? I don't know. I leave a lasagna after you get first. I wake up with a lasagna outside and go, oh my fucking bitch. So sorry she came out like an alien. That was the first time I remembered being bullied as a child. I'll never forget it.

It was like one of my first core memories. I was in third it. It was like my one of my first core memories. I was in third grade Okay, and I was sitting in the gym before we like went to classes like the kids that got dropped off like kind of early You were still bald. No, I think I was like a pretty cute kid I don't even think I had started modeling yet, but people knew I was like a cute kid But you don't know that you're a cute kid And I remember this one girl, her name was Sarah, and she said,

Last year? I can't remember, but also, you know, I'm not trying to have the gigglers come for her. She said to me, you know why it's not good that you're pretty now, and I said why? And she said, cause you're gonna be ugly when you get older. And I remember being like a seven year old being like, wait, am I ugly?

Like am I gonna be ugly like going home and crying to my mom? Girls are so sad. I was like, that was it. That's gonna stay with you for life. It's stuck with me forever. It's like the day Sarah's checking your Instagram like it's coming Each year I would get older. I was like once I coming. It's coming. It's hitting. It's literally hitting this year Like fucking Sarah She left a bomb and it's ticking. Yeah, holy shit. Speaking of being pretty We didn't we went on stiff socks podcast and we talked about it for a second You guys should listen to the stiffs. I was so nervous being around Had aosexual men, but they were like very welcoming. Yeah, they were nice

They were more scared of us than we were of them. Which I love. I was getting sassy with them. Like whenever they'd point at me, I'd be like, put your finger down. And then they're funny though. They're so clever. So quick. Like I don't think I've met someone as quick humor as he has. So if you want to like snort a line of cocaine and listen to stiff socks giggly squad, but we talked about one of, okay, I'm gonna, this is intense. Wow, I'm so interested. I'm talking about my photo. Oh yeah. So we got to make up done all the time.

Yeah, I got to make up done. The artist was like really talented. And I looked, I looked good. Standing. And she took a photo and then she sent me, she sent it to me like an hour later and I looked at it and I looked Incredible I mean like truly like taking I was like do I need to get a like Maybelline campaign? Yeah, like it was like does has Christian are seeing this because she would do wonders and I related to the card Yeah, like what's happening and then I look at it a little longer and I'm like wait a second, something's off.

And I looked at my best friend, and I say page, is this photo edited? Hahaha. Not one millisecond, one by, and she goes, absolutely, that's not you. And I said thank you for taking me down to Earth for a second, because for a second, I thought I was gorgeous.

I just think I started laughing. I was like, who is she? Who is that? So we realized that this photo was subtly face-to-n. Yes. But it's subtly, though. Subtly to the point that you know you see something or like they made their boobs bigger.

Oh, they made their nose little. I don't know what she did. Yeah. But it was to the point where I was like, should I even be friends with Paige? And she's kind of like not that cute. Like I should align myself with different people at this point.

So you were ready to bring that photo into the nearest plastic surgeon and be like, whatever she did to this due to my face. So I sent it to my mom and mom because you look so beautiful. And part of me loves it. And then part of me is like, but it's not me and I wish my mom knew that I don't look like that. I send it to my husband.

He goes, you look great. Send it to my Nana. And she goes, I know beauty is not the most important thing. And you hate when we talk about your beauty, but you're so beautiful. Make sure you bring that makeup artist everywhere because it's going to be great for your career, you're gorgeous. And you look just like Nana. So I'm sitting there and I'm having a lot of emotions right now

Because I'm like how do these my own family? I'm literally getting gaslit by your entire life I'm so happy that they think I'm hot, but I also feel like a scammer like I feel like Joanne the scammer Joanne the scammer, literally, like real and then I'm I posted on my story and I'm getting all these responses like you look amazing. So you know like, that's a grid pose. Yeah, for sure. But then I like a page and I say this goes against everything I've ever believed in to post this and say this is what I learned.

We're learning, we're growing, we're changing. I'm gonna make someone else feel less pretty than me. Yeah. When this is not how pretty I actually am. Yeah. So this is not how pretty I actually am. Yeah. So I posted it. Got 50,000 likes. Nana was right.

Great for my career. In his fucking crush. 70,000. Not the accounting. Let's. But I was doing a social experiment. I was like, because the facts of matter is, is that a majority of these girls that are posting looking gorgeous all the time, this to their face what I did.

And then you start feeling like, wait, but if I'd always posted like that, I'd be embarrassed for people to see me in person. There is an Instagram account that I follow that shows all these celebrity red carpet pictures that are unedited and then they showed the version that this celebrity posted. Yes. It is so humbling and just by following that account, I can't even think of what the name of the account is.

I'll find it. I'll follow all of them. Yeah. Instagramverse reality is like, what it's, I think it's what it's called. Yes. I keep famous by Dana. It shows like this, plastic surgery.

It makes you feel so much better about yourself because It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame.

It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame.

It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame. It is so shame, they look so natural. I didn't notice. Well, on Sundays, we're recording this part on Sundays. On Sundays is the day that all my makeup PR stuff is when I'll try it. Because in case I hate it or it doesn't look good,

it's like whatever it's a Sunday. Wait, you're so organized. Sometimes I'm very organized. Yeah. And so today I was like, a minute, try a little. Give it a shout out, because it looks so natural. It was just on Amazon, but everyone talks about Frack,

like the one that all the girls are using, but this is a called random, it looks like a magic marker from Amazon. This side, I didn't let dry fast enough, so the sides are not as good as this side, but... It's, you want to zoom in? But you know what's crazy is I've, cause I've always played tennis,

and I'd always get sun on my cheeks. I get so many freckles. Yeah. And it was never considered cute. I, okay, when the trend first started, I want to say it started like two years ago, I did it. And then I had this like bravo blogger like really make fun of me for it.

For fake freckles or to having freckles? For fake freckles. And I got so insecure. There's a thin line between a freckle and a potentially cancerous sunspot. Correct. And I had fake freckles and I got so insecure. There's a thin line between a freckle and a potentially cancerous sunspot. Correct. And I had fake freckles. I wear my SPF.

And I got so insecure that she had like done this whole post about it and like whatever that I stopped using them. You realize that people critiquing you can affect your creativity? Yes. It was affecting my creativity. And then like recently I was like, wait, I'm going to let this girl who means nothing to me affect my creativity. And then I was like, I'm doing fake freckles today.

So you don't get any freckles with the sun? No, I do, but I feel like because my makeup covers it up, when I put concealer on, you can't ever see them. I have to go bare face to see my freckles. I'm so sorry for not immediately acknowledging it when I sat down but it was rainy today and I've just been kind of off. No it's been crazy. But I'm really sorry. Why is it like that in New York City when it rains? It does. If we think we're going to handle an apocalypse. So when it rains for

whatever reason I don't know why I'm like Mrs. Rebellius, but I refuse refuse Like I walk outside everyone's in umbrellas. I'm like Yeah, I'm like run, but then it's like all over me and I'm like Anyone anywhere you walk into you're like no, it's pouring and everyone's like yeah, no, we know No, we have that umbrella. I'm just like, this is the fight I have to fight today. And then I'm trying to text and my phone is just what? And I'm just like sending the wrong things to the wrong people and I'm just a mess.

But then you just kind of love it because it's not your fault. You're like, it's the rain. Let me go full Jew bear more. I fully put all my anxiety into the rain. Like, I have no problems except the rain. I'm like, if the rain just would stop, I would be, have everything together.

And I don't know why. I complain so much because I go from Uber to Uber Uber to establishment to Uber and I'm like I can't So I was gonna walk pick you up ice coffee and then I realized you it was like legit raining Yeah, and I was like I have to get Uber and then the Uber was taking forever So I'm fucked up. What a day. What a fucking day? speaking of wet hair I want wanna apologize again to the Academy and you for-

Gaslighting us. Make usling you. Yeah. Making fun of your hair, journey. Yeah. Cause I recently got stuck on a TikTok, where TikTok is so cool cause it makes it so accessible. Like if I read like a long article,

I'd be like, this is high brow, this is not me. No, I get my medical information from watching multiple TikTok. I've never a long article. I'd be like, this is high brow, this is not me. No, I get my medical information from watching multiple TikTok videos. I've never finished an article. I don't know where girls got the information before, but when I'm a visual person, so if a girl's like, look, my hair used to be dry. Yep, and now it's not.

I put it on, I put it in a bun, I went to sleep, I woke up, now it's gorgeous. I'm like, I- I went off my birth control because of TikTok. I have to say, guys, I don't know if it's because I got off my birth control because of TikTok. I have to say guys, I don't know if it's cause I got off my birth control or on ProZac, but I have so much more energy. Yeah.

I'll think like, oh, you have to get up and like get the mail. Normally, I'd be like, I can't. No, I can't. And now I get up, I get the mail, and then I say back down. I woke up yesterday on a Saturday morning and went to Sierra. And 9.30 showered. Opened my morning and went to Sierra and 9.30 showered, opened my umbrella and walked to Sierra's.

But you haven't been on birth control for a long time. So I have been on it for, well really like since I started dating Craig. So for like almost two years. See this is, this makes it hard because it's too many variables. Are you depressed because you're dating Craig? Are you depressed because of the birth control? But someone told me in a crowd because I ask about birth control and they were like, I can't do birth control and I was like, why? And she goes, because it makes me depressed. And now I think my birth control is making me

depressed. I think it does. I think it makes me depressed too. I don't want to say I was like in a full depression, but that's what people say when they were- I felt like I was very numb to a lot of things that were happening. Something would happen and I would just be like, cool, I don't care. Where I should have cared about that or would have cared, but I was just like, I don't give a flying fuck. Which is my personality in general.

I don't care about a lot of shit. But- But you care about stupid shit? Yeah, but I felt like, oh, I'm really desensitized to a lot of things that are happening to me. You just don't care. Yeah, and that's like that's kind of depression. So I don't know if it's and I don't want to tell the viewers to get off their birth control, but I feel like pull out. I literally was just like, I am 30 years old. I'll just use a condom. No. No, don't use a condom. But use the flow app. Do you have a flow app?

Yeah. It tells you when you're ovulating. Yeah. So during those times, maybe use a condom, but then the rest of the whole month, just have them pull out. Yeah. I mean, I do that anyway, being on birth control. Yeah. But I'm less scared. It's so crazy as you get older.

I'm less scared of getting pregnant because it's like Bitch I feel like you can't just leave will not be like I want to have a kid It has to just like happen, but I'm more concerned about like my well-being my mental health already Like I've only been off of it for two weeks already. I feel Like my body is my body. Like I felt like I was having like a disassociation with my body when I would look at it in the mirror. I'd be like that's not me.

But now being off my birth control I'm like oh yeah like that's what I look like. You got and I was on low estrogen low. I was on low a gestural it was called and it was very low hormones. So why does it her mom? It was also French The hormones and it was on it It was on French girl birth control It sounds like yeah hot guy you'd meet on raya. I'm her mom I'm a digit. He bought a blue check

Her mom bought a blue check for sure and his real name is just Steve. Yeah He wears a beanie and he wears like those pants, like the guys in Brooklyn with like high socks. And the beanie that like, just is at the very tip of his head. He keeps like, he keeps like teetering on like, if he should grow mustache or not. He also has never listened to a Taylor Swift song. He only listens to Indy band. Yes.

His ex is in an Indy band and he would like follow them like to different places in the E.B.G. And he's a real freckle. And he's a real freckle. He's a real freckle. He's a real freckle. And occasionally he has like a tarot card reading just for fun.

And he carries a knapsack but he calls it a knapsack. And he has rings. So many rings. But like been to drinks. And he has rings. So many rings. But like, been to drinks. Yeah. And he doesn't acknowledge the rings ever and it's like, why do you have 10 rings on your hand? His parents are both lawyers and connnets.

And he goes to Econox four times a week. Oh, I love her mom. I love her mom. It's funny, yeah. I was in low hormones and I said, I've been on it since I think I was like 20 So that's yeah, I'm talking years and I have to stay girls these last 10 years have not been easy I've definitely felt like I always thought it was cuz I got mono when I was 18

You've chalked up the past 10 years My mom will be like well you did have mono that year and I feel like you were never the same after But I think, we always say that. Because I was like a happy running around, and the world just fucking, it's literally, yeah, it's the world. It's the world. So we can't just put all our promises

into the ring of worship. I always think about how confident I used to be like in the beginning of college, and then I'm like, what happened? And I think you just open your eyes to the world and you're like, wait, this place sucks. Everyone sucks. That's what turning 30 is. It's not that you're like more confident. You just don't have the energy to be insecure anymore. That's what it is. I'm like I don't give a shit what this bitch thinks. I don't

have time to worry about her. Like I'm just trying to make it to the night. Literally. I'm fighting for my I I'm trying to survive here. You were so scared to turn 30. Now that you've been in it for a long time now, how do you feel? I still hate it. You hate it? Yeah.

I am gradually liking it. Like I love being like, bitch, I'm in my fucking 30s. Who are you, what are you gonna say to, like stuff like that, Like I like fighting people? I do feel I do feel like what you're saying is true. I you have less time and you're tired to be insecure. Like I don't think I turn 30 and I was like I know at all the answers to all the questions I had. No, it's I just don't care. I just think your 20s also, it's like so much expectation.

Well, let's just be honest, you were a dumb teenager, then you turned 20, and then you're supposed to be like the hottest, coolest person you've ever been, and I'm like, I still can't read a book. Wait, I forgot to tell you this story, and I'm so, maybe I need to tell you, or maybe I told Craig, it doesn't matter.

Wait a second. So I'm on Instagram one night and Francesca from Chicks in the Office has stories. I love how you call her Francesca. I call her Franny. Yeah, oh my god. But I call her Franny to her face. But I feel like when I'm referring to her,

I say Franchasca. You do her business, man. It makes me sound more interesting. The her name is Franchasca. You know? So I fully use her for it. interesting. The her name is Francesca. You can't help it. So I fully use her for it. I'm like, oh, Francesca hangs out with Hermann on the weekend. I do.

Wait, I do the same thing with one of my girlfriend's her name is Sam. But when I refer to her, I only say Samantha. See, I call you Peggy. Now, every time I get into a new bar and they say, like, if they dare say page, I'm like, I don't know her. Okay, so I'm on Instagram one night. She's at like a Brooklyn Nets game, whatever. She's taking a video of a man

like being like, what is this guy wearing on his feet? You know those like crazy knee high boots that look like- The red ones, like a cartoon. That look like a cartoon. There's this guy at the basketball game wearing these boots in yellow Yes, she's like what are these like what is going on? I'm staring at the video. I'm like I know this man

Like oh my god I recognize this man like I like zooming in waiting for him to turn around so I can see his face It's my ex-boyfriend from a trillion years ago. I'm fully blocked on everything. Have not seen him, have not spoken to him. Don't know what's happening in this his life. This is the first time I'm seeing him on Francesca from Chios. He's like, while in out. He's like, he's on the court. Like he must have had court side. He did always get randomly like, good basketball tickets. I don't know why. He was on the court. It's like either half time or break or the game's over or something and he's walking around in these boots.

I immediately de-amper. I'm like, you have no idea what this just did for myself as steam as a 30-year-old woman. Well, that was good to ask. Did it make you feel like, oh shoot, he's having fun out at a basketball game? Or you were like, no. This man is the reason I have the career that I have.

And I, you said something about it last night and I was like I forgot to tell this story Hannah and I love if there's one thing we die for it's when things come out of revenge and we have our careers that we have because of ex-boyfriends telling us we would never have it the only reason I went on reality TV was he said to me, if you go on this reality show, I will never talk to you ever again. I literally signed my contract the next day because I was like, that's not, this man's not saying that to me. I'm so upset with that. And so seeing him on her Instagram story, I was just like, oh my god. Whatever gives you motivation, I don't care what it is. As long as you're not hurting other people. He has long since it motivates you to be better. Yes

I love the thing where it's like oh, you're gonna be an asshole now. I have to change career paths. Yeah, come your boss I didn't even want to do this. You're making me do it. No like my whole stand-up career Let's just say I need to prove Some people are not a. Born out of revenge. Born out of revenge. But then once you're in it, you don't know where to stop. And sometimes you take it too far. But if you love it, then it's like, thank you.

Sometimes the universe does that to you to make you find your way. Yeah, push it up. So you saw him acting a fool and you how did you feel? I just started laughing. I was like, oh my god, what are the chances that Fran is videoing this guy. I haven't seen him in years.

I know Francesca, like, I DM to her immediately. I was like, this is just so meta right now. And there is something to be said, if you are the ex that he has to block to live the rest of his life, that's the sauce. That's the, you's the fucking sauce. I'm sorry, if my husband or boyfriend has one girl that's blocked, and like she didn't like-

You're suspicious. She didn't like put a fire to your home. Yeah. I'm like, what's going on? If I have X's that haven't blocked me, I take it as a fail. I've failed. Wow.

Whatever has happened. See the X's that I'm not blocked, I'm like, oh, like it was a sweet, they're just like good guys. Yeah. For the ones that blocked me, I'm like, oh, you have some deep fucked up shit that like you can't even see my face when I didn't, I didn't cheat on you. I didn't do anything. I just was like, this is not good for me anymore. Yeah, I told you about yourself. I put a mirror to your fucking face. And now you're running around with your red boots. You're mad because I told you all about yourself. But that is crazy that you can't see him anywhere,

which is so healthy. I highly recommend. I mean, when we first broke up, I definitely like, seeked out his Instagram, but I'm talking like, I've been blocked for seven years. Oh, you did it. You did a toll on him.

Yeah. And it feels good.. You did a toll on him. Yeah. And it feels good. But so you didn't block him? No, I think I definitely at one point blocked him. But then I tried to unblock him. And then I was still blocking. It's like a whole thing. I think Instagram was like, we get it.

You two should probably not. We were always constantly blocking, unblocking. And then one day, we couldn't unblock. Instagram is petty as fuck. Yeah, they're like, we get, you guys come down. But then if you're not blocked, Instagram will show you them every fucking day. Or like this person like this photo with them. Like Instagram doesn't know how to decipher who you like love and hate.

They just know who you are interested in. I have so many people muted. It's... So my thing is I actually have no, I have so many people muted it's so my thing is I actually have no I have zero people I have like trolls that I blocked but zero people that I know in my life blocked Oh, but I do have people I've blocked over the phone Like their number. Yes, so I have I don't want them to be able to reach me

Like I have blocked people for you on my own account. You know what's so funny? Cause I have people messaging me, being like, hey, can page on block me, I don't know what I did. Yeah, and I'm like, mm, me and something. Did you say something about me? I have a lot of people, if I get mean comments in my Instagram, like, and I see them, and they're about you. I'm like blocked because sometimes it'll be like page we love you but we don't like your friend and I'm like and now you're blocked because you don't love me because she's half of me. That was the most loyal thing you've ever said.

I think I have some of your exes blocked. You do. Yeah, I do. You do. Can you see it? And you're like, I'm like, oh, I don't like this guy. I'm so dumb. So you know, I can't block my exes because I thrive You do you see it here's like Don't win this guy So I can't block my exes because I thrive on when I need the like

I go on my page and I imagine them looking at my page Yeah, oh, I do and I have to look but if I've blocked them they can't look at my page And that's what when you're waking up in the morning. You don't want to go that meeting. You don't want to probably you think I need to ruin his day today Yeah, and you go and for in the morning, you don't want to go that meeting. You don't want to probably you think I need to ruin his day today Yeah, and you go and for people who are like you didn't move on. Oh honey. I am moved on. This is just a little extra This is a little fire under my ass. Yeah, this is just a little But this is like a this is like a friend who you fucking hate who you're like look I don't want to hate them anymore, but I would I know they wish the worst for me

Yeah, so now I have to shine so fucking bright Yes, I do have I don't like unfollowing people I feel like cuz I just don't want to ever be caught in that moment where they like No, I'm not in a follower. I wouldn't unfollow. I love a mute. Yeah, it's nice to like clean out your timeline every now and then for energy It's all energy. No, it really is where I'm like I don't need that person coming to my page and seeing where I am what I'm doing. You're not, you don't get it. Sometimes I don't want to go into their life. Yeah. I do not need to be put into this, like, how your brain works and putting it on to me. Like, it's like a coffee that you didn't ask for.

Honestly, I think growth is me and my girlfriend used to have, like, a thin stub where we would go, we like all have the username and password and we would go on and like stock people that we didn't want. It was mainly for guys and like ex-girlfriends or new girlfriends where we didn't want them to watch our stories. I, we got rid of the Instagram and so I haven't had that Instagram now for like, we had it for a long, I mean we had it for 10 years. When you went into it, could you see what girls were looking for? Yeah, oh yeah, we had it for a lot. I mean, we had it for 10 years. When you went into it, could you see what girls were looking for? Yeah, oh yeah, we could see the searches.

So we would like text each other like, why are we stalking her? Like, I don't know, she's like annoying me or something or like, what, like, are you talking to him again? Why are you stalking him? Like, just, like, we would be able to see. So, but I've never had a Finsta. It's not healthy.

I haven't had it now for like almost a year. And I'm not trying to be like, oh, I'm like this like pure soul. I don't have a finsta is the same reason I don't smoke cigarettes because I don't trust myself. Yeah, because if I started I would get so fucking into it. I'm with a person where like I do it because I don't trust myself. It was honestly, I feel like it was once I started dating Craig. I was like, I don't even need to stalk anyone in I feel like it was once I started dating Craig I was like I don't even need to stalk anyone in here like it was boring. So you're a full grown up. She's

certain 30. She's certainly 30 and I was like I'm giving up stalking. I have a question I know it depends on the guy but your exes who have blocked you. Yeah. Do you think they have Finstas or they they have to look at you every now and then. How do you think they do it? They have to look at you every now and then. How do you think they do it? Or do you think they don't? I think they don't, because I think it's too hurtful to see, I think they don't look at me because I was always a person too,

that when I was dating them, the number one thing I would say is, I'm gonna be on TV, I know I'm gonna be on TV, and I probably got annoying about it, but I literally felt so secure, and I was going to be one day. It was just a matter of time before it happened. So I don't think they would be able to look at it

and know that I've made a whole career of talking. I do think that people might be listening and be like, I don't know if this is healthy, but I do think Taylor Swift, you don't think she has a drive of when people hurt her to be like, okay, instead of just hating you and being upset and being sad at the world,

I'm gonna make millions of dollars. And people be like, she's much, many, ready about guys. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the fact that that guy has to listen to that song on the radio in a club. The girlfriend is fucking her. Oh my god, I love this song. Sure. The people is amazing. Incredibly. Yeah. I else, it's Lady Gaga said like I want him to not be able to walk into a bodega without hearing my voice.

Yeah. And if that's what drives you. That drives me all day. Because what is life if you're not a little excited about something? But here's the thing. I hate the term like girlbossed because it's like we're just bosses, but I do feel like this past month we have girlbossed a tad hard. A tad too close to the sun.

And my boyfriend took two vacations this month. And I was like- You're gonna have to start giving him an allowance. I was like I manifested wrong yet again. Well the Bosnian like let's hang out and you're like babe. I'm working. I was like, I manifested wrong yet again. Well, the Bosnian like, let's hang out and you're like babe, I'm working. I was like, I'm working and he was like, okay, well, I guess like all go do stuff.

And I was like, absolutely go. And like now he's on these trips and I'm like, why am I working? And he's not. But then I was like, I wanted this. You literally manifested it for myself. I manifested it for myself too. And it's hard because, okay, in college, they always used to say,

as a student athlete, life is like a triangle. You have tennis, you have school, and you have your social life. And they said you can never have all three at the same time. Yeah. Which is so fucked up. But if I think about it right now, it's like like I have my work and my friends and my love life Yeah, and I rarely can have all three at one time and I was watching a black pink documentary Don't black pink is like pink they're a kpop group like a black pink

Do you know black pink is wait is that the guy that died? Absolutely not okay for for Like Korean descent women, but they're from different places. Okay. Oh my god, we're going off topic. But in Korea, there's this thing called YG Entertainment, where they get kids at like 11, 12, 13, 14 years old and they start training them to be pop stars.

Okay. And then they start like voting them off the island. It's like American Idol, but like your life. So like each year kids get cut. And then by the end, they had a girl group of four girls after like four years of training. So they're just like professional girls that have like worked alongside each other. And they have the best chemistry, best sound together, best everything. And they've created the perfect girl group called Blackpink. And they're the first Korean group to perform a Coachella in 2019. This is giving multi-level marketing screws.

Fully. Uh. That's crazy. Do they do that for other professions? I wonder. I know like, it's for tennis. Like, that's what the Russians do. Like at a very young age.

They're like training, training, training. The best ones go to American Universe. They get scholarships to American. But it's a whole thing. It's so funny because I feel like my parents, like, I feel like my parents never let my brother quit anything. Had to do like all of these things and he would hate it and they'd be like, you're going.

Where like then I came along and I was like, I'm gonna quit and they're like, yeah. And then like I think now that I'm as an adult, I'm like, they're probably like, she's not very good. Like she can quit. She's like, I did gymnastics for good. Like, she can quit. She's like, I did gymnastics for five years. I literally can only do a summer salt.

And they, they're probably like, yeah, it's a waste of our time in her. She's not too bright. So I was a disrespectful to the sport of gymnastics. And I'm like, well, what if I stayed in it and was so good? And they're like, you weren't going to be. You know, so it's like, your parents are so real, but also so like, I was like, but I could have been great at softball.

No Gary had potential. They're like, you're skinny little fingers. I remember my brother got into law school and I was like, maybe I'll go to law school. My mom's never left harder and they're like, she's like, I don't think so. But you said I wanna be on TV and they were like, oh my god, go fight with someone.

They're like, we, we think you can do that. And then that was like the, oh, they're like, no, you're just what you're gonna do. I think I get you. But I was like, yeah, black pink up their tour. They're playing like arenas all over the world. It's crazy, but they were sitting there and they were like during this nine month tour,

they were like, you actually have no fucking life. Yeah. Because all you're doing is waking up and looking forward to the next show. You're not like, what are we gonna do today? Should I do some self-care today? Should I talk to a new guy today? Yeah, because all you're doing is waking up and looking forward to the next show Yeah, not like what are we gonna do today? Should I do some self-care today? Should I talk to a new guy today? Yeah, no, so and I realized like when you see people like us like traveling so much We're not like fulfilled and having a tour right we like lost no tons of other parts of our life

I feel so bad because gigglers will send us so many recommendations on like their city and where we should go This one girl rode out like an entire engineering and it was so sweet and I was like, you don't understand. Like during the five days we're on tour, we don't know what's going on in the world. We have no connection to the outside world. It's like we don't know our Instagram logins. Like we haven't seen a feed in days. We only know each other. We only know each other.

Actually the last tour we went on, we had this unspoken thing because every airport was going a little bit too smoothly. Like, we were getting there before we had to be there. We were on time. We were more than on time. We had time to get drinks. The hotels were close to the... Yep, the ubers were coming quick. Like, we couldn't talk about it because it was going too well. We don't know what's going on. It's like we are also single women.

And not in terms of like, oh we're going to a bar. We're going to talk to you about it. No, you forget you have a relationship. I'm like, oh yeah, Craig, where are you? What have you been doing? It does look cool. And I'm like, we're going to the hotel. We've got to make up done.

Yeah. I don't know where you fit into this. And that's where you have to find the balance. And you have to consciously, but people go on tour for nine months. No I don't know how they do it. I also after being on tour for literally only five days. I don't know how people are on Broadway. No. Like you're waking up every day you're doing a full-on performance. Sometimes two performances in one day you're singing so loudly. But you will, I don't know, their voices, they can't.

I don't know. But this is the thing, their whole life's dream was to be on Broadway. Right. So they've put in so much time and effort and they have to be so intense and special to get there that once they get there, they're like, this is all I wanted. But then once you get there, that's when people get depressed because they're like, wait, I accomplished my dream. Yeah.

And it's actually like life isn't perfect. No, for sure. I mean, my whole dream, my whole life was to be on TV and then I got on TV and I was like, wait a minute. Wait a damn second. This is the thing, just because your external things change internally, you actually don't change. Like your little, well, some people do change, they become assholes. But like, you're still the same page with her same like

Little nuances of yeah things you worry about Yeah, I didn't realize I had anxiety as a child You did I until I got older my biggest fear in high school was that I was gonna get pregnant and I was going to disgrace my family Also, you have real anxiety, So I would have such anxiety. I wasn't even having sex. I know. No, you're not. I was like, no, I am the next virgin Mary.

I just fucking know my mom's gonna be so mad. You're like, I want to be a TV but not 16 or pregnant. Literally, that show came out and I was like, oh, everybody's stopped. And then I remember like when I did lose my virginity, like my junior year of high school, I was a fucking wreck. Like I remember coming home from school one day and I fell asleep at like six p.m.

and my mom's like, why are you so tired? I had beaten my brain down so much that I was pregnant. And like this first time losing my virginity, I could, I had a prayer that I wrote out on a note card and I would stick it under my mattress and I would say it every night like praying like please I don't want to get pregnant. I don't I like put myself in a hole to see I never even told my mom that because she'd be like well This is why you shouldn't be having sex and high school. What's your mom actually was reading all the notes and writing back She's like you are dirty. You are going to hell When you first made out with a guy where you're like, this is it. His sperm went through my mouth. It's going to find my own brain.

When I first made out with a guy the first time I ever kissed a guy, my girlfriend who was also present told her mom. And her mom. You have three some the first time. She was just there. Her mom told my mom like, a fucking gnarc. And I got in trouble. And my mom was like, you can't like be kissing

boys and from that moment I was like okay I'll just focus on outfit yeah I was like banana like half-dew to start like I've never forgiven that mom I've never forgiven that one what a gnar what a gnarc we were in eighth grade everyone was kissing yeah one friend was giving blow jobs okay I? And I was like, wait, why? And honestly, you were so scared for her. I was so scared for her. I think you can get pregnant that way. Like, if my sources are correct,

your price is good. Yeah, I remember, I'm gonna say, I was Austin Beerman. I would love to know what he's doing out the cutest. I mean, still probably to this day, still probably cute, but definitely the cutest in our world. Did you guys use tongue? No, we were like, no.

See, the first time I kissed was tongue, and it was the grossest experience in my life. I felt like someone put an oyster in my mouth, and I was just like mixing it around my mouth. So disgusting. And then we kissed in the hallway. This was like at a tennis academy and we had a plan. We're gonna kiss that night.

So we kiss and then I go, thank you. And then I turned around, it went back in the bedroom. Look at myself in the mirror and I was like, you're so horrible. Yeah, okay, because you're born with such sexual shame as a woman because your mom was taught that like sex was bad. Her mom was taught like sex was bad. I was through an urgent. 11 times that night. I was like, get this gross man off me.

Even in my 20s, like I would sleep with someone and then the next day I'd be like, I'm disgusting. But like not really. Literally no. You were not. You were not. Yeah. He's disgusting. I mean most of the time they are disgusting. I have gotten it. I've never given it. Okay, I've treated it once I got it. I went to a high school, no, I school a college. I'm not gonna name the college. And I like to ask

that I do like stand up and I ask the kids like are there any athletes here And they'll be like a football player the hockey guy and I always say like the one thing my mom always said to me Because she went to Cornell she was like stay away from hockey guys. They're older than everyone. Oh, okay Because they go to these like pre-juic colleges. So they're like 25 and everyone else is like easy They have like full chest hair. Yeah, And so they, and they've been like fucking since they were 11. Yeah. And they're all just that whatever.

It's like a grudge. And they have no teeth. They have concussions. I hate the hiccups. Wait, this is my name. We're gonna have the hiccups during podcast. You just scared them out of me. I'm expecting a little time.

I've been over on the hiccups during an exam. And everyone's quiet and you're just like, I'm expecting a little later. I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here for a while and I'm like, I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later.

So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later.

So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I'm expecting a little later. So I've been over here and I'm like, I I the funniest person in the world? Then I was like, I do this. I've said it before and I've never gone in that reaction. So I'm like, something's weird. Continue. Get off stage. They go, Hannah, it was like a small college. They were like, we had a full chlamydia outbreak that started. They tracked down from the hockey team. Oh my god. I'm the first at the college. I committed it. I'm really gonna get caught. Wait, that happened when I was in college too.

Really? Way worse. What happened? It was a herpes outbreak. Oh! Yes, and everyone was getting herpes. This was actually my friend's college. I didn't even go to this college.

They tracked it back to the basketball team. Of course. Of course. Of course. But that's terrifying. You know in movies, and like TV shows when someone gets an S.T.D. they're like the doctors like, okay, you have to tell all your sexual partners.

Has anyone ever done that in their entire life? Like seriously, has anyone ever done that in their entire life? Because I know that I've slept with probably some of the grossest people in New York City and never one time have I ever gotten a call from them. Like, and I know that I was put in a pickle. I might have told this story before,

but I had was stopping hooking up with someone and starting hooking up with someone new. And I, but I wasn't like fully done with the first person. Yeah, I still like that. Yeah, I still like that person, but I saw potential on this new person. And then the old person calls me and said, I, it hurts when I pee, I have, I think I have chlamydia. And then he basically was like, I think you gave it to me.

No. But then I had to tell the new guy, I think I have chlamydia. Tell me you didn't even have it. I don't even know. Yeah. Because these boys are multi-level it. I don't even know. Yeah. Because these boys are multi-level marketing and scheme with their Climidia. But I was in a pickle where I was like, I love same pickle.

Do I tell the new guy? Like imagine you're newly with a guy. And you're like, I just got involved. I think I might have Climidia. Yes. But then this guy was telling me it was me. And I was like, but the only guy I'm fucking is that. So did that guy give me Climidia?

Yeah. So that's just dating in New York. No, that literally is just dating. Yeah. I feel like there is such a stigma of like people getting Certain STDs and there are like some that are worse than others But here's the craziest part how the men have lucked out again is like sometimes a guy will have something and he won't know because there's no symptoms for a guy. No symptoms. And then you have sex with them and then you're like, wait a minute. And then if you say something to them,

they're like, well, I don't feel anything. You're fighting for your life. Well, he's just, he's coming. He's coming. He's orgasming. He's coming. I do think also, Climidia is like, it's so easy to take care of.

Yeah. It's basically like a bacterial hierarchy. But let's be honest, there's nothing to be weird about. Because when you first start seeing someone and you're hooking up with them, you have to hook up with guys before you're official. Right. Let's be honest, this isn't the 1920s. You don't have to get married to have sex.

So when you're in that early time, it's like you're supposed to use a condom, let's be honest, we don't always use a condom. So there's that initial period where you can't tell them to not to hook up with people. Yeah. Because you want to hook up with other people too. You know what's crazy too, is when you're younger, because I feel like I went to like all Catholic schools, all girls high school, your taught that like the biggest problem is if you get pregnant.

They don't teach you like, you're gonna get to college, you're gonna get in your 20s. It's gonna start burning when you pee. Here's what you should do. Here's what it is. They never say it. Why do we know the Pythagorean theorem? You know, it was like, I'm now like looking back.

I'm, it's so funny to think like, okay, what are you gonna say to your dog? There are certain, sometimes I'll get in situations and I'll be like, okay, one day I'm gonna have to teach this to my children. What am I going to say? I want to take it like the European wine approach. You know how like in Europe people are not blacking out because early on they were like, you could drink, you could not drink no one

gives a fuck. But if you grow up being like, do not drink that horrible devil's blood. Right. And then the second they're 13, they're in a farm fucking blacking out. Did you see John Mulaney has a new stand up and he says, like, my family had the year devil's blood, and then the second they're 13, they're in a farm fucking blacking out. Did you see John Mulaney has a new standup and he says, like, my family had the European approach and we could like try alcohol at six years old. He was like, that's the only thing in our household that was the European.

We never even went to Europe. Like, that was the European. John Mulaney's special. I thought it was amazing. I do have to say, the first five minutes, I was nervous. Into it. Because he was making this joke about like,

how he wished his grandparents would die to get attention in school. Yeah, I'm not expecting that. That was crazy. But that's the way you didn't like that. My papa just passed away. No, I was just not. Papa passed away a year ago.

I turned it up. No, no, and I love papa forever rest his soul. And I'm sure he's hearing I'm not right now. How dare you bring up you brought it up. I brought it up. Okay Also your grandma died Yeah, two years ago But you're very close. I'll never get over it. I'm not over it. I'm not over my one grandma's death from college. Oh, you like that one the best Yeah, it was my mom's mom. Yeah, okay, so he's doing this

That was a weird tangent That was weird. We got dark So fuck you and your dead grandpa. It's not up to grandpa Jerry You're the reason I love comedy you make jokes at the dinner table. But anyway, I'll get through this I could do this in spite of you man was 95 I'm an amazing life. Do you remember when that guy came up to me no higher as my grandpa re-cart incarnated and me? Okay, no, I know It's tough time for all of us. I do

I'll bring a list of you. I do not like the first time I said, I'm not a special to the point that I turned it off. No way. I was like, this is so good. You tell me, it's out. Des says you read an article that it was good and I say, you know what? Give it in. I'm going to learn and grow and I'm going to try this again because I think that I was too judgy.

But I realized the first 10 minutes is him just like warming up the crowd and then it cuts to the intro and then he goes let's get into it This was the most raw Vulnerable should I've ever seen John Malini do and I think also one of his funniest Stand-ups and I've want I've always loved John Malini. I have watched every single one of his stand-ups I've gone to see him Perform live like I just always thought he was so good. And when all of this happened to him,

I just couldn't believe, because in his stand-ups, he does come off as very like waspie, we're from Newport, we're from Rhode Island. Like all this. He's clean cut. He is smart, he has a shit together. Yes, I never related to him.

Cause I was like, I'm not a clean cut white dude. Yep. And I actually never really like, I was related to him because I was like I'm not a clean cut white dude Yeah, and I actually never really like I was never really a fan I didn't like him, but I was never obsessed yeah, and you messaged me like it's out and I was like I don't really care He no he spoke Well, he loves name dropping But in the funniest way how funny was a intervention The intervention was amazing when he said it was the most insane lineup, he was like, you guys, the winnable. He didn't say one joke.

Funny thing the whole time. He goes, imagine Nickroll looking at you, just being like, you need to get better. Or when he was actually in rehab and he was like, I was nervous, everyone was gonna know who I was. And he was like, and then a new fear set in. That not one person knew who he was. That was so honest of him to sell honest. Do you know what was bananas?

Can I was mad? That no one recognized me. He recognized me. And no celebrity would ever admit that. Yeah, but that's definitely something they think when they go to rehab. Like, oh, I'm gonna know me. I've been he's like, he put like a newspaper out

and he was like, is that me? Is that, did anyone see that? Hey, Steve over there. And Steve Steve's like shut the fuck up John I remember when they were like what do you do for a living? He was like a stand-up comedian and the guy was like you make money from that No, and then he's talks like about everything who's addicted to like all the drugs and then he goes into this whole bit about What it's like to be a junkie like he literally yeah, I do think part of your healing, you aren't immediately supposed to be like, how can I make this funny and make money off of it? But it was probably a little therapeutic for him to say, like, this is me,

and he even had a point where he was like, cancel me. Yeah. And it has been three years. Like, it's not like he just got out of rehab. Like, he 2020 It's now like 2023 he goes I was two hours late to my intervention So people were ready mad and then they were like mad mad It's like you guys should have told me you had cocaine. I would have been here early like No, I thought it was so good. I thought it was just I I do Want his wife though like his ex-wife to come out and say anything, just because in all of his previous standups, she was a big part of like his set,

like he would do a whole thing about her. And now he's the baby with Olivia Ma. And now he's with Olivia Ma. Wait, is he with her? Yeah, I thought they broke up. No, they're together. They're together and they have a baby. Yeah.

Wow. So it's like, I feel bad for the ex-wife because it's like, okay, I was with you through all of this. I watched your career grow. You then fell into like a hard time. I was there when you were addicted to drugs. Obviously she was there at least in the beginning. Yeah.

And then she is done with him. They get divorced. He goes to rehab. He comes out like this new man. He's now making so much money from this standup. He has a new hot like girlfriend. They have a child. Like I just wonder how pissed I would be fucking livid.

That's when girl, we gotta do some open mics. You need an Netflix special girl. would love to have like an interview. Imagine we had our on Kegley Squad. I just wonder what like her what she's thinking like is she done being mad is she still mad like honestly she's probably like thank god I'm not involved in that anymore. Right because you know know, like, she's been through 10 years. You break up with someone and then like, they get like a new hot girlfriend. And you said it to me the other night,

you were like, but you know what, it's like dating him. So I always say it's so much harder getting over a situation ship than a 10 year relationship. The 10 year relationship, you're like, I'm been out of this mentally for four years. I'm so over you, I can't even look at your face. We're a situation ship. You're like, I don't even know who he is and what could have been.

No, I've literally never cried over a breakup. No. And someone I've dated for two weeks. I'll obsess over them for a year. For a year. Like, I just got over someone. Okay, we literally didn't get any of our notes. And we never notes, but we're gonna hit it next time. Okay, we literally did it. We didn't get any of our notes. Any of our notes, but we're gonna hit it next time. So make sure also if you're enjoying Giggly Squad, leave us a review. It means the world to us. We have shows coming up in Denver.

Denver, Phoenix, San Diego, some of it sold out. Huntington, Chicago, Chicago, Philly. We haven't gone back to Philly since our first ever live. Because I'm like broke their leg. Broke a collarbone. She just recovered and I'm just gonna break another bone. The doctor's like, no, she's literally that's bad break your fucking collarbone Gives her wild. Um, but thank you so much for giggling with us. We love you and we'll talk to you next week. Bye.