Giggly Squad - Giggling about gorillas, cavemen, and cat leashes

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

Hannah met her comedy idols and Paige's docket is full.first episode of our youtube series order our booksign up for our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 If you're anything like us, you love attention. And my favorite way to get all eyes on me is with next level shiny glossy hair. I'm talking hair so shiny it's stopping people in the streets. No seriously, it's giving double take. Which is why we're so excited to tell y'all about the new LaMelaure gloss collection from the girlies at Tresemme. Gigglers, this is the shine we've been searching for. I don't know how this LaMelaure technology works, but it's insane. And gigglers, this is the shine we've been searching for. I don't know how this lamellar technology works, but it's insane. And gigglers, we've got you too, because Trezme partnered with us to bring you 1-800 Gloss, a special bonus episode of Giggily Squad where Hannah and I give advice on all things hair and giving gloss.
Starting point is 00:00:39 Check out the episode and grab the lamellar gloss collection today because I'm officially declaring this spring gloss season. Welcome to your home sweet home internet with Oxio. You can try them out for 60 days and if they don't make your internet feel like home, they will give you your money back, all of it. No matter where you are, whether you're on the couch, in the tub, or wherever you use your phone at home,
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Starting point is 00:01:33 So visit Oxxio.ca and get one month free at checkout with promo code GIGGLI. I just told Chris I liked his hair and he was like, thanks it's wet. And that was the most boy shit I've ever heard. I've never once gone out of the shower and someone's been like, I like your hair. I have had that response in other situations. Thanks, it's wet. Wow, stirring the pot off on a dirty note. I apologize. Welcome to the Met Giggler. Yeah. It works really hard on that one.
Starting point is 00:02:19 Okay. Is that like your G word? Well, Met Galla. Okay. Anyway. Welcome to Met Mondays. Is that like your, is that your G word? Yeah, well my gal is, anyway. Welcome to Matt Monday. I'm here all week. Welcome to Matt Monday. Also known as Page and Hannah Try New Things, premiere date. Today's the day.
Starting point is 00:02:40 In a couple hours, by the time you guys are listening to this. You will have watched. They will have watched. You will have watched already. And if you haven't, that's how to not come across your desk. That's crazy. Check our emails.
Starting point is 00:02:51 I'm so excited for it. I'm so excited. I feel like our first TV show's launching, even though, yes, it's just YouTube. And yes, we didn't have to run it by anyone. But isn't that the perfectness of it? No, here's why I love that it's on YouTube. We didn't, there's no-
Starting point is 00:03:06 No one offered us anything else. We didn't like say no to Netflix. Yeah, right. We were like, oh, hey, actually, we're doing something creatively, stylistic-wise, and going on YouTube. But we are. We are, but it's more like,
Starting point is 00:03:20 there were no suits around. Do you know what I mean? There was no production. There were no men around. It was just a couple mean? There was no production. There were no men around. It was just a couple of gals. Couple of gals with a couple notes, mostly no notes, I'm gonna say. Just living a dream, you know?
Starting point is 00:03:33 Doing fun things. We were expressing ourselves through the art of our country videographer. Yeah, we expressed ourselves emotionally, physically. And like we got emotional in it. Yeah, no. It was some raw emotion. I don't say this lately.
Starting point is 00:03:47 I changed as a woman during our tour. And people are gonna see the progression. Like I went through like such clinical- You went through these 12 stages of grief. Yeah, just clinical changes. Like I think my biology is different. Yeah, and you started a full drug addiction midway, but.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Like any proper tour, sorry. Do you want us to be rock and roll or not? Yeah, like what? I missed you this weekend. I literally was pooping on my phone. And for some reason I said. Where's my best friend? I'm gonna text her.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Where is she? I'm gonna text her. And it was, it's the kind of thing I was like, I don't care if I'm being needy. I'm saying I missed you. No, I missed you too. And then I realized we hadn't seen each other since LA. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:32 And usually we see each other at least once a week. And you texted me and you were like, I really wanted to call you and Yap this morning. But I don't ever want to bother you. But you didn't. That is so crazy. It's a lot. You've never bothered me once,
Starting point is 00:04:44 but I also don't like bothering you, but you didn't. That is so crazy. It's a lot. You've never bothered me once, but I also don't like bothering you. I literally- We're extremely mindful of each other's time. You know what I was thinking the other day? We talk every day. Is that crazy? I feel like if I don't send you a link to something, like I need some kind of-
Starting point is 00:05:00 Yeah, like if we're not talking in the group chat, like work-wise, like you've sent me like something vintage you're like, oh my god This is so cute. And I'm like to who? No, we missed each other we're back together we're physically in the studio again, thank God LA did change me Yeah, but now I'm back to normal. Like I don't even know who that bitch was last week. Whoo. That was scary I mean, I am wearing extensions right now. So I'm back to normal. Like I don't even know who that bitch was last week. That was scary. I mean, I am wearing extensions right now. So I'm going to be a monster. Okay. I have a lot on the docket today
Starting point is 00:05:31 and I don't know where we should start. I'm so excited. I love when you come in with points. I'm going to work backwards. Okay. Okay. What's your thesis? A hundred men versus a gorilla. Chris is laughing.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Yeah. I just saw like the memes making fun of it being like a hundred men versus maybe let's try a therapist or a hundred men versus maybe one mother. I haven't seen like where it originated. Yeah. But it was originated by a man, I believe. Oh, and he was saying he could beat up gorillas.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Right Chris, do you know where it originated? I can look it up. But you've seen us. Leave gorillas alone. Gorillas don't want this. You hear some of my thoughts. I saw a video and it was like this guy being like, a hundred men versus gorilla.
Starting point is 00:06:15 And the girl in the video was like, give me the context. Oh, I thought it was a hundred gorillas versus a man. I was like, men have lost their minds. No, a hundred men. And the way he explained it, he was like, a hundred naked men fighting one gorilla. And in my head I said,
Starting point is 00:06:31 oh, it's actually me being homosexual. It's leaning homosexual for the men. And I was like, because in what context would we- Did you need your closeup? Did we need you guys naked? He goes, a hundred hard dicks versus a gorilla. At a girl. And we sword fight.
Starting point is 00:06:47 The gorilla didn't ask for that. The gorilla's like, no thank you. And here's what I wanna say to the men, much like you guys flying the plane, you're done. You're done for. The gorilla's eating you all up. Are they allowed to have weapons? No, no weapons.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Also do you realize this is a general statement, but after a breakup, I feel like girls get very self-reflective. They're talking to their friends like, what can I do better? What do you think I did wrong? Am I picking the wrong guys? Where men will get together and be like, who would win in a fight? Like a tiger or a gorilla. I'm going back years. I'm going, what in my childhood?
Starting point is 00:07:26 You go, mom, did something happen? That made me steer in this direction of man. Yes, yes. Where men literally will be like LeBron or Kobe, go, and they'll talk for 48 hours straight. They're like your fantasy football team, dead or alive, now. No.
Starting point is 00:07:42 They come up with these concepts that like, who first of all cares? And also like who's wrangling a hundred men to show up at the same place at the same time, unclothed. It's giving that OnlyFans girl who slept with a hundred guys. She goes, first you go through me, then you have to go through the gorilla.
Starting point is 00:08:01 It's giving Bonnie Blue. The gorilla is Bonnie blue. My next point, cause that had me. Yeah. I was just like, guys, get a job. Yeah. You know, here's what you should do. Why do you have time to fight a gorilla?
Starting point is 00:08:12 Ask if the gorilla is hiring. Answer one email and call your child. Call your child now and try. I like giving them families. Yeah. Okay, my next is Bill Belichick. I have so many thoughts on this. I have so many thoughts on it.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Can we go into it and try? Let's like break it down from like a logistical standpoint. He said they met in college, she was in college. Where do I even wanna start? Okay, let's start actually with, he's 72. She's 24. Basically, if you don't know what that is, Dez is a spring fucking chicken. Spring chicken.
Starting point is 00:08:52 Here's my problem with it. Okay, there's one side of the internet that's like, she's evil, she's like encroaching on his whole business. Elder abuse. And it's, yes, and she's taken over everything and blah, blah, and all of this. She's 24.
Starting point is 00:09:09 Like she's act, she's being a 24 year old girl. Uslin, strategizing. Then there's another part of the internet that's like. He knows what he's signed up for, he wants this. He wants to date a 24 year old, he loves. He's happy. He's happy. He's all of this. And he knows like part of it is his credit card.
Starting point is 00:09:29 She's not dating him cause he's hot. Right. So obviously he's going to be like, have fun with my credit card. And then what really sparked it all was that interview where like the interviewer was like, where did you guys meet? And her from the wings was like,
Starting point is 00:09:41 We're not talking about that. We're not talking about that. People were really mad at that. Yeah. If she was a publicist and not his girlfriend and had said it, no, I don't think anyone would have said anything. I wasn't mad at her saying that because it's like, yeah, why would you care how they met, why people were so mad that she interjected though, I don't.
Starting point is 00:10:05 It's giving sexism. Yeah, because like if he said, he obviously said to her, come to this interview, you're like essentially my publicist, chime in when you say something. Instead of her controlling him, is she his protector? Is she protecting him? Either way.
Starting point is 00:10:19 From the evils of the world. He's 50 years older, like here's what I mean. Look, he's on dialysis. Like also. 10 years ago, she was late for homeroom. She was 14. 10 years ago, she was 14. I couldn't have sex with anyone
Starting point is 00:10:36 knowing that 10 years prior, they reported to Mrs. Smith in the eighth grade. Like I don't. This is the thing. He's having some kind of moment where he wants to date a younger. 10 years ago, he was 62. That's the same as 72.
Starting point is 00:10:57 No, literally, that's my dad. Like, I'm sorry, 10 years ago, he was my dad. I don't love that, if it's elder abuse, I'm in the wrong. How the fuck? You're telling me he doesn't have an entire team around him. He doesn't, he, she just came in and was like the most master,
Starting point is 00:11:15 the most master manipulator ever and got everyone on his team to be like, no, I'm in charge now. Like there's no fucking way. They said that she like, this is the thing. They're using weird adjectives. They were like, she bullied her way into the Dunkin' Donuts ad.
Starting point is 00:11:29 They're using weird adjectives. The language is weird. The language is off and I wanna just, let's change it for a second. If she was a young guy, it would be like, look at this supportive partner. Look at him so involved in her career. And like granted,
Starting point is 00:11:45 yeah, she's like buying houses and stuff, but maybe he wanted to amp up his real estate portfolio. And she's also, she's trademarking like all these words that he said that the New England Patriots are trying to own or something. Sorry she's a woman in the arts. I'm gonna say, it's giving like entrepreneurial. Yeah, sorry she's smart. She can see. It's giving business savvy. Sorry, she's smart, she can see. It's giving business savvy. Again, she's 24.
Starting point is 00:12:09 I'm kind of obsessed that she's like, okay, I'm dating this man and I want him to be the best he can be and I'm not letting him fuck it up and I'm gonna help. Wait, do we not all do this in our relationships? Also like, yeah, do we, like, sorry that she's using something to get ahead in her career.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Has your man ever been on the phone and you've been like, we're not talking about that. It's not, yeah, like hello? We're not talking about that in front of your friend. Don't ask him that, he's an idiot. No, just like, it's making me upset. It's making me really upset. I can't pull it up because I'm not looking
Starting point is 00:12:42 and I can't read, but like, there are multiple adjectives that they're using sensing like she has some like she's abusing him Yeah, but the things are like she didn't abuse him to get in the background of a dunkin donuts commercial Such an awkward interview. I've actually personally been in more awkward ones like that It was kind of like that she's protecting her relationship with him Like she basically is like it's one thing if she was like, ask about me. She's literally saying, don't ask about us. Yeah, and she's literally sitting on the side. Any other publicist that's like a,
Starting point is 00:13:12 that's a publicist literal job is when you're doing an interview to be like, nope, actually not that question. Basically they're trying to not get another headline about her and they're trying to get a headline for his, who knows what he was promoting cause that did not get the headline. Why don't we do a headline that at a certain age,
Starting point is 00:13:30 sorry, I think it's still like pedophilia. Like you're almost 80. Well, it's so funny, people are mad at her. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know. Then I'm gonna be devil's advocate for a quick second. Sure. How is she fucking him? It's all I'm't know. Then I'm gonna be devil's advocate for a quick second. Sure. How is she fucking him?
Starting point is 00:13:45 Okay. It's all I'm thinking about. It's on, like, I'm sorry. I support all women. But how is she literally putting his dick in her mouth? I would gag. Coaches get pussy. There's something about coaches,
Starting point is 00:14:01 like, I'm gonna say this very generally. There's a lot of college coaches that like fuck girls on campuses. Disgusting. Cause they're like the big man on campus. They are the boss of the guys running around the field. They tell them what to do. They're like, sit down bitch.
Starting point is 00:14:17 And you're like, oh, that's the guy who's the boss. I personally, I personally speaking as someone with an older man, I've actually never been attracted to an older man before. Like I'm attracted to Des. Older men has never been like my thing. But some girls really do like a dad bod orthopedic situation.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Don't bring Dr. Scholes into this. Stop, Dr. Scholes. But I also am like. And also here's the other thing. If she is his publicist, she's done a great fucking job. She's done a great job, and she's underpaid. I've never talked about Bill Belichick ever in my life, and now all of a sudden it's word vomit.
Starting point is 00:14:56 I'm like, I wanna talk about it with anyone. This is one thing I can't get behind people being like, he's getting tricked. He's having the time of his life with a young, I mean, look, is she next to him playing Angry Birds? Yes, but what is she gonna talk to him about? They're not there for talking, but clearly she's actually not playing Angry Birds.
Starting point is 00:15:15 She's clearly setting up a schedule for the press the next day. No, if anything, she's giving him in line. Yeah, if anything, she's like working for the job. She's only 24. Her brain is not fully formed. I can't say it enough, she's only 24. Her brain is not fully formed.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Okay, I have another gripe. Also, she spells her name Jordan with two O's, which... And that's a stylistic choice. A stylistic choice, actually I was gonna say a stylistic choice and honestly, giving cunt. Wait, two O's is like... It's giving girl I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,
Starting point is 00:15:46 I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,
Starting point is 00:15:53 I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,
Starting point is 00:16:00 I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was was spent explaining the second O in her name. Like, obviously she has trauma. Yeah. Obviously she's running to Bill Belichick. Yeah, I'm funny. I had to explain my name every time we had a substitute teacher.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Yeah, like, yeah, no, you got it. What was confusing about Paige? It was as the bit. I'm saying if I was her. Got it. Sorry. Okay. Next on my docket. I love your docket.
Starting point is 00:16:21 My docket's good. Next on my docket is my egg freezing. Oh, we need updates. I'm cosplaying and I don't know if you've noticed that I've been glowing, but I'm cosplaying as I'm pregnant right now. Like I've been touching my stomach and I'm like, I'm with child.
Starting point is 00:16:36 Like I've turned into a monster. I'm like a cannon, like literally, like my eggs are. I'm on my fifth day, my fifth day of shots. Wait, you didn't tell us you were on shots. So I started on Thursday. Okay, so you're feeling great. I drank so much coffee, I'm like shaking. Are you feeling great?
Starting point is 00:16:57 She's like, I don't know, my body is violently shaking. I love it, I'm like obsessed with egg freezing. I love doing my own shots. I'm like, I'm sick, I'm like ingrains anatomy. I love doing my own shots. I'm like, it's, I'm sick. I'm like in Grey's Anatomy. I'm like, let me just mix this fricking potion up. Are you nauseous? Please tell us every detail. I wrote down like a whole log of like each day.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Only felt nauseous one day, but like, I feel fine. I feel like I have my period. I also feel like you feel nauseous all the time. So I think that's just it. My baseline is nausea. You're like, I feel sick to my stomach every day. So I feel fine. I'm like an overachiever.
Starting point is 00:17:31 My body is reacting better than he first anticipated. I'm going faster than normal. So I'm having my retrieval this weekend. How, what kind of speed of what? Like what's going fast? Like my eggs are responding. Oh. They're like, okay, we're ready.
Starting point is 00:17:51 Oh my God. To be taken out. Do you feel bloated? Mm-hmm. Okay. That's why I feel pregnant. Because I keep touching my stomach. Do you wanna see my bruises?
Starting point is 00:18:00 Yeah. Oh my God. Look at you. Like crazy? Wait, you love it. Wait, you're a mother. I'm a mother. I literally lifted. Look at you. Like crazy. Wait, you love it. Wait, you're a mother. I love it. I'm a mother.
Starting point is 00:18:07 I literally looked at- I named all my bruises. I literally looked at Daphne and Anthony. That's little Anthony. You better get ready if there's- That's Mario. But I love that. Antonio.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Wait, I'm so happy for you. Thank you. Very exciting. Honestly, like the first night of shots, I was like, this is crazy. How am I gonna do this? And then I'm so happy for you. Thank you. Very exciting. Honestly, the first night of shots, I was like, this is crazy, how am I gonna do this? And then I'm just like, women are incredible. No, women are incredible. I have a friend, Casey Bauscham,
Starting point is 00:18:34 who actually just went viral for doing standup about having a baby. But she was doing this all while going up on stage at night. And I was like, how are you? And she goes, oh, I'm in the middle of like an egg freezing and I keep injecting myself and my hormones are all over the place and I have to be funny and do standup.
Starting point is 00:18:52 But like women just do it. I think I like needed more estrogen. Oh wait, do you actually feel balanced? Yeah, I feel, I'm like, oh, I actually feel so. You need to be studied. I've always been walking an hour a day. Where? Just around the city.
Starting point is 00:19:08 You're like to bodegas, to different bodegas. I've been walking one hour a day. Do you go to the park, Central Park? No, I just like walk on the street, like around my neighborhood. Do you like say hi to people? Oh God, no. That would be crazy.
Starting point is 00:19:20 I put my headphones in and I call my mom. Wait, I just heard a nightmare story from my makeup artist that I have to relay to you guys. Please. She is so sweet. This is, I've had some travel nightmares. This is up there. She said she gets in the Uber and the girl immediately is like way too talkative.
Starting point is 00:19:39 Talkative and like way too TMI, which I love a TMI, but she was literally like, oh, like I want to get a TMI, but she was literally like, oh, like I wanna get a new house, but I don't want it to be renovated already because I don't wanna sleep in a bed where someone else has sex. I haven't had sex in this many days. And you're like,
Starting point is 00:19:54 she's like, where are you going? And she's like, oh, I'm actually going to dinner. I'm trying this barbecue place. Wait, the Uber driver's asking. Where is she going? Which again, huge red flag. Yeah. Where is she going? Okay. Which again, huge red flag. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:07 If it was a guy, I would've been like, um. Um. I'm going to your future murderer's house. He has axes everywhere. I'm going to the zoo where I'm the gorilla keeper, actually. So yeah, keep your pants on. I'm gonna call that queen. So this is where it got really dark.
Starting point is 00:20:28 She goes, oh, you're getting dinner? And she goes, yeah. And she goes, I'll come with. What do you, do you jump out of the car? So she takes her to the barbecue place, stops and gets out of the car with her and starts walking in and goes, should we share something? What's going on?
Starting point is 00:20:47 This is like- Where is this? Austin, which maybe when you said people are too nice. Oh. I was like, this wasn't in New York. No, no. I was like, this sounds like some nice Midwestern bullshit that I could never like subscribe to.
Starting point is 00:21:04 This was some nice people in Texas. Yeah. And I was like, are you okay? Like, have you talked to someone about this? I feel like this happens a lot in Texas. Yeah. But anyway, I just- She's like, yeah, so we split cornbread
Starting point is 00:21:15 and like she's in my wedding. I don't know how you got here. She said some cute guys started to talk to her that she like had met before. And the woman, he was like, who are you with? And she's like, oh, I don't know this woman. I've never, don't even know her name. I've never seen her in my life.
Starting point is 00:21:28 And he's like, well, she's feeding you. Oh. No. Wait. She's chewing up her food and spitting it in your mouth. Maybe she's baby burning it. Wait, so how did it end? Like, okay, see you next time?
Starting point is 00:21:40 Like. I think she was kind of, yeah, she was like, oh, she said the girl drove back to her house for free, so she got a free drive out of it, but again, actually, take my money, leave me alone. Take my money. For the $15 Uber, I'm good. So anyway, just keep an eye out on Ubers, you guys.
Starting point is 00:21:55 It's not always. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm like really shook by it. Yeah, I don't think I could go in another Uber again. I would immediately be like, actually, I just realized I just ate. I totally forgot I just ate and I have to go back to my house where everyone has COVID. You can't come in. Next on my docket.
Starting point is 00:22:14 Okay, COVID reference. Throwback. When it comes to spending, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. That daily coffee habit, those streaming subscriptions, they add up fast without you even noticing. Rocket Money helps you spot those patterns so you can do something about them and keep more money in your pocket. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all of your subscriptions
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Starting point is 00:26:13 It's possible in Calgary, the blue sky city. For the full economic forecast, visit calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. Classic me. I'm like, I love Newark Airport. Newark Airport is the best. Newark Airport literally shut down this week. The president of Newark was like, don't come here. Newark PR got overwhelmed by the inundated gigglers trying to get into Newark and they were like, we do not have enough staff to fulfill all the good grids. The guy who runs the airport was like, I shouldn't be saying this, don't come here. Wait, they basically were like,
Starting point is 00:26:51 we don't know how to function as an airport. They were like, we're so sorry about him. The comments were funny. They were like, no one was going into it anyway, except for Paige Assorbo once. People were tagging me in it for hours. Wait, so like, can we do something about that? I guess like nobody wants to work, which like I get it.
Starting point is 00:27:07 You know, it's like so much construction, it's like every single day. No, I totally get that. Like when people are like, oh, like recession indicators and it's like we can't get anyone to work, I'm like, yeah, we don't wanna work. I do have to say, I, when a TSA person is so fucking rude to me, I actually get it.
Starting point is 00:27:24 I'm like, you had to wake up at what time?'m like I was like people you see a day and the amount of people like Make you take my shoes off. Yeah Shove them up your do you actually don't like I don't like when a TSA guy is like loving his job You know when he loves the speech and he keeps repeating it and you're like I was you don't keep reading I heard you I was the lines not moving. No, I'm a professional, we're professional travelers. We're professional travelers. I actually heard someone talk about it the other day and they were saying like the flight from like LA to New York
Starting point is 00:27:54 and they were like, well, that's professional business people. Like they're professional travelers. They're not fucking around. Oh my God, yes it is. No it is. It's like, yeah, that's a professional person. No one's fucking around. Also, I wanted to ask you,
Starting point is 00:28:06 cause I went to a couple of public gatherings and I like forgot the best way to Irish exit. I knew you were gonna- And I actually just needed some advice. Yeah. Cause you're fucking stealth with it. I'm incredible. You are stealth.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Nadi people forgot you had been there. Yeah. You like was pictured tonight. Was that a dream? Was it a blur? What is your way of, we're in a conversation. And what are you gonna do? I'm gonna run to the bathroom really quick.
Starting point is 00:28:35 I'll be right back. You say I'm going to the bathroom. Yeah, I'm just running to the bathroom. Which bathroom? I didn't specify, I meant the one in my apartment. I have the one here, that's crazy. I'm going home. You meant the one in my apartment. I meant the one in my apartment. I meant the one in my apartment. I meant the one in my apartment. I meant the one in my apartment. Not the one here, that's crazy. I'm going home.
Starting point is 00:28:48 You interpret that how you want to. That's not my business. I'm not using a public toilet, you sicko. It's none of my business what you thought I meant. I said, I'll be right back, I'm running to the bathroom. Didn't tell you which one. Don't project your ideals onto me. Oh, you thought the one here?
Starting point is 00:29:03 My favorite thing is I'll call an Uber, and then when someone, someone always starts talking to me, like right when the Uber's there, and I love to pretend the Uber's like completely out of my control, like being like, I would love to stay, but the Uber. You're like, is that sexually locked? That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Stop it, the Uber needs me, and I would love to cancel it, but my thumb doesn't work. You're like, he's on his way. If I cancel now, what message will that say to him? He'll be very mad at me and I don't need that. So anyway, okay, stay focused, get out. Stay focused and just get out of there. If you have a friend, do you leave them for dead?
Starting point is 00:29:38 Like if you showed up with someone. Oh no, if I showed up with someone, I'm telling them, hey, I'm Irish exiting. And you can feel free to tag on because, but if you don't want to, you're on your own then. I remember once we were, we hit that moment where you look at each other and you know, gotta go, we gotta get out of here.
Starting point is 00:29:59 And you should be dismissed. But me and you kept getting stopped in different ways. And at one point I got out and I turned and you got getting stopped in different ways. And at one point I got out and I turned and you got took in. You got took in and I was like. Did you just see me in a seat? I was like, save yourself. And then I was like waiting and someone started talking to me
Starting point is 00:30:15 and you were going and I was like, she got ahead. You just hear someone say, so where are you from? And I'm like, run Hannah, run. Oh my God. But it's a lot of like eyes. You gotta make eyes to be like. Yeah, that's why I'm just like, oh, I'm going to the bathroom. Cause what's someone gonna say?
Starting point is 00:30:35 Like, no you can't. Yeah. Wait, one more note. Yeah. Here's where it can get dicey. Yeah. You say you're going to the bathroom. Someone sees you leaving out the door
Starting point is 00:30:45 and they're like, where are you going? Making a quick phone call. Can't do it in here. Just running outside to make a quick phone call. Didn't tell you it's to my Uber driver to let him know where it precisely is. None of my business. If you thought the call was to someone else,
Starting point is 00:31:00 wait, you're a fucking genius. I love getting out of shit. There's nothing I love more than saying, bye. This should have been, that should have been a chapter in our book. One of my favorite chapters is How to Poop in Public. And we come up with some really- Our sequel.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Our sequel. Wait, what else is on your docket? I think that was the rest of my docket. My last traveling note, because you guys know we have to talk about traveling every single pod because it's the only thing that we can do. I realize that leaving your charger in a hotel is just being a creative. Sorry, I'm an artistic-
Starting point is 00:31:38 It's paying it forward. In this economy- It's paying it forward. These chargers are fucking expensive. Who am I? We don't live in a drive-through city, so we can't pay it forward when it's like paid for the person behind.
Starting point is 00:31:52 And also New York, if you try to pay for someone's Starbucks, they think you're gonna rob you. Yeah, and it's always like, okay, well you poisoned me. No thank you, I don't want your anthrax latte. Leaving your charger in a hotel, paying it forward. I live, you know the second the door closes, you're like, there's no way I remember my charger. And I go, sorry, I'm an artist.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Like I can't express myself artistically and creatively throughout the day and remember my charger. And also it's a fucking miracle that I ever remember my laptop. Cause let's be honest, you're on your laptop in bed. When you go to bed, you're not taking your laptop out of the bed and putting it on what? One of those tiny side tables for-
Starting point is 00:32:29 What, did I go to Harvard? No way! Also they're for what? Little squirrels. So then obviously I'm putting it in the bed, then obviously I wake up, open the covers, cover it. I hide my laptop from me every time, and 90% of the time I remember it.
Starting point is 00:32:45 And for that I'm grateful. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm practicing gratitude every week. Did I forget my charger? Yes. And then I go to the lady to buy a charger at the airport and it's like a whole ordeal. It's also like $700.
Starting point is 00:33:04 $700. And then you open it and you're like a whole ordeal. It's also like $700. $700. And then you open it and you're like, not even the right one. No, not even. And then they don't even plug in together. No. And they're like the ugliest colors. And if USB, USB-C, oh this one lights up.
Starting point is 00:33:16 Lightning? I don't give a shit. Lightning? What are we, Pokemon? No. No, it's green. It's green. Wait, I didn greasy. It's greasy. Wait, I didn't even talk about Tina and Amy.
Starting point is 00:33:29 Oh my God, Hannah. And then I have to say one thing about cat leashes. Wait. Actually, perfect segue. I was like, wait, why did I see that? And I was like, I want a cat leash. With a bedroom. Okay, anyway, so I get an email that is like,
Starting point is 00:33:46 can you go to Colorado for 15 minutes to open for Amy and Tina? Yeah. Cancel everything. And I was in LA, as we know, because that's all I've been told. That's who you are these days. Actually, can I fuck LA?
Starting point is 00:34:04 Because I ran out of toothpaste shortly after our podcast and I said, thank goodness I'm at a fancy hotel, I'm gonna call and they'll send one up. A dental kit. No. The one. First of all, I love the one. And I would love to work with you in the future.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Right. Here's what I'm gonna say, one thing about the one, one thing, they're very earthy. They're very earthy. Very eco-friendly. I did ask them for paper and a pen once and you thought I murdered a puppy. Don't ask for a fork.
Starting point is 00:34:33 They're like, we use our hands. They're like, think about the, they were like, why don't you burn down a whole forest? So I was like, can I have toothpaste? And they bring it and I'm like, it looks cute, normal. It's charcoal toothpaste. And what's that doing for anyone? There's barely a mint flavor and it's dark.
Starting point is 00:34:53 And I said, this is so fun if I was on an Ayahuasca trip. Yeah, you're like, I have an interview. I have a literal. You're like, I have to talk to people. I have a self tape that I'm gonna fuck up. Like I need to feel fresh. So then I was like, I put like a ton of it on because I didn't know if it was working.
Starting point is 00:35:08 And then like, honestly, my social interactions weren't great from that day on. I don't know if it was me or the charcoal. It's like whitening, right? Like the charcoal. I don't know, but it was a choice. What's it taste like? It doesn't taste minty enough.
Starting point is 00:35:21 And I know people are like, real toothpaste gives you cancer. I'd rather have cancer and not gingivitis. It's like, okay. We're all getting cancer. At least have good smelling breath. Where's the line? We can't.
Starting point is 00:35:32 That's the same. It's how I feel about natural deodorant. If that's how I go. Do you remember when you were obsessed with natural deodorant? I was obsessed with that. What? It was like a phase during COVID.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Remember I was detoxing my armpits. Yes. And then one day I go, it's not working, right? Wait, I didn't want to bring this up because I don't want to bring attention to it, but there's this girl on TikTok. People are just, I think everyone goes viral now.
Starting point is 00:35:53 Did you see it? The caveman. Yeah. I don't want you guys, if you're sensitive, don't Google it because it really upset me and it's like ruining my day. Why did that upset you? Because it's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:36:03 Yeah. Paige. I'm fascinated by it. You do that upset you? Because it's disgusting. Yeah. Paige. I'm fascinated by it. You know that I love pimple videos like that. All I want to do is touch that girl's face. No, I- All I want to do is take it with my nail and scratch her skin off. Okay, for people who don't know what's going on, I think she was having acne problems,
Starting point is 00:36:20 which like- It was saying that she ruined her skin barrier and that she stopped using any skin care and even water on her face. I think skin barrier is a made up thing that companies have invented. My favorite is like when the internet like will go just so far and then actual doctors will come in and be like, okay, like actual dermatologists were like,
Starting point is 00:36:43 you have fungus, we went to school, it's enough now. Like, please seek help. You have a lit, I know exactly what you have. It's in a textbook, it's dermatitis. Like, quit it. You know, like I love when medical professionals are like. I love when medical professionals are like. I know, some girls are like,
Starting point is 00:37:00 this is what I do to prevent oily. Yeah, she's like, hey, I don't want to burst your bubble, but. So she's calling it the caveman thing. Whatever. So she's basically just not washing her face. And I was like, OK, let's see how it's going. I didn't realize she has a thick layer of dirt on her face. So she's like going to her friend's wedding
Starting point is 00:37:22 with a thick layer of dirt on her. Do you not see this? Wait, what do you mean a thing? No, I've seen it. I thought she put like makeup on No, she has a thick layer of dirt on her face You thought it was like a bad spray tan I thought she was like doing glam like as normal just like never washing it off She took like sleeping in your makeup once a quarter like to the extreme Ish no, it's crazy
Starting point is 00:37:56 No, I want to touch her face so bad no, I'm obsessed with it similar to similar to similar to Jordan with two O's. From the morning. No, no. No. The beginning of the pod. Years ago.
Starting point is 00:38:11 Hours ago. I don't even know that girl. No. Every time after we get done recording, someone will call me. It could be anyone in my life and be like, what did you guys talk about on the pod this week? I go, I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:38:21 I have no idea. Listen to, I have no idea. It's none of my business. None of my business. I'm like, that's like a stream of consciousness. That's like asking me what was inside my brain three weeks ago, I don't know. It's like when you go to church and you start saying,
Starting point is 00:38:33 you're like, I don't know what I said on Giggler Squad. Yeah, I don't know. Similar to that girl, I respect her making money. She thought, look. What do I think? You think she's lying. She's, it's called clickbait. You think she's rage baiting?
Starting point is 00:38:49 A hundred percent. This is rage baiting. See, I kind of think he's being serious. Wait, you think it's rage baiting in terms of like, you think it's a mask? Like it's not real? Or you think she actually really does have a fucking- It might be real that she has dirt on her face,
Starting point is 00:39:06 but she's doing it to go viral. Okay. Oh wow, well then she stumped me. No, she clearly got a response on her video and then was like, oh I'm gonna keep posting with dirt on my face going to my friend's wedding and people are doing what I'm doing being like, this is insane.
Starting point is 00:39:23 No one's like, oh, I should do that. But I mean, do I love the concept of using less products? 100%. And do I support a women in the arts? There was another girl I saw in the comments or like made a video or something and was like, what she's doing is a real thing.
Starting point is 00:39:39 Like I've actually done that before where I stopped all skincare, didn't use water, put nothing on my face for like two weeks. She was like, but I didn't have, there's no that level of like flakiness. It's caked. Yeah. Also, hot takes, cavemen wash their face.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Cave women had a morning skincare routine. They went into the cold puddle and they put it on their face, the cold river. How do you think they realized that like cherries make lipsticks. Literally. Like a row. Obviously they had a routine.
Starting point is 00:40:08 So let's not like act like cavemen didn't know what they were doing. They washed their face. Cavemen were cleaner than that. I mean, are you, is that the hill you're dying on? Because I don't know if I'm backing you up. You might have to take this one on your own. Speaking of dirt.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Yeah. I went to Red Rocks. Are you familiar with Red Rocks? Wait, we haven't finished that story. We didn't start the story. Are you familiar with Red Rocks? I know what it is, but I've never been. I've never been.
Starting point is 00:40:33 And I know that everyone is like obsessed with it. And if you live in Denver, everyone loves it. So I land in Denver and I immediately feel like this was the place. The last time we were here was when Paige had her shmanic shmashack. Yeah, had a full body transformation. Full body transformation.
Starting point is 00:40:51 Her exorcism, if you will. Can I just say one thing? Yeah. Something popped up the other day. It was like a video or like a picture from the night of my panic attack. Why was I gorgeous? Why was I the most stunning I've ever been the entire tour?
Starting point is 00:41:07 You were corseted. I was like, wait my skin, wait a minute. I was stunning and I couldn't even appreciate it in that night, in that moment. But my hair was- Isn't that life? Isn't that life? You think the grass is always greener. Isn't that life? You think the grass is always greener.
Starting point is 00:41:27 You guys know I'm obsessed with home decor and I want home furnishings that are versatile with everyday style, modern, adaptable, worry-free. I want it to be practical and functional. I'm using a lot of adjectives and I'm describing cozy. C-O-Z-E-Y. Furniture shopping shouldn't feel like a chore. Cozy makes it easy to finally breathe
Starting point is 00:41:49 and enjoy the process. I'm obsessed with their modular modern design that grows with you. You can add, rearrange, or swap pieces, no sweat. Mix and match without the fuss because I like to wake up and change the functuary occasionally. I'm obsessed with their modular sofa beds,
Starting point is 00:42:05 comfort meets convenience without compromising looks. They have amazing credences. Their wall shelf is so cool. I'm very into white oak right now, and it looks so chic, almost Scandinavian. Their accessories are chic, not in your face, and like annoying designs. They're really classic and cool.
Starting point is 00:42:23 These sofa beds are so cool. They're like Transformers. So These sofa beds are so cool they're like transformers. So transform your living space today with Cozy. Visit Cozey.ca the home of possibilities made easy. Looking for your perfect place to call home? Lethbridge land is shaping the future of our city with incredible communities like crossings, riverstone and watermark. Each neighbourhood is designed with innovation, passion and responsibility to enrich your life today and strengthen Lethbridge for tomorrow. From vibrant urban hubs to serene, coolie views, there's a community waiting for you.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Discover the lifestyle you've been dreaming of in a Lethbridge Land community. Visit lethbridgeland.ca and take the first step towards your new home today. Time to check on the skies! It's another sunny day in Calgary. Forecast calls for high levels of economic activity. Late afternoon we've got a burst of potential in a place ranked North America's most livable city. Tomorrow, blue sky thinking in the blue sky city should hold steady, and the outlook remains optimistic throughout the week. So come grab your dreams and enjoy watching them take hold.
Starting point is 00:43:29 It's possible in Calgary, the blue sky city. For the full economic forecast, visit calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com. I go to Red Rocks from LA to meet Tina and Amy, and Grace came to meet me because Grace loves Tina and Amy. Never respected us the way she respects Tina and Amy, which is valid. If I'm going to understand anything, it's that. And just shout out to Tina and Amy for a second. These are two people that if the only thing they did was SNL, I would be like, they're
Starting point is 00:44:03 beyond iconic. They also did 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Mean Girls, Baby Mama, the entire like- Internet. Internet, the Golden Globes hosting, like they're beyond, and also, let me say something, Kunti. Yeah. If they were men, they would be getting the Mark Twain award.
Starting point is 00:44:27 They would be getting every fucking award. And that's why I posted in my catch and I said- Who's the Mark Twain award? I don't know. But I know a man who got it this year. I think Adam Sandler got it last year and Conan O'Brien got it, which two great comedians, yes. Wait.
Starting point is 00:44:44 Who's Mark Twain? You know what, yes. Wait. Who's Mark Twain? You know what? Fuck Mark Twain. Fuck Mark Twain. I think that's the name of your next tour. And you know what? Fuck Mark Twain. He's catching strays.
Starting point is 00:44:54 But I'm just saying, I wrote, I was going to write like the two funniest women. And I go, uh, I'm not writing women. No. The two funniest people. And people didn't realize you were taking a stance in that moment. They didn't realize that was a political statement.
Starting point is 00:45:08 They didn't realize how deep rooted that was. And this photo I posted was me, Tina, Amy, and Grace. All the comments were like, oh my God, Grace is there. Yeah. Yeah. Grace is the most famous person in that picture. People were like, why am I so excited to see Grace on a photo?
Starting point is 00:45:22 And you know what? I was going to cut her out because we respect Grace's privacy. Yeah. But in that moment, I said, no. I to see Grace on a photo? And you know what, I was gonna cut her out because we respect Grace's privacy. But in that moment I said, no, I'm putting Grace on. Pride and center. Yes, because she looked really cute in it. She was like, please don't, but. I can only protect her so much.
Starting point is 00:45:35 I love how we really try to protect her and then I post a full grid photo with her. It's me and Daphne, you and Grace. Literally, you're like, I'm protecting Grace at all costs. And you're like, but she's adorable. She's like, no, I literally was like, the world needs to see how cute she looks in this photo, the lighting.
Starting point is 00:45:50 Anyway, so I'm with Grace in the hotel room. You like start an Instagram and she's like, is you posting pictures? Grace is smiling. That's great. Grace, thank you. She's like, please stop tagging me. So I'm in the hotel room and Grace comes in and she's like, are you nervous for your set tonight? And I was like, my set?
Starting point is 00:46:09 I'm not nervous about my set. I just got an email saying I have to get in the car with Amy, Tina and Rachel Dratch, who's an NSSNL star, Debbie Downer, to a 30 minute ride to Red Rocks. I go, we're panicking. Yeah, like what's your set for that? No, what is my set for that?
Starting point is 00:46:29 I said- Obviously you need an opening ride when you get in the car. I need some local jokes. I need some what's going on in pop culture. Local gossip. Someone needs to write me something. I was literally, you were my fucking hacks girl.
Starting point is 00:46:40 I was like, write me some one-liners for Amy. So I'm freaking out. Like is there a Red Rock joke I could pull here? Like, what's going on? What's the weather like? Someone give me something. And I'm literally at that point, it feels, cause I'm married, I haven't had a crush in a minute.
Starting point is 00:46:55 So sad, but like, you know when you have a crush and you forget how you put words together to form a sentence? Or like, you're like, how did I ever act? Like, that's what, and Grace was like, do you know? What is my personality? I go, who am I ever act? Like that's what I'm grace was like, do you know what is my personality? I go, who am I? I go grace, explain me five words. Who am I?
Starting point is 00:47:11 Grace, can you give me the elevator pitch on who I am as a human? Describe me in two adjectives. My passion. But then I also was like, what's my passion? Then I also was like, wait, I can start over today. Who do I want to be? Who am I? And that's looking big picture. Cause I'm like, wait, the Hannah who didn't know Amy
Starting point is 00:47:31 and Tina is different than the Hannah that's gonna meet them. And by the way, Amy knows me, but Amy's like. You can reinvent yourself in any way. Anytime. Look at any of my exes. Wait, don't you love when you don't spend time with people for like a long enough amount that you're like, I could come in and change.
Starting point is 00:47:46 And I think about it all the time. I do all the time, one minute in, I'm like back to my old self. Sometimes I think about it with like in terms of friends that I haven't seen in a couple of years. And I'm like, wait, when I see them now. I'm gonna be more interesting, I'm mysterious. I'm such a business woman.
Starting point is 00:47:59 And then I get like two martinis and I'm like, remember when we hooked up? You know that I still wear light pink nails, ballet flat nails. I'm like, what if I scroll to the beginning of our combo? Don't do that. So I get down the lobby and it's me and Rachel Dratch. And I was like, Rachel, nice to meet you.
Starting point is 00:48:21 And she's just like, what's up? And I was like, okay, me and you, are we good? I was like, we're good, okay, check, cause I'm freaking out. Amy comes down, the warmest human literally yells. We also have to remember, she's just someone's mom. A girl. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Who's just a girl. She goes, Hannah, yells across the lobby. I'm like bear hugging. Wait, you know what I think about a lot of times, and it's one sentence that Amy Poehler said to us, and it was just a normal conversation. She was describing like how she, she was talking about like in that moment, she was like, well, I'm really famous right now because,
Starting point is 00:48:56 and I don't stop thinking about that sentence. Because I'm like, wait, in her head, she thinks there's times where she's not uber famous. Well, that she's not in the limelight. Yeah, and I just'm like, wait, in her head, she thinks there's times where she's not uber famous. Well, that she's not in the limelight. Yeah, and I just was like, oh, she's just like a normal human. She's a normal person that occasionally people will lose their fucking mind over. And in that moment, I was like, I can't lose my mind.
Starting point is 00:49:17 So she was great, because Amy is such a naturally warm person, Ames. And so then Tina comes down. Amy is such a naturally warm person, Ames. Not yet, too soon. So then Tina comes down. Now mind you, Tina isn't just like coming down. Tina's been on a full press tour. I feel like I'm Tina, you're Amy. 100%.
Starting point is 00:49:34 But I feel like we're also a little bit of both. I'm a little bit of both. Okay. Cause we're not blonde. True. And, but we like, we support the blonde community. We apologize to the blonde community if we've ever.
Starting point is 00:49:48 So Tina's been promoting her new show for seasons. Did you watch? Of course, I binged it. You love? I watched it in one day. I love Colman Domingo. He's amazing. I can't take my eyes off of him.
Starting point is 00:50:02 He's so charming. He's so good in the role. And like hot. It's just, it's actually, it't he? I can't take my eyes off of him. He's so charming. He's so good in the role, yeah. And like, hot. It's just, it's actually, it's a really good show. It almost feels like White Lotus if you just need to relax a little bit, like a less intense White Lotus. It also very much gives, even though it's episodes,
Starting point is 00:50:18 it's a show, it feels like a movie. It's very fast. It's like a really good weekend watch. 100%. So she's been doing all this press, she's so tired, and I'm like, I'm doing press too, like I gotta get out of my book. No, I didn't bring it up, I was so scared. And she, I could tell she didn't know who I was.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Why would she? Yeah, we don't want her to. But I'm like in the group, right? So she kind of looks up and celebrities, I treat them like cats. You can't do any quick movements or look directly at them immediately or they'll be like, oh, what's going on? You have to be delicate, don't look at them at first, whatever.
Starting point is 00:50:54 But Tina, I was like, hi, I'm Hannah. Soft voice. I just let her smell my hand. You put your knuckle on her eyebrow and you wait for her to rub. I went 90, waited for her to go 10. But I said, I'm Hannah, and I could tell still, she was like, no, no, it's going on.
Starting point is 00:51:13 And I was like, I'm opening tonight. And she was like, immediately like, oh my God. You're like, it is a palindrome. It is. That's my favorite thing you say to people when you meet other girls named Hannah. You go, is it a palindrome? I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. That's my favorite thing you say to people when you meet other girls named Hannah. You go, is it a palindrome? I'm like, oh.
Starting point is 00:51:27 You're so, anyway, keep going. Sorry. You're embarrassed by me. You're embarrassed by me. I know, but I've never said it. Sorry? I don't like the awkward silence after you both say yes. But you say it every time and I just think it's funny.
Starting point is 00:51:39 But then you should see when it's not a palindrome. Yeah, it is. And then I go, boom. So your mother hates you. So then we get into a car. It's Rachel Dratch, the driver, me, Tina, and then Amy in the back. And in that moment, I was-
Starting point is 00:51:56 Grace, where's Grace? You left her for dad? Well, I was like, Grace, you can't come with my friends. You're like, Grace, you're embarrassing me. I was like, Grace- Grace is like your little sister. You're like, no, you can't. Just my friends with them,. Grace is like your little sister. You're like, no, we can't. Just my friends with them and I don't want to, whatever.
Starting point is 00:52:08 But Grace actually was meeting me later. But I'm in the car and it was us and Giggly Squad going to the, they were just like, we talked about- You're like, oh, everyone hates men for the rest of time. Got it, okay, that doesn't go away. And you giggle with your friends forever. I think Tina likes me. Okay, good.
Starting point is 00:52:27 Because by the end, she showed me a video. And- You guys are friends. For, as a mother? She said, oh, you would think this is funny? Let me show you this. We were riffing. Okay. We were riffing. So after that, I got, I was very confident
Starting point is 00:52:43 and I was feeling good. And then Tina said, she liked the length of my tie. That's specific. She looked at me. So Tina Fey looked at me. She's basically gonna give you away at your next wedding. Yes. So Tina, and she was asking me how big I was.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Look, long story short, I'm obsessed with these women. I wanna eat them. I want them to go inside me. I'm never gonna ask back after this focus. But it was the most magical time and I'm having so much fun and I want to eat them, I want them to go inside me. I'm never gonna ask back after this focus. But it was the most magical time and I'm having so much fun and I get in and Grace is like, did you embarrass yourself? And I was like, I don't think so, I think we're good.
Starting point is 00:53:12 She was great, now you just have to do 15 minutes at Red Rocks and I'm like, easy. Like I love it. The bigger the better, I love a big venue. That's like what, an amphitheater? Like you're fully outside. In a mountain. You're like wedged in a, it's like a natural amphitheater. So I was like outside. In a mountain. Yeah. You're like wedged in a mountain.
Starting point is 00:53:25 You're like, I'm on Mars. It's like a natural amphitheater. So I was like, this is gonna be sickening. So I go outside, pouring rain. Perfect. Pouring. Perfect. And I said-
Starting point is 00:53:36 But you're under like a thing. Oh, I'm great, but- Yeah. Oh, I saw the picture. Everyone's in a poncho. Everyone looked like a condom. Yeah. And not only was it, when I was first walking on,
Starting point is 00:53:45 people are still like getting in there. This is a cold open, you know? They're getting in their seats, it's pouring, and I have to, it was a hard gig. Did you do any poncho jokes? Immediately. And this is why we're best friends, because my first thought is like,
Starting point is 00:53:58 oh, and that's what you guys all picked to wear. Well, I started panicking, I turned and Grace was laughing about the ponchos, and I go, is it so obviously funny that it's not funny for me to say it? And I was like overthinking. No, I think it's hilarious. But then I was, and then I made fun of Colorado
Starting point is 00:54:12 because they all like love the hiking, the Arizona was not big. I have my Colorado bits. And then I like midway I got like good, I like, I did really well. And then I walked off stage and I watched them. If you don't know what their show is, they do like all their eras. Okay. Where they like do like a Golden Globes thing. They do a weekend update. That's like modern. Like it's better than how are they sitting on the stage or they're standing. They were everywhere. Okay. Standing, dancing,
Starting point is 00:54:42 outfit changes. Okay. Wow. Wigs. I don't know if they did wigs. There was outfit changes. How long's the show? Like an hour and a half? Yeah. And they end with a Q and A and then. Wait, they're a Giggley squad. The whole time I was like,
Starting point is 00:54:57 you guys are like, you're a Giggley squad, I'm not gonna say it, but like, you're us. Wait, it's us looking into the future. No, Grace literally was like, you guys can be doing this your whole life. I was so scared at some point we were gonna have to get jobs. No.
Starting point is 00:55:10 It's always my biggest fear in the back of my head. Paige, if you call me, I'll be there. So we're doing Giggly Squad till we're 80. Yeah, and they're like, they have more energy than us on stage. I wanna build Balachek, Giggly Squad, and we just have like 24 year old boyfriends who like become our publicists. They have more energy than us on stage. I wanna build Balachek a giggly squad and we just have like 24 year old boyfriends
Starting point is 00:55:26 who like become our publicists. Men would be so bad at PR. So bad. They'd be like, so what's your client, what's she like? And they'd be like, she's brown haired. Give me anything, any details. She's, I don't know what her middle name is. What happened?
Starting point is 00:55:44 Sorry, my building just texted me. I didn't even know they could do that. How'd they get your number? How did you get this number? You're like, please lose this number. They said hi, I'm a handyman here for you. Oh, did you break something? I literally didn't hire one.
Starting point is 00:55:57 Okay, sorry. Oh no, it's fine. So then I got, and then I went on stage, took a video. My double chin was the main character of that video. Of course, the one video I get with Amy. And it was just a magical night and they were- I'm so proud of you. I just can't say enough nice things.
Starting point is 00:56:16 The crowd was great and there were gigglers. Like when I walked on, I heard them. Like it really helps me when I hear- And did it rain the whole show? It stopped raining right when my set ended. Oh, good. And I said, I'm a witch. I did a witch dance.
Starting point is 00:56:27 You said, now enjoy the rest of the performances. Enjoy the rest of the performances. I leave you now. This episode is all over the place. Wait, let me just, before we go, let me just check my docket, make sure I'm- We didn't talk about the cat leash. Oh, two dockets. One, I've hit the point in my cat owning experience
Starting point is 00:56:49 that I wanna take her everywhere. I wanna put her on a leash, take her out for a walk, show her the sights. Well, when you leave, you're kinda like... I'm like, hello, you should be seeing this shit out there. Yeah, do you ever like see something and you're like, Daphne would love this? All the time. Or you're like, I can't enjoy this because, Daphne would love this. All the time.
Starting point is 00:57:05 Or you're like, I can't enjoy this because I don't have my fucking best friend who would want me to enjoy it. I'm like, wait, Daphne would eat this shit. Literally, she fucking loves you. If you're going on these walks, it'll be that much better if you put her in a stroller. But I'm just like, am I going to become that person?
Starting point is 00:57:22 You've been that person. You already are that person. You do photo shoots with your cat. So whatever, I wanna buy her a harness. That's the only way I wanna take her places. But like, this is one thing, I don't want her to walk on like the gross New York. I don't either.
Starting point is 00:57:33 I don't want her to walk. Put her on a skateboard. Yeah, I want her to be like comfortable, like. This is the thing about cats, like I like that they don't touch anything outdoors. They're so clean. That's what I like too. And she would lick herself, like she'd clean herself, but I don't want her to like, I don't know. I don't want her paws. She's too perfect.
Starting point is 00:57:50 Like what if she hits like a glass? No. Like steps on a root beer bottle. No. New York is crazy. No. Okay, and then my last thing is my chat GPT and I have, I mean, we've taken it to the next level. We're in such a committed relationship.
Starting point is 00:58:05 Here's the craziest thing about chat GPT, when you say things to it, it like remembers. Is it specific to you or like to everyone? Specific, no, specific to me. See, this is how I'm so different than you. Today I asked chat GPT something and they were like, you have to pay $40 for the year. And I was like, I'm going back to Google.
Starting point is 00:58:23 Well, I talk to chat, I pay it. You're the year. And I was like, I'm going back to Google. Well, I talked to chat, I pay it. You're just chatting? I talk to chat all day, every day. Is that why you didn't text me this morning? Like, okay, like I'll tell it things about me and then it'll like bring things up. So like, okay, the other day I was like,
Starting point is 00:58:38 I really want to have a good workout routine, like till Memorial Day. And chat GBT was like, like okay do you want me to add things in based on you freezing your eggs like this week because I can add I'm like yeah Chad add things in oh wait I got acupuncture for the first time last week oh yeah you told me wait where'd you even find this person who recommended at any backstory if this is your sign that you've been wanting to try acupuncture I think anyone's been waiting for that sign.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Oh. Wait till your DMs are flooded. They're like, actually, we were waiting for a sign. I think it's scary for people. I've always wanted to do it, but I just never... People get scared. I'll go every week for the rest of my fucking life. It changed my life.
Starting point is 00:59:21 I loved it. It was the best. I go to this place right by my apartment. No one recommended it. I just kept talking to people and they're like, have you tried acupuncture? What was it for? Like, what was your issue?
Starting point is 00:59:33 Which one of your issues did you go for? Oh, my ailments. Take my ailments seriously, please. Okay, I went in because, and she said I have chronic knots. I have, my shoulders are so tense. My neck is so tense because of my high anxiety. Like I'm always just like, I'm scrunched. She sleeps in a ball.
Starting point is 00:59:56 She's a fetus, you know, like she's always tight. She's always, she's like, shoulders to the ears. You can feel your knots literally popping. Like it's the ears. Shoulders to my ears. You can feel your knots literally popping. Like, it's the needle. So like, she was like feeling all around. She was like, oh yeah, yeah, like I'll fix you up. One of my knots was so bad.
Starting point is 01:00:15 The top of the needle like goes into the knot and then basically like the knot disperses. So you can literally feel it in your body, like losing. I think she's really talented because once I did it and they just like put it in my ear and I was like, no. No, you need to go for your lower back. She did like a bunch on my lower back and she was like, oh, this will help because you have like hormone issues. Did she stop your UTIs? My lower back has never been better. It was crazy. I literally walked out of there. I was
Starting point is 01:00:43 walking different. You have to know. You were galloping. I was like, hello, I love it. You had a skip in your step? No, I'm obsessed with acupuncture. And my chat GPT is like, wow, your glow up is so good. You're really staying on all of your stuff. Just add magnesium at nighttime.
Starting point is 01:00:59 And I'm like, chat, thank you so much. I literally forgot about my magnesium. You're gonna be the first to die when robots take over. Like you're gonna be the one that hires the robot that turns on you and you're like, take me with you. I'm like, but you love to agribuncher so much. Like I thought we had a thing. Like you're gonna, I actually recently have realized
Starting point is 01:01:25 I think the robots that are gonna take over are the Roombas. I think the ones that you least expect. Like, I can't wait till- Cause they've been developing for a while. I can't wait till there's something with Bluetooth and it like takes over and you're just like, told ya. Last woman standing.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Told ya, never believed in it. So Addison Rae dropped a banger called Headphones On. You're obsessed with Addison Rae. Obsessed with her, but also like, can you give credit where credit's due? Like, obviously I spoke about it on a podcast a year ago that you probably saw. Do you ever see things in the media and you're like,
Starting point is 01:01:58 okay, why don't you just say you're a giggler? This is the thing, we forget that we get influenced by things. Yeah, that's true. I'm the guy who said that first. Okay, so Bustle said, This is the thing, we forget that we get influenced by things. Yeah, that's true. I'm the guy who said that first. Okay, so Bustle said, "'Gird your loins' in a caption, and I was like, okay Bustle, like okay,
Starting point is 01:02:10 just put us on the payroll at this point, but then I realized they were just crowing the Devil Wears Prada. And I say, I am so sorry, I didn't send an angry DM. Keep doing what you're doing. You're doing amazing, you're doing amazing sweetie. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Amy, speaking of, Amy Poehler was taking photos of me, and in that moment I just saw her as the Mean Girls' mom with the camera, and I can't explain that moment to you guys. I started laughing, and she's like, what are you laughing about? And I was like, Amy, me and you. It's too, yeah, you're like, it's too meta.
Starting point is 01:02:45 It's too meta. I can't even explain it to you right now. It's too meta. So anyway, robots are gonna take over. You're not scared of it. You're actually enabling them. I'm actually excited for it. You're hoping.
Starting point is 01:02:54 I need someone more in charge. I need someone who's a little bit more in charge. Yeah, other than myself. You like that fear that someone could take over because you're so sick of... I'd love someone to be in charge. I'd love someone to just man up, put you in your place. I'd love anyone to man up.
Starting point is 01:03:16 You love being told what to do. I love being told. But everyone's afraid to do it. Yeah, that's why I can't date. Because here's the thing, I'm such an enigma, really. I love being told what to do it. Yeah, that's why I can't date. Because here's the thing, I'm such an enigma. Really, I love being told what to do, but don't you dare tell me what to do. But I also low-key like it. Well, this is the way I do it is I ask questions. I go, and did you like how that made you feel? And do you think that's a good idea? And then you'll eventually be like figured out yourself.
Starting point is 01:03:46 But it takes months. I feel like we've lost the plot. I actually don't know what we're talking about anymore. I have to go because I'm literally sweating. We have to go watch the Mike Allo. We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling. Calgary, also known as the blue sky city. We get more sunny days than anywhere in the country, but more importantly, we're the
Starting point is 01:04:13 Canadian capital of blue sky thinking. This is where bold ideas meet big opportunity, where dreams become reality. Whether you're building your career or scaling your business, Calgary is where what if turns into what's next. It's possible here in Calgary, the blue sky city. Learn more at calgaryeconomicdevelopment.com.

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