Giggly Squad - Giggling about malls, fingering, and accessories

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

Hannah visited Paige's hometown and we discuss the tragic downfall of malls.pre-order our booksign up for our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I think. Please. You never said can I have a ganache? And it's a topping. And they're like. It's not an actual, just like ganache is like a topping. They're like this is a Wendy's, please leave. So do you have a ganache?

Actually one time I went on vacation with my mom and it was like you could order pancakes with like fruit compote. And I pronounced it like compote or something. I think if you say anything confidently, like and if people know what you meant, that's what language is. And that's how the men have come so far.

They say crazy shit, they just say it sternly. With a period. Yeah. If you say anything with a period, it means like it's fact. That's why they don't want me on a microphone. No. That's why they don't want us on microphones

because suddenly we're loud. We're taking up space. Anyway, I was in your hometown. Yeah. All weekend in Albany. You just really saw the sights. I was at the True all weekend in Albany. You just really saw the sights. I was at the True by Hilton across the street from Maggie McFly's and the mall.

Not a great area, but. I wouldn't say it's like scenic route. No. By any means. And I also would say that I do. I wouldn't say you were hit in the face with culture. But. But the highlight was, well Paige is like,

I'm gonna come to your show on Thursday. And, or Friday. Thursday. Thursday. And I was like, okay. And you're, it's in a mall. Cause guys, I'm working on material. It's in a mall. I'll do it anywhere, it's in a mall.

Which used to be the greatest mall ever. Honestly, like Rest In Peace to malls. And now it's sad. Rest In Peace. It it's in a mall. Which used to be the greatest mall ever. Honestly, like recipes to malls. And now it's sad. It's such a sad mall. Was that like where you first got fingered in a mall? Oh, is that the first place I got fingered? No, no it wasn't, it wasn't. You're just like, that was the second place I got fingered.

I have been fingered in that movie theater, for sure. Are you kidding? Wait, how are guys even supposed to finger you in those theaters? Like that's insane. I feel like I had the worst experiences with guys in theaters. Like did I unzip my jeans like a freak?

I think like we thought they were fingering us, but they weren't. But we were like, I just got fingered. I remember the first time I got fingered. I was in a basement. Yeah, I was on a couch. And can I tell you something? I didn't know to shave until three days later

when one of my girlfriends was like, well, you have to shave. And I was like, wait, what? And imagine, and I think about it actually an odd amount of times throughout my adult life where I'm like, what if I never shaved? You're just representing the 80s. Like that shit was cool.

That first time. Yeah, do you know, like men who grew up in the 80s, a lot of them like bushes, cause that's the porn they saw. Right. And they think it's weird when girls are to shave it. Do you wanna hear something that makes my first time fingering story even 10 times grosser

than like a ninth grader getting fingered. Yeah. His name was Gary. I know. If you guys don't know, every man. My dad's name is Gary. And your brother's name is Gary. Wait, you know what I didn't realize?

Both our brother and dad have the same name. Yeah. But mine is Dan and Daniel. We have so much material for this week. You guys, I just dropped a bomb on the Giggysquad pod. I know you're gonna look at us differently now. Wait, but I love how your parents call him, they call him Big Gar or Little Gar?

Big Gar and Little Gar. That's cute. That's cute. Yeah, cause Garry's, my brother's not an actual like, like they don't have the same middle name. I love how your dad was like, he doesn't get the full name. He doesn't get a numerical thing next to his name.

But my parents came to Hannah's show. Oh yeah, Paige, you just, you don't communicate. No, I don't. You're a literal man. You text me, I'll see you at the show tonight. I have no idea how you're getting there. I'm like, you're in New York City, what are you talking about? I show up at the mall, she's standing you at the show tonight. I have no idea how you're getting there. I'm like, you're in New York City, what are you talking about?

I show up at the mall, she's standing right outside in the mall with her full family, like 100 Italians. And she doesn't realize that stand-up comedy in the clubs, it's not as glamorous as theater life. And that's all Paige knows. All I know is theater life. All she knows is sold out theaters. So I get her to the back and it's literally

the tiniest green room with one frat leather couch. Yeah, a casting couch. A true casting couch. And Kim sits down kind of like, okay, and she brought us food. She did, she brought, okay Hannah was with Ali Colbert and my mom. Who's not Italian, okay Hannah was with Ali Colbert and my mom. Who's not Italian so this was hilarious.

No but I feel like she has the like. She's New Yorker. Yeah. My mom made fritzelles which are like these hard like roll, they almost look like bagels but they're not bagels. Yeah they're like massive bagels with every Italian thing you can put on it. Top it yeah.

You have olives, you have pepperoni, you have all kinds of pepperoni, you have the meats, you have the banana peppers, I don't know. Yeah, all the stuff. It's basically like a... It's basically a sandwich on a... It's a Subway sandwich for the mafia. Yeah. That's what it is.

That's what it is. And so she's got the food, your dad is pushing the food on us. Pushing it hard. He's like, Alia, you're not gonna have a salami. He thinks everyone's hungry. Like imagine stuffing your face before you go out on us. Pushing it hard. He's like, Al, you're not gonna have a salami. He thinks everyone's hungry. Like, imagine stuffing your face before you go out on stage.

It's like the craziest concept. If I deep throated a salami before getting on stage, it would be, I'd be on TMZ for just imploding from inside. One time I was at a cheerleading competition and I got in trouble because my mom gave me nachos before I was about to compete. And she's probably like, you're gonna be hungry. She was like, she's hungry. She's hungry.

She's hungry. They were like, she's gonna throw up on the mat. All she had today was breakfast and lunch and a snack. She's starving. That's literally what I do. No, but okay, the funniest part about it was like, Ali, if you don't know Ali, you have to go follow her on Instagram and like watch her videos.

She's very straightforward, says whatever she's like thinking, but hilarious. She's hilarious. And she was saying the most crude, crazy things to my parents. Which by the way, I feel like when I'm in front of your parents, I try to behave a little, I try to drop less F-bombs.

You do, you do. I don't want them going home and being like, that hand is not good for our daughter. Like I wanna be represented. Ali's- Saying whatever. People are catching strays, she's being hilarious, that hand is not good for a daughter. Like, I want to be represented. Ali's- Saying whatever. People are catching strays. She's being hilarious, like doing full stand up.

She leaves the room for a minute, 30 seconds. My dad turns and goes, she's cute as a button. She's adorable. And I looked, I actually got jealous. I was like, fuck it, I could have been doing my best bitch too, but I thought we were being appropriate in front of the family. And she goes rogue and he's like, she's cute as a bun. I'm like, yeah.

Then she does like a lesbian joke on stage and shouts out my dad. So then I was like, what is going on? Like, they're like best friends now, buddies. So anyway, I was a little jealous, right? But I was like, it's okay, it's fine. That's how I'd feel if your dad laughed at someone else's joke.

Yeah, imagine I bring a new friend and my dad's obsessed with her and you're sitting there and you're like, I thought I was blood related to you. No. And also I was like, you wouldn't even met her if it wasn't for me, I brought her here. She's my friend, Gary.

Gary. Gary. And Kim, innocent throughout the whole thing. And Kim's just enjoying life, making sure I'm okay. You guys, shout out Albany, sold out, five shows, let's go. No, Albany was a crowd. But you guys couldn't sit, so you guys stood in the back and watched my whole show and it was really cute.

And I laughed so hard. And I called you up at the end and that was really fun. That was really fun. Speaking of not fun, the next day, Paige is like, well I'm gonna pick you up and I'm gonna take you to my parents' house, which actually felt so high school. It felt so high school, like my mom said,

you can come over if you wanna come over. And I was like, oh my god, perfect. So we get there. It felt like you came home off the bus. You know, like my mom said, you can come home off the bus. I kind of felt like you made friends with public school kids and you, like my mom said you can come home off the bus. I kind of felt like, like you made friends with public school kids and you were like,

can I show you what it's like? Yeah. That's the way. Like we got out of the car and you were like, take your shoes off. Just take your shoes off. I'm like, these are cloth napkins. Have you ever, have you guys ever seen them before?

So we walk in and Kim just spoils us. Made a full chicken parm lunch. I mean, there were six courses. Six and then it was just, and it was laid out. She's like, oh, this is just the lunch. And Allie is just flabbergasted. She's never had this kind of treatment.

So we were gossiping, we're eating all the food. And then I was like, can we see Laura Daphne? Yeah. And you were like, yes, she's upstairs. Let's see what she's doing. And I'm like, Ali's like, I'm not really a cat person. I'm like, Ali, you're gonna fucking love this cat. Oh yeah, Ali's not really a cat person.

I was like, you're gonna love this cat. Also, I'm gonna convert you to cat person. Like, you're gonna love this cat. Daphne, similar to Gary, obsessed with Ali. Obsessed. Like walking her back against Ali's back, like just like looking atie. Obsessed. Like walking her back against Allie's back, like just like looking at her. Flirting.

Wanted little to nothing to do with you. I would say she actually disliked me. And I was like, Daphne, what do you fucking be here for, it was. But then like part of me loved it. I was like, I love that she doesn't like me cause then I like wanna earn her affection. Well, Daphne's extremely vain and superficial.

She didn't like my outfit. So she was like, that's how you come to my home? Yeah, because normally I would say I give good energy but I now realize I think she was disgusted by my jeans that I haven't washed for two weeks and she could smell it. See, dogs love it. Dogs, they're up my canal. Like, oh, this girl's peanut butter buzzy.

Your dad, he goes, ew, have you showered? She's like, I shit in a box and I'm cleaner. So anyway. She's like, mommy, brush me. She's like, do you want my mommy to brush your hair? It was just so funny when pets clearly prefer someone and so that was insulting. And again, I was like, Ali, you shouldn't even be here.

I invited you and you're taking all the attention and gravitas. You just wanted to use the word gravitas. As I was saying it, I was like, I don't know if this is gonna work. But no, we love Ali so much. And I'm also one of those people, not to brag. I want other people to have fun.

I'll take the hit. I'll take the hit. I want- I actually do get obsessed with, to the point that it gives me social anxiety. Like I can't enjoy myself if I think someone is not having fun. Really?

Yeah. Like if I told her, if I told her, hey, we're going to lunch, and then I'm noticing her not having a good time, like, I'm stressed. Oh, okay. I thought you meant just, like, random people. I'm like, how do you get anything done during the day? Like, you're just worrying about if everyone's having a good time.

If I throw a party the whole time, I'm stressed. That's like why weddings are stressful, because it's like, everyone, like, canceled their plans to come to your wedding. It better be fucking fun. When's the last time you threw a party? My Netflix party, which honestly? Oh yeah. Lit.

Lit. Because I put my heart and soul into that. I had chicken fingers. I still think about that picture of me where I'm like, ah. Well, you didn't like your shorts. I gotta get out. You didn't like your shorts. Yeah, I didn't like my outfit.

And you couldn't handle it. I couldn't take it. You were just hiding behind my Nana for like 30 minutes. No, I held Nana's hand. And my Nana was like, you're so pretty, just like me. I love that she's friends with you. No, Nana is my Nana. Like, I feel like you guys almost are two alike

where you're like, this is weird. It's too powerful. It's giving like Freaky Friday. Like, you're like, did is weird. It's too powerful. It's giving like Freaky Friday. Like, you're like, did I sneeze? Am I Nana? Do you think I'm little Gary? Kind of. You kind of are like my older brother.

Yeah, I was trying to explain to Allie, who's a lesbian, our relationship, and she was, we left the house, and she's like, she's your partner. Yeah, no, we're partners. Cause she was like. No, we're more than friends. Like, okay, like if we were to be with another friend duo,

I'd be like, cute, that's adorable. We would leave and be like, they think they're fun. Yeah, like that's so sweet of you guys to like be friends, but like we're life partners. Well, Allie was like, I love to hang out with you guys because I love being a third wheel. And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, I love hanging out with couples.

And I'm like, what do you mean? And she's like, you guys will talk with your eyes all the time. You're an extension of me. And then Ali kept telling me really good gossip. And at one point she stops and she's like, are you gonna tell Paige all of this? And I was like, yeah. And she paused for a stops and she's like, are you gonna tell Paige all of this? And I was like, yeah.

And she paused for a second and I was like, first of all, Paige doesn't know all these niche people we're talking about. It's like, well, Paige doesn't remember anything. But if Paige has her own shit going on. I got my own problems. She's fine, but yes, I will tell her. No, that's why it's like gossiping.

If you're gonna gossip with one of us, you're gossiping with both of us, but it's like gossiping. If you're gonna gossip with one of us, you're gossiping with both of us, but it's a safe space. Like we share the same ideas, so it's not, it's not like, oh my God, don't tell anyone, oh, she told one friend, it was Paige. It's like, no, you were telling me when you told Hannah. 100%, 100%.

And people need to realize that. Yeah, so she was like, you have a full partner, and I was like, I know, and I was like, I am the man one. And she was like, you have a full partner, and I was like, I know, and I was like, I am the man one. And she was like, that typically happens in a lesbian relationship. Sometimes one of them wears the pants more. And so yeah, and okay, this is the funniest part,

is Allie, in front of Paige's parents, who she just met, jokingly turns to the parents and goes, Paige and I have to tell you something "'about our relationship.'" Imagine I just come home and I'm like, guys I'm a lesbian and this is my girlfriend. I don't even drop the lesbian part first, I'm just like, and this is my girlfriend?

This alley's so cute too, but honestly I feel like you'd be with a blonde. That's what I see for you. Or for us in our threeple. Yeah, I was just gonna say. I feel like you wouldn't want a girl who looks similar to you at all. I would either want a girl who is really feminine

and that I could share stuff with, but I'm like, that's a friend. Yeah, or you just want a girl, Kim stop listening, you just want a girl with huge boobs so you could see what it's like and then decide if you want a boob job or not. Yeah. Like, I mean, you put my top on

and see if it looks good. You could do this. I don't know if I like it. Yeah. I don't know, change. Can you turn around? Can you turn around? Yeah.

Can you move your arms in it? I don't know. Hug yourself, is it fit? If you hug yourself, does it still feel good? Yeah. When I was little, that was all my mom would say I don't know. Hug yourself, is it fit? If you hug yourself, does it still feel good? Yeah. When I was little, that was all my mom would say when we would be in the mall trying clothes on. Hug yourself.

Do you still have room? That means it's comfortable. I've never heard that before. I've never heard that before. Yeah, oh my God. So you're just like in the dressing room. I'm like, yeah, I still have room. Wait, the dressing room. I'm just like, I'm like, yeah, I saw a broom. Wait, the dressing room is so traumatizing,

especially at Aritzia where there's no mirrors. Actually, I couldn't tell you the last time I went into a dressing room and I tried something on. And the Aritzia one, I've been to one time and I never went back because I was like, that's crazy. I'm not walking out. It seemed like a, people's boyfriends are there. No, it was like a harassment ritual.

Wait, what's the word? It was an embarrassment ritual? Yeah. It was a humiliation ritual. No, it is, it literally is. Like you walk out and everyone goes, don't buy that. I just would never, I would never. Oh, that's and everyone goes, don't buy that. I just would never.

I would never. Oh, that's interesting. Oh, no, I'm turning. Like that's what I'm getting from everyone. It's like, I'm not trying on my wedding dress. Like I don't need to stand on a pedestal in front of like, in a circle. This isn't a town hall meeting.

No. When I try something on, I don't need a group forum. Like there was definitely a boardroom meeting specifically about the dressing rooms of Aritzia, and what man was like, let's put it in the middle. So what they say is that it helps sell stuff because you have to walk out, and then a salesperson has to say, I like it on you.

I'd like to see the numbers on it because I wouldn't walk out. That's what I did. I thought that there was something defunct in my room and I was like, oh, I got a room that had no mirror. The mirror fell off or something and then I like walk outside and

No, I think it's so inappropriate. The vulnerability that you have to be when you try on something. Also, I'm not wearing a matching outfit. I don't have makeup on. I already feel like a rat. Just like a hairless mole rat. I don't try things out.

I ordered online and then I tried on the comfort of my home and then I return it like a normal person. I order it online and I forget to return it like a normal person. Yeah. No, that's so you. By the way, whenever we talk about when we're on our period, any other gigglers that are on their period message me

and they said there's a conspiracy theory that all the gigglers are synced up. Okay, well could someone sync up with me because obviously the month I'm ready to freeze my eggs, my period is like, actually we don't wanna come. Did your period come? No, I haven't gotten it in two months. But you're not pregnant?

No. I'm stressed out. No, I'm stressed out. So now I'm like, what's your waiting for? Where is the blood going? I think my body is so sensitive that it's like, oh, we know we're supposed to do something, and like, my body is so me, you know?

It's like, oh, you want us to come? No. That's hilarious. You're like, you have one job. No, literally, you have one job. One job, I'm sorry. And so I'm just waiting for it. Periods are so funny because you wanna get it so bad, and then when you get it, you hate it so much.

And that's called the life of a woman. Anywho. Forever 21, what's going on? I know, how sad. I mean, all their clothes is in landfills. But are they actually bankrupt or are they just announcing bankruptcy? I think they're just closing all the stores.

Like period. I think they're done like closing all the stores. Like period. I think they're done, yeah. But like keeping it online? I don't think so. I think done, done. Maybe they should charge more than two dollars for jeans. You want to know what it is? I think with like these stores, the people that

we were in our 30s now and they didn't grow with us. We you could be so right. Like that's what I think about a lot of stores that close. Like it. Also, I feel like Gen Z's have opinions on, like strong opinions on fast fashion. Yeah. I don't know. And I don't think they're shopping the way like we were in store.

Yeah. And we only had Forever 21. Yeah. Like Abercrombie hadn't done their new. Well, it was like the first place we could afford and you could just like go off at Forever 21. But then now, there's so many fast fashion places, like I guess like Sheen and all of them have just like...

Yeah, I mean, there wasn't like Amazon Prime when we went to... I remember I would hit Forever 21 and Bebe. And those are my... And Guess. And that was like my summer wardrobe. Do you know who loves BB? Who? My Nana. No.

She's obsessed with BB. No, I loved BB so much. I literally, this is how much I loved it. Being in like high school, I was too young to work there and all I wanted to do was work there. I was like, mom, I could get a discount. She was like, you're 14. I was like, I can get a discount

and I could work with the cash register. And she was like, you can't count, Shane. Did you ever just for fun walk into Hot Topic? Yeah, like in Spencer's. Yeah. Yeah. Just to be like, do I want to have a goth day? And then you're like, wait, I'm scared. No, my mom would have screamed at me.

Oh my God, mall. That's the only store that survived in Albany, in the mall, was like Spencer's. I'm like, how? I'm not, no, that's crazy. I'm not trying to be like, I'm not a guy that girls. Wait, do you see my eye twitching? I've had an eye twitch for three days.

And you know what that means. I love that you do, because normally you blame it on Tor, and now you can just blame it on yourself. I have an eye twitch, which means a man is about to die soon. Oh no, it's that time of year. I have to sacrifice a man. No, truly I've had this eye-dredge for like four days and it's so annoying.

Because you also think everyone's like staring at it. I don't even think that everyone's staring at it. I'm just like, what? Is it your bigger eye or your smaller eye? It's your bigger eye. Why did I even ask? I can see it. How dare old woman?

What a fucked up question It's your big eye. Why did I even ask? I can see it. You're a fucked up question. Check your cornea. No, it's just like I think stress. I personally feel like spring is the superior season, especially for style. I feel like summer, I'm hot. I don't want to wear any clothes. Yeah, winter, I'm wearing too many clothes.

It's too much. Spring is the perfect amount of clothes. And that's why we're excited to get into this special segment presented by Nordstrom and Acast Creative. It's your go-to destination for spring as you look to add the latest trends to your wardrobe this season. But when you know from Paige, what trends from Nordstrom are people getting?

Here's the other thing about spring that I just want to say. It's like a fresh start. So like if you're like, oh, I'm going to revamp my entire personality. You're going to just change your name, change your job, also change all of your clothes. Some of my favorite spring trends, I'm loving a trench, loving a trench coat, love a crop trench coat, but to the floor trench coat, love a trench coat as a dress with some knee high, thigh high boots. And like a belt. Slouchy belts are in and like big slouchy bags.

I love that big bags are back in because it's like I wasn't fitting anything before. So like a big bag can really like change your whole outfit. I'm also loving Kendrick Lamar's jeans. And those are in style, 70s inspired denim, full skirts. And Nordstrom has everything. They have mango, they have skims, Levi's, free people, Madewell, Veronica Beard.

Veronica Beard has such good coats right now, too. Like, do yourself a favor, get a nice spring jacket. Yeah, just get one. Nothing says spring, like, this is my spring jacket. Yes, and it adds to the outfit. I hate when I put on a jacket that just ruins everything that I created. The best thing about Spring too is you know what you're

buying for Spring. You can also repurpose in the summer and the fall. Yeah, I also used to live by Nordstrom and what people don't know about it is they have really good beauty. They have skincare, eye patches, tools, moisturizers, serum. So they have like fun extra stuff too. And there's thousands of options under a hundred dollars.

So it's affordable and trendy. Also spring is you're figuring out what your summer plans are. You're going on like a little weekend away. Nordstrom really is great for packing. I've become such a good packer since core. Yeah, you have. Like I'm in there with my packing cubes. See, I'm panic packing. Nordstrom makes it easy to get what you need within your daily routine through fast delivery, risk free shopping, and option to return. So I love Nordstrom for last

minute things that I need on a trip. You can get vacation ready with Nordstrom with a ton of styles and travel essentials, all for under $100. They have free store pickups. You buy online, pick up today, or pick up tomorrow for a wider selection. Choose curbside, we love that. At Nordstrom stores or in-store, at Nordstrom and Nordstrom Rec,

both options are quick and convenient. And one of my favorite things about Nordstrom is you can get free standard shipping all the time plus a two day and next day option. I'm in there with the next day option. Plus it's risk free shopping with free returns in store or by mail. I get so much stuff online that takes forever to get there. I forget why I bought it and then it doesn't fit me and then I'm too lazy to return it

because you have to pay money for it. Nordstrom makes it so easy in and out. Thank you for listening to this segment brought to you in partnership with Nordstrom and Acast Creative. Back to me. I love saying that. Wait, I went to the gyno for the first time in like a long time. To the point, you Wait, I went to the gyno for the first time in like a long time.

To the point, you guys, I never lie. I never lie. They go, when was the last time you went to the gynecologist? And I just said three years ago. Yeah. Lied. Even longer?

I don't even think, I don't think I've been. Like, I don't have good insurance. And I like use that dog. You just like haven't been going, you never get a UTI? No, like I have a very healthy pH balance I don't have good insurance. And I like use that dog. You just like haven't been going, you never get a UTI? No, like I have a very healthy pH balance in my pussy. I'm so proud of you. Also I feel like when your pussy's this little,

you don't have to get it checked up cause it's like not even there. It's like nothing can even go in there. It's literally not even there. You can't even find it. So, she's like I can't see. See I'm like a hypochondriac. They're like, you don't need to get a pap smear again.

I'm like, just check it again. No, my mom literally had an intervention. She was like, now you're back from tour. You need to schedule a pap smear. And then I also have this huge fat globule, lipoma. All the gigglers were messaging me about lipomas. I'm like, is this your 30s? Wait, what were they saying about your lipoma?

One girl was like, make sure you use a good surgeon. One other girl was like, it's definitely gonna take a consultation first. They don't just like start cutting you open. I was like, I'm literally busy. I don't have time for a consult. But I got a pap. It was quick.

It wasn't? I remember it being a little more like, they're in there. Well because you were younger and you were more nervous. Now you're like, this isn't gonna take me out. Is it even in? Yeah, just kidding with me. It's gonna take a lot more to shoot me down today.

Yeah, a cold speculum, I welcome it now. Being a girl is crazy though. Like they literally just shove something in you and I was like, I wasn't in the mood for it. Is that like, it's 2025 and they're still, like they still crank it, you know? Like, like you would think the technology.

It looks like a medieval culture device. It's one of the craziest things ever. And they're like, oh, hey, no problem. We're just going to stuff this up you. And you're like, OK. A stainless steel duck beak. No lube. None at all.

And then they're just like, this won't hurt. Like, that's crazy. Yeah. Crazy. So how often do you do that? Well, you go once a year. Once a week. Once a year. Yeah.

So anyway, everything was fine. I know you guys were nervous. Good. But we're fine. See, I always have an abnormal and I have to do more. Yeah, I've always had abnormal since I was like 16. What's abnormal about it? So many things.

Who knows? Well, thank you for raising awareness and making people feel less alone who have abnormal PAPs. Yeah, and then I have to go and I'll always have to get, you've never had to get your cervix scraped to do more testing. I don't think so. I always have to get my cervix scraped and I test the cells. Why do they have to say scrape?

Why do they use that word? Because they literally go in and scrape a piece off of it to like, Chris has- Chris, shut the fuck like, Chris has thrown up in his mouth seven times. Chris, you're so freaking lucky. I hope that someone sticks something up your butthole. I hope someone literally when you cough and they're feeling your, anyway, that's not gonna, I'm gonna get fired.

Chris, you don't fucking get it. No, Chris has actually learned a lot from it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. what they need when they sleep. And I was like, I actually don't really know what you need when you, actually I kinda know what you need when you sleep. You like it to be dark, then you need to be watching something, and you need your phone in one hand, and then you kind of just let the night take you where it goes.

Where it may. Yeah. I need it cool, I need to be like cool. I need to be like 68 in the room. Yeah. And I need my Stanley to be properly filled and nice to me. So one thing that Paige hates about me

is I do have Stanleys, but I don't put ice in it. So I just have warm Stanleys all the time. She's literally drinking water. Just bring a water bottle that, then what's the point of a Stanley if you're not gonna use its- Sorry, I don't have an expensive ice machine. But you have ice.

Don't make it about the ice machine. Don't make it about the ice machine. Wait, you want me to hand make ice? You have an ice maker. Yeah, but I don't like it. I feel like it's dirty. It sometimes smells. You know when it smells like old water? Does anyone? Nobody? Well, then you need't like it. I feel like it's dirty. It like sometimes smells, you know when it smells like old water?

Does anyone, nobody? Well then you need to clean it. You clean your ice machine. You have to clean your ice machine? Don't use that ice. Actually, but- You've cleaned your ice machine. I personally haven't, but I've had my like ice-

You go, you call my ice machine cleaner? I got a guy. I'll send you a guy. Pass grab at it. Where were we? Oh yeah, so you have your Stanley. I have my Stanley. And that's pretty much it. You have your show, and that's it. Do you like blackout curtains?

I love them, but like, it's super dangerous for a person like me. We can't wake up. No. If you give me like blackout curtains, especially on like vacation, I've missed the whole day. 100%. See, this is the problem with marriage. Oh, especially on vacation. I've missed the whole day. 100%.

See, this is the problem with marriage. Oh, you could never have a blackout curtain. No, Des needs blackout curtains. Oh, he does. So Des is much more involved. Temperamental. So temperamental. Where I just want it ice cold,

and that's it. Like I could have, you could punch me in the face. I'd go as far to say you don't even need the mattress or the accoutrement that go with it. I don't use a pillow. You'll lay your head wherever. I just don't wanna feel hot, and that's it. But like I really like the sun coming in cause I won't wake up, or when I do,

I'm gonna be like in a dark, dark, depressed state. And then that's bad for everyone in my vicinity. No, I like a blackout curtain. But I have to be regimented with it, or else I'll. You have to set a strong alarm. Yeah. I have semi-blackout curtains right now. Do you remember in the movie The Holiday, when Kate Winslet goes to the LA mansion and when she wakes up all of it all

Automatically all the windows open. I was and there's like a beach outside. I was like, okay goals. Yeah manifest I love that does does this annoying thing where if I like Make a movement. He wakes, he wakes up so easily and he says it's cause he's a hunter. Do you ever, are you ever like in bed with your husband and he's asleep and you're just like, it's not happening for me right now. Like I'm just not, there's just a no situation

I'm gonna sleep. So do you remove yourself and like go to the couch and do your own thing and then go back or do you just lay there on your phone like no sound? Do you have a TV in your room? No. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I don't know what kind of military operation is going on here. Is it Handmaid's Tale over there? What the fuck are you talking about? You just have to sit there with your thoughts. He doesn't let you have a TV in your room? We just don't and honestly it's cause of my- Don't make excuses for him.

No, it's cause of my parents. Like my parents are like, there's no TV allowed in your room. Oh, so you've never had a TV in your room? No, your last apartment you had a TV in your room? No. So when you go to bed at night, sorry, my eye is twitching now,

like I'm faster than ever, what are you doing in there? Okay, so first I watch TV on the couch until I'm about to pass out. Which is like what time though? Give me a time frame. It can vary from 10 to one. Okay, okay.

And then I try to roll myself in bed, try not to wake up Des, but he's always like, oh, I'm a hunter! Yeah. And then I'm like, okay, please stop. And then I try to roll myself in bed, try not to wake up Dez, but he's always like, oh, I'm a hunter! And then I'm like, okay, please stop. And then I get into bed, and then I go on my New York Times crossword app. And that normally puts me asleep.

He listens to like a podcast in his ear, that's his thing. He listens to like boring podcasts. You guys are freaks. Well, and then if I can't, then I wait and then Butter comes and Butter starts cuddling me and that normally puts me to sleep. Okay. But we have this one rule in our relationship

where we're both, he has filmed me snoring before which is illegal, like that's HIPAA. Yeah. But he knows he snores sometimes and he said I'm allowed to wake him up if he's snoring. So when he snores, I poke him and he goes, ah! There's nothing I love more than waking a man up

when he's snoring. Because you're less than a man. I'm like, you're ruining the experience for everyone. I do have to say snoring husbands, I think it ruins marriages. I could see that. See, I'm a big fan of like, if I'm sleeping in the bed with a man

and like I can't fall asleep and they're obviously like fell asleep three hours ago, I love scramming. Like I love sneaking out of the bedroom, getting on the couch, turning my TikTok on full fucking blast and like falling and then falling asleep on my own, like on the couch. Yeah.

And then like going back in the bedroom at like 5 a.m. when I wake up. You're a cat. No, I literally. That's what a cat does. No, like I have to, it's almost like I have to be, this is one of the reasons I'm actually so scared that like maybe I really never will get married.

I hate sleeping in bed with men. Like I genuinely hate it and I don't know what it is cause like I can fall asleep on the couch with them but once it comes to like getting in the bed and like falling asleep, I'm like, no, I have to be alone. Like I have to hang out with myself more. It doesn't make sense. Like we all have roommates, right?

And then you get to the point where you try to not have a roommate but then when you meet a guy, now you're forced to have a roommate. Right. But this roommate literally takes up half the bed and is hot and is breathing in your fucking face. Yeah, and I'm like, and now I can't watch a TV show

and also have my phone on when it's like 3 a.m. because you have to sleep. Also, I understand intimacy sometimes. I understand quality time. Yeah. When you're both asleep, is that really intimacy? It's just like, you can't all have four bedroom houses. I feel like sleeping in separate beds,

I honestly think is great. Or just get the biggest possible bed you can find. I need my own bedroom and I'm so down to start the night with you and then start the morning with you. But what I do in the in-between is none of your business. I'm so down to start the night with you and then like start the morning with you. But what I do in between is like none of your business. You're starting a business.

You're running numbers. You're looking up past exes, exes, exes, girlfriends. You have stuff to do during the night. I saw a TikTok that was like, I still stalk my exes, ex, even though we broke up. But she's part of my routine. Wait, wait, your comfort stalk. Your comfort stalk. Your comfort stalk, where like when you watch them,

it kind of makes your day. Yeah. You know, like. I haven't had like a good, I haven't had anyone good to stalk in so long, because like, my Finsta, Finsta, it got taken away. It not got taken away, but I literally forgot the password. It was like one of my other girlfriends,

and I was just like, it got logged off my Instagram like two years ago, and I was like, I probably shouldn't have one anymore. And like, I don't have anyone good to stalk. So like, I don't have, but when I saw that, I was like, oh, I miss stalking people. I will stalk random people. I like to see a photo of a girl who looks cool,

and I'll click on her, and I'm like, oh my God, she's so cool, look at her outfit, look at her aesthetic, and then I'll see the guy she's with, and I'll click him. And then I'm in a wormhole of someone's life. I've actually followed this girl for years, and she's not famous, she's not an influencer, but I found her one day and she lives in Lebanon and I watched her get engaged and I watched her get married.

You just thought she was pretty. I think she's so pretty and I think her husband's so hot and they're just like a normal couple that doesn't live in America and I stalk her all the time. And that's important, I think that's important. And that's important for the world. Can I say a criticism of Instagram? I follow anything that inspires me on Instagram.

Like if I see one design account follow. Yeah, oh wow, you throw out follows like. I follow over 6,000 things on Instagram. That's not what Instagram's made for, because even though I feel like the more people you follow, the less people you see, I see the same four Insta stories of the same four people every day, and it's not even like I'm close to those people,

it's just somehow they're my algorithm, and I don't know, I just feel upset. I feel like I follow all these people and I wanna see more. Isn't it crazy how like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok are so vastly different? Like you have to put yourself in, like I haven't gone on Facebook in years.

I don't know what the vibe is over there, but I know it's like really scary. But like you have to put yourself in like, when I'm in TikTok comments, I'm like, she's fun, she's flirty, she can like say whatever. Instagram comments are starting to get where I'm like, button up, like I wanna say something snarky, but I'm like, are they gonna get it?

Where TikTok, I can like fully go off. TikTok, you're like, was that crazy enough, my comment. Someone said the people that make TikToks are extroverts and the people that comment TikToks are introverts, but more often funnier. That's interesting. I've never done drugs, but I feel like all the apps are just different types

of drugs. Yeah. So like I think TikToks, Molly, MDMA, as I like to say. Yeah, I could see it. Or LSD. Yeah. It's an opera. She's definitely an opera. I feel like say. Or LSD. Yeah, I could see it. It's an opera.

She's definitely an opera. I feel like Instagram's cocaine. Yeah. You're just like, this is the post? Yeah. How many people are liking it? Did all my friends see it? Talk to me, like me, share me.

Wait, and Facebook is like a Viagra. Where you're like, okay, it's been 36 hours and we're still going, stop posting about your tuna fish sandwich. Yeah, it's like you couldn't naturally get here. Someone had to show you how to like, where to get here. Anytime on Facebook it's by accident.

Like I click through all the links. Yeah, and like I click by accident. And I get so scared. Oh God, and then threads is... I don't ever click threads. Threads is a popper. 100%. I have a question for the teachers.

What does that look like? It was natural, I thought it was natural. Are they still playing 7-Up in school? I hope so. Or like, was that lost with... If that's a dead art. Is that a dead art? Was that lost seven up in school? I hope so. Or like, was that lost with- If that's a dead art. Is that a dead art? Was that lost with our generation?

Because I saw this TikTok and it was like, things kids will never experience in school that you experienced. Remember when you had a textbook and you opened it up to see who had that textbook before you? Not a thing. There was just like dicks everywhere. Go into the library, you have to take out a book.

You see like everyone that took out that book. The smell of that light manila thing in the back of it. Like not there anymore. So there were just all these things and then I was like, are they playing 7 Up Heads Up? Like I need to know. I remember people cheated so much in that game so I didn't like it.

I didn't think it was just. Because everyone was supposed to, right? I wanted, if we were gonna- How were they cheating? They were looking. I said, there's integrity in this game so I didn't like it. I didn't think it was just. Because everyone was supposed to, right? I wanted, if we were gonna- How were they cheating? They were looking. I said, there's integrity in this game. This is what we have to do. Because I wanted to compete.

And I said, if it was gonna be a fair competition, I can't have people fucking looking and seeing you do it. So I didn't like 7-Up for that reason. However, it was a high that I haven't felt since. No, there was a certain kind of high. I always felt- And then shut the lights, and I was like, it's a clurb. No, when they turned the lights off, I was like, things are freaky.

There was a sexual- It's getting real. There was a sexual undertone. There was. When they turned the lights off, it was like, if your crush picked you for 7 Up, it was like- Oh, he wanted to touch your- Game fucking over. Yeah, no way, that's so true.

Wait, but did you play with guys? Yeah, I played in middle school. See, since I had such long arms, I always felt like I was at an advantage for 7-Up, because I would pass you, then put my arm out, like someone's fingers down. So it's like, they already thought I had gone, you know? Kids these days will never experience rolling the TV

when they roll the TV in. Yeah, they'll never experience that. They won't, I wonder if this is gonna sound messed up, but like, can Jen Alpha like write? Like, are they required to write in notebooks or is it just typing from day one? I don't know. Grace, how's your handwriting?

She's like, why am I catching straight? She's offended and appalled actually and speechless I would say. Why are men so bad at handwriting? Let's not get into it because mine's so bad and people are really gonna see when they get the signed copies of How to Giggle. It's kind of crazy.

Your signature is not that bad. But my handwriting's not what you would spot. It's just so off-brand for me. You envision you having full calligraphy. Yeah, and it's not. There are a few things that people really assume about me and I let them because it's better than what's reality. Also, it's none of your business reality and that's one of them.

Also it's none of your business. None of my business, what you think my handwriting is. What you made up in your head, exactly. My handwriting's like fine. It's not embarrassing. No, your handwriting's fine. It's fine. But writing I think was therapeutic.

Also hot take. I have had some days where I was off my phone the last couple weeks. And I just wanna say that... The world is? Your phone actually does cause depression. No. I thought...

Fully. I'm sorry, I've had so many days that I end up spiraling because of the littlest thing I saw on my phone. And I'm like, yeah, I could not look at my phone, but whatever. But I've actually been on my phone. And I'm like, yeah, I could not look at my phone, but like, whatever. But I've actually been off my phone and like, I feel a new, I feel just different. You know what's funny is like,

I haven't been on my phone either like the past couple of days. And there's nothing like- I mean, we both have like seven hours of screen time. 100%. There is nothing like not being on your phone and like truly not knowing what's going on on like the internet because you're just like

literally with the people that you're with in real life. And then you get a text from like two friends where you're like, are you okay? I hope like, oh, I don't know how you're dealing with all this, it's so much. And I'm like, wait. And you're like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And like I was fine, but actually what's everyone saying?

Send me all the screenshots. Well at first you do get FOMO, and I felt like I didn't know what was happening in the world, but then you start feeling better than people. You're like, oh, you're up on that. I'm sorry, I was living. Yeah, I'm like, sorry, I was trying to stay off my phone the past couple of days, what's going on?

But it is like- And my voice changes to that. It is like sugar though, where I feel like at first you're like feening, you actually feel worse. You start like trying to focus and you can't focus in real life. You're like, what did people do on their phones? No, my hands all shake because I'm like,

check their profile, check it, like see what that one said. Yeah, and then you're just like looking at the wall, staring at it, like what's my purpose? But then after, I feel like I had less FOMO when I was off my phone and I started to just like feel better within myself. And like, I'm not a big comparison person. I think everyone compares online.

But it's- I'm surprised you have FOMO as much as you do because you don't really like going out. No, my FOMO was more like, what's like going on in like, in the news. And like, I wanna know like wanna know all the gossip. Yeah, what are the niche TikTok references that are only happening this week?

I wanna know the jokes. I wanna know what the kids are talking about. I feel like I did say a TikTok reference the other day and you're like, sorry, I don't know what you're talking about because I haven't been on my phone and I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I know, but things are just simpler when you're off your phone. No, it's a simpler time. I feel like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I know, but things are just like simpler when you're off your phone.

No, it's a simpler time. Like I feel like I live. I'm literally ballerina farms when I don't go on my phone for two days. I'm like, should I have a baseball team of children? I swear to God, I was off my phone and I was like, I think I have time to have a baby. And then I realized like, I think I was just.

We come up with the craziest things when we're not on our phone for two days. I thought I was too busy to have a baby. And then I realized like, I think I was just- We come up with the craziest things when we're not on our phone for two days. I thought I was too busy to have a baby because I'm in so many mental, like, jumping around in gymnastics on my phone all day. And then I stopped being on my phone and I was like, I literally could have a child. I'm like, what if I did Whole30 and started a charity?

A Whole30 charity. Mauricio has a- Like Kyle. Kyle's guy had a bracelet stack. Of like stretchy Taylor Swift bracelets or of like Cartier? I think it was a combination. Just like a man wearing stacked bracelets and everyone was like, oof, he's going through something. Like this is a weird stage.

I don't- men with too many accessories, like you're trying he's going through something. This is a weird stage. I don't, men with too many accessories, you're trying to distract me from something. I don't trust men who wear a lot of accessories at all. And a stacked bracelet moment. What are Dez's accessories of choice? Oh my God, well, his first birthday, I almost bought him a watch. And I bought him this watch from this vintage place.

They give it to me. There's no watch in it. They just gave me an empty box. And thank God I didn't leave the store or they would have thought I just stole a watch. And then I wasn't able to get it for him. And I was like, I was gonna get you a watch. And I got him something else.

And he was like, I've never worn a watch in my life. Why would you ever get me a watch? Wow, I'm not a watch guy. And I was like, I don't know, cause you're, Yeah, that's like, you look like a guy that should wear a watch. There's like four gifts you get men. It's like, golf stuff, a watch.

Yes, he does wear watches, he doesn't wear necklaces. He really is bare bones. The man, he just wants like sporting equipment. That's nice. He doesn't, oh my God, I bought him a wallet once. He was like, I don wants like sporting equipment. That's nice. He doesn't, oh my God, I bought him a wallet once. He was like, I don't need a wallet. Wait, where's he putting his stuff? Where's he putting his ID?

I don't know. You've never asked? It's just like, they don't even have, they have nothing and they just have it. It's just like in his pocket. I think he might have a clip or something. My dad doesn't have, my dad raw dogs it. Like he just holds cash and a card.

I don't even know if he holds an ID. Clam shells, what is he using? What's he, how is he paying for things? Can I ask, what are cool girls doing for wallets? I have a card case. Oh yeah, you do. I have like a YSL card thing. Yeah. What do you use?

So I've actually had a Comedie Garçon. Oh, yeah. Like little like short wallet. Eight years. Yeah, you've had that. It has a zipper because I don't trust anyone. Yeah. Or myself. I used to have like a long like mom wallet. It's too big. It's too big. It's too big. So I have that. I was just wondering like,

I think there's so many good like cute vintage wallets going around. You know, my assistant got me for Christmas that is adorable. She went to Japan like with her family, like over Christmas. She went to Japan to buy me something. And she went did like,

cause obviously Japan has like the craziest vintage shopping and she found this Louis Vuitton key holder that they don't even make anymore. They like stopped making them like in the fifties. And so you like, it has like a little button and you like open it up and it has like a little chain and you like attach your keys to it and then you like snap it shut. It's so freaking cute. So cute.

And so I bring that everywhere. I have that in my card case. And that's actually like what's in my pocket right now. Do you remember when you were going out and it was trendy to have those tiny bags and like we didn't know what to do. And you were just like, you just lose your phone. Yeah.

Are those little bags, they're not trending anymore, are they? Little bags are kind of like out. Now it's like you need the biggest bag ever. Yeah. Now you need to put a huge leather bag in the middle of a table. It's very like a bohemian,

and you have to carry it like this, like this is my child. And it has to look like it's been through hell and back. Yeah. Which actually, honestly, it's more on brand for me. Anyway, Marisa, I hope you're okay. Oh, that's how we started back. Yeah. Which actually, honestly, it's more on brand for me. Anyway, Marisa, I hope you're OK. Oh, that's how we started that. Yeah.

I hate men with a bracelet situation like that. One time I bought myself a tennis bracelet, like, because hello? Obviously. And I was like dating a man at the time, and he was like, I want a tennis bracelet too. And I was like, oh my god time, and he was like, I want a tennis bracelet too. And I was like, Chris, do you have any accessories? I have a watch and then summertime, I'll throw one bracelet on sometimes.

Wait, explain it to me. What about the summer makes it bracelet weather? It's bracelet time, dude. Wait, what? We're just loose, we're loose. One bracelet, one bracelet doesn't. No, but why not the winter? I don't know, it just doesn't feel right.

Yeah, because they're wearing short sleeves and they're like, -"Hey, we're like, I'm an accessory." -"We're loose." It's like a little... No, but this man wanted a diamond tennis bracelet, I almost threw off. No. I was like, it's not for you. It's not for you at all.

I was like, cool, buy yourself one and me. Buy yourself one in my size, thank you. Yeah, great, then get two. I also, I wanna call out the New York Times. What do they do? What do they do now? Well, I love the New York Times. I get a lot of great emails from them.

But one, I just want all the gigglers. This is our mental health moment. Wait, did you feel like such an adult when you like subscribed to the New York Times? Oh yeah, I was like, I know what's going on. I'm an adult, I pay taxes. Sometimes I'll get emails and I forget that I'm subscribed to Business Insider. I'm like, what business do I have even being subscribed to this?

I don't remember subscribing to anything, but I am. I am Business Insider. I think that we all have to remember that no one knows what they're doing. Everything's smoke and mirrors. Uh huh. And everyone's talking out their ass and flailing. Yeah, because the New York Times, someone wrote this article like they were like really on to something. Yeah. They figured something out. They passionate about it. I swear to God, this is the article.

something, like they figured something out. They're passionate about it. I swear to God, this is the article. Chef recommends chips in sandwich. Like it was some ground breaking discovery. I've been putting chips in my tuna fish sandwich since I was fucking six years old. Yeah, since we were given sandwiches. And they literally wrote this whole article,

like he highly recommends the texture and saltiness of the crisp, no shit, Sherlock! You ever had a turkey sandwich with a Dorito chips smack dab on there in the middle of a summer day? Hello? A cool ranch Dorito with a turkey? Get a grip, me! Get a grip, me!

What the hell, like, and I at least, like, give credit where credit's due. It's us when we're six years old. Don't give it to this, this guy didn't have to go to France and work for a Michelin star restaurant to tell me chips taste good in a sandwich. You actually said something a little bit ago that people don't talk about enough.

Chips on a tuna sandwich, much different than chips on any other sandwich. I would say it makes the whole tuna sandwich. 100%. A homemade tuna, has to be homemade. Yes, 100 hundred percent. I didn't think people ate sandwiches without chips in them. Yeah.

So anyway. It's really hard to eat a sandwich no chip. Yeah, that's kind of- It's like, okay, what's my side? Yeah. Thanks, so I just don't have a side? A hundred percent, but I really love that they were like, we figured it out.

Also, wait, let's play a game really quickly. I feel like you're similar. I feel like you're similar to me in this. Certain meals, i.e. like certain sandwiches, require certain drinks. And it's very specific on like what drink to what you're eating. I mean, there's definitely things that are illegal. So like Chinese food, I'm going one, two, three, soda.

Okay. I don't drink soda. Oh, right. I'm actually going ginger ale. Yeah. Okay. Turkey sandwich. One, two, three, snap. Gatorade, gatorade, snap. Snap, same thing, juice is what I was going for.

Okay, juice. Juice. Okay. I'm trying to think of another one. But like, I can have a turkey sandwich and not have it iced tea. My mom, who's like a health buff, cannot have pizza without Coke. That was it, that's another really good one.

Pizza, you need a Coca-Cola. Because the soda gets through the fatty acid. You just need it. It's a scientific thing. You literally need it. I don't know, maybe I should read the New York Times to figure out. No, but I do have to say,

the New York Times has incredible cooking. The recipes are insane. Really? Yeah, New York Times recipes, fancy people will be like, oh, this is a salmon recipe from the New York Times. It's very regal. That's why when I saw a whole article

about putting chips in a sandwich, I was like, what kind of layoffs did they have at the New York Times. Like it's very regal. That's why when I saw a whole article about putting chips in a sandwich, I was like, who, what kind of layoffs did they have at the New York Times? Did you do your wedding in the New York Times? No, we chose not to. I think I'm gonna throw mine in there. Yeah, and Vogue. Yeah.

I already planned out your whole weddings PR tour. I can't wait. I'm so excited. What a fun time. What a fun time. You know what's so funny to think about? How different my bachelorette party is going to be than yours because like we're older now,

but really like I should have had that type of bachelorette party and I'm probably gonna have one that you should have had. Like what if I'm like, let's go to a farm upstate. I was supposed to be the last of my friends to get married. I know you were like my literal first. I felt that in my heart of hearts. But like I think.

I'm gonna say something. I never thought I was gonna be the last. I really, every time we went around the group at the lunch table in high school, no one ever picked me last. Also you're not the last. None of our friends are married. Who are our friends, honestly?

We have to stop comparing ourselves to Grace, who's younger than us. True. Works for us. Not our actual, doesn't wanna be our friend. Okay. I'm literally contractually obligated to be here right now. You're not last.

No, I'm literally kidding. I don't give a flying fuck. Life is about perspective. I need to be last because I need to get up in the middle of the night and go on the couch and be by myself. And once I work through that. I also like thinking when I'm younger and we used to like hook up with guys

and like just stay, I don't know, it's when you're in your 30s it's so different. Like staying over? Yeah. Yeah, it's like I'm not staying over. And then there's roommates are there when you get out. Oh well I would never do, well, come on, have some respect on my fucking name.

You think I'm staying at places where people have roommates? Get grip, Hannah. Sorry, but also the roommates were fun. It was part of the hang. Like, after the volume, like, come on, hang with us. Totally part of the hang when you're like 26, 32. It's a bit depressing.

It's like, say bye to your roommate for me. Like, no. You're like, say bye to your roommate for me. Like, no. You're like, Jeff, don't give me that look. Jeff, your life sucks. Jeff and your room is ugly. I don't like the decor. No. You don't even have a real light.

No, it is funny. Like even in my twenties though, I didn't really, I don't feel like I slept out that much because. You know what's way worse than waking up in someone's apartment with roommates? When he wakes up in your bed and won't leave. See, I rather that because I feel like I would, it's easier for me to like get you the fuck out

than like I hate waking up somewhere else and I'm like, I have to go home and wash my face and like. See, I like being able to be like, bye bitch, I'm out, then having to awkwardly wake him up or like he's chatting, chatting, chatting. And you're like, I don't. I do that before. Like I'm like, okay, this was great, see ya.

Once I was talking to this guy who lived with his parents in Connecticut and I was unsure if his parents were rich or not because Connecticut, there's many different towns. So I wasn't sure yet, but anyway, he came into the city to hang out, and then we went back to my place, and it was middle of the day,

and then hooked up, and then he just was sitting there, and I was like, I have shit to do. And he was like, I'm just hanging out. And you didn't have a TV in your room, so he wasn't watching TV. Not watching TV, and I literally was like, I'm just, you know, hanging out. And you didn't have a TV in your room, so he wasn't watching TV. He wasn't watching TV, and I literally was like, I'm gonna go to the gym. And I left, went to the gym, came back, he's still there, took a shower, and he was like,

I have something in the city later tonight, can I just chill? I wonder if I was ever someone that somebody had to get out. I don't think we've ever like wanted to stay anywhere. No, I really don't think I am. One time I hooked up with a guy. This has nothing to do with it.

I don't know why this just popped into my head. This is so off topic. One time I hooked up with a guy who had no sense of smell. When did he bring that up in conversation? The next morning. I was like, oh my God, I have to brush my teeth. I'm so sorry. And he goes, doesn't matter.

I have no sense of smell. And I was like, what happened? That was it. I never saw him again. Honestly, it had nothing to do with that. Actually, I would love to be with that man because I could just fart all the time. I literally also actually forget his name. This was so long ago. But I don't know why that just popped into my head

because honestly that was like a time where I was like, okay, I want to go home. Do you know what's not fun about your 20s? Going to guys' places and then having something on TV that you have to watch and pretend you like. I have like a lot of memories of like hanging out with a bunch of guys who put on like the Big Lebowski or something. I'm like, I don't need to see this again.

Where my nervous narcolepsy. Chris is laughing because he just did that last night with someone. Yep, Big Lebowski. He's like, wow, it's Big Lebowski. Like there's so much stuff I didn't wanna watch. See, we grew up in an era though that it was the office for our age group.

Like anywhere you go, it was like someone just put the office on. They love showing you something they like. And then you have to sit there and be like, because I'm going to be fake. This is where my nervousness and narcolepsy comes in play. Like I can fall asleep.

I'm like, oh, I just remembered I don't want to be here. I'll fall asleep. That's you literally severing yourself. Yeah. And like I'm done with this night. You know, I'm literally off. Do you know how many of that recollections I have of guys being like, are you still awake?

And I'm like, no. Shut the fuck up. How many guys disappointed? They're like, she fell asleep at 7 p.m. We didn't do anything. I was just so comfortable with you. Get the fuck out of my house. I feel like, yeah, we have to go to places in our mind

to remember those weird 20s scenarios. No, I can't. But I was lucky where I had a lot of male roommates who were really protective of me. So, I don't know, it was harder. Yeah. They would just look out for me. I wasn't constantly like.

Yeah, wait, how nice though. Corey and Dave literally raised me. Yeah, you never had a moment in your apartment when you were like, oh my God, you know when you hear something and you're like, fuck, is someone trying to break in? You had two men in your apartment. I mean, every now and then I'd wake up

and they're both fucking passed out on the ground with bottles everywhere. It's like, okay, well you're not defending anyone. And I'm like, you guys well you're not defending anymore. And I'm like, you guys have jobs and I have to wake them up to make sure they don't get fired. But regardless, they definitely did cock block a little bit because people would think that I'm like with them,

but they would benefit from me because there's that whole like, if a girl sees another girl hanging out with guys, it's like animalistic where she thinks they're safer. So like, cause I was with them, girls would approach them more. Where guys wouldn't approach me. But think about your interactions.

Like I feel like 89% of the interactions are bad when you go out with men. So like I was able, or more, and I was able to just like have them like. I really don't think like men approach girls anymore. Like I just really don't think men approach girls anymore. I just really don't think they do. Unless someone knows someone that I'm sitting with, it's not like some random guy is gonna come up to me.

That hasn't happened to me in years. I don't know if men do that anymore. Dez has a really good joke where he's like, you used to have to get rejected to your face. Yeah. You had to go up to girls to have to get rejected to your face. Yeah. Like you had to go up to girls. I would have loved to live to then.

He's like, you had to get the balls and then she would tell you her number and you had to remember it and like repeat it in your head over and over again. Yeah, I'm like, I don't remember what the joke actually was but something along the lines of like, you'd ask a girl like, are you interested, whatever and she'd say no and then you go to her friend,

and then you just like go down the line. But yeah, guys, now it's all about the swiping. Yeah, like I couldn't tell you the last time in person someone said, can I have your number? The only time it happened to me is like really weird, inappropriate places. Like I remember I was at like a bookstore, and a guy was like, can I have your number?

Was at the grocery store. Inappropriate. And I could see in their head, they think it's romantic, but it was giving a guy, it was just walking around the bookstore, going up to women being like, can I have your number? And I'm like, I don't wanna be here. Yeah, I don't know if you could actually

approach me anywhere and maybe like, yeah, sure, you can have my number. Any guy who's ever just asked for my number, it's been a problem. It's been a, police reports been made. Okay, so then I'll just decline. I think it's more like a guy starts up a conversation. I'd like to meet someone that lives in my building,

so I don't have to go anywhere, but everyone in my building is 104, which actually seems nice. Which actually, stay open-minded. Stay open-minded. The only thing I'll give the gigglers to watch on, I believe it's HBO, there's this case about Karen Reed,

which is about a girl who was dating a police officer in Boston, and she was drunk and they got into a little bit of a fight because they were going to after party. He went into the after party to meet all his cop friends and she was waiting on him and he wasn't responding to her so she got pissed off and just left. The next day it's reported that he's found dead in the snow and immediately they said that she hit him with her car.

She was like, was I drunk? I'm pretty sure he was not there. I don't know where this is coming from. And then they're trying to lean in to be like, was it the cops trying to frame her? To protect their own. So anyway, I don't know what happens. I'm in the middle of it, but it's pretty intense.

Can I tell you that this is my favorite picture of you ever? Oh my God, thank you. That's really great to put on an audio podcast. That was really helpful Shout out our book is like out coming out You guys is happening. Like if you have like flipped through it last night I was like pretty good if you haven't pre-ordered it by now you're already behind behind Look, am I going full used car salesman? It's the best book you're ever gonna see.

It's the best deal all year. No one else has these prices. We've slashed them five times. If you want a good warranty and a car, then I can't stop. Did you do this in the past? That was really good. That was really good. Thank you guys for giggling with us this week.

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