Giggly Squad - Giggling about masseters, marriage, and jail romance
Episode Date: October 8, 2024Hannah and Paige are fighting over botox and the apocalypse is coming. get tix to our live shows pre-order our booksign up for our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more informatio...n.
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I was gonna say why you're speaking so calm
because it's a Sunday morning,
but we got right into Monday energy.
I hate when these rich life coaches
are like practice gratitude.
And it's like, yeah, you're in the hills in LA
and you have eight people who work for you for your home,
just to upkeep your home.
Hate a life coach.
Hate a life coach.
We do have some giggler life coaches.
Well, because we've come for life coaches before.
Well, one of them messaged me.
It was like, don't come for my art.
But you know what?
We have to stand for something.
No, I'm so proud of them for standing
for literally anything.
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
I don't know why that slogan is like burned to my brain
from like middle school.
To me, it's then go be a therapist.
It's like, yeah, they don't want to go to school
to be a therapist, but then also like, this is my thing.
Call your friend.
Be a recruiter.
Call your friend.
Work in HR.
See, I consider myself a life coach,
but I don't go around saying it.
It's just my friend calls me, I'm gonna give her advice
from someone who didn't go to school.
You don't have business cards.
This isn't, it's a bit.
But there's two types of life coaches.
The ones who like say all these lies like,
I made three million dollars last month
and they're like living in their mom's basement
and they're like, this is what you have to do
and buy this subscription service.
And then there's the life coaches
who were like really successful,
but like, did something illegal.
I feel like that's a personal assistant.
Like if you're calling yourself a life coach
and you're just coming in and like getting me organized,
you're an assistant, you work for me.
But also like, how are you gonna
hire life coach that's the most general shit ever like oh I help people with
life what if that was true every it's like any drug that comes out or any like
miracle cream if that was true everyone would have one. Speaking about Ozempic.
Anything.
Speaking about,
I work with,
I work with,
speaking about Miracle Drugs Ozempic,
I, you asked me,
you said how are you back in the city?
And I said I feel rejuvenated,
I feel excited, I feel grateful.
And I did my hip-hop yoga yesterday.
So like, I'm sorry, Y7 Yoga, shout out.
You guys are my everything.
It's yoga for girls with ADHD, self-diagnosed.
Wait, now that you're back in the city,
should we start like working out together?
Can I take you to Y7?
I would love to.
It's dark, so like you could literally sleep
the whole time, No one knows.
I enjoy hot yoga, but now with my episodes,
I'm wondering if I can handle hot yoga,
because I've passed out in hot yoga.
For less. For less.
Many a hot yoga.
Yeah, I've passed out for less.
I'll pass out, which is a brisk breeze.
I'll pass out, which is a brisk breeze.
I'll pass out because I forgot to have breakfast.
I'll pass out if it's just bored and we need some drama. I mean, don't tempt me with a good time.
I'll pass out to get out of a conversation.
I'll pass out to get out of a FaceTime call that I can't think of a good excuse for.
Oh no, my hands are tingly, gotta go.
Suddenly I go to high yoga, I'm feeling myself,
and I'm walking home and like, mind you,
I live right by a Trader Joe's,
and the girls would be so disappointed in me, I never go, but I love bragging, like I'm by a Trader Joe's, and the girls would be so disappointed in me.
I never go, but I love bragging.
I'm right by Trader Joe's, and everyone's like,
yeah, and I'm like, little did I know, I never go.
I go, you're different.
You're literally Kim Kardashian.
I love my pool, I've never been in my pool.
They love me Trader Joe's.
You never used a Jacuzzi, you never used a Jacuzzi.
So we go to, so I go into Trader Joe's
and I'm like feeling myself,
suddenly I feel like I'm a new person.
I'm like she eats vegan dumplings.
Like I was loving it.
I was judging other people.
I was like, oh, I'm a milk, interesting, not good for you.
I was just going up and down rows.
But then I couldn't find the one thing I was excited for,
which was cottage cheese.
So I go, but you know what, I'm very bad at finding things.
So I go, and I'm not afraid to ask for help.
And that's one thing about me, you should remember.
Oh, I'm not afraid, yeah, I'm not afraid to ask for help
in some type of store. I am asking for directions, I'm out of her desk for help in some type of store.
I am asking for directions, I'm asking for recommendations,
I'm asking, because one thing I know is I don't know.
So I go up to one guy and he's like,
oh, it's in the cheese section.
I was like, pretty sure I looked at the cheese section,
but it's fine, I'll go again.
I've missed that before.
I've missed things, but yeah.
I've missed, I've missed for less.
I don't have a life coach, okay?
Things are popping off over here.
So I go there, there's no,
the cheese section, they don't have it.
So then I asked someone, buy the cheese section,
I said, hey, cottage cheese.
And they go, oh, it's by the cream cheese,
like dairy section up front.
I go, valid, totally valid.
I was there before, but I didn't see it,
but you know what, I don't have a life coach.
So I'm gonna go.
I trust you, not me, perfect.
I never trusted myself for a second.
Go to the front, and now I think I'm getting gas lit.
Because there's nothing,
and I'm staring at it like a dumb dumb.
Like I'm going through every,
I'm like, it's easy to miss, they're all white,
maybe I'm missing it.
Finally I ask one more guy,
this is three people in a small Trader Joe's.
And the guy goes, oh
We're out of stock of cottage cheese
of all brands
Does Trader Joe's only sell to Trader Joe's?
they have their like own Trader Joe's brand but like
cottage cheese is like
The glue that holds Trader Joe's together.
Trader Joe's or Hanna burner?
Both.
When did this cottage cheese kickstart?
Because it's been going.
So I freak out.
I didn't go Karen, I kept it to myself,
but I start posting online, I said, my Trader Joe's.
You took to the internet?
I went to the internet.
I didn't cry, but I was close.
I said, my Trader Joe's is out of stock of cottage cheese.
The apocalypse is coming, girls.
Just warning you.
Keep an eye out.
Someone responds, my Trader Joe's
is out of cottage cheese too.
So then I'm getting upset.
Then I get a DM this morning, someone says,
hey, everyone's on Ozempic and they need protein
so they're all eating cottage cheese.
So this girl, my DM's is blaming the Ozempic girls.
Oh no.
Cause remember that girl was obsessed
with like taking a carrot and just having
cottage cheese for dinner.
Which is, you know, not enough calories for dinner.
So there's a problem in these streets
and I don't wanna freak people out
because I think there are more important things
going on in the world, but this, this is a problem.
This is, they're now directly coming for you.
The Ozempic girlies are coming for your brand.
And I'm fine, you guys floating around in the wind.
No, literally floating.
Don't come for my best taste.
A brisk wind and they're gone.
Cause let's be honest, you're not even enjoying it
like I do.
Yeah.
You don't even like it like that.
They have no taste buds.
Yeah.
You have no taste buds, you have no,
you don't have no pleasure from eating food
and you're taking it away from me.
So there's a war happening in Lower East Side right now.
So that's how New York City welcomed you home.
They said, watch this bitch.
You wanna get re-angry?
And then I called Des and I'm like,
he's not gonna understand.
I'm gonna keep it for Giggly Squad.
He's like, how was your day?
I was like, good.
Great day, good morning.
How are you, cause you've been Mrs. Bell of the Ball.
I've been socializing.
I've been so-shul-izing my battery stuff.
But you're not just socializing,
you're socializing in like couture.
Like you're socializing in tight dresses.
In a ball gown.
Which makes it that much worse. I just wanna say how real the gigglers are you're socializing in couture. You're socializing in tight dresses. In a ball gown.
Makes it that much worse.
I just wanna say how real the gigglers are
and how now when people are like,
what are you laughing about on your phone?
I'm like, oh, my friend said something funny,
but it's a giggler, so I don't actually know them.
So people will be like, oh, what'd they say?
And I'm like, this is too layered right now.
I was about to say, the layers are so layered,
it's like an onion, I can't,
where do we even begin with this inside you?
Where do I start?
I'm like, I don't know,
this random girl that I don't know
just DM'd me something really funny
and now I'm gonna respond.
But like, you wouldn't get it,
so it sounds like I'm lying right now
to get out of this conversation,
and partly I am, but also you won't get it.
So I literally am like posting pictures of my dress.
I'm not kidding.
In.2 seconds, I had every giggler
that's ever listened to Giggly Squad say,
that's so funny, Paige, because you don't dance
at weddings, and now you love this detachable skirt for dancing
So everyone just called me out and like they keep you so fucking honest
Oh, I love that. I love that they call out the hypocrisy and it keeps us grounded
Wait, no, I and then Craig was like, what are you talking about? You love to dance at weddings
No, and then Craig was like, what are you talking about? You love to dance at weddings.
And I was like.
That's such a dude thing to say.
Like, I fear that you don't know me.
No, because guys in their head are just like,
that's my girlfriend.
She dances at weddings with me.
And that's girls dance at weddings.
You love shout.
You love when shout comes on at a wedding.
The second shout comes on, I'm in the bathroom shitting myself. No, shout comes on at a wedding. The second shout comes on I'm in the bathroom shitting myself.
No I hate shout at a wedding.
My favorite part of the wedding is when I can like go to the bathroom and start to do
the like side comments like when people are coming in like, oh feet are hurting right?
I try to get, I try to be the mood down a little.
I'm like everyone calm down. I'm like, everyone calm down.
I'm like, ooh.
I need a-
You're like, a lot of happy tears.
Let's reel it in.
Let's all get on the same page.
Let's all get loaded after that fish steak.
Oh my God, no, but we went to,
we went to Craig's brother's wedding this weekend,
which was like at the most gorgeous venue in the world,
but it started
water yeah it literally looked like where they filmed the notebook like in
that swan like rowboat scene like it was so pretty but it rained like a little
bit during the ceremony which actually like looked so cool as she walked down
the aisle because there was like category for wins.
A Beyonce video.
Yeah, it made her bail.
By the way, should we thank Beyonce?
Just in general.
Just in general, just in case.
I'm not ready to because I'm still on the side of TikTok
where she's a murderer and I'm gonna-
No, but they're saying you have to thank Beyonce or-
She kills you?
Yeah.
Oh.
Thank you, Beyonce.
You know what, no, I'm not a, I'm not, no.
No.
I don't succumb to peer pressure and I certainly don't-
You know, I've never been grateful for anything.
No, and I'm so, if you wanna kill me, come try.
I'd like to see you try.
I interrupted you, so there's a category four hurricane,
but Paige, I mean Paige, is Craig's brother's future wife
is looking stunning.
Stunning.
Battle in the wind.
Stunning, like as she's walking down,
it looks like we hired like wind people because her veil just
looked insane.
I'm soaking wet.
So my dress got all wrinkly.
So then the gigglers are also like sick dressed but also do you own an iron?
And so I literally tried to DM everyone back and I was like it started fucking raining.
So anyway I did dance for two songs because Craig literally.
Does he like dancing at weddings? Loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it.
To one point, his 90-year-old grandfather came
and sat next to me because he felt bad for me
because I was sitting by myself.
Wait, I'm obsessed.
I do love old people at weddings.
No, and he was like,
I can't believe Craig is on the dance floor
and you're sitting here.
And I was like, honestly, it's better.
I like to let him, you know,
I'm like one thing about me grandpa
is I love to be alone.
This is what grandpa doesn't understand.
You're there for the photo.
And you got the photo.
I think you got the photo immediately.
I was like, oh, I got my shot hours ago.
I got the shot hours ago.
I'm literally a lamp here.
I don't know why I'm still here.
I'm a lamp.
I'm a lamp.
There's no better release once you've known
you've gotten the photo and you're like,
someone could fucking tear my arm off
and I'm like, it's a great night.
No, there is no relief.
It's like getting into college.
You're like oh phew, like don't have to think about that for the rest of the day.
But when you haven't gotten the shot everyone who talks to you you're like distracted.
Like oh she used that as the background.
My hair is falling by the second this conversation is obsolete because I haven't gotten the shot
and now my bangs are stuck to my forehead
and you're not getting it.
Also, I wanna know about you.
The person I am at the beginning and end of the wedding
are two different people,
especially because I just started using primer
and setting spray like yesterday.
And I'd be like, why is all my makeup gone?
Oh my God, it's also interesting to go,
well, Craig's brother is, I think actually my age,
maybe a year younger than me, but his wife is younger.
So everyone's a little bit younger than me.
And I have been going through my episodes,
so I haven't, I didn't drink at all
because I'm just not trying to drink right now
and extra fuck myself up. What do you tell people when you have to they think
you're pregnant? No one asks me. No one trying to take one shot with you. Not one person.
Wait Hannah that's so funny you bring that up because every like event we go to sometimes Craig will be like
Oh, I hope like no one gets like upset
They're like I'm not drinking and I'm always like who the fuck would get upset if someone's not drinking
I'm so the Craig because
Everyone comes up to me trying to get me fucked up all the time where I feel like people respect you
No people respect you. I don't know because now I'm thinking about it.
Does no one think I'm fun and want me to be involved?
Because I'm like, how does it never come up in conversation
that people are like, oh, you're not drinking to me?
Like, no, like literally no one bothers me,
I feel like, about it.
Maybe they've heard about my episodes
and they're like, mm, better not.
The old man was like, do you want an Advil?
You're like, do you want a beta blocker?
Let's get fucked up.
You're snorting beta blockers
with his grandpa in the back.
No, literally I was nervous
that I didn't have any beta blockers
because I was like, oh my God,
imagine I make this wedding about me
and I just have a full panic attack
in the middle of the ceremony.
And a lot of people were offering me Xanax and I was like, wow, my life has changed so much. I feel so
Wait, that's how they were greeting you. They were like, you know, it's my gift
Like I have generic Xanax I'm Mexican Xanax in case Paige needs it. I'm like, I'm okay
I have Mexican Xanax in case Paige needs it. I'm like, I'm okay, Jesus.
And then I forget people listen to the podcast.
I know.
People kept texting me going, is Paige okay?
And I was like, what?
She's fine, she gets watered twice a day.
I'm like, did something happen today
that I didn't know about? And then I'm like,
oh, they mean from two, that was two weeks ago. Get over it. Sometimes people will say
something to me and I'll be like, who told you that? And then I'm like, oh, I did. Or
people will be like, I'll look at them. They'll be like, oh my God, sorry, listen to the pod.
I'm like, no, we literally force feed this pod down all your throats and then we act weird
when people know things about us.
Sometimes people will say things about you
and for a split second, I'll be like,
are you friends with Hannah?
She didn't tell me that she just had a friend
that you were her friend.
I get mad.
I'm like, how did Hannah told you that?
I thought she only told me that.
My favorite is people will tag us
and they're trying on outfits for the show
and I'll respond sometimes and I'll be like,
you look so good and they'll respond to be like,
but do you think Paige would like it?
Like they literally don't give a,
they actually probably didn't like that I liked the outfit.
They were like, okay, well now I have to change.
We're like the mom and dad.
It's like, cool dad, thanks, but I really need mom.
Oh God. and dad it's like cool dad thanks but I really need mom so overall it was a success overall it was really fun um and I loved my dress did you see the video
going around of you and Craig eating ice cream wait I did and like I was like how
did people get that video because no one I wasn't even like tagged in it
Was paparazzi there? No, we were just like taking pictures with the photographer. I don't know. Maybe the photographer I posted it
It was you guys like posing a little too long for the photo
Well, okay, if you notice I start hysterically laughing because in the middle of that photo
I start making fun of Craig for posing for a photo
I was like what a loser that you're posing for this ice cream photo right now. He's like so are you
I'm allowed to but like a guy posing for licking ice cream. Nya. Nya. Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya.
Nya. Nya. Nya. Nya. Nya. about coming home from a wedding and trying to like decipher who everyone is and like you have to explain them like by appearance about like something they
said and like there's just no better like it's just so hilarious being like
oh like that was like his plus one and me being like I thought he was gay like
there is no way that was and everyone being like, pitch stop. No, my last wedding that I remember being like that
was my bestie Hailey, not Hailey Bieber, my other bestie.
Hailey Nicola.
Because I feel like she had like a thousand people
at her wedding. A bazillion people.
Yeah, bazillion people.
It's the kind of thing where I've like known
a lot of these people for a while,
but I don't spend that much time with them.
And for some reason, I really...
You know when someone's name just doesn't look like their name?
Yes.
Like I'm like, you're not a Jennifer.
Yeah.
You're just not.
And then you have a couple drinks and you're calling her Rachel.
Yeah.
And I went way too long calling one girl Rachel Rachel and then finally someone was like that's Jennifer
You have to like think of nicknames like you just because like you have to tell this story later
But you're like, I'm never gonna I don't know this person's name. So I have to like think of like a
deciphering
Characteristic also during that wedding
It was like trending to do the like my name is Stephanie and this is my first drink of the night
And then so I took it upon myself. It's so funny
I've always wanted to be asked to be in one of those videos
So it's all coming together it's all coming down no one cares if I'm drinking a soda water
There was a point where people would ask me about drinking and I'd be like, oh, sorry don't drink it
They're like we've seen you black out on TV.
I go, unless I'm getting paid for it, knock any black out.
Unless you're paying me,
I'm not fighting with someone black out.
You have to pay for that shit.
It's not for free, okay babe?
Yeah, that's not for free.
We're performing.
We're performing.
So.
It's a performance.
I basically am determined, I'm like, this wedding, I'm gonna get this content and put together this really cute video for them the next day, because I'm a creative director.
So I'm all excited getting everyone like,
hey, do you mind being in this video?
And they have first drink of the day.
They don't factor in, I got drunk.
So there were like five people that I filmed
where it was filming and then when I went to film them,
I was stopping the filming.
So it was just a ton of-
You weren't getting any of the videos.
It was all just like, I'm gonna get this video and I'm I went to film them, I was stopping the filming.
So it was just a ton of-
You weren't getting any of the videos.
It was a ton of, it was all good in the beginning.
The end it was just my feet.
Like, my feet and going, okay, ready?
And then it would go away.
It ended up working out, but like, I missed so much footage.
Like, they don't factor in that you're the videographer
at the end of the night.
Yeah, and that's a hard job.
And that's a hard, hard job.
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I feel manifestation coming to my brain recently.
Not about me, nothing about us, which is sad,
but it's just something that I feel.
I'm not interested, I'm not interested.
It's about me, I'm not interested.
I'm here about your fucking dreams.
What?
The question I'm posing is, where the heck is Fergie?
And I feel that she's going to resurge
in some type of collab with Sabrina Carpenter.
Like a glamorous remake.
Well, how Sabrina just did her Christina Aguilera thing.
Yeah, but I feel like it's Fergie's time to come back.
You know, what's funny, I just heard
that Nicole Schlesinger
And that's exactly how I say her last name in my brain chip. You know exactly who I'm talking about.
Exactly who you're talking about. And that's actually how she says her name.
Nicole Schlesinger for the first time. She was offered the lead of Black Eyed Peas.
You're kidding me.
That's what I saw on TikTok and Fergie got it.
And then Pussycat Dolls, there was a whole thing
about how it's like, it was some weird.
Yeah, it wasn't a cult, but it wasn't not a cult.
They were saying there was some kind of
high-end escorting Viper Room trafficking.
There's a lot of trafficking that has been happening
that no one's been talking about,
but also this is alleged.
Sorry for ruining the mood.
No.
You're like, Fergie's gonna make a comeback,
and I'm like, and people are being trafficked.
Did you even think about that for a second?
I love Fergie, and I do have to say
one thing to support Fergie.
I feel like she had this little bit of a blip
when she had her Star Spangled Banner moment.
Oh my God, I forgot about that.
And people are weird with the Star Spangled Banner.
They'll be, they get, if she just had a bad night,
people would be like whatever. But when you think they'll be, they get, if she just had a bad night, people would be like, whatever.
But when you sing, they're like, you hate America.
If you try to do a little too much, you hate America,
and maybe she didn't sound great.
But my hot take, why the fuck is our national song
the hardest fucking song to sing?
Why do we set ourselves up for failure
and put the most insane note in the Star Spangled Banner
where everyone gets nervous.
Everyone's like, why can't we just make it a normal song that anyone could sing?
Why do you have to rip your vocal cord open to hit a note?
People will literally go on Twitter and be like, I'll burn this country down.
I'll move to any other country. Like those people will say the wildest shit,
but when it comes to the star-sangled banner,
people will cut your head off.
Like they don't give a, they get so passionate about it.
Like I feel like I remember listening to Fergie
and being like, but that's Fergie.
She's a little bit freaky.
She's a little bit weird.
Like she's gonna add a little bit freaky. She's a little bit weird.
She's gonna add a little twist to it.
I wasn't mad about it.
People were mad at her.
Well, cause who gives a fuck that she didn't sing it
that great and tried to put a spin on it
because she was bored.
Yeah, she's spicing up sports, who cares?
And it's the Star- Spangled Banner like it's
Away from all the shit
She's done in her career because she was bored and fucked around and found out during the Star Spangled Banner
Made the London Bridge fall so like give put some respect on Fergie's name. She won World
War one for us. I don't know I don't know anything about wars. Oh speaking of wars
we got in a fight this weekend. Yeah we did. And the funniest part of this fight
is I knew she was gonna get mad and then I said I'm not doing this right now I'm
not doing it right now save it for camera. I said, I'm not doing this right now. I'm not doing this right now, save it for camera.
I said save it for the podcast.
Well why don't you tell the gigglers what you're saying.
Because I want the gigglers to be in on it
and they could pick sides.
Yeah, no this is a side picking situation.
And I don't have to say I'm kind of on your side.
I am, I am on your side wait that's so us because I feel like any serious
conversation we've ever had and it's like about me I'm always on your side
I'm like no I know I do have to change I always on your side. I'm like, no, I know. I do have to change.
I'm on your side.
No, actually, we started texting, and I was like, wait,
she has such a valid point.
Let's do this on Giggly Squad.
Also, you never get mad at me.
So the second I can get a little reaction out of you,
kind of just makes me excited.
It's like, you care.
No, I was literally, I think I was peeing when I
got that text message and I was I was Sheena Shay on my phone I couldn't have
been more Sheena in that moment no I know I'm on your side because I told
Grace what was going on beforehand and she was like Paige is not gonna be happy
and I was like oh if she's taking Paige's side and she always takes my side no Grace always takes your side no Grace is empathetic to you
sometimes I think Grace looks at me like a wounded puppy she sees where you're
coming from I have to help you no Grace is just hana-coated. Yeah. But she loves you. Okay, stop stalling.
Okay.
Tell the gigglers where we're at.
Okay, so I decided I wanna get botox in my armpits,
which that's medical.
Fine, that's medical, yeah.
That's medical.
That's administered by a pediatrician.
That's a doctor.
That's a doctor problem. That's a doctor problem.
That's a personal problem.
So I walk into a dermatologist,
which by the way, I've only been to once
for laser hair removal.
I've never been to a dermatologist,
and I'm 33 and my mom was like,
can you just go to a dermatologist?
So I go there and there was no one in the lobby,
but I wanted to let everyone know
in case there was someone hiding under the table.
I'm here for my armpits.
I was like, armpits?
She's like, you need Botox?
I'm like, armpits.
Hannah for armpits?
Hannah for armpits.
And they were like, okay.
So we walk in and I tell the lady,
I'm like, look, by the way, I'm 33.
I've never been to a dermatologist.
Can you kind of look at me and be real with me?
Because like,
I'm on red carpets now sometimes, not to brag.
I know by looking at me, you could probably tell
I'm on red carpets.
She's like, no, not at all.
But like, I just would like some advice on what I should do.
Yeah.
First thing she goes, you don't need botox on your armpits.
Well, she was like, do you change your shirt?
Because you're so sweaty.
And I'm like, yes.
And she's like, OK.
Well, she's like, that's like the extreme.
She's like, let's start with these medicated wipes
that you get over the counter.
So if you have a day that you shouldn't sweat,
you do this wipe.
So she's like, let's start with that.
Yeah.
I appreciate that in a doctor.
And I do have to say, I Googled this dermatologist
and I was looking at reviews and someone was like,
she is really harsh and straight up and kind of mean.
And I was like, perfect.
No, perfect.
I picked the scariest looking Eastern European woman.
I said I don't want someone to be my friend.
I don't want someone, I want someone
to fucking tell me like it is.
That's how I like my psychics.
Yes, I want them to be like you're gonna die.
I want my doctors and my psychics to be the most honest.
To be real as fuck.
Yeah, be real.
And mean.
Yeah.
So then I told her I go, you know what,
now that we're here, I've been grinding my teeth
since I was little and I wake up and I have headaches
and I have a very strong jaw, not to brag.
Do you think I'm a good candidate for masseter?
And she looks and she's like, you are.
She's like, we could start with a small dose.
She's like, when do you wanna do it?
And I was like, I mean, let's go, let's do it.
And then I feel like it's guilt.
Oh, you did it?
I feel like guilt come over me.
Yeah, you better, you better bench.
I felt a zillion guilt, I felt the ghost of Paige Osorboke
looking over me like.
I thought we were gonna do this together.
I thought we were gonna do this together.
My stomach did randomly turn the other day
and that must have been my witch senses being like,
something's not right.
Or because you had chicken parmesan.
Yeah.
And I was like, fuck it, let's go.
So I've never had Botox before.
It's the like thinnest little needle.
Like it's like you don't even feel it.
Yeah, did they numb you at all
or like do you put anything on you?
No, she just, she did these,
first she took this like white pencil,
but I didn't know, I thought it was the needle
and I was like, wow, that was really,
that didn't even hurt.
And she's like, that was the pencil.
I was like, I have really high pain. I lie to myself, I'll tell, I'm like, wow, that was really, that didn't even hurt. And she's like, that was the pencil. I was like, I have really high pain.
I lie to myself, I'll tell, I'm like, I've,
if you say out loud, I have high pain tolerance,
it like helps you, I feel like.
So she put the white and I'm like, yeah,
I have high pain tolerance.
And then she put five in each side of the jawline.
And when I tell you I had an immediate release.
No way. And she says it
happens like a lot of people get immediate release and the next day I like woke up in
the morning and I went to yoga and I was like it's because of the massager. But she said
because you use your jaw a lot like you chew a lot and you obviously don't shut the fuck up, it'll wear off pretty fast.
Oh wait, I never thought about you talking.
It says that, work your jaw out more than other,
like a quieter person.
And she's like, and you're married,
so you're not gonna be allowed blow jobs.
So your jaw.
Your jaw is locked up.
You're jammed up.
But I really, I was also on stage this last week
talking about TMJ and why millennials might have TMJ
and girls were all just like, get it.
So I'll keep you guys posted on my experience.
So far it's been positive.
She said it takes like two weeks
and it's probably a little placebo effect,
but I feel amazing.
Okay, let's read the text message that I got from Hannah.
She said, also I'm at the derm right now
to ask about my armpits slash she wants to give,
oh no, okay.
She wants to give me wipes first
and I'm gonna do masseter Botox
and possibly IPL laser for redness.
And I said in all caps, what the fuck Hannah?
You're getting Botox without me?
She goes, ha ha, wait, no, masseter doesn't count.
It's for TMJ, LOL.
And I go, wow, you're already hitting me
with, in quotes, it's medical, you've changed.
And then we didn't speak.
It's so funny.
Okay, not to defend myself, but when you say Botox,
I think wrinkles.
Same. So like, I think wrinkles. Same.
So like, I would never get wrinkles without you.
You would never do something for appearance,
like for a vain reason without me.
Without you, yay.
And also like, I feel like if I went and I got the TMJ
and you got like your forehead, that's not the same.
And I also- No, that's not the same. And I also- No, that's not the same.
But I do have to say,
at someone who now has gotten a form of Botox,
it's very thin, it didn't hurt a lot,
but now we have to see like what happens.
And I, but then I looked at her,
I said, be honest bitch,
what else would you do to my face?
She didn't even bring up Botox.
And like, yeah, I have some resting forehead lines,
but I do have to say say I don't fucking trust people
Who like you can't tell their expressions?
Like I think it yeah look good enough, but also photos it looks like I don't know. I just don't think I
Think your face needs to move or it gets weird. It's like distracting
I feel like this is one of the main reasons
I haven't gone in to get Botox is one,
I'm scared that it will like fuck up my face
and then I'll have to like fix it
to like get back to normanum and gonna be like,
I should have never even done this in the first place.
But the second reason is because I feel like,
and I want like the gigglers who know about this
to tell us what's right.
But I feel like it's gonna be conflicting.
When you're getting Botox,
should you be going to a dermatologist office,
letting a dermatologist do it or like a nurse there,
or should you be going to a straight up plastic surgeon?
And like, because everyone says
if you go to a plastic surgeon,
you should go to the nurses at the plastic surgeon
because they're doing it more often
than the actual plastic surgeon.
I'm like, is this a situation for a doctor?
Well, it's annoying because everyone's like,
if you get it, make sure you have a good person do it,
but then you're doing research
and there's all these lies on the internet,
people showing like-
Yeah, and then I'll look at girls
and they'll be like, you gotta go to my girl,
she's so good.
And I'm like, you look like a clown fish.
So like. Or they'll be like, this girl's so good.
And then you click on the girl
and she looks like a clown fish.
Yeah, and I'm like, you guys, you're nutty.
You're not touching my face.
Yeah, you're too deep in it.
Like you think your girl is so good,
but you're too deep in it.
You guys are in some cult together
and you're seeing things through a weird fucking lens.
I do think as you get older, like some baby stuff is fine,
but I remember I talked to a girl and she was like,
oh yeah, let me see smile.
And she's like, yeah, you have lines on the side of your
eyes when you smile.
I go, it's called smiling.
That's insane to have serial killer eyes with a smile.
I'd look like the Joker.
I had someone say to me, she was complimenting me,
but I, Craig says I always have like a little bit
of a negative brain, so I take everything
like a little bit negative.
I was like, I haven't gotten Botox yet.
She was like, well, you don't really need it
because like Italian people,
I feel like they don't need it till later because of like your type of skin. And I was like, well you don't really need it because Italian people, I feel like they don't need it till later because of your type of skin.
And I was like, oh thank you.
And then I was like, what the fuck does that mean?
You know what, I said the same thing to Dez
because she said I looked great and I go, you know what,
because I have olive oil skin.
I have very oily skin, which is bad in some ways,
good in other ways, but you know, she did.
She said to me, you're Italian, right?
So like, it wasn't that she really knew.
I felt like she was looking at my skin
and was like, oh, you're oily, like, you'll be fine.
Oh, you have some like olive tone.
I mean, she was right.
But I wanted to take it as I wanted to fight.
What are you trying to say about my people?
Yeah, I was like, do you have something to say about my ancestors?
She's like, what's your problem with Sicilians?
Yeah, what's your angle here?
Because I know a guy, I know a guy.
But I did tell her, I was like, what do you think I should,
what can I do?
And she recommended an IPL facial, no, an IPL laser.
So laser, that reminds me of Star Wars.
I feel like I've gotten that. No, an IPL laser. So laser, that reminds me of Star Wars. That freaks me out.
I feel like I've gotten that.
She said it just helps balance out the tone.
But my thing is I'm not a skin glass looking girly.
That's not my vibe.
I have freckles.
I have...
It doesn't do anything to your freckles.
It literally just makes your skin tone even
and your skin glow more.
Yeah, so I think I might get that.
And I was talking to Whitney Cummings,
she does crazy facials, I mean not facials,
but lasers. She has great skin.
Amazing skin, but again, me and Whitney
have different complexions. Skin types.
Yeah.
But I am considering finally trying mouth tape.
Do you still do it?
Yeah, I do not every single night, but like on nights that I do it I
Enjoy it
What do you mean by enjoy it?
And I don't know if this is placebo effect because I feel like I do suffer from anything that is
placebo effect like I'll be like yeah that works
But I do truly think I wake up more rested.
Okay, they said, I was looking at it,
they said it's better to do the tape
that just goes down the middle
than cover your whole mouth.
Okay.
But then also as a girl who has, I can get chapped lips,
I like to go to sleep with my lips all lathered up.
So like, how do you put tape on that?
It's funny that you bring up this subject
because I'm suffering right now from really chapped lips,
but I did it to myself.
You know my Amazon laser that I bought
that I'm like obsessed with.
Oh no, why are you lasering your mouth?
I was lasering. Oh, you're lasering your mustache.
I was lasering my face and I accidentally like hit my lip
and it immediately looked like I had a massive cold sore
on my lip and I was like, I don't get cold sores.
And Craig was like, well, it looks like you get cold sores.
And I was like, I do not get cold sores.
I burnt my lip.
But now I don't know what's going on.
Because I think I literally burnt the shit out of my top lip.
I do have to say, the one thing Paige's mom said was,
please don't use the Amazon laser on your face.
Yeah, I said, mom, I'm not going to.
And then I did.
Next thing you know, you're going to blind'm not gonna and then I did. Next thing you know you're gonna blind yourself.
I know, I know.
My mom is listening right now and is so mad at me.
She's like, I told you.
But I have to live and I have to learn.
You know what, and you know what?
You don't learn until you make a mistake.
And mistakes are about growth and we fail upwards
and that is a theme of Giggly Squad.
And now I know not to use it so close to my lip.
I have to do a formal apology and I know this is still alleged but um Garth
Brooks. Oh the murder thing? No it's come out. Well, that. No, but there's like, it came out that he allegedly
may have assaulted his makeup artist,
which first of all,
why do you have a makeup artist, Garth Brooks?
Exactly, first point.
So we first of all know that that girl was like,
this job is, why am I here?
Wait, is Garth Brooks the one that's married?
Who's Garth Brooks married to?
And let me look that up.
I think it's a country person.
Oh, Trisha Yearwood.
Why did I think he was married to like the pioneer woman?
You know the pioneer woman?
Trisha Yearwood is giving pioneer woman energy by the name.
You know pioneer woman that's like this.
Yeah, she's iconic.
The redhead.
I find her very soothing.
Also, have you heard about Ina Garden? That she's getting a divorce?
Maybe, but also she just talked about how her whole life,
she just had a really hard childhood.
Oh, I thought there was something with her and Jeffrey,
and I was like, wait,
I thought they were obsessed with each other,
and she was like, no. If thought they were obsessed with each other, and she was like, you know.
If they break up, I think Ina Garden
should be the next Golden Bachelorette.
But yeah, so Garth Brooke has accusations against him,
and this podcast is all about learning and growing,
and I watched his documentary,
and I was like, this guy's amazing.
I was like, so. Oh amazing. Because I, so.
Oh, I think I literally just fully made up
that Ina Garten and her husband were getting a divorce.
The thing with TikTok is that people throw
a lot of things out there.
And that's why we should continue using it
as our factual source.
So anyway, keep an eye on Garth Brooks,
keep an eye on, basically any man in music,
just keep an eye out.
Yeah, keep an eye out for them.
I'm not down with them.
I think we should bring something to the forefront.
It's extremely important.
And we changed the course of history
when it comes to the rebrand of Limited 2, I feel.
I fear that we were the reason.
I'm not getting how they're not talking to me.
I feel like they're like really, they don't want to speak to me.
Are they playing hard to get?
I mean, I even commented, like, I was like, hello? Guys, like, we could be collabing.
Who's in charge at Limited 2 because just call Paige,
she will take your call, she'll handle it all.
The whole campaign is already done.
She's already, I can see it already.
I already know what outfit I would want to recreate
with the brown gauchos.
I can see the poncho.
Yeah.
I'm like, guys, am I invisible to you?
I'm like, I really am starting to think
that we have some secret beef.
I'm like, we could get the whole band back together.
I'm in contact with multiple of the originals.
Why aren't you guys acting like I exist?
It's like Laguna Beach doing a new Laguna Beach
without any of the original cast members.
They were just like, knock on invite Steven, like hello.
Steven, okay, which limited to trend are you?
Fringe poncho, I did own one, a pink one.
Gauchos, which people don't know that's like the wide pant
or the long shirt with leggings.
Okay, well fun fact about limited two,
because I, not to brag, because I started work,
I first did like my first shoot with them
when I was in fifth grade and then I went
and did from fifth grade to eighth grade.
So like the crew that did the limited two shoots,
I ended up like really getting to know them
and like now thinking about it.
They were all in their late 20s, early 30s
and I'm in middle school and I think they're my friends.
I'm obsessed with them.
I didn't realize they were showing up every day
so fucking hungover.
I just thought wearing sunglasses in the morning
was a cool thing to do.
But when I was modeling for them,
the stylist, her name was Liz Daniels, I was obsessed for them, the stylist,
her name was Liz Daniels, I was obsessed with her.
I DM'd with her sometimes.
She was an incredible stylist.
And I would go in and request what outfits
that I would be put in.
And she would look at me and be like,
she'd be like, okay, you're in fifth grade,
you're not telling me what outfit you're going to be in,
and I'm like, I'm putting in a small request.
If you put me in that green poncho again,
I'm gonna tell my mom that I can't do it today.
I'm like, I need to be in all the gaucho outfits.
I'm obsessed with gauchos, I love gauchos,
I'm the gaucho girl.
My body is made for a gaucho.
But here's the thing, my arms were too long for the long sleeve shirts.
Like I was never put in any long sleeve shirts because my arms were abnormally long.
No one's ever said that to me in my life.
They were like, put your stubs away.
So they would have to put me in the outfits that didn't have long sleeves and some of them didn't go with the gaucho.
So I would not throw a fit, but like I was upset.
And Joe.
Wait, I love you being a diva on the limited two set.
Like when you walk in, everyone goes,
I mean, she's kind of the problem.
I'm like, I've been here for five years.
I'm putting the fucking gauchos on.
This bitch just arrived.
You just got hired six months ago.
You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me, bitch.
It's like, okay.
That is, I think, the first time I was privy
to girls being difficult to,
people being difficult to work with.
I'll never forget this one girl.
It was her first photo shoot.
And so she came the first day
and she was so excited and amazing. We were all like the same age it was like going to like camp
and then I remember she came the next day for the next day of the shoot and
she showed up like with big sunglasses on and was like what time are we
starting like this is ridiculous and I remember looking at my mom and starting
to laugh because I was like wait what's going Like, I'm here for the Cheez-Its. Like, are you kidding?
We got out of school, bitch.
Like, be thankful.
I do have to say a warning though, that's hilarious.
I arguably in my 20s was too easy to work with.
Like, I would say yes to everything.
I would work overtime for everything.
I would, especially reality TV,
I would just wanna make everyone happy.
And that cannot always do well.
So it's finding that happy medium.
I watched the documentary about Vogue on Hulu.
It's so fucking good.
I like learned about all the fashion houses.
The Prada girl is my everything.
No, the drama.
The drama. And I message the age.
The theatrics.
There's this old guy, he's not old, he's older,
who's been working at Vogue forever,
and he has this great hairdo,
and whenever it cuts to him, he's just like,
it was the most spectacular look I've ever seen.
Everyone's eyes went rolling back behind their heads.
It was extravagant and so special.
Like the way fashion people describe an outfit,
you'd think they were describing, like, it's insane.
No, they're insane.
And then it shows a girl with a skirt, and you're like.
No, I'm very happy that I do have like a split personality
of like, I love the fashion world,
but also like, I'm a comedian. the fashion world but also like I'm a
comedian like half of watching it I'm like this has to be a bit like you guys
are funny. It was an SNL sketch. And then the French lady who'd be like I fucking hate when they wear it.
I sounded Russian. I don't understand why they would do that and it's like she's talking about a boot and she's like how does it it's not sexy it's not sexy
I'm literally if you haven't watched it Hannah just nailed that impression. Also why did Tom
Ford's voice change? Tom Ford back then like had this like high voice and now he
talks like this. Yeah now he talks like he's a professional.
Yeah.
But you can tell he's trying to talk low.
Yeah. I think that's the fashion community.
You change your look and so you can change your voice.
Fashion's about change.
Yeah, it's all about change.
So anyway, limited to let's stop playing games?
It's also like I don't want to come off as like I'm begging or like...
No, no, no. You know what? Maybe this is what happens.
Sometimes it's just like a new group of people and they don't know the history.
You know, okay, well, here's the thing.
In the post, they said like we're getting like the original designers of whatever and I'm like okay guys,
I feel like you're blatantly saying
you don't want anything to do with me.
Should you send them a message of like one of your old
campaigns and just be like hey.
I don't want them to, I don't want to feel like
I'm stalking them but I'm like this is just like
the most perfect collab. I know, I just don't want your ego I'm stalking them, but I'm like this is just like the most perfect collab.
I know, I just don't want your ego to get in the way
of like possibly a great thing.
I think you should have your own collab,
I think you should have your own line with them,
like the Paige DeSorbo limited two line.
I feel like I'm not letting my ego get in the way
because I'm like, I'm standing on my soap box that I have,
which is Giggly Squad and I'm saying,
yeah, say it.
I'm here for you.
Say it girl.
Like I'm here to collab in whatever capacity.
I'm not asking to be the whole face of it.
I just want like one picture in a locker.
She doesn't want money.
She doesn't need money.
Like why can't the campaign be us going into a locker
and coming out into a board room
the way you guys used to do it?
We'd go into the locker and then go into this girl's room,
secret room of school, back to school,
but it's back to work because we're all professionals now.
And work is us podcasting.
Guys, the ideas are flowing.
The ideas are flowing. Contact're like, contact me.
Like, you know how to reach me.
I'm here.
Okay, so that's planned out.
Done, period.
I also love that limited too got bullied.
Like they came out with all this stuff for kids
and people were like, no, this is for the millennials.
Don't give it to these
fucking gen alphas that don't even know what the brand is they were like we wanted them to like
experience it the same way you guys did and i wanted to be like well we're different we're
different they don't appreciate art um so watching what are you watching what am i watching oh my god
Watching, what are you watching? What am I watching?
Oh my God, I have been like really in a binge mood,
like where, like not like a normal binge mood,
like I'm talking, I need five to six seasons.
Like if you're hitting me with a two, three seasoner,
I'm running through it.
I need five to six seasons of something.
You're so deep in an addiction right now.
You're like one hit does nothing.
One season does nothing.
I don't even feel it.
Coming soon, next season, don't even start with me.
I love your like, I need three bad seasons.
I need them to lose the plot.
That's how many seasons we're in.
Jump the shark and then.
I need 84 episodes, bitch.
84, okay?
So I never watched This Is Us, finished This Is Us
was distraught that it was over.
So then I was like, I need to up the ante.
I started Grey's Anatomy.
I'd never watched it before.
Have you ever watched it?
Is it good?
It's 20 seasons, I'm on season three.
I couldn't be happier.
How hot is Patrick Dempsey?
Are you into zaddies now?
Okay, first of all, super fucking hot,
but I actually think McSteamy is way hotter.
But Patrick Dempsey's character,
I don't know how so many girls loved him.
He's the worst.
He's the worst.
Yeah, I haven't watched it.
I would have punched him right square in the face.
He's not that hot to act that much of a dick.
During all the times those shows were going on,
I realized I was in college just watching Jersey Shore.
Mm-hmm.
Like I missed everything else.
I did watch, you know what you should watch
from the beginning?
Desperate Housewives.
Okay, that's a really- Have you never seen it?
No, I've seen- Have you never seen it?
No, I've seen it. Have you never seen,? No, I've seen it. No, I've seen it. Have you
never seen it? Sorry, I used to watch it with my mom. It was so good. Realizing that your
friend hasn't watched something, which is like totally plausible, that you've
watched is the same energy as when like your friend takes a picture of you and
you're like, can you send me that? Cat Cohen just came out, who's a funny musical comedian, a song,
like, can you send me that?
Can you send me that?
Yeah, it's really cute.
I just heard that on TikTok.
It's so funny.
It's so good. She has a special coming out.
She's so hilarious, genius.
Her, is it her husband?
Boyfriend, I think.
They have some funny videos together.
Oh yeah, they had that video of every time he leaves.
Is that the one you're talking about?
Oh he acts like it's his.
It was a one night stand.
Yes.
Even though they live together and he'll be like,
that was really fun.
I love that.
I love role playing.
I love being anyone other than me.
I love how you're an Oscar winning actress when it comes to avoiding
yourself. 100%. I do have to say I hate when people get mad when I didn't watch
a movie. If it's my best friend that's fine because she's like knows me but
when people are just like you never fucking saw American Psycho. People get
hyped about it. But that's why I lie. I always go, yeah, and then they go,
if they have a follow-up, you're like,
I mean, I saw it a while ago.
Whenever someone says, I saw it a while ago,
they didn't see it, and they're just trying
to get out of the conversation.
No, I always say, I gotta re-watch it.
Yeah, I haven't seen it.
I can't remember. I saw part of it.
I saw part of it.
I saw a commercial.
I feel like you did that all through Breaking Bad.
I remember. Yeah. commercial. I feel like you did that all through Breaking Bad. It won't break.
It won't break.
It won't break.
Des made me watch, but there's some shows
that I can only watch with Des,
because I think there's, I like that he likes it,
so he's like, watch it without me,
and I'm like, I literally can't enjoy it without you.
But when it's on, it's like,
we're watching something together.
But I actually have two documentaries for you guys to watch.
Speaking of Bad Taste in Men,
Jailbreak, Love on the Run on Netflix is so good.
That's so intense.
Okay, so face.
So fucking intense.
It's so good and part of me,
I wanna, maybe I need to be her in a movie
She's this like badass
She runs the jail and when you're a woman running a male jail like you have to be tough
They're all like trying to flirt with you and I would never from you and
She's just the shit and she like boss everyone around everyone loves her and she's like the mom all these guys never had
and she like bossed everyone around, everyone loves her, and she's like the mom all these guys never had.
Then comes this six, seven tatted up guy
who I'm pretty sure domestically abused
everyone he's ever met, and he was in there
because he tried to murder his girlfriend,
and arguably hurt the dog, which is like,
that's next, that's even worse.
So she, basically, which is like that's next that's even worse so she it's basically they say that
he literally one at one point said you have a nice ass which like that's enough
to get me 100% me too that's how Dez got me mm-hmm
Dez was like no we're his ass and I was like I love you we're not as high
maintenance as we appear like if you notice, if you like my ass,
I said this man gets me, he has good taste,
he's smart, he's funny.
The way that your heart is commenting on your ass,
how funny you are, and asking if you're hungry.
I could pick you up so easily.
And also I don't even need a man to tell me I'm funny,
I just like when he's giggling.
Like he can't control it.
Yeah, like he's acknowledging that you're saying something.
He doesn't even want me to be funny.
He can't help it.
Can't help it.
You want them to hate that they love it.
They can't help but giggle at the shit you say
and you're just like controlling them through laughter.
Anyway, so on the low, they start messing around
which is very difficult in the jail because there's so many cameras, but she's in charge. on the low, they start messing around,
which is very difficult in the jail because there's so many cameras,
but she's in charge, so she'd be like,
hey, he's staying in because he has to fill out a form,
you can take these guys out to the playground
or whatever they do.
I think it's called the playground.
I don't think it's called the playground.
The outside.
This is like immediately turned into sleep away camp,
it's like, yeah. Nap outside. This is like immediately turned into sleep away camp. It's like, yeah.
Nap time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Arts and crafts is in room B.
Literally.
So then like they would like mess around.
So then fast forward, she's acting really weird one day
and she's getting really bad anxiety.
Like she's starting to have like,
like beta blocker anxiety.
Buyers remorse.
She, no, she realizes that that she needs to do something.
So she out of nowhere is like, I'm retiring.
And everyone's like, what?
She's like, I'm retiring.
This is my last day.
And everyone said she was so weird that day.
And she definitely was having some panic attacks and stuff
because she knew something was going down.
And it shows at the end of the day, she's like,
oh, I'm gonna bring this inmate
to the courthouse,
because he has to do something with the court.
And they show, there's a video,
apparently you're never supposed to let the inmate
walk behind you, they always have to walk in front of you
so you can see them.
She's walking out the door, keeps the door open,
and he's just walking behind her,
which is like a no-no.
Like, if anyone else did that, she'd freak out.
He gets in the car with her to go to the courthouse.
They're gone for like three hours,
and everyone's like, that's weird.
It normally takes like 40 minutes.
They disappear.
They ran away together.
Where?
So no one knows.
They're like on the run, and everyone's like,
this killer is with this woman,
and then they realize he didn't capture her like she's in on it but then America
starts to be like this is romantic as fuck we're low-key rooting for them.
No we're sick. We're a sick nation. We're like let love happen and then everyone's like he's gonna kill her.
But like he's and like they show all their phone calls.
I'm gonna wait for more of a redder flag.
Actually, I'm like not convinced.
But their phone calls, and she's like way older than him,
and he's just like, he's in love with her
from the phone calls, but like we've all been there.
Like if I could, the voicemails I could share
with you guys of dudes who claim they don't like you.
And he's just like, you're my everything.
I'm not gonna give away what happens, but it's crazy.
Jailbreak, love on the run.
Okay, there we have it.
A light Sunday evening watch.
Just something to start your week off.
Atlantic City, we're actually almost sold out.
We're excited about, but Madison and Milwaukee
and Minneapolis, we're coming for you.
Get tickets if you haven't.
Anything else going on, Paige?
No, I think that's it.
There's like, that's it.
Like period.
Yeah, period.
Sleigh, have a great week.
Bye, we love you guys.
Thanks for giggling.