Giggly Squad - Giggling about Netflix special air date, hot takes, and custody

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Hannah's Netflix special is coming out on July 9th - WE RIDE AT DAWN. This week we're sharing our true thoughts on European summers and we have a new celebrity giggler. Get live show tickets here: https://linktr.ee/gigglytourSign up for our newsletter here: https://mailchi.mp/9ccfdeffb8c0/newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Layne Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a Field Guide to Gay Animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a Field Guide to Gay Animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com fix the wi-fi, manifest that shit, we can't be managed. I mean the day just got away from me.

Oh the gig was gonna match my freak. That song is so stuck in my head. It's so freaking catchy. And? I don't know what it's from. I don't know, but also I have to admit, so is Karma by JoJo Siwa. It's still stuck in my head.

If anyone has any advice on how to get Karma by JoJo Siwa out of your head, please DM me. I thought you were gonna say if anyone has any advice for JoJo Siwa. Bitch put some crack cocaine in that because I'm like, yeah! It's so funny you bring up crack cocaine because I was gonna bring up crack cocaine.

So I saw this girl make a TikTok being like, Gen Z is freaked out by JoJo Siwa, but millennials aren't because like we lived through Charlie Sheen and like that was a fun time for us. And nobody was freaked out. Yeah, we were just like, Charlie Sheen's on drugs. Also JoJo Siwa, like, do you think she's ever done cocaine? Absolutely not. was freaked out yeah we were just like charlie sheen's on drugs also joe josee what like do you think she's ever done cocaine absolutely yeah so leave joe josee alone i don't even think

she really gets drunk i think she like someone was like pretend like when you're a kid and you have some peniel vodka and you're like uh-oh today's gonna be crazy. Wait, do you remember the first thing you ever got drunk off of, and where you were the first time you got drunk? Yeah, I was in an Upper West Side house party and had two beers. Wait, it's so funny to think about that kind of partying. I was fully 17.

In high school. I didn't drink till I was 17. Yeah. I didn't drink, I'm trying to think, how old was I? I think I was 16 the first time I got drunk and I was at this girl, Nikki's house, which just sounds like a girl you would get drunk. I would never let my daughter go to Nikki's house. Go to a girl named Nikki's house and she was on my cheerleading team.

Yeah, the HPV is rampant. Rampant. And I got drunk off of something called hypnotic. Oh my god. With a can. With a cube. Blue. Yeah, that's all like the rappers had it in the music videos

back in the day. You were a little video vixen. I don't remember what it tasted like. If I could have been a video vixen, I would have. I was so scared of getting drunk. I don't think I got fully drunk till college. My brother famously, him and his friends once, we had this cool absolute bottle

that had Brooklyn designs on it and my parents just had it. You know how this absolute art was so good? Yeah, absolute art. Whatever the fuck it was, my brother and his two friends drank it one night and they just all all passed out, throwing up and they filled it up with water

and they were like, don't tell mom. And I was like, I won't tell mom. Like I was downstairs, I don't know what the fuck they were doing. And my mom walks in, she like smells and she goes, did you drink the absolute vodka? Like moms know everything. No, not only do they know everything,

but also like they're not idiots. Like anyone walking into a room, like you can tell when people smell like alcohol and then like she probably saw the bottle and just put two and two together. Like in high school, I thought my mom was so smart, like figuring things out, but really it was just like, oh, she has two eyes and ears.

Yeah, her brain is fully formed and ours isn't. We're like, how did she? you have like she's just not stupid You have that sense Spidey sense. Um Real quick up top. I have to make a special announcement No pun intended and I wanted to tell the gigas first obviously My sketch move. I got I'm nervous. My special is officially dropping July 9th.

Oh my God. And I feel like I just got a wave and I feel like that's gonna be like a lucky day. July 9th sounds like a solid day. It does, right? Doesn't it? And you know, at first it was gonna be September and then I guess like we started getting the editing process going and Netflix was like,

you wanna just fucking do summer? And I was like, yeah, why not? So July 9th it's happening. Yeah, why would we not? And it's gonna be titled, We Ride at Dawn. Which you went back and forth, but I think it's a great title. I think it's perfect.

I had a running list of like 4,000 special names on my phone. Because when you're doing your hour, you're not thinking like, what's the title of this? Like you're just performing it and seeing what works and what's funniest. But I feel like we ride at dawn is like kind of a shout out to the Gigglers because like we've all like rode so hard

for each other. And I want it to just be this feeling of like, we're officially riding at dawn. July 9th, we ride at dawn, let's fucking go. And I do feel like, yeah, if Giggly Squad's ever made you laugh or you feel connected to us in any way, play the special, play it all the way through, tell your friends, tell your frenemies,

tell your exes, tell your grandma, put it on. Send it in an email to your office by accident, like an all employee email. Sorry that I was supposed to go to my friend, but you guys might like it too. I just wanna say something really superficial. You've never looked better than in the special. Like you literally,

you just looked like I, I was like, oh my God, who is she? It was insane because I've never been more nervous about like the pressure of choosing an outfit and getting my hair right and getting my spray tan right. But like I do have to say special thanks to my spray tan artist. Thank you.

You nailed it. And then the team, like they did my makeup really natural. I felt like myself on stage and that was my most important thing. You looked like yourself. You looked like a fancy version of yourself. It's like, you know, your wedding day. Oh, you wouldn't know, but like if...

No, I actually was gonna say that, but I didn't want it to be rude. But I was like, Hannah, I feel like didn't give a fuck what you look like on your wedding day. And like, I feel like we didn't even talk about it. Like, oh my God. I tried so much harder on my special day than my wedding. No.

No, like I know. Like, I feel like we're treating your special like your wedding day. When I tell you, Oh my God. I had zero nerves for my wedding and my special I was like, this is the biggest day of my life. Which like part of it is cute and feminist and part of it is like are you okay?

Like, but I mean yeah, I got my wedding dress at a strip mall in Long Island for $1700. And it was the first dress I tried on. First place you won. Cause I was like look, I don't want to deal with this bullshit. I look good in it. Bye, good night. And then I didn't want to look like, I was like,

do my hair, my makeup, how I normally do it. I don't want to be weird. And that was that. I've changed my wedding aesthetic like seven times. Like I can't, I'm actually really stressed about it. Wait, can you tell me what it is right now? Right now I'm really into watching about that. Wait, can you tell me what it is right now? Right now, I'm really into watching Lebanese weddings on TikTok.

I don't know how I've gotten there. Haley's Lebanese, her wedding was so lit. They were like throwing dollar bills at her and she was like belly dancing. No, they look so good. I've never been to a Lebanese wedding and I don't know how. I've been to Indian weddings, I've been to a lot of Persian weddings, I've been to a lot of Jewish weddings, all equally. I went to like a legitimate crazy rich Asian wedding like it was one of the most insane weddings.

Never been to a Lebanese wedding and loved the vibe. But their weddings are so gorgeous I went to an Indian wedding and the bride like her flowers were so insane and I asked someone like oh my god like what florist did she go to like who did this and she had them all flown in from India as she should and you were like that was like that's like rich it's so funny you brought up flowers because I randomly had this question that I wrote down in our notes. At what time in your life are you supposed to learn flowers? Like the names of them? Like you know how every mom is like,

oh, that's a geranium and like, oh, that's a phallus and a rambuzum. And oh, I love the chrysanthemum. When did you learn that? Did I miss the day in school? Does it just happen when you hit 36, you suddenly know every, is it just a gardening thing

and we haven't hit that level of peace in our life where we can garden? I think it's right now. We would be hitting it right now. Because I only know peonies and hydrangeas. But like, guns in my head, if you were like, pick the peony, I'm'm out you cut it. I know a hydrangea no That's a very that's a niche but very

Relatable situation cuz maybe on your wedding day is when you're supposed to learn which we all know I wasn't I Wasn't what were your flowers for your book? I wanted garden vibe. Like I literally wanted to look like wild flowers. Oh yes, I do remember that. And actually it looked so good when we took pictures with the girls because we all randomly were in those colors. That was crazy. People thought that the bridesmaid dresses I chose. I mean, clearly I did not choose Sierra's dress.

You didn't have bridesmaids. So I technically didn't have bridesmaids. So I technically didn't have bridesmaids. That will literally never get old to me. I was literally so traumatized by just friend drama that I was like, I'm not doing bridesmaids. And then naturally all the women in my life who I love came together and was like, we're doing a bachelorette, we're showing up and getting ready with you,

we're having a text thread. So I did it all, but I somehow like, gaslit everyone to believe that like, I didn't choose them, they chose me. So there was like no drama. So if anyone wasn't involved, I was like, oh well, that's on you bitch. That's like the time I had a surprise party

and I told everyone it was a surprise party, but it wasn't. I just didn't want to invite certain people and I was like, sorry, had a surprise party and I told everyone it was a surprise party, but it wasn't. I didn't want to invite certain people and I was like, sorry, I didn't plan on it. When did this happen? Couple years ago. Wait, was I there? No, you weren't, you were invited though.

Wait, no, were you there? Was it at the Italian restaurant? Yeah, Perry planned it for me. Perry planned it, in quotations. I totally remember that. Yeah, and you wanted to jewel, but we had to go to the bathroom because you told him you didn't jewel anymore.

So we had to jewel in the bathroom. And it was, that was like the only thing you cared about that night. It was like, let's go to the bathroom. And I was like, this is a restaurant. Wait, so true, so true. You were like, I don't know if this is the right for you. Speaking of, Craig gets to Italy tomorrow,

and I'm so excited. I've been here for a couple of days now, and let me just say, you're so right. Traveling is like hard. No, people don't talk about, like you don't just land somewhere and then become like a new version of yourself. You're still the same stressed out person, but now dealing with like a foreign country logistics.

Yeah, and it's like, oh no, but like be the most relaxed you've ever been. And it's like, I don't know what time it is. I'm having a really tough time with the jet lag this trip. I don't know what it is, but I can't sleep at night. I like feel like this is blasphemy to say, but I haven't been eating that much because I feel like my body clock is off.

So I'm not hungry when I'm supposed to be eating and then in the middle of the night, I'm like, I should have wrapped that fucking puff stuff. Well, this is the problem with these zero summers. People don't talk about the trauma of pulling all nighter basically, and then try to function, and then have the the trauma of like, pulling all nighter basically, and then like, try to function, and then have the pressure of being like,

am I having fun, am I having fun, this is so expensive, am I having fun, is this worth the money, am I having fun? And you're with your family, and like obviously you have a very close family, but like, some people that's their nightmare to have like their family in small quarters. I know, I feel that, yeah. people that's their nightmare to have like their family in small quarters. Yeah that like that's one thing that like doesn't ever stress me out like being with my family like

multiple days in a row like I don't like think of that but I've been getting yelled at a lot. By who? Scary? I'll beat his ass. No just like the people of Italy because just like the people of Italy. Oh, literally. Literally the people that live here. Because when you eat at a restaurant in Italy, I'm not kidding, if you don't eat everything, they're offended. So there have been a few times where, and I love the food,

but I literally just can't eat as much as I used to be able to, like even a couple months ago, once I went on those vitamins that like fixed my hormones, I gen, like, and I lost a couple pounds. No, but no. But. But I think like, because I lost some weight when I went on them, like my, I can't eat as much as I did.

That is actually the worst feeling when like your eyes are like, I'm about to beat up this meal. And then your stomach's like, you're done. Yeah. I have like three bites and I'm like, okay. And because like my time clock is off, I'm just like not hungry when it's dinner time. Do you ask to take it to go?

No, because I think that's actually like- More insulting? Yeah, insulting in Europe. I know like you're not supposed to take it to go? No, because I think that's actually like- More insulting? Yeah, insulting in Europe. I know like you're not supposed to do it in France, so like I haven't asked in Italy. And I like haven't been finishing like my plates and the waiters have been coming over after and been being like, the chef wants to know

if something's wrong here. It's happened like three times and my dad has to chime in and goes, no, no, no, nothing's wrong. It's amazing. She eats like a bird. I was gonna say she eats like a bird. Wait, but I do not to like- We can't bring her anywhere.

Not to call out your dad, but like my dad's job is to eat everyone's leftover food at the end of the meal. Like he's a trash can. Like can your brother not do it? Like can someone step up? Okay, so literally no one in my family is stepping up for me. I'm like, I need like an ally.

You guys are supposed to be my blood. And it's just like, I'm feeling really betrayed right now. And everyone should just stab Caesar. And that's how I'm feeling. I'm like, you guys are leaving me for dead. And that's why I'm really excited for Craig to get here because I realized last summer I didn't have this problem. He's been waiting all year to eat bread in Europe.

He's ready to fucking go. Yeah, he's always picking up my leftovers. And so I'm hoping that he comes with an appetite because I'm sick of getting yelled at. And this is one place I'm not, I'm not combative Paige standing up for myself. I completely cower. Like if a waiter is coming over

who like can't speak English obviously and is yelling at me, I'm on their side. I'm like, I should leave. Like you're right. Are you picking up any Italian words? Fungool. Like no. That means fuck. words? No, but it's so funny because like my dad is just like so delusional and

like I don't know if he knows like what we do or like what like anything that's going on like he knows that I'm really busy and he knows that I get anxious but like that's like about it. He thinks you're a drug dealer, I think. No, he just thinks I play pretend, and I'm just taking pictures. He just thinks I'm girly. And so he said to me the other day, he was like, in your spare time, you should really learn Italian.

And I look at him and I go, yeah. In my spare extra minutes, let me just pick up another language. I go, do, in my spare extra minutes, let me just pick up another language. I go, do you know how fucking hard it is to just learn another language? And you think in my, in my what? In what spare time do I have to pick up a language? Like I will choke on my own saliva when I try to speak.

I'm not learning a new language. And then I have Des there making me look bad. Like the other day when anyone starts speaking Mandarin Mandarin he pipes up and then they they'll they don't just say like oh I speak Mandarin I speak Mandarin they have a full like 30 minute conversation I just stand there and I know some words now cuz he's done it well because what else are you supposed to know and I know when they're like he's like referencing me and I'm like okay so they're talking shit yeah and then if you do try and say something in Italian like obviously like when you walk in

somewhere you say like Buonissera that's like good morning and you say like you do greetings but sometimes I feel like when you greet them in Italian and then they talk English back to you I immediately get humbled I'm like okay thank you sorry I but I'm like oh is it offensive if I don't go in trying to like speak the language and I'm just like, hi. See, I was obsessed with when I was in France going, how do you say hello? Bonjour.

It's like, what'd you say? Bonjour. Well, I already fucking failed. No, I walk in and I say bonjour. So, cause I can copy, like that's how the French, they go bonjour, so I go bonjour. Yeah, they don't like finish the word. Yeah, like I basically bonjour.

And then they would speak back in French to me and at first I'd be really happy and then I'd feel like a liar. I feel like I lied to them and then I'd have to be like, I'm sorry, I'm fucking stupid. But I have fun with that stuff. Are the men really good looking? Okay, literally I was thinking, I was like, oh my God, never get hit on.

I'm like, I never get hit on anymore because like, I'm just like, everybody knows I have a boyfriend. Like I'm always with him. Like no one's like in my DMs, no one's trying to hit on me in the streets, you know? And I'm like, I wonder if I'll get hit on in Italy. That would be really, I need it. I need someone to hit on me in Italy.

So last night, my parents, my parents go to bed and my brother wanted to go and watch one of the soccer games. So I'm sitting there having a drink with my brother and I'm thinking, I'm like, oh, people probably think this is my boyfriend. I'm definitely not gonna get hit on in this moment. So then 30 minutes later, I'm like,

okay, Gary, I have to go back to the room. I'm so tired. So I'm walking back to my hotel and it's literally where we are to where the hotel is is 20 feet. It's not, I'm not like walking far. And I hear this man like coming up behind me, like I can sense two men coming up behind me,

but not in like a scary way. But not, it wasn't in like, yeah, it wasn't in like the initial feeling. I could just feel people. It felt like challengers. It felt like challengers. And I just heard someone say like, hey, but it was, they had, it wasn't an Italian accent.

And then later I found out that they were Brazilian, but this guy was just like, hey, I just wanted to let you know you're really beautiful. And I was like, thank you so much. And he was like, who are you here with? And I was like, my family and my boyfriend. And he was like, oh, like that's so like sad to hear. If you ever wanna come to Brazil, let me know.

And I was just like, oh, thank you so much. You almost got trafficked. No, then I went back to tell my family, like a bitch still has it. And my brother was like, my brother was like, sounds like they wanted to abduct you, but you literally got to the hotel. But you literally just took it as a compliment

and said thank you and walked away. Yeah, I said thank you so much. I do feel like me and you are different to the hotel. But you literally just took it as a compliment and said thank you and walked away. Yeah, I said thank you so much. I do feel like me and you are different types of beauty. And when I say that, I mean, I feel like when someone calls you beautiful, you're like, thank you, yeah. But I feel like when someone calls me beautiful, I think it's creepy and weird.

Why? Because I'm not giving off that energy. But you have a beautiful face. So like, okay, you might not giving off that energy. But you have a beautiful face. So like, okay, you might not give off energy of like, tell me I'm beautiful. See, I feel like I give off energy. Like you better fucking compliment me. Yeah, so when they do.

Where you don't give that off. So when a guy says, if a guy gets to the point where he tells me, I think you're beautiful, I'm like, ew, like I literally been like farting this whole walk. And you are saying I'm beautiful. Like that is disgusting on you. So it's so funny when you said beautiful, I'm like, ew, I literally been farting this whole walk and you are saying I'm beautiful. That is disgusting on you. So it's so funny when you said beautiful,

I got cringy, but I'm wondering what a guy can call me that I won't be weirded out. Yeah, I think that's something internal. That's some internal shit that I have to work on. That's something internal. Yeah, you don't like. I just never like being sexualized, unless if it's like a

girlfriend who's like your ass looks good and then hits your butt and I'm like thanks do you have a tough time taking compliments in general I know I love a compliment but I don't okay speaking I love a compliment maybe just You're just not on my physical appearance from men. Okay, those are the only ones I want. We're so... Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois.

Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Layne Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a Field Guide to Gay Animals.

A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Okay, I have a quick story to tell you that's presented by Vizi and Acast Creative. We are both going to be busy this summer. I'm going to be playing tennis,

beach volleyball, napping. Paige will be relaxing by the pool. And occasionally having people over is an excuse to make tablescapes. She's very passionate about tablescapes. She's very passionate about tablescapes. Don't talk about my tablescapes as if I'm not here. It's a work of art and I support women in the arts. Despite our different ideas of summer and our plans,

one thing we can both agree on is having Vizi Hard-Seltzer on hand on the tablescape at all times. No matter what your vibe, trust Vizi to provide the perfect summer refreshment anytime. And we always talk about how we hate intimate gatherings unless it's people that we really love and if it's people that you really love you know what their drink of choice is. So finding something that it's a crowd pleaser, cute cans, like it looks cute on the table, you don't have to worry about it not going with your vibe. Also everyone loves a drink that's called Vizzy. And it's just like easy.

It's cute. To pass out, like to have like, it's easy for everyone to have a drink in their hand, be happy, like mingling and socializing and not having to worry about mixing drinks and like, do we have enough? Do we need more of this one ingredient? Vizzy has it all in one can. Also in the summer, you do not want these heavy drinks. You're running around, gossiping by the pool. No glass by the pool. And only 150 calories or less.

So you're drinking guilt-free. Thank you for listening to this story brought to you by Vizi and Acas Creative. Vizi has the flavor for your vibe, so why not pick up some Vizi hard seltzer for your next summer hangout? Whether that's a pool day with friends, a brunch you're hosting, or getting together for a night out, it's sure to add a splash of extra to whatever you have planned. Talk about people asking you stuff, what a good transition. This is going to be a little controversial, but I feel like at Giggly Squad that's what

we do. We have to speak out about all the nuances of life. You know, everyone's like, stop asking me, like, when am I gonna have a baby? When am I gonna have a baby? Like, a lot of people talk about that in the media. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Not one person has asked me, when are you gonna have a baby? I had this like moment, I was just walking and I was thinking about feminism and women being asked out. I was thinking about people asking you to move and stuff. I was like, yeah, and then people asking women to have... Wait a second. Wait, Hannah, that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

Women literally be like, stop asking married women when they're gonna have kids. And I'm like, yeah, but no one's asking me. And then you have to go another layer and ask yourself, why? Why? So I'm out here trying to give them a mask. And then I go, do people think I'm not capable

of motherhood? And then it got dark. And then I was like, am I putting out an energy that people are just like, don't have, please don't have kids. This is why they say women are complicated because we get something and then we're like, am I pretty?

Actually, I prefer a guy to call me pretty than beautiful. I, beautiful, okay, I'm gonna be honest. Beautiful is like a little bit cringy. But he's European. Yeah, but he's European, so they're different. I prefer like a gorgeous or like stunning, like breathtaking. I think if an American guy calls you beautiful,

I'm like call the police. Yeah, like only like my mom and dad, I feel like say like beautiful. Yes, like my nan will be like, you look beautiful today. Beautiful. Yeah, like it's a very, I don't want it from a man. Wait, speaking of beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, stunning. So Love Island UK started. Obviously, I downloaded my VPN.

I'm like watching live real time. All have you seen any of the discourse on TikTok? No. Okay. So obviously all of the contestants have always been early twenties, like 22 to 26. Like there's rarely anyone ever in their 30s. Oh, is this about the fillers? Oh my God.

So they're doing this whole thing on like, why do the girls look so much older? Like all the girls are very pretty, like all very gorgeous, but they do not look really 20s. But they look like stepmom pretty. No way at all. Yes, they look like, oh my God,

she has two kids and she bounced to the fuck back. Like she got a mommy makeover, she's hot as shit. So good. And so they were doing all these TikToks and like all these plastic surgeons were saying like, if you get bad, obviously if you get bad plastic surgery, like it can make you look older. But then I followed this one British girl

and she was like, here's what people in America don't understand. If you're getting fillers and plastic surgery in the US, there's certain standards. Your injections have to be done by a doctor or nurse. Yeah, someone who's like gone to school for this. In the UK, I could literally sign up for a two, like, and get certified in two days

and then I could inject you with Botox and so it's so much cheaper so girls are going to these like they're not even med spas they're basically going to like your hairstylist could fucking do it and it's paying like $40 to get fillers and they're just bad and so that's why they look so old and it actually makes me feel so bad for them because I feel like that generation was so, like our generation, obviously, like when you turn 30, everyone thinks like you're dead, you've died

if you like aren't married with children. And so I feel like the younger generation heard that so much of like, you can't age, you can't age. So they started doing things so much earlier, which just made them look so much older. Like the fact that I look 10 times younger than all of them is insane. Cause I'm like a full 10 years older.

And I do think at some point, if people can tell that you have filler, it immediately becomes real Housewivesque, because filler represents that age group kind of thing. And it's funny, because I saw that, and I remember, I've definitely, I've Googled before, okay, if I did wanna get Botox, or if I did want some filler,

I would love to go into one of these places. Because I don't look at my face that much, but I wonder what a professional would say. But then you're- Right, what would they tweet? And I was looking at all this stuff, and first of all, I hate, this is fucked up, but I hate when the practitioner looks crazy themselves.

And I've seen it a lot. And I'm like, why would I let you touch my face when you went too hard? I've had so many girls be like, oh my God, my friend Jessica, she can do your Botox. And I'm like, Jessica looks insane. So I want you to look, but then there's some people

where they're just naturally gorgeous, and I'm like, are they good at their job, or are they just naturally gorgeous and have a little lip filler? And then I was looking at some of the before and afters and I have to say, so when people get filler in their under eyes or filler in their cheeks, I'll look at the two before and after

and sometimes I'm like, is it prettier though? Like sometimes it's not. It's like yeah, so your face is fuller, but who says that's better? And sometimes I feel like, and I'm all for now, if you wanna do stuff, I'm afraid to do stuff to my face because it's like, I like the devil that I know. I can live with whatever imperfection of my jaw or whatever,

but if you were to do something else, then I guess it goes away, but I don't know that kind of ugly. Right, right. And then there's this thing going viral about, have you seen eyebrow blindness, they're calling it? Which is so true, where with your own face, you get blindness, and filler blindness is a thing too. Lip filler blindness, and for people who don't know

what it means, it basically means like you stop being able to see how it really looks. And that's why you'll see a girl with like insane eyebrows, but like she's just been filling it in every year for like six years and eventually it's gotten darker and darker and now she's like a blonde with like caterpillars and then she'll, someone will finally like sit her down. And that's a real friend.

A real friend. I am really happy that I never did like sit her down. And that's a real friend, a real friend. I am really happy that I never did like the lamination. I definitely had a few makeup looks where like my eyebrows were too straight up, but I could never, I never could bring myself to do like the actual lamination because I was like, I feel like this looks crazy town. But it's funny too, because on TikTok,

I've been seeing things where like, if you ask your guy friends, like if you show a picture of a girl to your guy friends and you're like, do you think she's pretty? And they're like, eh, not really. But like, if you show that same picture of the same girl to your girlfriends, like they're gonna think she's gorgeous.

That like we see a totally different kind of pretty. Same with makeup. That's such a good point. Guys are attracted to a different kind of makeup, but we do ours for girls. A guy will never be like, wait, her blush looks so good. Yeah, they'll never be like, oh my God, that's a siren cat eye and she fucking nailed it.

And if a guy does, he's gay. So make him your best friend, don't date him. If he wants your lip color or what you used on your lips. It's so funny you said that because I was talking with Des. Oh my God, imagine, wait, imagine if Des was like, oh my God, great lip combo, what is it? Oh my God, divorce, divorce, divorce, divorce.

He actually said something interesting and obviously, Des has a type of like, who he's attracted to. Yeah, what is Des's type? Like, I've never seen anyone Des has dated other than you. He's never dated anyone before me, obviously. But he basically was like, sometimes thigh gap got brought up.

We were talking about thigh gaps. And he goes, thigh gaps are for girls. No guys ever been like, I guess a guy would like maybe a certain body type, but no guy's ever been like, where's the thigh gap? I went through a phase in college where all I could think about for two months was my thigh gap. And it was a really dark time.

No, and it's invented by girls. Like no guys, like let me see the little like sun going through right below your pussy. It's invented by girls. And do you wanna know what snapped me the fuck out of it? I'll never forget this. I was in college. I was a freshman in college.

Maybe I was a sophomore in college. And for whatever reason, I was, I had just started birth control, I had gained some weight, and I got really obsessed with my thigh gap. And I remember it was Halloween, I'm out with my boyfriend, and there's a mirror in the dorm hallways or something,

and I'm standing in front of it waiting for him, and I'm leaning down looking at to see if I have a thigh gap and these two girls like walk by me and like look at me and like give me like a weird look like what is she doing and in that moment I was like what the fuck am I doing like this who gives a flying fuck like this looks weirder than not having a thigh gap. Thigh gaps are for girls. And also some people's hips are just a little more wide set. So they just have more space.

They'll just match. It's literally how your hips are. It has nothing to do with your thighs being fat. 100%. Also, when I would play tennis, my thighs would rub against each other and actually start a fire. So that was annoying.

But also, they called me Quanzilla. I had the strongest thighs and I was the fastest girl in the eighth grade before Paige. No, I was the fastest girl in the fourth grade. I do have to say, I'm on my TikTok algorithm right now. I'm obsessed. Oh my God, I fucking forgot his name, but I think there may be a couple of them.

I'm obsessed with grumpy gay guys judging fashion at events. Have you seen this? It'll just be a gay guy's face in the corner and it'll be an event and he's going through the Getty images and he'll just be like, hey, love, never do that again. Obsessed with that.

She never misses. No, gay men can do so much. Because I'm at the point where I'll see if it, and I'm like, I don't know if he's gonna, and he'll be like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen. And I'm like, what? Or and then he'll be like, this slays so hard. And I'm like, but I love seeing these gay guys

just rip apart. You know what's funny is like, if you wanna say something to, like there have been times where I'm like, oh my God, I should say that to her because like she needs to hear it. And then I'm like, I can't say that. Like that's so fucking bitchy.

But like to like my gay guy friend, I'm like, but you could say it. Like, like I just feel like gay men can say certain things and it not be taken as if a woman said it because at the end of the day, they're still they're not and they're not like competing with you. Right. And so like, I feel like women take it more like, oh, he's just trying to help you out because like, he sees it where like, if a woman were to say it, it's like she's jealous or like, she's just trying to help you out because like he sees it where like if a woman were to say it

It's like she's jealous or like she's fucking bitch. So like It's so funny yet hit the videos don't come across as mean to me at all They come off as like hilarious and he's just like stating facts. Yeah, he's just helping the community and gay guys have taste obviously And then I don't know what's been going on But like more gay guys have been recognizing me on the street. More gaglers. Two gay guys recognized me yesterday, and one of them, and they're younger too, so it's a double cool factor.

So my head is really big right now. This one hot 22-year-old gay guy just stopped and was like, wait, I'm fangirling right now. They'll say it, but they'll never get as excited as a girl, but they'll be like, wait, I'm fangirling right now. But they'll say it, but they'll never get as excited as like a girl, but they'll be like, wait, I'm feeling girl-ing right now. Wait, stop, I'm freaking out right now. Yes, no, I love that.

That's my favorite kind of energy. They have a straight face and they can say anything. They're like, wait, I will tear your skin off and wear it. I love your podcast. And then they won't even get a picture. They'll just keep walking. I'm like won't even get a picture, they'll just keep walking. I'm like, can I take a picture with you? You seem really fucking cool.

Yeah, I feel like I met you. Speaking of fangirling, I got a celebrity DM. This is probably more exciting for me than you. Pray tell. And I don't wanna be weird, but I do have to to say he's my zaddy, my football zaddy. I gotta. Wait, football? Can you give me some, I'd like to guess.

Ooh, okay fine. Will I ever? We'll play a game. So we talked about him once on the pod and. I know who you're talking about. The guy, the Tom Brady, the the guy the older man he DM'd you so this is not weird in any way not weird in any way he asked me out on a date we are together he sent the cutest supporting women in the arts message. Wait, why can't I find him?

Did he block me? Okay, found him. How awkward would that have been? He goes, I don't know where he goes, my daughter and her friend played me the clip from your podcast. I think it's a clip where I called him a zaddy. Let's just say I have some serious street cred

and they can't talk shit to dad for a while. They love you gals BTW, I'll give it a listen No that actually is gonna make me tear up one I freaking love when dads are like so obsessed with their daughters and like want to be cool for them and two The fact that he's like getting the vibe like women in the arts and like being supportive He also he said like they can't talk shit to dad for a while, exclamation mark, and with shit he wrote S and then two like asterisks and then T.

No, I love him so much. I also agree, I think he's like way hotter than Tom Brady. Way hotter, and he has this low voice, but this is the thing about him that's so great. He had such a difficult experience with an injury and then Tom Brady taking a starting position when he was the quarterback that was getting paid to be the starter.

He dealt with so much shit, and he's just dealt with it with so much humbleness and grace. And like, it's like I said like Tom Brady winning seven Super Bowls like you're gonna try hard yeah like like be more Drew Bledsoe so Drew Bledsoe's daughter listens for the rest of us we fucking love you Drew Bledsoe's daughter tell me your first name so I don't call you Drew Bledsoe's daughter wait I got their names Healy and Call. Shout out to my gigglers. You guys are the best.

Healy and Callie, what's up? But I just wanted to do a shout out, because it was Father's Day, I wanted to do a shout out to my dad. I do have to say, I know like women's sports is now popular. This man, this man has been fighting for women's sports since day one.

My dad and I, like, he got obsessed with women's sports because he loves sports, and then he obviously got immersed in it with me. And I posted this blurry photo. There was a tournament going on. It was a father-son doubles tournament, 18 and under kids. And my dad was like, we have to play. And I was like, okay, it's father-son.

And he's like, there's no father-daughter tournament and this isn't fair. So he reached out and he was like, can me and my daughter, who's a nationally ranked tennis player, play at, it was at the US Open in the father's, cause he's like, title nine means if there isn't a girls team,

she has to have the opportunity to play on the boys team if she can qualify. So they were like, yeah. So I was 14 years old too. So we're playing all these older guys in their dads. And we end up winning the whole tournament. No? Oh my God.

How have you never told this story? I don't know. It's just like, it's, my dad is always like, he also has never made it like it's a big deal that I'm a girl. It was always just like, this is my, you know, child and we love sports and we are going to compete and try to win. And my favorite part about it is we play the boys and the dad would keep hitting it to me and at one point the son who we're playing against looks at his dad and goes, dad, stop

hitting it to the girl. And my dad lost his mind and like to this day, he'll quote and be like, dad, stop hitting it to the girl. Wait. Cause when I was 12 years old was when I beat my dad for the first time in tennis, which was like a big like, Yeah. Deal in the family.

Cause like my dad, you know, Right. Was a tennis player and my dad said he was like, it was the craziest moment where he's like, I've never had more joy, like seeing my own kid, like get to a point where she was like, mastering a sport that I introduced her to. No, Hannah, I was shopping today

and I literally only thought about my daughter. I was like, I can buy that because she'll wear it in 20 years. Wait, why does no one think I'm going to be a mom? I think you're going to be a mom. I literally think. Why do you think no one's is is it because is it because they know I'm traveling so much? I think it's because people just respect you more. People don't know your kid.

I think people just know you're capable of like so much so they're like she can do whatever she wants whereas me they're like well maybe you should just pack it in. I do have to say because I feel so connected to you and like we joke that we're so opposites but in terms of a lot of our work ethic and me and you are very similar in a lot of ways so I get fucking furious when I feel like you get all the questions like when are you gonna move to the south and have children and I'm like whoa whoa whoa no one's even like people don't even acknowledge that I'm married I mean my dad thinks I have time to learn another language. So if my own father can't figure it out, I really I don't have

faith for the rest of humanity. I have a hot take. I have a hot take too on something. Okay give me yours. Oh no you go first because I won't forget mine. Okay my hot take is I keep seeing people, not really. I saw like maybe one person. But it like annoyed me. And that's when you should like think about if you have anger issues. Another side note, my mom has been calling me my dad this whole entire trip. She's like, you're a fucking psycho.

You are your dad. Anywho, I saw this person on TikTok and she was talking about like, I don't know, she had like broken up with her boyfriend or something like a couple years prior or whatever, but they still shared a dog, okay? That annoyed me because in what world am I sharing an animal with someone that I now loathe?

If we have an animal together, dog's mine. Dog's mine, sorry, dog is mine. Well, people are saying, should they do like a pre-nup when you get an animal in any situation of like, if this ends, who gets it? So the dog. And that's sign up. And also, like, I feel like I'm a very sensitive, empathetic, sympathetic person.

Maybe. I'm an empath. Here's the other thing. If I'm dating someone and we break up and he's like being such a fucking asshole about the dog, dog dogs yours Fine dog is yours. I never want to see either of you again then like I Could do that Coparenting a dog is the next level of like stress in your life that I just I don't think it's worth it

And I know you're like, I love the dog. I love the dog Get a new dog and you'll love a dog Literally, that's how I feel about men. That's how I feel about men. That's how I feel about men. You're upset, you're fighting for it, get another man. Just get another one. Whenever I love anything, but then I get a new one of that, I love it even more.

If you love something, let it go. And buy a new one. Also, if I met a guy and he was like, oh yeah, I'm co-parenting my Labrador Retriever with my ex. I go, ew. Yeah, I'd be like, ew. Really? She's gonna show up at the door

and you guys are gonna hand off the fucking pug named Romeo? Like what? And then like, what? Part of me is like, you guys still wanna fuck. And then it's like people live in different states and it's like, I haven't seen the dog and I need to visit with the, fuck off.

Literally fuck off. I would just argue, unless you're married, don't get a pet with someone. Is that fucked up? No, I don't think, okay. Say you're living together, you've been living together for a couple years, you or you're gonna get engaged or you've talked about it You've got a dog and maybe you don't get engaged. I

Understand getting a dog in that situation or getting any type of animal but like I just know for myself I could never I'm not co parenting an animal. I feel like I would try and take the children for myself. So like there's no situation. You know what it is, a lot of people live together before marriage, so you're right. I think it's more like, if you're gonna get a pet, have a pet for each person. Be like, this is my dog.

When you're, yeah, when you're getting the animal, like I feel like it should be established, hey, whose dog is this in this moment? Like, like Dez and I like butters my cat. And like when Des fosters dogs, I'm supportive, but I'm not waking up at 3 a.m. to walk the dog. It's his dog. Like if I get a cat, it's my cat.

Yes. Are you getting me a cat? I've been waiting my whole life for you to ask me this question, but I just wanted you to settle down. I honestly feel like September might be the time. Oh, I was going to say when you get back. Yeah, I feel like I need an animal.

I would love to give you an animal. I just feel like I'm at the stage where like I need something. I'm feeling very like maternal and I like, and I don't wanna have a baby. But I need to take care of something. I do wanna say external things are not gonna help the internal, but I will fully support this decision. Yeah, but this I think also for my anxiety, I need. So butter saved my life.

Something called. Like butter literally saved my fucking life because when you wake up and you're just like in your own head it sucks and I've been through like the some you know when you're going through your fucked up 20s hard times and then you wake up and you just have this baby that just wants to lay on you and cuddle with you all day and you're just like I have something that loves me and is peaceful and cats the thing that makes cats so great which I read is that dogs are trained to love humans like they've been domesticated over the years to love humans that's why like I can meet someone's dog and take their dog and the next day the dog loves me and like that's the other thing the dog you you

could give your dog to anyone and like they're gonna love them You don't need to co-parent if someone else took butter. She would take a knife Stab herself in the heart and be like give it back to my mama, which and that's the kind of love I want But this is the thing with cats. They're fucking feral and they choose to be with you and then they become obsessed with you, and then you become this, like, you routine together where you, like, and all cats do is sleep next to you. Like, people don't talk about that. Like, they just wanna sleep all day next to you.

So when you're in bed, like, bed rotting, the cat is like, show me your culture. This is my time. This is, yeah. Yeah. Where dogs will be like, what are we doing? Are we playing? Are we going outside?

The cat is like, no one fucking move. And then someone does, if you do like move your arm, they're like, what the, don't fucking move your arm. We're lying here. That's the energy I need because that's the energy I give. Like if someone moves from the bed, I'm like, why did you do that?

Like we were in a great position. Like don't. And I've dealt with like my friend, I'm like, why did you do that? We were in a great position. I've dealt with my friend Michelle Cheech, shout out. She loves dogs, and I love dogs too. She got this cat. I kind of convinced her. The cat's name is Diplo, it's iconic. She loves this cat more than anything.

I just love seeing dog people get converted to cat people when they don't think they will, and then they're like, where have cats been all my life? My friend called me and she was like, wait, all they wanna do is sleep on you. I'm like, that's the fucking point. Yeah, that's what I need. I need someone to just sleep on me.

Wow, I haven't had a cat rant in a minute. Thank you guys. Oh my God, you sent me the funniest TikTok. Did I? This guy said, if a girl tells you, this is a big segue, if a girl tells you during sex,

I want you to come. You fucked up. You're not killing it. Wait. You're not smashing that pussy. I feel like that's such a niche thing that like literally only the girls know. And it's such a niche thing because also like they love when you say it. I want you to come.

They love when you say it. They love it. This guy was doing a TikTok and he was like, yeah, if a girl is like, oh my God, I really want you to come. That doesn't mean she's really into it. It means you're doing a bad job. But I actually, there are multiple times where you're not doing a bad job, but I actually, there are multiple times where you're not doing a bad job, but I'm over it now.

Like I- Exactly, like you're not fucking up, we're done here. We're done here. Let's wrap it up. Yeah, I'm especially done here. I'm either like sore or like I'm uninterested or like I have things to do, like I gotta go. So he was saying how like girls will start talking crazy

Why she tells nothing has hit home Harder than that because I will when I'm done Like because when I'm in person like if I'm at a place and like something comes over me and then I have to Leave like I'm not kidding I literally have to leave and Craig gets so mad because he's like you have to give me like a five-minute warning like we Can't just like go even when I'm like getting off the phone with him. I'm like, okay, I gotta go back He's like what the fuck? So like I already have that in me. So like during sex when I'm ready

I go I will say some of the most insane things ever. And he'll be like, what the fuck is going on? If a girl tells you your dick is big, like more than five times, she is begging you to wrap it up. If she starts bringing up threesomes in the ninth hour, she's sore and she has to pee. Okay?

She literally is feeling a UTI coming on in that moment okay so know that she doesn't actually want to do that you sicko if I had a fucking nickel it also cuz a lot of time we've already like come so it's like obviously if and we realize like we're not coming again cuz that's yeah his goal and then yeah And they're like I feel like you could it's like shut the fuck up And it's like I feel like we've missed the boat on me at this point, and I'm mentally and not here So let's physically let's physically also move away, but it's so I never thought about like guys

Cuz guys like it cuz I like guys are you know what also? I think guys are... You know what? Also, I think Des has this funny joke where during sex, girls are trying to come and guys are trying not to come. That's so true. So like, he's fighting, you know he's fighting not to and you're like, hey, let it go. You don't have to stop this fight.

I also think they think that you genuinely want what comes from them. And it's like, I couldn't want it what comes from them. And it's like, I couldn't want it further away from me. Like, not on my sheets, certainly not inside of me, not on my body, like I'm not a human toaster strudel. I want you to come in your hand and I want you to leave me out of it.

And I want it to be right now. I also would say I'm never not feeling good about myself when a guy comes fast. I've never left the experience being like that was bad. I'm always like, I feel good about myself. Okay, that's so funny you say that because guys get so embarrassed about it and what they don't realize is like, we love it.

We love it. I got ghosted by a potential love of my life because he was like humping me in bed and goes, oh no, I nutted. And then I had to leave, I think I've told this story, I had to leave because I got in a pickle with something, but I was like obsessed with him. Like I didn't, I was so into him.

And then I left early, I just had to leave, and I think he felt rejected, and then he like... Never talked to you again. Never talked to me, and I think I saw him years later, and he was like, yo, super embarrassed. I was like, you couldn't, what? That was such a pleasant experience for me. No, so pleasant, I'll never get mad

when a guy can't get hard. Oh, you drank too much, can't get hard. I don't give a shit. I am happier. Like this is actually more enjoyable. What the fuck is on Netflix? Like, I will never get mad at that. But also if you can't get hard, like let's admit it. And let's not play the whole like pushing your al dente dick in my pussy.

I feel like we've passed that threshold. Like we're in our 30s now. Like no one could even come near me with a mission deck these days. I'd be like, what? What are you, 17? Get the fuck out of my face. Either you're ready or you're not, okay? Yeah, like I pay taxes. You're ready or you're not.

Okay, final hot take. Yeah. Every skirt should be a skort. Okay, final hot take. Every skirt should be a skort. No, Hannah. I'm against that one. Why? Like, I need to understand why.

I'm not leaving this conversation until I have some fucking data. Okay. Okay, a mini, every mini skirt should be a skort. Cause not every skirt could be. Okay, but like a maxi skirt can't be, oh well. Okay, not a maxi skirt. You just want built in underwear. The thing is also as a tennis player,

every skirt you wear has these little tiny like shorts. So like you put the ball in it, but it's like I feel so naked if I'm just wearing a skirt with my and I wear granny panties. Yeah. So like I'm wearing granny panties in a skirt and I'm just like I don't like it. Like why can't all of them protect you? So funny I wear a skirt today and just like a thong. And I don't ever think of it. That's crazy behavior to me. That's crazy. I like, whenever that happens, I immediately think like

at any time the air will just like get my skirt over my head and I'm like, my perineum is out there. I can't tell you the last time both of my butt cheeks have been covered by anything. Do you know what I'm, like I'm always wearing a thong and so like if I'm wearing a skirt or a dress, she's right there. She's right there at any moment.

Do you think you have thong blindness? No. I think you. Wait, oh my God, I didn't even say this because fucking shout out to THINX, the period underwear. They sent me a ton of them. We had like talked about it like probably like a year ago, honestly.

They had sent me a ton and obviously I could never use them because I never got my period. But I used them the first time. Hannah, talk about like telling your period like you're not here anymore, I'm not wearing a tampon. It was insane. It was the best thing I've ever used like I'll never not wear them when I had my period. And when you go to the bathroom it's not like gooey? No. Like on the first okay like the first day I didn't wear it but like after day

like on day like three because I typically have it for like a full seven days that is like my normal. Yeah. You know I have it for three days period. Really? I have like two insane days of like murder scene shit. Yeah. So like you're like,

you could do it your second and third day, where like since high school, I was my regular was always like a full seven days. So like day four, I was like, okay, I'm done with tampons now. And I just think my way through and I loved it. In an alternate universe, I would love to know if men got their periods, what technology they would have at this point. Hannah, you are chat GBT because that's a great question.

Like, I would just love to see how things work. I'd love to see it. Like even there's just so much technology for pussies that like metaphors they just addressed it was a thing like five years ago. I might have made that up. No literally that's why I went to the White House. It was all about the women's health initiative.

If men had periods every month it would be, it wouldn't even be the technology. We'd live in a different society. Do you think they'd get the week off? Yeah. They'd get the full week off and then they'd be able to claim, like, sorry, period. So like, not liable. They could literally go in, shoot up anything and say, sorry, I was on my period. And they'd get off. Not liable. Not liable they could literally go in shoot up anything and say sorry I was on my period and they'd get off not liable not liable I did hear one thing about how women are natural-born leaders and men aren't I saw it too it was funny because we were talking about Lois and Des brought up he's like she is in charge and she's assertive and someone like I was like that I thought I

pretended I was teacher, everyone sit down, I'm teaching you. And the boys are like fucking, you know, like eating worms in the backyard and the girls are organizing stuff. But those are the people that don't become the leaders, make it make sense. No, she, this girl literally did a whole video

on how like men like to be told what to do. That's why they sign up for the military. They like to have like someone giving them orders. Men are literally dogs, girls are cats. And once they have orders, like then they can do it where women are so much better at like coming up with, okay, this is what we have to do, the blah, blah, blah. That's why like, there's like this whole debate too,

I feel like on TikTok of like women, men not knowing where anything in the home is or like not knowing how anything works in the house. And it's like, okay, because you have to be told what to do. No one told women how shit works. We just do it. Like we just know this X, Y, and Z has to get done before we go to work or we do that.

Like men don't even have that, which is absolutely insane. And I love it so much because every time Craig says he's gonna become a CIA agent and be recruited, I'm like, you can never find the scissors in your own kitchen. You don't know where the scissors are in your kitchen. But you're gonna find Osama bin Laden. They're gonna recruit you to be a CIA operative? I've told you where the scissors are. You've

opened that drawer, you've stared at the scissors, and you've continued to say, where are the scissors? So let's not get crazy and outlandish here honey. It's just insane. Any man who tries to like hide or be sneaky, I'm like you left your socks on the floor right by your hiding place. No, it's just like you literally left your phone open. You idiot.

Oh my God, I can't breathe. Anyway you guys, we love you so much. Thank you for giggling. Paige has one more week or so in Italy, so we'll continue the Italy saga and put in your calendars July 9th because it's time to ride a Don. We love it.

We love it. Thanks for giggling with us. Thanks for giggling with us. Bye.