Giggly Squad - Giggling about pregnancy tests, pinky swears, and pilates

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

Paige is causing panic in the hair industry and Hannah caused chaos at pilates.subscribe to our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. Got away from me? What's up my garden gnome gigglers? Would you ever have a garden gnome if you had an outdoor area? Maybe if it was like in the shape of kitty.

Cute. Thoughts on like legitimately taxidermy. I'm out. Like when butter passes, God forbid in the year 2052. No, I'm putting her in a freezer and I'm Walt Disneying her so that when the technology works. Why isn't it more, like 3D printers? Why aren't people taxidermying their pets more? Because it's creepy.

Is it, though? Because I would cry every day if I saw butter stuffed with cotton balls. You're so Nashville coated right now. You're like, just taxidermium. You know what you are? That's the meanest thing you've literally... You're so stagecoach right now. That is the meanest thing you've ever said to me.

It's a Monday and I'm coming so hard for your soul. You just said I was Nashville coded, which you know is the number one place on earth that if someone said you have to move there, I'd cry. Number two. Okay, well, don't start trying to convince me to taxidermy things. Could you imagine how they'd hate me in Nashville? I have an announcement. I love announcements.

I'm just like really, since Chloe Kardashian, like, hair gate, I've just been, like, really into my products recently. And everybody knows Sunday nights is when I do my hair mask and I do all my things. But I actually did my hair mask on Friday. So, like, my days are a little off. Anyway. We have such different weekends. So last.

the night I like showered it was doing all my stuff and like blue dry my hair and I was like you know what I'm gonna like throw a little wave in here like I'm gonna like do my hair a little so that tomorrow morning on giggly squad zoom I don't look a mess with my hair. Okay you could have texted me but continue so I Sunday is like when I look at all my stuff that I've like gotten delivered like all the products that I've like never tried before and they're like all in a pile and I'm like so there's this hair thing and it was called a bono Bondi boost like a heat curler. Yes, I've heard of them. And I was like, okay, let me just like give this a whirl. I was shocked, honey. Honestly, I hate that I'm about to say this. It's everything I've been wanting my, it's everything I've been thinking that my Dyson has been doing,

but hasn't been doing. I don't know if I ordered it. Then here's the other thing. Then I like try a product. And I'm like, I can't remember if I ordered this. Or someone found your address. Someone found my address and sent it to me. Because I've been looking at this thing in a box for at least a month and a half and I'm like, I'm going to try that.

What's the price point? I have no idea. She goes, everything's free in your head. If it's on my glass desk, it was free. It was free. What does it do? It's basically just like a heated round brush. But I had blue-dry my hair.

So it was like kind of straight, but like kind of puffy. And it just looked like I got a blowout. Like my ends looked very blowoutish. The way I want my Dyson to do it, but it just never does it. And I think because I have fine hair. Anyway, so that was like people lost their jobs just then. Like that was crazy. You're like Kylie Jenner tweeting that Snapchat's over.

Like that's crazy. Oh, also I texted my friend Alexa last night. and I said, I'm finally ready for microneyedling. And she said, perfect. I will find you someone this week. What made you think you were ready? Because I'll do it with you because I was scared. I wasn't going to do it alone.

Well, I've just been looking up. Like, I'm always looking at different, like, things the girls are doing. And months and months ago, someone was, like, made a TikTok and was like, I don't get Botox. And she was, like, she was in her 40s. And she looked phenomenal. I'm full anti-Botox algorithm now. And she, well, she said she was like, I don't get Botox. I don't get fillers.

The only thing I do is I do microneedling once a month, which kind of seems like a lot. I always have stuff coming up that I have to like be in front of a camera for. I don't know how I ended up in this industry. But then I talked to someone yesterday and they were like, yeah, microneedling. You have to keep doing it. and it gets more powerful as you keep doing it, which does sound like a pyramid scheme. However.

But one that I would fall into. I'll do it with you because if we're both going to look busted for like four days, that's more fun than me alone. I don't even think that it's even that long of a turnover. Like I truly think you get it done. You can't wear makeup like that night or that next day, but then you're fine. And then I had a dermatologist giggler in STEM.

message me and say, hey, if you have a really expensive product and you break out after, sometimes it means it's like your skin purging. And I'm like, again, it's giving pyramid scheme. Like, you guys are just keeping me going. No, purging is something I've subscribed to. It's like, you've been purging for three years now. Yeah, I'm like, okay, but my chin keeps purging. And final thought, you know, when girls would be like, look how good my skin is because

they just put like oil on it. And they're like, look how shiny. I'm like, yeah, because you put oil on it. Okay, I'm actually having a really great skin day. I was going to say you're very shimmery, what you put on it. A giggler really stressed me out the other day. Oh, no. Because I said on the pod last week, I was like,

Kitty's just been like really obsessed with me the past couple of days. I don't know, like, what's going on? And a giggler DM me and she was like, my cat did that a couple months ago, like would not leave me alone. And she goes, turns out I was pregnant. Now, look, I've read a lot. of DMs before about people telling me about myself and I'm like that person's nuts like I'm not giving it a second thought let me tell you something I Uber eats a pregnancy test immediately I don't know

what I was overcome with but I because then I then I go on my phone and I'm like wait I should have had my period I was just with Taylor two days ago and she said oh I'm getting my period in two days and typically I'm like a week prior to her. So I go on my phone and I'm like, oh my God, I did miss my period. And then I look at Kitty and I'm like, were you going to say anything? Kitty's like, I've given you every sign. I'm not hungry. I'm trying to say that you have something growing in you.

I'm trying to tell you we don't have the closet space. We don't have the room. Kitty's like, it's me or her. It's me or her. Pick us. Pick one of us. The test was negative. And then I literally woke up the next month.

morning with my period. She's someone dead. Well, good for the gigglers for keeping you on your toes. No, I was like, guys, I don't need being, can I have a day? I do have to say, I'm reading Lena Dunham's book and there's like about four chapters. How are you going to be reading this for? Well, I take a little break. And then Des and I read at night, like, I was like, do you want to read your book?

He was reading like Kafka or something. And we, and I was reading the Dunham. And I was like, Hannah. that is so freaking cute well that's my parents do they read before bad oh my god what nerds my parents would never but do we got competitive i was like getting tired but he was still reading and i was like yeah that's so you that's so you well at one point he was because i was like i feel like it's too bright and he's like well i have really small words on my book and i was like he's like let me see your book and he's like they're small too yeah i'm like yeah i'm so competitive

my words are littleer than years but um she talks for like four chapters about she ends up getting her uterus taken out sorry what spoiler alert because she has why do we do this every morning i can't just have a normal conversation with you before noon it has to be like the most traumatizing thing i've ever heard in the past six months and then she got her uterus move have a great day good luck at school did she have her uterus so she had a full hysterectomy she had well she had endometriosis she had a lot going on then it was like another disease, whatever. But then it's also... Wait, so she can't have children? Probably not herself anymore, but she talks about that whole, like, feeling and the doctors were really like anti. Like, we can't take out your uterus. It's so, it's like what makes a woman. And she's like, yeah,

but it's killing me. Like, why do you care more about my future child than my current existence as a woman? Right. But she also talks about how mentally, at one point they're like, are you happy? and she's like, what are you talking about? And they're like, if you're really upset and sad and stressed, it just kind of makes things worse. So it's kind of... Like inside your body. Yeah.

But then it's also like, aren't you upset because you are in pain? And then it's kind of this back and forth. So she talks about pain a lot in it. But anyway, it got me thinking about how you have pain. Pain. Pain. Just all the time. Michelle, all the time.

No, actually my UTI has been pretty good. Like I've been, I've felt it coming on a couple times and I've kind of told myself, no. So it's not. Oh, so that's the answer. You actually have to just go, not today, Satan. You just have to look in the mirror. I don't have the time. I'm like, oh, really?

I don't have time to go to urgent care. Say Bloody Mary three times in the mirror. I'm almost at like six months, which is the longest I've ever gone since I'm 16 years old. Wait, that's crazy. I bet you didn't, you didn't do anything besides the side. You don't want it anymore? No. No, I goers.

Oh, you know what it is? It's the, what's the new hair wrap that you're using? Bondi Boost. No, I take one oregano vitamin a day and two de manis cranberry supplements. But they're like, they're extra cranberry. Like they're the classic one and then I've bumped it up a notch. Oh yeah, if you go to Paige's kitchen, she has like, I have a little display of UTI meds.

I need my stuff. My Dyson, they're fucking expensive. It's like half of your rent is a Dyson. Dacens are really expensive. And because I'm in so many hotels and leaving everything, sometimes the cleaning people will come in and they like to put your hair stuff like strainer's or Dyson. They put it like away.

Yeah, yeah. Like they hide it. Yeah. So obviously. Oh, see, I love that. Yeah, but then when I'm packing, I'm not like opening cabinets to search for things. Right. Then I have to call the hotel. They have to ship it to me. I've had to ship this Dyson all over America. You know, it's interesting, not interesting, but whatever. Because we go on my family vacation every year, one of like the biggest gripes of the family vacation is my mom's hair. And she gets stressed about her hair because she has very natural. curly hair. And so like when we're on vacation and none of like the stuff works because we're in a different country and she's always like stressed out about it and I hate when she's stressed

out about it. So I bought her a European Dyson. So now she can bring it on vacation with us. It goes, voila. It says, okay. We'll do your hair now. Okay. Okay.

I straighten it. Wait, oh my God, more things should just be in Italian accents. Yeah, why isn't there an Italian series? She's always British. No, why isn't there in Italian? Because the Italian Siri would be like, what the fuck are you doing? Okay, no, no, I'm not looking that up. Illegal, no.

Okay, yeah. Why don't you fuck yourself? Wait, petition for there to be an Italian Siri that bullies you. She'd be like, I'm at lunch. Do not ask me questions. Yes. It's August. No working.

Wait, imagine Siri just like stopped answering the whole month of August. Was like, see you in the fall, you stupid bitch? I don't know. Look it up yourself. I would love that. Google it. You know what I keep seeing on like my fur you page and for the past couple of months is like everyone talking about bringing 2016 back like 2016 was so much fun.

Like people posting pictures, whatever. well I keep getting like the Beyonce lemonade album like oh my god it was 10 years ago and like I don't know why I didn't think of it then but like imagine coming home just like imagine being Beyonce and just like walking in the front door like album's been out for like a couple weeks everyone's singing it and like Jay-Z just being like so uh anything happened at work today? Like, did they say to each other, like, did you see that email? Like, imagine your husband cheating on you

and then you make the most fire album to ever exist about him cheating on you. And all the songs start with you speaking and, like, dissing him. Like, how did they move on from that? Celebrity relationships are on such a different, like, mental wavelength. than like a normal relationship and she probably was like hey I sold the bazillion records and he was probably like go off and you have to say like there's a line where she's like imagine if you never had the coolest girl in your bed and I'm like that would crush me if I'm

him you know there was definitely a fight or two I would say or three but at some point they're a like empire and it's almost maybe this is all alleged maybe they got to the point where they were like it's actually more complicated to try to break up than to fight with you every day i'd rather fight with you every day than go through an insane divorce and rather little microdose fights than like blowing up our entire empire we built together i guess which is why sure they live separate lives yeah if i know that my husband has slept with another woman But there's nothing that's keeping, there's nothing keeping me there. There's nothing that I'm staying for.

Maybe she also has her side stuff. Because she's rich on her own. So it's not like. But you know what? Maybe they have secrets about each other. But don't you want to be able to like live out loud? Honestly, their relationship is so, so mysterious and interesting. For how long they've both been famous?

It's so mysterious. So mysterious. And you saying that she dropped the album about him, it does remind me at an extremely streamy decimal percentage of my experience of me about to drop my Hulu special. Because the very end has like 15 minutes of jokes about Des that he's never actually heard. And like I've run it by him. Okay. Yeah.

I've run the premises by him. Yeah. How have you? Like I wait until he's in like a silly mood and then we'll be in the car and I'll be like, working on a new bit about this and he'll be like yeah it sounds good and like that's so so then if he does get annoyed i'd be like i asked you and if people like the joke like if it's funny he's always okay with it but like i do go pretty hard on special like like i have one joke that's like can you give us like a taste like yeah i was just gonna say is there one joke that you're like

waiting for his reaction there's one joke that i'm like oh I kind of want you to tell us It's the kind of joke that like He'll either be like I love it or be like Yeah I'm getting an attorney What's the genre

It's about his family Okay Okay They're all dead So like who are you really getting in trouble with You know Not many people It's just like the relationship

brings so much relatability and like I'd never go into writing my specials to be like I want to make fun of my husband but there is an empowering thing of growing up seeing all these other guys specials where they're just like my naggy wife my bitch ass wife I'm my annoying wife so it's kind of fun to be a female comic and like make fun of your husband I feel like it's empowering you know who I still think about is John Mulaney because when I first I've like watched his stand-ups a lot of his material was about his wife and was about his wife and actually about loving his wife. And I don't know why I think about him like leaving his wife and marrying Olivia Munn so much, but I do.

I think about it at least once a month. I don't know why. Like obviously I'm a John Mulaney fan. I think his standups are funny. But I don't, but and I don't even know what his wife's name is. Actually, I think she wrote a book. it's not like I was like so obsessed with them or like that it keeps coming into my head but I think about it all the time I just got the vocal stem am I a nicky fan pull up in the Sri Lanka

what the hell is that that's from like housewives those housewives like COVID also it's crazy how things don't hold up over time yeah speaking of some random celebrity drama that don't you love when there's celebrity drama from like the 2000s that you just didn't know about and you're like, why do people not talk about it enough? Do you remember Mary Louise Parker? I have been in a hole of this. Did we see the same TikTok or something or Instagram post? It's so interesting before social media, the men were really getting away with even more. So do you want to tell them what happened? No, you go. Okay. So Mary Louise Parker is with Billy crude up. Who's the guy?

Wait, if you don't know who she is. She started weeds. Yeah, she was the main actress in weeds. She's hilarious, genius. Also gorgeous. So, weeds was 2005 to 2012. So Billy Crud up. I don't know where he was in his career at this time.

I didn't know him, but he's. I know him from, he's in like the first season of the morning show. He's like in random stuff. Yeah. He's never like the main, main guy. But he's in. he's in a lot of big stuff. I don't hate short men.

I hate short men who do bad. I hate little evil short men. If they're short and they're nice. I hate short men that do short things. Yeah. So immediately when a guy does something fucked up, first I check his height. It's first thing I do. It's very telling.

5'9's not good enough. Not good enough, babe. Not good enough for this. So she's seven months pregnant. Billy Cruttup Well this is the problem with dating actors He's I think in a show with Claire Danes They fall in love because they're fucking making out every scene probably

This is with acting it's just I'm sorry you're just like pretending to pretend to date You guys are dating So men are doing full what is it called when you're like Method acting Method taking method acting too seriously By the way apparently Adam Drive around girls was doing method acting but

Lena Dunham didn't say it but it hasn't been confirmed but she just says how like they'd be practicing their lines and he'd throw a chair and someone was like he's method acting she's like I feel like he's just mad and this is weird I'm gonna start doing that if anyone gets mad at me I'd be like sorry I'm method acting they're like for what male actors are very you know what's funny

is you grow up your whole life and maybe just because of when we were born and before social media you grow up your whole life having this like pre- conceived notion about celebrity, specifically celebrity male actors. And then you become an adult and you realize that those men were some of the biggest losers in high school. And like, it's just, it's very interesting. But then you realize the athletes were also losers.

So then you're like, because they had a reading level of a pre-k student. Where have the good men gone? Because if you asked me in high school, like, oh my God. who's like the hottest. Yeah. Who's your husband going to be? I'd be like a professional athlete or like a famous musician or like actor. I would kill myself.

Yeah. If I ever. Now the nerds are even diabolical. Now the nerds are more even than other one. We don't have a lid on the nerds. We've lost the nerds. And we've lost the nerds. The nerds are out here cheating on other nerds.

So Billy Crutup, Crude up. Now I'm hungry for a crudeo. Yeah. By the way, it's 10.30 a.m. on a Monday. I was just going to say a cruditai. A good day. Good morning, crudatai. Billy, also, you're 61, your name's not Billy.

Your name is William. I'm not calling you, I'm not calling anyone Bobby or Billy past the age of 12. Grow the fuck up. Pay your tax. So true. Billy. Okay, your name's not Billy. Also, do you know who he's with now?

Who? Naomi Watts. The man pulled. Yeah. Something about Claire Daines scares me. And I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's because every role that she plays, it's like this like really overstressed, like anxious character. And that's like how I see her. But like something about her, I'm like, oh, I always have to take a deep breath, I feel like. But I also, the feminist side of me is like I love her playing these like really imperfect characters. Like Homeland was iconic because like, she's, like, she's. she was so unlikable and like up until that time there weren't a lot of female roles to be unlikable and star yeah she's just always so stressed and i'm like i'm stressed true you're like take a bath yeah take an up some salt bath i'm like a do a hair mask you're gonna love it okay keep going no yeah so that's what happened oh okay so he left her at seven months pregnant which it's it's

giving it's giving um the wicked ariano grande drama i was just gonna say remember when everyone everyone forgot about that that is crazy that was crazy and i think they're still together i think she's still with sponge bob are they that's actually going pretty strong yeah i just feel like if you're i mean obviously it's so nuanced but like i just feel like if you're going to leave your wife for someone else, like really physically get up and leave your pregnant or like with child wife. It's got to be for the long haul. And I don't think he dated Claire Daines for that long.

I think it was like three years. Because also I think they actually did get a lot of public blowback that they like couldn't endure. I mean, I do have to say, I don't care how sturdy your relationship is. If you're constantly being attacked by the public, like it's going to cause it. shoes. A hundred percent. It might bring you closer together for a minute, for a moment. Yes.

Because it's almost like a trauma bond. Us versus the world type thing. But once your cortisol level kind of goes down, it's like, it's very. I would argue it obviously sucks. But if a guy leaves you while you're seven months pregnant, thank God. He showed you who he really is, which is that he doesn't fucking care about you. Because all I know, based, if I'm. I'm seven months pregnant.

I feel not myself. My hormones are insane. I need help. I'm exhausted. Like, you're in a really vulnerable period of your life. And if your man can't be there for you when you're holding and growing his child, I don't want you around later. Right.

Get out. Also, I'd go as far to say, like, not only does he not care about you, he doesn't care about, like, basic human decency. I don't know. just like basic human rights world peace like I could be I could date someone for three minutes

and if I found out they were pregnant I'd be like oh my god let's do everything that you need I can't imagine leaving Des during his knee operation he's helpless just leaving him on the couch didn't you know you didn't like her

six months ago like it seems like something that didn't, it wasn't just sprung on you that you don't in fact like your wife. Oh, God. If you told me an app could replace a personal trainer, I would have laughed. But honestly, Ladder is the closest thing I've found. You get a new plan every week from a real coach. It talks you through every rep. And Ladder is an expert in strength training plan and it's not a content library. These aren't influencer workouts or challenges. It's real progressive programming. Design

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Yeah, I would love that. It was like, by the way, I love Pilates, but it was one of those classes. If you see me in a Pilates class, turn around. Do you love Pilates? I do. I love with all my heart, but I also love complaining about it. If you see me in a Pilate's class, you know some shit's going to go down. Someone's going to faint, some crazy shit's happening. So I walk in and it's a new Pilates place. And my thing is when I go to Pilates, the first thing I have to do, go to the bathroom. Because I have like a phobia that I'm going to have to like poop during the class.

God forbid that would ruin everyone's experience. Oh my God. Wait. What? What? You scared me. You literally gave me. I gave you a fright.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Because you know how I always, I forget things. So if I don't say it, you said pooping. And so it made me think of it. Have you heard of coconut cult? A cult? Hannah, get into it.

Okay. Saw this girl. I have heard of it for like a couple months, but randomly saw this girl on my 4U page like eating coconut cult. And I was like, I'm going to order one of those jar of basically like such intense. It's not even yogurt. But they call it a yogurt. but you can't eat it in one sitting.

You can only eat one spoonful of it a day because it has such active probiotics in it. It's the consistency is actually like a moose. It's actually really hard to only eat one spoonful. You like, because it tastes good. You like want to eat another one. I am obsessed. I've only had the strawberry flavor. I have one spoonful in the morning and I have flikos spoonful at like four in the afternoon.

If you eat too much, it is diabopause. And it is one of the scariest things I've ever experienced in my life. But if you like stick to a steady routine, you do feel like over time you feel less bloated. I've probably been having it for like a full two weeks now. Oh. I'm obsessed. I love it. You have to keep it in the refrigerator.

And you can't double dip your spoon. Oh. Because it's like the probiotics are so active. And if you've like already had it in your mouth and then I don't know, that's like a weird science thing that that's a woman in stem that I'm not equipped for okay I'll definitely look into coconut cult it's really cute branding and I think it would really help your stomach I have had a little sour stomach the last week yeah but I didn't want to well yeah it's it's still on and off you know and I'm always in fear of getting and I think it's because it's just like the grossest name have you

ever heard of leaky gut why does it remind me of leafy greens at any given point in the day I'm that I have leaky gut. Oh, now it's a whole new thing for me to work. Well, I know I have leaky gut, actually. I've been having leaky gut. Okay, anyway, so I'm at my Pilates going to the bathroom because I'm afraid I'm going to have leaky gut. And I'm in like the locker room area, so I see a door.

I'm like, this must be the bathroom. I open it up. It's not the bathroom. It's like a storage closet. Shut the door. Oopsie. Go into the other bathroom. And I'm in the bathroom and I realize like an alarm is going off, but it's like a subtle alarm.

It's like just the light and being like fire. Fire warrant. Yeah. And I'm like, and I'm like, did I do that? Like, I assume that everything's my fault. I'm like,

it's because I opened that weird door. So I. That's actually so funny that you go, you live your life throughout the day being like, I messed something up. No, I did that. Like,

whatever does in a show, I'm like, what did I do? No, that's so stressful. Well, I think it's, I'm very powerful.

Like, when something good happens, I'm like, that was me. When something bad happens, I'm like, that was me. I just feel like I'm a catalyst anywhere I go.

I'm like, let's change the molecules of this place. So I'm sitting there and like the alarms going off very subtly though. And it's basically like fire, fire. And no one's acknowledging it. But like a chill fire. A chill. Like it's chill. And I can't tell if this is just something that happens in the building.

But the lady's not being like, hey, just ignore that. It happens. Instead, I'm like, am I the only one that sees this? And I'm the one that caused it. So anyway, that's how it started. And then I look to my left. there's a man there in the bathroom no in the Pilates club oh I looked at my left there's a man sitting on the sink no he's like hey I'm a firefighter there's a fire get out no but I'm literally like if there's a man here he better be like putting out this fire he shouldn't be here for Pilates but he's there for Pilates and of course he's straight

I didn't look at him I actually didn't make eye contact with him so I couldn't tell but I feel like he was straight because she kept you can tell without eye contact I know. He was straight. She kept having to be like, oh, for this one, you can add more to him. And I'm like, shut the fuck. By himself or with his girlfriend? By himself. It was like, he was like going through something. No.

He was like in his 50s. It was like he definitely like probably divorce trying to like start his life. Wait, I don't like that even more actually. No, I know. So I was already like bad energy. The fire also was giving bad energy. So just throw me off. Then now look, when you sit on a reformer,

never sit next to the person who's already there. That's just like a rule because we're all doing our leg stretches. Like go to a different Pilates reformer. So this girl comes in and sits in between me and another girl when there's other reformers open. And I was like, that was a crazy move. But that's fine, whatever. Let's be communal. Wait, that's a crazy move.

There was like five other reformers open. Maybe she wanted to be like in our area. I don't know. but I was a little bit like interesting decision. And then it's hot in there. And she's wearing like a full, suited up long sleeve, everything. And I'm like, she's probably so hot. And then she's like filming herself.

So I guess she was like vlogging or something. And I was like, I'm just going to ignore this. She starts like taking calls during the class. We're going to say she started interviewing. No, her phone was like buzzing. I don't know. And she was like, hello. You thought she was going to do mail on the street with me.

I thought she was going to be like, can I ask you a couple questions for my blog? If women fart. Okay. So she's on the phone. Is she still doing the moves? Kind of. And she's like, hey, like, talking on the phone. Like, it was crazy.

And I'm like, this is bonkers. And then this other girl on the right of me was one of these, like, insane breathers. Do you know, look, you have to breathe in your Pilates class. But you know the performative breathers where they're like, every breath. And I was like, there's no need to breathe like that on this. Like, create. So she's doing her performative breaths that are next level.

This one's picking out phone calls. A man is plotting all our deaths. Usually the person that, for me, that I always notice is doing the performative breathing is like one of those moms that's like, kids are grown. Kids are grown. Kids are out of the house. They still call her for everything. She's bony.

She's bony. she's a hat on okay and she's and like tiny tiny little thing hasn't had a carb since 92 oh my god has not had a carb since before y2k and you're like how do you run all these marathons and you and you're like you have osteoporosis like you have to stop doing this this is like the fourth thing she's done today and it's 10 a.m and she's already like done all her groceries she's like biked four miles. Yeah. So she was doing crazy breathing.

And then I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is my hell. Like this is where I came for peace. And then I'm wondering what they're thinking about me. They're like, this bitch starting fires. So I survived it to tell the tale. I'm so against workout classes. See, I need them. If I can do it in my own home.

When I do it alone, you don't trust that you're doing it right. No, I know I'm doing it right. I know that I don't trust myself to keep doing it. Like after three sit-ups, I'm like, we're good. Okay. So I'm the opposite. I will keep doing it, but I don't know if I'm doing it right. So it's like, is this, am I doing it for nothing?

Because I'm doing it wrong. I needed peer pressure and I'll do anything if someone else is there. But when I'm alone, I cannot be held accountable. See, for me, I want to turn my TV on. I want to be listening to that. don't want to really be listening to the girl teaching. I just want to watch her moves and I just want to keep doing them. And then I want to mind my own business.

See, I'll be like, oh, that kind of hurts. I'm going to stop. But then if I'm in a class, I'm like, I'll break my leg right now for me to finish this if the girl next to me is finishing it. Right. But that's my own. And that's how we're different. That's how we're different.

I have a woman in Stumb of the Week. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I'm so obsessed with women. I'm something of the week now. See, we grow and learn. Yeah. Okay, so you know how you, Paige introduced me to ice face baths?

Like when we first started summer house. Yes, like she's been doing it. Like wake up hungover. She's like, watch this. And then she'd waterboard herself for like 20 seconds, like three seconds too long where I was like, should I check on her? And then you were ready to take on the day. Yeah. So have you heard of the snorkel that girls have added?

I have seen it. Is it something people are selling online? It's stupid. It's stupid. Okay, well, girls have invented a snorkel so that when you go under an ice water face bath for yourself, you add a snorkel so you could stay down like forever if you want. So dumb. Gimicky.

Just like gimmicky and stupid. Like stick your head in the bowl of ice. You don't need to breathe in there. You're not staying longer than 30 seconds. And if you can't hold your breath for 30 seconds, we have bigger issues. you need to go to the doctor because you're not getting full lung capacity. It's good. It's giving when they invented that straw that you sip that doesn't purse your lips so you don't

like purse your lips too much to get. I never saw that. Lip wrinkles. You never seen it? Wait, I love that. Now that's something I can get behind. That's a shark tank product I want to see. Yeah, so you like, it's like, it's different.

So I don't know. You could look it up. Wait, I'm obsessed with that. Yeah. All day, I try and think of things that, like, I can, literally since I'm like, 16, I'm like, what's something I could invent so that I never have to work again? I thought of three billion. Do you remember my last invention idea to you was cute, colorful, smelling garbage bags.

Full pitch deck. I pitched page. Full pitch deck. And you were like, I'm obsessed. I'm like, I think they have these, but like, I love your perseverance. I love how yours is different, though. I was like, this is going to be a wasabi color. People need to call more things wasabi color.

And that is true. Yes. And that's true. And that's true. Wait, do you know he's having really bad PR right now? So you were never into this show, but I was an avid watcher of The Bachelorette. Yeah. And there was a time when people were sacrificing six to eight hours of their week on these shows.

And if you got on these shows and you got the good at it and you made it like at least five episodes, like you were made as an influencer. Like you'd have over 800,000 followers. You'd be going on the other excursions, bachelor's island skiing, whatever. Yeah. The mountains. Like you were made. And then obviously they had drama with the host and they lost the host. He got canceled.

and then oh right i like forgot that time yeah anything that happened during covid i'm like i actually don't remember well people are saying we feel 27 28 because that's when covid happened and that's when all of our lives stopped now that we're as many years out as we are from covid it really did change our lie like like i think because we're millennials we're like oh yeah like another crazy thing happened I really don't think we're sitting and realizing how much it changed. Like I keep saying, maybe this is because of reality TV too. I used to have so much fun in my life prior to COVID. I had so much fun.

She goes, I used to do this thing called fun. Yeah, I have, I'm genuinely. I can't. And I don't mean fun, like day-to-day fun. Like, I have fun every day. I'm doing something. I live with kitty. Something fun is happening.

Yeah. And I don't even mean in like work stuff. Like, okay, we went to the Devil Wors Prada. So fun. Mm-hmm. I haven't had a night out of fun. Like stupid fun that means nothing debauchery, didn't plan this fun in years.

Not to relate to Lena Dunham, but she said somewhere in an article that she hates organized fun. I hate it. And I've never really. I was like, no one's put it into those words. I'm so bad at organized fun. Like, whenever people are like, this is supposed to be fun, then I'm immediately in my head.

I'm like, why am I so different from the rest of the world? Like, why can I experience things like other people? You're so dramatic. I'm literally sitting there being like, why can't you for once just fucking be normal? You're so the girl, like looking out the window at like 12 years old. I'm different. I'm always looking out of the mirror.

No, but no one is like me. That my first immediate thought is New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve is a great example of like, everybody's having fun and we're all going here and we're going to have fun. And every year, I'm like, this is the worst and I'm going home. Yeah, well, New Year's, when I came back from Florida and was going to school at Beacon, Upper West Side, it was like the first time I was invited to like a cool Manhattan. And it was not cool. It was like me and like my seven friends who were not doing hard drugs. Like we were not the druggies.

We were like kind of the athletes. Boring. Well, no one was telling me about the drugs. No one was talking about the drugs. But we were like 17. And all I remember is playing beer pong and yeah, getting so drunk that I like threw the ping pong and it like hit the wall. Like I was like falling as I was throwing it. And I passed out and puked. And then my mom called the police because she was like, the one time Hannah goes to a party. Because I was supposed to come home that night, I guess. And I passed out and I didn't come home. My mom thought I died. You were a missing person. Your mom literally thought you were a missing person.

Because my mom's in Brooklyn being like my daughter's on the island of Manhattan. That's why I can't have fun. I ruined everyone's weekend. There was no like location sharing. No. She just was like she's dead in the in a dumpster somewhere. The way that we are probably going to like live our mom's dreams. Like my mom would have given her left arm if for them to have invented location.

sharing in the year 2006, like when I entered high school. It is crazy. That would have been her dream. Gen Z is like are jealous of us for certain nostalgic things, which is so valid. Like I would be too if I didn't have to grow up with a phone. But the fact that we didn't have location sharing or ring cameras is iconic. I mean, the way I'm going to torture my children. Like I'm literally going to put an Apple air tag in my child's shoe.

like in case they fake like there's no situation that like they're moving and I'm not knowing exactly where they are in today's day and age it's actually kind of sad like I'm going to be so annoying as a mom because I'm going to be like tell me everything I was with a mom recently whose kid goes to school in the city like teenager and she was tracking the Uber and was like annoyed with the route the Uber was going get them somewhere she was like why would they take that bridge why would they take that bridge and i'm like the fact you know this and she was like texting him tell him not to take the bridge and i was like guys everyone calm down like i didn't even have ubers how do we get places to taxis subway but you know what's so funny is that it's just like not all men we wouldn't have to be tracking everyone and knowing where

our kids were at all times and tracking ubers if the men weren't out here doing weird fucking shit but not all of them just so back to the bachelor yeah oh yeah so mora higgins was recently interviewed being like do you want to be the bachelorette because that was like it's kind of thing like if you got famous and you were single well no the bachelor never really had famous people on it but i guess they asked people do you want to be the bachelorette and she literally was like i tink i'd rather not me i don't want to be the bachelorette she's like i don't want a man i want space to myself having a ton of men in my vicinity is literally my nightmare. Sierra also was like, fuck that.

I would never want to be on The Bachelorette and deal with a bunch of thirsty dudes that want to be famous through me. She can do it and she doesn't have to be on TV. It's giving Rihanna like 2008, what are you looking for in a man? And her being like, I'm not looking for a man. Yeah.

But I think it's just so funny, there was a time where being the Bachelorette was like the coolest thing. And like you get to pick from all these guys who want to do like protein ads on their Instagram and start their own like workout company. It's funny because I saw a TikTok the other day that was talking about how we'll always say since the beginning of time that like women are like gold diggers or they're looking to marry someone who has a lot of money or has a big job. or like can provide for them and blah blah blah but we never talk about how men can also marry extremely well and it's never even brought up that like oh wow that guy really married well like his whole existence and actually they were giving the example was emma grade because she's like getting a lot of criticism for like random stuff she's on her book tour and people were like i'm sick of her

or she's speaking to like rich women. She's not speaking to you. Like there were just like all these different discourse things about her. And one of the things I saw was her husband, they were talking about her husband. And it was like, yeah, he's a businessman, but his best investment ever was her. And that like he knew that she could take whatever he was doing

and blow it up 10 times more. And I just think, I feel like women never get, you never get that like accolade of like well actually he married well and i changed his whole life that's like michel obama being yeah actually they were he was another example like baroque obama actually married extremely well and the probably half the reason he got the presidency is because he had a phenomenal wife behind him and i just want to add to this conversation too that people's what makes a person is more than what they look like and how much money they make. There's something about like integrity and kindness and drive and character and conversation

that makes like a quality person. So just when you see numbers on a page or like someone with like a nice nose, like let's like stop for a second. It's because people do marry people without considering their character and that's why there's 50% of divorce. Every day. They're doing it every day. I had a friend.

And text me, a guy friend of mine, text me because he saw one of our clips. And one of the clips was me being like, if you're a 36 year old man and you're trying to date like a 26 year old girl, like, what do you have in common? And I was like, I was like, the guy wants to go younger because anyone, a woman his age probably isn't putting up with as much shit as someone 26. because maybe they haven't experienced it or they don't know, and they're just more apt to, like, put up with your bullshit. And he texted me and he was like, this is so not accurate. And he was like the perfect person to text me and say that.

Anyway, it was just interesting how like life really imitates art. And no one in my real life ever, like, will text me like something that's said on Giggly Squad. Because I'm like, this is a safe space as like my personal and journal. But that was an interesting text. that I got. Shout out to Ria from Chicks in the Office. She did something really funny. I think her husband was like annoyed

with her for some reason or something happened and she was like this is what I always do to make him feel better and she goes up to him with her hand and she goes look how much bigger your hands are than mine to make him happy. And I was like genius. Whenever he's like in his head or like upset about

something just stroke his ego and be like look at my little hand and yours is so big and strong. That's actually really depressing because sometimes my hands are bigger. Well, actually, as I was saying it, I was like, this isn't for all women. If you just heard Hannah say that, do not feel slighted. My fingers are so long. Typically, my fingers are always going to be longer.

I also can't do that with men with calves. Like, I can't be like, look how much bigger your calves are in mine. Never mind. One person who does have as long fingers as you is Haley Bieber. Like, you have similar font of fives. fingers like when she does her skincare i'm like oh yeah her page could have finger pinky what's it called pinky pinkie pinkie swears like crazy our pinky swears would go nuts they'd wrap all the way around the city block i mean do you remember how powerful a pinky square was back in the day i still put a lot

of onus on a pinky swear like if like i'll sign a deal with a pinky swear i'm like but you swear no there's something about pinky swear where you're like i that was my first born I just gave away. Yeah, because it's very, I think because it comes from childhood, it's like you mean it. Like you wouldn't fuck with a little kid. So like you're being serious, right? Like that's your inner child. Yeah.

It's like you wouldn't lie to my inner child. Shout out to a really good press tour of a movie star. Like you know, there's like stars and then they're like, oh, that's a movie star. Yeah. Like this is a celebrity. date. Like this is like I'm like a gasp every time I see her. Charlize Theron. Yes. And I think I added a little a little hoodspot to the end of her name. But first of all, if your name is Charlize Theron, you can't not be a movie's Theron.

What the fuck? I'm saying like Thoreau. Yeah. Cherise Theron. Is that it? Shirley's Theron. I'm just looking something up about her. Keep talking. a movie star her looks have been so cool like it's the kind of thing that like yeah other people could try to copy but it's not going to hit when she stepped out in that like men suit i think it was ys l but it was like men's like she put that thing around her neck oh she is so gorgeous and people don't i mean people do talk about her but like it was kind of game over when she walked i was like oh and that's that's a celebrity like bring back celebrities did you know that her mom killed her dad in self-defense, like, during a domestic violence situation. And that's where all our conversations go.

I'm pretty sure she, I'd have to look up the story, but I heard this. It was apartheid in South Africa. It was crazy violence. And yeah, the mom defending herself shot her dad and her mom's still alive. And I think she, like, watched it. I think, like, Charlese was, like, in the room. She was, like, 13 or something. I mean, I cannot imagine.

But that's why one of her like Oscar speeches, she broke down thanking her mom who was there for like everything she did to protect her. I love her. So anyway, Charlize Theron, you're that girl, we love you. I think she has a movie out. She does on Netflix. But like a thriller.

You know how I feel about thrillers. I'm scared about it. No, I'm scared. I'm scared. Just like enough. Anyway, you guys, to end on that note, thank you for giggling us. We love you so much.

Anything else, page? No, I feel good. Perfect. Perfect. Have an amazing week. Keep your head up. Bye.