Giggly Squad - Giggling about rage bait, prom, and ex boyfriends

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

This episode is the definition of wackadoodle time. We found out that male podcasts exist and Hannah is tempted to make a tennis comeback.Special thanks to Dunkin' for supporting this episode! #sponsoredbyDunkinwatch our youtube series sign up for our newsletterorder our book Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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seltzer c must be legal drinking age Sup Gigglers Gary, fix the Wi-Fi Manifest that shit We can't be managed I mean the day just Got away from me Good morning, gigglers

Now I know that this pod gets listened to At many different times of the day You could be going to work You could be, you know Coming home from work Those are the two times of the days You were thinking of murdering your husband You were thinking of murdering your husband.

So many different times of the day. But this is the morning for us, and we have to tell you that because I don't normally form a full coherent sentence until around 5 p.m. Well, you still have, like, your face is asleep, your voice is asleep. I have marked my face from my pillow. You walked in as if, like, you meant to go to the bathroom to pee, but you found yourself in the podcast room. You're like, hey, guys, what are you doing here? So for people don't know, we record the pod at my apartment. So Paige has been up.

When did you wake up? 6 a.m. You look like you've been doing Pilates. You've planned the day for your children already. You drop them off at school. I'm actually hair oiling right now. I'm multitasking. I was like, should I put an outfit on?

And I was like, you know what? No, I'm probably going to walk like toward my apartment from Hannah's got my steps in in the morning. Then I have a Zoom meeting. not till one like I have to I'm planning on my things see I woke up at 630 a.m. in fear that I missed the podcast perfect and then I was like oh my god it's only 630 let me just explain she physically couldn't miss the podcast because it's in her home I mean at some point I'd come into a room and say hey we have to do the pod also no who's gonna fire me like this is some deep deep trauma I'm

I mean I know that we created giggly squad but like giggly squad is so giggly squad coded. I don't know how else to explain it. We've lost control. It's so giggly squad coded. Coded. We don't have a podcast studio. We barely have a room. You're moving out. We have nowhere to record. It's like I come all the way down to the east side. Like there's just so many things that are so we're like, we don't care. But also it just like makes it perfect. This is the chaos we need for a creative energy. Okay. So I saw a girl on TikTok who made, which I didn't even know this was a discourse among podcast listeners, where she was like, I'm so sick of every podcast I've ever listened to at some point go into just like an

interview show where they'll have like an influencer or a celebrity and like whatever. And she was like, my only podcast that doesn't do interviews is Giggly Squad. I honestly think it was the week we had the cat's psychic on. But anyway, it's not a cow. That wasn't an interview. That was recon. That was like that the FBI Center like that was above us that was yeah that was just law but I was I commented because I was like it actually makes me anxious thinking about bringing a third party into our chaos and being like just sit down and like be on our pod like no it's so jarring for the normal person no also it's because we can't organize it you know how many steps involves getting someone physically. I think about that all the time.

Also, an hour is a long time to talk to someone that you've just met. Yeah, no. If we ever interviewed people, this would be like in our 60s, I feel like. Are you okay? Sorry, he's like burping. Also, you haven't even commented that my boobs are taking over the whole room. I was going to bring that up. My eyes aren't fully open.

You couldn't even focus. So I haven't seen anything yet. What's going on? Honestly, I don't know. Like, I don't want to diagnose you with any. but you do have like um so many things but like what is it where you're just obsessed with your boobs all this time i don't think there's a word for that page really walk in and be like you haven't commented on my boobs well because i've never had

them i've never had this is the first time ever that i've had them i know when are you that's what i meant to ask you though when are you getting your period oh what's your sketch i think in like a week okay so like i would be early but like here we are Who knows? This, I don't want to, like, make your head big, but I didn't get boobs till I was 18. Go, I'm 32. I could be going through, like, another puberty. No, I just think that my hormones, like, change so quickly.

Your fingers keep growing. Always. You're like, it's like, my names are so long right now. They actually deal with, like, chicken talons. I killed the whole family yesterday because I've been playing tennis. Wait. This brings me to my next point that I need to tell the gigglers. So Hannah and I do like a bunch of things together.

What kind of mafia sketchy shit is that? Hannah and I are always together doing things. Look, we're doing stuff on the side. So sometimes we have to arrive to a set. And sometimes there's other people that are working on said set now. Although we've never been on a set before, by the way. We've been on multiple sets together. Okay, we have been on multiple sets together.

Continue. And so as a former child mom, I know that you show up to set with three things, clean hair, clean nails, and overall just like clean toes or like cleanliness in some sort of shaven legs. You just come as, you come as a specimen for them to create their canvas, okay? So Hannah and I show up to the set where both, I actually this day came hair and makeup ready because I was at something else. so I get to sit and they're like

Hannah's in hair and makeup and I'm like okay they're like do you want to touch up I'm like let me just like see so I walk in the I'm like should I get a touch up the hair and makeup people are like you're perfect you're stunning like maybe some hairspret

they don't even want to spray they're like we don't want to ruin whatever they're like you're so naturally like have it going on like you can go sit in your trailer and wait for everyone and they look at Hannah and they're like hmm we're actually going to need to call our boss because we're unsure what to do with you. You don't even know the drama that I started before you came.

No, I don't. I walk in, realize I got my period. By the way, there's so many more important people. So many. Like a plethora of more important things happening. My only job is to, like, not be a nuisance for people. Just be there and not be heard, not be seen, speak when spoken to. You're literally a child of the 90s.

I walk in immediately, I'm like, start bleeding out. I'm like, of course, I actually, you know, it's funny, I actually didn't have a tampon at home. Like, that was on me. Yeah. I should. I'm not like an, I think. Hannah, I never have a tampon. Like, when they show in movies where people like just go into bathroom, it's like, oh, do you have a tampon?

The girl's like, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, are you on your period? You know how small the purses are, page walks around in, and one large tampon would be sticking out. Also, these large tampons, why are they dildo sized? Never in the 16 years I've had a period. Have I ever had a tampon when I got my period? That's crazy work. Anyway.

Have you ever, like, lost your virginity because of one of those large tampons? Because that's the only one left? No, I actually think they give me UTIs. I'm like, okay. And then you can't pull them out because you've corked yourself? I'm like, I could have been having sex with strong. Strange man, but yet here I am because it was an organic cotton. Give me a fucking break.

Anyway, the tampon industry should be stopped. Yeah, I asked them for a tampon, and you could tell it threw them. Like, they were like, they're running around. And I'm just like, look, I don't want to bleed out. So, like, this insurance, like, figure it out. So I already felt bad. So they got me the tampon. then I realized that my tone look my toes weren't done but I tried to make it like I had

it's not a big deal I well I try to make it like um just part of my toe had toenail had like fallen off yes they were chipped I was like oh I have a chip they actually weren't even chipped your big toe was jagged because part of the nail had fallen off so it looked like it was chipped but it was actually there's no nail there and also the other nails were outgrown like the But I tried to be like, oh, my God, an accident just occurred as I was putting in my tampon. I've strangled myself off my tampon. I've lost a toe. But also, mind, oh, wait, this is funny.

This is all, also, like, we're dealing with, like, people in their 20s that are supposed to be, like, dealing with us. And we're, like, we're like, yeah, no, like, we actually have to ask someone. because it's like this is we've never dealt with this level of distress before they told you they were like wear what you want okay okay so when we do things together sometimes we'll be like okay let's just like make sure the outfits are cohesive like are you guys gonna get a stylist like are you doing it on your like there's a lot of questions and for whenever something's different like different processes and also like we're a team like We're a team.

So, like, I know what people say to Paige. And Page knows what people say to me, and I know that they're being treated with very different really. And we're a team. And so they called me and they were like, whatever you want to wear, we totally trust you, like, do whatever, send us pictures. We literally don't care. And I'm like, great.

So I get off the phone. I'm like, I have three things that I have in mind. I'm going to send them pictures. One of the things are like, we're literally obsessed. We love this. This is perfect. You totally get the vibe. I'm like the easiest work day I've ever had.

I call Hannah. And I'm like, oh, what are you wearing? And she was like, oh, I had to get this time. I had to bring on eight people. I had a full, like, team in Sweden trying to figure out what's going to look good. And I show up with, like, ten options. And I walk in the green room and they're like, no. Actually, wait, they didn't even look.

They brought their own stuff before they even looked at what I brought. Yeah. but one of the things ended up fitting which was great and you looked gorgeous so we're happy um they put me in hair and makeup they also realized that her nails weren't done my hand nails aren't done and hannah was like no one's going to be looking that close like honestly guy she was telling them not to worry about they're like it's not a problem at all and they were like the shoot was not a rush. Like, we could not have more time, but I was like, I don't want anyone to touch. I don't want to be done. Like, don't. Don't touch me. Literally, you were like, this is who I am. If you don't

like who I am, you should have hired someone else. You were literally having a Britney Spears moment. You were like, I want to make the music. I want to make. I'm not going to be confined to this pop star lifestyle. I'm not getting my nails on. I'm over there full acrylics. I'm like, By the way, like this makeup artist, you could tell, she's like, I don't want to do your nails either. But there is a bigger thing happening here. And we have an aesthetic that we have to uphold. And she's like, let me just do your nails. And I was like literally like a baby, you know, and you have to like put a coat on a kid.

And they're like, no, I don't know it. No, you were the equivalent to you have a matching hat to your outfit. It makes the whole outfit and your child refuses to put the matching hat on. No, it's literally what I did to my mom all the time. She would put it on, get the photo, and then let me. me like chuck the hat you were having you were having the 33 year old version of that no it's like a kid on Halloween where you like have your Halloween outfit but it's freezing your mom's like you're gonna get pneumonia you have to put this on you're like no but I like I have no like I'll

die I have to put that on but I'm like dressed as bell yeah so like what bell doesn't wear a coat I'm sorry have you ever seen bell with a coat I know she's in France but like child logic actually is like so authentic it's like name a time where you've seen her with a coat on I was thinking with Lois, she's in her why phase. So I'd say something and she'd be like, why? Yeah. This bitch got me philosophical. I was like, I don't know why the pool is like that.

We need to, there's something about, you want to know what? This is such an interesting observation. Lois is a first born daughter. I'm so obsessed with her. So she comes over to my bedroom table. We'll finish the other story. Just quick side, sidebar. And I have actually Tacha.

lip stuff, which I love, by the way. In the little day. The little love. Probably $45. She's like... But aesthetically, gorgeous. Gorgeous. And she's like, can I...

Well, she wasn't... She took it. And she starts putting it on. And I'm like, you're the love my life. Like, do whatever you want. Like, burn everything in my house. I love you. If that's fun for you, burn my house down.

Yes. So she's like, hydration, hydration, hydration. And we're laughing. She's sticking her little finger in it. Which is the same size of my little finger. I was being honest. So then she's done and she's like, my finger is like dirty. So next to my bed, I obviously had just like, whatever.

That's exactly it. You had, I don't know, whatever. Just that if I could describe Zanah's aesthetic, it's, I don't know, whatever. But I must have like blown my nose like four days ago and had like a tissue or like a, but it wasn't like dirty, dirty. But, like, it was... You had a paper towel or something. It was a paper towel, but, like, had been used at some point in my life. So I go...

But, like, could be used a second time. A hundred. A hundred pounds don't grow on trees. So I go, give me your little finger. And I can use the edge of this toilet paper, whatever it was. Yeah. And she goes, is that dirty? And I go...

And I don't like lying to kids, but I realize you have to. You have to. They're the police. But she can tell when I'm lying. She gets his face where she's like... She's on to me. And I'm like, yes, but it's not too dirty. And she's like, no, that's dirty.

And I'm like, okay, you read me to film. You're actually spot on. I was lying to you. And then she's like, why would you lie? And I was like, because I don't want to get up and get you a new fucking towel for your little finger. She's like, that's so uncool. So the girl does my nails.

I'm livid. No, so the me and I are sitting. in like a separate area and they come back and they're like okay we got clarification on nails and we are in fact going to paint them so we're looking for a nail polish right now these people quit the industry after this day like that was their dream they moved to new york to work in in tv film and then they're like mom i can't do it and they're like on a pod next week They're like, what was your, like, most stressful celebrity you ever met? So then I'm probably forgetting stuff because there was definitely more chaos.

Oh, well, they did my hair makeup and then we had to wait a while. Yeah. And then they looked at me and they were like, yeah, we're going to have to do that again. Like, I guess it just melted off my oily face. I did preserve. They looked at you. I literally was like a petrified, like something in Harry Potter. I was like, they did not give you one touch up the entire day.

They have to redo my makeup. I know. But I was in a trailer. I know. Anyway, we get to this, like, green room where, like, a bunch of people are hanging out. And a model walks in. Yes. Her nails aren't done.

Bear. Wait. See that to me. You just. Wait, I didn't know. You were sitting there the whole time. Staring at her. Wow.

Look at those bare nails. I was like no one's going to think no one sees that but then I like obviously she's like really long beautiful model fingers but like what was it what was it the discrimination against no nail polish or was it the discrimination against your short fingers so now I'm reporting to something yeah someone's getting reported some type of HR violation there was an HR violation um so and then the next day I'm walking around and my I have to go to some more important but obviously they just put it But, like, basically they're chipped. Wait, this was the other thing. They were, like, scouring for a nail polish. Oh, that, they were like, don't worry. Okay, we're, like, we're going to get a nail polish. They come back with this, like, red color.

The girl's, like, doing it. And she's like, okay, like, should I do another coat? Hannah's like, no. No, like, this is good enough. Like, let's be done. She was like, I really think that there needs to be another coat. This is the problem. I think I'm, like, super nice and polite about it.

Like I'll be like, oh my God, no, it's okay. And she's like, no, it's not okay. I'm like, oh, God, no, it's okay. And she's like, no, this isn't okay. Yeah. But then the next day I had. And you want to know what? That is society on how much they've beaten women down because we have to be so fucking overly nice or we're

critic. I mean, it's the plight of being a woman. It's literally, you can't do anything. But your vocabulary is so good for this time of the morning. Thank you so much. I'm hopped up. You're running circles over. Not me. I'm like, I've had eight Duncan refresher. I'm fucking ready to go.

No, the Dunkin refresher is hitting. Which refresher are you drinking? No, I'm obsessed with Duncan this summer. Okay, I have the strawberry dragon fruit refresher with sparkling water. Love, I have the mango pineapple refresher with less concentrate and green tea. I drink a lot tonight. If you won the merch giveaway with Duncan, make sure you tag us and Duncan in your posts. The next day, I had to shoot something also. And I show up and I just have chipped red nails, which look way worse than if I just had raw nails. So it's just raw nails is a domino effect. And this is all because I've been away from Jacqueline.

Yeah. Yeah. Has Jacqueline said anything about me? No, she hasn't. I'm seeing her actually this week. Okay. We haven't really talked about you. The other day, though, I did say I was like, should I take a break and like just do natural

nails and like chill for a little? And she looked at me. Oh, no, she hates that. She was like, you don't know. Why would you do that? Baby, I've tried. I've tried with her. I've tried with her.

Wait, I just got PTSD of like when you're little and you've a crush on someone and your friend like talks to them for one second and you're like, did he say anything about me? Yeah. And they're always like, no. One time that happened to me and then like my best friend in fifth grade started dating the guy that I thought that I was dating and like the whole class knew that we weren't dating anymore and then he was dating her and I was the last person of.

find out. Oh my god, are you okay? Yeah. And that's your villain origin story. Oh, it truly is. My villain origin story, I really do feel like started in the fifth grade. That's when I started clocking these bitches. I was like, you're out to get me, I think. Wait. That's where I really can't trust anyone. No, truly. Fifth grade, I was like, that's when I took the hood over my eyes. I took the hood Off-brand, whatever that quote is. I took the hood over. I took the hood out. One of those things.

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moment. Okay. Fifth grade prom. Pardon? Fifth grade prom. I mean, it was like made up, but like there was a dance. Law and order SVU, but continue. There's a dance coming up.

I've had a crush on this guy since like second grade. Like this is deep. Like this is like on your birthday. No, I get that. You're like. I feel like you meet him second, third grade. Yeah. You don't like get things going till fourth, fifth.

But you know, like I've been, this has been a long time. I'm coming. I've been planting seeds. It's fifth grade now. It's time. Well, people don't know about me. In middle school, I only had eyes for blonde hair, blue-eyed men. You never told us that? I know. And then once I hit eighth grade, I was like... When you said I only have eyes, it's giving a Frank Sinatra movie. But you know what? Little blue-eyed boys are cute. Yeah. Like, they're so sweet. And then I grew up. And then you decided you want guys who can grow facial hair yeah um so this guy like he's my like he's i'm obsessed with him but like obviously like the other girls liked him too because he was cute and i had a friend molly full little full name i'm

saying it but that on fucking people dot com so there's always like things on the internet it's like i wish someone from her past would like come and say like how awful she is and i'm like how about i say How awful people are from my past, actually. How about I turn the tables on that one? How about I start listing names who gave me this personality because of trauma? Okay. So, Molly. Wait, also I saw TikTok the other day, and I actually didn't send it to you because I was like, that is like so depressing.

Oh. It was like, thank you for protecting my space. It was like, if you're really funny, like no one knows the trauma you've been through. every time someone's like oh hand in page of like a top comedy podcast i'm like but we're really sad sometimes i think an 8 a m pod is exactly what we're going to happen every week you're actually crying no i can't tell if it's like happy or sad to yourself so by the way Molly's cute Like, it's, be honest, Molly's cute. I feel like if your name is Molly, you, like, have to be cute.

You're fucking adorable, like American Girl Doll. I was just going to say, you're skipping a jump from American Girl. She was fucking adorable. And I knew it, but she was my friend. I feel like Molly wore, like, bucket hats. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love how you speak. You speak in limited two clothes. I'm like, let me stop the scene. We're in fifth grade, Molly. She's got a bucket hat with a flower. I had a limited two thing, like sent to me, like, bring back limited two. and it was like 20 slides of a limited two magazine and I couldn't find you in it

and I almost reported the post. There are some that I wasn't in. Or it was like AI. They took you out. Anyway, we'll discuss that later. But so I told her like find out if he's going to ask me. Yeah.

Which was so like intense. Intense and feminist of me. Yeah. Is he going to ask me? Is he going to ask me or what? Like let's go. Like I don't have time. It's fifth grade.

Like so she goes to talk to him, and then I, wait, now I'm, like, forgetting what happened. Yeah, it was 30 years ago. I would hope so. Wait, no, that's not what happened. That's not what happened. This is what happened. You haven't even said whatever.

So we're not. No, Molly's my best friend. I didn't tell her anything. I didn't tell her anything. I'm hanging out with Justin my other friend. But he's just like, like, guy's girl. Like, he's a girl's guy. Like, he's a girl's girl.

But he wasn't gay. I don't think. Maybe he was. Looking back. No, he's definitely out now. But at the time just felt comfortable around him. Wait. When I went home last weekend, I ran into my first ever gay bestie.

And we were gay besties together in third grade. I found the gays who love me. Lesbians we were ready. Yeah. Like, we were already there. The tennis gays. And it's a different type. Love, because they respect me.

Yeah. Which I've never. felt from a gay man before they like because gay men love tennis and gay men are good at tennis and gay men shout up likely thornton shout out I was going to say like a really famous tennis guy that's not gay but like they love tennis but could be but could be um anyway so i'm hanging with justin kicking he king and molly is talking to my crush on the basketball court so brooklyn what was his name I can't stay.

Okay. I'm protecting. Not to protect a man. Okay. So she's talking to him and I said, this motherfucker bitch. She knows that I liked him since second grade. She knows the dance is coming up.

What could she possibly be talking to him in between his basketball game? And I know we're not supposed to blame the woman. I know. And I know this sounds like I am. But I was paranoid. And I'm turning to, and I start shitting.

on my friend. I said, after, oh, we've been there, how dare she do this to me? And, and Justin is egging me on. He's like, this bitch. He's like, I never liked her. I never liked her. You've always wanted to be friends with her. She didn't want to be friends with you. She wanted to be you. Like, that kind of show. I was like, I love when one of my gays goes, you know what? Never liked her. And I'm like, oh, you never saw anything. And you never said anything. When you get one of my gays going, it's, hopefully tear the house down. Get a gay going. Get a gay going. Do you one thing for your day and get a gay going because gag get a gay going get a gay going and let them tell you what it is no let them break it down for you because it's you're like oh like it's like once they

hit their fuck no wait Hannah we just created a gay going gagged like like like wait maybe that's the segment we just bring on a gay and let them go okay and put that um we're gonna have a gay go have a gag Come in. It's just straight guys. They don't know that we're going to get it. Time for our gag segment. What are you gagged about? Hannah, we brought in a bunch of straight men saying it was like one of our segments, but really, it's like, we don't tell them.

And we say, what's something you're passionate about? Yeah, something that, like, really gets you going. What is that? So then, Molly, this guy and story. Molly comes up to me after. And I said, how dare you show your face on this playground? Yeah. I've seen what I needed to see.

Like, I saw you. Like, we had eyes on you. What the fuck were you talking to him about? And she goes, he wanted to ask me to ask you if you want to go to the dance with him. You're like, Molly. I said, Molly, you are my day one. You are not everything. You are my right or fucking I.

You are, I feel like, I don't care what the gays are saying about you. I take back every bad thing I've said. said about you. I did report it to the school newspaper and I did spread a lot of lies about you, but in the meantime, you're perfect. Um, so then, I wonder if anyone's school newspaper had like, like, gossip sections. Wait, you didn't like go to college. Yeah. You did, but like, no, we know. I went to like, I went to like 40,000 kids. Yeah. Oh my God. There was a Facebook page. Yeah, I bet. It was called. Well, because gossip girl had just come out and I feel like that was like the first start of I think that like in high school there was like a random thing too that I forget what

it was called it was called it was like a misconnections type thing yeah so it actually was so cute and positive but it would be like girl not today not today it was so cute before it would be like girl going up bascom hall like wearing the pink shoes you're really cute and it was so it was kind of like used like a dating thing but you'd like go on and and you'd like go through it to see if anyone and saw you, and every day you'd be like, my fuck. Well, that turned into Reddit. I have to bring something up. I've been socializing this last week.

One, because it's my time, like, tennis season. It's my Super Bowl. But I realize, I feel like if I only hang out with blonde women, I don't feel like I'm cheating on you. Because we're so different. Because we're so different. We're categorically different. It's almost like it's eating at a different restaurant.

It's like I feel like if I found a girl who was brunette, funny, beautiful, hung out with her, you'd be like, are you mad at me? Yeah, I'd be really pissed. But like I'm gravitating just towards blondes because like I'm already, I'm fed. I'm fed. I have all I need. But like if I want to dabble. You're in a committed relationship at home. Yes.

But when you go out. so I feel like when I post with blondes like it doesn't count it doesn't count it literally doesn't count it's literally like just for like funsies yeah um how has we're going to the u.s open tonight tonight which seems like a million years away it's fucking middle of the night right now um but how has it been hot the u.s open yeah it actually it's so funny that that's what you well i just know you and your temperature no it's true i actually so i went to this mixed doubles thing with Chelsea. Yeah.

Handler. That was a dream. Yeah. What did you guys talk about today? So she had just come back from Abitha. So she was exhausted. So we were same level. Like we were perfect.

She was like, let's have a couple honey deuses. I'll like, I'll have a taste. I had half a honey deuce. Yep. And we just, honestly, like, we talked shop. She gave me advice. We gossiped. She's so nice.

She's so nice, but she's so fucking naturally funny. Yeah. Like for how, like, like, direct and to the point and, like, crass, like her humor is, like snarky and, like, sarcastic, whatever, her personality, like, when she's talking to you, I feel like couldn't be more, like, she's so, like, when she's talking to you, you genuinely feel like, oh, she's listening and she's asking a follow-up question of, like. She was asking me questions. Yeah.

that's like my biggest thing like especially when you meet a lot of famous people like they could give oh yeah anything about you she was like just leaning over asking me stuff like earnestly wanting to like learn about me and i'm i'm like trying not to sound like an idiot and french elsie handler but also the fact that she's so like just like she's not fake you know so like i like you'll always know how she's feeling she's hilarious and i think we when we started fucking with each other like making fun of each other. It was such like a East Coast type friendship where the second she made fun in me, I was like, that's my best friend.

Yeah. No, that's so true. So that was fun. Then, so I go to the Tennis Hall of Fame this weekend. Yeah. Which I exercised some demons. But do you know Angela Kinsey from the office? Yes.

Blonde. She is such a dream. Yeah. So funny. Such a delight. Such a little delight. Tennis is kind of fun thing where like, It's like a language.

So when everyone's together, like, bring you together. Yeah. Because you all speak as a language. It's really beautiful. Okay. And me and her were playing, but we played in this, like, doubles exhibition. And she, like, plays, like, in, like, women's doubles. And she was like, oh, do you, like, actually play?

And I'm like, no, this is my entire life. And she was like, okay. Wait, why don't you play, like, where you have to sign up? What does that call? Oh, like sign up for a tournament? Yeah. Well, look. Or not even sign up for like a tournament, like where you join like a place where, yeah, like a league where it's like, oh, okay, you're playing Tuesday night.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, I could. I just don't have my schedule is kind of crazy. But then also I'm not going to lie. And like, why don't you do more things? I played really well this last weekend. And I definitely was Googling like, how do you try to go back on the pro tour and quit comedy? I had to talk to my therapist

She was like, you're not going on the pro tour And I was like, I can still do giggly squad See, this is why I'm like a toxic friend Because I'm like, wait a minute What if you did go back on tour? Des wants to do a documentary About me trying to get back on tour Hannah

Wait Why are we not doing that? I will get you such good tennis looks tennis outfits for your tour I would have to be, I'd have to train I have to, like, be in the gym early. You could get some steps in if you want to come to some workouts. I'd get yelled at my coaches.

It's trying new things season two, but it's just Hannah doing something and page tags along. Because that's really what I wanted the show to me. That is what the show is. The show is me forcing you to do shit. Yeah. Then me laughing at it and you'd be like, can we need now? When I know I don't have to do things, like, okay, I'm trying to think of like an example. Like, as a performer, do you ever go somewhere and you're like, you keep being like,

like, oh, I'm not the one perfor. Like, okay, when I went to Las Culturistas, yeah, I had to get up and give, like, one speech. But after I, and I was, like, nervous before because, like, ever doing anything. But then after I was like, oh, I'm done. Like, I don't have to do that anyway. What was I saying this for?

Because when you follow me around. Yeah, when I follow you around, I love that you have to do the, like, nervous, scary things. But I can still be there and enjoy it with you. It's kind of like Bigley Squad Live. When Paige is having her panic attacks. I literally, like, hey, just sit there. I got you.

If we have, if I allowed cameras. I allowed cameras. We should have. I know we should have. We should have. But it was because we had a guy, if Hobson was there, it would have been a totally different experience. The first night on Paige had a panic attack, there was a guy and I was like, hey. And he was filling in for our normal girl that shot Hannah Page.

He wasn't, like, true and tested yet. Also, you were literally, like, in a corset. And also, I was like, get the fuck out of it! Imagine if I was like, hey, she's sobbing and yelling. Go get the camera there. Go get it a little closer. She's like a wild animal. Get a closer.

Watch out. At least Grace could have gone to BTS. Grace. Grace was terrified. No, Grace was not like Grace was worried. Yeah, she was worried. She was, like, trying to find drugs. And he saw it.

Anything for herself Anyway I was talking about my blonde friends Angela Kinsey and Chelsea Hanber But if you think about it All my best friends are blonde Haley Nicola Yeah

Haley Bieber Who else is blonde That's like a good friend of mine Gabby All my good friends are blonde besides you But it's because I respect you Madison Madison

Oh you got Wait do I like blondes No you're obsessed with blondes I saw a thing on TikTok back today and I felt so not today the other day and they were saying like what is our generation's version of the name Karen and it's between Jessica and Stephanie and I literally almost someone watched my special and I literally almost texted my friend Stephanie and was like I'm so sorry Jessica and Stephanie because they both hit really well Stephanie Jessica Jessica

Jessica yeah it's about them the punchiness of it I don't know why I just thought of that, but... Something popped up on my Instagram, and it's how to rage bait a man. I thought it just was perfect for a brand. Just like a fun hobby. Just like a fun, like Wednesday afternoon thing that you could do. Write this down, girls. Write this down.

Get out your notes. How to rage bait a man. Yeah. Say what sport would you play if you were athletic? Yep. So good. 10 out 10. Whatever makes you feel big and strong.

you love this girl she's swinging her leg metaphorically I'm hung up on the old one where it's like you look like you can't swim like I love that one that really I didn't know about that one you look like you can't swim yeah like do you know how to swim yeah of course I noticed it oh it looks like it's funny you know they'd be slapping there's you know those guys who like swim and they're just Chris why are you looking like that can you swim yeah you know those guys who like slap when they like try to freestyle I'm like oh okay like put you know this guys who like swim and they like your fingers together um honestly as someone who should have been on the swim team but my family didn't believe in me or have a swim team i like still get annoyed about it i don't even know how to

dive because my mom was like you'll hit your head and be paralyzed this one is diabolical you look like you read with your finger i actually do i know wait i didn't you girls are allowed to read with their finger also especially when your finger is beautifully manicure also if i'm ever somewhere in giving a speech like when i had to go to my high school i had to give a speech like a couple months ago and i literally reverted back to like being in school i was like i have to use my finger no there's definitely some stuff that should have been worked out at an earlier age with you um how tall do you wish you were oh that is a sad one but so true um you seem you seem like you were homeschooled i've dated a couple of those um do you cut your own hair

One time I asked, I got, this is so bad and I genuinely, I didn't even, here's the thing about me. Sometimes I say mean things and in my head doesn't sound mean, not meaning it to be mean, but when it comes out and the person looks at me, one time I asked a guy, what grade did he start getting bullied in? And I go, I'm so sorry. Sorry, sorry, did you get, you just seem like a person that if someone were to get bullied in the school, you would have been an easy target. And I was just wondering at what age did that start for you? Because that was been really hard and traumatizing, and I'm actually trying to be nice about it. Oh, my God. It was fifth grade.

So, I said, yeah. You went to the horrible treacherous bullying begin? And why is it still happening now with me? The final one, this is really funny. I like your pixie cut. Oh. Yeah. Wait, that is so funny.

That meant just have like pixie cuts. They do. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribby you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply.

Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. A little front-page news, just because it's a slub that I want to talk about. Yeah. Have you been seeing Zoe Kravitz out here in these streets just having, like, the best roster lineup, just, like, outliving her life. Oh, yeah. Her current one's Harry Styles. Harry Styles.

Hold on. Let me go to her. Channing Tatum, who's... Okay, so she broke up with Channing Tatum. Yeah. Just did a movie with Austin Butler. I think people thought, like, they could have been canoodling. Now is dating Harry Styles.

But, like, a couple months ago was... Remember who's that guy that I was like, where in the world is... Kermit's in Diego? No, remember. Noah sent an eye out. Remember that one time we were like, where the heck is he? She was falling around Noah?

And then like two weeks later, it was like all about Noah on the internet. I was like, hello. She was with him, who I think is like so good looking. Yeah, even though he's giving like castaway right now because he was like I think it was hidden for a while. Yeah, he went out. He's like always going through his own. Yeah.

Whatever. I like him from like my teen bop. Yeah. Like movies. Anyway. And I just think she's like a fashion icon that people don't bring her. name up enough. Yeah.

Like in terms of fashion. Well, she's never not looked immaculate. Right. And effortless. Effortless, like, cool. Like, she's always, like, cool girl. Her dad is Lenny fucking cravitz. No, and her mom's Lisa, but.

No, like. Like, it's Thanksgiving like that. It's called science. She's just science, and it's, you have to be effortless. Like, no one asks her, when did you start getting bullied? No. Like, if anything, too. How many people did you bully?

And, like, why did they deserve it? You know, it's like, sorry that she probably, like, called the girls out in high school that needed to be called out. Yeah, like, you're going to have to talk to Zoe. Can't bully a bully. Good luck. Gotcha. You literally can bully.

Anyway, we're getting two in the weeds. We're getting in the weeds. Anyway. Oh, she's 36 years old. I don't know why I thought she was my age. But anyway, she's only 5'2. She's a frickin' peanut. Put her in your pocket.

But I just sound like, I'm going through a phase. I'm really obsessed with her right now. Her style. And I'm really obsessed with her style. I really love that she's just like dating whoever she wants to date. She doesn't give a shit. She's just like out in the world. And anyway, I just wanted to talk about her.

Also, her mom was dating Aquaman for a while, which is kind of iconic. Yeah, what was his name again? Chris, you don't know who Aquaman's name is. You've won job. Yeah, you're right. No, what is that guy's name? From Game of Thrones. Give me the first letter of his first name.

Jay. Jason Mamoa. I call him Jason Mamoa. Yeah, Jason Mamala. Who, by the way, burly. Sorry, I like talking about men, like how, like, men talk about girls on podcasts. Big. Is that what they say?

I don't know. Actually, I've never listened to a male podcast. You saw him when you walked away? Are there a male podcast? Do you want to know? Like, sorry, the thought of like my man turning on a male podcast like in the car. I'm sorry. You want to listen to other men talk?

Get your own friends. But like when girls do it, it's different. No, it's communal. It's like we're relating about something. It's a coven. No, it's like. When men do it, I'm like, you're being creepy. Yeah, it's like, no, stop getting together and like agreeing on things.

That's how literal wars. start. I don't like that at all. No, that is how wars start. It's from a podcast. No, truly, when I spend too much time together, they start shooting each other. I have a butter update. Okay. So as you guys know, I'm about to go on tour, not the tennis tour, my stand-up tour. Yeah. So I had to bring the kittens back. And they've literally all been adopted except two of like the nine. So it's pretty good. Anyway, And if you guys don't know, all summer, Butter's been boycotting, like, staying in my closet, only coming out at night to cuddle with me during the day, even though she has the whole house, refusing. Like, I've never seen.

She's like, I know what you've done here. She's basically, like, I've seen what I need to see. Yeah. The cats are in another room. The door is shut. Yep. Finally, like, all the house guests are gone. The kittens are gone.

She can, like, sense it. She just comes walking into the room, like, nothing ever happened. She's like Hannah. Did you have a good summer? She's like, hey. And I took a photo of her because now she's standing in the room, which she wouldn't go near all summer. And I texted Mystic Michaela.

And I go, what's going on with her? Or her? And she goes, you're on? Hold on a minute. Hold on. You're on texting terms with Mystic Michaela when things like pop up in your life? It was DM. But like I'm trying to get on texting terms with her.

So she goes, oh, she's very happy because she feels like she got rid of them. like she was literally like and that's how it's done and where are they now back on the streets she goes hopefully they find who their parents are hopefully you get adopted

a bunch of fucking pick pick mees get a real mom stop stealing mine get out get out you little pipskirts so butter is sitting on the couch I thought I thought she was like permanently like mad at you

she's acting like the happiest cat in the world the second the cat's sleep they were in a room she's like wait i like miss us no literally yeah it's like when your friends come home from college yeah it's like remember your real friends like so butter is very very happy um i made that so fun there's no easy way to segue this but i watched hunting wives yeah But I'm obsessed. Okay. First of all, Malin Ackerman. We talked about this last time.

Great actress. I have more notes that I finished it. Oh, I actually didn't even finish it. Really? Mm-hmm. This is the thing I didn't realize. It's a murder mystery, which is, you know, my thing. I got really into it.

But it got to the point with the lesbian stuff where it was like, let's say, focus on the plot. Because in the beginning it was like, ooh. And then, like, by episode five, I'm like, why? Why are they making out? Care who murdered this person? There'd be no reason for a hookup scene. Like, we'd be actually so close to getting to the murderer. And then suddenly they're like trying to figure each other.

And I'm like, this doesn't make any fucking sense. It feels like you guys don't actually care. And you're just abhorning. It's like you don't care about a woman who's died, a girl who died. Well, do you want to know what I like about the lesbian stuff? Which I don't clip that, you know? Like that could be really, I would get canceled. What I like about the lesbian stuff, though, seriously is I feel like there's a lot of like gay male and male representation like on TV other than like a HBO or like showtime where it's like taboo.

Like they're in a gay couple where like it was never like on like mainstream TV. Yeah. I feel like this being like a top Netflix show. It's amazing. For weeks and it's like lesbians and it's all. Like, I just feel like there's not that many shows like that. All they had was the L word. I was just going to say.

Which was iconic and, like, shit, but also it's... I feel like I was too young when that was on. Like, I don't remember that. Well, the L word, they had, like, scripted and unscripted. Like, they had, like, a reality show of the L word, too. Oh, I didn't know that. It was really good. But anyway, I really, really liked hunting wives.

Yeah. You want a season two? I feel like there has to be because it kind of ended on a cliff. I don't know, but I'm sick of like, okay, cool, yeah, everyone loves this show. Great, you'll have season two in four years. Like, I need Hollywood to get it together. Like, I need... You want them to film it on iPhone?

Figure it out. Like, the writers are no longer on strike. Yeah. Get to work and film the next season. Why is nobody working? No, why is nobody working? Netflix is like building a big studio in New Jersey And I'm like, that's what we need.

We need some fucking Jersey men in the union Being like, uh, let's get this fucking shoe going. Like that's what I need. I need the trucks. Like I need a northeastern people. Yeah, that kind of benefit. We can't have this Hollywood, you know, tanning, drinking, eating asaibu. Yeah.

Do you drink or eat as a disable? Everyone has to take a break at, for two hours. No, we don't do breaks. No, we don't do breaks. Oh, my God. Did you see the Jesse Smollett documentary? Okay, I didn't see the documentary, but I saw the preview. Wait, I watched The Biggest Loser Documentary.

Oh, wait. Oh, my God, you're up on your documentaries. I'm getting more and more into documentaries because you're right. Like, I actually can't stomach reality TV. No. Like, I can't watch it. And it's so sad because it was such a big part of my life for so many years. And I thought, like, oh, maybe I'll be able to get back in.

to it. I physically can't. Can't. You guys, I haven't watched a minute of reality TV. I'm just like, that's not real. I just, I can't. So I've been starting to try and watch more documentaries. And I'm telling you, it's even, and yeah, they're still biased documentaries. Yeah. But at least it's like, the drama is real. The drama is so much better. The drama is so much better. And it's organized in a room sitting. There's a system. It's not stressful. But I'm be honest, I didn't follow it that closely because it was confusing from the beginning. Like, they lost me early on. I was very confused, but they basically were saying that he lied about a hate crime.

And they were treating it like he murdered someone. Like, the police was like, this horrible. Like, they really went hard on him. And I think it's because it's, again, like, the police is like reality TV where like they have to, they're trying to get a good narrative. Wait, is he trying. What is this on? Netflix.

and it's his he I think is involved like he's getting interviewed but so is the policeman and so and he's trying to say like I didn't lie yeah and the police are on there going like he lied

and didn't the people that he hired to like allegedly like what is the word like assault him yeah didn't they say like no he hired us yes but then you go into it and it's these like two brothers who at the end they're like

promoting a book and like saying all this stuff get your bag get your back but then there's a clip where it doesn't look like them and everyone's asked like is that a white guy or a black guy and everyone like has different answers because jussie's saying it was white guys who assaulted him but then the brothers are black it's very confusing how many parts is it it's just one like an hour 45 it's really good because it has both sides i hate when a documentary is just one person's side being like popcorn but it's literally him he gives me a weird aura though he he does but you also I feel like can't judge someone going through that in their life like he's going through a really fucked up time that he created though but they think but he's saying he didn't lie interesting

I'm like once you watch it I'm interested what you think I'm gonna watch it um but also the police They have a lot of pressure to, like, look good in the eyes of the public. Yeah. So, like, them being, like, we got this famous guy, caught him lying. How dare he? Also, there could be homophobia involved. There's just a lot of things going on. He's gay?

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Maybe that was the vibe you were getting. Usually that is. When there's, like, a straight man. A straight man who's gay. I'm trying to say that he's not gay.

Yeah. No, he's. Your aura's off. He's fully out. Oh, good for him. You're like, he didn't lie. He's perfect. He is perfect.

Oh, man. Finally, do you know what I've brought back? Wackadoodle time. Wackadoodle time. What is that originally from? I feel like Lerona. One of them goes, it's Wackadoodle time. Lisa Rana.

It's just started coming out of my mouth lately when shit's been getting crazy. I just go, it's Waccadoodle Time. and it's made everything feel better around me. Okay, good. When you feel overwhelmed, just say it's wackadoodle time. I love that. You've been really loving Lisa Rennell lately, I feel like. I feel like you've brought her up like multiple times when I've been with you.

Well, I feel like she's just culturally very relevant. Everything goes back to Lisa Rinna. Let me end on this note that's extremely culturally relevant. I was sent a PR package the other day. And I get a lot of really good. PR packages sometimes and I'm just like you guys blew it out of the park with this one. I got an Oreos Reese's Rees collab PR. It changed my whole life. Have you gotten? Did you get that PR? They didn't care about you. Right. I don't I feel like they might have sent it to the wrong

address or something. So it's an Oreo cookie. Wait, that's so Hanukoded. Why wouldn't they send it to me? Is it Hanakoted? Oreos. Okay. Actually, I'm not like huge on sweets but like yeah you're not huge on sweets okay continue anyway so it's an Oreo cookie and then inside is Reese's peanut butter cool that's my perfect date literally and you know that and you know that is my that's my perfect date and you know that it is they are not paying me this is not an ad although I would love one because I've never genuinely used a product more in my life in the Oreo 100% my assistant came over I go it's going to be a good day look what I got the box is gone

they gave us one box and I'm like I don't know what that's going to do for anyone but I finish that immediately can we normalize sending people food instead of flowers yes and no yes and no I mean look my edible arrangements great don't last if you don't eat them then you get the fruit flies I have to confess something I did give away your edible arrangement yeah I know like do you want to know why there's something about like taking the cellophane off and I'm like ill I'm like I can't like I'm not untying it and aching it down like I'm like get away oh my god um and my dormant thank you they loved that item oh my dormant love me every time we're like fuck yeah we'll take that wait by the way haven't got my birthday present I forgot to give it bring it shoot it's literally in a bag on my desk okay we'll talk about this offline you're so greedy

And that's all the time we have friends to die. Thanks for giggling. Special thanks to Duncan for supporting us this episode. What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders.

Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver.