Giggly Squad - Giggling about scammers, skincare, and seafood

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

Paige has decided on her baby names and Hannah has a skincare PSA.subscribe to our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. Hello, my gondola gigglers. Hello. Someone DM me that. That wasn't from your own brain.

That wasn't from my own creative brain. Sorry we're a little late today. What's our excuse? Well, I was just trying to think of it. Well, it's time change. And because I went out to eat last night, like on a double date. Hannah went out to dinner, and then. And then you played paddle this morning.

And then this morning I'd paddle because I'm a retired old man. So that was really important. I'm so sweaty. Okay, my paddle, we planned this two weeks in advance. It was 10 a.m. on Friday. Wait, your mouth looks good today. Wow. It's better, but it's getting so much better.

I know it's not good because I'm still getting like people be laughing with me. and then they give me that like a little longer extended look like okay that was a little weird well you can't laugh you can just smile but all i want to do is laugh you know it's my passion on this planet um i am obsessed with my ticac algorithm because i opened it up this morning and the first thing was this girl being like woke up feeling like pager sorbo and then in parentheses it said i v u t i and it was natalie i think her name was Natalie Benson. I want to give credit. We're credit to do. Wait. Yes. I got iconic.

Yeah. I know Natalie Benson. I was like, oh, I was like, wait, that's my friend, but it's not my friend. But I know we're on TikTok. I love that I don't have a, I don't know the weed girl. I never came up for me. Well, she's pregnant right now. Speaking of weed, doesn't I just call an Uber? Normally I called Uber, but when he calls the Uber, it's like chaos. And I don't know why. I'm like, where is it? Interesting. Yeah. Like, I know where it is. He's chaos. That's funny. because I would, I never let you call the Uber. Well, yeah, because I've, I lost trust from you because I was getting us Camrys.

No, Hannah, I wish you were getting us Camrys. You were getting us clown cars. Literally, two-seaters. I was like, hello, I have a long leg. I'm good. I know, I have my nubby legs. They fit in anything. I'm good with Uber's because I never drive.

So like, it's my only thing I know. It's your passion. And I was rushing and I was. like, is that our car? And he just was like, yes. So both me and him open up this car. This man is sitting there smoking weed in his car. He jumps up like we're the police.

And he's like, whoa, whoa. And we're like, sorry, wrong car. Shut the door. Oh, I thought it was going to be the driver. No, I fully was about to do a citizen's arrest. And I said, just don't smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are bad for you. We just legal.

Imagine you're just smoky weed in your car on a morning. It sounds amazing. Starting your day off. 10 a.m. on a Friday, starting the weekend early, and two random fuckers jolt in your car and go, is this for Hannah? Oh my God. The paranoia. Oh, my God. He's probably still shaking.

I scared myself. Okay, so you had an eventful morning. You're like... Oh, I'm done for the day, though. When I have an eventful morning, like, after this, I'm showering. I'm putting on my Hannah tea. I'm taking a meeting or two And then I'm better and I are passing out

I never do this First of all I talked yesterday For like six hours straight about myself To all different people So like I'm I can't hear myself talk anymore Like I can't hear another single thing be about me And I never do this

But I was in L.A. And I've never been to Newport And so I was like I'm gonna take the weekend and like go on a little trip. Wait, you're so cute. So sweet. You never take a weekend.

I never take a weekend. Usually I'm like, no, I need to get back because I have more work stuff to do. And you have a 17-step wellness routine. I have a Daphne photo shoot on Monday that's like so important to my soul and I'm nervous because New York is getting a... New Yorkerester.

With rain. I thought that was only snow. They're saying it could be like hurricane. Sandy-esque. Okay, well, my red eye on Saturday night. No, that makes me worried for you, not to be a mom. And I was going to make buffalo chicken dip this weekend in my crock pot. You guys, Paige is a full crock pot chef. I'm getting, like, photos throughout the day. No. I mean, you did savory, sweet, you did protein, you did gluten-free. Guys, on last Sunday, I, did I talk about this? Did I not talk about my pot roast?

I don't, no, I don't think you did. Oh my God, it's been my whole personality. I've been sending my recipe out to everyone. I was like, I made it up. I made a pot roast in my new crock pot. I made a banana bread. In the crock pot? No.

Oh. And then I got red lobster sells frozen cheddar biscuits. I got those and I made those. One thing about me in my soul. Oh, and I made mashed potatoes. I knew those were red lobster. white cheddar biscuits. Yeah.

They were very hana-coated of you. They were so good. If you don't like a red lobster cheddar cheddar bay biscuit, get the fuck out of my face. Why is it cheddar bay? Who cares? I love it. It just sounds so good. Cheddar bay biscuit.

Cheddar bay biscuit. Also, but like when they bring it to the table, I'm like, well, this is my dinner. I'm not eating the fake lobster. And you know what? I think it's eight in a package. And I was like, oh, do I really, am I going to make all eight? and then I thought, just make them. I ate them all.

Also, who sat down and was like, you know what? Lobster needs to be fast food. Mass produced. Let's do that. And then someone's like, it's going to taste like shit. And they go, but let's just do like cheddar bay biscuits in the beginning. And everyone will forget. I'm 10 toes down for Red Lobster.

I only want once. In your whole life. Yeah. Okay. When I was like really young, like three, four, five years old, I feel like my mom was like doing things and so I would be with my grandma and I assume she was like going to lunch with her friends now that I think about it and like taking me and they would go to red lobster so I was like a 75 year old woman at five and so like for my birthday I'd be like I want to go to red lobster I feel

like red lobster it's a little redundant it's like what other color would lobster be like it would be funnier if it was like blue lobster and it was like a cute blue lobster so true. Sorry, I don't, what's on the menu? Like, do they have, like, other fish? This is so New York City of you. No, I know. I'm being so pretentious. No, because it's true, though, but because New York doesn't have these, like, big. No, like, when everyone talks about Cheesecake Factor, I'm like, we don't have a Cheesecake Factory in Brooklyn. You guys, when, like, Starbucks opened in Park Slope for the first time, there was a riot because everyone was like, keep small businesses alive. fuck you Starbucks and there was literally like people were protesting outside the start like that was

where I grew up so no we didn't have a red lobster have you been to cheesecake factory though in like I've never been to cheesecake factory in my life I just know they have like a huge menu or something the premiere episode of Hannah and Paige try new things this would be my dream I make Hannah get so high I'm not making it to red lobster if I get high imagine me high I had a red lobster. I would, oh my God, I'd freak the fuck out. I'd be like, is this real lobster? What is this? That is the question you have to ask in 2026. What is it? Yeah, is this real? There's no way it's all lobster. I think they have like popcorn shrimp and they have like other different fish. I think you can get like chicken fingers and fries. Like it's just, it's really more a vibe. It's funny. People talk shit about McDonald's, but no one talks shit about the quality of red lobster.

Do you think it's because they just like, they don't put. promote as hard that they're like they don't say we're real lobster they're just like it's red no red lobster had like a big thing and they went through bankruptcy no red lobster's been through it okay what's the respect on red lobster's name they've survived a lot they've gone out of business they've come back like i do have to say one thing about me i love a crab cake and they have a crab cake because you don't even need to put crab in it just put me some breadcrumbs actually on the flight here um i could smell crab cake. Someone brought crab cake on the plane?

No, I think they were serving a crab cake because I could smell it. Do you remember when you're little and someone for the first time, like, you get sushi and someone's like, you know, that's fake crab? And you're like, what's a fake crab? Wait. Who was like? I think that's a universal experience. Why would you call it crab?

If it's fake, then just call it something else. What is that? If it's not crab, what is it? I still don't know, is it crab or not. I get spicy tuna. What do you get? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

we never talk about this. Yeah. I thought I was like not like other girls because I went through a spicy scallop phase. I literally everyone was like California, California, Colorado. And I was like, oh, that's crazy because I'm doing spicy scallop. You don't even know where I'm coming from. Well, like California roll, that's where the fake crab is. Yeah.

I think it means, no, I'm not even going to say it. Like they made it in a lab. It's like a lab diamond for crabs. I just always thought the crab was cooked And then they put it in the sushi And that's why they were like It's not real sushi because it's not raw I think it's crab

Like a chemist made it And they were like this smells like crab It tastes like crab Let's call it crab Let's move on to something we're more educated on What are we educated on? Lily Reinhardt's press tour outfits

I need to talk about it I need to talk about it that is where a stylist can take someone to the next level. I'm locked in on Lily Reinhardt right now. I'm locked in on her. She's promoting a movie, I think, like a rom-com. I haven't watched it. But the only thing, though, that is making me watch it,

other than the fact that I enjoy Lily Reinhardt as an actress, is seeing her press tour outfits. She has taken every major rom-com and the star of that rom-com, and she's worn an iconic outfit from said movie. So like how to lose a guy in 10 days did the yellow dress. Miss Congeniality did like the makeover scene, the purple Air Valle Gere. My date with the president's daughter,

Mu Mu made her a custom like velvet pink dress. It's just, it's amazing. Whoever thought of that idea should get a raise. And she looks happy. She looks like she's having fun. And press tours are hard. You know, you did it for one day. What was yesterday?

Talking about yourself, you said? No, I was in like real meetings with real humans in like business meetings. Oh, I thought you were doing interview. No, I wasn't just like glam and taking pictures all day. I actually had no glam. I did. I actually went to meetings, no makeup. Oh, you were serious.

I was being serious. Not that wearing makeup isn't serious. I was actually more just really tired. No, but it means like you're literally just there for the. substance at the meeting. Yeah, I'm like, you know what I look like. I can't. I was also so tired. My mom always tells me to put a lip on. Yeah. Which is so mom coated. No, I mean, I had a lip on and I had mascara on and I had your definition of no makeup and my like, I covered my blemishes. I did a little concealer. There was skin care. Skin prep. There was skin prep. What are I saying? I went full

glass. You go there was Tyson hair wrap. I hope was that you didn't have someone else do your Walked into meetings, no glam. That's very different. Sorry, I'm so sorry. That is just how my brain works. Wait, someone said the meanest thing you could say to someone, if you want to just be a bitch, is in the middle of while they're talking,

just go, were you crying earlier? Hannah, I'd actually start crying. I would literally start crying. That would make, if someone said that to me, though, that would make me laugh so hard. I'd be like, no, but emotionally I was. I'm glad that it's showing.

my insides are showing on my outsides and I'm crying that I'm stuck in this conversation with you. You know how Gen Z will like say something and then they'll put like parentheses like derogatory or like complimentary? I do like when they do that. That I do like when they do that. That's something where like if someone said that to me, I would just say like yeah, parentheses internal. Like internally I was but like exterior. No. I love saying parentheses out loud in a sentence.

How could you do this to be a question mark? Okay, even though I played college tennis, when I go to the gym nowadays, I just wander around. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scrolling apps. I don't have plan. There's definitely no progress. But then I found the latter app and I completely changed how I work out.

It's an expert in strength training, not just a random content library. It's a real progressive program designed by certified coaches. You get a new plan every week that builds. on the last. It's important that your workouts are connected, and it feels like having a coach right there with you. I personally need the reminders and motivation and cues. And it works on any strength training style you prefer like Pilates, bodybuilding, dumbbell, hybrid strength, glute focus programs, and your progress is tracked automatically. It remembers your weights, reps, and sets. It's amazing, and it costs less than a dollar a day. That's elite level personal training for a fraction of what

you'd pay in person. I love it because it's affordable and designed by certified coaches. Remove the guesswork with Ladder and get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do every workout. No thinking, everything planned for you. If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit slash Gigli Squad and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan. Use my link and get a free seven day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month if you join. Wait, so tell us everything about this event you did. Okay, the variety event that I went to was just, it was very surreal because the way they started it

was just having Jennifer Hudson come out and sing a Dolly Parton song that she wrote for Whitney Houston and you're just like, is this real life? Oh my God. When you witness someone's talent like that in person, of course everyone knows Jennifer Hudson has like the most insane voice ever. Like we've watched her forever.

I also didn't know she was the, youngest woman to be to be an egot winner but whatever hearing it in person is just so well you're because you're stuck on this podcast with me where I break into song and so it's it was probably jolting for you my frame of reference really it took me out and I had an out-of-body experience I'm the man that's adela and then just the most iconic women got up and gave such great speeches. Sharon Stone got up and gave a speech and she said, I love Sharon. And I'm paraphrasing a little, but she basically said that there's no such thing as fucking your way to the top. You can only fuck your way to the middle and then you have to

claw your way to the top. It was just like, it was just like inspirational. Also, I feel like women aren't doing that anymore. Like women are like, I'd rather die than touch your dick. Rather die. And then as a Gilmore girl lover, I watched Lorelai Gilmore give an award to Suki St. James and I actually texted my mom while it was happening and I was like, Lorlai Gilmore just presented an award to Suki St. James and I wish you were here. Sounds like an event for the girls, girls, girls. It was all gals. Girls, girls. And I loved it. Well, everyone wants to know, you did a speech alone with a teleprompter. How were you feeling beforehand? Because I was like nervous for you. Hannah, first of all, so I had to send my speech

in to them like two weeks prior. Send my speech in. They're like, it's going to be on a teleprompter. I'm like, okay, great. I get into the room. They're like, do you want to run it on the teleprompter like prior, like right when I got there? I was like, no, I can like, I've read it.

I know what I'm saying. Like, I can do the teleprompter. I go into the room that the events in. I go, where's the teleprompter? And they go, oh, you see those two like glass things up on the stage? That's the teleprompter. I go, that's not a teleprompter. That's like what politicians use.

I'm like, I don't know what the fuck that thing is, but what are you talking about? It was a clear piece of glass on a black stand. I'm like, I literally don't understand what you're saying. Then some people got up and they were looking down at the podium. Like some people brought their own cards. And I was like, oh my God, everyone knew the teleprompter was Fox and they brought their own thing. Also, you're dealing with like Oscar winners and like they're performed for a living. I'm dealing with like A-list celebrities here and they like threw me in and I am very thankful, but I was like I can't make, Queen Latifah was at the table next to me.

Oh my God. You know, like I can't. So I'm not getting up in front of Queen Latifah and her thinking I can't read good. Okay? I'm like, I popped my beta blocker an hour ago. It's wearing all. The good news is anyone who's a giggler there knew you can't read good. But continue.

So Molly Sims, my sweet, sweet, sweet angel. She gets up and she presents me with my award. And as I'm going to the podium, my dress rips. No, your vintage Prada? It wasn't vintage. It was 2025. Don't stop your 27 Prada. Little last piece of Prada.

As I'm going up the stairs, my dress rips all the way in the back. I'm like, can anyone see this? Okay. How did you rip it when you, like, sat down? No, I was like going upstairs. I think my big fat ass. Like, I didn't pull it up as I was like going up the stairs. It wasn't even tight fitting.

What do you? How did you do that? I don't know. Someone's been squatting. Someone's been getting her steps. So, so in the three seconds that I have to hug Molly Sims and, and also think about this teleprompter, my dress rips. I get to the teleprompter.

My first thing out of my mouth is this is the most high tech teleprompter I've ever seen. you said that that's how I started okay good no it's good just say how you feel I had to say how I feel and that's what I learned from having a panic attack amidst a giggly squad show I just said I'm having a panic attack and I felt like it was going away a little yeah I just got up there and I said this is an insane teleprompter and now I will proceed did you get a giggle I don't know oh you were blacked out be you were floating at that point floating above yourself i don't know because i don't know what happened when you get up there the accuse i felt like i was i felt like selene diana and i was performing wow wow wow as i talked

it was a delay so i couldn't hear what i was saying i could big was this room like it was at the beverly hills hotel like not that big i was like what's happening up here places with three thousand six thousand people i know so i'm hearing you're here you're here hearing what you've already said. Oh, no. That's like when you're on the phone with someone and you're like, I have to leave because I can hear myself by. So I was going so slow.

Once you get up there and you look at the screen, it does look like a normal teleprompter, but it was like... You're like, it actually was quite a good teleprompter. I take back all the bad things I said about it. Everyone should implement these teleprompers. But what is the technology that like you could do a teleprompter that looks clear, but the front it has words, but we still can't figure out endometriosis. And now we've said it.

we've said so anyway so then i did i give my speech i walked back down and molly was like i could i didn't have time to tell you that the sound is weird and the teleprompter's weird and molly's like a mom she's like i'm so that was my bad she was like that's my bad and i'm so sorry um it was just such a fun it was just such a lovely night and i felt so honored and it was i was there for the purple leash project which is if you're in a domestic abuse situation and you are choosing between leaving your pet and not going, the Purple Leash Project makes it so that you can bring your pet with you. Because there's a lot of places that you can go, but you can't bring your pet. And so it's like such a great charity and I was so proud to be representing them.

And my dress. It's my favorite dress I've ever worn. I've ever put on my body. I actually got it last year for something and then I decided I didn't want to go So I just like had the dress Oh so you had it waiting for the right moment It spoke to you

And that's my new thing now I used to be someone that's like I would shop for specific events And now I'm like No I deserve a little whimsy in my life If I see something and I like it I know I'll find somewhere to wear it I want it I got it

I love it I just like I want it when you see something that's so you yes how do you walk away from it I saw that that dress and I was like no that is so mean it is smart though like instead of panicking whenever you have like a wedding or something coming up and be like I have to buy something like when you see something you like no you will have it's almost a manifestation like you see that gorgeous dress honey it's a manifestation I will have something really important that I'm going to need a look my best for and I will wear that. I realize when I shop, I don't shop for like the person I am. I shop for a made up person. Yeah, you do. And I'm like, like, it's not for my body type. It's not for any event I would go to.

It doesn't match anything I own. Like, I'm insane. I return everything. You want to know what's crazy. Is every other situation in your life, you never second guess yourself. Honestly, I've been on Zooms before where I'm like, maybe she might take that back actually if we give her a minute. She might actually take that back in your fashion choices all you do is I can guess yourself and I don't know why because you have the some of the best personal style I've seen no you do like you will take a risk you will like I see something on another girl and I'm like I like that I want to get it you make it up in your head oh thank you I do you know it is though I think with like especially online shopping I'm bad with it because once it's on my body, I can make a decision.

But just from looking, I don't know. Well, yeah, some things have like no hanger appeal and some things look way better on the hangar. One thing we didn't talk about that I'm shocked. Did you see that guy that pretended to be an NFL player and he was like scamming all those women? Wait, I saw that and I was like, I can't right now. What is it about? Okay, it's just, first of all, great name. sounds like such a quarterback of like whatever team.

I think it was pretending to be on the 49ers. His name is Dejan Love. Great football name. Phenomenal. Put him in the Hall of Fame. No, truly phenomenal football name. Put him on my fantasy team now. All these different stories are coming out that not only did he like scam all of these

women, but he like scammed other people like out of money. I think it was like it was up to like a million dollars that he scammed. like all these people out of. What I'm not understanding is that Google is for free. For free, honey. I've Googled so many men before. I've gotten places on Google that I have no business even knowing about this person, like distant relative.

Yep. Football's on every Sunday. You can escape it. How did he get people to give him money? I don't know. I have been going to sleep at night to the podcast. Is it scam fluencers? I'm kind of obsessed with scammers.

And they have like calm voices. So like it puts me to sleep. I think there's different podcasts. Like some podcasts really help you fall asleep. Yeah. It's like informative. Like ours I don't think is one of those. Like you're going to sleep.

You're like, why are they? What? I think hours induces something. It's certainly not, it's certainly not calm and sleep. That's for sure. but they're like two calm girls being like so then she did you know she lied to everyone that she was a princess and everyone believed her and that kind of stuff I just think it's creative I think it's creative and fun um but I when I was at Wisconsin I had a guy friend who was like really big but he wasn't on the football team but he would

go to the front of the line to get into the KK because the KK lets all the athlete in so he would and someone was like he's not on the football team and he's like I'm six six I am on the football team and And, like, they weren't going to Google. And he just would walk with the guys. Like, there were all these cons with, like, trying to get what the athletes got. Wait. That's a man in STEM, I feel like. And that is an entrepreneur.

That's an entrepreneur. Hold on. I'm going to do something so hana-coded right now, but I want to- Do you know your nose? I wanted to- That was so random because I actually don't think I've ever seen you blow your nose. I thought you pulled a tissue. Wait, you know what?

I've never seen you, like, really sick. Okay, don't put that in the ether. No, I'm just saying like when's the last time you had the flu? Like I don't think I've ever, I don't think you've ever texted me and been like I'm really sick. I do have emergency every day. No, you have a crazy immune system. We don't talk about it. I do get, I'm like exhausted and I deal with anxiety and depression and ADHD and OCD undiagnosed.

But like once's the last time you had a yeast infection. Oh no, honey. My Vag is pH balanced. You never have an ailment other than like muscle related or like. I can't smile. Also, by the way, I played paddle this morning, fully bleeding. Yeah, other than like that stuff, I mean, I mean, like, internal. I'm a six-year-old, like, the second point, I'm, I fell and, like, bleeding everywhere, and I'm like, let's go.

Like, I'm a baby. No, what I'm doing that's really hand-encoded is I'm timing my room service so that when the pod is completed, my room service will be arriving. People were upset about the sushi last episode. Upset about the what? Because the sushi, because the sushi arrived and they were like, why would Hannah order sushi right before the pot? But what people don't know is sometimes Paige will be like, I'm coming home, I'll let you know when, and then we'll record. And she'll like out of nowhere be like, I'm ready in three minutes. And then I'm like, that's crazy because my food just got here, but it's okay because let's record now.

Did I eat the sushi that sat here for one hour? Yes. Was the room air conditioned? Yes. I lived it I was okay Wait they were mad about the timing of everything Or they were mad that you ate our old sushi

But like mad is a strong word They just were concerned for me You didn't put it in the refrigerator No But that's why I think my immune system's so strong Because I challenge it every day There are certain things that if it's not cold I can't eat it

And one of those things is fruit Oh I can't eat warm fruit See I don't hate a little warm peach other than a banana okay or a little warm um pair you know i don't like pears have you ever tried cooking an apple a hot apple Hannah i've been living a double life because i've been at home cooking no i know and you try to hide it from me because you think that i'm going to judge you i made apples with cinnamon brown sugar and a little bit of white cake mix and i just like made and then i put it over

warm ice cream or then I put over vanilla ice cream. You've been working every day and on stop this whole month. When were you like, and you know I have 40 minutes to prepare a sufly? And I know people are going to be like, oh, it's because she's in a relationship and she's doing it for a man. This man will not eat any of this shit. Oh yeah, he's healthy. Everyone was like, oh my God, you made him a banana bread.

I go, that man will not even look in the direction of my banana bread. And that's why I made it. That banana bread is for me. He did eat my pot roast and love it. Yeah, he likes protein. Yeah. Today, the two guys who I was playing paddle with were like talking and I walked up to them jokingly and I was like, you guys talking about protein and they were like, yeah. Where to God.

Hannah, that's amazing. He was like, I'm trying to get it more in my diet. Because, you know, the way they were standing and talking, I'm like, it's giving protein. Wait, I feel like I low-key know exactly like the, I can picture them. Also, there's been multiple men. It's because I do crowdwork so much. So it's like my trick where I meet them. I ask them where they're from.

And when they say Connecticut or Westchester, and they have like a douchey hairdo, I go, did you play lacrosse? How'd you know? And I've been right 100% of the time. So I think I'm okay for now. Wait, so I put everything into my cart prior to starting the pod. Okay. And now it's saying that I've timed out.

And so like this has really turned into a Hannah-Berner experience because I don't trust the internet. I don't dress the Wi-Fi. I'm like, how could I have time to? No, I'll actually murder someone. How intricate was your order? Well, it was it the eggs Benedict? Was it the kids pancakes? Yeah.

And is it the almond milk or is the oat milk with like a set? Yeah. I embarrassed myself the other day because I was at someone's house and they were like, do you want coffee? And like, look, I'm annoying. I'm annoying with my coffee. because I'm like I'd rather not have you make me coffee than you make something like I can't drink and I was like do you have an oat milk latte with like splendor or vanilla and they look at me like I was crazy and they were like this is a home you know what actually I just threw away in my refrigerator um iced or try latte in case you ever came over but it went bad okay well that's good that's good thank you because I would have just not I definitely would have checked the expiration date my brother got it and then I just thought I'm going to keep this because what if Hannah comes over like at all the next month do you know what I like to do make a latte and then put some of the chai in it with the latte and it's really nice I don't like I don't like anything about chai yeah or matcha but it's okay I try to when in L.A you do as the L a L aans do I I tried an iced matcha and let me tell you that shit was disgusting.

Did you put sugar in it? It was a frozen matcha. Did you put sugar in it? I tried someone else's I didn't order my own. It's giving. I don't like cats. And I'm like, well, did you have your own cat? Are you walking to someone's house?

No. You know what? It's not giving that. You were like, I just got an award from Purina, bitch. How dare you? No, I've tried it in so many different forms. I think I try matcha at least. I try and try it at least once a year.

I love matcha ice cream. I love macha cookies. I love macha lattes. And like what's mochi? I feel like I don't like that either. And everyone loves that. Like I want to like these things. I think they're good for you.

They're adorable. Like a little mochi? I've ordered mochi because I've... That's the name of... That's the name of a white girl's cat. Mochi. No. Someone was making fun of white girls that they name their cat Japanese names.

Do they? It's sushi and that kind of stuff. Oh, speaking of cats, I thought it was so iconic that cats have colonies. Are you familiar with this? No. There's like things called cat colonies where it's basically like a group of cats that are out. They're like a gang. Like a group of street cats

Street cats but they all like look out for each other They hang out together they get food together They're a cat colony And I just thought that was really empowering Like they're all girls girls They're like we're in this together babe It's giving girls going to the bathroom together Because like if dogs had a colony

I'm like people are going to get hurt But like if cats have a colony you're like they're cute They're like they're doing cute things together Dogs I'm like they're going to attack a family I also like I'm starting a rumor. I'm making this up right now. But I also feel like dogs are getting each other pregnant more than cats are. I don't know.

Cats do multiply. Do they? Like a lot? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's, so I might get into trapping. Are you familiar with trapping?

And it's not. Yeah. I'm familiar with different forms of trapping. Which one are you talking about? Not Ali Wong trapping a man. trapping where you like go out looking for stray cats and you trap them how however however you oh there's not like a preferred method it's just like i think you could put food in like a trap yeah and they go in and then you trap them but like there's people who their job is to trap

cats and then you take them in and you trap neuter return tnr which means like they're a feral cat but like you want to neuter them so they don't keep multiplying Oh, so my hypothesis is so wrong. Cats are fucking. Cats are, and they, the way they fuck is like really dramatic. They like, they're like, well, it's actually so girl-coded. They hate it. Like, if a cats have sex, this is what sounds like they're like,

wait, I've never seen a cat. No, cats having sex. You're like, get your paws off of her. Wait, I've seen so many dogs. Kitty's like never humped anything. Dogs are doing doggy. Cats are like. No, that's actually terrifying.

Now I feel like I'm going to Google when we get off this, like, cats. That's why you have to nudier all your cats. You don't want them to have to have sex. Don't. And cats will get pregnant at like five months old. They're literally teen moms MTV. That is sad. Well, the cute thing about cats is when they have babies, they come out all different colors.

I do like that. So they're like, someone's dad was calico. I do like that because I've seen cats like on the internet that are. related to Daphne, but they don't, like, have the same face or, like, coloring at all. Speaking of Dick, I wanted to bring up, there's this new... That's so crazy because I was going to bring up my jaw. Tushay. Keep going.

What do you want to go first? So Sharon Hogan is this incredible genius, Irish actress, writer, comedian. She has this show called Youth on HBO that just came out. and it's basically about like being in your 60s and like what your sex life is when you're single in your 60s and it's actually really iconic and important what is it like well she's like gorgeous and it's basically like you're like oh girls are just girls like you're just a girl yeah so anyway she talks about she was hooking up with this guy and then her friends are like you got to date someone new you got to go to a blind date and she looked at them and she's like but that means I have to deal with a new dick yeah and I I'm like, no one talks about the mental load of having to deal with a new contraption. Yeah. And I know they're all the same, but they're not. It's like they all come at you.

And it's a different, it's a whole different jungle gym every time. And that's why when girls, like, hook up with a lot of guys in a short period of time, I don't judge. I think it's gorgeous. But that's a lot of new dick to deal with. And then some of them, some of them are circumsumstableness. Some are curved. Some are chodes. Some are good looking.

You're like, you're good looking. No, some are, I'm like, okay. And then some are like, that's what cats are yelling. And then they all feel different. Like, it's literally like driving a new car every day. I'd be like, I'm good. I don't know where the park is.

I don't know. It's turning the shableness. hour on in someone else's home. You're like, is that the lever for you or no? Because at home, this usually works. Why am I burning my back right now? I thought I turned it right, but I guess you turn it left with this situation. It's literally like if you drive your car and then one day it's a stick shift and you're

like, I just want to go on a new date and now I'm having to deal with a stick shift. I've never learned this before. So I just want to let the girls know that you're seen. And like, it's not just, it's a whole different. scenario and granted guys like yeah every vagina is different but like they're not getting inserted into by it but also don't you feel like your brain does this thing that like when you start to date a new guy you like can't remember what the old guy's penis looked like you're like this is dicks like i've dated people before and they're like oh like did he have a big dick and i'm like

Did he? Like, I'm like, I genuinely can't remember. It's funny. I remember the huge ones and I remember the small ones, but I don't remember the ones in between, which kind of tracks. Yeah, I guess there are two coming to my head right now. Yeah, like, I remember where I'm like, he had everything, but. But then you guys know I've broken up with men because they're too, too big.

You can't. Have you? It's not sustainable. British Dave. Oh, but is that why you broke up? though? No, but it was a factor. It was a huge factor, actually.

And he lied to me because I was like, has this been an issue with other girls? Like, that I have to do a full meditation routine to relax enough to like get it like halfway in. Oh my God. He was like, no, this never happened before. And then at the end of our relationship, he's like, yeah, you know, it's been a big issue. And I'm like, okay, thank you. Because I thought I was like, or I was like, do I have the tiniest pussy that's ever happened? Sorry, Mom.

Sorry, mom, dad, Bobby Flay, whoever's listening. You know what's crazy? If a man ever had this conversation on a podcast, I'd burn his house down. No, but it's completely different because men use their dicks for violence. We're allowed to make fun of it. It's why I can talk about domestic violence. Yes. I'm not going to, right?

I was giving you a platform if you needed it. I wasn't going to silence you. Paige is trying to talk about domestic violence, and Hannah kept talking about Bersdave's dick. But I do say as someone, I forget my past. I was like obsessed with dating guys who were like over 6-6. Yeah. But the thing is when like 6-6 guy has like a normal shaped penis, it looks small.

Why are you whispering? I don't know. I feel like you're kidding. I know what you mean. No. I know you mean. This is the thing. Brush Dave was like 6-9 and it was like large for a 6-9 man.

No. I don't remember him being 6-9. Like I remember him being tall. But you were drunk. Yeah. I was drunk the majority of the time I met him. I really was. Wait, okay.

My new thing is, and I need the gigglers. I need the real doctor gigglers. Because sometimes I will say something and I'll get some girls. And I'm like, I know you're not a doctor. But then you get some girls and they're like, yeah, I went to Stanford and got my whatever. I have this overwhelming feeling. Period. Help.

And I'm freaking out. How do you get... No, and I'm freaking out. I have an impending doom. It's like I forgot something, but I don't know what it is at all times. Do you have anything that Big Pharma makes for that? No, I feel like my job might be off balance. This is serious.

What do you mean off balance? Like, not on the right track? Yes, I feel like my jaw might be off track. I know what you should do. What? I know this med spa in Miami, you get master Botox. It'll even usher right out. You know how I like love getting a massage once a week.

I'm going to tell her because she said one day she was like, I'll put my fingers in your mouth if you ever feel like me. And so I think I'm going to do that next week. Do that for sure. I feel like I don't know. You have TMJ potentially. I don't think I do because I'm not sore. Does it hurt? No.

This is just me analyzing my... I was going to say, I think you overanalyze things. Speaking of overanalyzing, how's your one eye? Excuse you. You know how the lady said one of your eyes is wonky? Have I offended you this morning in some way? No. I want to let you know that I've never seen a difference in your eyes.

I have to be really, really tired. And so I did see her pop out a couple of course. couple times this month where I was like, oh, maybe before 11 p.m. is where it's our sweet spot. But recently she's been fine. Honestly, I feel like I've had other issues. My jaw's off track. I can't worry about my eyes right now. Is it affecting her speech? No, no, it's all cosmetic. But I'm thinking maybe my jaw is off track and that's why my eye is off track. Oh. You know what it is? I just want to go to Korea for like three months and I just want to want to do all the beauty things that they do.

And they have this whole thing where they just like realign your whole body. And it changes your whole face shape. And I want to go. And I just want to see. I love that. Speaking of Korea. Yeah. Did you see the drama with, um, Fenty Beauty and, um, Huda Beauty.

Huda Beauty. And what was the other one? They all came out with the same product, like on the same day. All came out the same product on the same day. and they basically were like our Korean distributor lie to all of us and said like we're the only ones doing it so but it's funny because it's been done before by like smaller brands but it's basically this product that you make your own eye masks it like cuts the eye mask yeah it's like the gel of the eye mask and people are already saying like you actually it is going to be a drier eye mask

like it's not even like worth it as a product but it is so interesting to just see how these beauty brands work as a whole where someone was like, guys, everyone's using the same distributors and like no one really has that different of a product unless it's like a truly invented new thing. The biggest invention in that product was the container. Like it's still the same eye patches, the gel eye patches that everyone has. And you could put slightly different things in it, but they were saying that, like, for you to have a completely different product would take months and months and months and months of research and testing and blah, blah, which these people aren't doing. So, like, honestly...

Like, it takes doctors. Someone even said, they were like, do not buy an expensive moisturizer. Like, the moisturizers nowadays are... This is my algorithm on TikTok. Mine is, like, de-influencing TikTok. Everyone's like, down to this, down to this. Oh, how unfunfant. I know I love it. I'm like, tell me not to buy shit. Like, don't buy an expensive moisturizer as in like a... They basically said nowadays the technology is so good for normal moisturizers that like the really expensive ones aren't actually that different. Yeah, I agree with that.

We're like, I guess serums I think is different or like certain active ingredients. Retinal is different. But like moisturizer, we're at the point where like it's all good. I actually agree with that. Like I think you can get all of your skin. at CBS, the only time I'm getting other skin care is like when I get like my Tretanoin from my dermatologist. Like anything I'm getting from a dermatologist that I can't get in the store, then I'm like, you love to say Trettonoan just now. Trettoin.

I love my Trettoin. I use Trettonoan. You need to start using Trettoin. Are you going to name your kid Trettoin? Trette. Wait. Trette. Name your next cat, Tretton Owen.

Per se and Tretton Owen. No. Per and Tret. This is the kind of creativity we have to have with our names, okay? We can't name every cat mochi. Wait, per se and Trette are... Trette does sound like a guy that gave me a commedia, though. It's like his middle name is Owen.

Yeah. Trette. Trette. Tretten Owen. Owen. Wait, I'm upset. No, I love that so much. No, but seriously, you should start using Tritano and you're 35.

Why are we named, why are we age? No, but it's just, it's good to get into, into the routine now of Treadnoughton. I actually can't stop saying them 35 to people. You love being 35. Also, you don't care about age. No, I'm like, respects me. I'm 35, but also, I'm insane where I met a girl who was like, oh, I graduated in 22 and I was like did the math and I'm like yeah you're out of college we're the same for both

two girls out of college like I was like hi girlie that's crazy no in my head I'm 27 yeah I'm like you're 24 I'm 27 plus a couple years whatever but I love I tell everyone I'm 35 because I use it for excuses for things I'm like well I'm 35 I'm not I'm not going there I'm 35 right up until see I think my jaw went like a little that way anyway I feel like you're actually been jealous of the attention I've gotten from my mouth and you're making up this like this job problem. Oh really? Because as someone who had a frozen chin two months prior to your jaw massacre. People didn't care enough about it and that's why you're taking out of me now. Now I forget what the fuck I was going to say and it was actually good. What were we saying?

You were going to say, oh shit. You were going to say um wait rewind. Wait, rewind. Did you guys remind it? Wait, what were we just talking about, though? And I didn't get my breakfast order in and I'm breaking! I was saying you said you felt your jaw unaligned. Yeah, but it was before that. That was like a side note. Oh, okay.

So you interrupted yourself and then I interrupted you interrupting yourself. Wait, you know what Taylor said the other day that I thought was just so funny? Because a lot of times I say mean things about Gen Z and Gen Alpha. And I really, I don't mean to. I don't want to be at war with them. Yeah. Taylor was describing someone and she was like, you know, like that millennial like fake mustache. And I was like, oh, oh my God. Oh my God. You mean when we'd write with Sharpie, the mustache and put it on her finger under our nose?

Yeah. Or like just things had like fake mustaches on them. Like you would go and buy a mug and it'd have a fake like why? Like millennials went through a really weird fake mustache. phase like well that was our like peak humor i feel like there's even like pictures on the internet of like people wearing fake mustaches at like party well like yeah when you go to a wedding you like put fake mustache in the booth like why was that like a core part of our well that's key millennial like i'm being so crazy right now so silly indifferent you had a side bang Taylor swift is now doing this like shag like full i saw a picture of her her at the football game last weekend. I thought her bangs looked so good.

It's just making me nervous for the future. Well, Stasi also showed up to the variety event in like a somewhat poof. And I said, yes, girl. Like, I wanted that. I knew you loved her hair. And it looked chic. I loved her hair. Yeah.

So I'm just keeping on eye for that. No, I'm like living in my bang era. I'm like, I'm like, I actually, now that I didn't get room service, I might go to breakfast and I might do like, yeah, just like side parting it up. Sorry. I love that you're like, showed up with no makeup. Fully blow on my bangs for 40 minutes though. This is my variety hair.

I haven't washed it. Yeah. And besides that, I'm owing to in fantasy football. No. So like my friends don't really respect me right now. So like when I talk, everyone's like, shut up, you fucking loser. Every guy I pick like loses their leg. Like the first, every guy.

Every guy is getting carted off because they got hit by another huge man. And I'm like, no shit. He dislocated his shoulder. Like, all my guys are injured. Yeah. So I'm like, can you guys be a little more careful and gentle with each other when you play? I think the point is to not get hit, right? Guys.

Here's an idea. Get the ball on the other side. I don't know. He's like, maybe catch it and run away from the guy chasing you. You slow poke? also I would just just fall before they hit you like it's so dramatic you want to get hit I would literally like I'd pretend I'm dead pretend you're dead first that's what the quarterbacks do because they don't want to get hit I actually do low key feel like I would be good

because if I see a guy coming at me yeah I'm running the other way oh my god I'm me playing football is a cat having sex have you ever seen a cat get caught by anything? No, she's out. She's out of here. Cats would be so good at football if they had thumbs. I'm literally, I need to see a picture of a cat having sex because it's actually, like, I need to watch a video. Google it. It's really upsetting. It's going to ruin your week. Whatever. I'm a masochist. Anyway, everyone enjoy your weekend. Thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much. Bye.