Giggly Squad - Giggling about sourdough, supplements, and sex scenes

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

Hannah fought for her life in the airport and Paige realized she actually does have hobbies.subscribe to our newsletterwatch our youtube docuseries Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sup gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. Got away from me. I just need you guys to know that Paige just sneezed and said, okay, now we're cleared and ready to go. I can't even.

I have not been this stuff. Here's the thing. If I was a man, I'd be like, I'm dying. I have to go to the hospital. But because I'm a woman, I've worked full days, you know. You're like, I'm working overtime. It's a Sunday. I had to, like, kind of.

touch up on things. One thing I do want to say, and this is not an ad, honest company makes these tissues called sniffer soothers. They've changed my whole life. I love that you've become a flu influencer. You're on TikTok telling people to put Vicks vapor rub into their brain, by the way. You're going to get sued. You can't just tell people to like stick. Vick's vapor rub up their ass. There's going to be infections. Wait, who is the company that emailed me and they were like, please stop. Who was that? Oh, because you were saying you used something for a different thing. I feel like I low-key have so much to say on this pod, but I like, I can't get anything out. Okay. Should I start with a story? Okay. Are you still ordering overeats? I swear to God.

Wow, that felt really good. I needed that cough. I needed that sneeze 20 seconds ago. Here's one thing before you tell your story. I'm obsessed with Botox. I got too much in my chin. I can't move my fucking bottom lip and I love it. I literally thought I was having a stroke last night. I was like, wait, is one side of my face drooping. Nope. Allison just did a little bit too much in the chin, but I'm fucking.

I'm obsessed. Did you get your chin before? Yeah, I did. Okay. So it's like a refill? Well, I went back and like got some more done, you know, because it was time for my check-in. And she was like, did we hit your chin last time? and I was like we did and so she did it again and I think maybe just like a

like a little I love it too much because now my chin my bottom lip goes to one side but I'm like obsessed with it and I knew this was going to happen and now I'm like freeze my whole goddamn face proceed with your story if you're not on YouTube um watching page's eyes are like all red and swollen but her forehead is so perfect and shiny right now. Well, she looks gorgeous. I took a bath today. I washed up.

I really needed it. I am going to blow my nose quickly. Let's see your nose. If you want to see my sniffer. Sneeze technique as a flu influencer. How's the best way to blow your nose? Okay, she's taking her long fingers. Oh, she goes back and forth.

She doesn't do one at a time. She goes, but, but, but, interesting. Somebody tagged me in a TikTok that said, Queen Elizabeth I had like the longest fingers ever I think they were like three inches three and a half inches or something and they became the beauty standard in England and everybody wanted long fingers people were getting finger extensions yep they were like wearing gloves and all of the stuff and so I just want to put that out there in the ether they were stuffing yeah they were stuffing their gloves wait maybe you're her reincarnated

maybe that would make that would actually well it says that like if you have long fingers like you're that girl you're that girl you're bossing people around you're part of the bloodline you could also catch a football with one hand um as you guys know I'm on tour without page fighting for my life so right now I'm in New York City but I oh okay so you're at home I was supposed to be in Durham and Charlotte and Nashville, but they got canceled because of the storm. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And down there, they're like freak out.

Yeah, they can't go out. The Southern girlies were like, hi, Hannah, please read, bless your heart, read my damn. I cannot be out here in the ice. I don't care if it's one foot of snow. We're shutting down. We have power outages. We can't do this.

So I said, fuck this. I'm not having people fight for their lives to get to my show. Next week I'm going to be in Milwaukee. and where else? Sorry, I'm blanking. Indianapolis. But I've had like pretty good travel up until this last weekend. I had one show in Atlanta.

The only show that didn't get canceled was Atlanta. So I flew in. And then after my show, I see that there's a 10.30 p.m. flight. And I said, look, she's a jet setter. She's crazy. Got offstage. Yeah. got back in the car and said send me home.

And look, I stayed on the stage a little longer, but I was feeling myself. I was having fun. The Atlanta gigglers were amazing. And I get in the car and there's some traffic, but I'm not, I'm not worried. You know why? Because I'm a professional. I have clear. I have pre-checked.

I was just going to say, are you flying Delta? Well, that's the thing. That's the thing. Have you ever heard of Frontier? Mm-hmm. I was, I've never really heard of Frontier. so I was optimistic going in. Okay.

It's green logo, green is positivity, wealth. This will go well. Turns out also the Atlanta airport, the biggest airport, there's a north and a southern hemisphere. Hemisphere. And the ladies like, is it north or south? I'm like, of what? First of all, I don't know what north is. A couple airports I'm not fucking with, Atlanta and Denver.

I'm going seven hours early. And both those airports love a train. They love to throw you on a train. Now Atlanta is like the hub for a lot of international flights, so it is necessary, and I respect like the women of the arts that work there. However, I get in. And I get to the security girl, everything's smooth, and she's like, oh, we don't have your frontier flight. And I'm like, that's crazy. So then I go back to Frontier, come back, and they're like, oh, yeah, sorry, it was our system.

So already I'm like, okay, that's a little weird, fine. get to security you're the only person i know that like can fully go through the airport and they're like Hannah burner never heard of her i go it's on my phone i go do the flag get canceled they go no and i go what's going never heard of her so then i get to i get to security they let me through and i go where's um where's pre-check and they go oh after 9 p.m. in Atlanta there's no pre-check or um the other one Clear. Clear. I said, I don't know that we had a curfew because mama needs to get home.

Oh, okay, keep going. So when I tell you the line was, it said 20 minutes on the thing. And it was one of these mazes that, like, you didn't even know where the line started and ended. Like, it was, and my phone, of course, is at 8%. So I'm like, I have to raw dog this line to be able to get there. So it's 955, boardings at 10.05. and the plane closes at 10.30. So I'm just thinking door closed.

You've got to make it by door close. I feel like door closes 10, 15 minutes before takeoff, no? Anyway, you're in a pickle. Okay, keep going. We're in a pickle. And I'm looking around and I realize, like, I can't care in this. Like, everyone else is also in a pickle with me. Like, everyone is worried about getting on their flight.

No one anticipated a 30-minute wait at 10 p.m. in Atlanta. What did they shut down the clear? like machine? Yeah. No, I was like, I'll do it. I'll fucking start scanning people. What do you need? So I'm just waiting there.

Can't look at my phone because I can't have it lose battery. And I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. It gets to like 10.15. And the doors close at 10.30. And there's no other flights after this, babe. Like this is, you got one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. Did you have a opportunity comes once in? Sorry.

Sorry, I'm quoting. Sorry, I know. Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. That was my bad. Sorry, I was trying to do a monologue. What would you say? Did you have a flight for Saturday?

No. No. Girl, you got one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. Sorry, I should have listen. So it's 10, 15. I have 15 minutes. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to make it.

And then I realize, I don't know where my gate is. I'm in the fucking Atlanta airport. It could be anywhere. Now, mind you, I don't get recognized too. much by airport security because it's mostly men. So I don't get like VIP treatment. Yeah. But I get to the front and we're putting, we finally are putting our luggage through.

Wait, remember the time that giggler let me come back into America from Canada and I like didn't. I have bronchitis. I mean, you fully do. Before you die, let me finish this story before you black out. So I realize I have 10 minutes and I'm putting my stuff down. And this guy just looks at me working there and he goes, do I know your face from somewhere? And normally when people say they know you but they can't put their finger on it, I'm not giving you a resume.

I say, I'm not here being like, well, you know, I did do. I had a stint on reality TV. Now it's on Peacock, I think. I don't know what, but it wasn't there. You could stream it. Have you heard of Betches before? I also have these street videos online. Also, have you heard a page?

because people like our friendship. Do you my chance watch the Hot Wing Challenge? Did win the trophy. I did win the new league. People don't talk about it. People don't bring it up ever. Wait, you're so right. You didn't get enough praise for that.

No. So then I look at him and I go, yes, I'm a comedian. And he goes, oh my God. And I go, also, my flight, it starts so loud. I got my flight. Do you know I read the wrong ads?

I read the ads for last week and Grace texted me. He goes, you read the wrong ads. And I go, I'm really sick. And she goes, okay. I'll do some. Okay, keep going. So I say, by the way, the door is closing on my flight in 10 minutes. And he goes, don't worry, I'll get you through.

Takes my luggage and puts it in front of everyone. And I'm like, this be my, this must be my fucking lucky day. As I'm walking through all cocky feeling myself, looking at everyone, I'm like, what's up, losers? Yeah. I realize, fuck this morning, I put the water from the flight in my backpack. Oh, Anna. So this guy's like, so I'm literally watching and I go, there's a water, there's a water.

And the guys look at me like, you dumb ass. Yeah, no, it has to go back through. So it had to go back through. So it literally was a net zero. Yeah. But I was like, I love you so much. then I go how long until I get to C-7? He goes, with no drama, six minutes.

What could the drama possibly be? I have to get on a train. Oh. So I have seven minutes. I have six minutes, but there's seven minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To make it in six minutes. So first I walk down, the train says it's two minutes away.

When the fuck has the train ever been two minutes away? That's never happened to me, ever. Like, what is this? The goddamn subway trying to get to, Brooklyn. Also, do you know how long two minutes feels when like I felt like I was holding a plank? I felt like I was having the worst sex in my life. I was like, when is every second going to be over? I'm looking around. I'm freaking. I'm tweaking. I get on. It's three stops. And I have seven minutes. So, and I'm just checking my phone, which is dying, by the way, my phone's dead.

So I finally get off. I have three minutes to get to C-7. And it's, and it's, and it's, and it's C1 to C40 and I go, please God, have C7 be closed. You know, I always see people like you in the airport and I always think. How did they get? What decisions did they make? Yeah, what happened earlier today? That they're running full speed. I also didn't preface this for you.

I'm in my full outfit that I wore on stage. I'm wearing a tie. I'm wearing my high-waisted, what are they called cumberbatches, cumber buns? A cumber bun? A cumber bun. And my Amazon high boots with heels. Hannah. So you didn't change in the car into like sweats and sneakers?

Why didn't you change in the green room? Because in my head, well, I ran, I didn't go to the green room. I ran out onto the car. And in my head, I was like, I'll be there 30 minutes early. And I'll do it peacefully in one of the small bathroom stalls where you like can't even move. Also, mind you, to get to the walking. place you have to go up the longest escalator in the history of escalators and me and this other girl I can see we both are like she starts running right and I'm behind her we're holding our luggage

grown women holding our luggage running up the escalator and then she starts getting too tired because this is a long escalator and she literally looks at me and she was like save yourself like I can't I can't go on and I was like my guy well tell them to wait She was like, C4. And I was like, okay, ma'am. This is like saving private Ryan. I'm running up. And I see that I have three minutes to get from, of course, C7 is at the far end.

So I have to go from C40 to C7 in three minutes. It's possible. But I need to do high knees. I would have cried. I would have been crying. I start running. You know we talked about the mile test? I was back in college, 6 a.m.

running the mile fighting for my life. Sometimes I feel like we talk about something on here and we're like, that'll never happen again. And then the universe is like, you manifested it. Here it is. Paige, do you know when you're like running late for something? I don't know if you'd ever go into a jog if you're running late. I feel like you would just lay down. No, you want to know what I do is like, speedwalk, speedwalk, speedwalk, stop.

Walk normal. Speedwalk, speedwalk, speedwalk. So I do this all time in New York, but I'll run, then stop. So imagine when you're running and you feel like you need to stop and then saying, Hannah. You got one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. So I'm running to the point where I start feeling like blood in my throat. Have you ever read? Oh my God. Yes. I know you're talking. I'm dying. And I'm looking at my phone. And it's at 1029. Doors close at 1030. And I'm literally still like five gates away. And I'm dead. Like I do not have the cardio for this. I do not have the cardio. I've been seeing planes.

This is crazy. Palates does not. help you with cardio. I'm just going to say it in case I know I was confused. But I do have a good pelvic tilt. Anyway, so I'm running, I'm running and I'm dying. I'm sweating. I'm breathing so heavy. I'm starting to make like asthmatic noises. I'm like, and then I see that there's people at the gate, but I'm assuming it's because like the next flight is already ready to go. So I sprint and I look at my phone and it's 10.30 on the dot. And I go to the guy and he goes, what do you hear for? And I'm like, I have to go to the, my flight. You're like, take me home.

Take me home. And he looks at me and goes, oh, we already shut the doors. And I go, I take my phone and go, but it's 10.30. You said doors close at 10.30. And he's like, yeah, we already closed it. And I look at him. And he looks at me. And then he pauses for like three seconds.

He goes, just kidding. The flight's delayed. In that moment, I realized, not only have I been punged. By a maid. By a man, and I don't, I don't like when men make jokes. You're like, isn't your crowd having enough problems that you've got to start beeping with me? Like, isn't your club in enough hot water? I was at my lowest point and he took a fucking dagger and stabbed me.

So then people around are like giggling. And that's what they do. And that's what they do. That's what they do. They talk about punching down. So I'm, but I also feel a mix of emotions because part of me. is like great i i i i didn't miss it but then part of me's like that was fucked up and then part of me is also like oh no how long am i going to have to wait we had to wait like two and a half hours

i'm home at like 3 30 a m i got macdonalds at like one a m at the airport it was kind of fabulous wait that's low-key kind of so fun did you change well then after that i was like okay i need to change i go to change but i i didn't catch my breath yeah for 40 minutes Yeah. I at one point was lying down on the ground. Was there anyone else in the airport? Probably not. There were not that many people.

If any gigglers saw me at the Atlanta airport on, I believe, Friday night. That was the kind of backstory. What a story. And actually I woke up. My thighs are burning, like so sore. I'm traumatized. It was the whole thing. I just, I wouldn't wish I'm, oh, then I get on the floor.

Sorry, I'm not dumb. Frontier is a bunch of animals. Okay. And all kinds of animals, by the way. The girl next to me, and I say girl lightly, she was 19. Okay. Was putting her foot on my armrest, which I was using, obviously. So she kept kicking my elbow when I was trying to sleep.

And I was like, ma'am. Like, I kept doing the, like, kind of turn. And she just kept doing it. And then the woman in front of me was. 19 is that gen z 19 i think it's alpha but the woman in front of me was humming the whole time and i know it sounds nice and sweet it wasn't i was trying to sleep and you just hear like i don't even know what song you're humming which is throwing me off it's actually like it really was pissing yeah i mean there was a midwestern couple on the left

who were talking like this every single thing they're going to do on their vacation they had to talk about and it was like you're sitting next to each other where are we yelling pleasantries at each other you're married what are you possibly have to talk about at a 1 a.m. flight Wait, that's crazy on a 1 a.m. And you had to pay for water.

No, I know. It was so, I was so scared. We're not doing well over here. We're not doing well. But anyway, I made it and I'm so excited for tour St. Louis, Missouri. I'm coming. Anyway, what's going on with you?

A quick word from my sponsor, Aquafor. Oh, wait, you got the thick one. Okay, they're not actually a sponsor, but let me influence you on something else when you're sick. You have to have the aquifer balm stick for the winter because if you live in a cold climate, putting chapstick just on your lips isn't gonna freaking cut it. So you have...

So you're putting it all over? Oh, I'm putting it right here, honey. What is it called? Do you remember slugging? Remember when you were like obsessed with slugging? Is that how you slugging? probably like cross-contamination but I don't give a fuck I mean this is the thing you are influencing everyone but you also are not getting better so I feel like everyone should take it with a grain of salt she's like choking on herself she's like and this has been amazing yep yep um fun update in the giggly squad community yeah a giggler DM me and said she named her sourdough starters Hannah and Paige I have actually had a couple of those um because Because my last name De Sorbo, the girls are really innovative on how they make it a sourdough desour.

They're smart about it. Page de sourdough? Yeah, something like that. Page de starter. I love that. If one of your goals for 2026 is to be healthier, then why don't we kick off the new year with AG1? One scoop of AG1 supports energy, digestive regularity, immune defense, and a healthy mood. So you'll be ready to take on whatever your 2026 resolution list is.

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Wait, I saw something the other day. You know how we're always like, oh, sometimes you go and you watch a video and you're like, that was crazy. Let me check the comments. Everyone must think that's crazy and they don't and they're like really agreeing. And I always am like, I have to remember that example to tell Hannah because we never have like a good example. I saw a TikTok video and it was this girl being like, why do we need sex scenes? They're like so intrusive. They're like so much.

Like, okay, just allude to the fact that like they're having sex. Like I don't need like a full sex scene. And I was like, surely this is rage bait. Like no sex scene in a like certain movies. Was she Amish? Just Gen Z. I go into the comments and they're like seriously, especially when like the scene starts out as like they're having sex. And I'm like.

That's every great movie. Bridesmaids. Hello. Greatest movie of all time. I'm like. Kristen Wig on top of John Hamm. Thank you. Literally put it in the fucking loop.

I'm like, are you kidding me? Like there are some movies that I'm like, I will. Do you remember my stint with 365? I mean, hello? Also, I don't know, grow up. Like, if I'm watching a love affair movie and they don't show a, I want to be like judging the chemistry. It was the casting right.

It's also just like you're watching a fucking movie. It's not real life. And sex is part of life. And life is art and art is movies and sex is movies. And it made me think like, oh my God, are they so, I think maybe the girl was even younger. Now I'm like, maybe it is Jen. Are they so not socialized with each other that they don't even? Because also the teen pregnancy rate is down.

And I know that everyone thinks it's a good thing. But you know what? We've got a bunch of losers out there. They're not even going out and having sex. A part of high school, a peak canon event in high school is thinking you're pregnant when you, like, haven't even really had sex. A hand job. And you're like, oh, no, I think it went on my hand and then I brushed my teeth. And then it might have, when I slept, went in my mouth.

You don't sit in a home room and think, do you think I have chlamydia? And your best friend's like, I don't know. Like, what do you think? The amount of friends I talked off the ledge about their chlamydia, not knowing if they had it or not, but just wanted to be the moment. The amount of pregnancy tests, I think collectively my friends in high school took to all be negative because it's actually hard to get pregnant. I'm like, what is going on? And then the girls who did get pregnant when they were 16 back in our day, they got famous on MTV. And we carved a space for them, okay?

Anyway, so I saw that and I was like so annoyed by it. Also, I've added something to my nighttime routine, and which brings me to my next point, there was this girl that made this TikTok about her sister. And it was like she was praising her sister. She was just like, my sister's so cool. Like I've always, like, loved everything about my sister. My friends love my sister. She's just so perfect.

She's so nice. She's so gorgeous. and she was like, and then I realized that she's so pretty and she's so, like, delicate, but she also does a ton of shit that I would never want to do or think about doing. And then she started talking about how, like, grooming and being ultra, like, you love your skin care routine. Like, you want to do all these different, you want to do a hair mask, all of this stuff, is actually a hobby.

Like my Sunday routine is one of my most favorite hobbies. And why it's looked down upon when it's literally just hygiene. Have you noticed my lip at all? No. Okay. This is girlhood going on a rant about nothing and being like, am I ugly? Have you been looking at my lip because I'm ugly? I'm like, no, I'm trying to understand what you're saying in between coughs.

No, Paige, not to like make you like, basically you've inspired me to take care of myself more because I didn't realize you could have so much joy out of such little things. And you know what? We work on living such a big life all the time and it's crazy because in my 30s now I'm like, I just want to enjoy the little things of life because that's all you really can control. Is that face mask going to hit when you put it on? That's life. I know I said a couple years ago that I didn't want to ever slow down, but honey, I am sorry.

Paige, I'm off this weekend, by the way. Like, I haven't been off in forever. Do you know what I did? Well, the building made a new law that if you want to put your boxes away to recycling, you have to cut them first. You have to cut the boxes. I don't know if it's my fault. I don't know how to happen. Nothing worse than getting an email after you've done something.

And you're like, hmm. So Des told me that he bought. a box cutter, which I thought was aggressive and honestly, like, male toxicness. I own too. I was like, we don't need a box cutter to box, to cut boxes. Hannah, what are you talking about? I own literally two box cutters. How are you going through life without a box cutter? You have like some toxic toxic masculinity to you, but that's for another time. How do you open an Amazon package without a box cutter? With a scissor because I'm a woman of the arts. I'm not, I'm not bringing out a weapon.

to open up. But anyway, I also own bolt cutters. Des is gone in Toronto this weekend. Shout out. Des working his little butt off. So I'm here with all these Amazon boxes and I noticed this box cutter

and I said, okay, let's give it a try. Like, I appreciate other cultures. Let's figure it out. Holy fuck, that felt amazing. No, box cutters are amazing. I could not stop cutting boxes. I cut every box in the house. I layered them up.

I called Des. I go, you're not going to fucking believe it. I love cutting boxes. It's my new hobby. It's my new passion. If anyone needs a box cut, send it to me. I'm going to get you a letter opener for your birthday. The joy of...

But, Paige, this is my problem. I don't like receiving mail. I know. Like actual mail. You will if you get to put a knife out. If you get to pull a knife out, you actually will receive, like, receiving mail. I'm telling you. No, like, it's the most, like, ASMR.

relaxing feeling cutting up boxes and then putting them in a layered way and then getting them out of your apartment so that's what i've been up to all weekend there's also nothing like spending a weekend like throwing shit away at your apartment oh do you think we're losing listeners they're like okay Hannah's cutting boxes no not that's how i tell you the next thing you have to buy i recently bought part of my nighttime machine a red light me and kitty lay on the bed every single night Does she have a red light? Okay, well, Parasilton said that she redlighted her chihuahua, and she literally lived to like 17. And so I was like, kitty, get your fucking ass over here.

We're red light therapy. Now, I wear protective sunglasses, but I can't find small ones for cats. So I've just been putting regular sunglasses on kitty. But I'm nervous that I'm not protecting her eyes well enough. But I would assume she's closing them. no i'm like can't be that stupid kitty pita's gonna be on the phone yeah no they're definitely yeah they're just not happy about it um

one other thing i could not wait to talk to you about did you see the adam sandler chanelle uh store thing no okay so apparently there's this i it's like a rumor slash like story that adam sandler's daughter went into a chenelle store in, I think, Los Angeles. And she was dressed like a normal, like, kid. I think she had, like, sweatpants on and, like, a hoodie.

And she goes in and she's asking the saleswoman, like, oh, can I see this bag? And the bag was, like, $20,000 or, like, $25,000. And the sales lady was, like, this is for serious customers. Like, no, I'm not showing you this bag. Like, it's $26,000. And so she calls her dad. and she tells Adam Sandler like what happened he comes into the store and he goes like up to his daughter

puts his arm around her says to the saleswoman like so you judge people based on how they look and like what they're wearing I'll take every style that this bag is in every color in the whole store he walked out he spent like $300,000 and bought all their bags But he just gave her, like, the best commission ever. Okay, that's why I knew I wanted to bring this up to you. You're supposed to go into another store and you're supposed to say a huge mistake, huge, go to Prada, get all Prada bags, walk past Chanel and be like, suck my dick.

Watch a Julia Roberts movie. But what, isn't that so? What a story. I do have to say, though, I went shopping this weekend because, you know, I need to get boxes to cut. The chicken or the egg, you know. So I, my daily wear, and I think it's because I'm an athlete is what I've been telling myself now. If I'm not performing, I'm in practice clothes, right? Like I'm wearing sweats.

I'm wearing a t-shirt and I'm wearing a zip-up hoodie. I like it monochromatic. It's all gray. Also, no, I'm not putting makeup on. Yes, I haven't brushed my hair. And then I'm walking through this like nice area of stores. and I realize like I don't feel comfortable walking into these stores because they're looking at me like I just climbed out of the ground. Yeah.

Yeah. But I do have to call a store out. I went into the Supreme store, which is a very cool store. And it's all these like boys. I'm not going to say men because it's all these like boys. And they like one of them like has a skateboard. Like I don't know what's good. The vibe is kind of crazy.

And I'm like I'm a fucking New Yorker. Like I've known about Supreme since day one. Yeah. Everyone calm down. But these boys are like, they're all hanging and like talking really loudly. The guys who work at the store. Okay. Oh, okay.

So not customers. No. And it's this big, big store. And it has this huge opening in the middle and the clothes are just around the edges. So like I love a T-shirt more than anyone. So I see like a cool Supreme T-shirt. I'm obsessed. I love Supreme.

But it's like a large. And I'm like, maybe it'll be too baggy. Like I'm mad. Whatever. So I look at the guy who's, very nice and I said can I try this on and he goes yeah and I go do you have a dressing room and he goes oh no you have to try on the shirts right here and I looked at him like what and he's like yeah just you could put it over your shirt I was like what kind of like no that's illegal

humiliation ritual is going I'm like what in the no I'm pretty sure that's illegal no you can't I'm like, wait, so if it was a pant, I'm allowed to use the dressing room, but I can't. Did you ask that? Well, then I was like, fuck it, I'll just get the media. I'm Adam Sandler. I'm Adam Sandler. You were like, you know what? This is a horrible policy.

I'll take three. This is sexist. This is weird, but the shirt is really cool. But I'm going to talk about it on my podcast, and I don't like this at all. But what the, like, they had dressing rooms would not let me go. So then I'm like, okay, do I have to pull a, a shirt? a pant to go try it out. Were you by yourself?

Yeah, I was so scared. It was me and just all these men. And he's like, yeah, try on the shirt. I'm like, what? What? Excuse me? Have some coof. Have some coof.

Also, you know, I'm sweating underneath. My armpits are sweating. That's where we are so different. Like, what would you have done? Like, okay, I don't want to say that I'm a Karen by any means because I'm not ever asking for like a manager or like. But I'm definitely being like, that's so fucking weird, and there's no way that's real. Yeah, you would say that.

Also, I hate to say it, and this could be totally false. I feel like if you ask, they would be like, oh, yes, little princess, go try it on in the back. But like me, I was like, what shirt is this? And he's like, put it on. And I was like, I'm still a lady. And I actually have gorgeous breasts under this outfit that you can't see. but he was literally like Tram, you're making me cough

You're making me cough too la We've all been in Zara Where you're like yeah I'll try this bomber jacket on over my outfit No one's trying a t-shirt Here's the other thing Here's the other thing Like Zara and Eritzia

It's all girls too So it's like It's all page I was so scared in that moment There was like 15 boys They're all in their 20s standing there And the guys like try the shirt on put it over your shirt.

I was like, I felt. I was like, what fraternity am I in right now? Are you going to make, try to make me make out with my friend also? Like, what's going on? He's like, we have some punch in the back, too, if you want to taste it. It's the fratmaster's recipe. Another girl walks in. He's like, do you guys know each other?

No, but at first I was like, this is so cool of me to be like, the only girl here and taking up space in this male-dominated store. And then he was like, try it on. In the middle of you're really cool. And I was like, I'm not wanting to be there. Show your tits if you want the shirt. Free if you shows your tits. Literally.

Literally, I do have to say. But then I went into Kith afterwards because I was in my like cool gear era. And they were so kind and they got me in the back. And I could try on clothes without all these men staring at me. Hannah, oh my God. What a crazy shot. I've never in my life. Like even a Ritzie of the like, oh, the mirror's in the middle.

Shut the fuck up. Like that, I think, is the craziest thing ever. That's the reason I never got into Eritzia. I've literally, I don't own a single thing from Eritzia because here's the other thing. Shopping in person, there is no shopping in person. It's actually makes me so sad. And if I really sit down and think about it, I'll cry. Touching stuff is important.

Touching it, seeing how it actually hangs on your body. Okay, a perfect example is like I do so many segments for the Today Show. and like because it's news and like sometimes I won't know like until like four or five days before. And if I have to do like four outfits for a segment of like all different body types, all different ages, I have to order clothes. Yeah. I can't even. Sometimes if something doesn't fit or like I don't have the right item, I can't even go and find it in stores. And I'm like, this is New York City.

And they're like every time I walk into a store, they're like, we don't have it in the store. I have to order it online. And I'm like, I was like, what's in the stores? It's such a weird time. It's such a weird shopping time. I was just thinking about, let's say I said yes to the guy. I said, okay. And I put down my purse, which I don't like.

I hate that. And then I take off my zip up. Who knows if I'm wearing a bra? You know me. I probably didn't have a bra on. And then I put the shirt over my head with all the men watching. Then these men are going to tell me if it looks good or not. That's diet.

i'm then if i don't then i have to take it off in front of everyone and it gets like stuck on my earring or something no hannah they're hazing you to move to a new country i've never heard that in my life i got bullied at supreme and i will be wearing the t-shirts on just one of the next and i will be supporting their company and i will continue to purchase from there also when i got to the the register the guy was i was like you i was like how are you and i I was like, good, how are you? And he said, chill. And I was like, I'll fucking blow my brains out.

I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. He was like, chill. Chill. Shut the fuck. Shut up. You shut the fuck up. You grew up in Connecticut.

Shut up. Young men are scary. Girls are allowed to grow up in Connecticut, by the way. Girls are allowed to. Boys aren't. That is one of the realest things you've ever said. That's so true. Girls are from Connecticut.

Not boys. Boys are not boys from Connecticut. You grew up in Connecticut? No, thank you. The archetype of that. That's why all the guys lie when they grow up in Connecticut. Have you heard of the concept forearm to calf ratio? No, Hannah.

You know, I'm sick right now. I don't need this. I don't need it. Sorry, I was starting with a question. What happened to hello? How are you? How are you? Like I'm literally in a fragile state and you're like, have you ever done algebra? It's because it was math. I was triggering. I'm really sorry. Well, it's not real math, but I was talking to one of my single friends. Shout out Gabby Brian, who is my only other blonde friend I talk about on the pod who has never met page. But they DM. So she's single. She's single and we had a show in Atlanta. And she was.

was like I found this guy on Instagram I want to I've been chatting to so immediately I'm like sent it to me because one thing I will do is live vicaracy through my single friends I want every detail I'm I'm part of it yeah so I see the guy and he's standing in front of like some cabinets and I just said ooh can you double check that cabinet video I don't like where his head was compared to the cabinets it's giving like five five nine five 10 and gabby's tall gabby's like five 10 um and you don't want to kiss like looking down so I was just looking out for her also looking eyes the eyes I'm like I feel like I'm in an eye exam. I feel like you are my eye doctor. I'm like I actually can't do that.

If we hug and your head goes in my neck, I'm out. If you're curled up in my bosom. What are you a squirrel? Don't snuggle up into my neck, you freak. No, I want my hand to be a little high when I'm trying to hold your hand. Anyway, I digress. can't hold hands with anyone it's actually so that's it's so crazy posing cons to your gift the guy's like why you have a claw um the claw so stop laughing you're gonna stop stop stop it stop so Gabby was

like don't worry I did the forearm to calf ratio I said I've never heard of this so she basically was like if he has short calves it means he's short and I was like that's not true because I have short and I'm 5-7 because I'm all torso. And she's like, yeah, that's why you also double check that they have long forearms. And I was like, I've never thought of this before. But I don't know if it's true. Wait a minute. I thought this was somehow going to relate to their dick.

And I'm really pissed that it doesn't. No. But also, I feel like I don't have particularly long forearms. I'm just torso and I'm tall. I think girls are just trying to like understand. Do you know that your foot is the size of your forearm? My forearm's longer than my foot. It's not true.

Okay, well, you're an alien. Who told you that? Who told you that? I don't know. Wait, there's one other cuckoo, wacko thing I bought on TikTok. Well, actually, no, I didn't buy it on TikTok because the millennial in me makes me go over to Amazon and I buy it. I think I can't do purchases on TikTok. that's insane.

Tuning forks. Oh, we lost her. You guys, we lost her. She's far, far too, gone. Paige. I took an oregano supplement earlier, too, and I think it's literally. Wait, did I tell you, I've been taking oregano supplements? Shut the fuck.

Paige De Sorbo, shut the fuck up. You witch. You little witch. No, because I've been on tour with Ellie Colbert, and she gets sick because she's weak, gets me sick. Now I'm weak. Now we're both weak. And I tell her that it's mental and then I get it. She goes, have you taken an oregano shot?

And I was like, fuck yeah, let's do it. And she goes, it's really, really painful. It tastes really bad. And I'm like, I'm not a pussy. I've taken tequila shots. I could take an oregano shot. The way I almost died in that Uber. No, oregano is like no fucking joke.

Well. Who told you to take it and why? My holistic guy, part of my, part of my UTI regimen, that we're like testing out to see is he has me on like an oregano supplement and then like another cranberry supplement and I'm like seeing if that like builds up my uterine line I don't fucking know how often do you take oregano to the face so I take one a day but they are so potent so you so you do have to like ask a professional because I think you can really fuck up your stomach if you take too much of it yeah I was scared also you have

have to take it with like some juice you have to do juice on it no juice oh and eat there's all these rules who knew but yeah i was i've been into arregano do you think because we're italian it like it feels good nurse it likes it yeah like her body's like back to our people they say it like helps clear out like bacteria and like but this is the thing page you're sitting here you're telling me all your holistic strategies and they're not working better you go I've never felt worse. I'm on my deathbed, but I swear, regano shots are incredible.

I've never felt worse, but truly, this is the first time I think I've ever realized that, like, men are so weak. Like, I knew, but I needed, like, a really, like a certain type of reminder around sickness,

like true flu symptoms, and it's so interesting to listen to them speak about it, because I'm like, you're weak. I think about the men who are listening to this pod accidentally. It's in the background. And we'll finally get into a part that like we're in a funny flow. The men are probably laughing.

And then just when they think they're safe, we can always get, we always get it back to the men somehow. So just keep one eye open. There's a man somewhere in a car being like their whole personality is just hating on men. So really they're obsessed with us. Shut out. Well, the men will catch strays. They will catch trays, strays, trays, and they catch trays too. Amanda Rodriguez sent us, a giggler, DMs me a really good mental health moment that I think it's time for before you black out.

Yeah. Before I take Sudafed to the face. She goes, I saw a post about what is the most unhinged way that you practice microfeminism in your life. And when the comments was, any time I'm being mean to myself, I remind myself that I'm being mean to a woman. and then I stop. It was a great mental health moment. Wait, that is so sweet. No, like, whenever you mean to yourself, you're like, we support women, we support women

to arts, are you not a woman in the art? Let's move on. Do you know I got an IV last weekend? Oh, well, well, did you? For what? I got an IV because I was like really sick and dying with Ali. Yeah. And Ali's just like you where we get to the Ivy person and they're telling us all these add-ons.

And I'm like, uh-uh, I'm not. doing drugs give me the basics i don't want LSD i don't want to be spying it up literally so allie's sitting there she's like yeah whatever and the lady's like it was after our show so it was like 10 p.m and alie she tells ali like do you want some benadryl and it'll just like put you to sleep and alie was like yeah i'll take some benadryl and they asked me and i was like no i don't need to be black girl sorry i don't do methamphetamine um i'm like i can't handle melaton um i'm like i can't handle tonin i'm not taking benedrill to the lung okay so alie's like yeah i'll take some fucking benadryl five minutes in she's looking at me she's like i'm gonna pass out i'm gonna

she's like henna well i start laughing go last time i did this is page page almost fainted thought she was dying i was fainting because she got some extra shit and alie's put something in the bag she's trying to kill us page page goes this would be the perfect perfect way to murder. This is the perfect murder. I'm like, the nurse is still in the room. The nurse is standing right here. She can hear you. And Ali is looking at me. She goes, can you tell I'm high? Can you tell I'm high? She's like, I'm, I just want you know, I'm not freaking out, but I'm freaking out right now. I'm getting high and I'm like, I'm trying to have a nice night. And my friends always have to get fucked up off some IV. And Ali's like, no, and she looks at the lady and she's like, am I supposed to be feeling this

fucking high from the Benadryl? She's like, can you? The lady starts panicking and like, looking at the vials to see if she put the right thing on but she was like yeah just it comes harder because it's right into the bloodstream and like allie small tiny put her in your pocket you didn't have an excuse but just kidding as feet that's the size of your forearm you can handle it do you want to know how humbled i was i asked ali for a belt she's like yeah i have brown and i black i said amazing couldn't get it around my waist. I said, Allie. You were like, sorry, a belt for an adult.

I don't. But she's small, but I never consider her like, like that tiny, but couldn't get around. It was the most, I said thank you. Wait, that is so you. You're like, hold on. The math actually is, this is the matrix because if my waist and your waist,

there is something, this isn't making. said. I looked at her and I said, is this? I said, does this fit you? And she's like, yeah, that's my mouth. And I said, that's crazy because we look the same. You asking her if her belt fit her is so you. Really? Okay. I thought belts had ranged though. Like, why do you have so many holes in it? But it was like the end of the holes. Range for that size. She's like an extra small, small. Now, guys, I'm all about body positivity. I've never felt fucking grosser in that moment and I wasn't even bloated. Don't.

She's also, Ali is also so tiny. She's way shorter than you. I know. I know. I mean, you just called me fat, but I'll make you feel better. We'll see you. No, we're good. I'm dying.

This may be the last time you fucking see me. Oh, God. Anything else? I saw an Instagram video of Derek Jeter the other day, so that brightened my day. And that's about it. Love of my life. And I do have to just say one thing, though, about men. Every man that everyone's like, and he's the good one, he's not.

Like, I recently saw like a list of people being like, be like these non-problematic male comedians. And I was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, and nope. So anyway, remember all men are not good? So Derek Jeter, I don't know what you've done. But we still love you, but I just want to normalize. we're not like putting him on a pedestal. I just saw one clip, quick video of him. I feel like I never seen on social media.

We had a complicated breakup. We had a complicated break up. You don't follow him? No, I do, but I feel like I never see his stuff, never pops up. It's always like him being a dad. Yeah, it was him being a dad. And I was like, oh my God, I feel like I never see this in this context. And then I did have a thought about Tom Brady, but honestly, I digress.

I digress. You don't want to get into it. I don't. I'm too sick to get it. Like a positive thought? No. I can get into it. I'm too sick.

I just thought like, wow. I'm too sick for this. I just thought like, wow. Derek Jeter is the blueprint of feel like, of like, how an athlete should behave. He apparently gave gift baskets to women he'd hook up with. They'd leave with the signed ball. I then started to think about like the colton of. at all?

Oh, no. She goes, you know why I'm saying? Colton Underwood and his fucking... You've opened up a can of words. If you really want me to say what I was thinking, I'm going to give it to you. Here's what I was thinking. I was thinking, wow, Colton Underwood can get another really big job, like, on a hit TV show.

Then I was thinking, wow, actually, athletes can do, like, a lot of fucked up shit and then, like, continue to play. And they just get two games suspension. And I was like you could. Two game suspension. You could literally beat your girlfriend up in an elevator, in a hallway, in her own home. It doesn't matter. You can be suspended for two games.

If you smoke weed, though, you could be suspended for like four. And this is a sports podcast. Oh, she's bringing out her special wipey. Ew. She's, okay. I had to spit. Turn off the YouTube. Turn off the YouTube.

Turn off the YouTube. Turn off. Blur that great. That was, at least warned the viewers. That was crazy. That was crazy. Well, you wanted me to go on a rant and this is what happens. I'm glad that it's flowing though.

We don't want it to get stuck. No, I took a shower and I like seemed. This is what I wanted. I gwash-od. I like did all this stuff for my. No, you look so sick but so glowy at the same time. Thank you, doll. I don't feel glowing, but thank you.

No, you do. You do. I have 100 pages left in my book. Oh my gosh, how long is that can take you? Well, we don't know. It's funny. Books, I feel like they either fly by or you're like, it's been three years. Like one paragraph?

I have to go. I can't even laugh anymore. One paragraph. You guys, we have to go. We love you so much. Thank you for giggling. And we'll talk to you later. Bye.