Giggly Squad - Giggling about wrinkles, wikifeet, and moose knuckles

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

Something is in the water because we both partied this weekend and Hannah is wearing tabis. Thanks to Dunkin' for supporting this episode! #DunkinPartnersubscribe to our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. Got away from me. What's up my holding a grudge gigglers? My grudgy gigglers. You know, and I just thought of one.

We've never said grasshopper. That's really good. And that's like sweet. You don't have to like outdo the one I did. That took me forever to come up with the grudge one. I mean, you do one every twice a week. I know. I am running out.

There's only so many G-words. We've done, you've done the same one a lot. And you let me repeat. And you're like, oh, that's a good one. So Women of Sam of the Week has gotten out of control. Yeah. They're now nominating themselves. I'm like, I couldn't Google that.

So we can't actually put you as Women of STEM. But shout out to, for example, I didn't watch a Kentucky Derby. Neither did any. Is that a thing? People, I guess, watched. They do. And the first woman. trainer one. Yes, I saw that. When I first heard that, I thought they meant like the woman riding

the horse. The jockey. The jockey. And then I started to think, why the fuck is every jockey five, two, 110 pounds and they're all men? Yeah. They should just be a bunch of Sabrina Carpenter's. Right. And the girls would crush it as jockeys, but there's not one jockey. That's a woman. I feel like the girls are like, nah. Also, I feel like the girls don't want to like force horses to do things they don't want to do. Like the men are, they like to control where girls are like, if the horse wants to eat a dandelion, let him eat a dandelion. Do you know that they walk the horses out with their horse best friend so that they're not

stressed walking to like the stable that they take off from? That's me and you on Jimmy Fallon. No, literally. I was like, I'm a horse best friend. Wait. I literally go places with my horse best friend. Like, wait, speaking of Jimmy Fallon, I saw him this weekend. Wait, tell me everything.

I went to the like F1, like, pre-race at like the preliminary. I have no idea what it was. Yeah, there's all right. I know as I wear a linen set. Which a linen set is always at risk. Yeah, because like you sit, you literally get in the Uber to go there and then you get out and you're like, I'm a wrinkled mess. One thing people hate is wrinkles. One thing that'll get them worked up online is a wrinkle.

People have said some of the meanest things. things to me ever because my pants were wrinkled. Also, is everyone out here just, like, ironing every second of the day? The internet made me buy a steamer class. I'm like, guys, I can't be steaming all day long. Same with, like, things getting tailored. They're like, it doesn't, it doesn't fit. I'm like, is everyone running to the tailor the minute they buy something from Zara?

Like, give me a fucking break. So you're in your gorgeous white linen set. Anyway, my gorgeous white linen set, I'm two cocktails deep. I see Jimmy Fallon from across the way. And I'm like, my first instinct is always like, Don't say anything. Yeah, you don't, you won't remember who I am. So, like, I'm not going to even put you in that awkward position.

Because that would, I don't know if you could, like, survive that kind of interaction. I'd melt because I wouldn't, I, but I always start being like, I don't know if you remember. Yes. You don't assume. Usually, like, someone will cut me off if they're like, don't be stupid. We'd, like, just talk. Yeah. So whatever, I see him.

And I go up to him. And he's like. oh my god like what are you doing here and i don't know why i was just like i'm all over i don't know what i'm doing here he smoked a cigarette i've been around these streets and like i have a slick back pony and that's all i was in charge of for the day um it is funny how these random sporting events like the celebs that come out yeah it was fun but the one the my biggest takeaway from the weekend was a girl on TikTok was like, it's my 28th birthday. That girl, Maddie. You know that blonde girl we know. That Maddie girl. Oh, yes. She was like, oh, it's my 28th birthday

and whatever. Which is crazy because in my head, she's my age. But I mean, like, we're the same age. Right. She's not my age. I'm her age. She's not our age. She's not our age. We're her age. We're all 28. I felt so compelled I commented. I said 20. I said 28 was my hands down, my favorite year of my 20s by far. Doesn't even compare to another year. 28 is just such a good age because you're too far from 30 for people to be like, oh my God, you're almost 30, but you're also too far away from 25 so people respect you. Wow.

They're like, oh, she's a woman. You know that. I feel like you start to be a woman. You get a different confidence, I feel like at year 28. Yeah. And then it's all downhill from there. But anyway. I was thinking about aging and how I'm like, aging sucks.

Like you get older, you lose, you lose strength, you lose how you look, whatever. You get happier. In so many different situations. Every video I've seen of women in their 40s, 50, 60s is just being like, guys, your 20s is the worst mental health of your life. I mean, the amount of women that are hotter after having children. Yeah. I'm like, how do you do it? Also, there's a hotness that comes with liking yourself.

That's some woo-woo shit. So, do we film? Oh yeah, we had like a quick combo and he was great. But anyway, so I'm talking. So whatever, this girl posts this video that she's turned 28 and I'm like, oh my God, I love 28. And then I'm sitting and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, when I turned 29, something happened and I was like, I'm allergic to alcohol.

Like I could no longer drink from 29, 30, 31, 32. I'm now 33. In the past like four to five months, I've been experimenting, like, can I drink? Mama's back. Oh, no. Everyone should prepare for this summer because I had a cocktail and I was like, okay, I feel good. But usually I can take one cocktail. And then I was like, let me try another one.

So I have another cocktail and I'm like, guys, are we going out tonight? Like I... What kind of cocktail? Actually, it was really annoying. It was, we were actually. Like a carbone sponsored something, like, I don't even know what it was. And so I asked for a Hugo Spritz and they were like, we only have carbone sprits. And I'm like, guys, that's like when you say I want it.

You don't though, because you have all the ingredients back there. I hate when places do that. You're like, can I have a Sprite? And they're like, we only have. They're like, well, it is a Hugo Spritz, but it has like great. I'm like, okay, whatever. Also, I have no idea what a Hugo Spritz is. It's like St. Germain.

That's all I know. You're like, I don't know either, but I want it. I don't need to know. I'm not the one making it. I don't need to know what's in it. So I had three cocktails. Yeah. And I went home and took a nap.

It was the best ever. You know, it's crazy. I came here today to announce something as well. I'm hung over. Who are we? But this is the thing. I'm actually, you know, when you, oh my God, whenever I would drink,

you guys know I love sleep. Whenever I drink in my 20s, I always wake up at 7 a.m. It's like a weird thing. I know people like you. Because normally I sleep till 10.30, 7 a.m. I'm up and my body refuses and then I feel like kind of a little anxiety. My body's just like we something weird happened last night and we're a little scared.

Yeah. And then I wake up and then I like right now I'm okay but it's going to hit me in like four hours. I'm going to be like I've been hit by a car. Well I was supposed to go out Saturday night but I got home and I looked at Joe and I was like you're not doing a two a day. Order a pizza. Like I'm not redoing my glam. That's insane. Oh my God. Well, the mental fortitude you have to have to, like, go out, perform, be hilarious and likable. Yeah. And make everyone's day.

Chatting. Come back home and then do it again, not in one day. No. No. I feel like I've talked to so many girls that are like, oh, I don't drink either. And not because, like, of, like, a substance issue, but it's like, oh, my stomach hurts or, like, I vomit or whatever. And I genuinely think it was my anxiety. taking over so much and I truly feel like my body's like I needed this past year to get my like

body re-regulated from the past like three years and I think that's why I can drink again because I'm like so much calmer and like I love you're like guys if you get mentally healthy you can get drunk you could binge alcohol again you can become an alcoholic again well I should you haven't even said anything about your your bangs oh yeah you have bangs your hair is that really is that I've had bangs. I know, but this is like fresh bang. Oh, yeah, I did maybe trim them like two weeks ago. Yeah.

Actually, they could even be trimmed. Your hair's insanely long. Well, I can do this better. This was my first time trying my. I have a new product. New product alert. Just like a random hot tool, but everyone has a crimper now. The thing to do now is crimp.

Wait, what? I thought we just got the other hot. Yeah, well, you have to have different versions of your vibe. But also the crimp, not the like, it has to be like a big crimp. It's a three-prong cramp. Okay, because I've done the other cramp. You look like you're an 80s singer. And I didn't do the appropriate steps prior,

but once I get the hang of it, it's over for you bitches. Why do I feel like everyone's trying so hard to look like they just woke up out of bed with their hair? It's our aesthetic. But this is just how I woke up actually. Actually, this is my hair. I got rained on at the bar last night. What is this podcast? No.

Rained on at the bar on a bar on? Sunday night. Whenever I went out on a Sunday night, my mom would be like, really, page a Sunday? Well, I like the gigglers is because there was a mom where I was going to cancel and I go, The gigglers need this from me. They need the story. Okay, well, before you tell the story, let's actually preface the story. So, Friday night, everyone has the most ambitions ever.

We get a text message from Stacey Schroeder at group chat. Hey, when can we hang out this weekend? We figure out that Sunday night is our night. That's when all three of us are free. Sunday morning comes. I wake up and I'm like, you thought. Like I can't, guys, I can't go out tonight to a dinner or something. So I'm on FaceTime with Hannah and I'm like, I'm going to text in the group chat and say that I can't go.

And in my head, I'm like, if I can't go, my friend's not going. Like, she's also busy. I literally said in the group chat, don't hang out without me. I'm too tired. I can't come. Crickets. Crickets. I then I'm laying in bed a couple hours later I go to FaceTime Hannah no answer

Which never happens I go if this bitch Went out and didn't even say oh by the way me and Stasi are actually I'm like so you You went out of the group chat You texted on your guy's own and was like she's a loser she's not coming What's our plan? Because maybe maybe I would have rallied Throwing my hair up in a top knot of some sort How dare you right now turn this on me? Because you got out of it and I was protecting you, not forcing you to come out with us.

And that's a different perspective. And there's two sides to every story. And I didn't look at it from that lens. Thank you so much. And you're like, you left me out. Like you literally got out of it before me. I mean, and we all know you could have texted like, I'm still going. I could have been like, have fun bitch.

Like I'm like. So it was raining. Yeah. It was crazy. You want to know what? That was my first thought waking up in the morning. I was like, it's going to rain all day. My thing also, I didn't go out Saturday because I was fully prepared for this.

This was my social event of the weekend. And also, I've been touring my whole life. So I'm like, I'm a rock star and I have an open weekend and I felt, and Des was gone. And Butter and I can only talk so long. Right. So I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go out. And I don't know what people order at the bar nowadays.

I got nervous. I almost ordered apple juice. Like I was. What did you order? I said, I got my class. classic vodka soda with a little pineapple on top. And I think everyone's going to laugh at me and everyone goes, genius. So I don't feel it myself.

I'm like, I'm back. She's back. But I'm such a slow drinker that my like ice melts all the time. Well, because you're talking so much. Where see, I'm a fast drinker because I'm like, I don't want to participate. I'm talking, talking, talking, everyone else is getting other drinks. I'm behind. They think I'm not fun.

I'm like, I'm coordinating a conversation. Yeah. I'm the host. I'm the emcee. I'm the emcee of the event. I'm asking people questions. I'm tagging along. I'm getting people involved who weren't involved.

I'm orchestrating. Literally, any time I've ever been in a group setting. I'm the host of a reunion. I'm Andy Cohen. You do get this weird, like almost like, okay, I've got to work. I'm responsible. We were invited to a dinner. You don't have to make a speech.

You don't have to make a speech. You're like, no, people are waiting for my speech. Like, have I ever just like disappear in the day? the background of a group setting. Never in my life. Where that is your role. Yeah, which is I think why I feel so comfortable with you because I'm like, I've yet to find a man. I'm like, you go, you do it, you be in charge. Well, because one, I hate that. But with you, I'm like, yes, she's in charge. I wonder what that is that I can't let a man take control because I'm like, you're taking away my rights. Yeah. But when it's your best friend, you're like, you go, you do it.

How many times have I been like, you go first? Every time. Well, actually, you know, to tell me. I just know. I just know. Well, I don't read the comments, but someone commented on something being like, I don't understand how they're actually friends. They're so different.

And I'm like, okay, first of all, like. A tale is oldest time. What? Watch any Mary Kate and Ashley movie. A hundred percent. But like, we're different, but we're different in a way where, like, you still see us in the same friend group. Hannah, we're really not different.

I think we've made it a bit that, like, we're so. different. But like if you get in there and to our core, it's the same DNA. And someone was like, they're both the time. That's their whole thing. And I'm like, sorry for having a brand. So sorry for having ancestors. What do you want me to tell my great grandma? I'm going to go fuckers? Do you want me to say I'm something else? Sorry I have an identity. Speaking of being Italian, I watched Green Book over the weekend. Oh, I watched it like an Oscar. I haven't watched it since it came out. Yeah. So good. Literally one of the best movies of our time. Anyway, that was like, Everyone watched Greenbook.

It was new on Netflix. I was like, no. I was thinking how two friends, we always, if they're like the same, they know each other, but like you need your friend

to be different from you. And like to the point where like, we're in a marriage and like I am the boyfriend. Like I've fully taken on all the roles of the man one. And like it really makes our relationship work. Like I, like I wake up in the morning and I literally treat you like my girlfriend. I'm like,

is she comfortable? Does she like the real? routine right now. Is she okay? And like that's why our relationship functions well because like we have a we have each other's backs. Yes, we have each other's backs. You know so many times like me and Hannah will call each other and like we'll gossip and there's you know this is what I can compare it to. You know when you go out to dinner with a couple yes and maybe you and your significant other have had a little tiff a couple days prior or even like the morning prior or like you're like I want to change your I want. That's a change. And then you go out to dinner with a couple and you are like,

huh. I'm in a perfect relationship. What was my point? Are you saying that we're a good friendship? Oh yeah, yeah. I go back to me. Let's get. So I feel like every time we get on the phone to gossip, you're like, oh, thank you. I'm like, oh my God, Hannah, there are other best friends out there that are just like, it's not it. It's not it. And one of them should get out. They should both get out. But I feel so secure with you after I'm around other girls because I'm like, you guys aren't real friends.

And you wouldn't know what it's like to be in a real friendship. It's the same like when you get home from dinner and you're like to your boyfriend or your husband or whatever, you're like, wait, we do love each other. Also, the fact that we like never get photos taken of us unless it's like we had to be in an event that like contractually we had to get photos is good friends too. It's like it's not performative. It's like, you know those performative friends who were like out having fun together again? Out having fun together.

I'm like, well, we're also in our 30s now. Like we wouldn't post that even. Like we, you change once you're getting your 30s. You're like, I don't need to perform that I'm out having fun because I'm out having fun. Yeah. We're like in your 20s you want you want people to have this idea of you. Is this fun? This is fun.

I also think that we don't. actually like people besides gigglers. So I was telling you, like, the reason social media is so annoying is because it's like waking up and then having to walk into a party and have people talking to you you don't want to talk to. That's what scrolling your phone feels like. That's why I follow cat accounts and architect digest. It's so funny because, like, being in Miami, there's, same with New York City, but being

in Miami, there's, like, some of the most beautiful girls you've ever seen in your life. And they're, like, walking down the street and, like, their tits are out. And they're just, like, they have, like, the cutest. little dog and anytime I'm like on a walk with Joe and I see like a hot girl in my head I'm like this girl's a giggler like I can just tell and so every time a girl will walk by and then like notice it's me like I feel like we have like a weird eye thing and then I like kind of turn to him and I'm like are all the gigglers just the hottest girl you've ever seen in your life literally no I met two the other day I was like guys gorgeous get on a runway get out

out of here. What are he doing at the dog park? And then I met some gigglers who were here for F1 and they were like, oh, we're like head of marketing for whatever and we're the bosses. And I was like, obviously. Yeah. Obviously. Also, I just have to do a quick showing of my moose knuckle shoe. Steve Madden. Take it off. Put it on the table. It's too sticky under there. It's too, I feel like that would. Also, you're trying to lower my wiki feet rating. I know exactly what you're doing. Okay, for people don't know. No, pages like a 4.9 in Wiki feet. 4.7, I think. No, it was 4.9 checked recently. And I'm 4.8. And you are out here, like, you're actually, like, I'm showing my feet that much? You post your full grid post. Is my first.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, she's not trying to hide it at this point that she's a, like, you would make actual money. There should be no billionaires, so I'm giving my fee for free. Okay. It would actually be unfair. But I have to say these mous knuckle shoes, first time I wore them, I didn't know that they actually go in between your toe and the other. I thought it was just aesthetic. Oh.

I feel violated right now. It feels like I'm wearing a thong. To me, it feels like toe socks. I've actually never even tried one on. It's invasive for sure. Yeah. But then I kind of like it. I'm kind of like, is this fun?

There's intrusiveness happening. You won't wear a thong. But I'll wear a toe thong. But you'll literally put it in between your toes. Because it's ugly and it's not for men. That's what I'll do it. Thongs are for men. Are thongs for men?

Are thongs pick me? No. They're not. Then why do you wear them? Because I think they're more comfortable. And I don't want my underwear to show in any pants. So I never have to think about my underwear showing in pants because I only have thongs. You're a slut.

At what point did you start wearing? Do you know Dapney brand made granny panties? As they sure. Or are you? As they should. Wait, when did you first start wearing thongs? I think high school. Did Kim say anything? Was Kim like, did you go to Victoria's Secret? Yeah, here's the thing. Kim and I like, love a thong. We were working, okay? Like, we were putting outfits together on Monday for Friday night football games. Like, we had a, we were running a business. We knew which days we went to the mall. Maybe if you knew what a business was. You'd be passionate about it. So like Kim and I were working.

We never got into like the weeds of the wise. No, me and my mom in high school never got into the weeds of like a daughter fighting with their mom. Like we just didn't do that because we were all business. Yeah. But she was like this capri requires this song. Yes. Like she told me what to do.

I did it. And then but then I gave back to her like I need X, Y and Z. I need salmon on Tuesday nights. Like certainly, like, we don't very working relationship in high school. My mom was like, hey, are you going to start shaving above your knee? And I was like, I didn't know that was a thing. And she's like, just work. Never mind.

And I was like, okay, don't ever bring that up again. I was shaving top, bottom in fifth grade. Yeah. No, my mom was like, I think shaving should be a thing we should start if you want. But if you're uncomfortable with it, it's fine. Well, if you want to really talk about like girly, every Saturday morning. Oh, I can't wait to tell you my Saturday morning. every Saturday morning. My mom would run the bath and she would mix up some type of potion that she would put all over her face.

And in our like the house I grew up in like you could like step into the tub. So it was almost like there was like a bench outside the tub. And so I would lay on the bench and she would like shave and she would essentially be actually getting ready for Saturday night. But she would be doing this like all Saturday. So, like, to me and my head, Saturdays were like, you were grooming. You groomed your. And so that's why now Sundays I'm like, I try my products and I do my hair oil. Saturday morning, my dad wakes me up.

It's go time. He's written a chart. Never saw my dad on a Saturday. Didn't even know he was allowed to be alive on a Saturday. My dad woke me up sweating. So in his bedroom, he had a treadmill and waits. So he would, he, it was actually so cute. He'd draw this chart that showed all the weights and exercise I had to do with stretching in between.

And when I finished it, I had to check. So he'd be working out and I'd be working out. And we'd be doing weights. What age? Like eight. And then I'd run on the treadmill and I'd blast the space jam soundtrack. And that was our Saturday morning. You were no Olympian athlete.

Yes. It was crazy. And then sometimes we lived right by Prospect Park. So sometimes he'd be like, we're doing laps in the park. And we'd run together around the park until I was too tired. And if someone like passed us, he'd be like, we've got to get them. We'd be like racing random people. Our own, Kim and I's only cardio, cross-gates mall, Saturday afternoon.

And then he would take me to tennis. Our Saturday's going to have been more different. Then we'd get home and then eat some pasta. That was probably similar. Yeah, that was definitely similar. Yeah. But the Saturday morning's blasting space jam, just like imagining I was going to win the U. open. That's what I did. Wow, you have ambition. Babe, you have ambition too, but it was for beauty.

That's true. And mine was vain. It's so fun. Mine is so fun. Good hair days do more than we give them credit for. When your hair feels healthy, you show up differently. You're more confident, more relaxed, and not constantly checking mirrors just to adjust your hair. Your hair becomes one less thing competing for your attention throughout the day. Nutraful supports hair health from within. Looking overtime to deliver results you can see and feel. So your hair becomes something you enjoy, not something you stress about. Nutraful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand. And it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists.

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For a limited time, Nutraful is offering our listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code Giggly. That's Nutraful.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L-L-O-L-L-com. promo code giggly. Actually, I meant to tell the gigglers because I've never, like, been in warm weather for as long as I have been the past couple of months. Do you use a, it's like really not going to be interesting at all. It's just like legit girl stuff.

Yeah, logistics. Yeah, this is like serious. Do you use a leaving conditioner? I have so many times bought it trying to be that person, but I never have convinced myself. I can't not use a leaving conditioner. Do you use it in the shower? No, when I get out. I put it in.

And then you have to wash it out? No, you leave it in. Really? Leave in conditions. Do you spray it on? No, I use the Crown Affair one and I really like it. I've tried a couple and this one is my favorite. And you think it works?

I think it works but like, okay, perfect example is like I didn't put it in last night because I was going to do a hair mask and then I fell asleep. And so I feel like my ends are a little like, and this is air dried and then I did my crimpour. I have been getting some TikToks being like all about. anything Pages Sorbo recommends and like I fear um we've lost the pot I fear girls are spending all their money on random shit that you're done. It's not random it's fun stuff that I like that really works. Yeah and then six months later you're like guys I actually hate it and it's a hair spray

that I've been using on my pussy no I now you have me thinking I think I'm going to do a TikTok every week of like products that I've used that week that I like and I don't like. please actually please that'll be so good but also that is our newsletter too like the newsletter oh right yeah you can't see me in the newsletter and so like some things no i think you should well because one thing about you is you will be trying everything i will be trying everything and every season i like to change my makeup bag like okay we use that blush now for the past three months let's switch it up summer's coming my makeup bag is different you're actual influencer it's my hobby yeah some girl like giggler deemed me Something like, I forget what she even said, but basically calling me like ridiculous.

And then she was like, but like in a nice way. And then she was like, and then I remember, that's just your hobby. Like keep going. Let her have joy. Yeah, let her like help on on Sunday evening. But we're so opposite. I don't believe in any product. I think it's all made up.

I think it's all marketing. Except the other day I texted you and I said, I really think you should get microneedling. Which I'm going to do. And you were like, yeah, I'm going to do it. Your skin looks really good, actually. I really enjoy it. And you're really not even. You don't even see.

benefits until you've done it like two or three times. That's what they get you? That you go back. You don't see the benefits once you do it 800 times. The movie gets really good like 40 minutes in. That's how I feel like laser hair removal. They're like, don't worry, it'll be gone in 20 years. Laser hair removal saved my life because I had an ingrown hair problem.

Yeah, like your bikini line. Since I was little because I was running and sweating everywhere. I was getting these like horrible. And I was exfoliating at eight. See, I didn't know what exfoliating was. I also was using Nair, which. I think that started COVID actually. Oh my God.

I for God. Chernobyl is from Nair. My mom and I had a Nair phase where we'd be like, Nair time and the room would smell like Chernobyl. This is so niche and so Italian. Did you ever bleach? No. Never?

Like your butthole? No, like. Nope. Which I still don't understand what's going on. You know what? I do have a couple friends who have. I don't bleed your butt hole hair or skin. I thought it was bleach your butthole hair.

Definitely not. It's your skin. What? Who even knows what color their butthole skin is? How do you even see that? The person that's back there. I've never once, and guys, I'm not trying to be pick me, but like, I hear men talk a lot. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I'm in circles where men are, like, men talk in front of me like I'm a boy. Yeah. Never months that they've been like, she's really hot, but then like, you know her asshole, like, wasn't bleached? Like, they don't. I think about that sometimes when, like, I don't shave. I'm like, he's not. He doesn't even know where he is. Please.

I'm like he's fine. I was tired telling people that need to bleach or butto. They're like a lot of people do it. In my 20s, I had like two friends that like did it consistently. Oh, there's upkeep required? I believe so.

Because I think it fades. What were we talking about before that we got to this? How did we get here? Oh, because you don't really have like dark hair. You know, when I died my hair blonde that one time? Yeah. I could see a mustache.

because our hair's dark, it almost like all blends. But if you were blonde, you'd be like, oh, I have a must have. No, before laser hair removal, I used to bleach my arms and my, like, hair on my face. Like in high school. I love that for you. Who did it? Myself. You're actually an artist.

No, Sally Hansen. I'd, like, mix it up every Friday night before I went to, like, the football game. I would be, like, bleaching. And my girlfriends in high school would always be like, oh, my God, like the hair around your forehead is always like lighter than your real hair. And I would just be like, genetics. But really, it was because I was bleaching like any facial hair, but I would never tell anyone that.

Because no one was as Italian as I was. So I wouldn't say, they were like all blonde. I was friends with in high school. Everyone was blonde hair, blue eyes and had the biggest boobs in the world. And then it was me. You really never. Literally, Audrey Hepburn and a bunch of Marilyn Monroe's. Yes.

I don't know how you survived that. Like Stephanie didn't? for speaking up about that. Thank you. Because my best friend, Stephanie is like Irish and German and God knows what. She does not have a single hair like on her body. When my mom went to Cornell, shout out to my smart mom, she was like one of the few Italians. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's like, sorry. I just like my mom has dark hair. Can I actually talk shit about my husband? I'm waiting. So as you guys know, Des got his knee surgery. So to get his knee surgery, they shaved. his leg.

Okay. One of his legs. So it's been like a week and a half and he looked at me and he's like, look at my leg and I'm like, what? And he's like, look at it. I'm like, what do you want to show me? No hair. His hair hadn't grown back.

Your kids are going to be really lucky. Well, let's hope that they take after him. And I'm sitting there and I have a five o'clock shadow. Yeah. And I'm like, it's just crazy. My kids are like already hairy. That's how hairy I know. I'm already booking my daughter.

He's going to come out as a hair ball just like, it's just like a bunch of hair. Kitty's going to birth her and it's just hair. Wait, kids who come out with like full dark time? Yeah, it's going to be my child. It's so cute. My children's going to come out with like full ringlets and like ask me where the leaving conditioner is.

You can have a must edge. Yeah. Did I talk about my derma plane incident with the TSA agent? I think that one slips through the cracks. I'm not sure that we've heard that. Okay, so as you guys know not to brag, I mean, that is a web. I mean, that is a weapon. I'm flying five times a week sometimes.

I have a down to a science. I know exactly what to do to make everything smooth. So it's always the end of the tour that shit starts to go right. It's like, the universe stops protecting me. They're like, go home now. They're like, let it go. Your aura is too across the country. You're burnt.

Yeah. What do they say cropped? No, your chops. Chops. So I'm in, where the fuck? was I. Yeah, it doesn't matter. North Carolina, I think. And my luggage gets pulled to the VIP line.

Yeah. Pulled to the side. Great way to. They need to take a second look. And immediately, I'm, I actually get furious. Like, I get a little Karen in the head of like, I do this every week. Why is this now? Yeah. Like, what's different? Like, because they actually. What could you have possibly found that the hundreds did? Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, you guys have seen something anyway so it's this like 35 year old guy and he's just doing his job and he was like do you have any liquids and I'm like no I'm not fucking dumb I don't I fly every day like I'm not I mean I didn't talk like that but I was just like no I only have my duck and refreshers yeah and he's so he's like looking

through everything and obviously my bag is a fucking mess so they open it up and you get exposed and it's just bad and I'm like there's no he's going to shut this like you know how hard it was. Yeah. And I'm just sitting there like, this is so fucking. And he can't find anything. So I'm like, this is on you guys. Like, what did you? You're the one who got me here. You're asking me what the problem is when you said there's a problem. You tell me what the problem is. So finally, he's looking through my makeup bag and I was like, whatever. And he pulls out my dermat razor and he's looking at it for like three minutes. No, this could be an entire show. So, and I'm looking at him because I'm annoyed. So I'm not giving him anything. I'm not.

He's just looking at it. And finally he looks to me, he goes, what is this? And I go, sometimes I got these little goat hairs on the bottom. You said this? I said, someone's got little hairs, and it takes the hairs off my chin. And he looks at me, and he's like. It's essentially a really thin razor.

Yeah, so then he starts, like, trying to take it apart. And it's like a nice derma play. It's like a heavy one. Like, it's one of those things that I got like three years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably doesn't work anymore. Do you ever have a dermoplaying your eyebrows? I'm scared.

Yeah. I'm scared. I have like a, intrusive thoughts that I'd be like, what if I just... Yeah. Because I feel like it would be so... Like, why don't people do that more? Because is it...

It's harder to control it, I think. But is it essentially shaving? I don't know. Whatever. So he... He's looking at me. I'm looking at him. He like doesn't trust me or something. Yeah. So he goes, hold on one sec.

Get his manager holding my weapon. Yep. And he's basically up to her. He's like, is this a gun? Like, he's talking to the lady. It was a full 15 minutes of him talking to this woman deciding, so he comes back and I go, look, sir, I've been flying with this weapon for six months now and it's never been a problem. Why is he getting flagged now? And he's like, well, technically,

it is a razor and you're not allowed to have razors. And he takes it apart and you can pull, he goes, see this. I'm like, well, you just broke it. And he's like, okay, well, do you want it without the razor? And I go, no. You just know, it's not. Now it's just. I want the plastic wand. It's a plastic wand. So. I have enough microplastics in me, sir. I'm not like taking this now for the rest of my journey. You've stolen the good part. So he's like, sorry you can't have your full sword. And I was just like, okay, you win.

It's crazy because I have a razor and my carry on all the time. It never gets. Yeah, I've never gone. So like it was this huge deal. And then I was at the point where I was like, do I just for women argue that like this is important to have in our bags? And that like also. And you know what? I do need a raise.

are on me at all times because people are crazy. Also, speaking of not all men, I got into the Uber this morning and my Uber name says just P, just the letter P. And I get in the Uber and he was like, oh, what's P for? Like Patricia? And I was like, oh, no, my name is Paige, but I put P because I don't want the person to know if I'm a girl or a boy like before I get out there. And he, I did say get out there.

I don't know. Before I really, get going. And he, like, started laughing. And he was like, oh, yeah, that's actually really smart. You never know. So then I'm in the back of the Uber, and I'm like, you don't ever know. Do we know right now, though? Like, are we both in, like?

You know, you never know, but do I know? Are we in agreement right now that we're not going to know. We're going to know that you're going to take me the destination. I'm going to get out and then you're going to leave. Like, we're not going to do this on. Monday morning at 8 a.m. But I was like, wow, a grown man whose job is to drive people around was like really smart idea because you never know. That's scary. It's so scary. That, yeah, the person, he's like, yeah, no, these people are fucking nuts and they'll take people. He's like, you know how easily

I could fucking take you right now? I thought you, yeah. Do you remember when you get off at airports? Well, they're still there and people would just be like, hey, do you want a ride? Do you want a ride? I don't know how it happened, but I was at a young age. And, I couldn't get a taxi and some guy was like, hey, and he just like seemed nice. And it was like a white van. And I remember thinking like this is the last time I'm ever going to see my family. And I didn't have my cell phone was dead. Like one of the situations that I'm like, only I would find myself.

My cell phone was dead. I was in a white van. I don't know direction. You're like, should I just suffocate myself or are you going to do it? Do you want me to just all start it? I mean, you literally gave it to them on a goddamn platter. He like slides the van door open. I almost was like, this is boring.

This is too easy. I want a little bit of a fight or something. I was like, take this out of going. He calls his ball. He's like, she wants to come with us. So I don't know what to do. Actually, Nikki Glazer in her special this past weekend was like talking about how American women aren't getting sex trafficked as much as like European women, which fine,

whatever, they are hotter. But every single day, I'm like, someone's trying to take me. Does she say in the bathroom stalls? In the woman's stalls, it's always like if you're being sex trafficked where it's like in the men's stalls, it's like... Do you want to SIG? Yeah. Do you want to blow jump?

The weather is cloudy today. What does it say in their stalls? I don't know. We both are getting our nails on today. We are. What color are you doing? I'm going to do the same thing. But now I've roped myself into being...

Your assistant when it comes to your toes nails and toes now my guy texts me when I make an appointment He goes what about Hannah? I go well let me check You know what that made my day because someone's looking out for me Someone cares about me because other people didn't believe in me they were like I see her nail journey and I don't want to be part of it A strict regimen and I actually like waited for you like I was like I visit the longest I've ever gone I got I've gone like six weeks It's pretty crazy disgusting Me and you both watched at least the beginning of the documentary. Should I marry a murderer?

I keep falling asleep. I thought it was AI. I thought she was AI. Because she's so expressive. Yeah, I actually had to go back in the beginning and I was like, did they do a warning? She should have her own podcast. She's really charismatic. There's also something about like a British documentary that I'm just like.

It's Scottish. Oh. And the whole time they say, melder. Mildare. And I couldn't... Meldare. Did I marry Mildare? Yeah.

Mildare. I was on my phone for a monster. Skydish people, it's an incredible accent. I can't... Yeah. I think you were having trouble understanding, possibly. But if you don't... Okay, it's incredible.

This is an incredible documentary because it's literally about how long will you stay with a guy if he's six four. She brings it up multiple times. She's like, but he's six four, and he's six four. And he's six four. And he's six four.

he took a I think I can't okay fast forward if you don't hear what happened but she makes this guy in Tinder 6-4 and she's sold yep

and he loves her and then he's like I have to tell you something and it's funny when a guy says I have to tell you something you like your life flashes

before your eyes you're like of all the horrible things like what could it be see I usually know I'm like I've been waiting yeah oh you finally want I'm like money

tell me mm-hmm you're kidding and when was that yeah He already do. The group chat do. Okay.

So this guy's like drinking and driving with his twin, who's also six four, which I think adds to the lore. Yeah. Like maybe whatever, three some, whatever. Okay, so he kills an old man and hits him with the car, which like, look. Oh, that's how he killed him. You didn't watch that documentary at all, but it was literally two minutes in. It was the whole entire premise, did I marry a murderer.

You didn't watch it. I couldn't understand them. It was actually shown in a vision. that he hit him with the car. I was on TikTok. I was multitasking. So I was buying a crumper. At the same time that me and you are getting our nails done,

Kitty will also be getting her nails done. You got a groomer to come to your house? Yes. Well, she goes into like a little van. She gets sex traffic. She's allowed to go to a little. Yes, she's an animal. She's like, mom, have you checked this guy's license?

She goes down in her Louis Vuitton case and she's like, Um, I don't think so. Would never. Well, I want to get her, like, her nails trimmed, her paws trimmed. Does she get a gloss? Get her hair washed for, like, the summer. Yeah. So, like, every, like, three months, 10 weeks, usually, I get her a little spa day.

She loves it. Kitty loves getting brush. It's her hobby. And then when she walks back in the house, like, stop looking. Yeah. She knows. So, anyways, guy, hid an old man of this car. Which, look, drunk driving is beyond fucked up.

Yeah. And he knew that, like, he's in trouble. Kills him on an accident. Also, when you're drunk driving, assume you're going to kill someone. Right. But, like, he drunk drove. Drunk driving is really, really annoys me because I'm like, it's one thing I just, like, I've just never have, like, I've never been in the situation to drunk drive. Well, I never drink and I never drive.

You can drive. I can't drive. Yeah. And growing up in the city, we have. had a lot less drunk driving incidents because none of us had licenses. So it's crazy how like in a suburb how many kids get in trouble. But anyway. And they can't drive to beginning. Don't drink and stop smoking cigarettes. It's not cool. I don't care if Edison Ray did it. Anyway, I'm everyone's mom. Yeah. So they hit the guy and they realize he's still fucking alive. But instead of calling an ambulance,

they like change their clothes and they bury him. Alive? I don't know if he was alive, but he had died by that point, but in like the 40 minutes that he was dying, he could have been saved. So she's like, oh, this is layers of diabolical. Yeah. But then she's like, he is six, four. And he was drunk. He makes mistakes. But she decides she's going to tell the police. He confesses this to her. Yep. She calls the police and what are the police there? She finds out from him where the body's located. Like the police would have never found it. And she's drinking a Red Bull. and she drops the Red Bull right where the place is. So she marks it.

Like she's fucking full. She's also woman in stem of the week. And she's doing that for the cops. For the cops. They're like farmers on like acres and acres. And he also like cuts up bodies and stuff. Like oh, he's a hunter. Yes.

Okay. Which I thought this was going to get way more interesting and be like this this is one of the many people he killed. He's not like a serial killer, which was kind of disappointing. But I'm, the crazy thing is though. The cops don't protect her. Carden?

The cops. She calls the cops. She's like, hey, this guy killed him. I'm marking where it is. They bring him in. And they are like, we think that you killed this guy. And he denies it. And then when he gets out, she doesn't know if the cops talk to him or not about her.

And he calls her and he's like, where are you? And she's like, I cannot be with him. But she has to pretend that she's not like hanging out with a murder that she just tried to get to prison. But he's six four. So she's like, come in. baby and he looks at her and he's he doesn't know but then the cops go to check in on her because she was like I'm gonna like I could get killed right now they and they know her name so they go Caroline and then he and he's like receptive he goes how did they know your name oh my god how are

these the dumbest cops in America do not protect her at all like that's mostly what you get from the documentary is how like this woman put her life in like it really ruined her life yeah But then during COVID, she can't tell anyone her story because the cops told her she can't. So she's like losing her mind alone. He's out by the farm, I think. Something happened, but basically she's like, he's the only person I could like beat myself with. So she moves back in with him. Oh my God.

That's insane. I've stayed for some crazy ass things, okay? I am not one to talk. But, well, you know what? Oh, so this is what happens. he finds out she was the one who told. Yeah, obviously. She thinks that he's going to kill her, and he comes up to her, and he cries, and he goes,

I shouldn't have put you in that position, and, like, I'm so sorry, and, like, you did what you had to do, since she's like, I'm in love with you again, because she's like, he's honest, he understands me, he sees me, and he's six four. So, and they're cute together. So then you're like, who am I running for? Ultimately, I'll let you guys watch the end, but they don't... He goes to jail. He goes to jail.

And he's still in jail? 12 years. I know. It should have been more, but they weren't able to prove that the guy was alive when he first hit him. So it's more like a hit and run. Yeah. So she, but she's, she went, her life was ruined from it just from meeting this tall guy on Tinder. So just like watch out in these streets.

Oh my gosh. And don't drunk drive. He loved bombed her. but like he was so nice and stuff. And probably just like was a different person out. Like they lie and change their personality. Do you know what it gives? It gives that friend that like is horrible to other people,

but they've never been mean to you. Yeah. And you still hang out with them. Yeah. And you hear all these stories and people warn you and you're like, but they're literally nice to me. Yeah. And then when they fucking do something crazy,

you're like, why didn't I listen? But you're like, because they were being nice to me. Yeah. And that's, see the signs. See the signs. But also when was this? What year was this? During COVID.

Wow. So not that long ago. Also, oh, also I forgot to tell you, she's a doctor. She's not a dummy. She's a full doctor. Okay. And that's why the police also were like, she's not a vulnerable victim. She's smart.

And it's like, just because she's smart. Right. Because I mean, she's not vulnerable against. Right. Like, he's still. A six for alcoholic. Which, look, a six for alcoholic, we've all dabbled. If I had a goddamn nickel.

When an alcoholic has a crush on you, he chases your ass. Yeah, because he can't see. The voice smells you get. He thinks you have a twin, okay? And her job. One time I was dating this guy and he was an alcoholic. And he would like try and convince me that he wasn't an alcoholic. And one time we like went out or something.

The way to know if you're an alcoholic is if you have to try to explain someone why you're not an alcoholic. Hallick, continue. He tried to tell me that someone roofied him. I was like, I was like, babe, it was you. He's like, no, I'm telling you. Like, they got it out for me. I'm like, no one slips something in your eight drinks that you had. That you made for yourself.

But honestly, in the moment, I was like, oh my God, it's crazy. Who? I was looking at me to be jealous. I'm like, why did my boyfriend at Ruby to not meet? Because he's lying. During college, roofie, like, I was really scared about everyone getting roofied. Yeah. I got roofied twice in my adult life.

Oh, my God. And my most recent time, I was probably 26, I think, was the last time. It was like a Halloween party. I don't think someone intentionally tried to roofy me. I actually think, which is a great situation. Because I'm like, now I'm picturing the guy was probably like, I didn't want Paige to drink it. Who the fuck cares about me? I think it was.

intended for someone else because I grabbed the wrong drink. Your long fingers. But also. And so I kind of like did it to myself. No. Stop victim blaming. No, I didn't. But when you get roofied, it hits like immediately.

Like, I think I. And the only reason I knew is because it was my first drink. So there's a nail polish out there that you can dip into drinks and it turns a different color if there's a roofie in it. That's nice. Yeah. And those girls. made that like coupled like they made like a looks like a hair tie that you can like put over your drink also there's a new camera that these girls invented that's in your beret no not

barret it's a hair clip obsessed in my beret it's a hair clip so if you wear a hair clip it films so you can like get content whatever but also it can like protect you in a night out that would be funny though i mean not funny but if you wake up you're like what do last night and then you just watch it with your friends. You're like, that was crazy. See, in my head, I'm like, you get your boyfriend this new gift and you're like, wear this out every night. Because you're Russia. Yeah, because I'm crazy. But it's fun sometimes. It is, it is. I got the mango pineapple, Duncan refresher. It's so refreshing for a Monday after drinking the night before. Oh my gosh. This is your first hungover refresher. I got a berry assayette refresher and it's just like my new personality recently.

I think it is my favorite flavor. You love that. color purple. Well, I think it's my aura. Is that your aura? No, it's pink. Yeah. Maybe it's, maybe your aura has changed. This on a Monday, no. Pink, you could be pink purple. I'm pink. I'll have to DM Michaela and just be like hated pages or her change. She's been acting kind of off lately. She's crimping her hair. Um, things are crazy. Also, do I look tan? Okay, no mind. Not like particular, like. I did actually, I'm sombered. Like, like, laid out. I'm actually quite pink.

Yeah, no, you're not, Tam. But it'll turn. And like three days. When we come back to do Friday's episode, it's your time. Everyone look. Fuck a lot. Oh, also, we're going to L.A. this week. Oh, yeah.

We're leaving Wednesday. Yes. For the Netflix as a joke, I have gotten a lot of messages being like, we can't wait for the Giggly Squad show. And I'm like, just letting you guys know, it is an interview show. Yeah.

For the first time ever, we're interviewing people live. Important people. Very important. We've written it out. We hope that goes. Netflix was like, hey guys, what do you want to name your show? And we were like, hey, what show? They were like when you interview Kate Hudson, Mindy Kaling, and Brennan.

This isn't an interview show. And Hannah goes, um, uh, how about just like Giggly Squad interviews important people? And they go, we love it. And I was like, Hollywood is a joke. Hollywood is a literal joke. They go perfect, incredible. They're like, wow, that's so artsy. But I also love that they're like, these girls never interview people.

let's this will be perfect. So I've been talking to gigglers, I'm like, this isn't normal giggle squad. Like, we're not like throwing rocks at men. We have to like ask professional important women questions. Mindy Kaling's going to be there. I mean, Mindy Kaling, Kate Hudson. Also, Brenda's song has been everywhere on my feed. She's like really no sports.

Yes, she does. I've seen her, like yelling at everything. So it'll be iconic. I don't know what I'm wearing yet. Me neither. I'm deciding today. I don't want wearing. But us in L.A. is a different animal.

I know. But we're not staying that long, which. Probably good. Yeah. We could stay the weekend though. No. But we have cats. We do have cats.

We have a family. We love you guys so much for giggling with us. Thank you Duncan for sponsoring the episode. And we'll talk to you guys later. Bye.