Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 100. LIVE at SiriusXM

Episode Date: April 25, 2016

Gilbert and Frank celebrate their 100th episode with a live recording at SiriusXM radio, where they field questions (from callers and an in-studio audience) on a host of vital topics, including Frank Gorshin, Pigmeat Markham, Shecky Greene's tantrums, the search for Papillon Soo Soo, "Celebrity Wife Swap" and the Church of Satan. Also, Grandpa Munster brunches, Paul Lynde hops a flight, Herve Villechaize covers Paul Williams and Gilbert makes peace with Japan! PLUS: Electronic Vincent Price! Steve Lawrence passes (again)! Kwai Chang Caine hosts "SNL"! Groucho meets Alan Thicke! And the return of (old) Jack Frost! This episode is sponsored by Seeso. Comedy’s experiencing a serious renaissance right now, and Seeso is a comedy streaming service tailor-made for comedy-lovers and nerds, with thousands of hours of the best comedy, 24/7/365. Go to http://Seeso.com and start watching all the comedy you can stream for free. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with Skip. Did somebody say Skip? Gil, this episode is sponsored by CISO. They're a brand new sponsor of ours. Yeah. And we're happy to have them. Okay, don't call me Skip. Did you know that? And CISO is a comedy streaming service that's tailor-made for comedy lovers and nerds. That might include us.

No, no, we're too cool. With thousands of hours of the best comedy 24-7, 365. You go to CISO.com and stream for free today. No credit card needed. Tonight our show is coming from Madison Square Garden. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Sant padre and on uh piano i'm joe mcginty joe

mcginty and this is our i think 100th episode 100 what happened yeah i don't know. It seems like yesterday we were in a pizzeria and you were abandoning the idea. Yes, yes, this is true. I'm not going to say the guy's name. But we tried to interview him. And then afterwards we thought, well, can we cut that part and that part and that? And then after a while we were sitting in a pizia, and I said, you know, we tried. And I don't think this podcast is a good idea. And here we are.

Yeah. A hundred episodes later, and it feels like we've done 500. Oh, my God, yeah. Working with you, it feels like even a thousand. Can I read some credits to thank some people who made this possible? Before we start, Mike McPadden is here, our social media guru. Mike McBeardo. Darren Foster, our other social media maven.

Paul Rayburn, our researcher, is not here, but he's indispensable. Jessica Wynn, our photographer. Our engineer, Frank Verderosa. Where are you, Frankie? Right there at Nutmeg. We want to thank all the people at Nutmeg. And I'll go quickly to all the people who've made 100 shows possible. John Bradley Seals, our web designer, Wade

Snook, Brendan Bliss, who is here somewhere. You'll be hearing more about him in the near future. Gene Beretta, Ryan Dillon, and Mark Gale, who you'll also be hearing about when we put something cool up on social media soon. Neil Berkley, Alex Brazell is here,

Andrea Simmons, John Murray, Glenn Schwartz. We want to thank all the people who've helped us book guests. Jeff Abraham, Stuart Hirsch, Danny Duraney,

Matt Beckhoff, Ryan Levy, Kathy Schaefer, Paul's wife, Cliff Nesteroff, Alan Zweibel, and Bobby Slayton, who is here in the sound booth.

Mr. Slayton, former guest. Quickly, I'll get through this. We want to thank everybody at Sideshow Network, our partners, Rodney, Sean Marek, Heather, Maria, Andrew, and Andrew, Brian Sussman, Andrew Byrne, Andrew Stephen, and Brian Sussman. Everybody here at Sirius who made this possible, Don Wicklin and Eric Erock, Nagel, and the fabulous Joe McGinty on keyboards. We already did. I want to thank my wife for making this,

for putting up with a lot over the last two years. And of course, always last but not least, the person who had this idea originally, Dara Gottfried. Yay! Thank you, Dara Gottfried. Thank you, Dara. So we got our thank yous out of the way. What do you think?

Well, I would just like to say I'm not going to tell Mr. Skin or anyone here whether or not I ever jerked off to that site. I'm just keeping that a secret.

We should point out that for the 100th episode, we decided to do something different. Yes. So we do not have... We want to make it entertaining this time. Yeah. So we don't have a big-time celebrity guest this week, although two ex-guests are in the house, Mr. Sken, Jim McBride, and Bobby Slayton are here.

So we thought we would talk to our listeners and our fans. And, I mean, we get hundreds and hundreds of tweets and Facebook messages, and I thought this would be an opportunity to hear them out. We get dozens of tweets over the years. Yeah. We hope that we have some phone calls. And also we have a live audience here. We're at SiriusXM, which I don't think we said. Yeah.

It's the only way I'm allowed at Sirius nowadays. Oh, that's sad. So we're going to take some questions from both our live studio audience. I guess we've got about 50 people, 40 people here. And we're going to take some questions from you guys, callers. Do we have any callers? Eric Nagel. This is going to be so embarrassing.

Nice touch. Could you do like a phony voice and talk to us? Say you're from Ohio. Okay, no calls yet. No calls yet. Say you're from Ohio. Okay, no calls yet. No calls yet. Now, wait a minute.

Nagel told me that there were 15 callers before we came into this room. What happened? Now, I want you to know, before this started, we were having a discussion on should we have previous guests call in, and we said, no, that's going to take up too much time. It'll take away from the fans. There'll be a deluge of callers calling into this show. Why don't we do this then? I feel like I'm on a fundraiser. Why don't we go this then? I feel like I'm on a fundraiser. Why don't we go out and

Yes. We're going to go out in the street? Yeah, we'll go out in the street and beg. Hey Steve. Yes. Why don't we take some questions from the nice people in the room and then we'll wait for a call to kick in. Alright. So help us out here, nice folks.

People in the room, fans of the podcast. We feel so supported. Don't you feel supported? Yes. All these people in the room, fans of the podcast. We feel so supported. Don't you feel supported? Yes. All these people in the room? It doesn't bother me at all that not one human being in this country or Australia is calling. It might be a technical issue. Let's start with this gentleman right here.

Brendan. Maybe what's the most irritated you've been with Gilbert during an episode? This moment. Do you know the episode that required the most edits? I'll bet you can guess. Bet Darren knows. Oh, wait. There were a few.

In 100 episodes, who do you think went farthest off the rails? Any guesses? Yeah. Oh, God. That is correct. Frank Ferdarosa.ary bucey episode oh oh yes which which come as a shock to a lot of people that gary bucey uh gary the average episode thank you don the average episode requires some anywhere between five to ten edits so you

know there'll be audio problems gilbert will say something that Dara will call me and say, please save him from himself and take that out of the show. But Gary Busey was something like 29 edits because he was just...

My favorite part of that show, by the way, was I was on... That was the first one we did where Gilbert was live in the room in L.A.

And I was sick in New York and I was on the phone and Gary Busey said, I don't know you, but you sound like a little girl wearing a child's wig. And I don't know what that means to this day.

We have someone on the line. Oh my God. Do you know this name? Oh, wait. Gino Salamone. Oh, yes. Is on the line. Gino,

are you there? Oh, well, this is going well. Hello? Gino! Oh, yes! Hi, fellas! Hi, buddy! Gino's calling from Milwaukee. How did I know that? You are unbelievable. Yeah, that's me.

I want to tell you how this podcast has ruined my life. Go ahead. You're on the air, buddy. Okay, I understand. Late at night, if I've had a rough day, I will go to YouTube and look at old Jack Frost. We'll explain what that is. That's the Bob Hope video. Gilbert and I have talked about this.

When Bob was near the end of his life, his voice was really high. Yeah. See, Bob Hope used to be like, hey, lady. And that's when he became older and frail. It was like, hey, how about that, Brooke Shields? She's something else. He turned into Rocky the Flying Squirrel. Hell yeah.

Gino, I'm just going to take a moment to tell anybody that doesn't know, that isn't familiar with what you're talking about, you have to go to YouTube and look at this Bob Hope special. It was one of the last ones when Bob was losing it. It was like you'll swear when you watch it that Bob Hope had already been dead for ten years. And he's dressed as Jack Frost. Yeah, with a little stringy white beard and an elf costume and a pointed hat. And icicles dangling off of his face and eyebrows.

Truly painful. You could see he doesn't know his own name. he doesn't know his own name. And the only idea I have of watching this, Dolores, his wife Dolores is in it, and I think this was her revenge for all the times he fucked around on her. That was it? That was her plot,

to put her in a Jack Frost book costume and put him on national television. You've got to see it. Gino, what else, buddy? Okay, one more thing, too. I've known Gilbert many years. I never knew how much he loved to sing. And Larry Ragland, a comedian I'd never heard of, the dummy in the window.

Okay, Gino. We'll let him. Come on, for the 100th episode, let's have a few lines. Thank you, buddy. Do you take requests? A little dummy in the window. Okay. Joe, you'll have to wing this one.

Okay. You don't know dummy in the window? Should I give this some context? What kind of a musician are you? Do you want to explain dummy in the window? kind of a musician are you you want to explain dummy in the window that there used to be this comedian around the clubs uh named larry raglan he used to sing this on stage and it went a little something like I thought I saw a dummy in the window

I looked and it was you wearing a new dress as usual trying to look your best impossible cause with you it's not really what you wear why don't you wash your face it's a disgrace. Today. All right. Thank you, Gino Salamone.

I have a feeling there's got to be a lot of singing in this episode. I'm told Rich in Pennsylvania is on line one. Rich, are you with us? Yes, I am. Hi, guys. Long time caller. First time listener. Okay.

One in every crowd. What's up, Rich? Well, I was listening to the Pat Cooper episode last week, and I really had to wonder, did you guys have paramedics standing on by? Did you have an embolism, an aneurysm, some kind of ism? Were there paramedics standing by for the Pat Cooper episode? Yeah, the Pat Cooper, that was a great one. And I think Pat Cooper, he said to me, he said, Why don't you give it up?

You should have given it up after the game show. What are you still doing this shit for? Well, we should explain, too, that we were trying to get Jack Carter on the show, who was the angriest person in the world, certainly the angriest comedian in the world, and he died after we booked him. And I said to Gilbert,

we really wanted him to come on the show and rant and rave. And then I said, boy, what about Pat Cooper? That would be a good fallback position. Oh, yeah. Somebody that... you know. As far as someone who really doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah, and he's a plug-and-play guest. I think we didn't talk pretty much in that episode. That was pretty much we were sitting there in the room with him. Yeah. And he just rambled on. He's pissed off about stuff that happened in 1957. He is not letting it go.

But we loved him. What did he come out of the hospital for us? Oh, yeah. He went right back. And I think he said something like a panda. Oh, he was talking about Ed Sullivan. Right. And he

said, I think he said, a panda taking a shit is funnier than Ed Sullivan. That's what he said. Yeah. Thank you, Rich. Thanks for the call. Did you have something else about Pat Cooper? Here's to another hundred. What?

Thank you, buddy. We appreciate it. Thank you. Take care. Thank you. Thanks for calling. I appreciate it. Andrew in Chicago, are you there?

Yes, I'm here. How are you guys doing? We're doing well, Andrew. We're trying to save this from being a hot mess. What do you got? Oh, Gilbert, I want to know, have you ever heard the Paul Lynn story from when Paul Lynn was on an airplane?

Oh, I don't think I know this one. Do you know the Paul Lynn airplane story? All right, this is what it is. And this is going to get really blue, actually. I think Gilbert could like this. It's basically Paul Lynn was on an airplane, and there was a young infant behind him that was screaming ballistically. And so Paul Lynn turns around and looks at the mother and says,

Hey, either you shut that child up or I'm going to fuck it. That's the story. You don't know that story. No, but I'm going to keep telling it like I was there. No, but I'm going to keep telling it like I was there. And we just recently interviewed the original host of Hollywood Squares, Peter Marshall. He's 90 and sharp, yeah. Yeah, totally sharp. And I asked him. I think he was there when Paul... Okay, here's the story

the way I heard it. Raise your hand if you've never heard the Paul Lynch story on the show. The Paul Lynch story was they were going into the Gold Digger Dancers dressing room. That's Dean into the Gold Digger Dancers dressing room. That's Dean Martin's Gold Digger Dancers. And Paul Lynn said, this place smells like cunt, I think. And I asked Peter Marshall, and he corrected me.

Yes. Peter Marshall said very seriously, no, he didn't say cunt. He said pussy. Yeah. So this is an educational show. It is an educational show. He took it very seriously. Thank you, Andrew.

Thank you. Thanks for the call. I have one more question, if you guys don't mind. Go quick. So, Gilbert, is there any way we could hear the Alan Thicke theme song, Thick of the Night? Is there any way? Okay. You listening to the show?

Stunned by Old Groucho. Oh, Stunned by Old Groucho. Oh, you put a wrinkle in it. Oh, okay. Wow. Okay. Thanks for the call, Andrew. Believe it or not, this is the first time I've tried this one.

Oh. Oh. Mother Jones leaves the light on. I'm on the road tonight. Everyone needs a dream to hold on I want to make it

on my own Running in the thick of the night Under the city light Running in the thick of the night. Beautiful.

Oh, that's not a dry seat in the house. Thank you, Andrew. You're a sport. That was the thick of the night theme sung by 80-year-old, 85-year-old, enfeebled Groucho Marx. Don or Dan, is this Dan in Baltimore? He gave up. Dan is gone.

See, there's Dan in Baltimore hung up. You lost him. You lost him with the Paul Lynn story. That Dan was the baby in the airplane. All right, let me see what else I have on the list. Is Gene Beretta there? Gene, are you there? Yeah, can you hear me? Hey, buddy, how are you?

Hi. Good, how are you guys? We're good. We should explain Gene as someone who did an illustration for Gilbert as a gift that you have on your dresser. Yes, I don't know if I've ever told this story. But for the first time, let's see if I remember it. There was an actor, Cesar Romero.

And Cesar Romero was a Latin lover, but in real life was actually gay. And not that there's anything wrong with that. And hang on, Gina, we'll get to you. What he was into more than anything else was gathering up a bunch of his boy toys, Gathering up a bunch of his boy toys, pulling his pants and underwear down, bending over, and having them throw orange wedges at his ass. And I don't know how, what day he woke up and said, hey, you know what would feel really good? Having orange wedges thrown at my ass. Now, some argue that it was tangerine.

There was no one arguing ever that it didn't happen. It's just a matter of what citrus fruit. Well, some dilettantes say it was clementines. Some say it was entire grapefruits. So Gene, who's on the phone, who's a children's book author and illustrator, did a lovely rendering of Cesar Romero in Joker makeup. There we go. Thank you, Joe McGinty.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connexontario.ca. Anton in New Jersey. Line two. Hello, gentlemen. How are you? Hi. And I use that term loosely.

I have here Vincent Price with some trivia questions for you. Oh, fuck. Now, these are not questions about Vincent Price. This is Vincent Price asking questions. Would you like to feel the company? Oh, wait a minute. Is this from that electronic board game, the Vincent Price trivia thing from the 70s?

1980. 1980. They put out a game called the Omni Electronic Entertainment System with a cart called Vincentcent price tv and movie trivia i've got a couple here before you go on this room there was an episode of the simpsons uh where they brought out like some kind of magic kit and uh lisa goes oh this must be good vincent price wouldn't lend his name to anything. Fantastic.

I know this game you're talking about. Okay, hit us, Anton. We'll give it our best shot. All right, I'm going to give you a softball one. Go ahead. This is in Vincent Price's voice, right? Oh, great. Fantastic.

All right, hold on. Go, buddy. All right, here we go. Softball. Who played the part of the Joker in the TV series? One, Frank Orson. Two, Vincent Price. Three, Cesar Romero.

Four, none of the above. I throw my hands up on this one. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm a little embarrassed. We're stumped. Yeah. You're stumped? Hold on this one. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm a little embarrassed. We're stumped. Yeah. We're stumped. Hold on, man.

Vincent Price was Egghead on the Batman series, and Trace One, Frank Orson, was, of course, the Riddler. And everybody in this room knows that. Or they wouldn't be here. And who was John Astin again? He was the replacement Riddler. Oh, when it was... Oh, God, that's right. When they didn't hit Gorshin's number.

Oh. What else you got for us, Anton? I got a little question about laughing. Would you like to hear that? Laughing. A laughing question. Go. I'll laugh it.

All right, here we go. Hold on. True or false, many popular sayings came out of the sketches in laughing. Who comes to judge? That was out of the sketches in Lafayette. He comes to judge. That was one of the phrases. Now, is that a popular phrase, true or false? Yes, it was Pigmeat Markham.

Yes, and originally, they would have Sammy Davis Jr. doing that. And then they actually found Pigmeat Markham and had him on. Yeah.

But there's something so wonderfully racist about Vincent Price going, and he would go, here come the Jews. Thank you, Anton. That was fun. We talked to Vincent Price's daughter, by the way. Yes. On the show. Yeah, Anton. That was fun. We talked to Vincent Price's daughter, by the way. Yes. Yeah, Victoria. Whoops. Victoria Price.

What do we got here? Mike, can this be true? Michael in Japan? Oh. Yes, that's right. Are they still angry? Well, I never tell anyone what I'm doing. Hey, what's a fucking joke?

All is forgiven, Michael. Well, maybe. I do know where there's an Affleck stand in one of the local department stores. What is the question you have for us, sir? Are you really listening to the show in Japan? Yes. I download it every week, twice a week, actually. You flatter us.

Your English is getting very good. Thank you very much. No, my question is this. You talk about all the older shows and movies you like. Is there anything in the past 10 or 15 years that's really wowed you? Like recently you talked about detective shows. Well, today detective shows have their individual episodes, but then they also have an overarching season-long story arc.

Do you follow any shows like that, and what do you think of that kind of format? You don't watch television. No, I can't follow. You don't watch television. No, I can't follow. There are only shows that are popular now where I haven't seen one episode of. And you wear that as a badge of honor, don't you? Yes, yes.

I'm totally uninformed. I sort of like the first season of True Detective. Not everybody did. My wife and I liked it. But does that... There was that... Okay. There was that girl. I'll bring this to Mr. Skin.

Alexandra Daddario. Yes. Yes. Wow. Mr. Skin is in the audience. Jim McBride, one of our previous guests. Yeah. Gee, I saw that clip.

That was good. What was easier, that question or the Cesar Romero question? He was on that fast Thank you Michael, thanks for your question And thanks for listening all the way in Japan And I recommend it to people all the time We appreciate that And do they say, oh fuck him!

No more than anyone in America would. I took a moment to go through 100 episodes this week and list some of the songs, and this is a partial list, some of the songs that you've favored us with. Well, I wasn't really ready, but... This is a partial list. The Lords of Flatbush theme. The Cinderella Liberty theme, which you sang to Paul Williams.

That's a household hit. Bang the Drum Slowly. This is one of my favorites. The music from the movie Zapped with Scott Baio. Yes, thank you. You sang the Rainbow Connection and the Phantom of the Paradise theme to Paul Williams. Oh, yes. You sang the Life Connection and the Phantom of the Paradise theme to Paul Williams. Oh, yes.

You sang the Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean theme to a reluctant Bobby Slayton. You sang the Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and Town Without Pity with Paul Schaefer. Yes. You sang the theme from Foul Play to a very stunned Chevy Chase. Dummy in the Window we already talked about. You did theme songs from F Troop, Car 54, Thick of the Night, Underdog with Bob Costas. Oh, yes. That was a highlight.

Roger Ramjet, Captain Nice, and the 430 movie, The Burt Bacharach, to name a few. And you tried to sing Walk Away Renee with Michael McKeon. Yeah, but I think he was intimidated by my singing voice. And of course, the highlight of 100 episodes, the musical highlight, your duets with Dick Van Dyke.

Oh my God. Put on a happy face and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Yeah. Dick Van Dyke and I sang two duets together. That was great. That was an amazing...

A career highlight for you? Yeah, but when you consider my career, it's not saying a hell of a lot. If we have time, we'll come back and sing one of these. Getting booked at Giggles in Long Island is a career highlight for me. Anyway, that's just a partial list of some of Gilbert's, some of the tunes that he's warbled on the show. Wow, all these people are calling. And we, I think it was the guy whose name I still can't pronounce. Greg Evigan.

Yes. Yeah. You almost called him Glenn Evigan. Yes. Yeah. You almost called him Glenn Evigan. Yes. Yes. I was about to say, well, thank you, and Frank saw the shape my mouth was taking, so he wrote down Greg on a piece of paper.

And he had worked with this David Pomerantz. David Pomerantz, yeah. Who had written two, at least two of the songs from Zapped. Did we stump you with that one, Joe? You got the songs from Zapped? They're not in your repertoire, your regular repertoire? Phantom of the Paradise. Oh.

You want to do a little bit of Phantom of the Paradise? Okay. Okay. Let's see. Okay. Or Rainbow Connection? Oh. Well, let's do the Rainbow Connection.

In honor of one of us. Do you have Nice to Be Around? That one I don't have. Some Cinderella Liberty. Fuck. What use are you? Why don't you do a little bit of Rainbow Connection? Okay.

Why? Why don't you do a little bit of rainbow connection? Okay. Why are there so many songs about rainbows? It's Paul Williams. And what's on the other side? other side Rainbows are visions but only illusions Rainbows have nothing

to hide So many people refuse to believe it I know they're wrong, wait and see. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,

the lovers, the dreamers, and me. Beautiful. Paul Williams, ladies and gentlemen. Paul Williams. It's a beautiful thing. Do we have another call? You know, in fact, that reminds me Gino told me

he met Paul Williams recently and Paul Williams said, which should be on my tombstone, he said, you know, Gilbert could be very inappropriate.

Yeah. I urge you to go back and listen to the Paul Williams episode and you'll know right away what he's referring to. I did. On the Paul Williams episode, I'll know right away what he's referring to. I did. I did. On the Paul Williams episode, I did a bit that I had done way before I met Paul Williams,

which was Paul Williams fucking Shirley Temple. I did it on live with Kelly Ripper. Yeah. And it was real. I Kelly Ripper. Yeah. And it was real. I missed that episode. Yes. And it went something like this.

It was like, oh, oh, oh, Shirley, your pussy feels so good. Oh, thank you. Sub the dick in me, Mr. Williams. That's beautiful. Yes. It's too bad that show, The Copycats, isn't around anymore. You'd be perfect for it. See, a lot of

people originally thought it came from Rich Little. Yeah. But, that was my... I don't think Paul's gonna get over that trauma anytime soon from Rich Little. Yeah. But that was my thing. I don't think Paul's going to get over that trauma anytime soon from that episode. I sang a duet of Nice to Be Around with Paul Williams. Yes, from Cinderella Liberty. That was also. A movie worth checking out.

Marsha Mason, James Caan. Do we have Dave? And Eli Wallach. And Eli Wallach. Do we have Dave from Chicago? Mr. E. Rock. Yeah. Hi, guys.

How are you doing? Hey, Dave. How's it going? I wanted to ask Gilbert about his infamous season on SNL. What season? Yeah, exactly. Which season was that? I wanted to ask Gilbert, what do you consider to be the worst episode from that season and why?

Oh, that's a tough one. That was the 1980, 1979 to 80? Yeah, 1980 to 81. That was a horrible time to be on the show and a horrible season and, well,

I remember a few things. I remember I hated the writers. The writers hated me. So one time they wrote a funeral sketch where I was the body in the coffin. And there was another episode. You talk about why you got to be careful with these premises. They had David Carradine on on the show and they had written

a bunch of things and then they got the the brainstorm that he had done that show uh kung fu in the 70s yeah and in kung fu he's one of those characters who wanders from village to village, getting involved in people's lives. So they said, wouldn't it be funny if he's that character throughout the whole show and he just wanders in to bits? And when we were filming it, by the first bit, by the first second he shows up, everybody was thinking, oh, fuck, this was a bad idea. That's the only SNL theme show I can think of where they had one idea that they ran through 90 minutes. It was a horrible idea. Yeah. It was a horrible idea.

And this, you know, imagine like those bits, the sketches on SNL where it starts off and, you know, this one's going to suck. Now that, you know, like multiplied by ten sketches. It was horrible. There's a fun video, actually, of you and the original cast, Danny Dillon and Rocket and Eddie Murphy with Bill Murray in the dressing room where he's giving everybody the pep talk. And he leans over and gives you a little rub, a little lucky rub on the head. And you've got the

fro. Oh, yes! It's very strange. Very strange to see. And I remember that's the one like Paul Schaefer has said to me several times. You know, Harry Shearer hates you. He just totally hates you. And it's because on the show, in that bit, yeah, it's supposed to be Bill Murray's giving us a pep talk. And first he says, introduce yourselves.

So like Charlie Rocket comes on and says, well, I'm Charlie Rocket. I'm kind of like Chevy Chase. And Joe Piscopo says, I'm Joe Piscopo. I'm kind of like Dan Aykroyd. And I said, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. I'm kind of a mixture of John Belushi and that other guy who used to do imitations who nobody remembers. And Harry Shearer identified himself. Yeah. And Harry Shearer identified himself. Yeah, but Michael McKean said if Harry Shearer hates you, you're in very, very good company.

And not exclusive company either. Dave, thanks so much for the call and the question, buddy. Thank you very much. So a big thanks to our friend CISO for sponsoring today's show. Go to CISO.com to stream the original series of the UCB show. Love UCB. Catch all eight episodes of pure sketch comedy gold featuring the comedy stars of tomorrow and your longtime UCB favorites too. Remember, Mr. Gottfried, CISO is only $3.99 a month and it's ad free.

Ah, that's good. So try it now for free join now believe me and after another couple of commercials like this our show will be ad free join now as a guest to get access to our extensive comedy collection no credit card. I love that you can watch the entire Monty Python library, Gilbert, including the Holy Grail, the Life of Brian, all the Flying Circus episodes. They're remastered into HD for the first time. The full Kids in the Hall catalog, love the Kids in the Hall.

We should get the Kids in the Hall on the show. Entirely remastered into HD for the first time. Plus, there's more. Every single episode of Saturday Night Live. Oh, God. Even the one I was on. Even the one you were on. The one I was on teaches you just how bad Saturday Night Live can be.

That one may be a throw-in. They may not be charging anything for that one. That was a bad one. And CISO is also releasing over 40 new shows and stand-up specials from people like Cameron Esposito, our old friend Dan Harmon, the very funny Scott Aukerman, Jonah Ray, and more. See-so for yourself for free right now only at see-so.com. Gil? Yes, Mr. God.

Sorry. Yes. Do we want to do a couple of questions in the room? Does anybody have anything? I feel like we're neglecting the room. The trustee Steve is here with a roaming mic. This gentleman, John, I'm going to introduce you, John. John Fotiatis, one of our loyal fans is here.

I am. Architect extraordinaire. I'm a convert, that's for sure. Go ahead, John. Groucho, why did you invade Iraq? Because Chico needed the money. Thank you, John. He's setting us up.

We should travel everywhere with him. Ask me one other important question. Groucho, why did you create Al-Qaeda? Because Chico needed the money. Thank you, John, for the setup. This gentleman in the back. Identify yourself, sir. Hi there.

I'm BJ. Hi, BJ. Are we any closer to getting a hold of Papillon Susu? You know, I don't know. Have you tried to call her? I think we tracked her down to London. Should we explain the whole Papillon Susu thing? Papillon Susu was the girl in full metal jacket who goes,

Me so horny! Me rub you wrong time! And I gotta find her. This is Gilbert's idea of a great get for the show. Well, to me, like... A woman who had one line in a movie in 1988 and possibly doesn't speak English. Yeah. As much as, like, we'll always have Paris, and I don't think we're in Kansas anymore,

I mean, this is an immortal line. It really is. Me so horny. Last we checked. Phil Silvers. Yeah. Just to update BJ's question, just to give BJ an answer. We did a little research into Papillon Susu, and she left the business,

and I believe she's a chiropractor living in London. So if this hasn't gotten to her by now, maybe she'll come and talk to us. All right. Maybe I can get adjusted long time. Maybe. She's on the want list. Should we do some more calls to amuse the people in the booth, if nothing else? Alexander from Kentucky.

I was listening to the Steve Cox episode today. Oh, yes. I'm going to help you. Yeah, the writer Steve Cox. Yes. Who lived with Groucho. No, that's Steve Stolio. Oh, Steve Cox.

Steve Cox, the entertainment writer. Right. He's an entertainment author. That was a very funny one. That's right. Yeah. But, yeah, the dude with Groucho's with Steve Stoller is one of my favorite episodes. That was a great one.

But the writer Steve Cox, actually, he said that Jerry Lewis was the one with the glass coffee table. I actually have a tape of Jerry Lewis under the glass coffee table getting shit on. Here, I'll switch it on now thank you alexander okay do we have tom in new york I'm afraid of this one. Tom? Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Hey. I've heard a lot of podcasts in my life, but this one's

the best. I don't know if Frank gets enough credit for being the backbone of the show, but I think you're amazing. You're sweet. You're going to make people think I know you. Well, more importantly, you're the best Gilbert Wrangler of anybody I've ever known. That's how he's listed in the credits. Gilbert Wrangler.

I have special skills on my resume. Gilbert Wrangler. Thank you for the compliment I wanted to ask you guys have you ever tried reaching out to Shecky Green again after that terrible phone call are we going to have Shecky back we'd like to have Shecky back yeah

for those who don't remember Shecky walked out on a Friars thing that I was performing at, and he said he was offended by the language, and he goes, I was in the Navy. I never heard language like that before. Barry was there.

And I think he threw a punch at Freddie Roman. He tore up his Friars card. Yes. He tore up his membership. Or tried. Yes. He tore up his membership. Or tried to, but didn't have the strength. Because it's laminated. And he got up and walked out, which surprises me

in two ways. Number one, he could get up, and two, he could still walk. But... And Stewie Stone... One of those moments where I'm happy to be in show business. Stewie Stone, in one of those moments where I'm happy to be in show business, Stewie Stone said to me, Ah, that Shecky, he's a fucking asshole.

Barry remembers it well. Yeah, we'll... I know. Oh, not that Barry Doherty. We'll try to get Shecky back. I don't know. That's a tall order. But you didn't enjoy the 12 minutes we had with him when he was screaming at us?

It didn't seem like he could hear the phone call at all, or he was pretending not to hear the phone call. Do we have any others in the room before I go back to the phone? This gentleman right here. Hi, Mr. Gottfried. I drew you as Gilbert Stein's monster somewhat recently. And I just want to thank Mr. McFadden for posting that on Facebook. What did you draw? It was Mr. Gottfried as Gilbert Stein's monster.

Oh, I saw that. That was good. Yeah, thanks. Nice touch, Joe McGinty. But I also... What's your name, by the way? Michael Anthony. Hi, Michael. Sorry, yes. And can I say it's the only black person in the audience?

Yes. I don't know if you can tell by the audio, but... We have one Asian and one black. So in this way, I can be like Don Rickles up here and going, oh, and the Chinese guy over there is saying this. Oh, and the black guy is in the back. Yes, I am in the back. What's your question, Michael? Yeah, well, it's more of an apology.

I think we should be apologizing. Got me sitting in the back, by the way. Well, it's more of an apology. I think we should be apologizing. Got me sitting in the back, by the way. But I also, this is going to be awkward, but you can cut this out if you want. That's okay. But I also wrote the review, a glowing review of the podcast for the Church of Satan. I'm sorry. You wrote a review of the podcast for the Church of Satan?

Yeah. And it was on Facebook, and apparently I forgot to mention you, Mr. Santo Padre. Oh, wow. And it's not because your name is Holy Father. Yeah, well. Don't let that get in your way. Okay. Well, thanks for the positive review in the Church of Satan website.

How did we miss the Church of Satan review? Yeah. That's who the show is produced by. Yeah. Oh. This gentleman right here. Oh, Gary Krantz. Gilbert, in this political season, can you tell us about the time you met Jackie O? Oh, see, that's a whole bit.

Okay. You know, the people are setting up old bits from your act from the 80s. This is kind of like when you go on Leno and he would go, you know, I'll tell you, he read somewhere that you had a roller skating gorilla. And you were trapped in an elevator with a roller skate. I don't know where I heard it. Can you tell me a little bit about that? Yeah, years ago, I was at a party.

And Jackie Onassis was there, and I figured I wanted to play a little party game to help break the ice. So I went over to her, and I said, do you remember where you were? I remember. And she just walked away. She's conceited. Thanks, Gary. I thought Barry was taking the show down.

Mike McPadden has a question. Mike, lay it on us. Okay, definitive answer now. Yeah. Uh-oh. Munsters or Adam's family? Me, Munsters. Yeah.

Oh, that's a tough one. Yeah, I never got into the Addams Family. I don't know why. I mean, I was always aware that John Astin was just doing a Groucho imitation. I never thought of that. He was always like, oh, Morticia. You know, they were like, yeah, and I never, I liked

the Munsters. I always thought Alan Alda was doing a Groucho impersonation on Mesh. Yeah, a lot. A little bit. Or an homage. Yeah. That's a tough call, Mike. And a request. Can Hervé Villachez sing goodbye from Phantom of the Paradise? Okay.

I don't know if I have that one. Okay. Do you know? Joe knows Phantom of the Paradise. I know some of them. All right. We'll see. Give it your best shot.

Okay. Or another Phantom song. All right. Dej. Old Souls. You know that one? Just context where we say Phantom. We know it's Phantom of the Paradise.

He doesn't have a key, Joe. All right, okay. Oh. Days go short and then... Oh, no, I'm doing Paul Williams. Days go short and the nights get colder. Some people get wise, you just get older. But you never listened anyway.

That's the hell of it. Good for nothing, bad in bed. Nobody loves you, you're better off dead. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. We all came to say goodbye.

Brilliant. If you like Gilbert's Herve Villachaz impression, may I direct you to the Mario Cantone episode? Mario, we did When Harry Met Sally dialogue with Mario as Carol Channing and Gilbert as

Herve Villachaz. It's a can't miss. And as far as the Addams Family is concerned, I like the Addams Family theme a lot better. Vic Mizzy. Yeah. But they're both great, in my opinion. And we love Al Lewis. Oh, yeah. There was nobody like him.

I remember when I would go to these Al Goldstein brunches and they would have the strangest... I don't associate the word brunch following the words Al Goldstein brunches, and they would have the strangest. I don't associate the word brunch following the words Al Goldstein. Anybody else? For me to be disgusted by the people I was sitting with says a lot.

But I remember a couple of times I would be sitting next to Al Lewis, you know, Grandpa Munster. And he was a character and a half, that guy. Much taller than you'd think. Oh, very tall. Very tall guy. And he, for some reason, he accepted, like, a Western style. Oh, yeah, with the bolo tie.

And the cowboy hat. And the snap-close shirts. And he would have that smelly cigar. I only met him once when he had the Italian restaurant on Bleecker Street. Grandpa's. And I was in film school and I had a screenplay sitting on the table. He walked over with

a stogie in his mouth. He said, is that a script? I said, yeah. And he picked it up and he went like this. Overwritten. That's my Al Lewis story. Should we go back to the phones quickly? Robert in New Jersey, are you with us? Yes, I am. How are you,

Frank and Gilbert? Thank you for holding on and waiting through Herbie Villas. No problem. Happy to listen to the show. You're a sport. What do you got for us? So one of my favorite sleeper movies is The Idol Maker with Ray Sharkey. Oh, yes. Sure.

So I have a two-part question. We talked about that with Frankie Avalon. Yes. Do you have any memory of working with Ray Sharkey when he hosted Saturday Night Live? Ray Sharkey hosted Saturday Night Live. Anybody remember Ray Sharkey from the show Wise Guy with Ken Wall and the Idol Maker? He had a short career. Ray Sharkey, yeah.

He was starting to get big. He was going to be the next big guy. And I know, I remember they did a takeoff on the idol maker and i think the next question will probably be can i sing the theme was that your question robert that was it can gilbert sing a song from The Idolmaker? Okay. Let me see if I remember just the first words of that. Oh, yes. Of course you do. Peter Gallagher sang this.

Baby, baby, I just want to take you where I'm going. to take you where I'm going, baby, baby. I just want to take you to the sky. I'll make you feel good, baby. I'll make you feel loved, baby. I want to take you to the sky Why, oh why Why are we not close together Tell me why did someone break your heart

There's about 40 people in this room. Beautiful. The only person in the room with her fingers in her ears is your wife. Yes. And I actually, I should have him on this show to sing a duet. Because I sang a duet with him in real life. I saw him at a party, and I started singing that. And he sang along with it.

Peter Gallagher. Peter Gallagher. Oh, we should have him on the show. Yes. We should ask him, see if he remembers that. You know, I have a story here, too, that I want you to tell quickly. This is fun. You should probably tell the Steve Lawrence story again, because it's the one you told on The View.

Yeah. Because it's pretty funny. See, we're always after, like, older celebrities. And we, I really wanted Steve Lawrence. Still do. Yeah, Steve Lawrence and Edie Gourmet on this show. And, and,

so... Edie's going to be a long-distance call now. Yeah, yeah. But Steve. And, and so, so I, I asked Dara to call Steve Lawrence's manager to get him on the show. And she said to me, oh, yeah, I called Steve Lawrence past. And I thought, oh, that's so sad. I grew up watching him.

And I mean, does he have any kids? Should we send flowers? And she goes, no, he just didn't want to do the show. I'm fond of that one. Do we have Bobby Slayton? Do we have Will on the line? Will is with us. Hello.

Will, let it rip. We're running out of time. Okay. I wanted to ask about Gilbert opening for Belinda Carlisle in the 80s. I heard there was some of a transcript for it. Yeah, that was one where I was going to open for belinda carlisle i think it was in long beach and uh the her manager said to me ahead of time uh like uh keep it clean which and i'm the person to hire if you want to hold some family fun. Keep it clean because there's

a lot of little girls and their mothers in the audience. And I tried for about a good five or six minutes to work clean and was bombing horribly. And then I basically went into every cunt joke I

could think of. Yeah. That's the Belinda Carlisle story? Yes. every cunt joke I could think of. Yeah. They're a transcript. That's the Belinda Carlisle story? Yes. Yes. And they called me up that night. My agent called up and gave me the classic line of,

well, I just want you to know everyone on the tour loves you. That's like showbiz for you've been fired. It's like a girl telling you, I think you're a really great guy. You know, that's when you know you're not getting laid. Speaking of being fired, do you want to quickly tell the story about how you knew you were a goner at SNL? This was great. Joe knows this one. honor at snl uh this was great joe knows this one no i i was uh it's like they had already fired gene dominion who was the producer and uh dick ebersole came in and he said i'm gonna be making

a few changes here and there i want all of you to take a couple of days off, come back and I'll tell you what changes we'll make. And then each one, one by one, was waiting outside Dick Ebersole's office. And while I was waiting, there was a table where they used to keep the fan letters. They would just dump them there. And I picked up a fan letter from a girl from like idaho or something and i open it up and it says dear gilbert i'm so sorry about what happened i love that one do we have paul in new jersey our last caller hey hey, Paul. Thanks for taking my call. Gilbert was so funny with Alan Thicke's wife

on Celebrity Wife Swap. Any funny stories that you relay? Alan Thicke's wife on Celebrity Wife Swap. Any stories? Besides the fact that she was absolutely

horrified by you. Yeah. Yeah, I kept following her around singing the Thicke of the Night theme. Which, when he sings it, it's... And she kept screaming at me, getting angry, saying, he doesn't sound like that. He does not sound like that.

Stop it. That doesn't... And then we found on the internet him singing a song from like in the middle of the disco aerobicize era when like you know like everybody wanted

the next let's get physical. What is the name of that thing? Hot and sweaty? Sweaty and Hot. Because Olivia Newton-John had Let's Get Physical, a monster hit, so it was followed by Diana Ross

with I Love Muscles. And then Alan Thicke in what is like, I think, the biggest homosexuals out there watching this video would say this was too gay. It's Alan Thicke surrounded by these skinny boys all in tight, tight, tight day glow spandex. And Alan Thicke is singing. You all have to look at the video. He's singing.

Sweetie in the hood. Get to a lake. Get sweetie in the hood. Come on, baby. Get sweetie in the hood. get sweaty in it. Come on, baby, get sweaty in it. And she heard that and said, oh, fuck,

that is how he sings. Well, we're about out of time. I think that's it for our callers. We're wrapping it up. One last question in the room. Anything? Because then Gilbert and I are going to sing. Frank.

Frank Verterosa, folks. Our nutmeg engineer. Wonderful Frank. You've done a lot of singing tonight. And we're in a room enclosed with glass. Yes. And I just want to know what this glass is made of that it hasn't shattered

and can I order some for the studio for future episodes? Anyone? I believe he's dissing you, Gilbert. Yo, yo. See, I'm sounding black. I'm telling the black guy in the audience. See, and the black guy's saying Yeah

Do you want to go out on one of these theme songs? Oh How about one of the theme songs, Gil? How about Car 54, Where Are You? Okay You know that one? Kind of All right

Who the fuck got this? He's doing this out of the goodness of his own heart. Do you know chopsticks? And we want to thank Joe and plug Sid's Gold Request Room, Sid's Gold Room, which is a great place. Thank you. And also Loser's Lounge down at Joe's Pub. So thank you, Joe McGinty.

What do you think? What about Time Without Pity? That's a good one. Okay. When we stop to gaze upon a star People talk about how bad we are How can anything survive? How can we keep love alive when these little minds tear us in two?

Oh, it isn't very pretty what a town without pity can do. Thank you all. Thank you all. Thank you everybody. Thank you. Ashley Bergota is here. Thank you, Don. Thank you, Bobby Slayton, Eric Nagel,

Frank Verderosa, Brendan Bliss, Gary Krentz, Barry Daugherty, Bill Silvers. Abe Vigoda is here. Ashley Vigoda. Mr. Skin, Andrea, Jessica, John, thank you. I'll be jerking off to your website tonight, sir. Thank you all.