Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 117. Jonathan Katz

Episode Date: August 22, 2016

In one of our funniest (and strangest) episodes to date, comic, writer and voice actor Jonathan "Dr. Katz" Katz joins Gilbert and Frank for a chaotic, hour-plus conversation about classic TV westerns, David Mamet movies, "casual" nudity, Charles Atlas ads and "The Mike Douglas Show," among other vital topics. Also, Jon befriends Garry Shandling, pens a pilot for Peter Falk, prank calls a dating service and covers Melanie's "Brand New Key." PLUS: Thelma Todd! Esther Williams! Buster Crabbe peddles girdles! Al Pacino comes to dinner! The return of Larry Ragland! And Gilbert sings the theme from "Branded"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And if you like the show and think we deserve a five-star rating, and obviously we do, rate us and post a review. Also, although our main purpose in life is to entertain you, producing this show costs actual money. sorts of goodies, merchandise, personalized roast, and shout-outs, advanced access to episodes, or personal messages from me, Gilbert Gottfried. And if we raise enough, maybe I can finally get a new co-host. I'm thinking of the Scarlett Johansson robot. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, once again at Nutmeg Post with our engineer, Frank Verderosa. Our guest this week is a comedian, actor, writer, and musician, and voiceover artist. He's appeared in the movies Things Change, which he also co-wrote, as well as Homicide, The Spanish Prisoner, State in Maine, Daddy Daycare, Are We Done Yet?,

and Farce of the Penguins. TV series include Mr. Show, South Park, The Larry Sanders Show, Home Movies, and Bob's Burgers. movies and Bob's Burgers. For seven seasons, he starred in, wrote, and produced the memorable Dr. Katz, professional therapist, Rodney Dangerfield, Kathy Griffin, and yours truly. Just to mention a few, he's also the co-creator of the web series Explosion Bus and can be heard hosting his very own podcast, Hey, We're Back. But there's more. There's more. He's a musician, world-class ping-pong player,

and he once had Jackie Robinson at his house for dinner. Please welcome one of the funniest men on the planet and a man who claims he could beat anyone in arm wrestling regardless of age or strength, provided they play by the rules he dictates. Our friend, Jonathan Katz. Some of that's true. Now you were going to start off with a quote. Oh yeah, this is, you asked me how I was

and I was going to quote Fats Waller who said, if I felt any better, I'd be embarrassed. I like it. Now this might be one of the easiest, or the easiest interview ever, because you wrote an entire list. He did.

Of what to ask you. Yeah, forget it. I'm the least spontaneous guy you know. And also... We appreciate all the prep, John. But I have to tell you, I'm expecting a call from Harry Von Zell. And if he doesn't call in five... Harry Von Zell.

If he doesn't call in five minutes, I'm going to tell him to forget about it. I'm expecting a call from B. Benederick. And you have a story about the song Brand New Key? Oh, you know, if I go to a karaoke bar, which I... We love that song, John. Well, that's the only song I will sing in a karaoke room. Melody's Brand New Key. Oh, can you sing a little?

I rode my bicycle past your window last night. I roller skated past your door at daylight. It almost seems like you're avoiding me. I'm okay alone, but I got something I need. I got a brand new... Okay. Beautiful. Melanie.

She also had Lay Down, Candles in the Rain. Yeah. Do you remember that one? Lay down, lay down, lay it all down. Yeah, that's all I know. I don't remember that. Yeah, me too. Yeah, that was the big hit before Brand New Kate.

Oh, I thought it was something about being beautiful, but maybe I'm confusing it with somebody else. I also used to see the Ace Trucking Company there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Arlo Guthrie and my guitar hero, the late Kenny Rankin. He was, I admired that guy. Kenny Rankin. He was, I admired that guy. Kenny Rankin.

Yeah. And you have a story, Letterman doesn't want to be my friend. Yeah, you've had that experience a bit, Kevin. You do the show, and you think that he likes you so much he wants to hang out with you. Not true. It's just not true. Not true. It's just not true.

See, people don't realize when you do talk shows how little contact you actually have with the host. Right. The first time he'll greet you and welcome you to the show, but that's it. Yeah. What about Carson? You did the Carson show, too, John. Well, the weird thing about doing johnny carson the two odd stories here the first thing was on tv is this very proud dignified man but when i saw him backstage he was wearing like a wife beater

and uh not the shirt but an actual wife beater. Really? And he was all hunched over. He looked like an old guy. Then you see him come out on stage. He's this very proud man. And just before I went on camera, my wife notices that I have one hair standing

straight up. And she said, what should I do? I said, just pull it out. So the pain centered me. I was so nervous until she did that. Do you remember meeting Gilbert for the first time, John, in the clubs? I don't think we've been introduced.

Either of you have any memory of that? No, what I remember is you hanging out at catch oh that is such a loud ring as john's phone wrote off um but uh no i remember you at catch hanging out with a guy named steve katz who's oh geez yes and also also Ronnie Shakes, who I admire so much. Oh, Ronnie Shakes. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you my favorite Ronnie Shakes joke lately, and I have so many.

Yes. Because he had like a 1940s style delivery, like Georgie Jessel. Oh, yeah. And he said, yeah, I got thrown in jail the other day on some trumped up charge. They said you get one phone call. Nobody called. thrown in jail the other day on some trumped up charge they said you get one phone call nobody called but but we'd be remiss if we didn't have you do the the classic ronnie shakes joke the joke that you that you love that we all love well i do a couple but i think the one you're talking about is i've been in therapy for 12 years guy. And yesterday he said something that brought tears to my eyes.

No oblong lace. I love that one. I remember Ronnie, my favorite line of his was, my biggest fantasy is to have sex with two women. I don't mean at once. I mean in a lifetime. He passed away, didn't he, Ronnienie he he you know he died jogging of all things you know in a world that had too much drinking and too much drugs he died running

john talk about a little bit since you're talking about the stand-up days i find it interesting that that you you talked about how so much of it didn't suit you. I'm referring to your line about how you felt you were wearing a tutu. Oh, yeah. I never felt that. In front of pirates? Especially when I moved to Boston and I did one nighters around here. But it was true in New York, too, when I did these. You want to answer that?

That could be Von Zell. Hello? I'm sorry. is Susan available? Not at the moment, but can I ask who's calling? Oh, my name is Kaylee, and I was just calling on behalf of SIT Study Abroad. If you'd like me to speak with you, or if you want, I can always give her a call back. I think calling back some other time is a good idea, although I'm so happy to hear from you. Oh, thank you very much.

We're calling you to reverse for the SIP study abroad. Oh, right. I'm very familiar with your organization, and I will call you soon. Okay? Oh, yeah. We'll call you back the next day. Thank you. You didn't have to get off the phone that quick.

No, I actually like the work they do there. That's something that it brings for my daughter, Julia, to travel to Ghana for a year. Wow. While she was in college. Why would you want to go there? You get extra credit. Oh, okay. But you started out, too.

You had a musical act, didn't you? Yeah. At the very beginning. I was the lead singer and front man for Cats and Jammers. Cats and Jammers. Yeah. In fact, your engineer has a sample of the kind of music we did, which I would describe as mediocre. But there's a song called Louise and Mary that your engineer could play for you now if you wanted.

Do we have Louise and Mary, Frank? I sure do. Here it comes, John. It sounds something like this, and this is me singing. Hey, fellas, give me a second. Listen to this. I heard Louise and Mary and Peggy Sue. They got in trouble doing the vocal loop.

The joint was jumping and the crowd was hot. And I think that they deserve what they got. Well, I warned these girls, but they'll never learn. They got to see for themselves. Yeah, you give it once and then you do it again. And now I'm tempted to tell. I heard Louise and Mary and Peggy Sue. They got in trouble doing the vocal note.

The joint was jumped and the crowd was hot. And I think they deserve what they got. Well, don't think we've got any regrets. They said it right to my face. No, we didn't mean you people no harm. So why everyone say? Oh, when did it? Don't take much to see.

Oh, when did it? Why can't the people let us be? Wow, when did you record that? Hey, Gilbert, I have to say I've never seen anybody so dedicated not moving in time to the music. I can't believe the restraint. I made a deal with RCA. I recorded three singles, and that was one of them. That was fun. It was a little Manhattan Transfer-ish, didn't you think?

Oh, yeah. Willie and Bass. Oh, is that Willie from the Letterman Band? Yeah. Wow. Chris Parker on drums. I don't know if you remember him. No, I don't.

Will I know? Now, how did you get involved with David Mamet? We went to college together in the 60s. I've known David for 50 years. And I'm such a young guy. And you turned up in all those movies. You started turning up in films that he directed. Well, first you wrote Things Change with him, which Gilbert and I were just talking about.

He said the movie just came up. Yeah, I was just discussing that with Joe Mantegna. But David wrote that with Shel Silverstein. I had a story credit on the House of Games, but David wrote that movie with Shel Silverstein. Oh, I have the wrong movie.

Right. But you have a Don Amici story. Well, just... Here I am, the son of two communists. And the next thing I know is I'm on a movie set in Lake Tahoe about to do a scene with Don Amici and Joe Mantegna. And I'm the only one holding a clipboard. So I assume that they forgot their clipboards because they weren't nervous because they've been doing this for years. So David, as a joke, had them feed me lines that weren't in the movie.

And I just froze because he thought that was everybody's idea of a good time was humiliating Jonathan Katz. Which one did you write, by the way, John? You wrote House of Games. Well, I wrote the story on which the movie is based. Essentially, I got coffee for David. Okay. So when you said some of those things were true in the intro, that was the one we had wrong?

Yeah. And I did about two or three Dr. Katz episodes. Yeah. And they were great. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM,

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But yeah, I like doing the Dr. Cat show. That was like so loose. You and I were just telling old Jewish jokes for about 20 minutes. It was incredible. Do you remember any? Old Jewish woman goes to the doctor. Doctor says, there's nothing wrong with you. You just need to have more sex.

You need to have sex eight, ten times a week. She calls her husband and he says, put me down for two. Okay, Gil, now do you remember any? Okay. A Jewish couple goes to a doctor and they say, the man says, I can't achieve an erection and it's ruining our marriage. And so the doctor says, well, I've got a simple operation I could perform. You'll be as good as you are as a teenager. It'll cost $500. And the Jewish Jewish couple says we're going to go home and discuss it and they come back the next day the doctor says well are you going to pay the $500 and have the operation

and the couple says no we're going to have the kitchen painted old Jewish guy I look like a doing banjo here and my my dad would always say why does he have to be jewish and i say i don't know dad it's a joke but an old jewish guy is on the beach and he finds a a lantern in the sand and he rubs the lantern and genie appears and says i will grant you any wish you want. Any wish.

And the guy says, OK, what about peace in the middies? The genie says, I can't do that. That's beyond my purview. Anything else but that. He says, OK, just once, I would like my wife to perform oral sex. And the genie says, no, when you say peace. You tell that one with the map. Yes.

Gilbert tells a different version of that one. Yes, I tell a different version of it. Only I say blowjob, not oral gratification. He cleans it up. He's classy. Now, an old Jewish woman is in a swimming pool. I'm so sorry to hear that.

And the lifeguard says, hey, can't you read the sign? No swimming in the pool. And she goes, that's the way you read it. The way I read it is, no swimming in the pool. That's a good joke. Hey, Giver, do you think I have

too many references to Esther Williams in my act? I don't think there can ever be enough. Never enough. I tried to make a Swimming to Cambodia joke starring Esther Williams, but it never worked. Swimming to Cambodia. Now, who that never worked. Swimming to Cambodia.

Now, who was Esther Williams married to again? Fernando Lamas. Fernando Lamas. Yeah. And was she going out with somebody? To another famous guy? I would think so. Oh, okay.

Another swimmer, maybe Buster Crabbe? Maybe. I remember Buster Crabbe years ago. Yeah. And someone, oh, this Alan Asherman who we had on. Sure. He told me this. Because I remember Buster Crabbe, who was like Flash Gordon.

Yeah. And he was a champion swimmer. Yep. like Flash Gordon, and he was a champion swimmer. Yep. He had this commercial for, like, these T-shirts that basically worked like a girdle for men. You put on these T-shirts, and it pulled your stomach in. Right.

I think I remember that. Was he advertising those in the 60s? Oh, yes, yes. Early 70s? And I think he had found some Was he advertising those in the 60s? Oh, yes, yes. Early 70s? And I think he had found some pieces of rubber or something, and he said, can you make this into a T-shirt or something? And he made a fortune on it. Really?

Hey, have you had Ed Begley on the show? We have not. Oh, Ed Begley. Senior? I know, I heard senior. I'm just talking about junior. Yeah, we haven't. No, Ed Bigler. Senior? I know. I heard senior. I'm just talking about junior. Yeah. We haven't.

No, we'd love to. Because I made some joke about the original Tarzan, who was Johnny Weissmuller. Oh, yes. And Ed Bigler wrote, not only do I remember the guy who worked with him. Wow. But he'd be great on the show. Well, we'll talk to him. You mean Johnny Weissmuller?

Wasn't the original Tarzan Elmo Lincoln? Elmo Lincoln with that, yes. Very good. Was it a silent Tarzan? Yes. And he had the most deformed chest of any person. He had a concave chest. You know, if you look, well, yeah, like his chest was like

enormous and then it sunk in. Wow. He was the weirdest, he was a weird looking Tarzan, Elmo Lincoln. Who remembers Ron Eli doing Tarzan on TV? Oh, on TV. Not me. Now, I also,

I also heard a story. I hope it's true. That Johnny Weissmuller wound up in a home in his last days, and he went a little nutty and used to do the Tarzan. I hope that's true. the Tarzan, yeah. That's true. Hey, Gilbert, you may not realize it, but you've just set up the home for reenactors in a beautiful way,

which I think Frank has a recording of that, if you want to play that. Okie doke, we're back to our engineer. Frankie, you got that one? Which is the one? The home for reenactors. Ooh. I don't have that one. Ooh.

Well, I was clumsy. Yeah, no, that was something I did with Tom Leopold and Tom Snyder. Oh, wait, oh. He's got it. Death Row Diet? We can do the Death Row Diet. It's close enough. This is something that this is.

Or is it Venison? Venison and Death Row Diet are both good, but that's not what I'm looking for. But Death Row Diet is close because this is about a guy who's on death row and Tom Leopold. I play that guy. Tom Leopold is playing my lawyer who doesn't believe in my innocence. We're familiar with Tom Leopold. Okay. He's done the show. So I think you guys are going to get a kick out of this.

Okay. I think you're going to be down to your dream weight when they execute you i think you will get where you want to go a weight wise you're talking about 146 146 which happens to be how much i weighed the day i met my wife and the day you killed those people you have a way of spinning things i just hope you don't mention that no no no don't be silly i would feel better about it if you didn't refer to me as a as a murderer besides the fact that you confessed can i not have to bring this up each time no you're right you shouldn't refer to me as a murderer. Besides the fact that you confessed? Can I not have to bring this up each time? No, you're right.

You shouldn't have to bring it up each time. You know, I got my own stuff going on. I'm being audited. I'm sorry. I want to wear the suit that I was wearing the day... Right, and you know, as your lawyer, I feel that a great injustice has been done and you have been so terribly wrong.

Not about the murder that you committed, but about the fact that the state won't pay for your Weight Watchers meals. And believe me, it hurts me. Especially since I've tasted the desserts. They are delicious, my friend. Yeah, really good. And you take the D out of death row and you put it back in delicious where it belongs.

Do you harbor any anger about the way in which our mutual friends perished? You mean the murder? Well, again, there you go again. Absolutely not. I feel no resentment. I actually, I won't say I feel good about it, because that would be a lie.

Right. It could be in my mind, but my glasses don't slide the way they used to. No, no, no. You have definitely lost weight. I see cheekbones where I used to just see cheek. Yeah, you have definitely lost... As a matter of fact, you have an aqu I used to just see cheek. Yeah. You have definitely, as a matter of fact,

you have an aquiline nose that I had not noticed. Thank you. That before I used to think, oh, what a fat nose. Right. So keep up the good work, my friend.

The way these things are cut, Tom, these uniforms, they're mass produced. Why do you think Tommy Hilfiger doesn't have orange clothes? I mean, for this very reason because it's not becoming.

By the way, I have good news from the Weight Watchers people. They're not totally ruling out the idea of you doing ads for them oh that's great which is a long way from oh we don't want a convicted murderer they're sort of signed up on the fact that i'm a convicted that's been the stumbling block right they do feel you've lost the weight and you look great they've the negotiations have moved away from absolutely not you got to be kidding to let's wait and see right let me ask you something johnny how are you handling the fear you know i i wake up in the middle of the night sweating

is it hot in your cell no you ever see the movie about the the rosenbergs oh no i haven't seen those and ethel rosenberg were electro electrocuted yes they were believed to be communists yes it's been proven that they were actually well that's not the point oh boy just it would be so easy just to say one thing in been proven that they were actually well that's not the point oh boy just it would be so easy just to say one thing in their defense okay they were innocent okay it was during that movie that i developed my fear which is a really profound fear of electric okay can i just say one thing i'm not a psychiatrist or you haven't had your chest shaved by a large black man you don't know that for a fact yeah you really don't have to worry so much because you know it would

be lethal injection when they do what do you know what are you talking about well they're gonna kill you by lethal injection i'm not afraid of dying i'm afraid of dying fat is that from explosion bus john no no that was pre-explosion bus but i also was not the creator of explosion bus that was all tom snyder's idea ah well then your then your Wikipedia page is lying. And I just got another memory, aside from Elmo Lincoln's deformed chest. Okay, go. He also had really

long hair. Elmo Lincoln? Yeah. Okay. You gotta look up Elmo Lincoln on your computers. First Tarzan. But who was the guy? Oh, Jack Lillane. He designed exercise devices like the one you were describing. Sure, yeah. And trusses and all that kind of weird stuff.

He was the guy who was always worried about me getting sand kicked in my face because I was a 90-pound weakling. Oh, I think that was the other guy. That was... Oh. Was that... Who, I think that was the other guy. That was... Who am I thinking of? Not Vic Tanny. Oh, it might have been. It might have been Vic Tanny. Yeah. I'm trying to think of the... Oh, Atlas. Charles Atlas.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. The sand kicked in the face. You know what's a thankless job? What's that? Is being the vice president of the hair Club for Men. Let's talk just a little bit about the Mammoth films, John. Okay. Did you have an Amici story? No, I really don't.

Just the whole thing was so... Surreal. Surreal. And I played a comic named Jackie Shura, so essentially I did my act. And because I know David so well, I was the only one who was allowed to go off script. And it was fun. I played a sleazy comedian in Las Vegas, but it was Lake Tahoe. Yep, yep.

I like those pictures. I like Spanish Prisoner quite a lot. And Gilbert was just talking about Things Changed last night. Yeah, it just came up in conversation, believe it or not. Well, that's the first time I've seen naked women on a film set. Although it was a closed set, but two of the young women in the movie appeared naked with Don Amici and Joe Mantegna in one scene. Gilbert just perked up.

Yes. Now I'm interested. This is the first thing you said that I'm listening to. Here's the thing about naked women. Okay. I'm listening. Their bodies are different than ours. Go on.

But I'm going to say this slowly now. Hey, did we do that thing from Crank Yankers? Well, Frank can cue it up. What would you like? I think this is about me returning to the dating scene after years of being married. I love that you're producing the show, John. This is great. Roll tape.

Gilbert and I could go out for Chinese. Frank, you want to run John's Cranky Anchors clip? Here we go. Thanks for calling Matches. This is Karina. How may I help you? Did you say Sabrina? My name is Karina. Oh, Karina. I'm sorry.

My name is Jonathan. I'm calling. I actually wanted to place an ad. Okay. I'm divorced. I've sort of licked my wounds for the last six, seven, eight years, and I'm looking for someone else to lick them.

All right. I wish that didn't sound so disgusting. I apologize. Okay. That's okay. I have to tell you, this feels like a dating low point to me. I've only dated twice since I got divorced. Oh, okay.

But I'm ready to give it another try. All right. Sounds good. Can I get your first name? Jonathan. Last name? Trevitt. And then what category did you want to place this ad under?

Desperate Losers. Okay. Did you want to put it under male seeking female, male seeking male? Male seeking female. Okay. First of all, did you want to have a headline maybe? Sad man wants to be glad man. Sad man wants to be would fit.

So all you have room for then is just sad guy looking to be. That's all that fits in your 20 characters? I guess let them fill in the blank, you know? Let them bring something to the table, to the party. Would you call an ad that said sad man wants to be? Probably not. So like, sad wants to be

glad? Yes. Yeah, that just fits. Okay. What did you want the rest of it to say? I am a semi-retired ping pong player. I used to do exhibitions and play in tournaments. In fact, I once opened for the Globetrotters. So, semi-retired ping pong player, and then what? I'm riddled with psoriasis.

Not sure if you necessarily would like to put that in your ad, though. That might not. Truth is not a contagious disease. It's just. Okay, so you want to put that in your ad? I think so. I want to start out honest. I don't want to hold that any false hope.

Uh-huh. You know how some guys I've seen this ad, they like long walks on the beach? Okay. I hate them. Okay, did you want to maybe put some stuff that you do enjoy in your ad? I love taking bus rides alone. I think it's romantic. Bus rides isn't bad.

I think this has been my problem with women, Karina, is that I'm old-fashioned. Like, I sometimes will drop my hanky at a discotheque. I collect old calculators. Okay. I love animals, especially otters. Right now, I have for your ad, I have, Dad wants to be glad. Then I have

semi-retired ping pong player with psoriasis. 56, 5'7", 156 pounds. Enjoys bus rides, collecting old calculators, loves animals. That close to what you want? You know, it sounds good. I think if a woman was riding the bus on her way to a ping pong tournament and saw that,

she'd call me up. Do you think I'm being too specific? Okay. Sir, I think it sounds good like this. Okay. If you think of any further changes, you can give us a call back with those changes. Okay. And I would call back the same number?

Correct. And did you have any other questions then? Where do you live? Sorry. Okay. Okay, Karina. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Thanks for calling. One more thing. Uh-huh. When will women start loving me? Is it too late? When is it my turn? Well, maybe you'll get a lot of responses with your ad. Karina, you have the best job in the world.

You can make dreams come true. Thank you so much. Okay. Thanks for calling Matches. Bye-bye. I forgot how emotional that is. Jesus. Gilbert has a tear running down Gilbert's cheek. Why do I not think that was a tear?

Now, you sing old western songs? Cheyenne, Cheyenne, where will you be camping tonight? Which always seemed like an inappropriate question to ask a guy on the trail. Who was the star of Cheyenne? I'm trying to remember it. Clint Walker. Clint Walker, right, right. Now, can you sing the theme of Cheyenne? I'm trying to remember it. Clint Walker. Clint Walker, right, right.

Now, can you sing the theme to High Noon? High Noon. High Noon. No, I can do Sugarfoot, Sugarfoot. Never underestimate a Sugarfoot. Remember Sugarfoot? Will Hutchins. That's right.

Yeah. See, the song I remember, and I don't know if I'd call it Western. It's more like Civil War, maybe. But that's only one man lived down in Bitter Creek. But they said he ran away, branded, scorned by the man who ran. What do you do when you're branded and you know you're a man? Branded, that's not the way to die. What do you do for the rest of your life, you must prove you're a man.

Beautiful. Who was the star of Brandon? Chuck Connors. Wasn't he the rifleman? Yeah, he was both. Brandon and the rifleman. Brandon came later on. I didn't know that. Yeah. This stuff is before my time. Yeah.

I remember Have Gun, Will Travel with Paladin with Richard Boone. That was such a big show. Oh, that's right. Right? And the rifleman. I have a gun and I'll travel. Yeah, it was a Jewish. That's not the...

I have a gun. I like to travel. I'm riding in my station wagon. And I've got a gun and I travel. And I take some pills for car sickness. Remember that. Yes. Have a gun, we'll travel, reads the card of a man.

But he was so cool because he would... That's the one. He would quote Shakespeare and then he'd shoot the guy. Yeah, I came a little later. I remember the Wild Wild West, but that one didn't have lyrics. Yeah, I'm sure it probably had. Somewhere. Yeah, we've got to find the lyrics. That one I remember, and of course Gunsmoke was on forever.

And we had a long talk yesterday. These same people I brought up the Don Amici movie with and that was the actor who would appear in Wild West, Michael Dunn. Oh, Michael Dunn. Wasn't he Miguelito Loveless?

Oh, yes. Dr. Loveless. Yes. I forgot it was Miguelito. Does this mean anything to you, John? Not yet. And he was in Ship of Fools. Yes, Michael Dunn was in Ship of Fools. Stanley Kramer. And, of course, one movie we brought up here, and that was How to Murder a Lady.

Oh, you mean No Way to Treat a Lady. No Way to Treat a Lady. You know that film, John, with Rod Steiger? And George Segal? I do. I do know that movie. And Rod Steiger was such an amazing impact. Had such an amazing impact on my life.

How so? I was confusing it with How to Murder Your Wife. Right. No, just his performance in The Pawnbroker. One of Gilbert's favorites. Yes. Great movie. Yeah. His performance in The Pawnbroker. One of Gilbert's favorites. Yes. Great movie.

Yeah. And. He comes up on the show a lot. We talk a lot about Rod Steiger. Was he in The Heat of the Night? Sure. He won the Oscar. Yeah. Yeah.

And The Loved One. Right. And, you know, Tom Leopold was in Gunsmoke. He was a child actor. Yes. Yes. Yes, I've seen the clips. I've been to Tom's house and I've watched the Gunsmoke episode and the Mannix episode. I didn't know he was in Mannix.

He was in Mannix. And he played a thug who terrorizes Robert Culp. Yes. In a TV movie called Rage. Rage. I think it was called Rage, I think. Yeah, I think it was supposedly based on a real story. By the way, he's a veterinarian.

Have you seen this one, John? No, but Robert Culp also was the star of a Western, wasn't he? Robert Culp? I remember I Spy. Yeah. I think he played, he was in this, he had his own Western, Robert Culp. He did? Yeah.

Now this, I'm lost. I remember Maverick. I remember Bat Masterson with Gene Barry. I heard that, I heard, I read somewhere recently that Gene Barry was a Jew. Really? Yeah. You know who else is Jewish? Oh.

It's the guy who does Meet the Press, Chuck Todd. Okay. I just, I find that so surprising that he doesn't, that he and Bernie Sanders don't talk about Pesach. See, I read, I read recently, too, in the same list, claiming that Tanya Roberts is Jewish. Oh, that would have made you very happy. Oh, my God. Tanya Roberts. She played Sheena.

Queen of the Jungle. That was one of those wonderful Gilbert nudities where she shows up to go skinny dipping, and she's just standing there naked. Yep. See, John. That's kinky. Gilbert Nudity is like casual, like a hot-looking actress, casually standing around naked. Well, who's this wonderful actress who's down probably in her 70s,

who's in every movie? She was in Mammoth's movie about Phil Spector. Oh, oh, gosh. She's such a... Yeah, Faye Dunaway. No, no, no. Not Faye Dunaway? No, she's...

Margaret Dubont? Oh, I know who you mean, Helen Mirren. Yes, if you look up the young Helen Mirren, she appears beautifully naked, just standing there. Oh, that's good. Yeah. But see, now it bothers me that she's a grandmother. Yeah, and also Brigitte Bardot.

Sure. Well, Gilbert doesn't like if it's contrived nudity. He likes just like a woman kind of, you know, like opening the fireplace flue. Yeah. Nude. Yeah, looking for a sock. Oh, yeah. Like while doing other things.

There's something extra kinky about that, right? Yes. That she just happens to be nude. Yeah, just happens to be nude, walking around, doing her taxes. Changing the shelf paper in the kitchen cabinets. Yeah, exactly. Changing the outgoing message on our answering thing. Kip, when did you grow up?

What part of New York? In Brooklyn. In Sheepshead Bay? No, first Coney Island I was born. And then Crown Heights and then Borough Park. You know, so many people are from Sheepshead Bay, including Larry David and Terry Gross and my friend Louis Zwick, who used to like to smell my feet. Don't ask.

Speaking of Larry David, John, I got a question for you. And I've seen people, heard people ask you this. Do you think that Dr. Katz influenced Curb, your enthusiasm? At least a little bit? Well, Larry David went out to lunch with Tom Snyder and said, how do you get that very natural sounding dialogue? And he explained it to him. The outline from which we work, which had to do with the

series regulars, with Ben and Laura and me, and Julie the bartender, and Stanley, my friend at the bar, that was all from an outline, which was very, there was no script. It was just, Tom was good at directing us until he got what he needed. Well, and you and Benjamin were just so masterful at improvising together. I mean, it was a joy to listen to. Thank you. People forget about manners in comedy. Thank you so much for saying

that, Frank. Oh, it was comforting. I mean, Dr. Katz was a show I could just watch in a marathon over and over again just to listen to the two of you riff. Thank you again. And since we're talking about it... I forgot about manners in comedy. So go

fuck yourself, Jonathan. Since we're talking about Dr. Katz... Your butt is such a whore. I can't take the time to do it. Hey, Jonathan, suck my dick. Please, young man. That's what Henny Youngman used to say.

Suck my dick, please. Please. Yeah. Tell us about Gary Shandling doing the show. We just lost Gary, and it's kind of a nice story. Well, is this about... That you did him a solid and... Oh, yeah.

Well, I met him in Aspen. We were introduced by another comedian whose name I can never remember. Give me a hint. I think he might be Jewish or Greek. Does that... Oh! Oh, him!

Giannis Pappas? Yeah. He was traveling with Larry, and I think he was writing for him while he was touring. And this was, Gary was doing a special in Aspen, Colorado. And this is around the time that, who was the fighter that would bite people in the ear? Oh, Mike Tyson. Yeah, Mike Tyson had just been biting people's ears a lot. And comedians were making jokes about that. And he was just released from jail.

So I said, the joke I told Gary was, why don't you say, Mike, in case you heard any of those jokes, you were just kidding. Which is not the best joke in the world, but he said, I owe you. And he did Dr. Katz, and I did Gary Shandler, the Larry Sanders show. I remember you on Sanders. Yeah, and that was such an amazing show because I was in makeup,

and I told Gary that I said, just when I get on stage I'm going to talk about the lap dance I got today because I told the woman I've been sitting all day and he said tell that story that's very funny but I didn't realize that

that was the show they never shot anything else it's just me and makeup it was really cunning the way they did that show. A great show. Yeah. And we became friends, which was really a nice surprise. We hung out in L.A. while I was making Raisin Dad. Yeah, tell us about Raisin Dad.

I have it on one of my cards. Raisin Dad is a show that starred Bob Saget. Did you know this show, Gil? No. With Saget that Jonathan created? No. And Andy Kidler. Andy was on it.

Brie Larson and Kat Dennings played Bob's daughters. And Jerry Adler was the grandfather. She's the one who said... She broke girls. Yeah. I think she's dating our friend Josh Groban. Really? Unless I have my facts Yeah, I think she's dating our friend Josh Groban. Really? Unless I have

my facts incorrect, I'll check. But isn't that the guy who's married to Barbara Streisand? No, that's that. He's married to Esther Williams. Zazu Pitts. He's married, too. Now, I think Zazu Pitts and Thelma Todd were a comedy team. That is correct. Yes. And Thelma Todd pops up in Monkey Business.

Well, in Horse Feathers. Horse Feathers. She's in both of them. Horse Feathers and Monkey Business. Yeah, hot toddy. But who else was a female lead on the Sid Caesar show who was not Zazu Pitts? Imogene Koka? No.

There's someone more obscure than that. I knew it a couple of weeks ago, but I can't think of her now. We'll think of it by the end of the show. But tell us what happened with Raising Dad. And then I also want to ask you about your other pilot from where I sit. So Raising Dad ran for 22 episodes,

and I was the executive producer. I show up there, and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I don't have a clue. I get a call from this woman who runs business affairs for Paramount, and she says, Jonathan, what about Jerry Adler? Is he 7 out of 13? And I said, you bet. I had no idea what that meant.

Jerry Adler. You know Jerry Adler. Oh, yeah. Yeah, from The Sopranos. You know that actor. Yes, yes. The New York actor. Yeah, he's a great actor and a really sweet guy.

Yeah, he's done a lot of stuff. Yeah. But he played Bob's father on the show, Bob Saget's father. Uh-huh. And Bob was actually very sweet and fun to work with. Hard to converse with because he talks just like he tries to top you all the time. We had Bob on this show. I was going to say, you should have Bob on that show.

We did. We know nothing about this trying to top you, Gilbert. You know what he's talking about? With Bob Saget? No. Maybe he just doesn't like you. That's possible. I don't like you. John, don't fuck yourself. Hey, does your

engineer think I'm a nice guy? He loves you. Tell us about working with Peter Falk on your other pilot. Hey, does your engineer think I'm a nice guy? He loves you. Oh, good. Tell us about working with Peter Falk on your other pilot. Oh, from where I sit. Listen to this cast. I made a pilot for CBS with Peter Falk, Robert Klein, Marsha Gay Harden, David Pamer, and Jane Addams, and we still didn't get picked up. Wow.

Directed by Eric Von Zipper's son, Michael Lembeck. Oh, yeah. It also had Lizzie Kaplan in it. Right, Lizzie Kaplan, who went on to become, you know her, she's on Masters of Sex. Yeah. Oh, okay. She's a very attractive brunette.

Right. And she was so good. She was wonderful. And Dom Irera made an appearance in the show. We love Dom. So I'll have to look to see if there's some good Lizzie Kaplan nudity. Oh, there's plenty of it. Yeah, I'm sure

there must be a lot. Do you have... Are there any scenes of Lizzie Kaplan naked checking a book at the library? Uh... What was Falk like, John? Did you interact with him a lot? He was naked all the time.

Peter Falk was the funniest one on the show. He had this amazing comic timing. Oh, sure. That I never knew about. And he was just great. There was a line where, it's a phone call I'm making to him in the show, or David Payne is making to Peter Falk. And he says, I'm having a hard time hearing you, Bob. I'm a little constipated.

And Payne says, boy, that is constipated. That's funny. You ever see Falk in a comedy called The Great Race that Blake Edwards made? With Tony Curtis. Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon. Yeah, I did see it. He just about steals the movie. Terrific comic.

And I also think Paul Rasm made a movie with him. He did, yeah. Oh, that's that father and son movie. I had the honor of interviewing both of them at the Writers Guild after that screening. It was called The Thing About My Folks. Right. Now, see, now that's a sad thing because of this age we're living in that Peter Falk, like those last clips we saw of him, he, I guess he had Alzheimer's. Yeah, he did at the end, yeah.

And he was wandering through the street. They couldn't find his car. And they were filming him on their phones and putting it up on the internet. That's sad. That's really unfortunate. What kind of car?

really unfortunate um what kind of car no but robert klein did something amazing in that pilot which was a great comedian telling a joke a good joke badly and it was a joke i would do in my act about i'll tell you the joke i had surgery last week nothing serious but just before i went under i heard the one thing you don't want to hear where's my lucky scalpel so peter falk i mean robert robert klein told that joke to the american liver foundation and made it bomb which is in the in the. In the pilot. In the pilot, yeah. Which is hard to do.

Hey, I have to tell you my Al Pacino story, if you'll forgive me. Go. Oh, please. I forgive you. David was born on November 30th. I was born on December 1st. And when he was married to Lindsey Krauss,

she threw a joint birthday party for me and David. And Al Pacino was one of the guests and my wife made a cheesecake which she brought to the party and we're sitting down and we overhear this couple behind us saying the husband says to the wife did you notice that Al Pacino is here? and the wife says fuck Al Pacino did you taste the cheesecake? What's the improv class story, John?

It's on your list. And you wanted Gilbert to hear this story. You know Lisa Mendy, right? Oh, yeah. Was married briefly to, not so briefly, to Dom Herrera. Yeah. We love Dom. And she taught an improv class at the improv on Sunday afternoons.

And she thought I would benefit from that. So I took the class one day and she said, okay, this scene, Jonathan, all you need to do is pretend you're at a party and you're just walking around with the other actors. There were a bunch of other actors there. And so I'm walking around and she said, just pretend you're at a party and you're just walking around with the other actors. There were a bunch of other actors there. And so I'm walking around and she said, just pretend you see somebody you know. And I say, oh, hey, Dan Chodokoff.

And she says, how the fuck do you know Dan Chodokoff? Because she went to school with Dan Chodokoff in Teaneck, New Jersey. I couldn't even make up a stranger's name that she didn't know. Have I lost you? Yeah. Yeah, at the beginning of the show.

Gilbert, this is an improv class and I couldn't invent a guy's name that wasn't real. That's the joke. He couldn't make up the name. He couldn't come up with a name of a guy she didn't know. Oh, that's a good story. Here's the real name. That's a terrific story.

And then I had to make up a story. Hey, can I pretend it happened to me? It's so much funnier with you in the story. Well, John, you and I were talking about The Millionaire. You remember the show The Millionaire? Of course. With Michael Milner.

I think it was Marvin Miller. I always get them confused with the cop. One guy was in Route 66. Different guy, yeah. But do you know the song? The loveliness of Paris seems somehow sadly gay. Did you know George Maharis was somehow sad? No, that's the other guy in Route 66.

Yeah, that's the whole Perfecto Tellez thing. Yeah. What about The Millionaire? The Millionaire, I love that show. Although a million dollars now is like chump change. It's so weird when you hear about, you know, someone like always, he got a million dollars. And now like a million dollars is like an apartment in New York. If you say, well, I'm willing to spend a million dollars.

It's like it's a joke. You can have half of it. Yeah. You can have half the room. You can have a joke. You can have half of it. Yeah, yeah. You can have half the room. You can have a studio. Do you know that story you told about Al Pacino reminds me of another story that happened to me? I was in an impression. Hey, it would help.

And I named some actor. Wait, I didn't tell you the rest of the Lisa Mendy story. Oh, there's more? Are you kidding? I can't wait. Wait, you think I'm going to tell that part again? It gets better. I had to make up a song.

Okay. And there was a woman there named Sue. That's all I remember about her. And she was a pianist. She was a pianist? If you think that's funnier. Yeah, okay. She was a pianist, and she's sitting there, and she's vamping, playing different chords.

And I say, hit it, Sue. And that's all I could do. I'm sorry. That was good, too. Hey, boy, this story just keeps building. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving. What about Uncle Dirty, John? That's on your list.

Uncle Dirty. We remember him. You remember Uncle Dirty? Oh, absolutely. That wasn't John Volby, right? That was a different guy. That was Dr. Dirty. His real name is Bob Altman.

Yes. He, although the story I prefer is the Larry Ragland story. I know you were talking about him the other day, but. I saw a dummy in the window. I looked and it was you wearing a new dress as usual. Trying to look your best. Impossible. Cause with you, it's not really what you wear. Why don't you wash your face?

It's a disgrace. Jump in, John. So I love stories about how people's careers, they sabotage their careers. Larry Raglin was a guest on the mike douglas show a daytime talk show sure yes sure from philly and he had a great set he moved over to do panel and everything is going fine and then mike douglas invites out some woman who is his spokeswoman for some horrendous disease. Oh, geez. And Larry starts giggling. And he can't stop.

Oh, wow. And he just never did another talk show. So that's what became of Larry Ragland. Oh, yeah. Because I think we lost Larry. Yeah. Yes. He was also a great tennis player, a club player.

Yes. That's really how the story or his career. That's more info than I wanted to know about Larry Raglin. I heard a story with Larry Raglin that Bill Cosby, when he was still known as a comedian, you know, and he came in to catch and he saw Larry and really liked him and really wanted to be a supporter of him. And he came back a few years later and he saw Larry on stage. And the next time he was going, he was he went up to introduce Larry Bill, and Bill said, You know, I saw this guy about 20 years ago.

Hasn't written a goddamn new joke since then. Oh, my god, that's so mean. And now I forgive him for all the things that he's being accused of doing because they pale by comparison. That's so fucking

mean. I remember Bill Cosby told a story. He said, one time I was in an improv group with Lisa Mendy. And there was someone named Sue.

I might be the only person who can't make that story work. Can you do Jerry Seinfeld telling that story? How? So, I was in an improv group, and there was someone there named Sue. Name Sue! I only do one impression, and I think I do it better than you, Gilbert.

It's R.V. Bendret. Okay. Sue? Well, let me do my impression first, and I'll tell you who the guy is. Well, the whole goddamn thing is theater. He was a, I think he was a closeted gay man I met in the West Village. That sounds just like him. Yeah. I thought he walked into the room.

What was his name? R.V. Bendret. R.V. Bendret. Can you do R.V. Bendret? R.V. R.V. Bendrick. R.V. Bendrick. Can you do R.V. Bendrick? R.V. R.V. Can you do R.V. Bendrick talking about an improv group that he was in? Well, the whole goddamn thing is theater.

But I go in there, and she says to me, Jonathan, you need to pretend that you know somebody, just a complete stranger. that you know somebody, just a complete stranger. And I say Dan Chodokoff, and I couldn't even make up the name of a complete stranger. R.V. Bendrat sounds a little like Struthers Martin. He does, yes.

Do you want to take us out with a song? Do you have something queued up? Um. Do you recognize that? It could be anything. Well, that's a theme from Dr. Katz, you fools. Ah! Ah! Bad Skype connection. Now we got it. Ah, now. Now the show's picking up.

Well, that's the goddamn thing. The whole goddamn thing is from Dr. Katz. We're getting towards the end of the show, and I think the crowd would love to hear that. I think you should each tell one more Jewish joke. What do you say? Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Gil, you go first. A rabbi is very upset. And he says to his friend in the village, the priest. He says, you know, someone, you remember that brand new bicycle? I love that bicycle. I can't find it anywhere. And the priest goes,

you think someone from your congregation stole it? He goes, I don't know, maybe. And he goes, well, here's what you do. You read them the Ten Commandments. And when you get to thou shall not steal, the person who stole your bicycle will return it. And he goes, all right, I'll tie that. And so the next day, the rabbi is riding his bicycle. And so the next day, the rabbi is riding his bicycle.

And the priest says, oh, so you read them, thou shall not steal. And they return your bicycle. And he goes, no, I got to thou shall not commit adultery. And I remembered where I left my bicycle. Good joke. Two old Jewish guys are walking down the hall in a nursing home and one guy says to the other,

they see this beautiful blonde woman approaching them and he says to the other guy, super pussy. And the guy says, I'll go with the soup. Alright. I think we're out of bullets. Oh, my God. But could you tell us that story when you were in an improv group?

Or sing another Western theme. Wait a second. I did Cheyenne, right? You did Cheyenne. I did Sugarfoot. How about Rawhide? What about the theme song from Bonanza? I know there were

words to that one. Really? Yeah. I forget how it goes. One day we'll have to find the lyrics to all these songs and sing them on the air. Well, there were lyrics to the Dick Van Dyke show theme. Oh, yeah.

Alright, John. I'm exhausted from laughing. My Little Margie? Do you know the My Little Margie theme? No. How about F Troop, John? Do you do that one? No, but I should have closed with Harry Von Zell.

Okay. We, uh, hi. This is Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my sidekick, with my co-host, my sidekick. He wears a cape. No, you wear a cape, and we both run out of the Batcave together. Oh, that would be my pleasure.

We two slide down metal poles side by side. Frank Santopatry. I'm getting aroused. The boy wonder. The goy wonder. The goy wonder. And once again, a nutmeg pose with our engineer, Frank Ferdarosa. I'd like to point out that our friend Ryan is here, Dick Van Dyke's grandson. Dick Van Dyke's grandson.

Came to watch the show, and I think he committed suicide. That's because... About 12 minutes ago. That's because I didn't tell my Conan O'Brien story. Tell the Conan O'Brien story, quick. Yeah, this sounds good. Okay, so... I show up early, I go into Be Made Up, and I see this...

There's a woman... There's a woman... There's a woman sitting there... There's a woman sitting there and I say to her anytime So I go in to have my makeup done. And there's a woman standing there. And I say, anytime you're ready. And I didn't realize that she was a guest on the show. No names, please.

That's funny. That was a strong one. That was a saver. I have another makeup story doing daddy daycare. Go ahead, quick. What's the correct term? Is it midgets or dwarves? Gilbert would prefer you said

midgets. Okay. Midgets is the word I like. Okay, so, you know, anytime they have kids in a movie, they have to, they can only work a certain number of hours and then have the midgets come in. Yes. They did that on Problem Child. We had a midget who was the Problem Child. Mid had a midget. Who was the problem child. Midget stand-in.

Yeah. So I'm having my makeup applied. And I'm enjoying it thoroughly. All of a sudden, I feel a little hand on my shoulder. And I say, what the fuck is that? And I thought you were a midget. And it turns out it was a child. So in that moment, I insulted all the midgets who'd like to be called dwarves

and all the mothers who don't like me to say, what the fuck are you doing to their kids? Oh, God, that's... The whole goddamn thing is theater. You've got a tour with that one, John. Thank you, buddy. Thanks for doing this. We haven't laughed this much in a long time.

You want to sign off? Oh, okay. And our apologies to Ryan. So once again, once again, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. And in the Batcave with me. Deep below stately Wayne Manor. It's Frank Santopadre.

And once again, at Nutmeg Studios. And once again, Frank Santopadre. Frank, Frank. Verna Rosa. Verna Rosa. Where the cart rides. That's right. They, Frank. Verna Rosa. Verna Rosa. Where the Cartwrights live. That's right. They live on the Verna Rosa.

And we've been talking to a man who once went to an improv acting group. And he told a story where he said someone's name and he could not live another name. And it's what he's known best for. Ladies and gentlemen. Well, Pat. The great Jonathan Katz. Yes. Jonathan, you're a prize.

You're a treasure. Thank you for your hospitality. Thank you, buddy. We'll talk soon. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.