Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 118. Hank Garrett

Episode Date: August 29, 2016

In addition to playing Officer Ed Nicholson on the beloved sitcom, "Car 54, Where Are You?", actor and comedian Hank Garrett has worked with Robert Redford, Sophia Loren, Al Pacino, James Earl Jones and Kirk Douglas (to name a few). Hank tells Gilbert and Frank about his unlikely journey from street tough to award-winning actor and reveals how Sammy Davis Jr. changed his life. Also: Hank remembers Al Lewis, emulates Sid Caesar, wrestles with Luca Brasi and shares a bill with Tony Bennett. PLUS: Gorgeous George! The Great Ballantine! The legend of Joe E. Ross! Gilbert meets Nipsey Russell! And the singular genius of Nat Hiken! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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support to receive all sorts of goodies, merchandise, personalized roast, and shout-outs, advanced access to episodes, or personal messages from me, Gilbert Gottfried. And if we raise enough, maybe I can finally get a new co-host. I'm thinking of the Scar and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and we're once again at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is an actor, comedian, producer, martial arts expert, and former professional wrestler who's appeared in dozens of television shows, including Naked City, Kojak, Three's Company, Airwolf, Simon and Simon, Knight Rider, Columbo, and Max Headroom. Movies include Death Wish, Serpico, Exorcist 2, The Amityville Horror, The Sting 2, Johnny Dangerously, and Three Days of the Condor, for which he won a New York Film Critics Award. Over a 50-year career, he's worked with everyone from Kurt Douglas to Tony Bennett to James Earl Jones to Sophia Loren.

But he'll always be near and dear to our hearts for playing Officer Ed Nicholson on one of the greatest situation comedies in the history of network TV, Car 54, where are you? Please welcome the only member of the Karate Hall of Fame we've ever had on this podcast, Hank Garrett. Gilbert, I'm blushing. God, you mentioned things that I forgot about. We like to do that, Hank. Yes. And watch your reaction.

Yes, exactly. Now, I still catch reruns of Car 54 on TV. I remember when it was on, and it still makes me laugh. Yeah, it was wonderful. So we had a great time doing it uh we had so much fun we really looked forward to going to work every morning and tell us about the creator Nat Hyken oh god Nat he was god uh there was a dear friend of mine whose name Mickey Deems was a stand-up comic his wife, Gertrude was not hiking secretary.

And I was a cop for about a minute and a half in New York. I had joined the police force and then I got this call from Mickey and he said, would you like to come and read for a show called car 54? Where are you? And I said, yeah. He said, it's going to be a wonderful series. Well, he set up, they set up the appointment, and I walked in to meet Nat Hyken. And I sat down, and Nat looked at me and said,

you're Ed Nicholson. And I said, no, no, no, I'm Hank Garrett. And he said, just the kind of schmuck I'm looking for. He said, Nicholson is the character you're going to play on this show. I went, oh, God. I heard Nat Hyken knew immediately when he saw someone. Like, he liked funny-looking people. Oh, thanks.

But he must have seen something in your face. He was looking for a guy that was a musclehead, and I had competed as a powerlifter and bodybuilder. You won an award for powerlifting. Yeah, I broke the New York State record. Wow. Cool stuff. Yeah, I did a 750-pound squat. I broke the record and my knees at the same time.

Oh. Now, I heard Joey Ross was like a character, to put it mildly. Yes. He was really strange. To give you an idea, we were going to, we had a, it was a show that we were doing, and we're all going to be dressed in different costumes. It was a masquerade party.

And someone said, what is Joey going to dress as? And someone said, well, he'll put on clean underwear and nobody will recognize him. So it was that kind of a situation with Joey. And you told a story that one time you and Al Lewis were standing out on the street in your cops uniforms? We was, I don't know what kind of language I can possibly use. Go for it.

Hey, you know who you're talking to here? You can say whatever you want. Yeah, Gilbert, I got to tell you something about what you did on a show that absolutely destroyed everybody I knew. You were on some show and I think it was, I can't recall, but there was a African-American comic, not a comic, an actor. He got up and he just said all the filthiest things that you could possibly say. And you followed him and said, the guy just did my act. Word for word. And everybody that was watching the show was on the floor.

That was the Hugh Hefner roast. It was incredible. Who were you following? Oh, Ice-T went up. Oh, Ice-T went up. Oh, Ice-T. And he was going, I'm going to kill you white motherfuckers. Exactly. And rape some of you white bitches.

So I said, I'm doing my bit anyway. And I said, I'm going to kill you white motherfuckers and rape you white bitches. Yeah, but when you said, and he just did my act. God, that is the funny. I never, ever forgot that. It was one of the funniest things I'd ever heard. Well, Hank, you were a standup. Before we turned the mics on, you were telling Gilbert that you met him at the improv.

Yes. Yes. I wound up being Tony Bennett's opening act for four years. I was appearing at a club in New York called the living room. I'd done the improv and then I was at the living room and the guy came in and said, would you be interested in going with D. Anthony and Mort Farber? And Mort Farber was Tony Bennett's attorney and manager. And I went up to see him and he signed me to a contract.

So I was with Tony for four years. Now, let's take it back to I just want to get the chronology of this because we talked that we touched about on Car 54, too. You were a wrestler. You too you were a wrestler you were you were a professional wrestler now tell us tell us your name you're wrestling wrestler hank daniels the minnesota farm boy and you've never been to minnesota never saw a farm you're you're a jew New York? My name was Hank Greenberg. Like the ball player. That's exactly what happened. As a kid, I was a hoodlum. I lived on the streets. You're from Harlem, we should tell people. 111th between Park and Lexington. Yep. Not far from where we are now. Really? Well, about 70 blocks, but closer than where you are. This already is a schlep.

So how did Hank Greenberg become the Minnesota Funtime? I was training with a guy who was an Olympic gold medalist, power lift, a weightlifter. I was always in trouble. And I mean, really in trouble. What were you doing? What kind of? I was packing a gun when I was 13.

Oh. I was fighting all the time. My folks were from Russia. And my father was here illegally. He met my mom, who had two children. Her husband died, and he assumed her last name because he was afraid he was going to be found out and sent back to Russia. So he got the name Greenberg. Now, I come along. I'm born late in life to them, unexpectedly.

And they were so busy trying to make a living, they were peddlers, fruit and vegetable peddlers. They didn't have time for me. I was on the streets. There were times I slept in cardboard boxes. I slept under the streets. There were times I slept in cardboard boxes. I slept under stairways. Always hanging out, always in trouble. Now, watching guys, big guys, play dice.

And there's a raid. And it's a bunch of kids, myself included, and we're taken in and we're arrested. And we're taken down to a police station place called the Tombs. So now an Irish sergeant comes over and he says, all right, now I want your names. So one of the guys was named Ted Williams. He said, Teddy Williams, the baseball player okay and you what's your name i said uh hank greenberg another hall of famer another baseball player i see now he comes out to my friend and he said, and you, what's your name? He said, George Washington, Jr.

And the cop said, you're lying sons of bitches. You're going to stay here till you fucking tell me your right names. That's great. But I took the name Garrett I was in love with Betty Garrett and we had done a Chabad telethon and so I just adopted that name come to find out later on my great great grandmother

married my great great grandmother married my great great grandfather he was from london he worked for a the hudson bay fur company he was sent to london to buy fur to russia to buy furs he met my great great grandmother and his last name was Garrett. Oh, that's funny. And I didn't know that. Now, you went from being a tough street thug. And so what was the turnaround? Sammy Davis Jr. There was a gentleman who was the mayor of Harlem. And he was a customer to my mom.

And she was crying to him that I was always in trouble. Cops were looking for me. Other guys that I had gotten in fights with. And he came to me. And he said, I got permission to take you out. Now, you tell somebody in New York I'm taking you out. That means he's going to knock me off. Yeah.

So I got ready and he had slapped and he also he slapped a cigarette out of my mouth. And I didn't know who this guy was. And I moved in on him and two mountains came toward me, his two bodyguards. And then he explained, he said, your mother wants me to take you to dinner, and then we're going to go meet a friend of mine. And he said, have you got a suit? I said, yeah, I've got a suit. He said, before you wear the suit, take a bath. I got dressed.

Six o'clock, he picked me up and took me to a place in Harlem called Wells where they had fried chicken and waffles. We ate. He said, if you're hungry, I'm going to give you, you come back here. We'll get a package of food for your mom. I said, oh, cool. Took me to the Apollo Theater to meet Sammy Davis Jr. And we went into his dressing room.

And there were hundreds of people milling about to meet Sam. I walked in and Sam said to me, Mr. Bryant, that was his name, Willie Bryant, told me you're either going to go to prison or you're going to die. I said, that's it? He said, the way you're going? Yeah. That's it, my friend. They got me a gig with an all black orchestra called Lucky Millinder.

And we were working the Hotel Teresa. And I said, what's a band boy? He said, you're going to put out the music and the stands for each one of the musicians. He said, and then when the gig is over, put all the stuff away. I did. And he came over to me and he handed me 50 bucks. And I said, what? He said, get yourself some new kicks shoes.

My shoes were torn to shreds. I bought a pair of Florsheim shoes for $15. And I went from Tom McCann to Florsheim in one night. And I gave my mom 35 bucks, more money than she had seen all month. And that was the start. They got me more gigs and I started doing jokes. I started working at Catskills when I was 16. Some stuff that I had put together from that I stole from Myron Cohen radio show.

You borrowed, Hank. You borrowed. Yes, I borrowed. And you. Go ahead. No. And so because I learned Sid Caesar was also my mentor. I would sneak into the studio.

And it was the ed sullivan theater i would climb the back stairs over the roof and down and i would sit up in the balcony and listen to sid and he was he was my idol and i learned to do dialectic gibberish and And because of what I learned through Sid, I wound up doing That Was the Week That Was in London. I remember that show. Yeah, with David Frost. That was the week that was. It's over. Let it go. Oh, wow.

He's big on theme songs. Oh, that's amazing. While we wait for Gilbert to find the men's room, we promise we'll come back to the show after a word from our sponsor. Don't go away. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks.

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Now let's see if we get the order of this right. So you're doing, Sammy was involved in your rehabilitation. Yes. Which is amazing. It's a great story in itself. And then you wind up in the clubs and that leads to the Catskills. And was Larry Storch also a help to you? Yes.

Larry had a club of his own and it was called the Crystal Room. Now I started martial arts when i was 11 uh only because i wanted to be a better street fighter but truly yeah and but i instead i've learned respect and humility and one of the guys that was in my my karate class was a bouncer at Larry's club. Wow. So I told him, God, he said, look, I'll get you in to meet Larry, but you've got to sit way the heck in the shadows so no one will notice you. I was just a kid. And I got to meet Larry Storch. And then I worked with him on Car 54.

Yeah, it's one of the first guests to do this podcast, by the way. Oh, really? He was. Larry Storch was. He's a gift. Larry Storch was the drunk. on car 54 yeah it's one of the first guests to do this podcast by the way oh really he was larry storch he's a gift the larry storch was the drunk yes on car 50 and we had to try to rehabilitate him but he did one of the he would the things he did he said he was straight he was dry he was composed and he, I'll tell you guys, I owe everything to you. He said, I used to walk down 3rd Avenue, go into Jim's

bar, little drink, nothing. It was all glass. He says, I would go over to Fred's. Now, Fred, you could get a double shot for a quarter. By the time he finished demonstrating, he was out of his complete life. Boy, you remember every episode of Car 54.

Oh, my God, yeah. Every guest star. Yeah, he did a hysterical drunk thing, Larry Storch. He was just amazing. So we're trying to get the sequence of this. So now you're – Sammy helps you clean up your act. You're in the – you're doing the clubs. You're doing Larry's club.

You get to the cat skills. How the hell does professional wrestling come into this picture? All this was happening at the same time because when I started doing karate, I really blew up. I started pumping iron when I was was 13 and i got huge um working out at the y and a guy approached me and asked me if i would be interested in being a wrestler he didn't know how old i was uh and i said dude you're gonna to pay? He said, yeah, he pays quite well. Not true.

And so I met with him and the guy who was booking the entire territory, and I went to see this guy, Toots Mont, And he said, well, what's your name? And I said, Hank Garrett. He said, nah, that ain't going to work. You're the farm boy. I said, no, no, no, no. He said, yeah, you're going to be the Minnesota farm boy. They dyed my hair blonde.

Like gorgeous George. That's exactly it. George was amazing. He was amazing. Now, the funny thing happens with my mom. I came to California. She thought I came out here to be an actor. And I'm wrestling all over.

And at one point, I came back to new york and i had a fan club that made all my clothes these little old ladies the youngest was about 130 and they made these things beaded brocades and fringes and spangles. Now I come home, fifth floor walk up, and my mom, who's this tiny little lady, tiny, she was 4'10", and weighed 220 pounds. A friend of mine who was a wonderful comedy writer, a guy named Herb Harding said, how tall is your mom?

I said, she's 4'10". He says, what does she weigh? I said, 220. He said, well, thank God she's got the height to carry that weight. So now my mom's going to help me unpack and she opens up the bag and she sees all these beads and spangles and she looks at the blonde hair and she says oi it tell me the truth are you a communist

who did you wrestle as the minnesota farm boy did you met did you wrestle as the Minnesota farm boy? Did you wrestle, by the way, Lenny Montana? Lenny was my tag team partner. You know who Lenny Montana is, Gil? No. Luke Gabrazi. Oh, my God. The one that gets the ice pick through his hand.

Yes. Yeah. Now, I heard Gorgeous George is where Muhammad Ali got all his schtick from. Exactly. They were doing an interview, and Muhammad Ali watched Gorgeous George. Now, George was a straight wrestler, and he said, yeah, I need a gimmick. wrestler and he said yeah i need a gimmick and so he came up with the the blonde hair that the gold hair pins a valet with a flick gun full of perfume and he would spray everybody in the ring including the ref and muhammad ali heard him being interviewed and he said we have this wrestler

gorgeous george and your wrestling brother, Don Leo Jonathan. I'll kill him. I'll rip his throat out. And then after I tear him to shreds, I'll kill his family. Everybody showed up to see George get beaten by Don Leo Jonathan. And so Luca Brozzi was your wrestling, was your tag team partner. That's kind of surreal, isn't it, Gil? Oh, my God, yeah.

Wonderful story about he would wrestle as himself. Then he'd run into the locker room and he put on a zebra outfit to pick up extra money. He became the zebra kid. Now we're wrestling in New York. They book us here. And we look at, and we're at the Hollywood Legion stadium and And it says, Luca Brazzi.

No, that was before he did Luca Brazzi. It said, wrestling the zebra kid. And I looked and I said, Lenny, they got you wrestling yourself. You know how fast you're going to have to be? That night, I became the zebra kid. Oh, that's great. But Lenny was 6'3", weighed about 300 pounds, and had a size 15 shoe. I put his stuff on.

I can't tighten the trunks because he wore like a 42 waist. I'm powerlifting. I'm bodybuilding, so my waist was 34, 35. I wear a size 10 shoe. He's a 15. I put all his stuff on. He's in the ring. Now, I have no traction. The ring is on an uphill, so they have to push me up the hill to the ring. I look, and I see the referee lying in the corner, and I said, that crazy bastard knocked out the referee. And I look closer, and the referee's hysterical laughing at my outfit

trying to get into the ring. As I step in the ring, Lenny hits me with a forearm smash, catches me here, and the helmet goes, and now the eyes are in the back. I can't see. That's great. And I won. That's great. Now, I heard a story that you were working on a movie with someone who you wouldn't think of as a violent guy,

O.J. Simpson. That angel? Oh, the movie was Firepower, right? Yes, with Sophia Loren. Right, and James Coburn. Oh, yeah. So tell us the fight you had. Well, Sophia is my boss's girlfriend.

And we're in the British West Indies. We're in Antigua. She's in a gift shop. And I tell her that my boss wants to see her. And she says, tell him to wait. And I said, nobody tells him to wait. And I wipe everything off the table. I grab her arm and I twist her arm and drag her out of the place and throw her in a car.

O.J. has got to rescue her. Now, we've rehearsed. All he had to do was come behind me, put his hand on the back of my head, and I would bang control the hit against the car. Not the way he played it. He came behind me, grabbed my hair, smashed my head against the open door, and cut me open. And I went out, knocked me out. And I'm covered in blood so now they run to get my then

wife who's at the hotel she comes running out and she sees me lying in sofia's lap sofia's got a towel and she's mopping the blood. My wife looks at me lying in Sophia's lap and says, are you comfortable? And as an idiot comic, what do I say? I make a nice living. She ran to the hotel, packed and left. She ran to the hotel, packed, and left. Now, I come back to New York after the shoot,

and we're there for a month. We've reconciled. We're walking down Madison Avenue, and there's a small private hotel. And I see two guys in suits come out, and they're looking around. I said, bodyguards. Out comes Sophia. And she sees me across the street and she runs over and says, oh, Hank, baby, how are you? How's your head? And I hear, taxi. Taxi.

That's great. A couple of weeks later, we were divorced. Wow. Yeah. And I heard when Sophia Loren was cradling you, Sophia started screaming, get him an ambulance. And you yelled out, but don't hurry. Yes, take your time.

And you yelled out, but don't hurry. Yes, take your time. You know, that movie has come up on this podcast before. Dominic Chianese was in Firepower. Oh, my God. That's right. The guy from the – Uncle Junior from The Sopranos. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Michael Winter, the director of Death Wish. That we have – Death Wish is one of my favorites. Is it really? We just had Stuart Margolin on. Oh, wow. I haven't seen Stu in years. Tell us about filming Death Wish.

Wow. Michael Winner was really a strange guy. He only cared about himself. He did a movie about stuntmen, and he hurt everybody on the film. Yeah, he just didn't care. We were doing one of the scenes. Well, we did this firepower I'm referring to. And there was a scene where Coburn is being chased by a bunch of bad guys in boats. And he tosses gasoline into the water and then fires a flare gun.

And the guys explode in boats and so forth. And the stunt coordinator, his name was Terry, said, Michael, we can't do the shot here. He said, it's too windy. He said, the guys are going to hit and get into the water. They won't be able to poke a hole to come back up to breathe. And he said, I want the shot here. He said, we can't do it. He said, then you're fired.

here he said we can't do it he said then you're fired and he brought in a british team and a good portion of them were hurt and it was just awful yeah interesting i don't think dominic liked him very much either no one told us he was a brit michael winner i told michael uh I told Michael, I got myself into some trouble. We were shooting. There was a boat, a large boat and a tugboat. And so the tugboat was the camera boat. So we were shooting all the stuff with Sophia and James. And because of the rough water, the two boats kept coming close to each other.

Meanwhile, I had gotten shot, and the guy who was working with me, they hang him over the edge of the boat to find out where the boss is. And they had shark catchers, and everyone was worried about these two boats colliding, and they had shark catchers. And everyone was worried about these two boats colliding, and this kid is hanging off the edge of the boat. And I said to Michael, Michael, the two boats are going to collide. This kid is going to get killed.

And he said, has nothing to do with you. And I said, if he gets hurt, I'll break your back. He said, you're threatening me. I said, really? Now, James Coburn pulled me aside. So now, fortunately, as the boats were coming close, the kids spun around and got away from the collision. Next scene, we're at the dock.

And Coburn, I'm on the boat. Coburn coming toward the boat. I go to try and shoot him. He shoots me. And boom, I hit the deck. And I see Michael wearing a white linen suit standing with a megaphone on the dock. Coburn sees me and says, Minnesota?

He kept calling me that. I don't like the look on your face. I said, why? He shoots me. I've got two squibs explode. And I see Michael standing right below me. And I fell off the boat and landed right on top of him. And all I heard was, get off of me, you bloody bastard!

Michael and James said, God, did you fuck up his suit? That's great. And tell us what Charles Bronson was like to work with. He would do his scene and disappear.

He would go into his dressing room and not have a thing to do with anybody around. So I was in the film with him, but never got to meet him. Charles Baczynski. Yes. Yeah. He was a miner. Stuart Margolin told us some interesting things about him. That he dressed as, what was the thing that he dressed in girls' clothing when he was a kid?

He was a coal miner. Yes. It's his family. Yeah, they were dirt poor. They had no money. And so sometimes they'd run out of clothes. Yeah. And he would have to wear one of his sister's dresses.

The hand-me-downs, yeah. To go to school. Yeah, but he got a lot of dates. As long as we're talking about action sequences, and we'll talk about two films that Gilbert and I like that you're in. One is Serpico. Oh, yes. When you're muscles Malone. And that's directed by Gilbert's favorite director, Sidney Lumet.

Yes. Oh, tell us about Sidney Lumet, working with him. Oh, man, what a great guy. One of the scenes at the police station, the young actor had to do a crossover. Nothing more. And on action, he had to do the cross. and on action, he had to do the cross. And when he got to the other side, he had two lines of dialogue, and he would blow it every time.

So before the cross, he was waiting and waiting, and action, waiting, waiting. Sidney stopped and said, young man, what are you waiting for? He said, I'm trying to find my motivation. And Sidney said, your motivation is to avoid unemployment. And what a wonderful line. And then the guy that kept blowing his lines, Sidney had everybody just quiet. He said, sit here.

He said, and just talk to me. Just talk. And he said, okay, now, what is your reason for saying these lines? And he told him, he said, well, give me the line. He said, yeah, don't act. Just, just. And he did the lines, and he said, oh, thank you. You got it?

He had the camera rolling. Oh, smart. Well, he was an actor himself, wasn't he, Sidney Lumet? Yes. Yeah, wasn't he in like a Bowery Boys yeah I believe he was I think he was uh on the fringes of either the Bowery Boys or the the Dead End Kids wow and Sidney Pollack and Sidney Pollack yeah sure you worked with him too yeah and he was we watched that scene today by the way oh the fight yeah we watched the fight oh my god yes now interestingly Oh, my God, yes. Now, interestingly, and Frank and I were talking about this,

in three days of the condor, you look like a cop. You're dressed as a cop. Dressed as a mailman. Oh, mailman. You're dressed as a mailman. And you want to get into Robert Redford's house, and he's afraid to open the door. And then finally you get in and Redford looks down at your shoes and he sees those are not a mailman shoe.

Exactly. They were brown Adidas and they were his. He came up with the idea. Redford? Yes. They said, what's the tip off? We're trying to find the tip off. And he turned around at a meeting and said, the shoes.

I've got to see. And he went to his dressing room. He had just purchased these brown Adidas. They were the same size as I wear. Put these on. And they do, you know, as I come in, then they do a tight close-up of my feet. And you see the shoes. And that's when he grabs this pot of coffee and throws it at me as I'm pulling the machine gun.

Now, Redford saved my eyesight. Oh. He was supposed to hit me in the face with this pot of coffee. And he walked over. He wasn't even in the shot. He was in a dressing room. They were going to do a tight close-up of me getting the coffee. And he just walked over and he looked at the pot of coffee and it was smoke

coming out of it. And he said to the guy handling special effects, what is with that? He said, well, it's not hot coffee, Bob. He said, it's something acid diluted with mineral oil. And Redford said, what happens if you get it in his eye? He said, no, no, it doesn't burn. He stuck his finger and he said, no, no no what happens if it gets into his eyes he walked over and he asked sydney sydney can i throw the coffee and he said sure we don't even need you in the shot he said tight close up he said let me do it and then he called me over and said hank i'm gonna hit you waist high and all I want you to do is throw your hands up at your face like it landed in your face. Did the shot.

And it was wonderful. Come to find out, had he gotten that in my eyes, he would have blinded me. Wow. Wow. Thank you, Robert Redford. And I repaid. How do I repay this man? I break his nose.

Right. Oh, you broke his nose. That's right. I was going to ask you about that. So in a fight scene, you broke his nose? Yes. It's called a Jew gets back. No.

The mineral oil that was in the coffee was all over the floor. And I told Bob, Bob, I'm going to do a sweep. And I'm just going to take you over my left knee, throw you down. Don't come in low. Slipped on the mineral oil and came face forward. As I came around, my elbow hit him square in the nose. And we continued the fight, and I look, and I see blood coming out of his nose.

And I'm about to call Sidney, and Bob waved me off. And we continued the fight scene. That night, Redford called me and said, Hank, wait till you see the fight scene. That night, Redford called me and said, Hank, wait till you see the fight scene. It is the best. Oh, and by the way, you broke my nose. By the way. Exactly. That's what I said. By the way, I'll never work again. I'm finished. You know, the great thing about that scene and, you know, it's interesting, your versatility, Hank, because you're obviously a comedic actor, a gifted comedic actor, and you're a comic.

You're a stand-up comic as well. But you're scary as hell in that scene. And I can't think of too many comedians that Gilbert and I were talking about it before. They're such a convincing heavy. Yeah. It's so chilling when you're going after Redford and that. I kept thinking of the agents I worked for. And you came away with an award for that scene.

Yeah. I wound up winning New York film critics. Terrific. Did you stay friends with Redford after that? I wanted to. I had his home number, and my ex-wife stole my phone book and destroyed it. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Incidentally, I'm with a lady now who's my manager. Now, I've been with the top managers in the business. I've been with the top agency, the business. I've been with the top agency. And I have never, ever, ever experienced what I'm experiencing today with this lady. Her name is Deanna Marie Smith, and she's known as the Red Warrior. The Red Warrior. I need her to manage me. She's amazing.

I just had to get that in because I'm here because of me. She's amazing. I just had to get that in because she's – I'm here because of her. That's great. Again, Gilbert would find this interesting. Here's a little trivia I dug up on Hank. He played the part of Lenny in Of Mice and Men. Oh, my – Wow. A production of Of Mice and Men directed by – you tell him, Hank.

Oh, my God. At Peaks Island, Maine. Right. Jose Ferrer. Jose Ferrer was his director. Oh, my God. Isn't that cool? Wow.

Gilbert loves that movie. He worships Lon Chaney Jr. in that movie. Oh, my God. I got it to, because of Jose Ferrer, he got me an audition for the actor's studio. Now, I had two half-brothers, adopted brothers. And they were from Italy and they were here illegally. My father became their guardian.

And I'm at the actor's studio. And they were living, the three of us, as kids in the same bed. So now they come to me and they're saying, Mama told us you're just going to be over there at the actor's studio. What are you doing over there? I said, well, I'm going to be working with Lee Strasberg. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Lee Strasberg, yeah. I wish our listeners could see your expressions when you're doing that.

I'm going to do the scene. Strasberg says, Mr. Ferrer said, you're wonderful, and I would love to hear you do the scene. So I have to prepare. And I said, can my two brothers come? He said, they can sit in the back, providing they don't make any noise. Now, this is Vinnie and Charlie Falcone. And I said, listen, you guys can come, but you can't make any

noise. What are we, fucking kids over here? What fucking noise? We're gonna watch you do something. Nice. We don't bother nobody. Okay. This is the God's honest truth. I do

the scene, Strasberg says, Mr. Garrett, is that the way Mr. Ferrer directed you to play the scene? I said, yes. Let me show you how it should be played. Vinny yells, what the fuck was wrong with the way he played it? We thought it was fucking terrific And I see the colored drain

Out of Strasberg's face Charlie says Hey What are you fucking deaf My brother's talking to you Mr. Garrett Yes Would you ask your two hoodlum friends to leave,

and would you please go with them? Trust me right out of the studio. That's a good one. Now, you're also an autographed hound. Oh, God. Yeah, I used to save. In fact, I'm doing an autographed show on the 9th, 8th and 9th at the Western Hotel near LAX. And what I do is I raise funds for disabled vets.

Yeah, yeah. Tell us your charities. Yeah. I've been raising, I went to do a show at Veterans Hospital and I saw these kids missing arms and legs.

I mean, kids, they're babies. So I decided I got to do something about it. So I started raising funds. So I do the autograph shows all over the country, and all the proceeds go to the disabled vets. So I've raised over $50,000. Good for you, Hank.

And now there's another thing that's come into my life. My manager is from a farm in Idaho. We went to see the farm, from a farm in Idaho. We went to see the farm and she arranged for me to go and talk to children that are incarcerated. And to see children,

babies 11 to 17, incarcerated. They didn't know who I was. It had nothing to do with me. But what we did, we ran a copy of Car 54 before my introduction. So I came out and I talked to them. I just said, tell them I was there.

I was there where you are. And unfortunately, my son spent most of his life in prison. He had attention deficit and hyperactivity. Nobody knew how to deal with it. my son spent most of his life in prison. He had attention deficit and hyperactivity. Nobody knew how to deal with it, and he was always in trouble. I lost him a couple of years ago. He was out, got a job working at a studio as a welder, and he was killed on a motorcycle accident.

I'm sorry. Thank you. he was killed on a motorcycle motorcycle accident i'm sorry thank you and so i talked to these kids and the change in their face and attitude as i was telling them i've been there i'm i've experienced exactly what you're going through and my thing is I couldn't save my son, but I'm going to try to save some other kids. So we've been doing that. And that's a mission, but boy, so worthwhile. That's admirable work, Hank. Good for you. Thank you. Good for you. You got a couple of more questions about questions about car 54 i bet you do oh i have a bunch of

questions still uh you oh you i i heard you go after autographs from people who you really admire yes and you you keep memorabilia too from your from your various shoots, don't you? Yes. Oh, my God, yeah. I had some of the clothes that I wore on the Car 54. I have one of the caps. Clothes I wore when I did – I had a series with James Earl Jones. Yes, Paris. Paris, yeah. I was co-starring with him, and clothes were made for me,

and it was just – that I can't get into now. Yeah, I got autographs. Kirk Douglas did a fight scene with Kirk. Wow. Yeah. Tell us about that. Kirk came to me and he said, we're going to do the fight scene. I said, yeah. He says,

I've got a reputation. I have never made contact. I said, oh, that's terrific. Action. Pop. Caught me right in the nose. And I said, Kirk, not only did you fuck up your reputation, look at what you did

to my nose. What was the name of that movie, Hank? A lovely way to die? Yeah, that was... Isn't that it? Yeah, I think it was. Yeah, I think so. No, because I also did a film with

Cagney. Oh, you did? Wow! I was an extra. I missed that one. Oh, God. And Cagney is going to make a speech. He's up on a big platform, and he's talking to dock workers. I'm a dock worker. And he said, I don't know that he's up there. And I said, who's the star?

And he said, James Cagney. And I'm John Cagney. I'll tell you. And he's watching star? And they said, James Cagney. And I'm John Cagney. I'll tell you. And he's watching me and he says, that's the fattest Cagney I've ever seen. The fattest? And I look up and I go, I got to knew. He answers me in Yiddish. He says, wo zookste?

He invites me to have lunch with him. He was raised in a Jewish neighborhood on the Lower East Side. Oh, that's terrific. And he spoke fluent Yiddish. Did you know that, Gil? Yes, I had known about that. He grew up around Jews. Yes, he should. He should speak Yiddish. Exactly.

And you got Jerry Lewis's autograph. Oh. I was in a terrible auto accident. And I was in hospital for 13 and a half months. Wow. Yeah, I was really busted up. Coming back from the Catskills.

Boy singer who's Yeah, I was really busted up. Coming back from the Catskills, a boy singer who's driving, I was in the passenger seat, and he fell asleep. And we hit the island. We bounced off the retaining wall into the oncoming traffic. And there was a truck coming at us. And he pulled over to what looked like a level side, but it was a foot, a 40 foot drop. You couldn't see this gap. And down we went, he was killed and I wound up in a hospital. And Jerry had a relative at the hospital. And he came over to me and he saw me. I was in a body cast for a long time, eight months in a body cast.

And Jerry said, how you doing, kid? And I said, okay. I said, can I have your autograph? He says, better than that. Let me give you a check. And he wrote out a check for 25 bucks. And he said, if you don't cash it, you'll have my autograph forever.

I love that. I said, can you come a little closer so when I throw this shot, I don't hurt my shoulder? Wow. As time winds down here, Hank, let's ask you some more Car 54 stuff. Sure. We've got to ask you about Al Lewis. Oh, my partner.

Who Gilbert knew a little bit. Al Lewis I would run into all the time when Porn King, Al Goldstein, of School Magazine, he would have these brunches. And I'd be sitting with Al Lewis in his Western clothes. Oh, my God. He was pretty insane, Al. Oh, he was totally insane. We're on a break. We're shooting in the Bronx.

And we walk. First, we've had several encounters. We're sitting on a stoop and smoking. I smoked at the time. And he's smoking these Denoboli cigars. smoked at the time, and he's smoking these Denoboli cigars. And a big car pulls up, and the guy

jumps out of the car, and he says, are you two fucking cops nuts? I got a deputy chief inspector in here. You're both cooping. You're standing there smoking. You're out of uniform. Al says, tell him to go fuck himself.

I said, Al, we're doing this. Fuck you. I went. Then the guy realized that we weren't real cops. There's no 53rd precinct. That's great. So he gets in the car and drives away we go in on the next day we're still in low in that same location we walk into an italian deli we're on break got two hours before our next shot we walk in and a little Italian gentleman sees us, and he's, can I help you, officer?

He said, yeah, we want to get a couple of sandwiches. And he said, he says, anything else you'd like to have with this sandwich? Al says, yeah, I'll have a soda. I said, no. And I look at this poor guy. And Al says, well, what do we owe you? Oh, nothing. I like to give my food away.

And he kisses the sandwiches. And it's June or July. As we hit the door, he says, Officer, Merry Christmas. I come back and I put a couple of bucks on the counter and we ran. I love that. You know, he was a man of mystery, Al Lewis. Nobody knew his real age. If you do Internet research on him, you can't even find out what year he was born.

He was either born in 1910 or 1923, which is quite a difference. And then he was a scout for basketball. He was a basketball expert. Oh, he did that everywhere. Oh, Jesus. He knew hoops. What a real strange cat. Yes, extremely.

And tell us a little bit about Fred Gwynn, who Gilbert and I also love. Oh, Freddie was wonderful. Very bright guy. Yale graduate. Cartoonist. He wrote children's books. Yeah, yeah. Yale graduate cartoonist he wrote children's books and did the illustrations as well

kind of kept to himself we experienced the death of his child when we were shooting his son his baby was being cared for by a nanny,

and the baby had gotten out of the crib and rolled downhill and into the water. And he never said a thing. He immediately left, and we saw him a couple of days later. And we were trying to console, but he was kind of reserved, kind of pulled back. But, yeah, we shared a bunch of stuff together. A good dramatic actor, Fred Gwynn. Yes, he was.

Did you see him in The Cotton Club? Oh, yeah, he proved it. And other things? I mean, I even loved him in Pet Sematary. Pet Sematary? Oh, well, yeah. A lot of range. Sometimes. And he played Big Daddy. Yeah, oh, that's right. Exactly. He Pet Sematary. Oh, yeah. A lot of range. Sometimes.

And he played Big Daddy. Yeah, oh, that's right. Exactly. He did that on Broadway. Sometimes death is better. Say it again? In Pet Sematary, he goes, sometimes death is better. Oh, yeah.

He's just got the New England accent. Well, what about the judge and Cousin Vinny? My Cousin Vinny. Very funny. Yeah. Very funny. Yeah. Very funny. Yeah. I mean, he could do comedy.

He could do drama. He's really underrated. He got, obviously, in some sense, typecast as Herman Munster. Yes. But he was great as Herman Munster. And that, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Let's ask you quickly about some of the other. What about Nipsey? Oh, boy. Nipsey was probably one of the funniest guys I've met. This is Nipsey Russell. Nipsey? Oh, boy. Nipsey was probably one of the funniest guys I've met. This is Nipsey Russell. Nipsey Russell for our listeners. Our listeners would know just who Nipsey is. I know.

I know. Which Nipsey are we referring to? Nipsey D. Roosevelt. So tell us about Nipsey Russell. So tell us about Nipsey Russell. He had worked one nightclub in Harlem for 16 years, a place called the Baby Grand. And he was the poet laureate of Harlem.

He was wonderful. He wrote material all the time. Oh, we loved him. Oh, he was marvelous. And he helped me. I was the first white comedian to work the Apollo Theater because of Nipsey. And scared to death, I walked out on stage and I said, Oh, I'm going to get killed. My entire neighborhood was there.

Hey, Hank, how you doing, man? This happened to me. I did a show at Rikers Island Prison. And I got a call from the warden asking me if I would do an appearance. And the warden said, gentlemen, we have a man here who is appearing at the Copacabana with Tony Bennett. And he's here to spend a few minutes with you. Hank Garrett. I walk out and I hear, oh, shit.

Hey, Hank. And one guy yells, give that motherfucker a number. He belong here with us. All the guys I grew up with in the joint. Hilarious. I remember running into Nipsey Russell at some event, and he came over to me.

He said, hey, Gilbert, how you doing? And I just said, ah, my career's over. And Nipsey says to me, welcome to the club. He's a little too gleeful about that. Oh, that's great. That's hilarious. That's wonderful. What about some of these other names?

Since we talked about Storch guest starring on the show, Hank, what about the great Carl Ballantyne? Oh, he started me in the business. Did he? Wow! I, when I came out of the hospital, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I was going to do. And someone introduced me to Carl Ball, the amazing Mr. Valentine. He had that crazy magic.

How do you describe it? Every one of his magic tricks would go badly. And he'd be more and more, like, angry and disgusted. He would throw the tray. He did a thing where he took a blindfold and he took a deck of cards. He says, I'm going to spread this deck of cards out. He said, they're going to form a peak. He said, then the ace of spades is going to be spinning around.

And he said, shit, I've got to see myself. Funny guy. He was wonderful. And his daughter is one of the heads of the Magic Castle. Oh, that's cool. I didn't know that. Sarah Ballantyne. What about Billy Sands?

Oh, my God. Well, I knew Billy when he was doing the Bilko show. Sure. Yeah. And Phil Leeds. Oh, my God. One of the funniest guys. He looked like a gnome.

Yeah. He's come up on this show before. Oh, my God. Phil was hysterical. Yep. Yep. I remember the last thing I would see him pop up on was like Ally McBeal. Larry Sanders, too.

I think he was Hank Kingsley's agent on the Larry Sanders show. He was like 90. And he was in Ghost? Yep. Yeah, well, we talked about him with Steve Weber. He turned up on Wings. Oh, my God. I got some names here.

Wally Cox, Sorrell Book was on Car 54. Oh, Sorrell Book. Oh, my God. Remember him? Yes. Jack Guilford. Bye-bye Braverman. Guilford.

Oh, my God. Let's see. And B.S. Pulley. Oh. He says, yeah, B.S BS does not stand for Bernard Shaw. And he worked with another guy named H.S. Gump. Right. That's right.

He says, you're in for a treat, folks, bullshit and horseshit. Now, and tell us about Boss Hogg, Sorrel Book. Oh, my God. The Dukes of Hazzard. Oh, God. These are all guys that guest starred on Car 54. Well, I did Dukes of Hazzard. Yeah, right.

That's right. That's right. I forgot that. I played a KGB agent. Yeah, right. That's right. That's right. I got that. I played a KGB agent. Well, you know, because of Sid, I wound up doing, that was the week that was in London.

I was doing a show at the Copa and I was doing dialectic gibberish. And I was asked, would you be interested in going to London to do, that was the week that was. And each week I, when I wound up getting it, I did a different character. would you be interested in going to London to do, that was the week that was. And each week, when I wound up getting it, I did a different character. And David had to translate whatever I was doing. And no script, just. Oh, that's fun.

Oh, God. In fact, at one time, he just let me go. And I was a Chinese delivery man. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He said he... Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, Lord. What about Gene Balos? Ha, ha, Oh, Lord. What about Gene Balos?

Another guy was on Car 54. He sure was. Backdoor Benny. That's right. Backdoor Benny. I tell you, you go to IMDb and you look up Car 54 and you look at the extended cast, everybody that guest starred on that show, it'll blow your mind. Oh, Jan Murray.

Oh, it's hot, man. Jan Murray, sure. And Rocky Graziano. Oh, I just wrote a thing about Rocky. Oh, my God. And Jake LaMotta. Oh, that's right. Yeah, because Hyken liked Prize Fighters, didn't he?

He loved Prize Fighters. In fact, Jake, we ran into Jake at Larry Storch's. We saw Larry in New York, and Jake was there. So to see him. And Rocky, Rocky played a hairdresser. That's right. And Shari Lewis was his girlfriend. Like Mr. Pierre or something.

Very good. That was a hysterical episode because Rocky Graziano is this very gentle, like a feminine hairdresser. Exactly. But he wants to be a fighter. So we got Sugar Ray Robinson to dress as this old man who would like to get in the ring just to work out a little bit, to dissuade Rocky, to let him know you're not a fighter. And Sugar Ray and they just went pitter-pat and Sugar just went pop, hit him with two quick lefts. And Rocky ad-libbed.

He looked right in the camera and said, well, why does that feel so familiar? Because Sugar Ray had knocked the hell out of Rocky when they fought. And I remember on the show, he's, like, frustrated because he can't fight, and he starts taking it out on the women at the beauty parlor. I remember that. He's pulling the hair up. He's pulling on the hair.

Oh, I know. And I remember one woman says, oh, Pierre, when will I be done? And he goes, you're done now, you old bag. Was there going to be a spinoff, Hank? The Schnauzers? We were supposed to. Yeah. Yeah.

Caroline Ray. That was writing it. Charlotte Ray. Charlotte Ray. I always get those two names mixed up. I did that to her when she was on this show. I called her by the wrong name. Now you've come full circle.

But what happened to the spinoff? Was it because Nat passed away so young? Yes. He was. Yes. way so young yes yeah yeah he was yes no i heard nat hyken at one point wanted to write a movie for the mox brothers oh god that would have been wonderful wow i didn't that's interesting i don't think you've said that on the show and i i think that's good stuff it was right around that point when the mox brothers were making terrible movies like Out West.

Oh, I know. Oh, at the circus. And I don't know. I guess the studio felt, hey, we've got our writers. Why do we need him? He could have written something great. Could have been a resurgence. Oh, my God.

Yeah, he was. In fact, we did. There was a to do. There was a big party going on for the IATSE. And so we were invited and Nat wrote a sketch for us to do. And he knocked it off in like a couple of minutes. And it was the funniest piece. We screamed every time we got

back on the set. What Nat was able to do in a couple of minutes. Yeah. He really was quite brilliant, wasn't he? He sure was. Take us out, Hank, with a Joey Ross story. Oh, go ahead. Where do you want to go? No, I just wanted to say

I just thought of another one that you were featured in on Car 54, where Joey Ross brings up Fred Gwynn. He goes, hey, you know what tomorrow is, don't you? And

Fred Gwynn doesn't want to act like he doesn't, so he goes, well, of course I know. And then it keeps getting building. Each one goes to the other one saying, hey, you of course know what tomorrow is. And each one goes, well, of course I know that. They're changing the calendar. Yes.

We also did that on what happened to Thursday. Because I remember Al Lewis goes to you and he goes, well, you of course know what tomorrow is. And you go, rolled around again. Boy, they really hold up, don't they? Oh, they're great. They're really great. They're gems.

And there aren't that many episodes. No, we did a total of 60. Yeah. And I heard that one time they asked Nat Hyken, is he going to have another season of Car 54? And he said, yeah, but it won't have Joey Lewis. Joey Ross. Joey Ross.

I'm getting everyone's name fucked up. Hey, Hank, tell me. Is there a story about Joey Ross and the commissary? Oh, God, yes. Where you guys run the honor system? Yes. We had just gotten our tailor-made uniforms. And, boy, we were so proud of them.

And they had this honest system cafeteria. So you'd eat, and then you'd walk over to the cashier. And you'd say, well, I had the scrambled eggs, and I had a piece of bacon and a thing, and a coffee. He said, no, that's $2.85. So we did that. We just told him what we had. Joey walked over to the cashier and the cashier said, okay, hold on. You had the oatmeal and you had the scrambled eggs because it was all on his clothes.

Love that one. clothes. Love that one. And it was Nat Hyken the next day got a big bed sheet and wrapped Joey in his sheet. Did he used to do the ooh ooh because he was hesitating?

Because he couldn't think of his next line? Yeah, couldn't remember his lines. That's great. Curly of the Three Stooges. Oh, he would do that spinning around on the floor. And he'd do, because he couldn't remember the lines. So Joey did that,

ooh, ooh, ooh. And we were, ooh, ooh, ooh. There were two of them that did ooh, ooh. There was him and Hunts Hall from the Bowery. Oh, God. Right, Hunts Hall. And I knew Hunts. Oh, God. Right, Hunts Hall. Yeah.

And I knew Hunts. Oh, man. Oh, what was Hunts Hall like? He was a gambler. And when he was doing a show, he would always run to get an advance on his pay. And he'd run to the track and lose it all. Now, I heard a Joey Ross story. Uh-oh.

Gird your loins, Hank. The heads of like Johnson & Johnson, who were like the sponsors. Yes, I was there. Oh, you tell the story. Procter & Gamble were our sponsors. Big sponsors. Christmas, they sent us cases of lava soap to show us how much they loved our show. Now, the clients come in to meet the stars of coffee.

We're in our dressing rooms. How do you do? This is Hank Garrett. He plays Nicholson in that stand-up. Hello, how are you? Yes. And the women, you know, very proper with the little white gloves.

Fred Gwynn. Hello, Mr. Gwynn. All right, let's go see Joey Ross. I hear. People are running like the place is on fire. What happened?

They walked in as Joey was masturbating. It's a true story. Oh, Gilbert's so happy right now. They said, we're sorry to interfere, but no, you don't have to shake our hands. Oh, that's wonderful. He had a pension for ladies of the evening, did he not? Oh, he kept bringing them in and saying he wanted the company to pay for them as dialogue directors.

That's great. Fantastic. We should wrap it up. Get this man back to his life. Now, can we old sing the theme to Car 54? Sure. We can give it a shot. Okay.

One, two, three. There's a holdup in the Bronx. Brooklyn's broken out in fight. There's a traffic jam in Harlem that's backed up to Jackson Heights. There's a scout who showed a child. Bruce Sheff's too, and I don't love. Car 54, where are you? Oh, Hank, you made our night.

I want to thank you guys. I haven't had this kind of fun in such a long time. Oh, us too. Thank you, Hank. So this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And we've been talking to the Jewish wrestler, the Missouri Farm Boy, Wrestler, the Missouri farm boy, who's a comedian, singer, karate expert, and wrestler, and a genuine badass. Yes, he is.

Your career ran the gamut, Hank. Hank Garrett, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. Thank you, Hank. We'll see you again. Stay well. Bye-bye.