Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 123. Bob "Super Dave" Einstein

Episode Date: October 3, 2016

Writer-performer Bob "Super Dave" Einstein is one of the funniest men on the planet, and in this unforgettable episode, he shares hilarious anecdotes about everyone from Redd Foxx to Billy Barty to Sid Caesar to Joey Heatherton. Also, Bob teams with Steve Martin, dials up Ray Charles, "arrests" Liberace and runs afoul of Kate Smith. PLUS: Pat Paulsen! "The Sonny Comedy Revue"! Mike Douglas interviews a monkey! Sly Stone stares down Peter Marshall! And Nixon and Agnew play Laurel and Hardy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And if you like the show and think we deserve a five-star rating, and obviously we do, rate us and post a review. Also, although our main purpose in life is to entertain you, producing this show costs actual money, so please help out by going to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried and pledging your support to receive old sorts of goodies, merchandise, personalized roasts, and shoutouts, advanced access to episodes or personal messages messages from me, Gilbert Gottfried. And if we raise enough, maybe I can finally get a new co-host. I'm thinking of the Scarlett Johansson robot. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Verderosa.

Our guest this week is an Emmy-winning writer, comedian, producer, and actor who got his first TV job at the tender age of 24 and never looked back. He was one of the original writers on the groundbreaking and controversial Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour and went on to write and produce dozens of variety shows in the 1960s and 70s, including the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour, the Sonny Comedy Review, Red Fox, Van Dyken Company, Joey and Dad, the Hudson Brothers, Razzle Dad, the Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show, Pat Paulson's Comedy Hour, and a personal favorite of this podcast, the Ken Berry Wow Show.

In 1980, he co-created and produced the successful sketch comedy show Bizarre, starring another former guest, John Byner, which ran for six seasons and helped popularize the most beloved recurring characters in television history, Daredevil Super Dave Osborne. As an actor, you've seen him in movies like Modern Romance, Teddy Bear's Picnic, and Ocean Set 13, and in dozens of TV shows including Roseanne, Norm, Arrested Development, Anger Management, Comedy Bang Bang, and of course, Larry Davis' frequent antagonist, Marty Funkhauser on HBO's long-running series, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Please welcome a man responsible for some of the best comedy of the last 50 years and one of the funniest human beings on the planet,

Officer Judy himself, Bob Einstein. What an introduction. I know, that was phenomenal! I mean that, that was just a god that gave me shit chills. And you know, I know you're, is that your sidekick or your producer?

No, who is that sitting next to you? I'm both, Bob. I'm both of those things. Because you have nothing to do with that. Because when I first met him. It all comes out of Gilbert. Yeah, when I first met him, he said, oh, yes, I remember you did the Honeymooners. And you did the, didn't you do wrestling? And some other show, the bisexuals meet the transgenders.

He didn't know shit. He didn't know shit. And he was reading off a piece of paper. It's all Gilbert, Bob. There's no, Gilbert was brilliant. But you did no work. You did no work at all. You come in, you took your coat off

and read some fucking thing that I guessed you had a year ago. I've got a question. Let's see if I can redeem myself through the hour, Bob. All right. I hope you can. But here's a quick question and I'll shut up. Okay. You know, Gilbert, your wife must say to you, would you give me your co-host's name again?

I forgot. It's like seven different names. What is it? What is it? Sam, Louie, Bill, Carl, and Diamond. I love that I'm getting roasted by Bob Einstein. What is his name? What should I call him?

Frank. Yeah. Okay. Okay, Frank. I won't talk to you again, so it doesn't matter. I'm not talk to you again, so it doesn't matter. I'm used to it. My Gilbert, your wife says to you sometimes, hey, Gilbert, honey, don't talk with your mouth so full because you're getting a little bit on your jacket, okay? No, no, no.

Like we all do. We all have shit we do we don't know and there's something on my lip and all that shit. I have shit we do we don't know, and there's something on my lip and all that shit. What do you think and how many times has Anthony Weiner's wife told him, sweetheart, don't take a picture of your cock and send it to this woman anymore because I'm representing Hillary Clinton, okay? So send it to me. And above all, when we're in the middle of this fucking campaign, don't send a picture

of your cock with our baby next to you. Okay, sweetheart? Oh, God. What the fuck is that? What kind of a sickness is that? Do you know he said one one time and he cut his head off so you wouldn't

know who it was as if we wouldn't know who it was. But right behind him is a picture of he and some congressman. Right next to his cock. Oh, God. You know, he ran after all this shit happened. He ran for mayor of New York. He was leading. He was leading and sent a cock photo

in the middle of the election did you see the documentary about him bob it was fascinating but it was but it was no it wasn't it was boring compared to what he really does yes that's true i mean he's the sickest he's just it's also here's another thing I heard today. Hillary Clinton had to give in her physical the results of her mammogram. I've never heard that in a candidate. And why doesn't Trump give his his tits are twice the size? Oh, wow. Now, all right, go ahead. Do you have any questions to shoot at this, man?

We were saying to you all off camera, off mic, that you've produced specials. Series. Series. You did it again. You did it too. We did it again. series series we did it again for four of our previous guests i can't look i've had i've had the pleasure except really working a lot with you no no i'm not making a joke i think you're fantastic but i've had the pleasure of working with the most brilliant people in the history of the industry.

And that doesn't include Beaver. But I worked with Dick Van Dyke. I worked with Red Fox, which was, I produced his show. And it was the most fun. I'm going to give you two quick stories. Yeah. That you just, you won't believe that this happens at work all red did all day is coke um coke uh grass and fuck that's all he did all day but when it

came time to tape it was brilliant he knew everything so our first show we had a set that was a giant tenement, and it turned into R-E-D-D, and he came out of the E, and the music played, ladies and gentlemen, Red Fox! And there's no red. So the audience is applauding and screaming, and I stop tape. I go to his dress room, I knock on the door, I hear, what? I open the door, the girl, what? I open the door. The girl doing his hair is sitting on him.

So I see her body, her dress, and his legs. And I said, red. And from under the dress, he said, what? I said, we're on camera. He said, can't a man relax? he said can't a man relax and another time I said to him hey we only did 20 minutes for the audience could you give him a couple of jokes

he said yeah and when he said yeah to me I was gone because I was going to get punished for asking that he comes out he grabs the mic he said how you doing and the audience goes crazy he said how you doing and the audience goes crazy he said how many of you people wash your assholes this evening i said give me your

mic no no no let me let me tell a couple of jokes he said you know they got all kind of flavored douches on the market strawberry persimmon raspberry i told my wife about it she came back with tuna how's that bob i said that's great thanks red thanks a million when you first met with him bob doesn't there was a story about him disappearing behind a bookshelf how do you know that well yes fred silverman asked us we came over from cbs and we got a great deal at abc when fred silverman went over there to be the programmer and he asked us to meet with red because he was going to take him away from sanford so we're waiting in his office here comes red up the stairs and he's tired and he knows me

but he doesn't know my partner alan blythe so he calls us one name but he doesn't know my partner, Alan Bly. So he calls us one name, Blanstein. And he said, I'll be back in a minute. And he goes into a Charlie Chan revolving bookcase. I'm telling you the truth, it disappeared. It turned around and now it was a bar. And he's there for a few minutes.

He comes out. How you doing? How you doing? And he's got white shit all over his lip. And said red you got white shit on your lip he said i know it always happens when i have sugar donuts for breakfast he said now listen what i want to do is a variety show from harlem i said that is a great idea i just sold my house in harlem so i think I'll be able to buy another one, so I can't do it. So I'll see you later. Fantastic. We got hours. We got

hours of stories. I'll tell you my guide. I'm not going to go on. Go ahead. No, go ahead. Go ahead. Okay. Well, I've got my first super dave show we had done six years of bizarre and they gave us a super dave show after that and my i said to my partner we've got to make some kind of an a splash we gotta we gotta blow people's minds so i said i am go we did the show in Canada because my partner was Canadian

and it was easier to do the show up there, cheaper. So I said, I'm going to call Ray Charles because we had worked on a couple of our shows. Now, Ray Charles, to me, was the greatest period that ever lived in anything. I was so in love with what he did. So I call up and his manager answers. And I said, hi, this is Bob Einstein. I play a character.

He said, I know who you are. I said, well, I'm going to ask you something. I know the answer is no. But we're doing a first show. Would Ray Charles come up to Canada? I said, I already feel stupid saying that, but would he come up to Canada and do what did I say in our first show?

He said, I'll get back to you. Hung up. So I figured, sure, I'll hear from him maybe in 1990. Wait, one, he calls back the next day. He said, he'll do it on one condition. I said, what? That you put him in a stunt. And I'm going, no, I'm not hearing this.

No, this is a dream. I can't be hearing this. So he did a stunt every year on my first show. It was in my movie. It was, you know, you live a life. In those days, you work with people that are beyond belief talented and and just it was it was so much fun to work in that era of television first of all there were only three networks there weren't six no one was talking on podcasts right if you talk on podcasts no one was

listening because it wasn't such a thing three Three networks, that's all you had. And you either made it or you didn't. So it was fabulous. And variety shows in those days were so great. Just really great. And as we said in the intro, Bob, you were a kid. You were 24. You were working in advertising.

I'll tell you, you want to know how this happened? I'm boring the shit out of you? No, no, it's good stuff. Is anybody listening to this? Be honest with me. No, tell me the truth. Because I just saw Gilbert pick up a magazine. What the fuck?

If I'm boring YouTube, why are we on? This show's very popular, Bob. What is a podcast? What is it? It's the cheapest fucking thing. What is a podcast? What is it? It's the cheapest fucking thing. I asked for a Coke. I got half a bottle here. The other half was already finished.

And this setup is like, I'm telling you, I told him when I came out, I felt like I'm sitting at the airport taking a shit, and someone came in with a mic. All right, where was I? Where the fuck was I? You were working at the head agency and Bob Arbogast. Yes! God

damn it. Want to hear a great thing? Yeah, sure. I'm on I'm sure this has happened to you, Gilbert. It's the only time in my life it ever happened to me. I'm not bragging. I was under control. I'm doing Letterman, and I come out,

and I've got a book that says three great stories to read your kids before they go to bed. And the first one was, oh, shit, let me see. The first one was, oh, a priest, you know these, I'm sure, Gilbert, but a priest goes to a barber, gets a haircut, wants to pay. Barber says, I don't charge men of the cloth. So they both go home. Next day, barber comes to work.

There's 12 boxes of the finest chocolate in the world. A minister comes, gets a haircut. Says, I don't accept money, men of the cloth. They both go home. Next day,

12 bottles of the finest wine. A rabbi comes, gets a haircut. He says, I don't pay. Next day, the barber comes to work. There are 12 rabbis waiting. So, I get a good laugh on that.

Then I go, okay, a 10-year-old walking down the hallway of his house. He's screaming in his parents' bedroom. He opens the door. His father's wearing an Oprah wig and bunny shoes. His mother's dressed in a Girl Scout uniform, and they're going at it. He says, Daddy, what's going on? He says, oh, don't worry, sweetheart. We're just having some fun. I'll tuck you in in 20 minutes. Go to bed. 20 minutes later, the father's trudging down the hall. He hears screaming in the kid's bedroom.

He opens the door. His kid's having sex with his grandmother. He says, Billy, what the hell are you doing? He said, it's not so funny when it's your mother, is it? So I got a scream. Now I got a third joke. And I forgot that I didn't want to tell this joke.

Because it had Oprah in it. And it could be construed as something that it wasn't. Okay. So what I had planned was is to substitute delta burke for oprah and so the joke is oprah goes to a psychiatrist he says to oprah winfrey what the hell are you doing here she said i'm insecure about my weight i need need help. He said, listen to me. You make $90 billion a year. You're the most revered woman of the last 30 years. Go home and thank God for what you got.

She said, listen, I gave you a deposit. I need help. He said, all right, I'll do what I can, but I don't see the problem. Take off your dress. Now take off your underwear. Now get down on all fours and crawl over to that wall. Okay, crawl forward 10 feet slowly head and ass up back up five feet please go forward six inches he said doctor how's this

helping with the insecurity about my weight he said fuck that i bought a black dog i had couch yesterday i want to see where it looks best in the office So in substituting Delta Burke I did Delta Burke But when I got to the punchline I said Black Naga hide couch Because I forgot And it was silence Letterman looked at me like I was out of a mental institution.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Are you, Dave, a claims-free hybrid-driving university grad who signed up online? Well, Dave, this jingle's for you. Who says with TD Insurance? Because he's a glint. We have a driving university grad who signed up online. It's Dave. Not Dave? No problem.

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and gives you the peace of mind you deserve. Let us help you plan every detail with professionalism and compassion. We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. And now back to the show. Hi, where was I? I'm sorry, I got off the track there. I did not, I think I've told two of those jokes on this podcast. You have on the podcast? Yeah. I will cut him out.

Belzer tells the Oprah joke about Al Broker. Yeah, I've told the Oprah joke on here. Yeah. Belzer tells the Oprah joke about Al Broker. Yeah. I've told the Oprah joke on here. Yeah. Yeah. He told it to weird Al. Cut it out. Cut it out then.

No, it's good. It's just as good. It was great. You get, it's like hearing a classic song by different singers. It really is. It really is. Speaking of Zoftig women, was there a Kate Smith story, Bob? How do you know that?

For people out there who don't know Kate Smith. How the fuck do you know that? How the fuck would you know that? Okay, now remember, I'm a shit kid, but I'm working hard. And we have a writer's meeting, a script reading of the script. And as a mid-break, I have Kate Smith dressed up as Oliver Hardy. And Tommy Smothers as Stan Laurel. And I have Kate saying,

well, here's another nice mess you got me into. And the room roared. Okay, we get through the script read. She says, who wrote the another nice mess joke? And I stood up. I said, I did. She said, well, you're the reason I'm not doing the show. And she walked.

Oh, God. We had to fucking circle her with helicopters to get her back in the building. We love that one. Yeah, but I'll tell you, the Bob Arbogast thing, it's an unbelievable story. Bob was a very hot radio man in los angeles and i loved him and i used him for a lot of voices and commercials and he had a local television show with his partner uh arbor gas margolis so i said i want to come on as the guy who puts the stars names in the sidewalk of hollywood and uh you'll you'll give me shit and uh then ask me how i said well what we do is we

study their background we look into their childhood we make sure they've never done i go on this how they and and the guy in the audience that i heard it's just about money and i lay the guy away and i said i never should have done this show he said well how would i get my name in i said do you have 20 okay good laugh and i go home next day my secretary says um tommy there's a tommy smothers on the phone for you i said oh bullshit give me the phone i said hello he said bob to, Tommy Smothers. I said, how you doing, Tom? Listen, my uncle is a hunchback, and he's straightening up today,

so I got to go. I'll call you back. Thanks a lot. So I hang up, and she comes back in. She said, he's on the phone again. I said, hello. He said, Bob, yeah, Tom Smothers tom smothers i said it is you isn't it he said yes he said i saw what you did last night and i really liked it could you meet me over at

cbs today at around lunch and i'm inside i'm going oh if this is real because i didn't care about it now it's like I've got it. And that's how the whole thing started. That's how I got the job. And he put me with a kid named Steve Martin, who was working at Knott's Berry Farm. And that's how the whole thing started. It was unbelievable.

Without Tom Smothers, none of us have a career. And it was such a gutsy thing to do. I've heard you say he gave kids a chance young people who hadn't done anything it was unbelievable he was one of a kind and this was his career and we had done so well we had wound up beating bonanza in the ratings right they had already picked us up for 26 more and then the president cancels us who else was in that writer's uh room uh bob it was you steve martin mason williams martin yeah rob reiner um carl gottlieb right lorenzo music lorenzo music yeah yeah just good people oh it was it was i mean it was it was, I mean, it was beyond an experience, beyond fun, beyond anything you could imagine,

because eventually you could not get in to see our show. It's a stupid television show. You couldn't get in to see it, because it was so hot with young people, and we'd get everybody. I mean, as guests, it was just, it was one, you know, I can't even thank them enough ever. Now, I heard like back then, the Smothers Brothers, they were the new act in town. But they were still old. The old guys were still working. So you would have a lot of the old guys on.

And that would make the audience accept the Smothers Brothers more. You know, that's exactly correct. Except after a while, we didn't have as many of the old guys. And it was all new. And you know, we'd get a Beatle on the show. You couldn't get a beetle in those days. I mean, it was, it was, and if we had been able to go on the next year, it would have been, it really would have been something.

It's an interesting journey because it sort of started as a typical variety show. And then about nine, 10 episodes into it, it starts to, it starts to take a little bit more of a political turn. Well, we were really hammering the Vietnam War. Yeah.

That's what we did. And it turns out we were right. I mean, it was – I lost two friends there. They died. I mean, it's just – you can't imagine dying for nothing. But that's what it amounted to. That was a tough time. And, you know, at that time you had the hippie cult going on in San Francisco.

And then what stopped everything was the Manson murders in Los Angeles. That just stopped everything. Tommy had a lot of guts because, I mean, the show was successful and he could have stayed with the formula and not tweak the network, but he believed it. He had something he believed in. He was one of a kind. He was one of a kind, not just guts, but, well, he did.

He just had a lot of belief, a lot of guts. And we all started out on the Glenn Campbell summer show. And our first show was shown to the head of CBS in Los Angeles. And he wrote a letter that you cannot believe to Tommy, beating him up, saying, how can you put your show in the in the in the put your show in the hands of children this is the worst constructed worst written worst but he said we saw and then the show went on the air got unbelievable reviews unbelievable ratings and he came in and apologized

this guy came in and apologized to us stupid kids. It was like we were picking our nose and trying to get our underpants out of our ass and he's going, gentlemen, I'm sorry. It was wild. It was wild. Great guests. I worked a lot with Richard Pryor and name it.

Okay, now I'm going to talk about Adam and Eve, and that's a story I've been kicked out of several times. That doesn't surprise me. Yeah. Go to adamandeve.com. For a limited time only, you'll get 50% off just about any item. you'll get 50% off just about any item. When you select one item at 50% off,

you'll also receive three free adult DVDs plus a free mystery gift. What's the mystery gift? I think it's hamantash. Fresh baked hamantash. See, you don't realize how sexy. I wish. A delicacy. That is.

And to top it off, they will even throw in free shipping on your entire order. So go to adamandeve.com and use the code word Gilbert at checkout. That's Gilbert, G-I-L-B-E-R-T at adamandeve.com. Use code Gilbert at adamandEve.com. You'll thank me. Here's a question of a story I heard, and I'd like to know if you know anything. I heard that a few years ago, Bill Cosby punched out Tommy Smothers. Many years ago. Yes. It was when we were doing the show.

And Tommy said a few things and it was at the Playboy Club. Incidentally, this is an announcement. Hugh Hefter is finally old enough to wear a robe. That's great.

You know what else is a great story? Zsa Zsa is still alive, they say. Yeah, they say. Because the guy she lives with, Count Von Cockfuck, cannot stay in the house if she dies. So now she lays on a pillow, her legs are amputated, half her arms are gone. She looks like second base. They should have given her to Ricky Henderson when he broke the record.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Can you just finish the story with Tommy Smothers? What did he do to Bill Cosby? David Steinberg told us that story. I'd like to hear it. He said something that irritated Bill, which now makes you laugh because of what Bill became. Jesus Christ, America's father, too. Could you come in here a minute, please, and take off your underpants and sit down on my face just for a minute? We'll just try and see if this part works.

You might have this part in the Brady Bunch. Just sit on my face, please, and now rock back and forth. All right, all right. Can you hear me, or are the drugs working? Okay. Thank you very much. You won't see me in the morning, but when you wake up, you're going to be a little sore. You might have trouble walking.

Thank you. Anyway, punch Tommy right in the head. Anyway, punch Tommy right in the head. Tell Bob the thing about when you worked on The Cosby Show and they told you there were certain days that he wasn't there. The reason that he gave. Oh, yes. He'll find this interesting. I did an episode of The Cosby Show and I was talking to like one of the writers or something. or something, and they said that Cosby had like an hour a day set aside that was to teach comedy to Asian models.

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. That's the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard. If you can name, and I can name Keith Moon before I can name, I can name Keith Moon before I can name an Asian funny model. Who, Matt Morita? Who the fuck is a funny Asian model? They must have said, I don't understand what you are saying.

Sit on my face, you stupid. That's all? That's how you make people laugh? Sit on my face, you stupid... That's all? That's how you make people laugh? Sit on my face? I feel very drugged. I don't know where I am. Now, that's funny. Hurry up, hurry up.

I only have 40 more minutes. Teaching comedy to Asian models. That is just so funny. Thought you'd appreciate it. Oh, God. Wouldn't you love to see an Asian version of the Three Stooges? That is so funny. God, people make up shit don't they but this thing this thing was surprising about bill i i and i'm saying that seriously

because he was he was god he was he was you know he made billions of dollars and and was really, he was great at what he did and real clean as a stand-up and his life seemed really clean. And then all this crap happens. Just unbelievable. You just don't know. I've heard that the Smothers Brothers don't want their shows re-aired or re-released? Because I think they're afraid it's not going to live up to the reputation that it has. Well, I've never heard that. But you know something funny?

I can understand it because I looked at the show that supposedly was one of the ones that got us kicked off. And if you saw it now, you wouldn't understand why. I mean, it's so mild. It really is. And yet some of it is pretty brave. I'm watching, there's a documentary called Smothered about the whole history of the Smothers Brothers. Right, right, right.

It's kind of fascinating. And there's just to see Pete Seeger singing Knee Deep in the Muddy. I know, I know. And all that stuff. Brilliant, brilliant. Yeah, and then there's a, George Segal comes on and Tommy and Dick do an anti-draft dodging song. What about Belafonte, Don't Stop the Carnival?

That too. Yeah, that was, yeah. Yeah, that was brilliant. Just watching it, even now, I mean, you say some of the stuff is mild, but I was watching the documentary, and even by today's standards, I can't believe they got away with what they did. No, and I know in those days, there were a lot of marijuana jokes, and I had never smoked marijuana, but I'm writing the jokes.

I don't know why they're funny, but I'm writing, food tastes good and all this shit. So finally, at a party at Tom's house, I decide to try a cigarette. And I don't smoke anyway, but I inhale it. And I finally say, what is the big deal? What is everyone talking? I realize I'm talking to myself in the bathroom mirror. And I went down and I ate through the entire line of food.

And then I came up to this girl who worked with us and I said, can I ask you a question? When are we going to finally fuck? And I am now talking to her boyfriend right into his face. And I said, that's a joke. I'm a comedy writer, my friend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go sit on the cake. Tell us how Officer Judy came to be, Bob.

Officer Judy came, it started out when we had Liberace on the show. It was a great sport. And we said, ladies and gentlemen, Liberace. And he came out and we pushed out a piano that was 55 feet long. And it just pushed him right off the stage on his ass. And then we did something else. And then he's playing the minute waltz and I came down as a cop on a motorcycle

and arrested him for playing too fast. And the next week we had Judy Collins on and Judy, you know, had a beautiful voice and one of her songs was broken windows and empty hallways. And it was so beautiful. Oh, the Randy Newman song, yeah. I think it's going to rain today.

I think it's going to rain today. And so Tommy said, she had already done a song earlier. Once again, Judy. And the curtains open, and there I am on my motorbike lip syncing her song. And I finish, and Dick says to to tom what was that he said what what he said what was that guy doing lip syncing judy kai oh he said it's nothing i i was speeding coming over here and i got a ticket and he said if you let me on your show i won't give you the ticket and he said and you did that and then I walked up and blocked the both of them on camera and said, Tom,

he said, what? I said, how did I do? He said, you were great officer Judy. And that's how it started. And then what that character became was an out for any piece. We didn't have an ending for people thought we were brilliant. And it was, it was a fun character. And Frank and I were talking that you produced or directed the Rich Little.

Oh, yeah, another nice mess. Yes. Yeah, that's fascinating. Yes, yes. He was great in that, Rich Little and Herb Boland. Yeah. It was Nixon and Agnew as Laurel and Hardy. Right.

And pretty good Laurel and Hardy impressions, too. Really good, but released at the height of Nixon's popularity. I find conflicting stuff about it online, Bob. Did the Nixon administration actually get wind of it and start some shit? Yeah, they were not happy. Yeah, they were not happy. Surprising because Nixon had such a great sense of humor feather in your cap what are we gonna do if if now look i'm not saying i'm voting

for anybody but if you hear do you become president trump what are we going to do? What would we do? Terrifying. The White House would turn into a gold cock with a picture of himself as the foreskin. His face would be the foreskin that you'd be able to open up and smoke would come out. I can't understand this. I know.

Can you? And then also Hillary, who, I mean, she leaves the 9-11 memorial because she is sick. Yeah. And she passes out, and it turns out she has pneumonia and knew it, so she goes and plays with her grandkids. Right. That's a hard one to figure out. Come here, sweetie. Come here, Snooki.

Come here. Let me sneeze in your mouth. Come here, baby. What are we dealing with? And then she walks out 20 minutes later. New York is beautiful. And there's 35 people, firemen with nets standing around her in case she goes down. Oh, God.

We want to ask you about some of these variety shows, Bob. First of all, Pat Paulson's show. What was Pat Paulson like? He was as sweet a human being that god ever made ever i just loved speaking of elections yeah oh he he was the first of those celebrities running for president and and and the one that really worked it was a campaign and and Pat what's really funny is we discovered Pat

after years of failing so he would have rejoined her after every joke that got a laugh in other words we'd write a great joke or he'd tell a great joke the audience would go crazy and we'd go but seriously.

But I really mean it. But he was just, he was, I loved him. He was one of a kind. He was a great, just the greatest, greatest guy. And did you write those David Steinberg? No. Oh, the sermons. No, those David Steinberg? No. Oh, the sermons. No, those were David's.

Yeah. Yeah, we had David on the show. Great guy. Okay, well, bring up a name that's been brought up on this show a few times. Go ahead. Billy Barty. Okay, you have no idea. I mean, it sounds like I loved everyone, but let me tell you what he did. Let me tell you what no idea. I mean, it sounds like I loved everyone,

but let me tell you what he did. Let me tell you what he did. On Van Dyke and Company at the end of one of the shows, Dick is saying goodnight and it starts to rain. And Dick says, oh, I got to hurry because it's, and Billy Barty comes out as a show umpire and calls the show. Said it's not an official show. It will not air. I come out as a show umpire and calls the show. Said it's not an official show. It will not air.

I come out as a show manager. And I get into an argument with Billy. Now, Billy's not that tall. And I'm 6'4". And we're screaming at each other. And he's yelling at my balls. And he throws Dick and I out of the show. We're out of the show. We're out of the show. Now, the ending of the show is water pouring on Billy.

And the credits are rolling. The asshole who decided to fix the water attached the hose to the hot nozzle. So Billy Barty is getting a steam bath. It's 180 degrees, but he will not leave the stage. That's what a trooper that guy was.

That's good. And a name that also popped up on this show. Wait a minute. Hold your thoughts. I'm going to tell you a great one. I had a special effects guy in Canada that wore a white Dr. Smock and

was the worst special effects person I'd ever seen, but we had to use some people because... So I'm doing a piece where I'm getting my enough land to complete my golf course. I only had 17 holes on the Super Dave golf course. Finally got enough land to have the 18th hole. It was a golf course. I only had 17 holes on the Super Dave golf course.

Finally got enough land to have the 18th hole. It was a par three. I shoot. Now I'm getting ready to putt. And I say to Fuji, why was it so difficult to get this land? He said, sacred Indian burial ground. And he was one of the Asian menian men that caused me taught to be funny and uh i said and they don't mind he said no and i get an arrow in the ass and you pan up and there's an indian on horseback with a with a golf bag and arrows and a bow in it.

So I say to the special effects guy, how are we going to do this? Because I know I'm going to get hurt. I'm positive. He said, all right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to build a special car for the saxophone and put it in your pants in the back. That will take the brunt.

I am going to slingshot a razor arrow on a nylon line, and it'll go into that safety thing there, and when you feel it, you fall over. And I say to myself, how far is this going to go into my ass? So now we're ready to do it. I hear the arrow coming on the line right through the guard into my ass. And I am telling you, you have never had a pain like that. This was a razor arrow into my ass.

I'm doing comedy. So before I fall down, because I'm not doing it again, I look over at the special effects guy, and he gives me a two hands up. You know, what are you going to do? All right, I'm sorry. Go ahead. You were going to ask me something.

Go ahead. Joey Heatherton. Oh, my God. uh joey heatherton oh my god oh my god i'll tell you two joey stories first of all in her day there was never a human being on this planet that was cuter never there was nothing you you would not say, God, if I could get that little toe on the left foot straightened out. Boom. No. Nothing. Nothing.

Teeth. Tongue. Thing. Boom. Bang. So we sit down and I said, Joey, we're doing four summer shows. We don't have a lot of money. You're going to have to go out and try to help us with guests.

She said, we're booked. I said, we are. She said, yes. Sinatra will do the first show. Bing Crosby will do the second.

Dean Martin will do the third. And Mel Torme will do the fourth. I said, what? What? How do you know it's promised? My first guess was Gary Berghoff. And I had to give him a song.

I had to give him a song. That's what y'all, I'll tell you another one. We're rehearsing okay so she's got a low-cut dress and she's singing and twirling and as she twirls i see she isn't wearing underwear so it's hello dolly and i call up to the booth. I said, we got to stop for a minute, please. And I go in. I said, Joey, you're not wearing underwear. I know.

I said, why? Makes my legs look longer. I said, yes, it does. Yes, it does. I said, I could see all the way up to your father, who's the co-host. Anyway, that was fun. She was just, God, was she attractive. And we did Lola Falana.

Adorable. Tell us about Lola. Just fabulous. Woof. You know, but Lola was hip. And Lola, she could dance and sing, and she was, and we had Cosby on that show. Oh, yeah.

Thank God I had no Asian models in the comics. Who else you got on that list, Gil? Okay. Oh, well, of course, a favorite of ours, Henny Youngman. Yes. Yes, Henny was hysterical. But not totally easy. Oh, here's, well, no.

Okay, I'll go on. Here's a great story. On The Smothers, we're doing a Robinin hood sketch and sid caesar's the guest one of the funniest men in the history of the planet and sid says we gave him a rubber axe he said i need a real one i said i said no i said i'll tell you why no because we need you to do two other sketches after this. And if I give you a real ax, there's going to be a problem. You're going to cut someone's head off or you're going to hurt yourself or something.

He said, we can't do it. I won't do the sketch. Get him an ax. 20 minutes later, I'm driving. He's in the back seat with an ax embedded in his thigh. I'm telling you the truth. We go into the emergency hospital, he's dressed like

Lord Little John Cockfuck, and he's got an axe embedded in his thigh. Where was I? I got off the subject. Where was I? I got off the subject. Where was I? Well, I was Henny Youngman. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Henny was always, you know, he was fabulous.

He was funny. But it was hard to get Henny to do other things rather than just the jokes. Look at him. He's taking notes. Frank is now taking notes like he's surprised. Look at him. Look at him. You can't see him.

But he went over and he wrote down, Henny didn't like to take notes. That surprises me. I must ask Henny if he's still alive, if he knew Keith Moon. Victor Borg. I must ask Andy if he's still alive if he knew Keith Moon. Victorborg. Victorborga? Yes.

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. We maybe worked with him once, but, you know, he did what he did. He was brilliant. Who else you got on there? Okay, Andy Williams. Oh, loved him. Loved him. Did his special.

I mean, he was great. Loved him. Did his special. Did, I mean, he was great. He was great. Great entertainer. And, oh, Sonny Bono. Glenn Campbell. Glenn Campbell. Glenn Campbell. Glenn Campbell. He's on the list. Yeah. Brilliant. He was

the great, you could tell him two minutes before air, change the opening song. Done. He didn't care. He was the most brilliant guitar singer. Brilliant, great comic. He was fantastic.

Greatest. Go ahead. I'm sorry. And you must have worked with George Burns and Jack Benny. Yes. You know what's funny about that? They were old then. And they weren't even that old.

Right, 60s, yeah. They were just old. And they were, you know, they're too brilliant to even talk about. What do you remember? You mentioned Sonny Bono. Yeah. Yes. Who I did Sonny and Cher.

And he was, I loved him. I just loved him. He was just so fabulous, honestly. And here's a funny thing. His, when he broke up with Cher, which was a crazy mistake, they were so hot, so great. If you're having problems, fake it. You know, they're picking up chastity.

He's going to have a cock one day. Fake it. You know what I'm saying? You understand what I'm saying? So they decide to split. Sonny's manager comes to me and says, Sonny's going to open in Vegas. I said, he is? He says, yes.

He said, and you're the only one he trusts. Will you come and see his act? So I come, and it's an empty room like this is. And he does his act. And he finishes, and his manager says to me, what did you think? I said, here's my advice not only don't open don't drive down las vegas boulevard don't drive toward nevada don't even think about that area of the country stay away from ever going on a stage by yourself. I went on and on and on.

His manager said, what the fuck does he know? After getting me there. But Sonny and I remained close until he had that horrible ending. But he wound up being mayor of Palm Springs. And he was fabulous. I love that repertory company, too. The Ted Ziegler and Murray Langston and Freeman King and all those guys. Billy Vance.

Boy, how do you know those people? I'm old enough to remember all of them, Bob. No, you don't remember them. Sure. You've got them right in front of your face. No, no. No, you don't. You don't know names like that.

Sure I do. No, you don't. That's what we do on this show. Listen, if you were on a dock and I was Judge Judy, your ass would be thrown through that window right now. I could pick Freeman King out of a crowd. If you were on a dock and I was Judge Judy, your ass would be thrown through that window right now. I could pick Freeman King out of a crowd. It's raining shit all over your shirt. No, go ahead.

Who couldn't pick Freeman King out of a crowd? That's the one, officer. Are you sure? Well, look at him. Oh, God. Now, what was your opinion on Cher brilliant brilliant just you know phenomenal she and and the and the and the people loved the fact that they were married and she just shit all over him and he was really cute you know i mean it was it was it was it was a shame it's like the smothers brothers the smothers brothers owned the glenn campbell show and an hour summer replacement the smothers brothers show and an hour summer replacement that's four hours

on network that's a lot of money one day that the nixon took away from him and and sunny and shared just through millions i mean not that they need it but it was stupid so after they split you went and did the Sonny Comedy Review. Yes. You stayed with Sonny. Yes. And I'm still waiting for the review. I remember that.

She stayed with CBS and he went to ABC. Why don't you shut the fuck up? Why don't you just stop talking about the Sonny Comedy Review? It's not my fault. It's a bad memory? Yeah. This wasn't that great, okay? It wasn't my fault. It's a bad memory? Yeah. This wasn't that great, okay? It wasn't my fault, all right?

What do you remember about doing the Joey Bishop show at 69? I didn't do it, but you know what I had the— I got to do Carson I don't know how many times. You know what that was like in those days? To do Johnny Carson? Fuck. How did you come? Listen to this. Listen to this.

I'm taking a break and I'm playing golf. And I had a secretary that was a dingbat, a fucking dingbat. And she calls me up. Hi. I said, hi. I said, any messages? The Tonight Show called. And what did they want?

Johnny wanted to know if you could do it tonight. And what did you say? No. I said, here, listen, before I completely destroy my golf clothes, I want to know that you said what I think you said. You said no. Yes, I know you couldn't rush. You're playing golf, and you couldn't rush over there and do it.

I said, Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson, the Tonight Show asked if I could do the show. Yes. And you the show. Yes. And you said no. Yes. What was I supposed to say? Maybe I'll ask him. Maybe I'll, maybe, yes, he can.

Yes. He's in a coma. He's in a coma, but he can do it. Oh, I was the greatest. Carson was the greatest and and you know what else when i was really young i co-hosted steve allen's television show and radio show he was like a second father to me i loved him i'll tell you a great story okay uh brandon tartikoff who was head of nbc was coming over to do the steve allen radio show and steve had horrible furniture in his studio like this place

so jane decides to get beacons and bring furniture over from the house and she is rearranging this place and we're about 20 minutes from air she's in her nightgown someone says brandon's here she goes into a closet slams the door and was there for two hours while we did the show and And at every break, I would walk by the closet and say, is anybody thirsty? Would someone like a little nosh, a little something, a bagel or something? Could you use a cup of coffee, anybody? And then I'd put my mouth really close to the closet and say, how is it in there? Is it hot?

It's the greatest. The greatest life a person could ever live. You know, it's just the greatest greatest life a person could ever live you know it's just the greatest you got a mike douglas story or two bob i'm mike douglas with with um tell me who again uh there was the one where with peter marshall showing up and uh oh this was not this was this was so great mike douglas says i'm glad you brought this up his his his co-host for the week was sly of sly and the family stone okay and sly was stoned out of his mind. And so he comes out and he says, we got a great show.

We got this, we got this, we got this. And we got the great Sly Stallone. Are you happy? You're getting married this week, I understand. Yeah, we're going to do two concerts and some shindig in New York. No, what about your wedding? I don't know if it's Friday night or we're going to play Friday night. Okay, let's go to commercial.

They sit down. He said, my first guest is the great host of Hollywood Squares, Peter Marshall. Peter, come on out here. Peter comes out. Great guy. Sits down. He says, I understand you're taking Hollywood Squares to Vegas.

He said, yes. He said, is it going to be the same show or are you going to do some shenanigans? He says, no. When you got a hit, you keep it there. You call a spade a spade. And Sly turns to Peter Marshall and says, says this is on television i'm gonna get you they come back sly is still staring at peter

and and mike douglas says ladies and gentlemen it's my pleasure to introduce this man because you can't say this about many people or about anyone. He's the star of Ringling Brothers Circus. He is known as the smallest man in the world. Mishu the midget. Mishu comes out and he is the smallest man in the world. And they lift him up and put him in the chair. And now all you see are the bottom of his feet. With him sitting there.

And Mike Douglas was still staring at Peter. He says, Mishu, when did you first start with the circus? He says, brought it. He said, when did you get start with the circus? He says, He said, when did you get started with the circus? He says, what? Does he speak English?

Mike Douglas says. Oh, okay. Wouldn't you ask that before you brought him out? So now they bring him out, and the show, the panel, is Sly staring at Peter, Misha the Midget, and an interpreter interpreting for Misha the Midget. That was the show. And then another time I came on with, who was it again? I forget.

God damn it. It was a famous actress. And I came out and said that, did I ever tell you the time I came out? I'm boring the shit out of you now. No, tell us this way. No, I just came out and said that she gave me my start in the business just to confuse her. And she said i remember so the whole thing was done i didn't know what to say i didn't know what to do yes it was martha ray i remember she said i remember you i said oh okay well i can't thank you enough for me but what was i gonna say now i had a good

story and i forgot it oh did you ever hear about the time steve went to fill in for dick habit he fills in for dick habit i come out as gil drabowski the head of the polish anti-defamation league and i'm suing the networks for telling uh polish jokes and artificially sweetening them there was a time there was a time in television you couldn't tell polish jokes you remember that yes yes okay so and steve says well do you have an example and i said yes but i cannot name the network i said johnny turned to ed now the audience goes up and i stare him i said how did apollo get 500 holes in his face learn to eat with a fork now now steve is dying because he's dying and me doing it and he hasn't heard any of the jokes and why does does a Polack carry shit around his wallet

for identification? And I go, so why did it take 500 Polacks to build a house? One to hold a hammer, 499 to turn the house. So I get up and I said, let me tell you something. I thought you were the one host who had an ounce of intelligence but you're just like all the rest i am sorry i did this show you will have a lawsuit guy he said wait a minute it's not the polish part of the joke that's funny is there an italian here guy

stands up in the band why did it take 500 italians to paint house? He said, one Italian to hold the brush and 499 Polacks to turn the house. So I throw my shit down and the Polish people went nuts. They went nuts. It went to the Supreme Court. I'm telling you the truth. It was wild. The whole thing was wild. Hey, are we almost done?

Is that what you're saying? We can keep going. There's a Mike Douglas story about Planet of the Apes. Well, he opens with a monkey, Planet of the Apes. And he's promoting the movie, and he's got an ape out there, and he's holding the ape kind of by the hand, and the ape says, fuck you, and leaves, and goes out into the audience and is now

swinging on the wires and going for fucking bird shit. And they had to blow a dart in him in the newsroom. And you should have seen Mike Douglas' face. It was just unbelievable. What do you got, Gil?

Let's talk about Super Dave. Yes. How did you develop that? Well, I did it first on Van Dyke and Company, just as a break in the show. And I went to Magic Mountain. And I was a daredevil. And I was going to do something never before done. I was going to ride the new roller coaster without being belted in. And in the cars were nuns and kids and everything. And we'd do it and come around, and I fainted.

And everyone else had me the time of their fucking life. So that's the way it started. And then it went on from there. The great thing is I was able to take the character on all the talk shows, and I showed clips from my show, which was on Showtime, and it was like I did the clips for The Tonight Show. You know, it was fun. There's that.

Of course, it's got to be everybody's favorite, the piano on top of the... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so great. What made that so much fun was when we shot it, we had six cameras for the endings of the joke, and we could see it with our eye that it was perfect. You know, you don't know until you do it. But that was...

And then I had another guy, I was sitting in a chair in front of a $25,000 glass ball ball and a big, huge iron ball was going to come in and I was blindfolded. And at the last minute I was going to dive out of the way because I could feel the weight, the smell of the ball, all this shit. So here comes the guy with the iron ball, gets out of his truck, and he's got I Love Pussy on his shirt, on his T-shirt. So he says to me, where do you want me to hit it? I said, just hit it right knee, left knee, nostril. What do you want me to hit it i said just just hit it right knee left knee nostril what do you

want i said hit me hit it right in my face then it's done ball comes in misses me totally and knocks the wall down which meant another 25 000 to build another wall and another day of shooting and so you're screaming at a guy with I Love Pussy on his shirt. I love the guillotine gag, too. The one on Bazaar. There were so many good ones. Which was it? One of your specials when you did the steel drum, when you did Stump the Band?

Yeah, no, that was my series. Oh, that was a series. I love that gag, too. Yeah, that was great. Oh, there's a question being asked. There's a question here from about, yeah, Paul Rayburn wants to know about Marty Funkhauser. Why are we on so long? Is that what he said?

Is that what he said? No, no. No, he says ask about Funkhauser. We're going to wrap up in a minute. Funkhauser. We're going to wrap up in a minute. Don't worry. Oh, what is that?

He wants to know about Funkhauser. On Curb Your Enthusiasm. Oh, it's the? He wants to know about Funkhauser. Uncurb your enthusiasm. Oh, it's the most fun. It's the most fun because it's all ad lib. So you come to the studio and you see what you're going to do as far as what you're going to try to get across in the scene. And then everything is ad lib. So you're looking. And let me tell you what I just saw, which was so great.

I can see these two guys from where I'm doing the show and Gilbert just yawned he yawned and put his hand over his mouth while I was explaining and I saw Frank take some toilet paper and wipe his ass they are so bored with me

wait a minute wait a minute this guy a minute. Wait a minute. This guy wants to know about Marty Funkhouser. Okay, go ahead. Hello? Yes. No, I'm still on. The cocksucker won't get off.

What do you want me to do? Jesus Christ. We got a podcast. Who the fuck is listening to this anyway? Okay? Is Curb coming back, Bob? Yes. Good.

Yes. Do you want to hear the greatest joke of all time? Sure. Well, I'm telling this to you, Gilbert. But you, I'm sure. I told it on Seinfeld. Do you want to hear it? It's very dirty.

Yes, yes, yes. Woman's very afraid of the size of her opening. Do you know it? I'm not sure yet. Oh, yeah. You did this one. This one was on Curb, but it's good. Yeah, tell it. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to go outside and hang myself by my nuts. I'm going to get a very thin wire and hang myself by my nuts. Because you just took all the momentum away from it. Tell the joke first. You're going to make him yawn again and then I don't know what I'm going to do. Why don't you guys have something to eat

and I'll take a break. Why don't you go teach a Japanese woman how to fart? The Cosby callback. No, tell that joke. It's wonderful. And you know what's great that I just realized is my manager is sitting here

and i said to him what what do they pay for this he said nothing and i never had that said to me before look at him he's looking i'm trying to concentrate and this guy's looking off to the side going i'll get him, I'll get him off. I'll get him off. We'll end with this joke. I don't want to be here either. Jesus Christ almighty. A podcast. Okay, go ahead. You want me to tell it? Yes.

A woman's very afraid of the size of her opening. She goes to her mother, what am I going to do? I'm so big down there. When I marry her, he's going to divorce me. She says, don't worry, sweetheart. Do what I did when I married your father. It runs in the family. Go to the market, get some raw liver, put it in there. I'll never know the difference. She does. They get married. They have eight hours of sex. She wakes up in the morning. He's gone. There's a note on her pillow. My darling Harriet, to think that I waited here to consummate our love relationship

makes my heart beat so loudly. I'm surprised I didn't wake you up. The only reason I didn't wake you up, my darling, is the sun was shining through the window on your face and you were like the pot of gold at the end of my love rainbow. The only reason I'm not here now, darling, is that I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we'll have dogs and children. When the five o'clock dinner bell rings, I'll be home like the winged gossamer

of loving your arms, your loving husband, Harry. P.S. Your cunt is in the sink. Well, yeah. Okay. I think we're out of questions, Bob. I think so. Well, that hour and 15 minutes went What the Jeez

Went fast I talked for an hour and 15 minutes You guys yawned You kept saying, yeah Tell us I don't want to interrupt Tell us about your pop before you go Your dad was the great Harry Einstein

My dad, yeah And he died at a Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz roast. And he just killed the audience, sat down and died at 54 at the Beverly Hilton. And it destroyed my life for a long time. And I heard about it on the radio in the morning. I heard about it on the radio in the morning. So, and, you know, in those days, when you're 14, none of the other kids had experienced that, and especially someone famous where it was a headline of a paper,

and he was so young. And so that was a tough one. What a great way to end the show. Just, you know what they say, always leave them laughing. That's just a great thing. I was going to just talk about your mom and dad and the show and his family. Why don't we end it with Bruce Jenner? I heard a story that I really liked because somebody said to you about your father. He said something like, well, isn't it great that he died doing something he loved?

And you said something to him. I can't remember what it was, but it couldn't have been very good. Okay, I remember, I read this, that you said to him after he said, your father died doing what he loved, that you said to him after he said your father died doing what he loved, that you said, what does your mother do? And he goes, she's a housewife.

I did say this. Okay, go ahead. Tell that. And I said, you know what? I hope she dies cooking scrambled eggs. And I hope she dies washing the dishes today. Because then she dies doing something she loves. And I said, what a stupid fucking thing to say and it was and it was pretty close to him dying i'll tell you something

else at the funeral milton burrell and george jessel gave eulogies and they tried to be funny and that hurt me so much that i could never do a eulogy for a friend of mine it was it was almost impossible because i couldn't believe it i couldn't believe they were trying to get laughs you know another great way to end the show No, really. Let me tell you when my dog got hit by a car. It's fucking hysterical. Oh, God. All right. I'm out of bullets. I guess we've got to end up with a big laugh.

I heard you say about your dad, I want to say this to you. I heard you say about your dad that he really was a brilliant comedian and he never threw humor away. Brilliant. What was so great about him is I used to watch him watch other comedians, which I didn't realize I was doing, and watched who he laughed at. And it was interesting. It was fascinating. And he was interesting. It was fascinating. And he never threw away anything. Never threw a line away.

I'll give you one more story. Sure. We can't leave on that. My first meeting with Red after we agreed to do the show was at his house on my lawn. And Al and I talked to him him and we see with the monitor he's got 700 televisions to see who's coming down uh sloppy white is coming down now outside red has five dogs that are half dogs half human they're the biggest fucking dogs i've ever seen and you can't see what

kind of a breed they are because they're wearing tennis shoes and they're fucking hungry. And they're all over the yard. So Red says, Sloppy, how you doing? He said, listen, I'm meeting with Blindstein here. I want you to go down to the pool house. I'll meet you in a minute. He said, what about your dog? He said, how long have I known you?

50 fucking years. My dogs ever touch you? He said, no long have I known you? 50 fucking years. My dogs ever touch you? He said, no. He said, well, get the fuck to the pool house. And we watched like on Cinerama Dome. These dogs chased Slappy's wife all over the place, into the pool with his clothes on. And all Red said was, goddamn, they did go after him. And then we went back to a meeting. And Slappy's in the pool with his clothes on. And all Red said was, God damn, they did go after him.

And then we went back to a meeting. And Slop is in the pool with his clothes on. Oh, that's great. All I need is one promise. Don't ever invite me back. And I'm serious about that. Please. Please, I'm fucking worn out. And when I'm walking down the stairs with Lee, my manager, I'm serious about that. Please. Please. I'm fucking worn out.

And when I'm walking down the stairs with Lee, my manager, I'm going to say again, what did I get for that seriously? And he's going to say nothing. Nothing. I'm Gilbert Gottfried and this has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing Colossal Podcast with my

co-host Frank Santopadre. Funniest show we ever did. It's so funny. It's so funny signing off. You've been asleep the last 40 minutes, and Frank just poked you in the balls, and you're saying, oh, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I just want to thank my guest. Who was my guest? Who was my guest?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank him, and thanks for all the stories. We've been either talking to or just sitting here listening. Bob Einstein, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Bob Einstein. And thanks, Lee Kernis. Thank you, guys.

Thank you. Thank you, babe. Thank you, Lee. Thank you, Sean. Thank you, Andrew. And thank you, Bob. It was great. My pleasure. I thank you, Bob. It was great. My pleasure.

I'll see you tomorrow. Let's do it again. You're on. Maybe Pauly will come back too.