Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 132. Whoopi Goldberg LIVE @ Caroline's

Episode Date: December 5, 2016

In a special live episode recorded at Caroline's on Broadway (in association with the 2016 New York Comedy Festival), Gilbert and Frank are joined by Oscar, Emmy, Tony and Grammy-winner Whoopi Goldberg for a lively discussion of horror movie tropes, Hollywood stereotypes, onscreen sex appeal and the significance of Moms Mabley. Also, Whoopi credits Mike Nichols, salutes Sonny Fox, defends Charlton Heston and shows off for Charles M. Schulz. PLUS: Totie Fields! Jay Silverheels! "Playboy After Dark"! Gilbert praises "The Omen"! And Steven Spielberg references Boo Radley! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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you and your all-time favorites. Quick Crisp from Cavendish Farms. Made our way, enjoyed your way, available right away. That's right, folks. We've got a great show for you tonight. Now, please welcome the host of the podcast Vanity Fair called Gripping, the Village Voice's best podcast of 2015, Gilbert Godfrey's amazing, colossal podcast. Give it up for Gilbert Godfrey and thank Frank Santapadre, everybody. Santa Padre everybody What do you say? You want to sit next to me? Oh, no.

That's yours. Welcome, guys. Thanks for coming out. So I guess we just start. Well, I want to thank a couple of people, as long as we're recording this. And we do this at every live episode, because it does take a lot of people to pull this show off. So quickly, I'm going to do my best John Machida. Anybody remember John Machida? Yes, yes.

The fast talker. So we want to thank Frank Vergarosa and everybody at Nutmeg. We can't do the show without Frank. He's indispensable. He's here. Everybody at Nutmeg. We can't do the show without Frank. He's indispensable.

He's here. Sean Marek, Mike McPadden, Paul Rayburn, Eddie Marino, our engineer, is doing the show tonight. Glenn Schwartz, John Seals, Greg Pair, Jessica Wynn is here, our photographer. Andrea Simmons, David Simon, Jonathan Winchell, Eric Fusco. I'll go through these fast. Heather Cavanaugh, Andrew Stephen, and Maria Spiridotsi. Everybody at Sideshow, John Fodiatis and John Murray are here who do music for the show. Joe McGinty, Matt Beckhoff, Danny Duraney, Jeff Abraham, Bill Porricelli,

everybody who helps us book guests, everybody at Caroline's, Greg Charles and Louis Ferranda, and Sarah Goldstein, my very patient wife, and of course, where is she? Dara Gottfried, producer. She's the one responsible. Well. Okay. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried.

And this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. And we're recording at Caroline's on Broadway. and we're recording at Caroline's on Broadway, and I will be appearing at Caroline's on Broadway December 23rd and 24th. And sitting next to me is my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is an Oscar-winning actress, a Grammy-winning comedian, a Tony-winning producer, an Emmy-winning talk show host, and one of the most popular recognized performers in the world. She starred

in hit movies like Sister Act, The Lion King, The Color Purple, The Player, Soap Dish, Ghost of Mississippi, Rat Race, Girl Interrupted, and of course, Ghost, for which she won the Academy Award as Best Supporting Actress. Numerous TV appearances include Absolutely Fabulous, Saturday Night Live, Entourage, The Muppets. She's yelling from the back. 30 Rock! Ha ha ha ha! Wait, there's more intro. It's too much, I have to tell you.

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Oh, wow! I appreciate all that, but... But I'm not through. Oh, Jesus. I'm going to get my period soon. I did a lot of stuff. The Middle, Hollywood Squares, which she also produced. And, of course, Star Trek, The Next Generation, and a long and celebrated career.

She's worked with legendary directors like Mike Nichols, Robert Altman, Steven Spielberg, and starred and produced successful productions on Broadway and around the world, produced award-winning documentaries, and even found time to host four Academy Award telecasts. Now, this should be followed by found dead in her Los Angeles home. Yes, yes, yes. Also, I found time to have a kid. Yes.

You know, that's never included. And in all those accomplishments, she's our only guest to have inspired four different action figures, except Dick Cavett has only three. Please welcome to the podcast, icon, activist, humanitarian, EGOT winner, and a member of my tribe, and a real Shana Maitles. Thank you. Whoopi Goldberg.

Hey, hey. Thank you. Whoopi Goldberg. Hey, hey. That's impossibly long and really boring to listen to after a while. Well, the long intros have sort of become a shtick on the show. It's part of the...

It's a little bit of This Is Your Life without the voices. As Gil's voice goes off. That's so we can edit it out Your Life without the voices. All right. Well, is that your phone? As Gil's voice goes off. Your phone is ringing? We can edit it out. That's the beauty of it. Oh, yeah.

Go ahead. No. Who is it? No, because it's no one famous. So if it was, then I'd pick it up. Would you? You know, I was looking up your name on the internet before, and one of the websites had you listed as, they said, Whoopi Goldberg is an African-American actress and comedian. No.

So do you want to elaborate on it? Still black, still funny. That's it. Still black, still funny. That's it. You know, one time I was at Buckingham Palace and I was talking to the Queen of England and I said, what's the most difficult thing you

face? And she said right away, she said, taking the large poop. And I said, well, she said, taking the large poop. And I said, well, queen, worry no more. There's a new product called the Squatty Potty. And it lifts your legs up while you're sitting on the toilet. It opens up your colon. And it makes taking a poop really easy.

A lot of people strain, but this is really easy. You have to try it. It works. Go to squattypotty.com, use code Gilbert, and save 25%. 25%. That's squattypotty.com. It's 25% off your order. Listeners will also receive free shipping with their order when they use code GILBERT. Well, what do you want to talk about? You want to talk about some horror films since yesterday was Halloween? Sure. I know you love The Exorcist.

I do. We can start there just for fun. Yes, I love that. Because it's timely. It is very timely. I just, you know, I told you I downloaded the audiobook and I couldn't listen to it. It scared me. Because I kept thinking, if I listen to this and I'm in my house by myself, what am I going to do? Because how do you explain to somebody that you know, some little white lady just showed up in your house and her head's

twisting. It just freaked me out, so I didn't do it. And you don't like the director's cut, you told me. No, I don't like the director's cut. I think it really screwed up the film. I mean, unless you love horror movies, you won't know what I'm talking about. But the thing about The Exorcist, it's a perfect horror film. The beats are great.

It scares you in a rhythm. And the director's cut changed all that because she's suddenly now she's coming down the stairs backwards. And they're taking her into the doctor's office. She's going in a machine, machine, machine. So it, for me, took the horror away. Because the horror is like, there's a little girl, now she's hanging out, she's playing

with her mom, they're playing with a Ouija board, oh, shit. Because she then shows up at a party and she's looking at her mom and she pees on the carpet. As soon as she pees on the carpet, you think something's not something's wrong. And then it goes to hell in a hand

basket like this. And I love that because you just think, oh, oh, what's happening? What's happening? The director's cut kind of is like, okay, so how long is she going to be at the hospital? Can I go pee? It's long. See, now I was always more of an Omen fan oh i love you yeah

yeah it's fun richard donner yeah see omen didn't scare me as much i like seeing gregory back yeah i like that i did because i felt if i if the devil was gonna have a dad it should be gregory you know a lot of people you would say oh he'd make a great devil daddy. But he did. And the beautiful Lee Remick, who has the best falling down the stairs. Different from Martin Balsam, who's falling like this in Psycho. Yeah, that's the worst fall.

But she's like... If you don't know what I did, I was touching myself. And she has that scene where she's standing on a ladder by the staircase. See, black people don't do that. You know what I mean?

They don't do that. We see the staircase. We don't stand on a ladder right next to trying to screw some stuff in. We don't do that. We don't. We see the staircase. We don't stand on a ladder right next to trying to screw some stuff in. We don't do that. It's a real cultural thing. Do you remember the shot with the falling goldfish bowl, Gil? Oh, my God, yes.

He runs into her with the little trike. It's very freaky. The whole thing is freaky. But not as freaky as that little other girl. No. No. We should get the kid from the omen if he's still alive. Dig him up.

Yeah. As soon as we have Pappy on Susu. Yeah. Pappy on, do you know who Pappy on Susu is, folks? Oh, they listen to the show. Yes. She's the one from Full Metal Jacket who goes, Me so horny.

Yeah. Gilbert calls me up one day from the road and he says, I've got the perfect guest for the show. Pappy on Susu. Never heard of Pappy on Susu. The girl from Full Metal Jacket. I don't think she speaks English. Even better.

Yeah. So did you call? We have not, but some have fan tracked her down. Dara wrote me this week and said, what do you want me to do about Papillon? We have a decision to make. You should have some supper with Papillon. I think she's a chiropractor living in the UK.

Even better. I'm not sure she's in the business. You say it's bothered you that nobody's ever thought to cast you in a horror film. It has bothered me because I feel I would be the perfect monster. business. Now you say it's bothered you that nobody's ever thought to cast you in a horror film because you're such a horror fan. It has bothered me because I feel I would be the perfect monster. Who's going to suspect me?

You were in Bordello of Blood. Yes I was but I don't think they understood the depth of my horror. You know? I think they got it. But I love it. I love Robert Wise's version of The Haunting. Oh, The Haunting. Wonderful.

Because I don't like slasher films because you can actually find real slashers. I like stuff where the door breathes. Yeah. I like stuff where someone is looking this way and talking to someone behind them. And then they turn around. After thinking they've been holding hands with somebody, and there's not anyone there. See, I like that.

I like stuff under the bed, stuff in the closet. I do. More atmospheric. Well, I just like a slow build to scare. You know, I just think you have to, if you're going to scare people, you've got to kind of sneak up on it but while they're looking at you and they're not paying attention they see you coming but they don't really know why you're moving

the way you are and then you get there and it's like oh can you say this yes you can say anything you want yeah yeah Yeah. On a Gilbert Gottfried podcast, you're... Can I say damn? No one damn. Can I say shit? Yeah. You can say anything you want. You can say fuck, dick, pussy, anything you want. All right.

Okay. All right. I can do that. I'm not going to tell you when I'm going to say them but they'll come up in the movie The Associates where you're wearing a rubber mask yes I'm wearing Marlon Brando yes I thought so thank you for seeing that I asked him if I could do it

and he said yeah and then made the thing with me made the mask with me Wow now now we got to get to another story when I was on Hollywood Squares yeah one of the questions they asked me yes was what mammal has the largest eyes and said, Marlon Brando at a buffet. Yeah. I don't know if I managed to get up from that. Yeah. I think that made me fall on the floor. And that got a tremendous reaction. And usually when a joke gets a tremendous reaction,

it winds up in the commercial. And this one didn't. And can you say why? Yes. Because I didn't want to give it away. Oh, no, no. No? Didn't you get a phone call?

No. No. Because how would he have known? See? Oh. They BS'd you. Yeah, no. Oh, see, I thought...

It didn't go in because I sometimes feel like commercials give away too much, and I just wanted to keep the good stuff. Oh, damn it. So I thought it was a great job. This ruins a great story. Do you like the other... I like it better. Well, because he called me and said,

what an asshole you were. Yeah, thank you. My God, Gilbert. He said... That's a better story. That bastard. That's the whole thing. Yeah, I thought he called up and said, fuck him

and fuck all the problem child movies. If I had known I was supposed to be setting you up, I could have done it better. Yes, that's what happened. He sets up his own bits. Clearly.

So you grew up a couple of blocks from here. Yeah, a little bit from here, yeah. Sort of in Gilbert's neighborhood. Yeah, a little down the street, yeah. What did you watch? I know what you watched, but tell the crowd. I watched everything. Wonder-rama? I watched Wonder-rama.

I watched F Troop. I watched Wonder-rama. I watched F Troop, I watched Wonderama, I watched The Real McCoys, I watched, my God, there was a guy called Chuck McCann. Oh yeah, we had him on the show. We had him on. Well, he had a puppet show. You bet. He had a puppet show, and I watched Officer Bob, who used to be on Channel 11. Joe Bolton. Joe Bolton. Jack Hoffman.

Yes, with the three students. Yes. Very good. There was Captain Jack McCarthy. Yes. He used to show the Popeye cartoon. Yes. I watched all that stuff.

It was great fun. I miss it. I miss it. And we had on, also, Sonny Fox from Wonder Woman. great fun. I miss it. And we had on also Sonny Fox from Wonder Woman. I know. I would love to. I wanted to be on that show so badly. The best.

And I was not prepared for all the stories Sonny Fox told. He was a prisoner of war during World War II. He was an amazing man. And suddenly you realize, oh my God, you had a kid's show.

Yeah. And you had kids all over New York who wanted to be on this show, just wanting to have a good time. And I never got to do it, but I always wanted to. Oh, a lot of people. When I met him,

oh my God, yeah. I also wanted to be in the Magic Mirror with Miss Vicky. Oh. Who remembers these references? That's great. Since we're talking

about old TV, would this be a good time to introduce someone? Especially since we just brought up F Troop, a special guest in the house. Ladies and gentlemen, Larry Storch. Uncle Agon. Larry, take a bow.

Agon. There he is. Former podcast guest. Larry, thanks for coming out, man. There he is. Former podcast guest. Larry, thanks for coming out, man. You look wonderful. Did you ever see Larry and the Great Race, the Blake Edwards movie? Yes, I have. Hilarious.

Yes, yes, yes. Texas Jack. And Larry's the one who told Tony Curtis not to go into show business. Shit happens. Yeah, he was telling us that. shit happens yeah you're telling us that so another thing you watched

yes was was Nichelle Nichols yes yeah but yeah as a

as a kid on Star Trek yeah because before her there were no people of color in the future

if you are yeah if you watch you think I'm kidding if you watch any science fiction Before her, there were no people of color in the future. If you are... Yeah. If you watch... You think I'm kidding. If you watch any science fiction before Star Trek, there are no people of color anywhere. That's interesting.

And it's the first time I recognize the absence of myself. Do you know what I mean? Wow, yeah. Because you had all these nationalities and no one who looked like me, and I didn't get it. And so I watched it because not only was she the head of communications,

but she was beautiful. And even Spock, even Spock, was trying to hit that. You know what I mean? And so you didn't know what he was going to hit it with, but you knew. She affected everyone on the ship.

And so it was just wonderful to see her because up until then, you saw people like, what's her name? The woman who played Beulah. I can't think of her name. Somebody's shouting it out. Louise Beavers. Thank you. I love our fans.

They know what was happening. You had Amos and Andy with actual real black people because on the radio it was done by white men. Yeah. Freeman Goss. Freeman Goss.

For real. Right. So you suddenly, you know, they say, oh, we got to put this on TV. And uh-oh, what do we do now? And they couldn't paint them up. So that was kind of what you saw for people of color. And then there was Nichelle Nichols. It was just exquisite.

So, you know, I think it's important to remember, yeah, that was the stereotype. But we don't do that very often anymore. We don't look like that. We don't sound like that. We's not walking down the street talking. It's just we've sort of grown. But you know an interesting thing that happened when they started cracking down on those type of actors and shows,

these actors who were doing very well, who were making a lot of money, they had cars and swimming pools and stuff. Just like white people. Yeah, yes, yes. But then they were out. Well, no, they weren't out. What it meant was you either had to find a different kind of work or get on a

stage because they didn't want to be doing that. We had a McDaniel said, you know, better to have a maid than to play one. You know, she didn't want to do, you know? She didn't want to just do maids. She's a wonderful actor. So you want to kick out the door and say, hey, there's much more going on here. Same with women and same with Native Americans. Come on.

Jay Silverheels, the only Native American before, I guess, 1960 or 1970 that was actually a Native American, playing a Native American. Because they always painted up white guys. It was always Dick Miller. Yeah. Or Jeffrey Hunter. Or Jeffrey Hunter.

I mean, come on. Or you can't be Jesus and, you know, an Apache. I'm sorry. One or the other. Pick one. And that Indian chief from the thing of no literary. Ironized Cody. Yes, yes.

And he was Italian. Yes, he wasn't a real Indian. And all of the Indian chiefs' sons, F-troop, were Jews. Yeah. Not all of them. Frank DeCova was not a real Indian? But, you know, you just want to play. Well, the context is interesting.

Also, what's interesting, like, back years ago, like, it was totally acceptable for whites to go in blackface. No, it wasn't acceptable. It's just the way it was. Yeah. We didn't, nobody asked us. They just said, this is what we're doing. But then it became so popular, black performers were putting on blackface.

Because white people did not understand that we came in different hues. I mean, it's nothing against white people. They just didn't really know. You know, if you're not looking at somebody, if you're not looking at people as a group, you don't get to know. You don't get to know folks. You know, if you've blended your bloodlines,

you're going to throw all kinds of stuff. And so the different colors of black people, you know, we go from very, very, very, very light, almost to your complexion. Actually, you know. Boat ride away. Well, some people choose to pass.

And then we go to very, very, very, very dark. But people didn't realize that. So you would see Burt Williams, who was not allowed to come on stage in his actual color because he was a fair-skinned black man. So he had to darken up so that people could accept the fact that he was a black man playing a black man. And he had to put on the giant red lips. I mean, it's a whole thing. So the ways that people sort of took on these identities,

you know, started to change once you brought television in. Because you could see what was happening there. But for years, you know, on the radio, you never knew. And there was two guys that played black women, particularly old mammies. I cannot think of their names, but you listen to

The Great Gilded Sleeve, and you can hear these two gentlemen. And wonderfully done, but you think, well, they couldn't find any black women. Nowhere.

I mean, it's kind of like watching Johnny Depp play Tonto. It's like... Right. Nowhere? You couldn't find anywhere? Nowhere?

Well, they couldn't find an Asian actor to play the ancient one in Doctor Strange. Well, don't even start me with this. I mean, you know, I don't know... Look, okay. Yeah. I don't even know what's... I mean, I can't imagine what that must be like, particularly because there's an Asian man in the movie. They knew where one guy was.

Maybe he had family. Maybe he knew some people, but they didn't ask. And I like Tilda. Tilda's wonderful. But she's not an Asian man. Or an Asian woman. What's interesting in movies that have an Asian character, if it's like a Charlie Chan movie,

Charlie Chan would be a white guy, and the people in the background would be Asian. And his sons. He'd have his sons who would be a white guy. And the people in the background would be Asian. And his sons. He'd have his sons would be Asian American. But listen, Anna May Wong was the same way. Here she was, this beautiful Asian woman. And when they did the Pearl S. Buck movie. Oh, the Good Earth.

Good Earth. Did they use her? No. They used Louise Renner. Louise Renner, a German lady. She was so embarrassed she got out of the business. Yes. I mean, it's crazy.

And for us to be talking about this in 2016, 2017 is still odd. I remember seeing a Harold Lloyd movie. And it's supposed to be that they're on like a party line on the phone. And so it's four squares, one with him, the other with this, you know, Asian guy with giant buck teeth. Yes. The other one, a Jew with an enormous hook nose. Right, right. And the other one, like this black mammy.

Yeah. And yeah, you know, And it is what it is. Well, it's different times. You make that point in the introduction to the Looney Tunes cartoons. This is how people did it. But I never thought that we'd still be doing it today. I know. I thought we were kind of over that.

I thought there were enough of us to spread out to play our various ethnic groups, but clearly I've been wrong. By the way, on the subject of Burt Williams, people should educate themselves. He's a great, famous, legendary black performer, and you can read about him in Cliff's book. Cliff Nesterhoff, who's here. Terrific book on the history of comedy. A little plug, because I get so much information out of that book, but a fascinating life. He was an extraordinary man. You go over to the New Amsterdam

and you can see his... Because that was the Ziegfeld Theater. That was one of the Ziegfeld houses. So you have all these portraits of people who were performing at the time. Fanny Bryce, Bert Williams, Cowboy Man with the...

Oh, Will Rogers. Thank you, Will Rogers, yeah. I can't always remember, but I know what I mean. Yeah, fascinating life. Yeah, what else? Now here's another racist story. Oh, God. Okay.

I'm going to slide over here. Yeah, me too. In the movie Bowling for Columbine, the way it's cut together, it's like it's, you know, Charlton Heston's old in the movie. Right. And in there, he comes across like this angry old racist. And you had a different experience with Charlton Heston. I spent a lot of time with Charlton.

Yeah. You know, and I think he is a period, you know, this is a guy that marched on Washington. He did. Yes. He deserves credit for that. This was a guy who had very specific ideas about what he wanted to see

and how he wanted to see change. And, you know, as happened with a lot of folks, you know, people got disenchanted with the party they were with and went to the complete other side. And I, you know, I liked him. He was an interesting man. He had an interesting life.

And, you know, I know lots of strange people who I don't agree with politically, but who I like a lot and you know i figure there's more to people than just their political beliefs and charlton that's what you say now i've seen the tweets i told you stop stop reading the tweets.

I know, I don't read those. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share. To each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo.

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asked him about a very particular story in The Omega Man, which he's in with Anthony Serbi and Rosalind Cash. They have a kiss. Rosalind has a kiss with him and I said how hard was that because they apparently got a lot of grief they were asked to take it

out of the film I mean people really gave them a hard time because it was an interracial kiss neither one of them as you may know went up in flames but I guess that's what people were afraid of Neither one of them, as you may know, went up in flames. But I guess that's what people were afraid of. But he said it was one of the hardest experiences he'd ever had because he wasn't anticipating the reaction people gave to him. I said, so it was really weird?

And he said, it was really weird. I said, how weird was it, really? How did you feel? And he started to lean in, and I thought, what is he doing? Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! He kissed me. And I thought, now that was weird. That was weird.

I'm not going to lie. But I had the same wonderful experience with Charles Schultz, because the first tattoo I ever got was a Woodstock. And he was this big when I got him. Now he's 10. But I said to him, I said to Charles, I said,

you know, I have Woodstock. He said, I heard. So I showed it to him. And he said, would you like me to sign that for you? I'm like, no, no. No, no, I don't want you to do that. I didn't know what to do. I know he was being funny, but I was like, you're Charles Schultz.

What are you doing? I mean, yeah. Really strange and wonderful experiences with really amazing people doing? I mean, yeah. Really strange and wonderful experiences with really amazing people that I really admired as a kid and always thought I'd be friendly with

or could be friends with. And some of them, it turned out, I got to be friends with them, which I love. Well, you've always been a fan, too. I mean, you grew up watching movies. You grew up here. You grew up watching the 430 movie and the million dollar movie like us. Yes.

And the early show? Sure, sure, sure. We talk about it all the time. That would have the drawing of the buildings and the lights would go on one by one. And Tara's theme on the million dollar movie. Yes. But when you started getting... Wait, wait.

You remember Zachary? Oh, yeah. He died recently. Okay, never mind. Rest in peace, Zachary. Yes. Or he may be back. You never know.

Let's hope. You never know. But I found it interesting, too, in my research. You would go to these events and bring your autograph book. You weren't shy about it. Hey, I'm meeting Jimmy Stewart, and I'm meeting Burt Lancaster. Well, because for me... Soak this it. Hey, I'm meeting Jimmy Stewart and I'm meeting Burt Lancaster. Well, because for me, listen, I'm from the projects. I didn't look like anybody who should be in the position I was in.

I heard it enough from people. It's like, how did you get to be here? And that's what people would say to me. And I'd say, well, Mike Nichols, I don't know. I don't know how to answer that. But people would say stuff to me that was kind of like, how is it that it's you? Why you?

And I kind of felt a little uncomfortable with it. And then I just thought, it doesn't matter. I'm going to meet these people. I'm going to tell them that I love them. I'm going to tell them that they were meaningful because I've been a kid who's, I'm not a meet these people. I'm going to tell them that I love them. I'm going to tell them that they were meaningful because I've been a kid who's, I'm not a big sleeper. I wasn't a sleeper when I was a kid. So I got to watch all these old movies.

My mother would be like, look, don't move from this room. So I would watch movie after movie after movie and have a great time. So the idea of coming down the stairs the way that Jean Harlow came down. Nobody told me I couldn't. Nobody said that's not for you. So my mother never said, oh, no, no, no.

She just said, if you want to do it, you got to go get it. You got to go earn it. And so it never occurred to me I couldn't until I got famous and people started saying, you can't do that. Don't you know you're black? I was like, yeah, I've been black the whole time.

I've always known. It only seems to be surprising to you. And that's how I've spent, you know, I've spent a lot of my career just trying to understand what people were trying to explain to me. Where they'd say, well, you know, whoop.

You know, we're going to take the romance scene out of this. Because it just doesn't feel organic. It's like, really? Because I would bone him. He would bone me. I feel we could act that. And you're just going to take it out.

Yeah, we don't think it furthers the film. Only to find out that they were nervous because they didn't find me. What did the man say? He said, you have no... Can I release that? Yes! Jesus Christ. You could say

blowjob. Well that wasn't it. No. No, the man said to me, you have no fuckability factor. Gilbert's heard that too. you have no fuckability factor.

Gilbert's heard that, too. You know? And how many children do you have? Yeah. Okay? And so when you hear that... Two. I have two kids. That means somebody fucked me twice.

Yeah. Well, once to prepare, and then twice to... Sorry. I love you, Dara. But this idea that someone didn't think I was cute enough to be

in a scene that was written in the movie that I was doing. They felt it was important to take it out because they didn't think people would believe it. Meanwhile now, I'm working like a little squirrel everywhere. Thank you. You know, and I'm like, okay.

I understand, I guess. You wouldn't do me. That's what that really means is I'm not that for you. So you're assuming that's for everyone. As it turns out, it wasn't for everyone. And now you would would you say you owe your career to Mike Nichols? A great part of it. Yeah, absolutely. To Mike Nichols and to Steven Spielberg and to the guys and women I worked with in Berkeley, California, and to the people I worked with in San Diego, California. Yeah, I owe my career to lots of different people

because I got a lot of help from folks. People who said, hey, let's play like this, or let's do this, or you're good at this. Come on and come play with us. So yeah, listen, this was one of the luckiest stumbles a person could have. Someone offered me a career on a silver platter, and I took it, because I didn't know if it would ever come around again.

And as it turns out, thank God, I'm not bad. Not bad. So Spook was the show that you did that came to New York. The Spook show. It came to New York and it went through some changes and that's where Mike Nichols saw you. Yes.

And it went through a name change. Yeah. But it was essentially that show before being retooled. Yeah. And I wrote that show so that I could get parts. Right.

Very smart. Well, I mean, when people say to you, well, this is for the nurse in Romeo and Juliet, and you go, okay, yeah, I know what it's for. And they go, uh... Whoop. We're not really seeing you in this part. But there are some other parts, you know, you could perhaps play, but not this.

And I heard that so often, I thought, wait, let me show people what I can do. Because I think they just think, I don't think they realize I can actually read. You know, so let me and so I wrote these characters so that people would see that I understood how to how to perform and how to make it worth

watching. And it worked out. Because nobody knew what the pieces were that I was doing, so they didn't know if I was making it up. They had no idea. I'd come in and say, well, I'm going to do this piece from The Girl Ran Away.

A play by June Johnson. I said, June Johnson, oh, good, June Johnson. And I'd do some piece I wrote and they'd go wow that's really great what's the name of that play and I would forget and say I just had to look it up I don't remember that's what it was from

that was all it was it was me making stuff up to get work plain and simple And Mike Nichols saw something and he said that there's a Broadway show here. Well, he came when I got an invitation to come

and do the show at DTW, Dance Theater Workshop downtown. And they were doing, you know, monologue shows. So I was part of a series. And the first three days, it was like one guy wandered in, looked around, didn't see anybody left.

So I just waited for people to come. So the first couple of days, I was like, this is not going to work for me. Very sad. And then Barbara Barry came. Barbara Barry? Yes. Wow. From Barney Miller.

Yes. Yes. Yes. And One Potato, Two Potato. Yeah. A great movie. And the next night, Bette Midler came. And people started just sort of wandering in.

There'd be eight people or six people some nights and nine people the other night, and then 12, like a whole dozen. And the night of the whole dozen, there was a man in the audience called Mel Gussow who used to write for the New York Times. And he wrote a review that if I had been living with him, it could not have been any better. You know what I mean? I mean, it was unbelievable. And I had no idea he

was there. I didn't know who he was. And my mother said, can I show you something? And I was like, sure. She said, you've been reviewed in the New York Times. That's whole. Is that good or bad? She said, I think you might want to read this. And what he wrote was so great that that afternoon we sold out the whole run. And people started coming and then

my mother came in because my mom was great because DTW is on 17th street I grew up on 26th and 10th so my mom she would come to every show and she'd say now I don't want you to be uncomfortable but

Mike Nichols is in the audience tonight. I said, okay. All right. You sure? She said, yes. I saw him.

I said, don't tell me where he is. She said, but I will tell you, he's white. This was her way of making me laugh. So I go out, I do my show, and it's great, and I go back. And he was doing Hurley Burley at the time. He was doing Hurley Burley and The Real he was doing Hurley Burley and the real thing simultaneously and what else was happening on Broadway

Dustin Hoffman was doing Death of a Salesman so all of this is happening in 84 on Broadway but he's doing amazing stuff and he did Virginia Woolf and he did The Gret and I just I wanted to be in a Mike Nichols movie.

I was just like, whatever you're doing, if you're here, I want to be in a movie. So the door knocks. And this man comes in. And he's weeping. And my mother said, that's him. I said, hi. He said, I just want you to know, Miss Goldberg,

that I was on the last boat out of Nazi Germany, and when you did the Anne Frank piece, it moved me. So I wonder, would you ever want to do this on Broadway? And I was like, sure! Yeah, sure! Come on! So he said, I'll be in touch. And I thought, okay!

See ya, Mike! So I finish the run, and I go back to Berkeley, where I'm living, and my phone rings. And I pick it up, and I go back to Berkeley, where I'm living, and my phone rings. And I pick it up, and I hear, Ms. Goldberg? And I said, who is this? He says, this is Mr. Nichols.

I was like, hey! What's up? He said, um, you remember we had a discussion about coming to New York? I said, yeah. He said, well, do you want to finish the discussion? I to New York? I said, yeah. He said, well, do you want to finish the discussion? I'd like to find a theater for you. I said, I thought you were bullshitting. I haven't given this any more thought.

I thought you were kidding. He said, no, I'm not. And so he said, if you leave it to to me I will find us a theater and he said now are you going to be comfortable I said I don't know man I don't know Broadway, what's the problem

I said well sometimes I suck and he said well you can suck every other week if you want it's not going to change the fact that this should be on broadway and i'm going to present it can i help you with it i said whatever you want to do man whatever you want to do and so when i got here and started rehearsing he i would he'd sit in the middle of this theater in the dark like you see in the movies, and you'd suddenly hear, and so I'd be working my soul out, just acting my ass off,

and he'd be like, Ms. Goldberg. I'm like, yes, Ms. Nichols? He said, was there an end to that story? Or are you just talking on? And I was like, well, I think there might have been an end to the story. He said, well, if you listen to what you're doing,

you would have heard the end. Because you passed it. And he was right. Because I wasn't listening. I was just doing it because I was really I just thought if I just get it done it'll be okay and he just said no you have to slow down you have to listen to what you want me to listen

you have to listen to what you're doing and so for me it was the first time somebody said oh I want to hear what you're saying so you need to just you need to draw me It was the first time somebody said, oh, I want to hear what you're saying. So you need to just, you need to draw me in. And it was wonderful because he was right and it's what I wanted.

And he made me so much better. You know, he just made me such a better actor. And then to Spielberg, you know, who says, hey, we can't, we calls, I got an agent. And he called the agent and said, I can't get to New York. Can she come and do the show she's doing on Broadway? Because I think I'm doing The Color Purple, and I want to see her. So I said, he's doing what?

He's doing The Color Purple? Oh, so he wants to see me? What does he want to see me for? My agent was like, The Color Purple, maybe. I was like, oh, oh, because I had written to Alice Walker, saying, listen, you're brilliant, this is brilliant. My daughter and I were listening to it in our van, and we pulled over, because I was supposed to buy her a pair of shoes.

And we loved hearing Alice do the story on our local radio. Then she said, can we get the book instead? Can we buy the book? I said, I promise you, we will get your shoes. But if you like this book, let's get this book and you can read it to me. She said, okay.

And so that's what we did. So I wrote a letter to Alice. And then I came and did all my stuff and then got this call saying, oh, you should go see Spielberg. Because I'm thinking, oh, maybe I could be in, you know, what is it, the thing. Did you have an E.T. bit that you did for him?

Yes, I did. Yeah? Yes, I did. You want to tell you did for him? Yes, I did. Yeah? Yes, I did. You want to tell us what it was? I will tell you. So the agents say to me, do not do the E.T. thing. Because it is, you know, it's sacrilegious. This is his piece, and don't do it.

I was like, okay, I won't do it. So I do the thing. I'm behind the curtain, and I look out, and I see Michael Jackson. I see Quincy Jones. I see Ashford and Simpson. I see all these people, and I'm thinking, oh, fuck. So I go out and I do the show, and they're on the floor.

They're laughing. They're loving it. And then they say more at the end. They said more i did not say do you want some more they said more i said okay i should tell you i have one more piece but it might be weird because i've been asked not to do it so stephen says why did they ask you not? I said, because it has to do with E.T. He says, I want to see it. And it was called Bleety. And it was about what would happen landed in Oakland. Instead of the neighborhoods.

Because in Oakland, you know, the phones don't work. You can't phone home. So he meets these kids, and he starts to hang around. He gets a jerry curl. He starts running women. He gets a jerry curl. He starts running women. He gets a pimp suit, you know, powder blue with heels because he's short.

And he gets guns. And so he's running women when his people come back to get him. And he shoots them up because he doesn't recognize that they are him. And it's all about what happens when you're so absorbed by a culture that you forget your own.

And that was the whole point of it. So it was good. It was really good. Listen, I used to be very smart. And so I do it for him, and he is on the floor. He's laughing, and I'm thinking, this was maybe a bad move.

I think this went too well. And he said, so what made you write that? And I said, because I never saw any kids in the neighborhoods that I see in your movies who might have had this experience. Because all kids want something magical to happen in their neighborhood. But I never see it. And he said, it's good to know. So he said, I think I'm directing this movie, Color Purple.

I said, oh, yeah, I know this book. He said, I know. You wrote a letter to Alice Walker. You told her you'd be dirt on the floor if they made the movie. She sent it to me. And she said, I should see you because she used to go see you all the time. I had no idea. So she had sent all my material to him before I went to do the show on Broadway.

So it was kind of a... It's magic. I have the luckiest career because it just all kind of fell into place. You say movie stardom is a fluke, and you're a fluke. I am a fluke. I am a fluke.

But I'm okay with it because I know it. That's why I have 99% of the time I'm having a really good time. Because I know how lucky I am. The other 1%, you know, I'm just being an angry bitch. I don't know what else to say. But that's the truth. And what did you learn working with Spielberg? I learned everything about movies.

And what I learned more than anything was that in this lens, there are folks who are mute. So even though I can't hear them, they are there and they're watching. And so I'm performing for them. So that was a great thing. And he and I are film freaks. So he would direct me this way, because I'm one of those people that I can understand the essence of something if you can give me something to hang it on. So he would say, do you remember that scene when Boo Radley is revealed the first time behind the door when Scout says, hey Boo.

And she moves it and there's Robert Duvall. Your favorite movie. Oh, I love this movie. I just... I said, yeah, I know that. He said, that's the feel I want. I want the feel when Scout first sees him,

that love that she has for him, that when she says, hey, boo, that's what I want to feel. So I was like, okay, I can do that. And that's how he directed me. And that's how most people have directed me because I understand that. It's great that you have that language, that common language.

You know all these scenes from movies. I do. It's weird that you have that language, that common language. You know all these scenes from movies. I do. It's weird. Movies, you know, if you didn't read, because I didn't read until quite late, because I'm dyslexic, and so there wasn't a word for it. They just called you slow or put you in the slow class. But I could remember everything. I saw everything in motion, so I for it. They just called you slow or put you in the slow class. But I could remember everything.

I saw everything in motion, so I got it. But, um, as it turns out, Stephen is also dyslexic. I didn't know that. Yeah, so it was kind of a wonderful conversation because it was all about the visual. So it was fun for me.

Gil, tell Whoopi the story of David Steinberg I think she'd appreciate it first there's one other story I remembered I was being directed in the movie and the director was saying to me I want you to kind of just

smile at this point but not a happy smile a more suspicious like grin that you're thinking of. And I couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about. And this other character actor who was in the scene with me leans in and goes, Richard Liu. And I knew exactly.

Richard Liu. Richard Liu. Dick Cavett again. Yeah. I mean, it's extraordinary because people don't realize that we are, as artists, we watch everything. We've seen lots and lots of folks so that if you speak to us in a way that is meaningful, that says, you know this, let's work from here, it just makes life so much easier. And what Frank was saying is, one time, I was being directed by David Steinberg.

And he said to me, he goes, now, after you get through seeing this last line, I want you to run off. And so I ran off. And he goes, can you run more gracefully?

And I said, I guess so. And he goes, not gracefully, maybe faster. And I said, yeah, I guess I could run. And he goes, no, not faster, really but you know more even not so choppy and and and at point i like threw my hands up and he just shrugged his shoulder and he goes can you run less jewish I love that one. So as we run short on time, we have a little surprise clip. Oh, shit. And this is something you were both intimately involved with. Let's show the clip in the interest of time.

We're going to change tones here a little bit. Patrick, can we dim the lights and run this thing? This is a moment in Whoopi's history and the man sitting next to me. Take a look. Hopefully we have it. We're going for a five square win here.

Gilbert Johnson for the win. In the era of coal, 94% of Hungarians compared to only 46% of Americans said doing this was necessary to feel fulfilled. Doing what? Having a child. I disagree. You're a fool. You're a fool. I disagree.

You fool! You're a country. You're a country. When she heard that Phileas Fogg had done it in 80 days, journalist Nellie Bly beat him by doing it in 72 days. What did she do? This is roaming the Atlantic. I'm a Greek. You fool!

you small I agree to fool! What significance does 1908 have if you were a Chicago Cubs fan? It's the last perfect pitch game! It's the last perfect pitch game. I agree. Go, go, go! Steve Austin. Steve Austin is a big man, professional wrestler, fully known as...

The Crusher. The Crusher. I'm a great dude. Oh, my God. I'm home, girl. Don't go home. Steve Austin. All right, Officer Dave.

You ever got a drink from a woman? Yeah, I've got a drink from a woman. By the way, if we run out of time during this radio game, we're all going out for drinks. The word smog comes from what two words? Smoke and fog. Smoke and fog. Smoke and fog. I'm going to agree.

Smoke and fog! We look like babies. Oh, my God. We look like little babies. Okay. Okay. One day we were, when we were doing the introductions, I think I told that story today. Because Tom Bergeron was on our show today. And people would come out and you'd say

there's so and so and so and so and they'd come out and then Brad Garrett, do you remember? With Vern Troyer Brad Garrett comes running out and he's holding Vern

Troyer and he says holding Vern Troyer. And he says, I would like to thank the Academy. It was 20 minutes before we could get ourselves together. We had such a good time on that show. That was a lot of fun. We had a great time on that show. Great show. Yeah, it was a great show.

You know what I remember? And this is what gets me. When I was a kid, I would watch Hollywood, the original Hollywood Squares. And I would laugh and enjoy it. But I always thought, you know, this is when someone's at the bottom rung in show business. I'll never be. And then God was listening and put me on. And I had the greatest time.

Yeah, because it was just about having fun. We just wanted to have a good time. And, you know, I just, I was, in a funny way, I just was tired of making the movies because I just felt like I couldn't I couldn't find my footing anymore. So I thought, well, maybe I can do this.

So I did Hollywood Squares and I just thought, this is what it's supposed to be like. This is what it's supposed to be when you go to work. You're supposed to have a good time. We worked on the weekends. So we were all in L.A. shooting. Actually, when 9-11 happened, we had just finished the show,

and we were all, people were getting ready to scatter back. But I just remember that it was like family. We ate well, we laughed well, and I don't think I've had as much fun since. And I remember, too, it's like when I watch reruns where everybody's laughing and kidding each other, and I thought, you know, all of that's real. We were really doing that. We were really having a fun time.

It's refreshing. Thank you. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, we were. So we got about 15 minutes left. You want to take some questions from these nice people? Mr. Gottfried? Questions for Shenzi and Niago?

There's a man. Cliff Nesteroff. Author of this terrific book. Sure. Moms forabley? Sure. Moms for me, the two women that I adored, Jodi Fields and Moms Mabley as a kid growing up. And Jodi looked like no one else. She was like a little round lady, but funny.

Like funny, hold your stomach funny. And then she got ill and lost a leg and this woman got up on the stage and was still like drop dead funny till the last second and moms was the same way but different

you know she would say something she told a story on Mike Douglas once where she had been down south, and she was in Texas. And she had been very happy to be there because people treated her really well. And she said, yeah, everywhere I went, people were greeting me. Just everywhere I went. She said, hi, Trigger. Hi, Trigger.

At least that's what I think they said. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And she had this ability to tell these stories that you thought were not true. But as it turns out, she actually did travel with the Kennedys. Oh, yeah. She did a lot of the things that she talked about. And her in Sing Sing is one of the funniest. She used to do that every year?

Every year. Played for the prisoners? She only missed one year because she was really sick. But she would just talk about stuff that people weren't talking about. And for me, my favorite thing of her was the simplest joke, which I was not allowed to tell up until about 1995. I wasn't allowed to do it on the comedy show that George Slaughter used to do. And the joke is this. I'll do it as her voice.

Two old ladies walking down the street. One turned to the other one and said, I smell hair burning. The other one said, maybe we're walking too fast. It's in the documentary. Wasn't allowed to tell that joke. Risqué, apparently. Here's a memory

I have of Mums Mabel it seemed like she'd be on Murph Griffin every other night and I remember this from when I was a kid and I can't find it anywhere I can't find anywhere

I remember her singing going well he couldn't read and he couldn't write but he was nobody's fool that's why he could never be Well, he couldn't read and he couldn't write, but he was nobody's fool. That's why he could never be the charmest of the shul. I will find that for you. I will find that for you.

You know what he's referring to. I do. I do. We should plug the doc. It's fantastic. It's on HBO On Demand. It's fantastic. It's on HBO on demand. It's just terrific. If you guys haven't seen it,

and anybody remembers Moms Mabley. And the scene where she sings it gets up at the Playboy Mansion. She sings it for him, Martin and John. It's the Candyman. Sammy's there. Sammy Davis Jr. is there at Playboy After Dark. And Paul Mooney is in the back.

Wow. Yeah. I didn't know that. When you look at it, it's Paul looking like a four-year-old. But it's him. And there's someone else there. And he says to her, will you sing that song? Sammy says it to moms. will you sing that song Sammy says it to moms will you sing that song and she

does a version of Abraham Martin and John that just will crush you it's stunning and has as much impact when you hear it because you see people are sitting there and you

you look at this audience, and you're like, wow. Because there's guys with Afros. This is when we first were talking about integration. So there are black people sitting next to white people. Black men sitting next to white women. Well, it's always a progressive show. Well, it was a great show. And when you look at all the people who came through it,

and she was one of the first, because she a great show. And when you look at all the people who came through it, and she was one of the first, because she started in 25. So really, she's the first stand-up. She's the first stand-up. Because I can't find any man prior to that that did stand-up comedy. She's the first one. And so the fact that also she was a

very gay woman who was known as Mr. Moms. And I would not have put it in unless I could prove it. And I got all of this stuff and I got one of her Christmas cards that where she's

sort of dressed as a guy and she's like this. And it says Happy Holidays from Mr. Moms. And they talked about the fact that she'd have all these women on her arm, but she started that character when she was in her early 20s and played that character all the way into her 70s when she died and was quite open about everything she did. But she was like nobody else, and I just thought that sometime

somebody should make an award for her. They have the Lucille Ball Award, they have the comedy awards. There should be a mom's award for someone who is fearless in what they're doing. They do it in spite of the fact that people are going to be pissed. I think it's important for kids to have that. So maybe you can help.

You know what I mean? All right, Cliff. Make it happen, buddy. You can spearhead that, Cliff. I have faith. It's terrific, Doc. And we said it. When she sings the song at the end, because as we were saying backstage, she knew three of those people.

She knew John, Martin, and Bobby. And Abraham. Well, she didn't know Abraham. Jack. Go ahead, Gil. You can pick somebody. Oh, you right there in the back in the middle. Gil, but there's a nasty rumor floating around about Sir Romero.

It's time permitting. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,'re talking about, sir. And I don't like this instigation. Jack, can I get an orange juice, please? Yeah. Jack, you have a question? Who makes you laugh now? Who's your favorite comedian that's out there?

Well, Chris makes me laugh. I mean, Chris Rock knocks my face off. I mean, he just does. He makes me laugh. Billy still makes me laugh. Billy Connolly? Billy Connolly, Billy Connolly, Billy Crystal, everybody.

I don't know who's... because everybody makes me laugh in different ways. Lena Dunham makes me laugh. Amy Schumer makes me laugh. And that tall, wonderful woman on CNN,

on SNL. Leslie Jones. That bitch makes me laugh. That girl makes me have to gasp because she's just funny and her stand-up is great. Okay, there's a man in the back.

Awesome. Did everybody hear the questions? Tell me about Richard Pryor. Did everybody hear the questions? Tell me about Richard Pryor. Richard, for me, was... He's like Robin. He's my big brother. He was just family. He was just family, and I wanted to be him.

That's what I patterned myself after, because I knew I was a storyteller and not a stand-up. And so Richard would tell these stories, you know, you know, you know, in 1974,

I think we talked about this on the show because we were talking about gun violence on the show. And I said, this is not new. Black people being afraid of the police is not new. And we played the piece where he says, listen, you know, I said, the cops stopped me, I go, I'm putting my hand into my pocket.

You know, and we all laughed, because we know what that meant, you know? and the fact that we're still talking about it this far down tells you how insightful he was he saw stuff he he he got it and he got it in a way where everybody could talk about it and dig it this is why i have no fear of talking about the difference, as I see it, between white people and black people. Because culturally, when you go to the movies, you know white people are going to die. When you go to horror movies,

it's a guaranteed fact white people are going to die. But we don't go down that way. Because we know there's a lot of shit out there that can get you. So when you hear some shit in your attic and everything's locked up, we don't go up towards the noise. Because it could be anybody. It could be a guy in a sheet. It could be anybody. It could be a guy in a sheet. It could be anybody. So we get our keys.

We get the cell phone, and we go down to the door and out. This is how Richard taught me to talk about stuff. Because it's like, here's how we can discuss things. Here's how we can talk about stuff because it's like here's how we can discuss things here's how we can talk about it you know him going to Africa talking about you know it was an amazing place I saw lots of black people and I got into a truck and the guy was not wearing deodorant and the funk when he talks about the funk coming after him he's like trying to get away from it. It's like, oh, my God, yes.

And it's not just in Africa. You know, people don't get immunized. People don't use deodorant. It's freaky. Some in the back. I just see this gentleman here against the wall with the glasses. Lesh. Is that Lesh?

Yeah. Everybody in here is a build-up. I think they'd love to hear the ghost Patrick Swayze casting story. Oh. Did you hear the ghost Patrick Swayze casting story? Yeah. I feel like Ed McMahon doing the Carnac bit. Repeating the...

So what happened was a friend of mine came to my house and said oh, I'm so tired. I said, what have you been doing? She said, I've been at this audition, girl. Every black woman and their mama has gone out for this role. They just got

up out the grave. That's what she said to try to get this part. They bitches got up out the grave. That's what she said to try to get this part. And I'm thinking, I haven't heard about this part. Why don't I know about this? So I waited a day because I didn't want to be a bonehead. And I called my agent and I said, do you know about this part that all these black women are going from and this is where my agent goes oh and I said you do know about it he said yeah

I said can I get a reading and he was like no they don't want you I was like what? because who didn't want me he said no no they feel like that you're too recognizable. You'll take people out of the movie. They don't want it.

They don't want you to read. And I was like, oh, all right, all right, all right. So I went on to go down to Alabama to make Long Walk Home. Good film, by the way. With Sissy Spacek, yeah. See it. And I get a call from my agent about two weeks into the movie. He said, you remember that movie that they didn't want you for?

I said, oh, yeah, yeah. He said, well, the director wants to come down and see you. I said, what happened? He said, well, they hired an actor who doesn't understand why they haven't been to see you, and he's refusing to take the part until they rehearse you. Or not rehearse, until they test you. And he said, if she doesn't want to do it,

that's one thing, but you have to at least test her. Now, I have to tell you, the casting director had been saying the same thing to the director and the writer of the piece. And they said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So when they got Patrick, Patrick said, well, what's wrong with Whoopi Goldberg? Have you talked to her? And they were like, yeah. And he said, so you haven't, does she not want to do it? They said, well, we don't know. He said, what do you mean you don't know? This is perfect for what? He said, I'm not going to take this unless we go and audition her.

So I have on all my garb, because I'm dressed as a 1950s maid. I got eyebrows. I got a wig on. It's a whole freaky thing. And I said, well, okay. So he wants to come down with Patrick and do this with you. And I said, okay, Patrick. Patrick will hold.

He said, you'll see. So I go to the hotel, and he opens up the door, and he says, hi, I'm Patrick Swayze. I was like, oh, shit. I said, I'm whooping over. What's going on? He said, well, do you not want to do this movie? I said, well, they said they didn't want me.

He said, well, let's co-play. So he and I are just talking and bullshitting and laughing, and about 40 minutes go by. I say we're going to do a reading or something? How's this work? And Jerry Jerry Zucker who is sitting over there and I

did not realize he was there because I just was so enamored with Patrick Swayze that when Jerry said, would you want to do this part? And I was like, can I read it? Because I don't have any idea what it is. He said, you haven't seen it?

I said, no, I haven't seen anything. I don't know what it is. So he told me the story, and I look at Patrick and say, are you doing it? He said, are you doing it? I said said I'd I'd like to do it he said well if you do it I'll do it so I looked at Jerry's look and I said can we do it together and that's how I got that part I would never have gotten it had it not been for Patrick saying you have to at least meet him.

Which is why I thanked him. He's the one that I remember to thank because you know sometimes you need somebody to speak up for you. There's a man with a hand up. Last one because they're going to kick us out they have another show at 930. Oh shit.. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yes, sir. You've had an audition for Spielberg, and you've had to stand on stage by yourself in front of 10,000 people. Which is more intimidating?

How do you get past it? Which is more intimidating, auditioning for Steven Spielberg or standing on a stage alone? Neither. They're both fantastic. It's like speed. You know, it's like... It's like you're on the front

of the best 1935 Rolls Royce and you're the figure on the front and the car's moving really fast and you're the you're the figure on the front and the car's moving really fast and you're just like this to me that's what it is

I love it it's something that makes me it just it thrills me it's acting to me is thrilling so I I'm not afraid of any of it I'm just afraid of actually just trying to be in a relationship. Now, that's hard.

That's hard. You know, getting back to Richard Pryor for a second, I remember I worked for two weeks on this god-awful film. And it was the last of the Pryor Wilder films. It was horrible. But Pryor could not have been nicer to me. He would come over. He would follow me around like he was an annoying kid and I was a major star.

And he would go, you are so funny, you know. I've seen everything that you do. You're so funny. And you know he did. Yes. He saw everything. He saw everyone. He knew everything.

It was the greatest. Every movie, I've been in everything. Yeah. I mean, listen, if we are lucky enough to have the careers that these folks had, I hope we're lucky enough to have learned how to treat the newbies coming up, to watch them and be able to give them the

boost. Nah, fuck them. Yeah. Okay. And on that note. Yeah. Do you have anything to plug? Oh, yes, the plugs. Yes, strut. Oh, well, yeah.

And the sweaters, you want to talk about the sweaters? Yeah, yeah. So, in my boredom, I've created ugly holiday sweaters that will be available at Lord & Taylor. We created a show called Strut, which you can see the reruns of on Oxygen about the first transgender modeling agency. And it's extraordinary because these folks are fighting all kinds of things while trying to get their lives together.

And what the show does is it explains to you what this ride is like for them in the middle of trying to find their dreams. It's an extraordinary show with extraordinary people. So watch that. And I'm doing a lot of weird shit. I'm still on the move. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Okay, so I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast at Caroline's, where I'll be on December 23rd and 24th.

Nice. Yes. I've been here. I'm my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And we've been talking to the very nice Jewish woman, Whoopi Goldberg. Thank you. Thank you, Carolines. Thank you, Whoopi. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Larry Storch. Flip Nesterol.