Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 145. Bill Persky

Episode Date: March 6, 2017

Emmy-winning writer-director Bill Persky returns to weigh in on topics not covered in his previous appearances, including the physicality of Tim Conway, the irritability of Joey Bishop, the professionalism of Don Ameche and the star power of Sandy Koufax. Also, Jack Palance tells a joke, Harvey Korman treads the boards, Joe Namath turns heads and George Carlin takes a powder. PLUS: Burt Mustin! Gene Kelly unmasked! Super Dave goes to Tahiti! Remembering Garry Marshall! And Eva Gabor replaces Sgt. Bilko! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star.

With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is back for a return engagement because he just can't get enough of us. A five-time Emmy-winning writer, producer, and director with hundreds of credits,

he's created hit shows like That Girl and Kate and Ali, written and directed TV movies, feature films, and dozens of pilots, and scripted hours and hours of some of the best and wittiest comedy ever seen on network television, including 29 episodes of what many consider to be the greatest situation comedy in the history of the medium, The Dick Van Dyke Show. On his long, strange journey through show business, he's written for and worked with everyone. Yes, everyone, including Sid Caesar, Julie Andrews, Sonny and Cher, Steve Allen, George

Siegel, Betty White, Andy Griffith, Michael Caine, Goldie Hawn, George Carlin, Tim Conway, and of course, his mentor and longtime friend, Carl Reiner. And if all that isn't impressive enough, he also wrote a hit song about the Brooklyn Dodgers, danced with Gene Kelly, drank sake with Peter Sellers, and watch Orson Welles pee on a 2,000-year-old wall. Please welcome back to the show our very funny friend, Bill Persky. God, I did all that. You did. I really did all that.

You did. I really did all that. You did. I really did all that. God, it was fun, too. I just had such a good time. I never really had a bad experience, except I don't know if I mentioned this last time, doing Welcome Back, Carter. No, you didn't get to Welcome Back, Carter. Please. So tell us by all means.

When I stopped, Sam and I, who had a great partnership, but I wanted to become a director, which is a singular thing. So we ended the partnership. And in L.A., in Hollywood, if you have a partnership, everyone's afraid to hire either of you because they don't know where the strength was. So who is the good one? They ask people is he is he the strength is he the what did he do so I was a director and I really I really didn't have any credentials to be that but I just wanted to do it so the first job I got George Shapiro again. The great George Shapiro. The killer George Shapiro. He got me three episodes of Welcome Back, Cotter with Jimmy, what was the person? Oh, Jimmy Comack. Jimmy Comack.

And I was very excited about it. First of all, I have to tell you, the only person on that show that I liked and who was a really great person was Travolta. He was a sweetheart. All the rest of them were pains in the ass. So I'm directing the show and we have a run through and Comac is criticizing everything that I've done. And I really felt, you know, well, Jesus, my first directing, maybe I didn't. Then the second day, everything he did, he's the it was the worst experience in the world. And I found that I said, you know what? If I never work again, I don't want to do the next two shows. I thought you were we were friends, you know, and you're acting like a real prick. out that he had an anger at me for an Emmy award that Sam and I won over something of his, and he was like getting even by humiliating me and stuff.

But that was the only bad experience I ever had. He told you that? No, I found out from somebody else. So a little petty thing like that. Hey, have you looked at the government lately? Well, you've given us a segue since you used the word prick on your IMDb page.

There's quotes, Bill Persky quotes, and the first thing you're quoted as saying is what a prick Joey Bishop was. True. He was mean. Well, you know the great story where he played twins on the show? No. Gary Mar... Dear Gary. Oh, God. Oh, we should talk about... I mean, I know Gary from 1950 when we

were both getting started and we had a group called the Ten Scribes. We were going to write a Broadway show. We all were working for like $30 a week at places. And we were going to write a show. And in the group was Saul Turtletaub. Wow. Still around. Billy Angelos, who was an award winner on Carol Burnett. Fred Freeman and Gary, who were partners.

And Sam and me. And I never told you about that? No, I don't think you did. Anyway, I'll tell you the thing about Gary. He worked with Joey a lot. And he was, I have a show on Sirius, you know, Radio Andy. Go ahead, plug it. No, it's okay.

Okay. You know, it's $125, you know what I mean? It's the cab fare. What's the show and. You know, it's $125. You know what I mean? It's the cab fare. What's the show and where can people find it? Well, it's on Sirius Radio, on Radio Andy. And I've interviewed – the thing that was amazing was that I interviewed Gary two weeks before he passed away. And I have to tell you, he was the most energetic. away. And I have to tell you, he was the most energetic. I mean, if you'd have said who in this room is going to not be here in two weeks, it would not have been him. He was working on a

musical of Pretty Woman. Oh, yeah. Did you know that? Yeah. We wanted him on this show desperately. He is. He is. He is so he was one of the best. One of the best joke guys. Belson was good too. Belson was dark. Jerry Belson. Jerry was dark, but good. So anyway, they worked a lot for Joey Bishop. And they did a show where Joey played twins, played both characters.

And he started to get really upset. And Gary couldn't figure out what it was. And he finally said, just Joey, what's wrong? He said, the other guy is funnier than I am. And he said, you're both guys.

You're both guys. Oh God. Yeah. But he was mean. He was a mean guy. Sam and i wrote one of those i think the joey bishop yeah you wrote joey's mustache joey's mustache it says you wrote two double play from foster to derosier to joey oh god i forgot that gary marshall the funniest he did a show called hey landlord oh sure with sandy bar With Sandy Barron. And we used to have a commissary on it.

We had the best studio. We had five stages, and we had the Dick Van Dyke show, I Spy, Joey Bishop, Gomer Pyle, and Andy Griffith, all at the same time, you know? Sheldon Leonard was in it. Sheldon was there. And then when one of them went out, Gary and Jerry did a show called Hey Landlord and we had a commissary on Hal's Studio Cafe and it was the

worst I mean it was so terrible and all these stars are eating there and they would bring bus tours of people in to eat with the stars. And Andy Griffith and I, we had him buy a turkey every week just for us. He cooked it so we could have turkey sandwiches because that was all we could eat there. And Hal was always behind the counter. He had an apron from the Civil War. I mean, doing amputations. I mean, it was the dirtiest. I mean, it was just unbelievable. And he never changed it. And when Hey Landlord was over, they had a rap party at the studio and they hired some guy to do the food is really good. We wanted to have Hal from the Studio Cafe do it, but he was booked. They're having a cockfight on his apron in Tijuana. You guys were friends for a long time.

Oh, God. Yeah. If you watch interviews with Carl about the early Van Dyke episodes, he says, well, he says you and Sam saved his life, basically, but also Gary and Jerry. Gary and Jerry were terrific. They were the only people you didn't have to rewrite a lot. You know, there was always tremendous rewriting. You know, back then we were doing 39 shows a year. It's a lot. Not 20. It's like two seasons now.

So what happened is you didn't have a layoff. I mean, you had 13 weeks between production, but you had to start the shows. And, uh, so we'd bring writers in and we'd lay out a story for them in most cases. And then they would bring in a draft because we needed 10 shows in the works because they get used up, you know know one a week and it takes you three four weeks to get one so we had shows we had a guy who won a writer's guild award for a show that he had like four words in you know and what happens with a lot of writers i don't mean to slam writers but you know you rewrite and you you're rewriting they think it's theirs i mean another guy who we had danny bonaduce's father oh joe bonaduce yeah yeah he

came and he said he did a lot of work on the show and when when we shot it and he was there he said you know i gotta tell you the truth i didn't see that much in it when I handed it in. I said, well, you know, the stage changes everything. He had no idea. Now, here's something about TV directing. Like, do you think, how much skill do you think it takes to be directing a long-running show? Well, I have two answers to that. show? Well, I have two answers to that. The regular director is like, well, and I direct as a writer, so I change things and do rewrites as I'm doing it. But most directors who are regulars on a show, they're protected by, because situation comedy, it's all about the writers. You can call them

producers, you can call them whatever you want, but it's all about the showrunner. it's all about the writers. You can call them producers. You can call them whatever you want. Showrunners. It's all about the showrunner. It's all about an executive producer who was a cousin or, you know, somebody. But a director who comes in on any series, I would say, whether it's drama or a situation comedy, you come in after the cast has done 10, 20, 50 shows. What are you going to tell them? Your character is kidding.

And then they say, well, do this. You move over there and they'll say, well, I really can't because that there's a they know more about where they can sit, where they can't sit, what they can do. So it takes skill. You have to know what you're doing in the camera work. You have to know what you're doing, but in situation comedy, so much of it is already patterned that you're not going to change anything. You're not going to come up with something that changes a character or, you know what I mean? You're, you're pretty much a traffic cop in a lot of ways. Now there were good traffic cops and bad traffic cops, but by and large, I mean like Jay Sandridge and, and you know, was not a writer, but he was a very good director. He had great taste and he, you know, he did Mary and they listened to him. And Jimmy Burroughs.

Jimmy Burroughs has done a thousand shows and he adds a lot. And he does dozens of pilots and most of them go on the air and then he'll do the first few shows to set everything. But in terms of A, to be the regular director on a show is to be a part of the cast. You know everything and you lead them and keep them in.

You know the parameters. A guy who comes in to do a show or two shows is just a traffic cop. The cast can tell him rather than him telling them. You directed a lot of stuff. The New Dick Van Dyke Show, you directed an episode of that girl. Lots of luck, a show you created with Sam. Roll, Freddy, roll, which you showed us at the house. Roll, Freddy, roll, Tim Conway.

Tim Conway. This is a premise. Tell them the premise. Well, first of all, you know, people say, who's the funniest person you ever worked with? And it's Tim Conway. Hands down, huh? You don't have to think about it. Who's the most creative?

Dick Van Dyke. And Dick is funny, but he's classically funny. Timmy is funny in a thousand different ways. So I wrote this movie, Sammy and I wrote this movie, which I directed, and it was about a really loser guy and his wife divorced him.

He has a little son and the wife married, she married Jan Murray. That was who she was. And he owned the used car lot in the valley big sid it's on youtube people can watch oh yeah and uh so they go on their honeymoon and he catches a world record swordfish and tim and he's having a uh guinness book of records sale at his used car lot. And Tim has the kid and taking the kid roller skating.

And the kid only wants to go to the party. And it's so sad. Poor Timmy is like this little schlep guy. And when they go to leave, they lost his shoes. So he only has the roller skate. So he said,. So he only has the roller skates. So he said, I'm not giving you the roller skates. Do you give me my shoes? Now he goes out with these red, white, blue roller skates.

And he ends up, because somebody thinks he's trying to break the record for being on roller skates, he ends up on roller skates for a week. It was Tim Conway. It was hilarious. Just him trying to open a heavy glass door took 10 minutes. He went off a curb and got his wheels caught in a sewer. And he's trying to get a... Great physical comedy.

Oh, my God. And the last part of the thing is that he broke the record and all the press people are trying to get to him and he's backing up and he goes down a hill and he's out on the back of a motorcycle. He suddenly grabs the guy. The motorcycle was going about 15, 20 miles an hour, and Timmy just went right up on the back. He went down a hill. We had a stuntman to do that, and the stuntman said, you know, I really don't think I'm going to do that. So Timmy said, I'll do it.

So he goes down this hill. There was smoke coming out of the wheels. I mean, it was unbelievable. Anyway, all kinds of stuff. He was going down a hill, and a guy had a push broom, and he grabbed the push broom, and he hooked it around a pole and skated across. I mean, it was unbelievable.

And when we were driving back, I was so excited, and I said, Timmy, I got to confess something to you. Until today, I didn't know I could direct the stunt scene. He said, you know what? I didn't know I could roller skate. That's great. I know I went through that stop sign back there, sir, but I'm sorry, and there's a logical explanation.

Thank you. You see, my skate came off my brake, and I got it stuck in my accelerator, sir. So you can see it right here, sir. I just want to take a look so you can see it right there. Will you get out of your car, please, sir? That's pretty difficult, sir. Yeah. Thank you, my sir.

Have you been drinking, sir? No, no, sir. I haven't. It's the skate. Why are you driving with your skates? Well, I'm not allowed to take them off. Not allowed? No, sir. You see, well, if I took them off, I'd start all over, and then I'd lose five hours. I'm going to have to ask you to perform a sobriety test, sir.

Wait a minute, officer. I told you, I haven't been drinking. He didn't practice on the skates for weeks? He just put them on? No, he was... Here, one episode of Welcome Back, Cotter, which you referred to. Now, Tim Conway and Harvey Korman were close. Oh, yeah. And Harvey just was a slave to Tim.

I mean, he couldn't put up with... He would laugh. It was just unbelievable. I don't think they were really that great friends off. Harvey was kind of on his own, you know, on his own place. But on the air and in things, they were

unbelievable. Was it somebody that told us Harvey Korman did Shakespeare? Oh yeah, it was very good. He did a great Hamlet. Carl said it was one of the great Hamlets that he saw performed. Someone told us that. Wow. The Betty White show you directed?

Yes. Oh, God. With John Hillerman? John Hillerman, yes. That's one of your favorites, Gilbert. Oh, that's right. Oh, he was a terrific guy. You like John?

Oh, yeah. I've never met him. Never worked with him. He's a classy guy. Terrific actor. We should try. I've never met him. Never worked with him. He's a classy guy. Terrific actor. We should try to get him on. Well, baby, I'm back. We won't talk about it.

Because we'll skip right over to Mon Wilson. Now, Hilleman was on with Tom Selleck. Yeah. On Magnum. Right, right, right. Magnum. Then I did the one, what was it? It was with Katherine Hellman and Don Amici.

Let's see. Which one was that? I don't know. That was like working with an old movie star and Don Amici. Let's see. Which one was that? I don't know. That was like working with an old movie star. Don Amici. Don Amici, for God's sake. What was Don Amici like? He was wonderful.

Such a professional. Jesus, he was driven. And Katherine is unbelievable. I directed her on Who's the Boss. Then you directed, I love this one uh the waverly wonders with joe namath yes yes in fact i think you directed the pilot i directed the pilot and a couple the thing is we had this show about this high school basketball coach and one of the things is there was a girl on it and that was before

that was even a possibility but they only had five kids to play in school and so joe had just retired from the from the jets or where was he? No, he had left the Jets already. The Rams, I think. Yeah, he left and he was in LA. And someone said, do you think we could get Joe Namath to do this? So I had a meeting with him. Greatest guy. God, was he a terrific guy. Oh. You know, stars, everybody has to have a celebrity.

You know what I mean? Cary Grant, no matter who you, he has to have somebody. And I remember once I was in the universal commissary and I mean, it was loaded with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman and, and Henry Fonda. And I mean, it was buzz, buzz, buzz, and all of a sudden it was like, they cut the soundtrack. Sandy Koufax walked in. Wow. That was a hero to them. I love that.

And when I met Joe for the first time, I met him at the Beverly Hills Hotel. And there used to be the polo lounge over in the corner. And then there was a stairway way over to the right to some rooms. And he was in a suite down there. So I met him at the door. And it was around 7 o'clock. People were all coming in, going out. It was crowded.

And as we walked from the door across to the steps, do you remember the old E.F. Hutton commercial where when E.F. Hutton talks, everybody, and what it was, everybody froze in place? Yes. talks everybody what it was everybody froze in place that's what it was when Joe Namath walked through that lobby it was like everybody there was no sound behind

him and as people saw him it was either him or me they were reacting to it I've been telling the wrong story it was amazing well now we're going to destroy whatever entertainment value was in this show by breaking for a commercial. Gilbert will like this one. How to Pick Up Girls, the TV movie.

Listen to this cast, Gil. Desi Arnaz Jr., Richard Dawson, Alan King, and Abe Vigoda. Oh, my God. Abe, Abe, Abe was so sweet. God, yeah. That was about a book a guy wrote. A very successful book. What was Almost Heaven with Ava Gabor and Jay Leno? Ava

Gabor is a punchline. You gotta forget Ava Gabor. Yeah. Tell me about Almost Heaven. Okay, tell us. With Robert Hayes and Jay Leno. Yeah. Jay Leno's first part. Was it his first part? Yes. So anyway, I'm doing this pilot at Paramount and it's Almost Heaven. It's about a bunch of people who haven't quite gotten to heaven yet. And they have missions to do down on earth you know very original and anyway there was

the boss at heaven and it was either going to be Sid it was either going to be Milton Berle or uh Bilko uh Phil Silvers one day it was Phil one day it was Milton one day it was Phil One day it was Phil. One day it was Milton. One day it was Phil. One day it was Milton. And I came in in the morning and I said, we got to have a decision. They said, we have. I said, who is it? They said, Ava Gabor. And she was wonderful. But I mean, it's just so hysterical. I mean, it's just so hysterical. Casting is a thing. I mean, I was doing a pilot, and we needed a comic. And so we looked at everybody.

We looked at everybody, and they said to me, okay, there's a guy who's playing at Harrah's in Tahoe. We have booked you on an 8 o'clock flight. You'll get in at 9.30. There'll be a limo there. You'll be able to see his 10 o'clock flight. You'll get in at nine 30. There'll be a limo there. You'll be able to see his 10 o'clock show and his midnight show. Then you'll spend some time with him. And then there's a four o'clock flight and you'll come back and you'll be here. And they said, I said, no. They said, what do you mean? No. I said, I wouldn't do that. They said, why? I said, because if I died doing that, I would never forgive myself.

That is the stupidest. I said, Reno Airport is not easy to go into. I'm not going to risk taking off and going in the middle of the winter for something as stupid as this. Tell us about working with George Segal. You directed George Segal in a track down. Yes, in a drama. In a drama. Finding the Goodbar Killer.. Finding the Goodbar Killer.

Capture the Goodbar Killer. Yeah. It was George Segal's first movie, television movie. And at that point in time, it was a downgrade for a guy. Oh, to do TV. To do TV. And so he was terrific, but he was still a star on a Hollywood, you know, a Hollywood star, not a movie of the week star. Shelly Hack was in that.

Yeah, and Joe Spinell. And Joe Spinell, yeah. Oh, God, I did that for Sonny Grasso. You know who Sonny Grasso is? I know who he is. Sonny Grasso is the guy who, with his partner, broke the French connection. Yes, yes. And he became a producer,

but first he became an advisor and stuff. He was on an advisor on the Godfather and the scene in the, in the toll booth. Oh yes. He went up to Francis when they were showing what they were going to do. And he said, Francis, you can't do this scene the way, you know, with all that. I mean, there'd be nothing left of Long Island at that with all those guns and all those bullets. And he said, you'll be a laughing stock if you do that. It's very non-authentic and I have to caution you. And he

said, well, I really feel I should do it, Sonny. He said, okay, but I just want to be on record because, you know, I'm trying to get a reputation and I want it on record that I said this is a mistake. So they did the scene, which turned out to be one of the most amazing scenes in the world. And Sonny said, I'm off record. You should have Sonny on. Sonny Grasso. Oh, my God, what stories. And getting back to, because you mentioned the Godfather,

getting back to Abe Vigoda. Oh, God, Abe was so sweet. Yeah, tell us about Abe Vigoda. He was God, Abe was so sweet. Yeah, tell us about Abe Vigoda. He was, you always thought he was sick. Maybe that's why they declared him dead. Did you always thought he had an upset stomach at all times? He was an athlete.

He was a runner. He was a handball player. I know, but he just, he just looked like you wanted to give him a Pepto-Bismol or something. But what an actor and what a sweet man. Yeah, he's always sweet. What amazes me about him is in real life he was this Jew complaining about his ailments.

And as Tessio, he's so chilling. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. No, he was a craftsman, you know? I mean, he could do it all. They say he got that part at an open audition that he didn't have representation, and Coppola was willing to see some actors without agents, and he walked on. Oh, he was terrific in that.

And you directed the pilot of Who's the Boss? Who's the Boss? Yeah. And, you know, doing pilots is great and and I did pilots and I would always have an understanding I said you have to understand I direct as a writer I'm not in competition with your script but I will see stuff and I know this from being a writer myself that when I saw the Van Dyke show and what Dick would do with something that you didn't imagine was there and he would find it and I said so I

will write stuff and if you don't want that then don't hire me but it also is really it really excites the actors because there's a certain amount of improvisation to it. So that's how I directed. And I got Tony. And then the interesting thing is the little girl, Melissa Milano. Every time I see her now playing a slut, I want to smack her. I felt like I did the wrong job. You know, when you have kids on your shows and they grow up,

you really always become very parental. I mean, especially on a series, all the kids on Kate and Allie. I mean, they all grew up and became, you know, acting people, but they were adults. And to me, they were always little kids and uh god damn i i love this woman i forget it who who katherine hellman no the the star uh oh oh uh oh geez brilliant brilliant she's on uh uh she's on a law show now i think no she's on the uh gay show the the show show are we talking about?

You know what's funny? As you get older, you get further and further away. You say, oh, she was on the one with, he was in it. And they were in, it was the city. That happens to Gilbert every week. and they were in it was the city and then the guy who

remembered and you just, you're a million miles away, Judith Light Judith Light I'm so glad because I would have gotten that at about four in the morning and that's the worst.

When you wake up in the middle of the night, when you're all... Screaming Judith Light. No. And you, for some reason, think of an actor out of nowhere. Right. And you can't remember his name. Well, the last time you did the show, you couldn't remember the name of the woman who created Baby, I'm Back. Yes.

So we're going to set the record straight. It was Lila Garrett. Lila Garrett. Anyway, Judith Light. And to this day, we are great friends. And she is a brilliant actress and a real great lady. But they did not want her for some reason. And I just fought for her and fought for her and fought for her. And she got the part.

And she, you know, was sensational. for her and fought for her and fought for her and she got the part and she you know was sensational and when I finished the pilot I said to the writers who I wasn't even going to try to remember but they were wonderful and they said that was great I said yeah I said the pilot was great I don't know what you're going to do next week and they ran for a long time i still get checks for who's the boss yeah i got like i say they're going down in value but i think i got one for uh six dollars or something recently now when you watch a sitcom or other shows for that matter what really gets you annoys you in the writing and directing and structure? Well, I hate two broke girls because, and I'm sorry, because a great guy wrote it.

I mean, you know, he wrote, here we go. Give me a hint. guy wrote it. I mean, you know, he wrote, uh, here we go. He wrote and created the one with the girl who was so no, it was sex in the city. Uh, Darren star. Yeah. Oh, the other guy. Yeah. Michael Patrick, Michael Patrick King. Lovely, lovely guy. And you know, this show works like crazy, but I hate shows that are about getting to the joke rather than the joke coming out of what has to happen you know like there's a people will say it wouldn't be great to do a joke here and then you back up and you try and get to it and then there's the thing where you're telling the story and then you have to make that funny.

And when people obviously had a joke that they're trying to get to, that always bothers me, you know. What else did I do? Well, Gilbert will appreciate this. You directed a pilot called Night and Day starring Jack Warden, an actor that we talk about. Oh, God, I don't even remember that. You don't remember directing Jack Warden, Mason Adams, and Hope Lang? God, I don't even remember that. You don't remember Jack Warden, Mason Adams, and Hope Lang? Jesus, I totally don't remember that. Does it ring a bell? Do you remember anything about Jack Warden?

Oh, I loved Jack Warden, yeah, and I knew him, and I loved Hope Lang. I got a great Hope Lang story. Okay. I was going back and forth between New York and L.A. because I was involved with a bad relationship in L.A., which I'm great at. But I got over it. I got over it. 20 years to the best woman in the world.

Anyway, I was going out to there, and I loved to stay at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I mean, it was the most fun in the world. Not the new one, but the old one. It was really great. And my twin daughters would play Charlie's Angels in the Beverly Hills Hotel. They loved that. And at any rate, I was going to LA and Mary, Tyler Moore and Hope Lang

were really great friends. And when Mary came to New York, she didn't know anybody really but me from the beginning. So we spent a lot of time together and she and Hope rented a house out in the Hamptons because my friends and I had one so they were nearby anyway I said I'm going to LA and Hope said oh you have to stay at my house and I said no I'm not good at that she said no you really have to it's beautiful and it's thing and and there was no way to avoid it so now I go to Hope Lang's house. And it's the kind of thing where you open a drawer and there's underwear in it and shit like that.

And I'm not happy. I just want to get out of it. So finally I get in the bed. And I'm watching television going to sleep. And all of a sudden, about 3 in the morning, I hear this screaming. And I wake up, and on the screen, there was a guy strangling Hope Lang. I swear to God. No, you can't make this up.

How bizarre. And I just said, I said, Hope, this place is cursed for me. I'm going to bed with you. But can you believe that? I'm in her bed and there's a guy strangling her. And she was the wife on the new Dick Van Dyke show. Yes, she was. Shot in Cave Creek.

Yes, which you directed. Oh, and Sam and I wrote one that was so great. We wrote one called The Sioux and the Jew and we spelled them we spelled Jew J-O-I-U-X and it was about J-U-I-X. And it was about this guyU-I-X. Just like Sue.

And it was about this guy who owned the delicatessen in Arizona, and this Indian came and was selling stuff in front of his store, and he didn't like it, and then they became great friends. But it was the Sue and the Jew. And she was Charles Bronson's wife in Death Wish. She was. Yes. Great girlfriend of Sinatra. Oh, yes. Did she have any stories

about Sinatra? Yes, not to me, but Bernie, Saul and Bernie Ornstein and Turtletop, they did that show and they lived in Cave Creek, Arizona. Right. And one day, Hope said,

you're going to come to dinner tonight. Frank is cooking. They said, Frank is cooking. He flew in. Bernie said, it's the best Italian meal he ever had. Really? So not true.

So Andrew flew in and cooked a home food pizza? Yeah, well, I'm sure he didn't fly in to cook. I mean, he had other plans. I mean, how long could dinner last? Now, oh, you told me before we got on the air that you have a story. Oh, it's so funny. I have this family. The mother, Casey Frazier, is a young woman who I found when she was 13 doing stand-up comedy.

And she was brilliant. I saw her at the duplex and I did one-woman shows for her and everything. And she became like my child. And now she has three kids one of the the oldest one is a singer-songwriter who is unbelievable Skylar and then uh Amaya I mean Maeve the middle one is 13 and she's a stand-up comic she's doing all the clubs and everything and then Amaya who is eight is in the New York City School of Ballet. And I found out tonight because I saw Casey that Amaya was picked to be in Swan Lake, the big production as one of the children. So they're an amazing family and their names are Press.

And I said, we got to do a series called Press 3 for more options because they're hysterical together. because they're hysterical together. Skylar and Maeve went to the auditions for America's Got Talent. 2,000 people. They both, out of three kids, called back, and both of them did it. Maeve did stand up, and Skylar sang. But at any rate, I told Casey I'm going to do this. So she said, oh my God. She said,

when we lived in, in Sybison town and Skylar was about two, her favorite thing in the world was the show with the parrot. What was that one? Aladdin? I don't know. What did you do? A series? There was a series of a lot. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Skyler only loved that. And your sister lived right next door to them. And one night, Skyler starts hearing the parrot next door. How bizarre.

And she said, Mom, it's the parrot. It's the parrot. And she said, Yes, dear. It sounds like the parrot. I want to fly through some of your writing credits here, too. We're going to jump around, but you mentioned Ronnie Schell, who's our guest. Oh, God. Anything he told you was a

lie. What a hilarious guy. Well, I got to tell you. You did Good Morning World with Ronnie and Goldie Hawn. Ronnie and Goldie Hawn were in that, and he was Marlo's agent on that. You know who were original? That's right.

You know who were original? I'm going to say it was George Carlin. It was George Carlin. George Carlin was an actor when we were doing, and he got the part of Marlo's agent. On that girl? Yeah, on that girl. And he was a guy, he had a suit and a thin tie,

and he was the straightest person in the world. After three shows, he didn't show up. And we had to replace him. We didn't know where he was or what he was doing or what happened. We thought he was dead. He went off to become George Carlin, you know. But we got Ronnie Schell was her agent. But Ronnie Shell.

Was it Harvey Peck? Harvey Peck. God, you just. You could be my memory. What does it say? I wrote a piece that was in the L.A. Times. It was called The Maintenance Man. And it's at a certain point you have a new job. You're a maintenance man. You've taken a certain point you have a new job you're a maintenance man you've

taken care of your own maintenance and you have to be friends with two other maintenance men to remember something you know and at any rate uh Ronnie used to do a thing that I don't know if it'll play on the radio you know on hearing it hearing it, but he would always say, is there a part in it for me? You know, is there a part? Is there a part? He would go around everybody and say, is there a part for me? So Sam and I used to say, yeah, there's a part about this Englishman. And Ronnie said, yeah, I could do that.

He said, yeah, but his mother was Chinese. Then he would start doing a Chinaman whose mother was Chinese, an Englishman's mother Chinese. Then you say, but his father, his father was from India. And so then he'd incorporate that. And he has a limp. He'd start to limp. And eventually, And eventually he would incorporate everything, 20 things, all into it to the point where the guy couldn't walk. He had to crawl. He'd be on the floor and he would unerringly, immediately be able to do whatever you said. Talented guy. He was.

He was funny. Yeah. And he did everything. Let's see. Here's some other fun stuff. I have to ask you about Three for Tahiti. Oh, my God. Which starred our friend Bob Einstein.

Bob Einstein, Bob Hogan. And the late, great Steve Franken. Steve Franken and Alan. Who was the other? Alan. Oh, God, Alan. I'll the other? Alan. Oh, God. I'll look it up. Yeah.

So we go to Tahiti in 1969. And Mutiny on the Bounty had been there. But nobody, I mean, that was a big motion picture company. But nobody had ever tried to shoot down there other than that. And they had trouble. Because as beautiful as the Tahitians were, most of them didn't have teeth because they kept eating sugar. Beautiful but without teeth.

Yeah, sugar cane. And sugar cane and they would eat butter. And the way that Mutiny on the Bounty got them to report, because they were wonderful. God, I loved it. And they didn't give a damn. And as long as they had enough to buy some beer, they'd show up. Then they wouldn't show up.

So they had to find a way to get them to come back every day. So they brought down a dentist who built bridge work for all the people in the movie. And at night they had to turn in their teeth so that that's why they would come back in the movie. And at night they had to turn in their teeth so that that's why they would come back in the morning. At any rate, we went down there with the Dodge pickup truck. That's what we had. And we had no idea what was happening. Bobby Einstein was in it. And we checked into the hotel. And while we were checking in, Bob got his room first, although they said, well, it may not be made up or whatever. So he went to his room first and he came back 40 minutes later and he had already gotten laid. Nice.

The woman who was checking out. So anyway, we did this incredible show. God, did we have fun. Funny guys. Do you remember Steve Franken? He was the waiter in the party fun. Funny guys. Do you remember Steve Franken? He was the waiter in the party. Oh, yes. Do you remember him?

Yeah. He passed away young. Am I eating raw fish? Right. Why am I eating raw fish? Because that's what they eat in Tahiti. You expect me to live in a place where they eat raw fish? Well, that's the only thing I'm going to serve around here.

So you can either eat the raw fish here or there. And there they've got girls. Oh, look, it's not so easy. God, we drank. Oh, did we dance. Nobody ever slept. Nothing. And they had this thing there called a stonefish. And if you stepped on it, you know know it looked like a rock, but it was spiny and you were dead immediately. So everybody was very careful when they went in the water. And I met this woman and we went for a swim and everybody had, you'd keep flip-flops on in the water and her flip-flop floated away. And I started to go after it and I said, nah, I'm not going to do that. And one night Marlon Brando came over because he had that Tyroa, his island. God, it was fun. You know what happened? Everybody, including me, five guys came back and got divorced.

Everybody came back from Tahiti and got divorced. Absolutely. How bizarre. back and got divorced. Everybody came back from Tahiti and got divorced. Absolutely. How bizarre. Yeah. Well, nobody had any affairs, but you suddenly said, Jesus, I don't have to take any shit. Like look how easy life is. And for years afterwards, when I saw any of the crew guys, you'd be walking on a lot and they'd say Tah. And you'd say, yeah. It was unbelievable. Einstein did this show, and he is one of the funniest people who ever walked the earth. We did it on the phone or here? He was on the phone. He just ripped us from start to finish.

He does. He's the boy. Yeah. God damn, is he a funny man. Now, you worked with Sonny and Cher. At a point where they were not hireable, really. Yeah. We had written an album.

When I had my first child, I started writing, you know, incidents of things that came up. And then Sam and I took it and we wrote an album called The First Nine Months of the Hardest. With Lenny Weinrib. Lenny Weinrib did the album. It was really terrific album. And we decided that we could make it into a TV special. But we wanted to have three real couples. So Dick Van Dyke was going to play the obstetrician that tied the whole thing together.

And we had Kenny. Oh, Ken Berry. Ken Berry and his wife, Jackie Joseph, who were really great comedian. And then we had, uh, Jimmy Ferentino and Michelle Lee were the other couple and we needed another couple. And we said, well, what about Sonny and Cher? And the network said, no. So finally there was no other couple. And we said, well, what about Sonny and Cher? And the network said, no. So finally there was no other couple, so we got them. And they were wonderful, and that's where they're serious, the next thing immediately.

There's some great stuff here. We don't have time to get to. I'm going to throw wild cards at you, and you get to pick. Do you want to talk a little bit about the funny side? The funny side was an outgrowth of the first nine months of The Hardest. We did a show originally called The Americans, and we hired, we wanted a wealthy couple, an African-American couple, a blue-collar couple, you know, a senior citizen couple, and a young teenage couple.

And what's her name? Cindy Williams. Cindy Williams was with Michael Lembeck. Correct. God, I'm telling you. This is better than taking a test at NYU. And you worked with our friend John Amos. John Amos was on it.

And it was an original musical comedy every week. And the music was written by Dave Frishberg. Do you know Dave Frishberg? My attorney, Ernie, and, oh, he is. Get an album of David Frishberg. He is the best. And we did original music every week. We'd take a subject, and it would be played out by, oh God. Ambitious.

Yeah, and we had what's, oh God, Burt Muston. I was just going to say, tell Gilbert who played you. Burt Muston. Oh God. Burt Muston, the most adorable, wonderful man in the world. God loved him. With Queenie Smith. Queenie Smith.

Did anybody ever know his actual age? Yeah. Yeah, he was about 86, I think. Wow. You know, he was a cadet at the Citadel. Yeah, I did know that. Yeah.

Did you guys sing in a barbershop quartet? Yeah, he had a barbershop quartet, and I sang with him a few times. And we had these dance numbers. Warren Berlinger was in it. Sure, I remember him. And, oh, who were the wealthy couple? They went on to be writers. Well, Dick Clare and Jenna McMahon.

Dick Clare and Jenna McMahon went on to do a lot of writing. Funny writers. They were like a she-she club act, like, you know, like downstairs at the upstairs at the upstairs and stuff. And Bert, we'd be doing Rockette numbers. And he's dancing and his legs are swelling and everything. Never complained. And then Gene Kelly became our host.

We had different hosts all the time. We had Jack Benny when we did a show about money. And I forget who, I remember Jack. And then Gene was the regular host. And we did a scene where, or we did a show where there was a haunted house in it. I don't know what the premise was. And they all went to this haunted house

and they were scared. And then Gene had this mask, one of those rubber masks on. And he said, it's over. It's over. And he pulled the mask off and his toupee came with it. And he said, it's all over. Oh no. He said, burn that. What a great guy. Gene Kelly was? Oh, God, was he a great guy. Sam and I met him. We used to do, it wasn't the upfronts. They didn't call it that.

When they'd introduce the new shows to the affiliates, they would do a show. And ABC, we did that show. It kept us alive for a couple of years. In Chicago, we would do that show. And so whoever was on that year to be introduced, we would do a show with them. And when Kelly was on going my way, and we started working with him,

and he said, I'd like to do, maybe we'll do a takeoff on Smith in and Joe out. It's an old vaudeville thing. We had no idea we was talking and he then come up with another one and another one. And we would say, yeah, yeah.

We didn't know what that. And then we walked in one day and we said, Jean, we think we have the thing we should do. And we made up this thing. The rent is due. And we said, how about doing the rent is due. And we said, how about doing the rent is due? He said, I love it. We said, you're fully shit.

But the funniest thing that happened on that show was Jack Palance was doing the, uh, greatest show on earth. Well, that's a new, that's one of the stories in your book. Yeah, Greatest Show on Earth. And so he had just come in from murdering, I don't know, a whole nation of people in a movie in Italy. And he was tired and he was grumpy. And so he came out, you know, everybody came out and he was sitting there

and watched at the rehearsal. And he came out and said the greatest show on earth and i'm sure it's going to be and so forth and so on and then we had the rehearsal everything was fine and then his agent calls us and he says everybody has a joke he said yeah he said jack wants a joke we said well jack you don't think of jack with jokes he's no jack Jack wants a joke. We said, well, Jack, you don't think of Jack with jokes. He said, no, Jack really wants a joke. So now we're sitting with Jack Palance.

He's exhausted. He still has blood on him from the movie he did. He's terrifying. We came up with, I mean, everything, and he just stared at us. And it was like two and a half hours. And finally, I don't even remember the joke. That's how terrified we were. And he went, and his agent said, he wants to do that one. So now we say, okay. And we say, Jack,

And we say, okay. And we say, Jack, here's something to say if the joke doesn't work. It's called a saver. He said, why isn't it going to work? It'll work, but just so it doesn't, you say this and that'll get the laugh. And he said, you say, and the writers told me that was funny, and that'll get you a laugh. So now he goes, and he does the joke, and the place falls down, standing, screaming, laughing.

And when the thing dies, he says, and the writers told me that was funny. Get the joke and the saber. And he disappeared, and his agent couldn't find him for weeks. He had just gone off on something. God, I tell you. That's one of the stories in your book. It's so much fun. My life is a situation.

Yes, yes. And I didn't get to so much of it. And that's in there. Well, the tap dance lesson is in there, isn't it? Which one? The tap, Gene Kelly and the tap dancing lesson. Yeah, that story's in there. And tell us something about Carl Reiner. How much time do you have?

Carl Reiner is the greatest gift that anyone could have in their life. He is the gentlest, the kindest, the funniest, the most courageous person. Here's a perfect example of Carl Reiner. You said we wrote 29 scripts. I thought we wrote 40-something. I don't know. According to IMDB, 29. But that could be wrong.

What else? What we were doing instead. So anyway, CBS recently did a special with two colorized versions. Yeah, I was going to ask you about that. Both your episodes. Yeah, both of them. Well, that's the point. They did it on a Sunday night in December, and they picked two shows,

and both of them were shows that Sam and I had written. And when you realize that Carl Reiner had been involved in 150 shows, he'd written probably 40, and he chose two of our shows rather than one of his shows, and he said these best represent what the Van Dyke show is about. So that's Carl Reiner, you know. Rob, this is our baby and that's all there is to it.

Honey, he doesn't even look like us. Rob. You see? All I see is our baby with a blue foot. Ink. How did it get there? Jerry and I put it on. Why? We're just running a series of tests there are no series of tests in the world that are going to convince me that is not our baby oh honey I don't blame

me you can't face the facts for kids well honey that's probably the Peters now brace yourself Rob nobody is taking this baby you Do you hear me? Nobody. Well, I think it'd be better if you went to your room. I can handle it. Changed your life. Oh, God, yeah. God, yeah. I mean, when you did the Van Dyke Show back then, you would go to a party or whatever, and you'd just sit there, not pushing, and someone would finally say, what do you do?

And you'd say, I write the Dick Van Dyke Show. That was it. It's all anyone cared about. And it was that revered back then. I remember I heard when they did the reunion, Dick Van Dyke, that when Carl Reiner walked in, sat in the director's chair, he like threw it all together in like two minutes. He said, okay, you there, you there, you take a pause there, go. And it's like. Yeah. He and I did a

rewrite at the, at the Bel Air hotel on the thing. You know, who was great in that was was was mary because by that time she was mary tyler moore and had had this huge success but in the reunion she was laura petri and so that she was one of the players and she just accepted that and not being featured not being you know it was they were great people they were all great people and and you mentioned jack benny before yes tell us about benny what do you feel about him that's what he is sweet funny laid back and he was so great because we were doing this show about money, and who better to do a show about money? We weren't bullshitting. You worked with everybody.

Yeah, it's true. Who else have I got? I've had countless other people. Tell Gil, and we'll use Carl as a segue to go out because we have a little piece of music, but I read the book again for the second time. Again, my life is a situation comedy. I think Gilbert would appreciate the Bing Crosby story with your babysitter, your housekeeper. Well, this is a story. This is a

story I tell about like when I'm speaking at colleges and stuff and I talk about cell phones and that in a way they take away as much as they give because most cell phones conversations, you're not communicating, you're contacting, you know, and, and they get in the way of stuff. And I said, here's a situation that never would have happened if there had been cell phones. Back in 1961, And back in 1961, we had just had a baby and we had a house and we had this housekeeper, Levy Leventhal. She was, I love her name. Yeah.

She was from, she could have been the symbol of America instead of the Eagle. And you would have accepted. She was like George Patton who could bake the best pies in the world if you mix those two together and uh she had come to to arizona in a covered wagon and her father had put i mean that's how old she was and she was so friggin american it was unbelievable she was really something and American. It was unbelievable. She was really something. And she had never met Jews until us. I was the first Jew. And she said, you people, you people are really fine.

You know, that was it. That was nothing like when I went to grammar school for a year in Hot Springs, Arkansas in 1941, and I was the first Jew ever in the school system. And they were waiting for me for 2,000 years. That was fun. That was when I met Arliss Simpson, who was as big as a house. He was in the fourth grade with me. He was probably around 14 or 15.

You know, I was nine. And the University of Arkansas was trying to figure out how to skip him to college so they could get him in his prime. But anyway, Levy was a real tough woman. She had moved to California because one of her kids was there. Anyway, it was Christmas Eve and we were going to Danny Thomas's Christmas Eve party, which was one of the great events. Everybody was there. God was it fun. Every comic in town. So we were going and we were leaving Levee, and she said, I'm going to be fine. She said, I have some tea, and I have some cookies I made,

and I've got my favorite thing. I'm going to watch White Christmas. I love it. I watch it every year. And I said, you know what? You wrote it. And she said, I say, you people, you're fine. So we go to the party.

She's got white Christmas on. We come home around 1230, 1 o'clock. And in those days, the television used to go off at midnight. Sure, you'd get color bars. And all you'd get was the white thing and a noise, a hissing noise if you left the center. And we walk in the door, and Levy is out, gone. And the white light, and I swear I thought she was dead. And I cautiously walk over to her, not to scare her or myself if she is dead,

and I whisper, Levy, are you all right? And she slowly opens her eyes and says, I'm just wonderful. And I said, oh, that's good. And she says, he was here. And I think she's talking about the baby Jesus that she saw in a dream. And I said, who was here? And she said, Bing Crosby. And I said, of course he was. He was watching. She said, don't belittle me, buster.

And she opens her hand, and there's a thing in it. And I look at it, and it says, thank you, and Merry Christmas, Bing Crosby. And I said, what happened? She said, well, I was watching white Christmas and the doorbell rang and I got very annoyed and rang again. I finally went over and I said, who is it? And voice said, it's Bing Crosby. And she said, you're ruining my night. Get the hell out of here. And he said, no, really, ma'am. It's Bing Crosby. Do you have, you're ruining my night. Get the hell out of here. And he said, no, really, ma'am. It's Bing Crosby. Do you have a chain on the door?

You get up. So she opened the door and there's Bing Crosby. His car had broken down on his way up to a party on top of the hill where I lived. And he wanted to use the phone to have someone come pick him up. So while they're waiting, she's sitting with Bing Crosby, and he's telling her about the movie and all of the stuff. And as he's leaving, she said, Mr. Crosby, would you sing White Christmas just for me?

And he did. Amazing. May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases Be white That, to me, is as great a Christmas tale as any of these movies. Isn't it just the best?

That would make a movie. Yeah. He was on his way up the hill to a party. Yeah, he was going to a party. And he sat there with her and talked to her. Wow. And had a couple of cookies. He was here.

And then sang White Christmas for her. That's great. But when I walked in, it's all right. I thought you'd like that one, Gil. That's an amazing story. Never happened today. That's right. He'd call on his cell phone, come pick me up.

Levy doesn't get her experience. Levy doesn't get her. So there's stuff that gets taken away from us, spontaneity and things that happen. and things that happen. You know another thing I noticed about today's stars? People used to have acts like Rich Little. We just had him on. Impersonating people.

Do your impression of Brad Pitt or George Clooney. Oh, we talked about that very thing with Rich Little. Did you really? Yes, I did. Because I thought that there's no... We had the same conversation with Rich and Will Jordan. Oh, really?

Isn't that funny? Because I started... The Cagney's and the Bogarts and the Edward G. Rousey. And the people who had distinctive styles. They're all gone. They're all gone. And everybody is something different in every picture. But there's no classic...

I mean, Clooney is great and it's all, but it's a different kind of a thing. They were super types, you know, and were G Robbins. As a matter of fact, I had an act. I, everybody did. I had an act when I was in college, I was doing impressions and I was invited to my daughter's school that when we had done the first nine months of the hardest my daughter was they wanted me to come and screen the thing and tell the kids about what it was so they had a interview with me in the school paper and they the teacher the kid said did you did you ever were you ever a performer I said yeah I used to have an act where I did impressions of actors, most of whom are now dead.

And when the paper came out, it said Dana's father used to do impressions of dead actors. Who did you do? Oh, everybody. Bela Lugosi. You did Bela Lugosi. I did everybody. Oh, let's see. But no.

Please. God, I haven't done in years. But let me turn the news, my friend. I'm the Count Dracula. That's pretty good. Not bad. Not bad. Especially to an audience who never heard it.

Not bad. But you know, the funny thing is, you could do impressions of them dead. Bogart would have his hand on his side of his mouth. Yeah. And Cagney would be pulling up his pants in the coffin. You know, so they had such distinctive... Ed Sullivan. Ed Sullivan.

Everybody had a mannerism. Today they know. It's gone. And you were talking about going to the Christmas party. Yeah. And who was there? Who were some of the people? Joey Bishop.

Lenny Kent. Lenny kent lenny kent uh buddy hackett jan murray uh god everybody name an actor name someone else they were there jack carter jack carter was there that's who i was That's who I was trying to think of. Stab in the dark. Those sound like they must have been funny parties. Oh, my God, were they funny. Read Billy's book. There's a lot of good stuff like that in there.

And that Crosby story. Both times I read the book, it stopped me in my tracks. Yeah, really. Amazing. We have to ask you about that. My friend Tommy Leopold, you know Tommy? Oh, yes. He wrote.

Had him on here. You know, what am I kidding? Yeah, of course. He did a show on the Catholic channel, and they did a show on Christmas. And they were, you know, with the priest and Tom, who still is Jewish in my mind. Yeah, well. But we were at his roast when he left. And anyway, he asked me to tell that story.

I was just there to, you know, hang out with him. And it just stopped the whole thing. I mean, how are you going to follow that? Yeah, I mean, it is everything about Christmas. It's a great story, which is why we'll go out on it. Yes. And we'll use the Carl Reiner. It's a little late now for a segue.

But Frankie, here's something you, a theme song from something you and Sam and Carl created together. You remember the words? Yeah. Go ahead. I don't used to cost a dime. You remember this, Gil? Damn, days are all forgotten.

The world has all gotten rotten. Lots of luck. Lots of luck. has all gotten rotten. Lots of luck. Lots of luck. Put your phones on. Lots of luck. No, it's enough. You know, Don DeLuise was in that. And it was a brilliant show.

And we had made this show. And it was starting to get a little raunchy kind of show before that was happening. And, in fact, it was taken from an English show called On the Buses. And in the pilot, they had to go out and buy a new toilet seat. So the show was about a toilet. They ran the pilot. The network said they were supposed to go on after Sanford and Son. And they said, this show is so good, we're going to put it on at 8 o'clock Monday night. And I said, it's not that good. I said, you need Sanford and Son to throw

a hand grenade that we can come in after. You put this on with a toilet seat at 8 o'clock. And of course it went down the drain. But it was brilliant. And Kathleen Freeman. Oh, gosh. Kathleen was one of the greats.

One of the greats. Yeah. All right. There's so many people that we could ask you about. Thank you for inviting me. I really enjoyed it. Oh, my God. It was jogging my memory.

I don't know if we covered half. I'll come back. We come back and talk about Billy Barty and Imogen Coca and Gino Conforti and Jesse White and Billy DeWolf and everybody. Oh, Billy DeWolf. And everybody else. Next time. Okay. Alright, pal. Thanks, guys. And before we close out the show, would

you like to say anything about Demond Wilson from San Francisco? Oh, God, please. What? Is he exist? Yeah, he's around. What does he do? He's a preacher. Is he?

He opened the car wash that Harry Craig said he should do. He's a preacher? Yeah. Is he really? Yes. Where? Where do you know that? I don't know, but that's the last I had heard of him.

How do you come up with this stuff? I remember I had said to you, Bill, that the last time that DeMond Wilson's a preacher and your reaction was, there's no God. Oh, I forgot that he was. Poor DeMond. Oh, my God.

Thanks for coming, kiddo. My pleasure. Thank you. And you've got an open invitation. Thank you very much. We know where you live. Yeah. So this has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre and someone who has way, way too many fascinating stories.

The great Bill Persky. We barely touched on him. We'll see you again, Bill. Okay. Bye.