Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 148. Bernie Kopell

Episode Date: March 27, 2017

One of the funniest and most beloved character actors of his generation, Bernie Kopell joins Gilbert and Frank to reminisce about his six decades in show business, working with legends Steve Allen, Jack Benny and Phil Slivers and his signature roles on Get Smart, When Things Were Rotten and The Love Boat. Also, Charles Boyer apologizes, Raymond Burr takes a seat, Harvey Korman peddles encyclopedias and Bernie remembers his old pal Dick Gautier. PLUS: The world's slowest agent! Louis Armstrong hails a cab! Jonathan Winters lays down the law! In praise of Dick Van Dyke (and Mary Tyler Moore)! And a surprise guest calls in to the show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is one of the most prolific and recognized character actors of the last six decades. You know him from dozens of TV appearances, including Bewitched,

That Girl, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, The Beverly Hillbillies, The Odd Couple, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Bob Newhart Show, Saturday Night Live, My Name is Earl, Arrested Development, and Scrubs, to just name a few. In his 50-plus years in show business, he shared the stage and screen with Jack Benny, Phil Silvers, Lucille Ball, Danny Kaye, Lee J. Cobb, Steve Allen, Lana Turner, Doris Day, Sid Caesar, Gene Kelly, and Tunga the Chip. And let's see, did we leave anything out? Only his turn as Alan A. Dale in Mel Brooks' cult series, When Things Were Rotten. His unforgettable portrayal of the nefarious Siegfried on the iconic spy comedy Get Smart, and his nine memorable seasons as the lady-killing Dr. Adam Bricker on the wildly popular series

The Love Boat. Please welcome to the show a versatile actor who's played everything from a Puerto Rican dentist to a German submarine captain. One of our favorite performers, the pride of Erasmus High, Bernie Capel. Gilbert, could you save a little of that for my memorial? I'd appreciate that. Welcome, Bernie. Holy moly. That was just, what a, that was, I'm awed.

I'm awed. You left out some of the tennis things I've done. You want to tell us about it? Oh, yes. Back in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, the beginning of the 90s, the big companies had some excess money that's dried up since then. And they sent people on television out all over the world for pro celeb tennis tournaments. And it was just lovely. Well, back in 1991, my partner at Stanford University in Northern California was Billie Jean King.

Wow. Now, there's a stadium named after her in New York for the U.S. Open. She surprised me. Every time we won a point, and I was so intimidated. I said, my God, this is Billie Jean King. I better do my best tennis. I said, my God, this is Billie Jean King. I better do my best tennis.

Every time we won a point, she came over to me and gave me a tremendous, delicious kiss on the lips. That was not amusing. That was just very sensual. And I enjoyed that. She's an iconic woman. She's campaigned for years for the same money for women. Oh, equal pay, yeah. And she got that stadium in New York. Yeah.

And oddly enough, she keeps the same last name as the husband she divorced. Oh, that's interesting. You may find that amusing. She gave you a kiss every time after a game? Every time we won a point. Every time we won a point. Now, when I played with some other people, Bruce Jenner, he never gave me a kiss. Bruce Jenner, he never gave me a kiss. You're a pretty serious tennis player, Bernie. Yes, I am.

I got into it kind of late, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And you mentioned James Franciscus a little bit earlier. Yeah, we did before we turned the mics on. Yeah, he got me into celeb tennis. A wonderful man, a wonderful man. He had a great voice. He had talent. He had all the things that you would require as a leading man actor.

Unfortunately, his wife left him and it knocked him off his equilibrium. And he went bye-bye. Too bad. Yeah, he had a short career, but he was terrific. He was wonderful and a great athlete as well and a great friend. He was the best man at my first wedding.

I'm sorry, my second wedding. And this was James Franciscus. James Franciscus, yes. Yeah, I remember he used to be on TV a lot. Oh, yeah. Long Street. Yeah, he was a blind cop. Yeah, blind detective.

Oh, he's in a lot of great stuff. He was in movies. He did something opposite Paul Newman. He was a wonderful, wonderful actor. Oh, yeah, and he's in Planet of the Apes. Yes, yes, with Charlton Heston. Yes. And I wonder, was he also in the Lee J. Cobb Death of a Salesman?

No. No? Bernie was in one version of that. You were? Yes, I was. You know, people think of me, if they think of me at all, as a comedic actor with all the things I've done. But this was the CBS special, 1966, with Lee Jacob, Mildred Dunnick of the original cast, and George Segal and Jimmy Farentino as the boys. Oh, that was the one.

As the boys. And I played the boss's son who realizes that Lee Jacob, Willie Loman, is no longer competent to represent the company, and I have to let him go. I have to, and so I let him go. But when he said, you can't fire me, he had such power as an actor, I felt that my body would be damaged just standing next to him. Wow. People have the same feeling about you, Joey. They do.

When I was in Funky Monkey, they said that about me. I know. Funky. And that was that scene, that famous scene where he goes, promises were made across this desk. Yes, yes. He was at one point, of course, Mildred Donick and Lee J. Comber in the original cast back in the 40s. And they had a wonderful relationship. And he would like to do little digs.

He said to her during rehearsal, we rehearsed it here in L.A., she said to him, Mildred Dunick said to Lee Jacob, Lee, why is it that whenever I rehearse and go through my lines, and I get to where I like it. Why is it that my acting comes out exactly the same? And when you approach your role, it's always full of nuance and differences. Why is that, Lee? And he said, because you're a lousy actress, Millie. No, they loved each other. And he just had that. He even said to me one time, he said,

are you acquainted with the sea? I said, why do you ask? He said, but I noticed you were fishing for your lines. Oh, I like that. Not hilarious, but, you know, passable. And so you say when you were working with Lee J. Cobb, you got chills. I got chills. I got chills and spilkas. Working with Lee J. Cobb, he was such a powerful actor.

And unfortunately, he didn't know, you know, like Mel Brooks would say, he didn't know from a checkbook. He bet too much. You know, like Mel Brooks would say, he didn't know from a checkbook. He bet too much. And when he was hospitalized at the end, Frank Sinatra, one of my great heroes, paid his hospital bills. Oh, they were in that. Oh, what was that movie they were in together? Come Blow Your Horn?

I think it may be. Yeah. Lee J. Cobb played Frank's father. Yes. Yes. He was just a phenomenal, phenomenal actor. So Frank Sinatra paid Lee J. Cobb's hospital bills. Yeah. Frank Sinatra. I'm so pleased. When I worked with Frank Sinatra, I was so pleased and grateful that he liked me. grateful that he liked me. And to quote Don Rickles, talking to Mr. Sinatra, the chairman of the board, he said, Frank, you're looking a little down.

Hit somebody, you'll feel better. When did you work with Frank? Well, back in 85, I fronted the Desert Princess, you know, having to do with princess and the love boat. And I fronted this hotel, the Desert Princess. And Barbara Sinatra called me and she said, Bernie, we'd like to do a telethon benefiting the abused children of the Coachella Valley. And we'd like to use your hotel, like my hotel. It was not my hotel. And Frank will be there, and Sammy will be there, and Bob Hope will be there.

And this was almost too much for me. I said, oh, boy. And she said, will you co-emcee it? I said, I would be delighted. So just a week before that, we were having one of these pro celeb events, tennis events. And we always had a gala on Saturday night. So somebody said, you know, I think Sinatra is going to be there. I think Sinatra is going to be there.

I think he's going to come and check it out. So I said, oh, my goodness. I hope I can say something that pleases him because you've got to please this guy. So I remembered something that a television commentator had said. Why is Frank Sinatra always in the company of kings and princes and popes and heads of state? Because even those people need someone to look up to. Wow. Your laughs are fine, but they're a little delayed.

That might be the connection, Bernie. Now, I also want to ask you, because just recently, well, obviously, you were on Get Smart, and you played the evil Chaos Agent Siegfried. And so just recently, Dick Gaultier, who played Jaime the Robot, passed away. What do you remember about Dick Gaultier? Dick Gaultier, number one, was a very handsome guy. And he played Bertie on Broadway. Oh, Conrad Birdie.

Yeah, he was the original. Yeah, he was the original. And I was under the impression that they passed him by in the film. That wasn't the case. Dick had this thing, God love him, of whenever they made him an offer, he said, they're insulting me. He could have done the movie. They came to him with some kind of an offer. he said, they're insulting me. He could have done the movie. They came to him with some kind of an offer. I don't know what it was, but he said, they're insulting me. And then when we did Get Smart Again, they made him an offer and he said, no, they're insulting

me. I said, Dick, this is an opportunity to work. It's always fun to work. It's more fun to work than not to work. You know, you'll be with us. You'll be with me. We can have some laughs. He said, no, I, I will not work for that money. So I finally persuaded him. And afterwards he said, you know, I'm so glad I did that. We had fun. It was great. He had some kind of a fixation where he should have been offered more money. I don't know where that came from. What about when, when did you guys first meet? Did you meet on Get Smart? Did you have history before that?

Well, yeah, we met on Get Smart, but he also did a number of love boats, a very handsome guy. Oh, yeah. He had something I resented also, a full head of hair. It just annoyed me, no end. And he was terrific at playing deadpan,

like when he was Jaime the Robot. You take one shot of Novocaine in your cheek, and that does it. That's the secret. Yeah. You guys also did When Things Were Rotten together. We hadn't waited. I was telling you before we turned the mics on,

we had Norman Steinberg here a couple of months ago. We had, I mean, When Things Were Rotten. I had assumed because Mel Brooks had said to me after Get Smart, you made a lot of money for me, kid, talking to me. I said, gee whiz, I made a lot of money for Mel Brooks. Gee, that's so great. So I assumed erroneously when Things Were Rotten came up, that he would just come to me for one of the roles, one of Robin Hood's men.

Not, not. It did not happen. They cast Charlie Callis in the role of Alan O'Dale. in the role of Alan O'Dale. Then Charlie Callis found, Charlie Callis was doing Vegas for 16,000 bucks a week. Big, big money, big fat money. And when he found out that he would be getting,

I think 2,225 for when things were rotten, he said, unprintably, that. And so he fell out, and Mel pulled me in, and that's how I got that. But it was great fun, and we had four standing sets at Paramount. Four sets. We had the Bonanza set, an indoor stream, an indoor forest. And we had another set that was the interior of the palace. We had another set that was an exterior of the palace. We

had four standing sets at Paramount. So Dickie Van Patten, when we started out at number one, number one, and that was number two. And it kept getting lower and lower. And so Dick Van Patten says to me, he says, Bernie, they can't take this off. This is Mel Brooks for free on television. They can't take it off. We got four standing sets. It's great. This will go on forever.

I said, well, the numbers are decreasing. It's not looking that good. He said, oh, come on. He said, I'll make you a bet. Dick Van Patten bet on everything. I bet on nothing because I didn't start out in a very high way. I came out, then I drove a taxi. I tried to sell Kirby vacuum cleaners. I was a blue chip stock boy. It was a while before I got going. So Dick says, okay, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll tell you what I'll do. He was always very excited about betting. He said, if they take it off, I will give you $3,000. But if they keep it on, all you'll have to give me is $1,000. They took it off. I could have been a rich man then. Introducing TD Insurance for Business. I could have been a rich man today. a contractor, or a consultant. You can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history.

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tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. And now back to the show. Now, Bernie, we have a surprise. Back when you were the evil German officer Siegfried, if you remember, there was a beautiful, sexy lady spy named Agent 99. I love your setup. And we have the still beautiful and still sexy

Miss Barbara Felden on the phone. Barbara, can you hear me? Hi. Barbara Felden is the most independent, intelligent actress, human being I have ever met in my life. I adore her. I have adored her for 47 years now.

I love you, Barbara. It is mutual, as you know, and as I've often said. You having a good time chatting about the old days? I'm having a wonderful time. And Gilbert is being very, I don't know how to put it, he sort of lays out the lines in a very, I wouldn't say a ponderous way, but in a very definitive way, like you're not going to miss a syllable. Barbara had to be the nicest guest. Barbara, it's Frank.

How are you? Hi, Frank. How are you doing? We're great. You were by far the nicest guest we've had out of 150. Out question. Barbara invited us up to her house. She put up with us.

And she made lemonade. She had like a sort of cheap she cooked these homemade cookies. Cookies, everything. I misunderstood. I thought that Dara said that she brought lemonade and cookies to the studio. I guess not. In her house. She received us in her home. This is how brilliant and independent Barbara is.

I called her. We talk all the time. So I called her one day. She said, Bernie, I have to call you back. Why is that? Because I have a string quartet playing in my living room. How many people do that? Barbara Felden does it.

Now, I've talked to Barbara about you and you about Barbara. And, I mean, the two of you seem to be in love with each other. I am in love. Bernie, first of all, Bernie was, like, there are favorites that you have on a show, on any show. And Bernie, he was not only my favorite, but he was everybody's favorite. He and Buck Henry, I think, were the most warmly adored people on the show. I mean, other people were very nice, but they were very occupied, preoccupied. But Bernie, I remember clearly standing on the set while we're waiting endlessly for the lighting to happen

and him teaching me how to jump rope. There you go. It was a beginning. Yes, that was the beginning. Jumping rope, yes. Yes. Why did I have to share that with Buck Henry? I thought I would be all by myself with all that praise.

Well, yeah. Well, no. Buck, you've got to admit, huggable, right? He was brilliant. Not everybody knows this. You know, people talk about, oh, Mel Brooks, Mel Brooks. Mel Brooks was more interested in film at that time, silent movie. So he was there just peripherally every once in a while.

But Buck Henry really took over the head writing in the first two years. And he was absolutely brilliant. And then he sort of graduated with The Graduate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he went on to really, well, you know, I was going to say he went on to bigger things. But I think that I spoke to him recently, and I said I had just been to an autograph show, and somebody had come up to me and had talked about what the show meant when they were going through this terrible crisis in their lives.

And I told Buck that he did things that were, like, more prestigious in terms of how they think of things in Hollywood, like movies as opposed to TV. And I said, but there is nothing you should be more proud of than the contribution that you made to people's lives, what it meant to them and how it helped them through crises and so forth. But of course, when you're making something, you don't have any idea of that because the audience is, you know, out of sight and you don't know, you know, where they're watching you or who they are or anything. Sure.

It's just lovely, lovely to hear that. Well, obviously, that's why we do this podcast. We feel that way about both of you guys as well. Well, that's very kind. I got to throw this in. Just about a month ago, I did Hawaii Five-0 in Hawaii. I played a concentration camp survivor, which is very unusual for me because people think of me as a comedic actor. Now, this was certainly not funny.

It was a very, very heavy emotional piece about my time in Auschwitz with my brother and my sister. And one night, just to tell you what this was, the Unterscharfuhrer in charge of our barracks dragged us out of the barracks. He held a gun to my head and he made me to choose which one of them, my brother or my sister, would live. If I didn't choose, all three of us would be shot. So I chose. And the guy eventually escaped when the Russians came and he lived the rest of his life in Hawaii. And that set up the story. So anyway, Chai McBride, you know who he is?

Black actor, brilliant, very, very big guy. Marvelous, marvelous actor. My shooting was the first of the day. He didn't come in. He was not called in until much later in the day. Anyway, when I came in at 7.15, he walked in. He said, Mr. Coppell, I have never done this before, but I'm doing it now. He said, my family and I couldn't wait until you played Siegfried on Get Smart. We sat around the TV and laughed our faces off, and he gave me a big hug. And that kind of thing makes you feel so good, the respect of a contemporary. Well, not quite. He's much younger than I am.

Then again, so is Methuselah. But that's okay. It was so sweet. When Bernie would do Siegfried, everybody would just stop what they were doing to watch because it was such a transformation. He was, the energy was so brilliant. The concept of it, the slyness of it, the twinkle in Siegfried's eye.

It was just a marvelous character. And I think that, I mean, of all characters on Get Smart, aside from the three principals, Siegfried is the most beloved and the most remembered. And Leonard Stern, Bernie, just saw you in something and just out of the blue offered you the part. Asked you if you could do a German accent. I was doing a play in a little teeny theater, 158-seat theater in the round, playing a Russian immigrant selling a fruit fluter, a misnamed kitchen utensil, door-to-door in the freezing Buffalo winters. And it just clicked with people. So many people who, who came to see it were, uh, sons or daughters of immigrants. And they came back again and again and again, because I guess I, I, I had a resonance with, uh, with, with immigrants and Leonard Stern came to see it.

He was certainly overdressed for the occasion. It was like a little dumpy theater. And he came backstage, very tall man, and his head was almost scraping the ceiling. And he said, Bernie Coppell, we're going to work together. And within three years, he created the Siegfried character for me. And we were great, great friends. He was my mentor, my dear friend for 47

years. So that began the whole thing. Can we hear some of Siegfried? Don't be ridiculous. Why would I do such a thing? What is with you?

Okay, I'll do it. Go ahead. I did it. Oh, you did it already. I thought you were going to do the submarine scene. Oh, the submarine scene. Oh, golly. We were chasing the six fleets,

We were chasing the 6th Fleet, and we were trying to get them in range to shoot a torpedo at them, and they were dropping depth bombs very close to us, and they drop one that is very, very close. Boom, boom. And the guys begin to panic, and I say to them, You will not panic until I give the order to panic. And then another huge depth bomb came, and I said, prepare to panic. Barbara, we know you've got to run, and you're on a tight schedule. Before you leave us, do you have a memory, a specific memory of working with Bernie? One moment?

I know it's tough and it's a long time ago. Aside? You mean actually in the script, 99? Yeah. Anything come to mind? Or off camera? Well, just that it was so hard for us to keep a straight face when we were doing scenes with him. Because it was like some act of nature

that was happening in front of us in terms of acting. And the only regret I have about Bernie's career is that he didn't get... That was a chance to show the extraordinary imagination he could bring to a character. Or maybe I've just missed those performances. I mean, he's a marvelous actor in everything he's done. But the audacity, his capacity for that audacity,

it was just dazzling. And he's brilliant. I mean, he's just an absolutely brilliant actor. And, you know, you touched Bernie here because while you were talking, he was mouthing the word wow. He was quelling, I believe is the word. I don't quell that often, but Barbara just makes me quell. I don't quell that often, but Barbara just makes me quell. Even though sometimes I get spilkas, she makes me quell. Just the everything about Barbara, her independence, her huge intelligence.

And she wrote a book. She is so different from most actresses. And I've asked her, I said, Barbara, would you like to have another series? She said, no, no. I said, they pay. She says, yeah, you sit around so long. I said, they're paying you while you're sitting around. She said, no, I love it here in New York. I read my poetry at the Y.

And I live the life that I love. And she wrote a book, Living Alone and Loving It. So that is just, actresses I know would kill for another series, even for a guest shot on a series, even to pass by a studio. Yeah, I heard with Barbara, they offered her like a small scene in in the current like get smart movie that came out oh the corral yes yeah and and they said you know pay you this much money you know you're there for like an hour or so she didn't want to do it and then they then they called her back and said look you don't even have to act. Come by, say hello to the cast.

And she still didn't want to do it. I asked Barbara about that. I said, wouldn't that be fun for you? She said, why would I do that? And that stopped me cold. I knew why I did it, because with my background, with cab driving and all of that stuff, I could use the, they paid me very nicely. And it was fun to meet the director, Pete Siegel, and to spend some time with Steve Carell. And it got my insurance going for another year. So I like that.

I have two little kids to send through school. But Barbara's just so amazingly independent. She knows what pleases her. And I would say a lot of human beings don't know what pleases them, what makes them happy, what they love to do, what they love not to do. This is one of the reasons I adore this brilliant, brilliant woman. Bernie, this is your interview. This is supposed to be focused on you.

It was until you got on. Barbara, this is a thrill for Gilbert and me. We're sitting here talking to Agent 99 and Siegfried, and we're pinching ourselves. And also, to hear the two of you talk, the two of us can just go home and let you do the rest of the show. That's it. But Barbara's got to go. But Barbara, before you do, you have to wish Gilbert a happy birthday. Oh, my gosh.

It's your birthday. Yes. Happy, my gosh. It's your birthday. Yes. Happy birthday to you. Do you want me to go on? Oh, yes. I thought he'd like that. Happy birthday, dear Gilly. Happy birthday to you and many more.

Oh, yes. Siegfried and Agent 99 singing me happy birthday. Now, Barbara, before I let you go, you have to say one thing to me as my gift. Just give me an O-Max. O-Max.

Barbara, you're the greatest. Thanks for taking the time for this. She turned me on when I was a little kid, and she turns me on to this day with. You too? Big hugs to all of you, and happy birthday to you, Gilly. That's so sweet. This is your birthday. What a present.

Yeah. Oh, well, you mean me? The whole experience. Barbara, thanks for chiming in. Thank you so much, Barbara. Thank you so much for being a part of this. I truly, truly appreciate it, Barbara. We all love you here.

And me, you, all of you. Okay. Yeah, but me more than anybody else here. Don't listen to those schmendricks. How about that? Bye-bye, Barbara. Okay, bye.

We love you. Bye, Barbara. Thank you. What a kick, huh? Oh, that was lovely. Just lovely. To just have a little get-together like that from Get Smart is just wonderful. Truly, truly. I'm a little bit sad or very sad that Don Adams is not alive anymore.

You know, he was a Marine. Yeah, sure. Don Adams was a Marine. And the bullets didn't kill him, but the Focaccia cigarettes did. Wow. He smoked. Yeah. Because everybody smoked in those days.

Yeah. In some of the beginning segments, he's smoking a cigarette. And that's a diabolical thing. It kills people. So many people of that era were dying of cancer, and it was like a specialist show business. Everybody smoked. Remember Arthur Godfrey? Sure, we talk about him a lot on this show.

Arthur Godfrey was busy with Lipton tea and Chesterfield cigarettes. Chesterfield cigarettes. And he pushed them by him by the carton, by him by the carton. And he probably caused more people to have health issues than anybody else in the world. Okay, so coming to Love Boat, Arthur Godfrey, with one lung remaining, played a part on Love Boat. And there was some kind of a mix-up. He had to walk up the stairs and walk down the stairs. Now, that's very difficult to do when you only have one functioning lung.

And I thought, well, I guess he's being paid back for persuading people to smoke cigarettes. Oh, he's an anti-Semite anyway. Yeah. Arthur Godfrey. Yeah, he hated the Jews, Arthur Godfrey. I loved Jews so much I had them for parents. Bernie, since you bring up Don Adams, let's talk a little bit about him. And you said he was very welcoming to you.

Yes. Not all stars of comedy shows were welcoming. I don't want to mention any names, Danny Kaye. I got a big laugh because my first five years was nothing but a Latino so I was playing a Latino and I got a big laugh and you know

I don't want to upset your listeners but instead of appreciating the fact like Jack Benny Jack Benny played the straight man to everybody else. Dennis Day, Rochester, or Don Wilson. Mel Blanks. And Jack Benny was such a prince of a man.

And he understood that whoever gets the laugh on the Jack Benny show makes the Jack Benny show better. He understood that. It was not the same way with a certain aforementioned young man. So eventually, I think he didn't like me getting laughs, and eventually I was dumped. Danny Kaye, you mean. Yeah, Danny Kaye.

Conversely, Steve Allen. You know, I did 30 shows with Steve back in 64. Steve would laugh in the middle of one of his own sketches. So at one point I said, Steve, after it was over, I said, Steve, that was not that particularly funny. What were you laughing about? He said, you should hear the show going on in my head. Wow.

And he was a delicious human being. And so when I got to Don, I said, oh, boy, you know, if God is good, I'll be welcomed here because it was not always the case. He welcomed me. He was responsive to my work. And I was so grateful that the guy, you see, when you're the head of a show, you are concerned with will they watch the show? How will my numbers be? Will I be picked up for next year? How are the show? How will my numbers be? Will I be picked up for next year? How are the ratings? How are the ratings?

Do they like me? And all of these issues, I remember working with Telly Savalas, who turned out late. Telly Savalas did a love boat later on. But when I did his show, Kojak, I said, okay, we have this scene sitting at a table. He's talking to me. I'm talking to him. I said, the guy never, he never looked at me. I said, what the heck? This is not very gracious. I looked behind me and there were two guys with cue cards. Is it acting or is it getting into the can? And a similar thing happened

with Raymond Burr. I did his show, and I said, he's in a wheelchair. Ironside, he's in a wheelchair. What is that? So he was sort of very casual while they're setting up,

and he said, he said, I told the network, I said, I'll do it, but I will not stand up and walk around anymore because I don't want to. It just bothers my back and I like to sit. So they said they didn't know what to do.

So they said, OK, we'll have it in the script that you were shot in the back and you're semi paralyzed and you have to be in the wheels. She said, that's great. That is great. You're kidding. That's where Ironside came from? Why would I kid you after all we've meant to each other? Come on. He just didn't want to walk around.

He wanted to sit through the show. He wanted to sit. He sat in the wheelchair. Not only that, but I was saying to myself, He sat in the wheelchair. Not only that, but I was saying to myself, he should be sort of going over the scene while I had this scene. So I'm hearing,

they wheel in a teleprompter. So for the whole scene, he's sitting in the wheelchair and he's reading his parts. I said, and then afterwards he said, you know, this, you know, I sort of, um, I really stuck my foot in it. I said, well, why, why is that? How did you stick your foot in there? He says, well, I demanded to be seated and not, not having to learn the lines, but I have to look up whenever I talk to an actor or an actress and it's damaging my eyes.

I said, I'm so sorry that you have this problem that you caused yourself. But, but later on when he did a love boat, he was giddy. He was fun. Oh, I remember that episode. Because he didn't have the, the, the issue of the pressure of all the stuff that when you lead in a show, he didn't have the pressure. I remember when Raymond Burr popped up on a Jack Benny show as Perry Mason, and he was hysterical on that. Oh, he had a great sense of humor. Once he didn't have to worry about

all these things that I previously mentioned. He was a delightful guy. And he had... I just can't get over it. He was ready to do the show, but he didn't want to walk or move around or learn his lines.

So... I almost said to him, some acting. Wow, this is really something. Well, he did a lot of standing on Perry Mason. Got to stand at the... So, Bernie, I guess the point you're making about Don is that it was his show, and he didn't have to be so accommodating to you

and so generous to you, but he was. He was loving. Don Adams was loving and sweet. And I even said to him one time, I said, is anything I'm doing bothering you? He said, no, you set me up. He said, you set me up. And I came in one day without the makeup just to see what was happening. And he looked at me and gave me a very odd look. And he said, a nice Jewish boy. He set me up, and I came in one day without the makeup just to see what was happening,

and he looked at me. He gave me a very odd look, and he said, a nice Jewish boy. Is this on? Very funny, man. Yeah, that's what he said. It's like a lot of stars. Yes. A lot of stars are very insecure, so if they hear someone else get a laugh or they feel like someone's

better looking, they start to panic. I never had that problem, Kelly. I was never better looking than anybody. Matter of fact, Jim Drury, the guy who played the Virginian. Oh yeah, your old friend. Okay. We were old friends.

We were classmates at NYU. Going to be great, the Shakespearean actors. As soon as he went to Hollywood, of course, all the girls at NYU said, Hollywood, Hollywood, because they looked at him, perfect profile, a nice, deep bass baritone voice. He went to Hollywood and zap! As soon as he went out there, he started working with Elvis Presley, Ride the High Country with Marriott Hartley.

So Jim is, now I just get out of the Navy and I talk to Jim all the time. He talked to me. One day he said, he said, Bernie, I got an agent for you. And I said, this is magic words, magic words. Got an agent for you, someone who's going to push for me. I go out there, go out to Hollywood, and I'm very nervous. And I have my 8x10 and my little very skimpy resume.

And I show it to his agent. And the agent looks at it in a very judgmental way, looks at my picture, looks at me, and he said, did Jim tell you I'd be your agent? How could I be your agent? He said, you're not handsome enough to be a leading man. You're not ugly enough to be a heavy. What can I do with you?

He said, sorry, and I was dismissed. But one day I was at the Raincheck. The Raincheck was an actor's hangout, and Bobbi Morris, who was a commercial casting director, she comes to me and she said, Bernie, have you ever thought about doing commercials? I said, no, Bobbi, I never have. She said, well, you look like anybody.

And right away, this opened up a whole new world for me because looking like anybody gives you more opportunities than if you just look like a leading man or a heavy. This is how moronically I thought in those days. So I started doing commercials, going out to get commercials, and right away I started doing commercials going out to get commercials and right away I started clicking my first one was a Ford commercial

and then I did it for all the beers all the even cigarettes I'm so sorry and God forgive me for doing cigarettes but I made up for the cigarette thing because in the 80s, I had a campaign on television

for a product called Sig Arrest, which was an anti-smoking thing. So maybe I persuaded some people not to smoke with cigarettes. Let's hope so. Yeah. Your early career is particularly interesting, Bernie. You're a Jewish kid from Ocean Parkway

here in Brooklyn, and you wind up getting cast as Latinos. How did that happen? Almost exclusively. How did that happen? I'll tell you how it happened. It was a very peculiar situation. Okay, so I had this agent.

I had this agent who was very slow. He was so slow, he would send me up for parts that had already been cast. That's how slow this guy was. So one day, I parked my taxi in the parking lot of CBS Television City on Fairfax, and I go in to see Marilyn Budge. And this was a career changing thing for me. And I come there and she looks at me and she makes a sad face. And she said, I'm so sorry, Mr. Coppell, but the part that you're up for has already been cast. And I said,

okay, that's fine. And I'm about to leave. For some reason, I have no idea why she said this. There were five guys coming in who could have been Juan or Jesus or Chico or Pablo. She said, while you're here, would you like to read for Pablo? And I got so pissed. I just was beside myself with frustration and anger. And I said, okay, okay, I will read for Pablo. I had no idea how to do it. I said, okay, Jack Parr has this piano player called Jose Melis.

And Bill Dana has this character called Jose. Oh, Jimenez. Jose Jimenez. You say Jimenez. Jimenez. Jimenez. Yeah. My name, Jose Jimenez. Very good. Very nasal, but very nice. It was very good. So I am saying, how do I do it? How do I do it? And I'm trying to remember these guys. Uh, how do they, how do they do that? I walk in, I will take up the precious time of this producer, Buzz Blair, I'll never forget his name. And I nail it.

I got the part. So for three months of my life, I'm playing Pablo, threatening blind ladies and being mean. And so the director, Herb Kenworth, very flamboyant guy. So the director, Herb Kenworth, very flamboyant guy. And in the middle of the night, I put together this little routine. I said, OK, I will have the combined personality of Pablo and Herb Kenworth. And I made up this little routine. And that got me going.

That just got me going as someone who did a Latino accent clearly because they pay writers a lot of money. I did it clearly, understandably, and I got the laughs on all these shows. Favorite Martian, Flying Nun. Oh, yeah, yeah. You were the Puerto Rican dentist. That's right, a Puerto Rican dentist. I was opposite Alejandro Ray. That's right.

My mother, my Brooklyn mother said, Bernard, Bernard, it's nice that you got a job, but you're talking funny. Why are you, I said, Mom, let me put it this way. They're sending me checks and the checks are clearing. She said, oh oh this is great. Can you do one of those Latino characters for us Bernie? What I did on the Jack Benny's I'll just

give you a piece of this. Oh I remember the Benny bit. I'm the least important part of this act. My brother is the fastest human being in the world. I'm going to shoot at him and he with his amazing agility and grace will dodge the bullet. Of course.

And then my brother comes out and he has a ballet costume with a cape. And he's standing in front of a cutout of a human form. And I said, may I have a drum roll, please? out of a human form. And I said, may I have a drum roll, please? And they go, phew! And I shoot at him and he goes through this amazing jerky movement and he dodges the bullet. And Jack sticks his finger in the hole that the bullet made,

that you know, that was made by a prop man. He's pulling a little thing out. And Jack says into the camera, amazing. And I say, okay, now I'm going to shoot two bullets into my brother, and he will again dodge all of the bullets. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. That was only two. Remember?

Sorry, that was too many. So he gets out of the way again and Jack puts his finger into the two holes and he said, incredible. And I said, and now, ladies and gentlemen,

I'm going to empty my six guns in the direction of my brother and he will again dodge all of the bullets. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, brother. And he will again dodge all of the bullets. And bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He does these insane movements. And he stands there in detention for a moment. And then he falls down dead. And Jack walks up to the body, supposedly.

And he had this sense of timing like nobody in the world had. Looks over the body. And then he looks into the camera, and he says, well, I guess they just weren't ready for the big time. And he was such a prince. He was such a prince. He said, when we were rehearsing, he said, how come you know your lines so well, you son of a bitch?

I said, because, Mr. Benny, I just, I couldn't dream of messing up working with you. And he did adjust you like this. He said, oh, come on. Like, please, you know, I don't deserve that kind of praise. I have not heard one bad thing about Jack Benny. No. And you never will. You never will, Gilly, because he was just that confident in his ability.

He surrounded himself with funny people and funny, hilarious writers. And he was, he carried it off like to the manor born. And his name was actually Benny Kubelski from Waukegan, Illinois. His parents brought him up to be a concert violinist. He was not that good, but he used the violin comedically. I think we've interviewed close to 25 or 30 people on this show who've worked with Benny and nothing but praise. Well, he deserved that and more. He deserved it more. Also, getting back to Don Adams for a second, from what I heard, it looked like Don Adams, like midlife crisis hit him really bad. You know, he started having an affair and all that stuff. Well, let me put it this way.

Don had a very short attention span with wives. He sort of bounced around with the ladies. And Dorothy, one of my favorite of his wives, stuck by him as he was sort of sniffing around, as a bee would sniff around the ladies. I don't know if I put that in a nice way. But he was, he married a number of times, and he had a number of kids.

But he said to me when I had my first kid, my little Adam, I brought him on, we were doing a commercial for an insurance company or something. I brought my little, he was about 18 months old now. He's six foot two and he's going to UC Santa Barbara. And Don said, looking at the baby, he said, enjoy him now because when he gets to be a teenager, he'll turn on you.

Maybe he said, enjoy him now because when he gets to be a teenager, he'll turn on you. And Adam never turned on me. I got another one, another 14-year-old, and he's insane about baseball. He's a very good little jock, little Joshua. I just had one last question about your skill at playing Latinos. Do I have this right that Harvey Korman, you were so good at it that Harvey Korman thought you were Mexican? Harvey Korman played a detective on The Brighter Day,

which was the soap. Right, where you were Pablo. Where I was Pablo. By the way, you're not allowed to do that anymore unless you are an actual Mexican or Puerto Rican or Cuban. And I salute that. I applaud it that people took a very firm stand about that. Harvey Korman, this is before the marvelous things happened to Harvey. Everything was caca with him. He was trying to sell Encyclopedia Britannica's

out of his trunk. He had this beat up old Chevy. No. So when he comes on the show, he has an ill-fitting hat. He had a frayed collar. And I felt bad for the guy. Not only that, but he has this part. He's a detective. And he has to ask everybody all these questions.

So we do the first one. We do the first 15-minute segment. And then Herb Kenwood said, okay, let's do the second one. Harvey Kahn said, second? What second? He only thought there was one. Everything was stopped, and Korman was feeling, you know, he had that cotton mouth thing.

He felt so bad. He had to learn the lines quickly. I felt bad for the guy. So I took him across the street after it was over, and he told me this sad story. He said, I was cast in Manashe Skulnik's play. Manashe Skulnik was one of the comedians in the Yiddish Art Theater.

And after the first rehearsal, I was fired. I said, why were you fired? You seem like a competent actor. He said, Manashe Skolnick's guard dog wife was watching the rehearsal and she said, after the first rehearsal,

she said, Manashe, if this Krum stays in the play, nobody's going to see your face. I said, why is that? Because you're very short and he's very tall and you'll be looking up the whole time. They'll see

maybe a piece of your chin and maybe your neck. They wouldn't see your face. Harvey was let go and they brought in Norman Fell who was shorter than Harvey. And that's what happened. So, uh,

Carmen was, um, Carmen was, was great. We, we would, we would spend so much time together at his place, playing ferocious ping pong,

drinking vodka and listening to Mel Brooks and, and, um, and, uh, Oh, Carl Reiner. And Carl Reiner,

2000 year old man, which today this this is 60 years later, and I'm still laughing. We just had Carl on the show. Oh, he was amazing. The gem. So, Harvey, was he a happy guy off camera? I hear mixed things. I spoke at Harvey's memorial. He was a very conflicted man because we have this

very strange something in our tribe. And that is, if something good happens, and I think this happened in the shtetls, in the little Jewish communities, if something good happens, you mustn't accentuate it, you mustn't verbalize it, because if you do, God will get upset and come and hurt you. This is a very insane concept. So Harvey was conflicted that way, because he got the Danny Kaye show, he got the Burnett show, and he fought it. He fought that success. So I think eventually, hopefully, he straightened it all out. But this is something that stays with some people, and they just can't get over it. Because I remember Dick Van Dyke, in an interview, said he had to—

oh, he was hired by the Carabao Net Show, Dick Van Dyke. But he said, but then I had to follow Harvey Korman, who was the greatest second banana in the world. Yes, Harvey was brilliant. And at Harvey's memorial, I said, at the end of my little talk, I said, you know, this conversation rages on and on. Who is the best second banana in the world? Is it Carl or is it Harvey?

And then I said, we'll never get a straight answer out of this, but Harvey had better legs. Which was true. You want to see a great comic performance. I mean, his performance in Blazing Saddles, as good as everybody else in that movie is, he's second to no one. Yeah, well, Mel said it was hard to keep a straight face with Harvey.

Okay, so I got to tell you one more thing about Harvey. Year after year, I would send Harvey a case of vodka because, as I said, we played ping pong. We listened to a 2,000-year-old man. And we drank vodka. So at one point, Harvey said, he said, Bernie, he said, I really appreciate the case of vodka. That's very nice. But how about something warm and personal? I really would prefer something like that.

So I thought and I thought, and I see something in the paper. American bidet. I said, hmm. That seems to be warm and personal. So I'll send him, I'll send him one of that, you know, squirting into your, into your place. I bought one and I sent it to his home and I was expecting a huge laugh. And, oh, thank you. That's marvelous. Nothing.

Nothing happened. So I called the company. I said, hello, American B-Day. I sent Harvey Korman. He said, oh, yeah. And that was very upsetting. Our man delivered it. And Harvey asked him, what is this about, this big package?

And he told Harvey what it was about, and Harvey threw him out because he was very attached to his rituals. His toy-toy rituals. So we went back to the vodka, okay? So he had a certain way to have his bowel movements and he wouldn't change them. Yes.

This is sort of an after movement. I remember Bill Maher was talking. This was a couple of weeks ago. Bill Maher says, why do they emboss toilet paper? I mean, after all, look what you do with it. What's the difference if it's embossed or not?

Let's ask you about another funny person, Dick Shawn. Dick Shawn. Okay, Dick Shawn does a love boat, and he's hanging out behind the camera, and he's watching me, and I'm doing this kissing scene with this lovely, beautiful lady, Rebecca Holden, kissing, more kissing, more kissing, a talking, a little bit of talking, more kissing, more kissing, a little less talking, more kissing. And so I come off and Dick Shawn says, now I know what Love Boat is. I said, what is that? It's a porno flick done by Disney.

I said, what is that? It's a porno flick done by Disney. That is perfect. It only went so far, okay? What was he like? Dick Shawn. If you've seen the second greatest entertainer in the whole wide world, he moved in a balletic way, but in a masculine, balletic way.

And he had a delivery that was so unique. And he did this thing with a banana. But you know how he died? He died after Act I. He lied down, surrounded by a whole bunch of newspapers, because it has something to do with newspapers. And he didn't go away for the intermission. He stayed there, and so you expected him to get up. He did this performance near San Diego.

He didn't get up. He died on stage. And some people would think that it would be a wonderful thing. Not me. I don't want to die on stage. I don't want to die anyplace. I hope I'm not dying right now. Every once in a while, you schmendrix are laughing.

And now you also work with Sid Caesar. Yeah, yes. Sid was brilliant, but I remember Larry Gelbart said, he can't ad lib a hello. He could do anything with any accent, with the French, Italian, Japanese, this and that. But when it came to Sid doing something as himself, he apparently was incapable of doing that.

And that's how he was. But he was a genius given a character with an accent. Yeah, I heard from a few people, they said he didn't exist in real life if he wasn't a character. It's true. It's true. It's very, very peculiar. But he was surrounded by the most incredibly, incredible geniuses in our business.

Neil Simon, Danny Simon. Well, Gelbart himself. Gelbart. Yeah, Mel Tolkien. Gelbart, Mel Tolkien. Larry Gelbart's father was a barber. Sure. And he's a barber, and Larry said about his home,

And he's a barber, and Larry said about his home, he said this was a literature-free home we lived in. There were no books. His father just thought, you know, his father was a guy who did haircuts for Kirk Douglas, for Burt Lancaster. And he would let you, you'd come into the barber shop and you'd sit there and he said, let me tell you the latest joke I heard. And he would let you, you'd come into the barbershop and you sit there and he said, let me tell you the latest joke I heard. And he would tell you a joke, but there were no books in the house. And how, how did Larry become such a literate, ingenious man to write all these

brilliant plays and, and to, to have created, um, MASH, it just came to him. He said, I think I'd like to read some books. Oh, he was selling jokes as a 15-year-old. That's right. Yeah. He and Woody Allen. Yeah. But, you know, you never know where people are going to end up.

And you worked with Phil Silvers. I worked with Phil Silvers. I worked with Phil Silvers. And I guess at one point I wasn't talking loud enough or fast enough. And he said, don't, he said, don't give me any of this secret service acting. I said, okay, I'll talk louder and I'll talk faster. But he was a brilliant man. And he did the show that finally got Love Boat on. He played an old guy, and he had recently had a minor stroke. And I thought, why are they doing a story like this? He had a love affair with Audra Lindley.

And she would have liked some kind of a commitment from him, and he wouldn't give her one because he felt it would be unfair because he knew he was dying to get a commitment, to give a commitment, to get a commitment. So one of the actresses, Pat Harrington was a little upset because his wife was spending a lot of time with me. And it turned out that I found out that she was pregnant. They'd been looking to be pregnant for a long time. And at the same time, I came on and I said that the Phil Silvers character had passed away. Now, I wondered, why did they do this in a show

that's supposed to be light and comedic? It worked perfectly, because you had a connection with this very sweet older man who dies. And at the same time he dies, the lady gets pregnant. And it's sort of a spiritual thing, if I can be serious for a minute. And some people say, oh yeah, well he died and his soul went into the baby. If you laughed at that, I will

smack the hell out of both of you. Ha ha ha ha ha! I'm going to look that one up. I don't remember that episode. That sounds great. That was a third pilot that got us on the air because we did

the first pilot and we always, there was always a problem with not having the proper lady cruise director and the lady captain. The first cruise director,

her main claim to fame was she could do bird calls. So she would greet people and say, hello, welcome aboard. Okay, that's not so funny. Maybe the next thing that comes out of me will be. So we had the next one in the second pilot. We had this very lovely girl who had beautiful extremities. And she did foot inserts and she did hand inserts in commercials.

And she was really not interested in being Julie McCoy. So it was a great thing in the third pilot. How many pilots do you think people are allowed to do? pilot. How many pilots do you think people are allowed to do? But because of Aaron Spelling's juice, they allowed him to do three pilots, and we finally got Lauren Tweese, who was

a perfect cruise director. I would ask you who your favorite all-time love boat guest star was, but I think I know. I think it was Juliet Prowse. Oh my God, Juliet Prowse. Oh, my God, Juliet Prowse. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I did a little homework, Bernie. Yes, well, congratulations. It's about time. He listens to the show. So anyway, okay, Juliet Prowse. I get this great script. The script is, okay, Juliet Prowse, I get this great script. The script is, okay, so this wife of mine, I also had a very short attention span with wives.

We were divorced because we were very hot together, but we had annoying habits that prevented us from being really, really comfortable. Anyway, Juliet Prowse. So I gave her 500 bucks. I said, yeah, you take care of it. She gave it to a butcher's cousin, and he went away with the money,

and we were still married. I said, oh, come on. So she comes on. A brilliant, brilliant segment. Juliette Prowse, I'd had a crush on her forever. You know, she'd gone with Sinatra, my great hero, Sinatra. Yeah. And we had scenes in bed.

And just before we did this scene, we had a scene in bed with Juliette Prowse. I was so intimidated at the the same time turned on, but intimidated. And I said, oh my God, I hope my hairpiece doesn't fall off for this. And I hope I'm okay. I'll remember what I'm supposed to say. She starts telling me an anecdote about Charles Boyer.

I said, why is she telling me a story now? I'm trying to remember what I'm supposed to be doing. She said, you know, Charles Boyer had a scene with a very beautiful lady, and he said to her, you know, sweetheart, now there's 50 people around, the sound department, the camera department. He said, we have a very beautiful love scene together.

And possibly if, perchance, I get during this scene aroused, forgive me, please. If, on the other hand, I don't get aroused, forgive me, please. But she had, I mean, oh, Jesus. My favorite thing about Juliette Prowse is she could honestly introduce herself as an African-American. Oh, she grew up in South Africa. I think she was born in India. Oh, yeah? Yeah, but I think she was raised in South Africa.

I'll double check. Oh, and there's someone else on the love boat who I'm sharing a birthday with today. Gavin McLeod. Happy birthday, Gavin McLeod. No kidding. I love that. Gavin, Gavin. We were the old, the old.

I can't say it on this. They had the young and the old. I met Gavin on McHale's Navy. I was playing a major who was a very by-the-numbers kind of a guy. And Gavin had just done this film with Cary Grant.

I can't think of the name of it right now. So getting on McHale's Navy, he thought this would be a great opportunity. It wasn't. And he was very upset. Gavin had this weight problem. He gained and lost the same 50 pounds again and again and again. He said, you know what they do to me, Bernie? He said, we connected on McHale's Navy. He said, you know what they're doing to me? It's so humiliating. They put me in a place on the Universal back lot to block the Black Tower because of my girth. And they didn't give me anything to say. And they just placed them there so people

wouldn't see the Black Tower. He was so depressed. I felt so bad for him. And then he got to marry Tyler Moore Show. And then in the third pilot, he got to be captain Stubing. So the, both of us were, I mean, just a veteran, veteran actors. So we get into makeup at 7.15 in the morning, having a free cup of coffee. And Gavin would look at me, I'd look at him and I'd say, we got a job. We got a job. And we were so thrilled with that. And it stayed that way. My attitude is gratitude. I always felt that way, even getting my first check in the biz

because going through the taxi driving and the Kirby vacuum cleaner stuff and the blue chip stamp stuff. Yeah, people don't know this about you, that you drove a cab, that Satchmo was one of your passengers. I never knew where I was. I never knew where I was.

I had this trick. I'd say, excuse me, what's your favorite route to get to the destination? And invariably people would say, oh, you go this and you go that. So anyway, I picked up Satchmo, Louis Armstrong at the Knickerbocker Hotel.

And he's sitting in the back with his manager and I heard the word malice. He had just done a tour of the south and he was so negatively impressed with all the malice against black people that was going

on there and when he got to his destination I said what a privilege and a delight to have you in my taxi. And he gave me a 15 cent tip. Now, that may seem odd to you, but the older that people were, the worse tippers they were. Because money was worth more in those days. Interesting. Well, it's probably fascinating from your reaction. Yes. I want to get back to the love boat for a second.

Did you get a lot of love letters from women? And, and, and if I may say also a naughty photos sometimes, is that true? I look Frank, I cannot discuss this in a public forum. I see. I'm happily married now. My wife is very strong. I value my life. And pretty soon, I'll be allowed to get off the couch,

so I don't want to mess that up. Bernie, you've done so much stuff, and I've got almost 20 cards here, and we could keep going, but tell us what you remember about making The Loved One. The Loved One. With an all-star cast, Jonathan Winters and Rod Steiger. Jonathan Winters played two parts in that, and he was using a lot of energy. Oh, yes. So we had a girl by the name of Anjanette Comer, who was on the show. She was a little too self-assertive to please everybody. So, you know, you always have your own chair with your name on it.

And she had her own chair and she had her feet up on Jonathan Witter's chair. And he came by, he's just done an exhausting scene, and he said, Anjanette, please get your feet off my chair. And she didn't move. I said, Anjanette, please get your feet off my chair. And again, she didn't get her feet off the chair. And he said, I cannot say the dirty word here. He said, you see these hands?

They're very small, but they're very strong. You get your feet off that chair or I will rip your... And she finally got her feet off the chair. Can I say what she said? Go ahead. Did he say, I'm going to rip your tits off? Precisely. Now listen, Frank, I was not annoyed that you got a bigger laugh than me with that. I just want to tell you. It's still your laugh. And I remember, I just have to say, and I noticed this, you popped up in The Sweet Life of Zack and Cody. That was like a Disney kids film.

Yes. Kids series. That was the only time my kids said, Daddy's on television. But what struck me about it was you were playing an old man in a home, and you had to put on a character as an old man. You had to do an old man voice because you don't come across as old. That really impressed me. I'm so pleased that that impressed you, Gilly.

You know, it's not easy to impress you, but maybe I overdid the old man thing too much, but I enjoyed it. I enjoy, you know, like I say, my attitude is gratitude. One of the things that impressed me gigantically was my father was not easy with me. I say this very diplomatically. He was very, very rough. very diplomatically. He was very, very rough. And he, through his actions and his words, he gave me the impression that I could never make a living. Except if maybe somebody, he could bribe somebody and make them pretend that they gave me some money just by way of a bribe. So when I got this part of the 49th Cousin

at the Players' Ring Theater, a very tiny, tiny theater, I would get these checks. The first time I made any kind of money because I had just joined Equity, I would get these checks. I cleared $33.35 a week. And this to me was so heavenly because it went against this impression

that I had from my father that I could never make a living. And the 33 was perforated, and I could feel the, it made little bumps on the checks. And I said, oh, boy, I'm making a living. I'm making a living. So much of my money went to pay for tickets for casting people, for producers, for directors. for producers, for directors. And I had hardly anything left,

so I had these very scary conversations with my friends. I said, I think I got to ask for a raise. I got to ask for something more. So I said, will they fire me? I don't know what. So I finally got up enough courage to do it. I said, do you suppose I could get a $10 raise? And I got it.

I could have asked for more, but I got that $10 raise. But it was so, it meant so much to me going against my father's concepts of, of me being of no value. So I discovered I was worthy. And that was a very great ego-building thing in my young life, being in my mid-20s. Did he get to, may I ask, did your dad get to stick around to see any of your success? Only with the Jack Benny show, when my father had a brain tumor that eventually killed him. And he was just so against me having a career because he was determined that I could never make a living in anything but the jewelry business that I detested because it was predicated on deceit,

deceit in every possible way. But when I did the Jack Benny show in 72, I had an 8x10 picture of Jack Benny and myself, and Jack was looking at me, and I was being very self-assertive. And so at this part of his life, he'd already had one brain operation. And he held up the picture of Jack Benny and myself. And he couldn't speak clearly at the time.

And he said, my son, my son. So he saw just that little piece of success, but he never lived to see my larger success, and he never saw, he had something, sometimes he was just in wonder of a tomato. He opened up a tomato and there were the seeds. He says, isn't that amazing? Look, seeds that planted in the ground will make new tomatoes and new seeds.

It's a lingering sadness that my father never got to see the seed of his seed, my son's. Well, you accomplished a lot. It's a great body of work, Bernie, and a lot to be proud of. Well, I'm glad I got a chance to express some of this, and you guys were very good at pulling it out of me, even you, Gilly. We barely scratched the surface.

If I can get back to what I was saying before. Yeah. And it was the Zack and Cody episode. And what impressed me so much was the fact that you had to pretend you were an old man because you don't come across. He's very energetic. Yeah. You have loads of energy and you look young. And the idea that you had to put on a performance to be an older guy.

That's acting, kid. Yeah. That's acting. acting kid. Yeah. That's acting. No, I'm just so thrilled with how my life has worked out and continues to be working out. I have a beautiful wife, very powerful, very strong.

I don't want to cross her in any way. And two amazing kids. How old are your kids now? Adam is 19. He's at UC Santa Barbara. And Joshie is 14. Just a heck of a baseball player. That's great.

And I was 64 when I had my first kid. Of course, Katrina may have had something to do with that. But I'm just lucky. And my attitude is gratitude. I never stop thinking that way. Do you think back when you think, oh, geez, look at me. I've worked with Sinatra, and I've worked with Lee J. Cobb and Rod Steiger and all of these people. Do you think back to the hardscrabble days of driving that cab and thinking it was never going to happen?

Frank, I am lucky enough to have a balance. I never thought of any other way when I am so lucky that I'm being given an opportunity to make a living in doing what I love to do. I love to do this, and it always makes me happy and pays a few bills as well. Well, you've made a lot of other people happy, so thank you, Bernie. And it's like Frank was saying. I mean, we could talk to you so much longer

before we get to all the stuff you've done. I just want to throw in one small performance that's terrific. And it's not a big part. It's an episode of the Mary Tyler Moore Show with you playing Mary's boyfriend, Tony Kramer. Okay. Going back to the Dick Van Dyke Show, the first time I got to see Mary Tyler Moore in person. Before that, there was a show called Richard Diamond. All you saw of her were her legs. I don't know if you guys are old enough to

remember that, but a pair of legs that God made of just perfection, gorgeous. And you saw these legs and she's the secretary. So on the Dick Van Dyke show, I did that, and I was a Mexican divorce lawyer. Of course you were. Of course. I mean, it's how logical that is. So Carl gives her a little bit of choreography, and she gets to do a little figure eight around,

and she's wearing shorts. Gracias a Dios. And so he gives her sort of a figure eight to do around this little table, and she does it with dancer's perfection. And Carl is looking at her, and he says, Mary, do it again. He said, Carl, I did it exactly as you asked me. He said, do it again just for me.

Wow. Yeah. So she did it again. I mean, just stunning, stunning. I'm coming back to Dick Van Dyke. So I worked with Dick three times. I'm coming back to Dick Van Dyke so I worked with Dick three times so the last time

one was early 70s CBS says to Dick he was always perceived as being television gold so CBS comes to him and said Dick we'd like you to do this show

he said guys thank you very much but he says I'm in Carefree, Arizona, and I'm relaxing here. I don't want to come back to Hollywood. They offer more money. He says, guys, I appreciate it, and I certainly feel flattered, but I'm staying in Carefree. So they put their heads together, and they come back to him. They said, Dick, what if we build you a studio in Carefree?

Okay. They built him a studio in Carefree, Arizona. So I get to play an Arizona highway patrol, and he's supposed to be the host of a television show. And he wants to illustrate that if you drink and drive, it diminishes your capacity. So I'm very, very straight in this, and I'm in my highway patrol uniform,

and I'm illustrating the damage that drinking and driving can do. And this gives him an opportunity to do his brilliant drunk routine. So we do the show, and the audience is plotsing. They're just falling down because he is so brilliant, physical comedian, verbal comedian. The guy can do anything. So this is the third time I work with him, and he says,

Okay, Bernie, you want a drink? I said, with you? Absolutely, and I'm visualizing going to some exclusive spot in Carefree. Maybe there's only one there. This is going to be so great. So we stop at the prop room, and I figure, well, okay, so he's going to pick up something, and then we're going to go on to this lovely, exclusive place.

The prop room was his destination. His destination. There's bare beams in there and he goes into the fridge and he gets out a bottle of Jim Beam or whatever it was. We sit and we got schnockered in the prop room. So Harvey Korman, about two months later, calls me and he said, I just directed the Dick Van Dyke show. You'll never guess what happened.

I said, I know what happened. You got schnockered in the prop room. I said, how did you know? I said, because the same thing happened with me. There is so much, Bernie, so much you've done. We didn't get to talk about Lancelot Link and Night Gallery and a million other

things, but we'll have you back. I'd be very happy to come back. There's so much we didn't get to love American style and we didn't get to a lot of stuff, but this is a 60-year career here. Yeah, you guys were wonderful. Even you, Gilly. this is 60 year career here. Yeah. You guys were wonderful. Even,

even you, uh, Gilly. It's your birthday. So he's cutting you some slack. No, Frank was, was magnificent and you were barely acceptable.

Oh, Bernie. Oh, so this, uh, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And first of all, happy birthday, Gavin McLeod. Yes. Happy birthday, Gilbert Gottfried.

Yes, and thank you to the lovely Barbara Felton, Agent 99, for calling in. And thank you, thank you, thank you, Bernie Capel. Happy birthday, you silly guy. Oh, thank you,

Bernie. Bernie, this was a great treat for us. Thank you so much. Frank, thank you, Bernie. Bernie, this was a great treat for us. Thank you so much. Frank, thank you, Frank. My pleasure. This is something for everyone. Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new road back. And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore It's love Welcome aboard It's love