Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 15. David Steinberg

Episode Date: September 8, 2014

Showtime recently aired "Quality Balls," a documentary about the life and surprisingly controversial career of legendary comedian, director and host of Showtime's "Inside Comedy" series, David Steinberg. Lifelong Steinberg fans Gilbert and Frank rang David up to talk about his friendships with Jack Benny and George Burns, his 140+ appearances on Johnny Carson's "Tonight Show" and how his standup act landed him on Richard Nixon's infamous enemies list. Also: the Smothers Brothers get hate mail! David directs Gilbert in an episode of "Mad About You"! John Candy does Doc Severinsen! David saves Tony Randall's life! And the Mount Rushmore of Jewish comedians! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. You know, now, David Steinberg, who's a comedy legend who I've known for years now, who's directed me on shows, he's an established TV director and a famous comedian. But did you know about David Steinberg? But did you know about David Steinberg?

He was on President Nixon's enemies list. That he played a role in getting the Smothers Brothers kicked off CBS. And that he appeared on Johnny Carson's show over 140 times. show over 140 times. And he was the best man at the wedding of mobster Crazy Joe Gallo. Yep, that and more when we talk to David Steinberg. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm here with my sidekick, Frank Santopadre. And we have with us today, David Steinberg. Now, David, just like about a week ago, it it seems you were interviewing me on your show. And now I'm interviewing you on my show.

So basically, we're officially two old Jews in a home sitting together, repeating the same old stories. That's true. Yeah. Where it's like, did I tell you my daughter lives in Jersey? You told me that. No, I didn't. Yes. I'll try not to repeat myself,

but it depends on the questions. So I'll try not to repeat myself. Now, you are the best man at a mobster's wedding. At, well, mobster to you, very good friend to me. So, when we're both in trouble, who do you think is in better shape? Me or you? And what was his name?

Joey Gallo. Yes. The famous, infamous Joey Gallo. How did you meet Joey Gallo? Well, at that time, it was the early 70s. Well, at that time, it was the early 70s. And Joey was, I guess he, you know, not a terrible thing, but he must have killed a couple people. And he was in prison.

And then he got out of prison. But at that time, a lot of the liberals in the show business i mean i've told you a lot of people like doc simon neil simon and peter stone the writer and uh and jerry orbach especially jerry orbach you know the actor yes who was a very good friend of mine and one of the most lovely people in the world and when joey got out, he had rehabilitated himself and they were championing him. And they said, so I was just going about my career and I'm a very good friend of Jerry's and all these people. And Jerry Orbach said to me, we're having a brunch for Joey Gallo and he really wants to meet you. He's a fan. really wants to meet you he's like he's a he's a fan he wants to meet you and I so I I said like you said I said Joey Gallo I probably said the mobster at

the time or whatever the killer I didn't go that far but so so he then, Jerry never let me alone. You know, he, he had brunches every Sunday and there were all these famous people, whoever was in town at the time performing at the St. Regis or all these places were there. And, and again, Jerry's delightful. I loved him. So over and over, he asked me, and I just, I, you know, I didn't, I didn't have a feeling about it. That was a big negative, but it wasn't like something I was rushing to do. And so he said, just come this Sunday. And I went that Sunday, and a lot of celebrities were in the room, and we were all sitting at brunch in his townhouse in Chelsea.

And Jerry said, you're sitting next to Joey. He wants you to sit next to him. And you didn't think to say, no, I don't want to. I might have thought that, but I didn't say it out loud. But, you know, this is not like being invited to the rabbi's table and sitting next to him. This is a whole other kind of experience I couldn't even fathom that I was having. So I sat next to Joey, and Joey actually was charming and interesting. He looked like the actor Richard Winmark. Oh, yes. Sure. He patterned himself.

Black like me yeah yes i think he you know he even he dressed like he looked like richard winmark so he's but he wasn't a gangster type and then when i sat next to him he said something to me like in the first few minutes that I knew I was going to remember for the rest of my life and he said you know David

in Attica you were everybody's favorite laughter what a compliment laughter laughter yeah that's a version of nachos I never expected What a compliment. Yeah, that's a version of naches I never expected to have.

I hope he meant favorite comedian, David. Did they mean they had photos of you on the wall? No, they watched television. They watched The Tonight Show the next day. What were they doing while they were watching you? What's that, Gilbert? What were they doing while they were watching you? I didn't ask. You know what?

I didn't ask any questions after that about me and him. Can I make a correction? You said Richard Whitmark, and I was thinking of Richard Whitmore oh James Whitmore who was in Black Like Me Richard Whitmark threw the old lady down the stairs in the wheelchair and I think that's why Joey was so impressed with him

it's nice to have role models yeah she was in the wheelchair and he had the courage to throw her down the stairs. Now, how many times have you guest hosted or just on the Carson show? A lot. A lot. I did.

You know, the number that they had on the computer was like 140 times, but I don't think that even had all my guest hostings, but a lot. Because, you know what, Gilbert, I started with Johnny right away, like in the 60s, I was on with him and in New York. And then we hit it off and, you know, within like another, I had another appearance after the first appearance and I was still and I just come from Second City, so I did some stuff I had done at Second City. And for that time, it was very unique and original. But the second appearance, I sat down next to him and told literally a story about being in winnipeg and so on my on my second appearance on the show i sat down

next to johnny and you know and i told the story i improvised on it and all that and he was laughing and he participated in it as well and it was just it was great and after the show he said to me you know for me johnny talking these shows are really you know, with 90 minutes at the time. And he said, look, I'm going to start taking Mondays off. So in two weeks, do you want to host and come in and do the show? Wow. Incredible. Yeah.

Incredible. And, you know, I was so young and inexperienced that I said, oh, sure, of course. Why not? Like I expected. And I did. I guest hosted right away. And I think Cassius Clay was one of my first guests. Yeah, who would later on become Muhammad Ali. Absolutely. That's how long ago it was.

Wow. And Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali, you know, again, it was still the 60s, late 60s. He was so funny, Gilbert. Sharp and funny and pushing me and teasing me and putting me down. He was just hilarious. And so I did all of them. And then I just never stopped doing them, which was the most... You know, I think of all the things I've done,

being on The Tonight Show is what I think of as my career, actually. You guys had such wonderful chemistry, David. I just saw an interview with Alan Zweibel from your documentary where he's describing you and Johnny as having almost a kind of a father-son dynamic. Did you agree with that? Did you feel that way as well? Yeah, he identified with me because I was very, I know it seems a little, I was very out there for, you know, the thing about like George Carlin, who was just starting to get his sort of groove going at that time. And Richie Pryor, we were all in, Richie and I were in the village.

He was at the coffee a go while I was across the street. Richie was just starting to do that. I could write stuff for myself that was edgy and interesting and would alienate a certain part of the audience, but not alienate them enough so that they could go crazy on me. So it just became, and Johnny couldn't get over that I got all these things said, and he just let me me go so it was incredible for me and and you remember any incidents or just any guest you had that stand out I remember uh David Frye was a guest that stood out because when I the The Mimic, yeah. The famous Nixon impersonator. I think he was doing Lyndon Johnson,

probably Nixon at the time. And so it was one of my first guest hosting. And I believe it was Peter LaSalle at the time was the executive producer. And he said, you know, and I had a lot of guests, and he said, when David Frye comes out, don't ask him anything other than just go right to Nixon. He doesn't like to chit-chat.

He doesn't, just go right to Nixon. So I said, okay, I'll go right to Nixon. I mean, that's easy. You know, you'll come in. I saw the card to Nixon. So I said, okay, I'll go right to Nixon. I mean, that's easy. You know, you'll come in. I saw the card, Nixon. So David Frye comes on, and he sits down, and I see that it says Nixon. I'm about to say it, but I say, David, so how's it going? And David looks out at the executive producer who's sitting in front.

He goes, how's it going? What's how's it going? he goes, how's it going? What's how's it going? What is this how's it going? And I didn't know what I said. I said, how's it going with Nixon? And then he went into Nixon impression and came off afterwards and told Peter, I'm never going to go on with Steinberg.

He asked me tough questions, like, how's it going? So he was a great ad libber, in other words. But his impressions, I must say, were incredible. He would get the face and the look of it and all that.

The best Nixon ever. See, what people forget is like, I remember seeing a page in a magazine where they were listing all the people who have ever done a Nixon imitation, like from Dan Aykroyd to Anthony Hopkins, and they left out David Frye, who no sense. Who invented it. That's too bad because he was literally one of the best impressionists you've ever seen. He invented, everyone who does Nixon is imitating David Frye.

Absolutely. And David Frye got the actual look of him, you know, with the eyes. Oh my God, yes. That was, yeah, he was the best at it actually. And he invented the William Buckley imitation. Yeah. That was, yeah, he was the best at it, actually. And he invented the William Buckley imitation. Yeah. That was another great one. Yeah, all that stuff.

Absolutely. Now, you used to hang out. They were all alive at the time when you were on TV. With, like, Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, and George Burns. Yes, well, I'm considerably younger than them. I don't want people to see. Weren't you in your 20s, David, when you would have lunch with them? Yes, well, I was, again, still just a kid at the time, in my 20s,

and a producer by the name of Arthur Whitelaw wanted to do a play on the life of the Marx Brothers. And I had a character that I played at Second City, which was definitely just me doing groucho, a psychiatrist character. I remember that. Oh, sure. Yes, you even said. Booga booga!

Yeah, exactly. Booga booga. All that came from there. And it was like a big hit in Chicago. And I did it occasionally on TV. I mean, for people who know me, they always want me to keep on doing it. But, you know, I have to leap through the air. I don't have the coya to do it anymore.

The energy to do it anymore. But so I was asked to write this Minnie's Boys on the life of the Marx Brothers. And I met with Groucho. I had a show then with me and... Are you guys there? We're here. Oh, that's someone calling off my phone here.

My wife will pick it up. Can you guys hear me? Yep. Loud and clear. So you actually have a career. People are calling you. My phone here, my wife will pick it up. Can you guys hear me? Yep. Yes. Loud and clear. Yeah. So you actually have a career. People are calling you. Yeah, see.

It could be a relative. Okay, so you're asked to write minis, boys. So then I met with Groucho, and i had a show called music scene at the time and he did that with me and and then i got to meet with him every tuesday to just you know pick his brain for just information about the family you know they were a group called the five nightingales and uh and then zeppo was in the group and then they Gummo was in the group, and you know, just all the history of them is what he would give me. And then, after a while, he just said, you know, instead of me talking, let's, on Tuesday, go to

Hillcrest Country Club, and we'll sit with the guys. So I thought, okay, I didn't know the guys were going to be this Mount Rushmore of Jewish comedians with fake names like Jack Benny. Right. And Irving Fine. Yeah, because Jack Benny was Benny Kabelsky. Right, and Matt Birnbaum was George Burns. Exactly. And George Burns was, that was the group, George Burns and all of them.

And that, it was like, I couldn't, it's still incredible for me to say that I spent that much time with them. And they were truly funny. I mean, George Burns was the funniest because he was the dirtiest. He was like, he was the dirtiest. He would, like, he just couldn't stop. He was talking about women that they knew, and I was like, unbelievable. Nothing I would ever put in the play

or could use. And so Groucho and I, you know, we became friends and I wrote the first draft of the play, which they eventually did. And then I introduced him to, like, Elliot Gould, who was a close friend of mine, and Tommy Smothers. And they went nuts to be meeting him, and he was unaware of this kind of following that he had. So it was just great.

Yeah, I heard, like, Jack Nicholson would come over to his house and Bill Cosby. Yep. And he had a close friend, Harry Ruby, who wrote a song. Oh, the songwriter. Oh, sure. Yeah, the songwriter. Burt Kalmar and Harry Ruby. Harry Ruby, Kalmar and Ruby.

Yeah. Yeah. He wrote like the lyrical song, today, Father is Father's Day, and we bought you a tie. It's not much to know. It is just a way of showing you we think you're a regular guy. That's great. You've got Groucho down great. See, I became most fascinated with Groucho when he came back to show business,

and he would appear on TV with a beret. Oh, with Marvin Hamlisch as the accompanist. Yes, yes. And he'd go like, I remember when we worked in Ohio, and Ohio was a state at that time that people would live in. And they had houses and these people wore

shoes that people would wear. That's exactly how he sounded. That is exactly how he sounded. And that fascinated me. Yeah, well, he, because you know, you're getting the older version of him. And, you know, younger, they were all very sort of playful. But this was a group that just was always funny.

They put each other down in a very humorous way. And they imagine how far back they went. They go back to vaudeville together, these guys. And it's just an incredible thing to be with them. Just amazing. Now, you were telling me that all of those old comics still were complaining about people who had been dead for like 50 years. Absolutely. At one point, it was late in the afternoon at Hillcrest,

and they, you know, I don't know if they, I never saw them golfing, but they must have had lunch there. And it was like about 3 o'clock, and they were all tired, and it was just about, you know, I'd taken notes and we were just about ready to say goodbye. And then George Burt and I think it was Benny Burns, Benny said, Jack Benny said, so something about, you guys remember Higgins?

All of a sudden these old guys became young. Higgins, that bastard, everyone had something bad to say about this. Higgins, they became like 30-year-old guys. And George Burns said, yeah, Higgins, he was a reviewer for the Philadelphia Inquirer. And he panned them all. And George said, Higgins even gave Fink's mules a better review than me and Grayson. That's great.

So, yeah, treasure those. They were a treasure, actually, for me. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast, but first, a word from our sponsor uh now what's see now the thing i heard like somebody one time told me they said uh you know groucho marx wasn't called groucho because he was so pleasant to be around. So did you see any of that?

I never saw any of that. I never saw the personal life. I know there were a lot of divorces in them, although you get with Jack Benny and George Burns, you had people who were very stable-type people and married a long time. Groucho didn't have that kind of luck. But I never saw any nastiness at all to anybody from that group. They liked being with each other, and they had a history.

So, no, I didn't see any of the unpleasantness. So, no, I didn't see any of the unpleasantness. You know, they had stories about W.C. Fields, who probably was anti-Semitic on top of everything else. I was going to ask about that. I heard he was anti-Semitic. I mean, because all the Jews owned show business, and W.C. Fields wasn't Jewish, and they were all comedians, so you could understand him being a touch, a snitch, and a comedian. I think in his position, I might have been myself.

But then I heard he was best friends with Eddie Cantor and Fanny Bryce. That W.C. Fields was? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Strange, yeah. I mean, if? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Strange. Yeah. I mean, if you could tolerate Eddie Cantor, that's all right. David, you mentioned Tommy Smothers. Let's talk a little bit about the role you played in getting the Smothers Brothers finally kicked off the air at CBS.

Well, it wasn't finally. It wasn't like it was. Well, they were always in trouble with the network. Well, I, you know, from Second City, one of the things I did were these sermons where I would improvise a sermon. You know, the audience didn't know that I was forced to study the Bible and knew it very well. And so it was always a surprise that they could suggest anything in the Old Testament, and I sort of had some facts about it. And Tommy asked me to do one, and I did.

Moses was the first one. And it was, no one had done, it's 1967, and no one had done anything irreverent or nothing about the Bible at all on television. No one had done any humor that had to do with God and the Bible, on TV especially. And I don't think anywhere, but, you know, I had this sort of, I was playing a Reform rabbi But, you know, I was playing a Reform rabbi who really didn't know what he was talking about, if that's not a redundancy of some kind. But that's who I was playing. So I did Moses, had a wonderful rapport with God, whom I'm sure you'll all remember from last week's sermon. I was sort of innocent, if you're listening to it.

You know, it wasn't bad. And it went well. The audience laughed a lot, and listening to it. You know, it wasn't bad. And it went well. The audience laughed a lot and they liked it. And Tommy said, oh, God, that was so great. And every now and then we went out and celebrated afterwards, as you do after a show that goes well. And I went back to New York. It was in L.A. And what happened after I left, which I only found out later,

Tommy invited me back the next week to do another show. So I was going to fly back. I actually flew back to L.A. But what had happened is, after the Moses sermon, and remember, the Smothers Brothers show, there were only three networks. And the Smothers Brothers was the number one show in America. Brothers was the number one show in America. And after the Smothers Brothers, Tommy, the Smothers Brothers got the most hate mail for my sermon in the history of television. Didn't Tommy lead you into a room and show you the burlap sacks of hate mail? Show me the burlap sacks as if like, what a great thing, what an honor you've got. You know, I'm thinking he's got a career, and what's going to happen to me?

But, yeah, it was, I mean, really, it's an incredible statistic to realize that you've alienated more people than anyone ever in the history of television. So he was told by the network to not, you could have David Steinberg back, but don't do a sermon. And don't do a sermon. And he was very belligerent. He didn't like being told what to do. And he was pushing the envelope by having, you know, Pete Seeger and Joan Baez and singing their anti-war songs at the time, which the network wasn't happy about. But it was mine that they sort of drew the line on. And then I did another, I came back for the second time and I did a piece with Tommy,

another back and forth thing from Second City that I had done. And afterwards he said to me, God, that went so well. Why don't you do another sermon? went so well, why don't you do another sermon? And I hadn't known that CBS told him, don't have him do a sermon. And I did a sermon on Jonah, and I made a reference to the New Testament scholars grabbed the Jews by the Old Testament and made a gesture with my hands that looked like I was holding balls in my hands. And that sermon never got on the air, and that show never got on the air, and they were the number one show on television, and they were canceled, which had never happened before. From CBS. Can I tell you I know you weren't there but

I always heard a story that Bill Cosby once punched out Tommy's mother's. I think I would have known that. But let me tell you that there's no way that, I mean, Tommy Smothers could get punched out by a nun. He would throw a notch at the people. a nun he was so obnoxious to people.

So, I don't doubt that he drove Bill Cosby crazy, but I'm not sure that it came to Are you mistaking Bill Cosby for a nun? I don't know. And you did the David Steinberg show.

What about the David Steinberg show? Yeah, how'd you come up with the title? I was named after an accountant that I admired. But, well, you know, and then, well, I'll tell you, Gilbert, at that time, all my agents were saying to me, you know, you're getting hot now and all that. You can't continue. David Steinberg is not a good name. They said you're not going to get a show with the name David Steinberg. It's too Jewish.

Basically, the people who were telling me this were a-blastful. And Lou Weiss. No, no, you can't do it, but we could do it. But it just didn't make sense. Why would you change your name when, you know, all the teachers who thought you were a big screw-up, they won't know that it's me if I take money. So I just stayed with it.

We should point out to our younger viewers, David, as if we had any. The David Steinberg show was kind of a precursor of the Larry Sanders show. It was a behind-the-scenes look at a variety show. Well, Larry Sanders was a talk show, but it was... That was... I did that in Toronto, and it was... I hired these people and put them together that had never been on TV before. Marty Short was one of them. John Candy was another. Catherine O'Hara, Andrea Martin.

Joe Flaherty. Joe Flaherty, Dave Thomas. They were of the company. And John Candy played a Doc Severinsen sort of bandleader type named Spider Rossetti. And my closest friend, even to this day, Ziggy Steinberg, wrote all the shows. And it was the Larry Sanders show.

I think Gary Shandling even mentioned that to me, that he saw it and stayed in his memory for a while and all of that. But in those times, you couldn't get easy DVDs. You had to see it on a two-inch version of it. But yeah, that was one of my favorite things that I ever did, actually. I played, again, another redundancy. I played an egotistical version of myself. So the show was the show and the behind-the-scenes of the show? It was the show and behind-the-scenes, and it was done in Toronto, and people came, I had guest stars come up and do the show.

So every show had a guest star, and Ethel Merman did the show. Milton Berle did the show. Tommy Smothers did the show. Elliot Gould and John Voight, who were good friends of mine, they came up separately and did the show. And Richie Pryor did the show. And it was sort of a scripted show based around an incident. It was sort of my version of the old Burns and Allen show.

Because there was a deli across the street, and we would go into the deli and watch the rehearsals on TV in the deli that was across the street in the studio. So it was just a dream come true kind of experience. And George Burns was always breaking the fourth wall. Yes. My instinct for doing that came from the Burns and Allen show, which is very astute of you, smart of you to notice that. That's what I had in mind. And Gilbert and I are fans of Billy Saluga, who played the deli owner. Yes, and he played the deli.

He was one of my closest friends at the time. And Raymond J. Jr. You ever call me Ray? Oh, my God, yes. Yeah, and he was amazing. And, you know, later on he got into the Ace Trucking Company with Fred Willard, and they were an incredible group. But Billy was, yeah, he was my best friend who ran the deli across the street,

and he was in every show. Because I remember Burns would, like, in the middle of the show, be watching TV, watching his own show. Because I remember Burns would like in the middle of the show be watching TV, watching his own show and he would go now Harry Von Zell is going to come over and talk to Gracie and

he thinks she doesn't know what he's up to. Exactly. And I lifted all that kind of stuff. Because Marty Short played my cousin, but I wouldn't let him tell anyone that he was my cousin. Because I was so embarrassed.

And so he went by the name Johnny Del Bravo. And wrapping his arms around an older woman in the audience. He was like so bold and amazing, Marty. It was unbelievable. It really, you know, all the people, all the comedy world from Canada, they always remember that show because the group was so, I mean, John Candy and Joe Flaherty, every one of them was spectacular in their own way, comedically. So that was a dream come true show all the way through,

doing it and shooting it, all of it. Now, I was told to ask you to tell the Tony Bennett story. It's too long a story to tell on the phone. Could you give us an... See, now I can't take it. Now I really have to... I can't take it. I I really have to. I can't take it. I have to hear the Tony Bennett show.

Okay. Even if we make this a two-parter. I'll try and tell it to you. I don't know if it'll work on radio with me on the phone in L.A. and you in New York, but I'll try it. So, again, everything I did was based on, it had to have some modicum of the truth. It's not like I was 16 minutes and had to tell the truth all the time. But mostly I needed to have something happen. This is pretty much how it happened so it was my first tonight show and i had been bumped from the show

at least three times because there were too many guests and they went too long and this was on the show with 90 minutes and this was in new york and my agent was irvin arthur did you know irvin arthur gil I know the name. Yeah, he was wonderful. He was a GAC agent. And for three, actually four times in a row, four times in a row, they announced me on the show, but I never got on because it always went too long with other guests. So even my mother said, honey, maybe you're not going to, maybe they're just going to say your name.

And that's it. I said, no mom, I promise you, I'm supposed to get off anyway. So the fifth time, my, my age,

so Urban Arthur came, don't worry. They got to realize that you're a big star and you're going to get on the show. And I'm going to make a thing about that. You're going to get on. Don't worry. Tonight you are on the show. So I remember it was sort of a snowy night outside,

and I'm looking at the board at who the guests are, and there's only one guest, and it's Tony Bennett and me and David Steinberg. So I said, okay, this is good. You know, there's Tony Bennett, David Steinberg. And so then Johnny goes into the audience and does Stump the Band. Oh, sure. You know where they trade a number, and he does Stump the Band. Oh, yeah, sure. So Stump the Band is usually a five-minute little thing.

It goes into the audience. They guess what it is, and Johnny says it. The Stump the Band is going so well that this is like a War and Peace version of it. It lasts for 25 minutes, actually. It's a Stump the Band. It might as well have been a Stump the Band special. So I'm still waiting. I'm looking at the clock, and it's special. So I'm still waiting. I'm looking at the clock, and it's 90 minutes.

I'm not worried. And then Tony Bennett comes on, and he sits down instead of going to see right away. And Johnny says, before you do a number, you know, I know you started out here and there and then Tony Bennett, who's not exactly Mr. Words, is George Bernard Shaw tonight. You've never heard, I've never heard anyone that articulate. He's

talking in metaphors and funny and that, that, that, that, that. It's great. The audience is going crazy for him. So they break for a commercial and I say, Irvin, that, that. It's great. The audience is going crazy for him. So they break for a commercial, and I say, Irvin, it's getting a little, how much time is left? Don't worry, there's three more segments and all that. They come back,

and Tony Bennett talks to Johnny even more, and there are even more stories. And now Johnny's telling stories, and Tony Bennett's laughing. And then they break for a commercial and they come back. And he said, and now Tony Bennett, and don't worry, ladies and gentlemen, Tony Bennett's going to be singing a song. And, you know, and he goes back and talks to him.

Now, he's talking to him and they break the commercial. He hasn't sang a song yet. And there's only one segment left. And so I'm going over the material. I said, I can't even. If I'm only on for half a segment, I'm not going to get anything said. It's, like, unbelievable. And I say to Irvin, Irvin, this is ridiculous.

I mean, Irvin said, don't worry. He said to me, I'm going to take care of all of this. Irvin, my agent. And I hear him going back and he's talking to Rudy T as the producer. And he's hollering at him. He said, you don't understand what you're doing. David Steinberg is an up-and-coming star. He has to be on the show. You promise.

I mean, I was so proud of him. It was really great. And then I wait for him to come back to tell me I'm going to be on the show. He said, we're not going to go on. He said, there's not enough time. But you're going to be on next week, so let's get out of here. The press

could be, we both put on our winter coats, and we're leaving. And just as we're leaving, and outside the door of the studio, Tony Bennett says, and now I'd like to sing, I Left My Heart in San Francisco. And Urban said to me, wait a sec, I love this song. Oh, God. Oh, God.

David, speaking of managers and agents, is it true that David Geffen talked you out of auditioning for The Graduate? Yeah, you know, I don't know. I never really told that story a lot. He claims it never happened. David Geffen said I would never have done it. But I seem to remember, you know, he was not a major agent. He was like working himself up, but he was like, you could see he was going to be something. He was so smart

and cool and all of that. And I was going to audition for The Graduate and I was walking down the hallway away from Harry Calshine, my agent in the other hall. And he said, where are you going? I said, well, there Nichols is doing this movie, and I'm going to go audition for it. He said, which one? Pardon me, I said, The Graduate. He said, The Graduate? They're not going to go with a little Jew like you. They're going to go with Tony Bill.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You know, David Geffen, who's probably the most successful person in the world that I know, he says, please don't tell that story anymore. Please don't tell that story anymore. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast after this. Now, you were supposed to be on the cover of Newsweek. Yes. In 1974, and you were bumped.

Yes. I was on the cover. Was it you and Richard Pryor, Damon? It was me, Richard Pryor, and Lily Tomlin. Wow. And it was, we were the new comedians. And they sent us the cover. Well, they followed us.

They followed Lily, you know, a guy, Art Cooper, a very well-known writer, who was the editor of Gentleman Quarterly later on. He followed me all over in all my gigs all over the country, in colleges and clubs, you know, and all the little places I always have to play with jazz groups and stuff like that were open for me. And I opened for them mostly. But anyway, he followed me and someone else followed Billy and someone else would follow Richie. And I'm talking about two months of this, maybe even three months. And then they sent us the cover. And it was sort of the masks of, you know, tragedy and comedy. One of those sort of pretentious covers.

But you saw with my face and Lily's and Richie's. And August 9th, my birthday, Nixon resigned. And they bumped us off the cover and put him on the cover. That's an unkind cut, considering how you felt about Nixon. Yes, so I had reason to, but you know, he actually won. He bumped me off the cover. And you were on nixon's enemies list yeah yeah that because at that time you know it was during an election and you know now that we realize what went on i had no idea that these people heckling me were hired by the government uh you know they wanted

to stop my career because i was i had the benefit, as I said earlier, of being able to get things set on The Tonight Show. So there were people from the government who are paying people to start screaming stuff out when you were on. Yeah. To heckle me everywhere. Yeah, that's exactly right. That's what happened almost everywhere that I went. That's exactly right. That's what happened almost everywhere that I went. And I didn't know that they were shills, but my friend Ziggy, who was with me all the time,

said it always seems like the same guy, but we couldn't see them. You know, we were at that time playing the big colleges, and every time I did Nixon, it would start to holler and go crazy, and, you know, it didn't stop me, but it certainly wasn't fun. It didn't help the rhythm of the show. So they had people following you, the same people following you from city to city to heckle. Absolutely. Absolutely, yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah, it was terrifying, actually. And then when Watergate occurred, I saw one of the guys sitting behind Donald Segretti, who was one of the police guys who was saying, don't worry, we'll protect you in New York. And I realized he wasn't going to protect me at all. He's also another guy just taking names and who was around me. And so, you know, I was totally in it. I wasn't doing anything except what you saw me doing. It wasn't like there was another hidden agenda I had, you know. I was very out front about it.

So the guy who was going to protect you from the people who are following you was also with Nixon. Part of the Segretti, you know, the dirty tricks group. Yeah. This is more interesting than Dustin Hoffman, Robert Redford movie. Yeah, well, when someone is heckling you, it's scary. You know, you have to know, you hope that the guy isn't waiting for you afterwards. And especially from the government.

That is so, that is deranged. from the government. That is so, that is strange. Yeah, I mean, when I found that out, it was an unbelievably shocking feeling just in general. Wow. Now, David, indulge me, if you would, for a second, because as a kid, I loved your guest spot

on The Odd Couple, where you played yourself. And it's just one of the classic episodes. Do you have any memories of that? Oh, it was, it was,'s just one of the classic episodes do you do you have any memories of that or oh it was it was so first of all was uh uh jerry belson and gary marshall wrote that and they were like they had great writers on the odd couple and um and tony randall and jack kugman were just they were unbelievable in the parts. They were like almost better than anyone did it on Broadway. Well, maybe Walter Mouth was supposed to have been great and the others were good too, but

I, they were so perfect for these roles. And, uh, and then, yeah, and it was, it was a very simple premise in that Jack Cloverman was a sports writer. And he was on the show, on The Tonight Show, when I was guest hosting. And he started to talk about his roommate, how he was a neat freak and all of that. He got a lot of laughs. And Tony Randall went crazy, and he wanted to go on The Tonight Show. I had to go on The Tonight Show. And it was, you know, a lot of people know every,

they know all the words to all the songs that Tony Randall and I sang from the past. You know, he was a guy who knew all the Little Orphan Annie songs. Sure, sure. Yeah. And that's the turning point where you join in and send things. Yes, yes. I know all the songs. And I also do know those songs from the past. It was incredible.

They sort of tapped into your personality a little bit. But Randall, Tony Randall in that scene where he comes on The Tonight Show with me, and he's very nervous, nervous, nervous, and I talk him into singing a song, and he gets really cocky, and he leans back, and he leaned back so far he was going to fall, and I grabbed him by his foot. It's a great moment. I thought you guys rehearsed that because it's such a beautiful piece of physical comedy. Oh, I was saving his life.

And afterwards, you know, he wasn't a warm and fuzzy guy, but afterwards he just hugged me. I said, you know, because I saved you. He said, no, that you caught me. It's the biggest laugh we could have gotten. All he cared about were the laughs. So he's hugged me. I said, you know, because I saved you. He said, no, that you caught me. It's the biggest laugh we could have gotten. All he cared about were the laughs. So he's such a professional. It was just great. But I actually love that show.

I'm so glad I got to do it. I remember hearing Jack Lemmon, who was in the movie, said he was a big fan of the TV series. Yeah, you couldn't not be. Like, Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, I mean, they were such amazing talents, so they wouldn't be jealous of Tony Randall and Jack Klugman. Yeah, you couldn't.

It was written so well. And, you know, I think Matt Perry is doing an odd Couple now on CBS. I believe he is. Yeah. And I hope they're mimicking the television show more than the movie, because that was so great. I just have to tell you a quick anecdote,

David. I saw a very strange production of that episode of The Odd Couple live in Los Angeles about 15 years ago, and Sarah Silverman played David Steinberg. Oh, you know what? That's amazing. She told me that.

She told you? She told me that on my show. There you go. She played me. Some friends of mine mounted the production, and I sent, because I love that episode, I said, who's playing David Steinberg? And they said, Sarah is. Now, was she good? Did she get laughed at?

Excellent. Okay. Now, a lot of people don't know that, but you're a very established director. Well, I enjoy directing. So, yeah, I directed a lot of sitcoms. I wanted to direct sitcoms when, at that time, if you were a director, that was the wrong way to go. You went into movies.

That was all that people wanted to do. But I loved the sitcom form. I didn't regard it as a cheap second cousin to anything. And I started it sort of young before the television boom occurred. And at that time, there were a lot of older directors who were retiring and getting out of it. So I got to work on all these incredible shows. And it was just so much fun to do. It was just great.

And you are a director on a lot of episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David. I did, yes. Yes, and that was great. You know, Larry David's a friend, and Larry Charles was, you know, writing with me early on. You remember that Larry Charles wrote the Belzer show that we did. Oh, yes. And that you were in, Gilbert. That's another great gem to find.

What was that show? Yeah, it was Belzer as Richard Belzer. And he plays a comedian at Catch a Rising Star. Yeah. Also stretching. And you were the bartender. Were you the bartender? Yeah, I was the bartender.

And at one point point there's an episode where they're trying to pretend that i'm mick jagger yes you were sitting with a ascot in the now i i know i told this story on your show but it's a story i just love telling. One time you were directing me in an episode of, oh, what, Paul Reitz? Mad About You. Yes. Yeah, you were directing me in an episode of Mad About You. I had to do this scene, say a line, and run off. And so I did it.

And then you walked over to me very uncomfortably, you were directing, and you said, I want you to run off again. But this time, could you make it a little faster? And I said, yeah, I guess I could run faster. And then you went, no, no, no. Could you make it a little more graceful? And I said, then I just totally shrugged my shoulders. And then you said, well, I mean, that's such a jerky movement. It's more evenly.

And then finally you just stopped and threw your hands up in the air and said, can you run less Jewish? And I understood exactly. That sounds like me. Those are the kind of notes I gave to a lot of people. I don't think Alfred Hitchcock ever gave that direct. And then one other story we talked about in your show, but also, you were asked to tell the aristocrats in the documentary.

Yes, yes. And I can't tell a joke i can't not tell a joke which is really bad for a comedian it is a little bit of a handy thing and i actually tried to while Penn Jillette was there. And they said, oh, my God, that's horrendous. They even just said it to my face. It's the worst. So I said, well, who's on the show?

And they said, well, Gilbert Gottfried. I said, well, how about if I introduce Gilbert Gottfried? And they said, okay. And that's all I did in the aristocrats is I introduced you. And so I always thought it should have been you, David Steinberg, telling the aristocrats. And it would have been a family walks into a talent agent's office. And then the father starts sucking his son's cock. And then

the son is eating his mother's cunt. That's like Alan Thicke doing David Steinberg. Exactly. Well, David, I can't tell you how much fun I had once again talking to you. Oh, it's always fun for me, Gilbert.

You know, you've always been one of my favorite comedians ever. And that still goes. Thank you so much for including me in this. Thanks, David. Oh, thank you. And any time you want to come back, any time you have something to plug, please. Thank you so much, Gilbert. So we've been talking to the great David Steinberg.

And this has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, saying until next week.