Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 17. Barbara Feldon

Episode Date: September 17, 2014

"Agent 99" herself, the funny and utterly charming Barbara Feldon invites Gilbert and Frank to her Manhattan townhouse to share warm memories of "Get Smart" co-stars Don Adams, Ed Platt and Bernie Kopell and gives us her take on the Steve Carell feature film version. Also, Barbara looks back on working with everyone from Dean Martin to Bruce Dern and tells us how she managed to win $64,000 on a quiz show. Plus: Gilbert channels John McGiver! A live rendition of the "99" song! Barbara auditions to be a stripper! And the worst TV movie ever made! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. You know, when I was a kid, one of my favorite TV shows was a takeoff on all the James Bond movies. It was called Get Smart, and it was created by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. And today, wouldn't you believe, my co-host Frank Santopadre and I visited the townhouse of Agent 99 herself,

the funny and beautiful Barbara Felden. And now, ladies and gentlemen, still sexier than any Bond girl, ladies and gentlemen, Agent 99 herself, Barbara Felden. Oh, Max. Boy, that still gives me a chill up my spine. Yeah, that still does it for me. Oh, how about, look out, Max! Flashbacks.

Yeah, right. That was probably, those were the two things that I... Now, how many O-Maxes were there? There was the scared O-Max, the seductive O-Max. There were probably about 4,327 OMAXs. Can you show? Mostly the OMAX was, it was half between affection and like embarrassment. Oh.

Oh, my gosh. Now, if you remember the first time we met. I do. How could I forget? Oh, my God. Buddy said, we have a mutual friend, Buddy. And Buddy said, I want you to meet Gilly. He's very, very fond of you.

Yes. And so. Don't act surprised. We went to Beth Israel Hospital to the intensive care unit and there you were. That's where I meet all my dates. It was

auspicious. You were splayed in the intensive care and not looking too good. No. What did I look like there because i couldn't see my honest to god you looked i mean first of all you look very young but you were very young this was about 19 19 no um yeah 1992 i think right oh i think yes yes yes because it was right around the time when Aladdin was coming out. Oh, really?

Yes, yes. Oh, okay. I had a burst appendix. Yeah, yeah. And then there were complications? Yeah, yeah, there was peritonitis. Oh, my God. Yeah.

And you were really out of it. You had this faraway look in your eye, and I thought thought, oh my God, is he going to make it? And you were adorable. You were like in your 30s, I think. Oh, yeah. You just looked like a boy who was in big trouble. I liked you immediately.

Not because you were in trouble. I mean, I don't go looking for that. It's not some perverted thing that you're into dying guys. No, I haunt the hospital. There's not some kind of sick stuff we're finding out about Barbara Feldenkrais. No, hanging out in the intensive care unit just in case some attractive young thing would be in real trouble. Yeah. Because I remember I was there in intensive care, and it was like dark in there.

And there's all these machines pumping. And I was attached with a thousand wires to me. And I was on a million drugs, and I was like fading in and out of consciousness. And everything was in a dream state. Like people walking around looked blurry, and I could just vaguely hear voices. And I felt horrible. And then, out of the darkness, I see Agent 99. Did you think you were hallucinating?

Yeah, yeah. I thought, if I survive this, I want to know what drugs they have me on, because I want to continue these. Well, you took one today. Here I am. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Now, tell us about how you... Well, you actually, and I remember these commercials, before Get Smart,

you were the girl rolling around on the tiger skin rug. You're right. A crooning to all you tigers. To use top brass and siccum. Yes. It was a very easy job, as you can imagine. Yeah, no, I still remember that, because that, to me, was porn.

That was porn back then. Well, in those days, yeah. It was very sort of tongue-in-cheek, but yeah, it was definitely a come-on. It was a dandruff shampoo, wasn't it? Top Brass? See that? Nobody knew what the product was.

Top Brass. They thought it was me. Yeah, it was Top Brass hairdressing for men. I should tell our listeners, I think you can find that commercial online, on YouTube. It's still out there. Yeah. And that was the thing thing that they got to, Buck Henry supposedly saw it and decided that, was it Buck Henry that decided you were the person?

No, actually that commercial in truth ran for two years and nobody, first of all, they didn't think it was me delivering it. They thought I was a model and they'd had an actor kind of say the words so I would look believable. But in two years of it running constantly, nobody thought I would be capable of acting in anything.

So that was not what led to Get Smart. I mean, what led to Get Smart was an interesting story because it was right time, right place. But that was two years after. Now, say the two guys who created Get Smart. Well, Buck Henry and Mel Brooks.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They were just... It was brilliant. I mean, it was... That kind of talent comes out maybe once in a generation or a few times in a generation.

And it was just at the right time. It was, well, Dan Melnick who was with Talent Associates, the producer had the idea to do an extreme version of James Bond, take it as far as you could into a comic strip. And then they hired Mel and Buck to write it.

And when they... It was the right time, the right place. It was the right time, the right place. It was the right time in history. Everything was spy something at that time. Yeah, because there was James Bond. There was Man From U.N.C.L.E. Man From U.N.C.L.E. It followed Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Yeah, R. Man Flint. And Matt Helm. Oh, yeah, Matt Helm. There were already Bond parodies floating around. And so it just took it to the furthest step. Do I have more bad information, or were they trying to find some kind of combination of Bond and the Panther films? Because that's what I read online.

Oh, that could be. I don't know everything. I know very little. But I may be full of disinformation as far as I know. Well, that wraps up our interview today. There we go. Yes, you've gone totally senile. That may be true.

Now, I remember hearing an interview that Don Adams, they said you're going to have like a sexy sidekick named Agent 99. Yeah. And they showed him a bunch of photos. And when it got to you, he said something like, well, you're kidding, aren't you? You know, like this was, why is there even a competition? Oh, I didn't know that story, but I'm happy to hear it because the story that Don always told me.

Uh-oh. More misinformation. They hired me because Talent Associates had done another series called Mr. Broadway. With Craig Stevens. Craig Stevens, who is 6'4". And I played an industrial spy, a kind of sexy industrial spy. So when they got the script for Get Smart and they read the 99 character, they said, that's the character, that's her.

So they offered me the role. And Don did not know who I was, and they showed him the episode of Mr. Broadway. And he said he was walking out of the room watching enough of it. He saw enough of it and said, oh, my God, she's the one. This is just perfect. And as he got to the door, he turned around just as Craig Stevens got up. And I was standing, and we were the same height.

And, I mean, I'm not 6'4", but... And he went, wait a minute. So we had a long history of my working in stocking feet and having little holes dug for me in the sand to stand in. And I've always said that I'm the only actress in Hollywood who had calluses on her ankles. Now, you said you were like your back was hurting doing those because you had to scrunch down.

Slumping, yeah. No, I would slouch. I hate to watch those early ones because all I'm doing is trying to look short. Forget the acting. Just make me look short. And yeah, I would slouch, and then I would stick my hip out, and then I would turn my foot over,

and then I could look up at him. And you said, too, that there are certain, if you watch any episode, there are your height changes. Yeah. We walk in with shoes on me and do the closeups and verify in my bare feet. Yeah. Well, how tall are you and how tall was done? Uh, I was five, nine.

He said he was five, nine. I see. nine. He said he was five nine. I see. Now, what about all the guest stars you had on that show? Oh, they were fabulous. I mean, all of the comedians because they were all pals of his.

And I rarely worked with any of them because those were scenes that he did with them. And that was always a big treat on the set. Rickles, Johnny Carson, Larry Storch, everybody came over there. And a very young James Caan. That's right. As the prince.

That's right. Yes, yes. Don loved to do those takeoffs on movies. Yeah, I remember they were, he used to he did one or more than one where he would do a ronald coleman imitation oh yeah and then others one where it was a whole takeoff on uh the treasure of sierra madre so he's doing his bogart yeah yeah and earl fly Oh, yes, yes. And then there was one where, because this was another hit show at the same time, they did a whole takeoff on The Fugitive. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, where they said, and they had an announcer at the beginning go, and now Maxwell Smart is a fugitive. Well, he was a great mimic. He did a wonderful Ronald Coleman. Yes. And they did a parody of The List of Adrian Messenger. Do you remember that movie? Oh, yes, I love that movie.

The John Huston film where everybody is in makeup, with Sinatra and all the people are in makeup. I mean, it was very sophisticated writing. My favorite episode was the one, and it's one of the few episodes I really remember very clearly, is the one where we both play Charlie Chaplin. So we're in mustaches and the whole thing, and it's when

Max finally proposes to Agent 99 in her mustache. That was fun. Is it true that the series was originally written for Tom Poston and wound up with Don because it went to another network? Yeah. I mean, I don't know why that happened, but I do know that.

My understanding, it was his ABC and Tom Poston was under contract. And when it went to NBC, they had Don under contract. And that's how. And now you can't imagine anyone else. Of course not. Having done that role. He was a joy to work with. It was his energy.

It was like adrenaline. It was like getting, you know, just having 16 cups of coffee the minute they said action, because it was, you just hook into that energy. You don't even have to do anything. You just lift it off. And I heard, too, he said that his whole character of

Maxwell Smart was like an imitation of William Powell like an exaggerated because he had that kind of way of talking and it was a totally exaggerated caricature yeah no question

but he had done that character as Sammy Glick. Oh, Byron Glick. Byron Glick. And was he on the Bill Dana show? Yeah, he was the hotel detective. Yes, yes. So Maxwell Smart was really an extension of that character.

He was doing that voice. Yeah, he was. Because I remember the Bill Dana show. Yeah. Bill Dana was on our show, too. Oh, yeah. In fact, the only episode that Don was not in, as far as I know, Bill Dana played the role that Don would have played with me.

Oh, wow. It was kind of neat. Eskimo suits in the middle of summer. It was great. He glued everything. Now, I think you said, and he was also terrific on the middle of summer. It was great. He glued everything. Now, I think you said, and he was also terrific on the show. Oh, he was fabulous.

Yes. But Ed Platt. Oh, Ed. Ed Platt, who was the chief. Oh, he was a marvel. You know, it's interesting that, although Ed wasn't out front as starring in the show, his anchoring of everything in reality,

because he was such an honest actor, and he brought such gravitas to it, and yet he had the comedy timing as well. He was invaluable, invaluable to the show. He's a great straight man. Oh, yeah. That's what people forget about. Well, I think so many straight men are like that.

They're ignored. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, Ed Platt was great at that. And they're reactors a lot. You know, they feed and then they react. And to be able to play off someone who's as clownish as Don Adams was on that. Yeah. And bring it down to reality.

Yeah. But you said that he was, it would drive him crazy. Like the kind of comedy on there, like I guess maybe Don would ad-lib or fool around on the set. Oh, drive Ed crazy? Yes. Oh, Ed had the worst dialogue to say. All of these, you know, the supersonic inverter, you know. And he had to just spill it out.

And Don would make bets that he wouldn't be able to get through it. And of course, Ed was a nervous wreck. I mean, any actor is, because the last thing you want to do is to hold up production, because that's what it's all about, is getting it done fast. Forget the acting, let's just get the words out, and let's move on. And Ed would have these long, complicated, technical things to wrap his tongue around. And then Don would say, okay, bet's going out. And of course, Ed would get flustered. And it was a little mean, I think.

But, yeah. Now, Don Adams at that point, too, he got very famous and that was a major hit show and I think he then came down with like a textbook midlife crisis. Oh, yes. like a textbook midlife crisis. Oh, yes. You know, Don wrote an autobiography that I believe his daughter was going to have published.

I read it. He sent it to me a number of years ago. And I was so impressed with the writing that it was so beautifully written. He was really a good writer, not just a good comedy writer. And in it, he talks about that. So I feel that I can say what I read there.

He wanted to publish it. Yeah, that he kind of hit 50 and put on bell-bottom jeans and leather jacket and began writing poetry and and you know went off with um lady and uh yeah it was it was complicated i i remember you said in an interview that he went to europe with his wife trying to get their marriage a little back together and then in the middle of the trip he made up some story to his wife that, oh, they just called me from L.A., I have to shoot a commercial. And he just flew to another part,

to like Greece or something, where he flew his girlfriend out. Oh, I don't remember that. Yeah. But it would be in the book, I'm sure. Yeah. He had an interesting life. I mean, things people don't know about him. He was a drill instructor. Oh, in don't remember that. Yeah. But it would be in the book, I'm sure. He had an interesting life. I mean, things people don't know about him.

He was a drill instructor. Oh, in the Army? Yeah, he was a drill instructor in the Army. He was in the Pacific, and he almost died. Almost died. Yeah, from a blackwater fever. Right, and he says in the book, I don't know if it's an exaggeration, but I would guess from the tone of the book,

he's being fairly honest about everything. He said they put him over where the dying people were because they were just going to leave him alone because they were sure that he was gone. And he survived, obviously. Yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Now, I have to hit this part of the story.

When you were a young struggling actress slash model, you applied for a very odd job. Yes. I grew up in a family that my father was very determined that I would become an independent young woman. And I was doing fine for about a year in New York, and then suddenly I couldn't even get a temp job. I don't know why, And I needed $33. So I called my dad and he said, you know, I think it's time you grow up and figure a way to support yourself. And, uh, actually I thank him for that now, but the next day I

looked in backstage, which are backstage, right? Yes, still around. And there was an ad for a stripper. And I thought, well, I can dance. So I showed up. It was someplace way over on 11th Avenue or something in the 40s, a seedy area. And I got all dressed up. I had a blue A-line dress on and high heels.

And it had a white Peter Pan collar and a little red tie. But streamers went all the way down the front. Wow. And I wore a little red tie that streamers went all the way down the front. Wow. And I wore a little hat and I wore white gloves and I found the address and it was like an old tacky, the backstage of this place, this stage door. And it was like an old garage or something. It was just all grimy and there were two guys standing by the stage door and one was very short and he had a stubby little cigar in his mouth

and the other looked pretty much the same and so I thought okay that so I walked up and I had backstage with me and I had it all outlined. And I showed them the ad and I said, I've come to apply for this job. And the guy looked at me. He looked from my shoes to my hat and he said, get out of here. hat and he said, get out of here. Probably thought you were working undercover to bust a place or something. What kind of hat? Oh,

probably at that time it was a little clip-on thing with a little veil probably just over the eyes. Maybe you were a tad overdressed. I think so. You were dressed for aressed. I think so. Like you were dressed for... A secretarial position, for sure. Yes, yes, like you were going to tell them how many words you could type.

When were you a contestant on the $64,000 question, Barbara? When did this happen? That happened in the late 50s, and I was working as a showgirl. See, I did have some experience. Do you have a pole in this apartment? Yes, it's hidden in the closet, but I take it out secretly. We should say that we're in Barbara's beautiful townhouse. Yeah.

So what was the question? About the $64,000 question, which I don't think a lot of people know about you. I was working as a showgirl in revival of the Ziegfeld Follies. And one day they gave us a test to

see, just a PR thing, you know, to see if a girl, a showgirl can wear feathers and have a brain. And they asked us the stupidest questions like, which is smarter, a mouse or a chicken? And we were all cheating there about... LAUGHTER

Copying from each other, which do you think? And then it was published in the New York Times magazine section with our leggy photographs, and somehow it was decided that I got 100%, which did not make me popular in the dressing room. And before you knew it, the $64,000 question had called and said, we'd like her to come in. And so I just brushed it off.

I mean, I knew I wasn't an expert on anything, and I wouldn't do it. But I had recently met someone who I fell in love with, and he said, but you've got to do it. You have to. I mean, it's good publicity. You're an actor. Do it. And so I thought, okay, well, I'll go talk to them.

And before I went in, I thought, you know, one thing I could do, probably, because I always had these kind of projects of, like, going all the way through James Joyce's Ulysses, page by page, over a period of 18 years or something. And at that time, I was reading King Lear, and I thought, I'm going to read straight through all of Shakespeare, which I didn't do and still haven't done. And so I thought, if I got a complete works of William Shakespeare, I could probably memorize enough useless information

that maybe I could get through one of the first rounds or something. I went in and I said, if you give me three months to study, I'll just cram all this trivia. They said, that was a really neat idea. They would give me a test and then they'd see. I mean, make sure that I didn't just

totally embarrass everyone. That's what happened. Then I went on the show, and I, yeah, eventually won it. How much did you win? $64,000. Wow. Wow.

On the subject of Shakespeare. Yeah. And this was when the show was very popular. Yes. At that time. Yes. You know, before I forget, and this goes back to something we was talking about before

with Don Adams' height. Just for people in the audience, when we were setting up at Barbara's table, and I was sitting down in the chair, Barbara gave me a cushion. Extra cushion. An extra cushion on the seat as a booster seat so she could see me over the table. I feel like Billy Barney. Billy Barney, who was on Get Smart, by the way. Yes.

It was a very high table, though. In all fairness, it's an extremely high table. Now, what was I... Oh, you... When you were on Get Smart, and around and afterwards, it was like the height of variety shows. Yeah.

And you did every one of them. Yeah, I did a lot of them. That was the most fun of anything I've ever done in my life. Because you rehearse three days and you get to do silly sketch comedy. And then you go on and you have fun and it's over. I remember you on Laugh-In in those days. Yeah, yeah. I did the first five Laugh-Ins.

With George Slaughter. Yep. Was that fun? Oh, it was wonderful. Yeah, I did the first five laugh-ins. With George Slaughter. Yep. Was that fun? Oh, it was wonderful. Yeah, I loved it. So it was you and Goldie and Lily Tomlin and Artie Johnson. Yeah, the whole first wave. Yeah, yeah.

What other variety shows did you do back then? Oh, gosh. I did Dean Martin several times. Now, you worked with both Martin and Lewis because you did Jerry Lewis. Yeah, a special, a Jerry Lewis special. Who was on then? Yeah, I did all of them. The Smothers Brothers.

Well, Carol Burnett was on then. Carol Burnett. And Caesar did a special. And, oh, gosh, Glen Campbell. Wow. Well, there are a lot of those summer replacement series. They used to do those summer variety series, the short runs. Marty Feldman.

Sure. I did that series. I remember that show. Do you remember any of them in particular to work with? I mean, Dean Martin was just a dear experience. Because you didn't rehearse with him him you rehearsed with a surrogate and then he just came on and sat down just before

you were going to shoot it you didn't even do a dress rehearsal with him and then he came in and he read cue cards and I don't know if he'd ever read them before or not. And then your chore, it was hardly a chore, your pleasure,

was just to come on and try to break him up or, you know, just have fun. He was just like this doll that you were just going to play with. And I loved that. And he had, even though I never had a conversation with him, there was a spirit he had, there was such a sweetness about him and such a warmth. And I just remember that. I remember how lovely it felt to be out there with him. And you're not aware of the camera at all. It's just you and him and just having fun.

Did you do sketches or did you do a little singing? Sketches and yeah, I sang and did a little dance numbers and stuff. Yeah, I remember with Dean Martin, it was always like the charm of the show. Well, he always pretended he was drunk out of his skull. And the charm of that show is that he didn't know, like, you could see he was reading.

He made no... Yeah, no, no. And that was the fun of it. Yeah, you're right. Oh, he was a dear. Now, on the opposite end, now Jerry Lewis you worked with. Yeah. I just did a sketch with him.

I didn't really have any interchange with him. He's kind of a loose cannon in front of the camera. I remember that. I remember being nervous before going on because the director came back and said, you know what, you rehearsed with him? And I said, yes. And he said, none of that is going to happen.

Something else will. And he didn't tell me what. So it was an adventure. And what were some of the other shows you did? Oh, wow. You were on The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Man From U.N.C.L.E. And Flipper.

Oh, Flipper. Oh, my God. You did do your homework. And.N.C.L.E. Man From U.N.C.L.E. And Flipper. Oh, Flipper. Oh, my God. You did do your homework. And 12 O'Clock High. Flipper, yeah. With Robert Lansing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Profiles in Courage.

Oh, well. It's all in the past. Let's talk about now. Let's talk about you, Gilly. now. Let's talk about you, Gilly. You were also in like a really interesting dark comedy called Smile. Oh, that was so nice. Yeah. Michael Ritchie, who had, he did several films all on his own. Downhill Racer. Yeah, The Candidate. Yeah, Gilbert and I are fans.

Bad News Bears later. But he made some dark comedies in the 70s. He did, and he really made social satire. And there was the combination, certainly in Smile, which is about a beauty pageant, that he actually had been one of the judges of a year before we did the movie, in Santa Rosa, where he shot the movie. And he saw all the possibilities of it.

He saw the absurdity of beauty pageants, but he also saw the kind of, with sort of a nostalgic eye, the American thing of it, you know? And so he, with another writer, wrote the script, and we went up there, and it was quite a sharp satire of these people in Santa Rosa, and I was very uncomfortable when we were making it, because I thought we were making fun of them and they're all excited that we're here but they don't realize that this is they're going to come out looking foolish and actually I was wrong they did not look foolish it was endearing and that was that's what made him an artist,

because he could work with ambivalence and work with layers. And it was a very rounded picture. And yet, you know, a parody. And you played a very cold, calculating... Oh, God, yes. You were Brenda, the pageant director. Brenda, with the stiff hair, and the wind would blow me away before the hair would move.

And it was so easy to play. It just scared me how easy it was to be evil. It just came so naturally. I've been holding it back my whole life. A very hateful character, just manipulating everyone. She was very mean to her husband.

But when I was playing her, I was totally on her side. I mean, her husband was alcoholic, and she was annoyed with him. Now, was your husband Bruce Stern? No, Bruce Stern was the car dealer. Bruce Stern was the car dealer. Who's also... I can't remember who played my husband. Yeah, oh.

Our crack research team here will look it up. Oh, thank you very much. Nicholas someone, I think. Oh, Nick, yeah. Nicholas, what was his name? He was in that... Oh, he's a funny character actor. It'll come to me.

He was a wonderful actor. We should say that Jerry Belson was that other writer from the Dick Van Dyke show... Oh, he's a funny character actor. It'll come to me. He was a wonderful actor. We should say that Jerry Belson was that other writer from the Dick Van Dyke show and The Odd Couple, and he wrote a movie that Gilbert and I like called The End, the Burt Reynolds picture. Oh, yes. Tom Delouise. Yeah, you're such a movie buff, though.

Yeah. Both of you, obviously. Dara is showing us. Nicholas Pryor played Andy, who was the husband. Nick, please forgive me. But it was a long time ago. And what was Bruce Dern like to work with? He was

amazing. Bruce Dern, how do I even describe this? You've never met him? No. He has a gift of words and an ability to put the syntax together in a kind of startling ways that just keeps you thinking that you're listening to literature when he talks. And I don't mean in any pretentious way. It's just a creative way that he had expressing himself. So what I remember mostly,

I mean, I only had a couple of scenes with him, what I remember mostly about Bruce, I liked him tremendously as a person, was just the enjoyment of hearing him speak and the originality with which he expressed himself. And the other thing was that I think he was about 42 at that time, I'm not sure exactly, and he was, I think, training for the Senior Olympics, running, or maybe, you know, forget that age thing, I think his pulse was 42 because he'd been running so long literally it lowers your pulse and that he had this very very low pulse

because he was such an assiduous runner you know it's funny because he's funny in that film and you don't think of bruce dern with comedies you think of him in westerns and fan the hitchcock movie family plot things like that. He was very funny and smile. Everybody was. People get a niche. The movie was, I think, a very, very charming and special

movie. And you worked with Dick Van Dyke. Yeah. I love that film. Fitzwillie. Fitzwillie. Do you want to talk about it a little bit? I it was Yeah. I love that film, Fitzwillie. Fitzwillie. Yeah, you want to talk about it a little bit? It was the first movie I did. I remember I was very nervous in the opening scene. And he was very, very cordial and a very, very nice person to work with.

It was done in a very kind of professional way. It wasn't like nobody hung out together or anything. Not that I've ever had that experience in anything I've done. But yeah, it was, oh I know what was really fun. We were working with Dame Edith Evans and we were all so impressed. The first day that she came on the set we didn't know how to address her. She's a very famous Shakespearean actress.

Yeah. Oh, God. Very accomplished. We were in awe of her. I mean, we were just doing these comedies, and there was Dame Edith Evans. And so the director then went to her and said, how would you like to be addressed? And she said, just be casual.

Just address me as Dame Edith. It's a really strange plot, that film. Gilbert, do you know Fitzwillie? I haven't seen that in years. He's a butler who's running scams and schemes to basically this woman has no money, the woman that he's working for. She hasn't really inherited anything. And he's pulling off heists so that she can live,

continue to live in the style she's accustomed to. And Barbara plays the secretary who shows up to help her with this very bizarre dictionary for people who can't spell. Yes, and then tries to kind of tries to blow the whole thing. It's a real screwball comedy plot. The kind of thing you'd see in the 40s. Yes, you're right.

It does have that kind of quality. And MacGyver was in it? John MacGyver. That's who I was just about to ask you about, because he's one of my favorite character actors. Chuck MacGyver. Oh, yeah.

Someone else for listeners to look up now. Yes. He's probably most famous for Midnight Cowboy. Oh, yes. Yes. Because of these boys, he's a strong back. That's perfect. Oh, yes. Yes. Because I'll do these for you. It's a strong back. That's perfect. That's great.

I'll do these. Pray. Pray with me, Joe. And Norman Fells in that one, too. Oh, my God. Another Gilbert Gottfried favorite. Yes, another one of my gods. Yeah. Because they don't have those great character actors like they used to. No, you know, that's true.

Is it because, why is that? Films are independent films now? They're not studios putting these people in many films? Maybe. Well, it's funny. Just a few days ago, we interviewed Adam West. Yeah. And he said he was in the studio system,

and he loved being in the studio system. A lot of them complained. But back then, it was like you had them, and you go, okay, you. You'll be the cop. You'll be the gangster in this scene and um and they worked all the time yeah so he had a job so there was no downtime they just he worked constantly i mean he he was telling us he must have made 10 11 failed pilots i mean before batman showed up yeah and then plenty afterward. But under the studio system, he worked constantly.

You also made a TV movie with another one of Gilbert's favorite actors. This actor comes up on almost every one of our podcasts, and that's Burgess Meredith. Yes. Oh, right. Oh, my God. You did a movie called Getting Away From It All. Oh, my God. That thing wasn't even written when we were shooting it.

from it all. Oh my god, that thing wasn't even written when we were shooting it. Oh, that was one of the worst television movies ever. Now I want to see it. With that wonderful cast. And I have never, you asked what was my favorite thing,

I forgot. Filming that terrible movie was my favorite thing I ever did. Because Larry Hagman was starring in it. And Larry showed up. We were shooting at some mansion in Los Angeles. So the first morning we show up for work and in comes his, he had this just big van, I mean a van, like a moving van

that was all decorated inside like a Pasha's. His wife is a marvelous artist. And she would create these amazing environments for Larry to be happy in. So we show up and he's got tents on the front yard and front lawn of this house. And they have big cushions in them for everybody to kind of lounge on and their champagne constantly and I mean I don't have to drink but

there was and um and Larry is was the the most delicious human being to be around. He was just endlessly funny and playful. He was like just this kid. He just played. And yeah, like you. Last week you were compared to the penguin and this week you were compared to Larry Hagman. Yeah, I had a great honor. Adam West told me I would have made a great penguin.

That, to me, was the biggest thrill of my career. Do you have an imitation of a penguin? Other than... Oh, it's pretty good? It's pretty good? Yeah, because I love Burgess Meredith as the penguin and also of Mice and Men. Oh, I didn't see that. Oh, well

we can't talk. No, we can't talk about that. We're over. That's it. I'm sorry. Before we move past Vivian Vance was in this TV movie with you and Jim Backus and Burgess Meredith. Yeah, it was a neat cast. We had a lovely time.

We went on location on the Pacific Ocean. And yeah, it was nice. And it's funny because Larry Hagman, another one, who became famous later on as J.R., like this totally hateful character, and he was a complete opposite. Oh, my God, yes.

He was the most generous soul in the world. And just, you know, you just, you love him. There was just no way around it. I did a couple of projects with him and just enjoyed him. But, boy, could he talk fast. I remember doing some television movie with him or something and I came out on the set and of course you don't rehearse you just learn your lines and then they say action and you start and then this this speed thing came toward me of these words the velocity

of them just about blew me over and then I speak like this. And I remember when I was a kid watching TV, because they used to show it a lot then, I started to know Larry Hagman as the son of Peter Pan. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. He was great in comedies, Larry Hagman. Really had a gift.

I Dream of Jeannie. Yeah. He did a short-lived series called The Good Life with Donna Mills, where they played domestics, that he was very funny in. Do you remember that one, buddy? Nope. I'm stumping everybody. But he was very good in light comedy.

Yeah. He was exquisite in everything he did. He was so competent that it just was over the moon. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor. And you worked with another actor that Gilbert and I like to talk about, Ted Bessel. Ah, yes. Oh, yeah. Why? Why is that? Oh, I used to do a whole bit

of, like, some movie starring Ted Bessel, Georgie Jessel, Jacqueline Bissett. And Whit Bessel. And Whit Bessel. Whit Bessel.. And Whit Bissell. Whit Bissell. Dr. Frankenstein, and I was a teenage Frankenstein. Do you do an impression of Ted Bissell? No, I wish I could.

Yeah. No, I spent all my energy on my MacGyver. It was worth it. I wasn't able to master it. I heard Ted Bessel Was a beloved Person to work with Yeah he seemed like a nice guy

I didn't know him well And Lee Grant was in that movie Called What Are Best Friends For We're going back through your whole career Oh my god Those cards are dangerous This is your life I'm Ralph Edwards That's right This is your life. I'm Ralph Edwards.

That's right. This is your life. Am I going to remember this person? Yeah, I do. Oh, I loved working with her. She's very nice. I met her several times. Oh, she's special.

And she's very nice. I worked on an award show with her, and she was incredibly sweet. She couldn't be nicer and, you know, really. We have to put her on the interview list. Yeah, she'd be a good one. And you stayed very close to Don Adams toward the end. Yes. Strangely, when we were doing the show,

Don and I only met on our marks. You know, when we were ready, when they said action, I looked at Don and he only met on our marks when we were ready when they said action I looked at Don and he looked at me and that's mostly what our rapport was as the characters there was a very sweet

companionly thing on the set but he was totally preoccupied with the show, and I really stayed out of the way. And then when the show went off the air, we never had a closing party or anything because we got the news over the telephone from CBS, individual calls, and that was it. So I didn't see Don again for 19 years until we did a television movie, Get Smart Again, I think it was called.

And we met then. And it's so funny. It was like planting a seed and then the seed has flowered. You didn't know the seed was there under the ground and then you see each other and then there's this blossom there. It was like, oh my god,'s you I mean it was like we were never close during the series and suddenly we were like long lost lovers and I we had a nice time doing that and then later on Don and I had

an opportunity to make a couple of appearances together commercially, like in Las Vegas, promoting something or other. And then there was really a bond, you know, a very, very satisfying, sweet bond. And I felt very complimented when he called me one day and said, I've written this book, I want you to read it and tell me what you think. And I know his daughter, Stacy, and his first wife is a lovely, lovely woman. He stayed close to her always. That was really the great love of his life. And he stayed close to her always. That was really the great love of his life.

And I think he had a daughter who died. Cecily Adams. Yeah. Yeah, she was a casting agent. Oh, that's right. She died of breast cancer. I worked with her in Los Angeles on a sitcom. She was a lovely lady. Yeah, how unfortunate.

That's a shame. Yeah. Let me ask you a couple of things about Dawn don's catchphrases that i think people that i think people would want to know you know it's so funny yeah at that time period those catchphrases from get smart everybody would say and other shows would say him as a gag it would be on t-shirts and everything yeah sorry about that. And loving it. Which you put in your book title.

Yes. Living Alone and Loving It. Where did they come from? I mean, were they from his act? Were they things that he came up with specifically for the character? I am trying to remember. I don't know that I ever knew that. I know that some of them did come from the

outside, but I don't know if they came from Buck or from things Don had done before. There were about five of them, right? Sorry about that, Chief. Missed it by that much. Missed it by that much.

But you know, you should have Buck Henry on. Oh, absolutely. He's on our list. And he knows all this history that I didn't know. I mean, everyone's always asking if 99 had a name. And finally, I went to Buck. I was sure she did not. And he said, no, she didn't.

And he said, and her number, at first they thought they would name her 100 because she's perfect. But then he said he didn't feel that was a girl's number, so he named her 99. But I would imagine they came up with 99 because of the rhythm of it, 99. To say, look out, 100, is not as easy as of it, 99. To say, look out 100 is not as easy as look out 99. And Don Adams also had that thing where he'd have like a big tough guy in front of him in a scene, and he'd go, okay, you know, you big gorilla, and he'd punch him, and the guy wouldn't move,

and then he'd go, I hope I wasn't on the line. Put his arm around him. It was also the ridiculous when something, when they trot out some really absurd device or gadget. Oh, the old inflatable hand in the couch

trick. It's the third time I've fallen for it this month. So smart. It's the silliness really've fallen for it this month. It was so smart. It's the silliness, really, that makes it so much fun. And they would have something also ridiculous like that, like, say, a giant pistol. And they'd go, that's the largest pistol I've ever seen.

Second largest. Yeah, there was a, I know, in the first year, there was something on an Indian reservation, and there was this huge arrow. I mean, isn't it beautiful? I remember that one. And he said, second biggest arrow I've ever seen. It's really funny.

I was doing the research today. I never knew the actor who played Larrabee, Robert Carvalho, am I saying his name right? Who was very funny, was Don's cousin. His cousin, yeah. Which I never knew. Oh, he was the guy hiding in the garbage can? No, that wasn't.

Who was the guy hiding in the garbage can? It was Dave Ketchum. Dave Ketchum, yes. Right. Larrabee was the goofy guy who worked for the chief. Yes. Who could never do anything right. He was Don Adams' cousin, which I found out in doing research. Yeah. Great stuff.

And Jane Dulo was very funny, as your mother. Oh, she was, yeah, she was very good. Everybody in the cast, Dick Godier, Gilbert and I are fans of as well, who played Jaime the Robot. It was brilliant, the way he did it. Absolutely brilliant. And was brilliant, the way he did it. Absolutely brilliant.

And, well, Bernie Capel. And Bernie Capel, who we love. Zig Field. Zig Freed. Zig Freed. Zig Freed. Smart. Yeah, he was like this Nazi working for chaos. I asked Bernie recently

what his favorite role in his whole career was and he said Siegfried. He said it was the best role he ever had. I remember as a kid, I always loved when he popped up in an episode. Yeah, he was a great favorite. And Don Adams won three Emmys

for playing Maxwell Smart. And Larry Storch was telling us, and I know they were old friends, and Gilbert and I interviewed Larry. Do you remember this? He was saying how he lost, how Agarn lost the Emmy to Maxwell Smart, to Don Adams. But he was just happy that it stayed in the neighborhood because they both grew up on the Upper West Side together.

And you were nominated as well for that part. It was a very, very smart show. I have to ask you, what did you think of the... Did you see the Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway movie? Could you bring yourself to watch it? Yeah, I did. I went late one night

because I didn't want people stopping me in the theater saying, oh, wait a minute. I am a great, great admirer of both of those actors, and I think they did a beautiful job. I think that the piece itself, I think, worked as an action-adventure piece, and I enjoyed the movie tremendously. I was completely engrossed, and I think they were marvelous.

But I don't think you can take it out of its time frame with the innocence of those characters and put it in, I mean it said get smart but that was about all you

could really associate with it, in my mind, but I thought it was a very good movie, and I thought they were terrific. When I was watching it, you go through, as a fan of Get Smart, I was going, well, these aren't the people, though. No.

I love Alan Arkin. I think Alan Arkin's a brilliant actor. Oh, me too. But there was something about Ed Platt not being there as the chief. Yeah. Yeah. And also the rapport

between the characters of Max in 99 could not be the same because women, when I did 99, it was before the women's movement, but the women's movement was already beginning to creep. It was beginning to move.

And Betty Friedan's book came out just about that time, but we were just sort of fascinated by it, but there hadn't been any great action. And so women were still very much in the 50s mode of being the supporter of her guy, you know, the woman behind the man. And yet, and this was the brilliance of Buck Henry and Mel Brooks being artists, their antenna was out there. They already sensed that women were becoming more powerful and more capable. So they incorporated in 99 a capability that I didn't even own at that time. I was much more, you know, retro and yet kept that respect for your man thing and affection, affectionate tone with your guy in it. But to do that today, you can't get away with that. You know, men and women don't relate

that way anymore. And so they had to make 99's character, I think, more forthright, stronger, more acerbic. And that just wasn't, you know, that wasn't what 99 was. And I think, you know, Maxwell Smart was 86, and I think that was from the term, hey, well, 86. Yeah, it was. It was, yeah. When you're watching the film, the Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway version, the first thing I thought of is not that funny.

Yeah. And I wondered if that was a conscious choice on their part. It's more of an action film. I wonder if the director said, look, there's no way we can't recreate Don Adams and Barbara Felden. That chemistry, what are we going to do? I think I heard somewhere, maybe an interview with Steve Carell

that he deliberately did not want to imitate Don. And so I think that's true. But he's not even very bumbling I mean they play it pretty disappointingly straight yeah he seems very competent

he's way too competent Maxwell Smart I don't remember the movie that well now you dodged a bullet not being in Get Smart the Nude Bomb. Yes.

Thank God. Yes. We should explain, this was the feature, the first feature film that was made about the original. Yeah, about a year after we went off the air, a couple of years after we went off the air. Yeah. Late 70s.

I saw it in the movies. They jettisoned 99. I did not turn down anything. So they didn't ask you to be in the movie? No, they didn't ask me to be in the movie. Wow, that's an insult. I was surprised until I heard about the movie.

I never actually saw it. But then I saw what they were doing because at that time, I think they wanted the character of Maxwell Smart to be available to nubile beauties. And so I think they had some shorter women and more filled out. Going more commercial rude with the sexuality and i i totally understood that i remember seeing it and thinking where the hell is barbara feldman

and ed platt ed platt was gone obviously but and and the idea that they sold it on using the word nude but there was no nudity oh there wasn't there wasn't? It was a bomb that was supposed to undress, destroy his clothing. Yeah, it was that kind of weird thing because it was out around that time when nudity was big and sex was big in the movies. It was starting to get really big. And now you've got this movie called The Nude Bomb, which you didn't

see anyone naked in it. Vittorio Gossman was a very strange heavy. Oh, yes. But you did send up your character on an episode of Mad About You. Oh, yes, yes. You played a character, Spy Girl. Spy Girl, yeah.

Yeah. You know, I was uncomfortable doing that i didn't i didn't see the script before i did it i mean now i mean it was fun and people like the episode and it's fine but 99 was just such an innocent and spy girl was such a she was just sleeping around i don't know it just seemed uh if they hadn't put me in those go-go boots i probably would have felt better now now you also they also tried to reprise Get Smart oh yeah that was a mistake

oh Fox did it Andy Dick as your son and as yeah as our twins were going to be the new spies and we were going to run the agency

and we knew after the first day shooting this was a mistake and I remember Don saying to me we were both very uncomfortable he could see this was not going to work and he said to me

look around the studio, this is maybe the second one we did or something. He said, look around the studio. He said, do you see any network people here? And I said, no. And he said, this isn't going to even get on the air. This isn't going anywhere, so don't worry. It's going to be okay. Because he said if there were any excitement behind this, the network people would be right here on the set being part of it. But he said already they've abandoned it.

It was notable in the sense, though, that Get Smart was a show that was developed by ABC, done by NBC, moved to CBS a done by nbc moved to cbs and then this one was on fox so you really so you covered every major network yeah that's right the show got around yeah yeah have you ever been on a quiz show you're fantastic wow i am so intimidated. I mean, and I'm depending on you to come up with these names. The minute I hear another obscure TV movie I did, I'm thinking, oh, shoot. I'm not going to remember anyone in the cast.

Tell us about the book you wrote, too, that had the little get smart pun in the title. Oh, yeah. Well, a few years ago, I've always written always written and i'm just because i love to write but a few years ago a friend asked me to do a seminar at a seminar center and i i couldn't i was trying to think of a topic it was as a as a favor and then i thought you know i've been meeting so many women who are without a partner and they think they're leading second-rate lives and they're miserable

and I, at this point, had been through this long psychoanalysis and I was just happy and I was on my own and had been living alone for quite a number of years. So I decided to do a lecture on how to live alone and enjoy it, you know. And then when I got done with the lecture, I thought, oh, this is a book. And I gave it to an agent who had been sort of pursuing me for something. You know, she said, if you ever write anything, let me know. And she said, I can sell this. And she did to Simon & Schuster.

And so it ended up as a series of essays called Living Alone and Loving It. And it's a guide to relishing the solo life. And I loved writing it. It's really my philosophy about living. It's not just about living alone. It's about your interests and the broadness of your interests and the inner search to know who you are, reaching in and then also reaching out to other people and the value of friendship, and the value of curiosity and enthusiasm, and education. I mean, I think that actors should be the most educated sort of class of people,

because they are out of work so much of the time. They could be studying history or, you know, doing something interesting. Interesting theory. Yeah. But yeah, I loved writing it, and it got published, and it's still around. I'd like to read it. I'll give you copies if you want. I just got married two months ago. Oh, no, no.

Stay away from this book. Now, with Frank and myself, one of our favorite songs of all time. Oh, with Frank and myself, one of our favorite songs of all time. Oh, you're not kidding. Yes. Oh, no way. Yes. Are you going to sing it? You know it better than I.

The 99th song. Oh, my God. Putting her on the spot. Okay. Do you know the lyrics? No, no. I've heard it a couple of times. It should be buried, you know?

Too bad. We're not letting you off this one. Fire a hit man. Sing in your sexiest. Oh, my God. 99 voice. You really want me to sing that song? Yes, absolutely.

I don't know if I can even remember the lyrics. Can we maybe take a break? I'll try to remember. I will try to. Maybe Buddy can cue me. Buddy, can you cue her? Okay.

Okay. This is the hardest interview I ever did in my life. That was the idea. Okay. I'm exhausted. Okay. Here we go. Okay.

So you think you see a pussycat you'd like to catch. You start to come on strong to see how far you'll get. You feed the pussycat some. I'm a tiger line. You don't know that you're messing with 99. Yes!

That's it. Thank you. I will spare you the five other stanzas. Did you sing that in a one-woman show? Or did I get more bad information? I did. I did that as a joke at the beginning of the show,

a show called Love for a Better Inverse that had lots of poetry in it. So I started with that song, and I said that was just as popular as it deserved to be. Good for you. It was never released as a single. Actually, it was, but it didn't, you know.

Well, take that, Miley Cyrus. Yes. Well, okay. Okay. I'm sorry. We haven't talked about your performance, but when you and I performed together. Yes, yes. We did sort of work together.

Not sort of. We had a scene together. We did have a scene together. Yes. Wait, wait. Yes. Let's start with. How could you forget?

No, because I was thinking the first time we worked together was a sort of work together. What was that? An ASPCA public service announcement. Oh, my God. We worked separately together. I was a dog in a cage. You were a dog wanting to be adopted going, me, me, me. Can you do it in my voice?

No, I don't think so. No, try a Gilbert Gottfried voice. Okay. No, no. I'm too shy. Okay. Me, me, me, me. In this commercial what i probably did some very ladylike like aspca yes yes kind-hearted organization or something like that

because i i remember they had it you know like a point of view of the dog, like just with the bars in front of it. And I, like, ad-libbed all of my lines. And the dog was hitting its head on the ceiling. Yes, yes. It was melting so hard, yeah. And then a real kick in the ass is that commercial got an award for best writing. Like, the two writers got awards

for it. And then the ASPCA, someone from that called me up and said, we want to present you with an award for that commercial. And I felt honored. And I said,

oh, I'm going to be out of town that day, but I'm honored to get that award. And they said, oh, I'm going to be out of town that day, but I'm honored to get that award. And they said to me, well, no, only if you can show up at the event, you get the award. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. It was like my payment for showing up. It was probably a doggy dish or something.

Yes. And then we worked together again with someone we just interviewed, Danny A or something. Yes. And then we worked together again with someone we just interviewed, Danny Aiello. Yeah. And the last... The last request. The last request,

where we were in, we were sitting together in a diner. You were a homeless person. Yeah. Eating off of my plate because they ran out of plates in the diner. We were sharing a plate, sharing a fork.

We shared a fork. Yes, we shared a fork. We were intimate. Yes, yes. How many people have you shared a fork with? Yeah, see, now I can honestly say that Barbara Felton and I exchanged bodily fluids. We did. can honestly say that Barbara Felton and I exchanged bodily fluids. It's true, but I was a little miffed when you wiped yours on a napkin

every time I used it. We had fried eggs. You shared a fried egg. Yes, we did. He's eaten out of many people's plates. That was not a first. We shot it in scenic New Jersey. Yeah, scenic New Jersey.

And it was never, that movie was never released. Or even arrested. Well, we've been talking to the lovely Barbara Felden. Lovely and talented Barbara Felden, who's also, you, before I end it totally, you became like the queen of voiceovers. Oh, no, not nearly, but I did a lot of voiceovers. Yeah, I did lots, but during a certain period,

which actors love to do because they're over so fast, and you can get them right. You know, as you know, you can play around with it just within a few minutes, and it's not like doing a whole performance where you miss a lot of the targets you're aiming at. And, yeah, I think actors love it. You don't have to have your hair done or put your makeup on. I'd like to add before we go that Barbara's the first guest that we've had that ever fed us and put food out.

Yes! She served us lemonade and nuts and grapes and cookies, and that's never happened before. Oh, well. We're not used to being treated this well at all. Thank you. Well, you should be treated better, and I hope I've set the standard. And I'm totally impressed with both of you, although I'm exhausted with your knowledge. Yeah, Danny Aiello didn't give a shit.

Did you get water? No, he didn't come in with a bag of potato chips for us. Oh, he came to you. Yes. Well, you didn't come in with a bag of potato chips for us. Oh, he came to you. Yes. Well, you didn't offer him anything, right? No, no, that's true, too. But we've been talking to the lovely, beautiful, and talented Barbara Felton, Agent 99 from Get Smart.

Thank you, Barbara Felton. It was a dear pleasure. Thank you, both of you, Frank. It was great. Wonderful. Thank you. Thanks.