Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 20. Weird Al Yankovic

Episode Date: October 11, 2014

The man with the #1 album in America, the wildly inventive Weird Al Yankovic joins us to talk about everything from the history of novelty records to why he's forbidden to make eye contact with Prince. Also, Gilbert flashes Marge Simpson, prays to a statue of Red Buttons and loses a part to 3' 9" Billy Barty. PLUS: Dueling Crazy Guggenheims! Irving Berlin vs. Mad magazine! "Disco" Art Fleming! And Weird Al's "Mount Rushmore of Comedy"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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or deep-end swimming with your flippers and fins. Or maybe you're just perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing. Whatever vacationer you are, with Sunwing, you save more so you can do more. Book with your local travel agent. Or... Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. You know, when Frank and I were kids, we used to love to listen to people like Alan Sherman and Stan Freeberg,

who are, like, brilliant at these clever, imaginative song parodies. And today, we are joined by the modern-day master of the genre, the man with the number one album in the country, the great, weird Al Yankovic. Now, this is going to be a very uncharacteristically somber and revealing interview, where it really touches some raw nerves at points. But be patient and be strong. Who has the biggest album of the year? Not you, Taylor Swift. Not you, Beyonce. Not you, Iggy Azalea.

Not you, Ariana Huffington. Not you, Taylor Swift. I think he said that already. Oh, it's Ariana Grande. Ariana Huffington. She doesn't. Bigger than that, too, though. Huffington Post She doesn't. Bigger than that, too, though. The Huffington Post, I think.

So, you know, fuck you, Ariana Huffington. You can't even sing. And your aggregated website. Yes. Your website's a piece of shit, and I'm glad your last album bought. Fuck you, Ariana Huffington. Ariana Grande at least has a record out.

Anyway, the person with the biggest album of the year, it's not Ariana Huffington, believe it or not. I thought it was. Yeah. Well, that's how I tricked you. Oh, switcheroo.

Bait and switch. It's ladies and gentlemen, Weird Al Yankovic. Please just call me ladies and gentlemen. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. We have ladies and gentlemen on the show right now. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we're doing this at the Friars Club in New York. You've never been to the Friars Club.

I have never. I've been to one in L.A., not this particular one, in New York City, U.S. I think that's because people only think you're a Jew. But you're really not. People assume you're a Jew. I've got my honorary Jew card, though. Yes, yes. I've got nine punches on it.

One more, and I get into the Friars Club for free. So people assume you're ugly and annoying. You must be a Jew. What are the odds? I apologize. The Italian has apologized to the Jews. Now, before we begin, I think we already did. We haven't started yet.

No, we haven't started. We'll turn the mic on in a minute. All right. Your manager said I couldn't have dinner with you. What? Yeah. He said I couldn't. You couldn't eat in the same room with me?

Yeah, this was, I was being, he never said it. This is new to me. I, look. What? That we weren't supposed to eat dinner because then we'd have nothing to talk about. He didn't want the air to come out of the interview. I think it was a prudent decision. I've been with my manager for over 30 years, but we are done.

That is it. Finished. And I said, look, I have nothing to talk about with him whether or not we have dinner. Right. Well, Letterman doesn't establish eye contact until you're in the chair with him, right? Oh, yes, yes. Yeah, so probably the same kind of thing. We're setting up that kind of thing where we'd have a moment right now and not waste that moment over creme brulee.

Yeah. See, now it's electric. Oh, I feel it. Yeah. I feel the buzz in my underwear. See, I, and I was saying,

like, look, I'm not fucking Oprah Winfrey. I heard you were. Yes. No, I went down on Oprah Winfrey. That's the mistake a lot of people make.

It's an easy mistake to make. But you're saying no actual penetration. No actual penetration. She one time blew me. Can we get back on track? Oprah Winfrey. No, Oprah Winfrey one time blew me. Yes.

Yes. As legend has it. While Stedman held a cheap movie camera. You think they can afford a better movie camera after all this time? That's what's really offensive to me. She makes all that money. She gives Stedman a cheap movie camera. Yes.

What are they thinking? What are they doing with all that money? It's the type with the little handle and the box. The Bell and Howell model? Yes. Oh. That's disgusting. And to show it on a projector.

That's offensive to me. Yeah. That's offensive to me. Yeah, it kills the whole reason for going down on Oprah Winfrey that they couldn't get a good camera. I mean, you don't film Citizen Kane on your little phone. You don't do that. You don't click the video. You would not do that.

That's not something you would do normally. Let me, since we're talking about Oprah Winfrey, I'll tell you one story. Oprah Winfrey goes to a doctor for a checkup. Yes. Ah, the doctor says, okay, remove all

your clothes. She takes off all her clothes. He goes, get on your hands and knees. She gets on her hands and knees. He looks at her and he goes, okay, now crawl to the middle of the room. She crawls to the middle of the room. He goes, now crawl over to that wall. She crawls over that wall. He's looking at her. And then she crawls to the other. He tells her, crawl to that wall. He's looking at her. And then she crawls to the other. He tells her, crawl to that wall. He's looking at her. And she goes, doctor, what's wrong? He said, nothing.

I just bought a black couch. I can't decide where to put it. You know, I knew where that one was going. Yes. I heard it with Al Roker. See, see, this is the time I wish we were filmed. Yeah. Because there's a black person in the room with us.

That makes it okay. That makes it okay. If this was on TV, if it was on TV, they'd immediately zoom in. His reaction. His horrified reaction. You could say the most racist thing, but you find the one black guy in the audience, even if he works there, and you

zoom in. Oh, he's okay. He's okay. Everything's all right. Don't worry. It couldn't possibly be racist. It couldn't possibly be racist. Why were you thinking it was racist? What's wrong with you? Look, obviously, clearly. Look, there's the black guy.

He speaks for his entire race. This one black guy, that's the way those people are. One of them speaks for the entire black group. They have just stock footage saying, we're cool. We're cool. Mark, I'd like to apologize to you now. I'd like to apologize to you now. Not that I've apologized

to Al. We'd like to apologize to anything bad we said about Oprah Winfrey because we know you worship her. That wasn't a true story, was it? As a black man, you go to a church that has a statue of

Oprah Winfrey that you pray to every week. I pray to a statue of red buttons. Those are hard to find. I've been looking on eBay every week. My search term are red buttons and statue.

I don't know if there's anything else I should be searching for. So you're in song parody. Are we back on track? Oh, my goodness. Wow. That was a nice ride. Whee! Do you know, like, I spent 90%...

Did you say Junos? What did you say? What? Yeah. Yeah, Junos. What did you say? What? Yeah, yeah, Jew knows. See, now, see, it would be easier to find a Jew at the Friars Club to zoom the camera. At these events, it's easier to find a Jew in the audience. A black guy sitting there is the hard one.

It's harder. I have heard that they will find, before a special, they will find where a black guy is sitting in the audience ahead of time. To do a cutaway later? Yeah, so they'll know they can zoom in. Like when Don Rickles says, oh, and the black guy in the third row. And they'll zoom to the back. And there's one black guy there. Or the Republican convention. Yeah. That's right.

That's right. Same thing. See? See? We're cool. We're cool. We're good. Everything's fine.

Everything's good. We are. You must have been an Alan Sherman fan. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, this has been weird, Alan. We should point out that your new album is the first comedy album,

do I have this right? I don't know yet. To chart since Alan Sherman. To be number one since Alan Sherman. Excuse me, to be number one since My Son the Nut. That's correct, yes. For those who don't, I mean, Hello Mudda, Hello Fodder. That was it, yeah. For those who don't, I mean, Hello Mudda, Hello Father. That was it.

Yeah, that was the album. Yeah, and Harvey and Sheila. Uh-huh. John Tahava and Aguila was great. I had the other album. I had My Son the Folk Singer. And My Son the Celebrity and Songs for Swinging Livers. Yep.

And then he was so amazingly popular for an 18-month period. Yes. He had literally three number one albums in a row within 18 months. He was playing sold-out show at the Hollywood Bowl. And then his fourth album, he was like, I've done all this funny stuff.

I want to show people my serious side now. And the fourth album was just kind of like him doing serious songs. Oh, no. Oh, he had the biggest crash and burn

maybe in pop culture history. Since Vaughn Mader. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Since theughn Mader. Yeah, exactly. The year before, yeah. The year before. Wow. And I heard with Alan Sherman, once at the first taste of success,

real fame, his life started falling apart. Oh, yeah. I just read his biography, Overweight Sensation. Yeah. And it talks about, it's really kind of a real cautionary tale about how he just made a bunch of really horrible decisions in his career, in his family,

and he cheated on his wife, and his family turned against him, and he wound up a very sad, sad man. Yeah. Thank you. Good night.

Yeah. He died, did he die having heart surgery or something like that? He died at like 49, but he had a heart problem, yeah. Yeah, and they said everything that was bad about him before, like being fat and everything, he became really obese.

Yeah, it's what you call exacerbating the problem. He was a constant exacerbator. Yes, I do that every night. Now, this is very weird. I'll talk to you. Okay. Okay. No, it's funny because I spent 90% of my life in comedy clubs.

And the funny thing is, like with comedians, they'll like look at a comedian who does song parodies, and it's always very snide. Oh, I'm like the second lowest on the totem pole. It's like me and then Carrot Top. Yeah. So it's not a revered occupation. Yeah, it's kind of like you're a few notches below Gallagher.

But above Gallagher, too. Oh, yeah. I'm right between Gallag But above Gallagher, too. Oh, yes. I'm right between Gallagher and Gallagher, too. Do you think they'll ever do a movie about Gallagher and Gallagher, too? I sure hope so. It's a fascinating story. That would be like a 3D movie with the watermelon flying onto the audience. Of course, he let his brother do his act under the agreement that he's Gallagher 2.

And that he's horribly racist. Yes. And he would travel with a black guy that the camera would zoom in on. It was the end of Scatman Crothers' career. Really? How sad of Scatman Crothers' career. Really? How sad for Scatman. How sad to end his career on being Gallagher 2's go-to black guy. He had such a fabulous career up until that point,

and it was just one bad career decision, and that kind of painted his legacy, you know? Al, before we go completely off the rails, Gilbert's established that we're here at the Friars Club. You were having dinner with your manager. I was. Ex-manager, thank you. And our friend John Ficarra, the editor-in-chief of Mad Magazine,

who's here with us tonight. And as John and I were just talking about, it's the 50th anniversary this month, October, of a landmark copyright case. That's true. Yes. Tell us about it. Oh! And how it affected your career.

Well, it's the copyright case where they had a book of song parodies, written song parodies, as one would have any book. And Irving Berlin got very upset because they parodied some of his copyrighted work. And it

got all the way to the Supreme Court. And it was sort of a ridiculous case looking back on it because they weren't publishing music. They literally were publishing song lyrics, which were parody lyrics. And the Supreme Court rightly found that they didn't want to be the brain police and say, no, you can't be thinking of this music in your head

while reading these lyrics. And song parody, that was a major precedent in the Supreme Court for song parody, which, of course, affects me today. It was Larry Siegel and Frank Jacobs. And Frank Jacobs must have been an influence. He was on me. I didn't even go into song parody. No, huge, huge influence.

In fact, I just wrote the preface to a book that Matt is putting out about Frank Jacobs. And yeah, he was the main guy at Mad that would do song parodies, and a huge, huge inspiration. Sure. And Mad itself, aside from Frank Jacobs. Of course. An inspiration to this day. At that age, like 11, 12 years

old, I find that that's where my most hardcore fans are. There's something that happens in your brain at that age where you appreciate that kind of irreverent humor a little bit more. And that was me with Mad Magazine. I would force that's where my most hardcore fans are. There's something that happens in your brain at that age where you appreciate that kind of irreverent humor a little bit more. And that was me with Mad Magazine. I would force my parents to drive me around all the used magazine shops and find the back issues. Those great Norman Mingo covers. Oh my goodness, so great.

And when you'd find one that you didn't have. It was such a great feeling. It was, it was. I remember the first time Mort Drucker drew a picture of me. What an honor. Yeah. Wasn't very good. It was the end of his career.

Anyway. I'd like to apologize to Mort Drucker, too. Can Al shut the fuck up so I can talk? I don't know. He thinks because he's a guest, that allows him to speak. He's the number one record runner in the country, too. Please continue. You were saying somewhere how your parents were totally possessive of you as a kid.

Was I saying that? Yeah, no. They're like, yes, he's our son. He's our son. Do not take him away from us. They were totally protective. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was the kind of thing where if anybody wanted to hang out with me, they had to come to my house because my mother wasn't sure if somebody would try to poison me somewhere else.

And as a parent now, I understand that impulse. But I've also learned to kind of let it go a little bit now and then, let them cross the street by themselves on occasion. And you said that your school was right across from your house. Yes. So, yeah. So my mother would watch me through binoculars during PE class to make sure the other boys weren't playing too rough with me. So we've got our binoculars now.

We're following our daughter around. So I guess that didn't make you too popular in school. When I write a song like White and Nerdy, that comes from a lot of personal experience. I was not the big man on campus, no. Yeah, White and Nerdy was the one with Donny Osmond. That's right, yeah, Donny Osmond. That's right.

Amazing. He was so great, we called him up, and he flew out from Salt Lake City to do that video. You've probably not seen it, but there's something I uploaded to YouTube called White and Nerdy First Take, which is me and Donny Osmond just kind of going through the whole song. The first time we ever did it, Donny says, what do you want me to do in the background? I was like, whatever you want, just go nuts, have fun, and we'll take a look at it and see what works. And Donny Osmond just went crazy for like three and a half minutes.

It's on YouTube, and it's like one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Well, he's so into it in the video. He's totally committed. He's so committed to it. I wrote for him years ago. I wrote for a talk show. Great guy.

Jay Levy's wife produced. Yeah. Donny and Marie talk show. Karen Glass. Yes, indeed. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast. But first, a word from our sponsor.

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They're soft, chewy, and baked fresh daily. Try one today at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Now these lyrics, speaking of white and nerdy, I had to print these out. And I wanted to ask you, we're jumping around a lot, so I apologize, but about your process. My process? Yes. If I may use that.

My xiphoid process? My pretentious award. These lyrics of all of my action figures, all my action figures are Cherry, Stephen Hawking's, In My Library. Mm-hmm. How do you approach writing a song like this? I try to think what rhymes with cherry.

And I could go for like crazy Larry or Harry or library. And library in this case seemed to work better. I get my rhyming dictionary out. Do you really? Well, now it's online. I've got the online dictionary. Rhymezone.com. Thank you very much.

But it's a deeper process than just rhyming. No, no, that's pretty much it. I think the only good part of the movie Spy Hard with Leslie Nielsen, that's when Leslie Nielsen was making all those horrible satires that would... The Zucker brother knockoff? Yeah, yeah. And this was where he was a spy. And you did... The opening credits to Spy. The spy hard.

Yeah. And it had, like, instead of, like, beautiful girls, there'd be, like, a fat girl floating around. We just like to say plus size. But yes, yes. Yeah, fat. That was the weirdest audition process ever. It was like we literally had a call in Los Angeles

where we need a lot of large women that can swim underwater. We had those looks of things they had to do, and they showed up. There were 40 people like, where do we go? Jump in the pool. And I remember, because this wasn't so much a different, it was a different kind of parody. It was a takeoff on the, what is it, the Thunder? Yeah, like Goldfinger and Thunderball.

Yeah, Thunderball, right. It was basically the feel of Olos. Right, pastiche as it were. Yes, and the line, the lyric I remember there is, just like Olos, where they keep going, Goldfinger, and they start yelling the name out at the end, and you kept yelling out Spy Hard. The name of this movie is Spy Hard.

Yes. They call it Spy Hard. It's the theme from Spy Hard. And it goes on for like two minutes and my head explodes. And then you say something else. After my head explodes? No, that's the end of it. No, no, no.

Before your head explodes. I said, yes, the whole song, Gilbert. Okay. You were doing Olo's Spy Hard like you just did. And then you said, and if you came in late. Do you remember your own list? No, I don't. Yeah, the last.

You said, and if you came in late, allow me to reiterate. Rhyming dictionary. Thank you. Thank you. So you weren't kidding. And I was very happy in your current takeoff on the Robin Thicke song. Oh, we were talking about word crimes before you got here. It's just great.

Thank you, man. Because the one that I hate, and I was so glad it was there, were people who said, I could care less. Yeah. Is that a pet peeve of yours? Yeah. That annoys me. I'm sorry. It could be sarcastic, like, I could care less. Yeah.

Albeit, I shan't. That's part of my question, Al. Did you want to write a song about abuse of the English language? I did. And then it just happened to be a happy marriage? It was just one of those things I always kind of had in the back of my mind because I'd done some videos on YouTube where I basically was a guerrilla grammar person where my wife and I would drive around town and I would correct road signs.

Change it from drive slow to drive slowly. And signs in the supermarket say 12 items or less to 12 items or fewer. So we did a few things like that. So I was sort of known for being the grammar Nazi. And when I came up with the idea for Blurred Lines, I thought, oh, this completely plays into that sensibility

and all the grammar nerds everywhere will rejoice. And you were attacking, and I was so happy about it, all the people who use the term literally. Oh, I hate that. Drives me crazy. You know what? There's a dictionary that supposedly is changing the definition of literally

to, well, kind of figuratively. Oh. No. No. No. I mean, common usage i don't understand the languages change but common usage doesn't make it right it means there's a lot of stupid people yeah when they say i literally exploded yeah it's like no i take their word for it you know i believe them i believe them when they say that or I blame myself for being so gullible.

Or every time Alanis Morissette used an example of irony. Yes. Yeah, it was. Well, that's along the song, Irony is Not Coincidence. Very few things actually fall into the narrow definition of irony, and I think nothing in that song does. No, it was like something like,

rain on your wedding day. Well, that's bad. Yeah was like like something like if uh like rain on your wedding day well it's bad yeah like a fire truck on fire anyway where were we have we started yet yeah no uh uh now we talk to ladies and gentlemen we i did your show once. You did? Yes. The Weird Al Show. Yes. Back in the late 90s. Which was a very funny episode because you were teaching. It was supposed to be like a kid show. Right.

And you were teaching. It was, in fact, a kid show, and it was, in fact, also supposed to be like a kid show. And you were saying to the kids, you were saying, now it's perfectly normal and okay to have an imaginary friend that only you can see and hear. And you said, I have a totally imaginary friend, Gilbert. And then you walk in next to me.

Yeah, and I say, no, I'm right here. And you're going, see, you can't see him or hear him. I'm right here. I'm right here. And you're going, see? You can't see him or her. I'm right here. I'm right here. That's very good. Speaking of your Saturday morning show, another one of your heroes, Stan Freeberg. Stan Freeberg, absolutely. He'll start on the show as J.B. Toppers.

Yes, he was the network executive who had to give me all sorts of horrible network notes, which Stan relished doing because he would always get horrible network notes on his shows. It was just such a joy because I got to work with him and his son Donovan. They also did the puppets. I did a fake puppet show. I remember. And they did Papa Bully and Baby Bully, and they did their puppets just like Stan used to do for Beanie

and Cecil back in the day. That's right. And so Stan was an influence, too. Well, absolutely. He's one of my all-time heroes. Absolutely. I was listening to Elderly Man River. Oh, yes. Speaking of network interference. It's great. Yeah.

It's smart. Early comment on political correctness. Yeah, so smart. And like you, he gathered musicians, the best musicians that he could get his hands on at the time, and to parody those songs. Like Billy May. Yeah.

I mean, he had an amazing group of people that he put together, the actors and the musicians. And like I said, my own band, I mean, he had an amazing group of people that he put together, the actors and the musicians. And, you know, like I said, my own band, I mean, just because they're comedy doesn't mean that they're any less skilled than another band. I mean, the fact that they can do everything from gangster rap to Zydeco and polka music and everything in between, I mean, shows their range, certainly.

Right. You've been with those guys forever. Since early, not literally forever, figuratively forever. Good catch. See, now he's a pain in the ass. I was willing to go along with the literally thing, but now. Okay, we're wrapping it up with Queer Al. Queer Al?

Queer Al. Oh, Queer Al. Sorry. My mistake. Ladies and gentlemen, Queer Al. That's a different act. So now we would have to... We'd have to zoom in on old footage of Paul Lynn.

And you go, see? He's laughing. Let's go with Al and Seuss. Why not? Tell Al your Paul Lynn story. Oh's laughing. Let's go with Alan Seuss. Why not? Tell Al your Paul Lynn story. Oh, yes. Let me hear this. Oh, okay.

Is this the one where he hates the Jews? No, when he walks into the bar. Oh, okay. Oh, well, I heard it was when he walked into some kind of like a barn or something where a show was going to take place. a barn or something where a show was going to take place and he he walks in and it was like some bad dinner theater place and it was all run down and he goes this place smells like cunt i think And he was also, Paul Lynn was also viciously anti-Semitic. Did not know that. Yes.

Oh, my God. He's famous for it. He would just, like, I heard from the producers, some of the producers of Hollywood Squares when I did it, I really did do it. I'm not bragging. I get laid. Were you did do it. I'm not bragging. I'm getting laid. Were you the secret square? Ever? So one of the producers worked on the original,

or two of them, and I'm like, that really matters. It could have been two. And he said that during lunch, like the other acts there would be like joking and telling stories and being very nice. Paul Lynn would be bombed

out of his skull and he'd be there going, those fucking Jews. They're the reason I don't have a career. And yeah, it was very uncomfortable I thought there was a funny ending to that

no it's about as uncomfortable as Al is now but but my autobiography is going to be called I thought there'd be a funny ending and then it'll be followed by a book going funny ending.

And then it'll be followed by a book going, I don't know, I always heard he was funny. And then a third book called, How Does He Keep Working? Now where were we? I don't know. You do song parody.

I've heard that. I've heard about that. Tell us about, speaking of influence in your life, tell us about your relationship with Dr. Demento. It's purely platonic. Those Polaroids mean nothing. I'm setting you up. There's, you know, they made it out of the internet now,

and it's all Photoshopped. That never actually happened. I want to make that clear. They were hacked. I was hacked. I get it. Like Jennifer Lawrence. You know, Dr. Demento obviously gave me my start when I was a teenager.

He played my stuff on the radio when no right-thinking person in the universe would have given. How old were you when you started sending songs? 13, 14, 15 years old. And it was horrible, horrible stuff, but he thought it was unique that a teenage kid playing the accordion was thinking he was cool enough to submit material. So he played it on the radio and on his national show,

and over the years, I built up a small cult following. And at one time, to make it more professional sounding, you recorded one in the men's room. Yes, because, you know, you have the bathroom wall of sound like Phil Spector used to use all the time. And yeah, that nice warm reverb that adds that little professional touch you don't otherwise have.

So I moved from the bedroom to the bathroom for that very reason, to get that little extra oomph that I knew I needed to make it into the big time. Was that my bologna? We call it my bologna. My bologna. But you can add the enye on it if you want to have a little... My bologna? We call it my bologna. But you can add the anya on it if you want to have

a little... My bologna. Yeah. I like bologna, though. Yeah. I'm in good company because I went back and watched your clip on the Tom Snyder show. Oh! And he says this is a place that Weird Al has made a name for himself parodying the Knack song, My Sharoma. Sharoma, yes.

I was just... I was thinking about the Tomorrow Show because I just did a late night with Seth Meyers and that was the same studio that Tom did the Tomorrow Show out of. And I just remember, I was nobody, just before Record Deal, nobody knew who I was and I was on with two other people. One person did the Space Shuttle Shuffle,

which was a very topical song. And I forget what the third one was. But Tom was introducing me straight out of a 1960s Roastmaster book. Like, yes, his mother said, of a 1960s Roastmaster book. His mother said, what a picture his dad tried to hang him. And anyway,

once he sucked all the air out of a tire, here's Weird Al Yankovic, ladies and gentlemen. He sucked the air out of a tire. That was the strangest intro. Your first time on television. Yeah, my first time on national television. 1981. And he's like, what song are you playing here, Weird Al? Well, sorry it's not in your notes, but we're playing Another One Rides the Bus, Tom.

Sorry you weren't prepped by your crack team. And I think at one point, young in your career, you became very big, and then it sort of seemed to stop. Like with this interview? Yeah. No, like, I think you were talking about that one time. Well, every album that I do is a comeback album.

Like, I get very big for like a week, and then people forget about me, and a couple years later, I come back, and oh! Al's back. Isn't it nice? And you were applying for week, and then people forget about me, and a couple years later, I come back, and oh, Al's back. Oh. Isn't it nice? And you were applying for jobs outside of show business. Well, this was before I had a record deal.

This was like the early 80s. Yeah. I mean, I graduated. I got my degree in architecture, but I decided my third year in college, that wasn't really it for me. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life hovering over a drawing board, so I applied for work at the phone company for janitorial work. And they're like, you've got a degree.

No, you can't work here. And I just worked in the mail room for a couple of years to pay for the macaroni and cheese. But meanwhile, I was getting airplane at the Dr. Domeno show. And I finally did get a record deal. But they don't give you a big bag of money when you sign a record deal. They say, yeah, well, you'll get your royalties in a couple years. Trust us, it'll be great. Was this the Scotty Brothers?

Scotty Brothers, yeah. And it was a 10-album deal. It was crazy. Yeah, like I'll ever have 10 albums. Yeah, of course I'll sign this because I'm getting minimum wage in the mailroom right now. And so I put out my first album, still working in the mailroom because I had no money. But I remember going to the post office and picking up the mail one day,

and there was a billboard magazine sticking out of the top of the bag. And I opened it up, and I was on the Hot 100 chart. And I thought, maybe I should give notice. Maybe I should think about this weird old thing full time. There might be something here. I better give it a shot. And your first album, and I found this out today, was produced by Rick Derringer.

Well, my first six albums were, actually, yeah. Your first six albums. Yeah, the connection there was through his manager, Jake Hooker, who was the co-writer of the song that Joan Jett had to hit with I Love Rock and Roll. And I did a parody called I Love Rocky Road. So when we went to Jake to get permission, he was like, well, that sounds

great. And by the way, I manage Rick Derringer, you know, rock legend. Hang on Sloopy. Hang on Sloopy and the McCoys. And maybe he'd be interested in producing your album. And he was, and it worked out great. I love the birthday song on that album. It's so dark. Thank you. It's a little bit of Tom Lehrer. There's a lot of dark stuff on there.

You know, my stuff is family friendly. I don't use obscenities. But some of my stuff gets kind of dark. Lehrer. There's a lot of dark stuff on there. You know, my stuff is family friendly. I don't use obscenities. But some of my stuff gets kind of dark. Well, it's a different Weird Al Yankovic because you're talking about somebody putting their finger on the button. Yeah. Yeah, I've done a lot of stuff like that. I had a song called

A Christmas at Ground Zero. Not about 9-11 at all. It was written in the 80s. But it's a song about basically nuclear annihilation during the holidays. And I was really pushing for that to be a single. And my record label was like,

yeah, I don't... Not so much. Now, Frank and I were talking that Prince had a special order about... This is crazy.

Yeah, I forget what year this was. I guess late 80s, early 90s. But I was going to be at the American Music Awards. And apparently Prince was going to be in the same row that I was because the night before the awards, we get a telegram saying that Prince requests that I not establish eye contact with him. I literally got a telegram from Prince saying,

please don't look at me during the show. Well, this was after you'd asked for permission to do it. Probably. I found out after the fact that he sent the same telegram to everybody in his row. At the time, I was a little offended. I immediately sent him back a telegram saying, yeah, you don't look at me either.

It goes both ways. But he sent that to Night Ranger. He sent that to everybody. That was hanging around at the time. So he sounds like a douche. You know, he speaks highly of you. You have to understand, I mean, there are so many print stories. You have to understand, this is the guy, I don't know if you remember

this, he used to take his bodyguard I'm going to say literally even though it's not literally, but literally everywhere. Like, you know, he'd be at the award show and if you I'm going to say literally, even though it's not literally, but literally everywhere. Go for it. He'd be at the award show, and if he won an award, he would walk up on stage with his bodyguard like Kenny Rogers is going to cold cock him. You know?

On stage. I don't know. He's a strange guy. But we're close personal friends. And I hate to speak ill of him. But you are calling him a douche, a total fucking douche. I don't think I said that in those exact words. Well, literally.

Literally. Literally. Does he remain the one artist that has flat refused? Yeah, I mean, there have been a couple rare instances. He's the only one that has just blanket? Yeah, I mean, there have been a couple rare instances. He's the only one that has just blanket said no. He never gives a reason. And we approached him

maybe a half a dozen times. And I haven't contacted him for maybe 20 years. So maybe he's developed a great sense of humor by now. Hard to say. We should call him up right now. He's got two new records out this week.

Let's find out. We could jump on it. If we could do it, you do it in sync with this podcast, we could make a whole event out of it. Now, most of the people... It could be like you getting together Martin and Lewis. It'd be great. Imagine.

Imagine that. We could be great. Imagine. Imagine that. We're going to be hugging on stage. Me and Prince. It's a thought. Now. Thank you. Good night. Thank you.

Thank you. We have. We're not giving. We're not giving. Let's just. We're not giving. Just make some syllables. I'll answer to it.

I want to ask about the I Lost on Jeopardy video, and you worked with Art Fleming. I did. And the late Don Pardo, who we just lost. Yes. What were they like? They were great. You know, Art Fleming came to the set kind of out of character,

because I was used to seeing him very dapper. He was kind of discoed out. I think he was wearing a gold chain and had the shirt unbuttoned to about here. And it was just sort of like the, hey, Art Fleming on the set. I loved me some Art Fleming when I was a kid. Loved the old Jeopardy.

He was awesome, yeah. I mean, when I did I Lost in Jeopardy, nowadays people assume it's referring to the Alex Trebek version of the show. But when I wrote that song, it was totally a nostalgia piece because Jeopardy had been off the air for several years. And it was about the show in the 60s that I remember as a show. But when I wrote that song, it was totally a nostalgia piece because Jeopardy had been off the air for several years.

And it was about the show in the 60s that I remember as a child. The old one with the wooden, the hand-pulled cards. Yes, the horrible, the primitive little scorekeepers. Right. And I don't know if he was being facetious,

but Merv Griffin credited me for helping to bring Jeopardy back on the air because people got so interested in the parody that I guess he repitched it. I haven't seen any royalties. But no, it was nice to know that he didn't sue me, and in fact, he probably made a lot of money off of it. Did they get the joke?

I mean, Pardo was doing Saturday Night Live by that time, but did Art Fleming have a sense of humor and understand what you were going for? If you look at the video, I mean, in fact, Don Pardo was like, I can't believe you got Art Fleming to to like, you know, stick his tongue out and like make a funny face. And yeah, they were totally into kind of goofing on themselves. Oh, that was a nice break in the action.

Oh, I feel relaxed now. Oh, that was, oh, let me just stretch a little more. Oh, yeah, that was good. I feel much better. Oh, I think I can go on me just stretch a little more. Oh, yeah, that was good. I feel much better. Oh, I think I can go on now. I think I can continue. You know, I'm glad we didn't talk beforehand.

No, it would have ruined the momentum that we've now established. That would have just ruined everything. Can you imagine how awkward that would have been? Crazy. It would have been such an uncomfortable interview had I talked to you beforehand. You know, I think you should resign with your manager. I really should. You really should.

I think that was a brilliant idea. Yeah, you're probably right. In retrospect, I'm thinking back on it. Of course, if he had not said that, this interview would have sucked to high heaven. I'm going to hire him back. You're absolutely right. We'll patch things up.

Oh, see, he's got the vision. He's a visionary. He's prescient. You just have to trust his gut. I should just never question anything he says from now on. crust his gut, you know? I should just never question anything he says from now on. Now, so you must

have been close friends with Boris Pickett. Karloff? No. What was his name? Bobby Boris Pickett. Bobby Boris Pickett. I met him once. You did? Yeah, I met him at the Dr. Meadows 20th anniversary show at the Country Club in Reseda, California, which is an amazing show.

It had... Doodles Weaver was there. Doodles Weaver. One of our favorites. Benny Bell was there. Yeah. Andy Kaufman was there, not to perform, but he was hanging out and just digging on the show. It was Tiny Tim was there.

Oh, wow. I mean, it was an amazing lineup of people. Yeah. Doodles Weaver is the uncle of Sigourney Weaver. That's true, right. That's right. And he shunned himself, Doodles Weaver. He did? Sigourney Weaver. That's true, right. That's right. And he shunned himself, Doodles Weaver. He did, yeah.

Yes, I believe he did. Yeah. So, see, I'm glad we didn't have that dinner beforehand. That would have made things awkward. I just want to say to your manager right now, God bless you for the fine work that you have done because this interview

could have sucked to high heaven, but now before... You got the pedal to the floor now. I think the first time I ever heard you was listening to Dr. Demento, because I used to listen for Benny Bell and Shaving Cream. Yeah. And I think that's the first time I heard Weird Al Yankovic.

Well, that was the first time I was ever anywhere, so that's very likely. 70s, in the 70s. Yeah, late 70s. Yeah, my bologna came out at the very end of the 70s, and I had a bunch of unreleased, horrible stuff before that. But yeah, that was the beginning of it from the 70s. And the Doctor's still with us, isn't he?

He is. Still around. He's not on terrestrial radio anymore, but he still does a show every week. It's on drdemento.com. It's a subscription service, but he's still out there doing it. Now, who exactly was the guy who called himself Napoleon Bonaparte. Oh, Napoleon XIV? Yeah.

Oh, they're coming to take me away? Yes. Jerry Samuels. Oh, wow. Yeah. Are you amazed by that? Yes, I am amazed. He knew you would know the answer.

Yeah. He works for a talent agency, and he books a lot of acts in retirement homes and things like that. In fact, I just made an appearance at one of his retirement homes just to kind of hang out and meet the people. In fact, I just made an appearance at one of his retirement homes just to kind of hang out and meet the people.

And really super sweet guy. He lives in Philadelphia. I remember because that became a big hit and then it was forced off the air. That's right. It was like a number two song in 1966. And then they got a lot of grief from people that thought he was making fun of the mentally ill. So they basically pulled it off the air, and he became the new Von Meter slash Alan Sherman.

Oh, yeah. But he didn't have that kind of downfall, but that kind of took the wind out of the sails when that song was taken off the radio. Oh, yeah. No, I remember that. I was kind of scandalous at the time when they took it off. Before that, it was a very funny song. Yeah. It's one of my daughter's favorite songs.

I mean, I remember one trip, she listened to it nonstop for about two weeks. Alternated between that and Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell. Oh, sure. And I remember it had that hypnotic drum beat. Yeah. Do you remember the flip side of that, where they had the song backwards? Oh, yes. That was even better. Like...

And then Satan would appear in your living room? It was awesome. I miss novelty records. I should make one. Oh, my God. Then there were those records. Oh, I know what you're talking about.

Right. Remember they were round? Oh, the hole in the middle. And they go around in a circle. Some were big holes, some were little holes. But there were those records that were considered comedy back then. Where, you know, we'll say... Dickie Goodman, are you thinking of?

Oh, yeah. You're thinking of the news clips where they would then answer him in a song. Oh, yeah. Here with Mr. Goodman, are you thinking of? Oh, yeah, you're thinking of the news clips where they would then answer him in a song. Oh, yeah, here with Mr. Jaws. Mr. Jaws. Oh, yes, yes. Are we going in a different direction? Yeah, no, no.

I'm reading your mind. I'm trying to figure out... And the president said, we did the mash, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the cut-in record, yeah, Dickie Goodman was the king of that. Yeah, those were pretty awful.

I liked them. I did my own when I was 13 years old. They were passable as comedy back then. Oh, I love those. You did one with an old tape recorder? Yeah, my friends and I would like, you know, we're here in Elton John's living room. Elton!

Tell me how long until your next album comes out? I think it's going to be a long, long time. Oh, Elton, you're so funny. You're so funny, Elton. You're like, really, that level of comedy.

It had those records. Was it one guy? Was it just Dickie Goodman? Well, other people try to bite his style. But he was the main guy. You had The Streak back then. I think he was always on a different label because he would always get sued because I don't think he cleared any of those, what would

not be called samples, but back then it was stealing outright music. He just put those together and put them out and sold a bunch of records and then left town. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast after this.

Now, how much can you play someone else's music? It seems like so many times I'll hear so obviously someone else's song, but one note gets changed. Oh, like the Vanilla Ice tried to do? Oh, yes. No, it's not ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's, listen carefully, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, I always see that on TV shows and movies where they'll have like a character running down the street and they'll play something that is obviously the Rocky theme. Right.

But it'll, you know, it'll be da-da-dee, da-da-da. Right. You can get away with that. You know, I don't think there's an actual formula for that necessarily. Because you can get sued for anything, basically. So you try to change it enough so that they won't take you to court. But it's called a pastiche. It's basically evoking another song without doing literally every note.

You see? You learned something there, Gottfried. You know, I should have just had lunch with you. I would have had a free lunch. Which comedy albums did you listen to when you were a kid? Because we always talk about Bob Newhart. We always talk about the Red Fox albums. Yeah, well, my folks had bought a bunch of the Alan Sherman records for 25 cents at Pick and Save.

So we had those. It's true. It's true. I loved the old David Frye albums where he would do all the Nixon impersonations. We were talking about David Frye with David Steinberg and how he did the best Nixon in the world.

Yeah, great. He also kind of didn't have a happy... A sour guy, apparently. I think to begin with, he was like... I mean, I think they could really make an argument, the fact that he was like, I mean, I think they could really make an argument, the fact that he was only comfortable in other people's characters.

Because they, yeah, they said he was pretty screwed up. Yeah. It wasn't like Von Meter, though, because Nixon was still around. Oh, yeah. He had a lifelong career. Von Meter got a raw deal. Yeah. Yeah.

And then Gary Owens had a comedy album out called Put Your Head on My Finger. Do you remember that at all? I don't know if it got a wide release, but it And then what, uh, Gary Owens had a comedy album out called put your head on my finger. Do you remember that at all? I don't know if it got a wide release, but it was a really funny album. Gary Owens. Um, and what else? Of course,

all the, all the old, uh, George Carlin stuff and the money takeoffs and put ons and Toledo window box and all those records. When I was a kid, I had an album, Frank Fontaine songs.

I sing on the Jackie Gleason Show. I've seen the cover. I've never actually listened to the album. Is it a comedy album or is it a song? No, no. It's got this really goofy face on the cover, right? Yeah, yeah. He's there with the teeth.

Because I was thinking about buying that. I was like, well, I don't think he sings funny songs. Yeah, that's the thing. It was like, see, Frank Fontaine as Crazy Guggenheim. That's Oprah. Sorry, that was Oprah. Forgive me. That was my Oprah.

That was when I go down on Oprah. She makes that sound. She sounds like Crazy Guggenheim. Yeah, when I went down on Oprah, I drove in an orgasm, and she said... Oh, Lord. I'm a master of imitation. But I remember, like, they were both around the same time. Frank Fontaine as Crazy Guggenheim and Jim Neighbors.

And was the museum named after him, by the way? I wasn't sure about that. It was like a collection of Frank Fontaine's work at the Guggenheim. And they both talked in wacky voices and then when they'd sing, it wasn't a wacky voice.

It was like the whole Jim Neighbors thing. Oh, yes! And Crazy Guggenheim, you know, Gleason would, you know, he'd go, Hey, Joe. Hi, Mr. Dahlia. And Gleason would go, So why don't you sing for us, Crazy?

And then it would be like, In my Easter bonnet. And people back then... Oh, God. People back then assumed that Jim Neighbors and Frank Fontaine were extraordinary singers just because they didn't sound like the characters. You know, it's a great thing.

You lower people's expectations. which is how I skate by because I keep my expectations super, super low. So anytime I'm on stage, people are like, he's not bad. That's actually pretty good. I thought he'd suck, frankly. And I think Guggenheim also got away with some vaguely suggestive things. Really? Yeah, like when Gleeson would go, so what did you do last night, crazy?

And he'd go, I went out with the Farkwatches. And Farkwatch. I see. That was risque. Yeah, yeah. That was pretty. Sort of like the Farkle family. Yes, yes, yes. But he's borderline mentally ill, so you can risque. Yeah, yeah. That was pretty... It's sort of like the Farkle family. Yes, yes, yes.

But he's borderline mentally ill, so you can't make fun, really. It's so weird that Crazy Guggenheim was both mentally unhinged and drunk at the same time. It's a perfect storm, really. Why didn't the people who stopped Napoleon Bonaparte stop Crazy Guggenheim? I know. Yeah. There was a double standard. Because he drank too.

Oh, I see. So because he drank, you could question whether he was crazy. I see. Even though they, in fact, called him crazy. That was his name, Crazy Guggenheim. That's why I call myself weird, so I can get away with all that kind of stuff. Like, oh, what you gonna do, weird Al?

Oh, you've got an adjective in front of his name. Let him do anything he wants. Now, tell us about that movie you did. The movie I did? UHF. Oh, UHF. It was 92 minutes long. Okay. That's all right. It wants to know. It's in color. It's you like to... It was 92 minutes long. Okay. That's all right. It wasn't a no.

It's in color. It's a talkie. We were arguing how long the movie was. And we had money riding on it. I'm kidding. It was 105 minutes. I wanted to make it seem like it went by quicker. I think Gilbert wants to ask you about working with Billy Barty.

Oh, yes. He played Noodles. Yes. Yes, Billy was great. He was the cameraman who got all the low-angle shots. And he was a real trooper. He had a great attitude. Ludie Washington, who was the big African-American gentleman who lived.

Oh, quick, zoom in. Let's zoom in on the black guy in the room. But he was the guy in the fat video that was like offering me the ding-dongs. Oh, yes, yes. We got him in the movie and he was the cameraman in UHF and he was also the guy

that would hoist Billy Barty up on his shoulders so he could take the higher angle shots. Do you know one of the many low points in my career? One of them

that stands out. I once auditioned for a movie and lost out to Billy Barty. You never told me that. Yeah. Yes.

What was the movie, pray tell? The movie was actually a terrible Mel Brooks movie. It was when Mel Brooks. Was it Life Stinks? Life Stinks. Oh, okay. Life Stinks, yeah. Not his finest hour.

And I auditioned for that and lost out to Billy Barty. What was the part? I said, angry midget, I guess. An old angry midget. You're my favorite angry midget. Now, also, you worked with Kevin McCarthy. Oh, so great. Nation of the Body Snatchers, Kevin McCarthy.

Yeah, it was kind of fun because he did an old Twilight Zone, I guess in the late 50s, early 60s, where he ages 20 or 30 years. Oh, yes, yes. And that Twilight Zone, he looked at our movie because of the time it actually left. He was so great. I love Kevin McCarthy.

He would just go be so over the top. He was like, yo, love Kevin McCarthy. He would just go be so over the top. He was like, at the top of his lungs! And then the director would yell, cut. And then he'd start laughing. He was having the best time. I remember around the time the Aristocrats came out,

in one part, I did an extra version of the Aristocrat, and I started, you know, talking about fucking and sucking and blowing the dog. As one does. Yes. So often does. One so often does. And Oprah and Oprah.

Usually. When hanging out with Stedman. Oh, God. So I'm talking. when hanging out with Stedman. Oh, God. So I'm talking... I'm talking about blowing a dog and the brother and sister fucking each other.

Yes. And I said... I'm with you. I'm with you. I just... And I said at one point, I go, this is a common practice at the home of beloved character actor Kevin McCarthy. You couldn't say Dean Jagger? No, no.

You had to say Kevin McCarthy. So one of the guys who worked on the film actually knew Kevin McCarthy. He was friends with him. And he said, oh, you know, you know, Gilbert Gottfried, he talks about, you know, fucking a family, fucking and sucking and blowing a dog. And then he goes and then he said, this is a common practice at the House of Character actor Kevin McCarthy. And Kevin McCarthy goes,

well, that's offensive. And he goes, yeah, well, Gilbert is kind of... And he goes... When you're right, you're right. Yeah, yeah, no, he goes, he goes, you know, that's offensive. And he goes, well, you know, Gilbert tends to take things. And he goes, I'm not a character actor. I'm a lead.

Oh, great. Good for him. Good for him. Good for him. Speaking of UHF. No, we're talking about Kevin McCarthy. The only reason

we have Al here is because he's worked with Kevin McCarthy. He would do Shakespeare at the drop of a hat. He would do like, any excuse, like, on St. Crispin's Day!

You're going to the whole speech. Amazing. I loved him. He's great in Twilight Zone, the movie, too. Oh, yes. He's just great. Great with comedy. Who knew? Speaking of UHF,

a special anniversary edition. Coming. Am I right about that? You are correct, yes. Coming in November, there will be the Blu-ray, long-awaited Blu-ray edition of UHF,

UHF in HD. Because people have been clamoring for that. You know, there are so many jokes that you don't really appreciate unless you can see it in the full 1080

progressive resolution. I mean... It's the best work of Victoria Jackson's career. By far. I mean, I love her right-wing rants, but... They're almost as funny. What happened to her?

I don't know. I don't know. I remember when she was on Saturday Night Live. That's where everyone first saw her. She was this cute little blonde... Doing handstands? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And was this cute little blonde. Doing handstands. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And everything was cute and adorable. And then all of a sudden, she's this weird, you know, fascist. She's like the Vaughn Meter of Saturday Night Live. Oh, my. I'm the Billy Bartney of Mel Brooks movies. Al, tell us about the petition that's circulating. To get me out of the country?

Yes, that one. But also the one where your fans are trying to get the NFL to hire you to be the halftime actor. You know, I don't think I could afford to play the Super Bowl, you know, because it's a pay-to-play thing now. That's right. That's right. Right. So they're asking the performers to actually pay for the honor to play the Super Bowl because it's a pay-to-play thing now. That's right. They're asking the performers to actually pay for the honor of playing the Super Bowl because apparently it increases their album sales and blah, blah, blah. That's a real thing.

Wow. Yeah. I don't think I'm really NFL material. I think maybe Chris Brown would be a better choice. I think you are Chris Brown. For the halftime show. I think if you're going to go down that road... You could do a nip slip. Brown would be a better choice for the halftime show. I think if you're going to go down that road.

You could do a nip slip. I think you could. I could. I do it all the time for fun anyway. And tell us about what you did recently. You performed at the Hollywood Bowl. I did. Bringing back your Simpsons song.

Yes, they did. The Simpsons take the bowl. They did The Simpsons Take the Bowl. They did three nights. It was really fun. A lot of the voice actors from The Simpsons, Conan O'Brien, John Levitz, Beverly D'Angelo, and myself, we all performed. I did the Ballad of Homer and Marjorie, which was a parody of John Mellencamp's Jack and Diane.

Great night. We had a wonderful time. The Hollywood Bowl is just an amazing venue. It feels intimate, but it's like 17,000 people. It was crazy. I did a movie with what's her name from The Simpsons?

Julie Kavner. Julie Kavner. People don't realize that's not a put-on voice. You know, and actually she talks that way. It's pretty close. When she does The Sisters, she does a voice a little bit. And actually, she talks that way. It's pretty close. When she does the sisters, she does a voice a little bit.

When she does Patty and Selma, it gets a little raspier. You have to differentiate, yeah. A little smoky. Now, I remember being in a movie with her, and we had like one truck there that had a bathroom for everybody. And the truck, the door, never had a working lock. And so it would constantly be,

you'd be in there, and the door would open up a hundred times. If you got, oh, oh, sorry, oh, oh. And then one time I was peeing, so my back was to the door, and I remember I heard, mmm. Backwards to the door. And I remember I heard... It sounds like Karloff when they throw the fire up in front of him.

So Julie Kavner saw my dick. Well, that's it. Now you do parody. I'm sure you've been asked things like this, but do you pinch yourself? Do you stop sometimes and say, I was a kid, I was making these little recordings on my tape recorder,

I was sending things into Dr. Demento, and now I'm playing the Hollywood Bowl. It's pretty crazy. And I got the number one record. I still can't wrap my head around that. I wish I could go back and talk to the 12-year-old version of myself and tell them all the crazy stuff that was going to happen. I mean, this year alone I've done so many things

which I never even dreamed that I'd do last year. You know, it's just mind-boggling to me. Live in the dream. Yeah. Okay. Oh, boy. God bless you. Oh, boy.

God bless you. You can't be serious around here, Al. You can't have a sentimental moment. No. It's true. So, Julie Kavner. It's all about Julie Kavner seeing a stick. I tried to go there for a Barbara Walters moment.

Didn't take. You know, it was an offensive interview, but it also had some heart. So that's really what saved it. That's really saved it. You know, I was going to hate Al for being insensitive, but no, I saw something there that night when I listened to the podcast. There's something deep inside him that I like.

What musical comedy acts do you like now? I heard you talking about Reggie Watson. Yeah, Lonely Island. I'm a huge fan of Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D, Garfunkel and Oates. Garfunkel and Oates are great. Roy Zimmerman, Bo Burnham. I could give you a whole laundry list someday.

I think you did. Okay. Who sang Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor? Donnie Lonergan. Skiffle. Yeah, Donnie Lonergan. Is that right? Did I get it right?

Ding, ding. That's right, Donnie Lonergan. Thank you. Hey. What do we win? I think there was a guy named Donnie Lonergan or something Lonergan who was in Son of Frankenstein. Is that true? Not the same guy.

He played Basil Rathbone's son. Wow. And I think he's still alive. Let's find out. Yeah. Let's get him on the line. I think Donnie Lonergan was what they call a skiffle player. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Which was going to take over rock was what they call a skiffle player. That's right, yeah.

Which was going to take over rock and roll. Right, British Invasion stuff. Right, right. Skiffle. That's all I got. Could someone look up Donnie Donnigan? He was the guy in Son of Frankenstein. Oh, okay.

Yeah. I can see you make that switch. I thought you were thinking of Maria Ospenskaya again. The way you walk is thorny. Throw no fault of your own. You know, I heard that Chico from the Marx Brothers and Maria Ospenskaya had lunch together one time. What?

They went to a restaurant together. No. Yeah. That completely changes my world. He was working it. Yeah. It's pronounced Chico? Yeah.

That's crazy. Well, Chico. Chico. Well, Chico? Yeah. That's crazy. Well, Chico. Chico. Well, Chico. Then he started the Chick-fil-A restaurant. Yes. Whole different thing. Okay.

We're talking to ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Now, you say you do song parody. I didn't say that. I think you kept saying that. I don't think I ever brought it up once. Okay. We've been talking to the man

who has sold more albums than Ariana Huffington and Ann Coulter combined. Julie Kavner has never seen my private parts. To my knowledge. As Oprah Winfrey. I'm out of cards, Al. We blew through those.

We just want to talk quickly about Tom Lehrer. Okay. Another influence. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. Tom Lehrer. Tom Lehrer.

Tom Lehrer. Yeah. Absolutely. I'd say that my Mount Rushmore of comedy would be Stan Fe God, Tom Lehrer. Tom Lehrer, absolutely. I'd say that my Mount Rushmore of comedy would be Stan Feberg, Tom Lehrer, Alan Sherman, Spike Jones. Tom Lehrer's still around. He's hanging in there. But something of a reckless, isn't he? Yeah, he's like the J.D. Salinger of

demented music. He taught at UC Santa Cruz for many years. I don't think he does that anymore, but I still send him a Christmas card. Oh, good. You know, he loved UHF. Oh. You know, he quotes from that from time to time.

You know, brilliant guy. He only did, like, I forget, like three dozen songs over the course of his career, but they were all brilliant, brilliant. Poisoning pigeons in the park. Yeah, absolutely. Genius. Now, who was that guy they always used to play on PBS? Oh, Mark.

Russell. Russell, thank you. Oh, Mark... Russell. Russell. Thank you. Yeah, Mark Russell. Thank you. No Tom Lehrer. What's your opinion on Mark Russell? Uh, you know, um, I wouldn't call him the poor man's Tom Lehrer, because that would be rude. So I just won't say that. I will not

be saying that today. Would you give us a list of all the things you'd like cut out of this episode? Just have Jay submit it to us. Okay. I'll take care of it. That'd be nice. Anyway, we've been talking to a guy who I think does song parodies. The master.

The king of song parodies. We've been talking with Weird Al Yankovic, and I think I didn't slur the words now. No, that was perfect. Yeah, yeah. Amazing. Yeah, because I thought... You needed some practice.

You needed to warm up a little bit. I was having a stroke before. Were you smelling toast? I was like Floyd in that last season of the Andy Griffith. Oh, gosh. The post-stroke Floyd. Yeah, and they used to have Floyd sitting in the barber chair, you know, because he couldn't stand anymore.

That was my favorite indie band, post-stroke Floyd. Yeah. They were great. You are quick. Okay, so we've been talking. Anything you want to plug? No. They were great. You are quick. Okay. So we've been talking. Anything you want to plug?

No. I don't want to taint any project coming up now. We should say the album is mandatory fun. Yes, it is. And still. It continues to be mandatory fun. Still high on the charts. It's still number one as far as I know. Nobody tells me anything.

It's wonderful. It outsold Josh Agabor's last show. And so we've been talking to... It's me and Crazy Guggenheim battling for the top of the charts. Like a Satan. Yeah!

Wow, that is a treat. Crazy Guggenheim does this, like a surgeon. It's my heart. He can't help it, he's crazy. Don't get offended, he's just crazy. He's crazy and drunk. He's crazy and drunk simultaneously. It's a deadly combination. Speaking of the Andy Griffith show.

Yes. Remember when they did the TV movie? That was Matlock. Oh, Return of Mayberry. Yeah, and Otis was no longer a drunk. Well, the same thing on The Simpsons, why they cleaned up Barney's act. Oh, my God.

Because of complaints. And the cookie monster. When is it going to end? When? For crying out loud, everybody. When, for the love of God, will this stop? Please. Please.

Thank you. Good night. I think so. Okay. We've been talking to weird Al Yankovic. Not crazy. Hey. Not crazy, Al Yankovic.

Why don't you sing a song for us? You light up my life. Oh, my God. Wait, wait. Look how they wound up. The guy who wrote... Oh, Joe Brooks. Oh, my God.

I don't think I know this. What is that story? Oh, this is wonderful. And he won an Oscar, too. We could cut out some of the... You talking about your life in Korea. Just so we could cut out some of the you talking about your life so we could fit this one in there

he had a son the son was going out with a model who he they accused him of killing his model girlfriend his son he on the other hand, was also

on trial for, like, raping these girls that came in to audition for him. You lied up my... Go ahead. Yeah, and then he killed himself, the guy who wrote you. Joe Brooks. Yeah. Killed himself in prison.

How's that funny? How? That's what I say about this. That's your fourth book. How is that funny? That's what I say about this. This is your fourth book. How is that funny? How is that funny? That's his closer. You like that? That's it.

Joe Brooks. Not to be confused with Joe Brooks. Not to be confused with Joe Brooks, the guy that played Vanderbilt, the nearsighted watchtower guard on F Troop. Oh, my God. You know, we spoke to Larry Sturridge. Larry, yeah. Yeah, he was great. Who we met at that thing.

Oh, yes. Yes, we met at that autograph signing thing. It was quite horrible. Horrible for people to give you money. Yeah, yes, yes. Oh, it feels so, ooh. Yeah, ooh, it's gooey.

Gooey. I mean, I was putting those things off for a while. Oh, me too. It was our first time with both of them. I'd never done it

and you hadn't either. Yeah, that's, well, he means the first time we fucked. Yes. Yeah. It was our first time with both of us. I'd never done it and you hadn't either. Well, he means the first time we fucked. Yes. Yeah. It was the first time. It was ooey. It was gooey. See, when me and

Weird Al were fucking, a lot of people thought it was actually Oprah Winfrey. And that's how that rumor got a callback. You can understand the confusion. You can understand it.

And they say, hey, isn't that Oprah Winfrey singing like a surgeon? Have we started yet? No. Okay. I guess I'd like to have a special word of thanks to Weird House Manager. Jay Levy. Yeah.

For saving us by not having lunch together. Okay. And so we've been talking about Al Yankovic. And I'm Gilbert Gottfried. And this is Gilbert. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's

Amazing Colossal Podcast. I know what you think. I don't know. I'm Gilbert Godfrey. This has been Gilbert Godfrey's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre, who I knew for about five years before I could pronounce his name. In fact, that includes the first seven episodes. I feel better now.

Yeah. Okay, and you do song fairies. I used to. Now I'm just doing podcasts. You should do a podcast, Al. So I guess that's it. Thanks, Al. Thank you.

Thanks for doing it. No, no no thank you