Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 200. Drew Friedman, Rupert Holmes, Richard Kind

Episode Date: March 26, 2018

Gilbert and Frank celebrate their 200th (!) episode by welcoming frequent guests (and friends) Drew Friedman, Rupert Holmes and Richard Kind for a loose, laugh-filled (and frequently lewd) discussion of essential topics, including: the cinema of Fred Gwynne, the unpredictability of Jerry Lewis, the long-lost child of Uncle Miltie, and the risks and rewards of meeting one's heroes. Also, Drew puts Groucho to bed, Rupert lunches with Frank Capra, Richard lives up to his name and the panel recalls the movie that changed their lives. PLUS: The Olivia de Havilland of monster movies! In praise of Dan Castellaneta! Gilbert disses (the original) "Casino Royale"! Merv Griffin co-stars with a gorilla! And the boys rank the best Richard Kind impressions! This episode is brought to you by Squarespace (www.squarespace.com code: GILBERT) and Harold Ramis Film School. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Now playing under the big top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at CirqueDuSoleil.com. Echo. Thanks for presenting partner Sun Life. The world is yours to create. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling. Winning.

Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute i do enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on fan duel casino where winning is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly hey gilbert hey frank uh bob saget here just telling you congratulations on your 200th episode gilbert i remember when you had your first episode and i gave you some medication and you were fine. But I just love you guys, you know, in the way that a taller man can love of slightly shorter men. Congrats. 200 episodes is not a small thing.

I'll show you a small thing next time I see you. Lots of love or whatever. Chevy Chase here. Congratulations. Oh, Gilbert, I love you. And Frank, on your 200th podcast. Sure glad I wasn't on

any of them. Hey, Gilbert, it's Weird Al Yankovic. I do the parody songs. You've had me on the show. You might remember. Anyway, I wanted to congratulate you on 200 episodes. Wow! Oh, man.opadre.

We're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Berterosa. Yay, Frank. Believe it or not, this is our 200th main episode, and they said it would never last. Actually, the person who said it was me. For the special show, we've invited three of our favorite former guests because they were the absolute best choices. And also, they happen to be free tonight. Our first guest is an award-winning cartoonist, illustrator, and a friend and frequent guest on the podcast. His work has appeared in National Lampoon, Spy, The New Yorker, Time, and the recent humor publication, The American Bystander. His new book is Drew Freeman's Chosen People,

Drew Friedman's Chosen People, which features portraits of everyone from Sammy Petrillo to George Zucco. And a new documentary about his life, The Vermeer of the Bosch Belt, is currently in the works. The artist formerly known as Jew Dots, Drew Friedman.

Our next guest is a musician, songwriter, record producer, playwright, novelist, and screenwriter. He's a Tony winner, a Drama Desk Award winner, the winner of the Edgar Award for Mystery Writing, and the recipient of ASCAP's... Or ASCAP. Yeah. When the hell can we interrupt this? This is just dreadful. We've heard it all before. In the middle of it.

Oh, my God. In the middle of reading that, I said, something's not right here. This is a word. This isn't. It's supposed to go a little faster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's ASCAP. And I think I. Well, that made it go a little faster. And I think I called you Freeman. Freeman. Freeman it go a little faster. And I think I called you Freeman. Freeman. Freeman. You're thinking Mickey Freeman.

Yeah. Yes. Yes. You want to tell the audience who this person is that you're talking about? Okay. Which one? The one you're in the middle of introducing. The ASCAP.

Oh, okay. The AS-something. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. The recipient of ass caps. Do you know I think I once worked for ass cap to make it

even worse? Like a temp job? I did. I had a crappy job i think it was askab so you blocked it it was a bad memory so you blocked it horrible now now does what's his name former guest uh paul williams yes he's the president i am pretty sure it was a new york office he had nothing to do with it. Yeah. You want to introduce this man?

Where it says ASCAP, the Distinguished ASCAP Award, you can cancel the distinguished part now. George M. Cohen Award. He's worked with everyone from Jerry Lewis to Barbara Streisand to the Jackson 5. to Barbara Streisand to the Jackson 5, and he's the rare individual who can tell you the difference between the great Gildersleeve, Frank Nelson, and Gail Gordon. A creative... Polymath. Polymath and the ingenious Rupert Holmes.

It's easy for you to say. And last but never least. Hold on. The last time I was here, Frank wrote a long introduction and lost it. That's true. I left it in my office.

I think we should do the same thing here. Have you found it? Well, in the interest of symmetry. The last but never least for his fourth appearance, a gifted and popular actor who's appeared on hit TV shows such as Mad About You, Spin City, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Gotham, and Red Oaks, and acclaimed films like Argo, Inside Out, and A Serious Man. He's also the winner of a Drama Desk Award and an Independent Spirit Award, and he's still pissed off at Mario Cantone for disrespecting Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.

Absolutely wrong. But he's Christmas Carol. Absolutely wrong. But it's never won anything from AFC. Our very own Tony Randall, the brilliantly funny Richard Tide. Yes. Now I... There's no applause, and I said thank you. Yes.

All right, there you go. They can applaud. There's 62 people in the room. Yeah, nobody applauded. You're free to applaud. We have a There you go. They can applaud. There's 62 people in the room. Nobody applaud. You're free to applaud. We have a studio audience here. Those wonderful careers. Now, I think all of us remember where we were when we found out Marlon Brando fucked Richard

Pryor. That's too soon. It's the big opener he's been sitting on. Talk about a big opener. Who made the move? That's who he was sitting on. Who had the courage? What year was that?

What year was that? I don't know that much about it, the details. According to Quincy Jones. Who would know? Marlon Brando fucked Richard Pryor in the ass. Right. Well, he said he would fuck anything at that point. A mailbox.

True. That's right. That's a put down. And who picked? Who picked? Who fucked who? Yeah. It was like, who was on top and who was on top?

Well, I like to think Brando was on top. Was this when they were making this? The image of an 800-pound Brando. Is this when he was making The Godfather? Climbing on board of a terrified Richard Pryor. I'm going to have to draw it. Yes, but if he was on top, you won't have to draw Richard Pryor. Ah, okay.

And how would you find Marlon Brando's hand? This is the old one. What year, Marlon Brando? This is his warm-up. This is his warm-up. He was still in good shape in 1968. Well, I like to think it was the Brando you'll remember. The one who was in the Matthew Broderick film.

Are you incorporating a stick of butter into this image? Excellent. Excellent. No fingernails. No fingernails. He's obsessed with this. Should we book Quincy Jones

to settle this once and for all? I want Quincy Jones as a co-host. Perfect timing. Or Mrs. Pryor. Didn't Mrs. Pryor say that this is all true? She said it's true. A daughter. His daughter denied it.

His wife said it might be true. Yeah, his daughter denied it. But, I mean, let's face it. What was the opening line? Who hit on who? Well, his daughter says it didn't happen. So let's not ask her. No, no.

It's a good policy. But, you know, let's face it. If you found out Marlon Brando fucked your father and he has, you'd deny it too. There's no way around it. You have to deny it.

Can you imagine the farting that was going on during this? Yeah. Because Brando was a Brando wanted to fart. Brando was a notorious farter. And as we heard which I have witnessed

You heard one of Brando's farts. It was not just a fart it was a long continuous fart. It was a long, continuous fart. Is it you who saw him outside the ice cream store? Yes, yes. Well, it's a story. Gilbert told an abbreviated version recently, but the longer version, which is not that long,

but it was a Haagen-Dazs store on Sunset. This is the Sunset right around where Woody Allen ordered ground yeast. So that's, you know, just picture that. I walked into a Haagen-Dazs store, and there's this big, big fat guy up at the counter. Give me a quart of chocolate. A woman goes up to him and says, can I get your autograph? Get the fuck away from me.

Oh, wow. Wow. So they give him the ice cream in one bag, and they give him an ice cream cone in the other with three giant scoops. He pays and walks out. He's wearing, like, a big jumpsuit and aviator glasses. So he walks out with the cone in one hand, with the bag in the other, and I had to follow him. I just turned around and followed him 10 steps behind walking up Sunset and the cars

are whizzing by and the only sound I could hear was continuously. I followed him for about a block and that was enough. That's my Brando encounter. So how long did this fart go on? I'm sure it continued on because he wasn't stopping but he was eating and farting. It's my Brando encounter. So how long did this fart go on? I'm sure it continued on because he wasn't stopping, but you know,

he was eating and farting. It was like, you know, my Brando memory. Wow. One last Brando story. I'm done. On Facebook, a woman wrote in the inbox and she said, how come you only draw old, disgusting people? Why don't you draw the

young and beautiful Marlon Brando, my favorite? I said, all right, look, let's compromise. I'll draw Marlon Brando, my favorite? I said, all right, look, let's compromise. I'll draw Marlon Brando for you, but I'll draw him when he was old, disgusting, and fat. How about that? She didn't answer. Rupert, any Brando anecdotes? I actually stood next to Marlon.

Unfortunately, I don't have a great punchline for this. It's just a real story out of my life. Okay, here's your punchline. And then he fucked Richard Pryor in the ass. Okay. Okay, so throw that in. That's the end. I like it.

It takes the suspense out of it and makes it more homespun. Yeah, I was supposed to. I had for about two days, I was supposed to write the song that, oh, Al. Who's the singer al martino al martino uh sings a wedding song uh he's standing in for frank sinatra and godfather and i was supposed to write that song and then someone who was related to an executive at paramount said no no no don't you remember i'm going to write that and so as my consolation prize um i was invited to the set of the godfather and uh uh it was filmed at 127th street filmways do you remember when there was for a while became foodways this is a marlon brando story but it's i'm realizing there's

no humor involved doesn't matter okay the um so i'm wandering up there to this, and they've replicated the entire Long Island mansion from Godfather inside this studio at like 127th and Adam Clayton Powell Boulevard. And I go in there, and I'm standing, and I'm watching this actor whose name is Al Pacino. And this Al Pacino has supposedly been chosen because he's the mob's choice. This is the stuff that was going around show business. That's the only reason they're using him. And then the big, you'll remember, the big shame of Brando being in the movie was everyone knew it should be Edward G. Robinson, that he should play the godfather. I'm not saying this as a fact. This was the scuttlebutt was how can they not give it to Edward G. Robinson?

And Robinson was alive. Yeah, he was. So I'm standing there and there's this scene with Al Pacino, this actor named Al Pacino. That's how they were pronouncing it. Pacino, of course, obviously. And it's the scene where the godfather is telling Richard Castellano and I forget the other one. He was another one, too, that that now Michael is going to be taking over the business and all like that. I'm standing next to this janitor.

Who's obviously sweeping up and he's in a ratty old gray sweater and he's and I'm thinking how lovely that this old fellow that obviously a fixture of the place is allowed to stay so close to the shooting. And and I'm standing next to him for about 10 minutes while they do this thing they have to go and tell al pacino um you're you're overlapping too much dialogue we won't be able to cut you're talking over too many people you have to space it a little bit it tightens up when we cut it this is how he had done panic in needle park i think just part of that and suddenly they say mr brando now and this janitor who's been standing next to me for 10 minutes moves forward i never would have recognized him in a million years no one had seen him with the cotton balls in his cheeks and and he was looked his hair was all unkempt and all like that it was great he did a good thing anytime he was doing a scene a line

and he didn't like the way it was going he would screw it up so that the scene would get screwed up and they'd have to start again. And he mainly played with a fish tank. And then oddly enough, Richard Pryor arrived by cab. What happened? Richard Pryor, what happened? He said, hey, sweet cakes. I knew it.

I haven't been getting enough of that Seth Ginerian stuff. Heard this story. Gilbert, did you know Danny Thomas wanted to play the Godfather? It's true. He did. Anthony Quinn. They seriously considered Anthony Quinn.

But of course, Seth Sinatra wanted to. But Paramount wouldn't go in for the Windex. Yeah, the cost of the Windex alone. I was at a golf tournament this weekend that raises a lot of money for St. Jude's. People got up with the most beautiful story about children and the families and the blessings that we're doing by giving money.

And Danny Thomas finding it. And all I could think of the entire evening when they showed, oh, Danny Thomas. And he says, if I die and this place is built, I have lived for one thing, my reason on earth. And all I can think of was that. It's just all I can think of. Girls take shitting on the glass. A great humanitarian. And that's how you've poisoned my mind.

It took 13 minutes to get to the Danny Thomas. It was still controversial. It's still controversial. It's still controversial. There's no reason to just malign Danny Thomas. For those sports fans out there, of which I know there are none, Jack Brickhouse, who used to announce for the White Sox, he used to like to get shit on

so if only ESPN would have me on a podcast I could talk about something I wish I followed sports the other guy who was into it was Otto Preminger really? he must have done everything

yeah it was German Rupert what pseudonym are you going to use for this episode? I do have a Paul Schofield fart story. Oh, yes. He was doing the misanthrope. I want to add a little click. Nice. To tone it up.

Tone it up. He's doing the misanthrope in London with Diana Rigg, and he's walking across the front of the stage just going, with each step, and the whole front row is going, oh, my God, like that. They could hear and smell it all. A fart for all seasons. Very nice.

Very nice. Beautiful. There are no small farts, only great acting. You never met Brando, Richard? No, no. Oh, my God, no. Paul Farts, only great actor. You never met Brando, Richard? No. No. Oh, my God, no. He was going to...

Brando, there was a rumor he was going to do a version of The Odd Couple with Wally Cox. Oh, really? Yeah. He did other things. Hollywood Reporter. Wally Cox. Yeah, they were roommates for years in the 50s. Yeah.

But The Odd Couple... In the 50s. And they say that Wally Cox was the masculine or the strong one. That's right. In the 50s, Wally Cox was called the original Richard Pryor. Congratulations, Gilbert, on podcast number 200 this is phil macy from podcast number 172 we love you oh hi fellows it's tom leopold i've had the privilege of being on your podcast and uh apart from my children being born it's the biggest honor and thrill of my life.

I want to congratulate you on your 200th episode. And I got to go. That's my music. I love you. And now while Gilbert heads into the nutmeg kitchen to steal more Perrier. A word from our sponsor. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning.

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19 plus. Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to ConnixOntario.ca. And now, back to the show. Now, you were telling us before you were at the home of, and I keep forgetting his name. Emil Sitka. Emil Sitka. Emil Sitka, yeah. of and i keep forgetting his name emil sitka emil sitka yeah well i you know in in the 80s i visited i had friends who knew him so emil sitka of course was the one appeared in the three stooges shorts he always played the professor and hold hands you lovebirds that guy with you know with the white

man but he was as sweet as can be and it was just like i never met any of the actual stooges but i met emil sitka corresponded with joe besser you know that's as close as i came but emil was terrific and he he was writing his autobiography he was very passionate about but sadly he died while he was writing it so i never got to illustrate he wanted me to illustrate it yeah that's i think that that's great and do you have you ever like i know you you say that George Carlin gave you his number. Was it Richard Pryor? Oh, yes, yes.

Have you ever called anybody up and just said, you know, like Dick Van Dyke called Stan Laurel. He looked it up in the phone book. Yes. He looked it up in the phone book. No, I understand that. There were numbers I could probably get from somebody, but I would never. But I would never call them. I've had numbers of people like, I had George Carlin's number, Norman Feld's number, and Jonathan Winters. I didn't call any of them.

I've had a few other numbers like that. And because to me, it was like, kind of like when you call, when you get a girl's's number and she goes, oh, hell, here's my number. Call me, call me, call me. And here's my work number. Call me, call me. Don't lose that. And then you call. You know what?

Please don't use this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You call them up. It's like, yeah. But you have the courage to go and visit somebody.

Right. To call them up. Well, I did not really. I mean, I. But still does that. But you have the courage to go and visit somebody. Right. To call them up. Well, I did not really. I mean, I wait for the right opportunity. Like, you know, when I was a kid, I got to meet a lot of people through my dad. So, you know, I kind of, you know, was taken along to Elaine's. And, you know, I went to Groucho's house, you know, for the day when I was a kid. When I was 14 with my brothers, we spent the day there.

Then we were invited back the following week. Groucho's girlfriend, Erin Fleming, called my dad. Groucho would like you to come back next week. He loves kids, and they're having a reunion with Mae West, who hasn't seen in 35 years. So my dad said to my brothers and I, hey, guys, we're invited back to Groucho's house. You want to go?

And we looked at each other and said, nah, we had enough Groucho. Wow. That's basically my only regret in life, we didn't get to like witness that well i took my daughter i was nominated for a tony thank you very much i was nominated for a tony so i go to the awards and i take my daughter okay and my daughter meets cicely tyson and badette Peters and David Hyde Pierce. She's sitting next to Zachary Quinto, who is a great guy and a great actor, but not in the pantheon of those names that he will be. But she's sitting next to – she couldn't care less. She only wanted to meet Jane Lynch. That evening went – all she wanted was the ice cream.

Because of Glee? Why Jane Lynch? Because of Glee. Why Jane Lynch? Because of Glee. And I knew Jane way before. I knew her before at Second City and stuff. Is there anybody you've been dying to call but you don't want to pick up the phone? Yes, but I'm embarrassed

to say it and it's somebody who I shouldn't be embarrassed. There's a guy who wrote a book called Full Service. You know that book? Oh, Scotty Bowers. Yes. What's his name? You want to call Scotty Bow Oh, Scotty Bowers. Yes. You want to call Scotty Bowers? Scotty Bowers. I want to talk to him. I really do.

I want to hear these shit stories about Charles Lawton. I want to hear them in person. Did he write the Spencer Tracy book? Is that what? Well, sort of. Supposedly. Yeah. I mean, he said, you know, there's no way that Catherine.

By the way, my question always is, I mean, you just say about, you know, fucking the old brand or whatever. I always say if Catherine Hepburn, who was my favorite and I loved what she looked like. If she were alive today at 80, would I fuck her? Just to say I fucked Catherine Hepburn. Has nothing to do with sex. It's oh, my God. Look what I could tell my kids. So even Marie Saint looked pretty good last night on the Oscars.

Think about it. Gilbert, would you go there? And Anthony Perkins' corpse. I would still fuck. I'm going to move this along now. I knew him when he was dating Grover Dale. Anthony Perkins. Yeah, he was great.

The choreographer Grover Dale. Yeah. He directed my dad. He was married to a beautiful actress, wasn't he? I think he was. He was married to Anita somebody. Gillette maybe? No, no.

She was nine. Anita Gillette. Tony Morris. That's right. Someone told me... Anita Morris, yeah. Was that like a beard situation? Hey, I'm not going to cast aspersions on anybody.

I always wondered about Herbert Ross and Lee Razor. Someone said to me they were at Curly Joe Dorita's house, and Emil Zitko was there. Yeah, makes sense. And Emil Zitko was there. Yeah. Makes sense. And they said that Curly Joe Dorita agreed with Emil Zitko that Jules White was a schmuck.

Wow. You know, of course, Frank went to Curly Joe Dorita's funeral. I was there. Yes. Sad though it was. There were about how many other people were there? About eight. And Curly Joe's gardeners were there, right? I remember Curly Joe Dorita's funeral. I was there. What? Sad though it was. There were about, how many other people were there? About eight. And Curly Joe's gardeners were there, right?

Remember Curly Joe Dorita? Of course. The final stooge? Of course, yeah. Who else was there? I know Mo's son was there. Mark Newgarden dragged me there. Mo's son was there.

Yeah, there were four gardeners in the back row. Didn't Mark Newgarden encourage you to jump into the casket with Curly Joe? No, but he was trying to snap pictures

of the casket, the open casket. But there were gardeners in some of Curly Joe's gardens. They did it on the Steve Allen show. They did the open casket. But there were gardeners in it. A little tacky. Some of Curly Joe's gardeners. They did it on the Steve Allen show. They did the ma-ha, ah-ha. Yeah. That was Dorita.

Right, and you watch that and you just wish it was Curly there. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Instead of Joe Dorita fucking it up. Now, you've met Groucho. Well, I met him in the context. Yeah, I met him, but it wasn't a Groucho that knew he was. It was in the last years. He didn't know he was in the room.

I told you, I was at a Columbia Pictures 30th anniversary party. I was escorting Barbara Streisand, who I was recording an album with at that time. And at the table was Frank Capra, John Huston, Charles Bronson. How about that, Rich? Yeah. Nice table.

And Groucho Marx. And I thought, if there's a photograph of this picture, and the caption says, Circle, who does not belong in this picture? Why did you choose not to meet a couple of heroes? I chose not to meet John Lennon, and I chose not to meet Cary Grant. There's no

way they could have... I met Paul McCartney and he was wonderful to me. I bet Lennon would have lived up to your... No, I don't think... No, it's not even that. I just was so afraid he'd do something that would just say something. Joni Mitchell tells about meeting John Lennon and he was nasty to her.

I've heard that back and forth. We had someone on the show who said some guy met John. Well, it was a guitarist from, yeah, one of the guys that worked with the Turtles. It was Howard Kalin. And he said John Lennon was so mean to him that he like quit doing music he just catch somebody at the wrong moment young George Carlin encountered Danny Kaye his hero

and Danny Kaye was nasty to him and it like broke his heart and we talk about it for years and years there's a wonderful writer named Rick Mitts who wrote a book called they wrote a wonderful book called the great TV sitcom book or something like that. And he finally is writing – he worked for Norman Lear quite a bit.

And he finally is writing a special for Mary Tyler Moore who's like only half the book that he's written. He so idolizes her. And I love Mary Tyler Moore. But they happened to – they were shooting and he was the script writer. love mary tommy but he they happened to they were shooting and he was the script writer and they said uh mary we want to introduce you to maybe your biggest fan in the history of the world this is rick mitts and she turned and said yeah look this this joke right here is absolutely no good it's got to go it just doesn't work for me and that was it in other words that was the that was that was his exchange was saying look nothing, nothing about, oh, well, very nice of you.

And it was, I have a little problem, but more just, no, this has got to go. And it destroyed his whole feeling about the series. And sometimes you meet a hero of yours, and it's not even them. You're awkward among them. And you go, oh, God. No, I understand that. And you just don't have the words you and you go back and you say and if you're lucky you get to meet them again and say

this is what i wanted to say to you last yes but the thing is that nowadays it's really i i know this because if i'm in a bad mood if somebody if i've had an argument if something's wrong i've lost a job whatever the hell it it is, and somebody stops and goes, you're great, and you just don't have the time. Something's wrong. Yeah, yeah. And it's not a good meeting. Facebook will have it. And I've met, thank God, the only times I've been on Facebook where it has been something nice.

God, the only times I've been on Facebook where it has been something nice. Literally, I was in Connecticut and I'm shooting a movie. And there was a woman at the Audubon, the little zoo there. And she was holding a bird and I was nice to her. And her mother Facebooked Richard Kind met my daughter and was so nice he lives up to his name. Well, thank God I was nice then. But I'm not that nice. I wish I were. I swear to God

I wish I were. I was singing at the, I was performing at the not the Diplomat. What is the beautiful hotel in San Francisco that was the actual lobby of the TV series hotel? The Fairmont. Fairmont in San Francisco. And it's the last remnant of a nightclub. And I'm singing

a song, and suddenly, a blonde who's 6'53", the tallest person I've ever seen, with five sets of teeth, walks up on stage and starts singing the duet with me. And I'm looking, and I'm saying, I have no idea who this is and if this is a maniac. And

I go along with it. We get to the end of the song, and in the last bar, I say, oh, that's Susan Anton. Oh, I'm not telling you this is the moment I've been waiting for all my life to meet Susan Anton. She's happens to sing my song. But her date is Dudley Moore. Dudley Moore. And we go and sit down and I do that thing that you're talking about, Richard, which is I'm so desperate to let him know that I'm not just a fan of his, but that I know absolutely every single thing he's ever done, every movie, every short

subject, what he played in Beyond the Fringe, and I poured this stuff out, out of emotion, and when I was done, I thought, what have I done? I just said, no, no, no, I was doing that thing with him, saying, no, no, I know a lot of people tell you they like you, but I really know, I remember 1960, no. I was doing that thing with it. No, no. A lot of people tell you they like you.

But I really know. I remember 1960 when you did Cynthia's a Dangerous Age. And luckily, the next day, he called me. And I said, I'm so sorry about everything. I said, we got to actually know each other. But it is that moment where if you don't handle that moment, you could blow it forever. Absolutely. And you relive handle that moment, you could blow it forever. Absolutely. And you relive it.

Oh, yes. And you know what? It also means nothing. When you go up to somebody and tell them, I love you, I love you, I love you, you're doing it for you. You're not necessarily doing it for the person. Unless it's told right. I shouldn't say what I just said. And Richard, I love everything you do. Go fuck yourself.

When you meet these celebrities... No, I really mean it. A lot of people don't mean that. But when I say that, I really mean it. When I say God bless you, that's... It's kind of like a stripper saying to you, oh, these other guys who are in here, oh, they're just such losers.

But boy, you're different. You're a cool guy. Your $100 bills are so much crisper. These other guys, you know how to flip them. Gil, you still carry those around with you like the jeff bridges uh backstage was it the tonight was it the tonight show yeah because i expressed some interest in booking jeff bridges for this show and he said can't do it oh so does he remember traumatic experience no gilbert can't do it you should have jeff bridges is forgotten have jeff bridges and harry sheer Jeff Bridges and Harry Shearer on one show. Jeff Bridges was one of those people.

I had a photo that when I was a kid, I took a photo of Lloyd Bridges in Central Park. And I wanted to show it to him. And there was nothing wrong with Jeff Bridges that I could figure out in the story. Just me. And I, so I just, I wrote him, I have like an enemy list of who I say, people who are enemies of mine. And I put Jeff Bridges and Harrison Ford. Because also, I met Harrison Ford.

He complimented me. I remember you told this story. He loved the aristocrats. But I was like a schmuck. And I said like, oh, thank you. And I figured rather than say, hey, I'm a big fan. Thanks for saying that. I said, oh, thank you.

And your name is? And I thought, that didn't work. Oh, it didn't work. Yeah. But you know what? That's his fault. Because I have a similar story. This was hilarious to me.

And I'll tell you. I'm at the Washington Press Corps dinner. And I'm standing with Marty Short, who I know pretty well from Second City and everything. I did a movie with him. And Steven Spielberg is there, who's very good friends with Marty. And we're talking and Spielberg pulls out his phone and goes, I got to get a picture of this. And I go, no, no, no, no pictures. I said that to Spielberg. Oh, it's hilarious. And you're correct. And Spielberg go To me, it's hilarious. That's hilarious. You're correct. And Spielberg go, oh, I'm sorry, and put the phone on.

I go, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. I'm so kidding, Steve. I was, I'm kidding. But I did have one very funny thing because, I mean, when you're in that position and you pray to God you have something witty, which I think the thing to Harrison Ford is, shame on Harrison Ford for not getting it. Michael Mann, who used to drive race cars, was directing a show I did called Luck, and he was producing it, and he's in a golf cart with Dustin Hoffman and his wife, okay? And he's driving really fast, and he comes toward me really, really fast, and then puts on the brake. And what do you think I had the wherewithal to say at that time?

You said, I'm walking over here. That's right. I said, I'm walking here. And I said, God bless me. Who would have thought that I'd be so good? You know, I mean, I'll disparage myself, but when I'm good, that was fantastic. I can't believe. What was the reaction?

Yeah. No, no, no. I did it for me. Like I said, who doesn't give a goddamn fuck about who I am? I'd been working with Barbra Streisand for about a week. And she suddenly, and I'm there as both a songwriter and as the arranger of the album we're doing and the producer. And I'm kind of full of myself at that point. I'm thinking, I'm doing all right here. She starts to praise another songwriter and as the arranger of the album we're doing and the producer and i'm kind of following myself at that point i'm thinking i'm doing all right here okay she starts to praise another songwriter and um uh she says you know i saw that mac davis he has a summer replacement show

and he has a segment where he just makes up a song on the spot just someone throws a sentence at him he must be really really brilliant to be able to do that but i so admire that i said i know what you mean barbara i said it's kind of like the thrill you get when Liza Minnelli hits a high note. And she looked at me like, why would you do that? Why would you ever? It took me about another week to just get

back to C-level again. Was it a joke or did you No, I meant it as a joke. I was doing what you, you know, I was doing that thing. Oh, oh, that's... Yes, but I'd want to dig my head in the sand. Oh, and I remember. It was just like, I don't do those kind of jokes.

You understand? We don't do the self-deprecating. She used to read Mad Magazine when she was younger. I know that, yeah. She was a Mad fan. What happened? Richard asked earlier if I ever called celebrities. I never did, but I waited to the point

where celebrities would occasionally call me because they knew my work, or I'd draw them. And the special one was Jerry Lewis, who I know Richard knows. I mean, Rupert, you know him. Have you met Jerry Lewis? I did meet him, yeah. But he called me out of the blue, although I was prepared ahead of time Jerry Lewis was going to call you because I did a tribute to him.

So, you know, I was really nervous because he's a hero of mine, and I love everything about Jerry Lewis, even the vague-ish, you know, schlocky side of him, his movies, even the shitty ones. I just love it all. You have to love it all to love Jerry Lewis. So that was like, you know, I was so nervous and Kathy knows, like, you know, I was like, you know, just like waiting for the call. And he couldn't have been lovelier, you know, and you know, but he had seen your

picture. I had done a tribute to him about how the Academy should give him a special Academy Award. Oh, so it was in the New York Observer. He saw it. They sent it to him. So he called out of the blue and said, Drew, thank you for that. I loved it. But he called out of the blue and said, Drew, thank you for that. I loved it. But he had to test me.

He said, Drew, do you know what I invented? And I said, oh, shit. What did Jerry Lue? Video assist. It came to me. He said, that's it. That's all I care about being remembered for. Video assist.

You know, what's a video assist is, you know, that he worked out on the bellboy. So after that, you know, we became friends. He would call me, Drew, what are you working on? And I would like, you know, tell him like, oh, well, I'm doing a drawing of, you know, of the friends or, you know, whatever it was. You know, it just became a regular thing where it's like, so I was like waiting for like people to call me.

You know, I was waiting for that point. And that actually happened. You all had a good experience of, because I know Rupert did. Rupert worked with him for a while. He's always been great to Gil. Yeah, now with me, with Jerry Lewis, and it was just, you know, not that

much. But I remember I can use that classic line which is, well, he was always nice to me. Kathleen Freeman line. Yes, yes. I met her and I met Kathleen Freeman. And I talked to her and she said how he used to hire people,

you know, a stock company, people he liked. And then I said, I heard someone told me he was the most hated man in showbiz. And she gives this pained look on her face and just kind of a little nod. She goes. But he likes you. Yeah, yeah. He was good to you. And he was good to Rupert.

He was wonderful. But you had a great working relationship with him and good stuff. I'll tell you a funny story that brings back somebody that we worked with on Mad About You. Danny Jacobson, who created the show, wrote an episode where they're going to do a documentary on a very famous person. And he kept telling me, we're getting Marlon Brando. We're going to get Marlon Brando. And they had Paul Reiser call Brando. Brando goes, what the fuck is this?

But they got Jerry Lewis. He did the episode. Were you in the episode with Mel Brooks? No, I wasn't with Mel Brooks. I wasn't with Carol Burnett. I'm sorry to bring it up. And I wasn't in the one with Jerry Lewis. And they all said that the thing was going to be is that Paul is doing a documentary

and Jerry Lewis takes a liking to me and not to Paul. And I was not in the episode. They didn't write me in. So that's. And Jerry Lewis, I mean, one of those things that was like an honor. I was at some event and Jerry Lewis was there and I was went on and just went nutty on stage. And Jerry Lewis came up to me afterwards, and you're not serious, Jerry.

And he said, Gilbert, you are out of your fucking mind. And then there's a pause and he goes, and I wouldn't want you any other way. And I thought, wow, that's. I was I was witness to you doing the aristocrats joke with Jerry, like having his stroke that night or heart attack. Yes. What do you mean?

What do you mean? At the Hilton? They had a giant roast. Yeah. Frank, you were there. I was there. Yeah, I was there. And Gilbert, you know, and Jerry, you know, he like look purple, like almost pale purple.

And you did the you launched into it and he was pounding the desk sort of like the Dean Martin roast where people were doing the fake pounding. He was doing that too, but he said he doesn't remember anything about that roast. I talked to him about it because I was going to go up to him. I hadn't met him yet, but I was going to approach him, and I said, I can't approach him this way. He looks terrible. He's sitting there between De Niro and Scorsese, but he looked so awful. I backed off. He looks terrible. He's sitting there, you know, between De Niro and Scorsese.

But he looked so awful. I backed off. He did. Someone, I wanted to have a picture of him laughing while I was at the podium. And they sent me a bunch of photos from the Friars and

I couldn't, I didn't use any, I didn't want any of them. Ava Godel looked better than him that night. Yeah. Yeah. He was scary. My friend Grant Heslov, who produced Argo, was friends with Jerry Lewis's son. And he has a sleepover one night when he's a kid.

He has to get up and goes to the bathroom. And he goes out into the hall and there's jerry lewis on his back with such terrible back pain and he's writhing and he just goes just go just go just go like like walk ahead don't worry i'm all right just go so that guy must have been a lot of pain and and a reason that those pills made him bloat and all of that stuff so there's a case of you meeting a hero and did you have trepidation the way you did with Cary Grant or did you just have a choice? No, the most terrifying

part of it with meeting Jerry, I think if Jerry knows that you love him and that was I didn't have to fake that because I did and I think you're in good shape but I had written a novel. I had written a novel, as Gilbert is always pointing out. My first novel was about a comedy team.

It was called Where the Truth Lies. They made a movie of it with Colin Firth and Kevin Bacon. And it's sort of, you know, one of those roman a clef where the characters parallel Martin and Lewis. And there is a payoff within the mystery novel that implies that maybe these characters who were patterned after Martin

and Lewis, one night, one of them had made an attempted... had tried to be Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando. And... And... And it's part of the... Now, thewis character is not the is is the one who rejects that and it's what's it was based on the idea that martin lewis split up and we could never

accept that when i was a kid that was like destroyed our lives we just did because we had we believed in their friendship and their love and all like then suddenly they weren't talking to each other and no one ever explained why so it was patterned after that he knew about this book and he knew that it was a great appreciation of him and i was terrified for the entire time that i worked with him that he would read the book and he asked me to send him a copy he jerry lewis like i'm gonna send him a book and he's got it, I'm going to send him a book, and he's got 380 pages. But if he knew about the book. He knew about the book, and he knew that it was very reverent to him.

But I was terrified all the time that we're having this wonderful friendship and honeymoon together and creating together that one day he would actually get to the end of it and say, I don that terror because during my friendship with Jerry, I was absolutely terrified that he would know that I was the guy who illustrated the Spy Magazine article about the day the clown crossed. Which I know he hated. He hated that. No, he never. And I was terrified. And when he finally died, I was relieved. Like, oh, I can finally relax. He's not going to know.

I was terrified about that. I told Kathy, I said, if somebody wants to, like, you know, do something negative to me, they could send that to Jerry and say, hey, your friend Drew Friedman, he illustrated you, you know, with that horrible article about that movie. And it never came up. I remember when at the roast, after I got off, thought oh yeah i used to do a bit in my act where i'd imitate jerry lewis singing when you walk through a storm and i thought oh why didn't i do that i should have done that that would have been perfect and i was kicking myself and then i saw some clip that they have on the internet of someone doing that and he goes you know they

were getting people from the audience to do shtick and one guy said i can do you singing when and he started to do that and lewis was yeah that's not funny not funny yeah right he really hated the petrillo thing huh he really just oh yeah well he he you know he hired sam the Petrillo thing, huh? He really just... Oh, yeah. Well, he hired Sammy Petrillo. I'm not going to explain who Sammy Petrillo is. No, if you listen to this show... Yeah, if you hired the 16-year-old Sammy Petrillo to use on the Colby comedy...

He was a clone of Jerry Lewis. He did the best imitation ever of Jerry Lewis. You know, I certainly know who he is. Scary. And yet I've never seen him. Well, he's in one movie, Bela Gossi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla. I remember that. Which is a ridiculous title, but he's 17 in that, and they teamed him up with a guy who kind of looks like Dean Martin.

Dookie Mitchell. Dookie Mitchell. And he's like... He looks like Dean Martin the way I look like Dean Martin. And he sings like Dean Martin like I sing like Dean Martin. Bela Gossi actually thought he was working with Jerry Lewis, they said. He would call him Jerry.

Wasn't there a movie with Anne Bancroft where she's with a gorilla or something? Yes. I think Raymond Burr is in that. Yes, Raymond Burr is in that. It's got a French setting. Gorilla Lodge. Gorilla Lodge. That's right.

Because you mentioned that one, I'm going, that can't be what Anne Bancroft was in. She wears like a sarong, I think. Jessica Lange was her first film. That's right. Was that terrible? Watching that one, I'm going, that can't be what Anne Bancroft was in. She wears like a sarong, I think. Jessica Lange was her first film. Was that terrible? The bad Dino De Laurentiis King Kong. Oh, one is called King Kong.

The other has a multi, multi, multi-million dollar budget. The other is Raymond Burr with Anne Bancroft and a gorilla. No, there is no equivalent, Rupert. Have you ever seen City Across the River? And Tony Curtis is in the movie and he is no equivalent. Have you ever seen City Across the River and Tony Curtis is in the movie and he has no lines? He's just a presence. You can see him trying. When you look at him, because you know it's going to be Tony Curtis

growing up, and he's in the movie and he's trying to make something out of this. Peter Fernandez is the star and you'd only remember him because he was the voice of Speed Racer. He went nowhere. Young Richard Jackal was in that. Not a bad film. Richard Jackal.

He's right. Raymond Burr. Richard Jackal. He's around. Why don't you get him? Gorilla at Large. Are your stories around? Yeah, he's right.

I looked him up. I think Gorilla at Large was a J.C. movie. 53. Gorilla at Large was a 3D movie. That made it a little notch better. Raymond Burr was Bride of the Gorilla. Was that a 3D movie that made it a little notch better Raymond Burr was Bride of the Gorilla was that the one?

yeah with Lon Chaney Jr. a couple of Gorilla Falls where are you? I'm not authoritative on that the one I know is there's one with Merv Griffin is that Merv's in the room org? Mad Magician possibly

that was a 3D that was a 3D What is that? Oh, yeah. Is that Murder in the Room org? Mad Magician, possibly. Well, Mad Magician's Vincent Price. That was a 3D. That's a Corman, isn't it? That was a 3D. No, that was pre-Corman. Was it? Well, he might have worked. I know Mad Magician, yes.

Mad Magician. It was a slew of gorilla films in the early 50s. There were. People clamoring to see gorilla movies. There was one good gorilla suit in Hollywood. It's like, why? Just like 20th, there was one good bra for 20th Century Fox, and every woman wore it, and when they wore it, they were

maybe Ben Doran. Well, Bob Burns, who's been on this show, bought a gorilla suit so he could get work. He had a thriving career. There were a couple of guys like that. Johan Prohaska. There was a guy who was a stuntman who dressed as a gorilla. And there's that story. He was a great gorilla.

Oh, I almost forgot. Do you have any questions for Groucho Marx? Yeah, of course. Groucho, why did you pay that porn star hush money? Because Chico needed the money. Groucho, why did you call Africa and Haiti shithole countries? Because Chico needed some money. That's the Groucho that Rupert met.

That's the Groucho I met. That's the one I met, too, sadly. I met a lively Aaron Fleming. He was always lively. You met Aaron Fleming, too? I didn't see her throwing Groucho down the stairs or anything. She kept all that hidden. Beating him up. What was Aaron like when you met her? Aaron Fleming, too? I didn't see her throwing Groucho down the stairs or anything. She kept all that hidden. Beating him up.

What was Aaron like when you met her? Aaron Fleming. Oh, I mean, I'm talking about one evening. Oh, yeah. She seemed to try. I don't know why, but I feel sympathetic toward her a little bit. Ultimately, but she's a villain. She became very sad.

The lovely line that he said was, who laughs at all my jokes? Well, there's always footage of him looking at her lovingly, like at the Oscars when they gave him the special Oscar. He only thanks her. He thanks Harpo, Chico, my brothers, and Aaron Fleming, you know. But he just- Lemo. There's so much footage of him just looking at her so lovingly.

I don't know if he was faking that. It's just amazing what a guy would do for a woman. I don't think he was faking that. It's just amazing. And I watched them together, like, really closely. I was, like, fixated on him mainly. I was watching him eat his lunch, dripping, like, his cream corn down his chin and stuff. But I was just like, at one point during our day with Groucho, it was 1975, so I was 16.

And I was just watching him. And at one point I was thinking, I'm probably the luckiest kid in the world at this moment. You knew it. I knew it. I appreciated the moment. And I said, I'm just going to stare at him and engage him a little bit, but just let him go about it. I just watched him. We put him to bed that night.

We put him in his pajamas. He watched an episode of You Bet Your Life because it just came back in syndication for half an hour in Hollywood and New York. And he watched. He would rewatch them and, you know, it would make him happy. And then he would go to bed. And my dad gave him one of his novels and Groucho took that to bed with him. And he was just, you know, it was a sweet, really sweet moment, you know. And he had this beautiful bed that was constructed from like some of his old vaudeville sets.

And, you know, so we put him to bed, you know, and then we left. And during the day, Elliot Gould was there and Sally Kellerman and Dennis Wilson. It's like all these young Hollywood people would come in. Dennis Wilson? Yeah, from the beach. Oh, right. George Segal. His wife, Karen Lamb.

George Segal there too? No, he wasn't there that day. Elliot Gould was there. Sally Kellerman. George Segal was at the thing that I was with with Groucho. Same year. Same year. 75. 75, yeah. Bud Cort was was there. It was the same year. 75, yeah. Bud Cort was not there.

It was like these regular people would come in. I think they were coming in to do other things in the bathroom. Alice Cooper had lunch with them on a number of occasions. We've been trying to get Alice Cooper. Aaron Fleming brought in all these. Groucho liked to be surrounded by these younger, famous people and kids and stuff. But meeting all these legends, that's what I wanted. I don't care about meeting some of the people that are around today.

I mean, I want to meet these legends. I really, really do. Like Gilbert. Like Gilbert. The legends are, you know. And I waited until he was old. And I remember. What do got a flashback when I met Jeff Bridges. I wanted to tell him that story that I used to go to Central Park with my sisters, and there was Lloyd Bridges.

and I started to say, you know, when I was a kid, my sister and I, my sisters and I would travel from Brooklyn to Manhattan and one time we were in and he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, come on, move the story ahead. And it was like, oh, no. That's it. Yeah, yeah. So that's all I could think of. But you want to know

something that this is true too is that you got to remember even when you hate it, those people coming up like I remember I went to see Godspell on a Sunday afternoon with my parents and at intermission you go up on stage and they give you fake wine or something like that

and whatever they're all singing and then it's intermission, you go up on stage, and they give you fake wine or something like that. It's whatever they're all singing, and then it's intermission. And I look out in the theater, and there was Hal Prince with his wife and his two kids. All right, I've been directed three times by Hal Prince now. Daisy is married to one of my best friends from Spin City. Daisy's a dear friend, and all I remember is going to my mom and dad, it's Hal Prince, That's how Prince. And what kind of an idiot kid at age 12 or 13 knows what how Prince looks like? You do.

That's what I'm trying to say. And I couldn't believe. You know, oh, my God. And then, you know, who would think? You don't think of these things. I love that you know who Al Prince was at 12. I was walking Kathy to work on Lafayette Street like 25 years ago,

and there was a tall guy walking his puppy. And I realized it was Fred Gwynn, who's like, you know, I adore Fred Gwynn, from Car 54 especially, and the Munsters. And Kathy said, go introduce yourself. And I just couldn't let myself do it. You know, he was walking his puppy, he was concentrating on that.

I just loved him so much. It's like, you know, it's like I didn't want to bother him. And even to tell him how much I loved him. But now, but there is the story. Are you doing that for you? Right. Or are you doing that for him? I passed.

I just, I can't do it. I adore the man. I just don't want to meet him this way. But this is a good time. And then he died soon after. Fred Gwynn. Yeah. Do you have any questions for us, Frank?

I want to shame Gilbert for not calling Mel Brooks. I think this would be a good segue. You're an idiot. You're an idiot for not calling Mel Brooks. You're an utter idiot. I kind of think if you went up to Fred Gwynn and said you liked the Munsters, he was embarrassed about the Munsters for years. I would have brought up Car 54, which I adore.

So you bring up Cotton Club, or he did Big Daddy on Broadway. Wonderful film called Vanishing Act with Mike Farrell and Elliot Gould and Margot Kidder that is one of the great surprise twists in it. I don't know that movie. Yeah, it's very obscure. You can't find it on DVD. Written by Levinson. I remember that.

And in Pit Cemetery. He was in a production of Arsenic and Olase with Bob Crane. That's right. That's right. TV production. Yes, he was. A really interesting cast. Helen Hayes.

Sue Lyon, Bob Crane. Helen Hayes. Helen Hayes, right. And Lillian Gish. And Lillian Gish, right. It's on YouTube. But Fred Gwynn played the brother. See, I remember those old days.

That was that. And I believe Armstrong. The Armstrong tile and everything. I think they were the spot.n played the brother. See, I remember those old days. That was that. And I believe Armstrong. The Armstrong tile and everything. I think they were the spot. These are the things. I remember those things. Who sponsored it? Like, you remember?

This is 69 before Bob Crane, you know. Oh, right. You knew anything about him. I remember, and now I'm getting a total mental block of someone we talk about on every episode of the show. Cesar Romero. Perfecto Tellez? No. Cracker Jacks.

Jack Guilford. Yeah. Wasn't he Dr. Einstein? Yes, he was. Yeah. Wow. Very good. See, the one that I remember, this is so weird.

Robert Goulet and Peter Falk did a production of Brigadoon. And it was started at 9 o'clock. And my parents wouldn't let me watch it because it was Sunday night. Wow. And I sat outside their bedroom door and sobbed like, I'll show you. And they wouldn't let me watch it because it was on too late. And I cried and I cried. That's the kind of kid I was.

Oh, geez. I had parents who understood. They were wonderful. One night at 1115 or 1130, they woke me. You have to understand that in the 50s and into the 60s, until Saturday night at the movies, you didn't see recent films on TV. It was all British films or you know, so

and they woke me because somehow at 11.30 at night, there was a Martin and Lewis movie on television on the late show. And they actually got me out of bed and said, you can stay up because there was no hope of ever seeing a Martin and Lewis movie when you were like in that year.

Well, I'm watching, we're staring and I say, I don't think it's Martin and Lewis. And it was Sammy Petrillo and Duke Mitchell. That's how I felt when I first, I didn't know what I was watching. I was about 10 maybe. He's pretty good. I wasn't prepared for it. He came pretty close. He was surreal.

He had that haircut that was like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber. He really channeled Jerry Lewis. But Duke Mitchell was... Yeah, him you knew it was fake. He had the right initials. Duke? Yeah. All I know is I want your parents.

I still defend that film as possibly being as good or if not better than some Martin and Lewis films, which were really not very good. It wasn't terrible. The budget really showed. Plus it had Bela Lugosi and none of the Martin and Lewis films had a villain that intense and legendary. You remember who directed it? William Bodine. One shot Bodine.

One shot Bodine. And it's funny when you watch the Martin and Lewis films, it's like with the exception of a scene here or there, I mean, they're pretty bad. of a scene here or there. I mean, they're pretty bad. Unless, you know, the last ones, you know, when they got Frank Tashlin finally, do those, like, full-color CinemaScope films. Those were special.

Even though Martin and Lewis weren't even speaking with each other when they made Hollywood or Bust. I thought you're never too young. That's major and the minor, isn't it? They do a wonderful... Every street's a boulevard in old New York. That's a gorgeous... They introduced a lot of...

Also, the one of the Carol Lombard, Frederick March movie. Oh, Living It Up. Nothing sacred. Nothing sacred. Became what? What is it? Living It Up.

Living It Up. Okay, that's not bad. He does the dance with Sherry North. That's not bad. That was hysterical. Living It Up has Bobby Barber in it. Jerry Lewis doing the jitterbug with Sherry North. Oh, it's hilarious.

You can go on YouTube and watch it. It's hysterical. I asked him about that. I said, how much of that, I knew what the answer would be. I said, how much of that was choreographed? He said, absolutely none of it. Absolutely none of it. He said, I'm just doing, I asked him one time, I said, where did you learn to do, you know,

nice to answer when they do their little moves. Maybe you learn to do, you know, nice dancer, when they do their little moves. Maybe you don't agree, but... Oh, no, no, no. I'm thinking, no, it's obvious where he did it. He was raised in the business. Absolutely. And so when they would go into any kind of hoofing, Martin would do a completely serviceable job if they were doing a number, but Jerry

was, like, good. Jerry was spazzed out. He, like, had no control. What's the wonderful he said I'm just winging absolutely every part. He's hysterical. It's fabulous. Yeah. Amazing. And the number he does is this in the

major and the minor remake with the girls school and he's just they've got to imitate everything that he's doing. They're like marching in platoons or something like that. But the two I'm shocked that Dean Martin could dance the way he did. That's what I'm saying. Because I don't believe in a barbershop.

You know, he was dancing. I believe Jerry Lewis was dancing as a kid. I think people just pick. If you're going to be in show business, you had to learn stuff. My father used to always point out to me that there'd be, like, you'd see a Jack Benny special or anything. And there'd be a guest on the show. And they'd do some.

They'd just know if they did something impromptu. They'd know some time steps. They knew. They just knew it because you were looking. Years ago, everybody in show business did everything. That's right. You had to. Everyone was able to sing.

They might not be Sinatra. Showing like James Stewart singing and Robert Montgomery singing and Clark Gable singing. Joan Crawford. You had to learn to ride a horse too if you're going to be in the movies because maybe someday you would have to. And it's like every comedian in the middle of

his jokes would sing, do a little dance step. Clark Gable and Andy Devine. You're going back there, huh? Let's get back to the beat of Hollywood. Supposedly the original Brokeback Mountain. Yes. So we've heard

and speculated he would leave Carol Lombard for Andy Devine on those weekends. Alright, as long as you're working blue. And Andy Devine would put on a Richard Pryor mask. What was the movie with that? With Lucille... It was a musical. With Lucille...

And say... You'll hear it on the broadcast. What's the question, Rupert? Keep going if you don't stop him. There's some musical with Victor Mature and Lucille Ball, and Victor Mature should not be in a musical. His daughter's on Facebook, by the way, Victoria Mature. She loves this show.

I don't know. She writes about this show. People keep telling me, you know, Shemp's nieces are on Facebook. No, it's his daughter. You have to meet them. Gilbert loves After the Fox. Okay. So she chided on Facebook.

With the original Victor Mature. That was the billing. Yeah. Tony Powell chided on Facebook. With the original Victor Mature. That was the billing. Yeah. Tony Powell. And the actual poster. Remember the ad because Frank Frazetta painted the ad for that. After the Fox. You want to tell your...

Who is the Fox? All right. I know it was coming. I am the Fox. Who are you? I am me. Who is me? I am me. Who is me? I am a

thief. You caused your mother lots of grief. So after the Fox... He sang this with Robert Wolf. Yeah. Burt Bacharach. Bacharach and David. They were writing all... Little Red Book from Casino Royale, I think,

was... And The Look of Love. The opening... He wrote the blob theme song. The only thing worthwhile with Casino Royale, because it's a terrible movie, a mess, but that opening with Burt Bacharach's theme,

the light shining and Burt Bacharach, I mean, that I think is great. The film has a couple of moments, I think. Woody Allen is the best thing. Woody has a few moments. Woody is excellent in it. Yeah.

And maybe that's about it. But Peter Sellers, you know, I loved it so much when I was a kid. I haven't seen it in maybe 40 years. So I guess it doesn't hold up. What are the movies when you were a kid? I'm going to do Frank's Job. Go ahead, Rich. That you loved when you were a kid and you saw it again.

Someone should do Frank's Job. Well, we were talking earlier about the first nude women we saw on film. When did we first see nude women in entertainment? Mine was on stage. Do you have a memory?

I was forced because my father's plays had nudity. Your father deserves some credit for bringing nudity to broadcast television. Your dad. People still thank me. When you talk to your dad, thank him for introducing nudity to network television. Valerie Perrine. I said it was scuba-duba, but it's not. It was steam bath.

The TV version of 73. It was steam bath. Steam bath. The TV version of 73. Here's a memory. Produced by Norman Lloyd, who's still around. Yeah. Norman Lloyd. Is that the same Norman Lloyd? Yeah, the one who was in Hitchcock.

I was watching TV when I was a kid. And when I was a kid, you didn't see cleavage on TV. Forget it. You didn't see cleavage on TV. Forget it. They had a news story, and it was this girl riding a dolphin or a killer whale at SeaWorld, one of those places. And the thing went crazy. It started something, maybe a flash bulb went off, and it started leaping around, and they had to pull a girl out of the water

or she'd be killed. And when they're lifting her out of the water, her bikini bottom was down on TV. And her ass was showing. Did you have a bonus?

I ran to my bed and you prayed for this young woman. Do you want to know something? I was so horny from this. I don't think I even touched it. I just shot off. How far did you shoot? Yeah, it was like, I don't think my hand went near it.

It was actually footage of Mamie Eisenhower's nipple once. I've never seen it. I think it's been like, somehow they think. A man could dream. I've heard about it my whole life. No, like somehow they think a man could dream. I've heard about it my whole life. Rupert has a story. What? You want to tell the Georgina Spelvin story as long as we're on the Oh no, you want to know something? The level

of blue, the shades of blue we've reached make my little racy story so tame by comparison to the other time. Okay, you end it and then you saw Marlon Brando fucking Richard Fryer in there. You want to talk about the Tom Jones, Rondo Hatton thing that you wrote me about? Because Drew will be fascinated by that.

No, no, no, no, no. It was a one-liner. It was a one-liner. No. You did this wonderful tribute to Rondo Hatton. Thank you. Which was very touching and very moving. You know who Rondo Hatton. Thank you. Which was very touching and very moving. You know who Rondo Hatton was?

And his first film, where he was prominently featured, I know because it was a Sherlock Holmes film. It was called Pearl of Death. And we're getting quiet in here like I'm telling a great story. We're still on the same level of completely empty trivia that we've been on. No, Rondo Hatton and he, what, Akramaglia? Actually, Akramaglia. My silence was, who played Sherlock Holmes in Pearl of Death?

That's Rathbone, Nigel Bruce. Oh, it was, okay. The disease is Akramaglia, the same disease Paul Benedict had on the Jefferson. Yes, in fact, I heard Paul Benedict was doing a play. You heard it from me. Fuck you. And now I can finally do it while I'm driving in my car or working out and I hear these things. I go,

I told you the fucking story. It was me and you're telling it wrong. No, it's interesting. He was doing a play and a guy said, Hi, I'm a doctor. I want to talk to you afterwards.

And he thought, oh, a doctor, he probably wants my autograph. And he said, I was looking at you on stage, and I think you have a disorder called acromegaly, and that's how he found out about it. I may have written that play. I toured. All right. Paul Benedict.

I did the choreography. Did you tour with Accomplice? No, no, no. He did a play that I wrote based on the children's books Goosebumps by R.L. Steyer. And he played the lead character for like seven months touring the States. And I don't remember him ever sharing that at the time. Do you know what year this was? Oh, you knew this.

It might have been he was doing the Pacino thing, playing the bartender in Huey. Right, okay. I think is what it is. So Rhonda Haddon was, and by the way, that was Evelyn Ankers, who's in a lot of your favorite Universal films. Yeah, she was one of the stock players in the old Monster Man. She was in the Wolfman. She was just like sort of the, she was the Olivia de Havilland of monsters.

She made Mad Made Monster, Gilbert. That's later. I think that's 50. What was Cheney's first horror film? I've never even heard of that movie. Oh, yeah, that one where he lights up. Is it Frozen Ghost? Indestructible Man? No, no, no.

That was way... That was the alcoholic. He gets flame-torched in Indestructible Man. Yeah, but this was the one... Joe Flynn, I think, was in it. It may have been Man Made Month. Oh, Casey Adams. Yes, Joe Flynn and Robert Shane, the inspector from Superman.

When he used to come to my apartment, we'd watch that one. Oh, yes. Gilbert used to come to my apartment on 6th Street back in the 80s. And we'd sit in silence and watch horror movies. Because I had a VCR and Gilbert didn't. So, you know, I had a collection. Right, and he would just knock and come in. He would unannounced, he'd come in.

Yeah, because my mother. I'd take his coat off my mother lived about a block from you and I'd visit her and on the way back home I'd stop at your house and I had an assignment but I'd put it aside to like make Gilbert come and we'd watch a Lon Chaney Jr. movie Indestructible Man of the Manster or The Haunted Strangler

or the Martin Muller George Maharis show. I think The Indestructible Man is the first horror movie I saw. You were scared out of your wits. No, no, even back then. I think the close-ups of Cheney with the baggy eyes. That was scary. That was scary.

But the wrong reason. He was already a full-tailed alcoholic. When we watched that at the Central Theater in Pearl River, we couldn't tell if that was supposed to be makeup. Yes! We thought, are they making that man look that way? And no, he was just...

Didn't need the makeup. He didn't need the makeup. I'm not being snide about it. He was a wonderful actor. Gilbert, Frank, Dara and Big Frank, just for you, my brand new Helen Keller joke. Knock, knock. Congratulations on 200 episodes that's fantastic hi this is Penn Jillette there is no god oh hi this is Billy West hi Gilbert Frank and the other Frank and Dara congratulations on 200 shows of the Gilbert Gottfried Amazing Colossal Podcast. I love you. I'm just showing you a little love. Oh, you want me to show it to you?

This is the love of my life. Look at it. Look at it. What is it, too disgusting for you, too ugly? Look at it. Disgusting for you to ugly? Look at it! And now, except the more fraudulent,

a word from one of our sponsors. Treats for every celebration, big or small. Make it easy and breezy with our legendary lineup of summer must-tries from the PC Insiders Report Summer Edition. Like our new flake-outs, there are delicious twists on the croissant donut with 24 layers of croissant flakiness twisted with fancy donut fun. Get ready to go all out for less. Get ready to go all out for less. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies' man.

To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Gil and Frank went out to pee. Now they're back so they can be on their amazing Colossal Podcast. Podcast.

Kids, time to get back to Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Podcast. So, let's go. And now, back to the show. We haven't talked enough about Joe Flynn. Go ahead. Joe Flynn, and really only Gilbert and I are appreciative of Joe Flynn, is the reason that we get residuals for TV shows. I didn't know that.

He fought for them? Yes, he's the one. He was either SAG president or he's the one. He's the reason why. And I heard both Boris Karloff and James Cagney were very big on the early

Screen Actors Guild. Like Actors' Rights. And so was Ronald Reagan. Yeah, Ronald Reagan. were very big on the early screen actors guild, like actors write. And so was Ronald Reagan. Yeah, Ronald Reagan. He was about unions and stuff. Richard, do you know that if a writer, a screenwriter, creates a character for a TV series, it's wonderful. If you create a character for an episode and they say,

wait, we like this character, Georgette on Mary Tyler Moore, came in like year three, two, something like that. If you wrote that episode, you get a little taste of every episode that character appears in forever. That's a wonderful thing. Oh, no, no. The best was Matt Williams, who created Roseanne. Okay. And about the third or fourth episode, he comes in.

They used to have a 5 o'clock show and a 7 o'clock show. The 5 o'clock show doesn't do well. And he comes into the green room in between shows, and he goes, tonight's episode was terrible, and the reason is you. And points at Roseanne. Well, he was never on stage again and got money every single show because he created the show. And he was never he created the show.

And he was never allowed on the line. Wow. So how about that? Wow. And I'll tell you, here's one that's even worse, although it's not a nasty thing. I want to say Brett Ratner, who wrote The Amazing Ducks. The Mighty Ducks. The Mighty Ducks. Okay, whoever wrote that or directed it gets money from Disney because of the hockey team in Anaheim, the Anaheim Ducks.

He gets money simply because he wrote the movie. And how about that, huh? Gene Roddenberry, he made sure to write lyrics for the theme to Star Trek. No one's ever seen or heard these lyrics. He wrote them. Whenever they played the Star Trek theme, he made residuals. That's what Carol O'Connor did. Carol O'Connor suddenly decided that the people in the family should have

lyrics called Remembering You. Yes. I'm remembering you. What's the closing theme? The opening theme was written by Charles Strauss and Lee Adams. And the line that no one could ever understand was, G.R.O. LaSalle ran great.

They re-recorded it and people still couldn't understand it. And you know what's ran great. They re-recorded and people still couldn't understand. And you know what was funny? When they re-recorded it, it was so forced. It like stopped. It slows down. We don't care that much.

Do you have a bottle? Because I got to pee. Hang on to that, Rich, because this is a perfect segue because we're talking about TV themes. Can we announce that Mike Weber. Michael Weber, yes. Michael Weber. Michael H. Weber.

The screenwriter. He was nominated. Disaster artist. He was not nominated for that. Disaster artist. Disaster artist. He said, and he did, attend the Academy Awards, and on the lapel of his tuxedo, he wore an orange peel pin.

Yes. Or an orange wedge. An orange wedge. Yes. An orange wedge. A tribute to this show. Yes. That's how far it's come. That's how far a ridiculous urban myth has come.

Hashtag Cesar Romero. That's it. Cesar Romero used to have orange wedges flung at his head. You guys want to go out and try to name some TV themes from the 60s and 70s? I don't want to go out. I want to continue. I've got to go to the bathroom. Just one thing about Joe Flynn.

Pause. Pause for a second. All right. Okay. Okay. Do you mind? No, and then we'll wrap it up. Jeez.

Did you wash your hands? Because I see you're about to drink some beverage. No, I'm kidding. You guys need a nap. I know where I've been. I just spilled an orange. If anyone would like to drop your hands. By the way, I was smart enough to eat my orange over here so that the audience

has that to hear. Very respectful. It was. Are we still recording? Really? You can clean up orange? Well, you're all on different mics. I mean, I've got to do a lot of going in and like when you're not talking, you do. All I've seen you is on the phone.

Whenever I'm here, you're always like on the phone playing WordGift. It'll only take about nine hours to edit this episode. I promised everybody on Facebook we'd be discussing Milton Berle at least, you know, tiny bit. I want to know about Milton Berle at least a tiny bit. I want to know about Milton Berle's son. One of you must know.

Well, was it that comedian? He says it's a comedian. The guy who produced Corchette Bavetti's father. James Cormack. That was a strong rumor. James Cormack. He was, by the way, brilliant on a TV series that no one remembers that I love called Hennessy.

Starring, I can see even you don't. I know who it is. The child actor, Jackie Cooper. Yes, absolutely. And Abby Dalton. And Roscoe Carnes. I know Abby Dalton very well. Irving Brecker made that show. In Martin Balsam, in Milton Berle's autobiography, he says that he ran into some really successful director.

And the director wanted to talk to Milton Berle about doing something with him. And he brushed him off and he said, and then afterwards he found out that this great director was his son. And he said, and that was my chance. And I thought, what the fuck do you mean? I was, you could have called him off. He keeps that theme throughout that entire book, his autobiography. Like, you know, he alludes to it early and midway, and then towards the end he finally meets him. It's like it's a producer-director.

And then there was strong speculation it was James Cormack, because they look alike too. And Cormack might, Burrow might have been around 16 when Cormack was born. So that's a little tricky. Is Cormack still alive? No, he's gone. He's gone. And I'll tell you something, I remember Cormack, the name Cormack, and whenever I hear about Tobac, I always think of a guy...

But the proof would be, if Comac had a giant cock, then, you know, we would... Then we would know. And nobody... I think James Comac, in the movie of Damn Yankees, is the one singing or lip-syncing... He's in it. He's in that movie. He's in Hole in the Head. He's the guy with the hole in the head, too. I think... But I thinkes is the one singing or lip syncing. He's in it.

He's in that movie. He's in Hole in the Head. He's the guy with the hula hoop. But I think he's the one who, that's the money notes in You Gotta Have Heart. Whoever gets to sing, you gotta have heart. You guys want to try this? But even though they look nothing alike, people were suggesting, because you say big director, people always go, oh, Steven Spielberg. So it started a semi-rumor that Steven Spielberg is the son of Milton Berle.

I'd like to think that's true. You want to try some theme song skill? No. Okay, good. Can we? I have a business. Because this is the 200th. Yeah.

And my guess is you listen to all of these shows, yes? You're the only one. No. Am I the only one? You are. You're the only one. Yeah. I really am.

Pretty much. I listen to, I listen to Craig. You know, I have an announcement, actually. You know, I don't want to break, I don't want to burst the bubble. Right. But Richard Kind is not actually here. It's actually Craig Bierko. It's me.

You know, somebody had to say it. Craig Bierko is not actually here. It's actually Craig Bierko. Craig Bierko. Somebody had to say it. Craig Bierko is doing the imitation of you. Craig, would you, you know. Who's from the Simpsons who does a great you? Dan Castellaneta. No, but the other one. Hank Azaria. I've seen him do you fabulously. Yeah.

Gilbert, do you do Richard? Craig Bierko did an imitation of you where he was saying, like, and my friend, George Clooney. Oh, yeah. Okay. He's done that many times. Somebody said, oh, I bet Craig is the only one. So many people do an imitation of me, and I can't do it except for this because this is how Hank got it. They said, can you play?

And I was guesting on a show called The Commish. And they go, can you play Poker Next Monday? And I go, I can't. I'm doing a commish. And that's the only way I can do it. That's the only imitation of me. Who does the best one? Dan probably.

Dan. Does the best one. And we did one. We were at Second City together and we did one where I'm coming in as a sperm donor for his wife and Isabella Hoffman is on stage.

So I meet Dan and Dan is doing me the whole scene. I go, how are you? And he goes, I'm fine. And we're wearing the same shirt and we're doing, we like play charades and it's like, who is Hieronymus Bosch? And we're wearing the same shirt. And we're doing, we like play charades.

And it's like, who is Hieronymus Bosch? You know. Mercy Hump. I don't do many imitations. I do a great old Larry Fine. Can I do that briefly? Yeah. Because I got a request earlier for that. Okay.

All right. Moe, where's Curly Joe? Pretty good. Pretty good. I heard he was in the kitchen making flapjacks. That's it. Pretty good. Dan Castellaneta was doing the voice of the genie after Robin was pissed at Disney.

Because he didn't feel... He felt they screwed him in the first one. And in Return of Jafar. And then in the series, they had an Aladdin series, and then Castellaneta was the G. Did that work? Was it good, or was it like Mel Blanc when he tried to do Elmer Fudd, and you always knew it was shit, that Arthur Q. Bryan had died. That's right. You just could tell. Like the guy they brought in to do the second Fred Flintstone.

It just was never the same. Well, he wasn't doing like an out and out imitation of Robin Williams. Yeah, he was just. So that must have been good. Dan is great. Dan's ridiculous. Yeah, but he was very funny. He was so good on Mad About You.

As the dog walker? Yeah. Azaria. Yeah. Funny guy. Oh, he's wonderful. Gil, what do you think? Okay. We got a two hour show here. Is that. Yeah. Funny guy. Oh, he's wonderful. Gil, what do you think? Okay.

We got a two-hour show here. Is that true? No, but... So far? Oh, I could keep going. Oh, absolutely. We haven't talked about Francis Bavier's taint. Gilbert claims that Francis Bavier was eaten by his cats.

Yes, I heard that she became a reckless late in life, Yes, I heard that she became a reckless late in life, and they found her dead body, and cats had eaten her. 75 cats. No, Irving cats. That's the girl. No. It was a pussy hound. It was the girl from Attack of the Giant Leeches. Sandy Dennis?

No. She was a... She had cats, too. Sandy Dun... Yvette Vickers. Vickers, yeah. Yvette Vickers. She was found with her had cats, too. Sandy Duncan. Vickers. She was found with her cats as a mummy. And Marie Prevost.

She was eaten by her dog. Is it really sad? Is it sad they're dead? Celebrities who are dead, like, eaten by their cats. Dying is sad, and then after they die... Did any of Louis Stone's cats eat him when he died? I don't know. I don't know how he got to that point.

Tragic enough. We were talking earlier about celebrities who died on stage. Oh yes. Frank Sutton. Dick Shawn's the famous one. Dick Shawn. And Joe Flynn. I didn't know about Joe Flynn. I forget which show. And Cary Grant died preparing to go on.

That's right. Preparing. I was going to mention that. Really? He only got two Judys out. I saw Burt Lahr's last performance, which was at the Tap Enzy Playhouse in Nyack, New York. He was doing Never Too Late, the Paul Ford vehicle. And he died the next day.

Did he choke on a Lay's potato chip? Is that how he did day. Did he choke on a Lay's potato chip? Carmen Miranda. Chuck Guilford with the cracker jack. That was a terrible thing. I think Carmen Miranda died immediately after filming it. Oh, did she? Yeah, yeah. She went back

to the dressing room. I can understand that. I saw Dory Sary pass away. I saw him the night before he died. He gave a lecture somewhere park your car. I saw Dory Sarri. I saw him the night before he died. He gave a lecture somewhere I was, and then he died the next day. But I can understand somebody putting out that much. It's terrible to watch Jerry Lewis run up those stairs in Cinderfella. Oh, my God. Because he makes it to the – it's this wild take where he's going –

And he gets to the top of the stairs and runs off. And the next day you read that he had had a heart attack and was laid up for like forever. Well, how about a Parker carcass? I just said that. Yeah. I mean, do you know how they found out about it? Which I've said on this show, I'm sure I have. Because they woke up and were listening to the radio and found out.

That's how Albert and his brother found out? And his brother found out that they're dead. And Albert had helped him with his material that night. And it was a great memory he has. The last time he saw his dad, he helped him. And Parking Car, you've probably heard the tape. He was great that night. He was funnier than George Burns and Milton Berle and Desi Arnaz.

Yes, I heard he killed him. And Tony Martin. He killed. He really did. And they said Desi Arnaz, you know, when they found out he was dead, Desi Arnaz, like, you know, left the stage crying. That was the final nail in the coffee of the Lucy-Desi marriage because they were still married when they did that.

The roast was a Lucy-Desi roast in the late 50s, and they divorced soon after that. Too traumatized by the death of Parker? You're trying to make a correlation. Is that what you're doing? I think so. I don't think you're right. I don't think so either.

And I adore you. Having just met you, I adore you. Always loved you. I think you're wrong. Bob Einstein, who's the son, him and Albert Brooks, the sons of Park Your Carcass. Bob Einstein, they said, one time someone said to him, and they said, well, isn't it beautiful? Your father died doing what he loved.

And Bob Einstein said to him, he said, what is your mother doing? And he goes, she's a housewife. And he goes, let's your mother doing? He goes, she's a house wife. And he goes, let's go over to her house now. And while she's doing the laundry, I'll take out a gun and blow her fucking brains out. And we

can say she died doing what she loves. When I met Albert a couple years ago, he said, because I've done books on Jewish comedians, old Jewish comedians. He said, how come he didn't include my dad? I said, he never got old. He died in his 40s. I said, I'd love to. But Albert now is in his late 60s.

And, you know, if I do another book, I'll include him. Now, because you mentioned Desi Arnaz, have I said this or have you ever heard the story about when Lucy walks in on him getting a blowjob? Oh, no. Oh, this is the greatest. Desi, who was a womanizer, is getting a blowjob

in his dressing room or something and Lucy walks in and Desi looks down and goes, what are you doing? Do we know who that woman might have been? Was it Ethel? Mrs. Trumbull. I guess I'll have to wrap.

Did you ever hear this? When Steve Rossi tells a story getting a blowjob from Mae West in the 50s. Jackie Marling told it. Oh, yes, yes. And then, you know, her teeth is still on his cock. And he was holding her wig and she's there with her bald head. That could have been Mike Catherine Hepburn. Again, something I should draw, right?

As we wind down, anybody got any plugs? Drew, something I should draw, right? As we wind down, anybody got any plugs? Drew, you want to plug the book? Well, my latest book is Drew Friedman's Chosen People and two of the chosen people are Gilbert and then there's a portrait of you, Frank, in that book. And I swear to God I'm going to draw you guys now that

we've met. You have perfect faces for me, which is a compliment. Richard? I was on a show called Spin City. I don't got nothing. I don't. You know what?

No, I got nothing. Frank, could you ask one question that you prepared? Yeah, one question that you prepared. Unfortunately, they all start big conversations. Can we get to my plug, please?

Yeah, let's get to it. Get one in. I feel bad. Okay, this was Richard's idea. Quickly, a movie that affected your life. Oh, but say, affected not the way you watch movies, but how you view the world. What really changed you? Because I don't know whether or not movies or art can do that.

I would say Skidoo was the life changer for me. That's when you went into the priesthood. What the fuck? Would you like to ask Groucho why he did Skidoo? Groucho, why did you appear in Skidoo? Because Chico needed a mug.

Chico had died ten years before. That's not working. Rupert, your box set. Oh, yeah. Which you were kind enough to set. You've been very kind to say very nice things about my first albums, and they've just been brought out again

in a three-CD set. Songs that sound like movies. Songs that sound like movies. Cherry Red is the record label out of the UK, and if you go to rupertholmes.com, there's a link there that'll take you to Cherry Red. Are these songs that you wrote? These are songs that I wrote and recorded.

First three albums. My first three albums. And the first album is the one that when Barbra Streisand heard it, she called me up on the phone. I didn't know her from anything. And she said, I like these songs. I want to record them. I see you do your own arrangements. Why don't you fly out?

I'm also working on a movie called A Star is Born. Maybe you'd like to write some of the songs for that. And this is all from, like, my first album. You love movies. Richard, what movie affected your life? I mean, no, this will get into a serious talk. That's fine. But it was the movie M.A.S.H.

I learned what irony was. I learned war was bad. I learned I wanted to be a guy like these guys. And I wasn't. Believe me, it took me many years. And you got to see Sally Kellerman naked. And I saw Sally. I saw Sally.

That brings us back. I saw Sally Kellerman naked. It taught me a lot, and I just wanted to be these guys. I wanted to be Elliot Gould. Yeah, it had an effect on my life. Robert Duvall was in that. He was great. But I didn't want to be Robert Duvall.

You killed him. You killed him. Do you remember? He tells the turnstile. Yeah. But you want want to be Robert Duvall. You killed him. Do you remember that he tells the turnstile? Yeah. My Robert Duvall story? Yes. Okay. My dad says to me one time when I'm much younger, he goes, son, did you ever

see the movie Tender Mercies with Robert Duvall? And I go, yeah. And he goes, why can't you act like that? Rupert. Oh, I don't know. North by goes, why can't you act like that? Rupert. Oh, I don't know. North by Northwest changed my life. It made me think what movies could do to you.

Blessedly, I saw it at Radio City Music Hall, first run. And I had just come from being at the U.N. So all the scenes at the U.N. felt like they had been filmed for me. And I never saw anything be so constantly entertaining and interesting and adult all the scenes of the UN felt like they had been filmed for me and I never saw anything be so constantly entertaining and interesting and adult all the way through and even Marie Saint looked good then as she does now. And A Face in the Crowd with Andy Griffith. And Walter Matthau.

Walter Matthau, Lee Remick. And Lee Remick when she bends over backwards as the cheerleader. Oh, that changed my life for that moment. Tony Franciosa, first film. Oh, in Face in the Crowd, there's one part where he finds out Tony Franciosa's fooling around with Lee Remick, and he wants to fire him.

And Tony Franciosa says to him, he goes, it's, you know, he tells him how, you know, they're working together. There's no way he can fire him now. It's too late. And he goes, you're in bed with me, lonesome, in bed. Fantastic. Fantastic movie. Do you have a favorite film that changed your life? I, you know,

I can't really think of one. Is it that woman falling off the dolphin? Yes! Film at 11. I had so many films that I loved. Frank, what was yours? Oh, God.

I gotta think about that. Just for a bonding experience with my dad, and I never had any. The Great Race, Blake Edwards, The Great Race. Oh, yeah. Larry Storch? Yeah, that was a movie we had in common. I am Professor Fate. That's it.

Jack Lemmon, Chewing the Scenery. Yeah, absolutely. I'm very fond of that one. I went to see It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World with my dad who had recently had some sort of operation. And it was on a Sunday afternoon. Actually, it was a Sunday afternoon. And he just kept getting up for three hours just walking up and down the aisle. He couldn't stand it.

And that's what I remember. Gilly? Never mind. Never mind. Okay. We should wrap now. Or it's a three-hour show. we should wrap now. Or it's a three-hour show.

And this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And we've had our return guests Rupert Holmes,

Richard Kind, and Drew Friedman. Can I say something? No. You did that without looking at a piece of paper. You knew our names!

This is fantastic! That's fantastic! I was amazed as I was doing it. He had three hours to figure out who we were. How the fuck did I do that? That's amazing.

Thank you, gentlemen. With a musical hand hymn parade. The American way. The world is a stage. The stage is the world of entertainment. Now take a boy with a

charm that's a joy. At a loon with a face like a goon. If they gel, then the public will yell. That's entertainment. Well, I recall I was nothing at all. I must confess, I was nothing at all I must confess I was probably less We were fair But now since we're a pair

That's an entertainment A friend to the end That's redeeming to me Chums come what comes Jerry boy we will be. As anybody can see, our friendship just fills us.

At times it almost fills us. Or the tea. Yeah, what about the tea? That began as a dream. Thanks to you is a dream that came true. It's not smart, but it's straight from the heart.

The heart is corny, we fear, but corn that's sincere is entertainment. Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast Amen. Special audio contributions by John Beach. Special thanks to Paul Rayburn, John Murray, John Fodiatis, and Nutmeg Creative. Especially Sam Giovonco and Daniel Farrell for their assistance. Thank you.