Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 227. Paul Feig

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

Director, writer and actor Paul Feig ("Bridesmaids," "Ghostbusters," A Simple Favor") drops by the studio to share his thoughts on an eclectic mix of topics, including the appeal of "cringe" comedy, the influence of Mad magazine, the legacy of Charles M. Schulz and the untimely demise of "Freaks and Geeks." Also, Thurston Howell sings the blues, Jim Nabors sings "Ave Maria," George Lazenby tangles with Telly Savalas, and Gilbert introduces Paul to the "Jack Frost" sketch. PLUS: Serge Gainsbourg! In praise of Jill Clayburgh! The return of Crazy Guggenheim! "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions"! And the (arguably) funniest half-hour in sitcom history! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Body Wash. Buy it today at major retailers. Hello, genius listeners. Yakko Warner here. You are listening to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. It's the only thing we listen to in the water tower. Thank you. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoirs, Kick Me and Superstud, or How I Became a 24-Year-Old Virgin. In his spare time when he's not writing hilariously funny books, he's an actor, producer, screenwriter, Emmy-nominated television writer and director,

Emmy-nominated television writer and director, and one of the industry's busiest filmmakers whose pictures have grossed over a billion dollars worldwide. As an actor, you've seen him in feature films like Bad Teacher, Knocked Up, Heavyweights, and Walk Hard, The Dewey Cop Story. And in TV shows such as New Heart, Get a Life, It's Gary Shandling Show, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. He's also the creator of the admired and much beloved high school comedy Freaks and Geeks, named one of the best television shows of all time by TV Guide and Time magazine. But his work in the director's chair that's brought him the most acclaim, helming episodes of TV shows like The Office, Mad Men, Nurse Jackie, and Arrested Development, as well as the feature films Spy, The Heath, Ghostbusters, and one of the most popular and profitable comedies of all time, Bridesmaids. His new comedy thriller, A Simple Favor, opens September 14 and stars Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick.

Both Frank and I saw it last night and it's terrific. Please welcome to the podcast an artist of many talents and a man who says he was almost killed by a mechanical shark Michael Sharp at the Universal Theme Park's Jaws attraction. The best-dressed man in show business, Paul Feig. Oh, my. Gilbert, wow. I can't follow that intro. Yeah. Okay, well, it's pretty much the end of the video.

Well, it's nice seeing you guys. Thanks so much. I'll be taking off now. Thank you. First, I have to say, Gilbert, what an enormous, enormous fan. I've been of yours forever. I just think you're so great, so funny. So it's a real, true honor to be here on your show.

Oh, thank you. How about that, Gilbert? Yes. And you can tell by all of the Paul Feig films I've been in. I'm too intimidated by you to work with you we'll have to solve that so we saw a simple favor

yes thank you for coming and yeah and it's just it is great it's a million twists and turns I was just talking to Paul out in the hallway, and I was saying, you're talking about the twists and turns in the movie. And I was saying, my wife and I pride ourselves on figuring these things out. And you were 20 steps ahead.

Oh, good. I mean, I had no idea where it was going. Thank you. Music's my ears. Well, I mean, it's a great script. It was based on a really good book. And then Jessica Scharzer, this amazing writer, did the adaptation and just killed it. She's a schoolteacher?

She was a schoolteacher in Chicago? Who's this? The woman who wrote the book? Well, yes, technically. Interesting. Yes, yes. Yes.

There's a lot of mystery around who Darcy Bill and Bella is. You like to genre jump. I do like to genre. You said you did your spy movie, you did your wedding movie,

your buddy cop movie, and then you wanted to make a thriller. Yeah, I like a thriller. Yeah, I mean, I love old Hitchcock movies. That's my favorite. That's the tone of thriller that I like. I like modern thrillers, but I think they take themselves a little too seriously sometimes.

But I like making people laugh and them being scared and all that and having fun characters around them. Love the soundtrack, too. Oh, yeah, all that 60s pop. That's interesting. Oh, that 60s pop. That's interesting. See, now, years ago, there was the Raquel Welch TV special, where she sang and danced and told jokes and did everything, except, of course, show her tits, which is the reason the audience was watching.

But at the same time, afterwards, I guess they got enough ratings with Raquel that they had the Brigitte Bardot special. Oh. Now, the Brigitte Bardot TV special, I saw this once a thousand years ago, and I still remember it. still remember it and they have her and a guy dressed in 1930s gangster outfits holding machine guns and they sing in french but the only english part is brigitte bardot going Exactly Gunny and Clyde And that was in the movie Yes, that's Serge Gainsborough Serge Gainsborough Yeah, exactly

Classic That video is great I didn't, I mean I wonder if they made that video Because it's online But it's not from a show I wonder if they made it for that show To show on the show

Because it's awesome Yeah Huh, interesting It's very peculiar Yeah But that song You're going to hear it in my movie? Yeah, yeah.

How do you go about selecting songs for a movie like that? You had an idea in your head that, because obviously, I'm not giving anything away, most of the songs are French songs. Yeah, exactly. Is it to set a tone? That's what you heard when you read the script? It's everything. I always try to find a sound for the movie that I'm doing. And when I was working on this and developing it with Jessica, my wife and I are just into old 60s, like, European pop. And so we just had a lot of French pop playing.

And I was suddenly going, God, this just feels like this movie. And so then I put on a thing where Blake Lively's character, after Anna says she likes the music, she says, oh, yeah, thanks. It reminds me that I'm not stuck in this shithole. So, that I'm stuck in this shithole. So, it felt like it was her way to sort of feel like she's in another world. And I did think it just tonally, it just... It felt right. It sets this alien world for Anna's character because, you know, Blake Lively's character is so out of the ordinary for her.

You know, in this sort of suburban Lululemon tights world that she lives in with the other parents. And there's a Diablo League reference, too, in the movie, and that music just, I think it works. Oh, thanks, thanks. It's a fun soundtrack, I'll tell you that. Listening to Freaks and Geeks, too,

my wife and I went back and binged Freaks and Geeks, which I had seen before, too, and the music, and I know you were uncompromising. You did not want to take the music out when you had the difficulties in going to DVD. It took four years to get that DVD out because they all wanted to just replace the music with sort of generic music. And all those songs were written into the script, like characters. That happened with Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Oh, really? They had to change all of the songs in the soundtrack. It just ruins it. I remember once I bought the Andy Griffith show on DVD, in the early days of DVD, and the theme song wasn't in it. He'd change the theme song. Oh, my God.

That's weird. They couldn't clear the theme song. They couldn't have that whistling? The guy that wrote it was the whistler, Earl Hagen. He was the guy doing the whistling. Well, apparently Earl Hagen put the kibosh on it. Couldn't clear it. That's weird.

Isn't that wild? Yeah. And it's hard to watch the Andy Griffith show. It's great. But for some reason, if it doesn't start with that, it feels like a different show. It's a cheat. When you used to buy those TV theme albums and some of them were soundalikes. Well, no.

Remember by the original artists? There we go. The hits of the day by the original artists. Right, right, right. Which is the name of the band that covered it. Well, that's like I heard they had for a while. You know, when you call up and want to make a long-distance call on a pay phone, they go, well, what company would you like to use? And people would say, it doesn't matter, any one of them.

And they started making company names, doesn't matter, any one of them. And they started making company names, doesn't matter, any one of them. Oh my God, that's fantastic. And then the money would go to them. Oh my God. There's always somebody that can exploit the system in some way. So there you go. Now, how did you almost get killed by the shark?

I'm glad you got back to that. You don't leave people hanging. Because I was a tour guide at Universal Studios. Okay. Yeah, and they have the jaws. That was like the big kind of attraction back in 81 when I was the tour guide there. And basically what it is is like the tram goes out on the dock, and then the dock kind of collapses or tips sideways,

and then the shark comes and blows water all over everybody. So when it tipped, there was a woman in the front row wearing like a clog. And she was kind of dangling it. And it fell into the water. So then when we pulled off the bridge, she's like, I'm in my shoes. I was like, so let me go get. And it was just close enough where I thought I could reach it. So I was going out of the dock, reaching out, and the dock resets back up.

And it tossed me off into the water. And then the shark was backing up to reset, and I was kind of in the gears and everything. So it almost kind of ran me over. I just kind of swam around at the last minute. But, yeah, almost got taken out by the back of Jaws. That would have been a great way to die, though. If you've got to die, he got run over backwards. The only real-life death

from Jaws. That would have been... But I would have basically been going up his ass because his tail was coming at me, so... Oh, well. That's one of the stories

in Paul's book, in the second book, Super Stud, which is very, very funny. Thank you. I was discussing outside. As long as we're mentioning it, I just want to mention this paragraph, too. At one point

I moved into a boarding house. Gilbert would like this. I moved into a boarding house in a scary part of Hollywood that I shared with my landlady, a huge Mexican man, and a 70-year-old dwarf whom I was supposed to walk to church every Sunday. It was quite a time. I wasn't in there

very long. It was weird because also, one wasn't in there very long. It was weird because also one of those boarding houses where you don't have it at TV or anything, so you're just in your room, but I didn't want to go down and interact with anybody because I was afraid, so I would just sit in my room like a crazy person. And then showbiz came calling. It's a brave book. Thank you. And very funny.

Thank you. It's embarrassing. And you hold nothing back. Well, there's the one chapter that's really horrifying in there. We'll get to it. Yeah, exactly. But I wrote that when I was on vacation, weirdly, once. And I thought it was really fun.

And I sent it in to my publisher to just take a look at. And then my wife read it. She's like, no way. No way. Throw that out. You can't possibly use that story. So I called the publisher. I said, you know what? Actually, I can't put that out you can't possibly use that story so i called i called the publisher i said you know what actually i i can't put that out they said oh we already sent it out to all the

bookstores so they it's like a preview of my book that went all over the country so there you go and before we get too far away from freaks and geese can you name the cast yeah of all of that i mean because oh yeah everyone went on to be big yeah i mean linda cartellini uh seth rogan the cast of all of it. I mean, because everyone went on to be big. Yeah, I mean, Linda Cardellini, Seth Rogen,

Jason Segel, James Franco, Martin Starr, Busy Phillips, Sam Levine, and then even guest stars like Shia LaBeouf. It just went on and on,

the amazing talent. John Francis Daly was now a big screenwriter. I don't mention him because he's competition now I see he's Mr. Big Shot Director now right he's the greatest game night they are great he is a nice job with that he was I mean he was he was the youngest kid by far we did it he was only 13 and all the other kids were 16 to you know early 20s and so he was the one I never kind of got to know because it was just he was

just too young and he was also very quiet he would just kind of hang with his dad um but you could tell there was some kind of really great talent there because he was really interested in stuff when you watch that you're constantly going oh there's that guy yeah yeah well he's i mean he's the he and linda cartolini are the two that we just see the whole world through their eyes. But he was such a discovery. We found him in New York. And he was like the last person I think we cast because we just couldn't find the right kid for it. And when we found him, at first it was like, is he too young?

But then that's what I loved about it is like, you know, some kids in high school seemed way too young. Other kids seemed way too old. So he was a good surrogate for that. It's a well cast show. I mean, down to the smallest roles too. We don't want to forget

Dave Gruber-Allen. Oh my God. The Higgins boys and Gruber. Yes. For anybody that remembers that. Exactly, Steve Bannis. Steve Bannis, Tom Wilson,

Ben Foster's great. Yeah. And all hail Joe Flaherty. Oh my God, yeah. Joe Flaherty and Becky Ann Baker, the amazing Becky Ann Baker. Yeah, I mean the whole cast. Yeah, yeah. Joe Flaherty and Becky Ann Baker, the amazing Becky Ann Baker. Yeah, I mean the whole cast.

Yeah, yeah. It's just a testament to if you just open the doors wide and basically say, we just want the most talented cast, we're not going to cast this just based on how they look or if they're models or all that. Clearly they're a great looking cast anyway, but it would just

it just shows kind of how if you cast for talent, they have such a deep bench of talent that they're going to go on to other things. Didn't Franco walk in the room looking exactly like the character that Daniel was – the person that Daniel was based on? Oh, yes, he looked exactly like the guy I knew back in the neighborhood. And so I was so happy because I thought – because I always thought that guy was kind of goofy looking. And I thought, oh, Franco is as goofy looking as that guy. And then – so I thought I was getting a goofy looking guy. And then suddenly the network and everybody went crazy

because he's the most handsome man in the world. And then I was almost like mad. I was like, oh shoot, I didn't mean that. I got to hire somebody really handsome. So, what are you going to do? And you were a Christian scientist. I was brought up as a Christian scientist, yes. My parents were, yeah. And then you lived with a family

of Jews. How does this work? Well, no, but my family, my father's side of the family is Jewish. Yes. Goldenbergs, yeah. But back in the 20s, apparently, when Christian science was invented, basically, there was a lot of disaffected Jews who went over to the Christian science church for some reason. And my grandmother had gone through, I guess my grandfather went through something where he had to be put in an asylum.

I don't even know what it was. Something happened. And her thing was that apparently nobody at the temple supported her. And she was so upset that everybody kind of shunned her almost that she turned to Christian Science. And so the weird thing, I had this, the most central casting version of a Jewish grandmother,

but she's talking about christian science and jesus and all that so yeah it was a very confusing upbringing and she used to sit in a house dress with no underwear so it was like wow it was the worst version of basic instinct you've ever seen in your life he gets so excited when we have Jewish guests. I don't know what that is about. Out of 230 shows. We found out that Billy Mummy was a Jew. Really? Yeah.

Who knew? Yeah. Interesting. Wow, I had no idea. Deep research. The thing about Freaks and Geeks, you know, and you watch it now, and it's fascinating because it's a strange animal for network television, for primetime network television, especially at that time when we weren't living in the sophisticated Netflix, Amazon era and there were four channels. Well, that's why we didn't survive. We were just – it was just the wrong time for us to be on because game shows were just going through the roof. I mean, remember, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was on almost seven nights a week.

Knocking everything else out. Just like a juggernaut. And we just couldn't compete, and our show, compared to that, was expensive. But we were bottom-rated, I mean, most of the time. Timing, though. Yeah. That show today, in a different era, with all of these outlets that are welcoming to that kind of television. Yeah, no, it's true.

But almost now, there's so much good TV that I can't watch it all. I almost feel like we might have gotten lost in the mix if we had kind of done it now. So I'm glad we did what we did. I'm glad we have 18 episodes, and I think that's fine. I think we told all the stories we wanted to tell. It owes almost more to movies like Welcome to the Dollhouse and Gilbert Mentioned Ridgemont High than it does to television. It's not sentimentalized like The Wonder

Years. It's not broad like 90210. It's really, it's almost like a docu, a funny docudrama. Totally. I mean, honestly, Welcome to the Dollhouse was sort of why the network was wanting to get a show like that because that had just, that had come out and they were all, everybody was pretty enamored in town

with it and that was apparently the word at NBC was they wanted something like that. So when my script came in, it just came in at just the exact right time. So they were just like, we love it. Just shoot it. Don't even rewrite it. Let's just do it. But then we ended up rewriting it anyway. And it's one of those shows that really captures school because you wind up cringing so many times.

Yeah. I mean, part of what I wanted it to be is almost like something that a parent could hand to a kid before they go into high school because, you know, we all went in completely not knowing what we were in for. And just to go like, look, terrible things are going to happen to you, but just know everyone's been through it and you will survive the other side. So it's like now parents will still tell me that they watch it with their kids before the kids go to high school. So it's nice. I feel like that's my public service I get to do. It's your ball, it's your ball. Sam Weir.

You really like Bill Murray, don't you? Yeah, he's great. Bill Murray sucks, man. No, he doesn't. He's cool. Oh, really? What? Yeah, he's great. Bill Murray sucks, man. No, he doesn't. He's cool. Oh, really? What is he, your boyfriend? Sound queer? It's fighting time, weird. Leave me alone, Earl.

I'm sorry. I don't speak geek. I always wanted to know what it'd be like to fight a girl. I'm a girl. Want to see what it'd be like to fight me?. I'm a girl. Want to see what it'd be like to fight me? A weird sister has to protect them? I'm not protecting him. I'm just trying to figure out why it is you need to pick fights

with guys who weigh less than 100 pounds. Watch out, Ellen. I think she's high on pot. Yeah, I might just go psycho on you. Want to try me? You're dead, all right? Yeah, I might just go psycho on you. Wanna try me? You're dead, alright? As soon as your freak sister isn't around, I'm gonna cream you, man. You know, you really didn't need to do that. I could have handled it. Yeah, I know.

And by the way, I weigh 103 pounds. Sorry. Man. I hate high school. Bless your heart, there's a Wacky Packs mention in episode two. Oh, yes.

And there's an Al Jaffe's snappy answers to stupid questions reference. Oh, wow. In episode three. We had Al Jaffe here. Oh, you're kidding. On the show, he's 97. Oh, yes. And there's an Al Jaffe's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions reference. Oh, wow. In episode three. We had Al Jaffe here. Oh, you're kidding.

On the show. He's 97. Oh, my God. Yeah. Is he still snappy? Yeah, he's still snappy. Oh, my fashion. He's still in good shape.

Fascinating guy. Boy. Fascinating life. I mean, Mad Magazine, forget it. That was, I think, that was all of our training, right, for comedy?

I just could not, I could not get enough. Every week it would come out and it was so exciting to fold the back cover. You share a lot of our passions. Yeah, well, that's why we all ended up in this booth. And you were a big Mox Brothers fan?

Yes, huge, huge. That's why I wear suits to this day. It was all inspired by Groucho, basically. Oh, yeah? Yeah, because when I was a kid, I was so into Groucho, and somebody gave me a biography on him. And one of the things in there, it said Groucho never trusted a man who didn't dress up. And so I was just like, well, I must impress Groucho and somebody gave me a biography on him and one of the things in there it said Groucho never trusted a man who didn't dress up and so I was just like well I must impress Groucho

that's interesting he was still alive at the time so I was like maybe I'll run into him so yeah I started dressing and just got into it and never kind of stopped but I mean he was such an influence on me I was actually writing back when I was like 13 I tried to write a Broadway show called

An Evening at the Club that would sandwich in between Day of the Races and Night of the Opera. So maybe one day I'll finish that. So we're Paramount purists more than the MGM films. I'm with you. When they were anarchists before they got tamed. Who was the guy that came on and kind of

ruined it? Ernie Falberg. I'm with you. There's too much plot in those lighter ones. I mean, Duck Soup's so great because it's just total amour. Yeah, that's the ultimate Duck Soup. Is that the one? Which one ends where they all marry the same woman? They all marry Thelma Todd at the end of Horse Feathers. Yeah, that's it.

And it's over. They jump on her and it's over. Can you imagine ending a movie like that today? Like, I have a hard time watching Night at the Opera, because that, to me, is the beginning of the end. Yeah, I mean, there's enough good things in it. Day of the Races, to me, is the one where I get really sad, because it just feels like there's no energy there. Oh, yeah. Other than the bit with the bookie, you know, when he's selling them all the books, Chico's selling them all the books.

That's the beginning of the end. Yeah, I don't know totally. You can sort of see the writing on the wall. Oh, like when you watch Room Service. That's so depressing. Yeah. It's 1937. They've been doing this now, at this point, what, 20 years?

Yeah. Including vaudeville. Wasn't that the story? They were all in some crazy cage or some weird over-the-top setup, and they just looked at each other and went, I think this is it. Let's just stop. No, it's...

As we pointed out on the show, if not for Chico's gambling debts, they wouldn't have kept coming back. Yeah, that's true. I think they were... Because Chico needed the money. Oh, this is my favorite thing here. We didn't want to do as the psychics,

but Chico needed, because Chico was a gambler. And he needed some money. Now back then, gambling was something you put money down, and if you won, you'd receive money. Or else you'd lose, and you'd lose your money. But Chico would lose, and Chico needed some money. You're just making me hope that the canter shows up before the show is over. I'm very excited.

If I have one request before this is over. We mentioned before the mics were on, too, that since you're such a fan of his stand-up, you both started at the same ripe old age. Of 15. Of 15. There you go. Doing stand-up, which I found fascinating. Drizzled veterans.

I got out, though, exactly. You got out. Yeah. Yeah, I had to have I got out though exactly you got out yeah I had to have my parents take me to the club it was a place called the Delta Lady and it was a biker bar

on like 8 Mile and Woodward I think which you know in Detroit was a pretty rough part of the town at that time

and yeah but you know I go down with my parents and they're all dressed up and everything and it was pretty dicey but I thought I with my parents, and they're all dressed up and everything, and it was pretty dicey. But I thought I did great the first time. I actually have a recording of it.

I've never transferred it, but I do have it on a cassette tape. Clearly, everybody was laughing at me, but I was doing ridiculous jokes just kind of stolen from Johnny Carson and all that. I have all these New Jersey punchlines, but I'm in Detroit. It's a slight problem. And I couldn't...

It's a slight problem. If I could rewrite my act, I should have said, Zug Island is the greatest punchline in Detroit. It's this industrial island. You drive over it, it's just awful. But for some reason, I went to New Jersey because Johnny Carson.

Go to Johnny Carson. Now, you did Thurston Howell. Yeah. Yes. That was my big closer, Gilbert. Gilbert, you researched. Gino's in the next booth enjoying himself. The great Gino Salamone.

Gino knows way too much about my life. Howl, a blues song? Yeah, the Thirst and Howl blues. Can we hear this, please? Oh, gosh. I haven't done it in so long. I used to have a harmonica, so we'd go... How do the lyrics go?

It would just go, I'm a Howell. What was... Oh, shit. Gino, I can't remember how it goes. Get in here. Gino's going to come in. Gino, come in, Gino. And help Paul.

Exactly. With the Thurston Howell bit. I remember one of the punchlines was the professor... Oh, I actually remember that. Gilligan is so crazy, and he's such a stoop, and when you punch the skipper in the stomach. Okay, I got it. Yeah.

And when you punch the skipper in the stomach, the skipper goes, doop. So that was... Oh, jeez. That's what he used to do. Oh, that was... Yeah. He's like, and that professor, well, he's to do. Yeah. And that professor,

well, he's actually quite daft. He can build a bamboo lie detector, but he can't build a goddamn raft. There you go. That's a good backus. Thank you so much. I'm a little out of practice. And you gave this up?

Yeah, hard to believe. I was very cutting edge because I was doing in the early 80s I was the first person to make jokes about the 70s and I remember

all the other comics were coming up going like wow that's so innovative because they were all making jokes about the 60s

so I had a moment where I was an innovator did you also do an impersonation of a wood shop teacher yes do I have this right yes

Willard Schmidt yes one of my my hot characters he would just tell terrible like he would just tell horror stories from uh from woodshop that always ended with um somebody was goofing around they continued to goof around i said to stop goofing around and they got their arm cut off and it was just that and then i'd say some really stupid joke and then i'd tell another horror story and uh it was another it was just that, and then I'd say some really stupid joke, and then I'd tell another horror story. And it was another showstopper. But you were encouraged enough to continue at it.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, it did well. There's a thing out there called the Paramount Comedy Theater. It was the first break I ever got as a stand-up. It was a home video series of stand-ups. So Howie Mandel hosted it, and everybody hot at the time, Marshall Warfield and all these people were on it, and I was the newcomer that they put on it. It went over huge. I actually got signed by

Howie's manager after it, because it went over so well. I'd love to see this. Yeah, it's floating around out there somewhere, and I have a crew cut, and I'm wearing a willy-wear suit, which is like a suit from the mid-80s that were baggy. Willie Smith. Yeah, was that it? Baggy and you roll up. Yeah, willy-wear. You're one from the mid-80s that were baggy. Willie wear.

You're one of the only people I know that remembers Willie wear. The late Willie Smith. Yeah, totally. And you would roll up the sleeves, and I wore a bolo tie and stuff, and kind of minced around doing bits. Gilbert, we've covered this on the show, but what was... Do you have any recollection of your first appearance?

Yeah, I went with my two older sisters. Because my sister, Arlene, someone told her, there was a club in Manhattan. You signed your name in the book. And when they got to your name, they said, hi. You know, they'd go, okay, this is, they look at it, a comedian, Gilbert Gottfried. And basically, I was like, you know, my act was basically impressions, pretty much like Frank Ocean or Rich Little. You know, if Humphrey Bogart was your waiter, it might go something like this. Was it that stilted?

Yeah. You were a kid. Yeah. Oh, no, totally. Yeah. How'd it go over? Did you do well? I think I did well, and then I kept doing it,

and then after a while I got tired of the impressions and started screwing around on stage. But I was a magician, too. I mean, that was my, you know, when I was anywhere from like eight or whatever to my teens, that's what I did because that was, you know, you can buy an act, basically. You buy the trick, so you have an act, and they give you patters, and you can either follow or not. And I actually ended up winning the high school talent show in my freshman year with my magic act because my dad, I was doing it

for my dad. He's like, oh my goodness, you got to get better patter. You have to tell jokes. So he went, he was a joke collector and he went to this book he had that he used to write down books when he'd go to the old nightclubs and he gave me all these old nightclub jokes that were all kind of off color, but in a sort of a dad way so you could do them and and i killed i won the talent show so uh i didn't credit him for that i'm getting a memory of the monsters episode the monsters reference in the book where herman becomes a magician oh Oh, yes. I remember. And he has a big box and Lily is on stage with him. And he says, now I'm going to make my wife disappear. This is a favorite trick of all the husbands in the audience.

And she was mad at him, right? Oh, yes. And she ran out the back and then he thought. I remember that episode. And he tore the box apart. Did you use magic to avoid being bullied on occasion? What a misguided way to avoid it. Magic is pretty much a bait for a bully.

I read if a bully was giving you a hard time, you would pull out your Dan Aykroyd does Jimmy Carter impression. Oh, yeah. Boy, I would have kicked your ass. I remember trying to get an agent in Detroit. I went to a local Detroit talent agent

in audition and I did my impressions and I remember she was just like, get out. Hi, my name is Jimmy Carter. It was terrible then. It was terrible now. I was doing a bad impression of Dan Aykroyd's just okay impression of Jimmy Carter. That's hilarious.

Detroit royalty, yes. Yeah. This is something else I wanted to ask you about, too. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. I want to ask you about, too. Let's see, let's see, let's see. I want to ask you about your passion for Bond films, and you made one. Yeah. You made Spy. Yes.

Because you love Spy movies. Yes, and I knew no one would ever let me direct a Bond movie. We've talked about them a lot on this show. You like Bond movies? Yeah. We even like George Lazenby. I know, I like that one. I tried to get him to do this show.

Oh, my God, really? Well, he's funny. Did you see that documentary about being Bond or whatever. I know. I like that one. I saw that in the theater. I tried to get him to do this show. Oh, my God. Really? Well, he's funny. Did you see that documentary about being Bond or whatever? I did. He's very funny in that. He is fascinating. He knows he blew it.

Yeah. But, no, I mean, I got taken to see that one. I remember that one. I was so traumatized by that one because that's the one where they're skiing and that guy skis into the, like, a snowblower. It's all in a rig, right? Yeah. And he goes, I always knew he had a lot of guts and i was just like i was so put off by that because i just imagined the guy going into the getting ground out telly savalis was

blofeld oh god was he was he blofeld i think he was yeah yeah one of the yeah revolving ring yeah i don't mind lazenby i don't think he's i don't think he's bad. He was much maligned. The funny thing about it is that it turns out that he didn't fail as Bond, and they wanted him back for more. Yeah, and he turned it down. He was full of himself. Which was real stupid. Well, as he said in that interview, he definitely realizes what a dummy he was. So you didn't think anybody was going to give you a shot.

I know you're a Casino Royale fan, too. You like Daniel Craig. It's great. It's great. One of the great chase scenes in movie history. Totally. But I will be controversial and say, I think, to me, Craig is the ultimate Bond.

I do, too. Because I love the books, and he reflects the books even more than Connery does. Because the books, he's a very dark character. So, yeah. I know it's sacrilege to say that. I know.

I agree with you. Take a lot of heat for that. Yeah. Also, the films, the Craig films have the advantage of being the most sophisticated Bond films, too.

Because when you look at the Connery films, they're quaint. Yeah. Don't you find? And the Connery films, it's so weird to watch now because you go,

well, when's something going to happen? Oh, yeah, they're so slow. But I remember even as a kid, that was my only beef kind of against Bond films is they felt like they were so long

because they had this pace that was very deliberate. But they're still great. I still, you know, I just love that world. It's fun. And that's why I wrote Spy because it's just like,

okay, I'll do it the way I know how, which is to have a really funny woman play the spy. With an interesting premise. It's almost like Moneypenny becomes, has to play the role of an agent. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast right after this. That's what you say. swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM, your one-stop shop for all things baseball.

BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Want visibly glowing skin in 14 days? BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. notes of rose and cherry creme for a rich indulgent experience treat your senses with new olay indulgent moisture body wash buy it today at major retailers hello everyone out there in radio podcast land this is kirk hammett from metallica

and you're listening to gilbertrey's amazing, colossal podcast. Run for your lives! Gilbert and Frank, what's your game now? Can anybody play? And now we return to the show. I wrote these down. Paul's Passions. You'll like this one, Gil.

SNL. Yes. You were a big Eddie Murphy fan on that show. Me? Yeah. I was a big Gilbert fan on the show. You were? I was just going to ask that.

Do you remember Gilbert's years? Of course I remember. From that show, you were a fan of mine? Yes. That amazes me because I thought I sucked up high fucking heaven. No, but I started looking you up and all your other stuff because of it. Oh, okay. Yeah, I just thought you were so funny.

But I thought you were funny on there too. Really? Yeah. What do you remember me doing on Saturday Night Live? I remember, wasn't there one thing where they lined you guys all up and somebody was being a drill sergeant and they made you each be funny? Was that you? Wait, were you on when Julie Lee Dreyfuss was on? No, she came later.

Oh, okay, okay. You're confusing him with Tony Rosato. Who couldn't? I actually, I have, a friend of mine gave me as a gift, I have Tony Rosato's jacket, his wrap gift jacket from SCTV. So there you go. Poor Tony. Yeah, he went nuts.

Came to a bad end. Yeah. Yeah, that's sad. Yeah. He thought his family was trying to kill him or something. He was on with Denny Dillon.

Right. Gail Mathias. Yeah, and Risley. Piscopo, of course. Charlie Rocket. Charlie Rocket, yeah. Talk about another niceias. Yeah, Anne Risley. Piscopo, of course. Charlie Rocket. Charlie Rocket, yeah. Talk about another nice ending. Yeah, I know.

Because you were on there when he got thrown off the show, right? I remember all that. I've just watched it religiously ever since. Steve Higgins is one of my best friends in the world, and he's been over there for 20-plus years working behind the scenes and making it all happen. But no, that was my dream in life was to be a cast member on SNL. And when I signed up, when I got discovered from that Paramount Comedy Theater by Howie's manager,

he said, what do you want to do? I said, I want to be on Saturday Night Live. He said, don't worry, I'm friends with Lorne. I can make that happen. Oh, really? Yeah, right. Didn't happen. Out of 230-something guests,

I don't think anyone has remembered you from Saturday Night Live. Let alone praised you. Yes! No, I... Oh, first. Just because you're... I never heard a delivery and sort of a style like you had. So it was fun.

It was kind of like immediately going, who is that? I'm always just fascinated by anybody who's different and brings a different take on it. Have you seen him live? Yes. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's so funny.

So you're the perfect audience for the Norman Feld jokes and the... I can't get enough. I can't get enough. And the Joyce DeWitt references and obscure references to... Well, see, we're all the same age, so that's why it all kind of comes together. And that helps, too.

But it gets sadder, though, as references that used to kill start to fall on deaf ears. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'll reference Johnny Carson and people are like, who's that? And you're like, oh. Yeah, and the funny thing is, like, Burt Reynolds died recently. People don't remember Burt Reynolds. That's scary. No, all the guy from Boogie Nights,

you're like, oh, okay. That's depressing. I mean, who was cooler? I mean, remember, what a giant star he was. It was unbelievable how huge. Absolutely. Hooper.

Hooper was my favorite. Oh, yeah, I love Hooper. I'll need him. Yeah. Years ago, I mentioned Jackie Gleason to someone and the whole room

didn't know and one person said, oh, the guy from Smokey and the Bandit. Oh. Yeah. Well, that's like when everybody,

you know, for a while or before, everybody thought Orson Welles was the guy from the wine commercial. Or frozen peas. Forget it.

No one knows who Groucho Marx is. That's gone. We went out to lunch with Gino and a young lady a couple of months ago. I wouldn't have mentioned Gino. He likes to purposely not mention Gino on the show and steal his anecdotes. But she didn't know who Groucho was. She'd never heard of him. Oh, my God.

How old was she? In her 20s. Okay. To be fair. Whatever. But that is depressing when that happens. Yeah. I was going to make a reference and now I can't remember the name of the guy, but on the Jackie Gleason show, what was the... Mark Carney? No, the...

Heya Joe. Oh, Frank Fontaine. Yeah, Frank Fontaine. That's it. Yeah, exactly. How about a song, Craig? Thank you, sir. Thank you, Mr. Salamone. Thank you, Gino. Somebody's classing up the operation. I went out with the fuck. When alcoholism was still funny. Yes.

Oh, yes. Yes. See? Being a drunk for years was the funniest thing in the world. Oh, my God, totally. Foster Brooks? Forget about it. Yeah.

My favorite is every time Crazy Guggenheim would do his punchline, Jack Goose would go like, hit the bar and move away. And Frank Fontaine had the same thing that Jim Neighbors had. They do a goofy character and sing perfectly passable. You're right. But it sounds so good because how about a song, Craze? Yes.

And everybody would be misty-eyed. It's pretty good. So it's like people would think, oh, my God, they're brilliant singers. And it's like if they didn't do the wacky voice first, you'd go, boy, they really are so, so... My dad was always obsessed with Jim Neighbors, but he always said, like, oh, he does that crazy squeaky voice. He always referred to him as having the squeaky voice.

And he's just such a beautiful singer. So they say it works. Yeah, I don't think opera experts are going, oh, the work of Jim Neighbors. When I was a kid, you don't know any better when you're a kid. No. He's Gomer Pyle, and then he starts singing Ave Maria,

and you go, that sounds pretty good. But they always have to put on a serious face, though. It always disturbed me as a kid, though. When the funny person became serious, it was so upsetting to me because they weren't real or they weren't funny anymore. So never start singing. Yeah. Gilbert, don't start singing.

Wouldn't it be great, though, one day you just came out with this beautiful operatic voice? You know what? It's a lifelong setup. He has sung on this show with Howard Kalin from the Turtles. Oh, nice.

Who else? Paul Williams. Jimmy Webb. He sang the Rainbow Connection with Paul Williams. Right. We do duets. Oh, nice.

And someone from Sony called us up and said, we actually thought about doing a Gilbert Duets album. We thought they were putting us on. We'll be like Jerry Sings. The Jerry Sings album. We'll do Gilbert Sings. We've got to do that. They may have been putting us on.

We're trying to figure it out. I know you can canter. So I'm going to make you... I want to hear you do that. Who else? Tie Yellow Ribbon, you did with Tony Orlando. Yeah. You did Sugar Sugar, he did with Ron Dante from the Archies.

Thank God. I wish I had a song that we could sing together. We do have an album. Yeah. There it is. Can I knock this out? Paul, can I ask you a couple of questions from listeners? Yes, please.

We do this thing called Grill the Guest on Patreon, which you guys can do if you go to Gilbert Gottfried slash Patreon. Actually, it's the other way around. It's Patreon slash Gilbert Gottfried. Marshall Armenter wants to know, please ask Paul what it was like working with the late, great Jill Kleberg and Bridesmaids. Oh, so great. Sadly, her final film. Yeah, she was so amazing. And, you know, because that was,

I've done a few projects where I had to cast older actresses and they come in and the plastic surgery, Oh, God. it makes it, you can't hire some people. And it's really sad because like people that you love

Sure. from your past, and it's just like, oh, like, unless I make that a bit in the movie. And Jill just was so natural and just looked beautiful. But she hadn't done anything whatsoever. And she was just lovely. And I had such a crush on her.

When she was in Silver Streak, I had such a Jill Kleberg crush. I actually dated a girl just because she kind of looked like Jill Kleberg. Did you tell her that? No, no, and she didn't like me anyway. Oh, really? Yeah, she was a little older than me. I see. And I think I thought I was dating her, and I think she thought I was a really fun little tag-along buddy.

I once dated a girl who looked like Gene Wilder. Really? She was a great actress, and like you said, she could do comedy. Oh, my gosh. Like Silver String. She hosted SNL back in the day. Yeah, I remember that. But also an unmarried woman breaks your heart.

Yeah. And it was so sad because we had such a good time doing it, and then before the movie came out, she passed away. It was really sad. I saw her doing something kind of raunchy in a bridesmaid's outtake. I guess it's in the unrated version. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Oh, yeah, we had a bunch of... Really funny. Yeah. Oh, she was great. She was up for it. Yeah, loved her. Let me throw a couple of quick ones out here. Jason Grissom.

To me, Paul will always be Stanley in Ski Patrol. I mean that as a compliment. To me, too. Exactly. Does he have memories of working with the great Martin Mull will always be Stanley in Ski Patrol. I mean that as a compliment. Me too, exactly. Does he have memories of working with the great Martin Mull or the great Ray Walston? Yeah, well, Martin Mull I worked with a few times because he was in Ski Patrol,

but then I was on the Jackie Thomas show. Ah, yes, you were. Yes, and Martin was on that, and Martin's a lovely guy. But he always would say, I just act so I can have the money to paint. Yeah, I know. I've seen his paintings. But he was great

and then Ray Walston was wonderful. That was just exciting because I'd never done a movie before and suddenly I'm there with my favorite Martian. So I was very impressed with myself on that. Have you seen Martin Mull's paintings? Tom Leopold bought a couple of them.

Oh, yeah. He's very accomplished. I have. Oh, and this is something I know about. You notice we don't go in any order here, Paul. I like it. It's sort of like an interrogation. This is how my brain works anyway, so I'm fine.

You bought two paintings. Oh, yes. Oh, good. I'm glad you got that in. I was going to forget that. Speaking of famous people that nobody remembers. Yes, Bob Hope. I have two.

Gino told us to ask that. Yes, I have them. I have two Bob Hope paintings, one from 1945 that sat next to his desk in his office his entire life. And it's a great painting. It's like the young kind of, you know, on the road to Bob Hope. And then finally, Gino alerted me to it that there is another painting that Phyllis Diller had in her house. She had like a Bob Hope room

and it was an older, eviler looking Bob Hope. Oh, geez. Yeah, and so I have that. It's in our conference room at my offices. But here's the thing. We had some of our paintings appraised

because I collect a lot of art. And the early one from 1945 was appraised pretty well. It actually was going to hold a nice value. They went and looked at the one Phyllis Dillard's. He said it's worth nothing. He literally said it has no value. Geez.

Isn't that crazy? How weird. Yeah, because it had no listed artist on it, and the subject matter is somebody that people are forgetting. And I was just like, there's no way it cannot be worth anything. He said, no, it's literally worth nothing. And did the old Bob Hope have those ruby red eyes? Yes.

It's a very jaunty. Oh, yeah. It's very, very, yeah. God only knows what he was doing at that time. And you've seen the Jack Frost music video. Has Gino shared that with you, the Jack Frost? No. Oh, God, you're in Frost? No. Oh, God.

You're in for a treat. Oh, is this of his wife singing? Oh, yeah. You told me about that. And he's covered in icicles. And he looks like a hostage. Yeah, he's got a glued-on beard and a pointed hat. And he looks like he died 12 years earlier.

Oh, no. Oh, it seems like Dolores' revenge for all the fucking around. Oh, no, totally. Put these eyes on Bob. It's time. Was it Ed Weinberger or somebody who told us that he would leave women,

he would threaten to leave women behind on the USO tours? Yeah, he'd take them out to Vietnam and I heard if they didn't fuck him, he would leave them in Vietnam. I'm trying to wrap my mind around Phyllis Diller having a Bob Hope room. Oh, yeah. Think about it. She owes him.

Gilbert has a Larry Hovis room. Yes. Don't you, Gil? Let's see. I got one last one here. John Atema. Thanks so much, Paul, for your role in the Peanuts movie. It was touching and nostalgic, and it brought tears to three generations of my family's eyes.

Isn't that nice? I know you were very concerned with taking care of the Schultz legacy because you are a Peanuts fanatic. Yeah, Peanuts fanatic, absolutely fanatic. It was fun because you get to work with the family and I would fly up to Santa Rosa

almost every week to work with them as they were writing it because his son and his grandson wrote the movie. Yeah, it was, they were very, very

guarded and cautious about the use of it. Of course, as they should be. Yeah, exactly. But I mean, I know this comic strip so well. Me too.

So I was always able to reference, you know, like, oh, we can actually do this from this. But no, it's a lovely little film. Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. Yeah.

Isn't that nice? And Gilbert. Yes. I'm going to ask Paul something from the book. No. And I know you wanted to ask him about what you and I discussed. Oh, yes. I like how top secret this is.

You okay with this? Talk about whatever you want. I have a feeling I know what's coming. Let's just say that. This is the only reason I wanted you on the podcast. I knew it. This is all a setup. This is all a setup.

Fuck your career and your films. Exactly. I knew it. Fuck it. This is like when TMZ comes up down to the street and they ask all these really softball questions. I go like, there's one coming. They're going to try to get something out of me. Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. And there's the last one. We try not to do a gotcha show, but it's too good. Fuck your directing and writing. I don't care about that. Old gotcha Godfrey over here. All right. Go ahead.

Okay, Gil, do you want to ask him? Okay. Is it true, this is like live at the actor's studio. This is not a question James Lipton would ask. That you tried to suck your own cock. It is true because it's in the book. It's in the book. It's in writing.

And why would I possibly make that up? Well, I thought you just wanted to impress your fans. If I could have done it, I would have made that up. So what made you decide one day to suck your own cock? To try to. Yeah. Be a lonely guy, you know, having trouble dating, having trouble kind of talking to gals.

And thought, well, of course, why this could possibly happen. And I've been told stories by my cousin would tell me stories about he had heard about some guy whose wife uh helped him do it by every day she would like lean on his back as he tried and they eventually kind of curved his spine so that he could do that allegedly ron jeremy allegedly yes that's the hedgehog well probably because it's so gigantic yeah that's the that's the legend yeah but uh no it did not work it didn't work though i mean that's the thing I almost broke my neck doing it. If guys could suck their own cocks, women would just die out. That's a species. There is not a man listening to this show within the sound of our voice that has not had that thought.

Thank you. See? I fall on the sword. Or I'm tempted. I fall on the sword so that others may feel good about themselves. You do not have to be Norma Rae here. We don't make any judgments. But it's one of the funniest things I've may feel good about themselves. You do not have to be Norma Rae here. We don't make any judgments, but it's one of the funniest

things I've ever read in my life. That was the chapter that my wife said, please don't. Yes, it's called Please Do Not Read This Chapter. Titled by my wife. It opens with about 14 disclaimers. It's so brilliantly done.

You got a phone call in the middle of it? My mother called, yeah. My mother called, yeah, exactly. After I had popped my neck, too. Oh, that's horrible. Because I thought I had come up with a great plan, which was to use the weight of my own body to sort of bring myself down closer.

But that meant I had to be, you know, my head,, my head with my head tucked under my chin or against my chest and then something went pop and my neck froze up and then my mother called. When you're sucking your own dick, it's a bad time for your mother to call.

He didn't succeed. Yeah, yeah, that's dramatic. But I was scared straight. I never did it again. Gilbert's acting like he never tried. He's all high and mighty. I know. Mr. Fancy Pants. There's so many funny things

in the book. Thank you. Gino said, you've got to get Paul's book, Super Stud, and I did, get Paul's book, Super Stud. And I did. And I laughed from, I love this review from Rolling Stone. Chronic masturbation hasn't been this funny

since Portnoy's complaint. Exactly. That's the quote you want on the front of your book. I mean, it's so funny and it's so well written and it's so honest. Well, I remember

when I was writing the book, for some reason, I'd always had moments of thinking like, maybe I could go into politics. It'd be kind of fun. And I remember writing this and going like, if I was writing the book, for some reason I'd always had moments of thinking, like, maybe I could go into politics. It would be kind of fun. And I remember writing this and going, like, if I put this book out, I can never go into politics. You're done. That would all you'd be hearing on the campaign trail, literally.

With the dick-sucking part, you would have gotten my phone. See, there you go. See, I'd have to own it. I'd have to own it. You have to own it. You have to own it. But it's also filled with sensitive stories of a very sensitive young man trying desperately to connect to women. Yeah, exactly.

It's not just all. Yeah. Well, I never wanted to put anybody off, any women off. Sure. And so I was such a polite trying to get dates guy that it just seemed seemed like i should just give it up the cic technique winning women over with comedy innocence and chivalry ah yes yeah see yeah and it didn't well it finally worked because i've been married for 24 years now so uh i found the right one perfect yes but uh yeah it took a while and you know the the oreo speed wagon story is hilarious oh god and And yet heartbreaking.

Yeah, yeah, all true. All true. I mean, it's honestly, I remember when that, who was it, James Fry or whatever got in trouble for it? Oh, A Million Little Pieces. Yeah, faking it. I was quite offended by that, too, because I think the only power of memoir, the true power is if it's a true story. Because I can make up funnier stories than that happened to me in the book. But the fact that they really happen. So I'm always really, really conscious about making sure that I tell it exactly like it happened. And unfortunately, I've just had too many terrible, weird things happen to me.

Embarrassing things at least. Here's another way in which you're brutally honest. And again, men who are listening to this show, and I'm looking at you, Salamone, that your master plan to get women was to get them to be the aggressors so you wouldn't actually have to risk rejection. Yeah. Which rang very true to me. Oh, yeah, totally. No, no. They'll just kind of, you'll get them.

I didn't see anybody put it in print before. Well, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, because also all the other guys around you when you're growing up seem to be so, like, well-adjusted or whatever. It's easier when they ask girls out and all this. And yeah, I couldn't do it. So it's like, oh, if I'm just so adorable, they'll fall in love with me and then they'll make all the moves. But it just doesn't work that way until I met my wife.

And that's actually one of the reasons why our relationship started because she was very – she aggressed towards me. She had seen some stuff I had done. She represented –, you know, Pat Hazel, he was a juggler. He was an LA based, uh, comedian, really funny. And she represented him. And I did a trailer for a movie that we were trying to raise money for. And, um, so I was the star of it and Pat was in it. So she, he, Pat showed the video to his manager at the time, who was soon to be my wife and uh and she fell in love well

she okay she liked me from the thing she was married just in the ending of a marriage and um showed it to her ex-husband and he said that's the guy you should have married and so then we ran into each other at a party and she i opened the door, she saw me, and she jumped on me like Ernest T. Bass. What a reference. Yeah. Did that exact thing where she jumped, you know. She'd throw a rock through your window? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. And I was like, who is this woman? Wow. And that was 28 years ago. So you were just doing the slow plan. Yeah. You were just the, what do they call it the uh yeah i guess lane what lane slow groundwork or whatever but yeah i'd only had two girlfriends

before that yeah i've only only had sex with three women in my life so there you go gilbert what was your move back then ah oh well you know i'm a big pussy hound. It's not fair to compare yourself to me. See, I know. You're just the standard we all try to live by. Did you date in high school? Did you attempt to date in high school? No. High school, forget it.

High school, I was just starting to learn about jerking off. starting to learn about jerking off. There's also that wonderful part where in the back, which was, again, you do it like, you write it like scripture, which was very clever, the chapter called Miracles, the Book of Miracles.

But what really made me laugh out loud screaming at the beach was that in the middle of losing your virginity, you suddenly spy your old mousetrap game on the bookshelf. You stop and say,, you suddenly spy your old Mousetrap game on the bookshelf. You stop and say, hey, you want to play Mousetrap? Just trying to get the romance going. So brilliant. Did that kill the mood at all?

Well, part of me, I think, was hoping it would kill the mood. I was terrified to lose my virginity. It was like this thing I had, like this badge of honor that I carried around. It's such a funny book. I'm really going to recommend it to our listeners. You're going to see it shoot up. Yay. Thank God.

You're going to see it shoot up. We've sold books on this show. Yeah, excellent. Go do it, my friend. We've sold books on this show. Yeah, excellent. But go do it, my friend. Do not mock. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast

after this. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In season three, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a

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Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. I just want to ask something else, and this is something Gilbert and I talk about, too, is cringe comedy. We talk about how hard it is. We've talked about how hard it is to do black comedy in this day and age that audiences, a movie like Where's Papa? Like Scully Mitchell. Oh my gosh, yeah, yeah. Not that kind of black comedy in this day and age that audiences, a movie like Where's Papa? Like Scully Mitchell. Oh my gosh, yeah, yeah.

Not that kind of black comedy. And I heard you say you like your comedy cringy. Yeah. And you like your comedy dark. Yeah. I mean, you're a fan of Python and Harold and Maude

and all of these other influences. Yeah. I just like that comedy of kind of embarrassment because I think it's something we all relate to. And all my best stories that I would always tell, you know, in my 20s and 30s, which are in my first book, Kick Me, most of those are there. Which I will read.

Oh, no worries. Get to it. But they're all just kind of things. At the moment they're happening, they're awful. And then once they've happened and you've got a little bit of time between them, they're funny. Because I always like throwing myself on the sword and going, I'm just going to tell you my most embarrassing story. Because then other people go like, oh, my God, that happened to me.

And you realize how much stuff people just suppress and put down. But it's also why I thought Freaks and Geeks was going to be like a big hit because I thought, well, who wouldn't want to kind of relive these things through other people? And I realized most people don't. Most people don't like to cringe at all. Suppress that. I directed the dinner party episode of The Office. Yes, famously.

Yeah, and that was really unpopular when it first came out. I can't believe that. People hated it because it was so cringey that people just couldn't, they got too uncomfortable. It is arguably the funniest half hour in the history of primetime comedy. Yeah, I mean, it was such an honor to be in on that because oh my god we just laughed the whole time i'm gonna show gilbert rolling stone just did a big just yeah they voted the best uh episode yeah yeah it's funny but and it's a great standalone one too it just sort of exists as this little weird kind of harold pinter play it's i want to ask you about the scene uh about the scene with the cot at the foot of the bed

in the office, which came from your actual life? Came from somebody you knew? Well, it came from something I saw. You experienced, you witnessed. Yeah, yeah. They had, yeah, exactly. They had a bit of it in the script,

but when we, yeah, I knew, I was working for a producer and there was another woman who worked in the company and I befriended her. And we went over to her house, but it turned out to be her boyfriend's house, who was on the city council or something. He was big in government in L.A. And we're walking through the nice house, and there's a big, giant bed and then a cot next to it.

And I go, what's that? And she says, look, as a woman, I want to just tell you, you need to figure out how to sleep in a bed with a woman. Or you have to be mature enough. Because it turned out this guy, they would have sex, and then he couldn't have anybody in the bed. So she'd have to roll off and sleep on a cot next to the bed. I was like, in my head, I was just like, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life. It's so depressing. So you gave that to the writers? Yeah, so I was just like, oh my god, here we are. And it just, oh, and Steve curled

up on that little cot. You know the show Steve Carell. Oh, yes. He's living with a woman, his ex-boss, and they're giving a tour of the house, and it turns out that he sleeps, she sleeps in the bed and he sleeps on a little footrest. He's like a bench and he curls up on it. At the foot of the bed.

That whole episode, you guys made history. It was so funny. The flat screen TV. It's really dark. Oh, it's so dark. It's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, really, as a half-hour situation coming. It's almost like horror for some people. I don't like watching a horror movie, because I don't like to be scared.

I don't like to not know what's going to happen. But it's really fun to make a scary movie because you're manipulating the audience. And I think that's for cringe comedy. It's really fun to be in charge of it. But for an audience, they're like, oh, it's like hitting them too hard and putting them off. But it's too bad because you've got to laugh at yourself and all the terrible things that happen to you. And to that end, I heard a story,

were you talking about testing bridesmaids? And you guys thought you had a fantastic opening. Yeah, yeah. And the audience, what, decided that Jon Hamm was being too mean? And they didn't buy it? Yeah, well, what it was, we did a screening,

like a friends and family for all our comedy writer friends. And the original opening scene was, it's him trying to get, you know, John trying to get Kristen Wiig out of the bed. And it's her, all these excuses.

She's kind of coming up. It's hilarious about why she doesn't want to leave. And like, Oh, I'm really tired. And he's like trying to get her out. And so we cut it and we thought it was hilarious. We put it up in front of our comedy friends and it destroyed.

I mean, it absolutely destroyed. So we walked out. Comedians are sick. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Totally. Totally. And are sick. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Totally, totally. And it's all,

we just, you know, we don't mind twisting the, you know, and changing all that stuff. So we were just celebrating and then we did our first test screening with like a real test audience

of just people off the street and it got dead silence. And it was because it was, she was so pathetic that they couldn't laugh. They just felt terrible for her because she was just embarrassing herself when she was clearly getting a signal to leave. So that's when we said it's got to be all about the minute he says, I really want you to leave, but I don't want to say it without sounding like a dick, she's out.

And then you get the big B-side. You get a B-side laugh, which in the edit we call it, which is basically the cut to her walking out of the house. That's the punchline. It's fascinating. Because you're a funny person. You like dark comedy. You like cringe comedy. You have to please yourself.

But at the same time, you realize you're making commercial films for a mass audience. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, that's why we're so, you know, I'm just slavish to test screenings because, yeah, I can sit around and we can all say what's funny all day long. But, you know, from stand-up, if they don't laugh at a joke. Here's a guy still doing some of the darkest material in the world in his stand-up act. But I never get in trouble.

No, it's gone really... I've never lost work over it, so I don't... People are always happy. They understand. It's okay. You know, the internet doesn't go crazy. No, no. No judgment whatsoever. You's okay. The internet doesn't go crazy. No, no. He's like, no judgment whatsoever. You're safe.

Could you make movies like that nowadays? If somebody brought you material Where's Papa was a book by Robert Klain. If somebody brought you, even something like Election, which we've talked about on this show, which is pretty damn dark. Really dark, yeah. It just depends if it's a good story

and if it would be funny. The only thing I don't like is mean-spirited stuff, so that's the only thing I try to not do, or kind of the end message is everybody's terrible and you can't win. I like victories. I like to have positive messages at the end. You couldn't do

the honeymooners with him threatening to punch his wife. No, I mean, that does not age like a fine wine. Let me see. I just want to talk about this too. You've talked about this a lot. Talk about giving...

You've said to other filmmakers, please write roles for women. Write funny roles for women. You're constantly putting that out there. And you were talking about, you were referencing back in the day, you and your mom would sit down and watch Katharine Hepburn and Rosalind Russell when women were strong.

And women were in charge. And something changed over the years. Yeah, I mean, to me, I think what changed is I think the blockbuster movies had a lot to do with it because that was really – they started making their money off of 15-year-old boys. So they kind of started showing what a 15-year-old boy wants to see, which is just a Barbie doll of a woman or a mean old mom who's like the woman who's keeping the guys from having fun. And then comedy just became kind of a boys club too. So much of comedy is

kind of revenge, guys' revenge against the girls who wouldn't date them. And you just started seeing it more and more so it was kind of this, you know, I don't know, it just felt like they were just reducing women to these one-dimensional people, or caricatures, I should say.

So I just like doing these movies so women can finally have, you know, some really substantial roles. It's important. There are a lot of funny women not being serviced. Oh, yeah, totally, totally. And I think we have to...

Yeah, Paul's got a dinner to get to. Yes. Oh, thank you. I do want to plug the movie again. Yes. A Simple Favor. A Simple Favor, it's called. It opens this Friday.

We'll probably move this episode up in the queue, Dara. What do you think? So that everybody can hear it in time to get out to the movie. Thank you. Yeah, we absolutely have to do this. Oh, thanks. Really funny. I love the line.

My favorite line of the movie is, they weren't Indonesian children, they were Vietnamese teenagers. Vietnamese teenagers. That was a hard laugh. Rupert Fram, who's a fantastic, very funny guy. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And we've been talking to the man who tried and failed to suck his own cock.

Paul Feig, who tried and failed to shock his own cock! It's a little bit of an interview and a little bit of a roast, Paul. I love it. I'm very thrilled. Hey, this was a thrill for us. Yeah, oh my goodness. Thank you so much. It's so much fun.

Thank you. To get roasted by Gilbert Gottfried. I set myself up. I put it in the book. This is my wife's revenge. Is that all you can tell me to do? The books are Kick Me and Superbad. Get them both.

Superstud. I'm sorry. Superstud. Superbad. I got Apatow on the brain. Or How I Became a 24-Year-Old Virgin. And thanks to Gino for making this happen. Thank you, Gino. I don't give a damn about my reputation

I've never been afraid of any deviation And I don't really care if I think I'm strange I ain't gonna change And I'm never gonna care about my bad reputation Wow, no Let me Wow, no Bye. Great audio production by Clint Finnegan. Now don't give a damn about my reputation. Web and social media is filled with my new pattern. Great care and joy by the field. Why does it grow? There's no communication.

Special audio contributions by John Beach. Special thanks to John Murray, non-study artist, and Paul Abrams. And now we're going to tell everyone that it's never getting better anyway. So why should I care about a bad reputation? Anyway or no? No, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Wow! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Not me No, no, no, no, no, no

Not me I don't give a damn about my bad reputation You're living in the past as a new generation And I only feel good when I got no pain And that's all I'm gonna say

And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no Nothing Wow, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Nothing Nothing No, no, no, no, no, no, no Nothing

Nothing