Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 235. Howie Mandel

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

Comedian, actor and TV personality Howie Mandel returns to the podcast and weighs in on a host of fascinating (and timely) subjects, including free speech, political incorrectness, social media's impact on comedy and the connection between obsessive behavior and performing. Also, comic John Mendoza sits in, Edward G. Robinson gets paid, Gilbert invades the Carnegie Deli and Howie teams with screen legends Blake Edwards and Melvin Frank. PLUS: Norman Lloyd! "The Big Sick"! Johnny Carson hosts a game show! Screech heads to the hoosegow! And Howie tries to save the "Just for Laughs" festival! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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only on Disney+. Hi, I'm Alan Alda, and I'm a guest on Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. You've got to listen to this. They made me laugh. I laughed like this. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast

with my co-host Frank Santopadre. We're once again recording at Earwolf with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is back for a return engagement. He's also returning with an all-new season of his hit game show, Deal or No Deal, premiering on December 3rd on NBC, with all-new episodes on CNBC starting on December 5th. He's an actor, producer, voice actor, Emmy-nominated TV host, and one of the most popular stand-up comedians of his generation.

As an actor, you've seen him in feature films like Little Monsters, Walk Like a Man, A Fine Mess,. Gremlins and Gremlins 2. Playing everything from a monster living under a bed to a man raised by wolves. You also know his work in numerous TV shows such as Monk, Homicide, The Big Bang Theory, Superstore, My Name is Earl, and Bobby's World, which he also... Okay, enough already. Enough. I'm Howie, and I'm here.

Yeah. It's Howie Mandel. Yes. Okay. And I'm here with my friend I just dropped in. Yes. Because I'm here with your ex-roommate. Yes.

Before you were married. John Mendoza, who is a legend in his own right. He is. In stand-up comedy. Welcome, John. Yes. So we're both here together. And I know that I was the invited guest, but I was afraid I was going to be late.

And John rode along with me so we can be in a carpool lane. Do they have that here in New York? In the rickshaws, in the bike. There had to be three of us in it. It's a three or you can't get in it. Wow. So we're here. Anyway, go ahead and ask.

The reason I'm back is because we didn't finish the first time. There's so many more questions. So many. I left. People said I heard you on Gilbert's podcast. Did they really? Oh, yeah. And they said,

I said, did you like it? They go, well, there were so many unanswered questions. I'm back to answer the questions. Well, at least ask him that last one, Gil. And we're just digging up

guests that we already had because we're running out of people who want to do this show. What a wonderful welcome that is. Yeah, yeah. We're having three people who already died coming on next week. Fantastic.

Okay. At least ask him the last one. Oh, okay. The last one. Please welcome. This is our last question. Is he asking the last question he was supposed to ask you later? No, it's the last line of the intro, but it's a question I think, it's something I think Gilbert will be interested in.

Okay, since here, this part. Frank obviously wrote the intro. He loves his work. You don't think he did, do you? No. Oh, wait. Can you tell us what happened? We were waiting for you in the lobby.

Can you tell us what happened to you? Oh, yeah. This is what happens when you join. We're in New York. And obviously, in New York, I think security in all the buildings is a little more heightened than in most states or most cities. And it is customary to show ID. And they sign in and they take a picture of you. So everybody was doing that.

And then I walked up and I gave him my ID and the guy goes, hey buddy, you need to take a picture. It's not like you're a movie star or anything. Who the fuck is going to know you? So that is... God forbid anybody should get into

an elevator with an assemblance of an ego. You leave your ego at the front desk when you come to do this podcast. So basically, we invited you here to give you that

final push if you ever think of suicide. Yes, that's what it is. That guy, and he never, he never, he just looked at me

like horribly. If you're ever pointing the gun to the roof of your mouth and you're not sure if you should pull the trigger. Show up here. Yeah, yes.

Is Dave working? Oh, so. There is a question, right? So since. You know what? A lot of people. Yes. It'll be the question

he never gets to. No, but I think it's good. Maybe we should just sit quietly. People don't do that on podcasts. This would be a first. No, but it would it's good. Maybe we should just sit quietly. People don't do that on podcasts. This would be a first. No, but it would be good, right? Silence is golden. Yeah.

Most podcasts are constant talking or information or funny or informative. We should just sit with our thoughts? I think the listener should sit with their thoughts, and we're not going to interrupt. Yeah. The question was about an orgy. It was about you performing stand-up yeah that's a true story yeah do you know that story no no okay so all of us you know i was just telling john the other day you know when and we all started out in the 70s and we were uh throughout our career we play like not the best now people know stand-ups and they you know there are actual

stages built for stand-up and theaters which are but in those days you wouldn't you know people just assumed you're a comic you could show up they would stop a dance floor in the middle of a disco yeah how many times they go everybody please sit down stop dancing birthday parties weddings yeah so this is when i actually started i was on a show called sane elsewhere They just go. Yeah. How many times? They go, everybody, please sit down. Stop dancing. Birthday parties. Yeah, birthday parties. Weddings. Yeah. So this is when I actually started. I was on a show called Sane Elsewhere.

And I actually was on TV. And I had some semblance of, and I'd done an HBO special. And I got a little bit of recognition. And I got a call from the comedy store. And they said, would you be interested in doing a house party? And I said, you know, at this point I'm on TV and that I'm, you know, there was a time when I would say yes to that. No, no. Yeah. And then the, the comedy store called me back and they said, they, they said that they really want you. You're the guy's favorite. And,

uh, there's to be a price. So I said, what does that mean? They go, make an offer. Make a ridiculous offer. And I made a ridiculous offer. Like much more than most people make in a couple of years in America. And the guy hangs up the phone. And I get a call back ten minutes later.

And he goes, okay. They said, okay. I went, what? They said, okay. Cash. So he I went, what? They said okay? Cash. So he hangs up the phone. He calls me back in five minutes. They go, he said okay.

Okay? I said, this is too fucking weird. Then I want the cash now. I want it before I ever show up. I want to see that this is real. He calls back in ten minutes. Okay. Come in an hour to the comedy store. I go to the hour, I go to the comedy store and they have like a water. I

needed a duffel bag to fill the duffel bag with all this cash. And I was going to play Friday night. I was going to go and it was a guy's house. They said I was his favorite and it was going to be a party and I was going to be a surprise. So I said, okay. And I said to my wife, Terry, you want to, you want to, uh, would you like to join me? And she said, no. And so I drove up Benedict Canyon. You got to know, you know, if you don't live in LA, we have these windy, shitty, dark roads that look like you're on a trail and halfway up, it dawns on me i'm gonna be kidnapped i'm gonna be fucking kidnapped and raped and killed and left in bushes i don't know what this

is for but i got scared and just as that that was overcoming my whole being right in front of me a girl jumps out of the hedges scantily clad kind, kind of dressed like a bra and panties. And I go, oh, shit. And she stops the car and she comes around to my window and she goes, are you Howie Mandel? And I go, yeah. She goes, this is the party. I go, what's the party? She goes, I will take your car. Can you hear? I open the window and you hear people kind of screaming and laughing and things like that. She goes, the party's in there. You're surprised. Just follow me.

And we'll go through the hedges. So now I'm in this dark place and we go through the hedges and I end up on this yard of a mansion. And I can hear there's a party going in and they go, you hide in here. You hide in here. And when you hear, and it's the pool house bathroom. And when you hear, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel, then you come out. And this is like the early 80s. So I go into the bathroom, and I've got my handbag, and I've got my rubber gloves, and I've got all these ridiculous props, you know, little goofy things.

And it's like a pool house bathroom. So it's like the toilet, my calf. I was trying everything for my calf not to touch the rim of the bowl. There was no room for my props and me. As I'm setting up, the door opens and a guy comes in who is inebriated, who's drunk, and he just starts pissing. And he doesn't say hi to me. He doesn't even acknowledge that I'm there. We're shoulder to shoulder, you know.

And I'm thinking, what the fuck is going on here? What is this? And he finishes pissing. He walks out of the room. He closes the door. And then I hear, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel. And I open the door, and I walk into a room off the pool. There is the guy that just pissed and maybe five other guys.

All the other guys are naked. There's six women fucking and sucking and doing shit like I've never seen in positions upside down. One guy's got one guy's holding that she's in kind of a 69 position. He's holding her upside down and he's eating her pussy and as he eats her pussy he's licking and he looks up at me and he goes do the baby voice do the baby voice

do the baby voice and one guy is standing in the corner and he's jerking off in one chick's ear and I'm going really and I'm going the girl who took my car is now working at the bar she goes would you like a drink and and he's going do the thing and one guy's getting sucked off and he's going do the do the thing about about coming from canada do the do the thing and so i'm doing my act i think i'm gonna wake up

this is gonna be a fucking dream. And then one of the guys brings over, he's carrying one of the girls. He goes, you want to suck this? And he puts her crotch in my face. I go, no, no, no, no, no. And after 15 minutes, I say, good night. And I go back into the bathroom, and I put my props away. And I kept thinking, what if my wife said, yeah, I'd like to join you.

So anyway, I leave. And I leave. And I got a great story to tell. About two weeks later, I'm in the Galleria, which is the mall in the valley, in the San Fernando Valley. Oh, in Sherman Oaks. In Sherman Oaks, yes. I remember it. Yes. And I'm walking through the Galleria, and some nice lady just walks up to me, and she goes,

Are you Howie Mandel from St. Elsewhere? And I go, Yeah. She goes, You wouldn't know me, but my husband says that you were the entertainment at so-and-so's bachelor party. And I look over her shoulder, and one of the guys who was eating pussy is about 100 yards back going, just making a sign like don't fucking say anything.

Don't, just, just, just. So I wasn't entertainment as much as I was a cover story. So I was, they just had me there

doing stupid voices so they could suck and fuck and they had a thing. They each had a story without using any imagination about when their wives went home to their wives when they say how was the party? It was good. We had Howie Mandel.

We love bizarre stand-up stories on this show. That's a good one. Is it? Yeah, I think so. I was traumatized. You were? Well, I'm a germaphobe. I'm a germaphobe.

Oh, sure. Yeah, there was more fluid in that room. There was more moisture. There was no... I was getting standing ovations and not from their legs, if you know what I mean. More... It was just so... See, Gil, you performed.

You went to the Playboy Mansion. Nothing happened. Nothing. Zero. And, you went to the Playboy Mansion, nothing happened. Nothing. Zero. Yeah. And I even went into the grotto. You went in the water? No, no.

But I walked in there and when I was, I heard with the Playboy Mansion, at one time it was exactly what you thought it was. And then somewhere along the way it just changed so i know i there was some naked girls with body paint but that was about it was that at the mansion in the grotto or no on your way there yeah gilbert and i was telling john the other day my my best memories of Gilbert, we were friends in the 80s. I'm scared. This is a great segue.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not that. We had an introduction like that. No, do you not remember? You and I used to go to the Carnegie Deli. I used to love this. And at the Carnegie Deli, they always had the communal tables, which means, you know, we would sit down and we would take two seats and then, you know, tourists would be sitting

at the table or across from you. And nobody is better at Gilbert than telling the most horrific, if you've ever seen the aristocrat. You know, it's like telling the most. So he would sit down at the table. They'd have sandwich, you know, there'd be tourists taking pictures of their corned beef and the pastrami and they'd be eating. And he'd sit down and loud. You would start saying, I don't know, there's a seepage from my anus.

And that's how it would start. And you would hear utensils, forks being dropped, and these people, and they're right in your face. Do you remember doing that? Yes, yes. And they were just horrified. You'd see people take a bite, and you would time it. And this is a person sitting with their family, having a nice lunch at the most renowned deli.

Do you remember doing that? Yes. And I was like, I would die. And we couldn't laugh because he'd make it like a serious conversation. Yeah, and I'd say, I think there's a log of shit floating in my cream soda. I don't know how that got there. But it's not funny on a podcast as much as it is. That's pretty funny.

Just looking at somebody's face who's just trying to have a nice meal. It's their first time in New York. They've never been sat at a communal table. And there's the cute little gill sitting there going, somebody shit in my cream soda. And these, yeah, it is. It's their big moment

in New York because, oh, we got to go to the Carnegie Deli. Yeah. But that was my best, my memories of the Carnegie Deli are only you and only the most vile stories in the faces of innocent tourists.

Do you remember meeting him for the first time? Or seeing him perform for the first time? I do. The first time I saw you was at Catch a Rising Star. And I think we talked about that. You know, you are the epitome. And I think I said this when you were out promoting your documentary, which I absolutely love, one of my favorite films of the year.

It's amazing. Yeah, it's great. But it also showed a side of Gilbert that if you're listening to this, and obviously you'd be a fan of Gilbert if you're listening, but maybe you didn't see it, you have to catch it and tell a friend because even if you don't know Gilbert, it's wonderful. Gilbert, throw the plug in. Oh, it's called Gilbert. Gilbert. Directed by Neil Berkley

yes and I think it's on Hulu yes there you go Dara but what I loved about Gilbert and when the first time I saw him is between I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass which sounds like a conversation you would have with me at the Carnegie Deli.

I'm not just blowing cum up your ass. I'm sucking it out. Okay, when I first went to the comedy store in 78 and 79, I was bowled over by watching Richard Pryor. And Richard Pryor was the first person that I ever recognized, you know, honesty in as far as like he would find that line and cross that fucking line and it was dangerous. And sometimes the audience would gasp at whatever he was talking about, you know, because he talked about growing up in a brothel.

This means nothing now in 2018, but growing up in a brothel and fucking and sucking. He had a tough life. He had a tough life, but he was honest and he was brave. And then not until I went to New York and saw Gilbert on stage, that stuff, there came a time when I think we got used to that kind of stuff. But even you doing one of the first things I remember recognizing was, you know, Christ on the cover of TV Guide. Yes.

I don't even know that bit. Oh, he would stand with the mic stand and he'd do a crucifixion on stage. I've seen stills of it. Okay. he'd do a crucifixion on stage. I've seen stills of it. Okay. So, but,

but the point, the point being that that may not seem like what it was then, but in 78, I mean, that was blasphemy to be talking about religion for a Jewish guy to be talking about Christ for, you know, and,

and I thought, oh my God, this guy doesn't have any, you know, there's no, um, governor on his engine. He will just go anywhere. And I love that.

And that's why I wanted to be his friend. And that's why I watched everything he did. And when you watch the documentary, you see that he'll push it farther. And I thought that that was the job. He's an inspiration to me because I believe through Richard Pryor and Gilbert Godfrey, that was the job, the art form of comedy. The art form of comedy is pushing that barrier. In fact, when you're not a comedian and you cross that line, you used to be able to say,

the biggest excuse was, I was only joking. And people, Oh, okay. As long as you're joking, you're okay. Cause that was the world. If you're joking, that is the world that you're okay. You can step further.

And we were professional jokers. So we were supposed to find that line, step over it, and then maybe figure out where it is. And today, you know, I feel, and,

and there are days that I get up and you were on the opening wave of this, you know, where I go, I don't want to do this. Oh, for political correctness. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard you say it's making it's taking the fun out of comedy. It's not even the fun out of comedy. It's just not we're not even allowed to do that art form. You're not allowed to.

that art form. You're not allowed to, you know, the, the repercussions are so fucking, and you can't figure out where that, where that line is, you know? And the point is that we, in, when him and I started, the beauty of it is even when we knew what the line was, it was kind of sexy and fun to cross that line. You wanted to do that. You were saying it because it was wrong. That's what we were. That's the art form. It was wrong. And that's why it was too soon. And that's why we can do it.

And today I can't fucking figure it out. And Gilbert himself has been a victim of that, which I think is totally wrong, and it makes me sometimes want to just hang up my hat and say, I don't want to do comedy anymore. What do you say, Gil? Everybody now wants to be offended? Yeah. Everyone wants to be a victim?

Yeah, I think they enjoy being offended. It's like they feel good about themselves. Like, oh, I was outraged. Because it allows them to participate in some way? Yeah. It's like, well, I always say, like, the Internet makes me feel sentimental about old-time lynch mobs. At least they had to get their hands dirty and deal with other people. Now, anybody, you sit in your underwear at home

and you form your own little lynch mobs right you know they say they call it social media you know in our early days media this is before us probably our parents days you know the media wore a fedora and they had a card on it that said press yes you know yes or they had a job yes all of a sudden you're sitting sitting, as you said, alone in your underpants, and you don't have a friend in the world, but you are media. You're part of the social media.

And I remember growing up, there were commentators, columnists, reporters, writers, and people who knew stuff, and you listened to them because they knew authorities. Yeah. Yeah. Now everybody's in.

I'll tell you a little story. Not only are they an authority, it's hard. You can't read. So I'm not going to mention who and I'm not going to mention where. But, you know, while I'm in New York, I go drop up in clubs. I tell you, last time I was here, I did it with you and Gilbert. And you just want to try out material. Gilbert and you just want to try out material so I went on and I followed a comic who was I thought very funny young very young his audience was there is uh and he's a very liberal um gay comic

and most of his routine was you know a lot of lot of the routine when I was there was going to CVS and looking at other guys and wanting to eat out their asses. And how he was jealous of the toilet paper they were buying because he wanted to lick out their asses. And the audience is going crazy. He finishes and they go, and now Howie Mandel. Wait, wait, wait. finishes and they go and now Howie Mandel wait wait wait I walked out and I think the first line is I said you know my wife has been a real bitch and the whole audience goes oh and I'm telling you there was a tweet storm saying he's calling a woman a bitch in this day and age and I got like smacked around on social media he's eating fucking ass and I called the woman

who I love and I've been married to for 40 years in the frame of a joke a bitch and that was and such indignant and you could hear it in the room they just stopped as soon as I referred to a female as a bitch and somebody I love and respect and adore on the, in the context of being on stage and doing a bit, it was over for me. And I couldn't grab that audience. So you don't know how and who and when you're going to offend and what those repercussions are. And it's funny. It's like, you could right now go on like Twitter or whatever and say, I like eating jelly beans. And a bunch of people will be offended by that. You can't win.

Yeah. But you haven't softened anything. I mean, I saw you about a year ago. You're still doing the Chinese delivery boy. He still is the only working comic today doing, you know doing Jerry Lewis, Chinese, Asian stereotypes. I do the Mickey Rooney. The Mickey Rooney of Breakfast at Tiffany's. How does that go?

So he's still taking chances. Oh, no. It's in the middle of a whole bit. Oh. It's part of a bit about hating the Amish, right? Yeah. But he's still doing it. He's still pushing the envelope.

The Amish don't seem to get offended. They're not on Facebook either. John, you've been doing stand-up a long time. You agree with Howie? You think some of the fun's gone out of it? It's harder for him than for me because I'm not as famous as you. I don't have as much to lose at the moment as he does. He's on network television, and he could lose his job like that

you know i could go out and i could say a bunch of stuff and you know i might offend people i might get hit on twitter or whatever the next day it's not that big of a deal he's got a lot to lose by those situations like you did you a lot it's a lot of freaking money it's a lot of you know all of a sudden you know i'm not i'm not saying it's right or wrong but you know i don't know what lewis ck has been doing for the last year you know i mean what do you do after after your you know fame and fortune and stuff like that even just to go out and do five minutes at night and just have some fun and get out of the house he can't do that anymore he's trying he's done a couple of little short sets in recent weeks it's a year of you know does he work out for a year does he get really fat for a year you know it's it's it's it's

it's a hard time for someone that when when there's a lot of money involved it's it's very very difficult i mean i saw you do shit in the seven in the early 80s and stuff like that that if you would have done that today you would would have been dead. There is a difference between what somebody does in their real life offstage and what you do on stage or what you do in social media. Like Gilbert got in trouble for what he did in social media. But for me also, social media is our new stage. So we need to stay prevalent. We need, if something funny happens, I have an I have an idea right there and, you know, I'll videotape something and then they'll go, no, no, no, no, don't.

That could be construed. And the beauty of what I love about you, Gilbert, and you always did, it's like, you know, I say that everything I've ever been punished for, expelled for, hit for is what I seem to get paid for. The thought is you shouldn't have to worry. In comedy, you shouldn't have to worry about the ramifications. The worst ramification in comedy, and that's how we figure out how to shade it, is silence. It's like somebody won't laugh. But you should just be able to say freeform, whatever comes into your head. You should have that knee-jerk reaction. It shouldn't be the sense of humor. It is a sense. You should find humor where other people

wouldn't. And now, it's a dying art. And you know, it's funny because all this political correctness, the young people that are dying in our military, what are they dying for? Freedom of speech. And one of the most freeing speeches ever are the words that are coming out of the most freeing speeches ever are the words

that are coming out of the mouths of comedians. It's true. Let's take a moment of silence. That's very poignant. Is that too heavy for...

Do you... Do you get in trouble for anything you're doing in your... Well, he's married. Of course he does. I know there's one joke Dara can't stand.

If she'll allow, she's nodding from the next room. Yeah. Yeah, but no, it is like that. It is a crazy time period. I don't know if we'll ever come out of it. Well, that's it.

You know, you say there's one joke that Dara can't stand. My wife. My wife knows that I will on stage speak inappropriately about her. She chooses not to attend my show. Interesting. But because she goes, if I'm attending the show, then when you say something, I know it's a joke.

I get it. My discomfort is that I'm standing beside a friend or I'm standing beside a family member or somebody's kid is there. And as soon as you mention my name or how we fuck or whatever, they are looking at me. And I didn't sign up to be on stage. I didn't sign up to be the performer. So why do I need to be embarrassed? But I'm not telling you not to say it. I'm telling you, I will not be there. You can certainly respect her position. She's smart.

And I, oh, this happened to me recently. This is a weird one. My wife got mad at you too? Yeah, yeah. I fucked her in a new position. Yes. Oh, my God. Because she got tired of the same one over and over.

Take the glove off. She was so sick of the missionary each time. It was nice to finally have somebody who will use his hands. I was at a club, and I was doing, you know, I wasn't watching anything, so I was making jokes about midgets, and I was... Midgets have no right to live, right? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. You know that, first of all, they don't want to be called midgets.

Yeah. He does it on this show every week. It's hopeless, Howie. And so I do jokes, and I did some jokes about muscular dystrophy. And this is absolutely true. And, I mean, while I was doing it, you could feel a real tension in the air and people murmuring and not. Was this a fundraiser for midgets with muscular dystrophy?

Well, that's the funny thing. At the end of the show, I'm standing there like signing merchandise and all that stuff. And these two electric wheelchairs come out. And two, what I would refer to as midgets, were in these electric wheelchairs, like, you know, where you could basically blow into it to go forward or go against. Oh, my God. Did you fuck one?

Look at you. All of a sudden, you've become a prop comic. Yes. And the funny thing was... The funny thing. I figure they're going to go over and say, that was the funny thing i i figured they're gonna go over and say that was really wrong what you did that was and they wanted to have their picture taken with me and they said they said both of us have muscular dystrophy and we were laughing our asses off that was so funny so they wanted something well here's the so this is this kind

of stamps what my opinion is they need listen for me and now that i've known you you know laughter and comedy is what is my panacea you know that's how i get through shit and you know there's a t-shirt says shit happens we all have fucked up shit in our life. I suffer from anxiety and depression. And if you look at what comedy really is, even in the most basic form, if you're, if, if you're a kid and you go to the circus and you laugh at a clown falling down, you're laughing at the misfortune. It always comes from darkness. So to have a sense of humor, you know, isn't somebody who says, who has a joke and they know the cadence of the joke and they laugh. It's like clapping along with a song. They laugh at the end of a joke. They go, that's a joke. It's being able to find the levity in something really dark. So you're telling me that these two people had a sense of

humor because they need to have a sense of humor. They can't change the position. sense of humor because they need to have a sense of humor they can't change the position the person that will be most offended not only is not a little person with this affliction they probably don't even know a little person with this affliction yet they'll bear the burden of being you know uh the cat taker well and also being offended why the fuck are you offended well it's just wrong on their behalf. You know, it's just wrong. In fact, like going back to the story I just told you, the guy that was tweeting about me calling my wife a bitch was a guy.

It wasn't even a woman, you know? So I can see that, you know, maybe if a woman has been called a bitch and this brought up some bad, I kind of get it, you know? And I kind of get that.

It's not right to refer to somebody as a that's why it's funny yes and the reason that your story is funny it's taboo if it wasn't taboo then it wouldn't be funny so they have a sense of humor and the rest of the audience whoever didn't like it or disliked it or got up and walked out or hated that don't have a sense of humor and this is thing too it's like um well it's also a thing of patting themselves on the back like i've just been offended by something and that makes me good right yeah it's like um you know it's like if a tragedy occurs you could send money or you could fly out and help with the effort or you could get offended at a joke someone makes.

Yeah, I believe that. And most people who are in our business, and I can speak to 40 years, I know you, John, I know you, I know everybody. You're in the business? Nice. Are probably the most sensitive people I know you, I know everybody. You're in the business. Nice. Are probably the most sensitive people I know. You know, these people that proclaim to be sensitive, we're probably 10 times more sensitive than them.

You know, you were asking me, Frank was asking me before the show, can we talk about, I got to work with the great Blake Edwards. And I quoted a story that he once told me, which rang true, I think, for everybody sitting in this room. And this I'll never forget. He told this story about this guy that was suffering such amazing depression.

Amazing depression. He had been going to his therapist forever. And he was at his wits end. And he was about to put the gun into his mouth and shoot up, shoot his head off. And the therapist had tried drug therapy. Drug therapy did not work. Then the therapist brought in a hypnotist. The hypnotism didn't work, and everything didn't work.

And the guy shows up in the office, and he goes, that's it. I just can't deal with this depression, this sadness, this darkness. I'm going to end it. And I just wanted to say that I appreciate all the help that you tried to give me, but I'm going to, I'd rather be dead. I cannot do this anymore. And the therapist said, can you just try one more thing? One more thing. And he goes, well, what is it? They said, there's a circus that just came to town. And in this circus, the star of the circus is Blabbo the Clown. And Blabbo the Clown is this world renowned clown who just makes people laugh. So people have died from laughter. Nobody can not laugh. This is the place. And they

say that laughter is the best medicine, regardless of what's going on. If you can laugh, that's it. I believe there is no medicine strong enough. There's no hypnotism strong enough. If you go see Blabo the clown, he will make you laugh. And I believe that that'll make you feel better and this guy is sitting in the corner of the office in the fetal position and a tear runs down his cheek and he looks at the therapist and he said I am Blab of the Clown you know that's just who I think is a great template of who comedians are. I think that people who have the view and are able to look and find another, a bright side to a dark world are the people that are in touch. When he says something about, and when I say he, I'm pointing at Gilbert,

when you talk about somebody's misfortune in life, there's nobody more aware of that person's misfortune than Gilbert. And because he's so aware and so sensitive to that misfortune is why he knows how taboo it is to speak of it. to speak of it. When he's talking about his wife in an uncompromising position, he knows that the woman you love and you care about and is the other side. He knows when you don't have any feeling and you don't, and you are numb, like I think most of the world is, you don't know. So you just hear the headline and you go, that's, that is so offensive. That is so wrong. Nobody understands how wrong and offensive it is than the guy that is making the joke about it. The person motivated to get on stage in a room full of strangers

and actually say this thing. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, you know, I'm going to blow your image, Gilbert, but he is nothing like that. Like that deeply offensive person. No, people who really know Gilbert know that he is a six-foot-tall Mexican.

Yes. Nothing like you think. What I mean is that there's a kindness and a sensitivity to him that I don't think he wants people to know. And that's why I was so happy that this documentary came out. Yeah, you see it in the doc.

But then you understand that it's not, when he tells a joke that is wrong. It's because nobody knows how wrong that image is more than him. Right. And no one's as damaged as him, so you feel better. And what I always get is like when people ask me and they'll say, how could you make a joke like that? Aren't you aware of the tragedy and loss of life? And I always say, yeah, I am aware of the tragedy and loss of life.

And that's where the joke comes from. That's what we can't get people to understand. I think what people without the go ahead. No, I should say, I think one of the things that people reacted to about the doc was to see that he wasn't this monstrous person who just does these jokes to hurt people, that he's actually... But even if they learn that,

our world today doesn't understand where humor comes from and where that sensibility of finding... You know, there is no such thing as... You know, comics always say, too soon? It should be now. there's no too soon and and i also feel like when you say a bad taste joke right when it happens uh the reason there shouldn't be an apology is like the apology and explanation are in the joke because you're laughing because yeah and p when people laugh at

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That's the way it is in the afterlife. It doesn't get any better. But you are listening to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. Now I'm going back into my coffin and I'll see you in another year. Ha ha ha ha ha!

They're gill and frank and they're happy. They're gill and frank and they could be wacky. Just run around and have it fun. We now return to the Gilbert Gottfried Amazing Collective. I have to tell you, my family shares, you know, I come from a family that's got a really good sense of humor. The worst day of my life in the history of my life is the day I buried my father. of my life in the history of my life is the day I buried my father. And I, I, I will tell you that there isn't a day that I've laughed harder in my life than the day I buried my father. So many

uncomfortable, horrible shit was happening. And the only way that I could deal with it was crazy laughter. I mean, and it was, I mean, I was making jokes, which I would imagine would be considered wrong if other people. But I was surrounded by my family. The people who didn't know me and heard me laughing hysterically in the other room, I couldn't stop, thought I was wailing and screaming in torment and didn't know that you can't believe what happened to me. That's how you got through it. Like a horrible thing. By laughing at the. Well, he had a really good. That's how you got through it. Like a horrible thing. By laughing at the. Well, he had a really good.

I'll tell you one story. He had a really good friend who came and he was talking to me. I buried him and then we went back to their apartment. And this guy's talking to me. And then I see him start to quiver. And I thought he was going to pass out. And he started walking out of the room. And I thought he dropped candy out of his pocket. So I went you know hey hey hey so I walked over and I picked

up the candy that he dropped he didn't drop a candy out of his pocket he shit himself and he shit on the floor in my parents apartment and I had picked it up and it was in my hand and I had this guy's shit I buried my father and my hand is filled with this guy's shit, who I found out later had Crohn's, and he couldn't help what was happening. But I smelled it, and then I screamed like a little girl. I started screaming, and my mother goes, what's wrong? And that guy ran, and I got shit all over my hand, and my mom picked up all the schnapps and the alcohol that was there, and she's pouring it over my hand and my mom my mom picked up all the the schnapps and the alcohol that was

there and she's pouring it over my hand and she's screaming and i'm screaming and he's shit on my hand and the other people are sitting in the other room and going oh such a poor boy and i'm going and i couldn't get the shit off my hand. So I buried my father. Guy shit all over the fucking apartment. My fingers were filled with his shit. I've never picked up anything since from the ground. It's like your dad's parting gift in a way.

But I said that. I said that. I said he's watching. He did the worst. My dad would do something like that to me. But that was the thing. And you know that anybody else would just say, that's fucking horrific.

That's horrific on top of horrific. But I just told you the story that the moment I buried my father and somebody took a shit with Crohn's disease and listened to you laugh. I get it. Somebody else might think that that's a terrible, terrible story. I thought it was amazing. John, did you ever tell a joke and get

in trouble for it or the joke was complete the meaning was completely misconstrued? Oh, constantly. Constantly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are fun moments. I love telling jokes that people go what the fuck is wrong with you? I have

a teenage daughter and I do that to her in life. Are you girls teenage again? She's 11. Yeah. Yeah, wait. Wait, it's horrible. They judge you so much. Yes.

And you go. I did a story with my daughter recently. I said, I bumped into your friend Jason at the mall the other day. And she said, which one? I know five Jasons. I said, the gay guy that you hang out with. And she said, you can't call him gay. She went crazy on me, screaming and yelling at me.

And then like a couple of weeks later, I bumped into her friend Amy at the mall. I said, I saw your friend Amy at the mall. She said, which one? I said, the one with the blue shirt. You can't, you can't, you can't you can't you can't the audience is your family is

is horrible as far as judging you and stuff like that well I've I've come to the point where as I said I've wanted I do want to hang up my hat

and in traditional stand-up comedy but what I do love when I'm not recognized like the guy who let me into the building today. No, but I do. I love awkward. I love uncomfortable. And I love when somebody doesn't know I'm joking. That's why I reminisce about the time sitting in the Carnegie Deli with you when they don't know that we're two comedians just laughing at the fact that it's disgusting and we're ruining

everybody's lunch when you watch somebody looking at you in disgust when you look at somebody across the room that's going what the fuck is going on what the hell is this what did he just say i almost find that more fulfilling than a laugh you're a person who's who's turned on sort of by extremes in life. You like roller coasters. You like to feel fear. Yes. You like things that remind you

that you're alive. Yes. Adrenaline. Yeah, and that's one of them, right? Yes. That kind of awkwardness. It was fun in the early 80s watching Gilbert paint.

I mean, he would go on stage at like one o'clock in the morning, three o'clock in the morning. And you would sit in the back of the room and watch this guy just throwing shit up against the wall. And you would sit in the back of the room and watch this guy just throwing shit up against the wall. And you would just sit there and go, this is so much fun just watching this guy make up stuff. And the next night, you know, one line out of that whole thing became a little tighter.

I mean, we all did that and stuff like that. But watching him do it, there was nobody better. But he would swing harder than anybody else. Oh, God, it was disgusting some nights. You would sit there and he would go. In a great way. And then you'd have to follow this shit. You know, and he'd grab his little stick and he'd go,

good night, and he'd walk. And then, oh, John Mendoza, fuck. It was horrible following him. Following was probably horrible, but watching was. It was brilliant to watch. I still don't see anybody even close to what he did. There was no one better that could tell

a long joke, an old joke, do an impression than Gilbert Gottfried. There was absolutely nobody. And milk it. And milk it. You talk about milking it. Keep spinning it and topping it. You know what it is? I say this on America's Got Talent.

And the truth is, and I think Gilbert taught me this, but it's commit. Commit to whatever it is. Own what you're going to do. Even if what you're going to do, you're not like anybody else. Even if you're going, regardless, I don't care who's ever listened, you're going to open up a business. You're going to dress a certain way.

Just fucking own it and commit and go as far as you can. When you make a decision, if you're trepidatious and you hold back, nobody's really going to buy into whatever style you created, whatever business you're going to do. And the same rules apply to stage, to life, to relationships, to everything. You just got to own it. You do you. We were allowed to fail, which in today's world in comedy, a lot of kids are not allowed to fail.

You were able to go up there and bomb and be asked back again the next night. It was not that big of a deal. Now, if you don't bring 25 people to a club to fill a room or something like that and get the other people laughing, you're not asked back again. There were many, many nights where we'd go on stage and

you'd walk off stage and the audience would go, you could hear them as you walked through, he sucked. And it was fine. You came back the next night, and you sucked a little bit less the next night, and the next night after that. It doesn't exist.

I don't see it now. That was part of the process. That was part of the process. The bombing was part of the growth process and part of building your act. And now when you go up on stage, you see a bunch of little white lights all over the place with people with their phones yeah and then and that's

dangerous you know chapelle that you know makes you lock up the phones you know that yeah he's got the he's got those sacks that they give out which is important because what happens is that those phones they'll record for a second they They'll take a picture. They write. Whatever you said, there's no, you know that, even if you text somebody. There's no context. There's no context. And when there's no context and there's no meaning, some things not heard from a comedy stage but repeated or out of context where you didn't see what happened before,

you didn't see what happened after, or you're not in the flow, could come off very damaging. I'm very afraid of that. And that's another reason. And like John says, I'm on America's Got Talent, a great broadcast family show. I'm about to launch

one of the biggest things I've ever done in my career. I'm about to do Deal or No Deal. It's coming back. There's 34 episodes. It's going to be huge and bigger than ever. Another very clean cut family show with a great network. I have to be, and I love it. And I love doing both those shows every time. And I love doing standup, but every word that comes out of me, even the things that I'm, I'll be totally honest with you, talking to you right now, I'm wondering, and I'll let you do whatever you want, but I'm wondering if some of the things I've talked about or some of the things I've said will be construed wrongly and hurt me.

You know, it can. You almost just want to shut up. I fucking hate mime. I want to be a mime. It's the safest thing hate mime i want to be a mime it's the safest thing to do i want to be a mime i want to be trapped in a fucking box on a windy day and i i don't i hate it but you know it's very scary talking publicly we're not just sitting at dinner this is you know i know this podcast you there's maybe 20, 30 people that'll hear this. At least. Maybe 40.

I just hope each and every one of them likes me and doesn't get me to lose a job. Quick question about Deal or No Deal. You turned it down when they first approached you. What, in 2005? Yes. Yeah. And you did not want to do a game show because you thought a game show was a career killer. It was. In 2005, if you remember, no comic was doing game.

You know, the closest to a comic, years and years before that, decades before that, Groucho. Groucho, right. And so did Johnny Carson. Right, who do you trust? Yeah, who do you trust? But after that, nobody did it.

And when your currency is irony, you know, the last, you know, not that there's anything wrong with them, but that would be, you know, the punchline would be the consummate game show host. So when they asked me to do a game show, I went, no. Then they called me back and they said, come on, you're perfect for this. And I said, no. And then the third time they said, well, can you're perfect for this. And I said, no. And then the third time they said, well, can we show you the game? And I go, you know what?

I'm sitting in a deli in the valley. If they want to come and show me the game, I'm eating soup. And then I thought it was a joke. The guy shows up with this, it looks like a card. He cut out himself. He didn't go to even Kinko's. And there's no fucking game. There's no game. I'll open this. I'll open that. I cut out himself. He didn't go to even Kinko's or, and there's no fucking game. There's no game. I'll open this. I'll open that. I'll open this. And then I went home and Terry, my wife said, are you going to do it? And I went, no. And she goes, why? I said, because it's going to kill

my career. She goes, where'd you just come from? I said, the deli. And where are you now? I said, at home. And she goes, this is your career right now so just do it so i did it i was really embarrassed oh and then i said to them can i hire a comic can i hire a friend to write with me because then i thought you know it's nothing it's opening these cases and and i thought funny i'll be funny and it was unprecedented at the time at an nbc they were going to do uh nights in prime time, five hours of fucking prime time NBC given over to this game. And I said, well, so me and my friends, we wrote, I said, you know, if nothing else, even if it's a shitty game, I got some funny bits. I'm going to

do some funny bits. And then I'll never forget. I came out and they said, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel. And I walked out and said, welcome to Deal or No Deal. And I said, here's our first contestant. Never forget her. Her name's Karen Van. And Karen Van walks out and I'm within, I'm closer to her than I am to you guys right now. And I realized when somebody's on a set that hasn't been on a set, there was a glaze that came over her. You know what I mean? There's 12 cameras, 300 people, all the lights. She tells me she's never owned a home. She doesn't have health insurance. These are her three children. And I realized, oh my God,

if she walked out of here with 20 grand, it would change her life. She's not from New York. She's not from LA. She could put a down payment on the house. If nothing else, she can get insurance. So she's taken care of. I was so afraid to do my comedy

because I wanted to distract her. It changed my cadence. In fact, on SNL, they did a takeoff of me because I talked to her like you talk to a four-year-old because I saw she wasn't listening. So I would say, you know, the banker just called. The offer is, Karen, the offer is $40,000. And really what I was just saying is, to me that's real that's 40 you could say deal right now 40 fucking thousand dollars is yours for nothing no skill no trivia no nothing

that's yours or if you say no deal it's like spinning the wheel you got a chance you got to open up five more cases what the fuck are you thinking you know so it it became about you realize you had a responsibility well first to help to help first to help these people right well first i'm a human being right not then i'm a white i mean i have a wife and children i'm a parent i just want and i don't want to be responsible you know they always ask me to go on hollywood game night which i don't go on because it's on nbc because i don't want to be silly and somebody loses money. And then I'll kill myself if I feel that somebody didn't win because I was being an idiot. So empathy was first.

So I did the shows through all comedy by the wayside, flew out to the Caribbean because when it aired, I was going to be so embarrassed and it was going to be the end of my career. And I got a call saying this thing went through the roof. And the next night and the next night. The next thing I know, they're going after every comic on every show. Oh, yeah, Saget. Saget. Foxworthy.

Foxworthy, Saget. I think Steve Harvey owes me a big thank you. Steve Harvey, yeah. You sort of broke that glass ceiling. Did you host a game show? I'm sure. The phone in my house would have been just. How much would you give to see Gilbert host a game show?

I think he'd be great. Yeah. I think he'd be great. Now, and how do you feel when you watch someone lose? It's the hardest thing in the world. It's hard when you're standing there and you know what it, and you really know what it means to somebody, and you're watching them. You we are comedians and part of which

makes us comedians is we have it could be considered annoying but and it and i was most of my life and off stage i am a uh an insatiable desire to comment on the innatities of life right of if you see something stupid you want to say it's? If you see something stupid, you want to say it's stupid. If you see something going on, you have to say it. Like it's, right? Yes. We're basically critiquing in the form of comedy. So when I'm watching somebody make a bad decision

or they're going for, they're being greedy or they're just risking too much and they can't afford to, it takes every ounce of my being not to want to throttle them and go, you fucking, what are you doing? You have children. This is $100,000. You live in the outskirts of Omaha. You could not only put a down payment, you probably could buy an entire house.

This is two years of your pay. Take it. Why are you taking the chance? You know, I've always, I'm very conservative. I don't gamble. I don't, when I play Vegas, I never play, you know, the games. And I've always been taught that if you're going to invest or you're going to gamble, then you should be able, it shouldn't change your life if you lose. These decisions are changing people's lives. And what really gets me is I think that most of our contestants, and you'll see in this bigger, newer, more exciting game of Deal or No Deal, which premieres on NBC December 3rd and then goes to CNBC on December 5th as a series. But there's a Christmas special December 3rd on NBC,

you'll see that in their guts, people know what the right move is and then they get swayed by the audience, by a loved one, by a friend. And when they go with that, I think there's an interesting show, as John's always said,

you should be in the car ride home. Why the fuck did you tell me to go one more time? That's a history of Canadian game show hosts, too. Monty Hall, Alex Trebek, you're in that fraternity. Yeah, I am. Yeah. It's interesting to see somebody get so personally involved in the personal fortunes of the contestants.

Well, I think this goes back. This is the circle of this whole discussion. It's empathy. It goes back to the most sensitive people I know and the most delicate people I know as far as sensitivity are comics. And the harsher those comics are, the more sensitive they are when you get to know them. They don't want you to know them.

They usually hide because that's fear and sensitivity hurts and being attached to your public and being attached to people. We have a small circle of family and friends and that we get attached to and hopefully who surround us with love and we coddle them and we stay.

When you look at Gilbert as a son and as a brother, there's nobody better. You go to other people who are offended by these words and they haven't talked to a sibling, they don't talk to their parents, they've left their wives, but you go talk to somebody who speaks harshly and they're the ones that, when you look at what life really, what really matters, they're the ones that take care of business the best way possible. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history.

Thornton Prince was a ladies' man. To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. How about that, Gilbert?

Yeah. This has turned into a testimonial. I know. I'm waiting to see myself lying on a casket. Is this the worst episode yet? No. No, it's different. It's your right thing.

Very interesting and honest. Tell us one thing about Norman Lloyd, about working with the great Norman Lloyd. I just saw him. I just had lunch. We can't get to do this show, by the way. He just had his birthday. 104.

104. Just stopped playing tennis like three years ago. Judd Apatow told us he was, up until like a year ago, he would drive himself to the set, that he was still driving. So Judd, because he knows that I worked with him, Judd Apatow told us he was up until like a year ago, he would drive himself to the set that he was still driving. So Judd, because he knows that I worked with him, Judd took me and Norman to lunch. I went two weeks ago to lunch with Norman. I said to Norman, like, why did you stop playing tennis?

He said he went to this few years back. He swung for a ball and his legs gave out and he just fell on his face. And they rushed him to the hospital. And he said, doctor, you know, my legs gave out. What's wrong? And the doctor said, you're fucking 100 years old. Nothing. That's called being 100 years old.

Nothing's wrong. I can't fix 100. Did he regale you guys with stories about Keaton and Chaplin and Hitchcock? That's amazing. From the time I met him, he was on St. Elsewhere with me, for those that don't know. Yes, always. But here's a guy that worked

face-to-face with Charlie Chaplin. Here's a guy that works with Alfred Hitchcock. Here's the guy. And he is, even though he can't play tennis, the most witty, the most, he's so with it right now. And he could tell you these stories as if these stories happened yesterday in detail. And it's just amazing. And what a treasure to have somebody that you've got to get.

He won't do the podcast. We asked him twice. I know he's done a handful of them. Well, you've got to make it easy. Are you willing to go to him? Absolutely. We'll send an engineer right to his house. I think the key is don't ask. Yeah, just show up. Just show up. Say, can I talk to you for a minute? Dude, it was a meal.

Of course, we're still trying to get Screech from Saved by the Bell to do this. Isn't he incarcerated? Yeah. Is he still in jail? I don't know. Yeah. Is he? I know. That was a perfect name for a little skinny guy in prison. Because that must be the sound coming out of the showers now. What is that

screech? Do you want to talk Howie about taking over? You are now the co-owner of Just for Laughs? Yeah. I'm very excited about that. I never dreamed. I never dreamed. First of all, you know, I got into comedy on a dare. And I was for most of my, you know, I don't have a GED.

And I was a ne'er-do-well. And now, it's really hard for me to say, but I am an owner, a partner in a festival. It's very cool. People say, what do you, a partner in a festival. It's very cool. People say, what do you do? I have a festival. I have a festival. I am in charge of a festival. I'm very festive.

I've never heard of anybody. I've never met anybody that had a festival. But Just for Laughs is the consummate mecca for everything comedy. Gilbert, you've been there umpteen times. Oh, yeah. And people were discovered there. Tim Allen. Oh, sure.

Lots of people. And everybody who's anybody from all over the world has played there. Two million people go through it. It's in Montreal every July. Two million people go through. And now it's expanded. There's a satellite festival in Toronto, Vancouver, Sydney. And my take on what I would like to do is I don't want to change it.

I just want to make it more known outside of the comedy world. We know, even if you're not really into music, there isn't anybody that's not heard of Coachella and there's not anybody that doesn't know, you know, what Woodstock was. So you want to expand

its reach a little bit and its visibility? they haven't, they haven't, you know, as we've, you know, kind of shit on social media now,

I want to embrace social media. It's not too late. Yeah, I want to embrace, you know, you know that a Coachella Beyonce did the, had the number one rated YouTube performance in the history of YouTube out of Coachella. I just think we have all these comics there.

There are so many, whether we embrace Twitch or Twitter or Instagram or Facebook Live, there are so many things we could do or combining game. or combining game, just expand the knowledge that the home of comedy and where it kind of is celebrated more than any other place in the world is Montreal. And it is just for laughs. Neil Berkeley, by the way, who we were talking about, who made Gilbert's Doc, is doing a show for Amazon called Inside Jokes. I'm in it. And you're in it. Yes.

We'll give Neil a plug too. Okay, yes. Which follows Hopefuls, Seven Hopefuls. Yeah, because I think that there is, you know, there was that, jokes i mean then you're in it yes we'll give neil a plug too okay yes follows hopefuls seven hopefuls yeah because i think that there is you know there was that what was the movie last year with the guy the indian guy who had the wife who got sick big sick the big sick yeah i think the b story was he was trying out to be on jfl you know that's right that was the insight that's what he was showcasing for and that's what he was trying to do. That's right.

So it is a known commodity, and our take, so the Amazon has Neil's show. I think we shot something like, for international purposes, 13 different Netflix specials, not necessarily in English, for all over the world.

So we just want to launch things out of there internationally so people go, oh, kind of like what my template or my analogy is, kind of like what National Lampoon was in the 70s. Yeah, wouldn't that be great? Everything that was National Lampoon, we know it as a magazine, but you also know National Lampoon's vacations, so it could be movies and specials. That's what JFL should be. Great.

I hope that happens. I look forward to that. You have so many cards. I know. Some of them, to be fair, are left over from the last time. I was in Montreal with Gilbert one time, and we were in a bar. Uh-oh. You know this story?

I don't know. This is the one where we were sitting in the restaurant and it was a Spanish name if it was and two women come in and they're beautiful and whoa and like five minutes later three women come in prettier than the last two and five minutes later four women come in pretty and this keeps on going it's like a joke like there's just this restaurant of beautiful women. And Gilbert goes, how do we meet them? And I said, buy him a drink. And Gilbert goes, what's plan B? Perfect.

Perfect. You could have sent some tap water on me, Gilbert. Great story. Tell us one more thing about Blake Edwards. If a funny story comes to mind. Anything? A Blake Edwards story? Love Richard Mulligan, too, in that movie.

Oh, he was great. Yeah, it was a fine mess. You guys are fun. Yeah, it was fun. You know, I don't really know how, you know, the movie didn't do well, but it kind of launched me in movies as far as at that time in the 80s. I made a concerted effort to not do any more movies. You worked with two comedy icons, Melvin Frank, too, as well as Blake Edwards. But I didn't enjoy the process.

You didn't enjoy the experiences. No, I didn't like, Blake Edwards aside, because I was in L.A., I didn't like the idea of going someplace on location for three months, doing a patchwork, you know, each and every day, not getting an immediate response. It made me incredibly neurotic because I never left at the end of the day.

Maybe I should have said it like this. Maybe I should have done it like that. And not seeing and not having any control. I'm a control freak, you know, not having any control. And then a year later it would come out. I just didn't like it. It wasn't fun sitting in the train. It didn't like it. It wasn't fun. Sitting in the train. It was just so slow.

It was so isolated. It was so – it's everything that I hate. Every reason I love everything else I do didn't exist in movie making. Interesting. I didn't like – it was okay on St. Elsewhere because St. Elsewhere, I was part of an ensemble cast, so I'd come in for two days a week, and three days a week I'd be on the road, and I had a couple lines, and I did it, and it was television,

and a few weeks later you'd see it on TV. You'd have to sequester yourself for three or four months at a stretch. And you don't sit in a trailer for six hours. You go there and do it. You did a lot of movies, Gilbert. Do you like that process? Yeah. hours you know you go there and do it you did a lot of movies gilbert did you like do you like that process yeah it's um i well i remember i think edward g robinson said i don't get paid for the acting i get paid for waiting around you know it's funny that he said that and that's how i feel about stand-up comedy you know stand-up comedy I do for free. What you're paying me for is to get on a plane,

leave L.A. and leave my family, and live in a hotel, but my moment that I'm on stage, even if it's an hour, if it's 70 minutes or whatever, that's free. Everything leading to that is a little bit, is tough.

Stormy Daniel said the same thing. How did you like doing a sitcom, John? Was that a difficult transition too, the sitting around? Coming from stand-up? No, because I was the exec producer. I wrote on it, and I starred in it. So I was constantly doing something. Was it called the second half on NBC?

Yes, it sure was. Second half, yeah. So I was constantly doing something. Was it called the second half on NBC? Yes. Sure was. Second half, yeah. So I was constantly busy to the point where I would have to wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to do East Coast radio. And then I would have to go to work and I would have to go to writer's room for a couple of hours and hang out there. Then I'd have to go on stage. And then I would have to go into audition period. And then I'd have to go to the writer's room for a couple of hours and hang out there. Then I'd have to go on stage. And then I would have to go into audition period. And then I'd have to go back on stage again.

Then back on. That was, when it ended, I kind of wanted it to go on. Because who didn't want it? You know, it was a lot of fun. But there was also that part of me that was going, I would have killed myself. Exhaustion. I mean, I don't know how Seinfeld did it. I mean, his office't know how Seinfeld did it.

I mean, his office was next to mine, and he was shoving down power bars and stuff like that, and fortunately he had someone great like Larry David to bounce off of, but it was a beating. It was a serious beating. Yeah. I don't understand people who go on vacation not vacation i don't understand people who go on location for like two years to shoot a movie and it's like you know it's just out there and it's like and then when the movie comes out it's like you know three people see it and it's forgotten

about but even if it's big you know i remember at the time you and me were going out and we were doing movies and tom hanks he was doing the bachelor party it was like around the same time and those were in la and they were easier but then he had a family you know tom hanks had a family and he did brilliant uh academy award winning performances but can you imagine i wouldn't and that's why he deserves the the accolades he gets you know when what was that one where he was stranded on the island uh castaway castaway you know he had the number one you know not really dying with his family because he had to lose all that weight then he had to go live for months and months and months.

Twice he had to go there because they shot half the movie before he got stranded. He made another movie. Yeah, he went and did another movie. So I'm just saying that's a big – he deserves awards, and he deserves the accolades because you really have to make a choice that this – for me, comedy is part of my life. For me, hosting is part of my life. For me, hosting is part of my life. For me, festival is part of my life. But first and foremost for me, and I think for you now, is family.

You know, and that's what keeps me sane and that's what keeps me alive. I've heard you say the only place you don't feel anxiety is when you're performing. Well, I need it. You know, I said it's my panacea and whether it's laughter it's the thing is it's because i got so much shit going on in my head and i suffer from anxiety and depression and things like that when you're in the moment when you don't have that much of a plan or when you're on stage and you have to think of the next you're not thinking or worrying or caring or you know and that's the kind of thing that allowed Gilbert more than me to cross the line because you're not thinking. You're engaged.

Being in the moment, you're totally engaged and you're not thinking. And it's in those quiet moments when the shit hits the fan and you're not doing anything that it's really hard to cope. You both agree with that? Is that the most peaceful time on stage? For me, every time's horrible. I feel miserable flying to the job. You do. I feel miserable on stage.

Do you feel miserable on stage in the moment? Oh, but you know what? I was thinking when you were saying how the quiet moments, it's like, is there anything more sadder and depressing and suicidal than lying in bed in the middle of the night? No, that's what I'm saying. So that's what I'm saying. After a gig specifically? No.

Or just in general? Oh, quiet is not, there's nothing going, so there's nothing going on around you. There's nothing going on around you. It's like people go in, they say it's really good that people who meditate, they go into that, what do you call those tubes that they go in, they lie in the dark and they float? Oh, the isolation chambers. Oh, yeah. But that's what night feels like. Sensory deprivation. But that's what night feels like.

So when it's dark and when it's quiet and when I'm not sleeping, which is I have trouble with. So what happens? Nothing good. Nothing good happens in my head. But if I'm on stage. John agrees. I live alone. So at least he can get into a fight with his wife and go, hey, you're fat tonight. And she'll go, fuck you, and they'll argue for an hour and a half.

I got to yell at me for fucking nine hours. So that on stage, even if you're doing what you've done a million times, you've got to think about what you're going to do next. You've got to do that. It's an easier time, is it not? Yeah. Well, it's so funny, all the thoughts that happen to you when you're on stage where you're going,

oh, now I go to this next part. This next part of the joke never quite works. Right. But that busyness that's going on in your head is easier for you to survive than lying in bed with no, you've got no. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's horrible. So people would say when you're off work, if I'm lying in bed

and I got no responsibility but just to lie here, that is hard to survive. But standing there in front of a couple of hundred or a couple thousand strangers thinking this next piece probably doesn't work, it doesn't work. That's an easier, comfortable place for everybody. And, you know, I just this a different topic. and you know i i just this a different topic but it's funny because you know frank comes here with all like a billion index cards and his writing looks like it was a professional print place that i did it i've never seen anybody like personally have a font? Thank you, Howie. And the first time we had you on the podcast, I had two crumpled pieces of paper. Yeah, like it was a grocery list. Yeah, and I could barely make it out.

It would be like hot water and stuff like that. And it was misspelled and sloppy. And it was misspelled and sloppy. And I was having, and this is what always stuck with me, because I guess it's mental illness too. You looked at Frank's notes and you looked at mine and. Yours were more like mine. Yeah.

You looked at this and you said, see, this makes total sense to me. Well, you use the term mental illness and I call it mental health. I don't think we're ill. I think that whatever our health is, you know, it's like you have to, and this is the, you know, this is my little soapbox. You know, I don't think there's anybody alive. You know, we talk about it out loud and maybe we act out loud in a way that allows people to say, you know, this guy's insane. This guy's crazy. This guy doesn't have a line that he won't step over. This guy, you know, is inappropriate. The truth is there isn't anyone alive that doesn't need coping skills. And until we, you know, recognize that and make that part of our curriculum, until we are comfortable and we have humility and we can make that our mental health as important as our dental health.

Like people go, you send your kids every year to go get a checkup. Look, no cavities. Nobody is sent to just answer questions as a five-year-old, as a six-year-old. And all this shit we're dealing with in life, you know, they're taking away jobs from people like you and me. And people are complaining about you and me. And they always look for another thing or they complain about guns. It's mental health.

Mental health is the answer to every single problem in this world. When people become fanatical about whether the religion, when they become angry, when they become depressed, depending on how you're dealing with a relationship, the breakup of a relationship, how do you deal coping with raising children, how do you cope with productivity? That could be a coping skill that

frank has there's five million fucking cards in front of him i've never saw when he put out these notes i said i'll do a podcast this is i don't know if he was considering doing a 24-hour howie mandel there aren't even that many questions i've been in this business for 40 years. I have not been asked that many questions that you have written down. Well, these give me options. If you want to talk about saying elsewhere, we go over there. If you want to talk about the movies, we can do that. You know you have issues. I know.

And it's organization. I also over-prepare. Right. Just in case. But we all have our thing. That's it. You know, if it wasn't for mental health, if it wasn't for comedy, we would have been dead 40 years ago. Oh, yeah.

Definitely. The first time you walked into Catcher in the Rye, I'll bet you got a hard-on like you never had before. Yeah. That was a clubhouse. That was your place where, holy shit, I belong someplace. And that's what kept you alive. Me, him. there was the the safest place we'd ever been we never fit in any place else before and this for the first time in our

fucking life we can say all that crazy shit in our head and get away with it in my early days at the clubs i remember thinking you know if they could if i could get on and every one of the clubs. I remember thinking, you know, if I could get on at every one of the clubs a few times a night and do it the entire night, I dreamt about that. I thought I would do that. I know. If the clubs were 24 hours a day, I would go and perform 24 hours. I thought the same way, and I still kind of still do that. I'll drop in on the clubs. You know that. You've been with me. And I need to be there. And it was never, you know, I'm very lucky. And I've had some success and people, and I've got, you know, some notoriety. And people pay me.

But the truth of the matter is that's not, I didn't give a shit. And when I showed up, I just wanted stage time. I just wanted to do that. And if nobody knew who I was, I swear to you, it wouldn't matter, and if nobody was giving me a paycheck, it wouldn't matter. I'd be happy being a waiter all day and being able to go all night and stand on stage

and have people laugh and kind of relate to what I'm saying. As long as you didn't have to hang out with yourself. I just don't want to go afterwards and lie like Gilbert alone in the dark. Thank God all you guys found an outlet. And survived. Howie Plugs. Deal or no deal. America's Got Talent.

Howiemandel.com Yes. Deal or no deal is the big thing now. It's going to premiere December 3rd on NBC. The biggest. It's a holiday special. It hasn't been on for 10 years, and we've got a big holiday special.

And then it moves to CNBC starting December 3rd. But December 5th is the first one. So watch that. Groovy. John, anything to plug? No. We had to ask. You made the trip.

You're good. I am good. Last thing is... You should say you're working on a special in Holland. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yes. I'm working on a special in Holland.

Last thing is just for fun, Gilbert Trivia. You and Howie both played the same character, the same fictional character. Do you know who it is? Was it Miss Jess Picklick? Very good. Yeah. Very good. Very good.

And so I guess we got to. That's it. Okay. You know, by the way, before you forget, you fucking cost me a fortune. How? Oh, let's hear this. One night he's talking to Deirdre in the comedy club, and I said, I'm dating that girl.

And he goes, she's crazy. Get away from her. Don't stay away from her. I married her and had two kids with her. And every so often you would pop into my fucking head going, walk away. Walk away. So can I replug my date? Yes.

Yeah, brother. December 5th. December 3rd. Yes. That's where I was doing it backwards. December 3rd. It's on NBC. We'll get this episode.

A big holiday special. Just in time. So right before that. Okay. Put this up December 2nd. You bet. Okay. December 3rd.

Even if it's not a Monday. Oh, it's Monday? We only put the show up Monday. Is that a Monday? We got it worked out. So if it's next week, what is December 3rd? What day of the week is that? So next Monday. Yep.

Next Monday, a week today on NBC after 10 years. December 3rd, you've got to watch it. Deal or no deal, it's a holiday special. And then you watch at the end of that, it'll tell you December 5th, it comes on CNBC.

You bet, buddy. Thank you. You got it. Gilly? Well, this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. Once again, recorded at Earwolf with our engineer, Frank Ferdarosa.

And this would have been a good interview if John Mendoza had kept his mouth shut and couldn't just try to take over every fucking second of the show. Anyway. Sorry. We've been talking to our pal, the great Howie Mandel. Thanks, gents. I've dropped the great for my name. Thanks for coming in. I never got to my real-life Sea Monkeys court.

I meant to say the late Howie Mandel. Thanks, fellas. Thank you. Thank you. Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast is produced by Dara Gottfried and Frank Santopadre, with audio production by Frank Verderosa. Web and social media is handled by Mike McPadden, Greg Pair, and John Bradley-Seals. Special audio contributions by John Beach.

Special thanks to John Fodiatis, John Murray, and Paul Rayburn. Thank you.