Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 243. David Yazbek

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

Gilbert and Frank are joined by Emmy-winning writer and Tony-winning composer David Yazbek ("The Full Monty," "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels," "The Band's Visit") for a funny and freewheeling conversation about the golden age of kiddie show hosts, the comedy albums of Spike Jones and Allan Sherman, the long-lost era of Top 40 radio and the trials (and triumphs) of composing music for the Broadway stage. Also, Jerry Lewis goes to therapy, Larry David whistles a happy tune, Gilbert remembers Kathleen Freeman and David weighs in on the "Baby, it's Cold Outside" controversy. PLUS: Umm Kulthum! "The Sammy Maudlin Show"! "Richard Kind Theater"! Moe Howard meets Officer Joe Bolton! And David critiques Gilbert's "musical" abilities! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Buy it today at major retailers. This is David McCallum and you're listening to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and our engineer, Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is a man of many, many talents. He's a musician, songwriter, recording artist, record producer, Emmy-winning comedy writer, and Tony-winning and Grammy-nominated composer. He's released five solo albums of original music and worked with such diverse artists as Queen, Tito Puente, and XTC. He's composed commercial jingles, music for popular TV shows like Boardwalk Empire, and

composed the theme song to Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? theme song to Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Hell, he's even won an Emmy for writing on Late Night with David Letterman. But it's his work on the Broadway stage that's brought him the most attention and, let's face it, the most tail. As the composer of hit musicals such as The Full Monty, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, Bombay Dreams, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and The Band's Visit, for which he was awarded the Tony and Drama Desk Award for Best Original Score. Both Frank and I saw that show, and now we know why he won the Tony and why he's getting laid like a fiend. like a fiend.

In a still young career, he's already worked with people like Larry David, John Lithgow, David Letterman, Salma Hayek, Paul Rudd, Patti LuPone, and our buddy Richard Kind, and yes,

even Kathleen Freeman. His new musical, an adaptation of the Broadway winning film Tootsie. The what winning film? Oh, Oscar winning. I give up. It was so good they gave it an entire avenue. They gave it a thoroughfare.

His Oscar winning film, fuck it all. His Oscar-winning film, ah, fuck it all. Two, his new musical, an adaptation of the Oscar-winning film Tootsie, makes its Broadway debut in the spring of 2019. And, of course, I'll be hitting him up for free tickets. Please welcome to the show a musical renaissance man, a big fan of this very podcast

and God help him, a fan of my stand-up comedy, our pal David Yazbek. I wouldn't say I'm your pal. But otherwise, everything... a couple of inaccuracies I never worked with Queen

I don't know why that's on the internet but it is that's interesting and then Bombay Dreams is something I wasn't you're not supposed to know that I helped with

a little bit well it's on everything I don't care it's you know I'm glad people know why are you why are you credited with working with Queen

so basically can I just say David Yazbek hasn't done shit. That is a more appropriate introduction. Why are you connected with Queen? I produced a band called Queen Sarah Saturday. And someone just got it wrong, you know, 15 years ago.

So it's up there. Gilbert, I brought you something. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, he loves a guest that brings gifts. I brought you,. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, he loves a guest that brings gifts. I brought you, I was at a hotel recently. So I brought you some soap, unused, shampoo, some bath and shower gel. They had the nice little kit with the sewing stuff.

Excellent. And some pads for your ass or for your face. And then I happened to, I only used one of them, some glycerin suppositories. Oh! He only used one. When we're done with this, you're going to need one more. He only used one. Oh, this is excellent.

Wow. It's Christmas, so Hanukkah. That was nice of you, David. I promise not to start crying on the air. Thank you. I wouldn't know what to do. So few guests bring gifts. Well, yes.

They're assholes and I'm not. That's what we're learning here. And that's why the suppository. Do you mind if I just start by filleting Gilbert? Go right ahead. No, no. Mario Cantona already did that. So you're done.

Mario just left. Cantona already did that. Mario just left. So I worked at Letterman in the first two years that it was on NBC, late night. And you were on. And when I knew I was coming on, something triggered in my pea brain. And I remembered the phrase, tepid cheese. Oh, yes.

And I was like, tepid cheese. And then I started remembering the bit. You came on and you said to the audience, thank you, thank you. You're saying, thank you. I want to take you home. I want to take you home and string you up by your feet. And then it went on to there.

And smear cheese on you. Tepid cheese. And then you went into the thing about black wax, cheese with the black wax. And then so I looked it up on YouTube. It's there. And it's just such a thrill to be looking at you in person. Do you remember doing specifically the teppid cheese, Gil?

Believe me, there's no such a thing as, remember that bit you used to do? I'm still up there going, hey, how many of you love Robert Mitchum? You were telling me on the phone that you even perhaps you remember the first time you saw him at the comic strip. I couldn't remember. Or was it the old Carolines?

It was either the comic strip or the old Carolines. I actually performed at the comic strip? I couldn't remember if it was the old Carolines. I actually performed at the comic strip when I very short-lived duet, like a comedy duet with some music. It was terrible. We did a few gigs and one of them was there. You and Ted Greenberg. No, this was – yes, it was me and Ted. That's right. Ted Greenberg was my writing partner on Letterman.

I don't think it was at the same night, but I think it might have been the comic strip. And, yeah, it was just a mind-blowing experience. So I'm just a lifelong fan of yours. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your contribution to my very diseased brain. What was your stand-up act like? Because I didn't ask you that on the phone.

It was dicey. You know, we did a song called Gay Gaucho, really politically incorrect. Gay Gaucho. You know, I don't even remember what the actual back-and-forth comedy stuff was. It was just a way to get up on stage and not be scared because you're a real comedian doing a solo.

And then you sort of thought, oh, well, there's permission to do that because of Franken and Davis. But we shouldn't have had permission to do it. Really? You weren't feeling it? We weren't feeling it, but we were good writers. And later we wrote on Letterman, and it was fun. And you say you don't understand Cesar Romero. No. No, I think I do.

Yeah? He's got insight. I've been thinking about it a lot. Like why do you want – now maybe it's a fool's errand to start thinking about what – why does certain things turn on – turn people on. Yeah. But I was really trying to use sense memory to sort of get into Cesar Romero's head, so to speak. Or into his ash. Deeply.

I'm going to recap for new listeners. Okay. Yes. Go ahead. I'll let Gilbert do it. Cesar Romero. He was, you know, in movies he was a Latin lover. And more famously, he was the Joker in the batman series but in real life he was gay

not that there's anything wrong with that and um he his thing that he was into was to pull down his pants and underwear and surround himself with these young boy toys, and they'd be instructed to fling orange wedges at his ass. You've got to wonder who was doing the instructing. Was there a lackey who would explain the rules? Burgess Meredith in his penguin outfit would instruct them. There may have been a houseboy. There may have been an aide-de-camp. Some argue it was tangerine slices.

And one person even said that Cesar Romero would stand ankle deep in warm water. Yeah, but those are Philistines, the people who think that. Oh, that was one of your guests added that, right? Yeah. It's grown. The legend has grown. Well, I've thought about it because, and I understand why someone might think, oh, tangerine, because that's easily peeled, easily turned into wedges. But I don't think so.

I think it was cut oranges. Now, so I was imagining standing there surrounded by, you know, hopefully boy toys with good throwing arms. Yes. You know, because you don't want them just dinking it at you. No. So I think that there was something about the, and I do think it needed the peel. I think there was something about the splatter effect, the pain, the little bit of pain, that feeling that maybe there's something organic hitting you.

Interesting. And then I can imagine, almost imagine that coming in a wreck. Should that be an entire orange? No. And I'll tell you why. Interesting. And then I can imagine, almost imagine that becoming an erection. Should that be an entire orange? No. And I'll tell you why. And this is the other part of the story. I just saw a really highfalutin, high class movie called The Favorite. Oh, the Emma Stone

picture. The Emma Stone picture. And there's a scene. I heard they talk about it. Yes. And I'm suing them for plagiarism maybe you should go see it first or maybe just see this that scene it's a it's a it's kind of a a very pasty fat uh english man with a with a wig like an 18th century wig but otherwise he's naked and a bunch of other guys in wigs are just winging whole oranges at him and i realized that isn't satisfying until the orange splats and breaks you can guarantee it if you cut it up

that you're going to get the wetness the orange the splat that's fuck them they stole it from me okay you're right you deserve i'm glad you put so much thought into this that's it i'm done i mean i we've never had a guest that debated this. No. That really broke this down this way. Do you think he ever had a coconut thrown at his head? I'm going to send you a still picture from a Love Boat episode where he's... Cesar Romero is actually reaching for a tray of oranges.

And I made my wife stop the TV so that I can run and get my phone and take a picture of it. I want to see the facial expression. Well, when we met, I should say, when you and I met, we were working on this CBS project. And you flattered us because you wore an orange wedge pin to the proceedings. That was my, I mean, what a lovely gift. That was your gift to me. You didn't know it, but yeah. Yeah, I've lost it since then, so I'd like another one.

We can hook you up. I actually wore it to some award ceremony or something, and it just fell off because it wasn't on well. You're saying our merch is poorly constructed. I think that's what I'm saying. We put out cheap merch. I'm trying to figure out how to sue you for that. Our friend Michael Weber wore it to the Oscars, which thrilled us to no end. That's nice.

And he didn't win. Asshole. Loser. I'll wear it to the Grammys. Yeah, tell us about the Grammy nomination. Bands Visit cast album, which I produced with Dean Sharon. Congratulations. Thank you.

It's actually a great album. I'm very proud of it as an album, not just the show. And so, you know, the, the award that, that category, they give you at 9am or something. And it, you, so you'll,

you won't see me on television, but I'll wear the pin. Listen, we'll take it. And you are a fan of like the same, and you saw the same TV, Kitty TV host that we grew up. Oh,

of course. Of course. Yeah. Captain Jack. Yeah. Captain Jack. Yeah. And Captain Jack would show the Popeye cartoons. Yes. Captain Jack McCarthy.

Three bells and all is well. Yes. Yes. Very good. And he would end the show with, well, time and tide wait for no man. And then there was Officer Joe Bolton. Sure. Who would do the swing, the night stink. Swing the swing the thing you know he was a pig and he would

he would show the three stooges yep and i think it would be like like you know monday and wednesday would be curly and tuesday and thursday shimp and then like whatever day was left, Joe Bessa. But I have a memory of, and maybe I just heard it on this show, but I have a memory of seeing the depressing old Mo on one of their shows. Yes, he was. He was. I remember. I was a little kid, and I was watching it, and all of a sudden my mother was in the kitchen

and I started yelling out it's Mo! Mo is on! Which he did even when he didn't. Mo what? When did you become a black mother? And he had his hair down you know in bangs.

Was it around the era where he co-hosted on the Mike Douglas show. Yes. Which you can see on YouTube. I saw that. I remember that. Old Bo. My father likes to tell me that my first words, this is another flashback to New York television, or maybe it was national, when I was whatever you are, one and a half or something.

It wasn't mama. It wasn't dad. It was Diver Dan. Do you remember that? I remember Diver Dan. Those really cheap puppets. Yeah, just hanging there, these fish puppets hanging in front of him. Somehow he could talk to them through the helmet.

That's a very old memory. Yeah. So that's a nice boring memory for the listeners. Yeah, do you remember Beachcomber Bill, though? Yes. Does anybody remember him? Yeah, but only from only... And Sandy Becker.

Of course I remember Sandy Becker. Do you know Sandy Becker. Of course I remember Sandy Becker. Do you know Sandy Becker one time combed his hair. He showed how to make a part in your hair. And for a while after that I used to comb my hair with a part.

My hair was longer and I would comb it out, make the part and then brush it. Thanks to Sandy Becker. Thanks to Sandy Becker. Thanks to Sandy Becker. I'm having a false memory that I saw that, I think. With Norton Nork. He played Norton Nork. Wow.

And Iba Giba. Yes. Holy cow. Yes, yes, yes. And Sonny Fox. You hear what Sonny Fox... Sonny Fox was a guest on this show. Yeah, I heard it. He was amazing. Amazing.

His stories are incredible. Yeah. You know. I wasn't expecting anything. No. That Sonny Fox brought to the show. The Wondorama host turns out was a, you know, this amazing life.

A World War II guy. Did you want to get on Wondorama? Yes, of course. Everybody. And I had friends who did, and I was very jealous of them. How'd they get on? They must have known me.

They blew Sonny Fox. Or Bob McAllister. Yeah, Bob McAllister. I'm pretty sure someone blew Bob McAllister. Does anybody here have an aardvark? Which is one of those songs that just shouldn't be in my head. Never leave. Yeah, never leave.

What was the thing you told me about you and Bob McAllister? Something about... You know, I grew up in New York City on the Upper West Side mostly and I just have this memory of being in the park and I don't remember how old I was 8 years old or something, and there was Bob McAllister

and he was playing Frisbee, I guess with his kids like maybe he had two sons and I was with a friend and we just sort of entered the Frisbee game, but he was winging that – he was winging it like to adults. You know, like it was a dangerous – there was anger. And I felt like this is an angry man. Maybe he didn't like kids.

That's what I'm thinking. Did you go in for all the sort of the Million Dollar Movie and all that New York programming? Well, the Million Dollar Movie is like – Chiller theater? Like I almost start crying when I think of the credits at the beginning because they use the Gone with the Wind theme. Way before I ever saw Gone with the Wind

But instead of the Civil War what you'd see is this black and white New York, so romantic these taxi lights and a skyline or something. And it just like, it still gives me the chills. And I think it was the Channel 5 News that used the music from Cool Hand Luke. That's actually.

Very good. That's from Magnificent Seven. But Cool Hand Luke was like. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. perfect for the news then you watch Cool Hand Luke and it sort of ruins those moments

it does you're going wait why are they playing the news theme is that Max Steiner that Taurus theme

that Gone With The Wind theme oh maybe yeah certainly not the Cool Hand Luke that was probably Jerry Goldsmith

Max Steiner did the King Kong theme Max Steiner did everything I'm guessing it was him I might be miss Goldsmith Max Steiner did the King Kong thing Max Steiner did everything I'm guessing it was him I might be misspeaking Max Steiner was the one who Betty Davis said

in Dark Victory you know she said look at the end when she goes up the stairs she goes

look either I'm going up that staircase or Max is going up that staircase you know like just the idea that she knew exactly what he would do as she was going up the staircase.

Speaking of kiddie show hosts, we also had Chuck McCann here. Yeah, he was great. A man that I met. Tell me about that because that's interesting. Well, you know, I sort of idolized him. Even as a little kid, I could appreciate the quality, that sort of improvisational quality of every day coming up with this stuff. Can you imagine? No.

And putting these little white discs in your eye and saying, I'm Little Orphan Annie, and then there's a theme song. Yeah. Little Orphan Annie never had a mammy. She was a something little girl with her hair in it. And I remember Dick Tracy. He was the arm of the law. Dick Tracy. He had a bulldog jaw.

Dick Tracy, better do what he say. Crime doesn't never pay. Yeah, there's a lyric. Chuck was working hard to turn that stuff out. But my parents had a house in Salt Air in Fire Island when I was little, and there was a McCann family out there, and on one magical summer weekend,

this yacht pulls up to our dock, not a yacht-type dock, and not only is it a yacht, it's Chuck McCann's yacht. So there was Chuck McCann, you know. It was just a thrill. Alan alda came to the same little little town in like 19 in the midst of the mash thing i heard your interview was great with alan alda and i thought of that and i just thought he he got off the ferry boat and from the moment he got off the ferry boat till two days later when he got

on the ferry boat everything he, there was 35 people saying, Alan Alda's going to play tennis. Alan Alda's going to the grocery store. Oh, jeez. Poor guy. Poor guy. Well, he's got a weird relationship with that kind of celebrity,

as you would, because we mentioned it on the show. His face was more recognizable to students than Abe Lincoln, which disturbed him deeply. And the guy couldn't do anything. Yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast.

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Was that earled out? This is of limit, yeah. With this show, it's actually I think it's very interesting, actually. When I was we can talk about Alan Sherman because that's like a massive influence for me we love to talk about Alan Sherman

so even as a little kid I would hear Alan Sherman and you know sort of be fascinated by it but there was the record that you've talked about a lot the first family was you know one of the first records that was a giant gold record comedy record

Vaughn Meter so Earl Dowd was the sort of force behind that. He was one of the writers and producers of that, maybe the writer, the main writer. And he wrote a lot of different stuff. Talented guy. Very talented guy, big, just very fat and very tall. And he had a little goatee.

And he was a friend of my parents in the same place, on the beach out on the island. And I'm just remembering his townhouse. He made so much money on that album, and he was one of those guys who just spent it. Yeah, that album was a juggernaut. It was a juggernaut. I heard that Alan Sherman, he's one of those people who is not prepared for fame in any way. Well, that's a tragic story.

Yeah. The Earl Dowd story is less tragic because he was already – he was married happily. But he bought weird things like a kinkajou, which is like a – He bought a kinkajou. Yeah, a creature from Australia, like a nocturnal creature that bit my father. But the Earl Dowd story is simply that his next album was called Spiro Tiagno is a Riot, and I used to listen to that,

and that was funny. With Stanley Myron Handelman. With Stanley Myron Handelman. Yes! Wow! And then the next album he did, or maybe it was the Spiro Tiagno one, my dad took me to the recording session. So they do two sessions, usually there's an audience.

It was in a big studio in New York city. And for me, it was a big moment because a, it was really smart comedy. I was probably eight, you know, and I'm just, and I was already like, there were two things that were fascinating to me and one was comedy and the other was music. But in this case, it was this recording recording studio so i got to see these people with microphones and this amazing studio with a grand piano and uh it it sticks in my mind very clearly as a major point for me of wanting to be in studios wanting to be around comedy wanting to be around music pat mccormick was on that album too. Alan Sherman, like everything that he liked before, now he could get much like eating and drinking. And screwing.

I mean, like he probably, I doubt he had a lot of luck. I mean, I think he was married and sort of in that sort of line of just straight life kind of. Yeah. And then boom, just massive. I think it was the fame even more than the fortune because he was already producing television shows and making money but that fame all of a sudden that glow that false glow that you get and he couldn't deal with it but he was still a brilliant brilliant man yeah you folks were playing those albums in the house they had my son the folk

singer and i had a music teacher and uh it at the school that i was going to who actually played us my son the my son the nut i think the first was my son the folk singer and it's it's it's his it's a woman holding like a rubber chicken yeah and i remember hearing it and some of it i could appreciate even when i was that young, like seven. Wow. But there were some of it I didn't understand what was going on. But the audience response on the album was so genuine and so explosive that it was exciting and you couldn't help but laugh. And to me, that's – till this day, that is the bar. That is the gold standard for laughter when I'm writing for the theater, you know, for a song or something. If I hear that kind of genuine laughter, rolling laughter, explosive laughter, then I feel like – then I pat myself on the back and feel good.

That's about all that makes me feel good. That's interesting. Because he was hot enough that that laughter probably wasn't juiced, that that was legit. He was the... Well, it was legit and it was also the laughter of a group of people, mainly sort of educated Jews, that were finally hearing jokes that just totally...

Same with Mel Brooks. They were just, for the first time, hearing these jokes that, you know, a joke about having a connection in dry goods in shaker heights sure you know but it rhymes with and it's to the tune of uh you know green sleeves always doing my zelda right it is a funny thing because it's like you know there were always Jewish comics, God knows, like Marx Brothers, Benny, Burns, Burl, everybody.

But the idea of someone just where you go, oh, that guy is a Jew, like the others could have been anything. That's right. But it's like he came out and it looked like some Jewish accountant. Owned it. Well, Mickey Katz first, really. Yeah. Doing it before Sherman. Yeah, but Mickey Katz first, really. Yeah. To doing that, you know, doing it before Sherman. Yeah, but Mickey Katz was a clown.

Yes. And Alan Sherman was a satirist. Although Alan Sherman has one of my favorite singing voices. Like famously, he can't sing. That's great. But it's like a great, it's a great voice. But he was doing something, even nichols and may were doing great funny stuff and you knew if you're jewish you know that you know that mother character is sort

of jewish but they weren't using yiddishisms or jewish names you know he was just like it was just this amazing you know american folk American folk and British and European folk music. But we're now, we're going to take it and we're going to put matzo balls in it. Yeah. And Harvey and Sheila, Harvey and Sheila. My Zelda,

she took the money and ran with the tailor. Yeah. And it took me years. Now I'm listening to this stuff at the age of 10. I'm not even Jewish. So I don't get the cultural references. See, that's the other thing.

I didn't know it was a Belafonte song. The same teacher who taught us, who played that for us, also, we would all sing out of the Fireside Book of Folk Songs, which was this, kind of at the time, kind of famous compendium of folk songs from around the world. So I know all these folk songs, and some of them were the ones that Alan Sherman took. So when I heard heard you know uh he was he was tramping through the warehouse where the drapes of roth are stored yes that was like that's the best wordplay i've ever heard it's great so then again there's a gold standard you know he was a good writer too yeah because it's not easy to do that i remember the

songs on that album no it's not it's not easy to do that. I remember the songs on that album. No, it's not easy. And coming up with the idea of, you know, he aimed and he fired with his, he took careful aim with his trusty revolver. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I shot and he crumpled just like a piece halva. What synapse do you have to have firing to go there? I remember it. Little David, Suskind, please shut up.

Please don't talk. Little David, Suskind, me first. Then you talk. And that's not clever. It's just perfect cadence of a Jewish guy saying, please shut up. That's great. And you said the cultural references of a Jewish guy saying, please shut up. That's great.

And you said the cultural references of the time. I mean, a Jackie Kennedy joke would just go over. There's a Jackie Kennedy joke in my Zelda. No, it's in Jump Down, Turn Around. See how this one looks. Pick a dress of cotton. Pick a dress of cotton. That's it.

See how this one looks on me. Just like Jackie Kennedy. And just, you're with the audience. The crowd goes wild. Even now, you're like, and then you just appreciate, it's great comedy. What's wrong with us that this is what we were listening to when you were six and I was ten? You know what was strange in that time period was like they do the top five songs of the week, and they'd be like the Rolling Stones, and then there'd be Barbra Streisand,

Bob Dylan, and Frank Sinatra, and in that would be Alan Sherman. Right. Yeah, sure. Sure, I think... Or Ray Stevens doing a parody song or a humor song. Yeah, I mean, I guess the first big Alan Sherman hit was Hello, Mother, Hello, Father. Yeah.

Or maybe it was Sarah Jockman. Because there's a story that- Love that one. Every now and then in the Kennedy, in the Camelot, you'd hear John Kennedy walking down the hall singing Sarah Jockman or something like that. How's your cousin Doris? She's with William Morris. He's nice too. You know, if you have,

just to your listeners, just go online. Yeah, find them. You got this thing, you got this computer now where you can just hear anything you want. Go listen to Alan Sherman. It's the absolute, some of the best stuff ever. You can just hear anything you want. Go listen to Alan Sherman.

It's the absolute, some of the best stuff ever. And everyone agrees, you know, Al Yankovic agrees. Oh, yeah, we talked about it. Yeah, I mean, all of us who write funny songs, I mean, I write all kinds of songs, but funny songs are the hardest to write. That's one of the kings of it. And you do love a play on words in your songwriting, which I appreciate.

Thank you. I can't remember my own stuff. Although I did do one song where it's a French guy telling you that you can't polish a turd. It's from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. You can't just dress this guy up and expect that people are going to buy that he's high class. So the very end of the song,

he goes, buy him a castle, he'll still be an asshole, and nothing he'll do. So I felt like I got the little, the French thing and the asshole world. Well, Chimp in a Suit is... Yeah, Chimp in a Suit.

Yeah, that's such a song. But you've still got an ape in a suit Sprinting til wet with eau de toilette And you're still gonna get a stench Dampen him well in a quart of Chanel It won't cover the smell I should know, I'm French Take him to see

It shows almost, you could see almost an Alan Sherman influence. No question. I worked very hard on that song. And what's interesting about it is we took it out of the show after the show. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Yeah. And actually Richard Kind sang that song when he came in to the show. Can you do Richard Kind singing that song?

To mess up a monkey in Armani. He may seem precocious and cute. Despite all that primping, you still got a chimp in a suit. I remember having this argument with him. As soon as I met him, we were best friends. Everyone's like that with him. So we just start arguing.

He goes, despite all that primping, you still got a chimp in a suit. And I'm like, Richard, you're ruining. Could you help me a little bit? You don't have to put a comma there. And he's like, no, I want to put my own spin on it. I was like, no, no, no. Help me out.

Put your own spin on it. There was a lot of music in your house when you were a kid, I know. But your parents, comedy albums too? It's not like they were big comedy fans, but they didn't discourage that. I think probably I brought the Alan Sherman record home from school or something like that. Did you listen to Button Down Mind of Bob Newhart and that stuff too? I did later. The Winters?

You discovered all that stuff. I went in that phase when I was just like, I forget what age I was at. There was a point at like 16 when I just listened to every comedy record possible. I guess it probably went back from Class Clown, from Carlin. And then I was like, all right, I'm going to go. And then the Smothers Brothers and all that stuff.

Sure. And there's so much great stuff. Gil, did you buy comedy albums? Not really. I mean, I think. The Myron Cohen albums? No, no, I didn't. And, you know, there was something eerie later on about listening to comedy albums.

Because now they don't seem seem now that you're used to seeing the comic on film it's like it's something creepy about comedy albums. Oh, that's really interesting. Yeah.

Alienating kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I get it. I wouldn't I can't apply that to someone like Alan Sherman or the Smothers Brothers because it's music. Yeah. I get it. You're a't i can't apply that to someone like alan sherman or the smothers brothers

because it's music but yeah i get it you're a spike jones fan too because we were talking about that's funny that's because uh we had on joel gray and he was talking about it that's so cool which is hysterical when you listen to spike jones i mean the thing about spike jones is that's how you know, some of it's song parody. You know, it's all sort of parodies of songs. But he was able to, how can music be funny when the lyrics aren't happening? And so he was parodying the score, you know, and he had his own whole thing. And if you look at the, if you go online and you look at old live television, you know, kinescopes or whatever of Spike Jonze, it's amazing what you're watching.

You're seeing this breakneck version of Cocktails for Two with this lunatic Irish guy apparently drunk all the time from what I've read. He's like whacking this pole that has, you know, like a car horn, fivebells, and a gun, a working gun, you know, and he's the percussion. And then there's, like, a band of 12 people, a trombone player who can stand on his head while playing a solo. I know. Mickey Katz is over here. They don't do it anymore. Yeah, it's great stuff. It's a great period of show business that will never come again.

No, it won't. And his son tried to bring it back back and it just didn't. Sometime in the 70s, Spike Jonze Jr. Yeah. So fair to say as a kid, you knew you were going to take one of two directions. You knew you were going to go into music or comedy. Those were the things that were driving you at the very least.

Yes, or both. Somehow a writer, not necessarily a comedy writer, but it was pretty clear that that's how I would veer. Music, yeah, I mean, I was always in bands. Tell Gilbert some of the names of these bands, which I think he would appreciate. Oh, that I was in? Yeah.

Well, the first band that I was in, we called ourselves Pure Shit. That was my idea. And we called ourselves, it was simply so when we were done, the MC could say, ladies and gentlemen, that was pure shit. That's like from the people who gave you head.

Yes. Oh, the monkeys. The monkeys joke. Yeah, you had a band called Coke Machine. Well, in college. Moon Pudding. I didn't tell you about Coke Machine, did I? No, I don't think you told me. In college, we had a band called Coke Machine. Well, in college. Moon Pudding. I didn't tell you about Coke Machine, did I? No, I don't think you told me. In college, we had a band called Coke Machine.

It was a funk band, and it was, you know, like a mixed race, kind of seven-piece, just the coolest possible college band. And we were like the big band in Providence for a couple of years and opened for some cool people and played at some cool places. And I didn't – I wasn't a fan of cocaine, but everyone else really seemed to be in the band. What was the other one? Moon Pudding. Oh, Moon Pudding. Moon Pudding was our little jazz band in college. Again, it's a double entendre, sort of what's the mellowest food? Well, we decided pudding was the mellowest food. And the moon

is kind of mellow, but it also could refer to diarrhea discharging from your ass. Moon pudding? Yeah. Wow. Did you know where he was going with that? It's very subtle and intellectual. Thank you very much. It's like Benchley. I'd just like to mention at this juncture that

my show, The Band's Visit, won 10 Tone Awards. My subtle and moving show currently on Broadway. But I think your journey is interesting because you were forming bands. You were kind of doing your own thing. You had rock star dreams. You know, it's funny how people's careers don't take the path that they intended

it takes a circular path if you're really directed like Gilbert was then you work on your craft you do it, you do it, you do it and you just keep doing it for me it's always been this kind of serpentine to quote the good version of the in-laws, serpentine thing.

So, yeah. I mean, you couldn't imagine yourself being a Broadway composer in those days. No, no, no. Not at all. I mean – That's interesting to me. I also couldn't imagine – as much as I wanted to, I couldn't imagine being a professional comedy writer either. And I was and I was,

and I sometimes still am, you know, so yeah. And then I got a record deal. You know, the, the trajectory is weird. It's like, it's not direct. It isn't direct. I went to college, got out of college. My first job out of college was the Letterman show. You went to Brown. I went to Brown where I played in bands the whole time. Right. So, but you'd think, oh, then you get out and then you start playing in a band. But I got the Letterman gig, so that was that. And then while doing that, saving money, something that I know you're...

Gilbert's an expert at. You did bring him toiletries. I did. Free toiletries. I mean, I understand. You know. Saving the money and then buying into a recording studio and then

making demos and then getting a record deal. So, but then also still writing some pilots and, you know, like... So you always had one foot in. Even when you left Letterman, you kept a foot in. Yeah, and I sort of still do. Like, I pitched

some... I pitched a couple of TV shows last year, you know, comedies. Interesting. You know, just because they were good ideas with people I liked. So you're still doing it. Now, was The Band's Visit,

I'm all confused, was it based on a true story? No. No. No, the guy, the movie The Band's Visit is an Israeli film by Aaron Colvin.

Yeah, I saw that. It's a beautiful film and it really almost... Much better than the play. Thank you very much. And I'd like to mention, much less expensive as well. In fact, don't see the show. Just watch the movie.

But do buy the album. Yes, definitely buy the album. No, it sort of came out of his sort of... He's a wonderful writer and filmmaker, and it came out of his imagination. And you turned it down, because you like to turn things down. What?

What was your first approach? Well, I semi-turned it down, but I sort of was a little intrigued, so I went to the meeting. It was that kind of thing. But I always do that. It takes me a while to hook in. That's interesting, too. Had you seen the film when you were approached? meeting. It was that kind of thing. But I always do that. It takes me a while to hook in.

Had you seen the film when you were approached? No, I saw it after I was approached. And I loved it. But that doesn't mean it would make a good show. Right. But you made a connection to the music because of that childhood experience when you were with your dad in the taxi cab. Yeah. I mean, the most indelible experiences for me came through the ears. You know, for some people, it's like tastes, you know, like your mother's kugel, you know, although I hate kugel. So it's not even, you know, but the, it was sounds.

And when I was pretty young, like seven, I think I was, I was in Lebanon. My father's Lebanese. My mother's, the Jewish side is my mother, Arab side is my father. And his mother's half Italian, I'd I was. I was in Lebanon. My father is Lebanese. My mother is, the Jewish side is my mother. Arab side is my father. And his mother is half Italian, I'd like to throw in. Sicilian, little Sicilian. This is a very strange combination.

It is, it is. And my brain tried to come up with some joke involving circumcision and lasagna, but it says it's not going to work. It's not going to happen. Who's that guy with the show, my mother's Italian, my father's Jewish.'s not going to happen. Who's that guy with the show My Mother's Italian,

My Father's Jewish? No wonder I'm crazy! Yeah, that guy. I don't remember his name. He built an entire career out of it. I don't remember his name. Remember the commercials. Yeah. But you're in this car, in this cab in Lebanon. If you're a centaur, you can say

My mother's a human, my father's a horse. A phoenix. Of course I'm a phoenix. There's, oh, forget the name of everyone, the great rock producer. Oh, Delsner. Delsner. Ron Delsner. Yeah, we had a guest.

Yeah, Ron Delsner said that he's half Italian and half Jewish, and he said, if I can't get it for you wholesale, I'll steal it. He's been dining out on that line for about 45 years. That's great. It's a great line. If you've got to remember one line that's the one to remember if you're him. I've forgotten it already.

Oh, so I was in Lebanon and I heard this sort of weird Arabic, it was Egyptian music it turned out. It was Oum Kutum who was like bigger than Sinatra. I'm ashamed to say that until I saw the band's visit, I did not know who Oum Kutum was. That's fine. And now I'm digging it.

I have all their albums. It's a woman. It does sound like a character from like Crazy Cat. Or like Kajagoogoo, one of those bands with a nonsense name. And it wasn't necessarily, I know it was her because I remember the voice. It was just the flavor of it. And I remember asking the cab driver, what is that? And he said, you don't know.

Sure. So yeah, so I've been a fan of that genre of music as well as a lot of other genres. He said, you don't know. Sure. So, yeah. So I've been a fan of that genre of music as well as a lot of other genres too. And so I didn't like the – I enjoyed the idea of diving into that type of music. That world. And I did for several years and it was great. I think it's fascinating what you say too about hearing something and being brought back. Does your memory work that way, Gilbert? Yeah. We did these top 40. Remember we did the one hit wonder shows?

Can you remember hearing a song, hearing a hit from the 70s? Do you remember where you were? You remember everything. For someone who can't really sing, you remember everything. And incidentally, it's not that you can't sing. It's just that you have no rhythm.

You can sing. And then actually, I'm going i'm gonna i'm gonna make it i'd like to make it i just like to guess at something i actually think you probably do have rhythm but you just don't care like yeah because because i'm listening to you singing to this you know to like the uh the band in a box stuff and's a beat, and you just don't care. You're like six beats ahead. You just want to get through it. I gave David a shot at it. I wrote to him and I said,

you know, when we have musicians on the show, Gilbert likes to sing, and he writes back, what would we, and he puts in quotes, sing. Exactly. He dodged it.

I'm sorry. He shot the gun and he dodged it. Sorry about that. He dodged the bullet I'm sorry. He shot the gun and he dodged it. Sorry about that. He dodged the bullet. But like, there's a song, and you have a memory of Top 40 music. There was a song called Precious and Few. Precious and Few. That's the one.

Are the moments sweet. Yeah. You remember where you were? Absolutely. And this is freaky. I remember what I was eating and I remember which comic book I was reading. Which issue of the Fantastic Four I was reading when I decided I loved that song. I get it.

So those songs take me back. It's Proustian. That's your Madeline. There are so many weird things that break. Well, smell is a direct. It's a big one, yeah. But I'm like David. It sounds.

A lot of it comes through the ears, yeah, for me too, yeah. You know what else I find weird? Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like David. It sounds. A lot of it comes through the ears. Yeah, for me too. Yeah. You know what else I find weird? Well, being on, you know, in TV shows and movies. Oh, you're in TV shows and movies? Yeah. Yeah. I'll watch a movie or TV show I was in years ago and I'll see a scene and I'll go, yeah, I remember I was really depressed that day.

Oh, yeah. And I'll go, or I had a bad headache when I did that. I remember those things. I had something like that. We DVR'd Boys Town on TCM. Spencer Tracy? Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm watching it and it was almost violent, like a flashback to my old room on the Upper West Side, and I was sick at home. I don't know why it was on television. There was no VCRs or anything like that. And I have the memory of exactly what the light coming through the window was and how I felt. Yeah, it's kind of like when I watch a movie

or TV thing I was in, it's kind of like looking through a phone. Oh, you're talking about when you were in it? Yeah. Yes. It'll be like looking through a photo album and I'll go, I remember

that day and I'll see myself in something and I'll go, oh yeah, I remember that day, and I'll see myself in something, and I'll go, oh, yeah, I remember this happened that day. Oh, but can you remember, like, when you're seeing yourself doing a take, do you have a memory of, can you get inside your head at the time and sort of have a memory of, you know, being on that set? Yeah, yeah, sometimes that'll come back. Wow. Yeah. It's funny. Isn't that weird. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes that'll come back. Wow. Yeah.

It's funny. Isn't that weird? Yeah, it's weird. Can you remember when you would play one of your songs, because you occasionally perform live, do you remember when I wrote this, this was happening to me? Yeah, sometimes. But most of my songs I've sung so many times that I can remember it,

but I don't think about it while I'm performing. There's one or two songs, there's one in particular where there's just a lyric. It happens to be about my son, and I wrote it when he was really little. And I have to prepare myself when I'm coming up to that section because I will choke up like an amateur,

like a sissy boy amateur. There's something sweet about that. I have to talk about this too. The band's visit director, and I'm sorry I didn't write his name down. The genius David Cromer? David Cromer. I say the genius because he's a bona fide genius

because he won the MacArthur grant. I mean, first, in my opinion, everybody associated with that show. Thank you. Did such a wonderful job. He's truly a brilliant director, like amazing. But this is interesting. He said when he first met you,

he expected to meet a sensitive, heartbroken little gay man. Yeah. He met a songwriter out of the 30s with a grumpy cigar-smoking songwriter out of the 30s. He said he – yeah, I met him in London, and another director, Bart Sher, introduced us and he had just seen

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, which was on Broadway and then was in London, which I wrote. It's almost all female characters. So I was doing what I do. I was sort of like getting in the skin of these characters and writing for heartbroken women.

So he – in a way, he was being kind of – he was kind of stereotyping or something. Because he's a gay guy. What kind of man can write women this effectively? So he was really nervous meeting me. I remember this. That's so funny. Because I think the show was speaking to things about his life and his relationships at that time. And he was kind of disappointed when he met me.

But he and I, since then, we have a really close friendship. A lot of it's based on the kind of stuff we're talking about. Weird, arcane stuff. He and I came up with a vaudeville routine, the best possible version of who's on first, which we put online. So just say, hey, these baseball players these days, they got crazy names. Hey, these baseball players these days, they got crazy names. Hey, these baseball players these days have crazy names.

Yeah. That's it. We've performed it, you know, all over the Broadway. Speaking of baseball, Gilbert would love the Sandy Koufax song. Oh, well. How do you come up with a concept like good for baseball, good for the Jews? Jewish side of the,

my mother grew up in Long Beach, Long Island. Yeah. A lot of Jews, a lot of Jew, the whole, you know. So, and I have this side of my family that's,

you know, from there and that's, they're all Jewish. So, there is this, and then all my friends, not all my friends, a lot of my friends

I grew up with in New York are Jewish. So there are a lot of memories of people saying, is it good for the Jews? I remember when David Berkowitz, son of Sam, when it turned out his name was David Berkowitz, and my friend Ted Greenberg's father said, that's not good for the Jews. Although he was adopted. Oh, I didn't know that at the time. I think he, was he Italian or raised by Italians? I think he was adopted. I don't think the Berkowitz was,

that was the family that adopted him. Definitely not good for the Jews either way. Not good for the Jews. You can't, well, we've been suffering for 2,000 years. So you can't – well, we've been suffering for 2,000 years. So you can't win. But I also remember Bowie Kuhn, the commissioner of baseball. And remember he used to talk about, you know, why don't you want players to have their hair below their ears?

It's not good for baseball. So that's how I – that song just came like, is it good for baseball? Everyone has their tribe, and they're all thinking about what's good for what. And then it's just a fever dream of like baseball and Jews. It's great. Roy Cohn wasn't good for the Jews. No, definitely not good for the Jews. No, not at all.

Not for one minute. I'm sure. I don't think the Rosenbergs were good for the Jews. No. Either, ultimately. You know, we talked about this a lot when we worked on the thing for CBS, but, you know, it's a show about longing. It's a show about not connecting.

Oh, the band's visit. The band's visit. Yeah. I mean, I like what Vulture actually had to say about it. They said it's about unhappiness, but it's filled with hope, which is kind of interesting. Yeah. Do you agree with that?

No. Well, I agree that it's about hope, but it's without – I don't want to get too spiritual. But the thing that attracted me to it when I started falling down that rabbit hole, you know, was the sense of when – I'm the happiest when I'm actually connecting with someone. So I can sit at a table like I can sit at a table with a bunch of comedians or comedy writers and have a great time.

To connect, you're not really connecting on a certain level that's like entertainment. But if I'm one-on-one with someone or even more than one-on-one That's all we're capable of, by the way. Yes, well, I'm sure that isn't true. Men with families, but there's a deeper connection. And the older I get, the more I realize that not only is that true, but it's incredibly

important because that's at the absolute root of everything. And that's what people are longing for when they're longing for spiritual connection. So when people are longing for a connection with God, you can find that in a connection, in a deep connection. So where do I find that connection the deepest? And that is with music, which is a metaphor, which is the best possible metaphor for everything we're talking about, this oceanic feeling that God exists and that it's everywhere and there's this ocean and it's love too. So that's what really got me going. And all these people in this show,

they don't know it. Maybe one of them knows it, but that's what they're longing for. So when they do connect even a little bit on a deep level, they and the audience get this, I think, get this really wonderful sense. You don't even know what it is,

but you lean in, you literally lean forward. Absolutely. And you listen to what they're singing and saying. And by the end, you feel it too, because you're in a live audience of people. It's not a movie.

So you're interacting with the people on the stage who are interacting with each other because it also has the most amazing world-class musicians playing this kind of Arabic-tinged music. And you're watching them connect because they do a lot of improv-ing within songs. So I think it's a really unique experience. And every time I see it, I'm sort of pleased. Good. That's nice. That's nice to hear. You know, I just got a flashback because, I mean, I didn't own that many comedy albums, but I've heard billions of them.

of them and with comedy albums and also music i remember like you'd play a record and you'd hold the record cover tactile as you were listening to the music and you would like looking at the pictures yeah and the words on it i used to go to the lincoln center library because there wasn't a there wasn't itunes you know i'd go to to the Lincoln Center Library from a pretty young age, and you could take 10 albums and stack them up, sit down at a little kiosk with really greasy headphones, because everyone used the same headphones, and listen to anything you want. And a big part of that was that feeling of slipping it out,

and then slipping it out of the dust cover holding it a certain way you know it and that and then looking at the looking at this that you could read the type because it was big on the big album cover and then sometimes gently reaching for the handle where the needle is and putting it to hear the song again. On your favorite song. Yeah, yeah. It's like we were in the 1800s now to say those things. But that feeling of, yeah, that feeling of that feather light little

touch of the tone arm and you have to just carefully and then that when you put it down. I'm old enough to remember when you'd go into a record store like Record World and they would let you hear the single before you bought it. Wow. I don't remember that.

In the 60s. It wasn't that long ago. Those little plastic swastikas that they put in the singles. Who knew? That's why we have so much right-wing violence now is because that was all, that was a subliminal Nazi. We talk about so many things like that on this show. You know this show, and we're so drenched in nostalgia,

and he's talking about how you would, we're talking about the end of those, the death of those record stores and albums, but also what Gilbert talked about before with Top 40. You could hear Alan Sherman and Doris Day and the Beach Boys. Or a song from a show. Or a song from a show. A song from a musical.

Yeah. On the charts at the same time. People say... You've got a music education. Often you'll get, and every composer gets this, some critic or some person will say, I went out and I wasn't whistling any of the songs going out.

And I think it was Cy Coleman said, you know what? It's not that people – it's not that shows were so great in the old days that they left the show whistling the songs. They walked in whistling the songs because a lot of the songs were already on the hit parade or already on the radio. So it's almost like psyching yourself up for a rock concert by listening to the band um that's that gives you a that gives you a lot of wind at your back if you're a composer of a musical if people are coming in and they know two or three of the songs because it hits already we will return to gilbert gottfried's amazing colossal podcast Amazing Colossal Podcast after this.

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Refreshingly simple. How do you sit down to tackle something like writing a theme song for Where in the World is Karma in San Diego, which is goddamn catchy, and has also stayed with me all these years? Well, that's like, I've done a lot of jingles, like in the past, and that is almost like a jingle. And part of it is just trying to come up with something very quickly, you know, because it's about like a little hook or something like that. In this case, I wrote it with Sean Altman, who was the founder of Rockapella, which was the show. Yeah, sure. They were the band on the show.

Love them. And who I've known since we were 16. Like, we went to high school together. And, you know, we got together and we just started, like, I just started banging the piano. I think maybe there was, like, a drum beat or something like that. And that just comes out of the ether, kind of. You have a gift for riding a hook.

I know where the hook is. Yeah, that's handy. You know what else? Same thing with, like, the top five hits, the mixture, is like when they had variety shows like Ed Sullivan or any of those things, they would be the things you were waiting for, like the rock group or a comic or whatever, and then other stuff that you were forced to watch.

But the stuff you were forced to watch that you were dreading, you go, oh, okay, that wasn't so bad. Yeah. Even a show that was all music, like Don Kirshner's rock concert or the Midnight Special, you sat through bands you didn't like. Yeah. You couldn't fast forward. And it's like on Ed Sullivan and these variety shows,

you know, they'd have on an opera singer or like something, and you go, okay, all right, they'd have on an opera singer or like something and you go, okay. Yeah. All right. That wasn't so terrible. Ed Sullivan also is the old tapes of those or the kinescopes or whatever they are, are really valuable if you're a composer, a theater composer, because some of those things that I felt like I was forced to watch in order to get to the band would be something like, and now the clog dance from the hit Broadway.

And it wasn't a hit. It was some friend of Ed Sullivan's who procured him some dimbo. But then you'd be like, holy shit, I never would have seen that if it wasn't preserved on the Ed Sullivan show. Yeah, very valuable stuff. Last thing about The Band's Visit, too, is I think... Can I just say one thing? Sure. What I love is when I'm answering a question

and I'm looking over at Gilbert, and I think he's really interested in the answer I'm giving you about The Band's Visit or Arabic music, and then he asks a question about the thing we were talking about two things before. He's on a 27- 27 minute delay what i love about is the face that you're making because you really are thinking that makes it sound like you're so interested in what i'm saying in the moment he's catching up how many seconds delay

27 minutes i'm listening to my own show in my head. So entertaining. He has no idea where we're headed. Mario was going to close the Christmas show with a Judy Garland song, and he says about 20 minutes before the finale, hey, maybe you could sing some kind of Judy Garland number. A different one than Mario had planned. Oh, and when we had on the guy from The Bear,

Greg Evigan. BJ and The Bear, we had Greg Evigan. I didn't hear that one. So, I was going to say his name again at the end and Frank, in a panic,

hands me a card in big letters that says Greg because he sees I'm about to say like Glenn

or Craig right well believe me when you call me like you know Mike Spazzle or something

I won't I'll be fine with it I don't don't worry about it I'm going to ask you a couple of quick questions from listeners and we were going to I was going to ask you this one anyway, but I'll let the listener do it.

Sam Barber says, David, I had the pleasure of seeing the Broadway run of The Full Monty, which featured – I know Gilbert is interested in this, so we'll keep him on this one. The late, great Kathleen Freeman. Yeah. Yeah. Stories about working with her? Yeah. Kathleen – Oh, she was terrific.

She was amazing. And I loved her. And I knew I was with a bunch of, this was my first show and when she came in to audition nobody else really in that room knew who she was they just, they knew, they sort of knew

but I could see her you know, I, Nutty Professor not even from Blues Brothers or anything like that? oh she was in a lot of Jerry Lewis she was in all the Jerry Lewis movies and she had a really interesting career that I already knew? Oh, she was in a lot of Jerry Lewis. She was in all the Jerry Lewis movies. And she had a really interesting career that I already knew about. Like she was actually, I think it was MGM used her as an acting coach sometimes.

So there's a movie called The Collector. Oh, sure. With Samantha Eggers. It's a Taryn Stamp movie. Taryn Stamp. Yeah. It's sort of like a weird thriller. She's in that? No.

She was the acting coach to Samantha Egger who had to sort of be this prisoner. And, you know, so I got to ask her these. I mean, it was like having her on your show. You know, it's like. How cool. But we did a lot of talking about comedy response because this was my first show. And you got a show with songs that are, you know, hopefully making an audience of a thousand or more people laugh. Sure.

And there's a whole protocol to obviously when you're doing standup or when you're doing a comedy play about, you know, the timing of laughter and she just knew it to her bones. So we would be talking about a particular joke and she would say to maybe one of the other actors, you know what? If you just – if you pause before this word, you'll get a big laugh and then you'll get a rolling laugh. Like she would just tell you this is what will happen. Like a science. Like a science. She'd say this is what will happen and then it happened.

So I loved her and I learned a lot from her. Unfortunately, I think we killed her because she was in her mid eighties and she refused. Even when she felt sick, she refused to, she would do everything. So an old pro, literally an old pro. Show must go on.

And she was great. And, but she would always show up and she would always, and even when she was clearly really something was wrong, she would show up. And I think she just worked herself, was wrong, she would show up. And I think she just worked herself, you know, overworked it. It was a terrible loss. I didn't realize that she was working herself to death.

Yeah, I think so. What a great talent. That's something that will never happen to me, incidentally. I remember meeting her at some event. And once again, it was one of these things I couldn't believe people were crowding around her to me and Frank like these supporting players

me too man you gotta understand who we have here I've said that to some of the younger actors like you need to understand who this is and at least watch the Nutty Professor well like in The Line and Death of a Salesman.

Attention must be paid. She's in Singing in the Rain. You could call this podcast Attention Must Be Paid. That would have been a better title. No, no. There's no better title. I can't imagine John Beach singing a theme. John Beach.

I got a question for John Beach. I remember I went over to Kathleen Freeman and I said, you know, I was talking to her and I said, you know, I always saw you in the Jerry Lewis movies. And she said, yes, Jerry's always been nice to me, always hired me. And I had spoken to this band leader, Lou Brown. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I had spoken to this band leader, Lou Brown. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And Lou Brown told me Jerry Lewis is the most hated man in show business. Well, listeners to this show have heard some of those stories. And I said to Kathleen Freeman, I heard that Jerry Lewis is the most hated man in show business. And she had this pained look on her face, like a face scrunched up, and she gave me a nod. A painful nod. So she still had that sense of a meal ticket

that she didn't want to... Yes, yeah! That's really funny. Like she wasn't going to lie, but... That's so great. Oh, yeah. And yet Rupert Holmes fell in love with him. Oh, yeah, that's right.

So go no. But you were a major Lewis fan. Yeah, I mean, it took, I wasn't initially a Lewis fan. I took first sort of going, entering through this sort of irony of the telethons and just sort of saying, what the hell, what strange creature is this? You know, Webster's Webster's new collegiate dictionary defines a friend as someone who will always be there when you don't show up for your show at the Vegas. Yeah.

Like, you know, you just go on to the, and, and it was fascinating. And then he is fast. Then through that, realizing that he was actually probably a genius.

But then realizing when he had his various talk shows on the air, like he had a daytime talk show that was just so bad. Oh, horrible. And most of what made it bad was his own hubris and narcissism. Like, yeah, you're going to love me no matter what I do. But then he was also, there was this show, there was a talk show that wasn't his show, and it was a psychologist

just interviewing people as a psychologist. So Jerry went on and Jerry was, Jerry was like, the guy said something, so, you know, king of comedy, that was amazing acting. And he said, no, no. That isn't was amazing acting and he said no no that isn't acting and then he went what that's acting he goes he turns it on and turns it off that's acting

and then he just talks about nightmares he's having about flying a plane between two buildings and and then you're like oh boy this guy and then you read his autobiography yeah and you're like what the at the beginning of the autobiography he goes to a shrink and he says you know i'm very unhappy you got to help me and the end of the session the doctor said i can help you i can make you happier. There's only one problem. You will no longer be funny. That was the... And that was like... The navel gazing.

So self-important. I remember... Self-importance, the word. During his talk show, he had on Charlie Callis. Was his sidekick. I saw that. On the late night show. When they did Truman Capote and...

Well, they did something else. Someone had died around that. And it wasn't anyone that the public would know. He was like some guy known in the business. But no one in the public would know. And Jerry's talking very seriously about it. And he says, and I'm thinking, boy, I couldn't write this as a comedy. Jerry says, so I think we should take a moment of silence.

And I thought, a moment? I'm sure the sponsors are, whoopee, we're paying for silence. And then to make it fucking worse, he takes out a, he goes, we'll have a moment of silence where we'll ponder and have a cigarette. And I thought, have a cigarette. This guy probably died of cancer. And you're going to have a cigarette to honor him. The whole show is, I mean, for guys like us,

that's just, that's better than any episode of The Sopranos. I mean, it's just like, I can't believe what I'm seeing. It's train wreck. But, I don't know if you remember this, but every time Charlie Callis would appear next to him, you know, and it was just the two of them, everything had to start with Charlie Callis saying, I just want to him, you know, and it was just the two of them. Everything had to start with Charlie Cowell saying,

I just want to say this man, he gave me this shot. I love this man. You know, it was always this. It's a Sammy Maudlin show. It was a Sammy Maudlin thing every time, every day. And Jerry Lewis one time said to the audience, I think on a telethon, he said, you know, I wish some of you could feel the love and adoration and respect that i'm feeling now and then he goes but that's not likely Oh, my God. Perfect. Oh, my God.

And so he, I became more fascinated with that Jerry Lewis. Yeah. I fell in love with the early funny Jerry Lewis, but I was fascinated. For me, it was the other, for me, it was like working backwards from that. Yes. It was like the psycho drama Jerry Lewis and then working backwards into like, wow, this amazing you know like the stuff that he did and the stuff that he kind of sometimes improvised with Dean and you know I mean I'm something that they pretended they were but you know that stuff is like yeah you know I mean as much as I as much as I am not sorry I never met you know there's certain people I'm really glad I didn't meet.

You know, I feel like my life would have been so much worse had it not been for both sides of Jerry Lewis. Yes, yes. That's interesting. Since we brought up John Beach, and for our listeners that aren't familiar, John does the funny interstitials and now back to our show and all of those wacky bells and whistles. Frank and Gil went out to pee. That's him. Yes. That's John and Beach.

I like they control you, so give up. Yes. That's my favorite. John doesn't know it, but he actually accidentally ripped me off on one of his things. Oh. It's the one that goes. That's something that I believe I wrote when he and I wrote something. We wrote a short series of filthy, gross stuff for kids.

Oh, wow. John, are you listening? Well, he'll remember that. He says, David, you spent years as a comedy writer and as a music writer slash producer slash musician before you found your way to success in the theater? How do you feel now looking back about

those grinding times? Did you ever wonder how and if you would find your place? No. Thank you, John Beach. Thanks, John. No, I, you know.

Care to pontificate. What a weird, I mean, what a weird question. Is he putting you on? No, I mean. He seems sincere, you know, what a weird, I mean, what a weird question. Is he putting you on? No. He seems sincere. You know, yeah, but you know, things happen in moments and it's not like, I don't feel like I ever sat there thinking like, boy, I want to, I got to make it.

Like what is making it? You know, someone's like, you're just trying to do good work. I want success. What is success? I don't – I could have – literally could have $700 million and, you know, live in a big house and I wouldn't – I'd feel exactly the same, you know. Just as miserable. Yeah. Just as miserable. Yeah, just as sort of strangely, oddly miserable. But not miserably because I'm longing for more stuff or anything like that.

Just, you know, there's a conundrum and it's called life. And that's just what it is. Well, as long as we're talking about being miserable, you want to tell us about working with Larry David? Oh, that was actually an enjoyable experience. He did a show on Broadway called Fish in the Dark a few years ago and he starred in it.

So it was sold out. As soon as tickets went on sale, it was sold out for an entire eight months, whatever the run was. And they asked me to do incidental music for it because the scene changes

were really long. And it was Larry David who I know of many, many people who've worked with him or for him. Including Gilbert. Including Gilbert. But a lot of comedy writer friends of mine and actors and stuff. And Richard Kind. Of course.

Cousin. Does he play on that show? One of his great roles. Yeah. The cousin. I can't remember his name now, but he's wonderful. What are we having for lunch? And he's a guest at someone's house. Cous One of his great roles. Yeah. The cousin. I can't remember his name now but he's wonderful. What are we having for lunch? And he's a guest

at someone's house. Cousin Howie maybe. Yeah. He's great. And then Cheryl says turkey and he goes oh no no no. No I had that

I had that yesterday. Which is actually very close to something Richard Kine himself would say. He's playing himself. Yeah he's playing himself. That was fun

because you know I mean it wasn't fun because Larry David is like the fun guy to hang around. I didn't mean he's really miserable. I meant the character. The character's miserable. But he was pretty happy. And in fact, there was one moment when he was whistling in the theater, which for some reason is something you're not supposed to do. And he's just whistling and he's so happy.

And then someone goes, no, you shouldn't be doing that. And he's like, ooh, and he stops. And, you know, it was just, the thing I remember about Larry David is his center of gravity is just like, like I've never seen anyone leaning backwards on a like 45 degree angle. I mean, you've worked with him.

Like, you know, he's standing there and he looks like he's going to fall over at any minute. And he walks like the keep on trucking guy from Our Crumb. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now, you were talking about Richard Kind again and I'm looking at the...

Suppositories? The stuff that you got me from the hotel. I, you know, when I go to like voiceovers or anything i wind up you know grabbing candies i like the expression wind up because it sounds like you're like you're releasing your own agency there yeah yeah it just happens that way i'm taking i'm taking candies cans of soda everything in my bag and a couple of times people have caught me doing it. And I say, yeah, I'm really bad at stealing stuff.

And about three times people have said, they'd say, no, you're a rank amateur at this. The top one is Richard Kind. Well, first let me say that Richard, I love Richard, like, as much as I love any friend of mine, I love Richard. And I see him a lot, because we play poker together, and we get together all the time.

But, um, but, I gotta tell this story. It's a Richard Kind story. So, the game that I've been playing in for many years we used to have a protocol where the big winner the week before would bring the snacks for the next week

the snacks, that's a $30 $30 or $40 at the most purchasing of chips we're not expecting truffled you know you know, truffled, you know, you know,

we just, it's just chips and cookies, you know, that kind of stuff. So, but Richard wasn't winning at all, ever. So for one week, he had a great night and he did very well and he won.

And I just remember saying after he left, like, I wonder what he's going to bring next week. So fast forward. It's a week later. And we're sitting there. We've been playing for about an hour, an hour and a half. It's probably 9 o'clock. We knew Richard was coming late.

So we didn't bring snacks. But we knew he was bringing the snacks. So we were all very hungry, you know. And Richard shows up. And he's got a shopping bag and he puts the shopping bag on the table next to the poker table and he pulls out what in what looked like and indeed was that kind of really cheap thin tupperware and he's got so there's there's there's two Tupperwares. Then he pulls out one bag of pita chips.

Already open. Already open. So it's open, but he's taking a lot of care to curl up the top. So when he puts it down, the top kind of gently uncurls a little. So then I go over there. I'm the first one there to look at what there is. And I open one of the little Tupperwares. And there's like these kind of roasted peppers, you know, two different colors of roasted peppers.

And with little flecks of feta cheese on it. Not real, just flecks. And then I open the other. And it's just, it's a tub. All it is is white. This is a callback to the cheese stuff. It's white and orange cubes of cheese. No one at a real party ever, you know, only at like art openings. In fact, I said, Richard, have you just been to an art opening?

And he said, no. And I said, but you've just been to some party or something. He goes, yeah, yeah. And I was like, so these are the snacks you're bringing to us? And he goes, oh, this is better than anything I could have bought. He's like, these are quality snacks. And I said, Richard, you don't bring used food to the poker game. Now, Richard's going to hear this,

and he's going to be, like, really pissed that I told the story, but it really is a good story, and I have to say, the next week he came back with beautiful, brand-new, shining chips and stuff just so that people like me wouldn't tell this story. And there's many stories like it. Oh my God. I remember when I first told the story

about how when people are saying, no, there's someone who steals a lot worse than you. Oh my God, he's going to kill us. And I would always be like, well, who? And they go, well, I don't really want to say. And then I go, come on. And they go, well, I don't really want to say. And then I go, come on. And they go, Richard Kind. And one time, after I told that story on the podcast,

Richard Kind confronted the guy who told me and said, why did you tell Gilbert that I steal from him? Honestly, I've never seen him steal. I've seen him. He always asks, you know, and then he takes. Hilarious. But, you know, he's so generous in every other way, and I suspect you're like that too.

I mean, he has the biggest heart in the world. Oh, yes. He's been great to our show. I forgive him everything except that one night of the used food. I can't forgive that. This I do not forgive. This I do not forgive. Thank you, Don Corleone. You're welcome. Oh, you like that, huh, Gil? Yes. He's one of the gifts of, you know, Richard is one of the gifts of my life. I love the fact that, that he's a friend of mine. I love it.

We're so glad that we know him and the way he came into, into the, the show. He just, we contacted Darragh out of the blue one day and he said, I love this show so much.

I want to be on the show. I want to be on the show. And it was, you know, you know, you're doing this thing. You don't know who's listening to it. It was,

it was, that was a bit of a turning point for us. I'll be very good. I know I have a, I have good stories. I won't be, I... I'm trying, Rich. No, it was,

it meant something to us. And he's been very generous in terms of booking guests, helping us get Joyce Van Patten and Barbara Barry and many other people. The first thing

he ever said to me was when me was, when we were getting together just to sort of make sure that we wanted to work with each other on Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and the first thing he said to me was, now you have to understand, I'm very loud. Bjerko's impression of him is just... It's so good that I'm embarrassed to even try. No, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. Bjerko's impression of him is just... It's so good that I'm embarrassed to even try. No, it's pretty good.

It's pretty good. Bjerko's is perfect. Azaria does a great Richard Kind, but Bjerko's is better. We'll have to get Hank on and compare them. Years ago, there was this weekly nightclub thing called Don't Quit Your Night Job. So everyone who was in shows on Broadway and off-Broadway

would show up and sometimes perform. And I was invited to sing a song. So I was there, but Azaria was there. I think Bjarke was there. And some other people, oh, a couple other actors who, well, everyone who's met Richard does a Richard Kind imitation. And the last part of the evening after everyone sang and stuff was called Richard Kind Theater. And it might have been Hank's idea. I don't remember whose idea it was.

But someone just gave out scripts to a glass menagerie and did one of the scenes, like the gentleman caller scene before it. And everyone, including me, was doing a Richard Kind impression as the characters. And then when the gentleman caller shows up, it's Richard Kind impression as the characters and then when the gentleman caller shows up it's Richard Kind himself comes out, that's the punchline sorry, we spent a lot of time on Richard, he's got all those note cards over there people who love this show love Richard

and he's become a recurring character he said make me your Tony Randall this is what I love too he said you can't book me, you can't call me and say come do the show. Only in an emergency, if a guest cancels. It's like, oh, so we can't actually schedule you. See, I want to be your Bob Hope where I just walk in.

Fine. Just walk into the cell phone. Do it. We'll get you a golf club. Yeah, I was doing a special across the hall. Tell us about Tootsie, which is coming in the spring. Tell us about Tootsie, which is coming in the spring. Well, we took an iconic comedy film that no one should ever adapt, and we adapted it.

And I think we did really well in Chicago. I actually think we did a really good job. Great. What we wanted to do was just make the funniest possible show we could make. it it veers a lot from the original movie um which is a funny movie not not one of my favorite comedies like some people it's in their top three no it's not in my top three interesting um but we took it and you know it's it's it's definitely modern we we changed a lot of stuff. It retains the main ideas and the main characters.

Well, the timing is interesting, too, for that story. The timing, when we started writing it, you know, it was pre- Me Too. Now it's Me Too, and that really became very interesting. Everything became, we were still finishing it off and polishing it off, and

we made some interesting choices because of the atmosphere that is just now. I think it's funny. I think it's the funniest show I've written, so I'm very happy with it. That's great. March. Yeah. March or April. Previews in March.

We open April 23rd. Gilbert, we have to go see the Tootsie musical. Okay. Free tickets. Okay. I'll be in. I think I can get you Raisinets too. I'm not sure. Raisinets? What's that from?

I don't know. Harvey Korman in Blazing Saddles when he's trying to avoid the... Oh, Raisinets. Raisinets! Yeah, Mel Brooks. Well, Mel Brooks always loved Raisinets. He always would put that. I think the 2,000 Brooks always loved Raisinets. He always would put that. I think the 2,000-year-old man. How's Raisinets?

Yeah. That's a funny word, I guess. I threw something at Mel Brooks and hit him on the head. Great. When the Full Monty opened, the producers opened the same year. So when we opened, when Full Monty opened, all the reviews were great. And everyone was saying, you're going to win all the Tony awards.

This is my first show. And I'm like, wow, I'm, I've made it, you know? That's great. And then the producers came out,

you know, it was like a steamroller. And so, you know, I, I was naturally a little peeved at my, one of my comedy heroes, Mel Brooks.

But we were, we were, it was the, it. But it was the day to take photos of the nominees at Radio City. So there's that giant staircase in Radio City. And there's however many, 100, 200 nominees. And we all get there on time. It's kind of hot. We're all posing on these stairs. And we realize at one point we'd

been there for 15, 20 minutes and why? And someone says, it's because Mel Brooks is late. And Mel Brooks was like the thing that year. And then he shows up and he's like 20, 25 minutes late and he breezes in. He's fresh as a daisy. He's got a suit on, stands right at the front, at the bottom step. And I'm about halfway up. It's a long distance. And one of the guys in the Full Monty, I think Patrick Wilson said, I bet you can't hit him on the head with a spitball. And I had this receipt from a hotel breakfast,

like this nice card stock, and I balled it up and I threw it as hard as I could and it just winged hard as I could. And it just winged right off his head. It just went boom. And he didn't even turn around. But it was in the post the next day. Hilarious.

So I know it happened because it actually was, you know, like it's not a dream that I had. That's your interaction with Mel Brooks. Yeah. Pretty good. That's it. That's it. That's my only interaction. Do you want to, I'm going to give you a wild card question here as we wind down.

Sure. Do you want to talk about the maybe it's cold outside controversy? Do you want to address that stupid thing? Well, yeah. I mean, it's really stupid. I mean, first of all, it's one of the great, it's probably my favorite duet, boy-girl duet ever. It's a wonderful song. It's witty. It's Frank Lesser who is my hero, my musical theater songwriting hero. And, you know, we're in this climate of such hair-trigger political correctness that it – and i don't usually say i i heard you talking about it

with um not a tell there was some you were talking i mean all we just asked mario about and he had a similar reaction are always are always talking oh he was talking with howie mandel that's what it was yeah but i don't care if you're if you're a comedian whether you're gay or straight or what you know you you it's the reaction is the same it's like what what what lunacy are we living in right now so the fact that some and part of it a large part of his social media the fact that someone can go on and say now listen this song is you know there's these problems without really having any background without understanding everybody gets a voice, what's in this drink? That's like, that's in like 50 movies. Like that's, that's like a punchline, you know?

Like every Dean Martin thing. Yeah. And it's. A million rom-coms. Or Jackie Gleason sipping a coffee cup and making a face. Exactly. Whoa. And it's not saying like, oh, I've spiked the drink and it's a roofie.

So I can. It just might be a little stiff for me. It's basically what she's oh, I've spiked the drink and it's a roofie. It just might be a little stiff for me is basically what she's saying. Exactly. So anyway, the controversy is over now. Like it was so stupid that I think it just went boom. Well, I was saying last night, you know, the internet gives everybody that instant access. The old days you had to sit down and write a letter if you wanted to complain or boycott a sponsor.

It took effort. if you wanted to complain or boycott a sponsor. It took effort. And years ago, I remember you grew up, there were the commentators, the writers, the newscasters, the columnists, and you knew they were respected people. They knew what they were talking about. And you respected that. Now everybody is that.

There's no funnel anymore you know it's the same thing with music it gets very confusing because you used to have you used to have like fm radio where you'd have djs whose taste you admired you know and they would funnel they would be the curators of this stuff and it's the same thing with this kind of stuff. It's a free-for-all. It's a free-for-all. Pretty much. And it's not good. No, the culture is poorer for it. Yes, the culture is.

And for not having DJs. Yeah. For not having Cousin Brucie and Ron Lundy and Harry Harrison and the professor and all those people that were curators. That's a good word for them. Yeah. And it's the same thing with sort of op-ed type people and you know, so everybody is

what was that Gilderoy Adler character? Oh, Rosanna Rosanna. No, the one that was offended. Emily Littella. Yeah, everybody's Emily Littella and no one's correcting her and then no one ever says never mind. You know, at the end.

And on the subject of Christmas, and I just, it's just for me, what's, what's a perfect Christmas song in the opinion of David Yazbeck other than Lesser's song? Could be a pop song like Little Saint Nick or, or Stevie Wonder or Hugh Martin's Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Well, that's a nice one. Which is my favorite. Yeah. I mean, I like the original.

What moves you? The original lyrics to that one are beautiful. Before Frank changed it to Hang a Shining Star, Upon the Highest. Well, you know, the original lyrics to that song, it was written during World War II. And so it was like, we'll all be together. Through the years. through the years but it was all about we miss you, we're not together someone's at war

so you just had this sense of we don't know what's going to happen because things could be dark so it's a darker feeling and it's much deeper the original lyrics, it's a beautiful song with a really lovely melody. So I'm going to say that one since you pulled that one out.

Well, I got to correspond with him at the end of his life. Really? My friend Drew Friedman connected us. I'm a big fan of Drew Friedman, incidentally. Well, we'll come back and we'll do another show about that. Jew dots. Yes, that's what I used to call them, Jew dots. Jew dots.

Yes. You have a fan here, Drew. This is the last question from Sean Liu. When can we expect David to do a musical adaptation of the Gilbert documentary? I'm working on it. Did you see the doc? Oh, yeah, I loved it. I loved it.

It was great. It was nice. It was nice. It was very nice. I came in here feeling like I kind of know you because of the documentary. It's a really interesting documentary and really well made. Yeah. Neil did a wonderful job. I really lucked out when I was Neil Berkeley.

Yeah. I really lucked out that he's really a good filmmaker. Can you imagine if you didn't luck out? Oh, my God. I've seen some horrible documentaries. Yeah, I mean, not one second of it is boring. And I've seen some really boring documentaries about some really interesting people. So you did luck out.

Can I just – It's called Gilbert. Okay. It's called Gilbert. Get the plug out. So I'm glad I'm in a room with you because I have this memory of an appearance that you did on a television show, PBS television show, but I think it was a documentary that they showed on PBS called something like Jewish humor in

America. Yes. Yes. And I think about it all the time, literally because someone just asked, they asked different people, so what is Jewish humor in America? Like, it wasn't a very imaginative question because that was the title of it, but they'd ask Mel Brooks and he'd do like the comb, the Hitler thing, you know, they'd ask someone else, you know, they asked you and there's this kind of pause.

You're sitting at like an oak desk on a desk chair and you're sitting there and you're just like you look thoughtful for a second. And then you basically start davening and just going. It's raining outside. It's raining outside. Are you happy? Are you happy? You see what you did?

It's night. The sun's not up. You see what you did? Do you remember that? Yes. Yes. Did you? Was that just in the moment?

Yeah. It just came to me at the moment. Like, because they said, like, with Jews, you know, you have to put a guilt trip. Like the parents put the guilt. It's like the dinosaurs are all dead. You know why? You did it. You did it.

You're the reason there's no dinosaurs. And you're rocking back and forth doing this. It was great. David, this was a treat. A treat for me. Thank you. And a lot of, we didn't get to Happy Kine or Billy Wilder another time. Yeah.

Like. What's the plug? I think your ratings are going to go so high up after this episode that you're going to want me back soon. Enormous. Yeah. Tootsie comes in the spring. April 23rd for Tootsie.

People go see the band's visit. We're running nicely on Broadway, and please, if you're a Grammy voter, I'd love to have a Grammy award, so vote for the cast album. The voting is happening now. Gilbert's an EGOT. I don't know if you knew that. Are you an EGOT? I am.

He has all four awards. The Emmy, the Grammy, the Oscar. Okay, yes, yes, yes. I am? Yeah, he has, you know, all four awards. The Emmy, the Grammy, the Oscar. Okay, yes, yes, yes. And Streisand. I know that the Oscar was hard, but you finally made it. It was hard. He lost a lot of weight. Yeah, so those are my only plugs. Well, yeah. I was once up for

an Ace Award. That's about the only award. Oh my god, the Cable Ace Award. And I lost. Even I have an Ace Award. That's about the only award. Oh my god, the cable ace award. And I lost. Even I have an ace award. Do you know what? I just said the word plug and I just remember that someone just mentioned the Arabian strap. Do you know

what that is? No. Sounds good. That's like you have a butt plug and to keep the butt plug in there's this, it's connected to like a strap that you put around the front. So it won't fall out when you're on the subway or something. On the subway? Arabian strap.

Why is it Arabian? I don't know. Okay. A guy I'm riding, an LGBT gentleman that I'm riding with described that to me. He also introduced me to the concepts of the humbler. Have you seen what the humbler is? I would like to just say, look it up. The humbler. It's not like a tummler.

No, it's not a tummler. Or a trummeler. It's the humbler. You put Gene Balos in your ass. I got a glass tube in my prick. David, what a kick.

And thanks for sending me those songs. I love them, as you know. Thank you. They reminded me of sort of a Fagin-Becker kind of sensibility. I'm not ashamed. I'm a Steely Dan fan. Really good stuff. And we could go on, but...

This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre and our engineer Frank Ferdarosa. And we have had the multi-talented Jew Harris. Italian. David Yasbeck. Who brought you suppositories. Yes. Yes.

David Yesbeck. Who brought you suppositories. Yes. They're very thin, so they're very easily. Thank you, David. Happy New Year. Thank you, guys. Thank you very much.

Very enjoyable. You too. Is it hard to sleep underneath the heap underneath the heap that you're under? Is it hard to relate when you masturbate? Is it difficult to feel the thunder? Under patio gravel and the plastic grapes Novelty soaps in assorted shapes Up in the playroom with the Metrical drapes Everybody can hear you screaming

Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good to choose the electric fuse for your underused libido? Is it right to explore when the triggers soar on your Bangalore torpedo? The dugout's empty and the pitcher's dead. Who still remembers what the first said? Who put the liver in the wedding bed of the designated kid? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews?

That's the story of, that's the glory of 5,000 years in the major leagues. So I'm wondering, as I'm pondering, where else can I go? Let me go, let me go Let me go That's immoral love that's the quarrel of 5,000 years on the LIE So I'm sitting here, like I'm quitting here Where else did I go? Let me go, let me go And it's hard to sleep underneath the heap

Underneath the heap I'm under It's hard to relate with your head on a plate It's difficult to feel the thunder The bass is loaded and the score all tied Who still remembers how the pitcher died? We'll be right back. Baseball isn't good for the Jews And you can throw out the food, you can cancel the ban Cause the mohel got a boil on the meat in his hand Is it good for baseball? Is it good for the Jews? The baseball is a good... Thank you.