Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 286. Stephen Bishop

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter Stephen Bishop joins Gilbert and Frank for an enormously entertaining conversation about secret song origins, Beatles trading cards, the glory days of Top 40, au...ditioning for Diana Ross and Smokey Robinson and chumming around with Burt Bacharach, John Belushi, Carrie Fisher and Harry Nilsson. Also, Bob Dylan hails a cab, Warren Beatty eats a bowl of chili, Gilbert swipes shampoo from Donald Fagen and Stephen and Linda Ronstadt cover "The Monster Mash." PLUS: Frank Sinatra Jr! Praising Randy Newman! (and Jimmy Webb)! "Sex Kittens Go to College"! And Stephen cameos in "Animal House," "The Blues Brothers" and "Kentucky Fried Movie"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:32 Introducing TD Insurance for Business, with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique, so your business insurance should be too. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. I'm alright, nobody but about me. to learn more. Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is a singer, occasional actor, a record producer, a platinum-selling and Grammy-nominated recording artist, and one of the most prolific and admired songwriters of his generation, composing hit singles like Everybody Needs Love, Save It For A Rainy Day,
Starting point is 00:01:56 and one of the most popular and frequently played songs of the 1970s on and on. His songs have been recorded by Bob Restreis and Art Garfunkel, Eric Clapton, Steve Perry, The Four Tops, Johnny Mathis, David Crosby, and our upcoming podcast guest, Kenny Loggins, and Luciano Pavarotti, to name just a few. And Phil Collins. And Phil Collins. And Phil Collins.
Starting point is 00:02:33 Shut up and let me talk. alongside talents like Chaka Khan, Michael McDonald, Sting, Dionne Warwick, David Foster, Phil Collins. Phil Collins, see, you didn't have to interrupt me before. Sorry, it was my manager's fault. Yeah, it's written down here. And even his good friend, Carrie Fisher. He also has written songs for a number of movies, including The China Syndrome,
Starting point is 00:03:10 Rhodey, Unfaithfully Yours, Arthur, Mickey and Maude, Heart and Souls, Summer Lovers, The Boy Who Could Fly, The Money Pit,
Starting point is 00:03:22 as well as the title song in the classic comedy National Lampoon's Animal House, a movie he also famously appeared in. He also penned the number one Billboard hit and Oscar-nominated ballad Separate Lives from the film White Nights and recorded the unforgettable love song, It Might Be You from the movie Tootsie. His brand new album is called We'll Talk About It in the Car. And he's also working on a memoir and documentary, which hopefully he'll tell us about. And he's our second guest this evening to have appeared in 1977's Kentucky Fried Movie. Please welcome to the show a performer of multiple talents, songwriter songwriter and a man who says he was once confronted by bob marley's wife over a song lyric that she didn't like
Starting point is 00:04:38 the very inventive stephen bishop Inventive. I like that. I'm going to invent something here. We also got the name of the album wrong, so we're going to correct it. We'll talk about it later in the car. That's all right. Yes. Now, before anything else, last time, and if not, we'll have to have a different beginning. We had Kenny Loggins on, and he had worked with Michael McDonald.
Starting point is 00:05:08 And I asked him to do a Michael McDonald imitation. Can you do a Michael McDonald imitation? Yes, I can. You've come to the right place, Gil. I can do a lot of imitations. I'm really good at imitations. Let's see. The whole world sounds like Michael McDonald.
Starting point is 00:05:29 And I want to sound like Michael McDonald too. And I do. That's pretty good. I knew you could do it. Excellent. That's by Michael, what's his name? Silvershire? Something like that.
Starting point is 00:05:45 This guy wrote a whole thing about Michael McDonald. He went through a period of time when he was just... He sang on a bunch of my albums. Yes, he did. He was terrific. Yeah. Yeah. I also do Billie Holiday.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Let's hear it. Go right ahead. But it sounds a hell of a lot like Diana Ross. So here it goes. If I go out on Sunday and cabaret all day Monday, ain't no value business if I do. If I get beat up by my papa and I don't call no copper, ain't nobody's business if I do. Ain't nobody's business if I do. Wow. Steven, we're blown away.
Starting point is 00:06:45 Wow. Okay, just keep going. Oh, I do a couple of them. I do Bob Dylan hailing a cab in New York City. All right, ready? Yeah. Tixie. Tixie.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Oh, I do a little bit of Diana Ross. Okay. But it sounds a hell of a lot like Billie Holiday. Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know? Impressive.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Would you like to hear some of Gilbert's Peter Lorre, Stephen? Yeah, I remember Peter Lorre. Give him a taste, Gil. No, it's you who ruined it. You, it's your stupid attempt to buy it. Kevin found out how valuable it was. You imbecile. You blundering fathead.
Starting point is 00:07:55 What do you think? That's the weirdest impression I've ever heard. How did you get around to Peter Lorre? Do some more singing ones. I can do, I can do, who else do I do? I do a bunch of them. I do, you know, I do a whole bunch. Oh, I do Enrique Iglesias.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Excellent. Lay it on us. Excellent. Let's see. Okay. Billy, don't be a hero. Don't make a fool of your life. Billy, don't be a hero Don't make a fool of your life Billy don't be a hero
Starting point is 00:08:28 Come back and make me your wife It's not just Enrique Iglesias Enrique Iglesias sings Bo Donaldson and the Haywoods That's impressive I do more I just can't think of it What is it more I do? Wow I don't think of it what is more i do wow i don't know
Starting point is 00:08:46 what's weird i'm still recovering you know because i i walked in this uh grocery store last week and this woman walks up to me right it was i i was picking out the perfect uh uh cauliflower or the other cauliflower anyway uh this woman goes oh it's. I can't believe it. You're the greatest. I've been listening to your music all my life, and you're just incredible. And I'm like, well, you know. And she's like, oh, I love your music. And your song, Short People, was like one of my. Oh, well. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:24 So I think I'm leaving somebody. Will you tell Randy that story? Oh, right, well. Yeah, yeah. So, I think I'm leaving somebody out. Will you tell Randy that story? Oh, right. Wait a minute. I do Super Tramp. Okay. Because I always thought they sounded Indian, you know. When I was young, I was all so logical, mystical, all phenomenal, criminal.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Oh, tell me what would you do if I found you? That's a vegetable. Oh, my God. I got a new puppy, and his name is Randy Newman. I swear to God, that's his name. And, you know, we were just on the road, and we had to take him with us, and it was like people would come by our hotel room, and I'd be in there going, Randy Newman, why did you do that?
Starting point is 00:10:11 And I could just imagine what people would think. Well, you must do a Randy Newman, then, I take it. What? You must do a Randy Newman imitation. Oh, I don't. Not really. I don't. No.
Starting point is 00:10:24 I love Randy. Yes, he's't. Not really. I don't. No, I love Randy. Yes, he's great. Love him. Love him. I sang on one of his albums, which is really great. No, I don't. I don't. Who was I doing just the other day?
Starting point is 00:10:35 Oh, I don't know. I'm blanking. But that's about it. That's a good repertoire. Okay, we'd like to thank you for coming on. Yeah, right. Tell the Bob Marley story that we have in the intro, because it's a story worth telling.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Which what? The Bob Marley story that we put into the intro. Oh, dear. Okay, well. On and On was like a big hit, and everything was going great, and everything. I went to this party one weekend and a lot of people there. And I was introduced to Bob Marley's widow, Rita Marley,
Starting point is 00:11:10 I think her name is. Yes. And she said to me, are you Stephen Bishop? I was like, yeah. She goes, Jamaican women, they do not break your heart and steal your money. Which is the first line of on and on, you know. Down in Jamaica, they got lots of pretty women.
Starting point is 00:11:33 Steal your money, then they break your heart. Well, I shouldn't have probably said that, but I was using poetic license. Of course. And so I told her that. It was poetic license? And I was like, a question. It was like, no. She wouldn't her that. It was poetic license? And I was like a question. It was like, no. She wouldn't take that.
Starting point is 00:11:46 So I kind of like kind of disappeared from the party, and I went in the kitchen, you know. And I'm like back there in the kitchen, and I'm trying to find something to do. And they had like a Jamaican cook. So I go, hi there. He goes, hey, man. And I just thought, uh-oh, I better not have her tell him the whole story.
Starting point is 00:12:07 It's a weird story. I'm trying to get past Bob Dylan hailing a cab. That was great. Fixie. Yeah, yeah. And if you think of another singing imitation, you do right at town. I was asking my manager here. She'll probably come up with something.
Starting point is 00:12:26 What do you got there? What? Anyway, never mind. We'll talk about it later in the car. Yes. Tell us where that comes from. We'll talk about it later in the car. It's a weird kind of interesting story.
Starting point is 00:12:43 It's actually a great kind of, I don't know if this is the right term, non-sequitur or like if you have to leave the conversation, you go, yeah, really? Yeah, pygmies do fly. Okay. We'll talk about it later in the car. And it's just a great way to bring yourself away from whatever's going on. But really, I dated Carrie Fisher for like two weeks back in 70
Starting point is 00:13:08 what year i don't know it was after she did the first star wars and um we went to saturday night live one time and she was like funny about holding my hand i, oh, she slept with everybody here. You know, she didn't want to hold my hand. So finally, she gets on this phone, not a cell phone. They weren't invented yet.
Starting point is 00:13:34 So she gets on this little, remember like Saturday Night Live had those little booths where you could talk like a little phone booth? Yes. Well, she gets on this phone and she's talking to somebody
Starting point is 00:13:43 and I walk by her and I'm thinking, oh man, I've really blown it and she doesn talking to somebody. And I walk by her, and I'm thinking, oh, man, I've really blown it. And she doesn't like me. And then I hear her say, anyway, we'll talk about it later in the car. And I thought, what does that mean? And so she comes over, and I said, well, I heard you say, we'll talk about it later. Was that about me? She said, no, no.
Starting point is 00:14:02 My mother used to say that to me when I was a little kid. and she said no no my mother used to say that to me when i was a little kid uh you know if we got in an argument debbie reynolds would say we'll talk about it later in the car love it so that that line just stuck with me for years and years and i would use it on stage because you you say that and you usually leave people going huh so debbie reynolds is responsible in indirectly or directly for the name of your new album um i guess so yeah yeah by the way i met her once she was really great i heard you sneak this phrase into a song and doing my deep research i heard you end the song with, we'll talk about it later in the car. It was a Monster Mash cover. Oh, right. I was working in the lab late one night when thy eyes beheld an eerie sight.
Starting point is 00:14:54 I used my friend's dad, who is English, and he invented the Bentley. And his name was Amherst Villers. And I knew him, you know, when I was in England for a while. And he had this kind of, hello, be glad you're on the planet, you know, kind of thing. And so I used that voice for Monster Mash. It was you, Linda Ronstadt, and your old friend, Andrew Gold. And Carla Bonoff. And Carla Bonoff, right.
Starting point is 00:15:19 They were singing background. And, you know, I did the whole thing. Actually, it's getting around finally after all these years, that record. Yeah. That's catnip for Gilbert. He loves that stuff. Now, particularly in your early years when you were a kid, you would write like 20 songs a month or something.
Starting point is 00:15:40 And what do you remember? There were weird songs, though. They were like, you know, There's a Hair in Your Enchilada was one song. Fly on Her Lips. Will There Ever Be a Sunday in Nebraska? What's the one? Beer Can on the Beach. What's the one you wrote down, Gil?
Starting point is 00:15:58 Yes, yes, there's two. Dump the Spittoon over Natty's head? Yes. Yeah, Dump the Spittoon over Natty's head. These are real songs that I wrote. Benny the Warfret? Yeah, Benny the Warfret, yeah. Can you sing?
Starting point is 00:16:13 Greasy, frisky, full of whiskey, slobbering down the hall. It was this whole song. I was into that. I always say you're not going to be a great songwriter until you get your heart broken. And I hadn't really gotten my heart broken yet, so I was writing weird crap. Now, can you sing what you think may be the worst song you ever wrote?
Starting point is 00:16:38 Well, the first song that comes into my mind was, this is really weird. I was at this party years and years ago and Penny Marcia was there and James Brooks was there, the director. And they were talking to me and they say, well, yeah,
Starting point is 00:16:54 you're a songwriter, but can you write a song in like a half an hour? I was like, yeah. And they'll go do it. So I went, so I went to the other room and i wrote this song and it was called girls bones found girls bones found like in the paper you know your girls bones found you know
Starting point is 00:17:14 it's always like a new york post headline can you sing some of that for us i can i don't know i don't remember the whole thing but maybe i'll do some of of it. Her name was Jenny Lee and she was all of 17. Big old Tom, he knew it for he'd seen her through the screen. He watched her pick her purple berries from her daddy's field because Tom had wanted Jenny's berries because they were so ripe to peel. Girl's bones found. And then it's all about that. And then the last verse, I think, is,
Starting point is 00:17:51 Now the noose is tied around his neck and the crowd is getting tense. Big old Tom cries, Lord, have mercy. This is some kind of an experience. But his face is still there on the gallows. He knows all too well. He'll spend his time in heaven bowling while Tom will make snowballs in hell. Oh, Lord.
Starting point is 00:18:13 While Tom will make snowballs in hell. You knock this out in 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of, you know, it's kind of iconic. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of, you know, it's kind of iconic. Gil, you wanted to ask Stephen way back at the beginning about how he discovered the Beatles. Yes, yes, it was something you were waiting for the light to change.
Starting point is 00:18:40 Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was like a newspaper boy, you know, selling newspapers and all that on the corner in San Diego on, let's see, it was like 70th and something. Anyway, it was right on the corner where there was a foster freeze. And so I was like about 13, 12 or 13 when all of a sudden this convertible pulls up and it's this guy making out with this girl. And on the radio is, I want to hold your hand. I want to hold, you know, and it just sounded like magic to me. It was like, oh my God, you know, and since then I've become such a serious
Starting point is 00:19:21 beetleholic. That was a, that was a transformative moment. It was. It really was. And I wound up, I didn't have enough money. I was pretty broke. I was raised pretty poor. And so I didn't have enough money to buy the Beatles' first album, Meet the Beatles.
Starting point is 00:19:38 So I went and got this album. The next best thing was an album called The Bugs. And so I was a big Bugs fan for a while. I knew all their songs. I was like, oh, yeah, The Bugs. Like The Bugs. And then The Beatles came along. I mean, then they had come along.
Starting point is 00:19:59 And so I wound up finally getting with it and saving up my money. And since then, it's like the best thing that ever happened to this world, I think. I even had a dream when I was 15. Yeah. I call it my Beatles dream. I was so into the Beatles that all I could do, you know, I was on the bus, you know, trading bubblegum cards with Paul. Oh, look, here's a good one of Paul, you know, and stuff. And so I was doing all that. And I was a major Beatle fan. And I had this dream that I had my own apartment. And it was like, I lived on the second floor in this dream. And one
Starting point is 00:20:38 day there was a knock on the door and I went to the, and it was John Lennon and Paul McCartney at my door. And I said, wow, guys, what are you doing here? And John said, well, we were in the neighborhood. We thought we'd drop in. And so Paul went, yeah. It'd be great. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:01 So I go, wow, guys, come on in. We'll write a song. So I go, wow, guys, come on in. We'll write a song. So I magically had three guitars. And we wrote this song in E. And I don't remember it, really. And then John Lennon stood up and said, we've got to get going. But we were wondering if you'd like to join the group. And so I said, and Paul said, yeah, it'd be great.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Yeah. So I said, gosh, guys, I'd really like to, but I promised my mom I'd help her clean up the backyard tomorrow. That was my dream. It was a real dream. It's a downer ending, Stephen. Yeah, it is kind of a downer ending. I mean, what am I going to say?
Starting point is 00:21:49 Yeah, I went off and I was a sixth member of the Dave Clark Five or something. I don't know. Were you one of those Beatles Saturday morning cartoons? We talk about them on the podcast. You know it. Yeah. You know it. I always did.
Starting point is 00:22:02 They never sounded anything like the Beatles. They weren't even trying to sound like the Beatles. I know. You know it. I always did. They never sounded anything like the Beatles. They weren't even trying to sound like the Beatles. I know. I know. They were like, hey, Paul McCartney over here. It's John Lennon here. We think they sounded like Ronald Coleman. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:17 It was like, come along, Paul. We're on an adventure. That's funny. On an adventure. That's funny. On an adventure. Even before the Beatles came into your life, I mean, you were musical. You loved music. I got a kick out of the fact that you liked the Davy Crockett theme. Oh, that was the first thing that really, well,
Starting point is 00:22:39 the first song was Three Coins in a Fountain, you know. I remember that when I was three. I was sweeping the walk hearing that song. But then when I was five, yeah, it was all about Davy Crockett, man. I even did a version of the theme. I recorded it, and it was on an album, the Davy Crockett theme. Really? It's funny because the very first part of it is like I say,
Starting point is 00:23:02 I go, all right, come on, guys. Let's quit playing basketball, and let's sing a Davy Crockett theme song, you know? Sing the Davy Crockett theme for us. Oh. Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier, killed Tim and Bar and something else. I don't know. Good enough. I just rememberilled Tim and Bar, and something else. I don't know. Good enough. I just remember Killed Tim and Bar.
Starting point is 00:23:31 So the Beatles come along. Your life has changed. You were telling us before we turned the mics on, you were actually studying the clarinet. Yeah, I was my creepy stepfather. I had a stepfather who was hated, was an opera singer, and he hated the Beatles. And when I saw him on Ed Sullivan,
Starting point is 00:23:49 I had to promise that I would clean up the backyard for the rest of my life just to watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. And he was like over there. He was like a big guy, you know, and he was like those mop tops, you know, like in disgust, you know. But they were those mop tops you know like in disgust you know but they were everything to me so uh yeah and what was the question i forgot why i was sorry you were telling us before we turned the mics on that you would try to impress girls in school with the clarinet yeah yeah he did give me a clarinet that was his big saving grace and and i took this
Starting point is 00:24:22 clarinet to school that i was in intermediate orchestra and everything. And I would go out to the lunch quad and try and impress this girl, Bernadette Tarantino, who was like awesome looking. And she was like the hot girl of the school. And I would go out there and I'd like be next to her going, you know, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. You know, the song from the Stones, you know, can't get no satisfaction. On a clarinet. I'll say something else that I shouldn't say. I've never said in an interview.
Starting point is 00:24:55 Oh, cool. When I was in eighth grade and the Stones were really happening, all the guys I knew were like experimenting with their units, you know, at that age. And I, I thought that Mick Jagger's saying, you can't be a man. Cause he doesn't sperm.
Starting point is 00:25:18 I couldn't understand his, his English accent. And so all of us, all my friends went, yeah, he says, can't be a man. Which is really, can't be a man because he doesn't smoke the same cigarettes as me.
Starting point is 00:25:30 But with his English accent, I thought it was, you know, can't be a man because he doesn't sperm. You know? What? That's truly bizarre. Isn't that bizarre? I shouldn't have probably said that story. No, my manager's going to give me a tough time now. So tell us about the weeds.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Tell us about forming the weeds. Oh, the weeds. Yeah. You know, I was just talking about the weeds like yesterday to some friends of mine. And I was the leader in the beginning, and I was like 14. And then my lead guitar player formed a coup or something and got me out. And all of a sudden, he was the leader of the Weeds.
Starting point is 00:26:15 And I never forget him. As I was leaving, he kicked me in the ass. And I thought, this is really bad. Oh, my God. He went, get out of here. I'm the leader. Boom. And he kicked me in the ass.
Starting point is 00:26:28 I'm walking home going, he kicked me in the ass. I finally became the leader again. Over the weeds. Yeah. We wound up, yeah, I mean, the bass player and I are still great friends Mark Quincy and he when we talk on the phone we have this thing it's been going on for about 20 years it has to start with hey you jerk no you're the jerk no you're the jerk you're like you're like 12 or something yeah that's sweet that you kept that going yeah he, he kept that going.
Starting point is 00:27:06 He loves to do it. Your stepfather, you had a guitar, and he wouldn't allow it in the house, I heard. Well, I finally got a guitar. My brother, Denny, wound up buying me a guitar at Unimart, I think. And, you know, I was thrilled just to have a guitar. And he hooked up his record player, phono player, and turned it into, you know, like an amp. And so I could play it through the amp. So this drove my stepfather nuts.
Starting point is 00:27:41 You know, he just hated to hear that. What are you doing? You don't know what you're doing. You're banging on that thing. And I'd be sitting there and I'm banging on it. Well, it sounds good. That's better than your crummy opera. What kind of things were the Weeds playing, Stephen?
Starting point is 00:27:58 British and Asian stuff? A lot of Beatles and a lot of Stones. I did a lot of Stones. We did this the Claremont Battle of the Bands in San Diego. And my brother was like telling me, jump off the stage. Jump off the stage and walk up to girls and point at them and sing. And I was like scared to death.
Starting point is 00:28:17 I'd never even kissed a girl. So I wound up jumping off the stage. And it was that Stone song, Everybody Needs Love. Everybody needs somebody. I need you, you, you. So I was looking at these girls who were like 11 or something. I need you, you, you. Weird memory, but we got second place.
Starting point is 00:28:44 Pretty good. Was there a cover of Lemon Tree, Trini Lopez's Lemon Tree, where you played the bongos? Yeah, that was early on when I first started getting into music. I was really into folk music at that point in my life. I was listening to the Limelighters and Kingston Trio and, you know, all that stuff. And, yeah, I knew this kid, and he and I would go to the chicken kitchen. That's what the name was. It was down the block from my house.
Starting point is 00:29:11 And we'd peer in the windows, the screens, and we'd be singing Lemon Tree. That's the only song we knew. Lemon Tree, Berry. I was like, all right, with the bongo thing. Now, do you do a Trini Lopez imitation? No, no. Trini's still with us. Wow.
Starting point is 00:29:30 Still hanging around. Wow. Yeah, I used to like Trini. His song, that record, If I Had a Hammer. Sure. I loved that one. I was like 11 or 12. He was a big star for a time.
Starting point is 00:29:44 He was. He was huge. star for a time. He was. He was huge. Doing the research. Like Johnny Rivers was. Johnny Rivers. Love Johnny Rivers. Yeah. Doing the research on you, Stephen, we found something that we talk about on this show.
Starting point is 00:29:54 You were reminiscing about the days of old radio, top 40 radio, when you had variety. You could hear Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, yeah. And then you could hear the Beatles and Hendrix and Sinatra. You know, I did this concert for Clear Channel once, and they're this big, you know, radio demographic thing. And so I played for this guy, and I said, you know, I have a good idea for a radio.
Starting point is 00:30:21 And he said, oh, really? What? We're looking for something new so i go well how about going back to like when i was 15 and i get a radio station and then they play frank sinatra followed by jimmy hendrix followed by i never promised you a rose garden sure country lynn anderson you heard a little bit of every kind of style, and that's what was so great. I just miss that. We miss it terribly.
Starting point is 00:30:49 It used to be like you'd hear strangers in the night, and then you'd hear the Stones. Yeah. And then there'd be Candyman, you know. And the DeFranco family. Oh, my God. A little bit of everything. You've gone too far now.
Starting point is 00:31:06 I know. Well, we had ABC in New York. We had Ron Lundy and Harry Harrison and all of these guys at Top 40 AM in New York. And it was, you know, the charts were different, too. I mean, what they were playing was reflective of what was on the charts. So you could have Candyman and you could have Rose Garden. Do you remember that record? It was the weirdest record was number one i don't know who did it but it was uh it went uh shut up
Starting point is 00:31:31 of your face you remember oh yeah it was like a number one shut up of your face you know and all your friends would go shut up of your face well you you make a point too you could hear novelty records in those days on the charts right it's right. It's so different now. There's no new dances. It's like in the old days, you had the twist, and you had the frug, and all that stuff. And now there's like nobody invents dances anymore. You'd hear something like Convoy or Ray Stevens' The Streak or something like that. Oh, and what was it?
Starting point is 00:32:00 Along with other hits. The Green Berets. Ballad of the Green Berets. Yeah. Right. Or how about an open letter to my teenage of the Green Berets. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Or how about an open letter to my teenage son? Oh, yes. I'm actually dating myself.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Oh, yes. You know, if you want to go out and grow your hair long, that's fine as long as you give me money. Well, actors were charting then. I mean, you could hear Lorne Green doing Ringo. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Different times. Yeah. Different times. Yeah, yeah, right, right. Different times. Yeah, different times. And you owe it to yourself if you haven't already heard it. Frank Sinatra singing Mrs. Robinson.
Starting point is 00:32:35 God, that sounds like, I wonder if I have heard that. Oh, it's the worst. Oh, it's amazing. And we love Sinatra, as you do. Oh, I do. You know, I saw Sinatra. I went to see him on Valentineentine's night or something a billion years ago and it was towards the end of his life and he was still doing shows and he had his son as a conductor sure what was yes frank jr frank jr yeah and so he's he's like uh he's
Starting point is 00:33:02 like singing to people and he was sounding great. And all of a sudden, he would like, he'd turn his whole body around and yell at his son on stage. And he'd go, you call that an arrangement? That's so screwed. How could you do that? Anyway, my way. And then he'd come back to singing, and then he kept going back, looking at his son, going, really?
Starting point is 00:33:24 I should have never raised you as a child you know was it was saying all this shit on stage it was at the desert inn was it shtick or was he just working him over no he was mad wow why we should have rehearsed this why didn't you you know so frank sinatra was like a scumbag father. Well, maybe. No, but he did pay all that money to get him back after he had been kidnapped. Now, here's what I don't understand. When Frank Jr. got kidnapped, with all the mobsters that Frank was friends with, why didn't he have those guys killed?
Starting point is 00:34:05 I don't know how to answer that. Can you help me now? I got a better question. I got a safer question. Was he aware of your lyric in On and On, the Sinatra reference? Actually, I used to get my hair cut at this place, and Tina Sinatra used to go there. So one time I talked to her, and she said that she had gone to Palm Springs with him
Starting point is 00:34:28 one time, and she was driving him. And she asked him if he had ever heard that, and he did. So he never like, you know, there was never like a brand new bicycle on my front porch or anything saying, love you, Frank. You know, I never had that. The least he could have done. Joe Dolce, by the way, I looked it up shut up your face oh is that the artist was joe joe d-o-l-c-e oh and there used to be that song and it was taken off the air and that was they're coming to take me away ha ha oh
Starting point is 00:35:01 napoleon that was really a long time nap. Napoleon. That was like 65 or 66. Yeah, real old stuff. They decided it was like making fun of people with mental problems, so they took it off the air. So at what point, Stephen, so the Weeds are doing battles of the bands and things of this nature. Yeah, the We weeds never became you know a big thing oh i know and by the way the name uh we never call ourselves the weeds that after pot
Starting point is 00:35:33 we weren't that hip we called ourselves the weeds after the weeds in the backyard just an inanimate object yeah at what point did you decide to make the pilgrimage, to leave San Diego, go up to L.A., and try to make a run at this? Yeah. Was there a catalyzing moment? We'd been up to L.A. once and recorded. It was just, I wish I had that recording. And then we went again when I was like 17, about 17, 17 and a half. And I wound up taking my guitar and just walking around Hollywood,
Starting point is 00:36:15 knocking on doors and trying to get something. And I would try everything. I would try English accents. Yeah, I just got over, you know, from England, and I'm very good friends with George Harrison's nephew. And I would come up with all this crap, you know. Anything just to get your foot in the door, you know. It was so difficult.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Now it must be impossible. But I wound up finding this guy who worked at Dot Records. He was the head guy, Milt Rogers. He said, come on in, son. You know, it was one of those guys. And I had my guitar with me. And he said, OK, I want to hear something commercial. And I said, what's that?
Starting point is 00:36:54 I didn't know what commercial. I thought he meant the commercial like on TV. I never heard that expression. So I wound up playing him tons of songs, you know, and all my, you know, beer can on the beach songs and, and Benny the wharf rat and all that. And, uh, he said, good, that's good, but I don't hear a hit. And then I finally played this new song I was working on called Daisy Hawkins. And, uh, he went, he slapped his hand on the desk and he said, kid, that's a
Starting point is 00:37:22 hit. And, uh, and what wound up happening is after that meeting i wound up going up to eh morris publishing they were a publishing company that published all these musicals like maim bye-bye birdie hello dolly and uh they wound up signing me to because i said the right thing oh this guy says it's a hit. And they said, well, great. Let's sign you. So they signed me for $50 a week as a staff songwriter. And that's like, what year is that? I guess that's, what was that?
Starting point is 00:37:57 It was 70. Yeah. Well, you said you were turned down by every label and every producer in town. Just about, yeah. I didn't do well. You were in a classic movie moment in Animal House. See, we do jump around. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:15 No, that was my twin brother. Well, tell us how you met Landis. Okay, I met Landis, actually. I met John Landis in 19—it's amazing that I remember through dates, but I think it was like 1971. During an earthquake. It was a big L.A. earthquake. And my good buddy, Charlie Villers, was friends with him. So I wound up meeting him. We wound up becoming great friends. I'm not really friends with him. So I wound up meeting him.
Starting point is 00:38:45 We wound up becoming great friends. I'm not really friends with him anymore. But we were like great, great friends for years. And he put me in, you know, Kentucky Fried Movie. I'm doing, I'm going to take this off for a minute. Since I was a kid, I've always made this duck. Hi there. How you doing?
Starting point is 00:39:08 Sometimes when I'm in the bath, I'll make conversations. How are you doing? Oh, pretty good. How are you? Oh, not bad. Anyway, so. Just so the audience will know, he's moving his fingers around that looks like a duck. He's doing like a shadow puppet.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Yes. Yeah. He kind of, but it's, you know, there's this thing. Anyway, so I do that in Kentucky Fried Movie. I'm in the section that's California girls in, no. Catholic high school girls. Catholic girls in trouble. Right.
Starting point is 00:39:44 And so I do this, and I go, surfing USA, which makes no sense at all. But, you know. So that's what I did in the movies. And then he asked me to do Animal House, and I wrote the theme to Animal House. I incorporated all the characters in the song. theme to animal house i incorporated all the characters in the song and uh you know and then i was going to uh be on the you know um actually i was supposed to be downstairs flirting with karen allen at that time that's what they wanted me to do at first and then they changed it and they had uh me sitting on the steps and it was my idea to do that song
Starting point is 00:40:25 because they wanted a song that was public domain. So I sang the song, I gave my love a cherry that had no stone. I gave my love a chicken that had no bone. I gave my love a story that had no end. I gave, and then that's when he took my guitar and smashed it. Lucy. Did you know what he was going to do? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Okay. You did a great job of looking frightened. Well, I generally, I was. I was. I now have that broken guitar. I had everybody sign it in the cast, and then it's hanging in my house in a frame. Wow. I love that. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast,
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Starting point is 00:42:10 Happy tastes good. Now, what do you remember about Belushi? That's Judy Jaclyn, by the way, on the staircase with you, isn't it? John's wife. John's wife was right in back of me. Right. Well, I had a lot of experiences with Belushi. He was a different guy.
Starting point is 00:42:32 He was like somebody who had a lot of personality, and a lot of personalities. He could be sweet as could be, and he could also be a little nasty. And so I remember we went to some Chinese restaurant once in New York, and people were screaming at him on the sidewalk across the street saying, do the B, do the B. Remember that way back then? Yes, sure.
Starting point is 00:43:00 He hated the B. He hated that B. Fuck you with the fucking bee. He didn't like that. Going back to Kentucky Fried Movie, give us some context. An attractive woman comes up to you and says, show me your nuts before you do that thing.
Starting point is 00:43:20 Was there a reaction from friends and family? Hey, I'm in a movie. No. No. Not really. that thing what what was your was there a reaction from fens and family hey i'm in a movie no no nobody would see it you know everybody was really religious on my family side i was raised a christian scientist so it's a whole different thing and you when you when you were asked to do the animal house theme was it your idea to do the falsetto, to do the Frankie Valli? Oh, you mean for that song, Dream Girl? Well, for Dream Girl and also the theme. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Well, the movie's set in 1962. And who was big in 1962? Right, good point. The Four Seasons. Good point. Sherry, Sherry, baby,erry you know so it was all that so it became very easy for me to go let me tell you about some friends i know they're kind of crazy but you dig the show you know and then i incorporated all the characters in the script because i had a script with me
Starting point is 00:44:22 um in the mood in the song so you know boone script with me, in the song. So, you know, Boone and Katie playing cat and mouse, you know, and all that. You're still doing that song in concert, because I saw a clip of you in March of this year doing it. Oh, you saw me in March? No, I saw a clip of you on YouTube
Starting point is 00:44:39 doing the song back in March or April. Oh, really? Doing it for an audience. And I love the fact that you can still get up there. Well, thank you. And I thought I knew everything about Animal House, Stephen, but the Carrie Fisher little tribute at the end of Dream Girl, I had never heard before.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Well, I had a big crush on her back then. So I did... A little Easter egg. I did. What did I do? I go... Oh, I said at big crush on her back then. So I did. A little Easter egg. I did. What did I do? I go, oh, I said at the very end of Dream Girl, Be My Dream Girl. Right, which is the song that's playing when Marmalade. I'll be my dream girl and make my dream come true.
Starting point is 00:45:18 I tried to do it like four seasons. And then at the very end, I go, Carrie baby. I said Carrie baby. Yeah, it's a nice little tribute dead gilbert i miss her too i miss her i think she you know we weren't we never went bowling or anything but you know she was like a uh a friend of mine at one point in my life and it's she was so talented yeah wow she could do judy garland you'd swear it was judy garland she seems like one of those hub people you you know, that every, she touched so many different people's lives. We had Griffin Dunn in here a couple of weeks ago. He was a friend of hers.
Starting point is 00:45:53 Beverly D'Angelo we had on the show. He's a friend of hers. And Treat Williams, now you. She's touched a lot. A lot of our guests had longstanding friendships with her. Craig Bierko's another one. Yeah. And she paid Gilbert a compliment.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Yeah, I was doing a roast with her, and she looks at me and smiles and goes, you are just my type. And I said, what's your type? And she goes, little, cute, and funny. I thought you were going to say breathing. As long as we're on land, and we'll move past it, but you also turn up in the Blues Brothers as one of the. I love how he kept giving you the same.
Starting point is 00:46:42 Yeah, he kept giving you the same credit. Charming guy. Well, it was always a little bit different. Right. I think the first, in Animal House, I was charming guitar player. Yeah. And in Blues Brothers, I was charming state trooper. Then I did Twilight Zone.
Starting point is 00:47:00 I was in Twilight Zone as a soldier. Charmed. One of Nitayer's troops yeah right right right no uh and then i was in that and i was charming uh charming gi and then the last one i did was uh uh wait a minute did i do all of them yeah yeah yeah four of them kentucky fried movie uh animal house blues brothers and twilight zone right right yeah i was brothers Yeah, four of them. Kentucky Fried Movie, Animal House, Blues Brothers, and Twilight Zone. Right, right. Yeah. Blues Brothers, that was my line, you know.
Starting point is 00:47:29 I wasn't in the script. I was in the police car, and then it flips over when they trash the mall, and then it's turning round and round, and so I go, they broke my watch. That was my line. One other Landis project we might as well mention. You're in the Thriller video.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Oh, yeah, right, right. Well, not. You'd have to, you know, put on your bifocals or something to find me. But, I mean, I was in a yellow shirt to the right of Michael Jackson and his date. And you can see me though, on a, as long as you have a wide screen, I want to go back to the struggling years,
Starting point is 00:48:14 Steven. There's, there's some good stuff in there. And I, I was telling Gilbert that at one point you were basically in your Volkswagen going from celebrity's house to celebrity's house auditioning. You wrote,
Starting point is 00:48:26 you went to Barbra Streisand's, you went to Diana Ross's house. Yeah. Auditioning songs or, or I was very playing your repertoire for them. As a songwriter. I, I did find a way to get in to play for a song,
Starting point is 00:48:43 you know, now it never happened, but back then it song. You know, now it never happened, but back then, you could possibly play in person for a person, for a human being, a celebrity, a singer. And so I did that with Melissa Manchester. She didn't record any of my songs. I did that with Diana Ross.
Starting point is 00:48:59 I'm like sitting there with Diana Ross, you know, going, and she's like, I think she had a Valium or something. She seemed a little laid back. But, you know, she was going, that's great. She was being very nice. I must have played about 30 songs for her. When all of a sudden, knock, knock, knock, who's at the door? Smokey Robinson, Jr.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Wow. Smokey Robinson, what? And so he comes in. What a great songwriter. And so he sat there and listened to me and he says, I want to sign you. And I was like, wow. He was working at Motown and that would be like, well,
Starting point is 00:49:33 I think I'll jump off a cliff if I go with Motown. You played at Michelle Phillips' house too? And what was the story that Beatty and Nicholson popped in? Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. You got all the stuff.
Starting point is 00:49:49 I wound up going to, I had an assignment, right, to go and play songs for Michelle Phillips. So I didn't know that Michelle Phillips was living with Warren Beatty. And so I go there to their house on Mulholland Drive, and I got my guitar and a songbook and everything. And just as I get there, Warren Beatty and Jack Nicholson are walking up to the house to get into the house to eat something or something. And they had played tennis on the tennis court there. played tennis uh on the you know tennis court there and so i sat with them because she was late and she was doing her thing and she was going to come down a little while and she was also making
Starting point is 00:50:31 food and um and so i uh warren bailey said hey play me a song so i went oh okay so i just written this song of mine careless and uh which is on my first album first album is called careless and uh i played it for him and he said you know you don't need that one line right here you could really just you could take that out and anyway i followed his his thought you know i wound up making the change and i i uh changed it So that was pretty neat. And so funny thing, you know, she made chili, right, Michelle? Okay. I don't know how to say this, but this was so funny at the time to me, but it doesn't really read or say, it doesn't sound that funny.
Starting point is 00:51:18 But at one point I found myself in line in the kitchen for chili. It was Warren, Jack Nicholson, and me. And it was just like me. And so I'm like really nervous because they're like mega stars and everything. So I go, my voice is shaking, and I go, Jack. And he goes, yeah, you know, and Jack Nichols. He goes, have you ever tried a poached egg in chili? It's really good.
Starting point is 00:51:53 He looks at me, total deadpan. No, never tried it. That's the extent of my conversation with him steven i see the guitar behind you and before we get too deep into the show do you want to play something for us sure careless i'm gonna tell you my burt backer x oh i love the burt backer x story you want me to wait no no whatever you want to do um well um okay uh in 1981 i had a lot of things i was doing i was producing people i was doing this and doing writing this doing that for movies and blah blah and like number 16 on the list was write song with burt backrack for the movie arthur you know uh they were doing a soundtrack album and so they wanted songs so I go I'm thinking like Burt Bacharach you know I was a major fan but I thought oh he's probably much
Starting point is 00:52:52 older now and he's probably out of it so I show up at the door I'm thinking it's going to be hey it's Burt Bacharach how you doing sit down you know and he's like total the opposite of that. He was like incredibly handsome. He had like a tennis racket in his hand and a sweatshirt, and he'd just been playing tennis. And he's like, Stephen, come on in. And so I came in, and I wrote this song with him and his girlfriend at the time, Carol Bayer Sager. So he plays, we were in the music room,
Starting point is 00:53:28 and his white grand piano was on like a pedestal. It was like above, so you look up at him. And he gets up on there, and he plays this chord that was like, I don't know what, an L7, 5, 6, something. like i don't know what an l756 something uh and it was like jing and i swear uh two white doves flew out of the piano it was like oh my god listen to this guy he was like his chords his stuff he's like amazing so uh he's you know uh let's see well i, I guess I could tell this. So he's brought out a joint, and we wind up smoking a joint. And, you know, there's nothing like Burt Bacharach's stash. He's like, God, I got so blasted.
Starting point is 00:54:16 I was like really blasted. And I was like really worried that like how am I going to write something? I'm so out of it. Ah, I got to get it together. So I go i go you know so i turn on my little tape recorder and i always do that when i'm writing a song and a little cassette tape recorder so it records everything so that was going and uh i say excuse me i have to go to the bathroom real quick so i go to the bathroom. I look in the mirror. I go, you idiot. That's Burt Bacharach out there. Oh my God. And like all these songs start going through my head. Like you'll never get to heaven if you break my, the look of love. Do you know the way to say, you know, all of his
Starting point is 00:54:57 stuff and I'm, I'm scared to death. And so I, I went out there and, uh, we actually did write a song, um, that was song that was on the soundtrack. I don't know if it was in the movie, but it was called Only Love or It's Only Love or something. And it really turned out good, and I'm very happy about that. And so I'm on my way home. So I'm playing the cassette. Only love. Excuse me.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Could I use the bathroom real quick? I hear myself say that. And all of a sudden, I'm listening to them talking. And I'm like, oh, I didn't realize I was going to tape them. So they're like talking like baby talk. And they're like, she was like was like going bert i'm tired i want to go to bed now i'm tired and he's like well baby don't worry about it baby you know uh you know we'll get a little sushi or something and no no problem baby and i'm like feeling so like a creep that i'm listening to
Starting point is 00:56:08 their personal conversation hilarious do you want to play something for the from yeah yeah yeah from the new record we see the guitar there behind you let me put on my I have to wear these braces, which is just a real drag, but I have to wear these braces because I played video games for 12... No, for 25 years. Wow. Interesting. 25 years of video games goofed up my thumbs. Wow.
Starting point is 00:56:38 Yeah, they did. I'm still right. We want to hear about the cheese injury later. Oh, God. That's another thing. All right. Let's see. What should be the first song?
Starting point is 00:56:55 Oh, no. What does it say? Jimmy? Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Oh, hi. Oh. Jimmy oh oh oh okay oh hi oh
Starting point is 00:57:09 almost got me in the nose there we're making it a mic adjustment alright no prob okay this is a song this is a song that Jimmy Webb wrote and I recorded it
Starting point is 00:57:22 because I love it it's called Someone Else oh it's on the new. It's called Someone Else. Oh, it's on the new album. It's on the new album. He wrote it when he was 12. And, you know, I really relate to it because I had a girlfriend in high school named Claudia Higgins. And one day I came out of math class to surprise her in the lunch quad,
Starting point is 00:57:50 and she was in the arms of Brad Bright, this guy Brad Bright. And she was like, oh, Brad. And I was like totally heartbroken. And I wound up going to her locker to get information. And so I knew her combination. So I opened up her locker and i see i get this nifty binder you know and with a magnetic thing and so i i look on the first page dear brad i think steve's on to us wow so i can't read that so i so i wound up just, I really relate to this song. It sounds, now they're married, by the way, which is good for them.
Starting point is 00:58:35 Anyway, so here it is. Here it is. Let's see. I haven't practiced today, so I hope I don't goof up. It's someone else. I've known it all the time, known that you're not mine, and will never be. It's someone else I saw you out last night Holding him so tight And it's someone else
Starting point is 00:59:46 No, I really can't blame him For what's happening to me Will happen to him That's a certainty And he'll learn There's always someone else Like I learned myself
Starting point is 01:00:36 Always someone else Always someone else Wow. Beautiful, Stephen. I got like a hangnail or something. What's going on over here? He wrote that when he was 12 years old. Can you believe it? That's staggering. His songs are so, we just saw him just the other night in concert.
Starting point is 01:01:29 He was just amazing. His songs are so, I mean, think of all of them. MacArthur Park, Didn't We, The Highwaymen, Wichita Linemen. I Love All I Know, the one Art recorded. Yeah, I tried to write with him. I tried to write with Jimmy Webb once because we've been friends for like 40 years or something. And we tried to write together because we thought, well, yeah, we should write. And we get in a room.
Starting point is 01:01:59 It didn't really work out too well. And then later he goes, you know, man, there's only one problem with writing with you. I said, what? He goes, you're in the room. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I guess that makes sense. I don't know. He was on this podcast, and he sang MacArthur Park with the guy sitting next to me. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:02:26 I will send you a clip. It's life-changing, Stephen. It's life-changing. And you're like one of our seventh guests or something that is loved in the Philippines. Yeah, we had Paul Williams here. I have a long-standing relationship with the Philippines. I mean, I went there originally in 1980 because I was researching faith healers back then. And because my brother had told me that, you know, this guy John Newcomb, the tennis player, he had hurt himself.
Starting point is 01:03:02 And then they healed him over there. And I thought, you know, I he had hurt himself, and then they healed him over there. And I thought, you know, I always, you know, I buy anything. So I went along with it and wound up going all the way to the Philippines. And then since I was there, I went on their TV shows and different things. So they know about me for years and years and years. So I've been there. I've played there now 11 times. Last year was my 11th trip.
Starting point is 01:03:27 Wow. You're making a doc about that in part? Yeah, we're making a documentary about the trip because I had my manager film everything. And so, yeah, that and my weird career and, you know, it's kind of a mixture of stuff. But it's really funny. There's a lot of funny stuff in it. I got to bring up a name that came up on this podcast out of the blue we had rupert holmes in here a couple of weeks ago and he's become a friend of the show and uh some we had callers calling up and asking us trivia and somebody called us up and wanted to know who was
Starting point is 01:04:00 the famous drummer who appeared as one of spinalinal Tap's drummers? A famous session drummer, a famous L.A. drummer. And the answer to the question turned out to be Russ Kunkel. Oh, I was going to say Russ Kunkel. Yeah, so there you go. So who is a guy Russ Kunkel and his wife played? Leah. Yeah, Leah Kunkel, who I believe is Cass Elliott's sister? Yep.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Yeah, played a role, a pivotal role in uh in your career oh very much so yeah and she's she's she's in town actually i'm gonna see her uh this week hopefully uh she uh was a good pal of mine and then uh she really liked my songs and stuff and so she got my songs and then gave it to Russ, and he gave it to Art Garfunkel. This was in like, I don't know, 75? Mm-hmm. And he gave it to him, and he wound up recording two songs on his Breakaway album. And then I was like, you know, finally on my way. You know, I was like, I finally got a good thing know i was like i finally got a good thing a
Starting point is 01:05:05 turning point that's a beautiful song by the way looking for the right one yeah he did looking for the right one i like your version and i like art's version yeah so he wound up recording about eight songs of mine um yeah uh it was a time you know i. I mean, I was so excited to work with Art Garfunkel back then. I was a big S&G fan. Sure. Oh, shit. I just spilled my Pellegrino. It was just funny that we were kicking the name Russ Kunkel around on this podcast,
Starting point is 01:05:44 and I went home to do the research, to start the research on you, and bam, up came the name Russ Kunkel. So it was just a funny coincidence. Followed his career, too. I mean, he's played with everybody. You said in an interview how important music is to just life in general. Oh, yeah. I mean, what if we didn't have music oh because terrible be unlivable you said like before you're born there's your mother's heartbeat you said it yeah i didn't say it you must have been told that you I heard my mother's heartbeat before I was born?
Starting point is 01:06:26 Yeah. Wow. I guess that I was taking a psilocybin. Your manager's calling bullshit on you. I don't remember saying that. In New York, I said that? Was that the time I was on psilocybin? No way.
Starting point is 01:06:47 I don't remember saying that. I heard my mother's heartbeat in the womb. No, you didn't hear it. But you were saying basically like before someone's born, it's their mother's heartbeat. That's their life. And that's like a rhythm. That's pretty profound, Stephen.ven i guess so i don't remember
Starting point is 01:07:07 i guess you never fucking said i would claim that i don't remember saying it but you know tell us about writing on and on because it's a fun story how it how it came to it came together i don't remember saying that but i've had problems with my short-term memory my long-term memory and my short-term memory very good oh you're perfect for you fit right in at this show tell us about on and on well it was just you know it came from a chord you know um i was messing around with the guitar and i hit this chord and i oh, this chord is so cool. I'm going to do something with this chord. So I just kept playing it, and days went by.
Starting point is 01:07:55 I didn't eat or sleep, and I just hit this chord. And people from miles around would come just to hear this chord. And finally, I thought, I better do something with this chord. I'll do a little bit of this. Down in Jamaica they got lots of pretty women Steal your money then they break your heart Lonesome Sue, she's in love with old Sam Take him from the fire into the frying pan On and on, she just keeps on trying
Starting point is 01:08:36 And she smiles, but she feels like crying On and on, on and on, on and on. When the first time is the last time, it can make you feel so bad. It can make you feel so bad. But if you know it, show it. Hold on tight, don't let her say goodnight. Got the sun on my shoulders My toes in the sand A woman's left me for some other man
Starting point is 01:09:36 Ah, but I don't care I'll just dream and stay ten Toss up my heart to see Where it lands on and on I just keep on trying And I smile when I feel like dying On and on, on and on On and on, on and on, on and on
Starting point is 01:10:07 On and on, on and on, on and on On and on, on and on, on and on On and on On and on On and on Lovely. That sounds so great. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. At Miele, our partner is the planet. Our appliances use less water and energy and are tested to last for 20 years of use.
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Starting point is 01:11:32 That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies' man. To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect.
Starting point is 01:12:03 Yeah, it was at the time I was trying to make it and the whole thing, and that's when I wrote it. My landlady had all these exotic flowers, and so I just wanted to be somewhere other than Silver Lake. And so I said, down in Jamaica, hence the Rita Marley going, what do you know about Jamaican women? Didn't it have a different lyric in that spot? Wasn't it something about feed your mangoes?
Starting point is 01:12:34 Oh, that was on the rough. You must have looked at the rough draft. I did. I looked at your book. Oh, yeah, yeah. It had feed you mangoes. It had all these terrible lines. It had like, you know,
Starting point is 01:12:47 find a lover in the five and ten cent store and, you know, terrible lines, you know. Well, I want to recommend that book, which people can find online. Yeah, it's hard to find. Yeah, but it's on. If you go to Amazon, you can find it. I mean, there's some great stories.
Starting point is 01:13:03 You had injured yourself, which is a whole other show, but you injured yourself carrying a plate of brie. No, it was bigger than that. Was it a tray? Huge. A big tray of cheese. A huge thing of cheese. Yeah. And you couldn't play, so you decided to write this book.
Starting point is 01:13:20 Was that it? That's true. I was on Vicodin for about three months. And I was just really, I don't know if there's a different Vicodin now, but it was like the Vicodin back then, I was like flying, you know, and I was calling everybody. And I talked to, I still have the rough drafts, actually, of a lot of them. I still have the rough drafts, actually, of a lot of them. I have the Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees.
Starting point is 01:13:50 I have a boarding pass that they wrote, you know, Robin Bee Gee wrote the, you know, lines from the song on it and stuff. And I've got Monster Mash, the rough of Monster Mash. The Doc Pamas story is very sweet. Oh, the Doc Pama. He wrote the lyrics for Save the Last Dance on his wedding invitation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, very sweet story.
Starting point is 01:14:16 Yeah, it's a great book. I mean, people who have seen it love it. Did you write a letter to Dylan trying to get your hands on some original? I did. What was the result of that? It was weird to write a letter to him because I was like, dear Bob, comma, you know, yeah, I wrote to him. I wrote to Pete Seeger.
Starting point is 01:14:40 I wrote to everybody back then. And, you know, I actually met Bob Dylan once. I met just about everybody. I never met everybody back then. And I actually met Bob Dylan once. I met just about everybody. I never met you, Gilbert. But I met a lot of people. And I was at this party for my chiropractor back then. One of his patients was Bob Dylan. And so this must be about like 30 years ago or something. And so I went to
Starting point is 01:15:08 this party and there's Bob Dylan. And he's like, wow, Bob Dylan, you know. And I walk over to him, you know, I swear to God, this is true. I say, oh, it's so great to meet you. Hi, great to meet you uh hi great to meet you my name is stephen bishop he goes stephen bishop oh no i shouldn't do all those sound effects you know like i saw him in concert every song was like taxi so he goes um wow you're famous he says wow you're famous to me i'm like huh i'm famous you're like really famous wow do you know do you know that old story about his singing because i i mentioned it in um my book and i had i'd called everybody and i one of the people uh uh that i called i talked to um this girl who was the daughter of uh woody guthrie uh her name is uh sharon guthrie or something like that anyway and that was his big and he loved him so much you know and he fashioned all his songwriting from him and And she told me that during the final stages of his life,
Starting point is 01:16:28 Woody Guthrie's life, he had Huntington's disease. And Bob used to always, he was so enamored with him, he'd come there and sit at his feet, and he just loved him so much. So this is a fascinating thing. He was singing like this, you know, this land is your land. And Bob Dylan copied that style of sounding like you're sick. And his wife, when she used to hear Bob Dylan sing, she used to get very upset because it reminded her of her sick husband. You know, because he'd go, well, you know, and that's how Woody Guthrie was sounding.
Starting point is 01:17:13 So can you imagine he influenced like a whole, the Byrds, Tom Petty, everybody, you know, well, I don't know. You know, I mean, it's an amazing story, really, but it's true. The Woody Guthrie story, too, in the book of how he wrote This Land is Your Land as an angry response to Irving Berlin's God Bless America was also fascinating. We have to tell our fans to get the book. Songs in the Rough. There's a good story, too, about Al Cooper hating Gary Lewis's version
Starting point is 01:17:44 of This Diamond Ring. Oh, yeah. Tell us about Harry Nielsen, another guy you knew. rough there's a good story too about uh al cooper hating gary lewis's version of this diamond ring oh yeah tell us about harry nielsen another guy you knew he comes up a lot on this show well harry nielsen was a good friend of mine um he was really good friends with jimmy webb they were really great friends but i became friends with them in the last you know four or five years of his life. Gosh, I wonder what I should tell. I was actually at the, you know, I met three of the Beatles, but I never met John Lennon, but I did see him the night that they were hassling the Smothers Brothers. Oh, that's a famous night, yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:23 Yeah, I was there because I wound up, I was in the bar, and then I said, could I use the bathroom? And that was an old trick to go through the Troubadour, like you're using the bathroom, then you hide yourself away and watch the show for free. So I did see him. I mean, I was such a John Lennon fan uh
Starting point is 01:18:46 still am but um I didn't know the whole thing you know why they were arguing or anything where was I going with this oh a Harry Nilsson story
Starting point is 01:18:57 oh Harry Nilsson and he was with John Lennon that night yeah and they got in a fight and it was awful I knew uh Harry Nielsen. I was at a party and
Starting point is 01:19:11 no, don't tell that story. So, we'll talk about it later in the car. Perfect segue. What was this? I remember hearing that story. What was the story with segue what was this i remember hearing that story what was the story with the beatles and uh this month it was just harry and john no it was harry and john heckling
Starting point is 01:19:33 heckling the smothers they were they were drunk and they were hassling the smothers brothers you know and i i could tell it was the smothers brothers then i looked and I saw John Lennon's face. He had a big face. Yeah, that's a famous night. And what's the Gary Lewis one? Well, I don't know anything about that. I never met Gary Lewis. Well, it's in your book. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:56 Well, people will have to get the book. I'll give you my copy of the book, Gil. Okay, here's what you were waiting for. I know, here it is, here it is. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Stephen, will you sing something? Everybody knows. A turkey and another turkey. Make two turkeys.
Starting point is 01:20:26 Gilbert wants to know if you'll be brave enough to sing something with him. Sure. Okay. It might be you. But do you have what parts he'll sing? He didn't write that one. You want to sing It Might Be You with him? Yes.
Starting point is 01:20:41 Sure. I mean, are you going to sing like good? Or like strange? You haven't heard this show. Yeah, you've never heard me before. He sang with Tommy James, Ron Dante, Jimmy Webb. Who else? Oh, Tony Orlando.
Starting point is 01:20:58 Tony Orlando. Dick Van Dyke. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Dick Van Dyke was a very known singer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dick Van Dyke was a very known singer. Yeah. Yeah. Not.
Starting point is 01:21:08 Well, he'll do a little bit of, why don't you take it to all of my life, and then Gilbert will do the middle section. Do you want to do it on your own or with me? Because we're on Skype, we'll have to do each section separately. Yeah, because we block each other out. Or you'll block each other out audio-wise. Time. I've been passing time. do each section separately. Yeah, because we block each other out. Or you'll block each other out audio-wise. Time I've been
Starting point is 01:21:27 passing time Watching trains go by All of my life Lying on the sand Watching seabirds fly Wishing there would be Someone waiting home for me
Starting point is 01:21:55 Something's telling me it might be you It's telling me it might be you it's telling me it might be you all of my life looking back on lovers go walking past perfect all of my life Wondering how they met And what makes it last If I found a place Would I recognize the face? Would I recognize the face? Something's telling me it might be you All of my life
Starting point is 01:22:55 You could do this part, Steven. Less of him is better. So many quiet walks to take. So many dreams to wake. And with so much love to make. It's getting lonely here. me It's getting lonely here.
Starting point is 01:23:25 And it's telling me it might be you all of my life. I've been saving love songs and lullabies. I've been waiting
Starting point is 01:23:44 for all of my life. Maybe it's you Lullabies Been waiting for All of my life Maybe it's you It's you It's you I've been waiting for All of my life I love it. A little throwback to the Bish album.
Starting point is 01:24:16 Yeah, really. Which Vicodin is going to be, which Vicodin is necessary for that, Stephen? You're a brave man. No, no. Yeah. Me take drugs? There was a one time in my life where I didn't smoke marijuana.
Starting point is 01:24:33 I was marijuana. We're going to plug the new album again. When can we expect the book and the documentary? The book should come out hopefully the end of this year or beginning of next year. And the album's coming out tomorrow. I love Like Mother, Like Daughter. Oh, Like Mother, Like Daughter? Great track.
Starting point is 01:24:57 Great. She was three years old when the postcard came With just a lipstick kiss and her mama's name Guess mama had to get away from the old humdrum Like mother, like daughter, like father, like son Nice. The whole album is terrific. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:25:29 And it's got the Jimmy Webb cover that you played. It's a little bit of everything. I tried to, you know, because I'm a student of the Beatles, you know, they always had, like, so much variety in their albums. You know, they had fast songs, slow songs, interesting songs. You know, and I wanted to go that route. I wanted to have, I didn't want to have an album. So many albums you get now, you play the song and then the next song sounds kind of the same
Starting point is 01:25:54 and the next song sounds the same. I didn't want to do that. Well, I want to plug this one. We'll talk about it later in the car. We got the title right. I also, for personal reasons, I love the Bish album and Careless. I think our listeners should get
Starting point is 01:26:06 your first two records. Oh, you didn't like Red Cab to Manhattan? I like Red Cab to Manhattan, too. I like Sex Kittens Go to College, now that you asked. Sex Kittens Go to College. Are you a Mamie Van Doren fan? Where did that lyric come from? Sex
Starting point is 01:26:21 kittens go to college. Sex kittens go to college sex kids go to college sex kids go to college i wonder what they're studying tonight yeah did you want to ask steven if he met orson wells on on the henry jack yes you know know, I was telling my manager, I should have a special part in my book for all the people I've met and shook hands with. You should. Who weren't looking at me. Who weren't looking at me as they shook my hand.
Starting point is 01:26:56 I shook Orson Welles, the great Orson Welles. He was looking off the side. Yeah, how you doing? Shake. I met Robert Redford at the Academy thing, and he was like, yeah, looking off to the side. He's shaking my hand. That's a book. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:11 It should be a big list, I think. You'll be jealous of Gilbert because I know you're a big Steely Dan fan. And last night, Gilbert was with Donald Fagan. And in fact, you stole something from him. Yes, I went back to Donald Fagan's hotel room, and I stole a sewing kit, a toothbrushing kit, shampoo. Just last night. Yeah. That's hilarious.
Starting point is 01:27:40 I felt very proud of myself. Yes, get Red Cab to Manhattan. I love the Little Italy song, which is not on that album. I felt very proud of myself. Yes, get Red Cab to Manhattan. I love the Little Italy song, which is not on that album, but I love that song. Oh, Little Italy. Little Italy. That kills me to play with my thumbs. Oh, I don't mind.
Starting point is 01:27:53 I wouldn't make you play it. But the Bish album is great. You got the Whistling Bichettes on there, Bish's Hideaway. Carrie's in the first row. Yes, Carrie, and I think Cameron Crowe was doing some backup vocals on that record. Cameron Crowe. No, he wasn't doing background vocals. He was just... What was he doing? Oh, he was whistling.
Starting point is 01:28:11 I had everybody whistle the Onward Christian Soldiers. Onward Christian Soldiers. I used to hear that when I was in church when I was a kid. And it was like... So I had all these people whistling the whistling bichettes yeah the whistling bichettes
Starting point is 01:28:33 and get the book you guys can find it you know we do a lot of music history on this show we do episodes where we just talk about song history and your book is perfect for that
Starting point is 01:28:41 Songs in the Rough did I mention the name of the book? I just did. No, my book. Oh, your book. What is your book called? On and Off. Love it.
Starting point is 01:28:56 And you're one of the few people who remembers my season of Saturday Night Live. Well, I remember, you know, I think, okay, let me just check to see who was on it. My memory serves. I've always been a big fan of SNL, even when they went down. I was loyal. I stuck with them.
Starting point is 01:29:18 It's kind of like, I remember that happened with Perrier once. You know, they said about 30 years ago, I was such a Perrier fan. And they said, oh, there's something in the cap and it's going to give you cancer. I was like, I'll drink it anyway. So I remember, you know, Elaine, you know, was on that show, your show, wasn't she? Julia Louis-Dreyfus?
Starting point is 01:29:41 No, she was the season right after. Oh, she was? Yeah. So, did you, what was that woman's name? And so, the tip of my tongue, she was friends
Starting point is 01:29:52 with Woody Allen, she produced the show. Oh, that was Jean Dumanian. She was the producer. But who actually, I mean, he left, right?
Starting point is 01:30:01 Lorne Michaels. Yes, yes. So, you had, wasn't she doing the show, really? Oh, well, she was the producer. Yeah, she picked you, Bill, right? Lorne Michaels. Yes, yes. So wasn't she doing the show, really? Well, she was the producer. Yeah, she picked you, Gil, right? Yeah. Well, who was directing?
Starting point is 01:30:11 Like that guy, Paul? Dave. Dave Wilson. Dave Wilson. Yeah, Dave Wilson. Dave Wilson, right. Yeah. Gilbert's cast was Joe Piscopo.
Starting point is 01:30:19 Oh, right. Ann Risley. Let me see if I can do it. Oh, you didn't have that weird guy who did Nancy Reagan. No, Terry Sweeney was later. That came, yeah. He was a writer on my season. Right.
Starting point is 01:30:31 That was rough. You had Gail Mathias. Yeah. Piscopo. Yes. You. Ann Risley. Who am I leaving out?
Starting point is 01:30:38 Oh, right. Ann Risley. Ann Risley. Donna. Denny Dillon. Denny Dillon. And Charlie Rocket. Gail Mathias. Denny Dillon and Charlie Rocket and Eddie Murphy
Starting point is 01:30:49 and Joe Piscopo so that's like 81, 82? from 80 to 81 he's still very proud of it he did a really good Frank Sinatra Joe Piscopo he did that. It was, that was an embarrassing, I'm so glad they don't show reruns of my season.
Starting point is 01:31:15 Was it, did you guys have good writers? I mean, where did it, was it the cast? I don't know. It just, I remembered it sucked all the way around. Steven, thanks for schlepping. Thanks for doing this. Are you going to be playing in New York anytime soon? No.
Starting point is 01:31:32 Okay. Oh, wait, wait. I had to think about that. Next year, yeah. Next year. Okay. We want to thank everybody. We want to thank the people on your team,
Starting point is 01:31:41 the team at Jensen and Ryan Romanesco, for making this possible. And my manager, Liz Kamlet. And your manager, Liz. Yep. And this was a blast. You're a sport to sing with Gilbert. Next time we'll talk about Andrew Gold.
Starting point is 01:32:01 I had the weirdest thought. I thought, you you know you probably you don't need a can of Raid or anything in your kitchen you could just like talk and just at the insects and they'd die I shouldn't even have mentioned that he's going to sign off
Starting point is 01:32:20 could you do an imitation the insects would be gone could you do an imitation? The insects would be gone. Could you do an imitation of me talking to the insects? Hey, you crummy insects. No. I don't. It gives me a sore throat. I can do Tom Waits, but I always get a sore throat afterward.
Starting point is 01:32:39 Sign off. The man's got to go home. Okay. This is Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. And we've been talking to the man who may or may not have said that when you're in your mother's womb, You hear her heartbeat.
Starting point is 01:33:06 We don't know if he said it or didn't say it. If anyone knows if you were in a room and he said it, please tell us. Stephen Bishop. Stephen, thanks for putting up with us. Alright, I had fun. Drive carelessly.
Starting point is 01:33:23 Thank you. Well, she's kind and pretty, drives a big car too. And when I hold her in my arms, I never know what to do. She's got everything she needs, what does she need me for? Just a crazy fool coming back for more. And I know she's not good and can't live but I know I should Everybody says watch out boy, she'll break your heart like it was a toy You better see her before it rains today
Starting point is 01:33:59 You better see her for a rainy day Well, I'd leave in a minute if I only could But when she touches me, it makes me feel so good With my heart in her hand, this is sure a mess There's no way I say no when she says yes, yes, yes Take me, shake me, and tell me this ain't a dream Everybody says I'm watching, boy She'll break your heart like it was a toy Better, save it for a rainy day Better
Starting point is 01:34:47 Save it for a rainy day I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm
Starting point is 01:35:20 I'm I'm I'm I'm You better save it, save it for a rainy day You better save it, save it for a rainy day You better save it, save it for a rainy day Saving Saving for a rainy day Saving Saving for a rainy day
Starting point is 01:35:59 Saving Saving for a rainy day You better sing it Sing it for a rainy day Sing it for a rainy day Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast is produced by Dara Gottfried and Amazing Colossal Podcast is produced by Dara Gottfried and Frank Santapadre
Starting point is 01:36:27 with audio production by Frank Fertorosa. Web and social media is handled by Mike McPadden, Greg Pair, and John Bradley-Seals. Special audio contributions by John Beach. Special thanks to John Fodiatis, John Murray, and Paul Rayburn.

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