Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 31. Danny Bonaduce

Episode Date: December 29, 2014

Actor, comedian and radio host Danny Bonaduce started in show business at age four and achieved fame at age ten as smart-alecky Danny Partridge on the hit sitcom "The Partridge Family." But within a year of the show's cancellation, he was homeless, battling substance abuse and piling up arrests. Gilbert and Frank dialed up Danny at his home in Seattle to ask him about his early roles on shows like "Bewitched" and "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir," his four years as a Partridge and his long, VERY strange trip from tabloid celebrity to reality show "train wreck" to top-rated shock jock and radio show host. Also: Danny meets a young Richard Pryor, bangs up Sonny Bono's Porsche, runs afoul of an angry chimp and dukes it out with Donny Osmond and Greg Brady. PLUS: Ray Bolger! Mick Jagger! Whit Bissell! Shirley Jones sends Danny to his room! And David Cassidy displays his hidden "talent!" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and our guest today is one of the few child stars who actually grew up and made a success of himself. He's an actor, a stand-up comic, a radio host, a professional wrestler,

and the only one of our guests who's both a black belt and an ordained minister. Welcome Danny Partridge himself, Danny Bonaduce. Wow, well, thank you, Gilbert. That was awesome. Oh, thank you. Welcome, Danny. What's a pleasure? I remember being on your radio show in Chicago.

Yeah, yeah, you were fantastic. I mean, Gilbert has I guess most people know this. When you have a celebrity, it's kind of one thing on the radio, but when you have a celebrity, everybody goes, the second you open your mouth, oh, Gilbert Godfrey, that guy that did this and then that and then this, that's a home run

every time. Yeah, and I remember we hung out afterwards and had a wild time. Yes, yes, we did. Care to talk about it? You know, I'm sitting right here next to my wife, but yes, yes, I would. If you're going to dare me, I'm going to take up the mantle.

Okay, I'll dare you. What the fuck? Okay, how dare you? What the fuck? I'm ready. You just... You know what? I don't remember it being that incredibly weird of a night, but I'm a weirder cat than most people.

I remember we went out, somehow hooked up with this girl I know, and one or more of us may have had sex with her. Yes. And I remember, and this is why I feel I have a real connection with you, because in the alleyway... You know, when a story starts off in the alley... When that's the beginning, when that's the mild part.

It was a wild night out. By the way, I have mentioned that to people once or twice a year, every year. You want to hear something weird? So me and Gilbert Gonsi are in an alley. And, you know, it's one that warms up the troops. I remember she bent over in the alleyway, and you inserted yourself. Wow, was that in the alley? I thought that was in somebody's house.

No, that was in the alley when it first started. Yes. And then she started to blow me. And I was having... And my erection was kind of a semi-erection because I kept looking at you. Right. I was right there only a torso away. Yeah. So when you're standing there trying to get a blowjob and looking at Danny Partridge,

it's really hard to keep an eye on him. Hey, can I just say this? I got a boner right off the bat looking at Iago. Oh. And then I remember I had a hotel room. Right. So we both went up there, and you went first. Oh, wow.

Look at me go. Yeah. You are my opening act. What a great way to put that. So to speak. I remember I was doing one of those stupid celebrity moments that I used to do, and one was celebrity boxing. And I'm doing the celebrity boxing stuff. Yeah.

And do you know who Jose Canseco is? Of course. Oh, yeah. He's like the biggest motherfucker in the world. And I'm standing in the ring because he was being a bit of a bitch and wouldn't make a sense of it on time. So I'm standing in the ring, and I'm five foot six and a half, by the way. And so Jose Canseco comes in six foot six, I believe. You can check the stats on this guy.

Comes in over the top rope, and I hear a ding, and my hands go up, and I think, hey, this is one of those things you just don't see every day. And didn't he outweigh you by about 100 pounds, Danny? About 100 pounds on the nose. I weighed 165. He weighed 265. It's kind of a draw, that one, wasn't it? That was one of the, I mean, I'm lucky to be alive, and I survived, and you look back

on that stuff, and it seems kind of funny. But, you know what, I've been through a lot. I was in a high-speed police chase once. And I was more afraid of boxing Jose Canseco. And I remember, too, when we were in the alleyway with our pants zipped up, there was this one, you know, sleazy looking guy who walked by who was staring at us. And you turned around and, I mean, he was a big guy. And you go, what?

What? What's your problem? And you said, like, you don't give a shit. No, that's one of my problems like, you don't give a shit. No, that's one of my problems. I often don't give a shit. Boy, it's going to be hard to talk about Danny Partridge after this. Yeah, in the same way. Even I don't look at myself the same way.

Now, here's a story I'm sure you're tired of talking about, but I'd be remiss in not bringing it up. And that's when you beat up a transvestite. You know what? I'm not tired of talking about that. I love talking about that. You know, it's funny that you say this, Gilbert. When I just referenced the high-speed police chase that I was in, it's because of that story.

It is? Yes. All in the same. Start from the beginning, Danny. All right. All right.. Oh, start from the beginning, Danny. All right, all right. So I will start from the beginning. I go out, and this is going to be a long story if you want it all, but I go out to get a pack of cigarettes.

And the reason I know I'm only 880 feet from my house is because we had to measure it for court. Like lawyers were asking, how far are you at? So anyway, I go out to get cigarettes. There's a girl standing on the corner, and she doesn't look like she's – she looks like she's up to no good. And I say, I don't really remember what I said. Anyway, she ends up in my car. $40 is exchanged.

I pull forward because I don't want to be in the 7-Eleven parking lot. I pull forward, and I look at this girl, and I think, hmm, what's not right? I don't know what it is. Oh, I know. You're a guy. So I say, you know, I've been through a lot, Gilbert. So I stay pretty calm, and I just say, hey, man, there's been a mistake.

No harm, no foul. But give me that $40 back. And he says, no. And I said, what do you know? And he said, you took me off my corner. And I didn't know the rules, so I go, fuck you, man. Give me my $40 back. And he won't.

And now, this gets to be the most expensive $40. I just should have said, okay, keep it. Get the fuck out, whatever. But I didn't. I took real umbrage with this guy keeping my 40 dollars. So it goes back and forth. I go, hey man, give me my 40 bucks and get out of my car.

And he won't do it. So finally, I get up and I go around to his side of the car because we're dating now. And I open his door and I go, get out. And he won't. So I grab him and I pull him out of the car and because, like, we're dating now, and I open his door, and I go, get out, and he won't, so I grab him, and I pull him out of the car, and he's really fucking big. Like I said, I'm five foot six and a half.

Almost everybody's bigger than me, but this guy, maybe six feet, but 200, 210 pounds. There's a lot of girl guy here. So I said, you know what? This guy sells his butt every night of the week in Phoenix, Arizona. I'll bet he's had some hard times. I'm not going to sit here and discuss this with him uh i just say i'm going to get killed here so i punch him in the head as hard as i can possibly fucking go he falls down and he starts immediately up and i'm screaming and this is just so bizarre i'm screaming don't get up i'm middle i'm a little guy don't get up right now'm middle. I'm a little guy.

Don't get up right now. And he starts getting up. I hear him again. It's all horrible. And the cops pull up. And now the cops are there. There's a transvestite hooker on his ass in the street. It's just the most fucked night ever.

I'm talking to these cops. I think, what do I do? And it occurs to me, I'm really, as far as I can tell, I'm being dead serious here. I haven't done any goddamn thing. There was a discussion over money and fees paid and whatever it was. But you wouldn't get on with it. I hit him. It's no big deal.

I have no problems here. I looked at the cops, and they immediately, I could tell right away, they fucking hate me. So I jumped back into my car, and hit the gas and this is this is a terrible thing whenever you hear a guy took uh decided to run from the cops just kind of tell them no you're never going to get away it's a shitty fucking idea every time so i will tell you we're talking about the weirdest things that happen in your life when i can actually remember i'm in the car running and the radio news comes on and says that there's a high-speed chase. I'm listening to the high-speed chase.

I'm in the car. I'm driving. That's fucking weird. I beat them to my house by about 10 seconds. I run upstairs. I go to my bedroom. I'm laying down on the ground. I strip off all my clothes.

They're not going to beat up a guy that's naked on the floor. There's some reason to this. They kick in my door. They get in my house. I don't really remember how. But I go, oh, they're going to kill me. I can't hide here. So I get up and I get in the closet and I pull all these

dirty clothes over my head and the cops come in and they're looking around the flashlights and they're muscling up stuff with their batons and they go to leave and I think I'm gonna get the fuck away with this unbelievable and they look back around and I don't know some of the clothes of this but it's like the hair is coming out of a zipper I don't know what it was but that was that was. They had me. We criminals like to say hooked and booked, and I was off

to the police station. So I could see you feel very uncomfortable talking about it. You know what's funny? More people would be way more uncomfortable bringing it up. I love talking.

That's a fucking fail-safe story. Who's got a better story than that? That's mine. I need someone who has. Who's got a better story than that? That's mine. I need someone who has the balls like you to bring it up. Oh! Now, there was another time.

You were when... I know you're very secretive about your drug problem. Right. Right. Yes. So you and a friend, I remember in your book, you were sitting in a car in the worst section of town, and these two guys robbed you? Oh, yeah.

I thought we were back in Chicago. This was in Los Angeles. I was just talking about this story to somebody. We pulled up to this terrible part of town. Now, I knew a guy. I'm talking about my book now. I know a guy down there. His name is Ghost, who later on in the story gets fucking shot.

But by the time I know him, I'm getting robbed in all these different wrong streets in this one neighborhood. Because that's the thing with drug dealers. They're just as honest. And I go there with my buddy Dave. And this guy starts acting a little bit rough with me. And he gives me what, one guy gives me what I believe to be crack. And I'm trying to get away because another guy grabs it. And this guy starts biting me really hard.

And I go, Dave, Dave, we have to get out of here. And he's just super calm. He goes, hey, hang on, man. I'm being robbed over here. And somebody's got his gold chain pulled really tight and a razor blade at his neck. So we all just kind of surrendered. Here's the crack from my hand. I don't know what you want from Dave.

And then we finally found ghosts who would sell those every time until somebody shot them. And then we finally found ghosts who would sell to us every time until somebody shot them. And then I heard they busted the tires in the car you were in. You know what? That's right. That is exactly right. And I don't know what we're going to give Chase to a couple of white guys in a crack neighborhood. Hold it right there. But yeah, yeah, they punctured all four of the tires.

I forgot about that. But yeah, yeah, they punctured all four of the tires. I forgot about that. And another time you were going to buy drugs from your pusher, and you were like a block away, and then somebody walked up to your pusher first. Do you remember this? No, somebody walked up.

And somebody walked up and shot your pusher. Right. No, that's Ghost. He's one street over. Come on, Gilbert. He's one street over from where I got lost. He just made it to Ghost. I actually saw him.

You know, it's a crazy world and the stuff we've kind of done. Seeing a real live guy whose name you know get shot right there on the corner, that was really, really really weird and here's kind of a sad note on well drugs are just bad. I think we can all agree on that but I ran away because well they just killed a ghost man. We got to get out of here and that was my

friend and all that and I was back in that neighborhood within 15 to 20 minutes buying crack off the guy who shot him. Wow. Yeah. Talk about a bummer, huh? And you were living with, like, some Asian hooker. Millie, how do you know all this stuff?

He's as great as his. I was living with Millie in the Hollywood Hills Hotel that doesn't exist anymore. It's now the Hollywood Library. I didn't want to say live. I wasn't there very long. I mean, I wasn't getting my mail there, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. Yeah, so I was living with Millie, and I met her at a telephone booth, because they had those back then, on Sunset Boulevard, like one block from her hotel.

And she must have been on the phone with somebody that she knows from Japan because she was speaking Japanese, of course. Well, I speak pretty good Japanese, to be honest with you. And I forget what it was, but I just wanted to know somebody. When you're a crackhead, you're out of, like, friends. And so that's how I started getting to know her and started to live at the Hollywood Hills Motel with Lily, which I thought was weird. That's obviously not her real name, but how much do you have to want to run away from your parents to pick an alias you can't pronounce?

She can't say Lily. Think about it. Like Mary. Right. Riri, what the fuck are you talking about, Riri? I had to figure it all out. Oh, it's me, Mary. Riri, what the fuck are you talking about, Riri? I had to figure it all out. I mean, Riri. But yeah, yeah, that was, I'll tell you, speaking of, this is fun to talk to you, Gilbert.

And I can prove, I had to for legal. I had to be able to prove all the things I claim in that book. There's, you know, there's a lot of arrest reports and things like that in that book. You know, there's a lot of arrest reports and things like that in that book. So, Lily and I had a falling out of sorts. She said, oh no, she wanted to use the room for business.

And I said, fuck you, I paid for the room. I'm not letting you out so you can work, find some other place to work. God's oldest profession, you can do it anywhere. And so she stormed out the door that she was going to go get this big guy that ran the desk to kick me out. And I thought, well, first of all, I'm naked. So that would be really – I'm naked in a lot of my stories.

And I thought, well, that would be weird. So I'm laying there naked, and my wallet's on the night table and things like that. And he comes in the room, and he tells me – he literally wants a room. And I said, I paid for this, not my room. So he just grabs all my shit and throws it out into a crack-infested parking lot in Hollywood.

So I end up going out to get my keys and shit like that, and he slams the door, so I'm locked out of the room. And I'm stark naked. So I get in a fist fight in the streets of Hollywood naked with a huge bouncer. That's a real story because I got into my car. I actually got off not into the sunset but on sunset naked driving away.

And is it true that when he was yelling at you, he called you a howdy doody motherfucker? A fucking motherfucker! That's exactly what he called me. He wouldn't take the thing seriously. God, you're more freshed up on this stuff than I am. I said, let me back in my room, and he goes, fuck you, you howdy-doody-looking motherfucker.

Which I thought was rude. And so I went to think I was tough, which I often do. And I threw a big right hand and did absolutely nothing to this guy. He hit me, and it really hurt. So I got to my car and was able to drive down Sunset Boulevard. It's the weirdest part of the story that you could never know. You know, unless you see the police report of that story, you could wonder, did that really happen?

I was driving across the United States with my ex-wife, and we were in Tennessee, in Memphis, and we decided, hey, let's go see Elvis Presley, let's go see Graceland. And the line's really long, and I was sitting right here, hey, Danny, and I look and it's the black dude from the Hollywood

Hills Hotel that punched me in the face while I was naked. The Howdy Doody guy? It was the Howdy Doody guy? It was the Howdy Doody guy, Danny? Yes, that guy, the Howdy Doody fucking motherfucker. And I said to my ex-wife, I said, you see, that shit absolutely happens to me.

I love the fact that a black guy in a crack house knows, is familiar with Howdy Doody. You know what I mean? It was funny. I kind of thought about Ben, but everything was moving so fast.

Like, how do you fucking know how to do it? But he did. I wonder if he knew Sandy Becker. Joe versus Joe Bolton. And Farfall. Wow, you can really just pick them out. Here's a challenging segue, Danny, from that. Let's talk a little bit about growing up in Philly.

And you come from a showbiz family, actually, which I don't think a lot of people know, that your grandfather was in Vaudeville. Yeah, my godfather was in Vaudeville and pretty much started radio in philadelphia with uh dick clark i've known dick clark my whole life i literally he was he came by the hospital to give my mom some gifts when i was born and i have known that guy ever since interesting and then you went on to work with him on the other half and he was on the partridge family yeah as a matter of, it's weird. Somebody mentioned that they saw that Partridge family yesterday.

Interesting. That it was the Partridge family episode with Dick Clark. And I said, I just said it this morning on my radio show, not on there, we were off the air, I said, isn't that the one where I win the Emmy, the Oscar, the Tony, whatever, and I said, and then I'm also the pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers? And he goes, yeah. And you can see my weather girl going, all right, now you're mine. You were never the pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers. And he goes, yeah. And you can see my weather girl going, all right, now you're mine.

You were never the pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers. But it was all in an episode with Dick Clark. So what was your grandfather's name? It was Jack? Jack Steck. Jack Steck. And he helped Ed McMahon start in the business as well? Do I have my facts right?

He started Ed McMahon. And my grandfather started Ed McMahon. And Dick Clark. He got all these people started. And you know what? They were really, really loyal to him at his funeral.

They both showed up. And I thought, that's really sweet. And this was a real distance from the year that they got discovered and my grandfather put them in show business.

He died at 100 years old. And sure enough, they both showed up. Is your maternal grandfather? Yes, yes. Your mom's father. And your dad worked at the Philly Zoo and did a kitty show with animals? Oh, this is a great story, man. He was

known as Joe the Zoo Man, and he put on his little Saturday morning show with the animals, and he's a really little guy. Like, I towered over my dad. He was five foot two, and he's a really little guy. Like, I towered over my dad. He was 5'2", and he's showing everybody this boa constrictor, and, hey, kids, this is the largest living snake in the world, or whatever the hell he was saying.

And it goes up, and it wraps around the boom microphone and just starts to hang my dad. It goes right up off the ground. Wow. Wow. Yeah. And that's one of those famous stories when you get back to Philadelphia, I hear all about my grandfather because there is not a TV or radio station

that doesn't have his fingerprint on it somewhere. But then every now and again, you hear the Jones' Zoo Man story where he's hanging from a boom mic from a boa constrictor. Now, you and your father didn't, I mean, he was like a very successful TV writer, Dick Van Dyke Show and Andy Griffith Show and many, many other shows. A great list of classic shows.

And then he went, you know, that's a big career when you start a fashion, black and white, and from Philly. He got that job from Philly. And I believe he ended up doing One Day at a Time and Jefferson's and Good Times. That was the end of his career. So really, really talented guy. A dick like you wouldn't believe. And I don't mean like a big one to brag over.

I mean the guy's an asshole. But he's a really talented asshole. Well, he beat all of you, didn't he? All of his sons, all his kids. Oh, I believe the way you said all of you. No, no, no. He missed All his sons, all his kids? Oh, I thought he said all of you. No, no, no, he missed my feet. What do you mean? Yeah.

Yeah, he was a very physical cat. And it was your TV show manager played by Dave Madden. The great Dave Madden. Yeah, who used to take you home with him? Yeah, I mean, it was a thing. Like one time, and this is a story

that gets a lot of play. In fact, everybody knew he was beating me up. And nobody loved it. But you know what? No, we weren't as hands-off today as people were back then. And one day, he gave me a black eye. And people had to wait for me to get my makeup in. But you know what? No, we weren't as hands-off today as people were back then.

And one day he gave me a black eye, and people had to wait for me to get my makeup in. You know, Shirley Jones, the goddamn Academy Award winner. And I don't know if she said, hey, we've got to do something about this. But I don't know if Dave Madden got the short straw. But that guy would take me home all sorts of different weekends so that I didn't go out to stay at my dad's house. And God love him. You know, he was a surrogate dad for me. The guy that played Reuben was a surrogate dad for me.

And I just, I will love him. And you know what? He died, I don't know, this year. January of this year, yeah. January of this year. So he will be well missed. An excellent, by the way, an excellent magician. Really good. Yeah, I was doing some research on him.

He started as a folk singer, and then he became a comedian who did magic. Right, right. And then he became a full-time comedian who ended up on, not Laugh-In. What was that show with those two guys? Yeah, I remember him on Laugh-In. He was on Laugh-In. That was Laugh-In. Okay, yeah, yeah.

He used to do that. He loved it. And he did a sitcom before the Partridge Family called Camp Runamuck. Camp Runamuck, yeah. He was a, I'm not sure if he was a camp counselor or what, but he did that show before The Partridge Family, Camp Runamuck. He was a talented guy. And before that laughing, the guy worked.

Oh, yeah. And both of you popped up, I think, together on Married with Children. Yeah, this is a weird episode because, you know, after the Parson Channel went off the air, I just, I didn't, I did not expect to be out of work. I expected to be a highly paid teenager, and I wasn't, and I kept going on out for auditions, and it's easy to say, oh, well, he was typecast from either the part which may or may not be true, but also there might be the fact that I sucked at it.

Oh, I was terrible at it. But any time I got a job, I remember I was on an episode of Chips, and there was a couple of the Brady Bunch on it and somebody else from a 70s TV show,

and we're just doing it, and I didn't even think of it, and the guy that shared my dressing room with me, how the mighty had fallen, said something about these shows that are kind of fun because they're stunt casted and I'd never heard that expression before, stunt casted. And he goes, you know, you get all these guys who are doing a big stunt, why took exception? Apparently you shouldn't hit your co-actors and that did not end well, that particular

episode of Chips. Was it Chips or was it Pacific Blue? Anyway, what the hell are we talking about? Your post-Partridge family acting career. Thank you very much. You can see it

every now and again. You get run away with yourself right here. Well, Dan, take us back a little bit. Your dad gets the TV episode while you're still living in Philly. He decides he's going to move the family to Hollywood. And how does the acting... He writes the episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show from his office at the zoo in Philadelphia. Like I said, I never loved the guy, but pretty goddamn impressive, you know?

That's great. And so they said, okay, do you want to move to... First of all, they said they wrote him a letter when he sent the script to Dick Van Dyke and they said, for legal reasons, we can't open up unsolicited mail. And I guess my dad thought that was it, and they said,

on the other hand, somehow we opened it. It's great. Do you want to move to California? And my dad said yeah. The next day, I know we're all living in the San Fernando Valley. And how did the acting thing happen for you? You were four when you moved, right? I had done a couple of things with Dick Clark. Like I said, I've known him my whole life. I've done a couple of things with Dick Clark. I did a commercial for a shampoo commercial with him, as a matter of fact, because I had crazy red hair back there.

And so I'm Literally, my mom and I are going to the Copper Penny in Burbank, right down the street from our house at that point. I forget what brought this on, because that's 45 years ago or more. I'm talking to my mother, and I said,

as Thoreau once said, and I do the quote from Thoreau, because I will tell you, if you couldn't do at least five good quotes in my dad's house, he was going to beat you harder. So some guy leans up over the partition between the two booths and said, if that kid doesn't have an agent by noon today, it's a crime, or whatever he said. Well, that guy was Dr. Kildare. Richard Chamberlain?

Yes. My mom loved Richard Chamberlain. She goes, hey, Dr. Kildare says we need an agent. Let's go get one. And so we did. And I did a couple other things. I did an episode of The Ghost of Mrs. Muir, interestingly enough, written by my father. Right.

Didn't you do Bewitched? I did two different episodes of Bewitched. Okay. Remember how we were talking about weird shit that happened to you, or only you, or only me? I'm the only guy I know that's been bit on the head by two different chimpanzees. How's that?

One of them was a chimp. One was a chimp on Bewitched. He was a famous director. I wish I could remember his name, the guy. And he's been bewitched, if you will. And now he did something wrong to some witch, and now he's a chimpanzee. So I do my two or three scenes with him. But now they got the chimp is at the playground at the studio,

and he's on the highest end level of the monkey bars, which now I find ironic. So I came up with him thinking that all chimps are fun, and this fucker bits me and bites me on the head for no good reason. Chimps are horrible. Did you ever work with a chimp? Yeah, I didn't know that. I didn't know. Remember that?

What was that? Trevor, the killer chimp. Remember that guy? Bit that lady's face off. There was a guy who was also attacked by a chimp and had his penis. I remember that. Yes, mutilated. Could have been worse, Dan.

It could have been worse. Can you imagine if I'm telling you stories with fun and then I go, and that's when the chimp bit my penis. is with fun, and then I go, and that's when the chimp bit my penis! So let me see if I have my chronology right. You did shows like Accidental Family with Jerry Van Dyke. Right. Bewitched, two episodes of Bewitched, Ghost

and Mrs. Muir, Mayberry RFD, and a show Gilbert and I love, My World and Welcome to It, with William Wyndham. Yes, oh my that was a great show and it was on when I first met my wife seven years ago and I go, wait a minute

wait a minute, I'm about to be on this show, I'm in this show and we sit frozen and I pop up on the show remember was I four or five? I'm really tiny when I do My World and Welcome to It. And your dad wrote some of those episodes? Was it just the Ghost and Mrs. Muir one? Remember, was I four or five? I mean, I'm really tiny when I do My World and Welcome to It. Yeah.

And your dad wrote some of those episodes? Was it just the Ghost and Mrs. Muir one? It's funny because he gets a lot of flack for hating my TV career, which he did. But he didn't hate just my TV career. He hated TV. He thought it was awful on everybody, and it was awful. He thought it was was a bad medium. My dad was an angry guy.

My dad, you know, we didn't really talk, my dad and I. And I remember, all of a sudden, I go to bed, Danny Bonadici, and I wake up Danny Partridge, and there's hundreds, literally, this is not like a thing you say, I wake up Danny Partridge with hundreds of fans

in my front yard with signs and shit. And so my mom and I are going to go to the set because that's what we do now. This is the part of our life. And I go to leave and my dad grabs my shoulder hard enough to let me know whatever is about to come out of his mouth is not going to be great. And he says to me, remember, acting is one step below pimping. And then he shoves me out the door and i was like thanks dad we will return to gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal podcast after this now i heard a story

even if it's not true tell me it's true all right. That with David Cassidy, when he was at the height of his teeny bopper stage. Yeah, which was huge, by the way. Oh, yeah. He was tremendous back then. And he would leave his house in the morning and he had a gate around his house that would be mobbed with girls. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Mobbed.

Mobbed. that would be mobbed with girls. Yeah, oh yeah, mobbed, mobbed. And I heard he sometimes would take his dick and stick it through the bars in the fence. That's totally true. Unbelievable. Things weren't as illegal. I happened to find my penis,

one of the most amusing things in the world. And we were talking about this, about things that were taken up, contact stuff like that, on my radio show the other day. Some lady, I was the manager of Sushi on Sunset, and she didn't have her wallet to pay her bill. And you could see by all her equipment she was a professional photographer, but the real manager, my boss, didn't know who she is and didn't care.

She could leave her cameras here and go to her hotel room, get her wallet, and come back and pay. So she said, all right, you're kind of weird, but okay. While she's gone, I took probably 50 pictures of my cock. And, you know, she is livid. Only 50. Only if it would have had one of those really fast shooters, man, but it ran out of film. I see.

I would have had one of those really fast shooters, but I ran out of film. I see. So, David Cassidy, he wasn't scared at all? Well, like I said, you didn't hear things about women suing people back then just because they saw your dick. It wasn't that big of a deal. I think he was more worried about actually opening the electric gates with his dick still in there. That would have been it. And by the way, are you aware that his dick is enormous?

David Cassidy has an enormous dick? It's called, are you ready for it? It has its own name. Donk. You can only refer to his dick as Donk. The things you learn on the Gilbert Gottfried podcast. He wouldn't strike, because it's funny, because he always wore those, like, really, really tight pants. Sure.

Right, sure. So did he have something there to hide the size of his cock? You know what? It certainly wasn't his ego, because that was overexposed anywhere else. But no, I just think he had an enormous dick, and he loved it. I would love to have an enormous

dick. So you would like to have David Cassidy's dick? I would. You heard it here first. Dave on the machine. I would love to have David Cassidy's dick. Now, think about how lucky the girl I boofed in the alley was that I didn't have it. Oh, God.

Wow. All right, Danny. I heard when, I remember when you were fucking her in the ass, she was screaming out, thank God this isn't David Cassidy. I remember that. I could have fucked Cassidy. That's what she said. And I said, you don't know how lucky you are.

Before we go completely off the rails, if we haven't, how was the Partridge family first presented to you? Because it was based on the Cow Sills, an actual haven't. How was the Partridge family first presented to you? Because it was based on the Cow Sills, an actual family band. It was, and I say this to people, I say, you know, here's what I say, I say this show was based on the Cow Sills,

but then they went into a Screen Gems meeting, and the bosses at Screen Gems went, oh my god, you're like the ugliest family in the world. We can't pick you guys. They couldn't act either, right? What? They couldn't act either, right? Wasn't that part of the problem?

I don't know if they got that far, because they really are a homely group of people. But yeah, we're blatantly based on the councils. And wasn't it an unaired pilot with Jack Cassidy playing Shirley's, her actual husband? Yes, that's right. You're absolutely right. That is what happened. That would have been weird to have him around. He wasn't the world's nicest guy, Jack Cassidy. But, you know, for a little kid growing up in Hollywood and deciding, hey, this whole thing is super neat, you couldn't

get a better role model than Jack Cassidy. I went to their house one time, I don't know, on the weekend, early in the morning. I was going to hang out with Sean Cassidy. I went to their house one time on the weekend early in the morning. I was going to hang out with Sean Cassidy. We were kind of buddies. And I said this to Shirley years ago in an interview. Of course, you know, I have a child's memory of this. This couldn't be the way it actually goes. But I knocked on the door

at 9 o'clock in the morning. Jack Cassidy answered in a smoking jacket holding a martini. And Joey goes, no, that was Jack. Wow. Yeah. And it was similar, like a similar relationship

in that David and Jack hated each other, I think. Yeah, well, if you believe David's book, which is, you know, David writes a book called Come On, Get Happy yet failed to. That Jack was really jealous of David's career. And I can see that. He was a performer. He was on Broadway. He was welcome.

And David Cassidy selling out Angel Stadium in, you know, two hours. I can see being a little jealous of that. I'm jealous of the size of the guy's dick. There's a lot to be jealous about with this guy. Jack Cassidy had a big career I mean he was great in comedies Did a lot of stuff He was

Do you remember that What was that show he used to do Where he played a superhero astronaut Do you remember that? Oh gosh We have to look that one up A huge director Was the star of it

A current director Jack Cassidy I wouldn't even know to give you enough hints to look that one up a huge director was the star of it uh a current uh director uh it's gonna i wouldn't even know to give you enough hints but i remember with jack cassidy the best is he was in an episode of colombo my favorite oh sure yeah as a magician yeah yeah now you are also friends with a character actor who's a favorite of ours and he played the mad doctor in I Was a Teenage Frankenstein. Whit Bissell, I heard. Oh, I loved Whit Bissell

but you know why I loved Whit Bissell? He was the stepfather of the second Chris on the Partridge family, if I'm not mistaken. Brian Forster? Wait, wait, I could be completely wrong on that. Interesting.

I could be completely wrong on that. Don't quote me. But, yeah, I was good friends with Whit Bissell. I love Whit Bissell. And also, now, how did you find out that the Partridge family was over? Oh, this is, you know, 20 years ago when I was, you know, doing anything I could for a couple of bucks, this was a much flatter story than it is today.

But I will tell you, we're doing the Partridge family together. It's the biggest hit in the world. You can't go anywhere. Girls are screaming. You know, everybody wants to talk to you and stuff like that. And I go with my mom, and we go to the gate of Columbia Studios, Columbia Ranch Studios. We go to pull in.

And I don't know if there are pleasantries sent back and forth. But the first thing I can hear that guard audibly say is, I'm sorry, the Partridge family doesn't live here anymore. And I thought, fuck! Wow. This is going to haunt me for the next 30 years, and it did. Were there any standout episodes, Dan? Because Gilbert and I were just talking about the Richard Pryor episode,

which is amazing to watch. He was the first person I ever heard say the N-word. I couldn't fucking believe it. And all the white celebrities on the part of our lives lit up like, holy shit, did he just say that? But there was Mel Burns, that was the hair guy, hands Richard Pryor this silver comb, just the one he used on all of us, and Richard Pryor did five minutes on the N-comb.

I always get around the end comb. Holy fuck, what's he saying? He might have taken David Cassidy's dick out. We could not have been more startled. Wow. And some of the people who were on the show were Jodie Foster, Johnny Cash, and two iconic actors from The Wizard of Oz, Margaret Hamilton and Ray Bolger. That's right.

If one more would have had it, we'd have had the trifecta of Somewhere Over the Rainbow that Ray Bolger, I think, played my Shirley's father. That's correct. My grandfather. He played my grandfather. Great guy. Great guy. And a lot of times, almost all times, if somebody's over the top, they can't be like you expect

them to be. Except Ray Bolger was the goddamn straw man, was the scarecrow. Any chance he got, he loved it. He'd do the dances. You know, he'd go, it went that way. No, it went that way. And so, holy shit, that's the scarecrow. That's great.

I didn't think we'd get a Ray Bolger impression out of you today, Dan. You know, when you went to work, what am I not going to get? I know, a Ray Bolger impression. Did you do any singing at all? I mean, I know you've talked about this over the years. And did you do any playing at all? Because I read somewhere that you may have. Do you have any talent whatsoever?

No, man. No. And if they'd have paid me any better, it would have been unlawful that I made that much money while having no talent. But yeah, I didn't play, I didn't sing. There's a pretty famous story with me and David Cassidy. And you know, David Cassidy did not come into his own about, hey, I'm going to be David Cassidy and you're not. It kind of took like three episodes. And one day around the third episode, I got this big giant bass guitar over my neck and I'm strumming it like a episodes. And one day around that third episode, I got this big, giant bass guitar over my neck,

and I'm strumming it like a guitar. And the music was up. We're going to do the thing again. And David Guetta goes, you don't strum a bass. You pluck it. Do you think you can pluck it, kid? And they were like, I'll pluck it, man, please.

Well, didn't you make a poll, a recent poll of top bass players? I think I came in like number four in the top bass players. Hilarious. A sting is still pretty upset that I came in number four in the top. And it was a Playboy magazine, those things that are kind of taken seriously. Most famous or most qualified bass player in the world. And I came in number four out of ten.

And you didn't play at all? Not ever, not even a little. Now, when that show was on, Susan Day was like a sex symbol to all of us. Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. But I heard she had like a real eating disorder. Well, you know what? I would believe that to be true. I've heard it also.

I've heard it from Susan Day and other people just in conversation. She was 5'8 and never broke 100 pounds. But the weirdest thing, because the word anorexia, that wasn't really, it didn't come to the top of anybody's list, but this is when everybody noticed. I swear to God this is true, but it happens to people. Because I've mentioned a couple times people call me and say, oh, that happened to so-and-so. She was only eating

carrot sticks. That's it. That's all she was going to eat. And the fucking girl turned orange. And full-on orange. Like, they couldn't work with her. We had to shut down for a week. Wow. And you said she had gotten so thin at one point

that you had seen her in a bikini at one point. And you were at your horniest back then. And you saw her in a bikini. And you said to her, you should eat something. I did. I remember where we were on a beach. I remember this. I walked up to her and it turned out to be a pretty big deal.

And maybe, you know, I shouldn't have said that to a girl that's known for being beautiful. But I said, you know, you've got to eat something, Susan. What was happening is you don't want to sit sometimes with your legs folded, and she's leaning forward. I'm going to go with reading a book that describes the body position. And her spine was sticking so far out. And the next thing I know, years and years later, they're talking about her anorexia in People magazine. Did you act out on the set, Danny? Because I read some things in Shirley Jones' book. Did you get a pitcher of milk poured over your head? I did by the same girl,

Susan Dane. Maybe she's mad because I called her skinny. I was. You know, I wasn't a bad kid. I just think they weren't prepared for what you would call today a handful., I wasn't a bad kid. I just think they weren't prepared for what you would call today a handful. And I don't think, you know, they were making room for a handful on the set of the Parchment Show. So I don't remember what I was doing, but I remember exactly where we were. And you can see this episode if you want, but you don't see the pilling and the pouring of the milk. We're sitting all around the kitchen table, because that's where the Parcher family ate. They ate at the kitchen table and the dining room table.

We all ate meals at the same time, and we all had pajamas. I found that very weird about these people. But anyway, I don't know if I missed the line or if I was being a dick or something like that, but all of a sudden it was cold. Where do you get cold milk on the set of the Parcher family? And she just dumps a whole glass container of milk right over my head, and I was about to cause a scene. I remembered in my head. I froze because it scared me because I didn't know what was happening exactly, and by the time I calmed down, I went, don't throw a scene.

They're kind of sick of you here. That would be a hint. Interesting. Now, you were 10 years old when you started the show. Do I have that right? I say 10 to 15, but I think it was like 14 and maybe a half, 14 and a half. Were you watching Susan Day change her clothes a couple of times? Yeah, a couple of times.

I swear to God, there are talk shows. I've done every talk show in America, and I've never met anybody as prepared for an interview as Gilbert goddamn Godfrey. anybody as prepared for an interview as Gilbert goddamn Godfrey. So what I had done... And every question is about nudity and putting your penis through a gate. Yeah, who's got the bigger dick? Did she see the big nuders? What happened here? I climbed up on the roof of her dressing room before she moved into a dressing room of her own.

It was just a trail with the other guys. And I just leaned over the side and I could see above between the curtains, where the curtains are, and the top of the window. And there she was. I think I didn't see her full-blown naked, but I saw her in her underwear. And, man, skinny girl boobs are weird. I'm like 12 years old. That should have been the greatest day of my life.

And I'm thinking back while looking back. I go, ooh, Jesus, have a snack. What? Describe what her boobs look like. Let's see. I don't have to go. I wish I could be more clever than this. But I want to go with banana boobs.

What? Banana boobs. Little tiny. Because I had a girlfriend one time, and before she was my girlfriend, she said to me, she made some comment about her boobs, and when I saw them, they were as little as she said they were going to be, and so, so, so sexy.

But Susan's was just, ew, yuck, put a shirt on. For God's sake, I'm 12. It's just, ew, yuck, put a shirt on. For God's sake, I'm 12. And, of course, she and David went on to have an affair. That was quite well publicized. I don't know if it's an affair or it's literally a weekend,

but it was called off really, really, and this is, you know, they didn't talk to me that much. I was 10. But from what I understand, she never got over it. Now, I'm sure she may tell a different story, but as I understand it, she never got over that she wasn't the girl for Cassidy. Wow. I heard she was, like, crazy about him from the beginning. Yeah. Well, everybody was crazy.

It's funny because sometimes I see pictures of him and he holds up, meaning the picture from back then everybody was in love with david cassidy and on the flip side of that everybody was in the love it was in love with susan day so uh you know it was bound to happen but it was bound to be it was brief and it wasn't like you know we're still talking about this many years later did you uh did you bone susan day or did susan day bone him so you know it was a big deal but i heard she never got over it now i also did your uh shirley jones your mother on this show right while you were in your imaginary home of the right i know exactly what you're talking about godffrey. Do I know? Am I right? I think so. Okay, here we go. I don't know.

I'm being an asshole on the set. You know, I'm being me. I was just a bad kid. I didn't do anything terrible, but I was a handful. And finally, I ran up to Susan to show her Jones. I don't know what I had done, but she looked at me dead-faced. She pointed up the stairs to bed nowhere and yelled, Danny, go to your room.

There's nothing up there. I don't have a room. It was just, it was like, to quote Fiddler on the roof, one long staircase just leaning up. Hilarious. Well, I never got that reference to the part you was in, but that was fairly awful. See? I never heard that story. Danny, can I ask you a little bit about the music?

Because I saw a clip of you and David in concert. Were you guys in Vegas or something, or Atlantic City? It depends. There was a time in the early 90s, maybe actually 91, 92, and this was, to be honest with you, because we never get brought up this way, this is post-transvestite. Nobody was hiring me. I didn't have a lot of money. I spent a lot of money

in legal bills. It was just a drag. Pardon the pun. It was a drag. David Cassidy called me up and said, hey, do you want to open for me? And I said, yeah. And I thought he was talking about butt-fucking me. I was like, what do you mean?

I'll do it for $100. But he said, why don't you go on stage and do comedy? And I said, I just said yes really fast, but I didn't do any comedy. We're talking about 30 some odd years ago. And I said, okay, I will, because I really need the money. And it went

okay, and I did it like four more times, and then that was that, and then 20 years later, I've got some dough now, it's okay, I don't have to open for fucking Cassidy, but I thought it would be nice of me, so I had him on my radio show, he challenged me, he said, can you learn one single Partridge Family song on the bass in the next four weeks, and then do it for me. He said, can you learn one single Partridge Family song on the bass

in the next four weeks and then do it for me in Atlantic City? And I said, yeah, I can. Man, that was so hard. No wonder I didn't play the bass on the show. Well, I saw the clip. It's you guys playing Doesn't Somebody Want to Be Wanted. With me counting all the time. One and three and five and two.

Because that's how I remember the song, all numerically. It looked very convincing. I heard... I mean, it's the base root of that song. I played it that one time. I did it. Now, one time you were on stage, and the audience started throwing

coins at you. Oh, I remember. This was my very first job. I'm doing a radio show in Chicago, again, 30 years ago or something like that. And the morning dish shot here, incredibly famous and really funny, Jonathan Brandmeier. Oh, yeah. He's a great guy. Oh, sure.

You know him? Sure. Oh, yeah. I've been on the show a bunch of times. I figured. Absolutely. So I'm on, you know, I guess it was something bad had happened. It was in the newspaper.

Oh, I know. It was the time I was arrested for cocaine in 1985. So this was a long time ago. So he invited me. We do a bunch of interviews. And he really liked, like, for the radio, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body, this guy. But for the radio, he doesn't mind that I'm broke.

And he said, hey, you know, you've got to come do this. It's going to be great. We'll give you a couple of bucks. He thinks it's funny, and I think it's funny. He's a good sport, this guy. But for the radio, he doesn't mind that I'm broke. And he keeps going, hey, you know, you've got to come do this. It's going to be great. We'll give you a couple of bucks. He thinks it's funny, and I think it's funny. He's a good sport, that guy. So I go on stage to, I don't know if we're going to sing

I Think I Love You or some such thing. But either way, as I'm on it, people are starting to throw ice at me. And it was a hockey rink. And it had 17,000 seats. And it was sold out

of a Brandon and Jonathan Brandmeier show. And I'm getting tagged a couple of times in the head with these ice cubes. I'm like, these guys are dicks. And I looked up at the stage and realized, it's money. There's so much money in me. So I started to collect them, and somebody got to scoop me up off the stage. I don't know if it was tawdry or something. Fuck you.

And it was like probably $500 or $600 and quarters up there. and it was like five or six hundred dollars and quarters up there now you used to have a scam going when you were homeless that you would call up these like uh hot nightclubs in the air the roxbury is the one that comes to mind that's exactly and i did it a couple of times but i i what i would do do is I would call people up and I'd say, I changed my voice or whatever I did. And I'd say I'm the show coordinator from the tonight show. Danny Bonici, you might remember him from the Partridge family and Mick Jagger will be coming in this evening.

They met today on the show and apparently they hit it off with a really good friend now. So you please have a table together for Danny Bonici and Mick Jagger? So I did this for a really long time. I did this trick. It's so funny now. So I go to the Roxbury a couple of different times, or nightclubs a couple of different times, and I say, hey, Danny Bonici, is Mick here yet? And they'll go, oh, no, but your table's right up there.

Here, we'll walk you there. I went, great. So I pull up to the Roxbury one night, and I go, all right, Danny Bonaduce, is Mick Jagger here yet? And the guy goes, yes, he is. He's at your table. And they take me right up, and they sit me down. Like, Mick is with a bunch of people. And they sit me right down here, one or two guys away from Mick.

And he's looking at me like, what the fuck? So I decide I'm going to tell him my famous Mick Jagger story. He's going to love Danny Bonaduce's famous Mick Jagger story. So I tell him about what I did, and I tell him, it's been getting me into nightclubs for 20 years. And he goes, huh, and says this, what a cheeky bloke. And then waves me away, away, like the back of his head. Oh, what a cheeky bloke, and off waves me away, away, like the back of his head. Oh, what a cheeky bloke.

And off I go. That's all he said. Yes, you're a cheeky bloke. Wow. You just gave Gilbert an idea for getting into clubs. I think I've either wrote this or did it on stage or something. But here's my way to alter that thing so it works for you. Is you just say you're the drummer from Three Dog Night.

Who can identify the drummer from Three Dog Night? The rest of the nights in Three Dog Night cannot tell who the drummer is. That's funny. I cannot tell who the drummer is. That's funny. And also, when you were homeless, you used to have people were asking for your autographs and asking for your picture, and around the block was your car that you lived in. Right. Oh, no, this is a thing.

This is just so bizarre, man. And, you know, we've had a couple of Danny Bundy boys, and there's, no, this is a thing. This is so bizarre, man. And, you know, we've had a couple of Danny Buttigieg boys that did weird stories, but this was weird. I lived in my car behind Grom and Chinese.

And I would wake up at whatever time I woke up, like, stretch, walk out. And that's where everybody's looking at the shoe prints and the thing and asking me for my autograph. And it dawned on me

if these people only knew that I'm living by the dumpster in the back. And I ended up living there for over a year wow yeah did did you ever think of asking any of them for like you know i'll give you my autograph for a dollar not a fucking chance never ever i'd die first um i have a deal with my i have a deal with my stepfather who by the way is my father-in-law right? Who's five years younger than I am. That's kind of weird. But I have a deal with him and it was

if he ever sees me at an autograph show just shoot me. But homeless is fine? Homeless now I'm thinking maybe I would do them because I see real livelife celebrities doing him now. There must be good money in him. I don't know.

But the idea of selling your face. Love Danny Bonagio. Marty, you're my best friend, Danny Bonagio. David Gazzini's got a giant cock. Love you. This is weird. Did you work? Do I have my information right, Danny?

Didn't you work for Kenny Rogers around that time? I did. I worked on his ranch, the Jolly Roger Ranch in Malibu, and I would pick up, because I still had horses. My mom and I both had a horse left over from the Farger family, and they're not dead yet. And we couldn't afford to get rid of, I mean, we couldn't afford to keep them anywhere.

It's hard to sell a horse. It's not that easy to sell a horse. And so he let me sweep shit at his restaurant, at his stables, at his stables, and that's what I did, yeah. And I also

heard that you can make money like once a year, and it's coming up soon. Oh no, it's completely true. I'll tell you this right now. And this really, this mattered to me from,

I don't know what years were the most fucked, 80 through 91 with the transvestite, whatever it was. Things were mean a couple of times and I would get a phone call every Christmas from a Kmart in Wyoming, and they would pay me $500 to sit in a tree outside their grand opening, and

for that money, I would become Danny Partridge in a pear tree. But you wouldn't do an autograph show. No, because an autograph show is funny to me. You bastard. And didn't you also say Jane Fonda and Rosie O'Donnell should be executed for treason? I remember specifically saying, well, just, you know, until recently, a lot of the country thought that Jane Fonda should be executed. She did some treasonous shit sitting over there on an aircraft, a North Vietnamese aircraft gun. You can't do that shit.

So, by the way, I have forgiven her. I don't know why I forgave her, but it was real recently. I held on it wherever. But I forget what comment Rosie O'Donnell made that I really didn't like. Oh, I think about September 11th. Was that what it was? I don't know. Why would that get you treason?

She would say, I think she was saying it was an inside job. Yeah, that American. That's what it was. That's what it was. She's saying the president. You know, I didn't have any great love for Bush. What the hell? He's an okay guy.

But to say he killed American citizens, that's treason. That's what it was. She's saying the president, you know, I didn't have any great love for Bush, but what the hell? He's an okay guy. But to say he killed American citizens, that's treason. You hang the big bitch. Danny, this is jumping back, but I just want to ask one Partridge family question. Your kids, did your kids watch it? What was their reaction to seeing Dad as a 10-year-old in a hit TV show? You know what? I don't quite remember how they saw it.

I know that they've seen it, but it didn't make any great impact on their lives. On the other hand, they saw my reality show, Breaking Bonaduce, where I was drunk and crazy for every single episode. They saw that one. I remember. Oh, God. You know, I live a life mostly without regrets, but that was a bad decision. You mean deciding to do the show in the first place?

Well, I wrote the show, so I can't really say that. But I didn't expect it to go, you know, I'm going, hey, I think they're liking this crazy drunk thing. Let me do more of it. And then they say, I'm waking up, I got no pants on, the crew's leaving. It was weird. Oh, go ahead, Gil. And I think in years ago in like Thailand or something, some American kid was stealing cars or stealing, breaking into cars. Was keying cars and graffitiing.

Okay. Well, they were going to cane this guy, and everybody cared. Yeah, and caning was whacking someone in the ass. With a thing called a shinai, and it's really goddamn serious. It bites. The bamboo strips, they go inside, and then they grab a hole in your flesh and come out. And I said, I had a radio show to do at this point. But I said, listen, I don't think it's such a big deal.

They wanted him to go for 10 canings. And I said, I'll do it. And my show was very popular at that time. And so I said, I'll do it. And I went out on Michigan Avenue, and I dropped my pants, and a real-life martial arts instructor with a black belt on just whacked me on the ass as hard as he could. And immediately, I felt the sting, and that hurt.

But the thing that threw me immediately, I could feel the blood going into my shoes. I'd been, like, seriously injured right then. And I look at my boss, Larry Word is his name, wonderful guy, And he knows that I'm going to take these 10 canings no matter what I've said, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I go, Hey, you better get me out of this. I might just die on Michigan Avenue. He said, Hey, I'm calling a stop to this right now. One of the stupidest things I ever did, but I would not, I would not say I had a big regret about it. I've got a scar, but I don't have a regret. Yeah, how does your ass look now? Do you have a bunch of scars on it?

No, I have a bunch of tattoos. You've got a tattoo of Seattle on your back, don't you? I have Seattle on my back, but that was one I just wanted for me. Well, I wanted them all on them for me. I got the loop in Chicago, the radio station logo. I've got, uh, what's that, guys? What's that Scottish comic

that has a TV show for a few more minutes? Greg Ferguson. Greg Ferguson. I have his logo and his ass on my butt. I have my boss's name on my butt. Honey, how many names do I have on my butt? 14. Is there room for Gilbert Gottfried on there?

Yeah, there is if you want it. If it means something to you, sure. Oh, I'd absolutely love it all right well i'll get around it how long can it be let's talk for a minute about some of the boxing matches uh danny it's so much fun tell us about how you came to fight donny osmond uh that was you know that was a a iffy thing um i was doing radio in Chicago, I guess afternoon drive, nighttime, I don't really remember. And I could hear Donny Osmond on the radio

which I was in Brandweiser, and Brandweiser said, who's tougher, him or Danny Partridge? And he says, him. And I hear the first time, and I'm thinking, don't get sucked into anything here, Donny. This could be really bad for you. And by the time it's over, Donny Osmond is saying he could beat me up in a boxing match.

So I won. It was at China Club in, oh, it was before 90, I think. And I will tell you this. Here's the thing. I'm pretty drunk at this point, which is the way you should do in any boxing match. But it's Donny fucking Osmond. So I'm pretty drunk. I go into the ring.

And the bell rings. I run across. Oh, you hear me gritting my teeth? I'm mad even fucking on them. So I'm pretty drunk. I go into the ring, and the bell rings. I run across. Oh, you hear me gritting my teeth? I'm mad even thinking about it. I run across the ring, and I just start beating this guy to death. And they ring the bell, and that's it. He hasn't done anything. He's just hunched over and being completely bummed out.

I go over to my corner, and I can't breathe at all. And I can't get in the air, and I don't know what to do. So the bell rings, and I walk out in the center of the ring, and it seems Donnie doesn't want a whole lot of this either. Nobody wants to really get hit in the face anymore. So not a lot of stuff happens. And in the third round, he gets his wind back, and I don't. I can't breathe.

I'm scared to death what this is going to be, because I become the guy who got his ass kicked by Donny Osmond, one of my tough guys is going to go right out the window. Well, didn't he train? Didn't he train and get in shape? Oh, he trained really seriously. Remember, well, anyway, I forget what. He comes running out of his corner, and he's going to kill me. I'm out of breath, and he's going to win.

I know he's going to win. I don't know what to do. So I just stick my left hand out, and the guy runs into it and makes his nose bleed. And after that, he just started running, and I pretended I was trying to catch him, and he lost the decision 2-1 me. And to be honest with you, I might have given that fight to Donnie. He gets all upset about that.

I think I should have won. Yeah, you should have won. You were in better shape, and you weren't drunk. You should have won. And you fought Greg Brady, too, Barry Williams. That guy I killed. I thought that guy was going to die. We get in the ring.

It's for Fox TV. This is my biggest fight ever, if you will. And I think I'm getting either 15 or 25 grand. That's like real money. And so I trained my ass off for this one. I'm not going to make the same mistake again. I don't know if there

were other punches exchanged. I can't really remember that clearly. But finally I just punched this guy in the face so hard and he just hits the dirt and he's not moving. I think I have killed Greg Brady. That's going to look great on the resume. So I go to my chair. I figure they count to Brady. That's going to look great on the resume. So I go to my chair.

I figure they count to ten. That's over. But they've altered the rules somehow. And he's been saved by the bell. They give several minutes between rounds. He ended up getting knocked to the canvas really hard nine times before they finally called him out. And you know what? It's funny.

I'll give Greg a lot of this. When I see him in person now, there's no bad blood between us. And he really did take a beating. Didn't you do a movie with him? Didn't you do a sci-fi channel movie? Oh, yeah. I did it up here in Seattle. The Bigfoot thing.

Oh, my God, that sucked. Have you seen it? I saw you plugging it. It's terrible. We have no reason to doubt you. No, you're absolutely right. That was dreadful. Bigfoot changes sizes by 50 feet.

At one point, he's a big gorilla, but he's the size of a building. Wow. Now, you fought O.J. Simpson's lawyer. Yeah. Robert Shapiro. Yes. And I was completely out of my mind on steroids at this point in my life. And I hear that Robert Shapiro would like to do a boxing match with me for charity.

And I say, okay. And then I get a call from, I don't know if it was his trainer or manager or something, but they said, I don't want to give the guy, you know, he's been very nice to me, but they said, here's what I hear on the phone. Bob is terrified. He wants nothing to do with this. He's going to call the fight off. Hey, don't call the fight off.

There's going to be big stars. There was like $500 a seat to go to this thing. Great, don't call it off. I said, let me come to his gym and just talk to him. So I come to his gym, and I'm in a tank top, and I'm literally, I'm just jacked to the rafters on roids. I couldn't be bigger. Literally, I'm just jacked to the rafters on roids. I couldn't be bigger.

So I said, hey, go one round. Go 30 seconds with me before you call it off, and see if you still want to call it off. He's real tender, but there are people there at the wild card gym, a major boxing gym. And he goes, okay, we're in the ring. And I just let him hit me in the face for about 45 minutes. He goes, okay, this will be great. And then we do the thing, and we're let him hit me in the face for about 45 minutes. He goes, oh, okay, this will be great.

And then we do the thing, and we're about, the fight's just about over. And he really bloodies my nose pretty seriously in the second round. And he hits me harder than I would like. There's no reason for charity. There's no reason to hit me this hard, Shapiro. I just go, kaboom! And he took it. He didn't fall down. You can see he didn't want to do it anymore, but he did it.

I admired that guy. And great cardio. 65 years old at the time, and he could run four miles a day. Amazing. You've done a lot of guest shots over the last two decades, Danny. You did Married with Children. We talked about the Drew Carey show, Diagnosis Murder, that 70s show. And you have something in common with that. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I did an episode of Diagnosis Murder, that 70s show. And you have something in common with it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I did an episode of Diagnosis Murder. It's on your resume. Oh, that's weird. I don't remember that. It's on your IMDb page. I'm sure there's a lot of things you don't remember. No, you're right.

I can't imagine. I really just don't remember being with Dick Van Dyke, but okay. I was that way. I could be mistaken. But like Gilbert, you did do an episode of CSI. Yes, I did. One, dig this. I had never seen the show. And I'm not doing that to be a

snob. It's just not one of the shows I watch. Any of the NCIs are CSIs. So they called me up personally and say, hey, you want to do the show? And I go, yeah, no. No, I really don't. Thank you, though. I appreciate it. It's because I had never seen it. I don't know. I'm busy. I'm doing all right in the radio world. I don't thank you though i appreciate it and it's because i had never seen it i don't know i'm busy i'm doing all right in the radio world i don't need to do csi um

and my agent calls me up and goes says hey did the most uh viewed tv show on television today called you up and say you want to do an episode i said yes and he said call them back and say okay so i did i called them back and i said okay and they did. I called them back, and I said okay. And they liked me so much. Dig this. I get killed in the first episode, but did three other episodes as the same character. Were you playing a musician or a DJ? They sold it to me as like an Ozzy Osbourne type guy.

And did they try to explain to the audience how a dead guy is coming back? Yes, they did, Gilbert. They brought it back because it was just the character was really popular. So they brought me back in like things I had done for charity, like a video saying, don't bite the heads off chickens. It's not nice anymore. So I did that. And I did a couple other episodes from like pretending I was on a talk show and stuff.

So I was kind of honored by that. That really made me look good. Gilbert, were you killed in your episode? We talked about it with Jeff Ross. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff Ross dies at the beginning. I'm stretching.

I'm playing a stand-up comic. Right. And Jeff Ross is poisoned and dies at the beginning. And then the rest of the show, you're wondering whether it's me or Bobcat Goldswede who killed him. Well, who was it? Prime suspect. Who was the killer? Oh, it turned out to be Bobcat. Oh, Bobcat.

Yeah. I was just a red herring. Danny, what do you got coming up? I wonder if this is close to home for you or not at all. I had a five-minute conversation with Bobcat Goldthwait until I realized, I'm talking to Bobcat Goldthwait. He doesn't do the wacky voice all the time. Oh, he's pretty normal.

It took minutes. Yeah, it's pretty normal. I liked him better the other way, to be honest. I thought that was really funny. I just want to ask you quickly about, because we're coming to the end, about a movie you made, a TV movie called Murder on Flight 502. Yeah. What do you remember about it,

besides hanging out with Sonny Bono and getting weird career advice? I crashed his Porsche. I don't know what he was thinking. I was 15. And they say, hey, Sonny, you need to move your Porsche. And he moves it,

and like I said, a 15-year-old at best, and he goes, kid, can you need to move your Porsche. And he moves it to me, like I said, I'm 15 years old, I had a bad feeling. Kid, can you drive a stick? And I go, yeah. So I want to say crashed. That was a big word. When I backed it out, I broke a taillight. And I reparked it and everything.

But I did, I crashed his car and broke his taillight. I will tell you one of my, you know, people all the time, when I tell this story, they go, oh. And I take it as a great story. They had, on Murder on Flight 502, it was like an all-star cast. Oh, George Maharis, Robert Stack, Walter Pigeon, Ralph Bellamy. Walter goddamn Pigeon, you know?

Yeah. Big actor. Fernando Lamas. Fernando, I mean, literally everybody and their brother was on this. And it was by an era that's kind of gone by for the most part. I don't need the youngest name on it. And so they've got a soundstage. I wonder if they still do this for stars.

They've got a soundstage filled with nothing but toys for grown-up celebrities. They've got massage tables. They had video games when they first came out, like Pong and stuff like that. And, you know, they had anything you wanted to entertain yourself. They had those stand-up tables that you could sleep on so you wouldn't wreck your hair. I mean, it was craziness. And I had, I don't know,

a hundred or so dominoes, and I spread them out all over a table so I could push them over, and they'd all fall down. It was kind of really cool cool and I was very excited. And Sonny Bono, and I hadn't even crashed his car yet, so he didn't do it for retaliation. Sonny Bono comes in and he goes,

so the domino theory, huh? And I went, yeah, yeah. And he goes, you ever heard about the suck theory? And I said, no, what's that? And he just hits the table really hard and they all fall down at the exact same time and he goes, that, my friend, is the suck theory. The suck theory.

When I told that story to like Shirley Jones or a grown-up or someone, they said, oh, that's terrible, dear. But it kind of, in a way, and I'm not completely kidding, I understood what he meant and like it's not all going to be like it is in this room, kid.

It's not always, you should be prepared for when it sucks and I think well from Sonny Bono I was you know he had to realize the suck theory later on but I got the suck theory from Sonny Bono and realized hey it's not

always going to be like it is on this movie set and I one time the Partridges were doing like were filming something at SeaWorld. Yeah. It was actually Marine World. We couldn't get SeaWorld. And we, again, possibly because we're the biggest stars in the world at this point.

But also, I guess for some convenience, we're living at Marineland. We've all got, you know, kind of dress rooms that you can stay in, and they're very nice, too, and they're right by the whale tanks. So I realize that at night that I'm doing all these scenes with the whale, and I've kind of memorized what moves the whale trainer does

to get the whale to jump up in the air. So I go out there at night when I'm there, and I make the whale jump up and over, but I don't have any fish to give this whale. I'm just doing it. And then he quits on me. And this is a very famous thing. You probably might remember this from the news. Next day, they're doing the big whale show, and the whale trainer gets on to ride his

back, and he goes straight to the bottom of the tank, gives him a little bite on the leg, and won't let him go up. This story would not be so funny if he killed him. He did not. But I got in so much trouble because I went out to do it the next night, and I was caught by security doing the whale tricks until the whale wouldn't work anymore, and apparently that's terrible for business. You did some wonderful research on this one, Gilbert. I'd never heard that story either.

Really? Oh, that's a great story. So we're going to wrap it up, Dan. What do you got coming up? You're always involved with projects. You know what? I'm very happy about this. I've got nothing coming up. I got my...

Is that right, honey? I got anything coming up. I got my radio. Is that right, honey? I got anything coming up? I got nothing, man. I'm just happy doing my number one rated morning show, and I don't have to do anything else. So listen to this, you guys. I didn't have to do this. This was just because I love you guys,

and nobody cracks me up like you, Gilbert. Oh, thank you, Danny. Yeah, we want to thank Danny Partridge himself, Danny Bonaduce. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre talking to the great Danny Bonaduce, who to this day wants David Cassidy's cock. I know, it sounds weird when you say it.

Susan Day has banana tits. And you want David Cassidy's cock. I wouldn't mind David Cassidy's cock. Okay, there. You have it. It was a great episode, Danny. Thank you, buddy. See you guys.

Bye.