Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 40. Dave Attell

Episode Date: February 27, 2015

One of their favorite funny people, comic, writer and Comedy Central host Dave Attell joins Gilbert and Frank this week to talk about everything from Louis CK's cult Blaxploitation spoof "Pootie Tang" (featuring Dave in a small role) to Gilbert's controversial (and costly) tsunami jokes to Danny Kaye's (alleged) love affair with Sir Laurence Olivier. Also: Dave shares his passion for 70's-era porn, tells us why he doesn't consider himself a good actor and helps us dissect classic (and not-so-classic) movies like "Planet of the Apes," "The Magnificent Seven" and "The Tingler." PLUS: Tuesday Weld! Pat Morita! Hymie the Robot! The Three Stooges meet "The Dirty Dozen"! And Barbara Hershey becomes Barbara Seagull! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. This is a paid advertisement from BetterHelp. As a podcast listener, you've heard from us before. Today, let's hear what members have told us.

One member said, I would recommend my therapist 1,000 times over. She has truly changed my life. Another member said, the day after my first session, my friends and family said I sounded like myself again for the first time in weeks. You deserve to invest in your well-being. Visit BetterHelp.com to see what it can do for you. That's BetterHelp.com. Hey, podcast listeners. If you would like to support the show and be rewarded, head over to patreon.com slash Gilbert Gottfried.

For just a small amount each month, you the listener can get some colossal benefits. Get access to new podcast episodes before anyone else. Join me on exclusive video hangouts. Thank you. dot com slash Gilbert Gottfried. That's Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Gilbert Gottfried. Thank you for listening and support the show for the love of God. You know, up until now, getting a razor as a present was the worst present you could ever get. Because it was always cheap presents. It always looked like a last-minute thing. Like, you didn't care about that person, so at the last second, you got them a razor. But with Harry's, it's totally different.

You can send Harry's razors for birthdays or for anniversaries. It comes in a nice package, and it's got everything you need for a great shave. And the razors are top quality razors where you shave yourself. And I mean, this is the smoothest shave I've ever gotten. So I not only get them for me, but I would give them for birthdays and anniversaries and maybe even other holidays that I don't know about. So, go to harrys.com now and Harry's will give you $5 off if you type in the coupon code GILBERT with your first purchase. That's harrys.com and enter coupon code Gilbert at check out for $5 off and start shaving better today. Bye Harry Riders! It's so fun! today. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast.

I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our guest today is one of the funniest, bravest, and busiest stand-up comics in the business. He's also a writer, an occasional actor in movies like Judd Apatow's Funny People and Louis C.K.'s cult classic, Booty Tang. He's the host of the shows Insomniac, Comedy Underground with Dave Attell, and Dave's Old Porn, a show he never invited me on despite my extensive familiarity with the subject. He's also the second youngest guest to be on our show, making him the only guest who hasn't had prostate surgery. Ladies and gentlemen, our pal Dave Attell.

Well, thank you, thank you, and thank you for having me on the show. Okay. It was a lot of credits. Now, were you discovered by Arthur Godfrey like a lot of... I really jumped right into it here on the podcast. What is the name of the podcast, first of all? Gilbert Godfrey's Amazing Colossal Podcast. Wow.

And with that, we jump right into old movies. Yes. It's an homage to a movie. Amazing Colossal Man. Was that before or after Goonies? Sorry, guys. See, Arthur... Being the youngest guest ever on the podcast.

Arthur Godfrey was a massive Jew hater. He was? Yeah. Yeah. He's a total scumbag and a massive Jew hater. Put it in perspective. If Arthur Godfrey and Hitler were together, would Hitler go, like, take it down? Yeah.

Take it easy, buddy. Whoa, roll up. Hey, come on. Chill out. Artie. Although we had Ken Berry on the show, we tried desperately to get him to say something unkind about Arthur Godfrey. Oh, yeah. And he wouldn't go for it.

Yeah. Here's my recollection of Ken Berry. I always think of him dancing but wearing like girl sneakers. Yes. I think it was the style at the time, in the early 60s. He was a kiddie shoe spokesman for a while. There you go. That's the connection.

Thank you, Frank. And did you ever see Ken Berry's show, Wow? No. Was that, what years are we talking here? 73, 74. The Ken Berry Wow Show. Those were hard years for me. I was on tour with Guess Who.

Oh, really? Wow. See, it was... Back from the nom. The Wow Show was kind of like an even more dated version of laughing. Oh, okay. Yeah. But Terry Garr was in the stock company.

Great. And Steve Martin and a bunch of people that were never heard from again. Carl Gottlieb. Carl Gottlieb. Yes, yes. Who Arthur Gottlieb hated. Can I say one thing about Terry Garr and Young Frankenstein? Yes.

That movie is a boner fest. Oh, she was very hot. Oh, wow. Stunning. And, you know, there is that creepiness with, you know, Marty Feldman. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I like that.

Yeah, with his crooked eyes. I like that, yeah. I like a little creep in it. Yes. Now, I was shocked to hear, and I almost canceled you being on the show. What happened? When I heard you did jokes about the tsunami.

The tsunami. Which tsunami are we talking about? There's been so many lately. You can't pick a favorite. No, I said the tsunami is God's money shot. And I said that a long time ago. And then that joke has been repurposed by many people. You know, the tornado is God's reach around and, you know, whatever.

The format has been, I believe, hacked. Yeah. Look how quiet it got. Yeah. Did you think it was wrong to joke about the tsunami? Well, I mean, in hindsight,

seeing what a career breaker it is, leave the tsunami alone. I was totally on your side in terms of what happened to you with that tweet. Was it a tweet? Yeah, a couple of tweets. One of several.

Yeah. You know, a tweet can get you fired but a brick through a window, nobody cares. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying as a store owner. And yet, what was the tsunami before the Japanese one? The tsunami before that. Was there? There was the earthquake

in Haiti. No, it was the one in the... I thought yours was the Indonesian tsunami that you got upset on. No, mine was the Japanese. Yes. Oh, yes. What was it? Was it Haiti or... Our research team is looking it up.

Yeah, we're looking up. We'll get back to you. We're looking up. We're going from Arthur Gottfried to tsunamis. Our favorite tsunami. At least you've moved past this. Yes, yes. Because there was a,

do you remember the sitcom Our Favorite Tsunamis with Dan Daly? The Indian Ocean. See, the Indian Ocean. No one gave a fuck about that one. I don't care.

Yeah. I mean, look at the world we live in now. Like a tsunami is almost a breath of fresh air. Yeah. And you're probably wondering how our mayor would handle that. Since we're talking about this, Dave, and the hot water Gilbert got in for the tsunami joke,

has anything like that ever happened to you? Has there ever been a joke that really created more trouble than it was worth? Oh, I've had my situations with jokes and all that, but I would say the thing about Gilbert is that he's out there more on the media. Like, you're a tech guy. Like, you're out there tweeting and all that kind of stuff. I do the bare minimum.

You know, I really... I like to... I don't enjoy doing it. I feel like I'm too old to do it. And I know you get some guests on here. I assume Henry Winkler must do it, or Adam West. Oh, yeah.

Well, people doing it for them. Oh, okay. There you go. I have people helping me do stuff. I would say that most of my troubles with jokes always happen in the clubs. Just somebody screaming, you suck or that's not funny or my aunt died from a deer attack. I remember there was a wave of ironic

deaths. You could not like, oh, an icicle killed my grandpa, you know, and you can't make fun of anything. You know, do you remember this? Well, you know, it's so funny. It's like whenever the most recent death is like if someone's killed by a deer attack and then they'll show like a cartoon or TV show with a guy dressed as a deer that was made like two years earlier. They'll go, how dare they think that deers are funny? Don't we know they commit tragic murders? I have no idea what a deer is. What is that, a gay dog?

What is it? Does anybody know? Other than the city. I don't know these things. Santa Claus got pulled by gay dogs. You know, here's the thing. Yes. I really never knew you that well,

but I love that you do my Comedy Underground show because I think that you are the best. Nobody takes it as far as you. What I like about you is you never let go of a joke. Other guys decide to stop. You never do. You grind it, and I like that. You really do.

You're the Viet Cong, buddy. You just never stop. You never sleep. You should listen to the Steve Cox episode of this podcast. Who is Steve Cox again? He's a writer, an L.A.-based writer, but Gilbert was shined in that particular episode. I got hooked on...

See, because you're familiar with Danny Thomas' fetish. Yes. Yeah. Oh, wait, I don't know about his fetish. What, children's hospitals? No. Is that a cake now to help children? That's a real fetish of his.

Him and Marlo? Allegedly, I have to throw in. Danny Thomas would lie under a glass coffee table and he'd have hookers take a shit on the table. Wow. Yeah. That's alleged. Yeah. We have to say that just in case Marlo's listening.

That might be a cultural thing, you know. I think he's Mideastern. Lebanese. Yeah, in Lebanon. I think he's Mideastern. Lebanese. Lebanese, actually. Yeah, in Lebanon. Maybe that's their bingo. That could be their monopoly. Who knows?

Bingo. Every man in Lebanon has a glass coffee table. It's their version of Toss-A-Cross. They ship in on a private jet. Curse this shit. Look at all the goodies done. You know, I mean, shit. Look at all the goodies done. You know, I mean, really. Look at the whole man.

I mean, you know, it's... The whole man. Exactly. It's the whole... It's definitely... Yeah, whatever. We definitely mean the whole man. Now, Danny Thomas was in Make Room for Daddy, right?

Make Room for Duty. Yes. Now, did you watch that as a boy? Was that one of your shows? Yes. What were your shows growing up? You come home from Daddy, right? Make Room for Duty. Yes. Now, did you watch that as a boy? Was that one of your shows? Yes. What were your shows growing up? You come home from school, right? Well, I like Get Smart.

Well, take me through the whole thing. You come home from school after a vicious bullying. Because I cannot see you not being bullied. There were many. Old school bullying. Books, glasses, your short pants being pulled down or wedgied. books, glasses, your short pants being pulled down or wedgied.

And that was back when bullying was an accepted part of growing up. It was. Character building, of course. Now, only later it became a thing of all the bullies. Everybody's so sensitive now. I'd be curious, what did you watch when you came home?

Well, I remember in the afternoon they'd have Captain Jack McCarthy show Popeye cartoons. Three bells and all as well. When I was in elementary school, I was a few blocks from my house, so I would watch Captain Jack McCarthy show those. But then they changed it over to Bewitched, which I watched but didn't like it as much. I would watch both of them. I would watch

Popeye and then Bewitched, I would watch that too. Did you want to fuck Elizabeth Montgomery? I guess I did, but I was more of an I Dream of Jeannie. That I think was like the first actual like, wow, look at that. That's a woman, you know?

And Barbara Eden. I mean, still beautiful. Oh, yeah. She must be a genie because she really is holding up well, don't you think? Yeah. Oh, yes. And we spoke to another Barbara, Barbara Felton. Oh, you did?

Who also looks great. Which I, by the way, think that is an underrated show, Get Smart. Get Smart, I love it. I love it. What's his name? The guy who played Jaime? Godier. Yes, we were talking about getting him on the show if he's not dead. No, he's not.

He's a celebrated artist. He's a painter. 99% of the guests on this show are dead. That's fine. My career died here. I assume my career is dead on the elevator ride up to your apartment. But, Gilbert, I have to tell you, like, that Get Smart, I think that was like a – I mean, there were so many great jokes in there, you know?

And who was the lead guy again? What's his name? Don Adams. Now, Don Adams, interesting thing in World War II, he was a, you know, the graves registration guys, the guys who, like, when all the guys would die in the battle, he'd have to go there and put the tag on the toe and all that kind of stuff. He did that. I believe

that was his job in the military. Wow. And it supposedly affected him for the rest of his life. So I guess when they would say, cut, he would go into this nightmarish flashback, you know, slapping around Jaime. That's a great way to say masturbation. Yeah, whatever it is.

Slapping around Jaime. I was so pleased that the Get Smart movie, which wasn't good. No. Which one, the nude bomb? No, no, no, no. The new Get Smart. Oh, the Steve Carell. Steve Carell.

And what's his name? Anne Hathaway. Yeah. Chemistry. Oh,away. Chemistry. Oh, yeah. Chemistry there. But I was glad that they cast Patrick Warburton as Jaime. I don't know who that is.

Because he was the guy who played Putty. Oh, the guy from Rules of Engagement. When I first saw him, I said, that guy reminds me of Dick Godier. He had that same deadpan big guy style about him. So was that the show that like, so now you're home, right? So that's like your afternoon show.

I like Get Smart. I like Ronan Martin's laughing. I didn't really get that show. I didn't see what it was. I know it was subversive. I assume you would be more of a Smothers Brothers man. I did like the Smothers Brothers, although I kind of felt when they were getting too political. Yes.

After a while, it was getting like, all right, you know, just say, Mom always liked you best. I know you're sitting there holding your Nixon in 74. Oh, yeah. But I have to ask you guys this because you guys know TV better than me. How does like, are the Smother Brothers

still alive? They sure are. Oh, yeah. And that was like two seasons and then they were thrown off the air because of their subversive. I'm working with Tommy

next month. How did they get through the many years without money coming in? Did they tour? What did they do? That I don't know. Don't you want to know this, Gilbert?

I want to know. We should have asked if we had David Steinberg on the show. He must be the – him and Sid Caesar, I believe, probably were the master of budgets. They must have ate like every other year. This is the year I can't eat. And then I got eight bucks. You know, if we get Tommy on the show, that's a good question. I think they played clubs and they played Vegas.

For a while, they had an act. They must have written for other people or something. I don't know. They must have done something. I'm sure they did a lot of live performing. And that wasn't today's TV money. That wasn't huge money. I don't even know what they... I guess they paid you in pot or something back in that era. Tommy did

a lot of guest spots, TV, did a couple of movies. He's in a Bill Persky movie called Serial. Martin Mullen, Tuesday Weld. So he worked a little bit. Tuesday Weld. Yeah, it's another one. And then David Steinberg fucked Tuesday Weld. He did? Yes. This is news to

me. Yes. Wow. David Steinberg fucked Tuesday Weld. Wow. David Steinberg fucked Tuesday Wells. Wow. And he said he one time met Orson Welles. And he, you know, he's, of course, thrilled to meet Orson Welles. And they were talking. And Orson Welles goes, so you were having sex with Tuesday Welles. And he knew this.

Wow. Yeah. Can we open the window to let some of your ancient gossip out? Anything on Cleopatra? Yeah, we got some dirt on her. Wow. We had David Steinberg on this show for an hour, and he buried the lead. Yes.

Never mentioned it. He's a class act. That's what we call it, a class act. Now, David Steinberg, where did he come from? He has to be some kind of professor. From Canada. Oh, Canadian. Canadian guy.

There you go. He came on the scene about the same time as Robert Klein. Oh, okay. As the college-educated Jews in Germany. Yes. That's when it became like, you know, there are Jews and they're going to college. Which brings up one of my favorite movies, Goodbye Columbus. Oh, yeah.

It's a great one. Which Dick Benjamin. Yeah, we talked about getting him for the show, too. Yeah. Jack Lugman. Dick Benjamin, I believe, is the prototype Asperger guy. You know, he's kind of like a low talker. He's nervous.

He's no eye contact. He's that kind of guy. And he directed Gilbert in a movie. He did. No, no, he never. Oh, you didn't get that part. I didn't get that part. Ah, I auditioned.

I auditioned for a great. Haunted Honeymoon? What was the movie? No, no. That was Gene Wilder. Even better. a great... Haunted Honeymoon? No, no. Even better.

I auditioned and didn't get My Stepmother's an Alien. Dan Aykroyd. Bullet Dodged. That was a Spirit Award performance. So what about you, Dave? Coming home from school.

That's a good question. What were your passions? What didn't I watch? I was a fat kid with asthma, so TV was my best friend. And I would start watching, because I guess you could say I'm a generation behind Gilbert. So we'd watch all the Scooby-Doos, of course, and then we'd work our way into, I guess you could say, the live action stuff like the HR Puffin stuff. And then as the evening rolled in, we would work our way through one of my favorite shows, The Magician with Bill Bixby. Oh, wow.

That's a reference. By the way, you're talking about Prostate. That's how he went down. They say he was directing Blossom in his last years. He was directing Blossom in his last years. And they say he would collapse to the floor in pain. And then after a while, they had him directing. They would bring out a couch.

Wow. And he would lie down on the couch and direct the show because he was in such tremendous pain. You sure it wasn't just the show Blossom that did it for you? I could never sit through a whole one. What was her thing? She was a six, but she had the brain of a 12? Yeah. I never got that show.

That might be Small Wonder you're thinking of. Poor Bill Bixby. Small Wonder. Oh, well, either way, yeah, Bill Bixby, that was a great show because he was a magician. Sure. And, you know, he had the African-American friend who was his, I guess, bodyguard. And they would fly around on a plane. And he would use his magic to solve murders and crimes.

Who was his African-American friend? He was a big, bald, black guy. Really good guy. Let's get our research team on Bill Bixby and the magician. Let's see. Cliff Wilson had hair. Not Cliff Wilson. And, you know, I research team on on Bill Bixby and the magician. Yeah. But he's coming to my head. No, I was. Finally, you guys are the perfect guys.

Like, I just read Flip Wilson's, I guess, biography. Did you guys read that? No. Flip Wilson, by the way, who was I think my dad loved him, was like the first really crossover comic. He was like Cosby was. But then Flip Wilson really was like the guy who was like, he had the top show in America,

I believe, in the early 70s. Everybody watched his show. Yes. Yeah. And Flip was, you know, he was really a trip,

that guy. He really, you know, all the characters, and I know you love characters. Yeah. You do. And he also would do

the dressing up as a woman, which, that doesn't seem to play the way it used to, the dressing up as a woman. Every single black comic now seems to dress up as a big, fat black woman. I think you're only thinking of Tyler Perry. Well, no. Eddie Murphy. Uh-huh. Martin Lawrence.

And Martin Lawrence. Right. Not to interrupt, but the actor is Julian Christopher. Is he alive? I don't know. Well, let's get him. Oh! Well, I have a lot of other great shows that I would watch.

And then there's like the shows from my, I guess, teens that really had an impression on me. Like Magnum P.I. That's Tom Selleck. Oh, yeah. This is before Blue Bloods and his other many shows. His Friends appearance. That show was really kind of like before there was porn, there was that show. I would just watch it and it would get me aroused.

Okay, here's something I know. You never watched that show, though. Not much. You probably weren't in the clubs by that point. Yeah, I remember years ago they would refer to Charlie's Angels. They would write about it and talk about it like this was porn. Jiggle TV. Yes.

That's what they used to call it. Yes. And I watched that even as a horny kid. I watched it and goes, where's the sexy part of this? Yes. Do you remember Network Battle of the Stars where they would get all the, like, Carol Wayne and all the buxom Carol Wayne. Those were good.

Angelion and they'd get them all. Donna Dixon. All of them. The Solid Gold Dancers. That was porn. That was a different yeah no I don't think I was ready for that yet but you know in the pre-interview we talked about like Star Trek and things like that and I assume that

you know you're not really a nerd, are you? You're not into Star Wars? No, I'm a really cool guy. You're a cool guy. A tastemaker, as it's called. I'm totally hip. But Star Trek was never your thing? Never got into Star Trek.

And how about Star Wars? Were you into that? I hated Star Wars. You hated it? Hated Star Wars. Interesting. I didn't know that about you. Did you walk out in like a disgust?

No, I watched the whole thing, but I remember at the end I went, I don't get it. No. I don't get it. But we are all Planet of the Apes fans. Oh, there you go. Yes. Did you like the Three Stooges? I loved the Three Stooges.

You know what? I have to tell you that I didn't really like it. I had three brothers. Wow. I had two brothers, so it was a little too close to home. And we did, you know, that was back when people would beat each other up. So we really were, like, fighting each other all the time. Oh, so it was too autobiographical.

It was too autobiographical. And I never got the whole idea of why are they, like, what's their origin story? Like, why are they orphans? Like, where are they going? Are they, like, searching for parents? What is their origin story? Yeah, and where are they? Oh, they're, like, in some Like, where are they going? Are they, like, searching for parents? Such is origin story. Yeah, and where are they? Oh, they're, like, in some, what town are they?

They're in some weird town. It's like a, it's not a coastal town. You know what got me years ago? Kansas City or something. With movies and TV shows like Abbott and Costello's TV show. That I watched. Is that the idea of men who are partners. Yeah. And they were totally straight.

Right, sharing an apartment. Yes, yeah, they slept together like the students. And they would call themselves partners, but there was nothing gay about that. Nothing at all. They were like down on their luck, just like the Depression or something. Nobody can afford gay.

They wish they could afford gay. Like, they wish they could afford gay. There was no gay back then. They were just hungry and eating. Yeah. I think Bud and Lou may have shared a bed

on the old Abbott and Co. show. And the Stooges were always. Yeah. And Laurel and Hardy, too. Oh, yes.

Who would you watch? I think the Stooges is kind of like porn. You really only watch it alone. You don't invite friends over. It's like, let's watch some Stooges. Do you? I, if they're into the Stooges is kind of like porn. You really only watch it alone. You don't invite friends over. Like, let's watch some Stooges. Do you?

If they're into the Stooges. Okay. Yeah. Has Tim's got a treat for you? Well, actually, a treat in a treat. Get ready for Tim's Dream Cookies. Now in three delicious flavors. Double Stuff Oreo, Caramel, and Reese's Minis.

They're soft, chewy, and baked fresh daily. Try one today at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. While we're talking about Obscura TV, Dave, our mutual friend Dave Juskow insisted that I ask you about a show called Arc 2. Well, this has got to be out of you guys. I'm sorry. This is no way that you guys watch this show. This is the geekiest show out there.

There's a thing called Saturday Morning TV. This is before the, you know, where you could, like, decide to watch whatever you want on Saturday morning. You had to watch whatever they put out there. There's a thing called Saturday Morning TV. This is before the, you know, where you could decide to watch whatever you want on Saturday morning. You had to watch whatever they put up there. The show was about a post-apocalyptic world where these people, it was a blonde Norwegian-looking ABBA-type dude, a beautiful Asian

woman, and a chimp that talked, and they're all dressed up as dentists. And they travel around in this post-apocalyptic world. They have weapons, but none of them hurt anybody, and they're all dressed up as dentists and they travel around in this post-apocalyptic world. They have weapons, but none of them hurt anybody and they just solve. I, it's all about the environment and stuff like that.

It was like a seventies kind of show. Did their weapons have that TV laser gun sound of, no, they had like a bright light. I remember that was the thing to scare off like the, um, you know, the,

uh, mutants. And then there was a lot of, I'm glad they brought that up because that's like one of our connections. That's a really good show for us. We both enjoyed that show. And who was on it? I don't know. I told you the blonde guy.

The biggest 15 episodes. Helen Hunt did a guest spot on it. We looked it up before you got here. But let's – Helen Hunt, what won't you do? You know what I'm talking about? It's ARC 2 or a show with – Paul Reiser. You know him I'm talking about? It's Ark 2 or Paul Reiser. You know him, right? Yes. Helen Hunt though, she did

this movie what was it? Something Dance. Water Dance. Water Dance, yeah. With Eric Stoltz. And he's crippled. He's working for his Academy Award by being a cripple in a movie. But she has sex with him and she had a great

body back in the day. She did. Fully loaded, as we say. Yes. There's a couple of people like that that you just look at them and you're like, wow, not bad. Who is the... I also like the actresses that are hiddenly... They're Jewish.

You know what I'm saying? But they never play a Jewish part. Oh, yeah. Well, Helen Hunt. Is she Jewish? She's a Jew. No way. What about Melanie Griffin? No way.

Melanie Griffin? No, no, no. What about, let's go through the- In fact, Melanie Griffin, she did that World War II movie with Michael Douglas. Shining Through? Something like that, yeah.

Well, she's Tippi Hedren's daughter, so she couldn't possibly be Jewish. Tippi Hedren. And so they asked her to show how bright Melanie Griffith is. They asked her what she learned studying up for that World War II movie, and she said, I didn't know they killed six million Jews. Really? Yeah. Wow.

Definitely not Jewish. Wow. That's her tsunami joke. Yes, yes. Right there. And then she covered up for it by saying, I thought it was just a few thousand. You know how they exaggerate?

Yeah. The little quotes in the air. You know them. They're emotional. You could see her PR people going, no, shut up, shut up. Don't, don't, don't. Should we cross Melanie Griffith off the invite list? Yes, I guess so.

I don't think she's the right cut for this show. Oh, secretly sexy. Well, Barbara Felden. She's Jewish, of course. No, she wasn't a Jew at all. What about Barbara Eden? Was she Jewish? No, no Felden. She's Jewish, of course. No, she wasn't a Jew at all. What about Barbara Eden? Was she Jewish? No, no, no.

I figured with that Jewish name, Eden. That's somewhere in the Braun family. Who are some other sexy... I'm trying to think of the woman. She always looks like she's from the Ozarks, but she's got beautiful cheekbones, dark. What was she in? She was in the movie where the haunted house was having sex with her all the time.

I believe it was called The Changeling or something. Oh, The Haunted House was having sex with her. Sorry. The Changeling is the one with George C. Scott and the haunted wheelchair. Oh, no. Oh, okay. By the way, I love George C. Scott. David the Dolphin was a big movie for me.

Yeah. Oh, I remember that one. Yeah, I love George C. Scott. David Dolphin was a big movie for me. Yeah. Oh, I remember that one. Yeah. Fa, Love Be Not. You know, that whole thing they were doing there. I believe that's coding. I don't know what they're actually talking about. And George C. Scott was also in...

Hardcore. Yeah. Hardcore. Ah, there you go. That's my daughter! There you go. Which was basically The Searchers. Yes. It was basically John Ford's The Searchers put into the world of porn.

Yes. That was in San Francisco, right? That was like old San Francisco. Yeah. You ever work there in the 70s or anything like that? No. No? But, oh, and George C. Scott also did...

Patton. Yeah, Patton. That was a great one. You know, Patton was a Jew hater. Oh, what? Yeah, I heard he had a little mousy voice and that George C. Scott said, I'm not going to play him like that. I'm going to play.

But yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. And there's recordings of him going, I hate the Jews. Really? I'm going to fight Hitler, but I hate the Jews. Yes. And George C. Scott decided not to play it like that. He played him as a Jew-liking.

That was the original working title. Barbara Hershey. Barbara Hershey. Oh, Barbara Hershey. She was Barbara Siegel first. Whoa. Siegel. No, she became Barbara Siegel.

Oh, she became Barbara Siegel. Because she saw a dead seagull on the beach. No way. Youagull. No, she became Barbara Seagull. Oh, she became Barbara Seagull. Because she saw a dead seagull on the beach. You are correct. No way. You are correct. And believed that the soul of the seagull entered her body. No, you're making this up. No, no, I wish.

Really? Google it, people. Yeah. She was originally Barbara Hershey. She saw a dead seagull, believed that that seagull's soul entered her body, and then changed the name to Barbara Seagull. Wow. So how did George Seagull pick his name?

He was playing the banjo. We all know that. He was playing some low-end bluegrass. Yes. My accountant knows how to play the banjo bluegrass. I like George Segal movie that I like is Bye Bye Braverman. It's a good one. Yeah.

That's one of his first ones. Yeah. He's got, what's his name? Sorrel Book. Oh, Sorrell Book from the Dukes of Hazzard. Yes. Right. Joseph Wiseman and Jack Warden.

That's a good one. Wow. Yeah. Is that Paul Mazursky movie? No. Sidney Lumet. Sidney Lumet. Yeah.

You're right. You're right. And Alan King is in it. No. And Godfrey Cambridge. It took me years to figure out that Alan King was a movie actor. Like, I never thought of him as a movie actor. Oh, a lot of movies.

Yeah. He's in that movie with Ali McGraw that Sidney Lumet made. Really? Just Tell Me What You Want. Oh, yes. And Henry directed him in that Memories of Me with Billy Crystal. Wow. Oh, and he was in Casino with Robert De Niro.

Yeah, that I know. Now, speaking of movies, Dave. Go ahead. You've been in a few movies. Oh, okay. But I've heard you say that you don't think of yourself, you don't think you're much of an actor. Oh, I'm a horrible actor. I really don't get it.

I have no idea what's going on there. And I don't even know why people want to do it. I understand that, like, people want to be famous and that, like, if you're the top, like, 15 actors in the world, you make a lot of money and, you know you know it's amazing and all that kind of stuff but i have no idea what people get out of it i don't i it's so unlike stand-up but you were in of course the classic pootie tang which gilbert and i were discussing before gilbert i can't believe you weren't in that movie it's kind of like a comics comics oh yes i guess they didn't see me as a comic that was louis uh i like to call it boy louis when he was really a young guy because he was always younger than me. But he must have been like, I don't know, like 30, if that.

And he directed a movie. And I remember he was getting a lot of trouble from the studio. And they wanted to take the movie away from him or something like that. But it was amazing how confident he was in directing this movie. And let's face it. It's not the greatest movie, but there's some great moments in that movie. Well, for people And let's face it, it's not the greatest movie, but there's some great moments in that movie. For people who haven't seen it,

it's a parody of Blaxploitation movies of the 70s. Right. Now they would consider that a hate crime. Yes. If you see the movie, make sure to turn your way away from it. What part did you play? I played the underling of the evil white guy who was trying to destroy Poodie Tang. And that guy was also – he was a 70s actor.

The man from Uncle. The man from Uncle. Robert Vaughn. Oh, right. Yes, and that was cool. And he was a really cool dude. And I remember asking him something on the set. And I'm not a big, you know, like whatever.

I asked him like, you know, some kind of acting thing. I didn't know what to ask him or something like that. And he was like, you just show up. You know, something like one of those like, you know, I'm a good actor, so I really don't care. And then I realized I said like, you know what? I'm going to take it a step further. I'm not going to show up. I don't care about this.

Robert Vaughn also starred in Teenage Caveman. Correct. And he's in The Magnificent Seven. Oh, that's right. That's a great show. That had a big influence on me, too. Okay, here's my problem with The Magnificent Seven. Go ahead.

It starts out as the coolest picture ever. Yeah. I mean, all those guys are at their coolest. Yul Brynner. And Charles Bronson. Oh, yeah, my favorite. Oh, yeah. And then I don't understand the middle section where the Mexicans win.

They take away all their guns from the Magnificent Seven. They take away all their guns from the Magnificent Seven. Yeah. And for some reason, they decide not only not to kill them, but to give them their weapons back. Oh, the banditos you're talking about. Yeah. The bad Mexicans. That's when the movie lost me. I have, like, a love-hate with that movie because I did watch it with my gardener.

He seemed to tune out. He liked the middle, did not like the beginning nor the end. No, I love that movie. That was like The Wild Bunch, that whole kind of border Mexico, kind of cool. I love that.

Once again, they're like renegade guys, much like the Three Stooges. It's been compared. They're like ex- again, they're like renegade guys, much like the Three Stooges. It's been compared. Yeah, they're like ex-military guys or something, and they're down in Mexico. It's like their last chance. Well, like the Dirty Dozen. The Dirty Dozen. Kelly's Heroes is another one.

Kelly's a ballist, by the way. Yeah. Do you like him better as a TV star on Kojak, or do you like him as a movie guy? Because as a movie guy, he really rocks with the character stuff. Oh, yeah. I like him as the guy being stalked by the killer doll in that Twilight Zone episode. Oh, that's great. Talking Tina.

That's right. That's another show that really was the Twilight Zone episode. And he was a Russian guy, and I don't know if it was called like Horror Train. Oh, the Horror Express. Horror Express. Sure. A Horror Express. Horror Express. Sure. A Hammer film, I think. It was written by my old film school professor.

Oh, jeez. I like to mention him since you brought it up. Yes. But that was the time in, I guess, show business where only like five ugly guys were allowed in. Oh, you know. Now it's like a, it's a fog off out there. I'm like, I'm not even that bad looking now compared to some of the uglies. It's a fog off out there. I'm not even that bad looking now compared to some of the uglies.

Oh, do you know who Telly Savalas' niece is? No. Jennifer Aniston. No way. Oh, I did know that. Wow. I guess ugly skips a generation. Yeah, really.

She's Greek. She is a Greek. Yeah, so they're related, believe it or not. Because she's actually bald. She is a Greek Yeah So they're related Believe it or not Because she's actually bald She is Wow And sucks on lollipops During the day

So let me ask you Since you guys are the experts Yes Okay now Zero Mostel Yes Who was in You know

A Mad Mad Mad Mad War No he wasn't in that No he was in The Producers He was in The Producers Yes Which is probably One of the greatest movies Ever made Yes Yeah Amazing Did you guys see that In a theater Or did you see that on TV No, he wasn't in that. No, he was in The Producers. He was in The Producers. Yes. Which is probably one of the greatest movies ever made.

Yes. Yeah. Amazing. Did you guys see that in a theater or did you see that on TV? I saw it on TV. Oh, you did? That was a great movie. I would love to have seen that movie in a theater.

Like, that's one of the few. Because I don't go to movies now. Me and Just Cow, we both do not like to go. We like to watch it at home in our own sad worlds. We don't like to go to movies. Well, like, there's certain getting back to like Charles Bronson. Go ahead. I saw Death Wish when it first came out.

In a movie here in Manhattan? Yes. No, in a movie in Brooklyn. And New York was a shitty place back then. Yeah. 75 or 74, I think. Yeah. That movie.

75 or 74, I think. Yes. And I felt like you can't get the impact now what Death Wish meant back then. Yeah. Like the audience would go out of their minds when he'd shoot down a mugger. They loved it. Yeah, they would go nuts in the theater. They were screaming and applauding and cheering. So, you know, I would say that, you know, you invited me in to talk about a lot of things,

and I'd have to say that we should probably give that Planet of the Apes its time. So how old were you when you first experienced the, you know, POA? I saw it. I went with my father. You did? Wow. You never told me this. I was very small.

I went with my father, and I loved the first one. First one was shocking. Yeah. Shocked me. Yeah. I loved the first one. After that, I felt like I totally lost interest in all those sequels. What are you talking about?

Well, here's my favorite thing of Planet of the Apes, all those sequels. What are you talking about? Well, here's my favorite thing of Planet of the Apes, is they tried to get political and put a civil rights message in it, but they would have the apes as servants. So as to say something good and protect black people, we're comparing them to apes in these movies.

I saw that. I saw that a bit. Mostly in the hairstyles and the clothing. That's right from the beginning, though. I mean, that's in the novel. Yeah, I mean, it's there right from the first film. But I thought, they're making a civil rights message,

but they are saying that black people are apes, according to this book. Well, I kind of look past that for just the amazing coolness of the actual movie. And you like the sequels. I love Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

With James Franciscus. Yes, James Franciscus, Return to the Planet of the Apes. I like all of them. And then I even watched the ape TV show that was on. Oh, God. That went on for a long time. Oh, my God.

That probably jumped the shark. Oh, and I remember Claude Akins. Yes. He was one of the apes. How did they get him, you think? I mean, he was a big star at that point, no? Yeah, Claude Akins was great. Ricardo Maltobon's in the third one.

Oh, yes. He was excellent. I think Paul Williams. He's one of the third one. Oh, yes. He was excellent. I think Paul Williams. He's one of the apes. No way. Yes, he is. Yes, I believe he's one of the orangutans. Yeah.

The learned ape. It may be in the third one. By the Battle of the Planet of the Apes, which was the fifth one, I was gone. Well, with all those sequels, when they start going, well, this is back in time, but in the future back in time. And there's been a mishap and we went backwards on the planet. You don't like any of that. Yeah, after all, it gets a little confusing.

I like it. Like, here's another movie. We're talking about Charlton Heston, who was a huge, great, you know, I didn't see the new Moses movie, but I assume... He showed his ass. He did.

Yeah, he did. With Nova, that girl, another girl, super hot. That's not a Jew. Oh, sheesh. I assume... He showed his ass. He did. Yeah, he did, with Nova, that girl. Another girl, super hot. Not a Jew. I assume she's not a Jew. Yeah, she was totally hot, that girl. She was either married or she was the girlfriend of one of the studio executives.

Oh, that makes sense. That's why she was in that film. But Omega Man, which is another really important movie. Oh, with the zombies. Yeah, there was like a before zombie, but it also had like a cult thing to it, the pandemic. You know, it touched on a lot of today's issues. There is an interracial coupling of Charlton

and this like super hot African-American woman with an Afro, like 70s style. And, you know, I just have to say that I know he's known as like this kind of right-wing, you know, gun guy, but that movie was awesome. I loved it. Well, he marched for civil rights, Charlton Heston. Did he?

Yeah, he did. And it was kind of unfair when like Michael Moore ambushed him. Sure. And it because he wasn't a racist. He's not a racist. Yeah. He was a gun. He was a gun.

Oh, yeah. He's a gun racist. He liked guns, but who doesn't? Yeah. But, you know, you're packing now, aren't you? Yeah. He was a gun nut. Oh, yeah. He's a gun nut. He likes guns, but who doesn't? You're packing now, aren't you? I can't see why you wouldn't. I'm talking to Dave right now and I want to shoot him. I don't blame you. But wait, hold on. There's something about

the, you know, movies are remade for our times, like The Omega Man was remade with, I believe believe Denzel... No, who was... Will Smith. Now, why did it have to be Will Smith? And I'm not saying he's not bad, but that remake was not that good.

I mean, there was that dog in it with the butterfly. That was interesting, but it was cute. But wasn't it... Was The Omega Man also... Wasn't that also the Vincent Price movie? Yes. I think wasn't that also the Vincent Price movie? Yes. I think there was another one with Vincent Price called The Last Man on Earth.

Yeah, that's the original of it. And The Last Man on Earth, what are your thoughts on that? I mean, there's no bad Vincent Price as far as Gilbert's concerned. I love the Tingler. What's that? Yeah. Just thought. It's this really cheap horror film. And the Tingler is What's that? Yeah. Just thought. It's this really cheap

horror film. Oh. And the Tingler is this like rubber, it looks like a rubber centipede. It's the worst. And it's believed through real advanced science that when someone is scared, a Tingler

lives on their spine and will crush them and kill them unless they scream and there's one part of the movie where a tingler gets loose in a movie theater oh wow and and and william castle who produced it had buzzers in the seats so he'd buzz people And so it was a double thing. Like, because he gets loose in the theater, and Vincent Price goes in the movie, the tingler is loose in the theater. Scream, scream for your life. The tingler, it's scream, scream for your life.

And everyone would scream. And then my favorite part, after the tingler gets loose in the theater and he's yelling for them to scream, they capture the tingler. And Vincent Price says in the movie, which also takes place in a movie theater, the tingler has been captured. The movie will resume shortly. And the Tingler is the worst looking prop in the history of... It's so obviously pulled on a string.

Just awful. And I have a great affection for William Castle, but that movie, you could barely get through it. It's like grade Z. I don't know. The Tingler. I was half listening. Now, the Tingler, it's not like a Danny Thomas thing.

It's not somebody who texts, I'm going to pull The Tingler. I was half listening. Now, the Tingler, it's not like a Danny Thomas thing. It's not somebody who texts, I'm going to pull a Tingler on her. The Tingler is loose in my asshole. Oh, scream, scream. Let's talk a little bit about stand-up, Dave. First of all, I'd be curious, how did you and Gilbert... No, let's just talk about the... How did you guys meet? Do you remember meeting?

I think, you know, as a young boy comic, I probably ran into Gilbert a couple of times, probably at Catch a Rising Star, the old Catch a Rising Star. But, you know, stand-up-wise, you know, he is an icon, he is a legend. And, you know, what I love about Gilbert is, you know, he does not retreat. You know, I consider myself, you know, what I love about Gilbert is, you know, he does not retreat. You know, I consider myself, you know, I've done the easy joke to get out of a horrible situation. But I don't think Gilbert ever does that. I don't even know if he's even built to do that.

So he's kind of like, you know, you are the Ahab. You're going to find your way out. As I pointed out the other day, he's the only comic that's still doing funny Asian voices in his act. Some things need to be said. Yes. No, I, do you, I'm sorry, I'm controlling that thing. No, I was just going to ask, well, Gilbert got on stage for the first time at 15, which we've talked about a lot on the show. Wow.

At 15, I had no desire to be in show business at all. I wanted to be like a helicopter pilot or, I don't know, something with dirt bikes. And before we forget, because you mentioned Ahab. Yeah. What do you do in your school world, man? Very good. I never...

You know, Gregory Peck... Never did Gregory Peck for me. ...hated himself in that movie. He did? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard him. I don't know why. I don't know.

I thought it was a fun movie. And Orson Welles turns up. Oh, yes. On that one. He did? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard him. I don't know why. I don't know. I thought it was a fun movie. And Orson Welles turns up. Oh, yes. On that one. As the preacher. You bet. And Richard Basehart. Yes.

And I love Gregory Peck in Boys from Brazil. Yes. That's a good one. Great. That's a great. That's definitely on the Jew. Yeah. Yes.

Jew, paranoid Jew. I love that one. And what's QB7? Do you remember that? Who's the guy in that? Oh, oh, oh. Anthony Hopkins. My favorite.

My favorite. Ben Gazzara. Ben Gazzara. Yes. Yes. Ben Gazzara and Anthony Hopkins. I wonder, you know, because Ben Gazzara has like a very like varied career. You know what I'm saying?

Like from the Chinese bookie movie. Oh, yes. Yeah, sure. And Run For Your Life. To a couple of those kind of like Fantasy Island kind of TV movies that he did, you know. I'm not sure. Was he in Rosemary's Baby? No, I don't think so.

No. No, he wasn't. No, he should have been. Yeah, but he. Cassavetes. Cassavetes. Who worked with him a lot. Yeah.

He was in Rosemary's Bay. He must have been like a great, fun guy to hang out with, like a good drinker and a party guy. Like, he must have been like a classic, like, 50s party guy. Let's, you know, do some Benadryl and get some scotch. He was also in a movie. I think he was in Convicts 4. That sounds right.

Yeah. With Sammy Davis Jr. and Rod Steiger. Sammy Davis. And what was that guy, Tim Carey? What's that guy? Timothy Carey. Timothy Carey was in that, too. Right.

Sammy Davis lost his eye in a car accident. I don't remember as a kid. And it gets back to Jews. Because I think the one who visited him, was it Jeffrey Hunter or was it Jeff Chandler maybe? Wow. Visited him and he put a Star of David in his hand. Really? And he was like in a coma or something and he was clutching the Star of David.

And then when he got out of the coma, it was like, you know, in his hand. Jeffrey Hunter was Jewish. What? Jeffrey Hunter was Jewish. Jeffrey Hunter. Had no idea. Wow. Jeff Chandler.

Jeff Chandler. Jeff Chandler. Was a Jew. Wow. Jeff Hunter. Our research team is looking it up. Yes. You should have had Jew on Jew action.

I did. I had the Jews of porn. I was so stupid. I should have gotten you on that show. You should have. I don't know. I did. I had the Jews of porn. I was so stupid. I should have gotten you on that show. You should have. I don't know what happened. He knows the topic. I guess you probably looked at me and said, hmm, no way.

He's having a jerked off. Yeah, that Bible thumper. Yeah. I really apologize about that because you would have added a different take on the whole porn thing. Now, I assume that you've seen porn in theaters like Times Square, like you told me, 70s. I know you're ladies here right now. The first two porn films I saw was a double feature. Go ahead.

Deep Throat and The Devil in Mischief. Yes, and Georgina S. Belvin. And you had her on the show. Yes, we had her on the show. She lived an amazing life, this woman. She was a copywriter. She, of course, went into it trying to be an actress. You know, like, you know, she was a theatrical actress.

And in the 70s, a lot of the 60s and 70s, the golden age of porn, a lot of these actors in the porn were basically, you know, like, I guess you can call them, like, improvisational actors, street theater kind of people, something like that. And then, you know, it was like one of those things where it was, like, more rebellion and art than it was porn. And I love those old movies, man. I love her. She was in her late 30s when she started doing porn. I was kind of friends with, what's his name? Jamie Gillis. I love him.

Jamie Gillis. Yes, Jamie Gillis. We got into a long talk about, he said that there were so many Jewish actors. He said the actresses would usually be Catholic. Yes. The actors, there were a lot of like... Jews. Robert, the star of A Deep Throat. Harry Reams.

Harry Reams. He was a Jew. Gone but not forgotten. He was a Jew, Harry Reams. Of course, Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy. Paul Thomas. Yeah.

PT. Let's see who else. Herschel Savage. Herschel Savage. You had him on the show too. You did. Did you have him on the show? Yes, we did. Not us. Herschel Savage. Herschel Savage. You had him on the show, too. You did. Did you have him on the show? Yes, we did.

Not us. No, not us. Now, Herschel, these guys are all great guys. But you're right. It was mostly Jewish guys and then these super hot Catholic girls. Yes. Which is amazing. Bridget loves Bernie, if you will.

Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. With a Jew married to a lesbian. Yeah, but. Yes. With a reference. With a Jew married to a lesbian. Yeah, but with penetration. Now, is that when you – it's interesting because there was a lot of those kind of like couple comedies back then. Yeah. Bridget Loves Bernie.

Never watched that one. You would never watch that one. No. That wasn't on long, Bridget Loves Bernie. I remember when David Bernie became Serpico. That's right. Wow. That's right.

He was in the spinoff. David Toma? Oh, Toma. Toma. Tony Massente. Very good. What was the whole point of Toma? That he could solve any crime with his kind of Italian looks?

His Italian, Jewish, Israeli. We don't have the rights to Serpico, so we're going to make a Serpico knockoff. I love the movie Serpico. When I first moved to Manhattan in the 80s, I was like, I want to like Serpico, man. I want to see that kind of – I love that old New York. I thought I'd be like eating food on a rooftop. Oh, yes, yes. With a nurse.

Now, speaking of Tony Monsante, were you a fan – I think it was Moussante. Moussante. Yes. Is that a wine or what is that? Oh, by the way, Robert Kerman, also another Jew. Yes. Debbie Does Dallas.

We'll come back to Dave's little book. Were you a fan, as I was, of Pope of Greenwich Village? Yes. Yeah, sure. Yes. I love it. Yeah. That was such a great movie.

Eric Roberts' greatest performance. Brooke Shields is in it, correct? No, no, no. What's her name? The mermaid. Daryl Hannah. Daryl Hannah. Oh, I know who you're talking about.

I thought you were talking about the gypsy in New York. Oh, yeah. And Mocente is holding his Eric Roberts hand to the fence while another guy cuts off his thumb. Right. They took my thumb, Charlie. See, now that to me is 80s comedy right there. What if they didn't take his thumb?

What if they took his pinky? It would sound a little bit like this. They took my pinky. They pushed me. They pushed me hard. Because, you know, Frank, when I was starting comedy, I would play governors on Long Island besides the open mics in New York. You're a Long Islander like me.

Yeah, and the Long Island comedy, it was a lot of impressions. A lot of, you know, Karate Kid, you know, wax on, wax off kind of jokes. Oh, yes. And I always wondered, Gilbert, how did you kind of develop into who you are with that kind of, you know...

Yeah, I started off doing, like, impressions. You did? Like who? Okay. Give us a year so we'll know the impression. Well, see, that's it. So you're 15, so what are you doing impressions of? See, even back then I was not contemporary. You were?

Because I would do like Boris Karloff and Humphrey Bogart and Peter Lorre. At 15? Yeah. You were on stage doing Peter Lorre impressions. I was a 15-year-old, totally dated. Wow. Peter Lorre, what was he? Was he German or French? He was a German Jew. German Jew, yeah.

Really? Yeah. Laszlo Lowenstein was his name. Laszlo Lowenstein was his name. And he came over here on the same boat with what's his name, the great German director, Metropolis. Fritz Lang. Fritz Lang. Give us a little Peter Lorre for Dave and I.

Yes. Oh, okay. There was one of my favorite lines of Petereter lorry well oh well in a maltese falcon no it's you who ruined it you it's your attempt to buy it kevin to found out how valuable it was you plundering fathead. Wonderful. What I would like is when they would take somebody serious like that, and then he would be on another show, and then they'd be like,

use him for funny. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. The Corbin pictures used him for comedy. Yeah, Peter Lorre became you know, sadly, like one of these like self-parodies. Oh, really? Yeah. You know a guy I also really love, Sal Mineo. Oh, yeah.

I know this is jumping way ahead. It's okay. I loved him in the movie Exodus. Yes. He played some kind of a boy prostitute. I don't know. My parents never really explained it to me. No, in real life.

He was a boy prostitute. He came to a sad end. Yeah, horribly. Yeah, he was just beaten to death. Horrible, in Hollywood. In front of his house, I think. Yeah, in a carport. So going back to Dave's old porn. Sure.

You had Georgina Spellman on the show. Our friend Ron Jeremy. Seika. Yes. The great Nina Hartley. Yep. A Jew. Nina Hartley. Jewish. Really? Oh, I heard that. Yes. Grew up in Berkeley in California. And, you know, like

really cool parents. Super smart lady. I didn't see that deep throat movie. You didn't see it? No. No, the Amanda Seyfried one. Oh, no, I didn't see it, but I love her. She's so hot. Amanda Seyfried, though, is so

much more attractive than Linda Lovelace was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Linda Lovelace, she was, you know, whatever. She never did it for me. Seika does it for me every time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Linda Lovelace. She was, you know, whatever. She never did it for me. Seika does it for me every time. Oh, yeah. Like, I know Seika.

She is like a super cool, smart, intelligent lady. But I love her porn. Like, I watch it all the time. Couldn't get Stacey Donovan on the show, huh? You know, if it went further, I would love to do it. She became a whistleblower against the porn industry. Oh, and I had heard this. Turncoat.

I had heard that Tracy Lourdes, when they were destroying her films and getting rid of them because she was underage, someone said, and I don't know if this is true, they said they think Tracy Lourdes is the one who turned them in so that she could, her movies would make more money. Yeah. Interesting. Maybe. I know that that did great. Jew.

Tracy Lord's Jew. Yes. Wow. Hot looking Jew too. She was a hot looking porn actress. I'm going to have to look at the porn again. I'm going to have to watch it with my canter. I was in.

So Jewish. I was in a terrible, I was in a terrible reality show where we spend a night in an abandoned insane asylum. What is it called? Comic strip? Yeah. Comic strip live. And one of the other celebs was Tracy Lord.

And at one point, we're all around a candle to get in touch with the spirit of this serial killer who roams the place. And Tracy Lourdes actually has to say, because she has to be the host to the host, you know, like how in Ghost, like he enters Whoopi Goldberg's body. Right. ghost like he enters whoopie goldberg's body right and so she he has so tracy lord's is going please come in me please come in me and she did it very well rehearsed she had a little legitimate movie career for five minutes john waters used her in cry baby and she was on Married with Children. Right, right. She popped up. Wait, who's the, you know, Carol Conner, right?

Sure. Her daughter. Yes, from Home of the Fet. Yeah, can you guys explain it to me? There was like a wave of guys with like girly names, like Carol, Stacey Keach. Oh, interesting. What was that about? Leslie Nielsen.

There's another one. Very good. There was like a lot of like men, but with girl names. And I guess that was something. Was it that their parents, like they didn't want them? Or they wanted a girl or something? I don't get it. That's interesting.

Yeah. Oh, so more about comedy? Yes. Yeah, so I did comedy for like seven years in the open mics, and I used to watch Colin Quinn a lot and, you know, Alan Havey and all those guys. But I was never really good at it, like right away. But I did it every night.

I had a regular job and all that kind of stuff. But I must have run into Gilbert or seen him at Catch Rising Star a couple of times. He was already a legend. This is the end of the 80s, beginning of the 90s. Were you doing that Up All Night show at that point?

You were doing that in the 80s? Up All Night? Yeah. I was doing it with on Saturday, I was doing it with on Saturday I'd be on, on Friday Ron Deshir was on.

I've heard you say you weren't the funny guy in school, Dave, that you really weren't a born performer. No, I'm not. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're the funny guy. Finally an honest opinion. Finally. No, I had

a great sense of humor, but I wouldn't call myself the class clown or anything like that. Whenever people ask me about class clown, I always think that the class clowns are the ones who grew up to be the funniest guy at their job. Yeah, that's true.

Like insurance or something like that. I understand that. But I don't see you. I see you as an aloof loner in your school, right? Yeah, I was a James Dean. I could see you. You were, huh? Yeah.

I could see you talking and crying to a Wolfman poster. Pretty much. Wolfman. Yep. I've got a Frankenstein joke. Frankenstein. Look no farther. He's Jewish.

Well, let's see. Peter Lorre was a Jew. I want to see other Jews in horror. Oh, there was one Jewish Dracula. Who? That was Francis Lederer, who starred in the movie Return of Dracula. And what year is we talking, in the 30s? That must have been like about the 50s.

Okay. Return of Dracula. That's all right. That's a good time to be serious. I did not know there was Dracula. But what I was saying is Lang. Fritz Lang. Fritz Lang and Peter Lorre were on the same boat coming to America.

Really? Yeah. And not the movie with Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall. Which is a great movie when you look back on it. You know, they really caught the whole immigration thing. I don't know what I'm talking about. Now, let me ask you about Jerry Lewis. Yes.

Now, did you work with him at all, ever? Never actually worked with him. I performed at his roast and stuff like that. Never worked with him. Because I loved his movies growing up. I did, too. All of the Patsy, which is one of his lesser-known movies, The Patchwork.

Oh, yes, yes. Great movie. That was where he becomes a star. They train him to be a comic. And Peter Lorre is in it. That's right. And John Carradine. Oh, there you go.

And Hans Conrad. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it's so funny. And The Patsy is a movie that shows how they take this nobody and they make him into a star. Yeah, I love that movie. Yeah, very funny. I also like the, you know, the one that's shot all in black and white.

It's kind of his like, you know. The Bell Boy? Yeah, the Bell. I love that movie. Great, great movie. I love that movie. And the cool thing about it is that he even said it himself where he plays himself as a star and how people react to him. You know, like everybody's trying to light a cigarette and all that kind of stuff.

I love that. Oh, yeah. I love it. And, you know, who doesn't like the Nutty Professor? The Nutty Professor is a classic. Great, great. Who was the girl in that? She was definitely not a Jew.

Stella Stevens. Totally hot. Not a Jew. Not a Jew at all. Not at all. And Stella Stevens in Poseidon Adventure. That's right. She goes, she climbs and jumps and gets wet in her white underwear.

Wow. Through the whole movie. Good to know. Great, great. Stayed with you, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's one of Ernest Borgnine's.

Like, he must have been, like, in his 50s at that point. Oh, yeah. Probably. He was a great, he was the best. He really was. And Red Buttons. Like, what was Ernest Borgnine? He must have been in his 50s at that point. Oh, yeah. Probably. He was great. He was the best. He really was. And Red Buttons. What was Ernest Borgnine?

He was part bulldog, part just amazing. Yes. I mean, he just always looks the same. Even as a young boy, I believe he looked like that. Oh, yeah. Did you know he was married to Ethel Merman briefly? Ernest Borgnine? Really?

Which, picturing the sex there is pretty crazy. I think our pal Drew Friedman has a cartoon of the two of them copulating. But if we could talk about Shelley Winters for just a quick second. First of all, I never saw Toadie Fields, but I assume they were in the kind of same body type. Yeah. Do you know Toadie? Yeah. Toadie's the one who lost her leg.

Yes. Did you ever work with Toadie? No, never worked with Toadie. She supposedly was an amazing joke writer and performer. So I think that we should not only look at the missing leg but also the act. I'll throw all

of them out there. I'll put Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers up there as great joke people. I love watching them on the old Carsons. I like that. I used to watch them. You did Johnny Carson, right? Never did Carson. I used to watch this. Oh, yeah. And, you know, you did Johnny Carson, right? Never did Carson. You didn't?

Never. Wow. Did you ever do the show with a different host? With Leno hosting? No, no. Never did the Tonight Show back then. Right, right.

Is that on your list of regrets besides that shirt you're wearing? I know this is not a visual podcast. Like I said, I'm not the funniest guy. I'm going for the easy life. Oh, God. Speaking of writing jokes, Dave, let's just talk a little bit about, I'm curious personally about your writing process.

Me? And how you just, do you keep a pad? Do you have a discipline about this kind of thing? Is it just stuff that comes on the fly? I do so many sets now that I try and just bring new stuff up there and then kind of like work it out, listen to the tape and kind of fix it. Just honing the joke

over and over. But back in the day when I first started, I would sit at the table and just write and write and write and write in the notebook. And I never got any good out of it. But the whole idea was kind of purging my mind of the bad ideas, of the bad jokes. And it took me a long time to really kind of figure out what my mind of the bad ideas, of the bad jokes.

And it took me a long time to really kind of figure out what a joke is and what a joke isn't. I was watching really great comics like Schimmel. Oh, Robert Schimmel. We love him. Schimmel, who, by the way, I think is one of the most underrated comics ever. Schimmel. One of my favorites. And Richard Jenney, both who are no longer with us. We're great joke people and bits and huge chunks. And when you watch them,

you'd see how much material you can pull out of one topic. And I thought that was really important for me, especially as a kind of boring white guy on stage. There's a million white guys up there. Gilbert and I met when I was working for Rich Jenney. Oh, that's right. I was with him, too. Yeah, you wrote for a Caroline's Comedy.

I was on the staff the season after you. I remember being out of town. Oh, that's right. I was in one too. Yeah, well, you wrote for a Caroline's Comedy Hour. I was on the staff the season after you. I remember being out of town. That's when we met. And I was in a mall. And in the mall was some radio station that I wasn't booked.

I was just walking past. And I see this really young girl, very cute-looking young girl, playing with her puppy on the floor. And at first i thought oh she's kind of hot looking and i shouldn't be looking at her because this girl's obviously you know total jailbait are totally underage and so i look and then i look away and I'm walking away. And she goes, oh, wait. I think you know my boyfriend. Really?

And I said, who's your boyfriend? She goes, Robert Schimmel. Wow. I thought you were going to say Richard Jenney for sure. So how old was she, you think? 12. But how old was the puppy? Because if you combine the two ages.

That's a great story, man. That was in a mall? Yeah. Richard had a few young girlfriends himself. Oh, yeah. Jenny, over the years. Well, you know. Do you remember when we met working on that sketch?

Oh, yes. Yes, where I was Robert Redford. Gilbert came on the show and was Robert Redford in a decent proposal parody when Rich was hosting. Bobby Redford, The Sting. Oh, yeah. Hated The Sting. Really?

Hated The Sting. How about Paul Newman? Do you like him? I like Paul Newman. Jewish? Yes. Oh, yes. And he was married to that woman.

Who is she? Joanne Woodward. Joanne Woodward, yeah. They were like one of Hollywood's most successful couples. I liked Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Love it.

Didn't like The Stink. That's interesting. And The Hustler. Why did you not like The Stink? Because you've lived through a con in the Depression? What's his name? The guy from Jaws. Robert Shaw.

Robert Shaw. Yes. Great. Gilbert's mad because he was up for the Ray Walston part. He guy from Jaws. Oh, Robert Shaw. Robert Shaw. Yes. Great. Gilbert's mad because he was up for the Ray Walston part. He didn't get it. Oh, my God. You know, can we just jump over to Jaws for a second? That is one of the best movies ever made.

Yes. I have to tell you. Who is the guy who played the cop again? Roy Scheider. Roy Scheider. My favorite. A Jew. And I loved him.

No, he wasn't a Jew. He's not? He was a German. Oh, no. German. Oh, yeah. I get it now. Richard Dreyfuss, of course. Well, yeah. He's not? He was a German. Oh, no. German. Oh, yeah, I get it now. Richard Dreyfuss, of course.

Well, yeah, he's like two Jews. He's like a Jew, whatever, sampling of Jews. Two Jews in one. But what's his name? Scheidner was in, what's his name, Scheider or Scheider? Scheider. Scheider. The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz.

Duddy Kravitz. Yes. A great movie. That's a good one. Yeah. With Jack Warden. Jack Warden. And I think, was Joseph Wiseman also in that?

I think he is. Wow. I think he is. Now, that's not a date movie. Is it The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz? Joseph Wiseman, I think, would be in the category of only Jewish Bond villain. Who? He was Dr. No. He was Dr. No. Let's see. I have to get

back to you on that one. But there are two Jewish Bond girls. Who? Barbara Bach, who's married to Ringo. Yes. She's Jewish? Yeah. Wow. And Jane Seymour. Oh, I love her. Yeah.

Two Jews. I thought she was English. Yeah. Well, you could be an English Jew. Gert Frobe wasn't Jewish? Goldfinger? Wait, what about, he was in Seven Ups, right? The Seven Ups.

Seven Ups. And then he was in, what's his name? Marathon Man. Marathon Man. Great. Great movie. But what's the other movie, you know, Picking the Toes and Poughkeepsie, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, French Connection. I love those movies. That's right. movie. What's the other movie, Picking the Toes in Poughkeepsie? You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, French Connection. I love those movies. That's right. I love it. That made me want to go to France or do heroin, but not both. Oh, well, that was French Connection, too. That was, yeah. That's when they got him hooked.

Yeah. I love that movie. That was such a good... That's old New York, too. That's old. Interesting thing about Jaws is that Robert Shaw was the replacement actor. We talked about that in the cab the other day. Who was the first guy?

Dabney Coleman? Sterling Hayden from The Godfather, who played McCluskey the cop, the crooked cop in The Godfather, was cast as Quint. But the studio, he was a wild man. The studio wouldn't insure him. And they were considering for a short time Charlton Heston, but they thought he might take away from. No, they were considering him for the sheriff. Interesting. But that would take away because you'd say, well, of course, Charlton Heston can beat up a shark.

You know, it's like. I think he was still recovering from doing El Cid. Oh, yeah. It's a great movie. I really learned a lot about Spain and the Moors. Oh, and Soylent Green. Oh, yeah. It's a great one.

A great one with some amazing, very soft core. Edward G. Robinson. Yes. Jew. No way. Yes. Very much so. James Cagney, no?

No. Irish. Orphan. He could speak Yiddish, James Cagney. Edward G. Robinson was something like Edward Rosenberg. Oh, boy. Big liberal. Edward G. Robinson.

Oh, yes. Big lefty. Yes. Like a red. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he sold Secrets of the Atom. He did. He was Ethel Rosenberg's babysitter.

Dave, let's talk a little bit about Insomniac, just for listeners. Humphrey Bogart was married to a Jew. There you go. He must have had that old school kind of like, Jews, I don't know, I could take them or leave them. Yeah. He has that look. How did Insomniac... Ah, Jews, I could take them or leave them.

Ah, Jews. I could take them or leave them. Sometimes I like the Jews, and sometimes I think they should be wiped off the planet, but she's a hot-looking Jew, so I think I'll take it. What's that movie where he's wearing a bow tie? He looks like a dope, but even though he's cool? Oh, oh. Is that the one where he's the sports reporter? Yes, yes.

The heart with Rod Steiger and Nehemiah Persoff. Oh, is that a vitamin? Is that a name? It's a character actor. Okay, so the insomniac thing. Yeah, tell us a little bit about it. I just wanted to do a show because I'm not a good actor where, you know, it was kind of like the comics after the show go out drinking

and then add the element of like third shift people working late and um you know it was kind of good because it's like a travel show but it's also kind of a drinking show and um you know that seems to be the one credit that people like you know really dig a lot of people keep coming up to me like i was a little kid you know my parents wouldn't let me watch it but we'd sneak down and watch that show so that's like the credit that people seem to really get of my career. Well, you were fun on that show. Yeah, it was all unscripted, and the guys who helped me make it, I can say their names, Dave Hamilton,

and... I'm sorry. Shit. Oh, excuse me. Yeah, don't watch your language on this show. Are you allowed to curse on this show? Yes, absolutely. Don't say cunt. Please.

The guys who made, the producers and all the people who worked on the show were super cool. And, like, we were out there, like, for nights and nights and nights, all night long. And it was a lot of work. And, you know, all I can say is that it was a great show for its time. I don't think at this point, you, you've got to do that show. It's like I'm too old. My kidney's kicked out. I'm just like, I'm an old man, so I can't do the show.

But I like how people like the show. But it's hard to be a stand-up comic because I really wanted to be a stand-up comic. And then if a TV credit is kind of bigger than your act, then you kind of always have to. But I can't thank the people enough for watching it, I guess. And I remember the Vegas episode, for some reason, comes to mind with you and Pat Morita and Charo. Pat Morita, God bless his soul. Great guy. And Robin Leach was fucking with you.

Yeah, Robin Leach. What was that about? Yeah. He was, you know, I have a feeling he's like one of those guys. Because they all lived in Vegas, so we lucked out. We got them all there. But, yeah, I have a feeling that he thought we were going to make fun of him. So he kind of like jumped the gun and kind of gave me a little bit of business.

But can I say one thing about Charo? Awesome. Showed up ready to work. Her son was there. I believe her son was like her manager or publicist at that point. And he showed up ready to go. And I love it. And Charo's still fuckable.

I believe so. Yeah. And, you know, Pat, who, by the way, you know, people know him from the Karate Kid thing, but, you know, he also, I think, moved to Vegas and said kind of like, you know, he was a stand-up comic. Oh, yeah.

So he was, I think, the original Asian comic. Yeah, I think they called him... I think he opened for Marco Polo, I believe, in China. Oh, oh. He used to call I think he opened for Marco Polo, I believe, in China. Oh, oh. He used to call himself, pre-political correctness, the hip nip. That's correct. Yes. Yeah.

That's correct. That's cool. And then you did. And he was, wait, he was a Japanese soldier who wouldn't give up in a flashback episode of The Odd Couple. Oh, that's a great one. Yes. They told me I'd be making love to Betty Grable on the White House lawn by Christmas. That was a great show because that was another guys living together, what's going on show.

Yes, yes. Now, JustGal knows that show way better than me. He does. But Klugman and Felix, we both would always have a couple of laughs, which is the fact that they... it shows you how time changes. Like, when they relax, they're still kind of wearing suits. Oh, yes. You ever see that?

Like, I always find that funny that they're still kind of, like, dressed up, like, for today's times. Well, it's, remember those. There was no, like, play clothes for adults back then. Do you remember those horrible later Bob Hope movies, like, I'll Take Sweden. Oh, sure. And, boy, did I get the Wrong Number and Cancel My Reservation. The ones Phyllis Diller would show up in. Oh, yes. And he would always have one of those

ugly 60s suits on and he'd wear a hat. Bob Hope. I love the Bob Hope movies. Those later ones. And I'm going to say right now, I think Bing Crosby got sold down the river with his kid saying whatever. I assume at that point every kid was beaten or whatever it was.

But Bing Crosby. Yes. Not a Jew. Oh, I heard both Bob Hope and Bing Crosby hated the Jews. That's what I heard. Wait, can we go back to the insomniac for one second? Wait, wait. that's what I heard wait can we go back to the insomniac for one second wait wait so the guys on the show

Nick McKinney and Dave Hamilton they were the producers and there was all these other great guys and we would go out and like the two episodes that people always bring up are the Nutria Hunt in New Orleans which is where we hunt these rat kind of things and then we did this thing in Japan when we did the foreign episodes

which is this penis party with these giant penises. I remember that one. So those were like the two things that people always... And the Amsterdam when you spun the Wheel of Sin. Yes, the Wheel of Sin, which has been done many a time since then. So big tip of the hat to all the people who made the show and the people who watch it. So thank you.

Go ahead. Buddy Hackett. Buddy Hackett. He doesn't want to talk about you at all, Dave. Buddy Hackett. One time said of Bing Crosby, he said, you want to know why Bing Crosby beat his kids? Because Bing Crosby couldn't get a hard on.

Really? Buddy Hackett was blue, wasn't he? Good trivia. That's a blue guy. Do you remember that joke that he had, which is like he's in World War II or whatever? He's in World War II, and he's having sex with a prostitute, and she's like banging forward.

Did you tell me this? Oh, no, wait. Okay. She's banging. She's going back and forth, and he goes, are you wiking it? And she's like, no, you got your ties caught in my vagina or something. It's some kind of weird thing. She's going back and forth.

Your thighs caught in my vagina. That must have been really hard. Because, you know, George Burns, who I was not a very big fan of comedically, but I heard Gracie really carried more than her weight in that relationship. Correct or no? Yeah, not a Jew, Gracie. No, not at all. Yeah, George Burns was a Jew.

Nat Birnbaum. Yeah. Nat Birnbaum. He looks better older than he did as a boy. Yes, yes. That sucks. I wonder if that's going to happen to me. Will my looks kick in at 70?

I don't know. I don't think we're going to make it. You'll turn into Brad Pitt. You got anything coming up, Dave, that you want to plug or talk about? DaveAtel.com? Yeah, you know what? I'd like to say this. We do these Comedy Underground live shows, and

we do them at the Village Underground here in the city, and in LA at the Comedy Store, and they are a lot of fun. Even though that show, we did it for Comedy Central, and they did not give us a yes or no on a new season, which I assume means it's not going to happen. It's still fun to do live. And Gilbert is, like, such a great – I just love watching him.

I'm going to say it. Blowing away today's millennial crowd with his references. His Ted Bessel references? His Ted Bessel. His Georgie Jessels. His references. His Ted Bessel references? His Ted Bessel. His Georgie Jessels. His Reagan. My Elijah Cook Jr. imitation. These young, I call them Trader Joe's.

They don't really get what he's talking about. What do you think of the young crowds nowadays? Oh, these kids. These kids. Kids? What are you going to the young crowds nowadays? Oh, these kids. These kids. Kids? What you gonna do with these kids? Why can't they be like we were? Perfect in every way.

What is wrong with these kids today? Who sang that? Paul Lynn. Thank you. Oh, Paul Lynn. Bye-bye birdies. Why can't they dance like we did? What's wrong with Sammy K?

What's wrong with him? We're going to wrap it up, but do you still do those bits of the act? I'm curious. Oh, absolutely. Do you still do the Ben Gazzara extraterrestrial? No, Ben Gazzara, I kind of, and I'm doing other dead people in the act. You know a lot about comedy and everything. What about Danny Kaye?

Oh, that's a whole other show, Dave. Oh, Danny Kaye. Too much? Okay. That's a whole other show. We could fit this in. One time. We'll cut somewhere else.

Was he a comedian? Was he a musician? He was a song and dance. Song and dance man. So who would he be in today's times? Like a Will.i.am or something? Yeah, just exactly like that. I heard he had a sad life, like he was a song and dance. Song and dance man. So who would he be in today's times? Like a Will.i.am or something? Yeah, just exactly like that. I heard he had a sad life, like he was a sad guy.

He was an angry guy. Angry, yeah. Now, okay, here's the story I heard, as I heard it, that Orson, and not Orson Welles. It's not Orson Welles. No, no. It can't be him. Lawrence Olivier and Danny Kaye used to blow each other, basically. Can't believe you don't know this stuff, Dave.

A veteran of show business like yourself. And I think before Danny Kaye would stick his dick in Olivier's asshole, he would go, is it safe? There you go. There's your marathon. You better tear up your SAG card because you're out of it. When Laurence Olivier was jerking off Danny Kaye, he would sing, Oh, Thumbelina, Thumbelina, tiny little thing. Thumbelina, sing that dance.

Thumbelina, sing. What's a different Thumbelina sing? Wait, Danny Kaye was Dutch, right? He was a Jew Was he? Yes! Oh, there you go I think his name was Danielish Jewovich

Now, so one day Lawrence Olivier was flying into some airport. Right. And Danny Kaye disguised himself in one of his outfits with a nose. Right. He was a master of disguise. And he said, you know, like in a French accent, you know, I am the security.

I want you to take all of your clothes off. And Olivier is highly offended, but he takes all of his clothes off, and then Danny Kaye starts sticking his feet in Olivier's asshole. Wow. And then they both had a big laugh, and then they both fucked each other in the ass. Malcolm McDowell told the same story on the Joy Behar show. I love Malcolm McDowell.

It's a great story. But when Malcolm McDowell told it, he said Olivier was sticking his finger in Danny Kayser. Ah, yes. I would like to think that both of them equally stuck their finger in each other's asshole. Because in a relationship, both parties should be equal. Oh, absolutely. And I think they should both.

What about Peter O'Toole? I mean, he was a favorite of mine. You're not going to crush him now, are you? Danny Kaye fist-fucked Peter O'Toole. I doubt it. During the making of Lawrence of Arabia, Danny Kaye was fist- fist fucking Peter O'Toole. Danny Kaye, not a nice guy, apparently.

No, no. George Carlin. He had shit all over his face. Never mind, I can't get to it. Who do you think would win in a fight? Danny Kaye versus Dick Van Dyke. Danny Kaye would win. think would win in a fight?

Danny Kaye versus Dick Van Dyke. Danny Kaye would win. He'd spit shit on his face when he was punching someone. Would knock them out. Wow. Incredible. I can't believe it. Aren't you glad you asked about Danny Kaye? I know. I didn't know. I didn't know what to say.

I thought he was going to have a nice remembrance. Okay. We're going to wrap it up But I want you When he was fisting a guy would he go I'm Hans Christian Anderson I bump butter Wow

That joke needs a little timing Oh god I'm fist Christian Anderson That joke needs a little timing. Oh, God. I'm fist Christian Anderson. We'd have to get Malcolm McDowell on the show. I love him. Please do it. We will try to get him. How do you get a hold of that guy?

He hosted that horrible, misbegotten season of Saturday Night Live that I was on. Malcolm McDowell? Yes. Oh, yes. That was a scary time period. You both had scary experiences at SNL. Yes, and we fingered each other in the end. You did.

Yes. I knew that elevator smelled funny. So you're plugging Comedy Underground with Dave Attell, which is coming back for another season. No, no, I don't think it's going to. I think we're just going to do it live. And then people can just go to my site, davidtell.com, and they can see all my dates and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, I'm a road guy, so I'll be out on the road. And always, always glad to talk to you, Gilbert.

And please come back to the Comedy Underground show. You're always invited. I heard. Go ahead. When Danny came fucking Olivier, Olivier kept hitting his head against the wall.

And Buddy Hocken said that Olivier said, your tie is stuck in my asshole. Your scarf. Remember, he's an English actor. Your scarf is stuck in my...

Incredible. Well, thanks for doing the show. I love what you guys do. Keep doing it, please. Thank you, buddy. Thanks for being a part of this, guys. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast

with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We've been talking about Danny Kaye and Lawrence Olivier. And Georgina Spelvin. Yes, and Georgina Spelvin all getting it in the asshole. And our guest was David Tell. You were horrific.

You're horrible. Thanks, Dave. You were horrific. You're horrible. That I do. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie watts todd glass liza slicinger slicing driving friends with her for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own owen benjamin that's me,

takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall And I love you. inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence,

and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.