Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 45. Steve Buscemi
Episode Date: April 3, 2015Brooklyn-born actor and director Steve Buscemi (pronounced "BOO-SEMI") joins Gilbert and Frank for lunch and laughs at the New York Friars Club and tells us all about his early days as a struggling st...and-up, his memories of making modern-day classics like "Reservoir Dogs," "Miller's Crossing" and "Fargo" and his memorable on-screen deaths at the hands of everyone from to Vince Vaughn to Roger Daltrey. Also, Steve shares a cab with Gilbert, shares the stage with Andy Kaufman and shares his appreciation for Harvey Keitel and "The Brady Bunch." PLUS: "Joey Pants"! The madness of Lawrence Tierney! Illya Kuryakin ties the knot! Paul Winchell builds an artificial heart! And Woody Allen meets Carrot Top! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Am I repeating myself?
Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried
and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast.
I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre.
Our guest this week is one of the busiest
and most admired actors of his generation,
with credits too numerous to mention, but here goes.
His movies include Reservoir Dogs, Con Air, Fargo,
Armageddon, Ghost World, The Big Lebowski,
and Monsters, Inc.
He's appeared in dozens of television shows, including Homicide, The Simpsons,
Saturday Night Live, The Sopranos, and of course, Boardwalk Empire. He's also a director with
credits on everything from The Sopranos to 30 Rock to Nurse Jackie. I could go on and on, but it's only an hour
show, and I don't have the
energy. Welcome
to the show, former
stand-up comedian
and Brooklyn's own Steve
Buscemi.
Now, is it
Boo? How do you pronounce it?
You said it the way I say it.
Buscemi. That's really all You said it the way I say it. Yeah. Buscemi.
That's really all I wanted to know.
That's it. Okay.
Thank you.
Thanks for coming.
We've been talking to Steve Buscemi.
This has been really fun, guys.
Thank you.
You guys are great.
I'm back again.
All right.
Didn't you say people started calling you Buscemi, so you started saying it after a while?
Well, Buscemi is not wrong. Right. But shouldn't it be Buscemi? Why do started saying it after a while? Well, Buscemi is not wrong.
Right.
But shouldn't it be Buscemi?
Why do you say that?
Because Italian.
No, I think it's – no.
Really?
In Sicily, it's Buscemi.
Buscemi?
Yeah, Buscemi.
So I'm way the hell off.
You are.
Okay.
I always said Buscemi.
You always said Buscemi.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's okay.
I don't correct people when they say Buscemi.
Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe's okay. I don't correct people when they say Buscemi. Yeah. Maybe I should.
That's really – that's all I want to talk about.
Now, Steve.
Yes.
How do you say that?
Yes.
You have to elongate the E a little bit more.
That's Steve, if you would.
Now, let's talk about something more important. All right. Your name.
Let's talk about me for a second.
Sure.
You used to work out at the improv.
I don't know if you'd call it work out.
I somehow passed the audition at the improv.
I think it was like 1978.
And I used to just sit in the back of the room and I would watch all of you guys.
I would see Jerry Seinfeld and Paul Reiser, Larry David.
When I auditioned, Larry David was the emcee.
And Fred Stoller.
Oh, sure. Yeah. But I used to watch Gilbert every – I used to watch him. EMC and Fred Stoller.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
But I used to watch Gilbert every – I used to watch you every night.
You would come on around midnight or so and talk about clearing a room sometimes.
I'll bet.
Well, here's the thing that I loved about you.
You always like – you were so far out there and the audience either got it and then the whole room was electrified or people just didn't know what they were seeing.
And then you would go deeper into like the really weird, weird stuff and then people would just politely like sort of get up and make believe they were going to the bathroom but they would never come back but then all the other comics would be
in the back and everybody would you know we'd just be dying you know you you were just you were
incredible and and you saw me a couple of times i when i worked out with um well robin williams
came in one night and um and he got up on stage with you, and you guys did like a half an hour.
It was amazing.
Yeah.
Did he come in often?
Because that's the only time I saw him.
Yeah, yeah.
He used to come in a lot.
Really?
All those clubs, like he and Rodney Dangerfield.
Right.
Yeah.
You passed the audition not with Bud Friedman, but with his wife, but with Silver.
Is that right? Silver, yeah, but
you know who passed me?
Maybe he didn't even have the authority
to pass me.
Was this comic
Mark Schiff, I think his name was?
Yeah. I don't think
he had the authority
to pass me. He told me I was in.
I remember Mark Schiff.
Well, this is good.
So you never passed the authority.
It was like the one night they left him in charge and I got in.
I remember Kenan used to work – he worked the door.
Kenan Ivory Waynes.
Yeah.
He worked the door.
Yeah.
And Chris Albrecht was like the manager?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, when Bud was first leaving for L.A.
See, I never met Bud.
So this was – so yeah.
So Kenan took over?
Well, Kenan – no, Kenan just like worked the door.
No, no, no.
Kenan worked the door, but Chris Albrecht.
Kenan Ivory Wayans had the door. It's like we had the black guy at the door. No, no, no. Keenan worked the door, but Chris Albrecht. Keenan Ivory Wings had the door.
It's like we had the black guy at the door.
Yeah, that's basically it.
Well, Albrecht had an act with Bob Zamuda, who was one of our guests.
He did?
Albrecht and Zamuda, comedy from A to Z.
Oh, I didn't know he did that.
But Bud basically talked Chris into taking over managing the club, and that was the end of the act.
Because he was in charge of like who would go on, right?
Like what the order would be.
And I used to sit in the back.
He never picked me.
I don't think he ever saw me. So he just was
confused. Like, why is this kid here?
You know, I would just
eat. I remember they would feed
you there.
I used to just get a hamburger like every
night and I'd sit and then at around two
o'clock in the morning he would kind of peruse the back room to see like who was there and
and you know carol siskin all right you're up next or you know somebody and he'd always look
at me and then look the other way and then one night it was only like one o'clock in the morning
and so it was still there was still an audience.
And he came and everybody had gone up.
And there was nobody left to go up except me.
Like he was forced.
He looked at me and he went, all right, you're next.
But I could tell he was a little pissed off.
He was resentful about it.
And I was so excited.
I was going to get up there.
Right before I was about to go on, Paul Reiser walks through the door, and Chris said, oh, thank God you're here, Paul.
You're next.
And so I was – I did go on, but Paul went up, and he did like 45 minutes, and he killed.
And after that, I was just like – Right, of course.
It was late, and then –
I'm sure our listeners would be curious to hear some of what you actually did in your act.
They would be curious, but – of what you actually did in your act. They would be curious.
You don't have to tell them.
We could leave them in suspense.
This is why I gave up doing stand-up.
No, because it was hard to really figure out what was my thing. So I would just kind of pull from everybody.
You know, I did, I mean, a lot of it was self-deprecating humor
and sort of the style of like Woody Allen or Rodney Dangerfield.
But then I did work with props a little bit.
And I had a thing where I said I'm trying to work out and I've been pumping iron. And then I would pull out like an actual iron. So a little bit and I had a thing where I said I was – I'm trying to work out and I've
been pumping iron and then I would pull out like an actual iron.
So a little carrot top.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah.
But it was – I don't know.
It was – it's probably a good thing that I stopped.
I think it worked out.
So it's a comfortable blend of carrot top and Woody Allen.
Yes.
Everyone's been looking for.
I remember being
at the improv, and
when I was still trying
to get on, and the
emcee would come out,
and it would be like,
it would be empty.
There'd be no one else. I'd be sitting
there, and he'd be looking around
going, nobody here.
You got a full audience.
There's nobody to go on.
Wow.
Was it Samud or somebody or Zybello told us they would put you up to get people to get out?
Oh, yes.
At the end?
After the check spot, people would linger?
They would either put on me or Larry David.
Really? Me because the audience had no idea what the hell I was talking about, and they'd leave.
Or Larry David because he'd get into a fight every time.
Now, did you know Gilbert then?
I started seeing him.
Well, we didn't know each other, but I saw him for the first time at the comic strip and probably in the 80s.
Yeah.
Doing the Norman Fell bits and the Ted Bessel jokes.
Some that he's still doing.
But I still remember, you know, like you getting up there and you had a cigarette.
Oh, my God.
And you would like take these little drags on the cigarette, like these angry drags.
And then you'd say, I just got back from Africa.
Oh, yes.
I was in Biafra.
And these kids, these kids, I love them.
I said, I want to take you kids home with me.
But how can I take you home with me?
You look like hell.
Starvation is no reason to let your looks go to hell.
I skipped lunch today.
You don't see me looking like shit.
I was like, oh, my God, who is this
guy?
Oh God.
I walked by the Veterans Hospital.
I saw a guy in a
wheelchair. I said, I know how
you feel. My car wouldn't start this
morning.
That's incredible.
Wow. I couldn't believe what you were doing. It stuck's incredible. Wow.
I couldn't believe
what you were doing.
It stuck with you.
Unbelievable.
But the first time
I saw you there
was before I actually
passed the auditions
because we used to go there.
You know, my friends,
when I lived in Long Island,
we used to come in
and go there.
And I remember seeing you
and you used a lot of
used props.
I mean, remember,
you just like...
Still do.
Yeah, but you picked up the
trays and you were like, you used them as
like you were Mickey Mouse and then you did
something else.
And I think it was that night.
This could have been the same night.
But you would have left because it was
like, it was at the end of the night
and we were the last table there.
And I looked behind me and Andy Kaufman was like, came in and he was at the end of the night, and we were the last table there. And I looked behind me, and Andy Kaufman came in, and he was at the door.
And he's looking around, and the waitress said, are you going to go up?
He says, no, there's nobody here.
And I was like, well, we're here.
And I went up to him, and I asked him to go on.
I said, would you please go?
I said, we love you.
And he got up there, and he performed just for me and my friends.
And he did Old MacDonald Had a Farm, and he brought us up on stage.
And he gave us –
Great.
He assigned us, you know, you're the chicken, and you be the cow, and we sang it.
That's great.
And you had a comedy duo?
You were part of a comedy duo with an actor named Mark Boone Jr.?
Yes.
So later on, after I stopped doing stand-up, then I – well, I did do a little bit of stand-up.
I was living in the East Village.
Were you not living in the East Village then?
I used to see you.
Yes.
Yeah.
I used to live on Avenue A.
Yeah, me too.
I lived on Avenue A between 9th and 10th.
And there was a comedian named Rockets Redglare. I don't know if you know him.
No.
He didn't do the uptown clubs but he would do these clubs in the East Village like Club 57 and places like that.
And so I started to do some stand-up in his shows and then I met this actor, Mark Boone Jr.,
and then we started to write and perform our own work.
He plays the character of Bobby Munson on Sons of Anarchy.
He's in a million things.
He was in Batman Begins.
He's one of those, oh, that guy.
Yeah.
And so I felt more comfortable having a partner.
I think part of the reason that I left stand-up,
I just felt like it was lonely.
It was just you.
And I remember at the improv, it was hard to like,
it was so cliquish.
All of these guys used to, they would go to Steve,
remember Steve Middleman?
I think they would go to his
apartment and play poker
and I just
I couldn't figure out how to
get in the click. We actually
shared a cab ride home once
Gilbert. Now every single person
right now is saying okay
I guess Steve paid for this.
You didn't split a cab.
You shared a cab.
We shared a cab.
But here's the thing.
Remember they used to give you five bucks for cab fare?
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I had – I don't think I went on that night.
So you had the five bucks.
I think you still asked me for $2.50.
And this was like the most awkward cab ride.
Because Gilbert, you know, just sat there.
Not even like, so, how's your act going?
Where are you from?
Nothing.
Nothing.
You know, I just sat there and I would try and ask you questions.
Like, hey, Gilbert, did you see that TV movie about the Beatles?
And then you would say something.
You'd give me like a one-line thing.
That was it.
That was it.
All right.
You made him pay for the cab even though you got paid and he didn't get paid.
Classy.
for the cab even though you got paid and he didn't get paid yes classy do you know i remember when you said that thing about riser coming in and riser went on ahead of you it reminded me of that
story i was telling for a while like because he was so one time i was supposed to go on
and robin williams walked in and they said, okay, you're on next.
And Robin said,
I've got some people in the audience and I'd like them to see Gilbert first.
That's nice.
He was the sweetest guy.
He was just, I just loved him.
Wow.
That's cool.
Okay.
Honey, say your name again.
All right.
Beslemik?
Yes.
Somebody finally got it right.
That was farther off than I was.
So obviously the stand-up did not work out.
It didn't work out, but it hasn't completely left me.
Because sometimes when I'm asked to host an evening or something or –
Well, you just did Robert Smigel's show.
Yeah.
And so –
Night of Too Many Stars.
Yeah.
And so I love comedy.
Like when I was growing up, these were the guys like George Carlin and Steve Martin and Rodney Dangerfield and all these guys.
I used to love seeing them.
And I don't know that I really wanted to be a stand-up.
But when I was trying to like break into this business, I knew that the clubs were there.
And if you could just pass the audition and write your own material, then you had a built-in audience.
And I knew that comedians often made the leap
into getting a sitcom or movies.
Back then, it was really sitcoms was the thing.
That was my dream, was to try and...
Be like Abe Kaplan or Freddie Prinze.
Hit it and get a show.
Yeah.
Now, Freddie Prinze, he kind of...
I remember seeing him on the Johnny Carson show.
I think the first time he was on and I remember Johnny Carson saying that he was 17 years old.
And that was part of the problem for me doing stand-up at then.
I was only like 20.
Like what the hell life experience did I have to draw from?
I can't believe it.
Yeah.
And my material hasn't advanced.
What year did you start working out at the improv then?
Oh, God.
Let's see.
I guess when I started, it was like the end of the 60s.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow. You're old. Really? Yeah. Wow.
You're old.
Dara's yelling 1970.
Was it 1970?
And you just do impressions, right?
I mean, you didn't really have an act.
Yeah, that was it.
I still don't have an act.
I still have no reason to be in the business.
Now, yeah, you said that I was also on the same night, Night of Too Many Stars with you.
And you did a bit there that's really true.
What do they call you?
Because they – The most murderable man.
Yeah, the most murderable man.
You've been killed by everybody.
So we have a list of people who have killed you.
Yeah, just this is a short list of people who have killed you on screen.
Harvey Keitel, Vince Vaughn, Christopher Lloyd, Danny Trejo, Treat Williams.
This is a small list.
James Gandolfini and our personal favorite, Roger Daltrey.
Oh, that's right.
Yes.
Tales from the Crypt.
But you also died in other ways, falling through a glass coffee table and having a heart attack and a Lebowski.
After – yes.
I know Lebowski.
That really surprised me that I die of a heart attack.
It was sad.
They just wanted to kill me.
I remember after I was killed on The Sopranos, I thought, you know what?
I think this is it.
I'm not going to take any roles where I'm killed again because I was just killed by Tony Soprano.
That should be my final death.
Then about a year later, I was offered the Michael Bay film The Island, and I was killed by like an anonymous killer.
You don't even know the guy's name.
That's where I fall through the glass.
There's a montage of you being killed on YouTube.
It's lovely.
But going back,
Steve. It is Steve?
Steve.
Please, just a long
I read
after you did the stand-up,
you did the comedy duo thing, you didn't have an
agent. You started going on auditions.
You started, what, getting backstage in the trades and just going on open casting calls?
Yeah.
I didn't know how to do it.
I didn't know how to get an agent.
But I would just look backstage and just send my picture and my padded resume.
Make up shit.
Drives a ship.
Drives a stick.
Yes.
Special skills.
Right.
You just make up shit.
Drives a ship.
Drives a stick.
Yes.
Special skills.
Right.
And a guy named Kevin Downs, he was at NYU and he cast me in his film.
Now I don't remember the name of it.
I think it was Surf City.
I played a kid from Ohio who was living in New York but was trying to get to a beach so I could surf.
And the whole movie, I walk around with a surfboard.
That was really like my first experience on film.
And I was actually – this is when I was on the fire department because I joined the fire department in 1980.
I gave up stand-up to do something less scary. Right, right.
And it was while I was on the fire department that I started to do some films, student films,
and then films that were being made in the East Village at that time.
This guy, Eric Mitchell, made a feature called The Way It Is.
And I was in it and Boone was in it
and Rockets and... I think the first time I saw
you was in a movie called Parting Glances.
Well, that was the first one that was ever released.
Oh, I see. Okay.
That's the reason that's the first time I saw you.
I had made two independent films before that one
but that was the first one that was released and that was the one
that really got me
some attention
and I was able to get an agent and then from there it
snowballed and then you know like guys like Jim Jarmusch and Tom DiCillo who I made a lot of films
with Tom DiCillo with they would be around then you know and they used to see the theater that
I did then so it was it was really because of you know those early films that I got really wasn't because of an agent.
It was because of who was coming to the shows at that time when I was performing.
Now, after September 11th, I think you went back.
You went to help out.
I went – well, I was with Engine Company 55.
They lost five guys.
And so I went down to the firehouse
just to see if they needed any help.
And I was brought into the site
and I ended up working with them
for about five days.
And it was, you know, I mean,
and I hadn't been in touch with them
for a while before that.
So it, you know, I mean, I always say this.
I hate the reason that I was reconnected with my old company,
but I'm so happy that I did because I realized how much I missed it.
And now I, you know, I'm connected with them,
and I go to the parties and the fundraisers.
And you made a documentary.
You made an HBO documentary.
I did. I made it with Liz Garbus, who was the director.
And it's called A Good Job, Stories of the FDNY.
And didn't this originate with your dad telling you to take the civil service test way back?
Yeah, my dad was on the sanitation department, and whatever civil service test came up when me and my brothers were 18, we had to take.
And for me, it was the fire department.
Just to have something to fall back on in case?
Oh, yeah.
He was like, this acting thing, fine, but you need a real job.
Yeah.
So that's what I did.
And so then Parting Glances, it's funny because I'm doing research online and I read that Reservoir Dogs was referred to as your breakout role.
But I'm looking, you did 24 films before Reservoir Dogs.
Yeah, and Parting Glances was done by a guy
named bill sherwood it was his only film yeah he died um and uh yeah so but after that i did
um mystery train uh the jim jarmusch jarmusch film and um uh yeah like a like a few things but
reservoir dogs was the one where um that great opening credit sequence where Quentin put our names like right on the screen, like in front of our face.
So that was huge.
A game changer.
It was.
Yeah.
And Reservoir Dogs is where you have that great scene of why you don't tip.
Yes.
Which has followed you around, hasn't it?
It has.
Now I have to over-tip.
I probably – I'm still shortchanging them because – but yeah, that was – that really was an incredible role.
And just to be in the same room with all those guys and to be with Harvey Keitel who was – he was an idol.
I just saw him last week. I was doing Adam Sandler's new film, a western, The Ridiculous
Six and Harvey is in that and just love him. He's really the reason that I got into the
film because they were only doing auditions on the West Coast. They couldn't
afford to come to New York and Harvey paid
for Quentin and Lawrence
Bender to come to New York.
And he got in all these New York
actors. And I mean, I didn't know him
but because they came to New York, I was
able to get in on those auditions.
And somehow
I made it into the film.
An actor that Gilbert and I like in that movie is Lawrence Tierney,
who had a fascinating career as a tough guy on screen and off.
What was he like?
Unfortunately, he was a little bit loopy.
He got very distracted.
When we were doing the scene where he's handing out the colors
and he's telling us what we're going to do,
he had a hard time memorizing his lines
and he could only do it line by line.
And you had to sit there off camera
straight as a board
because if you scratched your nose,
you'd go, what are you doing?
I'm trying to...
I'm trying to...
He's...
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
My nose... And everybody got upset with him. I'm sorry my nose
and everybody got upset with him
one by one the actress
got up and started to leave
really?
yeah
but I stuck it out
it was like me, Quentin
Chris Penn
and Eddie Bunker were the only ones left
at the end
but we had to sit perfectly still
but he really pissed off everybody
and after the third day
Quentin fired him
interesting
he was so mad
he fired him
didn't know that
and Harvey said
you can't fire him
we just shot for three days
right
right
you know
but he was
yeah he was
he's good in the film
he was a handful
he's wonderful in the film
it's the fact that you get
that performance out of him he's amazing in the film. He was a handful. He's wonderful in the film. It's the fact that you get that performance out of him.
He's amazing in the film.
In spite of that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
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Do you know what I remember?
This goes back to the September 11th.
Okay, yes.
After September 11th, for some reason, I don't know, I would stop by firehouses and say hi to the firemen.
And I remember at one firehouse I visited, the firemen said, yeah, people have been sending us stuff like socks.
I don't know.
We don't need any socks, but they keep sending us socks. And I said, oh, I could use some socks. I don't know. We don't need any socks. But they keep sending us socks.
And I said, oh, I could use some socks.
Why did I know where that was going?
So I left with a big bag of socks.
Wow.
Because of September 11th.
Well, that's another positive from September 11th. Yes, well, that's another positive from September 11th.
Do you still have the socks?
He's wearing them.
No, I sold them.
It's Steve Okay
So for a New York actor
So you're Italian?
Only on my father's side
What's on your mother's side?
My mom is
She's got Irish, English
I think some Dutch
It's a real mix
We've had a lot of guineas
on this show.
Danny Aiello.
Who else?
Frankie Avalon.
Bobby Rydell.
That's three.
I wouldn't say that's a lot.
And your co-host.
But I was surprised that
Mickey Dolenz, he said his dad was off the boat.
That is correct.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
And his mom was an actress.
His mom was in B-movies.
Yeah.
You've actually listened to a previous episode of the Gilbert Gottfried podcast.
I'm impressed, Steve.
That's a first.
So how did Reservoir Dogs change everything?
I mean, you didn't have to audition quite as much.
You kind of went from being a working stiff actor to star.
No, no.
I mean, it just got me in the door to – I still had to audition.
But it just – it's so much easier when people can connect your face and the name or if they've seen you in something.
Because I'm terrible at auditioning.
I'm awful.
But after that, even if I gave a bad audition, they would at least go, well, he was good in that movie.
So maybe, you know.
Right.
Yeah, auditioning is so hard.
Are you any better at it now than when you started?
No, and thankfully I haven't had to do it in years.
But I never knew if I should prepare.
Sometimes I would prepare and get in there and do okay, but other times I would be awful.
Like I remember I auditioned for the Barry Levinson film, the one about the guys who do aluminum sights.
Tin Man.
Tin Man.
Yeah.
So I prepared this thing, and I went in, and I did it.
And he went, that was good.
Good.
Now let's try it like this.
And he gave me like a little bit of direction.
I went, all right.
And I did it the exact same way that I did it.
He looked at me, and I looked at him.
And I went, that wasn't any different, right?
He goes, no, that's okay.
Were you reading for Dreyfuss' part or Danny DeVito's part?
Do you remember?
No, no.
I think, you know who actually got the part that I did?
I think it was Seymour Cassell.
Oh, your friend.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I later became friends with him.
Yeah.
Did a lot of films with him.
You would have been good in Tin Man.
One of your most memorable deaths
was, of course, in Fargo.
Yes.
Getting the axe first.
And then the wood chipper.
Here's the thing. People say to me,
I love that scene.
You were so great in that wood chipper scene.
I'm like...
Really? So the one scene I love that scene. You were so great in that wood chipper scene. I'm like, really?
So the one scene you weren't in.
I know.
That's what they like you best in.
I love that.
You are both goofy and terrifying in that movie, which is no small feat.
That's the Coen brothers.
That's in the writing.
You manage to be kind of a
cuddly, fun, warm character
and just scary
as all hell.
And described twice in the movie
as, oh, he's
kind of funny looking.
I've told this story before,
but when I read that in the script and I saw, oh, my character is funny looking, I went – and so I got Joel and Ethan on the phone and I said, hey, I was thinking maybe I could like –
You know, like do something with my nose or, you know, like I could do something to – and there was like silence on the phone.
And I went, or I can do nothing.
I could just – and I went, oh, I guess I'm funny looking.
All right, all right.
Our mutual friend Drew Friedman, who's a prominent illustrator and cartoonist, he's done the show.
He is obsessed with – when you say, who the fuck are you, when Harv Presnell shows up.
Oh, yeah?
So it's become a catchphrase around us.
How did the Coens come into your life in the first place?
I mean, because Miller's Crossing was your first.
Yeah, so I auditioned for Miller's Crossing like in 1988, 89, I think.
You played Mink.
That's one of my favorite movies.
He played Mink.
It's one of my favorite movies.
And I came in and I read.
And there was like five pages of just Mink talking.
And so I just practiced.
So that one I did practice.
And I just talked really fast.
And then they auditioned a lot of other actors.
They brought me in about a month later.
I did it again.
And Ethan said,
well, you still say it the fastest.
And that was it.
And they gave me the role.
And they're famous for not wanting their dialogue
to be changed, for wanting it to be
you do everything that's pretty much in the script.
But you don't want to.
It's such great
dialogue.
That film in particular, they created a language they created a whole world yeah you know yeah and the language give
me the high hat yeah and the rump what's the rumpus and all of that stuff just fascinating
yeah so how do you say your name again
just call me sir. Okay.
Have you changed it since the beginning of the show?
Yes.
This is getting like the cab ride now.
It's just like the cab ride.
So basically, we're both sitting staring in front and you're going, hey, how about those Beatles?
And I go, yeah, they were good.
Yeah.
Do you know that I once chased down the guy who played Paul in Beatlemania.
I saw him.
Really?
I saw him in Times Square. He must have been scared.
Well, he was with his girlfriend.
Now, I had seen Beatlemania and Grease.
Those were the only Broadway shows that I saw in the 70s.
Those were the only like Broadway shows that I saw in the 70s.
And then I don't know how this happened, but I was invited to go see the cast from Beatlemania.
Like those guys were playing at a college in New Jersey.
Fairleigh Dickinson?
That sounds right.
Is that the name of it, right?
Yeah.
So I had a few drinks with me.
I'm with my friends.
We're walking through Times Square, and I see the guy who plays Paul McCartney.
He walks by me, and he's with his girlfriend.
And I ran up to him, and I went, oh, my God.
You are great. Hey, I saw you guys at Angie Dickinson's.
And he and his girlfriend
just bust out laughing
at my face.
You were close.
Yeah.
Speaking of that,
do people yell
moving lines at you?
Like, shut the fuck up,
Donnie.
In the street?
Yeah.
You know, I'm surprised
that doesn't happen
as often as I thought it would.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, every once in a while.
And mostly Coen Brothers stuff?
Mostly Lebowski stuff?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would say that's true.
What do they do to you when they walk up to you in the street, Gilbert?
Your pants?
Is it Aflac?
Is it just...
Yeah, yeah.
They'll go, I have something in this hand.
And if you give me, you know, that whole scene I do in Beverly Hills Cop 2.
Yeah.
So after Fargo, you're not auditioning for the Coens anymore.
I love it that Gilbert only has a casual knowledge of my career.
It's kind of like... Go ahead, Frank.
I'm really enjoying talking to you.
It's kind of like I'm sitting here the whole time going,
ah, I think I've seen him in something.
I know him from...
Either he lives in my building or he's an actor.
I don't know.
I think he looks familiar.
Okay.
Frank?
Did you see me in a Snickers commercial, perhaps?
I want to ask you about the Snickers commercial.
Please do, Frank.
Please.
Frank.
Frank.
Frank.
Frank just handed me a card of stuff to ask you.
I think he just handed you my Wikipedia page.
I don't use Wikipedia.
It's too unreliable.
Yeah, it's true.
We asked this of every guest.
So while he's putting his glasses on.
Oh, thank God.
Can I ask then?
Yeah, go ahead.
Why don't we ask everyone?
We ask what they watched as a kid.
What movies you fell in love with as a kid.
What TV shows.
Because you're a New York kid like us.
You probably watched some of the same.
Absolutely.
Please say the Danny Thomas shows.
I loved the Danny Thomas show.
I was in love with...
No, I was in love with...
No, no.
What did you watch?
I know you watched the Carson show.
And Danny Kaye and Laurence Olivier used to finger each other's assholes.
I heard.
Well, you've just ruined Hans Christian Andersen.
I should say.
So frank.
Not to mention White Christmas.
I used to watch The Honeymooners.
It's probably my earliest memory of watching TV.
But I lived in Brooklyn at the time, in East New York, and my dad was on the sanitation.
So I'd see this guy in a uniform, not unlike what my dad wore, and lots of arguing and yelling.
And I thought it was a documentary.
This is just about Brooklyn life.
I remember seeing the first episode of Gilligan's Island.
The black and white version.
Yeah, and being upset.
I didn't know it was a comedy.
Not wondering why Thurston Howell took all his money on a three-hour tour.
Gilligan's Island, Patty Duke.
Sure.
That Girl.
What else? Created by our friend Bill Persky, who was one of our guests. Sure. That Girl. What else?
Created by our friend Bill Persky, who was one of our guests.
Yeah.
I used to watch a lot of TV.
And, of course, Three Stooges and Little Rascals.
Did you watch Officer Joe Bolton and Captain Jack McCarthy and all the stuff that we used to watch?
And I loved when he would actually bring them on.
You know, when he would have Moe Howard and Larry Fonda.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I remember one episode as a kid sitting there, and it opens up, and Moe is standing under his picture.
Oh, wow.
And I was so excited.
Officer Joe brought Moe on.
Yeah.
We had Chuck McCann on the show, too.
Oh, I love him, too.
Yeah, I used to watch him all the time.
Another New York icon. Yeah. We had Chuck McCann on the show, too. Oh, I love him, too. Yeah, I used to watch him all the time. Another New York icon.
Yeah.
We used to watch TV, like, it seems like that's all I did as a kid.
Oh, me, too.
Was watch TV, you know, I mean, yeah, I guess we would be outside and play and stuff, but we would, you know, spend hours in front of the TV.
I remember not only TV shows, but they had so many old movies on.
Yes.
Movies that shouldn't have been on in the afternoon.
I remember seeing Crime in the Streets.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
On TV in the afternoon.
Like the 430 movie?
Yeah.
Rebel Without a Cause.
I remember seeing the afternoon movie.
The Million Dollar Movie, I think it was called.
Right.
Yeah.
A lot of movies.
Well, you were a Carson fan, too, weren't you? You were a Tonight Show person? Yeah. Johnny Carson loved think it was called. Yeah. A lot of movies. Well, you were a Carson fan too, weren't you?
You were a Tonight Show person?
Yeah.
Johnny Carson loved watching that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It seems like – but everybody watched those shows, right?
And now when I think of it, they were – like how did we do it?
We had school the next day.
With four channels.
But we always watched it.
You know what was a strange thing that I realized back then is everybody the next day
had something in common.
Because we all watch, it wasn't
a billion stations, there were like three.
I know. That's true.
Everybody had something to
talk about. Everybody saw the same thing.
Yeah, you could stop anyone in the street
and go, hey, did you see
Get Smart last night?
Get Smart, I love that show.
Barbara Felton we had on.
Wow. 99.
I mentioned Angela Cartwright, right?
Oh, we just had on
Billy Mummy.
Yeah, I know.
Billy Mummy was in my favorite...
No, it's Moomy, right?
Moomy.
Moomy?
And Buscemi.
Just remember Moo and Boo. He was in my And how you see And who's Sammy Just remember Moo and Boo
He was in my
Favorite Twilight Zone
When
The phone
Remember
His grandmother dies
Yes
And she gives him
This phone
We talked to him about it
Oh my god
The toy phone
The toy phone
I like the one
His other Twilight Zone
Yeah
Where he was With Jack Klugman.
And Jack Klugman plays a guy whose son dies in Vietnam, but he wants one more day with him.
Oh, my God.
I don't know this one.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a great one.
What's the name of that one?
Praise of Pip.
Yeah, it's great.
It's touching.
He made three.
He made that one and the one you're talking about, Long Distance Call, is the name of the one where he calls his grandmother.
Oh, and the third one is the one where he controls –
It's a good life.
Yes.
Where he wishes people into the cornfield, where he's the kid.
He's the little demon kid.
He tried to remake it in the movie, too. You just reminded me of an Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode where a kid, like a little demon kid, if he had your picture and he scraped your picture, a mark would appear on your face.
It was the scariest thing I had ever seen.
It sounds familiar.
The man from Uncle I Loved.
Sure.
That was a great show.
It was the scariest thing I had ever seen.
It sounds familiar.
The Man from U.N.C.L.E. I loved.
Sure.
That was a great show.
It was big news when Ilya Koryakin.
Was that his name? Yeah, David McCallum's character.
He got married in Valley Stream, which is where I grew up.
Really?
Yeah.
He married a local girl.
That was like huge.
That is big news.
Huge.
Let's talk about the Hutsucker Proxy a little bit.
Okay.
And Donnie. Don. And Donnie.
Donnie, yeah.
Hutsucker was fun.
I only had, yeah, I just, I had that one scene.
I was the beatnik bartender.
Yeah.
That was the only line I ever tried to change.
Because they had me say, we don't serve alcohol.
Alcohol.
I said, Ethan, I don't know.
Do people really say that?
I said, can I say just alcohol?
And he was, no, no, just say alcohol.
Oh, I misspoke.
I didn't mean Donnie.
I meant, well, Donnie's your character in The Big Lebowski.
But in the Hutt Sucker Proxy, you have that great scene where you say,
martinis are for squares, man.
Oh, that's right.
Which I loved.
See, I forget this stuff.
I'm a Coen Brothers freak.
But since I mentioned Donnie, just talk a little bit about the Lebowski.
I want to know what kind of set they run.
I mean, is it a loose set?
Because you look at a movie like that and you say these guys have to be having fun.
They are.
But what's funny about them is that they're kind of nothing like the characters that are in their films.
I mean they are like the calmest guys.
They're so just laid back and down to earth.
But they storyboard everything.
I don't know if they still do.
But they – so everything is sort of mapped out.
So everything is sort of mapped out and yet within that context, you still feel like the actors are allowed to contribute.
But I think in their films, the casting is everything.
I think – and I just love them.
They just – it just goes by really – it's just easy.
There's a lot of beeping here.
Is that me?
I think it's a video camera.
We'll cut that out.
Okay.
I have a pacemaker. I'm leaving.
Yeah.
So don't microwave anything while we're sitting here.
This happens to me though sometimes.
So Living in Oblivion is a film I did where I play a director who's making a low-budget movie.
And at the end of it, there's that beeping sound.
And he goes crazy with this beeping sound.
And this has followed me around ever since.
We talked about Tom DiCiolo.
Yeah, I like that film.
He was the writer, director on that.
But that has followed me around.
Usually on any set that I'm on or like today, I like a beeping sound very strange will drive me crazy what do you know
about this thing i found on the uh on the internet this webtoon called las crónicas de steve buscemi
are you familiar with this no i don't know i mean you have to look there is a there is a
uh a group like a this guy in belgium has a group called buscemi well this this is a group, like this guy in Belgium has a group called Buscemi.
Well, this is a series of webtoons that are in Spanish with a caricature of you.
Oh, yeah.
My wife showed me that.
Yeah.
Very, very strange.
Yes.
There's a lot of weird.
There's a lot of strange things.
There's a lot of weird Buscemi-related stuff on the web.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know what to say about that.
Now, I have a list of names to ask you about.
Oh, yeah?
Okay, just people recollection.
Okay.
And you've won.
All right.
Well, Danny Thomas.
Who else you got?
Danny Gage, Lawrence Olivier. Danny K.
Arch Olivier.
You didn't work with Danny K.? Never worked with Danny K.
I'm surprised.
Or else
you'd have to sit
on an inner tube
to turn this into...
Now if only you'd had this conversation in the cab. an inner tube. A termination.
Now, if only you'd had this conversation in the cab.
That would have been a good cab ride.
It would have been less awkward.
So, you worked?
Yes.
Has he been drinking?
I wish
You worked with Christopher Walken
I did?
King of New York
King of New York, I did, you're right, I did
Yeah, okay
The man has made a hundred movies, Gilbert
Cut him some slack
See, even you don't know your career
but this is why
that makes two of us
this is why I feel like
I really wasn't in that movie
so I get a call
from Abel Farrar
and he says
you know
he's doing this movie
King of New York
he wants me to be in it
but it's starting next
it's starting next week
I thought
oh
you know
and what happened was
he realized
either somebody dropped out or something but he wanted me to be in this gang.
I think he wanted like one other white guy in this all-black gang.
But he didn't tell anybody.
So I show up for the wardrobe fitting and they were so surprised to see me because the wardrobe that they gave me was like, well, we thought you were going to be a black guy.
And we don't have time to do any shopping.
So here, just like wear this.
And then I think once I got on set, Abel, he was like, I think I made a mistake with
this Bashemi guy.
And we would come into a room and he'd tell me, all right, now you stand here and good,
Larry Fishburne and all that and Giancarlo Sposito.
Bashemi, you all got to like come forward. Some of you can hang in the back. and good Larry Fishburne and Giancarlo Esposito. But I mean,
you all got to come forward.
Some of you can hang in the back.
He would point to me and he'd keep pointing way in the back
until I was out the door practically.
He's like,
don't worry, the camera sees everything.
And I'm like, but I can't see the camera.
I know I'm not...
And that's why I felt like... So I didn't really have any scenes with Chris.
I was in a couple of scenes with him, but he was great.
He really loves to put in a little dance move in any movie he does.
Yeah, well, I think he started out wanting to be a song and dance man.
But I think he was.
He was a hoofer.
Yeah.
In what's McCullough?
Oh, Pennies from Heaven.
Yeah.
He does a great dancing.
Great.
But I do remember that in King of New York.
There's always he's doing a little twirl at various points.
Yeah.
Oh, William Hickey.
See, now, we were in a movie, Tales from the Dark Side, but I was not in his segment.
Had you watched the movie?
It's a long list, Steve.
So you've been in movies.
I've been in movies.
Okay.
Albert Finney.
You ever even watch a movie with Albert Finney in it?
Big Fish.
You see, I'm terrible.
I forgot to tell you that I'm a terrible guest.
I don't have good stories about people.
No, no, you've proven it.
It's just okay.
He's a terrible host.
It works out. And He's a terrible host. It works out.
And this is a terrible interview.
All I say about people.
It all works together.
You can name anybody.
You can name anybody.
And all I'll say is, yeah, he was fun.
That was good.
We're not even recording right now.
So.
Can I have a do-over?
That's what Danny Kaye and Laurence Olivier used to do.
They would have a do-over backstage.
There have to be names on that list of people that were in scenes with him.
Damn it.
Keith Carradine.
Have you ever seen a movie with John Carradine?
We'll take that.
You really are picking the films. John Carradine as Dracula.
And we'll go with that for an answer.
You can just go, yeah, his father played Dracula in House of Frankenstein.
He was good.
How about Joey Pants, Joe Pantoliano?
Okay, so the first time I worked with Joe Pantoliano was in a film.
I'm not going to remember.
It was called Zandali.
It was in New Orleans.
And he played a transvestite.
He was like in drag the whole film.
You're nodding your head, but I know you haven't seen this film.
I've seen it years ago.
Really?
Yeah.
I saw Tree's Lounge.
I've seen a lot of stuff.
I can promise you I haven't seen the film or anything else you've been in.
I think I saw Zandali on VHS.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That would have been about right.
And that's really all you can say.
We'll get away from that list.
You've never – Ned Beatty?
Ned Beatty.
He did a movie called Ed and His Dead Mother.
Ed and His Dead Mother.
That one I have definitely seen.
Yes.
And sometimes he would give me a ride to work in the morning.
Nice guy. Nice guy.
Nice guy.
That's a pretty fascinating story.
Isn't that a fascinating story?
Was it a better ride than the one with Gilbert?
Yes.
He would talk to me.
He would say, good morning, Steve.
How are you?
How are you today?
How's your family? Where are you? How are you today? How's your family?
Where are you from, Steve?
He had a general interest in me.
So Ned Beatty cares more about other people than I do.
Yes.
Or basically about you.
I know nothing
about your career
and I don't care
I know you have not like
seen anything past 1975
that's when you
that's true generally speaking
I'm sorry
I was not in the Brady Bunch
I wanted to be
I never got into the Brady Bunch. I wanted to be. I never got into the Brady Bunch.
No?
No.
Maybe because you're old.
You're older.
You're older.
I was the right age, I think.
I wanted to be in that family.
So you were thrilled when they called to ask you to play Jan Brady.
I did.
Yeah.
I did a Snickers commercial.
Very funny.
Danny Trejo plays Marsha Brady.
And at the end, I'm Jan Brady.
Super Bowl spot.
He wasn't watching the Super Bowl either.
It was very funny, Gil.
Take my word for it.
The chart was good.
What would you like to talk about?
Steve, we've got some cards left.
What do we have?
Do you want to talk about Ghost World or all the directors you've worked with?
Would you like to do anything from here?
I would.
You know what I'm really good at is shadow puppets.
Okay.
All right.
If you could just imagine.
Oh, my God.
That looks like Lincoln.
No, it's Nixon.
It's Nixon. You see how the thumb. Oh, my God. That looks like Lincoln. No, it's Nixon. It's Nixon.
You see how the thumb?
Oh, that's right.
That's Nixon's nose.
On the Ed Sullivan show, they used to have those shadow guys on.
I know.
I used to see them.
And I always thought it was cheating.
Sometimes they would hold something in their hand.
Really?
Yeah. That was like some curved piece of paper or something. That's how they did it, right? sometimes they would hold something in their hand really that yeah that was
like some curved piece of paper or something that's how they did it yeah
well that's what's cheating yeah but the others could do with their hands as did
Danny Danny Kaye and large so he always goes back there did you play with
puppets as a kid do I have this right or is there well I had internet research
no I had they a Jerry Mahoney doll.
Oh, a knucklehead Smith and Jerry Mahoney.
Yeah.
Paul Winslow.
So I was...
Yeah, I used to watch that show a lot.
Yeah.
I wanted to be a ventriloquist when I was in the sixth grade.
Yeah, Winslow Mahoney.
Yeah.
Hooray.
Hurrah.
It's Winslow Mahoney time.
It's Winslow Mahoney time.
Let's have some fun.
Hooray.
Hurrah.
We're glad everybody's here.
Come on, let us give a cheer for everyone.
Get ready in your places, put on your happy faces.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Hooray, hurrah, shish-boom-bah.
Scotty-wotty-doo-doo, Scotty-wotty-doo-doo, Scotty-wotty-doo-doo-dah.
I remember that part.
That's amazing.
And wasn't Knucklehead Smith?
Knucklehead Smith.
The other side.
And Paul Winchell went on to, do you know this?
He invented the artificial heart.
How about that?
What?
Paul Winchell.
How about that?
He just, I don't know, he got screwed on the thing.
Really? He invented the first artificial heart. Winchell. How about that? I don't know. He got screwed on the thing, but he invented
the
first artificial heart.
Or some version of the artificial heart.
Was he trying to get one of his dummies
to come alive?
Why would he do that?
So you had
a Jerry Mahoney puppet? Yes.
With the string in the back.
I think our friend Tom Leopold has a Jerry Mahoney puppet. Yes. Yeah. With the string in the back. Yeah, I think our friend Tom Leopold
has a Jerry Mahoney puppet.
Oh, yes.
Now, here's an obscure one.
I remember Paul Winchell
had like a woman doll puppet
that was like some Jewish woman.
Really?
And he used to talk in like an accent.
Like a Sylvia Miles puppet?
Yeah, yeah, kind of.
Yeah.
Very strange.
I don't remember that.
I remember he would come down on a slide to open the show.
Oh, yes.
The Scotty Waddy doodoo.
I heard he's got it patented.
He used to draw a face on his chin.
Yeah.
And be upside down.
That was his?
Then like the nose and the rest of the face were covered.
You will never do another show like this one, Steve.
I'll tell you right now.
Paul Winchell, Danny Kaye, and the rest of your career.
I'm learning things this morning.
I'm learning things.
You know what I realized?
This is good.
I know a hell of a lot more about Paul Winchell and Steve Buscemi.
You can't get Paul Winchell.
Paul Winchell's going to be a long-distance call, buddy.
I ran out of questions after asking him how to pronounce his name.
But Paul Winchell, I could spend another five days on it.
Oh, God.
Okay.
I'd like to ask you about directing.
Okay.
My wife is a big 30 Rock fan.
We watch you on 30 Rock and watch the episodes that you directed.
Thank you.
And this is a dumb question, but of all the directors that you watched work over the years,
the Coens, Robert Benton, John Carpenter, Tarantino, Tim Burton,
do you pick up a little bit from each of them?
Do you watch them?
Do you just have your own thing?
You know, all the directors, like the really good ones that I've worked with, I think
what they're really good at is making
everybody feel like they're
collaborating.
Unlike Abel Ferrara.
I love Abel.
Stand in the back.
I love Abel.
Right.
Yeah, you know,
it's... I don't direct enough.
I mean so every time I do it, I'm like scared to death.
I just directed an episode of Portlandia and it couldn't have been like the most welcoming set and I love Fred and Carrie and – but I was still so scared. And I just wish that I could do it more.
But I think the reason that I want to do it is because I secretly want to play every part.
I see.
So no danger of you transitioning into it full time.
I would love to.
I would like to direct more and come back and do your show in another ten years so Gilbert could not have seen the movies I directed too.
I can virtually guarantee
that.
I have no interest
in your career whatsoever. I'm going to do the Danny Thomas
story.
Now you got me.
You sucked me into this.
Yes.
Well, that's what Danny Kaye and Lawrence Olivier would suck each other into.
Well, I would like to know.
For the record, I don't care.
Gilbert doesn't care.
I'd like to know a lot, but we're never going to get to it.
But let me ask you if you're still doing your AOL show, which is a lot of fun.
I'm doing, yes.
Park Bench, where I interview people on a park bench.
We were going to have Gilbert Godfrey.
I would advise against it.
Rethink it, Steve.
No, I'm going to have Gilbert on.
And, yeah, so we do it in parks around the city, but we also have our own bench,
and we bring the bench into various, like to Julian Schnabel's house,
or we brought it into the Rubin Museum, and I interviewed a Buddhist nun,
and lots of laughs in that one.
I didn't see that one, but I saw the Dick Cavett episode.
The Dick Cavett episode was where I was basically trying to learn from Dick Cavett because he is the best.
His show was incredible.
What a show he did.
Oh, yeah.
We had him on.
He was our first guest.
Him, I was interested in.
I was interested in him.
You were actually intimidated to talk to Dick Cavett.
I was.
I mean, come on.
Anybody that I meet, that I knew as a kid, that I watched as a kid, I get really nervous around.
That's refreshing, that even at this stage, after 100 films, that you're not jaded by the...
Yeah, no.
I get nervous around people.
I get nervous around people. I get nervous around Gilbert.
But for other reasons.
Before we run off.
Yeah.
I just came for the lunch.
I was promised lunch.
It's a good lunch.
We should say we're at the Friars Club, too.
I don't remember anyone you've ever worked with.
I don't.
And I have no idea what you do
for a living.
And I just want to talk about
Paul Winshow.
Well, here's something you both have in common.
What?
Something you could relate to.
What?
You both do a fair amount of cartoon voiceover work.
We do.
Yes.
Yeah.
And you were in Monsters University and Monsters Inc.
and Monster House, written by Dan Harmon, who's one of our guests, and many other things.
Yes.
This is –
Wait.
G-Force?
Igor?
Charlotte's Web, which I saw.
You did.
Yes, with John Cleese.
That was intimidating to do.
Was Keith Carradine in it by any chance?
Was Keith Carradine in that by any chance?
I kept wanting to do like a Paul Lynn voice for Charlotte's Web, but they didn't want that.
Oh, really?
Now there's a throwback.
Well, he played the original.
Of course.
Of course.
What was the character's name again?
Templeton.
Templeton the Rat.
Yes.
Okay, good.
Now I can tell my Paul Lynn story again.
Have at it.
Oh, please.
Steve will appreciate it.
Paul Lynn was once being brought into some dinner theater production of something, and he went in.
It looked like a barn.
And Paul Lynn disgusted goes,
This place smells like a cunt, I think.
Oh, my God.
That's good.
The story that keeps on giving.
I know about Paul Lynn.
Anything you want to know about Paul Lynn, I can tell you on the other hand.
Well, this has been the Comedy Central roast of Steve Buscemi.
I'm going to go over to Gilbert's house now
and get some of those socks.
I think you owe me at least that tell us what's coming up
I know you're making another Sandler picture
we did yes
I did Adam Sandler's movie
The Ridiculous Six
I did another movie
called
well you know what's out now
I don't know when this is going to air
but I did The Cobbler's out now? I don't know when this is going to air, but I did
The Cobbler's out now.
Tom McCarthy, brilliant filmmaker.
He did Win-Win.
Box of Moonlight?
The Station Agent.
Did he direct that?
No, that was Tom.
That was Tom Cillo.
I'm getting them confused.
Station.
Yeah, Station.
Good film.
Yes.
That was The Midget.
God. Don't get him on that. The Cob Good film. Yes. That was the midget movie. So the – God.
Don't get him on that.
The cobbler.
Yes.
Adam Sandler's in it.
Yeah.
And then I just did a movie with this Israeli director, Joseph Seder, called Oppenheimer Strategies with Richard Gere.
And I play a rabbi in that one.
So you're working constantly.
Yes. And more episodes of...
I'm just making loads of shit, Gilbert.
Has no interest in seeing...
I actually, you know,
this is how I choose my parts.
I go, I don't know,
I think Gilbert might like this one.
Maybe I shouldn't do it.
What would Gilbert hate? What would he
just look at the ad
and go, I'm never going to see that.
Who would want to see this?
Who the fuck
are the Coen brothers anyway?
I'm not going to see this.
That's how I've
chosen my roles over the years.
It was from that cab ride from long
ago. It just made such It was from that cab ride from long ago.
It just made such an impression.
The cab ride should have warned you.
It should have given you an indication of what today would be like.
You hoped for different.
You were disappointed.
And more episodes of Park Bench.
More episodes of Park Bench that we're going to do in April.
I should say it's a very funny premise. It's you and your brother
and your brother is doing a competing show.
My brother has a competing show called Bench Talk.
It's very funny.
No surprise. I've never seen this.
It's going to be great.
I can't wait to have you on the bench, Gilbert.
That's what Danny Cain said to Archie.
Google it when you get home, Steve.
I know it.
I know it already.
I know it already.
Danny Thomas said, I can't wait to get under the bench.
There's a great clip of Malcolm
McDowell actually telling the story.
Danny Kaye and
Olivier at the London airport.
So apparently it really happened.
Although when
Malcolm McDowell tells it,
he says that
Laurence Olivier stuck
his finger in Danny Kaye's ass.
I heard that Danny Kaye stuck his finger in Olivier's ass.
If you had a guess.
It's like Rashomon.
Everyone has a version.
But Malcolm McAllister said he witnessed this?
Yeah.
He didn't say he witnessed it.
In an airport?
It's supposedly in a living room.
I would like to think that both Danny Kaye and Lawrence Olivier had their fingers in each other's assholes the same amount of time because it was an equal relationship.
There's something sweet about that.
Yeah.
There's something sweet about that.
That they cared enough about each other to shove their fingers in each other's assholes exactly the right amount of time.
What more can you ask for from a relationship? I know more about Arch Olivier and Danny Kaye's fingers in each other's assholes than I know about Steve Buscemi's girl.
Oh.
Well.
Okay.
I think he's had enough punishment.
Okay.
So when this is edited together, it'll be like 13 minutes.
Yeah.
We'll be thinking of it like a Segway episode. Like one to put between.
Funny sound effects.
Some Spike Jonze.
You always hurt the ones you love.
I can tell you more about Spike Jonze.
And Paul Winchell.
And Paul Winchell.
And Willie Tyler and Lester.
And Farfel.
Danny O'Day and Farfel?
Yes.
Yeah.
And what was the other guy?
Faithful.
What was the other guy who worked with puppets?
Sherry Lewis.
No.
Senior Wences?
That was his hand.
No, there was another.
A guy who worked with puppets.
A name like Feidel or Feidel.
Feibisch Finkel?
No, no.
I'm just throwing.
I can tell.
See, now, Feibisch Finkel.
Feibisch Finkel.
I think he's in the club right now.
I could shit.
Bring him up here.
Gilbert would like that.
Well, the problem is you're one of the youngest guests we've had, Steve.
And if you come back when you're 80, there's a much better chance of him taking more of an active interest.
You're like talking to a fetus on this show.
So I guess I should do now what I should have done right after I got the pronunciation of your name.
And that's wrap up the show. Okay.
I'm out of cards okay
okay
hi
I'm Gilbert Gottfried
I know how to pronounce that
and
this has been
Gilbert Gottfried's
amazing colossal podcast
except today Except today.
I'm sorry.
Next week, we're having Broderick Crawford.
And I'll have loads to talk to him about.
That's another toll call, buddy.
We'll be talking to Dwight Frye
in two weeks from now.
But today,
we've been saddled
with...
laughter
laughter
laughter
laughter
laughter
actor Steve Buscemi
but we learned
the correct pronunciation of his name
I had a wonderful time here today
and I hope you still come on part 10
I'd like to thank you Steve
and apologize at the same time
no I apologize
I'm sorry I didn't know enough about Danny Kaye and Lawrence Olivier.
Or Paul Winchell.
Yes.
That was great.
Thanks for doing it, buddy.
Thank you so much, guys.
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