Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 55. Anniversary Special pt2

Episode Date: June 15, 2015

This week, the not-to-be-missed Part Two of our one-year anniversary episode as actor Craig Bierko, illustrator Drew Friedman, comedy writer Tom Leopold, writer-producer Bill Persky and musician Paul ...Shaffer join Gilbert and Frank for a fascinating (true!) and fast-paced (not really) dialogue on topics too trivial to ignore! Also, Craig salutes the comic villainy of Dabney Coleman, Bill tries to keep the Bums in Brooklyn, Drew grills "old Groucho" and Paul and Tom recall the unforgettable "Viva Shaf Vegas"! PLUS: The legend of Harry Crane! The balladry of Nipsey Russell! The return of Maria Ouspenskaya! And Gilbert sings "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance"! This episode is brought to you by Casper Matresses. Go to http://Casper.com/GILBERT for 50 dollars towards any mattress Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:01 This episode of Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast is brought to you by Casper Mattresses. Go to casper.com slash Gilbert for $50 toward any mattress. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Our first year anniversary party continues with part two of our marathon interview conducted at Nutmeg Post with our guests Craig Bierico, Drew Friedman, Tom Leopold, Bill Persky, and Paul Schaefer. This episode has it all. Acro Megali, the Brooklyn Dodgers, and Russell Crowe as Moe Howard? Don't miss it. Before I forget, we have a new sponsor.
Starting point is 00:02:33 Who is that, Gil? This is Casper Mattresses. Oh, yes. They got in touch with me and they said, we want to send you a mattress. Yeah. And then I got in touch with you. That was very kind of you. Yeah. I should say that Gilbert offered me the mattress, which was very, very kind. And I hear great things about these mattresses. I just bought a mattress. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:55 A couple of months ago, which is a change for me because... I wanted you to have the mattress because up until then, you were sleeping on subway gratings and using newspapers for blankets. Yes, I was masking, taping placemats together. Like Lucy in the Stone Pillow. I was sleeping on a grate. But I've been sleeping on it, and it does make a difference. Well, because it's a combination of premium latex foam and memory foam, which is kind of a hybrid.
Starting point is 00:03:27 It's a different kind of mattress. It's supposed to be incredibly comfortable. Yeah, it feels totally different. And dealing with them isn't like when you go into these stores. Oh, mattress salesmen. Where it's become like going to a car lot. Yeah, I dread it. going to a car lot.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Yeah, I dread it. Where you've got to try to negotiate with them, and they do that thing of like, same with car lots. They'll go, oh, I've got to go discuss that with my boss and see if we can give you a deal on that. This is a much easier way to get a mattress. Yeah. And if you can sleep on it with all the terrible things you've done in your life on your conscience,
Starting point is 00:04:04 it must be a very comfortable mattress. Do you want to read that call to action? Yes, and you could get, for $500, you get a twin-size mattress, and $950 for a king-size mattress. Comparing that to industry averages, that's an outstanding price point. It is, actually. And now I'm sorry I gave you the mattress. Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:31 You see, I've always said you're an idiot. What about that last part there? So get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting www.casper.com slash Gilbert and using Gilbert. That's C-A-S-P-E-R.com slash Gilbert for your savings. Talking about lead-ins, I spoke at a woman's group of the temple emmanuel last week i was invited for their year-end thing and the thing i walked in and really it was like this is terrible to say but it's like i was there the day after they liberated Auschwitz to tell everybody how they were going to be treated. I mean, it was the worst face. I mean, it was just, and I'm now going to be the entertainment.
Starting point is 00:05:36 And they finally, after a meeting, an election of officers, it's now like three o'clock in the afternoon. And they say, our uh guest uh speaker today is bill persky but first let's rise for a moment for those of our sisters who are not with us any longer that's the that's almost as good as the priest who interviewed introduced you the monseigneur when you did yeah when you did your your show down in... Right, exactly. May I lead into my story about that? When I was a child, I was a child of about 12. 12 years old up in my hometown, Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada.
Starting point is 00:06:15 Not much entertainment up there, a town of 100,000. Not a bad size, but totally isolated and freezing cold on the North Shore Lake Superior. But one year there was an Israeli bond lake superior but there one year there was an israeli bond drive actually every year there was you know and the bond drive was a rabbi and a celebrity going all across canada selling israeli bonds having evenings at the shul where the bonds would be sold. People would pledge right there after the entertainment. Well, this year, and I'm 12 years old,
Starting point is 00:06:48 the entertainment is Ricky Lane and Velvo. Oh, lucky you. Velvo. And this is a, for those readers, listeners, it's a Catskills act from back in the day, the 60s, a ventriloquist act. Velvo is a dummy, a Yiddish dummy with a Yiddish accent.
Starting point is 00:07:08 I forgot he had a Yiddish accent. Somehow, Sullivan loved this act. I guess he thought that it appealed to the Jewish audience. It would bring in the Jewish audience for him. And they were on so many times that they were huge. Yeah. So huge that when it was announced that the Israeli bond drive in the evening in June, I think, was going to include Ricky Lane and Velvel. Oh. It had to be opened up to the Goyim as well. It wasn't going to be just because it was on the Sullivan show.
Starting point is 00:07:45 They were coming to Thunder Bay, Ontario. The mayor was going to come and all, you know, city dignitaries, everybody was going to show up. Ricky Lane and Velvo was a huge sellout. Now, it's an orthodox synagogue. Now, this means there are very strict rules for having an evening like this. The food has to be completely kosher. And in the case of this, it's got to be brought in from Winnipeg, Manitoba, because there's no kosher butchers or anything in this town.
Starting point is 00:08:14 So it's all kosher. And my parents, God love them. They're no longer with us. And this is, you know, I thank them every day for encouraging me to live my life. And it's turned out so well and everything. They had assimilated quite well. You know, I don't know why there were any Jews up there in Thunder Bay. But my parents, second generation or something, you know, already very goyish in their ways and very well-dressed and cosmopolitan.
Starting point is 00:08:42 And now their goyish friends are going to be coming to the shul to see Ricky Lane and Velvel, and it's going to be kosher and whatever it is with the dishes and everything. And they're starting to worry. And I'm 12 years old, seeping, getting all of this. They're worrying about, you know, it can be embarrassing a little bit for the Goyim to come to see ricky lane and velvo and you know it's got to be kosher and everything is i'm aware of this exquisite tension and we go to see
Starting point is 00:09:14 the show now there's a dinner first it's all kosher and the mayor i think makes a speech and welcomes ricky lane and velvo and of course the rabbi from wherever, and he gets up to speak first. The rabbi speaks about Israel and how it's been a tough year and you really need it. And as Jews, you've got to reach deep into your pockets. And he's got a heavy, heavy Yiddish accent. And by Israeli bonds, what do I see? Who do I see? And I don't know, maybe it was a tough year in Thunder Bay for the Jews,
Starting point is 00:09:45 but nobody raised their hands. Well, this rabbi goes into a rant, a tantrum, and it's half Yiddish and half English, and my parents' heads just drop like this because it's the funniest thing and the most embarrassing thing. And you people, and you should rot in the town! Wow! And now Ricky Lane and Bilbo! And the most embarrassing thing, you people, and you should rot in the toilet. Wow. And now, Ricky Lane and Bilbo.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Well, I just, I can't tell you, I remember so clearly the image of Ricky Lane down on the ground. With the dummy, you know, getting, sticking his hand in the dummy and getting ready and he's saying wow rabbi i whoo that's like wow i don't know try to do comedy you know comedy after that rabbi i just wow and i'm just and he says but don't worry we'll i'm sure that we'll talk to the people after rabbi and we'll we'll make sure that there's a better outcome for you. And then he just goes into his act. And it's just one of those life-changing things. But how did he fare?
Starting point is 00:10:54 Like, how did he do? Did he win them back? Oh, I think so. Yeah, the people were dying to see him. Well, Velvo was Jewish. Because he'd been on Sullivan. What was that? Velvo was Jewish, so. Velvo was Jewish, so...
Starting point is 00:11:05 Velvo was Jewish, exactly. Knucklehead hated Jews, which is ironic. Everything was kosher. Jolson wouldn't have... Jolson would have left the building. Jolson didn't need a mic or a Jew. No. He didn't need a mic.
Starting point is 00:11:16 I thought of some other Jew haters from Hollywood. Oh, let's talk about the Jew haters. Well, of course, Ward Bond. Ward Bond. Ward Bond. He was the best Jew hater out in Hollywood. He hated Jews and Chinese waiters. Hated.
Starting point is 00:11:31 British and Chinese waiters. What did he do on Sunday night? He would garotte them for Christmas. And Robert Mitchum, sadly. I heard that. I don't believe it. There's an Esquire interview with him where he's just ranting about the Jews. That seems to make sense.
Starting point is 00:11:46 He's our man. Sorry to say. Sometimes it hurts. You heard that. I heard Robert Mitchum said in some interview about something about the Holocaust that it killed 6 million Jews. Alleged. He goes, alleged. And he goes, allegedly.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Ah. Oh. So what do you think of him now? We still love him. Heaven knows Mr. Alice in my ass. I mean, Jesus. What I love about Paul's story is that the Jews were embarrassed that the goyim would see the rabbi going, Come on, right now.
Starting point is 00:12:17 Oh, yeah. Like they hadn't seen Jews before in the town. Well, it was, you know, we don't want Jews to appear. You know, Paul is such a great musician, he doesn't have to be this good at all this other stuff. He's good at everything. Really? I mean, you are a great storyteller. Oh, that's
Starting point is 00:12:34 so nice. Well, that's one of my best stories. Oh, God. And it left an indelible mark. Yes. And then there was a little moment where he was signing autographs, and I was lined up with my little thing and gave it to him. He didn't speak at all. He just widened his eyes as he looked at me.
Starting point is 00:12:53 And it just freaked me out, and I left without speaking at all. That was Ricky Landon and Velvo. Do you have a Velvo doll? Did they make dolls at all? I think Tom Leopold gave me his Lester doll last year. It was one of their most touching things. You know, I was told this story somewhere, and Ricky Lane's daughter contacted me.
Starting point is 00:13:15 She told you to stop telling it? No, just, you know, she appreciated it. She loved it. Do you think she owns the doll? Yeah, somewhere in that family is the doll. I did my best trying to, you know, She loved it. Do you think she owns the doll? She has, yeah, somewhere in that family is the doll. I did my best trying to, you know, ingratiate myself to her, you know, for that brief period of time and become friends. And what about the doll?
Starting point is 00:13:34 You know, is there another Velvel? Is there a spare Velvel or anything? I'm building up a Jewish comedy museum, a Jew-zeem. I would love to have that Velvel. Now, who had Farfel the dog? Was that him, too? No. That was Soupy, wasn't it? Oh, that was David.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Danny O'Day? Danny O'Day. Danny O'Day and Farfel. Danny O'Day and Farfel. And Farfel, the dog puppet. Yeah. For Nestle. Weren't they the ones that also did,
Starting point is 00:13:57 N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestle. Yeah, that was Farfel. Yeah, that was Farfel. But Farfel's also a Jew. I only know that from a Jew-free book. And Farfel's a Jewish fool. I have a question. Craig Bjerko, guest number eight on the call board.
Starting point is 00:14:09 I have a question that's Jew-related and story-related. And I wanted to... Not an easy combination. And I've always wondered this. It's a legendary story. Maybe you're aware of it. Maybe you're not. It's an SNL legend story.
Starting point is 00:14:20 A big Michael O'Donoghue fan and all the lore. And there was a story of a sketch that he always wanted to get from the very beginning on the air. Do you know which one I'm talking about? The Nassi sketch. Yeah. I was in it. He got it on the air. You were in it? And I was in it, playing the piano. We walked out with, you know, a big
Starting point is 00:14:39 Tomorrow Belongs to Me or something. It ended with just like the scene in Cabaret. Was this the two guys on the bench? Wasn't there one or two? I can't remember what was in the story, but it was just a little slice of Nazi life. In a, you know, a bar. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:58 And everyone, it ends with a sing song. I don't know, maybe there was some spy activity. And he was very concerned with all the details getting the costumes exactly right the uniforms exactly right and the way they held the cigarettes and everything and he he was very obsessed i think he was in it too wasn't there a fred silverman's bunker sketch oh and he did that at the end yes the sketch that i heard about was there were two old men on a bench yeah and one And one looks up, and the other looks up, and he's got the hair over,
Starting point is 00:15:26 and he's got the little Nazi Hitler mustache, a gray mustache. And the Jewish, because obviously a Jewish guy looks over at him and goes, are you? And he goes, yeah, that's me. This isn't ringing any bells. Nah, no. I feel funny telling it.
Starting point is 00:15:42 Maybe I'm dreaming it. Maybe I dropped it. Hey, can we, I've heard this story a million variations, I feel funny telling it maybe I'm dreaming it maybe I dropped it hey can can we I've heard this story a million variations has nothing to do with the Jews
Starting point is 00:15:52 but it is one of these great stories of you may have heard it Paul Whitney Houston Jodie Foster did you just start talking in the middle of my story yeah
Starting point is 00:16:04 yes fuck you I'm guest number fucking eight Is that what happens? Come on now I don't want to finish the fuck I'll finish it on somebody else's podcast Was there a story? There was one
Starting point is 00:16:20 Let's hear it What kind of ass burger? What the fuck was that? I literally was in the middle. I was like, I wasn't even in the middle of a sentence. I was in the middle of a word. I was like in the blood. And you're like, I have a story.
Starting point is 00:16:36 Didn't Dorian. Are you kidding? Are you kidding? Wait, you had a story? It's Greg. By the way, My name is Greg. Greg T. Nelson. No, Greg T. Nelson.
Starting point is 00:16:48 No, no, no. So one guy is obviously Hitler, and the other guy is a Jew. And whatever you would want a Jew to say to Hitler, he says so beautifully. He goes, how could you possibly justify all the horror and all that he says? And he goes on in this 10-minute speech. And then Hitler leans over and whispers into his ear and the jew goes my mistake i apologize listen i didn't i didn't think of it doc i didn't even think of that and that was apparently that was the sketch and maybe because it played pretty much like it just played in this room. Yeah, I certainly don't remember that. But it also, I also, no one could play a joke through a backdraft like you just created.
Starting point is 00:17:34 All right. That was like in the middle of... Man drove a nuclear submarine into my delivery. No, no, and I non-interrupted. That would have killed me. No, that's like the night that it was on, they interrupted in the middle to announce that 47,000 people were killed in a war. And then they came back to it. That's what you just put up with.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Yeah, exactly. And that's why he flunked out of host school. What's host school? Host school. A host school. Host school, I love it. He just flunked right the hell out of host school. What's the Hitler fact, Tommy?
Starting point is 00:18:05 Interesting Hitler fact. Do you know why Hitler didn't drink? Yeah. Why? Mean drunk. Ah. Mean shit. Like two personalities, you know?
Starting point is 00:18:19 Two fucking... He was a mean drunk. Couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle the most. Just didn't handle it. All right, Jody Foster is circling. Well, wait. I heard that on the History Channel...
Starting point is 00:18:34 Oh, well. They said that Hitler, his personal physician, used to give him three pills a day, one after each meal, to control his flatulence. This is what they said on the History Channel. He was worried about grossing people out. He wasn't worried about killing all the Jews.
Starting point is 00:18:54 Hitler's farts. Yeah. Wow. I don't want to be improper. I don't want to. By the way, kill another 80 fucking millions. That's right. I don't want to.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Anyway, kill another 80 fucking millions. So, yes, this story about Jodie Foster, Whitney Houston, and I always forget her name, the one from the Amish people. Kelly McGillis. Kelly McGillis. Oh, gee. According to the story. I know where this is going. Okay, Bill. I can feel it.
Starting point is 00:19:23 What's the saying? Kelly McGillis. How can you know where it's going? He doesn't know where it's going. I, Bill. I can feel it. How can you know where it's going? I heard it's like a million variations. I'm sure there were a million variations. But that Kelly McGillis was going out with Whitney Houston. And then Kelly McGillis had an affair with Jodie Foster. And then Whitney Houston beat up Kelly McGillis.
Starting point is 00:19:46 And she was there. Oh, I remember reading about that. Yeah. Oh, go ahead. Where in God's name would you read about that? I'm serious. Variety. In a stall in a men's room?
Starting point is 00:19:58 Red Bull. Well, there too. I've got to say, this is one hell of an interesting erection I've got. I don't know what to do I've got I don't know what to do with this I don't know how to express this what made you hard
Starting point is 00:20:10 the fact that she beat them or they were lesbians I think it might have been when Gilbert interrupted me interesting is when it started there was a tingle I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:20:20 he let you go back to the start yeah I actually asked Tom Leopold to question here that I can bring it up again. Okay. It was about Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman when they were married. There goes the hard-on. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Sorry, Craig. Like a lender's bagel. I emailed Tom. I think you were on jury duty during it. But I emailed you. I said, do you think Ernest Borg 98 Ethel Merman? And what was your response? With a Bordeaux, I think.
Starting point is 00:20:52 No, yeah. I forget. What did I say? Fine Bordeaux. I was talking about back hair. Oh. Do you know the way she could stand his back hair? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:21:03 You know, at the Writers Guild dinner, which used to be a big thing in L.A., they would do this thing with film clips. And there was this thing of dwarfs wrestling, and they'd always do a story meeting at the William Morris Agency. And then there was another thing that they had of two trains just barreling in and up in the air. And they used that.
Starting point is 00:21:31 They said, and the big romantic news of the year is Ethel Merman and Ernest Borg. Well, you know, they always said, you know, they asked Ethel they asked Ethel why she divorced Ernie. Ernie? She goes, well, how'd you like to hear, oh, no, why Ernie divorced her? He goes, well, how'd you like to hear, hey, Ernie, every morning? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:21:58 It's probably apocryphal. And it was just an echo. I heard that the screaming on their wedding night, they could hear it miles away. People in the hotel. Stuart Whitman was in Bel Air over a mile away. He says he could hear the screaming, like Banshee screams that night.
Starting point is 00:22:17 He never got over it. And they say that the sweat the two raised can still be seen floating over. They had to build a viaduct. When I asked you about Ernie eating Ethel, you said, well, he had more hair between his teeth than he had on his back then. Oh, yes. This message comes from TD. Getting mortgage advice should be fast and easy because when you want to buy a home, who has time to wait?
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Starting point is 00:24:09 I liked it. Do you have a story about Joyce Brothers' husband? Oh, big story. Well, Paul knows this story. Whose husband? Dr. Joyce Brothers. Dr. Joyce Brothers is also a doctor. Mr. Joyce Brothers.
Starting point is 00:24:21 By the way, would this be a good name for a black soul, an old soul, black blues musician? African American. Yeah. Washington, Dr. Joyce Brothers Jefferson. No, I guess not. Okay. What was the question?
Starting point is 00:24:39 Joy. Something about you and Harry in Club Paradise? Well, Harry, sure, and we're sent down by a studio to write the movie uh club paradise of course the movie was completely rewritten after we got back but we spent a week in haiti me and harry sheer harry of course paul knows he comes with huge metal boxes i said what the what's that he goes my espresso machine so he brings i don't know it's apropos of nothing. I just wanted you
Starting point is 00:25:05 to paint a picture for you guys. Anyway, we get down there and the whole time nobody wants to get near us, you know, and by the end of it
Starting point is 00:25:13 everyone's sitting with us and we're stickling. But anyway, we, on the plane back we both got just a projectile diarrhea. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Yeah. I'm going to bring it back to the theme. Back to the theme. Back to the theme. Wait a minute, I need to picture that. It had nowhere to go. No, you'll love it. It has a cute button at the end. No, I didn't mean the story. I meant...
Starting point is 00:25:41 Oh, then I don't know. There's nowhere for it to go. There's a cute button to the end yeah i gotta draw that yeah oh yeah that'd be good yeah my uh doctor says harry was from la so my doctor says you gotta go get your stool tested uh harry so harry sure and i have to and it turns out the stool doctor was dr joyce brother's husband oh yeah he specialized in shit i don't know what he's taking that in school or something what are you in for a cardiac surgery yeah i'd like to i really want to get down to the bottom of shit try to cure shit or something i don't know what he wants anyway yeah so we go there like a proctologist or something different like no the weird thing was it was an office a doctor's office
Starting point is 00:26:30 unlike anything i'd ever seen shit lab it was a shit lab slip lab terrier no it was a shit lab and there were all these doors stalls like stalls but doors like phone booths with doors on them yeah that they give you like a huge slurpy cup, you know, like the big gulp, you know. And they give you something to make. Meanwhile, they give everybody, this place was packed. Everybody was there to take a shit. And they give you this stuff to drink. They give you this stuff to drink.
Starting point is 00:27:00 And everybody's just waiting like I'm down on starting blocks to go into the individual toilets. And, you know, I don't have an ending, but with a story like that do I really need an ending? Now I just want to live the rest of my life in the middle of that story. One of the podcasts
Starting point is 00:27:20 would feature a story like that. I have a DeMond Wilson story. Celebrities who carry guns. Well, not even that one. I that. I have a DeMond Wilson story. Hey, he's got a DeMond Wilson story. Celebrities who carry guns. Well, not even that one. I mean, I directed a pilot with DeMond. DeMond Wilson was... Lamont. Lamont.
Starting point is 00:27:33 No wonder he shot me. And in The Odd Couple. Lamont. In The Odd Couple. Anyway, I directed this pilot, and the producer, Lila Garrett, he carried a gun. It you know and she said I understand that uh Laurent is carrying a gun on the set he's got a gun with him I said yeah she will tell him
Starting point is 00:27:55 not to do that I said no no the producer tells him not to do it the director tells him how to hold it but he was the worst guy in the world the luckiest human being ever and they were doing a uh dean martin roast in uh in uh vegas and there was a great old comedy writer i mean legend harry crane harry har best. The best. The worst human being on Earth. Melissa Gilbert's grandfather. Melissa Gilbert's grandfather. His grandpa. What? It was Melissa Gilbert's grandfather.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I thought you said it was Gilbert's grandfather. I would have told this anyway. Gilbert's grandfather. Who was your grandfather? Who was your grandfather? He was really funny.
Starting point is 00:28:39 And now they have all these stars there, Sinatra and Binging crosby and bob hope and everything and lamont wilson comes down they pick everybody up at uh at the airport with limos and thing and they all have suites and lamont is the only one complains my room isn't good enough my this isn't that i want chips i want he drove everybody crazy and harry said to him you're a big star huh he said you bet your ass I am he says uh do you have uh pictures of you with a lot of famous people I bet you do he said with everybody he said good hold on to them and you can hang them on the wall of your car wash. Great. And now, I had heard that DeMond Wilson became a preacher.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Yeah, that's the story. He was like a Reverend Ike type, briefly. And he gave it up. I got a couple of questions here, Gil, through social media from our listeners that I want to ask the boys if we have a... As Gilbert swings with you. As Gilbert swings.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Social media. He's uncouth. Here's one for you, Paul. This is from Rob Smentek. How do they know he's going to be on? I told them. He wants to know, hip hugger or green onions? Oh, well, green onions. Green onions. Yes, of course. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:03 That was the, you know, the one that broke Booker T and the MGs, and it's a magical little etude almost of R&B that was absolutely magic. And Hip Hucker is great too, but just a follow-up. What is Hip Hucker? What was that? I don't remember that. Here's Hip Hucker. Well, here's Green Onions.
Starting point is 00:30:22 Oh, yeah, of course. Every band in high school played that. Dory Sherry. Dory Sherry. To the big steam and my big story. And then the other one is this. Ice skating. Put your hip-huggers on.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Right, that's it. I remember now. Yep, yep. Paul. Put your hip-huggers on. Just a... That's the melody. Just a little patience and prudence. Put your hip-huggers on and you...
Starting point is 00:30:58 Oh, yeah? Baby, let it on, right? A little patience and prudence. Going to get along with that? Yeah, I didn't go over the last time Thank you, thank you Beautiful Thank you
Starting point is 00:31:23 That's one of my wife's favorite songs. Kathy Bidas? Kathy is here with us. Here's one for you, Tommy. This is from... Wait a minute, I lost it. This is from William Bozarth. William Bozarth?
Starting point is 00:31:37 Yes, he loves J. Edgar the Musical, which he wrote with Harry. Any plans to revive it? Wait, William Bozarth the Jew-hater? William Bozarth the Jew-hater. William Bozarth the Jew-hater. Oh, shit. All right. I saw him at the meetings. Any plans to revive J. Edgar the Musical?
Starting point is 00:31:50 Well, thank you. What's his name, William? William. Hey, William. Huh, thanks. Anyway. Sounds very... No, really.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I do appreciate... What? Okay. Anyway, Harry Shearer and I wrote a musical, a fantasia on the life of J. Edgar Hoover, called J. Edgar! And we had songs in there like Once Upon a Face, which he sings to Clyde Tolson,
Starting point is 00:32:14 who he meets in the men's room of the store club. He sings Once Upon a Face. This was before bags. Pre-bag. Yeah, they used carpet bags. Anyway, two eyes, two two ears one a nose two lips something anyway once once upon once upon a phase anyway so uh we did it as a as a as a radio thing on npr in this big uh banquet room in a hotel just after the earthquakes.
Starting point is 00:32:46 And so during the show's earthquake. And then we did it in the Aspen Comedy Festival. And then we kept thinking, you know, we wanted to get J. Edgar mounted, which he had been in life so often. John Goodman and Kelsey Grammer, right? John Goodman and Kelsey Grammer, Chris Guest. You weren't in it, Paul, for some reason.
Starting point is 00:33:03 I couldn't make it. Oh, yeah, you were invited. You must have lost my invitation. Yeah, that's what we did. I wasn't invited. And anyway, it was a show, but I'd love to get it. We tried to get it on stage a lot, London and here, and it wasn't a movie first, I guess.
Starting point is 00:33:20 You need a producer. Yeah. Are you a producer, William? Yeah, maybe he's a producer. I don't think he is. We'll check. This one is for Bierko from the lovely Quinns. Just put your own money into it.
Starting point is 00:33:31 I'm not that rich. Just put your own money into it. Should I really? I have the scripts. Great read. This one's for you, Craig, from Quinn Sutherland. How often did your makeup become dislodged during fight scenes in Cinderella Man, and did you wear a prosthetic nose?
Starting point is 00:33:45 I did wear a tiny little piece of a prosthetic nose that they built. It took an hour to put on, and they couldn't find it. That's how thin and small it was, and I don't even know that it read on film. It made you look more Jewish. It made me look more Jewish, I suppose. And they also painted down... Which your mother hated, I understand.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Yeah. Oh, God, well, she just thinks they're a bunch of... That's Bishop Sheen. She was born a Jew. Bishop Sheen did a gree-gree thing on her. You know, a bunch of lizards. You see, it's like you put those glasses on from that movie. You were scary in that film.
Starting point is 00:34:18 And what was the other question? Did my makeup come off? Did your makeup come off during the fight scenes? Was it dislodged? I don't remember wearing makeup. You were great in that. Thank you very much. He was.
Starting point is 00:34:28 Truly was. That was before I knew him, and I said, that is a hell of an act. Did I? Yeah, you want to know a true story? What, everything else has been lies? As opposed to the rest. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:34:38 What's the kind of hostility? Well, I mean, you just made everybody full of shit here. Warren, did you get fucked in that you have to come to me? No. He's a legend. No, I'm on another call. I'm not talking to Bill. I'm talking to my agent.
Starting point is 00:34:54 What was I talking about? I don't remember. A true story about what? This one's true. About what? Cinderella Man. I don't remember. It was a true story.
Starting point is 00:35:04 Don't remember. What the hell is that? You had a follow-up to Cinderella Man, Tom don't remember what that is. It was a true story. Don't remember. What the hell is that? You had a follow-up to Cinderella Man, Tom, didn't you? I did. Cinderella Man? Oh, I used to live across from a Cinderella. Oh, no, that's a different movie. A different movie, the same cast.
Starting point is 00:35:18 I put you there. I called him the Cinderella Man. It took place on 11th Street, right? Yeah. Here's one for Gilbert from Maurice Bershtinsky. Can Gilbert please sing Hooray for Captain Spaulding? Oh, yeah. You have a little accompaniment?
Starting point is 00:35:30 Okay. Oh. Well, that's the other people saying that. Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer. Did someone call me snorer? Hooray, hooray, hooray. And there was another one.
Starting point is 00:35:45 The tattooed lady. Wait, wait. There was one that Groucho sang on the Dick Cavage show. That was the tattooed lady. Easy peasy? Tattooed lady. Yeah, no, no. That was Lydia.
Starting point is 00:35:56 Lydia. But he had one. Was it peasy when he sang Father's Day? No, no, no. He sang. Green Onions. Yeah. Hippogryphs. He sang Father's Day. No, no, no. He sang... Green Onions. Yeah. Hip-hop.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Well, I sing like for... Favorite shirts. Captain Spalding or Doctor So-and-So. Captain Spalding. Yeah. And he goes... Oh. For ailments sub-dominal,
Starting point is 00:36:28 my charges are nominal. Though it's grateful, there's a rate for tonsillectomy. Poor and healthy, sick and healthy. Oh, sick and healthy. Poor and wealthy. Oh, sick and healthy. Poor and wealthy. Come direct to me. Oh, God bless you, they yell. When I sent them home well.
Starting point is 00:37:01 But they never, no, they never send a check to me. Beautiful. And then I think Margaret Tumart would say, he's wonderful for curing things. For famine or for drought, you'll find his cure, you'll find his name is like his cure on everybody's mouth. He's never lost a case. I've never lost
Starting point is 00:37:18 a case. I've lost a lot of patients, but I've never lost a case. That's old crowd show, right? When they have a lot of patients, but I've never lost a case. That's old Groucho, right? When they have a show. Frank, Frank. Now, does anybody...
Starting point is 00:37:30 Sorry. Go ahead, Drew. I'm sorry for interrupting your interruption. Thank you. Frank, can I just ask Gilbert... If we don't interrupt, we only interrupt during the break. Can I ask Groucho a couple of questions? Please.
Starting point is 00:37:41 Groucho, why did you kidnap the Lindbergh baby? Because Chico needs his money. A couple of questions. Please. Bracho, why did you kidnap the Lindbergh baby? Because Chico needs the money. Bracho, why did you execute the Rosenbergs? Because Chico needs the money. Bracho, why did you chop off the heads of Nicole and Ron? Because Chico needs some... Roger, why did you do Gilbert Gottfried's
Starting point is 00:38:09 Amazing Colossal Podcast? Because Chico needs some... Thank you. Beautiful. Alright, Drew, this one's for you. This is from Ghost... I don't know if this is a name. Ghosty TMRS.
Starting point is 00:38:25 Facebook friend. Facebook friend. Of the 60 Saturday morning versions of Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello and the Three Stooges, which do you find the most tolerable? The what? The animated versions. You have another question?
Starting point is 00:38:36 I don't like that question. You don't like that question. Come on. I like the name, though. The woman who sent it in. Good name. And were you or Gilbert fans of the short-lived cartoon Will the Real Jerry Lewis
Starting point is 00:38:45 Please Sit Down, which was voiced by David Lander? Well, I was a fan for that reason. He was 17 when he voiced that. Really? Actually, yeah, 1970. I can talk about that for an hour, but that was actually, like,
Starting point is 00:38:56 all Jerry was doing that year was that cartoon, even though he had nothing to do with it. It was like the Beatles cartoons where the Beatles had nothing to do with them except they played their music.
Starting point is 00:39:04 No, I don't like the show. It was terrible. But, you know, David Lander was the voice of Jerry. My father wrote that show. I remember with the Beatles cartoon, the guys doing the voices didn't even bother. No. They're like old guys. Yeah, they sounded like John Lennon sounded like Ronald Coleman.
Starting point is 00:39:25 Like, come on, boys, we're going on an adventure. It sounded like they were hearing impaired. They didn't have accents. It was that guy who used to do the Peter Lorre imitations back in the 40s. Everybody. And, you know, he did the colossal beast voice. Oh, Paul Freese. Paul Freese did
Starting point is 00:39:46 John Lennon. He was like 75 when he did John Lennon on The Beatles cartoon. Did he do the Rocky and Wimple is Wrong?
Starting point is 00:39:59 No, that was that was well, that was What's Her Face? A name like Freeze. Oh Freeze. June. June Foray.
Starting point is 00:40:08 And Bill. Bill Foray. And I heard Paul Freeze in Humphrey Bogart's last films they like covered up the fact
Starting point is 00:40:17 that Humphrey Bogart was really sick and Paul Freeze was doing a Humphrey Bogart imitation in the film. What would
Starting point is 00:40:24 Humphrey Bogart just in the film. What would Humphrey Bogart just move his mouth? I think his voice was getting more and more slurred. Yeah, he was dying of cancer. But I heard June Foray was a spinner. Had you ever heard that? Yeah. What? A spinner? What is that? Can anybody
Starting point is 00:40:40 clarify? Yes. She was. I know what a spinner was. She used to mount Dane Clark. Allegedly. They wind her up and she... Allegedly. This is what I've always heard. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:52 Now... Can anybody... Gil, can I ask a question? Go ahead. I haven't heard all the podcasts. I just heard my own, but... I figured as much. Another Dane Clark story.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Has Frankie ever told the story about the girl you try to get a date with at the party? Oh, that's a long story. Oh, but it's so great. I'll tell that one on a future show, I promise. We don't want to love the boys here. I know Paul Freese was the voice of the Cyclops. That's right. With Lon Chaney Jr.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Burt Gordon loved him. Oh, yes. Yes, he was. And also the amazing Colossal Beast. They brought him in to do loved him. Oh, yes. Yes, he was. And also, the amazing Colossal Beast, they brought him in to do the voice. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Did Cyclops and Humphrey Bogart. Right. And he did the narration for Manchurian Candidate. Wow. That's right. Here's one for Mr. Persky. What?
Starting point is 00:41:37 From Joanne Rosato. Christopher Lee turns 93 this week. Can you tell us about working with him on Serial, the movie he directed? Yes, he was terrific. He played the head Turns 93 this week. Can you tell us about working with him on Serial? Yes, he was terrific. He played the head of a gay motorcycle club.
Starting point is 00:41:52 He did. He was a terrific guy. I enjoyed him a lot. That was an amazing cast in that film. It was. It was a good movie. It's known as a cult film. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:04 Yes. Great cast. I think uh scientologists watch it what was he like christopher he was great he was just nothing like you would expect him to be like you know he was not arch or and he was just a guy paul who just left the room worked with christopher lee on snl one time i think that's right l right. It was too emotional for him. Lorraine Newman demanded Christopher Lee be the guest because she was a horror film fan. So they finally gave in to her and hired him. He was great that way.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Here's one for Drew. Oh, wait, wait. Go ahead. Christopher Lee. I once heard a tape of him. Because he served in World War II. Yeah. During a movie, there was one scene where somebody gets stabbed
Starting point is 00:42:49 and the actor does a reaction, like the guy who's getting stabbed. And Christopher Lee gets up and he goes, no, no, no. When you get stabbed, it's the release of air that you hear. You don't hear it breathing in. It's more like...
Starting point is 00:43:08 And he directs. So, obviously, he had at least stabbed one person. Which I found fascinating. Did he stab anybody when you worked with him? No. How about when you're in a movie? Bill Macy stabbed him. The director comes up to the actor and gives the direction.
Starting point is 00:43:27 That's what I would say. And the director releases the director. Yes. Ronnie Howard. You're right. You're so right, man. Lon Chaney Jr. hasn't come up once so far. Oh.
Starting point is 00:43:39 And I'm shocked. We're going to correct that. I'm shocked. Was he on the show? What? Was he on the show? What? Was he on the show with you, Lon Chaney Jr.? I wish. Oh, God. He's Gilbert's favorite actor.
Starting point is 00:43:50 Oh, is that right? I didn't know that. Why is he your favorite actor? I don't know. I mean, I remember when I was a kid, those movies first started coming back on TV, all the Universal. And so I saw, like, The Wolfman and all those.
Starting point is 00:44:08 And, of course, of Mice and Men, I thought he was great in. Yeah, he was. Yeah. I remember The Wolfman, but the only thing I remember was how sad he was that this was going to happen. Yeah. Always was sad. What do you expect?
Starting point is 00:44:23 He always had that sad face. No, I didn't expect him to play happy. he didn't want to be i didn't expect him to play happy or he didn't want to be a mom he never wanted to be a monster i mean you could see it in his face yeah he fought against it he wasn't a happy he was a good actor he wasn't a happy monster yeah you communicate he was tortured he was a tortured monster i remember and this was what drives me crazy with writers who write about movies and where they don't know. And so they wrote a review of the Benicio del Toro Wolfman movie. And they said it would have been better
Starting point is 00:44:54 if he played someone who didn't want to be the Wolfman. And they said, you know, like Bill Bixby. Oh, Jesus. We didn't want to be the father. My opinion of Vivetti's father didn't work against him. you know, like Bill Bixby in Incredible Hobart. And I thought, well, how about like the Wolfman? How about like Lon Chaney
Starting point is 00:45:14 in the Wolfman? Yeah. Not like the TV thing. Was that it with that movie? I didn't see the newer one. He's like into it? Is he? Makes sense.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Full moon, Enjoy more nights. I can't wait for my hands to get free. He's like Max Bear. He enjoyed the punishing. In the werewolf movies, the guy will always complain, you know, I turn into a wolf whenever the moon is full. And you figure, well, that means you turn
Starting point is 00:45:41 into a wolf like three times a year. Yeah. Three more times than I do. Somehow in Hollywood, there was a full moon And you figure, well, that means you turn into a wolf like three times a year. Yeah. Yeah. That's so bad. Three more times than I do. Somehow in Hollywood, there was a full moon every night. Do you remember the poem that goes with it? Even a man who is pure at heart and says his prayers by night can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright. That's a Maria Asgenspire poem.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Yes. And they changed it in the later movies. Ohgenspire poem. Yes. And they changed it in the later movies. Oh, in the Ghost of Frankenstein they changed it. To When the Moon is Full and Bright. That's right. I noticed that too. Because it was an autumn all the time. It was. It was a different poem. It is. Is that why? In the royal bathroom filled with royal
Starting point is 00:46:17 gas sits the royal queen scrubbing her royal crown. Nipsey Russell. We never talk about Nipsey Russell. We never talk about Nipsey Russell. We don't bring Nipsey up enough. He was great in Car 54. He was subdued. These new cut-out fashions
Starting point is 00:46:32 cause me to wonder in doubt are they outside trying to get in or inside trying to get out? And how about how he cut off the sleeves? He would cut off his long-sleeved shirts mid-arm, below the elbow. What was that all about? That was Nipsey.
Starting point is 00:46:51 I thought it was Nipsey. Nipsey being Nipsey. He was the poet laureate. Children today are different, as you already know. They used to ask where they came from. Now they tell you where to go.
Starting point is 00:47:07 According to Dan Cupid's plan, there is a girl for every man. I'm here to say if this is true, some guy's shagging up with two. God's lesson.
Starting point is 00:47:25 He was the Robert Frost of Harlem. He really was. Yes, he was. Match game 73. That was a good year. He was the hero of match game 73. That was a good year. We all are brothers under the skin.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Of this there is no doubt. Then go back under the skin, she said, and send your brother out. Wonderful. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies man. To get revenge his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect.
Starting point is 00:48:20 The Scorebet app here with trusted stats and real-time sports news. Yeah, hey, who should I take in the Boston game? Well, statistically speaking. Nah, no more statistically speaking. I want hot takes. I want knee-jerk reactions. That's not really what I do. Is that because you don't have any knees? The Scorebet.
Starting point is 00:48:38 Trusted sports content. Seamless sports betting. Download today. 19 plus. Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to ConnexOntario.ca Paul, here's one
Starting point is 00:48:49 for you, again from our pal Jonathan Sloman. Did you have anything to do with the takeoff on Telstar in Mr. Mike's Mondo video? Yes. I arranged the I scored Mondo video and Telstar was a number that Mr. Mike got the rights to,
Starting point is 00:49:08 and we did it. It wasn't so much a takeoff as we just used the number. Weren't there lyrics written for it? Yes. Somebody sang it. Julius La Rosa came in. Julius La Rosa. What a coup.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Wow. And sang the haunting theme from Telstar. I think Michael wrote the lyrics. Magic star above, inside of all your love. And then we did another version of it when the cats were, they were throwing cats in the swimming pool.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Right, right. That was in slow motion. We played Telstar in the back. Nice. Hey, talk about how we worked with Gene Pitney. This is one of the greatest things of my life. Gene Pitney was my favorite singer when I was in town.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Town Without Pity, Liberty Valance. Sure, shot Liberty Valance. Wow! Oh, God, yeah. Half heartache, half heaven. We did a takeoff of Town Without Pity for the theme to Viva Che Vegas,
Starting point is 00:50:04 which was my Cinemax special that Tom and Harry and I wrote together. Hard to find, but it's a must-watch if you track it down. Collector's item. Yeah, it is. It's great. And Tom wrote most of the lyrics to the opening, Viva Che Vegas, where do you run to? Where are you running to? Viva Che Vegas. And we said, run to? Where are you running to?
Starting point is 00:50:25 Viva Shea Vegas. And we said, let's get the real Gene Pitney, and we did. We brought him in. So what else? What else happened? Well, my favorite thing was, first of all, I had known you so long, but I said, he's telling Gene Pitney what to do. And that was so amazing to me. Like, it was great.
Starting point is 00:50:44 That he looked like gene pitney yeah but you kept saying to him more more more gene pitney because he wasn't pitting up enough for you he wasn't really he didn't kill it no maybe it was in the wrong key and that's why i kept saying more gene pitney and he was saying i this is my meat. I can't understand. Why can't I get this? So, you know, we got something pretty good. That was a big thrill in the showbiz. Yeah, boy, those are too great. Yeah, when Liberty Valance came to town,
Starting point is 00:51:14 the women would run and hide. They'd run and hide. When Liberty Valance came to town, the men would step aside. Cause the point of a gun was the only law that Liberty Valance came to town The man would step aside Cause the point of a gun was the only law that Liberty
Starting point is 00:51:29 understood When it came to shooting straight and fast He was mine Cause the man who shot Liberty Valance, he shot Liberty Valance He was shot Liberty Valance.
Starting point is 00:51:46 He was the bravest of them all. Good job. Beautiful. Hey, Paul, who wrote that song? Uh, Timkin, Dimitri Chyomkin. Oh, I thought Burt Bacharach did. No, he wrote a later song
Starting point is 00:52:01 for him. Wow. Oh. And, have heartache, I think. When we stopped... Well, wait a minute. I guess Dimitri Tyomkin wrote Town Without Pity. That's right. So you're right. Bacharach did write Liberty Vows.
Starting point is 00:52:13 You are absolutely right. When we stopped to gaze upon a star Pete... When we stopped to gaze upon a star, people talk about how bad we are. How can we keep love alive? How can anything survive when these little minds tear us in two
Starting point is 00:52:51 no it isn't very pretty what a town without pity can do oh boy I like your version better Town Without Penny can do. Oh, boy. I like your version better.
Starting point is 00:53:10 I like that. Do you remember what the... I remember seeing the coming attractions for Town Without Penny, and I was just a little kid. I mean, I was just about, I don't know, whenever it was out. You're giving away your age. Yeah, I can't give away my age. Anyway.
Starting point is 00:53:27 But The Coming Attraction, what the movie was about was these soldiers had their way with a gorgeous young German girl while they're serving overseas. Suddenly you say had their way with you? I don't want to be a thugger. What happened? Did I doze and you became a thug? Really? Had their way with? I don't want to be a vlogger. What happened? Did I doze and you became a dude? Really? Had their way? Frank Gorshin's taking a shit on George Kirby 10 minutes ago.
Starting point is 00:53:53 Had their way with. All right, touche, touche. Jesus. Speaking of music and songwriting, I think we should just acknowledge that Billy wrote a song that was famously recorded by Phil Foster. Yes. Let's Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn.
Starting point is 00:54:08 Tell us a little bit about it. Wow. I wish I knew that one. You didn't know? Do I remember it? Can we hear a second of it? Let's Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. Let's Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Say, did you hear the news about what's happening in Brooklyn? We really got the blues about what's happening in Brooklyn? We really got the blues about what's happening in Brooklyn. It ain't official yet. We hope official it don't get. But beware, my friend, and let me warn you. They're thinking of taking the bumps to California. Let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. A house is not a home without some love
Starting point is 00:54:47 Don't let them leave our premises L.A. would be their nemesis Cause Brooklyn fits the Dodgers like a glove Well, Mr. Walter O'Malley We always called you Pally We stuck with you through thick and thin. But if you take away our Dodgers, guys like Pete Lute and Hodges, we ain't no pal, no more the way we've been.
Starting point is 00:55:17 Let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. That's true. Our house is not a home without some love. I like the next verse It says Cause we're convinced That now just like a glove Offer our bridges You could take them
Starting point is 00:55:39 Widges I love that part But we all feel so glum. Without Duke and Gilliam. We need one left to jump off in despair. Really, what would Brooklyn be without the Dodgers? Well, Brooklyn would be like a pair of socks that's holy. Without Jackson and Simoli.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Like a bet without a pillar. Without Erskine and Farilla. Like a ship without a harbor. Without Padres and the barber. Is that you? And I didn't even know it. So send the Phil's to Trenton, the Giants to St. Paul, but keep the bums in Brooklyn the greatest ball of all. So let's keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn. Actually, Sam and I are singing in the background. You and Sam in the background? In the background. Phil Foster. Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn, USA.
Starting point is 00:56:40 We really love them. Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn, O'Malley. Do me one favor. Mind your own business and stay home. Don't leave town. Oh, my God. Phil Burski. Phil Foster.
Starting point is 00:56:53 That was really a big song at the time. That's great. Made 11 cents, I think. Great. And it's great that it really worked. You should have just... I can't believe you went on to do even greater things. Now, Phil Foster and that whole group of guys,
Starting point is 00:57:08 those comedians back in those days, the Catskill guys, there was nothing like those guys. They were so funny. They used to all get in one guy's car and drive up to the Catskills. It was just an amazing time, and they were funny. Did you see Jerry Lewis perform up in the Catskills. It was just an amazing time, and they were funny.
Starting point is 00:57:25 Did you see Jerry Lewis perform up in the Catskills? He saw him the second night after 500 Club. I was in Atlantic City. I lived in Atlantic City, and they hid the 500 Club. Everybody said, Jesus, these guys. And so we went to the 500 Club and saw them the second night. What were you doing living in Atlantic City? Huh? You lived in Atlantic City? Huh?
Starting point is 00:57:45 You lived in Atlantic City? Oh, God, the best place in the world to grow up. Tell them about your dad. Before the, before, yeah. Shepherding the career of Johnny Casanova. No, yes, yes. You know about Johnny Casanova. Are you kidding?
Starting point is 00:57:57 I'm buying the right. Atlantic City, before gambling, was the most fabulous place you can imagine. Oh, it was just great. I lived on the boardwalk. My father owned an auction gallery right across from Steel Pier. We all used to ride our bikes to school on the boardwalk. Oh, it was great. And my whole childhood now, 30 square blocks is a parking lot.
Starting point is 00:58:21 I went down there to look. It's gone. There's nothing but buses coming in, driving over my childish body. Oh, Atlantic City was great. When the gambling first came in, it was like hotels came down from nowhere, and there were people's legs hanging out from under them.
Starting point is 00:58:44 They put them any place that there was a building, from nowhere, and there were people's legs hanging out from under them. It was, they put them any place that there was a building, and they built inside of it so that they could get the gambling up fast enough. They didn't build new hotels. They just took over things. There was always gambling up at Skinny Tomatoes upstairs over the club. Yeah, well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:04 Skinny Tomatoes never looked very skinny to me. The 500, no. It wasn't skinny. I saw a lot of photos of me. You never looked skinny. I always wondered about that. Oh, God, it was a great place. Wow. Is this the sixth hour of the show? Here's a couple of last quick
Starting point is 00:59:19 ones, and then we'll wrap it up. How long have we been doing this for crying? I lost the suit size. Who's the president. I want to find out who's the president. Who's president now? From Rich Brown, Craig, will you be in the Three Stooges sequel? And did you love working with Dabney Coleman? I loved working with Dabney Coleman, who is one of the great, funny, bad guys.
Starting point is 00:59:38 I think he is an impeccable comic actor. He's one of those guys who we were talking about who they do something so well that nobody else could do it. I remember there was one joke that was the first. Remember a show called Buffalo Bill? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The first joke.
Starting point is 00:59:55 It was the greatest on-character joke, and it was the very first joke. Someone comes in, and he's doing his makeup. He's getting ready to do this. He plays a small town talk show host in buffalo and um and uh someone comes in and goes hey frank robinson is frank robinson is uh he goes frank robinson oh jeez let me make sure i remember it because frank robinson just died and and he turns around and and uh dabney goes, oh my God, you're kidding me.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Frank Robinson? Oh my God, oh my God. He goes, he went in his sleep. It was painless. And he goes, oh, he died. I thought you said he was here. Could you imagine if the Hitler story went over like that?
Starting point is 01:00:44 Had you not stood on... Hey, Craig, someone said to ask you, someone tweeted me, did you fuck Geena Davis? Good question. It is a good question. I don't know. Oh, did you fuck Geena Davis? Yeah, the 80s were weird.
Starting point is 01:01:02 How about Ozzie Davis? What about the Three Stooges movie? The Three Stooges sequel. You got it. I seriously doubt I would be. Don't mind me sitting next to you. No, I know your feeling. You know I told you.
Starting point is 01:01:12 It took me a month. Craig got the part in the Three Stooges movie. And it took me a month to call him and tell him that I was doing the Three Stooges movie. Right. I said, it's okay. Work is work. It's okay by me. It's fine.
Starting point is 01:01:23 If my character somehow became Shemp, I would do it to honor my friend here. I think Linda Hunt should date. Perfect Shemp. I doubt that I... You know what I heard is that what they're going to do, because this time they'd like people to come and see the movie, they figured the formula was interesting last time, but what if we have people in a theater facing the screen?
Starting point is 01:01:47 What if we do that? And then maybe it'd be a different experience. So I think they're going to get a big action star. So who knows? Maybe Charlton Heston. Dwayne The Rock Johnson as Shep. Joe Namath. What?
Starting point is 01:01:58 Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Who's going to be Curly Joe Dorito? I don't know. I don't know if they're going to go into the deep cuts. Well, are they going to bring back Larry David as the nun? That was... They were talking originally. I heard that the movie was going to be Benicio Del Toro as Moe, Sean Penn as Larry, and Jim Carrey as Curly.
Starting point is 01:02:22 I can tell you, even even insider information when I was doing Cinderella Man they flew to Australia to speak to Russell about being Mo I can't even imagine but can you imagine like the world's Mo
Starting point is 01:02:34 he's Mo Howard to the world and they were there for the weekend and he was talking to hold on a second Paul's penis is yelling. Paul just made five dollars.
Starting point is 01:02:46 I told him not to call me. Every Greg Biarico story gets me in trouble. What is that? There's no way to... I'm sorry. It's very amazing. Finally get a great story out. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Oh, we had 30-second cancer. Yeah. I'll die of 30-second cancer. It's the only case ever. Well, Gilbert... Whether I interrupt or music... It doesn't matter. cancer yeah i'll die in 30 second cancer it's the only case ever well gilbert whether i interrupt or music it doesn't matter who was it is everybody all right i don't know i made 47 cents now i want to know did russell crowe know that these guys were coming to pitch him the part of mo uh yeah or did he get there and go i heard the story i heard the story from one of the people
Starting point is 01:03:25 who they were there were there was a whole group of uh people that they were going after one time this was while we were shooting cinderella man which would have been 2005 i guess uh paul giamatti they wanted to do larry uh they wanted to they wanted just imagine russell in that goddamn wig. Just the idea that... You know, even that. And with an egg beater over a body and, like, you know, with the hospital scrubs. Do you think he even knew who Mo was? I doubt it. You know, I don't think it was his thing, you know?
Starting point is 01:03:59 Well, I guess he was flattered, but can you imagine... I don't think he was flattered. I think that Three Stooges' biggest fan is Mel Gibson, and he's also the biggest Jew hater that exists. He left him out earlier. Way to bring it back. He loved the Three Stooges. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:14 I never got the Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey's endlessly talented, but he's a big, tall, thin man. I never understood how they were going to do that. Hey, do you know whose father was a Nazi? Who's that actor on the political show? Well, Arnold Schwarzenegger's father was a Nazi.
Starting point is 01:04:29 No, no, the guy who was in Beauty, you know, the guy who's on, what's that political show, honey, in the booth? What political show? No, no. The political.
Starting point is 01:04:38 You know, the one where he plays the president? With the what? On HBO, he plays the president. What's the guy? He played Bobby Darin in a movie oh Kevin Spacey
Starting point is 01:04:47 his father was a Nazi well it was a big story that came out like a couple of months ago I like it you didn't read this I can't believe you we're breaking news
Starting point is 01:04:55 what have you guys been doing what have you been so busy you didn't know this so Kevin Spacey's father was a Nazi if you look it up right now that would have been
Starting point is 01:05:01 like a Nazi in the 60s like a hippie Nazi but he would dress up his father would have been like a Nazi in the 60s. Like a hippie Nazi. His father would dress up like Adolf Hitler. Like George Lincoln. Every night. Nice. Every night, he would dress up like Hitler.
Starting point is 01:05:13 Strut around like Hitler. Was he a vegetarian? At least he was home with his kids. They found photos of Arnold Schwarzenegger's father. Oh, he really was a Nazi. Yeah, he was a higher up. Yeah. Yeah. And he was a wannabe Nazi. Yeah. Thisger's father. Oh, he really was a Nazi. Yeah, he was a higher up. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:26 And he was a wannabe Nazi. Yeah. This guy's father. Which is fun to say. Oh, so I have to start wrapping up the show. Oh, my God. Good Lord. It's only been two hours.
Starting point is 01:05:36 Okay. Wait a minute. I want to ask Tom a few questions. It's a marathon. Tom, did you paint Paul Benedict's house? Yes. All right. That's all I want to know.
Starting point is 01:05:43 Okay. Thank you. What color? And he had ag Okay. Thank you. What color? And he had agromegaly. What color? I don't remember the color. I do remember it was June. He did have agromegaly, like Rondo.
Starting point is 01:05:53 Yes. Because, yeah, he was the guy from Good Times. From the Jefferson. Yeah, the Jefferson. No, the Bentley. The Jefferson. I heard he was in a play. Yes.
Starting point is 01:06:04 True story. He told me that story. Yeah, a doctor said to him, could you come back? I want to meet you backstage. And he thought he wanted an autograph. And the doctor said, I think you may have acromegaly.
Starting point is 01:06:16 Yeah. The Rondo-Hatton disease. I said the same thing that Judy Karn. Was this after Burt Reynolds beat her up with the... Yeah. But he had that, and that's why he couldn't paint his own house somehow you can't paint your own house that's the disease
Starting point is 01:06:33 that's the disease you can't paint your own house see they're telling me to wrap up we've been recording we're just getting started nutmeg post with our engineer, Frank Verderosa. How did you get him? How did you get him?
Starting point is 01:06:52 Thank you, Nutmeg. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We've had on... The dirt that the bottom of the totem pole is dug into. The bottom of the barrel will start and then build from then. So, of course, the very bottom of the barrel, Craig Bierico. Thank you, Craig. Yes.
Starting point is 01:07:21 He's the bottom of the barrel. That's the bottom of the barrel. It's the bottom of the barrel. General music. Just general music. Drew Friedman. Drew. You have a new book that you're working on. It's okay.
Starting point is 01:07:35 It is the new book. I forget. All right. I forget so much for the plug. How can you forget your own book? We should say Drew Friedman is the defender of the classics. He really is. He really is.
Starting point is 01:07:49 He's a purist. Tom Leopold. What are you yelling? Hey, give me the watch, Drew. Bill Persky. The old timer. The legend. Comedy legend.
Starting point is 01:08:04 The old timer. The legend. Comedy legend. The old timer. And, of course, on organ, Paul Schaefer. Thank you. What a cast we've had today. Since this has been a year, I just want to say that a lot of people go into the making of this podcast. We want to thank them really quickly. into the making of this podcast, we want to thank them really quickly.
Starting point is 01:08:24 Rodney Swearingen, Sean Marrick, Heather Cooney, Maria Sperlodosi, Eddie Marino, Glenn Schwartz, Stuart Hirsch, Andrew Stephen,
Starting point is 01:08:31 Wade Snook, Mike McPadden, our social media director, Darren Foster, and of course, the lovely Dara Gottfried. We could not do a show without her. It would just be Gilbert and I
Starting point is 01:08:40 on the F train asking people about Bill Bixby. And how about Joe Franklin? And we want to say something. Yes, Joe Franklin. Your only guest who has passed away. God bless you, Joe. Oh, he's the only one?
Starting point is 01:08:52 I don't feel so good myself. I'll tell you, if this runs any longer, I'm going to be the second one. It's beautiful. Thank you guys It was a treat If you like listening to comedy Try watching it On the internet
Starting point is 01:09:19 The folks behind the Sideshow Network Have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer.
Starting point is 01:09:46 Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. A few days ago, Brooke Tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and 3 comments. Thumbs up, Brooke.
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