Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 56. Richard Kind

Episode Date: June 22, 2015

Sitcom and movie actor (and unabashed "Amazing Colossal Podcast" fan) Richard Kind drops by Gilbert's apartment to check out GG's memorabilia collection and to join Gilbert and Frank for a spirited discussion of the evils of censorship, the joy of onscreen female nudity and the twisted genius of Pat McCormick. Also, Richard auditions for "Cruising," duets with Jose Ferrer, gets "punk'd" by George Clooney and pays his respects to Soupy Sales. PLUS: Conrad Veidt! Professor Irwin Corey! Forrest Tucker plays the back "nine"! Jack Benny lusts after Gina Lollobrigida! And Tony Curtis dines with Captain Stubing! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And it's anonymous. There are some questions I'd like to ask, but I'd like to know how far. And there are certain questions that if I ask our listeners, I don't think I want to know the answers. I get that. I don't want to know the answers either. Once again, that's podsurvey.com slash Gilbert.

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Our guest this week is one of the most versatile, most prolific, and most admired. Shut the fuck up. I disagree. At least by us anyway, actors working today. His TV credits are too numerous to mention. today. His TV credits are too numerous to mention, but here goes. The Commish, Scrubs, American Dad, HBO's Luck, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Gotham, and of course, Mad About You and Spin City. His films include A Bug's Life, For Your Consideration Cars, the producers, Argo, and the Coen brothers, a serious man.

But most importantly of all, he's also a big fan and regular listener of this very podcast. Please welcome the lovely and talented Richard Kind. I'd like a rebuttal. Already. You know what?

In honesty, it's only going to go downhill because I wanted to hear you say something. I actually wanted you to do a commercial. I wanted you to do a commercial because I can't believe I'm here. You guys are responsible for me losing weight and being healthy

because I listened to you. I had my hip replaced and I've been healthy lately and working out and doing all the exercises and I don't like going to the gym and I have listened to every one of your podcasts, everyone except for Gary Busey, which I just – I think it's going to annoy me.

And I just haven't – there's a couple that you did who I didn't know. And then when I looked and saw Olly Merriweather and Julie Newman, I got to listen to that first. So anyway – And your buddy Bjergo. Well, I heard Craig to listen to that first. So anyway. And your buddy, Bjerko. Well, I heard Craig's. Oh, my God, Craig's. So I mix you with Kevin Pollack, who's a friend of mine,

and his go on forever. And I just, you know, I'll listen to five of yours and then I'll go to Kevin for three and then I'll come back to you for two and then go back and then you'll have a movie that I should see,

but I've seen them all. And then I just go back and then you'll have a movie that I should see, but I've seen them all. And then I go back and forth and Marc Maron occasionally. So you guys, podcasts will make me live longer. Much to the dismay of my children. You were listening to

this podcast when you were in the hospital. Absolutely. But not exercising. But yes, you passed the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, you don't understand how much I love listening to you guys. You flatter us.

It's the truth. And every time, it's like I want to repeat everything and then say, oh, no, no, no, no. I have a story. Oh, no, no. This is how I heard the calling story. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Really about Cesar Romero, would you stop it already? How do you think I feel?

Unbelievable. And I have a great, like Lee Merriweather. I worked with Barbara Felden. I have a great Lee Merriweather story that is not flattering to her, but it's sort of funny. But I mean, we can get to that.

What do you want to ask? I know what I want to talk about. Forrest Tucker. Forrest Tucker's dick. Yeah, he's got a very big dick. Huge dick. Well, now, this is interesting. Go ahead. Let's get right out of this. We knew about Milton Berle and Forrest

Tucker's dicks, but we found out, according to what we found out, Guy Marks. Really? Yeah. Guy Marks. I heard this on a show. Bobby Rydell.

Bobby Rydell told us Guy Marks was well-known. Guy Marks. Yeah, okay. Sure. I wonder if Guy Marks is his real name. Could he have been Italian? Like Forrest Tucker was surprising. Van Johnson, I was surprised.

Walter Pigeon. I always think Jew, because he was a comic who appeared on TV. If he's a Jew, God bless him for the big dick. Honest to God. God bless him. Thank God he is the Sandy Koufax of cock. Now, but then another Jew. Yes.

I heard Bob. Someone told me Bob Dylan has a big dick. No kidding. Yeah. Bob Zimmerman, huh? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

You've never sucked Bob Dylan's dick. Let's not go there. Yeah. Okay. Are you still sick? I was more into Hard Rock. When he went electric, he lost you. When you sucked Bob Dylan's dick, did he go,

Ooh, Richard. Ooh, ooh, swell it, Richard. Ooh, like a rolling stone. You're like a rolling stone. Look at how I'm going. Let me talk about Forrest Stocker's cock. I have two great stories because they're really great. He fucked you?

No. No, sorry. I know. No kidding. No, I didn't want to get Bob Dylan jealous. Nicely done. You have not one but two stories about Forrest Stocker's endowment. I belong to a golf club in Los Angeles

and one of the caddies there Now hold on a second. Go ahead. See, Forrest Tucker belongs to this. Whenever I hear Hollywood Country Club or anything like that, I always

think in Forrest Tucker's day, it must have been like really anti-Semitic. Like you couldn't believe. Yes. Anti-Semitic. I got two stories about that. One was Johnny Mathis wanted to join the club and somebody went up to the head of membership

and said, I hear that Johnny Mathis, you know, gay black man wants to join. And he says, what does it look like know, gay black man, wants to join. And he says, what does it look like? And the guy goes, chances aren't. The funniest joke ever written by an anti-Semitic, Jew-hating, black-hating. Yeah, that's a great story. Yeah, they were like viciously anti-Semitic. Horribly.

And then I heard a good story, which is nice about Ronald Reagan. And, you know, because it's nice to tell a nice story that I like about Ronald Reagan. But back then, he belonged to the club and he was bringing his accountant, you know, his tax guy, to the club a few more times than he should. And he got a letter saying, we would prefer if you just kept it down to six times a year. And Ronald Reagan took this as an offense and he quit the club. Wow. Isn't that a great story? Now, the story goes is that Hillcrest, the Jew club, sent a letter to Ronald Reagan and said,

we heard what you did. We want you to know that any time you want to play our club, please feel free. Keep it down to six times a year. Hilarious. Hilarious. It's a nice story about... It's nice. One of the few. That is a very nice story. Yes. Anyway, Forrest Tucker... So this caddy...

Wait, wait. I heard... Shut up! I want to talk about penis. This is not the Godfrey I know. Well, no. Well, Jews and penis I like to talk about. Those are my two subjects. Go ahead.

I heard, I don't know if this is true because I only heard it once, that Conrad Veidt, I can never pronounce his name. From Casablanca. Yes, yes. What's his name? Goebbels or Goebbels? Goebbels. Goebbels.

Offered Conrad Veidt to be treated very well in Germany if he did propaganda films for the Nazis. A Jew? No, no, his wife was a Jew. Conrad Veidt's wife was a Jew. Wow, his wife was a Jew. Did not know that. Well, they wanted Marlena Dietrich to do the same thing. Oh, yeah, and Conrad Veidt was in the cabinet

of Dr. Caligari with this Werner Krauss. Werner Krauss agreed to do Nazi propaganda for them. Conrad Veidt left and came to America and he was doing volunteer work with the Red Cross to help soldiers. So you're saying Conrad Veidt had a sense of morality? No. And Conrad Veidt, I heard. I don't know if this is true. I hope this is true. That back then

you had to write down your nationality and that Conrad Veidt would write down Jew. I hope it's true. How did you get from Forrest Tucker's cock to Conrad Veidt? I'd like to know. That's not a nationality. Wait, he wrote it down in Germany? Or he wrote it down when he came to America?

I don't know. But he would write down Jew. That's a nice story. I don't like the nice stories. That's a nice story. Yeah. I don't like the nice stories. I want to get to the dirt. Okay, let's get to some cock. We can cut it out.

But I think that's great. I love all of those. You love cock. So there is a caddy at the club who was best friends with Forrest Tucker's son. And he told me stories about Forrest Tucker. The first one was, is that his mother came to pick him up at Forrest Tucker's house. And Forrest Tucker is out in the patio reading a newspaper, sitting in shorts.

No shirt, with shorts. And he got up and he had the paper in his hand. And as he stood up, this much of his cock went below the pant line of the shorts. And he kept indicating it with the paper. Didn't hide it. He indicated it and could see the mother looking. And at which point he was like showing off. Just, you know.

Wow. I mean, how about that? Yeah. And then the other story was. I think I know this one. The one about with the gimme putt? Yes. Yes. Yes. He was playing golf. I think I know this one. The one about with the gimme putt? Yes. Yes.

Yes. He was playing golf. I don't know this one. And there was, you know, an eight-inch putter or, you know, whatever. And he says, what, you're not going to gimme this? And the guy goes, no, I want to see you putt it. And he goes, oh, come on. I could putt this with my dick.

And he took out his dick and he putted it. I love it. I heard a story one time Milton Berle was going to have a contest with Tom Jones over who had a bigger cock. Was it coming out? Yeah. I only took enough out. Well, there was that story. I only took enough out to win.

Right. But I heard another story that Berle just started unzipping it and Tom Jones looked down and said, no mas. Okay. No mas. All right. No mas. Yeah. All right.

I'm out. I'm out. A Roberto Duran reference. I heard a great story. This is not about size, but this is what it is. Yeah. Pat McCormick, who I love. Pat McCormick was mowing his lawn, and somebody pulled up and said, excuse me, could you tell me how to get to such and such an address?

And he pulled out his cock, and he said, okay, this vein is the 101. We got Paul Williams coming on. We'll ask him about that. Paul Williams is the nicest. Ask him about losing to me at golf. Okay, you bet. He lost to me at golf and had to buy me a gift, which is still my Halloween costume.

I lost to Richard Payne at golf. Oh, I'm so upset about Richard Payne. You see? You guys have these guys. Weren't you amazed at Butch Patrick? Yeah, he was great. He was wonderful. And yet, when I saw that you were having

him on, I said, come on, Gilbert, what does the kid have to talk about? He doesn't remember the highlights of his life. And so literate. And so eloquent. I thought it was great. I thought I was expecting a bitter old drug addict. That's what

I was expecting. No, he was great. He brought it. And he was, like, joking. He was really open about drinking and drugs. And being chased around by Charles Nelson Reilly on the set of Lidsill. He was a great... I know that killed me. I know you love Charles Nelson Reilly, too. I was really glad.

I was happy with how Butch Patrick turned out. Yeah, all of them. He was open. Yes, all of those. But Billy Moomy, I knew, would be as good as he is because I know Billy. And I mean, he's a real renaissance guy with everything. And I didn't know Billy Moomy was a Jew. He's not a Jew?

Billy Moomy said he was a Jew. Hold on. I had coffee in my mouth. What I meant to say was, what? Billy Moomy said he was a Jew. Hold on. I had coffee in my mouth. What I meant to say was, what? Billy Moomy. Billy Moomy. So cute. Billy.

No, it's cute. I believe he is. Hey, I'm adorable. I can't picture Billy Moomy with a yarmulke on. Yeah. No, no, no. Billy Moomy said he was a Jew. Really?

Yeah, he did. He said it on air, huh? Yes. He did. Okay. Well, I listened to it. Okay. I heard Menasha Skulnik was a Jew. Really? Yeah, he did. He said it on air, huh? Yes. He did. Okay, well, I listened to it. Okay. I heard Menashe Skolnik was a Jew. Stop it.

No. Fiverr Spinko. Fiverr Spinko. I hear borders. I heard a story about Pat McCormick. Go ahead. Well, I'll have to ask for confirmation from Paul. Is this the helicopter story?

Yes. Yes, I've heard that. You heard this. That's the greatest. According to the story, he'd get together with his friends once a year, and they would, like, outdo each other with the dinners.

That one would hold the dinner, and they'd have to outdo. So, one day, all of the guests showed up at this heliport, and they were all given a paper bag with a tuna fish sandwich in it and an apple. And they were going, what the hell is this? And then they were put one by one in a helicopter and taken up in the air. The helicopter would circle their house, and a hooker would be sucking their dick in the air, the helicopter would circle their house and a hooker would be sucking their dick

in the helicopter. I think that's the greatest. And I heard that one of the writers said the next day his wife said, oh, so how was your night? And he goes, okay, how was yours? She goes,

well, it was strange. A helicopter was circling. And I met Tim Conway, and I said to him, look, I heard Pat McCormick. I didn't even complete McCormick. I said, Pat McCormick. And he goes, helicopter? That's great. The funniest line I heard McCormick make And he goes, helicopter? That's great.

The funniest line I heard McCormick make, he goes, he was like coming to a fryer's roast or something. He goes, I'm sorry I'm late. I was just at Eartha Kitt's pap smear. You got another Catwoman reference in there. Yeah, right. Now, you're having a gay affair with George Clooney, I heard. It was. It was gay. We opted out of that one.

See, I don't think... Now, I'm not going to talk a lot about George because he's got enough publicity. And he is a friend. Yes. So you can ask me anything you want, but know that I, who am not good at censoring myself, who take myself very seriously, will only... Well, at least tell Gilbert about auditioning for The Island of Dr. Moreau, because that's a good story.

And we're obsessed with that film. We just talked about it. That's a great story. God almighty. Okay. I'll tell you the whole. Okay. Okay. So the way that I remembered telling it when I brought it up is I'm going to some casting.

I'm going to tell you the whole story, and it's in three parts without an ending. Good. The first part is I'm going through a line of reporters, and I'm at the Casting Society Awards, thing like that. And some girl has a little tape recorder out and she goes um do you have any uh funny stories about auditioning and i start telling the story and she's doing one of these hollywood looking around for who else is famous there and i said hold on hold on hold on i'm telling you a story i don't want to be here i don't want to tell this story you're asking me and because I'm here at this line,

I'm telling you the story that you've asked me. So for fuck's sake, pay attention. I said, what are you, like 23, 24? And she goes, yeah. And I go, okay, who are you writing for? And she goes, I'm writing for Showbiz. And I go, Showbiz magazine, they need so much print.

You're going to print every word I say. All right, listen to me. This is a great story. This is about George Clooney. This has Arnold Schwarzenegger in it. This is about famine. This is a huge story. Okay? So listen. Okay, that's the end of part one.

Part two. Part two. I have an audition one time, and you've been through these things, but it is an audition for The Island of Dr. Moreau that Marlon Brando is going to do with the little guy. Horrible, disastrous movie. Am I spitting or am I sweating? And Val Kilmer.

Yes, and Val Kilmer. I don't think he was supposed to be in it at the time. Or he took David Thewlis' place or something. No, he was in it. He was in it? Yeah. All right, so anyway, I'm in the casting director's office

and I'm auditioning for Dog Boy. And I go, all right, you know, but, you know, I got lots of stories about, okay, I'll do this role. So she wants me to go through and I'm supposed to say something like, oh, master, oh, oh, oh, oh, master, I love you, oh, like that.

And I'm really giving it my all. And it's on tape. Nobody's in the room except the casting director. And I'm giving it my all because I'm an actor, okay? And I do the job. It's most embarrassing. It's horrible. And I really do have to act like a dog.

Oh, dog. Oh, I love you. Okay. And I'm thinking it's Marlon Brando. And part two. Part three. George is cast as Batman. Okay.

Well, who the hell doesn't want to go visit the Batman set? Because I know Batman. I can get on. So sure enough, I go in. I go in. And I'm, you know, everybody's there. And I'm sitting there. There's Schwarzenegger before he was governor.

And there's Uma Thurman. It's unbelievable. And then Joel Schumacher comes up and goes are you you're Richard Kind aren't you and and I go yeah and he goes oh boy he goes I've got to tell you uh I I was supposed to be directing a movie that I lost to John Frankenheimer but uh it was called the Island of Dr. Moreau. And I go, yeah, I auditioned for that. He goes, oh, no. Oh, I was the director at the time on that. I saw the footage of your audition. You were wonderful. And I go, well, thank you very much. And he goes, oh, my God, you were touching. I believed you. I believed that you were so wanted to be comforting to Marlon Brando, to the doctor.

So he gathers everybody. Would you do just a little of it? And I go, no, I'm not going to do it. And he goes, no, no, no, please. I've never really seen anything like it. You were really touching. And I go, no, I don't want to do this. Go, please.

So Uma Thurman, they're all in, Chris O'Donnell. And I go, all right. Oh, oh, oh. And everybody starts laughing. George set them up. He had never directed. He was never directed. I love it.

And that was, yeah, it was a good story. Yeah, it's fun to be the brunt. Okay. So anyway, so that was that. Here's the thing. When you think that how much will you compromise? One of my first auditions was for the movie Cruising. You remember Cruising?

Oh, sure. Oh, my God. That was a disaster. Yes, it was. And protests and everything. But you never know when you're auditioning for the movie. No, no. But I was a kid film. Yes, it was. And protests and everything. But you never know when you're auditioning for the movie. No, no. But I was a kid.

I was nothing. I was straight out of college. And back at the Minskoff Studio Theater, they had this big room. And they just put all the people that are in the room who are going to be extras for the movie. And you go in and there's at least 150, 200 guys there. And the guy who's running the session goes, okay, this is a movie about homosexuality in the village. And there will be some graphic sex. If you are willing to kiss a man, suck a penis, or even have anal sex, just put a Y at the top of your resume.

And I'm thinking, God, I'm an actor. Oh, God, I'm an actor. Oh, my God. What am I going to do? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I literally thought about it for a decent number of seconds. And then I just put an N on the thing. And needless to say, I'm not exactly what the movie Cruisin' was looking for, both looks or proclivity. But anyway, that was one of the first. Okay, here's another story that's pretty good because it does have to do with George Clooney. Oh, okay. To a degree. Okay.

Okay. My first audition, I'm out of college. I have a list of the stories I want to tell. Oh, go ahead. Yeah, but I really want to go one-on-one with you, Frank, with the trivia. We'll see if we can. Have you ever done the trivia question where you name a movie, you name a star, then I've got to find a star that that movie was in? Yeah, I was thinking about that last night.

Well, maybe the three of us will do it to end the show. Yeah, but no, no, no, because I'll embarrass myself. I'm nervous here. You'll be great. All right, so one of my first auditions, I'm out of college and I have the resume printed up. I have the picture, everything like that. And I go in and there's a – what do you call it? A musical based on Buona Sara and Mrs. Campbell.

Do you remember that movie? Oh, yes. With Phil Silvers and Kelly Sabalis and Gina Lola Brigida about the guys who go back to the town. Sort of Mamma Mia story was based on that. Exactly. Very good. Yeah, well, it was originally

from Buona Sera, Mrs. Campbell. It was going to be done as a musical called Carmelina, a music by Burton Lane, who was a great, great composer, and it was directed by Jose Ferrer. So I show up. It's my first audition ever.

I look in. I'm referencing Showbiz magazine. An audition, open call, but it's for equity. Okay? I don't know what equity is at the time. So I show up and they say, let me see your equity card. And I go, I don't have an equity card. What's the union?

I go, oh, how do I get it? We have to be in a show, an equity show, in order to have an equity card. Well, how do I get in the show if I don't have an equity? Well, you can't. And it was the Catch-22, very famous Catch-22 everybody knew about. But he said, at five o'clock, we're going to have open auditions for non-equity people. I go, great. So I get there at three o'clock to show this monitor who's a nobody, an actor who can't work. He's signing people in, but I want to show him I'm an actor. So I get there early. And then they just put everybody into the rehearsal room and anybody who looked slightly Italian, they picked out of which I had brown hair.

So I'm going to sing for them. But I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to sing. So they had everybody in the room and you got up one at a time and sang. And everybody got up and gave them their sheet music. I didn't know you had to bring sheet music. It was my first audition. I had no idea.

So it's my turn to go up and gave them their sheet music. I didn't know you had to bring sheet music. It was my first audition. I had no idea. So it's my turn to go up and I go, he goes, what are you going to sing? And I go, I don't have any music. And he goes, well, what song do you know? And I go, well, I used to sing Hey There. So he goes, oh, I know that. So he starts going, I go, hey there, you were there. And Jose Ferrer at the other end of the room goes, hey there, my ex-wife had a hit with that song. And his ex-wife was Rosemary Clooney. And he gets up and he pushes the piano player to the side. And Jose Ferrer started playing the piano and accompanying me. And I'm singing, hey there.

And then he starts chiming in and he starts joining me. And we sang the song together. And that was my first audition. I love it. Wow. And, of course, you're going to say, well, did you get the part? No. But you sang with Jose Ferrer.

But I sang with my first audition. I was accompanied both vocally and musically by Jose Ferrer and I later became friends with Miguel Ferrer. Sure, who's George's cousin. And I became friends with him because of George. And here's one for Gilbert. Jose Ferrer was considered by William Dozier before Cesar Romero to play the Joker. Yes.

You can look it up. And, bringing it all full circle, huge cock. Yeah. Huge cock. And a real gigolo. Here's a great story. Jose Ferrer? Jose Ferrer.

Had a huge cock? Huge. And was known for hitting on everybody. And one time when Dustin Hoffman was doing Tootsie, got into the elevator, knowing that Jose Ferrer was going to be there and put the moves on

him and Jose reciprocated. While he was dressed as Dorothy. While he was dressed. And he said, yes, I can do the role. That's when Dustin Hoffman said, I look like a woman. Jose Ferraro. Now, these may all be lies, by the way. But these may be lies.

Doesn't matter. All of these are lies, but they're entertaining, and nobody's going to hear them. Yeah. So there you go. You are. So hundreds may, but who are they? Let's face it, people. Who are you people?

Did you all get new hips and have to listen to this? So, there you go. I love it. All right. What do you want to ask me? I've really taken up way too much time. So much stuff. Where can we, where do we begin?

What do you want to ask? Now, you were in what I consider a terrible movie. Go ahead. There you go. That's a perfect... Great. Who can we insult now? The movie version of Bewitched.

Oh, I know. I was. Oh, you played Mr. Kravitz. It's a terrible... And don't you think... And don't you think... If they don't have Mr. Kravitz at all in the movie, Nora Ephron writes and directs a movie. I loved her.

Oh my God, did I love her. And you're Mr. Kravitz, and you're the last scene of the movie. You're in Bewitched 2. You know you've got the role. You're going to be hired. Bewitched 1, who cares? You're being

introduced in the last scene with Amy Sedaris. You were Abner? I was Abner. With one of my Bewitched one? Who cares? You're being introduced in the last scene with Amy Sedaris. And, I mean, it was such a bad movie. You were Abner? I was Abner. Yeah. Yeah, with one of my, I mean, heroes. Who was it?

George Tobias. George Tobias. George Tobias. Yeah. Very good. Weren't there two? There were two. There were two.

There were two, but there's only one George Tobias. So when I think of Mr. Krabs. We have a man in the room right here. Our social director, Darren Foster, was named after Darren Bewitched by his family in Ireland. Who were Bewitched fans. Oh, that's hilarious. Belfast. They didn't know how to spell the name Darren, so they just went with the A-R-N.

How about that? Oh, that's great. Did the mic pick that up, Eddie? It's great. Isn't that great? Yeah. They got picked up? You're lucky that you

could have been Durwood. They loved Agnes Moorhead. Although, I will have to say this. I always feel bad for people who were named after actresses or actors and or characters. I go, are you kidding? I was... I was originally Heathcliff.

Okay. My parents named me Dr. Bombay. I figured I'd be one up. Well, there you go. Oh, my God. And he's still around. Bernie Fottenham.

He's in Titanic. Can I tell you a Gina Lollabrigida story? Yeah. I one time met Steve Allen, and I love Jack Benny. So I asked him, can he tell me a Jack Benny story? And he said one time he was riding on a plane, and he was seated next to Jack Benny. And Jack Benny fell asleep at one point, and right as he was waking up,

Gina Lola Brigida was walking down the aisle of the plane, and Benny looks at her and then looks over at Steve Allen, and he goes, you know, Steve, I'd like to take my cock and put it in her mouth and have her say her name over and over again. You've been holding out on me. That's a great story. I never heard that. Wow, what a great story. That is great. Oh, my me. That's a great story. I never heard that. Wow. What a great story.

That is great. Oh, my gosh. That is great. Oh, wow. That is the first time Gina Lola Brigida has been mentioned on this show. Oh, wow. That's a great. It'll probably pop up in the next ten.

Not the last. Great. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies' man. To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell.

To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star.

With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. BetMode activated. The ScoreBet app here with trusted stats and real-time sports news. Yeah, hey, who should I take in the Boston game? Well, statistically speaking.

Nah, no more statistically speaking. I want hot takes. I want knee-jerk reactions. That's not really what I do. Is that because you don't have any knees? The Scoreback. Trusted sports content. Seamless sports betting.

Download today. 19 plus. Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connexontario.ca. Let's talk a little bit about Charles Nelson Riley since we brought him up. Why? Why? Can I just say, now, Nicole Kidman. Oh, we're back to Bewitched.

I don't remember meeting her. Wow. Can I just say, Nicole Kidman and Eyes Wide Shut had the greatest ass I've ever seen. She's so bad. And I'm one of the few people who love Eyes Wide Shut. Yeah. I think Eyes – you love it too. I like it. I like everything. I like everything Kubrick ever did.

Eyes Wide Shut and Happiness. Yeah. I love Happiness. Answer a lot of questions and sort of defend everybody who has a dark side. It's just – and everybody has a dark side. A great black comedy, Happiness, if you haven't seen it, with Philip Seymour Hoffman. And I got to work with Dylan Baker. Oh, he's great.

And I couldn't believe it. And he's now a really good friend, but I got to work with him. And it was a comedy. It was just great. Terrific movie. That, honest to God, I would go to therapy and I would talk about his performance. Not because of, I mean, the child molestation. It's a brave part.

It's so brave. The thing is, is that we have a dark side. It's do we do something about that dark side? And if you act it out in such a fashion, that's horrible. That's criminal. That's disgraceful, disgusting. But it's so interesting. Why do people like fat women's toes?

Why would somebody – I once heard – by the way. By the way. Yes. When I have laughed out loud to the point of almost hurting myself three times because you go to 12 minutes and 47 seconds before the show is over of who was the guy who wrote the book on Green Acres? Oh, Steve Cox. Okay, that episode. Yeah, we were just talking about it. You do, Jerry Lewis, because I never heard that.

I don't even believe that. It's the funniest thing in the world. I heard he fucked around and everything like that. I don't believe that. I know Danny Thomas. Funniest thing in the world. I know Jack Brickhouse, if you knew Chicago. Chicago Cubs.

Yeah. But anyway, but that last couple of minutes, and I go to it, and I listen, and it just makes me laugh when you go – when you just start going on to Jerry Lewis. I didn't speak for 15 minutes because I couldn't breathe. You just kept going. And of course, sometimes when you just keep going, I go, oh, stop. Come on. Come on. Okay.

Okay. I heard you. Sorry. But that one just killed me. By the way, I want to say this. That was the Steve Cox. Yeah, that Come on. Okay, okay. I heard you. Sorry. But that one just killed me. By the way, I want to say this. That was the Steve Cox. Yeah, that was great. That was great.

You, I think I told you this before because we haven't met that many times, but I told you when I got out of college, I was at one of the comedy clubs, and I think it's the improv, but I don't know, and it was 12 o'clock. You were the last guy on it. You've talked about it before that you're the, you know, okay, let's put him on at the end, everything like that. To clear the room. You were defiant to the audience.

Nobody was laughing. And you kept going. And it was simply the funniest thing I'd ever seen ever, ever with the trays, with the Yubaki lips. And the squid with the napkins. I can't even remember. I just remembered that's why I can't be a comic. That's why I can't do stand-up. I'm funny.

I'll do it. But if I'm not pleasing the audience, it's me. And you are not that. You're defiant to the world. It is the greatest gift you could ever have. You just areiant to the world. It is the greatest gift you could ever have. You just are true to yourself. And I have unfortunately met – I unfortunately am not that guy and not that guy in my career.

And I've met so many fortunate people. Larry David being the real toast of the town because he was defiant and said, I know what I'm doing is great. If you want to come along, fine. And eventually, Jesus, did they come along. But that to me is the greatest gift. And that's why I can't do – that's why I've never done stand-up. He used to go even deeper. I mean, remember the old shows at the Seaport, the Carolines at the Seaport?

And if they weren't laughing, he'd double down and more Ben Gazzara jokes and Floyd the Barber. But you were the first I ever saw do that. And literally, I said, I simply can't do that. And if they weren't laughing, he doubled down and more Ben Gazzara jokes and Floyd the Barber. But you were the first I ever saw do that. And literally I said, I simply can't do that. I don't have what it takes. And I want to be great at what I do. And I couldn't be.

And I know I'm funny, but I'm a reactor and stuff like that. It was a thing to behold. It was. I would start doing Clifton Webb. That's right. Yeah. He used to do the bit about Gavin McLeod and Tony Curtis sharing a donut. Yeah. Do you know that bit?

No, no, because I didn't see you much after that. Will you do a little of that for Richard? Okay. I haven't done this for years. Oh, great, great. But this is Tony Curtis talking to Gavin McLeod. Hello, Gavin. Hello, Gavin. Hello, Tony.

How are you? I'm fine. Would you like to have a cup of coffee? Okay. Would you like a donut with that? Yes, I'll have one too. So you will have two donuts? No, I will have a donut same as yourself.

So you will have a donut that resembles me? No, I meant although we are both eating two entirely different donuts, the very fact that they are both in the pastry family. That's the short version. The long version was about 14 minutes. Yes. Oh, my God.

That's great. Oh, memory lane. I haven't done that for years. Oh, my gosh. That's so funny. Memory lane. And you would do

the 14-minute version. Oh, yes. Yes. Right. And it employed the barber and then Bob Dylan. Oh, yes. And I'll have to do it

for him when he comes over. Paul Williams. Yes. I would imitate. Oh, yes. And I'll have to do it for him when he comes over. Paul Williams. I would imitate. Oh, yeah. We have Paul Williams coming up. I would do Paul Williams fucking Shirley Temple. Oh, God. Wow.

Who am I to stop it? Wow. Please go. Please do it. Oh, my God. I'm the happiest man right now. Paul Williams fucking Shirley Temple. Oh, my God. I'm the happiest man right now. Paul Williams fucking Shirley Temple. Oh, Shirley.

Shirley. Oh, your pussy's so tight. Oh, oh, put your big cock in me, Mr. Williams. Oh, oh, suck my dick, Shirley. Oh, I want you to swallow my cock, Shirley. Oh, no. Oh, oh, suck my dick, Shirley. Oh, I want you to swallow my cock, Shirley. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, Lord. But that I can see going on for a few minutes.

Those were the old shows. Oh, my gosh, that's best. But that I can see going on for a few days. Those were the old shows. Oh, my gosh. That's hilarious. So you don't want to talk about Charles Nelson Reilly. I don't know that much about him. Well, I saw you say how you didn't see his one-man show. You can't? No.

So you were on Kevin Pollak's show, and somebody asked you, Paul Lind or Charles Nelson Reilly? And you said Charles Nelson Reilly, and you regretted that you had not seen his one-man show, which by the way I saw in L.A. It was fascinating. Yes. And I – if you ask me, I would like to do his one-man show as Charles Nelson Reilly but not do an imitation because the thing is about Charles Nelson Reilly. OK. You want to know why? Yeah.

And it sort of is – relates to this, is that we don't know exactly what these people are like. For instance, you're here doing Paul Williams getting a blowjob from Shirley Temple, but nobody has seen the beautiful picture of your family. That's true. Right. I mean, there is another side, and he's a father to Gilbert Gottfried. Two beautiful children. We don't know the other side butch patrick we don't know that's the other side when i look on the playlist and i see

but no caesar romero has has but but these these are iconic people from our youth who we only perceive as we saw them when we were 10 years old. They grew up. Our impression of them did not. Our impression of Charles Nelson Reilly is a fool on Hollywood squares. Or a match game. Match game. I'm sorry.

And yet, a huge, such a literate man directed operas, directed Julie Harris, best friends with the great American actress, Julie Harris and Helen Hayes, the great American actress. He was a very respected stage director. Truly a brilliant, brilliant man who, you know, was, he was, so that's why, is because, you know, I tried to quit Spin City. And here's a fascinating thing. Ted Knight tried to quit Mary Tyler Moore. We just heard the story from Ed Asner. He told us.

Did you have Ed Asner? Last week. He told us that Ted Knight They believed he was an idiot. That Ted Knight went to Alan Burns and said, I can't play this part anymore. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it.

I can't do it. You're an idiot walking down the street. That's how everybody perceives you and I couldn't take it anymore. Needless to say, they wouldn't let it. Michael Fox, brilliant. I went to Mike. I said, I can't take it anymore.

And he was so smart. He goes, I don't think my partners would allow that. Isn't that brilliant? I mean, he was so smart. Mike Fox is just a great guy, brilliant, more smart than anybody and just a fantastic human being other than what he's been cursed with and why he's a hero now. Just a great guy. So Ted Knight.

But this is how we perceive him. Wouldn't you have loved to have Ted Knight on and go, oh, my God, yes. But you know he's smart. Well, Charles Nelson Reilly. And when I look at some of the people that you had, I go, oh, God, are they going to make fun? But they don't. They've evolved. Well, yeah.

We want to be affectionate to these people because we love them. You only know them with affection. We love them. And yet, when they prove, like Larry Storch, here's a great thing I meant to mention. Oh, hold on. Here's a great bit of trivia. Oh, God. First of all, I got to work with Larry Storch.

Okay. Remind me of Larry Storch because these are stories that I want to tell you because you're going to love them. No, these are – I don't want to have these over coffee. You might as well do them on the air. But I worked with Larry Storch. Nicest man. On Broadway. Great guy.

Do you know that F Troop was one of the highest rated shows to ever be canceled. And do you know why? This is something that he didn't... Oh, I think I heard this one. This is interesting. I don't think I know. Because they would work from 7 in the morning until 1 o'clock.

Get a lot of stuff done, get it done, and then they would go out and have lunch, and they'd go across the street and get drunk. And they'd come back, and the whole afternoon was shot. Really? When you think of it, Forrest Tucker could knock them down. Sure. Edward Everett Horton.

Everybody but Ken Berry. They were all drinking. And that's why the show got canceled. It cost them a fortune. I never heard that. Yep. Wow. I love the F Troop references in Serious Man, by the way. There's a running gag.

Could you also – Go ahead, but I have a great story. Okay, go ahead. Because I also worked on the same show with Professor Erwin Corey. Do you know him? Oh, yes. We know him. Why don't you get him on here?

You will die what that man is capable of. This guy is a red from way back. From way back. Big lefty. Huge. And he's nuts. And he's talking about his daughter getting murdered out on Long Island and he blames his son-in-law and everything. It was crazy but fascinating. You could listen to him for hours.

I think he's 100 years old now. He's still alive. So anyway, I go to, you'll like this, I live on the Upper West Side near Campbell Funeral Home. Soupy Sales dies. Well, I got to go to Soupy Sales Memorial, right? Of course. So I show up and I'm sitting there.

There are a lot of people there and Freddie Roman is doing – he's hosting. He's doing the Jessel. God, I love your Jessel. So anyway, he's doing everything and he's introducing everybody. And about 20 minutes into the service, Erwin Corey comes in, baseball cap, a long Columbo coat that's half open with a T-shirt. And he's walking slowly down the aisle because he's 100 years old. He's going, hey, hey, how are you? Hey, hey.

So waving to all the people as somebody is up there talking and memorializing soupy sales. Freddie Roman comes up, and he says, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special guest. He just came in. You'll love him. He's going to say a few words. Professor Erwin Corey. Everybody starts applauding.

Erwin Corey stands up, going to toast Soupy Sales. And he goes, Soupy Sales would be alive today. And Amanda, you know this. Do you know this is true? Soupy Sales would be alive today if everybody had medical insurance in this country. And it's all the Obamacare with everything.

Hilarious. And Freddie Roeman comes up and tackles him. He goes, thank you very much. Okay, Professor Erwin Corey at Soupy Sales' memorial. He starts going off on health care. Hilarious. Oh, God, it killed me.

It's like when they said Fred Travolina did material at Richard Jennings' memorial. Oh. Yeah, that's what they said. They had to pull him off. Oh, Christ. Yeah, that's the story. Now, I had heard a story you told. You have a question?

Yes, go ahead. Yeah, I heard a story you told that on Spin City, at one point, like you and the rest of the cast, and it had a terrific cast on Spin City. Great cast, great. And you'd show up, you'd be on the set ready to work, your costumes, everything, and that Michael J. Fox wouldn't be there. And you were getting pissed. You heard the right story.

You probably heard it from me because I am – I think I'm a nice guy. There are times when I find myself erring in not being a nice guy. But sometimes it's not with my knowledge, okay? So here's the scoop. And, of course, today I feel awful. But we were all told that michael had had developed lyme disease so we were not told anything and you know i and i actually we weren't we he just he would go back and he would need a massage we we knew that and

or then he had to go talk to to somebody or he would have to have a meal. Maybe I knew it was Lyme disease, but nobody was in on that he was stricken with a disease. Now, you know on sitcoms, you report to work at 9, 10 in the morning. On Monday, you do a read-through and you go home. Okay, or maybe you work two or three hours. Then Tuesday, you work from 10 until 2. This is great. This is what happens in four camera. 10 until 2. This is great. This is what happens in four camera. We were there from 9 until 7. And often we weren't working. And I could only justify it with, well, come on. Are you kidding? Why are you kidding? And we were at Chelsea Piers. I said, give me two hours. Let me go to the gym. Let me go and do an audition. Let me go.

I'm sorry. We can't let you go. Come on. Are you serious? I'm here from 9 until 7 every day. What are you kidding? We got to push the run through until 5. So I was ignorant of all this and I was resentful of my time.

I was making a good living. So everything was great. You thought he was just being a diva? I thought he was being a diva. That's exactly it. Fascinating. Now, when you hear what it was, oh my God, I'm so sorry. But I got to admit in my harshness, I don't regret reacting like that. I couldn't believe it. But they couldn't let me go because what if all of a sudden he had a burst of wellness, of energy? Let's get to work. And it's what you had to do.

Would I have taken the job if I knew this? Of course. But I didn't know. So we were not told until the last year what it was. So that's what it is. So, yes. Am I a bad person, Gilbert? Yes.

Yes. Pick on the short guy who's got Parkinson's. Didn't he leap into your arms when you first met him, Michael J. Fox, when he came to Chicago? That's another audition story is Gary David Goldberg had a show called Champs, and I wanted to audition for it. I think Kevin Nealon got the role or something, but all I wanted to do was audition for it.

Gary David Goldberg said, he's wrong for the role, he's wrong for the role. Okay, fine. Spin City comes on and comes around. It's the hot pilot for that season. You know, every season you get one or two, oh my God, look who's producing it. Look, oh, I want to be in J.J. Abrams.

It was called Spin originally, wasn't it? they had to change the title because of the conflict so uh uh i am impressed yes but okay come on uh so anyway so so this is the big script i i read it i go i'm right for paul lassiter i'm right for. In fact, I went into the casting director's office. I asked to audition for her to say, is this how it should be done? Because I wanted, and Gary still said no. I'm sorry, I didn't say that. Gary still said no. I know Richard Kind. I don't want him. I don't want him. Bill Lawrence did, and that was his partner, okay? That's who co-wrote the show. So Bill requested me. I go in to read for the casting director I say to myself

if I get called back for this role the part is mine if I don't it's because I'm too tall for the role I'm too urban they have other people but if I get called back I know this part is mine it's Michael J. Fox

I don't know whether this is something that would calm me down. I would go to a therapist before an audition that was important, like going to network and talk things out. And usually I would get my energy up and I would feel good. And I said, I'm going to audition for Michael J. Fox today. I'm meeting him. There's a story that happened at Second City. It was funny. We were doing this one game where, I mean, I came in, and it was an obvious line that told everybody where I was. I go, he established that he and Robin Duke were mother and son.

And I open the door, and I go, hi, honey, I'm home, which of course meant Robin was the mother and Michael was the son. So I go, hi, honey, I'm home. And Michael, as brilliantly as he could, I mean, like a dancer, strode one, two, three, and leaped up. And the only way that I, into my arms, and the only way that I can tell you visually, it was like David Letterman doing the Velcro, where he got on the Velcro.

Oh, sure. Boom. And that's what it was like. And he's, I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. But he's, what, 130 pounds? And he went, one, two, three, boom, into my arms. And he clutched there. And I'm telling you, the applause went on for three minutes.

That's great. It was something to behold. It was just a lovely moment. So I tell my therapist, should I say this story? He goes, yeah. You got to have a, it's an in. Of course you tell him. I go in, and I say this story? He goes, yeah. It's an in. Of course you tell him. I go in and I say, Michael, we actually have met before.

Oh, yeah, where? And I go, well, you were in Chicago doing the movie Satisfaction and you came to Second City and you improvised with us. He goes, I'm sorry. I was so drunk and high. I don't remember going to Second City. He goes, I barely remember doing the movie, which I thought was great.

That was what it was. I also knew, this is clapping my hand on my back or something. I knew that I would get the role too because while I was reading it, Michael had two handles on his chair. When I said one line, which I remember being brilliant,

but I can't remember what the line was. But it was really good writing. He literally grabbed onto the chair and pushed himself up and switched legs. He was laughing so hard. It was one of those, oh, my God. He's hitting the right notes. You were fun on that show. It was nice, yes.

Thank you. Thank you. That's all. That's nice, yes. Thank you. That's all. Okay, you can go. Please turn to your hymnals at page 42. What else?

If you name names, I got a story. Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. Okay. Here's one. Because Craig Bierka was on the show.

Oh, yeah, Craig. You asked for that. Well, I asked Craig. I said, what do you want to ask Richard Kind? He said, just bring up my name. He had the funniest line ever. He was at my wedding, and he gave a toast, and he said, the astronauts were up in space, and they saw two things,

the Great Wall of China and every acting choice Richard Kind ever made. So that's... I didn't know he could draw. There's that wonderful drawing of you. Yes, of me in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's great.

So I'll just throw out names? Go ahead. Let's talk Lee Merriweather. Okay. Okay. Because it's got another name that you're going to love. What's that? And then Gilbert wants to know how you met Kevin McCarthy, too.

Oh, that was great. Yes. Oh, how do you know him? Invasion of the Body Scratchers. Oh, was he a nice man? I do deep research. God almighty. Yeah.

Wow. Okay. So, okay. The Lee Merriweather story is, God, I can't believe I'm coming out of another. Is it? No, I'm not. How much time? Okay.

You're great. Okay. No, it just feels long when you talk. To you? When are you going to get me out of these handcuffs? Okay. So, God, I can't believe this is the third time I've mentioned a therapist.

I haven't been to a therapist in years. Anyway, so I'm in L.A. and I met a therapist that actually is a real famous therapist to the stars type of guy. You pay way too much money for this guy. I didn't go to him for a long time. Like you, I am cheap, but with

myself. But I'm really cheap. I'm very generous to others. a long time. Like you, I am cheap, but with my stuff. But I'm really cheap. I'm very generous to others. What makes you think he's cheap? Oh, no, no, no. I've heard all the stories, all the stories. In fact, just this morning, I went downstairs, and I found a great table out in garbage,

and I took it upstairs. I mean, I still... Oh, no, no, no. I am the cheapest of the cheap. You heard how Buscemi, how he wouldn't split the cab? That is hilarious. Yes. Oh, God. And I wouldn't even talk't split the cab with Buscemi? That is hilarious. Yes. Oh, God. And I wouldn't even talk to him. And you were the star.

That is hilarious. But anyway, I was going to this guy who, this is, it's got to be over 10 years. It's got to be. Even more than that. 15 years ago, I think the guy was 225 a session. Can you imagine that many years ago? But what he really was was a motivational speaker. And he would. You would say

something about blah, blah, blah. He'd go, no, you're being a baby. You're being a pussy. You're weak. No, be strong like that. And he would say, die a death. That was the object, was to die a death. I'm scared to do that. Do it. You're not going to die. You want to go to the

edge of the window and jump 10 floors? You're going to die. My advice is don't do that. But you want to go out and do something? Be brave. Die a death. You will find that you'll wake up the next morning. So that's what he did. It's die a death. Okay. First part.

I come out of the office and believe it or not I run into you're going to love this name. You're going to love it. Hold hands. Richard's touching us. Frank a letter.

Frank who? Frank a letter. Frank a letter? Come on. Frank a letter. Frank a letter. It's about time. It's about space.

Oh, wow. Oh, God. Come on, you guys. It's about time. It's about space. Frank a letter. About two guys in the craziest place. Frank, I'm so upset.

Joey Ross. Joey Ross. Frank a letter. I'm so ashamed, Richard. You should be ashamed. You're nervous being around me. I do. I do.

I'm intimidated. Okay, so I see Frank a letter on the street. He's walking with his wife and a beautiful girl. Beautiful. Well, I see the girl, but I want to talk to Frank O'Letter. And I do. And he's so complimentary to me. This is about the time of Mad About You.

Maybe a little later or something like that. But it's years ago. And I can't believe I'm meeting Frank O'Letter. And his daughter was stunning. My kind of build Everything She had been an actress She's now a stunt woman And she was on Circus with the Stars

And she says oh I just worked with one of your co-workers Who? Lila Kendall who played my wife On Mad About You And I go oh wow And so we talk for about 15 minutes It's a wonderful conversation But I hightail it

To mad about you And I go Lila You gotta give me her Her number You gotta give me her number And she's beautiful And I couldn't ask there Because of the

You know the The man A letter was there So Gives me the number And I'm sitting with the phone Die a death Call her up

She's too beautiful for you. You know it. Die a fucking death. Do it. Do it. So I call up. Let's say her name is Julie. Hi.

Is Julie there? No. May I ask who's calling? My name is Richard Kind. What is this about? My name is Richard Kind. What is this about? Well, I met her the other day on the street, and she was so pretty, and I know a friend of hers, so I got her phone number, and I'm calling to ask her out on a date.

I see. And who is this? This is her mother. Lee Merriweather? Yes. From Time Tunnel? Yes Oh my god, I love you Oh my god

I love you Oh Oh You're so gorgeous Oh my god Of course you're Frank Lutter's ex-wife. Oh, my God. I'm so stupid.

Anyway, would you give her my number? No. Hilarious. I don't know whether or not she said no or not. It was Lee Merriweather's daughter. It was Lee Merriweather. And I'm on the phone to Lee Merriweather. Can you believe it?

Hilarious. I'm on the phone to Lee. Years later, I'm at the theater, and Barbara Feldman was at the theater, and I know her, and she's with Lee Merriweather. And I told her the story, and we went out for drinks, and she was very, very nice, as you obviously saw. But it was Lee Merriweather. I'm on the phone, too. I mean, everybody. I don't watch Barnaby Jones.

I don't watch our TV. The only our TV I watched was when I was a kid. It was Time Tunnel. I loved it. James Darren. James Darren. We just hung don't watch our TV. The only our TV I watched was when I was a kid. It was Time Tunnel. I loved it. I loved James Darin. We just hung out with him this weekend. I loved James Darin. And it was Lee Murray. Not Lloyd Nolan.

Not Michael Rennie. Who's the guy? Richard Denning? No, no. Long, thin face. It was in The Day the Earth Stood Still. Michael Rennie. Michael Rennie. Michael Rennie. No, no. Wow.

The scientist guy. And it was Sam Jaffe? No, no, no, not Sam Jaffe. No, who I just saw on Asphalt Jungle the other night. Oh, I love that one. You'll know who it is. And I can't. I'm old, and my knees don't work, and my head doesn't work at all.

And it's horrible. Tell your Kevin McCarthy because I have a Kevin McCarthy story. No, I have no Kevin McCarthy. You just met him at a party. I met him at... Did you ever go to Norby Walters' either card game or his the Wax Museum, the

Oscar night party? No. Every year I go and I just say I can't do it again. But there are great people. And Asner always there. Right. But one year, Kevin McCarthy. And I literally spent an hour to an hour and a half. He was – and I'm pumping him not just for body snatches but for death of a salesman.

Oh, sure. Oh, my God. He had a long career. Oh, my God. I remember. Is that me? Is that my phone? Just turn it off.

Yeah. Well, who is it? I'm kidding. Lee Merriweather's daughter calling. Oh, I remember. Give me a Kevin. After I did The Aristocrats. Right. And then they did like, they recorded me again for the DVD.

And I started just improvising. And I started saying, you know, the aristocrat thing. And I said, and, you know, he fucks his dog and the dog is eating, blowing the sun and blah, blah, blah. And I go into this long, disgusting, perverted thing. And I say, this is a common practice of character actor Kevin McCarthy. You just randomly pulled out Kevin McCarthy. Right. Out of my ass.

Right. And so one of the guys recording it knew Kevin McCarthy. So he told him. And Kevin McCarthy was like 100. Yeah, but he's a funny man. Yeah. And he said to him, he goes, you know, Kevin, you know, Gilbert Gottfried. He goes, he talked, he told the whole story about fucking a dog and the dog blowing a guy.

And he goes, and this is a, he said it's a common practice of character actor Kevin McCarthy. And Kevin McCarthy angrily says to him, well, that's offensive. And he goes, yeah, well, you know, Gilbert has a... And he goes, I'm not a character actor, I'm a lead. That's great.

I love that one. That's him. Such a sweet, sweet guy. Right. Speaking of the aristocrats, I love that one. That's him. I love that one. Such a sweet, sweet guy. Right. Yes. Speaking of the aristocrats, I found it interesting. I was watching an interview with you and Sam Seder, and you were talking about you're not a fan of people who apologize for jokes. You were talking about that onion, that infamous onion joke. Oh, yeah.

And you're talking to the right person here. Oh, absolutely. But that's what I said. He's defiant. Right. No, I've never apologized for jokes. And you're talking to the right person here. Oh, absolutely. But that's what I said. He's defiant. Right, right. No, I've never apologized for jokes. The only time you should – what I hate – look, I was supposed to tell the – I want to tell you.

I was supposed – I know Paul Provenza. Yeah. And I was upset that I was not asked to do the movie. Because I tell a pretty good joke. Yeah, the aristocrats. But he had too many people. And I was once at a panel for censorship. Paul Provenza was on it. We were talking about the aristocrats. And he had too many people. And I was once at a panel for censorship. Paul Provenza was on it.

We were talking about the aristocrats. And he did me a nice thing. And somebody said, does anybody not know the joke, the aristocrats? And they said, Paul, would you tell it? And Paul goes, no, Richard, you stand up. So I got to tell it. So it was very nice. But you don't apologize for those jokes.

As a matter of fact, if you don't make those jokes or if you censor yourself – you know, Jeff Garland said a really wonderful thing. He said we're all – we get angry at other people, but you have to stop yourself and say, I know what I'm made of. I know that I'm angry. Don't be angry. You have to grab a hold of your anger. You can be angry, but you've got to grab a hold. It's like what we were talking about before with, you know, there's a line up to what Dylan Baker did. He could be attracted to a child.

You just can't act on it. But to censor yourself, what you did was as liberal and wonderful a joke as could possibly be because you cannot tell that in a place that will censor you. So that's why I think,

that's why I admire you. It's why we all admired Lenny Bruce. It goes way back. Wow, that's as I admire you. It's why we all admired Lenny Bruce. It goes way back. Wow. That's as nice a compliment. But it's true. It's true.

And it's why I can't do the dangerous stuff. Sometimes if somebody writes me something, I'll do something dangerous. But I can't stand up there on stage and be as dangerous as you are. I also feel like when people get offended, which they love to do. Right. Yes. Yes. And I feel like they're patting themselves on the back. Of course.

It's like, see, I was offended. Well, it allows them to participate. Yes. Right. And not just be. And I always feel like with the whole. Yeah, but there is the other side, which is me, is that I laugh too much. Yeah.

I show, oh, look at how liberal I am. And I have to catch myself then. Don't be so holier than thou. It's the opposite end. I try to catch myself then. So that's what I do. So what do you want to talk about? Do you want to talk about Carol Burnett and Carol and Company?

Do you want to talk about Max Bialystock? Carol Burnett was, well. You were on a comedy anthology series, not a sketch series. Yeah, it was great. And you know why that was canceled? I've had two shows that were canceled for wrong reasons. Luck, everybody thinks it was canceled because of the horse. It wasn't canceled because of that.

The horses were fine. The horses were like – they were like orphans in a Dickens novel who get saved by the judge. Luck was We Should Just Tell for our viewers was your HBO show with Dustin Hoffman. Yeah, HBO show with Dustin Hoffman. And then Carol Burnett's show was canceled. It wasn't canceled. It was really a good show. There were weeks that it would fail.

God knows. But it took a chance every week in giving a half-hour genre with either it was either a sketch or it could be a musical or it could be a – Carol and Company. Yeah, Carol and Company was like a Jules Feiffer one act or something like that. And Julie Andrews and Burt Reynolds, both of whom were good friends with Carol, said, what are you doing with that show? You do a variety show. You can't do that. And then they went on to have very miserable shows when they found out how hard half hour is but we were really it was a great cast

when you think of of um terry kaiser remember yeah sure jeremy piven peter krause and it was it was really good she was great she she was i mean she could tell great stories god she was she's a nice you know you know what she is you know how nice she is is and you'll understand She was – I mean she could tell great stories. God, she was – She's a nice lady. You know what she is? You know how nice she is? And you'll understand this, is when you go in for an audition, it's like their arms are folded. Show us.

Give it to us. Go ahead. What do you got? Carol, when it was your turn, you're sitting out in the hallway. The monitor didn't come outside. The producer didn't come outside. She came outside and she literally said, I hear you're wonderful. Come on in.

Her arms were out. And she was welcome. She's so genuine. She wanted – you see, that's the bad thing about Hollywood. They don't want you to be at your best. They want you to audition under the worst circumstances. I sometimes understand that, but it's not right. Have them be forthcoming and say, you might be able to give us greatness. Let's see what you got. My old joke, only actors. You ever go to NBC to test for a series?

Oh, yeah. Do you ever go to NBC to test for a series? Oh, yeah. You remember that small room? There's like a circle that's got plenty of space. And all around there's like a piano and a radiator and a windowsill. And there's 25 people in there. And they're all perched on the radiator or on the piano.

But you've got a lot of space. And you feel likeachette in – or Tippi Hedren in The Birds. You're sitting there and all of a sudden all these birds are flying in and they're just ready to peck your eyes. And that's what it felt like going into NBC. And it's a small room. You got plenty of space but, oh, God, all these people just sitting there like, you know, Mr. Potter. What do you got? Are you a good auditioner? We asked Louis Black this question. Okay, this is what I wanted to

refer to because it's why I say I want to listen to all of you. I love to audition. You do. I'm the freak who loves to audition. Gilbert hates it. Okay, here's the thing. An actor cannot act alone. Okay?

A comedian can't do a spit in front of the mirror. A painter can paint. A writer can write. You've got to have one other person. In fact, I'm glad all these people are here because you don't see – we've got about six people here who I can make laugh. I'm not just trying to make you guys laugh. I'm trying to really get them. It's like the camera crew. When you do a sitcom, you don't want the audience to laugh. You want the cameramen make laugh. I'm not just trying to make you guys laugh. I'm trying to really get them. It's like the camera crew.

When you do a sitcom, you don't want the audience to laugh. You want the cameramen to laugh. If they laugh, it's okay. You need an audience. If I go in for an audition, somebody's in the room. I got to play for them.

I got to entertain them. And that's what I do. I'm an actor. I want to act. And if I feel this is when I teach acting or improv or whatever I do which I don't do much but the best advice that I can say is if you believe you got to believe you're good you got to believe you're right for the part you go in for an audition and these people you you want the role. Fuck that. Fuck you want the role. Say to yourself, all you guys who have written this show, you want to be the guy. You

want to be Larry David. You want to make a fortune. I'm your guy. I can help you make a fortune. So you take it all off you and you put it on them and you say, I can help you. You just better cast the rest of this cast as good as me or else this is just going to suck ass. But if you want this role done correctly, I'm your guy. Just cast it as good as me. Now, that's how I feel. I can do a good role, but you got to believe it. You got to believe it. By the way, I also believe that when I believe it by the way i also believe that when i think back on the four cameras sitcoms that i used to do oh my god i sucked i was i was i was so overacted i was so i i was entertaining early days now even even through i i look at it i i did a show

called the middle which i hear was it's a great show. It's very successful. So I go on as the dentist and it's sort of an emotional important thing where this girl wants to get her braces off and I convince her, keep them on so that when we take them off, your teeth will be great. Okay. I go in, I give, I've got the part already, which I don't like and remind me to tell you why I like to audition for the second reason but anyway I go in and I give a very nice it's funny but I'm sincere let the kid get the laugh

she's looking funny with the brain let the mother get the laughs not me it's the part isn't that funny I'm a dentist who's who's asking her to do it and they all go oh Richard you're great you're great oh my god you're you are the king you are the king you're great. You're great. Oh, my God, you are the king. You are the king. You're the best.

You're the go-to guy. And then the director comes up. Can you just amp it up a little? We want it a little bigger. And I go, no. No, this guy, I'm not that actor anymore. She goes, I know. It was a wonderful director named Lee Shalit Shemel who used to direct a lot of Spin Cities.

She goes, they just want a little bigger. I go, I can, but it's not right. It's what they want. Well, it was quite big. I wasn't entirely comfortable. The scene went well. I then went home and watched The Middle, which I had never done before.

It's broad, broad comedy. I can't do that anymore. It's just not what I'm made of. And maybe I'm not that funny anymore. I don't know. I can be big. I can, God knows. Even when I try to be small.

You know Dan Castellaneta? Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah, Homer Simpson. Yes, Homer Simpson. He and I were in Second Seeded together. I am more animated asleep than he is awake.

Okay. That's the wrong word to use for an animated, somebody who makes his living in animation. But I move more while I'm sleeping than he does. My mouth is big.

I'm just big. But I've learned how to act for a camera, I think. Am I Alan Rickman? No. But, you know, and I'm not a chameleon actor. I do what I do. But

anyway, I think I've gotten better. Now, the other thing about, I like to, the reason why I like to audition is because if I audition and I get the part, they're telling me, we saw what you're going to do. We like it. Do it for us. But if you show up cold on set and you do it, what if they don't like it?

What if they say, oh, gosh, we didn't see it that way, which is what happened in the middle. If I had auditioned, I would have done it that one way. I would never have gotten the part. If I had auditioned, I would have done it that one way. I would never have gotten the part. So like my friend Tom McCarthy or Scott Silver, they were doing an independent movie. And I had small roles in it, but I took them both out for coffee and I said, let me just read the scene. I read the scene and they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great.

And then I said, okay, then I'll do your movie. They have to say, yes, this is good. Does that make sense? It makes a lot of sense. Station Agent? That was Tom McCarthy. How about that for a lovely movie? I like that film very much. Very much.

He's great. Great director, great writer, great man. He's great. He's great. He's great. What do you want to throw at this man, Gil? Chair? Chair?

Oh, my gosh. A Goliath's's your yeah i saw you recommending films i saw you recommend witness for the prosecution well witness for the prosecution you know we do these little mini episodes yeah for those well everybody loves billy wilder so if you know anything about although it's not exactly a billy wilder film by the way if you want to know what kind of movie buff I am, I was bar mitzvahed November 15th, and on Saturday night at the movies, the fortune cookie was playing. So we had the bar mitzvah in the afternoon. They all came over to the house, and they did that. I was in my parents' bedroom

watching the fortune cookie. I love that one. If you want to know how I know movies. And I would sit, like, if they ask about lenses or stuff like that, I know nothing about movies and about the technicalities and how to act for a lens or the lighting or anything. I know nothing of that. But I would sit on the toilet for hours and hours just leafing through books about the Oscars and movie trivia. That's why I know it.

That's what I love doing. We got Leonard Maltin coming up in a couple of weeks, too. Oh, there's a marvelous. That's going to be fun. I had a great ride at Sundance this past year. We were going all over, bumfuck, you know, Park City on a bus, and he and I were just talking. He's a great guy.

His wife is lovely, his daughter. Oh, God, will you love him. We're looking forward to it. So give us a film that we don't know about. Okay, Charade. I know that you guys... Okay, I was president of my senior class at Pennsbury High School,

and I did nothing. I did my junior class. I did it for my... just to get into college. We'd look on the resume. I was no leader at all, although I could conduct junior class. I did it for my – just to get into college. We'd look on the resume. I was no leader at all, although I could conduct a meeting. But the only thing I did was I had a double feature on a Friday night of charade and West Side Story. Now, here's what I'm asking you.

Ned Glass. Good for you. I had the Ned Glass Film Festival. That's the only thing I did.. I had the Ned Glass Film Festival. That's the only thing I did. It was called the Ned Glass Film Festival. Did I redeem myself for Frank a Letter? I feel so much better. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, it was the Ned Glass Film Festival. I thought I was going to die a death. Yeah. I feel better. The other movie, okay. We love Ned Glass. Here's a movie that I, you know, sometimes you see a movie or you see a play and you went home and you got laid that night and you think back on, wow, that was a great play or a great movie. And really all it was was you got laid and so it was really just a great night.

Well, I had – I went to do a summer stock and we did City of Angels way out in North Carolina. And City of Angels is not a play you do in summer stock. It's just too smart. And that's how I think this guy picked it. Well, I certainly, I was young. It's not because I got laid. I just remember seeing this movie at a time when I was young and impressionable, and I really loved the movie. Did you ever see Soldier in the Rain?

Oh, yeah, with Jackie Gleason in it? Jackie Gleason and Steve McQueen as buddies. It's a buddy movie. Yeah. And Steve McQueen plays this dumb guy, and Jackie Gleason, who I loved, plays a very strong character. Tony Bill is in it.

I don't think I've seen it. Tuesday Weld. Tuesday Weld. Tuesday Weld has the most beautiful line. They're all looking up at fireworks and they go, wow,

and she goes, it's so sad. And they look at her and they go, why? And she goes, it's so beautiful and then it dies.

And I thought, oh my God, it just hit me at a time. It's not a good movie, I don't think, but it's a movie I remember fondly. So we recommend those. Movies that are, but we have a special experience of them.

I think Soldier in the Rain is a really interesting, weirdish movie, and it's before the 60s kicked in. Soldier in the Rain. We all love Tuesday Welding. I think Joseph Sargent directed it. I think he directed it. I don't know. What films do you remember when you saw them? You thought were great, and then you saw them again and thought were terrible.

Well, an interesting thing is how many times have you seen a movie on a plane that you really liked, and then you see it again and you go, God, that just sucked. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but on a plane, why is it so good? Because you got the earphones. You're in prison. It's so small. You are locked in.

Like when you go to the movies, do you sit up front? Do you sit in the middle? Do you sit in the back? I sit more in like the middle, I think. Okay, I go up front. I like to be enveloped in the whole movie. I don't care what my neck feels like. I like to sit up close.

So that's what I think a movie does. The movie Plaza Suite is a terrible movie. But on the airplane, it was just fantastic. Great talent in that movie, too. It's a shame. And the play is okay. It was good of what Neil Simon did. It was really pretty good.

Oh, God. Let me think. God, that's such a good question of a movie that I loved, and then I saw it again, and it just, well, I loved Beverly Hills Cop. I love, love, love Beverly Hills Cop. And then all of a sudden, are you in Beverly Hills Cop? I'm in two. The second one.

Well, that was never good. Hilarious. Now, Beverly Hills Cop, you met the guys. Oh, my God, this is the best movie ever. And then you got to the middle. Whoa, whoa, whoa, this is great. And then they have to wrap it up, and the third act is just for shit. It's just awful.

Unfortunately, they did it again. I sort of remember you. But no, the first part is good again. You meet the villains, everything like that, and then they got to wrap it up and it's just bad. Some movies don't have a third act. I saw one last night that I really liked. It's the one Tom Hanks directed,

That Thing You Do, which I really like. It's an affectionate look at a band in the 60s. And it just doesn't really go anywhere. But it's a great trip. Yeah. I like movies like that. You know what's weird about that movie? And it shows like, did they edit it wrong here?

Because all of a sudden, in the middle of the movie, we get introduced to a black doorman. Right, he's the jazz fan. He sends the drummer. And then at the end of the movie, he wraps up the whole thing, and you go, well, if he's going to be such an important character, he should have been at the beginning of the movie. That's a good point. He might have been.

That's what I think. It might have been sloppy editing. Right. Yeah, or's very interesting. It's a good point. He might have been. He might have been. That's what I think. It might have been sloppy editing. Right. Yeah, or they had to get it down to 90 minutes. Yeah. What can we cut out? But here's something is that, you know, I try and show my kids old movies. And, of course, they just go, oh.

Right. I know. All of those. But when they were young, they liked Harold Lloyd and Charlie Chaplin. Here's something. I never liked Laurel and Hardy, and I'll be damned if I know why. Isn't that interesting? But I never did. I love W.C. Fields.

Anyway, I showed my kids The In-Laws. The original, of course. Of course. Of course. And I said, this is the greatest. It is the best. And as I'm watching it, it's even better than I remember. Oh, that's great.

And my kids hated it even more than I loved it. They're just – it's just stuff. I showed them the 39 Steps and The Lady Vanishes, which they begrudgingly liked. I said, if you like that, watch North by Northwest. It was eternal. We had to turn it off. They couldn't stand it. And yet I think,

and I'm watching it, I tell you this, here's something very funny. This is really interesting and I only noticed it because I watched it because I have a big screen TV now. When I was young

and I saw The Godfather, which of course is iconic and I love it dearly and I love it like every guy loves The Godfather, I never understood why Al Pacino was so great. I knew why James Caan was great. I knew why Brando was great and I knew why Cazal was great. I bought Michael Corleone but they went on and on about Al Pacino's performance. I thought he was not dull but he was quiet. He didn't talk.

Everybody was big and battalion. He was quiet. Well, because I think I'm a better actor, finally, because I think I'm a better actor, finally, finally I realize why his Michael was as brilliant as anything we've ever seen. He had the least showy role of all of them in the first one. But everybody says. Right.

But he got so much attention. Right. Then all he does now is pick showy roles. Right. No. Yes. Go be great at what you do. then all he does now is pick showy roles right no yes so be great at what you do

we know how showy you are inside behind those eyes right show us show us that but talk soft you know

he was he is great I mean even Dick Tracy was a movie who knew he was that funny it was hilarious hilarious

who knew he was that funny so two great understated roles where he didn't show the scenery. Two Michael Mann pictures, Heat and The Insider. And he's great in both of them. Michael Mann. God, I have stories about him. Although in Heat, he has that big scene of, oh, she's got a big ass.

He's got the one scene. Yeah. But I'm one of the people who, when De Niro and Pacino are at the luncheon, you know, at the diner? It's great. Yeah. You think it's great? I think it sucks.

Really? I think it sucks so bad. You know what it is? Okay. I used to be in these acting classes. God, this is hilarious. This is so far back. That we would go to, they were called cold reading classes.

Now, any actor worth their salt does not do a cold reading they get the script ahead of time they work on it a night two nights maybe even a week you study the script you become good this was he had a stack the guy who ran the thing was this italian guy god what if i can't remember his name a lovely guy though but all he was doing was getting laid because he was this handsome ital guy. He had a stack of TV scenes or movie scenes and you would pass them out or you'd pick them out or you'd pick a partner and you'd get it and they were usually man-woman scenes and what you would do, you'd be hitting on the girl while you're rehearsing the scene. You'd go outside and the most beautiful models and these girls were great and all these Italian actors who would be

going in there and they knew, you don't have to work hard, you pick up a scene, you go outside, you read it over once or twice, then you start hitting on the women, and so here's how they would act, they would go, hey, and they would go, how are you, and you go, yeah, they'd pause, how are you, and they go, very good,'d pause. How are you? And they go, good. And they would take all the time in the world. They would get the emotion, and then they would say their line like that. It was the worst acting ever.

It was horrible. Horrible. They would feel it. These Italian guys were swarthy in their muscle t-shirts or in their tight legs or whatever. And that's what I saw. You thought De Niro and Pacino were that way? I thought they were doing those Italian actors. They're just taking, hey, I hear you.

What you doing? Interesting. Take another look at it. Maybe you'll feel differently about it. You know what I think? Now look, I'm not one to insult De Niro or Pacino. So if you're listening, which God knows you're not.

But if you ever hear this, I happen to like some of their other work better. You know what I think when I watch that scene? What? Are they even in the same room? You never see them in the same frame. They're not reactive. Right. Is that true?

You never see them once in the same frame. You never in the same frame. There's no two shot? No. How bizarre. Look at us overlap. They never overlap. Oh, interesting.

They say they're lying. Interesting. Oh, now I have to go look. Yeah. But how thrilling it is. They could have been a week apart. Yeah, how thrilling. But it's like seeing, here's a movie that's terrible, directed by Arthur Penn, which is

Missouri Breaks. Oh, yeah. but Arthur said he just you know he was never supposed to wear a dress and Arthur just threw up his hands and what are we going to do that's Brando

Brando yes but Jack Nicholson is great but Jack Nicholson's acting there are good moments in that movie yes of course look who you're dealing with it's not entirely a success Arthur Penn

and Thomas McGuane I think too much talent. Yeah, but it's Marlon Brando jerking off. So it's something. But anyway, that's – You're going to be late for your appointment, so we should wrap it up. Okay.

Have I talked too much? No, it was wonderful. I really talk a lot. It was wonderful. I wanted to wrap it up when you first walked in. But you want to know something? Here's what – I was really, really, really excited to be here.

I love this show. This was everything I thought it would be. I was worried that I would take myself, and I think I did a few times, too seriously. And like,

I would cut you off because, no, no, no, Gilbert, will you stop it? Because I have a story to tell. And I sometimes take myself way too seriously. But you know how much

I adore you, and I think the world of you. And knowing you on this show is wonderful. And you, I was so looking forward to meeting you. Same here, Richard. Same here. I'm delighted to do this. I'm sorry I was different than what you expected. No, no, no.

That doesn't matter. And Alan Zweibel, who was responsible for me getting here. Can I tell you a really funny Alan Zweibel story? Okay, sure. Is he not the nicest man? Oh, yeah. And his interview comes off as the nicest guy in the world. I had never met him before.

Everybody told me he was nice. He wrote a play called Bunny Bunny, which Bruno Kirby did. And it's about his relationship with Gilda Radner. And I saw it and I loved it. And I saw him at a party the first time. This was years ago. And I went up to him and I said, I just think so much of your work. And I saw Bunny Bunny.

And the biggest compliment I could ever give you was I really would love to play that role. And he was so dismissive. He went, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he walked away. And I went, oh, oh, God. And then I got to know him years later, and he is the nicest man. But the first time I ever met him, as dismissive. And I tell him this story, and I laugh.

Because he goes, that's just not me at all. Hilarious. And I go, I know. So he is responsible for me being here. And you guys are as nice as Alan. Well, you know, we're flattered that you listened to so many episodes. Everyone, everyone. We're thrilled. Yeah, it's great. It's great. I, you know, we're flattered that you listen to so many episodes. Everyone, everyone. We're thrilled.

Yeah, it's great. It's great. I hope you do this forever and ever. And I don't know how you make a living on this. I'm still, I'm so computer illiterate.

Neither do we. And I don't Twitter. I don't Facebook. I don't do any of that. Anyway, thank you very much. Will you come back and do another one where we just talk,

we'll just talk movies? Oh, I'd love that. Oh, yeah. Bring up the obscure movies. I'll make a list of those things. That would be great. I want Robert Osborne to ask me to come on and do that. Oh, my God. That was the most fun I've had. And I know Robert. I'll bet. And I know him

and he's never, I don't have, I have a modicum of fame. You are beloved. I'm liked. And you are good. So. I have one last question. Why was your character in Scrubs named Harvey Korman? Why do you think? Go ahead.

Give us an homage. Because Mandy Korman was one of the writers, and they named it after her father. Mandy Korman, spelled C-O-R-M-A-N. Like Roger Korman. That's right. Right. Cool. That's it.

Anything else? That's it, buddy. Okay. I got loads more, but we'll talk later okay now do you have anything she's saying wrap it up if you don't listen to

to what I guess is the producer much less your wife she is the producer she was saying this when you walked wrap it up enough

enough with the Jews so next time we'll just talk movies oh but one thing can I ask a favor oh one favor. Would you do the rabbi?

Would you do the rabbi? I want to see what you look like because it makes me laugh every time. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know you always have your eyes shut, but you're channeling the guy. You're not even looking for my reaction. You're just channeling. It's great.

He's a method comic. You look like a death man. Hilarious. All right, wrap it up, please. Richard, we loved it. Thanks for doing it. Do you have anything to plug? Yeah.

What's coming up? You're in the new Pixar. Let me tell you this. I'm not going to talk about my character because actually they're doing all of the advertising without me as a character. Bastards. No, no, no. It's for a good reason. It is the finest.

It is – along with Serious Man, it's the thing that I'm proudest of. It's The Wizard of Oz. It's the greatest. I can't believe I'm going to go down in history like this. This is a special, special movie. It's special. Really? It's great. this. This is a special, special movie. It's special. Really? Okay.

Great. I cannot talk highly enough. Anything else to pick on? Oh, yeah. You know what? We had to read through yesterday of all 10 scripts. I'm doing a series for Amazon called Red Oaks. Red Oaks.

O-A-K-S. We haven't made the series yet, but the pilot you can watch on Amazon Prime. It's great. Look, Steven Soderbergh produced it. It's really good. The cast is good. I'm riding the coattails of kids. I like riding the coattails of anybody.

Just chisel me in and there's some scene and let me do it and then get away. It's really good, and it's sort of like a combination of Patty Sack and The Flamingo Kid. It's really very, very entertaining. Two of my favorites. I know. Mine, too. I'm really proud to be in it. And I was really worried what the scripts were going to be. They're great. They're really, really good. Terrific.

But I got nothing. I got nothing. All right. You'll come back. We'll play movie games. Okay, good. So, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And we've had on a fine actor and friend, Richard Kind. And this is a historical show because we were a little different and we talked about actors with big cocks.

Got to shake it up a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Come on. We walked out on a limb with this one. He's seen Valerie Perrine naked and we didn't even talk about that. You saw Valerie Perrine naked? There were 900 people with me.

Yes. It was the play Lanny. Lanny, right. With Cliff Gorman. Yes. I saw that in the afternoon. She used to be... Love Cliff Gorman. Yes. I saw that in the afternoon. She used to be. Love Cliff Gorman.

What I loved about Valerie Pryne, besides the obvious, is she was one of those actresses who had no problem taking her clothes off. Oh, my God. When you think of it. She and the one who won the Academy Award, Julianne Moore. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's new it all the time. All the time. It's fantastic. God bless her. Itne Moore. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's new all the time. All the time.

It's fantastic. God bless her. It's God bless her. Bless her heart. Oh, you want to hear a very funny story? My daughter found the phone on the street, and my daughter's a wonderful, wonderful girl, and she brought it upstairs.

We were able to text somebody and gave them and said, this is Richard Kind. I'm at this number. Somebody who you know lost their phone. We have it here. Sure enough, they came down to get it. But my daughter and I looked through the pictures. This is not exactly honorable. We looked through the pictures while we're waiting for her to come.

And there were a couple of shots. They were in yoga thing. And then there was one with her naked. And I turned it off immediately. So we go downstairs to give her the phone. And I said, Skylar, this. She leaves. And I said, Skylar, don't you feel good?

She goes, no. All I could think of was seeing her naked the whole time. I thought of her breasts. I just thought of her breasts. And I go, I want to say, well, there's many people I've met like that. Julianne Moore, loveliest woman in the world. Now she is. What movie did Julianne Moore show her bush in?

In Short Cuts. And a lot in Boogie Nights. Phenomenally. Well, Boogie Nights. Phenomenally. Well, Boogie Nights, of course. But no, no, no. Short Cuts is masterful. I love that picture. She just was.

It's masterful nudity. I love how quickly you answered. The show's turned into Mr. Skin. But she's such a good actress. I know. God bless her. Thanks, Richard. This was a treat.

Thank you, Richard Kine. Have I said too much? If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin,

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